Swift Justice and Closing Remarks

It's Judge John Hodchman. I'm Baail with Jesse Thorne. This week, we're going down into the archives to bring you a fan favorite episode Is it okay to flush uneaten soup down the toilet Let's listen to flush to judgment and find out. Chesse, I was there when we recorded this. And even I am going listen to this one again because this is a wild episode. I'm really glad we're playing it again Welcome to the Judge Joh Hodjman podcast. I'm Bill of Jesse Thorne this week, Flush to Judgment. Trish brings the case against her friend Marlowe Trish flushes soup down the toilet in order to get rid of it Marlow wants to stop Trish from ever flushing food, ever, ever, ever again even If it's a liquid, Trish says this is a perfectly reasonable way to dispose of soup Who's right? who's wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise, as Judge John Hodgeman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. Soup first or noodles first? No First, observe the whole bul appppreciate its gestalt. Savor the aromas jewels of fat glittering on the surface Shinachiku roots shining, seaweeds slowly sinking, spring onions floating concentrate on the three pork slices. They play the key role but stay modestly hidden First Cress the surface with the chopstick tips Bye to express affection Bale of Jesse Thorne, please swear them inen. Trish and Marlow, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help you God or whatever Yes, Yes, I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that his jaw is wired open and he can only eat solid foods Yes, Yes Judge Chgeman, you may proceed How could I only eat solid foods of my jaw or wired open? It's the opposite of having your jaw wired shut. So for liquid diet. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I can only eat pre chewed solid foods. I guess. That's how it works, John. opppposites That's right. opppposites are the when something is the reverse of the other thing. Right. Now I realize why I sleep in a nest Trish and Marlow, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgments of what because birds, you know, like bailiff Jesse Thorne in this cute little bailiff suit is gonna feed me pre chewed food that wired open jaw. a bird. like's what I mean. That's why I sleep in a nest. Got it. Also, it's very comfortable. You should try it. Sleep in a nest, everybody. Meanwhile, Trish and Marlow, you may be seated for real this time For an immediatem jment one of your'savors, can either you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered this courtroom. Well we'll say yeah about Marla, whyy don't you go first Boy Boy gonna go for Chicken soup for the teenage soul. Chicken soup for the teenage soul. I was thinking, Well, I'm not saying that that's wrong yet I'm writing it down You can see I'm writing it down And I do have a thought about that later. Trish, why don't you guess now I'm just gonna still go with my pre prepared answer because I think it's a good story that people should know, and it's the Italian children's story, Strega Nona. Strega Nona, writing another good one That's about that's soup in that one, right It's actually spagheti.. It's pasta.'s pasta spaghetti Big Anthony bigig Anthony has a hard time managing that Magic pasta pot. I said I couldn't remember okay, but it's got a pot It's got a pot in it. Yeah And did you and that was your preppared answer? Yes And you're the soup flusher Yes. Don't say like it's a bad thing. Uhuh. Did you Did you think that maybe the obscure cultural reference might be about soup Yes. and stregganon is about pasta. That's correct. All right Tring a onut Great story Interesting guess Chicken soup for the teenage soul Do people remember the chicken soup for theoul books Jesse Thorne Is that still a thing that happens? I think at this point in most of America's thrift stores, those books are structural . Uh all guesses are wrong. Dgonon is a good story Chicken suit for the teenage sulk and Suck a Matuba as far as I'm concerned But the answer was a quote from a movie that we referenced fairly recently on the podcast A movie about the quest for perfection And a specific kind of noodle soup called ramen in that movie is called Tampopo, nineteen eighty five onene of the best movies. What a great movie that is It's a terrific movie that deserves more attention and you should go watch it and then you'll just want to eat ramen for the rest of your life. And why wouldn't you be Be kindind of the most, I mean, is there a morear Dellicious. Food Honest honestly. I mean, there are plenty of pizza is out there, but besides that, I have a hard time thinking of any It's hard there are only a few foods Trition Marly, you feel free to weigh in on this. Like there are only a few foods where I feel like I could eat that for the rest of my life. And here they are. Ramen, like to the exclusion of other foods, right If you had to pick if you had to pick one, ramen Uh, brereakfast sandwiches, pizza Barbecue Oh tacos for you, right? Jessse? loveove. Well, I'm gonna to go with papusas Bes You got any to add. I could do any one of those for the rest of my life, probably I think Mashed potatoes, scalloped potatoes Wh my jese I love fried chicken. Right. U Oh my gosh and like Keso ches. You're telling me that if you could get full full nutrition out of K so You would be willing to just eat that with a spoon for the rest of your life? Yeah, probably. I mean, honestly, I'd probably be willing to bathe in it. Wow not if that was the only food I could ever have for the rest of life, perfectly content. Let the record show Marlow fan of soft foods. have you could have your jaw wired open and enjoy all of those But I tell you what, I throw their leftovers in the trash. I can tell you., look, thank you for trying to get this podcast back on track Trish, we'll save your forever food for later. That's a tease, because it's time to hear the case Who comes seeking justice in this court That would be me P You're you're the soup flusher. How is it that you're seeking justice againgainst Marlow. You're flushing soup down the toilet. It would seem to me that you are accused of a food crime here. But what is the justice you seek? I seek justice against Marlow because this has been a year or more in the making of her teasing me about being wrong when I firmly believe that I am correct and that I would like her to have to flush all future soup because it's unreasonable that she's requesting that I change my pattern. And now, as a result, I would like a verdict that she must change her pattern So let me understand this What kind of soups are you flushing down the toilet Think of a chicken noodle soup where you've got some left overver because you weren't hungry enough to finish all of it. I don't understand that concept, but okay I know that people do stop eating Sometimes So chicken noodle soup. Marla, when did you when did you first discover The trish was flushing her chicken noodle soup down the toilet So I'll give you the full story Our group of friends meets up usually every week on Wednesdays. We hang out, we paint with watercolor, Trishia is a very talented visual artist, and so we learned from her But another thing that we'll do is to bring a weird food item for everyone to try. And that's called Try Club and it's very fun And And so one time Trish brought F food to Try Club that was like some strange fruit that none of us had ever eaten before. Tr Do you remember what fruit it was Yes, it was palm seeds in syrup Palm seeds. I've never heard of that either. Yeah, it's commonly sold in the international grocery stores. I got it from our local Korean store And so these would be seeds or a fruit. It's like a fruit, but also a seed. It's very hard to describe. It's kind of gelatinous. Okay. Thank you very much. Continue Marla. So it wasn't bad. It was fine Um, but at the end of the night, Trish is like, Does anybody want to take these home and everybody said no and Trish said no too. So she's like, okay, I'll just get rid of them. And mind you, we're standing in the kitchen at this moment in someone else's house, our mutual friend's house, we're in the kitchen. She's holding this food item with food waste in it because none of us want it So she starts walking away from the kitchen with this. Okay? Right. in order she said, okay, I'm just gonna throw it out. and then exits the kitchen And she's walking down the hall and we're all like, whereere are you going? All of TryClub is a goog. All of TryClub is confused.. Where are you going? She goes, Oh, I'm going to flush it down the toilet. Wow Now all of Try Club is yelling. everyveryone. Chaos. Chaos, yelling, berating her She her face is just surprised as if this is a normal, like she walked out of there like it was a normal thing to go flush up down this toilet And apparently this was the first day that Trish learned that other people don't do that Wow hang on, I'm looking up I'm only have these palm seeds and syrup. Apparently they're good for a snack According to the internet they are the immature fruits of the Nepa palm or mangrove palm, which grow in soft mud and slow moving tidal and river waters Where' didd you discover these? F Had you had them before No, I'd just seen them in YouTube videos where people were trying them and I saw them at the grocery store and I'm like, I want to try them too. So I brou you brought them Yeah, T gllub, That that makes sense. Yeah. Now wait a minute, did everyone in Try Club try it? orr did they just look at it and say, get rid of it? Everyone in Try Club almost always tries it unless it's olives and then they throw a fit Try Club doesn't like olives. Everyone's got bad opinions in Try Club. How many olives have you flushed down the toilet? Oh, I eat them all every time. Okay All right And so how long ago was this would you say Oh easily over a year ago at this point. All right. Yeah, we've been painting together for about two years. And you paint together once a week and and this is Art Night, T Club at Art Night. Are there any other notable clubs or associations going on in this event We did also a meeting of the Lady Lion sububgroupings and the Red Hat Society. Itound like It sounds like a pop up restaurant. like T Club at Art Night, A Trishition Marlow concept. You know what restaurants are called now? Have you heard of TriClub at Art Night, A Trishition Marlow C concept? It's my favorite softball team Trish, you sent in a photo of art Cub There are one, two, three, four, five of you, including you and Marlow there. These photos obviously will be available on our Judge John Hodgman Instagram page, as well as our show page at maximumfund. org our headquarters as well as all of our social medias And I see here one, two, three, four, five of you, four of you are holding up looks like watercolors or some other kind of painting of beautiful little trees. Marla, you get extra credit because you also Pained a bushel of apples, it looks like And Trish, you're standing in the background with nothing except two thumbs up I was just wondering why didn't you paint a tree or a bushel of apples? Yeah, weren't you working on something? Yeah, I had a big art project. I was doing ahead of a deadline and so everyone else painted their things and I was painting for my deadline. Oh, are you an artist by trade No, actually, I'm I have a pretty technical role, but I paint in my free time and I take it very seriously. Very nice I also enjoy in this photo, the profound foregrounding of a screwt bottle of wine, which I thought about trying to remove it, but there's the AI for removing stuff in Adobe is very iffy. so I did not know No, I mean, it's just you have a remarkable depth of field that I can see all of your faces behind this big bottle of wine. but I can imagine ennjoying a glass of wine is part of of T Club at At Group, Art night. I mean I would argue that it's integral Integral wine Try Club at Art Night. Yeah U Okay, so getting back to the case at hand or down the toilet as it will Um Trish, how did you feel when all of Try Club was like, That's disgusting And so are you I just That's what they said It says here that's what they said. I realize this is an audio format and so me giving the death stare does not help. That is what we said. Well, we're on video now too. Check us out on YouTube at Judge John Hodgan Pod on YouTube You definitely see me quail in the in the in the dead lightights of your death stair So cannot describe how viscerally that I just feel like they're wrong when they were getting so upset about me walking to someone else's toilet to flush this extra fruit. I just like It feels so innate to who I am and how I do chores that it just feels They're all wrong. L it's just such a snap thing for me. I know Marla's wrong when she teases me every single time How does she tease you every single time? What does she say flher. No. It's little things like her buying me a can of soup for my Christmas gift. It was a tree ornament Or every time I say something that she even moderately disagrees with me She will say, Oh, it's like your soup opinion Like she's just constantly bringing it up as an example of how wrong I am. And I just feel like she's wrong. And now you are simmering with rage as it was. Basically. Yes, I just really want her to have to flush soup Even the words I just want her to flush soup sounds gross. Trish, don't you hear what you're saying To me, the term flush does not insinuate something disgusting. It is just a part of doing a chore Okay, like when you flush your countertops after cooking or flush your kitchen floors you know, once a week Precisely. Right. Like how often do you flush your bedsheets I try I try to flush him about once a week. But I'll go by with two weeks because I want to conserve water, you know what I mean tend to exclude the toilet from not toilet related chores. You two are not roommates, right How do you know each other We met through friends of friends. So one of the ladies that comes to arrt night, She used to throw a lot of game nights at her house. Sure And my partner and I just moved into the city so And so you're all just having art nights and tri clubs and wine nights in the city and the city in this case is Atlanta Georgia It is You have fun down there We just like everything is fun It is. It's great. And so a year ago, you saw Trish flush the Palm seeds down the toilet But how long ago, how long have you been friends together It was It was pretty deep into our friendship that It's two or three years now Yeah. we've been friends. But we knew each other well. If Trish was still a stranger and that happened, I definitely wouldn't have berated her as much. I guess my question is if Trish was still a stranger when she flushed the palm seeds Would you have deepened your relationship at all with her? O was even said like, h, honestly. That person's a super plusher and I don't wantan to have anything to do with her That is Such a good question I think it would have to give it some thought I think I would need to sit with it for a little bit. I think I probably would have left and been like, wow Look, you know I'm an expert on palm seeds and syrup because I looked at the internet for about Seven seconds So you can take it on authority when I say palm seeds and syrup are not soup How did you learn that Trish was also flushing suit So when she came under attack for the palm seeds and syrup. She said, you guys don't ever flush food down the toilet. And we're all like, no, of course we don't do that. We have sinks. and most of us have Garbage disposals right now. U and she goes, Ohh no, yeah, I flush like Oh soups or liquid Food waste. And so then it was an uproar again. We're yelling, everyone's yelling. Everyone's shaming, Trish My mom was living with me at the time. She was living with me just briefly. and then when I went home, I was recording a video of me flushing it because they wouldn't let me flush it at my friend's house. And I'm like, whatever, I'll take it home and I'll flush it there. So I did. wit, let me just understand. Yeah. You were gonna flush the palp seeds and syrup Try Club was agghast and said no So you said, I'll show you and literally show you took the extra Palm seeds home. to video flushing them down the toilet at home to send them to the group. and a spite. Correct as part of As part of Spite Night, Spite Night the Try Club at our like that I feel like that would be very natural for our group to have Spite Night. Yeah. I think that might be my ruling right there. Okay, so you get home You get home with the palm seeds and you're going to show them what for Yes. And my mom was living with me at the time and so I was able to like get her to tell me if she would flush things because I had to get this from somewhere. It didn't just happen. That was gonna to be my next question. What's wrong with your mom My mom was like, yeah, flushing soup is a normal thing. And so like every time I've had to refer to it, flushing soup, not flushing liquid waste. It's a lot easier to just say flushing soup. So just to get back to your original question.. And so what other things do you flush besides soup then? If soup is a catch all term. leftover cereal. that's gone bad Any juice in the fridge that's extended over two weeks just feels a little uncomfortable to drink. so that goes in the toilet as well. Do you not have a sink I do have a sink Is the toilet closer to the kitchen than the sink Is your juice chunky No Okay Why don't you pour the juice and the spoilt milk down the drain I can't tell you how naturally it comes to me to just walk to the bathroom and my house isn't that big. It doesn't take that much effort to go. Force of habit is what you're saying Yeah, that's a nice way of putting it Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman. The Judge Jon Hodman podcast is brought to you everyvery week by You are members, of course Thank you so much for your support. This podcast and all of your favorite podcasts at maximumfund. org and they are all your favorites. If you want to join the many member supporters of this podcast and this network Boy, boy, that would be fantastic Just go to maximumfund. org slash join The Judge Joh Hadrren podcast is also brought to you this week by Maade In. If you're considering the pros and cons of different cookware brands, you know that M in works with a lot of pros, Tom Kalicio, Brooke Williamson and many others, but they also they also help people who are not professional chefs peoplee who take a professional interest in their home cooking like me and Jesse Thorne. Jesse, what have you made and made in lately Well, John, I had in laws in town. Yeah. 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For full details, visit madeidencookware. com That's mA d E IN cookware d. com The Judge John Haman podcast is also brought to you this week by Aura Jesse, I cannot count the number of times of an evening routine between my wife as a whole human being in her own right and I sitting on the couch watching a YouTube video about Maine and all creatures great and small. and all of a sudden, one or the other us will say, Look at that wonderful photo that the aura frame just pulled up for us. And sure enough There's a wonderful photo of our kids or of our kids' cats or of our family members, our beloved parents or whatever it is. and oftentimes Maybe the aura frame will pick two digital photos of like our daughter who was a holy meing in her own right when she was little and now when she's grown up, and you get to see both, they put it right together. It's curating the stuff for you. Of course it's all coming from our personal digital libraries, digitally, seamlessly, and wirelessly You know, when you get a digital photo frame, maybe you're stuckking in the way I used to think, like When I got to put everything on a thumb drive and then move it over there and put the thumb drive in there or whatever. That's not how it works, Jesse. Tell me how it works. There is an app that works so seamlessly and easily. that what I like to do is if I just if I happen to have taken a picture that I like I will just use that little share icon on my phone. and send it directly to my frames. becausecause all you have to do to tap share and then the aura the little aura picture comes up. I tap share it to my aura and then it's there. I don't even know how it works. I don't need to know how it works because it just works. It was rreated number one by on the app store on Christmas Day in twenty twenty five. You know what it takes to get to number one on the app store? 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Very specifically, it has to be able to flow on its own for it to be considered for the toilet, but I cannot tell you how subconscious this decision is Like it is not like I have actively thought to myself, Hmm, should this go in the toilet? And yet you did create a soup disposal decision tree That is correct. that you shared with the court. is this is also in evidence submitted by youutrish Yes. It says prepared by Trish, january twenty fourth, twenty twenty four veryer official This is your attempt to break down what is a normally subconscious automatic process of judgment? That's correct All right I realize that this now, after going through all of this with my friends, does not come as naturally for some people. And I thought you would need the guided illustration. Well, I appreciate it because you know there each of the things that you do flush different sort of cases of whether or not it's okay to flush in my mind I mean, I won't reveal my judgment yet, but some of those things are okay to flush And some of those things are not okay to flush and some of them are like Why would you bother flushing? But Setting that aside This is a picture of your brain, Trish that you have submitted to us Number one thing you determine is soup viscosity. Do it run on its own Or does it require, quote Fding If it requires prodding, immediately goes in the trash Right, correct. Yes. How do you prod a soup? Like what how do you determine Sick probability. Yes, I have a couple examples. So my grandmother, I grew up with my grandmother living in my home and she would very commonly make stew and chili and these were both very thick You could not slide them out of the bowl on their own. You would need to use like the spoon to push. Are you trying to tell judge John Hodman the difference between a soup and chili No, I'm just saying that these are things the subject of the very first segment the very debut of Judge John Hodgman No, I thought the debut is about those folks that wanted to like wash their hands in a certain sink with a certain soap. That was the first episode of Judge John Hodgman Proper, but the show began as a segment on a little podcast called Whatas it C called, Jessse? J Jordan Jesse go, baby. And the very first segment was, Is Chili a soup Oh And I said It is not, as you well know and as you have pointed out, it's you can prod it. It's not a soup. Yeah, exactly Your Honor, Your Honor. I just want to call to attention one thing I'll allow it I've heard reference to this thought tree, this algorithm. that she uses Number one is, if you'll notice Every ends up flush at the end The other thing is We haven't done a t shirt for a while, but everything ends up flushed like might be a candidate for some merch I would be honored The other thing is Every time I've heard reference to the rules about flushing is's ussually quickly followed with Trish saying, Oh, but I didn't follow the rules last time So she's giving you this flow sheet So to speak. So now that we're sworn in here, and I would just remind Trish that she is under oath. How often Are you breaking the rules of the flow sheet I don't have a number for you. Why don't you contemplate that just so that people understand the rules? Because we've so far, we've only gotten to. If the soup requires prodding, it goes in the trash runs on its own which is to also a fairly disgusting way to think of things giving giving soup an agency that I don't want it to have. No one wants autonomous soups If it runs on its own, first of all, catch it and then determine It's meat content If it is fifty percent or more meat, you remove the meat with a spoon and then Flush it. If it is less than fifty percent you determine content at room temperature So that means you're blooding the soup Cool completely And if it is visible fat, you scrape the fat layer and then flush it. No visible fat, then it gets flushed. The only soup that doesn't get flushed pable soup, otherwise You're doing some manipulations before you The soup, is that correct, Trish. Yes, there are some edge cases present. I just want to address that for anyone who actually sees this flow chart. I'm aware. Everyone's going to see the flow chart Well, I just need them to know the front part of the t shirt. That's what's on the front of the t shirt is the flow chart On the back, it says everything flushes in the end Why do you think that we started a YouTube channel? We started a YouTube channel so we could show the flow chart There were at least six more steps in the original version and recurrence. so I just had to like narrow it down. How dare you withhold from me complexity when your decision kind of u It kind of bothersome to have to go through all that on an audio format. You're not wrong, Trish, you're not wrong. Do? initially order you to produce the full first draft of the flow chart. which is now available on our show page and our Instagram, and we're going to show it I can't see it now But when this posts s to be on YouTube right now. Let's take a look at it Okay, I can only imagine that in the future I am Astonished. Thank you for sharing that. But in the meantime, Trish, I interrupted, you were about to say something. No, just to get back to your point, everything does end up in the toilet as long as it doesn't require prodding So you're struggling to find issues with my argument because there are no issues no, no, no, no, no,. I'm Marsall I'm making I'm trying to quickly meant to make a mental flow chart of all of my arguments I just want to bring us back to too reality here, this is a flow sheet about putting food in the toilet. Still And it's just I know. It's just not where it goes. That's not where it goes you object on principlees. So You know, Plumbing What's going on down there? Well, I do have that question, Trish. Have you experienced plumbing problems Never once Never once. In my entire lifetime of flushing soup, never once had an issue. And you've been doing this since you were but a child Correct. Do you remember the first time you ever flushed soup? It was cereal. And yes, I do remember because I was a child and I asked my mom where does this go? And she said in the toilet. and I went to the toilet and I thought it was so charming. So I just did it for the rest of my life. Aereal soup That is a question that we dare not broach. Let me get back to Slow chart for a second So you're telling me that if And is this always meat content or is it just meat content because vegetables can go down the toilet just fine No they can't. Sorry I'm laughing if they could, that pea soup would be going down I think that you're having a bias in judging this case, sir. What would be my bias? But you don't want me to flush soup Can I tell you something right now, Trish I shouldn't have to establish my impartiality In this situation you have leveled a meaningful accusation Sorry And I will and I will say this. I's a little spicy. Well, I hold you in contempt Okay. But just so you know where I'm coming from I will say this, you can flush juice down the toilet all a live long day. I don't care I don't know why you would do it. because you have a you have a functional sink But there is no problem with regard to flushing pure liquids down the toilet. The reason I hesitated with them reggard to milk is The fat content Now, you have pointed out in your flow chart. that if there is if your soup has cooled And fat is congealed at the top that you will scrape off that fat and put it in the garbage as you well should do Be you know you should not be dumping fat down your plumbing That's corre So I would love to interject here and add a level of detail Even even to the concept of juice going down the toilet Trish is on seepic. She is not Wha. in the city plumming So even with juice, I mean, what are the implications of pouring sugar into a septic system muchuch less fat vegetables and cereal or whatever else food she's putting in there. Well, I'll take I'll take that question first as someone who has been the proud I won't say owner, but companion of a septtic system because it's really Really, it's it has a life of its own But I'll tell you, you still shouldn't be putting grease down your septic system because that will cause it will congeal and cause blockage And I know about the Fat Burg because I did do some intense research, which is I went to one plumbing website. And which had a page called Can you fllush Food down the toilet. And I decided this person was an expert because they are a plumbing and heating company in New Orleans, Louisiana proprietor is named Al Bourgeois And he sounds like an expert to me And he was like, do not flush any oils or fats down the toilet because or frankly, put them down your drain. even your even your garbage disposal because they don't even put them down your pants And that's Excuse me, Bal Bouchois says that's where you should put them. Oh okay. But he sounds like a fun guy.s fun. New Orleans, let the good times roll Maybe having to walk to the bathroom and and flushing, you know, as an added couple of steps onto the food disposal process We could just add a couple more steps and you can just bury it in the yard Do you live in a in a fairly in a rural community or or Is that why you're own septic? No I live in an old nineteen fifties ranch style house in a suburb of Atlanta called De Catater and it's pretty P'ret pretty urban I would say, but you're just not on the sewer I'm just not on the city sewer because it's an old house. Got it. Marla, you mentioned that Trish reports that even though she's created this flow chart, she sometimes doesn't follow it. And she flushes her own rules down the toilet from time to time, Is that correct What kind of transgressions have you made, Trish How What rules have you broken in the flushing department. call ever breaking a rule, so therefore there's been no rule breaking would I would remind you that you're under oath. Okay. Okay. Lail, sometimes I have I don't want to admit this under oath. Sometimes I have paint water I won't flush Turpentine. I know better. But sometimes I got acrylic paint water, it's gonna go down the sink when you're washing your brushes anyways. So if I've got a lot of really ugly paint waterater, I'll just toss it down the toilet. What were the last three Oh I was sick recently and they all followed the rules because they were all progressive cans that I couldn't finish because I was sick What were the what I don't mind, I don't mind buzz marketing progress. Oh, they're pretty good. What were your that's they're my brand of split pe. What were the what were the ones? One of them was split P. One of them was Wait, you flushed split P. You said that you couldn't flush split p. It was probable. See This is an exciting show of Matlock They're split pe. If you've had it, you know it's runny. Progresso split pe is in a category of its own. It runs on its own. It runs on its own. More and more stipulations and conditions so you can just weasel your little soup into the toilet. That is correct. The other one was Creepy chicken noodle, and then the other one was the one that was like chicken dumpling. Creamy chicken noodle didn't have any fat to remove then? No And it was room temperature I think the emulsification of the fat in the dairy is such that this fat would not separate out. I mean, when you're talking about a chowder of any kind, cream of mushroom or cream of chicken M Those can be flushed. Okay Marlo, aside from your innate sense of disgust, you have three particular Critiques. One of which involving the flow chart, which the more I say flow chart in this context, the more Nauseated I get What were some what are the other two points that you wanted to raise about this practice? Yeah. So I mean, I think any normal sane human being knowows that it's disgusting to flch food down the toilet But just in case, you know, that's what we're trying to establish. So I just I just want to call your att. Wait is this a mental competency hearing It could turn into that. Jesse. Can I just say hashtag free Brittneany No I just I want to bring attention to the sound that it probably makes to plop. Sit. into the toilet I mean, you very skillfully deployed the word Pob I think that counts as an nonomotopia and it grossed me out. so I hear you. but you haven't I hear you, but you haven't heard it presuming that there is a bad sound. am Are you responding to a sound that you have uncontrollably playing in your mind when you consider the possibility of this happening. Yeah, I can hear it really clearly in my brain What kind of sound is it I guess we didn't give the listener a warning there. Yeah. I think the warning was I said what kind of sound is it? I don't think that's going to stop those letter writers from writing those letters. It isn't going to be a beautiful horn solo, Judge Judhman. I'll tell you what, I'm going to give the listeners a real big warning now because I'm gonna to ask I'm gonna to ask Marlow to make that sound more loudly and longer because I couldn't quite get it And if you don't want to hear the sound of Marlow imitating soup plopping into the into the Tilet bowl You might want to fast forward fiver fiveive seconds not more than five Well, I don't know how long can you keep it up for? I don't know, I don't know if I can do it louder, I'm going try I'm going to count down so the people will know when to pause or whatever Three to Gross Yeah I may never eat summer again gress But again, that's imaginary That said, Trish Does it sound like that when you're flushing soup down the toilet? I have never once thought about how it sounded when I've been flushing soup. But you've heard it. I've heard it Well you have the sense when you're flushing soup down the toilet to wear those giant airport tarmac guy Precisely headphones over your ears. It's also the case that you know, and I don't want to be, I mean, this is this is for the kids in the audience. It's not just soup that plops in the toilet. I didn't want to say it. I know And yet, you know, there is that saying of how he thinks his soup doesn't stink, if you know what I mean There is a perception bias when you're making the sound and the smell that you don't really hear it or smell it the way someone else is, or if you're imagining it at Art night or whatever And then what was your other concern? There was a seconds concern besides noise. Oh, big one. Spllashbag Please don't say big one. That's another thing I'd like to I would just like to take off the board, takeake it off the vocab important one Okay Flashback. Fashback. Because if you're pouring soup ' gonna like liquid It bounces like equidistant to however far away from the waterline, it's gonna at least go like that high I don't know enough about liquid physics, but I think that that is a threat. I mean, Trish, what's the average height from which you are plopping your suit? I'd make the effort to go closer to the toilet bowl when I'm flushing my suit. Okay again, but why? I mean, don't you Well no, I understand It's like when you're boiling pasta, you want to get it close to the boiling water so that you don't burn yourself Of course, I understand that, but again, it's like you have A sink. Right. I mean, when you're at the point where it's like, I need to get really close to this toilet bowl so as to not splash soup backash on my face M be a moment where you're like, maybe my mom was wrong. I don't know That's a fair fair judgment. Yeahah. but it still comes naturally to me to walk to the toilet and do my flushing routine. It's not a big deal. Have you ever violated your own rules for soup disposal flushed split piece soup down my toilet. After plopping that soup down the toilet, how can you look at yourself in the bathroom mirror knowing that you violated your own rule Funnily, just it's easy. I just look at myself in a money. You did the thing that you normally do That is a great way to start the day Marlow How is this in any universe your business? It's not your septtic system, it's not your house. It's not your rules, right? I mean, how does this affect you such that you even have standing to bring this case against your friend Trish? Well, I I just, you know in the index incident pwch were all talking, right. She was going to flush food on the toilet And it was not her house.. It was our friend's house And did she get it? did she get it down there or did you all like grab her and wrestle her to the ground before she could flush it down the toilet. No, yes, she never made it. She never made it. shamed her so much I mean, how did you feel when you were shamed in that way, Trish It's not uncommon that my friends will find a way to shame each other about silly topics. I felt K kind of well loved by my friends whichich is why when I when I was writing out this case that are these healthy relationships? We actually really are. I feel when my friends shame when mommy and daddy shame me, I know they love me All the teasing. But no, when I was writing out this case, the specific ask isn't that they stop teasing me about it because I like it when they tease me, it shows me that they love me and it's funny. But Yeah, your specific ask is not that they stop teasing, it' that they start flushing. Precisely, thank you It says here Your ideal ruling would be for Marla to have to flush soup down her toilet. And why moving for Every time Wh He's on city plumbing. likeike why not Ohh, she can really live it up now If she was on the sewer system, she'd be flushing meat She'd be flushing vegetables. Baby alligators. Judge Omin, can I ask you a question You may. You live in New York City Thatsue. Brooklyn, New York C All right, getting getting a little too precise, but okay As a West. As a West coaster I was shocked to learn one day from I believe our mutual friend, Kurt Anderson, the host of the former public radio program Studio three hundred and sixty that in New York because of Ser laws Almost no one has a garbage disposal. Do you have a garbage disposal So for many years, it was understood that garbage disposals were not to be allowed in Manhattan in particular U, and we did not have one when I lived in Manhattan. We do have one now in Brooklyn. And I believe that that ended up being a literal urban myth Now I think that that no one cares. I don't know why. Maybe there's been an improvement in disposal technology or whatever, but I definitely use a garbage disposal in Brooklyn for sure But Jesse, that raises a good point, Trish and Marlow, do you have garbage disposals? You're never gonna to believe this answer U I will I will decide I do have a garbage disposal. Trish has a garbage disposal. I do not Wow. And that's quite a reversible. Yeah. C she's the one Flushing Be And can you imagine she's the one So Marlo, you have the I'm gonna say it, moral fortitude Pick up the little strainer thing when it's full of tiny pieces of chicken and little noodles and bring it to your trash can I do What a hero? I know. Under what circumstance, Trish, even if I were to find in your favor and say, go for it Flush your soups. possible reason would I have to order Marlow to do something that she finds Disgusting. Spite I think I've heard everything I need in order to make my decision 'm I'm going to go look up the laws of garbage disposals in New York City so I can know what I'm talking about by the time I come back and render my verdict Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom rish, How are you feeling about your Jantus right now the verdict that I actually want very low I'm glad that you said that with the appropriate amount of shame Marl, I'm hopeful. It would be really great if I could just watch Marlow just wantce flush soup down the toilet But I recognize and I'm realistic Marlo, how are you feeling I feel pretty confident U I am concerned about the judge's comments that it's okay to put juice down That's it makes me feel like there's some compromise in which I'm going to have to flush something that doesn't go in the bathroom But I think overall, I think my chances are good. I've made the arguments that I could make, you know to judge Joh Hachman now I really appreciate your viscosity distinctions here You're like, Juice, I don't know, Kern's nectar? Dfinitely not Well, we'll see what Judge Hodbran has to say about all this when we come back in just a moment. Sunscreen companies calculate SPF by testing it on volunteers' butts. There is a can of spam in the Mariana Trench. A Nobel prize winning physicist from the Manhattan proroject invented modern speed bumps. Mesoammerican native people invented kidney medicine that glows in the dark. On the podcast secretly incredibly fascinating, we explore this kind of amazing stuff Stuff about ordinary topics like sunscreen and spam and speed bumps. Topics you'd never expect to be the title of the podcast. Secretly incredibly fascinating. Find us by searching for the word secretly in your podcast app and at maximumfun. org If you like too many podcasts, you'll love Soundeep with John Lick Roberts. It's got clips from all your favourite podcasts such as Diary of a Tiny CEO, Leonard Sprag. Tell me how you make your money. I go to the beach and I steal people's towels. Remember Armor. Do remember the trend of everyone whacking themselves in the head with hammers and mallets when they wanted to lose weight. And Eltie Joh's Lobberly song I'm here today with Kicki D. Hello kicky De. Hello Elto There's dozens of episodes to catch up on and brand new episodes going out right now. So if you want far, far, far too many podcasts, then look for Sound Tap on maximum fun St Judge John Hodman, we are taking a quick break from our revisitation of Trish and Marlow. And we want to remind our listeners who might be in the Boston Massachusetts area or indeed the greatreater New England area that we will be at the Coolidge Corner Theater this june eleventh. That's right, Jesse Judge John Hotchman and bailiff Jesse Thorne presents Night Court our brand new live show unlike any Jessse and John show you've ever seen before. It'll be at my favorite stage in the world, the Coolidge Corner Theater where I used to work as a youngster And it happens on june eleventh, which is a Thursday to get your tickets go to bit dotle slash night Court Brookline. That's N I G H T C O U R T B R O O K L I N E. all capapital letters or go to maximfund d. org slash events for everything we've got coming up. I gotta tell you If you're up there in the northeast We do not have any other plans right now to come to your region So if you want to see us, get your tickets to this Brookline show as soon as you can because u Uh lookook, we're not there's no there's no big tours in the offing right now. This is a one off show because we're going to be in Maine U, so get those tickets bit. LY slash nightcourt brookline. Now Jesse, one of the reasons that we're in Brookline is that you and I are about to get on a boat The Grace Bailey on on a fournight cruise of Penobscott Bay with some fans. That boat show sold out with the quickness. Yes. And we're like, we gott to bring something to the people of New England Indeed. let's do this show at the Coolidge because indeed, once we're on that boat, who knows when we're coming back? I got no other plans for live shows in the Northeast for the f people. I thought you meant we might get eaten by a kraken When you take to the seas, nothing is predictable, Bit dot le slash nightct Brookline Your next best and perhaps last ever chance to see us live on stage. It's going to be a lot of fun. But we truly, we don't have any more touring plans in the Northeast this year. So if you want to see us, come see us on june eleventh in Brookline It'll be almost exactly a week after my birthday. so please for my birthday. come and visit me at the coolidge. Those tickets, bit. LY slash night courourt Brookline, all capital letters, bit d. LY slash night court brookline Okay, let's get back to flush to judgment Please rise as Judge John Hotchman re enters the courtroom and presents his verdict Well, I was doing a little research in my chambers and I have some more specific information for you. In fact, Kurt Anderson was correct and it was not an urban myth garbage disposals were banned in New York City across all five boroughs Until nineteen ninety seven, Trian Marlow, you weren't even born yet, I bet ya I do remember the day. I do remember the day now that I's refreshed in my memory in nineteen ninety seven. when they're like, yeah, you're gonna gar your saus now Everyone in New York had a disposal party It was terrific. We werere all so excited. I also went back to revisit that famous website from the plumber in New Orleans Al Bourgeois and Al Bourgeois's website spepecifically says which foods not to flush has a list. And it says shhort answer, all foods. So why should I go against Al bourgeois Well, for one thing This is a point of connection between Trish and her mom. It is a family tradition that she shares. And I appreciate perhaps more than some the feeling of initial transgressive thrill when your mom instructed you to flush your cereal down the toilet. That's an exciting thing to do as a child. I bet it still feels great to do it T us But I can tell you this right now I understand this temptation. becausecause those of you who read Vacation Land, my book which is called vacation land. It iss available where you get books When my wife was a whole human being in a room right and I took over a home in Western Massachusetts that not only had a septic system, just like you got Trish but also a garbage disposal because we'd been living in New York. We hadn't had one for a long time We were very excited about it And indeed, We flushed a whole bunch of cereal, well, we didn't flush it. We dispose all a whole bunch of cereal down the sink And this was a catastrophic plumbing failure. because all that cereal just swelled up and became a serial tumor in the pipes And we had to have a plumber come and cut it out And they had to tell us cut it out And he also told us, you shouldn't have a garbage disposal at all here with us if you have a septtic system And we're like, why? He said, Because you're going to put the wrong stuff down. You're going to be tempted put the wrong stuff into your septic system Now I bet there' going be a lot of people are going to be angry, Trish that you suggested that if you were on city sewer, you might just be flushing meat down the toilet Willy nilly Um, but you're not on the city sewer So please don't send me those letters, everybody That is something that I am willing to leave to ambiguity at this point But what is true is that you're on a septic system And and maybe you shouldn't have a garbage disposal. And maybe you aren't entitled to any drains at all Because when you go to the EPA, that's the environmental prrotection agency. gov, I know how you feel about the nanny state trish. I know you and your mom are like, you can't tell me not to flush cereal down my toilet I'll flush down all the incandescent light bulbs I want. Exactly They do have a list that is more specific than Al bourgeois. in terms of what you should not be flushing down the septic system. And that includes cooking grease and oil, which you are trying to mitigate Non flushable wipes, photographic solutions U feminine hygiene products, condoms dental floss diapers, cigarette buttts, coffee grounds cat litter paper towels, pharmaceuticals, and household chemicals like gasoline oils, pesticides, antifreeze, and paint These are all the things that should not be going into your seepptic system according to the EPA by any hole in your house. Garbage disposal or not. And the reason for this, aside from the fact that Cheerios will clog up your pipes is that your septic system is a living ecosystem that has live organisms in it. that are digesting the things that you have digested breaking them down to go out into your leech field. And according to the EPA. gov various things that you might pour down the drain, whichever way it goes, particularly toxins and other things can kill these organisms and harm your septic system So that's like chemical drain openers oil based paint solvents or large volumes of toxic cleaners And And then it recommends also get rid of your garbage disposal, which will reduce the amount of fats, grease and solids that enter your septic tank and could clog the drain field acccording to the EPA, like it will reduce your temptation to put this stuff into your septic system. your septic system is a sensitive Basically my verdict is this, I think you should be concerned about what you're actually sending down your pipes because you're on a septic system And as someone who has dealt with septic emergencies in the past, both actual and metaphoric Uh it's not something you want to have happen It's your septic system It's your risk It's your property. It's your It's your it's your prerogative I to flush soup down And I'd absolutely Agree with Marla. that thinking about you flushing pea soup down your toilet is a highly charged image that I wish I didn't have in my head. Marlo, that's your problem None of this is your business Everything that happens in Trisha's home. is Trishia's business And the fact that it causes you to think about stuff and to think about sounds and to replicate sounds that are gross You have to use discipline there But I urge you as a septic system owner to do to take your flow chart and show it to a seepptic professional and make sure that this is all Coposeptic. All right, I'll see myself at That was not okay. I'm seeing myself out for saying I'll see myself out, too. That's another crime pun and a cliche. Oh, and there I accidentally triggered balloons because I counted to two using a Macintosh computer Uh, that happened U in any case,, I don't I don't want your septic system to have problems I do think your flow chart When you follow it, And don't just blow it off because you want to prod some soup down for fun. When you follow your routine, I think that it's probably okay. If I were you, I would check with a seepptic professional. U And then Marlo, if I were you, I'd do my very best to flush the memory of all this down the toilet of your mind and try to forget this ever happened. You can't be flushing things down in other people's houses, though, Trish. You understand that, right Next time you go to arrt night, no flushing But otherwise, I'm grabing my big gavel I rule inrishious's favor. This is sound of a gavel Judge John Hodin rules that is all Please rise as Judge John Hodsman exits the courtroom. Trish, how are you feeling