JO
Joe Marler Will See You Now
Platform Media
Touring Experiences and Ticket Information
From BONUS: Joe and Jake have exciting news... — May 18, 2026
BONUS: Joe and Jake have exciting news... — May 18, 2026 — starts at 0:00
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Why is it not called a dog collar? I don't think it was ever rough because of woof. I don't think so . Fair enough. But this is a very special bonus episode, first bonus episode. We talked about doing it for a long time. Been wanting to do an episode about bonus for a long, long time. Yeah. So don't mind it. The thing is, with these bonus episodes, we've talked about Great things . Great things. We've talked about you seeing off eight tubes of Pringles in an hour. Yes. We've talked about me eating 50 hot wings in an hour. I said 50. I will always think always to always so that I'm ahead of um having to do one a minute. That's what gives me the the the piece in a piece that you can. Still no chance that that's happening. We talked about doing a race, but for our first bonus episode, we're announcing something bigger than all of that. I know, and it makes my uh bumhole pulsate with fear. Yes. Anxiety. Yes. Joy. And it sounds like IBS. Yeah, exactly. No, I looked up I be IBS because I was worried. Yeah. Because I do like between five and seven a day. Oh yeah. And my wife was like, mate, that you've got something wrong with you. I was like, no, they're all fine ones. And I looked it up and then the sloppy difference. Anyway, I haven't got IBS. Relax. No IBS here, it's fine. I know it's gonna be hard to build that gravitas up again for what we're about to announce, but we'll do it. We are about to announce . Joe, you have to do it. This autumn. Yes. At a venue. Near you. Yes. Joe Marla, we'll see you now . Live tour! Everybody, we're going on live tour! They're going crazy out there. They're on their feet. Producer Tom's taking his top off. Producer George is swinging it around. Oh my gosh, we're going on tour. Are we actually? We are going on tour and we are going all over the country. Um, I'm gonna do a quick fire for you. We are going to Manchester, Birmingham, Bristol, York, N orthampton, the London Palladium, and a homecoming for you in Brighton. All over the country. All over the country. Up and down the country. Some people say that's nationwide. Yeah, we don't have a sponsor yet, but we are looking for one. Um what better way than before we go out across the country than uh to give you the opportunity to offend everyone in those regions? I was wondering , maybe we could I'll say the name of the place we're going to and you give me just the initial reaction could be a sound, could be a word, but in that accent or dialect. Go. Okay? So first up will be in Manchester. Yeah. I ate that Liverpool isn't it? No, it's fine. It is whatever you want to be. Uh no, it's yeah, yeah, you're talking a bit of that sort of calm down. This is a this is a and this is not a good way to sell tickets, but we're we're in it now. Birmingham . Oh very good. Um genuinely works, genuinely does work. Uh Bristol. Err Babber. Oh. Where are you two then? Where are you two? You know West or you know you from Clifton? You're over bridge, aren't you? You want Cedar or no? Very nice. Uh York . Shambles . Wow. Just in your own voice. So that one's in your own voice. No, the shambles. Ooh. Shambles. Shambles York, you've been down to Shambles, D. For some r Yorkshire you want to do Yorkshire accent like that, of course. But whenever I think of York itself, I think because it's so historic, you end up thinking, oh, York, the Grand Old Duke of York, but it's of course it it's's not, very very far up north. Northampton . Hello. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Cobblers. Cobblers. Hello, Miao Cobbler. Cobblers. No, cobblers. For the audio listener, every voice, everything he does, dialect-wise, is just accompanied with a gentle punch to the air. The London Palladium . Bloody elk, have you played the London Palladium? Oh it must cost a pretty price. Oh . Hello there. Make sure but be careful you don't tread on Bruce's grave. Oh. He's under the stage there. That's where he is. So just have a bit of respect for Brucey do him a decent job. Bruce force. Oh I look after Hello look after me. Uh perform as well as I did when I was there. Bloody hell, it's so true. Is actually the lady of us on the stage of London as a London Palace. A London Palladium, yes. Have a bit of fun. That's a bit of a big that's a big one, isn't it? When you're trimming the boards, don't trade on my ashes. What yeah, what do you want? Aya or low Oh hi ya. Oh , yeah. And we might ask an audience member to come on down. Oh that for me is I made it mate that's mega innit? Yeah and of course Brighton Final one for that mine mine mine, mine, mine, mine,, mine, seagull. Nice, really nice. Yeah, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. So yeah, we're going to these places, we're gonna do the podcast live, but with the people who listen to it and watch it. Although we've got a queue of audio listeners outside just with sort of just with headphones with a live feed of what's going on. So we are we just gonna do like a live episode or we're gonna do a bit of a show or we're gonna add stuff Is Janet coming? Are we bringing Janet with us? I think you have to buy a ticket to find out. I simply think you have to find a buy a ticket to find out. Really, I'm not incredibly exciting. Really? Yes The things that we don't know are maybe some of the extra bits of spice. The things that we do know, celebrity interviews. It won't just be me and you. There will be a very famous guest having their mind analysed by you, audience participation? Definitely. I wanna do like I wanna I wanna get some improv. Let's let's use the lessons we've learned so far on our on our journey. Remember Super Kings? Super Kings. Or Superkings. Superkings taught us about improv. Improv. Yeah. And what ? Yes, and. Oh maybe I unless you were just like sick of me and we're saying, yeah, I'm what? But I think the phrase in improv is yes and. Yes and. So we could do some improvs. I'm just picturing have you seen that drunk um Shakespeare? Er Yeah, yeah, yeah. John Shakespeare . A bit like that, a bit bit not the drunk, but like improv with some of the guests or some of the audience members and have a bit of fun with it. We're definitely gonna get w I wanna meet I wanna what do you think a Joe Marler will see now listener looks like? Which would be a good question, right? Yeah. I'd be fascinated. Well wanna find out. Yeah, well please come along so we can find out what you look like. You'll be able to find out exactly what Joe looks like in the flesh. By that I mean you'll get to see his glorious legs in person. Oh no, if we're going on tour, I'll put trousers on. You're joking. Yeah, it's a serious short. All this, all this time. I'll fucking wear shorts from any fucking place I fucking go. If it's a serious tour like that, you've got to make an effort. Are you serious? No. No, you'll wear a short, you wear shorts. what? And what? You've only you've got to see and some believe in people. Yes, and yes, and yes, and more legs. Um and I will be doing it in a thong, which will be lovely. So well look, there's a lot of ideas floating around about already, but we are in if you're listening or watching this, we are really in the in the thick of it developing what it's. We're in the midst of developing what it could be. If there's anything you'd like to see or hear, tell us in comments, in messages, in emails, without an email address. That sounds a lot like um a cop-out. It could be a cop-out, it could be construed as a cop-out. Uh we've got writers block, we've got no creativity, we've got no imagination, we want you guys to come up with the ideas rather than us. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Because we can't be asked. That's what it sounds like, but it's not what it is. What it is is we want this show to be as much the audiences as it is ours. And that's how you get out of a crack-up like that. Do you know what I mean? Let's to that's how you do it. Um I'm not I'm not a I've not been on tour. I've done I've I've I've been away if you do Claphem. I've been to the enemy Fuck it out Been to the Enemy Fringe but I've been on tour You've never been on tour you've been on tour, you're you're you're uh you've been a tour ing sportsman. What you what what's it like? Is it alright? Are we gonna have to Are we gonna have to do initiations ? No, it's not like that too. We're gonna share a room? No . I'll share a room. Not with me, you won't. I didn't share a room on tour. Did you not? No, the back end I'd pay people off and get my own room. Who'd you pay off? It's not the mafia, it's just it's just the England rugby team, isn't it? No. You pay off to get your own room. Well I'd just in just towards the back end of it, I'd be like, look, I'm a grown man. Yeah. I'm j I wanna spend the night on my own. What was the benefits of like was it a costing? Yeah. Really? I reckon they also were like, oh team building wise as well. Yeah, I thought they might do all that lot and there was, but ultimately you're like No. When you were on tour in rugby, do you have like a rider ? Uh as in requests. Yeah, requests for things you want in your room or things like that. What would what's your rider gonna be? Thanks for asking. So um food wise, I would want I'd I'd be nice if there was I don't know, it'd be nice if there was some some pizza in the when I got there. Some pizza or a kebahab or something I wouldn't want. Oh my god, you're Oh you're being serious, aren't you? Yeah. I'm not gonna say I'm You want a rider? No no That is No no no no no no no no no no no this is a hypothetical question is that if there was a rider, this is not I want a rider. It's not me saying I want if if there's not a kebab in my room I walk. That's a good thing I'm never saying if there's not a kebab in my room I'll walk. I'm never saying that. I'm saying that if there was a rider, you didn't say that at the start. And a kebab was on the road. I'll have a pizza or a kebab. Right, I don't want a rider. That is the correct answer. We don't need riders, mate. I'll walk there. Fuck it. Fuck it . I'll walk there. We don't have riders. No, we don't have riders. We don't have riders. Why don't we just why don't we share actually? Let's share a room. Let's share. Let's share. Single beds. Fuck it hell. Next to each other. No snacks. No aircon. Do you can you genuinely love you? Can you f can you fit on a single bed? Can you fit on a single bed? Ah. You can't fit on a single bed. I I'm believable. I look, I am I am narrow and I struggle on a single bed. Yeah, it's it's a bit of a squeeze. It's a bit of a squeeze. You lie on your side I suppose. Yeah. As long as you're not as bad as some old teammates with their habits. There were some old teammates that were had some weird habits about them. One of 'em couldn't be asked to get up in the night for a wee . So he would always put the kettle next to his bed. Oh my god. So that if he needed a wee during the night, he'd just roll over, piss in the kettle, and then roll back to sleep. And you just go. And he's doing that while sharing a room. Yeah. Not I mean that is obviously a horrific thing to do anyway , but if that is for some reason your habit, yeah, when you're paired to share a room, you must think to yourself, well obviously n no one can ever know about this. But you did it then anyway. And what what did what how do you defend it? He was just like, oh, I don't want to get disturbed during the night and have to make the effort to walk to the toilet. His argument is you boil a kettle. It kills all the bacteria as it is, and you go, okay, so. Alright, drink from this then, cunt. Go on, if you say if you drink from this, let me p let me piss in this kettle and you drink from that, prick . Nah, that's really that's really sad things that has. Hang on. Yeah. It's not as sad as. It was just an assurance I needed from you. No, you'll never do that. That you're not gonna piss in any of the kettle. Don't piss in a kettle. No way! It's one of my mantras. Absolutely not. There's always a choice. Not a second kettles. Might have a shit on the ironing board. That's it. That's it. So if you're listening to this or you're watching this, now is the time to take action because we want to see you at these tours, okay so click on the link in the description of this video or this pod audio podcast and then you're gonna sign up to get pre-sale tickets. Pre-sale is on Wednesday. That's for the hardcore. That's for the hardcore fans for the real one . We're awarding the people who are listening and taking action right now. Yeah. Then on Friday, general sale goes out. General sale at your service. Honestly. Don't do it? No. Fine. Do you get your tickets though? Please listen to Jake. Listen to me when we say we would love to have you come along and join in all the fun this autumn for Joe Marlowe. We'll see you now live to anyway. Thanks. Goodbye.
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