The Holdback Fitting Story

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sucks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse for an Americas Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Man, Jordan, you know how you know how I had very briefly this lifestyle where I was taking my daughter Scarlett to go see concerts. Yes. Uh what what what all did you guys see? Oh, we went to some uh we went to some rap concert. It started when we went to see Kendrick Lamar. Yes. And that was that was really fun. And then I was like w maybe she would like to go to see Dan Deakin. Maybe she'd like to go see the Mountain Goats. Maybe she'd like to go see some rappers that I like. Uh huh. Um not that I don't like Kendrick Lamar. Everybody likes Kendrick Lamar. That's a young except for that's a young except for Drake. He doesn't like Kendrick Lamar. Okay. Uh so we went to a variety of different concerts. And some people who watched the Super Bowl halftime show that didn't get it. Yeah, exactly. I feel like I I didn't know what concert she would like maybe. Maybe her interests just move around a lot 'cause she's a young person. Sure. At this point, we're at we're at a sort of detente where she will only go to more concerts with me if they are weird Al Yankovic concerts. Which I'm glad to go to Okay. I'm glad to go to a weird El concert. I mean that's a that's a that's a pretty good good gap to be at. I have his email address. Okay. You don't have to have his email address to go to the concert. I'm just bragging about the fact that I have Weird Al's email address. It's a good brag. If I had it, I would probably uh randomly cram it into conversation too. Thank you. Thank you very much. I also heard you're in the podcast Hall of Fame. That's also correct. That is also correct. Pause. I love I just love that when kids get to that age, they just start liking Weird Ow. I know. I think that's just the age I was when I started liking Weird Owl. There's a whole generation before us who got to that age of that. Totally. We're not even the oldest people that like Weird Owl. There was another set of 13-year-olds. Incredibly. Like I think we got I think I got my first weird out tape from the oft-mention Matthew Dudley's brother. Yeah. Who like was I think by the time I met him a scumbag metalhead. Yeah. Who like smoked cloves in the yard. Sure. But I think he was You can't smoke those inside. No, you can't he I think he was a teen who got into Weird Owl and then handed the tapes down to me and Matthew Dudley. I think I bought my tapes at a used bookstore. Nice. Good place to get a word out tape. So my concert going lifestyle, which was briefly abundant because I could take my child. Yeah. But then all of a sudden went fallow again because on. I I have been dreaming of going to concerts, but my wife got to go to a concert last night. Oh. She and my youngest child, Frankie. I mean, I've always said this. You disagree. Wives deserve fun too. You know what? That's a really good point, George. Wives deserve fun too. In a lot of ways, wives deserve fun too. That is a really good. You know what? Give your s let's put you in the podcast hall of fame. Hey I would love to be there. I would love to be there. I would settle for the Allies Hall of Fame, Jesse. I would settle for it. You'd fly out to Orlando for that dinner even if Dr. Drew was hosting. I don't know that that's why I didn't I didn't want to fly to Orlando to meet Dr. Drew. Anyway, uh my wife went to a concert last night with Frankie. Because she deserves fun too. They went to see the Japanese hologram Hatsune Miku. Yes. They went to L LA Live, a major entertainment complex in the Los Angeles area. Right. Right down right in the heart of Los Angeles, downtown, right next to downtown Los Angeles. They went to a theater where I saw Pee-Wee Herman. Uh-huh. A 2000-seat theater. Who was who was a human and not a hologram? Yes. And they watched a hologram sing in Japanese. Yeah. It was the highlight of my child's life. Uh, he came home wearing a Hatsune Miku t-shirt. Uh, underneath a Hatsune Miku like Obi or something. Okay. And he had bought both of them with his own money. He has eight. He does not have a lot of money, but he had been saving it to buy stuff at the Hatsune Miku concert. Almost had a meltdown when they were out of glow sticks. They got there 45 minutes before the co the show started so that they could get in line to get glow sticks. Okay. I don't know what's special about the glow sticks. I'm gonna be frank. Can you maybe it probably a s I'm I was gonna say, can you not get glow sticks ahead of time? Maybe they don't let you bring those in. I don't know they're filled with liquid. I think the glow sticks maybe have technology. Oh they're like timed to the music or something. Yeah, something like that. I think that must be what it is. That there's a little guy in there that changes the colors. Sure. And it makes it dance to the songs. Of the hologram. Of the hologram. Anyway, I I was talking to my wife today to talk to her about how it went and she said to me she was so happy that Frankie was so happy and very sincerely my wife is a generous hearted person as you know. And deserves fun too. Yeah, I think so too. Put me in the Allies Hall of Fame. I just said my wife is generous hearted. Mm-hmm. But she was very happy that our child was happy. And then she said she said to me, the music was for me very bad. Now who opened for Hatsunimiku? Mastodon? Mastod Band of Horses was there. Yeah. Weird bill. Weird bill. I she said that it it I mean I I clocked Hatsune Miku when it became a trend, I don't know, like fifteen years ago or something. I mean maybe ten, yeah. Yeah, maybe. And I'm like, oh, this is something is like there's now a hologram that people love. Yeah. And I just remember the music being kind of kind of generic pop music sung in Japanese. It's a like generic pop music if the generic pop music was in the soundtrack of a video game. Okay. And was like in World. Okay. You know what I mean? Like not like it's not like pop stars contributed songs to the soundtrack of a video game like Grand Theft Auto or something like that. It's like if the characters in the video game were pop stars It's truly maddening. I mean it's not incompetent. Right. It just all has the same kind of like Kind of quality too. But my wife said that on the way home from the Hatsune. And by the way, if you're if you're a big Hatsune Miku head, shout out to you. Everybody there was really nice to my kid. That's great. I bet that's a that's a fun, loving environment. Yeah. I think that's the I think that's the anime expo of concerts. Right. Um but they my wife said they were driving home and Frankie asked if they could listen to Hatsune Miku on the way home. Sure. And uh uh she she said she turned it on and it was like in the second Hatsune Miku song and she had to again you've been my wife. This is She turned she turned to Frankie and said I'm sorry. I think I can't listen to this. I'm sorry, we ran out of Hatsune Miku. We ran out . All that's left is Ani DeFranco the Hatsune Miku . Man, I I keep typing Hatsune Miku in and I keep getting Bony Vare out. I don't know. Should we introduce our guest on the program? Okay . Noted hologram. Our stress. Our guest our guest on the program is a real human man. Yes. He's a public radio legend. Oh for Christ's sake. He's handsome, mm-hmm, far too handsome for radio. Setting the standard setting a an unrealized an unrealistic standard for handsomeness among public radio hosts. He's the host of Marketplace. did something that tricked him. I don't know what it was. You DM'd me. I did. I DM'd you? I DM'd Kai Rizdall. It's Kai Rizdall. Hi Kai. How are you? I'm good. I'm just sitting here watching your work. And apparently DMs are open to the D. Whatever you want. I'm here. Slide on in. Kai, what's the worst thing that your children brought you to? In you have four children, so you've had plenty of opportunities. Four children, other than insanity with four kids? I mean, you know, at one point we had four kids under the age of like ten. That's too many. So it was a lot. It was about two, too many. Based on my three kids. The house the house at four, the house was full. Okay. Uh what's the worst thing they brought me to ? Um I d I don't know. I love my children. I you know. Wow. What's the what's the best thing they brought you to? Uh when we go out, even to this day, it's fun to be a herd. Just to and watch people go, Oh my God, look at the size of that film. I really enjoy that. You know., which is weird Herding around. That's right. Trampling grass. Yes. A little bit. A moo here and there. Mm-hmm. Did you ever have to like my kid wants to go to a thing? I don't get this, but I'll go and try to get it. So we did a lot of Pokemon card s when one of them was little, which I to the for the life of me I still don't understand. Did you have to go to the Pokemon card store? Uh I think we did. I might have blocked it out, but there were Saturday and Sunday mornings on the couch in the living room playing Pokemon cards, and of course he makes up the rules. And and you're like, What do you mean Charmander can't do that? Oh my god. He just can't. The central thing of the Pokemon cards is the peak of Pokemon card interest. And look, people of all ages, I've been to the Pokemon card store. Every demographic in America is represented. Like I mean, like Weird Owl, it's one of those things that just keeps attracting eight-year-olds. Maybe Weird Owl attracts twelve year olds. see the Pokemon and need them. Here's the thing. The peak of interest in Pokemon cards is asynchronous with the peak in the ability to understand the rules of a relatively complicated target. Totally. So they're like buying all these Pokemon cards and they want to play them, but they're mad because they don't know how I I th he was just happy to just to make up the rules. You know, whatever it was. And I and of course I was more than happy to say, you win. Great. Let's go. Time let's go throw baseball. I'm not comfortable with that. I don't think kids should get participation trophies. Well, but that's the way it is. If they don't have a shining Charizard, they're gonna lose the game and because I have a Shining Charizard. You're up to speed, man. Did you did you get a favorite Pokemon in all of that? I'm sure I did. Couldn't you honestly I blocked it out? That's it. He was he was uh this kid was was very serious about the Pokemon's and I just but but moved on is now not an adult Pokemon I I don't know that he's ever done Pokemon Go, whatever the Yeah. Snorlaxes. A third Pokemon. A third one which exists. Uh there was a I watched a internet video of uh baseball players. Uh-huh. I guess this is all I do is just watch little v internet videos of baseball players now. Not playing baseball, answering dumb questions into a into a novelty microphone. Right. They ask them uh what their favorite Pokemon is. Mm-hmm. You know what baseball players' favorite Pokemon is? I don't. It's fucking Pikachu . Oh too easy. My favorite fans, the Beatles. That's right. That's the only one they know. Fucking baseball players. Get a life baseball players. Jesse, is that like are you are you interested in that stuff or does it just come up in your compulsion? Comes up and I um when I'm avoiding so like, you know, I subscribe to baseball Reddits uh and I follow some baseball things on blue sky or whatever and so and on Instagram a couple of baseball things and I do want to see to me, the best part of internet clip video culture, sports highlight. Right. I love to see a sports highlight. Show me Victor Wembanyama doing a crazy dunk. That is pretty cool . Because I'm not going to watch a whole hockey game or whatever unless I've got tickets. That's pretty fun if you go to the hockey game. But I'm not going to watch it on television or something. But if some crazy thing happened in a hockey game, I absolutely will watch the clip of it. So I'm in for that, right? I'm in for like, oh, O'Neal Cruz hit a 1 21 mile-an-hour home run and it bounced off the top of the foul pole. That happened the other day. It was I watched it. It was great. However, with that comes social media videos made by baseball teams. And those are just cute enough to watch, but also bad because baseball players in particular, I think there's a lot of interesting basketball players who see they seem to be interesting human beings, interesting men and women play basketball. Baseball players are not interesting. They are boring people. Pikachu ass guys. Yeah, they're just like they're just like, what are you like? And they're like hunting. And you're like, okay, cool. The end. That's the end of the things. I married my wife when we were 19. Yes, exactly. And so they show those videos and you're s and and I just click on it and it s goes to me and I watch it and then I get mad at myself for having watched it. But I would say definitely that like a baseball player saying Pikachu is their favorite Pokemon is definitely better than a video of a baseball player being Okay, yeah. So uh Kai, what's what's the internet shooting at you these days? Uh I spend a lot of time on my Instagram and Blue Sky and it's I do I do news mostly is what I do. Okay. You know, I mean I don't I this this is this is why it's so curious to me But you don't have a thing where you're like, oh, this is my hobby and the internet now knows it. Oh of course I do. So so so I watch a lot of soccer. I'm a soccer referee, so it dishes me up soccer all the time. Uh for who whom do you referee? High school and college and major league soccer. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so I do that a lot and it and it serves me up all that stuff. But you know, I mean don't don't click on the things with the baseball players answering the stupid questions. You won't get more of that. You know how the internet wor Come on, man, you're doing it to yourself. Oh, so it's lousy marketing. It's terrible marketing. You're just you're you're just a sucker for it. They say Casey Schmidt is funny, but it turns out he just has a mustache. Are there soccer players whose like personalities you're into, or is it the same as So this is gonna make me sound like a weirdo. Okay. Yeah. I'm a I'm a referee. Okay. So when I watch the games and when I'm paying attention to what's going on, I'm paying attention to the referees.. Okay yes, fine I kinda am. Mo Salah, whatever, Messi, whatever, you know, all those guys. But I want to know what Anthony Taylor's doing or what Michael Oliver's doing. Those are premier those are Pierrem league referees. I love Tony T. I love that you had reference. I love that you had refs off the doe. Who are some of your top refs? Anthony Taylor and and uh and Michael Oliver. There's a guy from uh from Australia. His name is Justin Rollett. He played he refs in the Premier League right now? What is the what is the steps? 'Cause like a a baseball umpire is the only one the only things I know about refs is I know that possibly still indefinitely for a long time , NFL referee was not a job. Yeah. It was like a side hustle. It was like a thing where you'd show up on Sunday and then the rest of the week you'd work at your car dealership. Which is why they were so bad. But I also know a little bit I I like when was a kid, I think I read a book by uh uh an amusing major league baseball umpire. And there's you go to like umpire college. Right, you go to school, yeah. In baseball and then and then usually you try and get uh uh it seems like uh amateur and pro are sort of different tracks. You know, you get a single A job and you go around for twenty years and then maybe you become a major league umpire. What what is it uh what's the um pire uh ladder like and the referee ladder? It is not dissimilar. So you start when your kids are little and you start doing that and you decide you like it, and then you get into reference club games and then you get into high school and college and then you join a referee academy and you will get to do higher level, more intense games or something. Have you been in a referee academy? No, I have not. I started when I was too old, but that's a whole different that's all different button. You know what? It's all about who your dad is. You know what I'm getting to ref academy. I think old people can go to referee academy. If they set their heart to it, I think the that silver foxes should be allowed at referee academy. There are second acts in American life. Thank you. And I don't care about who said there wasn't. To me, a great inspiration is Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter would have gone to referee academy. That is true. If that's the one that he could have done whatever he wanted to do. That's right. So you went to referee academy, it was kind of a party academy. I didn't learn anything. You went to Florida State. Yeah, referee academy. Okay, so you have you are sort you've taken a uh uh a yeoman's you know, college of the streets kind of approach to referee to refereeing soccer games. So what level have you now reached? Do you say co college? I've I've done college division three. Yeah. Oh wow. It's pretty good. When you were doing kids' games, did you have to deal with dads? Oh, dads are the worst. The worst the worst parents are ten and under parents. I s I swear it's a good thing. How did you deal with a dad in dad mode? Well you throw 'em out. Throw 'em out. Wow. You chucked dads? Yeah. Do you chuck? And moms, I'm an equal opportunity chucker. I think moms should be allowed to be chucked. Just if we're keeping with the theme of the podcast. Do you do you like uh do you like put do that thing where you like point at them and then you point away? No, I you know out of here like that. No, I let the coach control their sideline and I'm like coach, the game's not gonna t continue if that parent is still here. Is is there an uh like when the kid gets to a certain age, does that stop? Like do you think? So here's why ten year parents are the worst. Yeah. They know their kid has some talent, uh-huh, but they don't know that the kid's not gonna make it to the pros. Right. And so they think everything that happens to that kid is impeding his or her path to the pros. Okay. So if you don't call the foul on the kid, oh my God. Right. Right. And that's why they go ballistic. By twelve and 14, you know, they know maybe he'll play college, maybe they maybe she'll, you know, go minor leagues or whatever. But but at 10U , it's uh everything is still a possibility, and so the parents are unbearable. The secret for me and my family that helped me avoid that was that I knew that all three of my children had coming out of of me and my wife. Mm-hmm. So it wasn't a concern that they would be good at the end. Soccer. They were like that, I don't want to do this anymore. Did you have a sport you played at that age? I was a soccer player. Okay. Yeah. Here's the thing though. This is America where we hate soccer referees for fall ing for soccer players being whiny. Right? Isn't that like the number one thing that is the thing that people object to about soccer? And that happens a lot in in the Premier League and and other leagues. You don't see it as quite as much here, I think. But you know, whatever, I'm biased. It is awe inspiring that it happens. Like I don't watch a ton of soccer, but then I'll be watching it and and I'll be like, come on, you're falling for that. It's crazy. Give me a break. But look, so so in the referee's defense. Yeah. You're you're uh so in my case It's like geography, right? It's just like seven thousand miles . There's a lot of turf, there's twenty two people on the field, right? Also you're making split second decisions when your heart rate's a hundred and sixty . You know? I mean just I keep my heart rate down. I do a lot of mindfulness . That's right. Uh you have they ha you have the shirt, right? You have a shirt? I have several shirts. Wow. In lots of different colors. Okay. It's not just black and whistles too. Hold on. It's got the whole thing. I mean. Oh, come on. That's football. Jesus. Oh boy. Look at me. Old Johnny doesn't know soccer up there. Is it different colors for different uh leagues or is it different colors for different colors? Referee positions? Depending no, depending on what the teams are wearing. Oh referee shirt can't be the same as a jersey. But it's always a colorful shirt? Yeah. Do you have to use a color wheel when you're getting dressed in the market? One one does not. One goes to the field and sees what the field team is wearing, and then you pull your uniform out of the bag. I keep five or six referee shirts in my trunk at all times just in case. And I'm you know and I'm good. I'm sorry for the the stupidity The show in general, and the you know, and my side of this conversation. At the end at the end of the day, as a fellow public radio host, albeit one roughly one seventh as successful as you, I I just want to say that I'm sorry I brought you into this. Not at all. I'm sorry I introduced you to my friend Jordan of twenty-five years. I'm sorry Gabe had to be here. Are there different whistles? Thank you. Thank you, Jordan. There's there's like half a different half a dozen different kinds of whistles. Okay. Tell us about these whistles. Well let's run down to the whistles. So I use the Fox 40 classic. Yay ! There's all kinds. Gabe, make a note for us to visit R slash whistles at some point. I'll guarantee you it's there. I'll guarantee you it's a Reddit that about it. Oh absolutely there's no question. Yes. Kai have you ever used a whistle that I occasionally have uh that I occasionally have purchased at the flea market that's called slide whistle. That might be fun to take into the game. Go go on time. Hey, if Weird Al were a soccer referee, it might be a little bit like this. Yes. Um I'm talking about a whistle called the Acme Thunderer. No. This is a whistle. This is a whistle where sometimes at the flea market people will have some whistles in with their jewelry cases. Like the whistle is a special item, like it's old. Yeah. But it's actually just the whistles have just looked exactly the same for his seventy five years. But one of the brands of whistles that you see is called Acme Thunder Run. I love anything Acme. Yeah. I know. You know what I saw the other day actually? The rules? Chuck, whatever his name is his rules for the Roadrunner and and uh and Wiley Coyote. Have you seen those? I have. Yeah, those are so when they were doing those original Roadrunner cartoons, Chuck Jones laid out uh the rules for those cartoons. Right. And one of them was the coyote like uh his him being hurt must be as a result of himself. His own action. Yes. All products must come from the Macmeep Company. No dialogue. The only dialogue is beep beep. And the roadrunner must stay on the road. Must stay on the road, otherwise it wouldn't be Roadrunner. Think about how much better our show would be if we followed those rules. It's just the Bible. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Wait, okay. So wait, your top whistle is the Fox 40. Fox 40 classic. Okay. Okay. What is the tell me about the context of where you would use this whistle. What is what are the special qualities of this whistle? Um why would you choose it over, say, an Acme Thunder? I like it because it's set so it's a pealess whistle, P-E-A-L- Got it. Right? It's a pealess whistle. You know the the old the old whistles just the old whistles used to have that thing in the middle that that would make the sound, right? Right. They've engineered this one somehow that it doesn't have the P in the middle and so it just sounds but it sounds like a classic, right? And that's what I like. It's just just a classic whistle. So it has the it has the trilling quality of a pea whistle, which is what I call it. Right. Uh but it's but but it doesn't have the P in it. No P. No P . Just rip on it. This this whistle with no P in it, it's a lot like my ool. Have you ever seen one of those signs of the side of a pool that says welcome to my ool notice there's no pee? No, no pee. Oh there you go. Now get it. And I love . Thank you. Thank you. I don't have a pool. Are there different whistles for different situations or can you just bring any whistle you want? Okay. Referee gets to choose her his or her own one. And you've made your decision. I have made my choice. But you have other whistles as well, though, you said. No, I only have one. You only have one. There are many others. I only use the Fox 4. There are others that fools make . So it is, but this whistle, does it have a classic whistle shape with a round part and a mouth part? Yeah, basically. The long skinny kind. It's classic whistle shape. You would recognize it in silhouette. Does anybody ever use the long skinny kind? Nobody uses long skinny kind. Why not? I don't know. Probably because they're I I I stick to my whistle knitting, man. Probably because they're not assholes, right? Only an asshole would use a long skinny whistle in referee soccer. I know. Do you have to run around a lot? How many s how many referees if you're if you're refereeing division three, college soccer. So this is this is a soccer game featuring people who are real serious, very fit, extremely fit. They don't have scholarships, but you know what? Probably they got offered a scholarship to a lesser college but they chose academics. Might have. Might have. These are serious look, we went we went to a division three school, UC Santa Cruz, maybe you've heard of it. Pretty famous for our at the time gonna say swim team? Is that something right? I think he was ultimate frisbee. Although he was ultimate frisbee. It is it is it is that once the the joke you would make about it and also the thing that was real. Oh no. Every year we would take on Bennington in the world championship. And we would kick their asses, I think you private school dicks. We're from the streets. learned our scrappy ultimate frisbee team four handed frisbee throwing four hand frisbee throwing okay so Kai how many in a division three uh men's soccer game twenty two people twenty two players three refere Yeah. One guy with the whistle in the middle or woman and then uh a linesman on either side. I'm not asking you to brag on our show, but after the game you get a check for fifty bucks? Uh y you get paid uh after the game. After the game. Not necessarily fifty bucks or fifty bucks. That's pretty slight. Baggy orange slices? No, no orange slices. Gotta bring your own. Oh well. No. Can't bring your own orange? No. This is this is not ten years. At the end of at the end of every game you choose one team to eat orange slices with whichever team was the nice were the nicer boys. Yes. And you eat yes. Are but uh uh kids still getting orange slices at the end of a soccer. That was the little the little kids. Okay. It's still a big thing. The whole snack thing. Uh yeah, that was I played a little bit of child soccer and always remembered the orange slices. That is my one soccer memory. I when my daughter was playing basketball at the at the park, at the park league , these parents and I mean I live in the inner city. I was at I will go into an inner city park. These were m uh m my child's peers were at risk youth, as I had once been in my own childhood. And these parents were bringing in fucking smorgasbords. The intense competition amongst these parents that signed up to provide like they would they you know those like you know those like little brown paper bags that you get at the corner store. Okay. Those weren't big enough. You just have to go to full-on grocery bags. Oh my gosh. Because of the amount of different types of bags of chips. And like some parents, this literally happened. One parent just got brought McDonald's for everyone. Oh wow. That is a power move. That's a power move. Unbelievable. And again, I'm not that old. I'm four reasonably turned 45 years old. I mean happy birthday to me. Sure. But I'm not that old. And when I was a child, my parents didn't even bring me to practice or get come to my game. I just took the bus. The other kids, there was a few parents there, but nobody brought us snacks. Kai, you're nodding. What's have you noticed snack trends developing the years? There are snack wars. Yeah, look, I'm out of the snack game now because my kids are all grown. But back in the day you would have to go the parent would have to go like that Saturday morning before the game, run to Ralph's or the Piggly Wiggly or whatever, and stock up on like fruit roll ups and juice boxes and uh thing of crackers. Oh yeah, totally. That's another thing. Some of the parents were going to the Piggly Wiggly and I'm like, this is a three day drive for you. You gotta drive all the way to East Texas to get to a Piggly Wiggly. Yeah. Yeah, that was another problem. Okay, so how many soccer games are you refereeing in a given month? It kind of depends. In the middle of a high school season, it's uh you know, you could probably do four or five a week, so twenty ish. Are you are you doing this out in the Loch and Yada Flint Ridge area? Uh all over LA. Here's the thing. What would you do? You're out there playing soccer, or your sixteen year old is out there playing soccer. The whistle gets blown. What's this called? The Fox 40? The Fox 40 Classic. Fox 40 Classic. So you hear the you hear the distinctive peyless trill. Yes. The peyless trill. What are you guys? 10? Fox 40 classic I'm just describing the colour. We're talking about a P-E-A-P. You're the one that keeps bringing the whistle, okay? So you hear you hear that classic trill , and then you hear like, you know, hard kicking they or w I don't know the call. That's not a foul, but I know where you're going. place listeners in the greater LA area . It is a circle. Ah it is a circle. That's the thing. Yeah. Are their parents like bringing boom boxes and playing instrumental versions of their money? But they can vote three after the game. Sometimes Sometimes when I'm doing like 16 and 17 year olds, the kids are listening. They're like, Are you? Did I hear you on the mom's yellow, let's go to the numbers from the stands. Uh Queen. That just means she wants to, you know. Kai Rizdall's very handsome. She just found out how handsome Kyrzdumber is. Uh let's do this. Let's take a little break. I have to run to the Piggly Wiggly. Uh huh. I'll be back in five to eight days. Yeah, I'm I'm current and then we'll finish up. I'm currently peeful. I gotta be peeless. You gotta be peeless. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. It's Jordan Jessie Go. I am Jesse Thorn, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, if you want to get up on the jumbotron sometime, maximum Fun.org slash j umbotron. That's where we share messages with our listeners from our listeners. You want to wish somebody happy birthday or you want us to plug your podcast or whatever. It's pretty cheap. Maximum fun dot org slash jumbo. And fun cheaper, lot cheaper than buying a fucking ad on Jordan Jesse go. That's gonna set your back a pretty penny. That's gonna set you back up. That's a premium. That's gonna set your back a pretty penny. Sha ha ha ha. Uh speaking of what we're up to, Jordan, which is not what we were speaking of, but you know. June eleventh, Judge John Hodgman is in Boston, Massachusetts, or specifically Brookline, Massachusetts, at the Coolidge Corner Theater. This is a former movie theater, now multi-purpose theater that uh John worked at in high school. Hey, cool. Uh we're going to be joined by the one and only Mr. Eugene Merman . Mr. Eugene Merman back from his life threatening traffic accident that he was saved from by the governor of New Hampshire. That's a true story. Wow. Cool. And her security detail. Well his security detail ? I don't remember. I think her. Women can be governors of New Hampshire too. Women can save Eugene Merman as well. Yeah. Anyway, that's June eleventh. Go to Maximum Fund.org slash events. George Jesse, uh some wild stuff has been happening in the world of bit.ly slash coolgarf. O,f of course, that's the website you go to to order a signed in the mail copy of Baby Garfield number three, the adorable comics adventure that features a story from me and Eisner winner Ten Fam about Baby Garfield going to the beach for the first time. And you should and yes, you should order it. You should order it online because I'll tell you why. I went to the I went to the comic book store. They were sold out of number three. All they were number two. And I said, No, I don't want Well Jesse, it baby Garfield number three not out yet. I believe it comes out on June fifth or sixth . One of those days. So here's what here's what you were doing by going to bit.ly slash cool garf you're pre ordering your copy. Got it. The good folks at Golden Apple Comics will ship it to you in the mail. Guess what fucking happened? I went up and talked to a guy at the co cunter of a real comic book store and ask for baby Garfield for no reason at all, apparently, because it wasn't even out yet. I could have just gone to bit.ly slash coolgarf. Okay, what else happened? That's true. June tenth. It's out June tenth. And thank you, Jesse. Thank for thanks for getting these comic books I work on. That means a lot to me that my friend checks these out. A lot of people I don't know . Thank people I like people I know don't like you know, I re anyway. Thank you. I don't enjoy 'em. I don't care for them. No, that's okay. Yeah. Too violent. I just don't like the idea of grown men wearing little outfits. I understand. I get it. And thank you for buying them despite your moral objection. Here's what happened. Bit.ly slash coolgarf. Everybody wants this thing. Everybody wants it signed and shipped to them. It's sold out online. And the people are flipping out. People are like, there's no more of this thing. I'm I could get sure I could get a non-signed copy, but who wants that, you know? Here's what I did. I called Golden Apple Comics here in LA and said people are banging down my fucking door going to bit.ly slash coolgarf and not finding anything. You got to order some more of these things. So they did. This is a finite number. I'm not going to make this call again. When they're out, they're out. This is a one-time call. One-time call. I'm not gonna be these uh they're they're they're busy over that you already used it up Regis isn't gonna let you make another call exactly no more calls uh so I I think so don't wait bit.ly slash coolgarf if you want that comic. And also uh I will be at a couple of cons coming up, but before the comic comes out, so I won't have it there to sign for you. Okay. Uh I'll be at GalaxyCon in Nashville, May 29th through 31st, and at the Toronto Comic Arts Festival in Toronto, June 6th and 7th. Jesse, that's a fucking free con. That's free. Wow. That's a couple coolers. It's over there at 50. It's at 50 Carleton Street. So come on down to fifty Carleton Street in Toronto. Uh Galaxy Con and National, that's at the convention center. You gotta pay to get into that. It's still gonna be a lot of fun . Uh and at Toronto, uh you you have to use PayPal. So, you know, get the PayPal app. Okay. I Yeah uh I'll be running a few cons this summer though. Oh, like uh long cons, like a fake casino type stuff. In short, I do short cons too where you go in and you ask for ch ange, but then you go through a whole thing and then you know, you walk out with more than you came in with. And I'm gonna be You have a bunch of you have a bunch of Bibles. You have a trunk full of Bibles. Yeah, I'm gonna have a trunk full of Bibles, but it it turns out Jordan , uh they're just copies of Lonesome Dove. I sell you boy. I sell you a Bible. You open it up, it's this uh intergenerational Western saga. Boy. Anyway. Uh we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Kai Rosdahl, and you put me on the spot and I don't have anything fun to say. That was it! That was the one. Come on. No fun Rizdoll over here. I saw Kai Rizdoll one time, Jordan. This is a true story. This is a true story about Ky Rizdall. This is a true story. I was no. I was at the public radio conference. Uh-huh. I go to I go to this public radio conference. This is a gathering of uh public radio program directors who won't who won't make eye contact with me. And uh it's a l it's a lot of fun. I usually end up just uh going somewhere with Roman Mars. Yeah. Basically just with Roman. Sounds like a fun time. Right. I don't think Roman Mars's show is even on public radio anymore, so he probably doesn't go anywhere, go go anymore. I don't think Jonathan Goldstein does either. Now I'm gonna have to oh, I hope that Rizdal is there since we're friends now. Anyway, I'm at this public radio conference and uh it was in Las Vegas. Okay. I did. I was hanging out with Roman Marsh. I think I yes, we've uh I've I've heard about this. Kai Rizdall is has one of the big slots in the conference, one of the big show slots. Oh my god. But you know, Ky Rizdahl hosts a s a serious show about uh the economy and how it affects the lives of everyday Americans. Yeah. And the business climate and so forth. And so he can't just like Glenn Washington was at one of these things, you know, he brings four DJs and two dancers and through and through. Yeah, he builds seven gold lame jackets. You know Glenn Washington. Costume changes. You know , fucking Glenn Washington in his outfits. Jesus Christ. I love that guy. Anyway, uh Kai is doing this panel. And here's the thing, he doesn't have a budget to bring in guests. He's got to use local guests. And once Caratop says no , all you're left with is people from the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce. Okay. I bet that's thing. I watched Kai Rizdall throw three motherfuckers from the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce on his back , on his broad shoulders, carry them across the finish line of an entertaining presentation at a public radio conference. It was one of the most remarkable, ex traordinary feats of h osting I've ever witnessed with my own eyes. These were some of the most boring human beings I've ever seen in my life. I don't know how they could possibly have lived in Las Vegas. Yeah, I would think that if you're uh if you're gonna be a fun chamber of commerce m member, you probably live in Vegas. Maybe they're fun once they're drunk. Okay. But the point is they were stone cold sober. We were in uh an affordable hotel in a conference room. Kai Rizdall just fucking just roped 'em just roped 'em up at the waist like a pack of sled dogs and just drug 'em through that hour. You gotta This is mildly horrifying all of this. This guy is uh this guy is highly truste That one was at the hotel where they had the Star Trek theme bar that with that had lost its license from Star Trek. Yes. Oh. Yes. That was that was the main thing. And it was just called like the theme bar, yeah. Yeah. And it was like they had just removed the Star Trek logos and left everything else exactly as it was. Like it looked exactly like uh the next generation enterprise or whatever. But like live a long time and thrive. Exactly. That was a hundred percent what it was. Some fun things happen. I mean, I probably s told Jordan about this already, but I I it's been a while since I've been to a public radio conference too, because I'm not really welcome there. However, the times that I did go , uh the real high light was I mean, you know, shout out to Sandra Tinglo, who had a show called The Low Down on Science. And she would go out in a fucking lab coat on the conference floor. She did not have a s she did not have a slot. Just go out there on the conference floor like a fucking bus ker and do Sandritzing Lo shit. Okay. That was very impressive. But I always felt bad for her. Not because she wasn't doing great, but because she had to compete with the show Bird Note, and Bird Note would just bring a fucking owl. They would have an owl. They just this is a show that is like a three-minute long show that runs on stations that don't have local news stories to run during all things considered. Yeah. And just it's it's funded by some bird foundation or whatever. And the whole show is just that they play a bird song and then Is that still on? I don't know. I I couldn't even tell you if bird Note's still on, but I can tell you that at every public radio at conference I went to, Bird Note bought a fucking raptor on the conference floor, and it was incredible. That's an immediate win, right? I mean you're like, of course I'll carry that show. Fucking flawless victory. I didn't know I was at the Renaissance fair. You know what I mean? Like it was incredible. It made me want to like I would be like hanging out around the public radio international booth. Public radio international doesn't really exist anymore because of me. But um Sank it. But we'd be there at the public radio international booth like uh creepily hang hanging around and like uh trying to in you know, they'd be like, hey, have you guys met Jesse Thorne? And they'd be like, hide their eyes. But uh while we were there, I was like, man, fucking we should just bring an iguana or something. Yeah. How much could an iguana cost? Two hundred dollars? They're like, uh, we'd do an episode about it, you know? Okay, here's a question for you. I know that we've done a lot of um uh pricing games on the show later. This is fun, and I know and I know Gabe loves to help us out with these. Yeah. Is that what we're is that what we're going to do? That's what we're about to do. Oh yeah. And I don't have any inside info on this, so I'm gonna participate. Okay. What do you think an iguana costs? Live iguana. To come to your event. Like like this is gonna be by the way buying it. Once we're done recording this, I'm gonna pitch this as a segment on Marketplace. $4 73.95. This is to buy as a pet. Yeah. This is to Yeah, this is I'm not talking about a meat at the end. No, is it is it grown or is it is it what uh we're talking about like the like a young grown iguana iguana like a fresh iguana. Like old adult like an old adolescent iguana or a young adult iguana. Like where you would where you would buy them from the iguana store. The the East Bay Vivarium was the was a reptile store in San Fran cisco? It was in the East Bay. Wasn't it in San Francisco? Gosh. I'm gonna say eight hundred dollars. Eight hundred dollars. So we got four hundred was a four seventy three. Okay. Four seventy three seventy five. If you get within a hundred dollars, you get both iguanas. Yeah, we have bought two iguanas. We sent Gabe out to the Piggly Wiggly to buy iguanas . Okay. So uh what did you have four hundred eightight hund hundredred dollars? E dollars and four hundred and seventy-three dollars. Yeah. I think two hundred eighty dollars. I was maybe even thinking it was there, but I anyway. I think you might be surprised, even though there's been a lot of I mean I don't need to tell you about this, Kai, but there's been a lot of inflation in like the beef market. I know you guys can't say it, but thanks, Biden. Thanks, Biden. How however uh by the way, Joe Biden, I think he should be allowed to go to referee academy. Thank you. Yes. Okay. So I I think I think you gotta be able to breed up ig gies. Like I think that I think that if you need 'em you can pump 'em out. That's what I I think. but aren't there somebody's like tech for something in phone? Can you just do that? I don't think you can. But is there just like a guy in a trailer in the Mojave Desert cranking him out illegally? Totally there is it' likes a puppy farm except for iguanas. Okay, so we're gonna need two prices, Gabe. Black market and pet to price. Yeah, what do you what do you what are you gonna pay for it at the East Bay Vivarium or whatever? And then I'm gonna need to know the Craigslist price. Yeah, if we just want to meet a guy on the corner. Just search for iguana on Craigslist and just see what comes up. Okay. And you know what? Also I also want to know what one of those hot rocks costs. Oh yeah. They need for them to be on the body. They're cold blood. They can't regulate them. I mean I don't need to explain you at the hospital market please. I don't ex I don't need to explain this. Okay, Gabe, let's listen to the call. Yeah. We'll chat about the call and then we'll we'll go to iguana stuff. Yeah. When something momentous happens to you, give us a call, two zero six, nine eight four for fun . Jordan, I called into uh KZSE radio, our old college radio station today. Uh their phone number is still the same. Uh God, what was can I remember the old oh I can't remember it. Okay. That does sound familiar now that you say it. What did you wait well you or were you? They were having like a radio a thon and they I met I met somebody there when I did the Bullseye in Santa Cruz and she said, Well you come on sometime. I said, Of course. Anyway, they have the same phone number. So do we. 206-9844 fun. Or just send us a voice memo at JJGO at maximumfun.org, as has this person. Hi, Jordan Jesse, and guest. I'm going to guess um Paul Rust . So calling in for a moment of occasion or possibly a moment of shame, not quite sure which, but I started a new job recently and it's a remote job, so I was in the office for the first time meeting all my new coworkers. Um, one of these coworkers mentioned that she suff ers from migraines. So I said, Oh, have you tried, you know, using drugs to treat these migraines? As Jesse has suggested, drugs help his migraines. Um, she said, Oh no, uh but where did you hear about this? Um so I said, you know, just on a podcast and obviously she said, Oh well which podcast? Um so in that instant, you know, I I blinked once or twice and saw my future at this job uh kind of flash before my eyes. And I could either say the podcast that I heard this on, you know, Jordan Jesse Go , which would obviously lead to me explaining what you are and what you do and who I am and why I listen to you and all those things I don't want to get into. Ari could give a vague non-answer and they would assume it was fucking Joe Rogan or whatever. Um so I obviously took the cowards right out and said uh nothing. So um yeah, I guess now I am looking for a new job because my coworkers think I listened to Joe Rogan. Um so thank you. Um punch a blimp or whatever. I and again, I just want to say I we love hearing about this. We love hearing about a listener with yet another chance to tell someone about the show Jordan, how are we gonna float the boat, which is the actual slogan for this year? Gosh. If we Yes, Kai, our listeners uh listen to the show in shame. I think they need a little training on how to grow the enterprise, man. Help us out. Jesus. Our listeners listen to our show the way a fifteen year old masturbates. Right. They keep our show under their bed. Yeah. They dig a hole for our show in the woods. Sure. Yeah. And the other teens can go out and listen to it. Uh yeah. Hey, I don't know. It's a comedy podcast. One of the hosts has migraines and he mentioned this. It's really funny . I don't know. I'm d listen. Thank you for listening. Thank you for listening. We don't mean to I don't mean to complain about that. Here's my question. Here's my question. Yes. Do you think that when this person said to their co-worker drugs, they were talking about I mean I have on this program advocated for migraine sufferers to talk to their doctor and insist on treatment. And if they their doctor minimizes their suffering or their pain, even if it's very occasional migraines, they should tell their doctor to buzz off and get a different doctor who gives a shit ? However , I also talked about on this show that I am the king of drugs because I got a marijuana license to try and get my migraines better. It didn't work though. Yeah. This is maybe a I mean it worked to get me high . Sure. I was like, oh, no wonder people like marijuana. But yeah, this is maybe when uh came in a box that said high on it. Right. This is back when maybe you know, that, medical license was a little more common. Yeah. Before you know, there was just a weed store. I mean I'm still the king of drugs. Right. Oh a lot of people ask me, are you still the king of drugs? I haven't abdicated the drug. Because the marijuana was a gateway drug for you, right? And you've moved on to crank and horse and angel dust. Angel dust. Only angel dust. I don't I think anybody who does anything below angel dust is a pussy. Pussies are strong. Sure. So they're a ball set. Uh-huh. And what are we talking about? Where are we? What turn did that take, man? I'm watching this go back to the bottom Kai, I'm just saying that if you do any drug lower on the list of drugs than PCP, I think you're weak. Yeah If you do a drug and you can't lift a car, why even do a drug? Right. What are you even doing? Uh Gabe, what are can we get some iguana prices, please? Absolutely. Thank you. com. That sounds shady. Oh my god. That's where you buy Godzilla eggs. So the cheapest thing we'll have to have is twenty dollars. Oh What do you mean by a live iguana for twenty dollars? And the most expensive is two thousand two hundred and forty nine dollars. So we were all right Wait, what do what did you gather about the difference between these iguanas. What's the twenty versus the two thousand? Great question. Is it baby clubtail iguana? Okay. And the two thousand one is an adult male rhino iguana. Oh that's the that sounds cool. Yeah. That guy's not peeless. Does he what are we is he like purple? What am I? I don't know. How it's this guy is? Is he is it purple or something? It's like dark blue. Oh, that sounds pretty good. That sounds cool. Oh yeah? My father in law had an Iquan and he really liked it. Oh yeah. Did he have a big head? I yeah, how was big was the head? Uh standard. Standard. No, your father. Your father-in-law. Oh, this guy's head is gorgeous. Beautiful bottom. You wouldn't believe the size on this head. This thing is like a holy mol Holy cow. Uh m I was at the flea market this morning. Yeah. Talking to my friend Terry. You know my friend Terry. Uh remind me what Terry's deal is. Ah, she's just a cool lady that sells textiles. Okay. I'm talking to Terry. You know, Terry had three tortoises. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember I found out about my found out my f just for your benefit. Yes. I I was flea market friends with Terry for ten years probably. Then I found out that she had three tortoises. She didn't mention them the whole time. I'd been to her. Woman's gotta have her secrets. They were in her backyard, and I didn't go in her backyard, and so I didn't know that she had tortoises. She glues tiles to their back, not uh kitchen tiles, but the kind of tile that's like an air tag. Yeah. So that if they wander down the road she's got to Oh somebody knows where to get a back. Yeah. Okay anyway. Terry, the big news is uh Terry adopted a new tortoise. Okay. He's 63 years old and his name was Victor. And she's like, uh, and they told me his name is Victor, and I said, Not anymore. She goes, I said, What's his name? His name's Romeo now. That's ooh, okay. It's not like I mean name Shmaim, right? It's not like he's gonna come when he's called, right? That's not how tortoises work. I don't know. Nobody didn't . That is true. That is fair. Stick to turtles . That's right. Stick to turtles. You know turtles. We're the tur we're the tortoise guys. We're desert folk. Yes. Uh Gabe, we got another call in there? Oh also you can rent. Oh yeah, thank you. I can buy one for two thousand dollars and I have to rent one for four seventy an hour. You can buy one for twenty bucks too. You're never going to show up you're never going to show up bird note. No. Nobody's coming to the marketplace booth to see a baby ex actly. That's true. Okay. So I mean I think if we you know if we are going with the premise that like this is a animal that you bring somewhere to blow minds, that rental price is probably what we're going for, and it is pretty close to what Kai guessed. I'll tell you what, Jordan. Yeah. For a while when my kids were birthday party aged. Oh yeah. My kids are my my kids are, you know, uh Scarlett went to a birthday party today. It was like six kids at Vazquez Rocks, you know, doing dangerous rock climbing. It wasn't But in the period where one of my kids went for a year in pre-K to like a a private school uh where it was like you know, it was like suburban private school shit. It wasn't like a blue blazer private school, but you'd go to a birthday party and they'd have people it would you know, it was like local orthodontists and they would have shit at the birthday party, like stuff. Yeah. You know. Pony rides and j bounce house. Yeah. One time I go to this birthday party and it's not one of these rich people birthday parties. It is just my my uh uh my friends Ivan and Michelle and their kid. Mm-hmm. And they are they're very regular. I had them in their backyard. They had this animal show come in. It was fucking incredible. They had a fucking monkey and shit. It was monkey? Unbelievable. I think so. I might be making that up. I think you're making that up. Yeah, you're lying about it. They might have had an iguana or two. I don't think they're having monkeys. They had a bunch of different animals, all right? They had at least something poop at me. I don't know what it was. It might have been Ivan, my friend Ivan. Okay. Okay. So they had at least eight different kinds of animals and great animals. And you are allowed to touch them and everything. It was fucking amazing. It was like one of the best afternoons of my life. Sounds great. I mean, Jordan, you know I love to see an am. You do. And I so I said to them afterwards, I said to Ivan and Michelle, I'm like, guys, that was kind of fucking wild. How'd you get these why would you gotta pay to get these all these animals to your house and they're like we gave them a hundred dollars shut up and it's one of these it's one of these barely legal animal rescue. It's one of these operations where it's just a f a small farm in Oxnard that's full of you know leftover zebras. Yep. And for a hundred bucks, they'll just bring some of them to your house. Bring them over. And it's tax deductible, Jordan. It's rescue. We love that. This is it just it just came from John Stewart's house where he rescues farm animals or whatever. Yeah. But it was the greatest shit in the world. Hundred bucks. Sorry, fucking magicians. Yeah. I don't care how many tickets you give out to the magic castle. Passes to the magic castle. That's what magicians do at kids' birthday parties. Um Gabe, got another call in there? Hello, Jordan, Jesse , Jordan Cowling and uh current guest . Uh this is Robin. Can you pause? I've uh Robin, I'm great I'm grateful to Robin for saying hi to our current guest. I just want to say hi to all our future guests. And a big shout out to all our past guests as well. Past guests. Even the ones that have been cancelled. Everybody. Exactly. And the ones who will be canceled. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Go ahead. Yeah. I've only been listening for ten years. So, you know, still feeling a little new. Uh can we pause real quick? Where did where did they say that they live? I don't think Robin said that where they live. Okay. Ten years. Only ten years she's been listening. Okay. Oh, listening for ten years. Okay. Now I know what's going on. Okay. Thank you, Gabe. How many people do you think they've told in ten years? One? No, no one. It was one, but it was a part of it. Right. Okay. Okay. So, you know, still feeling a little new. Uh but I'm calling with a momentous occasion, which was that uh John Daly and Jennifer Marmer were on an episode. Woo! Wee! That was momento us. God, that was such a good episode. And I just wanted to reach out and say, hey, I really like this show. And that's why I listen to all the episodes. And uh I think the music matches the vibe perfectly because it's like yeah, give a little time for the child within you, okay? Duh. Uh and yeah, thank you for making this show. Happy maximum fun drive. That's momento us. Okay, 420, dude. Saw dude. And uh holy cow. Uh May 1st is coming up. And uh I started HRT three years ago this May 1st. So that's fucking momento us. Um I was thinking about rehoming my dog earlier this year, Jesse knows we we talked about it on Instagram a little bit because she's a husky. And uh I just have realized I'm good for this dog, and this dog is good for me, and so I'm gonna be her mama until you know she's dead. Like and long after that. Until we're both dead. That's when I'll stop being her mama, I guess. And uh that just feels momentous and um you guys make me feel so happy to be alive. So thank you for the show. Love you bye. Thank you, Robin. Love you too. That's cool. They They I should explain had taken a fair amount of PCB. I do think I think Robin was joking like, oh, I've only been listening 10 years, so I'm fairly new. I do think Robin may be our newest listener. Maybe. That is very possible. Our most recent addition to the Um Yeah, I you know, you know what I like about that call? And I I I went through a journey with it. And on the end and the end of it I was pro. I was warned We were warned. Gabe said, Jordan Cowling said this is a long call. It's a long journey, but it's worth it. I agree. And I think I think maybe we could open up a new kind of call. I think we're always looking to keep this segment fresh. Yeah. So we got c we take calls about people's momentous occasions, we take calls from people's spouses who don't like our show to let us know why they don't like our show. Um we of course have a lot of segments that we think of ideas for No, we don't. Um but I do I think in the spirit of Robin's call, yeah. Let's create a new bucket for calls. Let's just call them grabbacks. Where you could talk about a bunch of stuff . Okay. Where what? It doesn't have to be folk like some oh moment occasion I went to this thing and I saw a funny thing and here's a bumper sticker I saw. You riff about it. Just like here's a bunch of stuff. Do with it what you Now. Kai, you know about that. You're from the business world. That's true. Okay. So is the problem that you're engineering a solution to here that Jordan Jesse Go as a program now uh uh now uh uh approaching our 1000th episode our 20th year that it's too focused. Yes is your concern is your concern laser beam. Let's just spread our wings a little too too driven. Too on target. So yeah, let's do this. I think it'll create a fun jazzy energy . Okay. So just let's if you're if if you don't feel like you have a story with a beginning, middle, and an end and you just have a bunch of stuff to say, give us a call, two oh six nine eight four four five. Well let me can I uh can I make an addendum to this? I just a suggestion addendum. Kai, let us know what you think about this. You you I have thoughts. Go ahead. You run a really high quality radio program. You have a lot of experience in in what I call media people enjoy. Okay. So uh my thinking is they're Jordan Jesse Go listener, right? Yeah. That means they're a graphic designer or a librarian with a tattoo. Yeah. One of the two. Or both. In either case, they almost certainly have one of those little notebooks that fits in your pocket. Mm-hmm. Take out that little notebook. I'm gonna want you to write down a few touch points you want to get to in the course of the call. So I don't need you to plot out all the in-betweens. I don't need you to tell a story, but I do want you to have three, four, five things that you want to hit over the course of your meander ings. And I also look , I don't know, listener, how you feel about eggs, but if you got a timer for them, maybe set that to 60 or 90 seconds. Yeah. Do all the meandering you want , but let's hit a few key points then and and let's let's keep it just ninety seconds. I'm gonna say ninety s I'm gonna give people an extra fifty percent. Ninety seconds and at least three points written down in a little notebook. If you don't have a little notebook, get yourself one. Treat yourself. Go to the stationary store. Even one of the little dollar store ones. Oh yeah, sure. Don't overthink it. Get your three points. Just talk. Look, I have a rule. Yeah. And it goes like this. If you think about how you sound on the radio while you're on the radio, you're gonna fuck up how you sound on the radio. So don't think, just talk. Right. I mean that. Okay. Right? So write down your three things, set the timer, and just turn those three things over and say, Here's what I got, right? Well let me ask you this. When you were in commun in communications in the military, did they suggest that you write down three things before you started talking? Oh okay. I thought you did some communications in the military. I understood that you did some communications in the military. I flew. Can I tell you what uh happened to me one time with Kyrzdal? Sure. Oh my god, another Ky Risdal story? That's another great Kyrzdol story. I only have the one, the time he was on Jordan Jesse Go. I'm having I'm having fun joking around with Ky Rizdall on uh Blue Sky. Yeah. And you know, we used to follow each other on Twitter when we you know, before it was a nightmare. Before it was a terrible place. Yeah, I don't know I don't Kyrzdall feels about me. You know, this guy's s like I said, at least a minimum seven times uh more successful than I in the field of public radio, our mutual field. But I'm joking around, I'm like, I like who doesn't like Ky Rizdal? Is there their friend from Marketplace, right? I'm joking around I saw him do that thing in Las Vegas one time. That was great. I'm joking around with Kai Rizdall. And uh Kai Rizdall posts a picture of his uh desktop. Not his computer desktop, his physical desktop, right? And uh there's some l little ding dongs on there. Just little what's it. Some little Bob's your uncles. Uh huh. Some little who's it what's some chotchis. But they're inexplicable. Like they look like a thimble down there and a spool. You know what I mean? Like you should describe describe it. I mean it's like a there was a few different little it looks like a tiny little dumbbell. Okay. So it's it's a it's a piece of metal with two round discs on the end. Okay. Right. And it's standing up uh on my desktop and it's like three inches long. So there's that and then right next to it is the exact same thing except it's one of them broken in half. Yeah. Okay. So I say on Blue Sky, something al ong the lines of I'm can't quote myself, something along the lines of I'm like, I think I can josh around with my with my new internet friend Kai Rizdall. We're probably I say, well let's talk about your spool collection there on your desk. I said something like that. Let's talk about your spool collection. What is this? Kratz last tape? The legendary where he says spool a lot. Mm-hmm. Theater of the absurd. But I said, Well, let's talk about your spool collection. Kai Rizdall says to me, I'm gonna let Kai Rizdall re I happen to have Ky Rizdall here. I got very serious because that's what I am here on this somehow uh on this podcast. Somehow you had me on. Um it's a holdback fitting. Okay. For uh carrier-based aircraft. Okay. And and so it's a again, it's like a little dumbbell, teeny tiny little thing, like three inches long. Part of it goes in the aircraft, part of it goes in the deck of the aircraft carrier, and when the catapult fires and your engines are at maximum thrust, it breaks and you go flying. Okay. And so for the airplane that I flew, the E two C Hawkeye, Max Gros takeoff weight was fifty three thousand pounds. And so when that catapult fires and it hits fifty three thousand pounds 'cause it's all calibrated to each aircraft, then you're going flying.. Okay And so I have an intact hole back fitting, and then I have the whole back fitting from my last catapult shot off the USS Theodore Roosevelt. Okay. And that's the broken one. Wow. And it's on the desk? It's on my desk. And Jesse thought it was a spindle or a spool or whatever the hell it was. I thought it was just a little ding-dong. Yeah. He was like, Oh, I know how to fly airplanes. And and and then after that he said, Why don't you come on my podcast? And I was like, Sure. And here I am. And here you are. Yeah. Wow. Ha ha, gotcha. That's right. Trapped cleverly laid. Okay, well let's let's take a little break, talk about some other people would like to. Let's go to the numbers. Oh my god. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. What's more action-packed than pr estige television? With more continuity than comic books? And more reality than reality television ? It's profess ional wrestling . And to better understand wrestling is the ultimate form of entertainment, you need the Tights and Fights Podcast. This is the perfect wrestling show with a lot of love, a lack of toxic masculinity, and just the right amount of butts, cats, and spande x . Listen to Tights and Fights every Saturday on Maximum Fun . You know we've been doing my brother my brother meet for 15 years and maybe maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listened and you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years. I know where this has ended up. But no. No, you would be wrong. Uh we're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing. Yeah. You don't even really know how crypto works. The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother and me. We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening. And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten. So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcast . It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Kai Risdoll, still without a nickname. Yeah. When's the last time you flew an airplane? Oh, when I left the military. Nineteen nin ninetyety March of three. You never flew another airplane? No. Flying in the military is unbelievable. And flying in general is really cool. No, no, no, you know, aspersions cast on civilian pilots out there, but it was Or on birds. Yes, that's true. That's true. Well, what would your superpower be? Would your superpower be like flying? Only if I was flying in the military. I couldn't do civilian flying. There were a bunch of guys in my squadron that flying was like their whole deal, and I was like I'm done. But it was a thing I did when I was twenty six. But then you were just done. Yeah, kinda. I s I my old so I you know, when I was at Public Radio International, I'd call and these there these nice people from Minnesota would answer the phone and I couldn't tell if they liked me or not. But anyway, one of them was this guy named Roger. I think he liked me. And Roger retired because he finished building himself a biplane. Oh, that's cool. Wow. That's very cool. I think and now he's flying around. Now he just flies around in his fucking biplane that he built. He just built a biplane there in Minnesota. You can do that. Holy shit. Okay, apparently Rizdall's too cool to build himself a biplane Civilian biplane, come on. That's the biplane of sports. Maybe if you flew it. If you got into if you got into okay, so one time speaking of biplanes, one time in our college radio days. As we were. Yeah. One time in our college radio days, uh the phone rang at the college radio station and there was no like person to answer it just whoever was standing there. So I answered it. And it was a a publicist from Red Baron Pizza. Yeah. And she was pitching us to go on a red b the Red Baron Pizza Squadron. Yeah. So I pretended that we had shows and reporters and Yeah. That that was People listened and Yeah. And uh and I said yes and I took down the phone number and then I submitted myself as the winner of a contest to fly in a uh I gave also gave it away to a listener. It was me and a listener. Okay. Flew around in the Red Baron. And so we went and flew in Red Baron Pizza Squadron airplanes. That's awesome. So I have flown in a biplane. There you go. Open cockpit the whole deal. Open cockpit the whole thing. I would not let him do tricks. He really wanted to do tricks. I was like yelling at him, do not do tricks. I was so scared. And I did write in the DeJorno Monster track. And I'm like, let's take this thing upside down, motherfucker. Okay, so here here's my's my biplane question. Yes. Right now on the tarmac at the Santa Monica Municipal Airport is a biplane. The keys are in the ignition because they use keys to turn on airplanes. Okay, great. So the keys are in the ignition of that biplane. You've got to get to somewhere not that far away . Medium far a way, like Bakersfield, let's say. Let's say Ventura. Ventura. That's a great example. Could you gr jump in uh you were in the service decades ago. Could you get into a biplane, turn the key, and know how to fly it to Bakersfield? Like Dave VFR, I could probably do that. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. What's the biggest airplane you think you could do that with? Oh a bi right now, just a biplane. Just a biplane . Not even uh a propeller airplane. Biplanes are propeller. That's okay. It's one w a two wing but monoplane. Oh yeah, like a Cessna, I mean sure. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But that's it. I mean I'm I wouldn't. What about a seaplane? Oh I'd love to fly a seaplane. Come on, that'd be so cool. See, Ky Rizdall thinks he's got the flying bug is out of Ky Risdol. Ky Risdall's about to start northern exposuring around Alaska. I don't know if my wife is gonna listen to this or not. Although I think wise should be allowed to that's right. Wives should be allowed to listen to podcasts and listen to podcasts. Thank you. She would frown on that. Okay. She would frown on you flying a seaplane. Any kind of thing like flying. She's like kind of tiny little airplane. She doesn't she doesn't dig . Doesn't trust them. All these questions, Jessica. I don't know. That was pretty good. It was a 20-year comedy professional over here, Jordan Morris. Okay. Um Hey Kai, thanks for being on our show. It's a genuine honor to have you here on the program. We laugh and we joke about Ky Rizdoll public radio legend, but Kai Rizdoll is an actual public radio legend. True. We apologize on behalf of our show for having you on the show, but we're very grateful to you for making the time. It was really great. I'm just gonna go ahead and throw out a quick plug. Sure. If you're interested in business news or news about the economy and how it affects everyday people. Want to tune into your local public radio station and check out the show Marketplace. There you go. Thanks you guys, I appreciate it. Educational and entertaining. You know what? Maybe check out Mark Morning Place Market. David Brancaccio. With David Brancaccio. Maybe check out David Brancaccio instead. Oh. Jeff Brancaccio's number. Could we get Braccio? I have Brancaccio's number. We gotta get Brancaccio The DMs are open, baby. I don't know that David's out online. Get up . Are you up? For podcasting? He's like, no, host very early morning show. Must sleep. Have to have to read Newswire at five A.M. Okay. Ky Rizdall, it's been a delight. Everybody should actually listen to Marketplace on their local public radio station. It is a great show. And guess what ? It's on all the public radio stations because of its successfulness. So you can listen to it. Gabe Mar is on the boards this week. Jordan Cowling is our producer on the program. Our theme music is Love You by the Free Design, our Thanks to the Free Design, and Light in the Attic Records. Uh, you can find us on social media. We are uh Jordan Jesse Go on Blue Sky. We are Jordan Jesse Go Pod , I believe, on Instagram . Uh Jordan and I are also on those platforms. You can find us there. We'll also at Facebook dot com slash Jordan Jesse Go. And hey, guess what? Hey, what? I don't know exactly when this is going to go live. Me either. But it will be not long after the Max Fund Drive. Thank you for supporting us in the Max Fund Drive. We're very grateful that uh we have a job doing this. It is uh it is a source of much confusion to our relatives and loved ones. And so we're so grateful to you for making it possible. Thank you so much uh for being a member of Maximum Finds. And you know what? If you've been listening to this show for 17 years and you've never told anyone about it? We still love you. We still say thank you. Thank you for listening to it. Yeah, it's saying you're a little bit shy. It's okay to be shy. It's okay to be shy. It's okay to be shy. You know what? Find some time to refill your batteries. Read a book. Read a book. Just read a nice book. Yeah. Okay. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum Fun a worker owned network of artist