Closing Remarks and Show Plugs

From origin to legend, I need to become a symbol. I need to become Batman. Become the hero. Someone's gotta stem up! Build a legacy. Let's get to work. You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts. I'm allergic to nuts. Lego Batman, legacy of the dark night. This is my favorite part. Out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series XS and PC rated E10 for ages 10 and up. Let me tell you something, people. When you have a bad hire at your job, it wrecks everything, okay? It costs you time, it costs you money, it costs you momentum. And when you're a small business, you can't afford that. You need a good hire and you need it right away. But finding great talent isn't easy. So that's where LinkedIn's new hiring pro can screen candidates for you. So instead of sorting through applicants, you spend time talking to the right ones. Get started by posting your job for free at L inkedIn. com slash valuable. Terms and conditions apply. When it comes to designing your outdoor space, there's more to it than pure function. You need a space to unwind, make memories, and enjoy a meal. You need versatility, style, and craftsmanship. Belgarde Pavers are different. They're designed to elevate your life outdoors. They're designed forward, weather tested, and built to last. No matter your style, Belgarde can bring it to life. Just a paver? Think again. Learn more at BellGuard.com. That's B-E-L-G-A-R-D.com. It's men in black in the old west, but way more racist. We saw Wow Wow West, so you know what that means. Now it's time for How did this remain? Gonna have a good time, celebrate some failure, not just be a hater. Cause you know you wonder how to discre et. Let's flow in the mediocrity of some more art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello people of Earth and welcome to How Did This Get Made? Uh we have a very fun show for you today. The movie is Wild Wild West. I am joined by my two co-host, Jason Manzucas. How are you? Uh pretty good. This is just a proactive way to make sure none of my flicks ever get discussed on this fucking show. The moment I saw this podcast pop up, I said, I gotta get on that show fast . Otherwise it's gonna be like episode sixteen, Jersey Girl. How the fuck did this happen? So now you'll have to think twice. By the way, before that , we'll do Jersey Girl if you're the guest. Totally. Oh, because I could tell you what happened there. Oh, perfect. That's a that's a great version of this show. This one I I don't have as much uh insight into how it happened, but I do play uh I will uh uh to say a role would be putting it to uh uh grandy. Well you're we play Will Smith's role in this movie. I play what nobody ever realized is how black really and no and nobody gave me any credit, you know, because they were still mad about Mollet. The uh no, I th this is a movie that I'm I have such tangential connection to. But when I heard about this, it made me laugh so hard. I mean So the big the big thing in this movie is the end piece is a gigantic 80-foot mechanical spider. Totally normal. Yeah, totally normal. Which to be fair, before before we skewer it a flick. When you saw this trailer, you were like, Holy shit, they may have cracked the code. Yeah. Like this may be the best movie of all time. They found a way to combine the old West and fucking steampunk and all this stuff. And the track record's, great.. You got men in black He's been Will Smith has been like independent state. You're like, all right, these guys. Very fucking Sonnenfeld, man. Like a legendary director, hell of a shooter. Like he knows how to work humorously. Yes. Big budget. And also, like a good movie to be transferred And who was the star? Robert Conrad. Conrad. Who's the dude who has like put a battery on my fucking shoulder? Yes, that's you don't is the TV show a two hander like the movie? And basically Robert Conrad. Don't be dropping the fucking industry lingo and whatnot. You lost me. We lost half the audience going two-hander. Is this a point? Two hander. Explain two-hander for those who just hold hands the entire time. It's an equal it's an equal balance. I didn't be one of these shows. This is like fucking a Nikki Fake Top It's sickening. Well you know what? Supposed to be at one point um Mel Gibson and George Clooney was the original incarnation of the Wow Wow West. But then Richard Donner was going to direct it. He went off and did Maverick. And then he took Mel Gibson with him. Exactly. He made like I think I I remember liking Maver I remember not liking Maverick. Maverick, I I all I remember is Jody Foster's chemistry with him. And more so than the movie itself. And this is I guess when like publicity and hype mach ines started actually going to work in a big bad way. 'Cause there was an era kids before the age of podcasts and the internet where you didn't know that much about movies unless you went fucking digging for it in a zine or a convention. I remember being on AOL online and downloading like movie posters for like Beverly Hills Cop 3 and it was like slowly just going down. Oh yeah, it was almost like masturbating to play. What does it look like? A roller coaster in the background? Axle. Put a banana in its tailpipe. This will be amazing. But they but there was a period where you didn't know that much. That you weren't inundated. It wasn't like, you know, now during the production of a movie you hear about it all throughout. All during post you're seeing shit left and right. This was when they started like putting stars out there big time and doing like uh and and again a pre day it's not like this is where it was born Publicity is just as powerful. Jody Foster went out and told this story a zillion fucking times about what a prankster Mel Gibson was. On Maverick. Yes. Always. Anytime you heard about Maverick, it wasn't about like, oh, they it's the old show or fucking James Garner makes appearance. None of that. It was Mel Gibson is such a practical joker. And and Jody Foster is going to tell you, yeah. And she'd like three very tame examples. But also kind of cute. We were like, oh, who knew he had a sense of humor? Yeah. That's all I remember of Maverick. Cut two years later when they're like, Mel Gibson hates Jewish people. And gays. And gays as well. All I can think about is like, what so what were those practical jokes? Yes. There was a lot that did not make the story the uh the uh the publicity story. Inexplicably, Jody Foster is Mel Gibson's greatest apologist. She's a staunch defender of the. But she's becoming the person that comes out in defense of anybody that goes off the path. She just did it with K S . She comes out going, Leave her alone. She just likes fucking dick. I shouldn't say that. But by the way, how great would it have been if Jody Fellister was like, Leave her alone. She just likes she likes fucking dick. Of all people. She's like, I don't. I don't. I to each his own. Or her own, I guess. Or bone, if you will. The um, you know, it's like, but you're right, like this is like the era of it was 1999, like where it was like where Godzilla had like all summer long, it was like, it's coming. It's bigger than this movie. Yes. They had a they had a billboard in New York on the side of a building. It would be like, it's he's bigger than this. Holy shit. But this movie was terrible. It's so bad that it's a very good was to put up an ad that was like, it's as inter The problem with that movie is like you take Godzilla, which is a a design everybody fucking knows fundamentally. and change It would be like if they, you know, they did that Smurfs movie. And whether you saw it or not, you look at the post and you're like, that looks like you do it? Yeah. They look like Smurfs. Those are Smurfs. Godzilla doesn't mean you can't change what the character is. You have to keep in there. And then insist to people that it's the same thing. Yeah. The um this movie so bad that Robert Conrad was asked to cameo in the Wild Wild West because he was a star of the TV show, and he said no. And then accepted all the Razzie Awards for the Wow Wow West because he hated me so much. And then Will Smith eventually apologized to Robert Conrad for wrecking the Jim Smith character. Oh wow. So yeah, so do you think that's even owed? I don't think he needs to go and apologize for Robert Conrad. No. Yeah. He played the character the first time, right? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think I think I'm not saying I don't want to p pick a fight 'cause he's even at sure he must be seventy, he must be a tough guy. And he'll come in and be like, put the fucking battery on my shoulder, knock it off, you bitch. That was the commercial of my youth. He was the scary guy who was like, knock a Duracell off my own . Oh totally. And for some reason that would prove that it was a better battery than most. Yeah, if like if you could get my face, then this is a good battery. I buy I'm gonna buy that battery. You're gonna do that better. This is before they decided to market things based on how good they were. This was just like like associating them with tough guys. Well, then they had the rabbit. And then all of a sudden they had the bunny and people like fuck you in your fucking shoulder. Well what what was it what was this rabbit will sell batteries, way more batteries. What about that guy? Wasn't they uh that Australian guy who sold batteries too? Like Oh the big bald guy. Yeah, and it was Jacko. Jackoi, that guy. Again, nothing to do with batteries. Just really uh anti- anti Semitic. Yeah. Because he was like, oi, oi, oi. No. He was Australian. That was their thought. It was their oi. Their oi. Not the Jewish oi. Although he might be Jewish. We don't know. We don't know Well I mean uh Gwen Stefani had that Oi to the world. She did have uh on uh that's on like the my the best Christmas album like that. I feel like that's the oi of punk rock British uh like the same oi, you know, that would be from that err from that version. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it was. That oi still lives, man. I was at uh uh we had an event once at Volgrathon and there were th there's And there were these three dudes who are like their own homegrown punk band. And I you know I'm walking down the line going, Hey, welcome everybody, welcome they stop and they're like dude you gotta hear this because we wrote this with you and mine, ready? And they fucking pull out a guitar, boom , sing oi for Captain America. And they did five minutes of punk about singing oi for Captain America and how awesome he was. And mind you, this is like 1999. These guys were ahead of the curve. I like it. Yeah, these guys got a little early. So um yes, this movie was everyone I think expected this movie to be great. The track record was lining up perfectly. And it's an example of one of those movies that has like all the right elements in place, but it's just it's a mishmash of nothing. Six writers on this movie, two story by credits, like two separate people wrote this Let's look at how many cooks may have been involved in this story. If you're coming off of Men in Black , you've got of course Will Smith. He's at his Apex at this point. And Barry Sonnenfeld, the director, is also at probably his most powerful. Who else is in the movie? Kevin Klein doesn't have that much juice and by all reports has always been a guy who's like, I'm an actor, I'm here to do the work. And actually really good in this movie too. Kenneth Brano. Kenneth Brano, he doesn't have enough juice to really mech with this. But this is a weird move for him at that time. Yeah. I feel like. I'm sure he was just like, This will make me hip. Yeah. It's like he was a way to great kid. The moment I knew we were doing this, I was brushed up on Rana. Wait a year my Kevin Klein. It's amazing. Kenneth Ranna is not in the studio. That was Kevin Sniff. But that's but this is like, you know, this is like that Jeff Goldblum doing Independence Day in Jurassic Park. It's like, oh, this is my big ticket. Like I'm a normally I'm an actor and now I'm gonna be this actor. Exactly. I'll just jump into this movie. And you know, so but you so you imagine all the Warner Brothers people, it's like a big it's the most expensive movie made in 1999, this movie. So uh you know so that also says that there's a lot of So really the responsibility, if you're gonna look if play to blame game, probably falls squarely on the shoulders of M..M Walsh. Good point, man. The guy everything conductors shit. Yeah, the minute I see M.M. M. Walsh, I'm like, fuck. This guy came in with a bushel of notes. Raising Arizona could have been amazing, but the first five minutes blew it. M.M. at Walls. Blue. Blood simple. Oh, come on, M.M. at Walls. Come on. Shot by Barry Seinerfeld. Snapshot. Oh, done. Well connected. Yeah, right. I would also argue, too, that there is one flaw in this movie in well yeah there's many like when they rewrote it for a a black actor to play this role, it is a little odd to be like he's an undercover agent right after the Civil War. He would stick out like a sore thumb wherever yes and the rewrites in this movie are so evident like they don't have anything to do with the plot at all like making him you know that character played by a black actor it's just sort Yeah. Like it smells like they had a test screening and everyone responded and they're like, just more of this, less of that. Yes. Having been through the fucking process, yeah, that's what happens, man. Twelve separate times. And when you start making cuts based on an audience reaction that you're never gonna meet again, it's a slippery slope. I've always said, look, you bring me a crowd, and if they all say shit, I'll cut to their no to their notes, but then give me that same exact crowd to then show them the second pass. Yeah. Otherwise it makes no sense. But what they do is you meet one audience, they go, This sucks, this blows, and the studio goes, You heard them, fucking fix it. So you go in and change it, and they're like, let's test it again. Then you It's a terrible mess. So you go through and you know, it's not as bad as like fucking y home invasion. That's a terrible mess. Things like that. The idea of a a real home invasion is not a good thing. But at least a home invasion is not that's hard disheartening. A home invasion is never noted, though. You get the you go in, you do your stuff. But it but in that process when you look at this flick, you have the same feeling. Like they sat there and screened it. The first screening, they were like, this is gonna be money, jacked up, here we go. And they got a bunch of fucking like revelatory notes were like, shit, take everything out that blows and everything that got a remote chuckle, let's just throw money into the body. You're exactly right because I did some research and this movie tested so badly that it became a news story in the time where this wasn't a big deal. Right. And the Barry Sonnenfeld and Will Smith had to come out in front of that bad test screening and be like, ah, and Barry Sonnenfeld's thing was, people thought they were seeing the Matrix. Uh that's why. They didn't they they didn't see a comedy movie. I have read the whole article today. I've I've thought of so many excuses for why my films underperform, but never have I thought to say somebody thought this was something completely different. He said in the future, not the old way. Nothing more than for every time you test screen a movie now, p you come out in front of it and say, people thought they were seeing the matrix. I am sorry. Always the matrix though. Always the matrix. They thought it was gonna be in 3D and IMAX. But just to give you a sense of how the dialogue kind of plays. Here we go. How nice of you to join us tonight and add color to these monochromatic proceedings. Boom. When a fella comes back from the dead, I find that an occasion to stand up., Zing I can see where it'd be difficult for a man of your stature to keep in touch with Zing and half the people you know. Zing. Perhaps the lovely Miss East will keep you from being a slave to your disappointment. Zing. That is his one little scene five times. Yeah, that dynamic between them happens throughout the movie. Well, and by the way, there is a f that's the first time that Will Smith and Kenneth Braun a meet in this movie. And there's also like a little funny scene here too, because you know, Will Smith is trying to steal some documents , and uh you find out that Kenneth Brana's office is full of paintings that are just um like m security guards standing in the painting. As parts of paintings. Living paintings. Living paintings. That's how they that's how rich he is. Yeah, and they don't kill him when he's in there by himself. Only Yeah. They wait for him to like scan the paper, learn the information. They wait for a very long time. Yeah he shoots every he realizes that every painting is in there is a it's a really waste of painting. Even the one on the ceiling. Yeah, the vari end. Today's podcast is brought to you by our friends over at Squarespace. You know I love Squarespace because with Squarespace, everything that you need to succeed online is in one spot, from claiming your domain to building a beautiful website, promoting your work , and taking payments. It's all there whether you're just starting out or ready to grow. Easily create a standout site using designer templates or AI with drag and drop editing. It makes everything so easy. I have so many sites. The dinosaur site, the how did this get made site, the PaulShear.com. It's all there and they're all completely different because Squarespace allows me to adapt my style for each one of those sites into a format that they make look good. Does that make sense? I make sense to me. Look, whatever you want to do, offer services, book clients, get paid, it's all in one place with Squarespace, right? You can even do scheduling invoices and have they have email tools built in people it's great i love squarespace go to squarespace.com slash bonkers for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code bonkers to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain. When it comes to designing your outdoor space, there's more to it than pure function. You need a space to unwind, make memories, and enjoy a meal. You need versatility, style, and craftsmanship. Bellegard Pavers are different. They're designed to elevate your life outdoors. They're designed forward, weather tested, and built to last. No matter your style, Belgarde can bring it to life. Just a paver? Think again. Learn more at BellGuard.com. That's B-E-L-G-A-R-D.com. The all-new whoop is here. Now more advanced than ever. Train smarter, sleep deeper, recover faster . Extend your healthy units. Understand your psychophases. Now 7% smaller with 14 plus days of battery life. So your data never stops , and neither do you. Power your best performance with memberships made for every goal. Join Whoop today . So so yes, so uh there's so much to talk about town in this business for this is Streisand's John Peters right yes streisand's John Peters hairdresser back in the day he was a hairdresser he that's how he he's gained entree into this business. He was Barbara Streisand's hairdresser who then became It's an unusual trajectory. Yeah, yeah. Isn't it weird? Especially because when you think of her hair, you go, especially then circa seventies, like, oh it's that fucking rat's nest. Yeah. Like it's literally just a front. Yes, it is. So he was her hairdresser and then he became her lover. Oh really? Oh I didn't know that. I like that you brought it down there with that. Yes. And then she uh started bringing him onto Flicks as her He like produced The Star is Born, uh he executive producer on Caddyshack. A main event he put her into that was the boxing movie with Ryan O'Neill. I mean he has great movies. I mean, you know, American Werewolf in London, flashdance, DC Cab, Youngblood, uh Caddyshack too. No. Uh Batman Tang on Cash, Batman retiring. This is what I know he's definitely responsible for. The main event, because he can talk about that to no end. And Batman. He was heavily involved with Batman. Oh really? Okay. I spent a lot of time with him because I was working I got a job in nineteen ninety six working on Superman Returns, it was call Oh yeah. But I suggested, like again, my my opinion didn't mean shit at that point. Like chasing Amy, I think had yet to even come out. I was coming off Mallrats. But when I handed him my script I was like, You guys should get Tim Burton, man. He did a great job with Batman. Even though his sensibility is different than fucking you know, uh Batman, Superman the character, like that dude knows that 'cause there were nobody else that you can point to to be like, There's a comic book guy. But at the point that I was involved with it, nobody was attached yet. Tim Burton would come later, Nick Cage would come later on as well. But when I was working on it, the um the the I had to go meet with Peters in order to go through the approval process because when he he used to run Warner Brothers with uh uh Peter Goober. And then I'm sorry, they were let me backtrack. They were at Warner Brothers during Batman, movie went fucking huge. Over on the other side of town, the Japanese by Sony. Okay. And then they say we need someone to run this studio. Let's just turn to the premier producers who made the most successful movie of this year. And they brought Peter Goob. They bought them out of their Warner Brothers contracts, brought them to Sony, and had them run the studio. If you're interested in this kind of shit, there's an amazing book called Hit and Run, which is all about Goober Peters taking over Sony and running it into the ground and the Japanese fleeing Hollywood in a big, bad way, because they're like, this is a fool's errand. Yeah. It's just a hole to put money into. So those dudes wound up with golden parachutes dropping out of Sony and when it was in its worst financial conditions in years. Uh and they landed uh separately. Uh John Peters landed with an overall deal at Warner Brothers. One of the two projects he requested when he came in the door was the Muhammad Ali story and Superman. And he won. And I can't say this is why, but I've been to his office. Yeah. And if you recall back in the 70s, there was an issue of Superman where he fought Muhammad Ali. Oh no. And he had a giant blow-up in his office framed of those two characters fighting. And I often suspect he was just like, What will my next two movies be? And he goes, Here it is. So he was the guy, and so I had to go meet with him and and when when they sent me to meet with him I was warned like he's a bit eccentric and you know, he's gonna tell you uh some things that he wants in the movie that we don't, but go meet with him, blah blah blah. You gotta get he's the guy. If he likes you, you're on the job. We like you here So you go to meet him and he literally lives in an estate like here in Hollywood is over in Beverly Hills that is reminiscent of going up to Batman's house, to Bruce Wayne's house, like very large property. And this is ninety six at this point. So I'm not I haven't been around big affluent properties at at this at this early in my career. This is the biggest one I'd seen. You get in and there's a fucking butler and maid and somebody parks your car and there's like stables and shit, like grounds. It was crazy. Yeah. So you they bring me into a living room and he comes in, he's got his like tennis shorts on and he's tan and shit. And he's uh very affable, but very like I know who I am, I run Hollywood kind of guy. Yeah. And he sits me down, he goes, So they tell me that you like Superman, like uh let me hear it. Let me tell I I didn't see the movie. And this is all coming off of Maul Rats. Because I in Maul Rats I made a joke about Superman I met with an exec named Basil Iwanick who's gone on to do cool things. I think he works with Ben on like uh on his last movie, on the The Town or something. But when I met with him, he's a junior exec . And um they had a few projects. They were like uh we've got this one called it was it was remember the end of the watch of the watchmen. Uh it was based on an episode of the outer limits. I think it was called Architects of Fear. Okay. They had that. It was an episode of Outer Limits that they wanted to do as a feature. And they gave me a script, which I to this day I can't remember who wrote it, but they gave me the script to read. They're like, this is just weird. Like see if you could do anything with this . And I read it as hands down one of the best scripts I've ever read in my life. And I handed it back. I was like, this is flawless. You should make this. And they're like, it's an art film. And it kind of was. It was definitely more of like a Chris Nolan type of action fli ck than anything else. And which in those days would would have been a tough fucking sell. So I like that. I was like, I got nothing for this. I think you should just make this. And they're like, we're not going to. And they s and they offered me two other things. One was Beetlejuice goes Hawaiian , which I was like, I love Beetlejuice, but I was like, I think we said everything we need to say. I love just goes Hawaiian. That was what they wanted to do. Did they have a script for that? They had one that would look like this. There was a radio draft, and they wanted I also came in with like I liked working, I I was happy to be in a business, but I also didn't want to be the guy that was like the person I would have made fun of if I hadn't had clerks picked up. Like who the fuck does a Beetlejuice sequel without Tim Burton? You know that guy. So I said no to that. And he said, there's one more that's a real long shot, but we're trying to redevelop Superman. I was like, oh, Superman, I know comics and shit. And he's like, yeah, and I was like, yeah, man, I talked about I'm in in Maul Rats, like the Brody characters, big fan of comic books. And he goes, uh, that's why you're here. I said, why? He goes, because someone saw Maul Rats and said like you talk about Superman and a kryptonite condom. And I was like, yeah . And he goes, Well, they figured you had an original take on Superman. Oh my god. And I was like, That's not even an original take, man. That's based on an essay called Man of Steel, Woman of Tissue or something like that from back in the day. They're like, Well you're gonna read that essay by the way. I didn't know that. That's a fantastic essay. I didn't it wasn't based on that. Years later somebody was like, Did you ever read Man Steel, Women of Tiss Woman of Tissue? I said, No. They said it's uh in it, they talk about how Superman Lois couldn't have sex because his sperm would like kill her flopious. Mine was based on an issue of a comic book, a Superman annual, that must have been taken from that. In the story, on the cover, I can't remember what issue it is, but Superman is making out with Maxima on the grave of Lois Lane. And in it, in the story, one of these Else World stories, he has sex with Lois Lane and kills her because the he he his his sperm didn't do it. She got pregnant, the baby kicked and killed her. Oh man. So I always remember reading that issue and being like, that's fucked up. So when I was writing Mall rats, I included the joke about like Kryptonite Con and blast through her back like a shotgun. And because of that, they were like, you know something about Superman. So I stuck to the And the something you know is sexy. We want some of that fucking X-rated Superman cont I was like, can I go, man? It was really unnerving for me. I just want to work on Superman. But uh he uh he he goes he listens to me I I don't have a pitch. I'm they wanna they have a story they want to do which is the death of Superman. There had already been a script before me written by Wesley Strick which they didn't like and I I read it and the thing that s stuck out to me was that there was a moment where Superman goes uh into a therapist's office to s to be like I'm Superman. Yeah to and I that would never happen. That felt but that felt like a Hollywood beat. That's almost to me akin to uh Batman uh in the Dark Knight Rise. Everyone see that? Yeah. Okay, but spoilers if you like. Yeah, they go. They're on the roof and Catwoman's with them. Oh yeah. And then she leaves, and then he turns around and goes, So that's what that feels like. That would never happen in a million years. He would never do that. Why would he hey? Why would he use that voice out loud if he was alone? That's that's the thing I thought of too. Why is he talking to me? Dude, there's nobody here. He's like, Yeah, you're right. But I'm not sure if he was like, he has a third voice. That would be memorable, man. Or if he's like, you really did it again, Bruce. He is a Daniel Day Lewis uh superhero. He he gets into the character once into that costume, that's it. Once the cowl is on, then he is on the the all sense goes away as it cuts off the brain part and he decides to go with the voice. So he uh so I'm sitting there telling Peters, uh, okay, I guess if you're gonna do this, you do this, I wouldn't do this, the stuff kind of stuff. I wouldn't, you know, be uh winking and knowing and shit in terms of like saying Superman's going to psychiatrist. So I'm all done with whatever my pitch is. And again, it's not really my pitch. It's based on fucking the storyline they want to do, which is the death of Superman. So he looks at me, he's sitting on his couch, big living room. He looks at me for a long heartbeat, man, and he goes, You and me are gonna get Superman right. You know why? And at first I felt good 'cause I was like, Well that it sounds like I got a fucking job, man. I said, Why? And he goes, 'cause you and me, we understand Superman. Do you know why? I said, no. He goes, 'cause you and me are from the streets . Now and he is from the streets originally. I don't know where he's from, but I am not from the hard hard dress uh hairdressing uh hard knots. The streets uh that led to Barbara Streisand . Very hard streets. And I didn't say like I grew up in the suburbs. Yeah, it's street. This dude was a hairdresser. Neither of us know the streets. And he was literally and also remove that. What does fucking Superman have to do with the streets? N the least street smart character, really. Exactly. So he uh he he was a guy I guess he'd come from not so much money because he talked about like , you know, I used to go to wherever city he lived in that apartment store, he's like and I used to go and just look at the window displays of the things they put. One of those people with nothing looks at at the image of something and goes one day. A very movie moment. His life is a movie moment. He and he only brought this up because when I came in, there was a setup in the middle of his living room that I swear to God looked like the floor of Nordstroms. There was pi aano and there was like what looked like a display with sweaters and shirts on it. No. So I was like, when I were in the middle of the place, I was like, well, maybe they were doing some kind of benefit here or something like that. But he was explaining to me that he always dreamed about having what display crazy though, because in in on Oprah, Barbara Streisand was interviewed and in one of her homes, her entire basement is set up like a store. Like a department store. She came from no money. Is she one of these like I came from nothing? No, she came from nothing. That is the I do know she came from nothing and had like a horrible mother. Yeah. She has like a terrible child. Instead of just buying a lot, you create a store. It's like I gotta get dressed today. I'm just gonna go downstairs and buy an outfit and you could literally make the argument like she can't go to the store anymore, and maybe she misses the experience of like walking onto the floor, so she's created her own version in a Truman show like way. But it really comes down to like I think it comes down to we always saw this as being a sign of wealth. Yeah. And so once we had so much crazy wealth where we had a house and many cars and everything's taken care of and we're just looking for shit to buy, we start buying our childhood back or images of what we think we wanted to do. I want to buy that in the Nordstrom's and he did it was weird. That would be the equivalent for me, I feel like, would be if I became incredibly wealthy and you came to my house and there was an arcade there. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? I can't get my head around. Oh yeah. Like that's the same. But that to me was like, oh my God, can you imagine if you had Dragonflare in my house? Always had access to joust. Yeah. But that's the but okay, but you got a bunch of arc arcade games in your house. That's almost like hey everyone take a turn. Sure, sure. This ain't like a cable private . What kind of sweater is doing it? Cable bit? Ooh, I want these sweaters. The best thing would be if he's out there and he's like, oh, none of these are my size. That's how he keeps himself grounded. He keeps on like he just nut never is in his size. I love this sweater, but it's sold out in my size. He's the dude that's just like but as his wealth decreases, the displays decrease. So it goes from Nordstrom to like right now in his career, he's got a Ross set up. Finally in the basement. Finally into the other room. Pay less in the garage. He was a very strange uh man. So you're from the streets. He's from the streets. I'm from the streets. He he's the one essentially says we're gonna do this. And and he, in the process of of the movie, he had like notes that he wanted to do which were very important. Number one, he goes, I don't want to see him in that suit. Number two, I don't want to see him flying. I think that shit looks fake in movies. So right away you're like, if he's not in the suit and he's not flying, isn't he Yeah, what do you have? Do you want to just make Batman again? I'm into that. Yeah. And then his third thing was like and he has to fight a giant spider in the third act. Swear to you. And I was like, really? He goes, Yeah, yeah. He's going, Man, do you know anything about spiders? I said no. He goes, I watch a lot of Discovery uh channel. He's gone, I watch this documentary about spiders, fiercest predators in the insect kingdom, absolute killers. He's going and when I was a kid, I went and saw King Kong. And in King Kong there's a moment where the doors open up and they reveal not King Kong for the first time but some other fucking monster or something like that. He's like and it was horrifying. And I envision a moment in this movie where the doors open up and Spider Man has to f it man has to fight this giant spider. And a real spider , right? Giant real spider. So I'm like, okay, if that's the directive, that wasn't the death of and I've never seen that in the comics, but so be it. So I went back to the studio 'cause they're like report you know, what what's going on over there? Because they're already they're like, he's a nut bar. So uh so I was like, Well, he said this, this, and they go, Oh, as if they've heard it before. Right, right. And then I say, and then also he talked about and they go, Wait, he wants to put a giant spider in the back. I said, Yes, how weird is that? He said he watched Discovery. He's going, John and that fucking spider. That was Lorenzo at the bottom of the chore. He goes, John and that fucking spider. He's uh he he the dude was so into this spider thing, he tried to shoehorn it into the flick. And I was like, what do I do? And they were like, just call it anything but a spider. And I said, Really? And they're like, just give him what he wants, but do not call it a spider, man. Research shows nobody cares about a spider. And I was like, okay, what if I call a Thanagarian snare beast? They're like perfect. So Thanagarian, I was like, right, on connects to Hawkman and shit like that. And I literally and so Peters was like, What is this? And I was like, it's a Thanagarian snare beast. He goes, What is that? I was like giant spider in DC comics. He goes, Oh, perfect. So I put that in and uh and he you know worked on that for a little while when I submitted the script. You can hear the entire story of that over at the evening with first evening with Kevin Smith . Which is great. I tell the long Superman story. But in the interest of moving on to fugging uh Wild Wild West. Um I eventually I the project comes to an end for me. They bring on Tim uh Tim Burton and and Tim Burton was like, I'm gonna start from scratch with my own script. He brought on somebody else. My shit goes to the wayside. And that was it. Never thought about it again. I mean, thought about like, man, I worked on Superman, but I got a great story out of him. I was telling that story Q A's for years. Then it went on the DVD. And that was like to me, that was the end of it. Then in 1999, I guess it was, I went to the movies to go see Wild Wild West, also produced by John Peters. And I'm watching the flick, and it is what it is, this bizarre little train wreck combination of many genres. But all of a sudden, this giant mechanical spider appears, man, and I was like, he got his spider. He finally got his spider. It took him a long time , but he got a much more expensive one. And it du and it also doesn't really make sense. Nope. It du like it feels like and that what was so great about that story is that it is so shoehorned in. It's like, okay, there's steampunk and there's stuff like that, but now we got this 80 foot giant fucking spider. As if the giant spider and the presumption in the movie, what the movie contends is that uh Kenneth Brann is possession of this giant spider is enough to bring the United States to its knees. Yes, sir. This one this one device itself will bring about the destruction of the union . This is the this is the equivalent of a nuclear weapon in the age of the Civil War. It might as well be. I bet that was their justification. But there's nothing to them this like even metaphor of the spider. Like there's nothing that Kenneth Runnock says about what the spider means to him. There's no connection at all to this spider that just appears. If he could, I think Kenneth Branagh would have been like, ladies and gentlemen, I have nothing to do with. it Hold on guys. Kenneth Brenna just walked in the studio. Just walked in the studio. We have a special guest right now, Kenneth Branna. I regret cheating on MIT so much. It's truly affected my career. All the way up to Thor. It is I mean this spider um is just I mean and and yeah I don't know. That's the words you're looking for. It's total badass. This movie might as well be called Gears and Pointless Contraptions. Because that is every shot is just the background is just moving parts. Moving parts. Just like if things are happening, things a lot of money being spent in the background. A lot. So the way I almost think that like uh that Kenneth Brana's character is John Peters because he's obsessed with spider. Like he clearly has a thing for spiders. Like they send a cake, a marzipan cake to the pres And then you know, and and then he has like special discs made up with a giant spider on. But yeah, there's nothing like his flag as a spider on it. Yes, he's very he's he is jumpy. You know what's weird about that man? Like they the plates that have the spider on. Yeah. I understand the dude's rich and I understand in movies to to uh communicate impossible wealth you see something like a giant spider. Very richy rich style. But could you imagine it's like even down to something like this disc is meant to be thrown away and destroyed. Yeah. Yeah. Like you're never going to see it again. It launches, the whoever sees it is the person that loads the disc. And the next person that sees it is the person like, ah, it's coming at them and that's that. Why would you bother to be like imprint a spider on it? Yeah. Could you carve it in? If it's gonna cost hundreds of dollars to do this, especially like I know, but they mean so much to me. And you're not even involved in this transaction. You're not even like, I'm holding this disc of death with my spider emblem as a matter of turn at you. When he goes to kill them, he leaves. He doesn't even watch the disc unloaded and live. That's how fucking rich he is, dude. He's just like puts spider I do wanna point out uh you know there's a part in the movie uh where you know uh Will Smith and Kenneth Braun or Will Smith and Kevin Klein are caught, they're gonna get their heads cut off by these spider discs. And I would say one of the most disturbing parts of the movie is when w was when Kenneth Brana talks about wanting to have sex with Salmahayek with potentially his robot dick, and which I'll play for you right here. Who knows? I might even become familiar with her myself. That'd be one more reason for me to kill you. Oh yes, Mr. West. I'm sure to a no doubt well endowed a black and all like yourself. It must seem absolutely impossible that a freak like me could fully enjoy the pleasure of a woman. But having witnessed my use of mechanology thus far, wouldn't you think that I could devise something for the lower half of my body that was hard, pumping, and indefatigably steely? And speaking of hard pumpkin, Mr. Coleman, full space . What? Just talks about building a giant robot dildo to Do you think that was consummated by the time she was left? Because she stays with him on that train for the city. Well, she is pregnant, visibly pregnant with a robot baby at the end at the end of the movie. This movie does she does he use a robot wing around? Well they've got that conception. I wish he did and remember it when she's trapped in the birdcage in his house . The bed has all of those like sex contraptions, and she's like, I don't want to get on that, I don't want to do that. Like it is clearly just like robot cox sex a thon in this movie that we never see. This we do see, I think we see Will Smith's balls from behind at the very end. That's what I thought too. Right? We definitely saw his nuts from behind. Will Smith uh is uh naked in the beginning of the movie after bathing in a w in a water tower in a water tower. Yes. They're hanging out in this giant water tower in the middle of town. It's like a hot tub in the sky. Which meanwhile is everyone else is drinking water, I would imagine. No, no, it's for fires, isn't it? Oh, is it for fires or I thought it water. That would be just back off, man. You're taking it into ridiculous route. We can put out we can put out our fires with cum drenched water, but not put it in our mouths. But yes, uh Will Smith's balls may or may not have made an appearance. Definitely. Well, there's a lot of ass in this movie too. Sama hayek's ass, Bailing's ass. By Ling is n I mean like a a real favorite of this show. Yes, B Byail lingane., we we're huge fans of Crank 2. We had the directors of Crank 2 in here and we talked extensively about how amazing she's in that as well. She's in that and threw away all the dialogue. Oh if you've not seen Crank 2, do yourself a. way the dial Oh, yeah. She just started saying crazy shit and they were like subtitled and she was speaking of. What do we do? And they were like, let's just let her do it. And so it's you'll go crazy if you unleashed. She's unleashed. It's unreal. She's subtitled. Southland Tales. I was in Southland Tales as well, which I imagine one day you guys will get around to. And she was feel like we're gonna have you on for a bunch of shows. This is how we sneak you on with somebody else's movie. And then we get you hooked. You guys suck. I guess it's my time. Today we're doing we're doing Jersey Girl again today. We got Kevin Slip back. Um but yeah, there's a lot of a lot of asses in this movie. By Lang relatively restrained in this movie. Um but there is there's some crazy stuff in here again. Uh the lynching scene. There's a scene where Will Smith is gonna get lynched, but before he gets lynched, he had they let him do like a couple minutes of stand-up before he gets uh As you did in the old west. Yeah. Let's give him a couple speakers . There is such a dichotomy in this movie between like absolutely no attention paid to race and maximum attention paid to race in the worst way. Well that's the strange it's it's like uh every about 15 minutes or so the movie drops into some real historical social context that's very dark and upsetting. And then we're lifting right at it. A second later. It's the creepy. With like some goofball invention from Kevin Klein. That's that must have been the pulp fiction influence where they're like no we can go dark yeah and then zip it right back to funny. Well like I feel like the movie doesn't know like it's it feels like it's one of those movies where it's like uh we're funny and we're serious and where it like it's it's too much. It's trying to please too many people. We don't know what we are, but we know one thing. We're not the Matrix. Yeah. Well there's also my uh in the end in the end battle where they're in this giant spider, there's also a robot. Just a man, fr a Frankenstein man who was a robot that Will Smith tries to fight. He punches him in the face and you hear clang, punches him in the stomach, clang, punches him in the nuts, clang, and he's like, uh oh. Got a robot, and this robot's about ready to kick Will Smith's ass. Until for no reason he short circuits. Yep. To nothing of no one did anything to him. Oh I know what happened. Somewhere there's about three minutes of robot fight footage that like when they test screened it eight times was so lead and they were like , just pretend it should like we're so close to the credits. You've got to bring it home back. Come on. I felt like a lot of times there was huge pieces of exposition missing that I was like, how did he get here ? How the movie appears to take place in about 72 hours. They travel across the United States from DC to New Orleans, yeah. To uh Utah. Yeah, Utah. I mean like like it's met the amount of uh space that you and there is so much dramatic slow moving train action. Like the entire movie is uh it's attentive to the action as if it's like the French Connection car chase, but it is slow-moving single track locomotives. There is nothing happening on these trains. There is a lot of time time has passed and now this character's on the train. Wait, how did she get on the train? What happened? Somehow drops in on that train, there's no explanation of how she got there. Right. Yeah. I don't know how she got there. She was on the dogma set. She she got the part while we're making dogma and then she left early to go do fittings and do pre shoot footage So she'd come back and we'd be like, What's it like, man? Because again, these cats are coming off Men in Black and Men in Black's a pretty amazing movie. But she thought it was gonna be very, very impressive, as we all did. She was she came from our movie, went to that movie. And I remember going to see that movie and being like, I wish she'd stayed on our movie. Did you have to cut her out of stuff and dogma because she couldn't or something? No, but I got a lot of people going like I couldn't follow the accent. Which now in the age of Bain, I don't feel so bad. I feel like he was speaking English. In the first ten minutes, like I don't understand what these guys are saying. Really? Yeah, because it's like everyone's it's like it's like a lot of grumble. It's a lot of grumbling in the the first one. I I did like Expendables too uh because I like movies like that and it's dumb and should we do it for this show? You know, it would be like in the side of the good side, like the cranks and Yeah, yeah. No, like we like we love Fast Five. Like it was like yes, this is the movie is insane, it needs to be talked about, but it we are loving it. And uh yeah, I mean it's great. Schwarzenegger, amazing. Only talks and references to every other person's movie. Really? He says, I'll be back at least three times. Oh my god. And references Rambo. References, like it's the whole movie is just referencing everything that they've all been. He does No listen . Arnold Schwarzenegger nod in the studio. Tell me in that scene they cut to Bruce and you just see a little bit more of his soul dying. Well you could tell I what I felt like was this. I felt like they shot Bruce Willis out in like two days. And I felt I I also felt that they were like, okay, Bruce, would you say yippiekay? 'Ceveryone's saying they're kind of their catchphr Never works. But I try it. But everyone's like kind of reliving a moment of their past. And they were like, Bruce, will you say Yippikaye in this moment? It kind of fit the moment. And he was like, no. And then they're like, oh, will you say it instead? And he's like, yeah. Give me a thousand dollars and I'll say it. Basically Bruce Willows walks off the screen and and then br and then uh Schwarzenegger goes, Yippi Kaye. That's amazing. It's crazy. It was like they were like, oh yeah, we'll just keep the same side of the movie. And maybe our guest will be Kenneth Brana to discuss this. She knows Kenneth Branner was doing so much wheelchair spinning in this movie. Also, June, you brought up a very good point here uh earlier when we were talking about this. Uh c Will Smith constantly ripping on Kevin uh uh Kevin Klein's inventions that work. Yeah. So inventions work the entire time. He's like, Oh man, you and your crappy inventions. It's like, you killed a guy with his invention. You got saved your life by his invention then. All the time. All the time it was. Every single time. Every single time. The bulletproof vest, the flying machine, dressing and drag. How about the weird scene? How about the fucking scene where they are comp aring fake tits. Oh, yes. I love that. Every second of that. And they're just like, you know, feel my boo, feel my b boot breast, whatever he's saying, oh yeah. Oh, it feels oh it feels terrible. Feels now try feeling my and M. Walsh is watching the whole thing and he's going, I knew it. You know, like so weird. 'Cause what did he know? D he thinks that they're not they're not men dressed as women. They're men feeling each other's male. Yes. Okay. All right. Now you see why it's funny. Now I get it. Now I'm laughing. I think when you make a movie like this that's meant to be as mainstream as that. Like if you're spend there should be a studio mandate in the rule book that says if you're gonna spend upwards of I would say 100, but let's bring it down to 75 , you have to have a representative from every generation that you're actually trying to court in the theaters on set when you're doing comedy. So you need a 10 year old, 20 year-old, thirty-year-old, forty year old, fifty year old, six-year-old if you're going that's your demographic. And then you play that fucking all right, the boys are gonna feel each other's boobs. And then you go down the line. Ten year olds, is this good? Liked it. Totally. Twenty year olds. Is this still funny. Thirty year olds. How you feeling about that? This is awesome. I like working with an actor because suddenly you're in a scene. Forty year olds, man. All right, yeah, it's a little risque. Suddenly it starts to fall apart. Fifty year olds? Uh, you know, I go do without the d the boob stuff. And sixty year olds. I liked it. Bring back that spider. I liked it. But they should, man, because that's like a that's like I saw uh did you see uh the watch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. The watch has a moment in it where Vince Vaughn picks up a rushing nesting doll and opens it and he's like, Oh my god, there's another doll in here in that Vince F in his Vince Vaughn way. Fine. One reveal and I'll buy that this motherfucker's never heard of the concept of something within something. They carry this out, dude, all the way to the smallest. To the the and you know, like there's a a theory of comedy where the more you do it, like it go it's funny and then it's fucking dumb, then it goes back to me and This is the Mr. Show Thimble sketch. This ain't that though. This is like the exception that proves that rule because you're like ple,ase don't keep the phone and you realize they left this in. This is the one that the they thought it was awesome. But if that's awesome, what the fuck did they cut out? And if you think that's awesome, you need to have a representative of every age group going, like, I think this is shit. Like if you if you're sitting around doing the boob feeling joke and you got a twenty five year old kid there, he'd be like, dude, this ain't fucking funny. Yeah. Like have him stick his fist up his ass. Well did you feel like did you ever get notes like I mean like I guess like the most studio like the biggest studio thing like that's Mall Rats and then like cop-out, right? So like did you get those kind of notes on cop out when you were doing it? Not until we started testing. They were pretty good. Like in terms of working, I always thought I was taught that the studio is a great Satan and fucking like all they do is make crap. We make art, they make crap. And the philosophy that we were taught was they set out to make crap, they just want your fucking money. And I haven't worked inside like nobody. There's no fucking there's no Kenneth Brana sitting in a spinning wheelchair fucking telling people we're gonna steal the audience's money with crap. They're all trying to do something that they think is good or funny or irrelevant or at least, you know, fucking popular or something like that. So having gone through the system with them, they were lovely. Like I kept waiting for the you know , aha, these fucking bagels. You said there'd be everything, but there's just onion. I knew the studio lied. They were lovely. Until But you check that bagel plate every day. Every day I flip ball . Uh oh, wait, no, it's here. We're good. Yeah, my bad, my bad. Don't nobody touch it until I check the plate, please. Staplesin Bessus presents facility heroes. Thanks to you. No one slipped on a wet floor today. No one faced an empty toilet paper dispenser in their moment of need. No one played guess that smell in the break room. Staples Business offers 18,000 professional janitorial products, a next day delivery to 98% of the country. Staples Business, your MVP in facility management. That was easy visit staplesbusiness.com today get the respect you deserve at Northridge Toyota we give you real transparent deals with all the info up front that means the price you see is the price you pay or less? Experience the difference at Northridge Toyota, where we're paying top dollar for your trade. See dealer for details. Power Ballad is the miracle movie of the summer. That's what a good song can do. Has the ability to mean many different things to many different people. Critics are raving. It's John Carney's best film since once and the feel-good hit of the year. This song changed my life. Paul Rudd and Nick Jonas strike a perfect chord. That's my son. I wrote it. It's a masterpiece. Made to watch with a big crowd . Power ballad. In theaters everywhere, June 5th. Rated R 179 without parent. Will Smith's character was an escaped sl ave at the age of the child, he was he was taken from his family. Live with Indians ran away of Wild Wild West. No, right? No, because Wild Wild West is a white guy. Yeah. So essentially they're doing the story of Django Unchained. It is. Yeah, exactly. It is Django Unchained. And which ironically Wilson was off for Doctor didn't want to do. And because he'd already done it, Wild Wild West. He's like, I've done this movie, it's called Wild Wild West, and I'm very proud of it. Does your movie have a giant spider, Quentin? No? That's why you that's whent. Quentin took so long he that's the end of Day uh Django now, the giant spider. Giant spider comes back. Crystal Waltz is in it. They come across the giant spider that had died in this movie, right? And then they come across it, they revive it, and the rest of the movie takes place in that. What they do is they find all those plates with the spider emblem to them and they build a new spider from the rep . I would love like a like a weird film joke if people just started putting props from this movie in other movies. As movies. As if it was like ar like archaeologists discover these uh plates with spiders on them. Well and and all the ladies had spider dresses at the big series. Oh yeah. Well I th now you know why. It's because John Peters the producer and he kids love spiders. John Peters also uh oh not John Peters, but uh uh Will Smith also plays uh Muhammad Ali in the movie. Very a lot of Ford producer John Peters. Yes, really? Yes, same guy. His name's on it. Oh, that's interesting. What did he have to do with it? That depends. As I said before, I know he's involved in Batman, I know he's involved in the main event because he could tell you lots of stories. But his name could be on a lot of things. He took credit for I'm Batman. This is this blew my mind. This is what I I've instantly fell in love with John uh Peters in a way of like you fall in love with uh, you know, fucking wacky dictators who aren't gonna affect your life anymore because you're g things like you know I was going out with Vicky Vale, right? And I was like, really? Did you have the joke over for dinner? Like you could say her name, dude. I'm I'm well aware that Kim Bassinger played Vicky Vale. But he said this. He goes, uh I said one of the things I love in that movie dude is so fucking tight is when the And he goes, That was mine. And I go, Really? He's going, I brought that guy in. That guy's a real sword fighter. You know why that movie made $300 million dollars? And I go, why? He goes, that scene. And I go, why? He goes, because that was real Jeopardy. And that guy came over the wall with the swords, man. You got to see Batman in action. And so that's why that movie works. See, when you watch Tim Burton's Bat man, realize it's nothing. It's not the story, it's not Anton First City design, the Batmobile, the Moody performance by Michael Keaton, Jack Nicholson's sublime joker, no dudes. But that's the soundtrack. It literally comes down to the j the guy who jumps over the wall and throws a few bad swords. Not to rip on Bruce Willis, but when I heard Bruce Willis talk about diehard, he goes the reason why people like the original diehard is because he likes I don't know if that's the catch-all of why that movie is successful. The hu the Jersey humor of John to this. And what is it about me? It's probably because I'm from Jersey. My Jersey humor, people really like, I like that Jersey humor. Um, the end of the movie, you know, the big the main character has his like like final line, you know, diplomatic immunity, whatever. And this one final line, diplomatic immunity. Yeah, that's Leave the Weapon 2 uh been revoked. Uh but Diplomatic Immunity. This one, he just basically throws Kenneth Branna out of the giant spider and then he goes Now that's a whooping. Yeah. But it really isn't. It's more of like that's a throwin'. Like it was like they couldn't they have found a way to whip him with some chains or do like if you want if you're gonna end on a line you should have