Tour Dates and Closing Remarks

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Give it a try at midmobile dot com slash switch Upront payment forty five dollars for three months, ninety dollars for six mons or one hundred ninetyllars forelveth, required fifteen dollars a month equival to taxes extra. initial term only greater thanty gigabytes slow netork busy t There's no place to escape to. This is the last on the left. Side stories I the cannibalism started Side stories. Yes. Man Rlling rolling Rlling rolling, Rlland. Did you see this one little letter? I actually, you know, like could you see this letter about the cowboy What? No. o okay. No. No, no, I'm talking about the letter about did you see the about the cowboys kissing each other. Oh, yeah, how they actually all love each other. I just thought that was really fun about this idea of like guys just going out there and just being like' like, no, no, there's not there's notes We kiss each other for competition. Yeah we like the whole thing about getting close.'s just that's boars being that's Bars maximizing That's boy maximing. Yeah, well he he also liked to watch furries have sex with each other, but they're all men No, he said they're not no, but they had penises and vaginas And boobies. And so he said that's not gay. He said they got all. at all. So they can't gay. But actually that's the most gay of all Right in a way Yeahah, furries for sure. No, no, I'm talking about furries with human boobs, human vaginas and human penises all making love to each other at once. That ain't It's not straight. No, certainly not. But you know, at the same time, it's cowboy life. Yeah, no, he should just acknowledge what he loves. Of course and love it. He loves people with every single part so that he can experience finally the joy of being a single ciset white woman coming out as pan for Pride Month. Welcome to Side Stories. Yes. My name is Henry Zabbrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson And I did it. I had the courage I put on the Ghana jersey. And it was really wonderful. The response was wonderful. Ghana ended up going on in the next round. Y, which was huge You're playing Columbia on Friday, you fucking busussies get you Hey, we dare loser. Yeah, you fucking you right You military army U you people run by a dictator that has easy access to California pieces of shit. That's right. you Bat fuck yourself Well, honestly, I do I wish I wish good luck to all the teams. Yes actually Yeah. yeah I'm rooting for Ghana. Ghana's been they're doing great. And you're and honestly, it's really fun. peopleeople really you'veve you've embraced it and you are I see you're glowing. It's like you're pregnant. I do feel stronger. You are you look stronger. Yes. And if you to hear about the witch doock Well, we talked all about this on stage when we did our live show just now over in London, Antoro. Beautiful. whichich London Ontaria. It's definitely a city, but the people are wonderful. If you wanted to go to a place do heroin in the street London. That's where you want to be. Wowll. Shout out to Grooves Records. Sout out to Grooves Reords. They treated us well. They really, really did. And it is, but today's before we even get into it, I want to say thankful, I'm thankful for today's light episode. Yes. We have it's just uplifting stories. U I think people come here for positive news. People come here for a John Krresinsky like lift to their day. You know, they don't And we, we've discussed some really serious things recently. You know, for a man who wrote the quiet place, he just won't shut the fuck up He just won't shut the fuck up But John Krzinski In John Krinsky style, first of all, we're going to do here is show you, we're going tell you how happy this is and we're going take all your money. we're fucking waste it. We're waste it carving our wife's face and body to the point that she looks like a skeleton That's why we're doing this. We're taking it back. We're taking back good news because today it's light. Fun stories. Yeah. takeake you back to side stories of your. Yeah, absolutely. Everything's so light today that you could pick it up and you could throw it in a lake and it would never come out. And no one would ever know that it was there in the first place. That's right. So what I love about what we do here, right? So we went to London Ontario and in London For those of you that don't know, London Ontorio is the is considered to be The serial killer capital of not just Canada, but North America From nineteen sixty seven, nineteen sixty nine to like nineteen eighty five. they well, this is kind of their claim because it's a very Canadian claim but the idea that it was they called it murder city. They have a lot of murders there, but I don't know. you know, Detroit's right over there. We and we had LA. I still want to say like we had LA in the fucking seventies, We had Seattle Tacoma area. We don't I don't think we're slouches over here. Camden, New Jersey killed a shit a lot of They had over four different serial killers operating at the same time. And we thought was really interesting is that there was the bell. doctors? No No, No. No they' because that was with a license. They don't have a license to do it. But it was really fun because they had the Valcony Strangler. they had the chambermaid slayer. Yes. and then they had the Mad slasher. Cool name. Yeah. Ver Canadian. All three types of white people. Yeah. And they changed I like that they changed the slasher, the slayer and what was the last one? The Mgler? It was the strangler strangler slayer and the slasher Yeah. so they they were like we can't have we can't reuse the adjective. they don't want to be reneundant. Yeah right? because they got real writers in there. So as I was looking at this these stories ago that was interesting and then came up the story of Dusty Baowers whichich is probably it's a bleak Canadian story Mm. So a woman had gave birth to a child. And what she did was is I guess like there was the long story short is There was obviously issues. She left the baby out in the forest to die, right to be consumed by Moose she went from dusty to dirty. In the snow. She in the snow, Yes, she went from dusty to dirty to dewy because she was covered in water. And so what the so the Cenan police they go and they investigate, they go talk to the lady and she's like, oh my god I had a dream I know where my baby is. And they're like, where is she? They're like Yeah She's out in the woods where I lau her. I mean out in the woods. And so she has this they go and take her They believe her it's a dream. They go and they get the baby and in the most Canadian cup like way They don't properly cross their T's and dot their Js. Pick up the little baby And they wrap it up like as evidence and they throw it in the fucking' truck and it dies. What's wrong with that? Proomise was already alive. I' still alive. And so when they threw it in there and it seemed to create a situation where they just had to call it a mulligan. Yeah because they couldn't figure out what to do. So it was like the whole trial went into a whole conspiracy and it's just wild to me Yeah was two people in the audience knew her. Yeah, absolutely. but no one no one thought no one said anything about knowing the baby Well, I mean Do you really remember any of your conversations with babies When I've told them my secrets, you know, that's the best thing about her baby. You can tell a baby every single thing you've ever thought. you know, nothing happened. Oh man, I have belie she was just like my dream it's And you're like, Oh yeah. Oh yeah. where you drove, where you live next to. Oh yeah. And so it's just like that Catholic dude or that Christian guy who like they made a whole book about it. It was like, Hes said, God spoke to me. My missing daughter' buried in this cabin in the woods and it's like, you killed her. Yeah, God told you to do it. and God put her there. God told you to do it and God reed you out, bro. Yeah, What the fuck, bro. And now you wrote a novel fuck yourself. And guess what? who never tells you to do that? God? You know who tells you to do that? An agent from New York actually tells you to write a book. There's God's not making any money on that. He doesn't care. He's not reading. God can't read. God's blind. God's dead. Yes., That's why God can't read. fucking blew his brains out. See, that was the So that story led me to a really fun story that everybody sent us because you know, when we do these shows People want to hear local flare. They want to kind of hear Everybody was like, oh my God, did you hear this story? It happened right down stouth. like it was right south of London Ontario, just north of Grand Rapids. And everyone's like, Oh my Godd, you gotta talk about this story. You got to talk about it on stage Baby found dead in a porter potty in electric forest That's what you wanted. So everybody who Electric Forest is a it's not like a new weird Kiblerlf city. It's a music festival. Dude, Electric forest would be so much fun to see a bunch of gnomes on ketamine. Yeah, ye. you know That'd be fucking cool It fuck dude. So yeah, so someone so a Raver was pregnant and had her baby and just left it but they still don't haven't found the mother No, no you you know, I'd say you'd look for the mother for the look for the leaking trail of baby Yeah. I mean well they. Well no She went right back into the pit. This is the thing with EDM that I don't really understand is that y'all love dancing more than anything else. And I just feel like if you're showing up almost if you're full on pregnant. to the EDM festival. Obviously this is not somebody that's like Do doing all the work No, you know, because they found the whole rig. It wasn't just the baby It was the s and the umbilical cord and like if the umbilical cord herself after she border part. So, thank you Eddie It took me a second to find the right word, but then I just went with crapped it. Perfect. Y. That's actually the only word to use. And unfortunately, it's really sad and obviously I gets mad about this. I just you guys told us to talk. It's a light episode. It's a light episode. No Epstein. No e No No dru sell as druges. We're not even gonna brak it up. I can talk about who Iran is a secret drone program probably or that we're giving them them stuff or someone from the inside of the United States of America is fucking going against our government and selling themseluff on the inside or it's Russians. We're talking about babies and parda potties over here. Look simple Stories and people come to us forward. John Krzinski like sties is the good news network. You know, like was playing the electric Forest festival. An any good acts Actually I'm more interested in that. Yeah because there's not there actually isn't a lot of information on this. They just know that again, the whole rig was left behind, the whole kiten Cascade. I've seen cascade. a guy n ccision. ye. I don't like any of this. I don't like any of these people Who's Grizz? I guess Griz is somebody you could give birth to a dead baby too. Whuby Greees. All of these are pl Th are string cheese incidents Oh, multiple sets. Well string cheese incident, you know, that's what you could say the umbilical cord was You E It's not it's not a string.ion pit. Fashion pit. Oh, I remember you get fashion p Thats if you have sex in a port of potty. No passion Passion pit. Passion Pit is for forty year old gay married men. Yes. Okay, That's what Passion Pit's for. You could say she left behind a dead mouse. Cute. They're closing it out with Tapne though. Oh. Oh they're continuing on, good. Yeah. You can't stop. Oh, frost children But's what that baby was more of a hu life building. Yeah yeah. You see, but guys, this is the problem is that it's really is You very rarely see this at a country festival. I'm not blaming the music I'm not trying to blame this because there's no abortion there. You're right You're right. Wow. That's actually systemic. But I don't actually have you never heard of somebody giving birth in a porter potty in an oz fest? You've never heard of somebody giving birth in a porter potty. H happened? Look it up It's happen This is it up. I think just this is the only one left behind I think other people have been given birth in a porter botody than took it with them Giv it a old whieroni You know, you I hate the old Italian wieroni. There is nothing worse than a deep Italian wieroni. I really appreciate you Googling Porta Potty babies. How many babies have been born in a Porta Potty in an amusic festival? Yeah, I think we have to disconnect these. Mye is not figuring it outough. Hy has one job. It's a count on important potty baby. You AI is one fucking job Yeah, so it's not that common. Do you remember when that lady dumped all the u puppies at cooachell in the dumpster at Coachella God help us. Yeah everyone That's worse Light episode. L It's a light episode I into a light episode. Okay. This whole thing is really just about fun talking about the government? No, we haven't said anything about the government and the fact that you don't probably run in for a port of potty No, it's not involved. No, you don't need permits. for all these things and certainly can't be ped because of it. But Electric Forest is one of the super famous EDM festivals. Like it's like one of those big old, big old ones. kindind of like what's this p famous. They're't every time I can't believe any of them exist and then there was always like a hundred thousand people in all. Was it EDC What is all big overseas too? big overseas It's a very popular genre. P we don't understand. You know what it is is that both and I 'cause like I actually appreciate the idea of that people arriving just to dance, like the dancing and that's heavfully focused on the dancing. I think it's really fucking cool actually I've been forced to have like the best possible time you can have at like Cascade and Tiesto and stuff like that. and I hated it. I know, but I had like Tiesto like pointing at me 'cause I was like in the booth next to him. He' like,uh. Great. And I was like in mind I'm like, I need to get out of here off. It's just not for us. That's just not our it's not our speed, but I do I appreciate like I appreciate the love of it. It just seems like Why does it say in my brain, Yes, whole baby born dead with its umbilical cord and its whole rig and a port of potty. Yeah, it makes sense is at an electronical music festival You know what I mean? O all of them besides like a fish. c but even fish, everybody's all got money now. They're all fucking boomers. Yeah, ye Everybody's going to see those shows are boomers. They're not fucking Yeah they're all ye, they're they can't have babies anymore. Yeah they they're fucking their eggs are rocks. Yeah. Yeahen. Yeah, menopaus has turn their eggs into fucking statues of little people. Well, fish was at this Festival. Wow. They had to fish the baby out of the port of I l it leded right We a better. We did' do story I. Hs missed the opportunity to book Barded fetus. Oh yeah. And then like this can actually we can use hereere at a abarded fetus, we want to use this opportunity to teach you you can choose! You can choose the freedom of your own body. Your body is your choice. b at to b you. Yeah, she had her own Gir concert in. E Ew. Well let's move on a new one I'm just like honestly though, before we move on the people already don't like me. The u the the Who found it Like who's looking in the portter poty? Oh, this guy named Johnny Maningo It was a police. I feel like I actually think no, I think it was just some lady that went to go with in there right after. You think so? Yeah, I think so. It's so dark in there in the middle of the night. L you don't want to go in there. Yeah. Oh' the guy the guy the toilets found it. Yeah, of course. Yeah, the guy with the worst job in the world found it and it made his life even worse. He has a horrible job that he probably hopefully gets paid good money to do and then he has to find a dead baby and then move on like he's a fucking in Vietnam. Where's his go fund me? you know Yeahah, Nobbody ges a fuck about him. Nobody gives a fuck no one's talking about that guy. It was like Ohh my go. Yeahah, where's his seriously He needs to go fund me. I don't feel bad that Lizzo's record failed. I feel bad for that guy. Yeah. feel That's who I feel bad for it. That is officially worst job in America. Oh yeah Every once in a while we found a dead child yes. Yes in a nice one one time I found not just one but two but three children you all dayad once tied together withinicle court somehow three three children had committed suicide inside of the woman And I but one time I found four quarters It's a light episode This land is your land. But have you really seen it? Maybe it's time to slow down and enjoy the ride. America is calling. Explore it with omni hotels and resorts. Book now and save up to twenty percent, plus kids eat free Hey, it's Ry Reynolds here from MittitMobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited preremium wireless for fifteen dollarars a month is back So I thought it would be fun if we made fifteen dollars bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at midmobile dot com slash switch Upront pay forty dollars for months ninety dollars for months are one hundred ninety dollars forelveth plan requred fifteen dollars month equal to taxes extra. initial plan term only greater thanty gigytes be slow netor is busyC terms. Monday dot com AI agents took over my work And I absolutely love it. Chasing deadlines, writing status reports, updating stakeholders. Agents handle the daily grind now. I stay in the loop only when it matters. Create your own AI agent in minutes on Monday. com. Rise from your ble All right, here we go. hereere's the next one. There's a Batman in Mexico. This is actually funuck. Oh, this one's actually this one is nice. This is fucking technically awesome. Who knows though, because it's funny because the Mexican government right now They are not happy and they're considering him like hurting people and that they the quote unquote robbers he's been apprehending. They've been saying that they are the victims. We shall see, won't we. They always come after the Vigilantes. Yeah. don they don't they Brooklyn Devil. They don't they you know that, you know that they do Brooklyland devil. I do So In in the Lagos de Mno in Gelasco, they I think that's right. Halisco Jalisco Bmen of Lagos de Mno both of the m and Jalisco Mexico. So they have a bike theft problem, bicycle and motorbikes and this guy is takaking upon himself to maybe it's one guy, maybe it's a bunch. We don't know yet They know right now it is definitely several vehicles. They have several vehicles that they have picked up on. They know it because This could be just a community coming together. Who knows Yeah, It absolutely can because they're saying they're having a problem. They're finding these young men, are mostly young men, middle aged men Eirely to polls. It needakes more than one guy to do that. I think so too. I think it does. especially these guys they're criminals. So they got to be kind of tough. Oh yes. the Batman and Robin Well, that's where they' bring up. It could be a night wing be u Maybe. Id like to think so. I'd like to see a little bat girl in there. But what they did was is that they ducted from to the pole. And then he drew little whiskers on their faces. wrote Ratteras on their forehead, which means thf And then put a piece of pink poster board above them. described what they did And so they have been they've been beaten. They've been they're all bruised up. someome of them got black eyes, bloody noses, all the shit, but they're following around. But the police isn't they aren't arresting the guys that are tied up to the pollles, right? No because there's no there's no Aual evid that they stole anything, which is the problem always, right with the vigilante is you can do the busting but you have then eventually figure out how to work with the police because then if they don't properly have the line of evidence and all that shit secured, then the courts can't do anything to them. unless you're just going to hang them from bridges and make them scared to do crimes, which think is also J just as legitimate. Yeah, they write the word Rano. Repeto on their forehead. They leave the bikes there. Yeah those guys's bikees. That's like the proof. Well, that's what they say that that's the bike that they stole. Yeah, that's the bike they stole. But you know, there is no real proof that they stole the bike. That's the problem with this whole thing. Yes, which is always was one of the main issues, but everybody is saying It's more of a gigantic response in general to the neighborhood trying to take control of its own crime like that's kind of over running the city. Yeah. So it does to me make sense that there would be B the m It makes sense because I need one Well, they have their thing in Jalisco, apparently there is like a band of female vigilantes. this sh fucking. This is the better story in my It's only like three sentences. So I don't even know what happened here. It's like they stole like armored cars, right? There's a bunch of female vigilantes have been patrolling the nearby state of Mishuan Mishu how do you say it Mitkan Mitan Mitchan Mitchukan carrying assult. I'm sorry. A youre fighting? And he's learning. He's watching I watch him watch the World Cup. Yeah. He's learning. I, you know,' I'm done when I read. I'm done when I read English. You're nice We think that. So anyway, these chicks are carrying around assault rifles to protect themselves from the fucking new generation cartel. And then these women warriors have built a homemade tank Yeah And they set up roadblocks to fight the gunmen So they are straight up this is crazier. But also from what I have heard from people talking about what goes on in Mexico and people who live in Mexico said, yeah, there is, obviously there is some high crime, there' some chaos, but for the large part, much like here in the United States of America, when we're dealing with chaos, there's still just families living and most people live a normal existence even within all of this craziness You know, we have been, United States of America has been heavily meddling withithin the Mexican people like, you know, going after doing all these work playing the games too. now now we're fighting the cartels, but also God knows what we're doing down there. because there's no way we would ever know. No, we won'' doing. Yeah, the FBI is in charge. so a killdozer. Yeah dude. It's fucking awesome So these chicks rock. Yeah. so I do understand it's a lot, but it's going to be amazing when they fucking I you know, like there's a lot of jokes here, you know, but no no one really wants us to go through All of them right? Like we don't want to talk about how that is how you can tell the problem with him keeping his ity secret Cars always jumping up and down and And it's also really hard, you know, becausecause obviously he has the commemorative horn because like does, you know, does the Batman theme You know that that's a thing. Again, I'm trying not to be fucking, you know what I'm trying to be. bad here. I mean, it would be awesome. I'm just saying it would be really cool if it turns out like you can know who the Mexican batman is because he shows up B concert. Yeah. making all the hot dogs, all the bacon wrapor. I mean like that would be one of those things would be like he could do that too. Yeah. A Batmobile with Rims would be fucking awesome. That's what I to me this is the comic book. Like this is the comic book. L this is like there's a comic book in here about people within Batman's world being inspired by Batman to do things. You know, like the idea of an actual Mexico City Batman that does it in his way is such a fun fucking idea. I don't want it to be real. Yeah. it seems like it is real. Who knows? I mean, hopefully, you know, he never knows who's fighting for what. but Just remember sometimes we have to take Take care of ourselves All right Amen. we here A lastast podcast network We Treat the Mexican batman as a hero. He iss a hero. and I want him to email us at Sideestories LPol at gmail. com because I want to talk to you becausecause we talked all other the superheroes on this show Vil and superheroes. We're going to follow up with Reckless Ben still too. He reached out this week. So great we are going fo Yes because he's still been his gag order for those of you that haven't been following his entire saga about bricks and min thingsigs, go to Reckless Ben on YouTube, watch his videos. goo watch his stuff on it because he explains the whole thing way better than I can But it is a what's happening to him is extremelyirresponsible. and we promise our goal is to speak with him as soon as he's allowed to And so here's our next one, next story. Another fun story. Which one is this grandma? Yeah, old grandma finally does something interesting. You know, 'cause grandma's You got the spoil your grandmothers They gotta cook all day, grandmoth. You got those nice grandmothers. You got grandmothers thats stilla keep it tight, you know, likeike if your grandmothererss like fucking like Jillian Anderson You know, there's still there's those the kind of grandmothers now People having their big kids later. It is Grandma time. Yeah it is. And guess what If you are let's just say, if you like a fine matured women, o there is a couple of them out there, my friend. Yeah,s the future is great. It is for us that like milks But not for this family because this one Gilf was not one I'd like to fuck. It's one I'd like to apprehend. but she did it to herself. She's a real gila Grandmother I'd love to apprehend, but she's dead. So this woman, Amy Steedman, sixty four years old, young grandmother Trus found dead Tuesday afternoon in an apartment in Mchanicsville Holy shit chanville How brutal of a town is Mchanicsville in upstate New York? I would love to know Side sties LPOTL at gmail dot comot Does crude come out of the taps? Like it's one of those where we just pass by patroleia. I think this is actually the only non incarcerated family. Well the only one that is the only non next con family. Yeah Historic Mchanicsville where we lie to every woman that comes in. The police chief is called his name is William Rabbit Yeah, that's very cute. mister Bunnies. So Amy Steedman, she was found dead in her apartment along with her daughter, Sarah Myras forty four and her four grandchildren, Harper, Hudson, and ten year old twins, Gavin and Graceland So days after the six family members they were found dead, Mechanicville pololice chief William Mr. Bunnies said the evidence strongly suggests that Steedman behind what seems to be a group poisoning Yeah. One of the kids, one of the younger kids said was died by died by sharp fatal sharp force injuries, but we don't know what that means. The police are also saying they believe that there was a piece of there was a letter There's some evidence of saying that it seemed that that's what indicated that Amy Steman, the grandmother was the one that killed everybody and then killed herself. They're not looking for anyone else. Let's just say that And the the main issue seemed to be was that there was a, I guess the father of the family was I guess a stin A strangeure You probably a dick who knows? God knows. And apparently there was a re up on the child custody situation where he was going to finally be able to come visit them. That's what it seemed like. Like one account I was reading was saying they thought it was because he was going to get custody, but it doesn't seem like that. It does seem like he was showing up somethingomething was happening within their custody battle. cause Amy Steedman in the most New York grandmother way possible to say if they they're going to take away my grandkids, nobody can have my grandkids. because I could sort of see my mom doing this. It's usually a very empty thread. Yeah, normally. Every once in a while. It's not because that's why New York grandmothers have to be checked Yeah, because new grandmothers are fucked up. My grandmother was a literal Sicilian witch. Okay, My grandmother straight up had family like. She would talk about how they had family mob members that they knew and how nobody talked. This is in the old country. in the old days before the stupid Italian Americans who got off from becoming acting like they're in the goodoodfells. Back day, they used to actually keep America man. And you know how they used to keep America killing everybody that saidays. All right? ' in Italy was fucking brutal out there. Besides all the beautiful bruchchette, It all the beautiful facach. all the amazing mousadel. All right, besides all that incredible food and all the fucking history there. They're fucking murderers, dude. They killed Jesus Christ. You know what I mean? It's bad over there, dude. So I can imagine grandma's being evil Yes U there is one more I was just like I was thinking in my head just now. I was like, has there ever been another grandma familyily annihilor? That's the big deal here. On a quick Google, I found Nanny Doss. Oh dude, we covered Danny Dos. The gigling grranny. I'm sending you all the stuff. We did Nann Doss. I will send dude. Nanny Doss was so bad. She killed babies sick. Yes. also poisoner. She was one She's the big one. She was one of the only When we covered her, it's interesting about Nanny Doss is that she was one of the only female serial killers that talked about having a sexual nature to it Oh yeah, she killed four husbands, two children and one of her sisters, her mother, two grandsons and aother in law. Nanie Dlse was booked up. Wow. No This would be a good miseducation of Ed Larson. Oh, you need to know my God. I need to learn about her. Yeahraooked up. Yeah. Dude my grandma, whenever she was so bad at being a grandma. You know she never talked to me. I was recently sitting down and I was thinking like What did my grandmother teach me? What did she tell me? And I couldn't I didn't only memory I could groundge up was one I found that happened all over and over again where she would just tell me to sit next to her while she lit a cigarette and didn't smoke it. And And then I wasn't allowed to talk. Yep, wow Yeah. that's incredible. S my grandmother used to do stuff where she used to poke me. She' used to poke me and say, you getting fet Right? And then she also used to do stuff where she' go she saw me eating chocolate. she'd go. chocolate to give you a heart attack. Yeah. Yeah elsewere with Jackie. She useds to pinch Jackie under the table whenever she ate. Yeah. R She used to pinch her when she thought she was getting too fat. And then she would just do stuff where she'd be like, you need to stretch out your fingers You have stretching out your fingers. kept saying to Jackie, you're going to be tall You're gonna be tallook fingerart with the finger. You gonna look at your fingers are gonna be tall. That makes no sense. Yeah. She was an old dumb bitch. Yeah. she was old fucking dumb bitch. You didn't know anything. Dude, my have no idea. My uncle's mom, I remember I ran into her. She was she was about to die. She's dead now. She saw me for the first time. She hadn't seen me since I was a child. It's been like fifteen years I she's like, you're getting fat. I'm like, you haven't se me in fifteen years. I'm a forty five. I a man. What do you mean I'm getting fat? I just have bones now. I'm literally just full grown now. Also, I was bored fat, lady Yeah You were. Yes. It started like this for you. I love it. I know 'cause you never had to be used to anything else. That's the best part of being fat as a kid. As we really don't understand, is the best part of being fat as a kid? Is it later on, like as you balloon in and out of weight as a human as you go, getting back to fat just comfortable. You'ret gotta worry about it 'cause you always look like shit. That's the best part of having looked like shit always previously This is if this story is unique. This very rarely happens. more information is going to come out. I do think what could possibly come out? Well, you know I want to read the letter Yeah, ye. And I want to find out exactly what happened. I want to find out exactly like we don't quite know what happened, but we I didn't hear the sh the sharp object thing til right now. Yeah, there was just one of them.'s that's one of these actually they put glass in the oatmeal or something No, it sounds like she stabbed one of them to death. Ohkay like it sounds like a poison take Yes or something where she didn't have enough. And then how'd she kill herself poison again Sounds like it, yes. All right. you should drink poison. So it is very it's interesting, veryery specifically a female sissette way to kill. Yeah, which is the poison poison is if she wasn a good grandma, she would have just killed the man. Exactly, Eddie Yeah, you don't gott to kill the whole family. And I they don't have to be with the man. you just kill the man. I think we have some young grandmothers to listen to our show Yeah, I don' want you to always remember Take it out O the guy G the money, get the children and go Get the children and go. Yeah Be just because your daughter made these mistakes, doesn't mean that you gott to do it Right Y daughter made the mistakes. Yeah There's another problem. I get that. It makes me angry. You know, she could have been right because we have another story here of a man who did bad We did it When now What? Again? Nen! doing bad. No Once more A boyfriend dumped his he strangled his girlfriend and he dumped her in the woods and when he did that, he was such a fat loser that he had a heart attack and he died right next to her. All right. so This is one of those things I want to I can't stress enough How important your health is.' Alabama story com out of Alabama. And Alabama Let's look at the honestly, can we look the obbesity rates of Alabama I think it's second to Mississippi. This is a to me This is systemic. Yeah ye. Okay. What we're seeing here heart disease in Alabama thirty percent percent of the adult population of Alabama are morbidly obese. Fth fattestate. You know, and this is huge guysallying West Virginia, Mississippi and Louisiana. That's what this this what this is about. Really I didn't think I wouldn't have put West Virginia on the fat list Oh you haveve never been then, I guess. I thought, you know, I figured they're all walking up those hills, you know, drinking themselves and You think they're walking? Yeah, I think they walk everywhere. No I think they're just always dancing with their foot music. No, they arrest people who walk Yeah. They think people who walk are trafficking illegals That's what they think. They don't they don't walk. They don't walk Do you remember the West Virginia Jersey Sore where the guy died mudin. He just likecel just died Yeah sheep Yeah fuckking cancel And like you guys are it's not, you know, you guys aren't good enough in life to have a reality television show. Yeah. And so this is to me, this is an example of like Once you hit a certain age, justust because you might have used to be fit and you think you can do the things that you couldt use to do. because this is a story of a guy that's really used to just like doing stuff and he doesn't understand that he's got limitations now. He's forty four. Yeah. And when you strangles somebody to death That's hard enough as it is. And if you've never done An cardio And if you've not done any work, right? And if you like it seems like apparently he had a bit of a heart condition as well. Courtney was ex wife. Yeah, he was already had a problem. And so you know he was already getting, you know, just the fight leading up to this was stressing him out Right? Like just the yelling and the fighting up this point because he's gb you know, he's grabing his arm a up and like, God damnage, you know, you know, if you say one more thing, you spoil another fucking episode of Purvis, I fuc I do it here. You went ahead and watch the episodes with help me. You know what he probably thought he strained his arm strangling. Probably a guy need I need to be stretching before I do something. That's one of the hardest fight. Why is it radiating? Whyise all the pain radiating?. And so when they found her, She was laying there. He had dragged her they like, it's just kind of unfortunately, it's very cartoony where they drove past the place and they saw that the abandoned his abandoned truck was on And the door was open, the car was running with the radio going Yeah and the door was open and then there was a trail leading to where he had dragged her out and she was dead with her arms up mid drag and he's right next to in the fetal dead. Yeah, he was fetal position. And then the person who found them thought that they had found mannequins. Of course because they that's common Really? Yeah O course I I would be like, oh, someone left me because I guess I wouldn't jump to there's a dead body over there. Yeah, if you assume everything's a dead body, I honestly would tell you you probably have PTSD. Yeah You like. So if you Yeah, that's why a lot of people I feel like they have it now. Yeah, they do. So yeah, these people are fucked. But this is a they they're getting into it. It seems that they got into a bit of a Fight. they must have I don't think you just strangle somebody. Yeah the his apparently they put out on an obituary for him before they realized that he murdered her and they called him a country boy and then they took it down. He is one. Yeah I don't think you I think you could still give him that distinction. Yeah, I think he is a country boy as a matter of fact, I think that he is. killed outside. He did. And he dragged her to his favorite place And then he died there, which is honestly almost in a way, it's very poetic. H then he gets to go right back It's the trees just like The Native American Take it stoop Full circle be amongst nature One of the leaves. There he is amongst the roots. Oh, look at this. All we spoke poorly. He's not from Alabama. He's actually from Macon Georgia. He just did the killing there. Look up the I would love to look at the obesity rates of Macon Georgia. I mean I would I wouldn like to see that if that is because again, this is about triglycerides. Yeah. And this is also why I thirty five percent thirty five percent exactly the same. Yeah. I'm going guide. this is about the man out there. okay Listen, we got to work on cardio. Yeah. You can't just do the things you want to do just because you think you can because you used to, buddy. It's not the same. Oh there Well Georgia's nineteenth in fat people No because Georgian's got because Atlanta tips scales because everyverybody's very fit and it's so hot and now and everyone's hot's hot. It is. It's hot. Everybody likes to work out a little bit. The ones that don't work out are actually still kind of skinny I bet Savannah's hot too. Savannah is from what Well Savanah iss on the older side. Oh, so former hot. Yes.. useds to be super hot now, they're more of like the Gelfs from our previous story. Oh This things also says that forty four percent of the obBese people are below the poverty lvel.es's very much. They're poor aspect. yeah, it's right. It's very small. I mean, that is fucked up because the fucked up thing about that isood desert. It's a food desert Yeah Yeah. and the McDonald's you value meal is way easier. A salad's fucking twenty bucks now. It is And to buy all the ingredients for the salad to make it home right now thanks to we're not talking about this Yes, We're supposed to keep it light. keepeing it light. We're keeping it light. We're keeping it light. We're talking about how your research systemic. No one does or No We're not talking about country keepeing it light people have to get their groceries at the dollar general. We're not bringing it. We're not going to talk about the fact that it's almost done on purpose to the poor by the rich. but we're not going to get into all that because again, it's a light. We're keeping it Light The grandmother killed her family And that was because she didn't like the person that had nothing to do with her. You know, All right, how about this? Here's a light one. Okay good. here's light. Here's the light one. in Milwaukee wedding, a guy was eating meatballs with his hands. ute, right? No. It's adorable. The guy'. He's a groomsman. He's and's time not of even makes it even worse. Yeah someone's like, Hey, why a't you fucking me balls with your heads? And so he dragged him in the kitchen and he shot him, dude never this is what I'm going to say. you see a guy who's at that point where he's got a meatball like an apple. He's eating a meatball like an apple. donon't talk to him. If he is at that point, Yeahah, it's a it's a wedding It's a wedding. and we might want to.'s I would say the groomsmen should be helder held to higher They're not eating the meatballs their hands. Fight over meatballs. I just love the fucking scene. It's just like it's just this beautiful wedding scene. as she says, wedding shooting, fight over meatballs. right next to which just it's also f It's a fat fight. It is you remember It's another fat fight. We covered this a while ago. Milwaukee's also big. There's some big people people in this picture. Also I it. I get it. Today'says big people do wrong, maybe is today's Now I. I gott to start doing this. I want to go to the farmmer's market and be like, Mm. Have you had any of these red delicious and then just like pull a big meatball out of my tucker ware? O, these are good. these are really good. Ooh, yeah, you know people eat apples with like a knife e with my meatball. He'ast eating with a knife. Both the people lived. I wan to see That to me then says I just wish he why bring a gun to the wedding? Well, it was in his car and he went out and got it 'cause he was so mad and he brought it back Yeah, yeah and he shot the woman in the arm and the leg and he shot a man in the back of the neck. She's fucking cross. Just let him e in the kitchen. Yeah, just let him out his meatball. like he probably went for easier access for the meatball. Yeah you're back at it, you're still eating the meatball. You're just shut the fuck up. You're fuck up. You back the fuck up You back the fuck up, he's my meatball.'s my meatballk mitch Yeah, so I'd be like, whoa, yeah,. Let's box them up. The victim the female victim said that she's the cousin of the bride and then she was in the kitchen area when she saw the groomsman eating meatballs directly with his hands. She told him to use a plate and he punched. How do you get inv? How is he on the party? Yeah, yeah yeah. I feel like this is a family thing because this is one of those issues too with those when you have to do mix family and friends and mix all these people who've never met each other before. You know what I mean? where that's because you know this, you we both had weddings. You know like when you bring the two levels of friends where you have like there's the friends that have grown up like we we dealt with this a lot as comedians that in a wedding, you'd have half the party were like O people from other walks of life that probably had like kids and people you're not ready to give up on. Yeah, like kids and homes, but like literally like they they all grew up We all got a couple. And then there's the other cou the other side of the friends that are all like your trash. These are the friends that I used to party with and I bring them places to make them fun to have the events be fun, but it doesn't really mesh with my new current life That's what it feels like this might be where that guy is used to being like Give'es a shit We used to see mip balls from the tray all the time. Yeah. You fuckers like, Ohh, you know, no one said anything when I stuck my head in the soupereine, right Like at the bott b, right? Like there's guys like that because there are guys that are like, he'd stick his head in the souperene ten years ago. Everyone's like, o fuck This is the most lit shit in the world being like he's like, I thought you guys would think this was hilarious. Yeah because me balls me, me balls my hand. That's hilarious objectively I then know He did leave behind a gift apparently, an envelope addressed to the groom man someone just won gift certificate to Magianos. You know if someone called you out for eating a meatball with your hands at a restaurant, you'd be embarrassed probably, right? I'd say I'm sorry. I think a lot of it has to do with alcohol. You know people I've noticed as someone who went to a wedding recently with a bunch of youngsters and I had a great time and I loved how happy they were. And I remember my weddings from the past. When you're young, you're so excited, you show up hammered. Yeah And then you got a flask in your pocket and there's free booze, you know, and it's just like it's just a recipe for disaster. Yeah, and we just don't fight we don't do that anymore. but yeah, it seems like it got really loose in there and they were not really, they were mad about the mebols. Yeah. mayaybe they wanted to keep mebols, but I would say if I see somebody can f M bockes up the meatballs give them meatball. Yeah. Also, if you're planning a wedding, maybe no meatballs do a bologn erests harder to eat with your hands. See, I like hand food. Swedish. Meatballs aren't hand food. Yeah they are. They are If they don't have sauce on them, they can be. See, what I do. Dude, I love a non sauced meatball. Well, you know why I always do. Oh my go. When I make meatballs, I make like four meatballs for meatall I'm eating. Yeah. And I eat those meatballs with no sauce because of my favorite meatballs. a meatball in the for. You put them in the oven and then You fry them to give them the shell. Do you do that? Oh my God. I don't see my mom grew up with the no fes. What did I do there? I didn didt know fr like my meatballs. I I bake them first and then I put them in the sauce because I'm trying to, you know, like you to fry them afterwards. I always I bake I love when they have the shell. See, I put them, you can get the shell. You can get the shell easy if you do it at a super high temperature for a very small amount of time So if you actually put the oven up two seventy five you do have good meatballs. I do. and I try. So I put the oven up for hundred seventy five, toss the meatballs in for like just twenty minutes get them to brown as fast as possible. Then I put them in. How much do you use a lot of breadcrumbs or just a little bit? I use what I like to do truly, I over egg my meatballs. So I put a lot of eggs and I put a little bit of half a half in there, but then I try to make it then everything's by hand feel You know when I add I add breadcum bad crumbs by my bread because I kind of want it to be not So wet But I want it to not be dry I over egg my mashed potatoes. Yeah, you like putting that, you put es the mashed potato. Yeah. I put eggs the mashed potatoes.akes all boundy. He does He can do that. his mom taught him to do that. Yeah never heard do eggs in the mashed potates while they're all hot and then you mix it up and it cooks inside of it. It's fucking good. Yeah, makes it like it does. he does that. He makes it it likes and thickens them up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. but I haven't made meatballs in so long. You should do it meeatballs wear meatball. I make a meatball about once a week. That's the preder side of the story Meatballs. We're gonna have meatballs in our life because this guy's a fucking pig. Whatever this guys. This is now a meatball show. Also we have just went past these crimes. We're here talking about meatballs, which is the heart of the show. Yeah, man. S I think it's fucked up that this guy used a gun Because Yes because he's you already punched the woman. You're not willing to use a fork But you're willing to use a different instrument. What are we? Yeah. Yeah, I think yeah. I think if you're gonna kill someone or try to kill someone after you eating with your hands, strangle. Can I ask honestly, where're the meatball sauce We don't know That's not a good article. If the meatball's not sauced Yeah The other people were wrong I'm going to say that, if the meatball wasn't saucced, what are we fighting for? Yeah. Don't ask me, I don't give a damn He's looking at twenty five years. When have you ever seen an unsaucced meatball at a wedding Iot at a wedding. Never at a wedding. No noobbody keeps preaucced meatballs. No, you have to show up early to an Italian's house. That's how you get a preaucced meatball. We gotta hang out with chef. Yeah, you gotta hang out the kitchen. Yeah. that's how you get the good shit. Early, try this. Yeah. Try another one. Fuck yeah. we gotta move on. Weta move on. We're just talk about meatbulstough. Which again, I will talk about meatbulsful through a. Hi. this is Zoe Deutsche. and this is Nick Robinson. Check out our new movie, Voicemails for Isabelle. Exclusively on Netflix. Sign up now to watch. Some cars respond A Mercedes Benz responds and anticipates Welcome to a car that helps read the road before the road knows you're coming Welcome to RushHour with a massage setting Welcome to a car that parks itself, but you can take the credit. Welcome to MBUX knowowing yourour name, your music, and the way homeome Welcome to a car that feels like home the moment you get in. Get an exceptional offer on the GLC and GLE at the Welcome Home Celebration, going on now at your local Mercedes Ben deealer Hey, it's Ry Reynolds from MitMobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited preremium wireless for fifteen dollars a month is back So I thought it would be fun if we made fifteen dollars bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at midmobile dot com slash swwitch Upront payment forty five dollars for three months ninety dollars for six mons one hundred ninetyllars forelveth plan reired fifteen dollars for month equalent to taxases bees extra. initial term only greater thanty gigytes slow netork busy t y from Norway But Eddie, can you describe them I want you to do this one last story sure about the car that I should we should have got C Oh this is what I'm mad. Yes. So I'm mad that I didn't get this car. So my man mister Pastrami shout out to Round Table. He sent me this and he's like, you got to buy this for Henry. I want it so bad. And my response was and it's I now know that I'm wrong. I was like, not yet, Henry's not dying yet. No now you do want it Oh no, of course I fucking want it. I don't need to be dying to enjoy myself. So is coming out of China. Chinese technology firm called Uuban. has created an autonomous toilet to help people with limited mobility. Basically, it's a remote controlled toilet that comes to your bed. dude and it fucking washes and wipes your ass. I don't give a fucking shit I want to see how much does this costs. Think about this You gott to get up of the bathroom smart toilet. Dude, at night. Yeah. you gott to go to the bathroom many times? Like three times. Me too. You' be helped nice if I just like can put my legs over, Fucker comes over's like, I like you feed me, feed me so much. Thank you so much. Thirsty. I would love to look in the eyes while I shit next to the bed. Pop on partner. Time to take you do the rodeoke. And it just spins me as I shit, you know on my own That'd be the funnest part. Do it loop do looose while you Every fucking everywhere going picking up the mail you like come just actively shitting while I get the mail? actively shitting while I go grab my food I you know I to myself I got a blanket on top of me get piss. You can't see anything because my belly's coverred my dickin balls. Yeah, ye yeah. Oh So what it does is it empties itself into an actual toilet That is the most incredible thing I've ever heard. This is I want this. Yeah. Why is this just for dying and old people? Yeah, they could use this at the EDM festival. Oh yeah, tell me about that. Then the baby can be driven by the robot to the hospital. You know what I mean? Becauseuse then it could sense, Eddie, it's amazing. That's how we delivery. That's how we keep Any baby way to the maternity ward. I went that way. I feel like to this, you're not meant to poop in it. What do you fuck for a quick You canerly poop. You can you cant poop in the. You know its' in my house. You gota get it out. You gotta catch yourself if you poop. you dude, that's some Chinese trickery Yeah That's what that is. That's some Chinese ass trickery trying to fucking whatn' the living fuck. That is I'm angry dude. is a trap. is a prank. They have ultraviolent sterilation sterilization to kill bacteria. That's nice. What does it matter if you can't dump in it Nice forget where your PP particles. PP partorticles ain't that stinky ye, mine are. I got that vitamin E two dude. St making my peePe particles all kinds of stinky. They love it. stop it. You know, That's why you got flush the lid to the toilet. Close the lid to the toilet. That way when you flush your pee particles don't fly up in the air and get on your toothbrush. That is true, but that is what you should do. I learn that from a man. Yeah. Yeah as a man my name PP particles. Yeah know Hello, I help and notice, you put PP particles everywhere. And that's why I'm here. It's me. mister mom sior PP partarticle. No, I u I'm mad You magic can' shit in it? It's thirteen grand and I can't fucking shit in it. four grand. it's four grand press fes. Yeah. Well, I pay thirteen grand if I could shit in it. you would go up that high. You go up an extra nine thousand. if it can just the shit in it. If it can climb stairs it If I can shit in it and it can go upstairs, that would be here's the inside got a grinder in it. No, I know. dude F at it Oh man, that's awesome. So can you do it for espresso and for cold brew? Do they have what what what are the levels on the grind? Oh man, this makes me want to get old so bad. See, I feel like Eddie, this is what I'm saying. I hate you I also hate it When they make the urine brown in it They made the fake wastewater in it Oh yeah, it's like brown. Well, that's probably diarrhea Hopefully. Yeah. I also that asse maybe Dan, if you're older, you are shitting more liquid. Oh, they say it's got similar technology as Aromba He's gonna just scare the shirit out of win Oh wow. Yeah, but this is great. I'm out of China mad at them. They're lying. They're helping. This is an advancement. No, dude. Not unless you get shit in it. It is getting you closer to your poo poo remote control c. I know But I want to shit in it. All right. I dont want to be able to shit in it and until that until that happens, there's no point. The piss is able not to be anything truly Pest is easier to contain on your body than poop. When Henry was a kid, he destroyed so many power wheels. I did. I did. But that's do you know what I mean? Right? Like you got rubber sheets, you got all the different stuff except for that I do send you that one. There's one There's one series of videos I saidnd to Eddie all the time of this like one family dealing with a lar very large development disabled boy that's like probablyably six a half feet tall ripping their home to shreds, right? It's really kind of scary. They gott to bolt them down all the chairs. like they have to bolt the refrigeror to the wall. There's gates everywhere. It's really intense. It's like it's crazy.'s like these people, it's like, it's very exploitive.' extremely exploitited. I don't know if it is. I just don't either way, I just think it's ecky. but the biggest fan. I keep sending you the videos because the way they have to wrap the bed for amount urates. Yes. they have to put two rubber sheets on it, Th they put wicking sheets on it. then they wrap him in several blankets because of just how much urine he emits at night. Yeah And I feel like that's the thing that urine can be captured Yeah I think it's poopoo that needs to be dealt with. See, I don't find an exploitative because they clearly love him. Yes, but they are putting it on the internet You know If you're making money God bless them. I'm sure their bills are fucking through the roof. Vog, I mean I do understand that it's very it's I would say it's a complex. I don't think they're exploiting them. I think they're showing us how hard their life is. They are, but then also but then in that way it is sort of exploitative. I also get it. I I get I kind of get both. Yeah. I get both. I was just saying about how would' be crazy you'd be surprised how much urine somebody can make That's what this light episode was all about. All right, It was how much urine you can potentially make, which is We honestly, half a gallon So I think it's time for some listener emails. Oh yeah, whichich I think is kind just the oneound topic. Yeah, I love this one So we asked last week the question about human foieas. B If you get to a certain waight point What happens to your liver? like they used to do with geese where they go and they force feed them delicious aromatic foods and then they take their liver and they grind it into patete I wonder if the same thing could happen. I got a very interesting emails Some something the source from this medical article This was from the the NIH. It cites regular human hepocyte stiosis at five percent. quote unquote grade three severe statosis as sixty seven percent or more, meaning humuman fat content in the liver can exceed sixty seven percent which is higher Den Fie gras So like that's higher than the fat amount there would be in a normal foie gris from a geese, right? So it's definitely possible for human livers to reach foie gris ratio of asteiatosis to functional hepocytes. So medically It would look the same However, mammalian livers, including human livers are susceptible to infection by parasitic flukes such as clonarchcus seninence to Scorcus, V Vverini Wh is I had a great optoscorkcus Varini over Mother Wolf, which is quite good. And they known, those are known to cause cancer. Additionally, pryions have been found in liver tissue. So generally eating human foie gras is medically unsafe. of course is son. Yeah, yes, of course. But he was saying aside for all the moral issues, right? whatever Mostly adding this part for whatever FBI agent has to read this as the results of me feeling the need to answer your thought experiment. Also, orcas eating only liver means other animals get to eat the rest, contributing to nutrient, fall and marine snow for a larger ecosystem, so it's not always full. Oh right. H fun. Dude, I watched this fucking awesome Oca documentary on the flight. say. Dude, it was it was all about how they, you know, they do the thing where they like do the make the waves and knock the seals off of the ice sheets and stuff like that. And so they wanted to film all of it. just all the oras like doing it and working as a team, which is because it's like the coolest way animals hunt The thing was they never they were doing something they never seen before. They had one seal. It got up on a like a big old iceberg like a real big one. They like they're never orcas and never get the seal off of this one. The fucking oras worked as a team and head bututted the iceberg until it broke up That' fucking awome. Yeah, yeah, they then they ate the seal. It was fucking awesome man man, That's so fucking cool. Ionestly it's very it's intense. Yeah, I had a great time watching it. It's intense, but I you know what I was saying, it's kind of cool. Thank you, Air Canada. And it's good The whales got to eat. Whale got to eat. They got to eat. Yeah to eat But yeah, that was one of fun. Oh guys, before we go, I want to make sure everyone knows that we only got two JK Ultra shows left. Yes, please come here guys and the end The most important ones are a very, very final one. Yes. So we got Tulsa on july seventeenth and then we got Oklahoma City on july eighteenth. and the Oklahoma City showh for everyone who's mad, they couldn't make it to the JK Ultra Tour if we accidentally missed your city, Phoenix, I'm sorry, go and you can watch the live stream of the very last show of the tour. Yeah. That's right. So we're gonna have live stream details will be on our website lastastpodcast andev dot com dot Make sure you check that out and watch it and the live stream will be available for two weeks. Y So even if you miss it in real time, you can go back and watch the replay for two weeks. It be fun. So find the link. It's gonna to be on our website. It's not technically there yet, but it will be there by the end of the week and go check out this live stream. I'm very excited for it. I'm glad everyone's going to be able to see it. I'm really love our show, and I think, but I'm also excited I'm excited for new ventures newew stuff. Yeah, but I can't wait you to see it. Go and check it out. We will have all that information on our socials and here on the show those socials go to LP on the left for all of that horseshit and live every day knowing that you If you're not yet the Mexican Batman you can be one. Yeah be one. And then you can love the fact that you are changing your neighborhood one rato at a time. All right. And then you can laugh at everyone, especially once thece the once the daily Goobell tells them, Oh we're gonna to fuck get we're gonna get you Batman, We're for you the Batman. J just know that. you're going they're going to regret the dayate they came for you Mexican Batman