Judge Hodgman's Final Verdict

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgsman podcast. I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne. With me is Judge John Hodgman. Hello, John Hello, Jesse. How are you? Well, I'm doing all right. We have a very special treat for listeners . This is from last year in our road court tour. Members heard this when it was released, but a little special treat for everybody . Our live NLA show Dynasty Typewriter . Jessie, we've heard a lot of grudges on this program because humans hold grudges against each other, particularly when someone's throwing food scraps from their yard into your yard. You know what else famously holds a grudge? Crows. Crows famously hold grudges. And if you're interested in the corvid species, they make a cameo appearance in this fun wild live show as well . And of course, if you are a member of Maximum Fund, you get hours and hours of bonus content just like this , including other live shows . If you want to become a member to. G Moaximum Fund . org slash, join JJ HO. Maximumfund. org slash, join JJ HO. Okay, road court is now in session. People of Los Angeles, you ask ed us for live justice , and we are here to deliver it. The court of Judge John Hodgsman is now in session. Please welcome to the stage , Jesse and Julie . Tonight's case lawn and orders Jessie brings the case against his wife, Julie. Jessie and Julie's neighbor throws food scraps into her yard . Jessie says, These scraps are causing problems for the entire neighborhood. He'd like to conf ront the neighbor about it. But Julie doesn't want to ruffle any feathers. Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise, as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and delivers an obscure cultural reference . The small flies that are associated with the decaying rats have been proliferating . I have no idea if they are associated with the dead rats that are already been found in the walls of unit F or if they are coming in because there are unidentified rats in our wall or if the flies have to do with outside rats . I don't smell anything bad yet. Bailiff Jessie Thorne, please swear the litigants in. Jessie and Julie, please rise and raise your right hand s. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? So help you, God or whatever I do. Absolutely. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that I know because I've just gotten off tour with him that he leaves no food scraps . Absolutely. Judge Osman, you may proceed No morsels left behind. Jessie, Julie, you may be seated for immediate summary judgment and one of your favors can either of you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered this courtroom. Let's start with you, Julie. You know why I started with you? Because I'm a lady . Well, you definitely are. Ladies first . But also I find it very confusing that your husband is named Jesse. I don't know that we've ever had another Jessie as a litigant before and I find it very confusing. Honestly, I don't know if there's ever been another Jesse before. There's never been another Jesse before. Julie, why don't you guess first? I'm going to guess the nineteen eighty nine Tom Hanks classic the Burbs . The nineteen eighty nine Tom Hanks Classic The Burbs. It's a great guess. I'm writing it down Jessie , would you like to go with the nineteen eighty nine Tom Hanks classic the Burbs or the sequence where the Fellowship of the Ring is reading the journals of the Dwarves in the Minds of Moria or an untitled Ken Burns documentary or option of your choice. Oh, there are so many good options there. There are harbor but only one of them is right and it's none of the ones that I suggested. No, no, no I'm going to go with something that has to do with decay inside a wall, even though I know it has nothing to do with an apartment. Okay , which is the Casque of a Montiato by Edgar Allen Poe. The Cask of A Montiato by Edgar Allen Poe, a middle school classic. Indeed . Wow , watch out the velt. Here comes Judge Hodgman with a real classic . It does involve decay inside a wall. You're absolutely right, Jesse, but you didn't get it right. Indeed, all guesses are wrong. The correct answ er is an email dated january thirty first , twenty twenty five from my wife, who's a whole human being in her own right to the board of our apartment building regarding the rat infestation of our yard and our walls that have proliferated the moment that I left to go on tour . No , because on the other side of the fence that separates our garden from the alley is where they stage the garbage to be taken away. Indeed, the food scraps to be taken away , we think there might be a connection there . It is literally the rats within the walls and HP Lovecraft story except rebooted for Park Slope. It's a real IP update I am living or not living through because I've been on tour with you, Jessica Torrance, which is wonderful for me and terrible for my wife, who's a whole human being in our own right. So I mean, John , the good news is that New York City as I understand it from reading the news, just got a rat zar . I did not know this. Yeah, New York City got a rat zar sure. Is it some seventeen year old that Elon Musk found somewhere? New York City's Ratzar, I saw the press conference. I truly watched the press conference of the Ratzar . She has discovered a technology called garbage cans , which they previously did not have in New York City. No , why not just pile up the garbage in piles in easily penetrable bags? I've never seen someone so proud to have invented garbage cans and garbage trucks. That's true. It's the city of tomorrow there in New York City, but right now we're here in Los Angeles, the city of three hours ago from where I live . So let's go ahead and hear this case. Jesse, you say that you live here in Los Angeles? Yes. What neighborhood? Mid city technically is called Pick Fair Village. Are you making up new neighborhoods? Oh, there are many neighborhoods. I've been visiting this place for a long time. All right, mid city. John, I've lived in Los Angeles for fifteen years Anytime someone says what neighborhood they live in? You've never heard. I am pretty sure they're making it Mid city. Okay, but I mean, specifically, what street address tell me? It's near . Okay, that's actually very specific. We'll bleep it out. So anyway, John, our neighbor might find out. John, someone just gave me a map of Los Angeles and West of Western and just said here be dragons . But there be no dragons in your neighbor's yard, there be food scraps. Correct. Is that the problem, Jessie? Absolutely. So your name be clear here. You live next door to a person. I don't want to hear it's a her person, right? I don't want to hear her actual name. Can we come up with scrappy? I mean, like trashy? What's the scrappy work? Scrappy scrappy, scrappy neighbor. And she's tossing food scraps into her own yard, not into your yard. Her own yard. Into her own yard. So how does this affect you ? So there are all different kinds of food scraps that are decaying on the lawn and every day we walk our dog in the neighborhood. The beginning of a very strange children's book. Oh yeah. Many different kinds of food scraps in the world . Absolutely. Yeah. So we had tisserie chicken, grapes, prinkles , noodles, whatever they had for lunch or dinner that they didn't finish. I believe it 's some photographic evidence. We do. We do. So let's take a look at exhibit A . Yes . Is this the back or front yard? The front and that's the sidewalk. They have a corner lot, so it's like the side of their house , but not necessarily the front. I think the more important thing to notice here is it's not just food scraps, it's also paper plates and styrofoam containers. It is what the food came on as well. Yeah. Yeah. That's not stuff that is necessarily scra , but trash . Okay, so let's see the next exhibit please. All right . Now this looks like some raviolis and maybe a pad tie or something. Yeah On talks of a I think that's a Dixie brand brand . Hey, Dixie brand sponsored Jin Hajman. You're welcome. I think this is Italian Chinese fusion. I gotta tell you, we are lucky my dog junior is not here 'cause he would be losing his freaking mind right now. For sure. This is where he's gonna go after he dies to this yard . And this is where it really affects us. All right, well we're getting into it. I think there's one more piece of evidence. Julie, you mentioned rotisserie chicken. Show me rotisserie chicken . That is a chicken carcass . Now , that could be used to make a stock . John, you say that as though you've never made ravioli stock . Maybe this is like the sun tea of chicken stock. Well, we first put it in we the lawn for five days . I just let it steep. I have to say that while the first thing that surprised me about the evidence that we saw is that the containers were also present, the second thing that surprised me is, honestly, this looks like a very well kept lawn otherwise She is all over her lawn . It's very well manicured. Everything else is perfect except when she's dumping garbage on it . It gets picked up pretty quickly . By whom? Yeah, who picks it up? By the local flora and fauna . Probably not the flora. No , no, mostly mostly, mostly when it's not our dog. Although I forgot Mid City is famous for its crash eating plants. Yeah . It's feed me seymours. I mean, honestly , John, West of Korea town, I wouldn't know, right? But fauna, we're talking about animals are coming and eating and taking this food away . And I presume leaving behind Dixie plates because Dixie plates are great and animals have no taste. You're welcome. Go get dixie plates . Sponsor Judge John Hodgsman . Hello, I'm your judge John Hodgman. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is brought to you every week by you, our members, of course . Thank you so much for your support of this podcast and all of your favorite podcasts at maximumfund. org and they are all your favorites. If you want to join the many member supporters of this podcast and this network, boy oh boy, that would be fantastic. Just go to maximumfund. org slash join. The Judge John Hartman podcast is also brought to you this week by Made In If you're considering the pros and cons of different cookware brands, you know that made in works with a lot of pros, Tom Calicio Brook, Williamson, and many others, but they also help people who are not professional chefs, but people who take a professional interest in their home cooking like me and Jesse Thorne. Jesse, what have you made and made in lately? Well, John, I had in laws in town. Yeah . And when I say in laws in town, my wife has a substantial family. So it was probably ten people in total. And I had to cook for everybody , including some people who don't eat red meat, some people who don't eat wheat . And I decided to make Anitas tacos . Nice, which I roasted in the broiler on a made in sheep pan? 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Jessie, I cannot count the number of times of an evening routine between my wife as a whole human being in her own right and I sitting on the couch watching a YouTube video about main or and all creatures great and small and all of a sudden one or the other will us say look at, that wonderful photo that the aura frame just pulled up for us. And sure enough , there is a wonderful photo of our kids or of our kids' cats, or of our family members, our beloved parents, or whatever it is. And oftentimes the Aura frame will pick two digital photos of like our daughter who was a holy minger on right when she was little and now when she's grown up and you get to see both, they put it right together. It's curating the stuff for you. Of course, it's all coming from our personal digital libraries digitally, seamlessly, and wirelessly. You know, when you get a digital photo frame, maybe you're stuck thinking the way I used to think, like, when I got to put everything on a thumb drive and then move it over there and put the thumb drive in there or whatever. That's not how it works, Jesse, tell them how it works. There is an app that works so seamlessly and easily that what I like to do is if I just if I happen to have taken a picture that I like , I will just use that little share icon on my phone and send it directly to my frames . Because all you have to do is tap share and then the little Aura picture comes up, I tap, share it to my Aura and then it's there. I don't even know how it works. I don't need to know how it works because it just works. It was created number one by on the app store on Christmas day in twenty twenty five . You know what it takes to get to number one on the app store? Christmas twenty twenty five? It's got to be good. It's a great time to shop for a dad or dad figure in your life. Why don't you go and get one from Aura Frames. Name number one by wirecut ter you can save now by visiting auraframes. com for a limited time. Listeners can get thirty five dollars off their best selling carver matte frame with code hodgeman . That's AURA FRAMES. com promo code hodgeman. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout Terms and Conditions Apply . You have an animal, do you not? We have a dog, and if we're not vigilant enough when we walk two to three times past our neighbor , he will eat a chicken bone. And that's not good for dogs. No, he'll be sick the rest of the day. He'll be sick, and what is the name of this love wonderful dog? Nitro. Nitro, but it's spelled KNIGHT RO OL It's my university the mascot of University of Central Florida. The mascot of the University of Central Florida is your dog. No, no, no, it's very exciting. The mascot is a giant malt liquor, but when it gets drunk enough , it smells smells nit ro wrong. I believe we have a photo of Nitro the Dog show me Nitro . Very, very cute. He's like, I just got back from the ER This is a dangerous thing for dogs though, right? Yeah, he's a he's a small dog and a chicken bone from rotisserie chicken is going to get caught in his throat. And there's been more than a few times that I've had to, you know, reach reach into his mouth and try to, you know, make sure he doesn't swallow the scraps. It's possible that a chicken bone from another preparation of chicken could also get stuck in his throat. There's really no way to know. And also, this is not the only Antitrus not the only animal who is visiting the lawn. Let's take a look at the other animals . Yeah, crows . Boo whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we're here to ruin your wedding no don't crows, Jessie, please . Let me tell you something , theyell'igreent int, sensitive anim als who have long memories and hold grudges . And I don't want any of these people going home and telling their crow friends that we said bad things about crows in the Judge Sean Hodron podcast. I am around. I'm loving this illustration that we're seeing here . I'm pretty sure that crow in the circle down at the bottom is the crow to English translators . Yeah, why is what is the inset photo here of this crow ? It looks like he looks like he or she or they is holding a frozen grape. That is a good grape. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, very good Yeah. I'm not sure that it can photography works. I'm not sure it can actually digest a grape, but it was definitely trying to eat it. How many crows are coming to your yard ? At least them do you have to charge Well, you know, if we do cross them, we find sometimes in our backyard , which is three houses down from this house . Rinds of oranges, they'll just drop it there, but they'll also hang out in our backyard waiting for the food to be left out. You're three houses down. Yes, not next door. It's not our next door neighbor. Okay. And you're saying that the crows will come to your house. Waiting. To wait for more food? Absolutely. She's saying her home is a staging area . That's where the crows have their trailers . So Jessie, when did this start and when did it become untenable? What was the last straw? Or the last frozen gra pe . So we moved into this place in twenty twenty and ever since we've lived there she's been tossing food scraps onto the lawn. Yeah. There was not problem. There was not a problem with crows until the last couple of years. It really has grown a lot in the last year. And the crow problem is primarily they're hanging out in your house, tapping on the windows, invading your home. They make a lot of noise. What kind of noise do they make ? You walked right into it, man. You brought it up, counselor . I'll allow it. What kind of noise? Caga Yeah Kakaw indeed If we have learned anything from the legend ary public radio program car talk . It's when a noise is mentioned, make them make the noise. Make them make the noise . But your dispute, Jesse, Julie, is not just with your neighbor, it's also with each other, Jessie, what do you propose to do to solve the problem? It really frustrates me and it hurts me inside to not say something every time the dog tries to get at food and every time we see her bring food outside. How old is how old is misses Scrappy? Scrappy is probably misses Scrappy, please. She's your neighbor. Mrs. Scrappy. There's a mister Scrap Scrappy. There is a mister Scrappy. Yes. Okay. Miss Scrappy. Miss Ms. Scrappy is probably in her late sixties, early seventies. Okay, older than older than you. She's been in the neighborhood for a while. . Oh She' yesah not a monst rous gentrifying transplant like you. She 's how they always do it in the old neighborhood of mid city. You always throw your trash. This is just how we do it around here. And you want to say something, don't you, Jessie? I do, I do. You want to take it to the scrappies . I'm afraid it is a local custom that I'm stepping on the toes of, but yes, it is Anyone else on the block throwing chicken carcasses in their front yard ? No. Okay, so this is mainly just the scrappies and what do you propose that you confront the scrappies? I want to speak to her next time we see it happen. She's outside, like Julie said, she waters the lawn regularly. She's out there. She's a very social neighbor, and she's very friendly. We would like to talk to her. I would like to talk to her. But she's also the neighbor that knows everything going on. Right. She's a power in the neighborhood. Yeah, she is. Do you have any sense of why she's doing this ? Not did it start for a reason ? Not that we can guess . Did she did she have a pet He did six months ago sorry so good. Camillo passed recently. He was an older dog and he was a very good friend of Nitro and he apparently never went after the scraps. Why was she leaving scraps out in the lawn then? For the crows ? No, you don't know. No idea. Not for her. Never ever talked about it. We talked about everything else. You've never talked to her. You've never talked to her. No, no, we talked to her. What do you talk to her about? She asks me in her own garbage. Eventually asks me what I'm doing for dinner She has plenty and she doesn't mind sharing . She'll also know when Jesse's maybe she's inviting you to come at her hands. No, but she's just very aware of everything . So she'll always she'll say something about my hair. She's very friendly. So when Jessie says, I want to go talk to Ms. Scrappy about your hair , how do you feel? I feel like we should just cross the street and avoid it at all costs . Because why? What are you afraid of? Reprisal ? Yeah . Do you think? Yeah, I don't think it will be received well. Do you think she controls the crows ? Do you think she's already sending the crows to your yard as a warning? She might, she might. What do you think she might do? How do you think she might feel? Do you think she'll feel self conscious? Do you think she'll take revenge I honestly it's an irrational . I've always heard that the mid city folk take revenge . Potentially. Yeah, yeah. But sincerely, what are you afraid is going to happen . That she honestly, I don't know. You just want to avoid it. I just want to avoid it. Okay. It's a fear of conflict. Sorry, it's a fear of conflict. Oh, I'm sorry, were you trying to tell your wife her own feelings . You're right, you're right, you're right. I'm wrong for that. So I'll take it. No . In other words, I want to keep the peace. You want to keep the peace Have the neighbors , have other neighbors talked amongst themselves about this? Is there a dialogue on any hyperlocal apps or on any front porches? It's really interesting because we talk about a lot of things with our neighbors. This is the one thing we've never mentioned to them. No, it's forbidden to speak of this. It is. There's a house that collects a lot of junk on their lawn . And like no everyone talks about that. I have to check out the property of Mid City . They're like things that they find when they're going around collecting cans or whatnot. So it's just things that you wouldn't throw away. Have you ever had going to those neighbors and going, you know, there's some free chicken over there . They could use the extra junk. So pretend I'm miss scrappy and you're gonna let's do a little role play to get a sense of how you would do it. Go ahead and ring the doorbell . Ding dong, go away . Crows attack . Fly to me my beauties Sorry, sorry, Jesse, maybe it wouldn't go that way . Look at this coming, young man . I'm gonna stay out side . No , come in . You've moved to the neighborhood. I'm so glad come in. What are you doing for dinner? What are you doing for dinner? I'd love to have you and your wife for dinner with some fava beans . And a nice candy. Chessi, what? Go ahead. So I would respectfully ask that you don't put the food scraps on the lawn, rather use the compost bins that we've been asked by the city to start using , which I don't know if it got in your neighborhood, Jesse this week, but we actually got in your event in Lincoln Heights. They delivered a whole bunch of free bins to our neighborhood this week, so it's a perfect example for her to use for the rotisserie chicken bits and such. And so you could have that conversation, why not just do it and go behind Jul ie's back? Excuse me, Julie's cowardly back . I don't think it will come as well from me. I don't have as good of a relationship with Miss Scrappy. But wait a minute, you're saying you want her to do it for you . No , I want her to be present with me. I want to say, I want to say it, but I think if Julie's there with me, it will come off better. You have a relationship with Ms. Scrappy already 'cause she's inviting you to dinner and everything else, right? And you don't want to be used as a ploy or a tool. No, if he's going to do it, I agree you do not want to be there. You don't want to be there You have an aversion to J esse just doing it on his own someday ? Probably not. Okay. Like maybe maybe like one afternoon, you just take a couple of Zanax, you go to sleep for a while , get through it when he comes home. Absolutely . When he comes home, he's blind and covered in craze . Honey, it didn't go so well . We could cover you with one of those transparent nets, you know, like a gilly suit. Yeah. Oh, a gilly su it. That's a great solution. Thank you, Jesse. I'll consider that seriously. Spike strips. Mandatory gilly suit and strike spike strips for the rest of your life in mid city. I think I've heard everything I need to in order to make decision. I'm going to go into my chambers, I'll be back in a mom ent my verdict. Please rise as Judge John Hotchmann exits the courtroom. Julie, how are you feeling about your chances right now? I'm really nervous . Why is that? Because I think that he's gonna make us confront our neighbor. How about you, Jessie, how are you feeling? I think that I might have put my foot in my mouth a few too many times , but also I think that the case the merits of the case stand on itself and we should probably do something about it. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman re enters the court room and presents his verdict . There is an issue here, which is and you know, look, I don't know about all of the neighborhoods of Los Angeles. I don't know about mid city. I don't know about top city . I don't know about scale rock . I don't know about Downwards. I don't know all these different neighborhoods that you're making up every day to try to differenti ate yourself and make some money on Zillow or whatever you're doing. But listen , when I hear about moving in twenty twenty , a lot of people moved in twenty twenty and a lot of people moved into neighborhoods that they , you know, new neighborhoods. And it can be a little bit fraught to join a new neighborhood no matter what, especially if it's a situation where there's an enormous pandemic lockdown and everyone's moving around. People who have means to move around move around, and it can be a little bit complicated to move into an established neighborhood to begin with where maybe the custom is leaving fucking chicken carcasses around all the time where not only crows will come and get them and not only dogs will eat them and die, but also rats and other vermin and raccoons and so forth with their little thumbs will come and eat those come and get them and drag them back to their little lairs or whatever. It's gross. Let me just say let's stipulate. Ms. Scrappy's gross . It's gross. But you do have to handle this somewhat delicately. Now, Jessie, I think that you are a delicate person and you can probably negiate this yourself. I don't know why you feel the need to have Julie there except that you're as scared . A little bit I think the main thing you need to be wary of are the crows because here's the thing . If you are having rats or opossum or other kinds of, you know, or you know, there's certain neighborhoods in Los Ange les that are riddled with peacocks. Yeah. That is true, right? What's that? It was Arcadia? Yeah. Full of peacocks. Full of peacocks. If you were dealing with a bunch of peacocks, look, they're dumb They love to eat chicken bones and they're stupid . These crows are smart . Even if Ms. Scrappy is like, Oh, I understand . It's fine. Now I realize I shouldn't be putting garbage on my lawn. The crows they, do hold I mean, think about crows is they remember human faces . They keep and hold on to grudges and then they teach them to their young. This is established . When we first started visiting Maine, there was what they call a murderous fuck ton of crows in our woods . And they decided they hated our son. And I don't know why. I don't know what he did , but year after year he knows what he did . Year after year, our son would wake up in his ground floor room and the crow would just be rapping on the window so mad at him. Ratim rap rapping. That's right . Never more, he said, but the crow said, Oh yes, all the time actually . And like he would take his little bicycle when he was see, he's probably nine years old and ride his little bicycle down the lane and crows would follow him. They would fly above him, waiting for him to stop and pick and feast on his bones. If the crows are already coming into your backyard , your tenure in mid city should be over. You're not wrong. But that's it, just watch out for the crows. Julie, I completely understand why it would make you uncomfortable to and it is uncomfortable to have this conversation with your neighb or, especially if she's an older neighbor who's been in the neighborhood for a long time. She clearly is set in her ways as disgusting as they are . And yet and yet. One of the things about having a civilization is we need to be able to talk to our neighbors . And I think that it is possible for you to go and just say to her in a respectful way, please don't put garbage on your lawn. You're going to kill our dog and you're going to make the crows come . And maybe she'll say go away and put you in a hole. I don't know what she's going to do . I do think that it's a reasonable thing. And just because all of your other neighbors are afraid of Ms. Scrappy doesn't mean that you can't have the conversation. Having conversations with our neighbors who may not the same way we do about everything is uncomfortable and yet an important part of how we should continue our civilization . And so I order you to do it. And but Julie, Zanax for you. Jessie, you do it on your own. Okay . And if he never comes home, then you'll know you ever the sound of a gavel . Judge John Hausman rules . Thank you, Jesse and Julie. Roadcourt live in Los Angeles continues after this quick break . Sunscreen companies calculate SPF by testing it on volunteers' butts. There is a can of spam in the Mariana Trench. A Nobel Prize winning physicist from the Manhattan Project invented modern speed bumps. Mesoamerican native people invented kidney medicine that glows in the dark. On the podcast secretly incredibly fascinating, we explore this kind of amazing stuff. Stuff about ordinary topics like sunscreen and spam and speed bumps. Topics you'd never expect to be the title of the podcast secretly incredibly fascinating. Find us by searching for the word secretly in your podcast app and at maximumfun dot org If you like too many podcasts, you'll love SoundTeep with John Luke Roberts. It's got clips from all your favorite podcasts such as Diary of a Tiny CEO Lenard Sprague. Tell me how you make your money. I go to the beach and I steal people's towels. Remember, Armor. Do remember the trend of everyone whacking themselves in their head with hammers and mallets when they wanted to lose weight. And Elti John's lobbily songs. I'm here today with Kinky Dee Hello Kinky Dee Hello Elton . There's dozens of episodes to catch up on and brand new episodes going out right now. So if you want far, far, far too many podcasts, then look for soundteap on maximum fun . Boop, boop . Mob justice , mob justice . Who seeks justice? Yes, down here. Who else seeks justice? All the way in the back. Over here, who else seeks justice in this court ? Who seeks justice ? I'm putting on my Hartford Whaler's hat that Jesse Thorne got for me at a flea market at a compliment every day. Shout out to Pasadena City College. Am I right folks ? PC, Jordan took English there. You got an A and I have it on so that I can see you a little bit better. So let's start on this side. Yes, sir. What is your name and where are you calling from? Hi, my name's Mikey and I am from North Hollywood. Okay, and you are calling from House Left, I believe. Yes. Yeah, okay, very good. Are you from the arts district or one of the not artsy district . One of the very not artsy districts. Okay, I got it. What is the nature of your district isn't it? Mikey. What is the nature of your dispute? So my partner, who's a whole human being in her own, right, has a very unique and lovely name that is not spelled at all like it is pronounced Is it spelled like that volcano in Iceland or whatever? Kind of and has grown tired of correcting people over the years. She didn't correct me until we'd been dating for a whole week Now that you're on to week two, yeah, exactly . My question is if I correct people, am I being one of those husbands? What is your partner's name? Her name is Mei Ling. Me Ling. Yes . And okay . And that's spelled FR A NK It's MAE 'cause that's her grandmother's name. And then L IN H because that's how you spell it in Vietnamese . And so the H is pronounced as a G. Okay, he always says Mei Lin . Right. And then you step in and go, Excuse me . It's Mei Ling stupid . And Me Ling is embarrassed and obviously didn't come with you tonight so it's going great. Yeah, no yeah, Joan, she's waiting back there. What hello ? What would you what is your preference? It's your name Just for folks who are watching at home, she just doesn't want to get involved in a whole thing . Are you embarrassed? Sorry, ma'am, we're in the whole thing business here . Are you embarrass ed when Mickey here corrects the pronunciation of your name? No, actually it makes me feel really good 'cause he just always had the benefit in the last twenty plot year . That's wonderful. Congratulations. That's good. You're doing a good job. Thank you. So what is the dispute and why are you bringing up a fight in order to be on a podcast? It appears that I honestly thought there was a dispute where there was none, and I will now return to my seat in shame. Go back to your seat. Now honestly , we got to do a show. We'll take what we can get. Who else seeks justice in this court? Who seeks justice? Okay, go over there .. Take your time What's your dispute, sir? You take your time, come on over exactly. I'm likely doing my wife a favor here . It's the only real longstanding argument we have, which is that it's very hypothetical situation . However, if she were given the ability to grant me more of a comment than a question . Well, is she were saying? Ultimately I don't remember exactly how it came up, the original conversation. However, it's been a long going argument that we've had, which is if she had the ability to grant me superpowers , she refuses to do so because she 's concerned with what I may do with it regardless of the fact that I have agreed to prioritize like global warming, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch , things like that, as much as dealing with like billionaires, you know ? What is the super power that see? I mean, there's a variety of different ones used to accomplish the same problems, you know? I have not heard an answer . Telekinesis is the most variable one. That's exactly what global warming wants We're gonna get a memo that Exxon has known how to do telekinesis for fifty years . You're saying that your wife won't grant you even hypothetical. She thinks you're gonna use the powers for evil. That's yes, yes. Where is your wife raise your hand? So when you started telling , I'm gonna be honest , when you started saying it before you got into the would you would I use it for good . I'm going to be frank and say I thought her concern was that once you had superpowers, you'd be flying all over the place . Yeah, you'd fly with the crows. Does it help us from the aristts d inrict Hollywood or sir. If you had superpowers, I'd fuck you and I'm a married heterosexual man. Is that what you're concerned about that if your husband gets superpowers, he'll fuck Jesse Thorne I implore I remind you you're under Facos . Why don't you want your husband to be super? You saw how fast he wanted to go up He's too thirsty. He's too thirsty . In the hero's journey, there's the call to adventure and then the rejection of the call to adventure and you're just like, yeah, I'm gonna fuck it up . I think your husband seems like a very nice, unsuperpowered person. And if you were to have superpowers, you'd become a villain. I find in favor of your wife. Yes, what is your name and where are you calling from? Hi, I'm Erin and I am calling from StageLeft tight. I live on one of my favorite stage right, Erin. Oh shit. It's a stage house left. It's okay. You're growing up from the arts district. Karen, what is the nature of your dispute? So I live on the border of Pasadena and Altadina. So thanks So my husband has been gone and I have been cleaning up our house by myself. Is your husband flying with the crows? He is indeed flying with the crows, and I don't know when he'll ever come back. come back. No, he's coming back. I thought you were going to say my husband has been gone and I haven't told him about what's been going on around yet He did stop reading all news and I am his only source of contact with the outside world but you know what? That's not fair to you. Thank you. Your husband should read the news and not make you filter the news to him. He said what's going on with him? Let him know if anything really bad happens. You think your husband is gonna watch this later or listen to it later? Yeah, you probably will. I will Aaron's husband, there's been a lot of tragedy, but Maria Bamford is okay . I do think that it's an unfair mental burden on you to filter the news for your husband. Well, it's not that's not okay. You should handle it. So the thing I actually want to ask for is I would like an injunction on all basketball in my house when he returns. I'm done with basketball. Well, that's is he playing basketball in your house ? He would love to that is not happening currently. Inside the house? No , no, I don't want any basketball. I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna see it. I'm over basketball. Our first date was to a basketball game, and I think I bait and switched him 'cause I knew all the players and I could talk about it. But I have now watched eighty something games every single year of the Golden State Warriors, and I hate Steph Curry. Wow . That seems very How are you doing?