Producer Ben's Showering Tips

There's lots of very funny dilemmas coming your way in just a moment. You can watch every episode of Help I Sex with my boss too. From Jordan's attempts to be a YouTuber back in twenty ten, seriously the second, hand embarrassment is real. To William's reaction to seeing a fanny for the first time, there are so many brilliant moments that you need to see. Search for help I sex with my boss on YouTube and hit subscribe so you don't miss an episod e . Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeez e into week, random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you our G and Divis. Now it's very odd, Jordan, because we're sitting here in a very sort of odd, semic oncealed set . Yes. So next week on Tuesday on Tuesday we're gonna see our brand new studio . Okay . So everything's covered at the moment it's like dust sheets on things and all as we can see behind us is our new logo which is quite exciting. We've got a new desk. Well, not the new logo logo. It's the same logo but on a there'll be for season. On a light box on a light box. Yeah. Yeah. So this is all like covered up until next week's big unveiling. Yes. So yeah, but if you have a look under the table have a look. Is it nice? Have a look . Get a laugh and gear around that laugh. Sorry wow . Yeah, I'm not laughing at anymore. How are you? What are you doing this weekend? I'm saying my parents my brother for dinner. We're gonna get it yeah, which is nice. What are you doing? I um not rehearsal , sorry, sorry. More training for soccer aid, aren't you? Yeah, I'm doing bits, you know, keeping busy. Nice. I'm not doing Toy Story or soccer aid. You did Toy Story ages ago and it hasn't come out is sorthed out now, but like you recorded that presumably months ago. I want to be cardinis this weekend. I want to get it carded. Okay, how's it all looking? Have you done your Western forget yet? I haven't 'cause I've jet washed, but I've bought true separate The Wet and Forget has arrived, but I got a pump for it. I sent you the link. And then I ordered some stones to fill in the stick because some tarpolin was showing Yeah, you know, you put pebbles on. Tarpaul and what have you buried someone? Scattered the stones and it's completely different. Oh , yeah. Well, that'll be up to figure out CJ. It's different to the other stones. So every time I look at that window, it winds me up. I'm turning I'm old. I'm just gonna different from others and I think you need to accept difference. You do you do. Now, after you, Jordan promised to share your three philosophies, we asked our G and Divas what they thought they would be. Before we hear yours, Jordan, let's hear what the GNDVA thought yours would be . Hughes suggested, continuing the theme, jet washing clears the mind as well as the patio. Great. Perhaps the tagline for BJ services. Set up as a limited company with HMR C yet? Not yet. He doesn't want to keep inviting him around. Okay . Ryan said, You don't choose to have a picky tea. The picky tea chooses you. My God, Ryan, preach g,irl , preach . Yes . Anthony said what the Spanish can't do with the potato isn't worth knowing. Oh these viagames. That is Viagra North. What the Spanish can't do with potato isn't worth knowing. Kyle suggested , this is retro. Dressing gown belts are the ties that bind. I like that Do you? Yeah. You like a dressing gown belt? No, I just like the words. Okay. Corey, clearly aware of how deep and profound Jordan's thoughts are said never trust a fart. So these are all stuff I've said in the past, isn't it? Well, more or less, or things that could you could say. You've never I don't think you've said jet washing clears the mind as well as the past. No, but I've definitely I have definitely I could hear you saying it. I definitely have said you don't choose a picky tea. The picky tea chooses you. I have said that before. Right. Yeah. I've got 'em one of my own . You got solution of the peanut butter bisexuals thinking. Do you know how many bisexuals have stopped me in the street and said, literally how many? None. Yeah, but no loads they've stopped me and said Jordan and I hang on, you just said no, none or load. Loads like going black or white. Honestly, this lad come up to me and says, John, I'm a bisexual and I've always tried to get me around it and you say one day you this lad said . One day you wake up and I like crunchy peanut but ter and the others you wake up smooth. So yeah, let's have thought of another one. Go on. Life's like having a shite . Sometimes it's fine, joyful and worth the weight . Other Ofers, it's messy stinks and takes time that's life . Right. Well, thank you so much. We've also asked RG and Dibas for their own philosophies and wise words to live by. Francis doesn't trust a man who we we sharort sleeve formal shirts. Francis I agree . I agree . It's not the sixties and you're not working in NASA. Yes. Exactly. Operating heavy machines. I mean, to be fair in hot countries, short sleeves. My mum used to get me short sleeves . I still think just roll your sleeves . I agree there's some quite an ic. It is short sleeve shirts in men and ties. Like a polo shirt, fine. Fine, but a cotton or linen shir t that is short sleeve. Oh, I've got a short sleeve linen for holiday. No . Not weir tile for work. No, no, no. I want a short sleeve linen. No, well, you're not going bowling, are you? Yeah, but that's ridiculous. Kenna said olives are just savory grapes. You don't want me to wear a short sleeve? No. Yeah. I think it's a reason. No, I have them on olive. I wish I wear. You got to wear a short sleeve from Zara. Yeah, yeah, exactly.. Juries Our lives are just like quadrats demonstrators. Our lives are just like savory grapes, yes. At Lisa says life is a dick. When it gets hard, fuck it. Do you like that one, William? Yeah . Charles' response to situations when the result is disappointing but could be worse is better than a shit in the eye. They said it accidentally a few years ago and now it's an official idiom that among their friends. than a shoot in the eye. It's just like better than a kick in the teeth. Yes, exactly. Don't wheel my strawberries. What? Don't wheel my strawberries like, don't rain on my parade . Don't Don't Wheel My Strawberries. What is that? Is he got that? Don't rain on my par ade. Don't want my strawberries. Don't we on my strawberries? We yeah. Oh we after it said we'll No I don't like the word piss I know don't use it. Oh apparently don't piss on my strawberries No, don't piss on my parade . Don't rain on. Don't wanna on my potatoes . Don't wank on my potatoes. Oh, punch . Yeah. Yeah . Right. Now we also discussed the idea of banning early morning airport drinking, which caused some debate in the comments. So we asked what other bits of traveling our G and D avis would ban. So do we agree with these? Have we done any of them, potentially? There were lots of nominations for people who clap when the plan e lands and people who reserve some beds at six AM . Holly said If I never get on an airport shuttle bus again, I'll have lived a good life . I can't either there is one airport in particular, he throw I'm looking at you. Yeland, you've had a lovely holiday and you're on a bus. Oh no, I don't mind them. I thought it was the ones where you get to the airport and have to get on a bus to go to your hotel. Well, that's bad or go to the higher car place that happens in America . Shuttle buses generally are horrid. And you're like, sorry, we're in one of the world's sort of busiest airports. You can't just have people wandering across the train and they've got I'm not suggesting that. Don't be ridiculous. But I'm the A terminal B terminal and the C terminal are all busy that I'm on a bus and it's always a bus . What route do I have to fly to get into the terminal? Okay . Josie wants to get rid of people who post a photo from the plane or checking into the airport on social media. I agree . It's the same people who are flying in a cabin where you get champagne and they have to do that Ah here I am with my champagne flute , I'll go away . Say it. Go away. I think it's better to keep people taking a picture themselves in business and further. Yeah, it's just like on plane , you're doing well. In the same vein, Luz hates people posting on Instagram with the caption Oh yeah, today's office and it's, you know, the beach or whatever and it's like today's office. You're not doing any work. You've just posted that on Instagram so you're hardly working . Olivia wants to ban people who don't know how to pack their trade security . I'll not like seriously, security has been high since two thousand one since nine eleven. Yeah . The amount of people that get there haven't got a clue what they're doing. No, me included because they change the rules every time. So you're like and then they shout it yet let's all sort out security. I'm like, do I take out my valuables and you get to be like huh take out for valuables. was That a Spanish accent for anybody. It was uncanny. We're in. So it is and they shout at you yeah. But let's be efficient. We shouldn't be queuing phrases at security. When you're in your airport security queue, what I often do , I take off my watch, put it in my bag, put my mobile phone in my bag, take off my belt, put it in my bag, have my bag open, so then I'm ready. When I get to the tray, bag in laptop or iPad out , take off my jacket, pop that in a separate tray, check that I don't have a handkerchief in my pocket through I go to easy putting a face. Why are you putting a face like that? Why do you think it's a bit annoying? I'll pop a tray down again please . Do you know what's more annoying? Getting blown up. So you know what? We all have to do security. No, you gritty. Oh God, I agree. I'm all here for security. You just' canre make a meal out of me. No, I just think we need to sort out what we're doing. Are we all now taking drinks out? Because some different airports are just the same rules, right? You don't have to take your laptop out, right? They shout at you as well if you start taking lap yourtops. You need your shoes and then I took your shoes off he said no need to take your shoes off. Stick to the fucking real one guy . I couldn't once pin up the little and it was just one little bit. It was packed to be fair and it just wouldn't shut right at the end of it to take something out. It had been a brand new I think it was a shampoo but it was still annoying . It's time for another edition of William Reads from Urban Dictionary. Now in the last edition we learned about Dick Butter frogenous . In the last edition we learned about duck butter, no one's noticed, which is the combination of sweet can hardly read . Combination of sweat from the ball stack and anus that creates a buttery film on the Gooch and Bumhole. Why are you putting your hand out for me? I'm not. Okay just as I said bumhole. Now we've got no idea which phrase the team has picked for us to discover today, so let's dive in . The this week's word is maxing . Before we find out the meaning, what do you think it could mean, Jordan? Yeah, in the most arse maxing . Shaving your arse . Oh, maybe like doing exercises to get the maximum arse in order to make it look peachy. Okay . Well, we'll find out the true definition of that after the break. Welcome back to Junivers. Before the break, we're trying to figure out what this week's entry from Urban Dictionary was maxing. What does that mean? Well, we'll find out. Here's the definition Arsmaxing is the act of taking advantage of Arsenal fans in their good move. Well, they have just won the league. Have they? They won the league. Help the arsenal . For example, if your partner is a gooner, then perhaps you should utilize a bit of ask maxing to get a favorable response to something they usually wouldn't be happy about doing. Oh can we get a new kitchen or shouldn't go on holiday? It's ask maxing. Right. You know that thing in the bedroom Voiceworth tribute is like forget. Is there anything in the bedroom you've always wanted to try but have been forbidden? Ice cream in bed . Yeah, not allowed to eat ice cream in bed, apparently. No , eating in bed well you can survive things, but generally you should n't. Would that not keep you up having ice cream in bed? We had sugar. thirty six? I can do what I want. I'm an adult. You thirty six? Yeah . Steve has messaged us with some insight around airport pints, Hello William Jordan PP and the Sexed family. I'm a cabin manager for a UK airline and wanted to weigh in on the airport pint debate. Tongs wagging this, aren't it? Honestly, airport pints usually aren't the issue. Morning drinkers are often asleep before take off while later flights tend to cause more problems because delays keep people in bath hunger . The bigger issue is passengers drinking their own duty free alcohol on board as once the aircraft doors are closed, it's much harder for crew to manage intoxicated passengers, which can lead to diversions and unhappy travellers. If airports ever wanted to police pint, the easiest solution would probably be linking drink purchases to boarding passes with a set allowance per passenger. They do that, don't they? Hopefully and that's not, I don't think it's linked to your but you can't open, you know that if you buy a bottle of whiskey, you can't open it on the plate. Hopefully that puts Jordan's mind at ease for a bit for his next trip away. Also huge congratulations to William Ontitan ique and Jordan on Soccer Aid. Oh, thank you. Similar things. I love the podcast and always look forward to my Tuesday and Friday drive so I can listen. Love Steve. Thanks, Dave. Well, I do I do think more should be I mean, look, I don't want to be nanny state, but I think more should be linked to your passport or your boarding pass. I think that's a very sensible suggestion. Well, you do. You can't buy stuff at duty free without giving you birthday. Yeah, but there's not a limit there's not a limit on what you can buy, and I think there should be. So when they inevitably won't be Prime Minister, because there'll be no one left to ask , I think I'm going to bring that in. Ryan has got in touch after producer Ben changed his life . I don't know whether to be flippant with this or not. Darling Ben, dearest William , and Jordan. In a research say what it says I'm just commenting it up an old pal Jordan emphasis on old. In a recent episode you were all chatting about washing and soap. Ben said that he takes a little soap, lathers it up on his belly and then moves the creamy lathered up mixture across his body. Got a little bit of sick in your mouth on that full bendering that Well I had to go because previously I would have squirted a bit of shower gel in my hand and rubbed it into the various nooks and crannies and in turn used a quarter of a bottle of the stuff. Since taking Ben's approach, it has changed my life. Get a shower scrunchy. I use less shower gel and I have a much, much better time showering and washing experience. I enjoy the sensual feeling of lathering myself up and getting stuck in it's just amazing. I really recommend giving it a go. Anyhow, this got me all thinking. William, you have your special etiquette bit in the show. George, you have your johnny joke, but I think now it's time for producer Ben's big tip or PB's big tip of the week. Christ Tip of the Week, Tip of the Week. Every week, Ben shares with his fans a top tip that will make their life so much better. This guy's buzzing I'm reading this letter so many exclamation marks and capital letters but he's changed my life. Let's make it happen. Go producer Ben we need to and can't wait to get lathered up with your Oh I don't feel like you keep reading that with your big tip. Ryan's buzz in here. So what did you say again? You said to basically Ben. What did you say? My bar is soap . I guess you'll you use a shower scrunch. Do use a shower scrunchy. You just use your sort of your natural snail trail to like get a bit of Oh that's disgusting. I've seen your snail trail in growth. Oh no , it's clearly I got done for pube shaving yeah. Yeah, I basically said on Tour I was like, Ben, you need to shave your pubes in your snail chair and you're like, What do you mean? I was like, look in', it's like a big triangle of pubes on his stomach. Oh, Jordan. Thanks, Jordan. Sorry, now I feel the bad guy's trying to be like as a mate just to say just that I need to shave my snail trail. You don't need to shave it. Well be you. And I wouldn't be able to lather up like Ryan like okay give us a quick tip now for Ryan Guardians buzzing. I don't have any tips No don't iron you don't need to iron your t shirts Elf save Becky's messaging about lollipop people Hello William Jordan and thexed te Same. I love listening to your podcast on my walk into work. I often wonder what people think when I'm just randomly laughing to myself. I listen to your Friday episode and the discussion about lollipop people. My mum is a lollipop lady for primary school in Anmaring Angamaring Angamering. She has been a lollipop lady for around twenty seven to twenty eight years. She's always been well loved by children and parents at school, and she's always smiling and remembers the children's names. She used to get seventy presents at Christmas, almost always chocolate, perfect of the job, and at the end of term from year six levers going up to secondary school. She still does get presents, but not as many. I've grown up with her being the lollipop lady and she still wears her big old yellow coat and hat. She's there whatever the weather. I can't say for any other lollipop people but my mum definitely isn't in witness protection. I also knew two other lollipop people for the secondary school in Angering until they were no longer required. I'm fairly certain they weren't in witness protection either. I think councils have cut down on having lollipop people, which is why you rarely see them. It's definitely a thankless job in this day and age and several people have nearly run my mum over while she is wor king. Apparently they don't see her. But she loves her job and she wouldn't give it up even though she's sixty and has crippling empty. So shout out to all the lollipop people out there lots of love, always Becky, forever known as the Llloipop lady's daughter. Seller Lollipop people Ah That's lovely . That's excellent. Now finally, Gemini has written in with a story regarding perfect one linus, dear William Jordan and the amazing sex to te am. I'm a long time listener and a first time writer inner, not a dilemma but a short story I'd like to share. Following on from Jordan's local slang, we have a saying up here in Newcastle called a Jordy Kiss, which for, the uninitiated means, a headbutt, not that I've ever personally offered one, yet. Also, bringing it back to the conversation about disposing of your personal items when you die, I used to work as an undertaker. We'd often get called out for your coroner's removals , which basically means every job is a lucky dip. You never quite know what you're walking into. One evening I was on a call when we got sent into an unexplained death in what I'll politely describe as a colourful part of town . We knock on the door and, the police officer lets us in. Immediately I am greeted by dark purple wallpaper covered in silhouettes of pole dancers among some very artistic black and white frame photographs of both male and female anatomy. Honestly, it looked like Anne Somers had teamed up with a tape modern. I gave the officer a stunned look, and he just laughed and said, That's not even the best bit yet. So up, we go. Halfway up I notice the stair carpet is absolutely covered in pink feathers and glitter, like Elton John had fought a chick en. We went to the bedroom and the officer tells us the deceased is under the duvet. As I approached the bed, I notice not one set of feet sticking out from under the covers but two. So naturally I'm confused. We were only told there was one body to collect, not a two for one special. So I pulled the duvet back and discovered that this poor bloke had sadly passed away mid romance , while entertaining his fully sized, incredibly lifelike silicon sext doll. Oh we dealt with the unlucky Romeo, I looked over at his plastic companion and without thinking quietly said Sorry for your loss . To this day I still think that's the closest I'll ever get to delivering a perfect one line.up I wish there was other people there to witness it. Thanks for all the laughs that were alive. Thanks for all the laughs over the years and for helping me get through the workday kind regards gemini. I think that's class, that's what a sick calling it. It is. That's very only fasult. Or just you can imagine what's it I'm saying it from Happy Valley? Sarah Lancashire. Yeah. So fear lost. So she said so fearless to the blow up darl. There is that whole plot in with the Dell Boy and Rod ney sitcom about sex dolls, isn't it? And blow up dolls? And you could combine that with funerals and it could be only falls and hearses. Thank you very much . Shall we finish with the comments ? Don't be a little bitch because you didn't think of it yourself. Don't be bitter, be better. That's another philosophy. That's another one am I? Keep better. Don't expect anyone to roll out the red carpet. You've got to kick the door down yourself. Let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be from Spotify YouTube or any of our socials. William Hanter. The honorable mentions Brian commented on my Titanic announcement on Spotify to say William has come a long way from watching Titanic on a treadmill. Yeah , I'm yet to admit that to my fellow houseguesters. They know that you've not even watched the film properly. No, I am thinking of doing it this weekend, but Mikey says he gets very emotional so and don't forget my aunt Mandy thinks that she died on the Titanic. She genuinely cannot listen to Celindor music. Really Titanic is not the show for her. She's literally not going to come to watch me. Lucy commented on Spotify. This whole time I thought Jonathan Vernon Smith was William's brother. Nice . But our comment of the week comes from Ryan Dad . He's literally around the corner. Do you want to say that? Our comment of the week comes from here . Well he,'s rounded . Comment of the week comes from Ryan on Instagram. Williams Big News followed a day later by Jordan's Eleven Aref anyone? Yeah, quite I didn't plan that. You announced Titanium on the Monday and it's Toast Story five. Yeah. But I left it a whole week on the podcast. Yes, you did. Yeah. And I'm also, can I just say and at the time of recording this, it hasn't gone out yet . I know that I'm going to be absolutely pillowed by the GM Devers for laughing at your announcement. Which can I just say, Stuart Morgan started? Okay, he laughed first and I don't know why I laugh because it's such a because you're a horrible bite. Oh, shut up. It's such an achievement for you , especially with your talent. So I'm joking . But no, honestly, I'm very proud of you and I can't wait to go see. And I'm proud of you and I can't wait to come and see you at Titanic Excuse me , just drew a pinocchio nose. I actually am looking forward to seeing you. Thank you . It's right up your hands. Form your arms and just go. I'm very aware I'm at a play right now. Musical . I'm very aware I'm at a musical right now. I've not lost or been escaped. Can I be escaped? Well, you're meant to escape, aren't you? Can I say that there is currently quite a good Jordan North joke that I've put in the shirt. Oh, well now I'm coming along . Yeah. Is it actually ? Unless it gets cut. Yeah, you probably know in Jordan. Oh my god, if I do a journey joke, that'll be the last ever performance of Titan. I wouldn't risk that. That's a joke. I don't know if people won't know who I am to have gone to watch Titanique. No , I don't think. Well, we'll see how it lands in the first couple of shows. It'd be hilarious if we gets cut though so do