School Days and Nunchuck Displays

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We'll see you now with me, Dr. Joe Marler. This is a show where I rummage through the attic of Britain's most famous mines and see what dusty treasures I can find. With me as always is my trusty research assistant, Jake. Hello, Jake. Hello, Joe. How are you? Good. You are good, aren't you? I am. I have a bit of a twinkle. You've either had a good breakfast or something something happened last night that you're very happy about. What do I have for breakfast? Well, it was gonna be one or the other, wasn't it I've forgot what I had for breakfast. Are you uh uh generally are you a sort of glass half full kind of guy? Uh the opposite to that. The the glass is empty. Really? Yeah, the Days it on the floor. Oh wow. Horrible. Shh. Glass has smashed. I thought you were just like an eternal optimist Really? Yeah. I really do. I thought like you give off this sort of like thing of oh bloody hell Joe Marlers about, but actually you're quite a positive person. Sorry, I give off a thing that puts on an Australian accent. Oh bloody, LJ Marles about. I don't know why. You don't give off that. I don't know what that is. But I think you I think you are a positive person. No, I um I go with the mantra of um don't trust anyone . Expect the worst and you'll always be pleasantly surprised. That's a really good way to look at it. You know? What about you? You're you you're you're a shining light of joy and happiness, aren't you? Oh You're like Zebede e bouncing off the walls to Who's Zebedee? Pardon? Who's Zebedee? Zebedee. Zebedee. Who is that? Well you're the research assistant. Zeb uh yeah. Which basically means I'm one with the laptop. Zebedee was a first-century Galilean fisherman known primarily from the New Testament as the husband of Saloon and father of apostles James and John. I am a bit like that. I am a bit like that, actually, appearing in all four gospels, tick, operating a fishing business with his son Tick. And his name derived from the Hebrew Zebediah, meaning gift of Jehovah. Yeah, I suppose I am in a lot of ways. I think that's the wrong Zebedee. Oh, right. What was the Zebedee you were thinking of? I think Zebedee is a character from the 80s. Right. Okay, so Zebedee is a beloved magical jack-in-the-x character from the 1960s British television show The Magic Roundabout. What's his personality like, Zebedee? In this day and age, he'd be described as someone that's probably addicted to Red Bull. Oh, okay. Um, you know, just live wire. In them days, mentalist. Yeah, and all bouncy, like, oh hello, hello. But also there's a little bit of him that's scary.. Wow Because you never know when it's gonna pop up. That's what I would describe. Bang! Whoa! Hello? Zebedee's here. That's what can happen. But then after that initial shock, you're there like, oh, this is so fun, he's got such great energy, and that's how I feel about you. I feel I really feel you just subscribed yourself. I really, really do believe that. I'm probably more eeure. You are a bit Eeyore. I'm not from the magic roundabout. I'm more Eeyore from Willie the Pooh. Yeah. You know? Well, Joe, look, I'm very excited to introduce today's guest. Who we got? He's a comedian, presenter. One of the most positive likable people that this office has ever seen. Michael Barrymore . It's Joel Dominic. Joel Dummet, yeah. Huge. This is great. Do you think you can trust someone as sort of like eternally positive as Joel? He's very positive. Sh he can't be that positive all the time. Like if I threatened to chuck a custard pie at his wife's face, is he is he young? That's so nice of you. Thank you. Well he's talking because he's a comedian, so he's gonna see the comic value in that. Straight off the bat, I think custard pie to the face, any comedian worth their salt is gonna think that is classic chocolate. Okay, good material. Say I got his slug, his pet slug, and I went, Aye, I'm gonna put that in a bucket of salt. Then he'd get very angry. Well, let's see, shall we Hello Janet. Could you please send in Joel Domit when you finished with him? Thank you. Fin ished with him? What should you doing with him ? No. Is that what it sounded like? No, no, that 's just what you said. No, I didn't mean like that, I meant finished with him as in like talking to him. You know what I mean, didn't you? Yeah, d just make him a coffee or something. Okay . Joe Tommy, everybody! Woo woo woo woo ! Thank you. Woo! Who are you? Oh Fucks half going on there then. Well I would say that it's the most intense um entrance that we've ever had from a patient. There was an aura of positivity around it, but it was also very intimate as well. How long has it been since I was kissed you on the forehead I'm completely thrown by the fucking fact my forehead is still wet. Yeah. And I don't know whether to wipe it off. No, it's Joel. Welcome. Thank you very much for having me. It's an absolute pleasure to be here. Wipe your sign, Joe. What's wrong with my sign? It's got finger marks all over it. Alright, you wipe it. Thank you . John then . Oh. Well, you're the one leading the charge apparently. I don't think I've ever used one of these before. Me neither. I bet you if I used it on you, your heart would be beating so slow . Wha why slow? Just because I imagine it must be so draining carrying that body. Give me my cloth and give give me my stiffest. Your sign is sorry . This is not the start I was picturing from the nicest man in showbiz. Sorry. First thing I ask every patient slash client slash guest is uh can you say hello to Jake please? Hello Jake. Hi Joel. Really good to see you. Really good to meet proper. You've really brought an edge of the What do you mean proper? Like we've met before. Well how? But uh through work vibes. Through work vibes. Um yeah, we've we've sort of met sort of on the peripheries of each other, but it's really nice to meet properly. I'm a fan. Wow. I'm a fan of it. You've single-handedly brought the most positivity into this office I'll tell that. Yeah. I'll take that. If anyone else wants me to kiss their forehead, I am fully available. Apart from that guy in the corner. He doesn't mean that. Yeah, I don't mean that by the way. Doesn't. It's a safe working space we we provide here. So we've got the kisses and the helloos out of the way. Yeah. Now is the time for the intake questionnaire. I'm very excited about this. Okay, full name. Joel Domit. Patrick middle name, if you want to pop that in. It's a weird way of saying your name, isn't it? Yeah. It's like a version of um James James Bond saying his name, but with if he was to include a middle name. My name's Joel Domit. Joel Patrick Domit . Star sign . Uh Gemini. Occup ation . I'd say comedian, I'd say presenter. I've uh people would be different people would put one of the other first. I think I'd probably put presenter now first before comedian even though I consider myself to be more of a comedian than a presenter. It's a confusing way. I don't know . Uh yeah. What do you want me to put? Um Comedian. Comedian. Yeah, yeah, comedian, please. I love presenting. I love doing stand-up . I I I I love presenting because I love aut oc so much. Sure. I love autocue so much. Why? It is it's just I wish autocue was in life. Like when I go to a party, I wish I could just sort of look over someone's shoulders and be like, oh yeah, so where have you been recently? Do you not worry that you'd then come across as like some sort of AI robot Yeah. Yeah. It's hard though sometimes on auto queue I do I did comic relief. And the tonal ch anges are really difficult. And it's in because it's in the auto cue, sometimes you don't know it's coming. example of a tonal change. So this is me last year. See if you could see where the tonal change is supposed to come. I went uh that was a sketch by the cast of ghosts and Kylie Minogue. How incredible was that? Coming up, we've got Dawn French. And for the first time in 25 years, the cast of Blackadder are back together. But first, human trafficking! Goddess. The audience cheered, they thought it was a band . Really good . Really, really good. I'll say comedian. Favorite thing to do in the gym? Oh, I'd say I've actually got a cable machine and doing like a sort of chest fly with the cable machine. It just like and it's I've because it's right opposite my machine, I've got a mirror, and it's the best I ever look . How many hours are you clocking in at the gym these days? Not many. Because I've got a two and a half year old, so um yesterday I've got a treadmill in the gym, so I put I put Thomas the tank engine on on the TV screen of the treadmill. Yes. And then I sit sit my son on a little chair behind the treadmill and then I run on the treadmill whilst he's watching whilst both of us are w watching Thomas the Tankage. So it's a weird setup. This isn't a pure gym, is it? This is But they'll let you do that. Mad . My son go through that door. Worst masked singer costume. Worst one . Look. The worst costume I'd say was probably there was Chris Kamara . Um, he was ghost. And there's not much more that you can do than a sheet. It was just basically a sheet. Okay. Favourite costume? My favorite costume I think was Michael Owen as donuts. What plural? Yeah, that's like a pile of donuts, basically with eyes. That was him. And also you don't expect it to be Michael Owen. Like Michael Owen is not someone you expect to be my singer. And the funniest thing about him was that you could see that he definitely thought he was gonna go out in the first episode and not have to carry on, but because his costume was so fun, the audience kept voting him through. And it's the only person we've ever had on the show where when I would reveal that they were going through to the next round, they would be genuinely upset. And it was my favourite thing where it like because like if you go through to the next round you've got to learn more songs, you've got to carry on. I would say I go through to the next round, it's donuts , and to see this person dressed as a pile of donuts, just go . Genuinely sad it was Michael Owen, it was fantastic, man. What's something you'd like to be good at ? Um something I'd like to be good at is um uh being cont ent . I feel like I'm very bad at being like, what's next? I need to keep going, I need to like but uh I need to provide for my family and everyone, uh my God and be uh and actually I want to, I always keep thinking that the next step I'm gonna be content and happy and and I'm not that I'm not happy, I'm a happy person, but I just never feel at rest. And um feel like I would love to stop chasing things at one point and go like, okay, I'm really happy, my family great. We're healthy. Let's just all chill before we all start dying. Favourite celebrity you've worked with? Oh, great show. Um I love Davina McCall so much. Great energy. Just good energy. Great energy. Just makes you feel like you like a thirst for life. And she's so fun, she's so wise, so brilliant. I just I like Davina a lot. Most annoying celeb you've ever worked with? Most annoying celeb I've ever worked with. Do you worry about answering that? Yeah. Because in like your celeb world, the celeb circle, you go, oh I don't want to upset anyone. Mm-hmm. And also it's you strike me as not really having the ability to say something mean about anyone. Yeah . Let me tell a story. And um bleep out the name. Can we just bleep out all names in this whole episode? So uh uh I met at a party once, right ? And um genuinely he was really lovely. We're chatting, it was really cool. He'd had a couple of beers and stuff and that's fine. And you could tell he's one of those people that he's so like hardcore that he doesn't know how to like enjoy himself. You know what I mean? And y you can't imagine someone who's that can you can't imagine him to dance, right? And I saw him on a dance floor and he doesn't know everyone else's dance, they have a really nice time. He doesn't know how to like emote in that scenario. He grabbed me in a headlock, like fun. And he whispered in my ear, I could fucking destroy you, cunt. And it's just that thing, like, no shade to the guy. He just didn't know how to like dance. Okay. Oh god . So is this too much? Not gonna beat around the bush. Mm. Buddy. Mm. But you are so nice. Thanks, bud . Almost too nice. I don't sort of see the reason why someone shouldn't be nice. I I n I n well like if you're enjoying your job and you like your family, like if then I feel really lucky. Nobody can be that nice and then not implode later down the line. Surely like there's something coming around the corner with you. There was once once I went uh I was going to do a gig in Wales and the gig was weird. And um I was driving back from Wales and there was this I accidentally took a wrong turning , and then I saw a sign that said no U-turn for eight miles. The gig was weird. I was sort of wanted to get home. I was tired. And I just remember just like driving, we had seen the sign, no you tell for eight miles went Fuck and then I was like, oh that's what it feels like. I was like, I think that's what it feels like to be angry. Right. Um I think we need to I think we need to delve into that a little bit more. Oh okay. I want to get nasty with you. Oh . Like real nasty. Oh. Like sort of Cristina Aguilera. That was dirty. That was dirty. That was n't it? I thought it was that's nasty. It's different Kiwi . A great story like Monsters Ink stays with you forever. And Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story. From the return of the award-winning hit series Rivals. Welcome to the naughtyest show on television. To the unmissable crime drama high potential. Got a dead body, gotta go. A lifetime of great stories awaits. This spring on Disney Plus. 18 Plus, subscription required. T's and C's apply. You always nice? Like were you a nice boy growing up? I think something you'd developed. Oh, yeah. I didn't really know that it was a thing that I was nice until actually quite recently when everyone kept on saying I was nice on podcasts. Um Um I actually didn't know and then everyone's like, you know who's nice, Joel Domit? And then I think actually, genuinely, I've got a lot of work in tele because I'm nice to work with and I work, I like to think I work hard and try and get the most out of every project. Um there's definitely people who are soap, they're like, I get booked for gigs in the early days of stand-up because people would be like, well, he's a nice guy to hang up with. There's this person's funnier. But I don't want to be in a green room with that prick. So let's get Joel because he's nicer. But what about before comedy? Before like TV Joel? Like at school, were you like the fisherman's friends there? Like everyone's friend? Yeah, I sort of used to get um it was a mixture of a bit of bullied, but generally like friends I would just be b but I'd get bullied by a certain bunch, but because I just tried to get on with everyone. I tried to like go get on with all the people. Because you didn't like confrontation or Yeah, I'm bad at confrontation. Yeah, yeah. I'm not very good at it. I had uh I I was I was a weird kid. I was obsessed with nun trucks when I was in school. Really good at nun trucks, turns out. The the the length at which you said none, I thought you were just gonna say nuns. You're obsessed with nuns. Obsessed with nuns. And I have to be throwing them. I'd quite like to see that actually. How do you how do you get into nuncho? It's quite a dangerous hobby isn't it? I was obsessed with um taekwondo and then uh then I realized I don't like confrontation. So when it came to the fighting element of taekwondo, I was really bad at it. But there was an element of taekwondo that you could sort of do with nunchucks. And you don't fight any woman, you know, nunchucks. You essentially do a display. So what I realized in all of this is that I thought I was into martial arts, but actually I just love dancing. And you do a display, so everyone else would do you go to competitions like Swindon Oasis. And um and you'd uh you'd just like there'd be judges sat there and then you'd be there just like fucking Was that a baton? It's basically a baton and it's like this. A ribboned baton. It's fucking I was unbelievable at it. It's quite an intense face. Really into it. Yeah, because I really you gotta make it an angry face, because then it makes the martial arts, but if I was that then it's rhythm gymnastics. Is that to music that's happening? Um I don't think it wa I think it was to music. I'll put on like two unlimited, you know. No, no, no, no, no No no no no No no no no Yeah yeah Yeah Um Do you believe in life after love? It's close . I was um uh I'm trying to remember this story. I was bullied by this kid. Again, this is funny to think about it, but um I made a VHS on my mum's JVC video recorder of me doing nunchucks in my garden. And I took it to his house and I I put that VHS through his door . And this sounds mad, but true. I wrote on the VHS of me doing nun trucks, I wrote, this is what I'm capable of. Didn't help. I was just about to say I'm not sure giving the bully more ammo was the way to go about it. Yeah, it wasn't great. I would have maybe shit in a bag, posted it through the letterbox, and then like have you ever done that before? No, I wish I knew you in school. You've never shit in a bag. I've never I don't think I've ever shit a bag. You talk it to me like as if that's a thing you've done a little bit. I'll joke game beloved. Yeah, it's oh yeah. Well you've never hang on, but you've never shit in a bag. I've never shit in a bag. Well what about a paper bag? The type of bag doesn't You've never shit in a paper bag and lit it and put it on someone's doorstep. Oh. Lit it? This story's becoming bigger. Every time you keep adding a detail, you're lying to me now. Every time he says no to the initial thing, you're surprised he hasn't done the step further. So No, I've never done that. So wait a second. You've never shanned bag lit it and then the ashes just gone on your tongue . You've never done that. That's actually my next question In hindsight, when I look back, all these amazing things that had happened, I would be an entirely different person if that didn't happen to me. If he, if I'd just gone through school, like, ah, yeah, great times, great timesimes. T then I probably wouldn't be a comedian. I probably wouldn't have found this weird bunch of friends who also felt like slightly outcasty people. Yeah, I'd be I'd be less colourful as a human being if I was uh if things had been easy you strike me as a Gemini you strike me as a diamond a girl's best friend. How you were with the ladies? In school? Yeah. Oh no. No, no, you're married. Yep. Child, one on the way. I think you're doing all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But young Joel, were you a diamond? I like everyone, I think you sort of struggle with it. I I remember just being called frigid a lot. Do you know what I mean? Do you remember that in school? Everyone used to call everyone frigid. I would say though, you first thing you did was plant a kiss on his head. Yeah. So opposite a frigid. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. I used to be called fridge . Cause I I used to spend a lot of time in there . Oh, I thought it was because you looked like the size of uh fridge. I thought you were maybe like because you there was something fridge-like about you. What so what what why were they calling you frigid? What was all this about? Um yeah, because you know, again in school you don't you don't want to kiss you know uh you don't know whether you're supposed to kiss people. People probably now just like kiss when they're like nine or something. But like I was right quite late in that development side of things. Used to be different like bases students. Yeah, bases. What's what would we say bases? Let's talk let's talk bases. So first base. First base. Because there's only four and it sort of limits the spectrum, doesn't it Well it can't be. There's holding hands, base one, base two, kissing, base three, fingering through the trousers. Mm-hmm. Base four. Probably some form of penetration. Base five, anal . Home run. Um the difference between me and you in those scenarios is that your your base program is baseball, cool sport, American, you know, people, hats, you know, running, lots of audience. Rounders for me. When I am moving on to second base and trying to sort of rub my wife through trousers, um it's usually got someone else going, through the bat! Throw the back ! It doesn't count if he doesn't throw the bats! Throw the bat! It doesn't count! It doesn't count! He didn't throw the back ! I would like us to partake in a nice guy audit. Love that, thank you. So you just got to answer yes or no to the following And we'll see what your baseline score is. Let's go. Have you ever laughed at something someone said just to be polite? Yes. Yeah, all the time. A i any time I'm at a party and there's music on. Can't it want to say? Have you ever laughed at something I've said, just to be polite ? No, I don't think so, actually. Why could you look up and left? So the audio listener is roll back in his head. No, you genuinely made me laugh. And um and I think there's something that we've established through this uh episode is that uh I'm not afraid of silence with you . Um which I think is first base . Ever put cardboard in the main bin, not the recycling . Like I I'm very good with the bins. I get annoyed sometimes when my wife puts things that are clearly for the rubbish in for recycling. Have you ever told your wife uh that you love what she's wearing but you're actually lying? Or do you tell her the truth? No, I do tell her the truth actually because when I just think that's that's pointless. I think it's pointless to say I love what you're wearing when she you don't love what they're wearing because then they'll wear that thing again and then slowly but surely your relationship becomes awful. Whereas if I go when you do like what she's wearing or you like her makeup today or her hair, you go like, oh, you look really great today. I think it's really important to do those things. Because then she'll do it the same again. And then you generally find both of you more attractive or I think positive reinforcements that are truthful are like the basis of like happy relationships . Joel, you are Mr. Nice Guy. Thanks. You are the opposite to Nick . Nick. Nasty Nick. Nasty. Okay, yeah, yeah. But um do you have any nastiness within you? That's what we need to finally discover in today's final exercise . It's the final cunt down Which actually works, I think. It really is, it really does work, yeah. I'm gonna give you one minute, one whole minute, not a minute less, not a minute more. Okay . Not a second less or a second more. Okay. And you've got to throw out as many insults as you can. Oh Christ. At moi. Which is French for me. Sixty seconds is a long time. And lighting change . Who the audio listener, the lighting changed. Jake, how many insults do you think Joel can uh get out in 60 seconds? Oh, it's about tricky because he's a very nice guy, but he's also a pro, so I think he might be average maybe one every five seconds, let's say . Um I think he Yeah, I think he I don't know. I say uh ten, twenty. Twenty, twenty, twenty. Jake, you're on the clock. Yeah. This is genuinely difficult. I'm not this is okay, here we go. Time starts now . Uh you look like a hairy thumb . Y your your ears look like fucking blamange . Your your nose is as your nose is as uh bent as uh fu cking bent look your nose is your nose looks like it's been s fucking cr it's been in a car crash. Your nose looks like the start of an episode of 999. You're the only person I've ever met where your neck is wider than your head. How does that even work . If you were a fridge, people call you fridge, but if you were a fridge, I wouldn't go in you at night. And let's time up, everybody! That 60 seconds went quick, man. I was just there like I was finding my stride. Eight strong insults there. Very, very impressive, Joel Domet, everybody. 100% of the insults were based from the neck up. They were. Really sorry that I said your neck is thicker than your head. Brilliant. You are like a a and And your body is like an isosceles triangle . Just all goes upwards. The minute is over. The lighting has changed. The exercise has worked. We've we've we've converted him into a nasty man. I'm proud of you for giving it a go, but I think this attempt at trying to discover a nasty side in you has failed miserably. You are genuinely one of the loveliest, kindest people that I've come across in showbiz. I appreciate that. And you you make entertainment and content and T V what it should be. Fun, enjoyable and want people to come back and do more and more. I love you. I think you're fucking brilliant . Thanks, man. Come on. Oh . Feel so nice . Um before you go, uh we've got a badge for you. Ah, thank you. Jake, what are we putting on the badge? We've gone with bad boy for life. Yeah Thanks man Which I think goes very nicely with your leather jacket Yeah no getting edgy man Thank you so much guys everybody Janet please come and collect the bad boy that is Joel's. Good, Janet. Goodbye. If you want to join the doctor's waiting list, then please subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram at We'll See You Now Show. Remember, unless it's not clear enough already I'm not a real doctor. If you need any professional help you'll find a link to great support services on our Instagram. I've been Joe Marla and this has been Joe Marler will see you now and I'll see you next time. Bye-bye.