Wario Lopez and Comic Book Projects

Give a little time for the child within you don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the lucks and throw away the keys and take coffee shoes and socks and run you It's Jordan Jesse Go, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective. Jordan, I went to the doctor's office Are you okay Is everything okay I mean, mixed, you know? Okay, gave me a sort of a B minus. How old are you Al We haven't even introduced you yet. Let Al talk. Al's an old pal. You just start talking. Our guest on the program is a standup comic known the world over as the Man of a thousandousand Voices.y one eighty one voices Al Madrigal. That was a long time ago. That was recorded in Korea Town In an apartment. Wow. whose apartment was that? That was my apartment in Koreaown. Wow. My threeree kids apartment. It was Christian's apartment. Christian didn't even work for us at the time We would just go to Christian's apartment I had Borrowed, I had made a wax impression of one of his house keys then had a locksmith make a key We would just let ourselves into Christian's apartment record in there. He now Christian did are you just finding this out This is a shock to me. Yeah. So there you go. Christian had no idea this entire time Anyway, Jordan, that's great. C we grab that as a soundbite for future episodes? This is a shock to me Christian is that we've already said this, but we'll say it again. Christian Danas, the new producer of Jordan Jesse Go. We love him. We're thrilled thrilled to have Christian here. U I went to the doctor because I have glaucoma which Is thank you Christian gave me a woo. Jesse, you don't have to lie to get the weed card anymore, baby. That's right. That's all it's for. You can just buy it, man. You don't have to That was that was what you said, right? That's totally what you said. My feelield of vision is narrowing, you would say I have fond memories of that time when you had to tell a little fib to get the weed card. That was a really fun time in weed. It's when I started smoking, you know weed recreationally because I felt like there was a legal loophole, so I wasn't as bad a boy. Yeah. You could do it and not be as bad a boy. R. So anyway, I have fond memories of like going into the shady strip mall Dos office air quotes, huge air quotes and like telling them a little fib and them not caring and giving you the weed card for forty bucks. That was a fun time. Anyway. Yeah ahead. I think I teleconferenced with someone from the lobby of the marijuana store That's how I did that That was an option. That was an option. Yeah, doctor Weed or something like that. Anyway, I have gladoma Um, I presume I'm going to start getting other elderly persons' diseases here now that I'm in my mid forties. Jesie, I will admit, I only know glaucoma as a poll for a lie you tell the weed doctor. I don't know what it is. My dog. I had it. My dog had it. We have a history of it I it from. I know because I got it from your dog. gotot it from my dog. over the house. right. You like to It's a hereditary disease. Man can pass it on to dogs. He butterfly kissed my dog And if you were gonna butterfly you. I butterfly kissed your dog and I French kissed your dog. you're gonna get you're asking for a glaucoma. That's fair. It is like something about the pressure in your eyeballs and then you usually get peripheral vision loss. I get haziness of vision apparently I don't know. I've been to a lot of eye doctors lately. And what happened is I went to the optometrist. I'm talking about Dr. Shapiro right down the block. You know, Dr. Shapiro from right down the block. Everybody one of the best. Yeah, one of the best. So I went to Dror Shapiro, he took a look at my eyeball My eyeball pressure. And he said, this is off the charts See, when you went to the ophthalmologist, what did they tell you? And I said, Well, you just said that, you know, people get older and vision deteriorates and whatever And he's like Oh well down on people, but That's fucked up So doctor Shapiro told said that. Shapiro said that stange in my face. an F b sixty sixty eight year old man Downtown up up, up up up top. And he said fucked, he didn't say F. No, he said fucked up He said, I don't like to talk bad about people, but That's fucked up This sounds like a cool chill optalologist that I could hang and have a beer with. Yeah, he is.s He's not using clinical language that's gonna confuse me. He's talking like me and one of my buddies. S way, gave me the weed card Y. then he sent me to a glaucoma specialist. He's like, you got to go to a glaucoma specialist This glaucoma specialist takes the pressure of my eyebrow. No, this is Dr. Park We're talking about Dror Parart. went to the gllaucoma specialist, Dr. Park checks my eyeball pressure. He says this is normal eyeball pressure I can't give you I can't give you pressure reducing drugs, your pressure's already been reduced. So Now we're in a real thicket. Yeah, this is a shock to me He sends me to a different specialist, retetinus something or other That guy says Yeah, you got glaucoma. You should talk to Dr. Park. So doctor Park And then you said, but I am Dr. Park. These guys are giving a runaround. Here's our short stop, I said I got So doctor Park gave me a machine And it's I want to compare it to a Zoom recorder which is a field audio recorder But right It's like the size of u you know, the size of maybe like a Like a hotel room Bible. does that sound like about the right? Size somethingomet like that.ike a small projector. Like an Epson projector. Yeah like a super small projector. I mean, you know Jesse, the Bible the Bible was a perfect analogy. I'm actually zooming from a hotel and I was reading one right before we started recording. So Oh, well. I hope I'm glad you heard the good news, Jordan Oh yeah, love that stuff. U And it's a machine prongs, One of them goes Bow your eye socket. onene of them goes above your eye socket. I'm indicating here to my friends Alan Jordan And then it extends out sort of way sort of like an oversized cassette recorder And you hold on to it and you cover one eye And then you press a little button. poes you in the eyeball five times in a row. What? Then it goes beepep, beep if you did a good job Then you switch to the other eyeball And it goes, b b If you did a good job, If you did a bad job, you get scolded by the machine and you have to poke yourself in the eyeball more times. And I have to do this seven to ten times per day For a week, I also had to give them five hundred dollars to rent this machine industries It's probably from the people that go good folks over there park industries U how pointy are the pointers? It is like this little tiny If you imagine like, what we've done all done a version of this when we've gone to the ophthalmologist or getting our got our exam exams, they do the pressure test with that small little Yeah, it's like a little tiny ball thing that pokes you on a little stick It's like a little tiny ball, a little tiny stick And you can't pay Park to do that. That seems like a lot of money. So Park did it. That's the thing. Park did it and he found it was normal, but when Shapiro did it, he found it was off the charts. So they got to plot it. They got to get ten readings a day and plot it out Jesse, is there any part of this that you think weed would help with I am so high right now, Jordan. He also said, Dror Park said two things. He said number one, ten times a day. He said number two Stay bllaze, bro. Those are the two things he said Park So Shapiro said that's fucked up. And then Park says stay Baze but bro. Park And he's Korean part. is he's Korean. and very handsome Al, do do you have any any hot new ailments we should know about Well, I did just get a full body scan so I can come back. I don't want to bring the whole podcast down, but A lot of friends, comedian just most recently Jerry Roa passed away I have other friends with stage four brain tumors and so I'm approaching fifty five. I decided why not just go get one of these scans and I got full blood work. Go talk to Shapiro too. This guy great. He's relaxed. He's not stuck up. Yeah. Let's have Shapiro take a look at me. Wh spend the money? He your body's a little fucked up Yeah, without any other details. Yeah. But I'd like to know exactly what's going on and have the peace of mind. I' I don't know what's going on. I just learned on the way here of another San Francisco comedian passing away that I started with in the city. So question Please. Do you think it's possible that there was a carcinogen of some kind in that one apartment in the avenues that everyone should? Absolutely. There were like twelve different types of mold. And so there were a couple different apartments. There was one, I think on third in Clement that was maybe one of the grossest places I've ever entered. And so when I was I started stand upp in nineteen ninety eight and I was working for my parents' family business and got ushered into this life of stand upps and I would go now with all these new acquaintances and friends. I'd hang out and we'd go do open mics around the city. And you had previously lived a life as an adult human man Correct. I had life experience, I had it my own apartment and I had a car when I start twenty seven or something. I was twenty eight years old. And I started l what was your what was the family business? business was staffing. they have since sold the company, but my mom has this amazing rags to riches story where she started as a secretary at a company making six dollars an hour and worked your way up to account manager, senior account manager, vice president Pident bought the company, quadrupled in size. This is all I'm in high school And then eventually started making twelve dollars.. She just paid herself twelve dollars an hour. Wh she sold the company back to her employees not too long ago and then they in turn with my mom as a They sold the company, but while there We had employees leased out all over the Bay Area. So I was an HR major And I was eventually in charge of all the progressive discipline. So I was firing people from the age of nineteen to thirty two years old People say that progressives don't have discipline, Jordet Al, just for fun. You want to fire me? Sure. I've fired just L got an old time sake, justust tell me that I'm kind Well know you do need to let anyone go. I think like people always there's movies about horrible bosses, horrible employees. There's a lot of people trying to take advantage of the system. but so it was our job to make sure everything was done perfectly. And let's say, and I was distraught over it. I was crying in my car At twenty six years old, I couldn't believe this was going to be my life And I always wanted to do something else, but when you're the eldest son in this family business, you're sort of compelled to do this thing that has provided so much for the family. That's how I ended up in the mafia. Yeah That's right. So you see U people taking advantage falsifying time cards. We had peopleeople with gross misconduct all over the place. And so what I would recommend if you ever are put in a position where you do have to let somebody go, seize your moment is the thing I learned. Jordan, you I've been in business a lot longer than you, Jordan likeike gross gross misconduct would be like Ficking Boogers in the office. Ficking boogers in the office is number one on the list. Ticking your but to me You can't pick your butt at a meeting barting into your hand and then throwing. But let's just say for sake of exam. I mean, that's just funny though. R is. don these are gross. All of these are funny. All of these are are funn. Th are all funny.ny Gross gross Geor. suuper gross misconduct. Yeah. What It's so gross. You can't take your shoe off here. Yeah, come on. You take a ball out Yeah and wave it around I got fired for taking my shoes off on the bus ones. Yeah. Yeah They proasting not So I would then get this call. For example, fighting, that we had two Tongan men that were fighting in a warehouse Al's got to come out And we mention that they're Tongan, not because there's something fundamentally fighty about Tongans, but rather because Tongans Tongan men T Tar man any other ethnic or cultural group attached on top of or next to each other. These are huge people. Huge people. then I go out and I go feellas, what's going on here And I I just I talk them through it And then we make a choice. Obviously this can't continue to happen. If it happens one more time or anything you step out of line in any way I'm gonna come back with your final check. So this is your w. And you said instead of fighting, let's tong tong tong knit out.'s tong and tong and kn it out. It's tongong It's tongue about it. Let's tongue about it. It's tongue about it. Yeah, that's good. That's what I was going for. That could be like an eighties pop song Let's talk about it Yeah. now And so I would do that. I fired so many people. I hated it. I was good at it. I was choked and chased and If I were to fire Jordan, I would just say it's been brought to my attention. This happened, we've decided that today would be your last day. It's important to say it's been decided I remember the it's been decided You gave me the it's been decided advice once I had to hear the it's been decided voice because you have to have you have to make it fate a C please so that it can't be renegotiated. People get away with whatever you let them get away with. And so people like that there's a lot of institutional fraud going on and people are falsifying time records, they're hiding out, they're just trying to quiet quit and get away with a lot of things. And so we're running a business and it's unfortunate that we just can't have Pe plan A't have you here anymore I have been I have been you say hiding out. I have been living at the Maxfund offices. I'm still living a Christian's apartment. Yeah. who doesn't even know This is I'm always if list if you listen really carefully during the most recent episode of Maximum film, you can hear me screaming, Quiet down, I'm trying to sleep. Not the subtlest thing to scream. Making fajitas. You can hear this sizzing. Stop discussing I love boosters Trying to sleep So Yeah, it was firing me. That was a real thrill. That was really fun to be fired by a professional I was doing that and then there was crossovers so I would go out and do stand upp and I'd see people I had fired in the audience. and that was interesting guys scowling at me And then I they just yell, it has been decided. You su It's been decided you you fucking cheated comedian, man. ne of my voices we were's good. There's a good one Total. eight one, eighty one, notot long after that appearance many years ago in Christian Duenas's apartment. We used to have a message board, Jordan. I don't know if you remember this But we had a message board at maximumfund. org Maybe even it's blank A news group. like a full on, not just a website ass message board. And somebody posted I went to see Al Madrigal It's a man of eighty one voices. Yeah That was like the subject one Okay. And the story was and the message board isn't still up. so I'm paraphrasing for memory here, but The story was this is not going to be good. This person went to South by southwest interactive South by Southwest interactive, the, you know, the just like the like a tech conference not like Exactly, but At this tech conference, there was a show that was a daily show package standup. No was it John Oliver stand up show. And so it was prior to my time getting on the Daily show It was in twenty ten And there was a guy in the front row with a full on iPad out and Previous comedians had asked him to put the iPad away because it looked he was recording sets I like, by the way, I just want to highlight something to you, Jordan It's that Al immediately got worried about what story I was going to tell As soon as he realized it was this story, He got mad about this thing that happened a few years ago. took over telling the story. So there was a guy in the front row. When did iPads come out? twenty ten, that was brand new. Who knows? Yeah. But here is holding this massive device. Yeah. And and I could see like at that time, that was probably such a techy you know, like a cutting edge early adopter tech guy move to have an iPad out. But that so quickly became like something mom does because she thinks the iPad is better than the iPhone for pictures because it's bigger. Yeah, exactly. I think that's a very fair characiz of the situation. And I think what had happened was according to the according to the, you know, forum poster John Oliver had asked this person to stop recording. Yes. But John Oliver had asked this person to stop recording in a Polite Joh Oliver way. By the way, Jon Oliver Not somebody I'd want to mess with either. like he is very quick to tell somebody to go fuck themselves. So He he loved all of this by the way. And he'd love it when I would snap I snapped I don't know. I've seen this guy on HBO and he can get pretty steamed. So okay. So now, according to this storyteller Al discovered that this guy storyteller, random guy and a message for it. This storyteller. Well, this isn't David Sideris he. It might have been. Yeah. Maybe it was Spaalding Gay. He wasn't Spalding Gay. It was probably Spaalding Gay. P. The user nameame was swimming to Cambodia. So what does he say? What is he say in m? The username was Abbey Sideris' brother. that I threaten a guy. That's what you're getting to. No That's not what I'm getting to It wasn't that you threatened him If you threatened him, that I think got left out of the story. Yeah, I wouldn' an ask well. I did threaten him. Okay, great. So What did you threaten him with? Firing? What are you gonna do? I have threatened so many people on say But let me be clear I we were just talking about the ADHD and how distracted I would even get on stage. Comedians Also, you could be killing and there could be one person J not paying attention or not into it and will focus on that individual rather than all the people laughing So I very distracted. I can see everything and I have many stories where I have told people like this So this is just one instance of many where I've told somebody, quit doing what you're doing So so Jordan. O communicated to this man. his displeasure that he had not put away the iPad, even though John Oliver had asked. we asked you put away the iPad and you hadt put away the iPad. What's your deal? What kind of What kind of asshole are you? Long story short. The question that this message board poster asked was Is al magical Again, I'm paraphrasing Is Al Madrigal a bad person He seemed nice on Jordan Jesse G. However, this grown man that was standing near me at the show who left the show halfway through in tears. Yeah And he's lucky. I didn't take the iPad and fucking hit him over the head with it. Be that's what he was asking me to do. He is lucky. He's lucky That would been fair That would have been very fair. J just go to the show and pay attention and just like you don't when people ask you, if anyone of I was at a performance or recording and I had my phone out and somebody said, hey, could you please put away the phone I'll go, o, I'm sorry, no problem. I got it. Let me tuck that away. Yeah. But to keep it out It's my favorite part of the whole thing is just the idea of someone holding an entire iPad. Yeah and I'm holding it up. Fuck you. What are you doing? And it was clearly what you said, Jordan about like, look at me, I got an iPad because you can like tape from your phone pretty sneakily and easily. You could just also out Christian, when did the iPad come out we have Ch on the Yeahah, Christian, can we do some research on twenty ten twenty ten. So it's a brand new thing And this guy wants to show it off Ands like put her away, man And I think I did ask politely a couple times. Look, Al, we know you. We know that you ask politely several times. Sure We also know the fire that and then that man saw in your eyes. But you responded and said he's a fantastic guy They said Al Mandicals the best. right. When have I ever not defended the great Al Mandrile, Jordan? You always favorite. my favorite guys. Let me just I come from very feisty people on both sides and's like I My growing up in San Francisco, half Mexican, half Sicilian I grew up my dad was his little psycho little fire plug Napoleon complex Mexican man who did not take any shit at all from anybody And then I have my mom's maiden name is Tarantino. So I've got low level mobsters on one side. When I told my uncle Bobby Tarantino, where I was working down at the canannery at Cobbs Comedy Club He goes, Ohh yeah, I used to control an alley right by there. control an alley. Everything that came in and out of the alley, he got a little taste of. Rats and host, what are we talking about? So it was a fisherman's wharf and they were moving stuff in and out And then when my dad passed away My I understand bragging about controlling a neighborhood or a city. This city is mine. you know, I get that, I guess you gotta start small. No one like that. your cousin Alice went to private school and I pay for the whole thing with bread bls So I get that if you want to do business here, you got to give this guy a little bit of a taste. R You understand getting a taste. I understand getting h, give that guy a little bit of a taste. That's how it works. And he was the guy that was getting the taste in the ally. Right. I give Jesse a taste every week. When I went num Eh grade graduation party or maybe high school we had at a little it was actually senior high school He came And then my friends uncles were there and they were Yugoslavian And he goes, Hey, kid I gott to go. I had a couple run ins with that slav Rer that small ma. And then I talked to my buddy. It was his uncle And I said Yeah, and it was cousin, I forget the guy's name, but he goes, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. that totally tracks because that guy was also getting tastes of stuff here and there. but he was like like a maid Slav. I think to me He's a maid Slav and you don't w want to mess with a mid Slav. He goes,y, you and then this is another thing he said, sorry He goes, You see the mitts on that slve So when it comes with a maid sloth or an angry tongen. Yeah. so when it comes to dealing with people, like I can't help, butah and we were just talking about that luckily, when my daughter got diagnosed with ADHD and it's really bad, they said Where do you think it comes from? And my wife who's a learning specialist just pointed at me. Yeah. And I got on Vivance and ADHD is a trip because and I didn't realize this, like it just takes you, it's great for comedy because for comedy writing, it really does help you places other people wouldn't with jokes and stories. but it also brings you to a super dark place and you get depressed for no reason. Then you start having I was playing like this low light reel in my head of trying to threatening to kick a guy in the face with an iPad And to all these moments that you wish you had back That was your rock bottom Al. That was when you realized you needed to get your life together. There's plenty of dumb shit that I've done because you lack impulse control. And I tell you what, my friend Uh, my friend Ben was recently diagnosed and he's reading a book about it. And he said his core insight was He realized that other people When they're in a car and having a really intense emotional conversation with their wife go Oh hold on a second. cheheck out that funny billboard Yeah. And I was like, I have probably done that ten times. Yes. It's ridiculous. So the conversation could wait. You're driving past the it's gonna to be gone Eactly, Jordan. It's right there. You want the wife to be able to laugh. If I don't say it now, we're gonna to miss it. It's gonna be gone forever. I'm gonna have to try and redescribe it later. And that's the other thing is just like look at everything that's going on. It's warning against herpes, but it's a volcano. What is this focusing and, you know, and on the material in the room and then having this thing that's distracting you wasmost impossible. Al when I'm out to dinner with my wife you know, my beautiful wife, T. you guys are you're both foodies. You love The two of us look, the two of us are foodies who love to go out. We probably go out what three, four times a year. Yeah, sure. And when I'm out to dinner with my wife I'll be sitting there and I'll be telling her about something. I will stop dead and be like, can you believe what that guy just said. And she'll be like What And I'll be like, you're not listening to this conversation in addition to the conversation that we're having. The same all the time That's a real problem and luckily I've I've been on this stuff for about three years, I think and it's been life changing. So yeah the days of me threatening people are Over. I mean I kind of do it for fun. Al you're ste I hate to tell you kind of my enforcer. Like I kind of think of you as my enforcer. I've had circumstances where I need an enforcer. I'm six foot four. two hundred five pounds. People don't mess around with me particularly You know, I'm sober all the time. Nobody's ever like, I'm going to get a fight with this guy of barr do feel like if I needed an enforcer, probably Al would be my first text message. I've never been First of all You're right If I mean Jesie, you seen you seen the myths on this guy mys. Look at those famous I can see the magical myths from here. I want to apologize to you, Jordan because obviously I've you're one of the few people that I've known longer than Al You know, I'd known you for probably two years before I met Al Maybe even a year maybe a year and a half. Okay. notot that much longer. Not that much longer, but you know, not a ton longer But you know, we lived in the same hall in college. so we were pretty close by the time magical But like I feel bad, Jordan for not choosing you as my enforcer one Oh, no, no, you made the right choice. I would be terrible at it. Okay. I mean, I think you may I do in your heart No it's not you ever texted me Yeah and say, I got a problem The cops can't fix. Yeah I need you to come over right now, like now that would jump in the car and your home and help you with whatever you needed. Thank you very much Al.. Thankk you. and if Jesse, if you sent me that same text, I would say You you've chosen the wrong person. You would I'm sorry. I would just get a reply and it's just the address card for Al Right, yeah I just Again, I've never been in a fight Have it never ever? No because I think I do give off a vibe of, I mean, I've done crazy shit in potential fight scenarios. Have you ever been hit punch a cry we were just I was just telling Christian this on the way up. I in eighth grade walking through downtown San Francisco at Mentally ill homeless gentleman jumped out of nowhere and punched me right across the face. Okay. See? This must be Jordan. you're from Orange County So you're the only one who here who when they were thirteen, weren't punched by a random person while walking down the sidewalk That did not happen. The person that punched me in the face did not appear to be mentally ill. I think he was just having a laugh with his friend We were I've told this storan and Jord ago, we were wearing the same forty nineers jacket. I told him he had a cool jacket. He punched me in the face and laghed U, But I'll tell you what the city in the say. Yeah right in front of St. Lou'sosital, Al sounds well yeah That's going to happen over there. Valency admission. Yeah. I had a situation happen at my home This week home situation Exactly My family and I are all in our home. my two beautiful dogs, my three beautiful children, my beautiful wife And Jessie, let me say, the home is a beautiful place for the family. Thank you so much. I couldn't agree more and it's where the family belongs. Sorry if that's unpopular. And I just want to say I feel bad for leaving out O four beautiful rats. That's going to be Boba Galactic Annihilator and the other two rats U Is this a rat reveal? I didn't know you guys had four rats. You didn't r a rat rat Ral. How do they get along They get along great. They fucking love each other. They're always in a pile like trying to get the attention of my daughter Sart. It's amazing. Anyway, we can come back to the rats. We're at all at the house. I tried to say right, but I said rat. Yeah. Everybody's Rd on. Everybody's in the house And the doorbell starts ringing Okay. Ding donong Ding donong Dogs are going ape shit. No one ever rings It's twenty twenty six. Nobody ever rings my doorbell, right byy the way, great doorbell impression, Jessseie. Thank you,eor I'm known as the man of eighty voices so A doorbell's not a voice Jessse. You can't get. Yeah. It's eighty sound effects. It's compliance. All right. What I don't know what a doorbell is, It's not a voice. I Jordan God. This is why I don't trust you to call when I'm in the shit and I need somebody to help me with a problem that the cops can't deal with. And I'm saying that's a good choice called me, I would be bad at it. Okay So anyway, my doorbells ringing ding, dong, ding donong My two fucking dogs are going ape shit running back and forth. What the fuck is this? Trying to guard the tryrying to guard the gate from inside the house U going totally nuts. What are the rats doing The rats are piling up and probably trying to go underneath one of my children's shirt. That's one of their favorite things to They'll go right up under your arm. It's really fun. It's hilarious. And rats are really great. I But anyway, everybody's going nuts And we're like trying to get the dogs together and whatever. And like usually if someone rings the doorbell. either like an election canvasser Mhm or It's just like a UPS guy who's just letting us know that he threw something Yeah the fence. Eespecially these days when like, you know, they have these like delivery contractors for deliveries A guy in a, you know, Amazon vest He'll ring your doorbell seventeen times, throw it over backwards and leave. You know what I mean So That's what we assumed was going on. We were not really rushing to the door. We were just like trying to get the dogs under control so they don't freak out the kids so they don't freak out the rats, et ceter. Yeah. I look out, I don't see anything out there. And my wife goes out there Uh, she looks and there's like They keeping bag a poo. There's a bunch ofash classic gross misconduct. There's a bunch of trash spilling out of our mailbox and our doorbell is missing And there's these guys that work at the there's a machine shop, a metal shop across the street from a house. Yeah. and they're always hanging out there. They look like they like looking out for us. And he says, that guy just did it. Gy go The guy the guy says to my wife, he says u crazy guy trash We told him Get out of here A man out come to the front of our house Stolen our doorbell. W a ring doorbell? No, it's just a regular wireless doorbell, not a camera doorbell, not a smart doorbell You just tore it off the fence How is he getting up to the door? He's at the gate. He's just at the sidewalk. Oh, so but what are we doing about this gate The gate was the gate did its job He didn't enter the gate. It sounds He didn't pass the gate. Okay, good. He only made it to the gate, but he he stole our doorbell. So the doorbell was ringing because he was in the process of stealing it. We accidentally pushed it as he was ripping. Yeah As he was ripping it off of our fence He's he bang it several times And then he It was just like some like food trash that was just in our mailbox. Just he had stuffed some miscellaneous trash into our mailbox. M maybe he was trading you for it And the guys across the street just said crazy guy put trash. We told him, get out of here. Yeah, got out of there. You don't need an enforcer for that. No. Well, I got those guys across the street Yeah.s they seem like people you'd want to bring lunch to occasionally. Oh, you know I want to bring these guys lunch. You you I do don friendnd them. Sometimes I bring them lemonade. Yeah, I'd bring them lemonade. I'd drop over donoughuts. You put on your you put on your Daisy Dukes. strut You say you You say you who H. You guys live in Los Angeles. You know about what it's like when there's too many lemons on the lemon tree? Sure, sure. yeah. You gott to make some lemonade and you give it to the guy across the street. Geor, I mean Jordan, Al Madall's entire house smelled like guavas for four years. That's right. He's acting like he wouldn't bring lemonade to the guys across the street. I would definitely grease those guys across the street. give them a little taste tasty your lemon. Yeah Just give a little tast taste. Let's do this. The boys across the street they're getting thirsty. Why don't we grab some lemons, do a little squeezein and then we'll come back for some more. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessico It's Jordan Jesse Go, I'm Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris Jordan, every episode of Jordan Jessico is supported by the members of Maximum Fund. I met some max phone numbers on that boat that I went on, the Grace Bailey. Oh And lots of Maxon members. there's some Jordan Jessico listeners Thomas, one of them. Thomas. some We love you, baby. Hey baby, we love ya. G kiss, Baby. Met us at Met us at Muso and Franks, baby We are also supported this week by a message that is on the jumboron It is a design ex the Jumbo dron, by the way, where Jordan Jessicgo listeners can share messages with other Jordan Jessigo leners, maximumfund dot org slash jumbo Ton is a printing exhibition called Red is the second color of printing at second color Dot or So all the graphic designer tuppies. Pauldies to liibbrarian tuppies. There's basically two categories of tuppies here. It's graphic designers, librarians with tattoos This is for the graphic designer ones. Our listener says, I'm curating a memorial exhibition for my printer father called Red is the secondcond color of printing based on his idea to ask graphic designers for their favorite reds, then display them all togetheret. It will open in Brooklyn in December, then we'll transfer to the Museum of Printing in Haverhome, Massachusetts pretty cool. That's a real fucking Museum yeah. Participants will receive a hundred dollars stipend details and submission form at secondcolor. org no fee to enter raa rara. If you're out there, you're a graphic designer or a printer, go to secondcolor. org and submit your favorite red Trying to get that stipend and get into this exhibition. Red is the second color of printing. Kind of cool. I think that sounds pretty cool to me. Yes, it does. maximumfun. org slash jumbotron if you want us to read your message, and why wouldn't you? my grandfather was a printer. Hey, okay sin. No. He was a human man. Jordan, he was a human man. Grandp' not a toner, you said. He was a human man. He was a human man and he'd lost sight in one of his eyes because of an accident with the printing love Our listeners.. We love our listeners. Yeah. Can I tell the listeners about a URL they can go to M Come on. we got a couple of minutes. Okay bit d. LY slash goo friends. That's good friends with that's the G bit. LY slash goo friendriends preordderer all five issues of the amazing venom A new Marvel series from me and artist Luke Roths. So you had a five issues now this is not the venom this is not venom that's Spider Man's friendont of me. No, no, no. this is this is some other character differentiff guy spepelled differently list legally speaking. You don't have yout you didn't nobody canded you the keys. to the one of the signature Marvel characters Venom the Spider Man. Well, kind of sort This is a different He It's a different thing going on This is a Marvel comic. This is the D list villain booomerang We love him He has an alien syymbia and he's got to get it home to its home planet It's gonna be fun. So boomering boomering Okay, yeah What do you want to know about boomerang? Okay, Jordan Yeah Fighter Man. Yeah When he was wearing the black suit, that's because it was his regular suit that was made out of some sort of stretchy jersey. was replaced by a space alien. Yes, a symbiote that he it's symbiotic because it ate his life fors and he its. Yeah got it on Battle World. And then instead of shooting goo out of a container, Alien itself shot the g would blast onto the people and grab them, wrap them up, make a web, whatever Yeah later Eddie Brock Yeah got a hold of this thing And it's the reporter. It sort of twisted his mind. This guy got kind of twisted I know you can relate to that Jording because you're a little twisted sometimes. Sometimes you're a little twisted Um And then certain flavors of Snny D also, yes. So. Oh yeah. And then you're saying that Boomeray also got twisted. Yeah, he's he's all twisted up He's he's he's got he's a he's is a bad guy? Is he a good guy? I don't know. this guy' being pulled in every direction. Boomering throws boom rings. Therers boomerangs. used to be a major leag pch And then he got into boomerang throwing for crime. They were didn't to use baseball. Honestly, don't know. Don't know. Bubergs are cooler, I think, and they come back. Jordan it's a value thing. One time a world champion Javelin thrower tried out to be on the Atlanta Braves And I thought it was just something I made up and I finally ran a Lexus Nexus search to make sure it was true and it was true. It did happen. I mean, yeah, there's a lot of things to throw U Anyway, bit. LY I throw a freaking tantrum if we don't get out of thisad breakot LY such goof friends. Jesse, you'll be glad to know that one of the variant covers is being designed by Eric Larson you know, Yeahah Ericric Larson. My favorite spider. You your favorite spider Man guys doing child. For amazing venom. you have to get it When everyone was always talking about Todd Charlen and I was like, I like the Eric Larsson ones better myself becausem I'm a hipster. Yeah You gott to get your Eric Larson cover for the amazing venom .li slash goof friends. It's going to be a lot of fun. L you homemork light, you'll be able to read it Did he introduce you to the savage dragon Yes, he did. We went to Prime's hot tub. We hot tubing with Pime. Holy He was one of his Holy mo that's incredible If you're out there, you need a gift for somebody, go to put this onshop d. com. That's my antique store. I got it in my own antique store. put this on Jef. cool. It's got all kind of beautiful things there and gift items and Home goods, jewels for ladies and fellas put this on shop dot com. OkayK, we'll be back in just a second on It's Jordan Jesse Go, I am Jesse For in Americas radio Sehe Jordan Morris, boy detective Al, whoo are you? Guessed The man of eighty one voices. And I'm how magical the man of eighty one. Boy is That's one of my favorites. That's one of my top forty voices you do out. Al, we were talking about these apartments. So In San Francisco, there was a few comedian apartments that had been passed L like two or three twenty first in chestnut. was that was the better one. And that I think had Dana Gould Jenny Gfalo had lived there And by the time I went there, I think it was Colin Mayhan from Fresh Robots that I was in fresh to. We'd rehearsse there a lot Tony Kamin, I believe was there also. And I don't know who else lived there at the time And then there was a real shit hole. on third and but I remember going to the bathroom was like third and Clement One of them was by Levideo I feel like I remember one of the video was. Joe Closick and W. Camal Bell. Okay. Wh I just spoke to this evening When you that's two clean men, two clean men And we're One and a half clean men. And then you when you ever you have five guys, five unclean men sharing a place and there' sheets, there were sheets for walls and so to divide out like the living room became this prized bedroom, but you know, nothing you you're not going to put a bookcase there. She Betie and then went into So you made a house like a like an enthusiastic dad makes a Halloween maze in the garage.rect. And now the best sheet Just gross everything just in total disarray. These aren't premium machines? Not a premium m using a thad No Nog Th' probably not Egyptian cottonon So then when I remember having to use the restroom And then going to the pizza place. I think it was Gregarios' And u because there was mold Black mold on the entire ceiling, all over a toilet that hadn't been scrubbed ever. And it was just the worst truck stop bathroom, but that was your everyday bathroom for these guys. and I never went back I couldn't set foot in a place like that again, I just didn't understand how Anyone live like that? Did you just skip comedian lifestyle completely I never really I didn't leave live with any comics, you know, because I was twenty eight when I started, so I missed all of that. But even if I was eighteen, I mean, we were always taught to be clean people For a while, Jordan had a housemate that drove one of those red buull cars Yeah, that was my first roommate in LA was off Craigslist and she was like, I think she she had many jobs, but one of the jobs was like she was a promo babe so she would get kind of babed up and like hand out red bulls at like u, you know That was something you would get a red bullet at. a monster truck rally or was inspiration for Sean William Scott's character and role models. who would drive that big minotaur Yeah. That was based on my roommate. They had to pay her life rights for that So And then she adopted this kind of hilarious kid. He was pretty foul mouth.. He had a little bit of a mouth b. bo kid Yeah, he did love boobs. He did love boobs. So yeah, that was all based on my roommate. So So she was unclean. No, she was she was tidy. I don't know where the where the unclean connection made, but yeah, she she was pretty tidy. I think in that situation I was probably the messy roommate. so yeah I was the bestess you were made in college. I just again, well Neither of my parents went to college. I was dropped off and they drove away What college did you go to? I was at Cal Polli in S. Louis Obiso and I didn't really care for it. And then I transferred to USF University of San Francisco probably should have gone all along I mean, you went to a Catholic high school in San Francisco, I think that make sense. The plan was always that you would go to USA for sure. Yeah San Louis What what San Louis A Bispo like? Do you remember what you didn't like about it? It was just you know, I can't walk into town where an all black smoking a cigarette and it was you know, famous for a tri tip And it was mostly an agriculture school. I got to say of all the regional foods off all the types of regional barbecue in Of which there are thousands, sure All good The worst of them may be Try to T Tip is a type of barbecue. It's a cut of meat. But it is last cut. Signature, it's the signature barbecued food of Central California. I mean all of California But particularly Central California And It's not very good Like you marinate the shit out of this. That's what they would do. Piece of meat. And once you've marinated the shit out of it, tastes fine, but unlike other forms of barbecue where you like start with a type of meat that has a lot of fat and ive tissue in it and cook it slowly until all that It's all soft and nice ry tbe, you just slap it on a barbecue and then call it a day. Sure. it's a struggle. every people get excited about it because you're getting so many tips. tip. So there were at the it was primarily in an agriculture school and there were five guys to one girl and I had just gone to an all boys high school And then went down therely five to one. five to one. And I remember being at a party and I gave a speech on the stairs from a movie like chair my Jerry Mcuire's speech of there should be girls at this party How are we all okay with this I'm transferring tomorrow Who's with me? And nobody I walked out This is nonsense. to the university I'm becoming a don I'll be a don. Okay what were you studying? 'causeuse you business business m. Okay you weren't doing like theater or, you know, writing or something like. And did you feel like USF was more in line with your? Sure. I mean by cigarette smoking black wearing lifestyle? Well, I was familiar with the city, we were talking about the ADHD of it all I just was not prepared to go to college. I just wasn't. and didn't really know how to navigate life on my own. very late blomer so it just took me a while to figure it out. And by the time I got to USF, I knew how to study I knew it would take me longer and I'd have to focus and I'd have to do extra work. I never learned to study neverever learned to study, not even a little I did a fair amount of unproductive studying. For certain things where I was worried I would fail if I didn't memorize a list of things All of those cases, I failed at memorizing that list of things and somehow only made it through through some other means such as charm. Oh, I was a terrible student in high school. I remember having a physics teacher But it was like Rushmore for me. I had an article in the newspaper. I produced all of the sketches and wrote all of the sketches and was standing on this side with a headset going, you go now, now. And And I would also if I needed a guy to wear a headset and say you go No, you would be my first go go for that. G out there. G out there Hey, where's the mustache? So you're you're just handing out random props. Yeah here's your top hat. Here's your So hereere's your opera horns. I was great at that part. The school part. I remember walking and that was student bied treasure I was on the announcements. all this stuff. We had an office because my buddy was the editor of the newspaper. So when it came to the school part, hold on. Your buddy was editor of the newspaper So you had an office? We had an office. We had I had friends that were all the presidents and editors of . So there were offices to be had by students.. So yeah, we had offices. it was great. And then but you didn't have a right to any of these offices. You just wanted a little taste. I had an article in a newspaper. I was in yeah. you got an office because you had an article in the newspaper? Yeah, exactly. That's how it was W it was an article or is this just a column? Like one did one article? Oh yeah yeah I had a regular column. It was advice column that I wrote all the questions to. It was called Ask out And then I would do topical stuff that was happening at the school at the time. I see I picture you as V. I'm getting the squirts from the cafeteria food. Yeah, exactly I picture you as a sort of like a three dot columnist, like a hererp Cane or a Larry Cane. That's really what it was, but in the form of an advice column So I got to address all of the issues going on in school and just make fun of people Joe And then I had a box my box was in the activity center and people could put their questions in there And then there was a whole murder threat People said they were going to murder me and cut me up and put me back in my own box. And so we had that sag playing out throughout the entire school year. It was great. Were that a real thing you were responding to or did you make that? It was no, it was my some juniors that I was friends with U they put it in there but they're not juniors p W here were you was this when you were a senior when I was a senior So I would walk up to I had a very funny, it was very old man, but he posted the grades. You had an office and an old man? Yeah I got an old man that was working for me. So he was a doctor Parker. He posted all the grades. This is right three days left And then he hit return times and put my grade. was fifty three. And I said, I walked out to him in the hallway. I go, dor. Parker It looks like I'm in danger of failing your class and it goes Mr. Magical for students like you, I don't believe in Fs I believe in bees have a wonderful summer. Wow And so everyone kind of put me through I did an impression of the principal Father Mario Prieto and it was a great man that actually encourage me He made me the salutatorian of that class. so I did a big speech out Can we talkaled it Dr. Mario Let's see, I think I might have them right here Hi everybody, Horia Hi bys. That's what he sounds like. Jordan, how are you? I feel like I'm back to st gnacious. So He was actually Great, doctor Mario. look out for those falling pills. This might be my tenth or eleventh year. I do the father Mario Prietto comedy Father scholarship I'm sorry. Al I was calling him doctor Mario. father. Father Mario Father Mario So I do a comedy scholarship for kids not tied to grades or just the funniest junior gets twenty thousand five hundred bucks towards their tuition every single year to encourage an ideally I'm there Lino or Latina and they get the money to encourage him to go into comedy because we need more Latinos in comedy Ih I gott to tell you this, Jordan. My brother in law, Danny Al Madrical gave him an inspirational speech in high school Really? How had that had that had that go down? I went through the same high school as Al Madal went to I Mag came back and gave everybody an inspirational speech. Oh, I think I did. I've gone back a couple times and I Well, I was encouraged to get into comedy. I had comedians on my block growing up. So I had the me and brothers lived across history. And then Michael Pritchard who was there for a little bit And then Another thing Are you following this Eric Bgoni murder in San Francco in the outer sey Eric Bgoni murder. Eric Bgoni grew up on my block In the city on fifteenth between Irving and Sudah Always very nice to us. My mom pointed out he was always nice to you boys But he was a little bit of a punk. And we would see him his dad, him and his sister, Lisa Bgoni and the dad, I think played for the Angels for a little bit. All the Bgonies. All the Bgonies were there On fifteenth, he actually owned the father owned the Stinking Rose restestaurant It was a famous garlic restaurant. sure E Bgoni. you would believe how many cloves of garlic they could put in one chicken. There was one of those in LA for a minute or for a while So there and he was living in the outer sunset. He's a fifty eight year old man now and There's a fire that starts outside. He walks outside, somebody shoots him with a silencer This just happened a month ago that San Francisco Police Department investigates. it was his landlord He was a dentist This is a dentist murdered Eric Muoni? A dentist landlord who had also been accused of murdering another one of his tenants years before and got off He figured because He held the future of San Francisco's teeth in his hands Yeah, you just murder with a murder any. Right. It just makes you feel like a god being a dentist. And what would Shapiro say Shapiro would say That is fucked up. It's fucked up. That is what doctor Shampiro would say. And what would Father Mario say about it? You know, some people just lose their way. And you know I certainly hope He would be understanding. He would be forgiving. I certainly hope that he gets the help he needs I never murdered Eric Bagoni But I did once murder Eric Bagozin The storyteller That's right. We did talk about that earlier and now you're saying it here in this part of the show. That's good. Thanks, Jordan That's good. That's good. Oh well, it's a good show. People like it. It's a good show. The content is good. No calls We don't have any calls this week. No calls this week. How good is it? How good is it if we don't have any fucking calls two zero six nine eight four four f or, just send us a voiceemmo JJ Go at maximumfundot orgot Let's say you' like Is there something we can do to like stoke the flame of the calls that has apparently gone out. Is there any like we can give people. We we need this people. We need we need your call. First of all, should we be sexier I't see how that Yeah. I mean said Couldn't hurt, tryry it, Jordan be sexyer? just give it a shot. See what we. Okay you can come up with it i You're gonna keep your shirt on Yeah,'ll I mean, I don't think this video is going out. so me taking off my shirt would, I mean it might like inform my performance a little bit, but I think what would dor. Marius say father If he wants to take his shirt off um Would That' be great? Look out the ffalling the pills. That was what doctor Mario would say. Father Mario. It was probably doctor Mario who killed Erk Bogos. wasas doctor Mar there was a Mario Bothers where Mario was a doctor. He was always a plumber. It was doctor Mario. Yeah, doctor, I think doctor, I think Nintendo has said that Mario has had many jobs and one of them is a plumber. I don't think they're saying he's always a plber exclusively a plumber The company line is that he has had many jobs. What including doctor? What other jobs? are Mar besides doctor and Plumber, Fox. tennis player. T tennis M. Yeah. Mario tennis. Yeah. As your golf, someone who someomeone who punches Pikachu Smash Brers. fider Ky Street fighter, Street fighter. Smash Street fighter. Yeah. Iillegal tournament fighter. ye Yeah, sure Kart racer of course Cart rac. That's a good point. Mario really has done a lot of different things. Plus there's that one where he hoses graffiti off walls and it says shine get. Sh and get. Yeah. I mean, step aside Barbie because Mario's the original girl boss Yeah, sureure, it's a good show. It's a good show, Barbie had a lot of jobs too, sorry getet back to be sexy. Okay. Ooh, give us a call at two hundredo six nine eight four four and tell us about how what you are No. All right, let's do another one. Do that not work for you? me that not make you w? me to give it a try out. I hated the wet part. Does't give Jordan one more just a readach. What you hate about the wet part? Are you a try? I am a little I going gonna try. Jordan I'll give I'll do one and then Jordan I'll give you a chance to get it get together Give us a call two, z six, nine, eight four for fun or J send us a voice memo at JJo at maximumfund. org Let us know how wet you are. I don't want to know how wet anyone is. It would be fun. It would be. didn' told us how wet it was. they were washing their hands on. They didn' They're in the tub. They one to ten and then give us the context. Sweaty shirt. Yeah. One to ten and then give us the context Let us know how wet you are two hundred six nine eight four. Okay, Jordan, you get another shot at this thing. That was it. We promised you another shot at that. How about Tell us your horny stories Oh yeah, tellell us your hornest stories. Tell us your hornest stories. G horn what? Are you super horny? Give us a call at two hundred six nine eight four four fun and tell us how big your butt is. You got a big old butt You got a big set butt. G got a big old bubble butt Picture but. You got you got a flap butud is fine. you can call in too We just We sse give us a call. We're in second grade and we're learning about making sure we like butts. We're going to put a sticker at each size of butt and find out what size butts our audience members have Um people yeah, for a while, people were calling and handing the phone off to their significant other who didn't like the show. Yeah We what we've learned in doing the show for these past twenty years is that people's spouses don't like the show. I mean, By and large, people don't like the show But amongst that subpopulation of people who do like their dides couples. It divides couples. It divides. Yes. It tears apart marriages and sometimes' That's what that argument was about. beforefore he saw the billboard. Yeah that they were Jizzy going on and on R does not like the program. M Ben likes the program H. And you know what U It's going to be our twentieth anniversary, Jordan. Sure, yeah, that's something Give us a present. giveive us a call to tell us to give us a present. Also that you could call about as your favorite moment And because it is the twentieth anniversary, we'll replay that moment and it'll be more of a clip show. We're gonna do that. Christian. I got a question. Al Christian, this is great producing, by the way. Al. this is awesome producing because it means less work for us., wait, w Christian. Are you ready for this? Yes, sir Y This' about twenty years of Jordan Jesse Go episode. We're gonna need you to access the library. be ready to pull up people's favorite moments Just we're going to have you What was the moment that made you a fan of the show? When did you start listening? and if you could pinpoint the exact moment Like I can recall the moment I threaten that guy with the iPad Why you recall what your favorite about this moment was? Can I pitch an idea? Please, it's your show. Give us a call twoz six. Well, not, I mean, you sort of take it note. you put on the headset and ever since it's been put on this mustache. Itet outs there Give us a call two zero six nine eighty four four F or send us a voice memo, JJgo at maximumfund. orga When do you become such a fucking perve When'd you become a pervert? yeah. All you perves out there what turned you into a pervert Was it Robinhood from Disney's Robinhood? It Usually is No, yeah. that's a popular one Dan Soder has a great joke about that. wouldn't day you're just playing with dinosaurs the next day you're like Pussy. And then I just saw great Brent Weinbck bit about Horny. L just yeah, you gr last one just the idea of Brent Weinbach saying the word horny morning That's a pretty good. So what have we got so far? Give us a twentieth birthday present. Yeah, give us a present. I mean that could that could be like the form of a talent, a poem right a little song U there's lots of there's lots of forms that that gif take. So this is why we're not getting any calls It's because we're asking too much. We need them to perform for us now? Do we need their talent? That's what they want to do Do they Yeah, these these nasty freaks Want to put on a show Just yeah, these nasty freaks, they're also little has They love to ham it up. for has. If you're out there. you' listening. what size of your has? This is informative for your sexy request like est. Now ders say All right, you sexy little hand All right, you all right, you little has. Sex We're gonna ser We're gonna sex We're going to serve you with rings of pineapple because you're just you're just little hands Marashino cherries or whatever they that sounds nice.'s like a nice way to serve a ham.onna glaze you with honey. Yeah, You w to get all glazed up, you sexy little hands. Gaze tellell us about your wet hands How wet are your has? What are your has? V? two zero six, nine eight four four F or JJ Goard maximum fund dot org for your voice. How those has get so wet? And you know what? while you're at it This isn't going to work on the audio part of the program, but Christian is the what in that email inbox Email your handpicks to JJ go at maximfund dot orgot You got your. You got a ham there right now. You got ham at your house. You got slices at your house, seend a pictage to Christian. Christian wants to see your hands. Christian wants to see those hands. JJ goo at maximumfundot org for those handpicks, baby Okay, let's let's do this. Let's let's take a little break. What's our call to action here, Jordan I don't know, that's stuff we said. The ham stuff. Remember the stuff we said? Remember the that. We just want tovey how low our standards for momentous occasions have fallen. R Just se them to us. We got nothing this week. We got zero. Don't you want to be a celebrity? Yeah first step. want to hear your voice on the radio After my momentous occasion, I think it was the bar was just so high, you know. Christian one time called in with a momentous occasion before he even worked here And it was that he found out what his grandpa's favorite genre of movies was and it was talking dog movies I love them. It was so important. it was so important to our emotional well beinging that we made Brian look up his phone number from the like email that sent us the voice memo and call him and ask him to come in. Hire him on the spot. Yep Bas. And now here he is producing the very show. He started out with one little alley Yeah, he ran that alley with an iron fist. Now he's gonna to pay twelve dollars an hour alking Dog movies. Talking doog movies. What are they? Beverly Hills Chihua, you know, that kind of stuff? Oh Beverly Hills Chihuahua. I thought it was like I it went straight to Theer father of talking Dog movies. Turner and Hoo. turn No who doesn't talk to? That's why I just went to like movies with like Air Bud doesn't speak. No, but the u sppace puppies or whatever they're called, they talk. Oh they talk Yeah, you know the home bound Dos in space Homebound, incredible journey Those are some talking' dogs, and I think there's no more. I think we actually identified al. So your grandfather just loves Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Probably. Do want me to hook him up with George Lopez? Is he still around? Yeah, he's still around.' He's still kicking. All right. Now do you even hook him up with like they'll go Id probably get a I could probably get a voicemail out of him to play with their h your grandpa You think you don't think you get a video much. I might be able to get a video Is he sick U sort of All right. maybe has hur my chances. Let's do this. Let's take a break. Let's see if we can get Lopez on the phone cheheer up Christian sick grandpa and then we'll come back for some more. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jico. Yeah Hey, it's John Moe and I host Deppress Me and Sleeping with Celebrities, and I'm here with MaxFun member of the mononth, Kara Barnett. Hi, John. It's great to talk to you. We appreciate your support, Kara. How long have you been listening to the show? I've been listening to Depressed Mode since the first promo came out with Pat Oswald. I've been listening since the very first episode Kara, as our Maxbund member of the month, you'll be getting some some prizes here. A twenty five dollars gift card to the Maximum Fund store, a special member of the month bumper sticker and get this a parking spot at Max Fund headquarters in Los Angeles just for you, just for a month or so. Well, that's so exciting if only I lived in Los Angeles. but I got my eye on some stuff in the Max Fund store. Kara Barnett, thank you for being a listener Congratulations on being this month's member of the mononth. I hear the member of the mononth promos all the time. And I can't wait for my friends who listen to Max Fun shows to hear me on the radio because I haven't told any of them. Support the shows you love, including this one Check the show notes for a link or go to maximumFund. org slash join Hello, this is Alden Ford and Mujan Zo Fagari. Two of the creators of Mission to Zix, your favorite improvised obsessively sound designed sci fi sitcom here on the Max Fun Network. And the news is we're back withith an all new miniseries set in the Zx universe. The young old Durf chronicles. Yeah. Well, Durf find his own killer before it's too late To find out how that question could possibly make sense, well you just have to tune in.. And as always, it's ambitious and labor intensive to frankly absertain degree. Indeed. So if you are looking for a little break from your own galaxy, we would love for you to check it out. That's the Young old Derf Chronicles. seearch MissionZix, ZIXX in your podcast app Or on maximumfun dot org d Keep it fresh L, you It's Jordan Jessse Go. I am Jesse Thorn America's radio sweheart Jordan Morris boy detective. And Father Mario Prieto, how are you? Hey Father Prieto. I just like him. I can't wait to play your famous video game, doctor Mario. Father Mario Pieto is the best person. he really is a great guy. Doctor sounds like a wonderful man Is doctor Prieto still kicking He is. I think he was just moved to a facility They sort of he was working Bellerman High School, which is in San Jose Another Jesuit all boys school and I think they just moved them. but Christian, did you just whoop for Jesuits or all boys? I also went to an all Bys Jesuit high school. Christ It's called Verbum D. It's in Watts it's great that you're keeping tabs on your on your old high school te. No,'s really the reason I'm doing comedy because he sort of gave me that opportunity and pushed me after I was doing the impression of him on the announcements You're such a fan and I nailed it so much I did a sketch where we It was a WW F sketch where we had all the people wrestling and we did the Jes the you know, the heart connection or is it was we did the Jesuit connection and high level callar and we were a tag team and I did the impression on the announcements And then he, you know, helped me give the speech gave me the gig as Sutorian. So I gave this it was the funniest guy in the class is the Sututorian and I killed in front of thirteen hundred people and that was like Oh wow, I should maybe be doing this ten years later. Maybe I should procrastinate And you had to spend hire people. You had to put off Uh father Mario a little bit so you could take a little time for Dr. Mario. is right. So I had an awkward moment at a recently where I was at a party And then I my wife was not there My friend and his wife were there and the wife was looking for a glass of proseco spparkling. that's a sparkling wine. That's sparkling wine But then I noticed there's a bar. I said, Hey, there's the wine bar because they didn't have it they at all the wine at the wine bar and the booze at the booze bar And so I said There's a wine bar, I'll get to that glass of prosecco next guy Alice looks sort of looking out for his buddy's wife here in theen areary. I'll go hook ye. Let me go over there. And the bar town. I'll just I'll just I'll just take a beer whatever's in a bottle, I'll grab your beer. Can you get me a ginger ale or not Just a club soda with sparkling water. Just a club soda with l. So I go to the bar and the not sparkling club soda. bigigger bubles And so I go and this is actually good because when I go to the bar, they say Ver veryy nice bartenders says we don't have Persecco. I do have a sparkling white wine And I said it she won't know the difference And she's lush. And she's standing right next to me. And she goes, I won't know the difference of what Wow And I said, In my defense, I would have said the same thing about my own wife. I just think wives don't know the difference between sparkling wine. I don't think anyone unless you're some proseco aficionada would know the difference between a white sparkling wine and a proseco If I walk back with that thing and said, here you go I might have said, they didn't have Psecco. they had this sparkling wine. I brought it. She was just saying it. You might have said that. be like me going to the bar for you. And she said, I don't have club soda, but I have Parier and I'd say just pour it. And you know what? you bring it back to me Id take a sip I'd say This is a little minerally, I would say and not salty enough and throw it I don't like these bubbles. they're too small. might say small bubbles are too small, just like Al Madrigal's opinion of his friends wives Should I talk to my friend about it? Should I mention that we had this awkward moment? Do you think she got in the car and brought it up I mean, I can't imagine that she didn't bring it up, but here's the thing. she probably brought it up because she has other concerns about Her husband's friend Al We're not that close, but it is one of those things where I just I wish I had said somethingomething else And see this how you playing back. I think I think I think you're such a I think you should bring it up. I think you're such a charmer. I think that that charm that got you that turned that F into a B in high school will lead this to be a funny story that everybody enjoys rather than like an embarrassing thing you have to dodge. I think I think do it. I think pull the trigger. But I do I don't love this being of me being associated with all these beefs and confrontations. I got an idea First of all, Cin To Jordan Jesse Go two zo six nine eighty four four five leaving man. This is a good, very specific calldack. What's your problem without m No. what's a problem? We don't have the kind of we can't handle the volume. What's a problem? It just starts ringing like the telephon like there No, if you were to have me fix Beef and help out. like, do you need my enforcement services? Maybe this is a whole little side business for me where I can go and do you want me to fire somebody? Do you want me to talk to your neighbor about not picking up dog shit Do you want me to settle all your neighborhood beefs you want me to? Okay. I got this. I got I I'm fixing your beef hererel. You know, do you do you think you could get your friend's address? you send them a bottle of Pseco M is So. You send him a bottle of Pseco, you say You just read a card Hey, Frank and Sally And I mean, obviously find out what they're. names are and not just any bottle perpect names. a real nice one. A nice one. It doesn't have to be a three hundred dollarars No, but I'm talking We're talking about aty sixty dollarars fifty sixty dollars per. Yeah. you go to the one of those liquor stores where they know what they're talking about and they only have a few different bottles of each type of thing But like you know that if this guy says that it's good, it's going to be good And then a note that says, I'm sorry that your wife caught me at the bar thinking she' saying she wouldn't know the f I was about. I was being I was being glib. You send it to both of them. You say, it's your old pal Al. I was just thinking of you guys and that time I really stepped in it. Sorry for beingib at the bar. Sorry for being Gib, You two are the best That's nice Yeah's nice. I don't think we're close enough for that. Everybody has ye might feel a little bit. just send itty doll swey. Or just avoid them. Or just avoid them forever. right? Or just never see them again. Yep. Here's that. You know what Al bring a mustache around. I know you got one disg If they're coming the opposite direction down the sidewalk or in the supermarket aisle or whatever, throw the mustache on, put on the headset. look away. They're never going to know. Here's the thing. If I do know that I'm going to go to a thing where I'm going to see them, I can bring it Sending it's weird No, I think sending it is the way that it's Sending it is the way that it's cute and fun Okay. If you bring it, that's weird Yeah, that just means you're it seems like you're just walking around with hidden prosecos because you have a problem. O I haven't stopped thinking about that moment at the bar I'm talking about it on every podcast Eating real li. I mean, they're going to hear about it because it's been on this five sure. I mean, it's like it is going to get clipped This is going to be on listen, she doesn't. She hates it. you'll hear it, but she won't. All right, well he already likes you. This guy's your friend. D. one of your closest friends in the world find And also I think you're going I think you're going to become even closer with these guys comomedians get a lot of leeway. I was just being funny. funn Hey guys. I's Josha. being funny, but I was worried you didn't feel that way. Christian, look up the route of Josh and around. Was there a guy named Josh that was just hilarious. Do you think Christian is your producer? Christian Fetch my car. Let's put Let's put him through the paces. He's new. We got We got to raz the new guy a little bit. I thinks if he puts on one headset If he puts on one handset, he can tell Christian to look up where Joshan A comes from. Christian, second thought I will take that water What does it say about Josh and around Christian? The verb to Josh first appeared in written American English around eighteen forty five. Linguists suggest it likely originated as a playful shortening of the proper name Joshua which was commonly used at the time as a generic or stereotypical name for a gullible rustic countryumpkin Oh, Joshuas are idiots. Jos. I'm excited to learn about these Joshuaas. fell off the goddamn Ale cart. Th these bumpkins. Joshua. guys a regular Joshua over here. Yeah, they were the gunners of their time Sure, J just exploding themselves trying to make homemade moonshine. Th Joshua'as. Well, we had a lot of fun with our friend Al Madrigal. We have had a lot of fun timee for you to go get stabbed. Wh I'll walk you for safety. I know you're scared to go back to our parking structure Where can people find you on internet? What should people do? Well was at Al Madriical on Instagram. I am posting a lot of my stand upp lately. and then I have I'm doing a tremendous amount of standup comedy. So if you're in LA, please comedy story improv laugh Factory. I'm going up at all the spots But yeah, I'd love people. I've actually posted my specials. on punch up. So there's a link on my Instagram. So if you want to watch anything, it's all there And then, um That's that's pretty much it. Watch howouse fucking specials. Trpin and easy talks about all of these anger issues that I have since put behind me And I'm a nice guy. who if you got in a situation can turn it on and you've improved I've improved. You're in a better place. I'm in a better place. I'm not overreacting behind me, I'm not the batman of small offenses that I used to be Al Madrigal, one of the greatest in the world. a wonderful comic, a wonderful pal So grateful to have you here out. And send me some pictures of your hands. Send those send those wet nasty hands. Snd thoseet wet of those hands, baby the picks, JJ going and all going over the ham limit here. Oh now we're talking. Hey, Jordan, did you see the did you see the listener who made the Dank meme of of the Hm limit A Heathcliff cartoon only was Wario riding a container of sauce and it said comple Has anyone done anything with, you know, there's a host? that's good though. Mario Lopez? Yeah, Mario Lopez. Is there a Wario Lopez today I mean could we make that could that be something we could collab us for on a comic? Like we start this alternate universe where there's Wario Lopez and he's a host for just like d the bar bizaro Mario Lopez Right And he's always looking for treasure. I do I did do a Google image search for Wario Lopez and a lot of people are into it now. Let let's write some Wario Lopez fan fiction Yeah, I would love that. Yeah, I think I think we would need to know about this guy's inner life. Are there t shirts If you on Etsy, is there a Wario Lopez t shirt? No I bet let's see. let's see. Yeah. I mean, we could clean up with that. I mean, that would be Yeah I would this year's Comicon. I would suggest Wario Batali, but I think he's his own Yeah I got a story about them misconduct You know what a search on Etsy reveals lots of Mario Lopez merchandise and lots of Warrio merchandise I'm not seeing any Wario Lopez. So how we get rich? We just got rich. How we get rich. Christian Duanes is the producer of the program. Our theme music is loveve You by the Free Design. ourur thanks to the free Design, our thanks to Light in the Attic Records for letting us use that. You can join us on Instagram at Instagram dot com slash Jordan Jesi o pop Also on Blue skky Jordan Jesse go Jordan and I are also both ourselves on those platforms Jordan, I gott to tell you went to the comic book store Mhm It was just a sign up that said they were out of baby garves No I know. Baby Garf manania is sweeping the nation. You got to get yours. I actually think the baby Garfield will be out by the time this this wasn't quite out. The woman the woman at the store explained that to me. When you looked for my comic book, what did they say? I was looking for Jordan's comic book at the time She weren' don't have my I didn't see a sign about your comment book no It wass probably there. So I was looking for Jordan's comic book, Baby Garfield, number three. Myike Garfield three Me. number three There's no Latino superheroes. I made some Um AWA Well, first of all Blue Beetle. I don't know what ethnicity, baby Garfil is Nigerian, right? Nigerian. Yes, yes, he's Nigerian. And And I think who better to write him than me? Who better to capture that voice to bring the lived experience to the baby Garfield character, to add authenticity to that voice We're just gonna to give it to Iffy, but then they were like, we need somebody that has an authentic Nigerian. Right. yeah. An who's too busy. G got a lot of guys got a lot a lot of jobsot a lot of jobs. Okay. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jessseico kiss you and love you, love you love you love you love you Yeah Maximum fun A worker own network of artist owned shows, supported directly by you