Brett Goldstein on Football and Muppets

Tuesday on NBC, Summer's number one show is back All knew America's got Tent with Terry, Mel B, Simon, Sophia, and Howie. America's not only got talent, America's got heart and humanity. And this season, the star power is off the charts. Thatar was so good. You're gonna be remembered for that America's G Talent. Tuesday on NBC. Monday, june eighth on NBC. American Ninja Warrior is back. Y Mind blowing new obstacles. Heated regional rivalries. I cannot wait to represent and make everyone proud back home. An unbelievable athlete. The M Pas is gonna make it happen this year. because this season, every second count. For the first time ever, the three Lane race Course. The premiere of American Ninja wararrior, Monday, june eighth, NBC In a new interview with Fox News, President Trump demanded that the Strait of Hormuz be opened but added quote, We don't need the straight. In case anyone was looking for a new slogan for Pride mononth Rockefell Plaz in New York City. Please enjoy this podcast edition of Late Night with Seth Myers. On today's show, Seth talks to actor and comedian Rick Goldstein. But first, a closer look Well, we're back from a two week break and once again, the news has been very chill. We asked our crack team of researchers to spend the entire two weeks scouring every newspaper in the country, and it turns out nothing's happening Bings us to our recurring new segment, Everything's G. Nothing bad can happen. It can only good happen That's right. It's been a relaxing and normal two weeks and nothing is really sorry, was that Iran suspended peace talks with the U.S. Iran and the U.S exchanged more fire. The Strait of Hormuz is still closed. The president claimed he was near a deal with Iran for the thirty seventh time and told everybody to sit back and relax. All right, Well,' fine. That's just the Middle East Whatas that? A judge said the president can't put his name on the Kennedy Center?ident setet up a one point eight billion dollars slush fund for criminals who stormed the capitol to overturn the results of an election after he sued His own administration for something that happened while he was president The Secretary of Health and Human Services wrestled a bunch of snakes like a zombie Jack Hannah. The GOP called the Democratic nominee for a Senate in Texas a transgender vegan even though both are not Pam Bondi refused to answer questions from Congress about Donald Trump's name, appear in the E Fste. The FBI director went on a VIP snorkel event at a Pearl Harbor Memorial, which makes sense because his face always looks like it just ran out of air The president bragged about taking his fourth cognitive test, which just made everyone wonder why his doctors keep making him take cognitive tests. He skipped his own son's wedding because he said he was busy with circumstances pertaining to government, but his Also planning on attending the NBA finals despite the fact that he's been booted almost every sporting event he's ever attended. What Trump wants to cancel His freedom two hundred fifty concerts because artists keep pulling out the real Milly Vanilli. said they won't show up, but the fake Milly Vanilli is he's turning the White House into a rubble pile and fighting theme amuseenbar. He's putting his face on a new two hundred fifty dollars bill, which will only be used by monbsters and drug dealers He made three thousand seven hundred stock trades, including companies he's publicly promoted and given no big contract to change the color of the Lincoln reflect. He has White House intervened to get a Pentagon deal for a company connected to his ownes he be posted a meme O his face on Mount Rushmore where it looks like all the other presidents are trying not to make eye contact eight. mean, it turns out Turns out a ton of stuff happened, I Apologize for my initial bounce on it For more on all this, it's time for a closer look The president spent the weekend lashing out with more than sixty social media posts over the course of fourteen hours, including attacks on judges, political rivals, and the pope. But let's cut him some slack, okay? He's been under a lot of stress Lately, after a barrage of legal and political setbacks. Today, Iranian state media says that Tehran is suspending peace talks with the US. President Trump responded to the announcement, telling NBC news that he thinks Iran going silent would be very good, adding, I think I can wait as long as they want. In the latest CBS newews poll, sixty six percent say they disapproved of Trump's handling of the war in Iran. His overall approval ratings continue to slip, falling to an all time low of thirty four percent President Trump's proposed one point seven seven six billion dollars so called anti weaponization fund is running into trouble on multiple fronts, not only facing resistance from congressional Republicans, but now drawing legal scrutiny as well. A judge today temporarily halted work on the president's anti weaponization fund The order blocks the Trump administration from putting money into or moving money out of a nearly one point eight billion dollars account being set up by the DOJ with taxpayer dollars. A federal judge has just ruled that President Trump's name was illegally added to the Kennedy Center and ordered it removed. The judge saying Congress gave the Kennedy Center its name and only Congress can change it The lead prosecutor on the case against former FBI director James Comey has stepped away. This is over his seashell photo allegedly threatening President Trump. The growing number of artists listed as performers for President Trump's White House backed celebration of the nation's two hundred fiftieth anniversary are now publicly denying involvement in the event They include Morris Day and The Time rapper Young MC, Jodody Rockco, of Milly Vanilli, country singer Martina McBride, and the Commodors have all either pulled out of the event or said they didn't know that they were involved in the first place Imagine how badly things have to be going that the real Milly Vanilli publicly rejected you And it's not even one of the top ten most embarrassing things to happen to you this week Maybe Trump can sue his own government and set up a billion dollar compensation fund for everyone who is defrauded by the fake Millie Vanilli AK, the Millie Vanilli Billy fund. Can you? Imagine Trump asking Millie Vanilli to perform at his concert in the first place. A Zinger came up to me, bigig Zinger, strong inger Tears pulling pouring down from his eyes onto his lip syncing mouth. and he said to me He said, mister Trump, sir, you are the Millie Vanillia presidents And I said, girl You know it's true So the presresident's under a lot of stress, you guys. He's under a lot of stress, everything from his negotiations with Iran to his Kennedy center renaming to his ballroom renovations to his concert series featuring eighty's novelty axes falling apart, his approval ratings. or at all time lows because no one can afford food housing, healthcare, gas, notot to mention it's almost summer. And I don't think his pool's gonna be ready I thought we were gonna go barbecue and go swimming. Yeah, my poool guy but said to be done any me, but you know, if you get hot, just run over there and Jie he'll spray you with a hose But don't worry, despite all the negatives, the Republican Party remains laser focused And what matters most to working Americans? Joe Biden's brain bad Trump's brain good to the left wants to see Trump's tax returns, his medical history his golf handicaped, They want to see cell phone recorders from House and Senate members, Republicans, that is, not all of them, just Republicans, but not Biden's cognitive condition. President Trump, who is as sharp as could be, same age as Joe Biden, but his health is in great great condition and his mental acity is as strong as ever versus Joe Biden. and they were treated differently because of that When I saw this segment, I made the same face Joe Biden made in the debate Whatx you think it is to say his mental acuity is stronger than ever versus Joe Biden? is currently using Joe Biden as the high watermark for mental acuity. Saying someone is sharp versus Joe Biden is like saying someone's good at break dancing versus Raygun That can be true and you can also still be bad at break dancing Also you guys stop talking about Joe Biden? It's crazy to hear his name in twenty twenty six. It's like hearing someone mention Boston legal. But it's not just Fox News, with inflation soaring and the war spiraling and his poll numbers in freefall. The president has been obsessing more than usual in recent weeks over the condition of his brain Over the weekend, he wrote, The results of my physical examination taken at Walter Reed Military Medical Center were just released and extremely good, unlike other U. S. presidents, none of whom Have ever taken an approved high difficulty cognitive test? I scored a perfect thirty out of thirty considered extreme intelligence. In fact, this is my fourth such test, all perfect or one hundred twenty correct answers out of one hundred twenty questions. It is very rare that anyone gets a perfect score, especially when achieved four times in a row A couple of things. First of all, it's a dementia test, not an IQ test and as A general rule, if you took a dementia test and you thought it was an IQ test, you failed both the dementia test and the IQ test. Second. Extreme intelligence is not a medical term in general. Doctors don't use extreme because they're doctors, not mountain Doo cans And lastly, while I get you think it's cool that your four for four in dementia tests, is not a good sign that they keep making you take them That is a sign that the people who gave you the test don't trust the results. You wouldn't feel good if the cops kept making you take the breathalyzer. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. He's still zero. It not He was driving on the shoulder in a golf card Make him blow it again This is the fundamental problem Trump has faced his whole life. He brags about stuff that you wouldn't have to brag about if the thing you were bragging about was actually true. You wouldn't have to constantly insist to people that you're a big brain genius. If you were actually a genius, you wouldn't have to brag about solving eight wars. If you actually stopped eight real wars, then you wouldn't have to brag about creating an awesome economy if the economy was actually awesome. If everyone was walking around with affordable healthcare cheap groceries and two dollars gas, you could just sit back and spend the day picking drapes from your ballroom and reapplying concealer to your Frankenstein hand And no one would give it. And also before you run to the comment section, I'm never going to say that Trump has a Frankenstein's monster's hand I'm never gonna do that. If you want to leave that comment in the comment section, leave that comment, but I'm never gonna do that But you know what, fine. Since this matters so much to the president, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean, in fairness, could any mere mortal who wasn't? A world historical genius Wdsmith come up with a nickname For the Democratic Party Brilliant as this A new name I came up with yesterday was a Democrat because I was talking about This guy, I think that could be a good one. You I've come up with some extraordinary names. That's why we call them the Democrats we have The Democrats because they're dumb. The Democrats voted against all of that. We call them Democrats and it works out well because I take the word dumb, take the B off because most people don't know that you know, dumb ends with the B, but most people don't know. And all I do is I switch the E with the U and you have a Democrat over're here for a fifth cognitive test We think you might is it again five for five You'd be the first guy who ever went five for five. But thank you so much for talking it through with us Step by step. I haven't been this riveted by an explanation since my aunt Jean talked up her. I'm making a feline toward perfection t shirt They replaced B line with F line Not a lot of people know that's another way to say cat Then you may or may not have noticed, they fiddled with the spelling of perfection. A Jen, A Je A Jie, shut up Also, the best part about this is how it's an inadvertent burn on everyone in Trump's orbit. Not only is Trump admitting that he didn't know how to spell the word dumb, he's also implying it was news to everyone around him as well I was talking to Margot and JD, and I told them, gentlemen, prepare to have your mind blown. Dumb ends with a B You should have seen their faces. It was like they were both thinking, Dear God, what have I done with my life This isn't even the first time Trump has claimed that he just noticed the spelling of a one syllable word and thought his observation. made him a generational intellect. Drug traffic coming into our country is way down And by sea, by sea, by ocean, by The water, you know, a lot of people say, what do you mean by sea? Is it sea? likeike vision? No, it's sea. SEA But it's down ninety seven percent. You know how you spell us, right? You spell us, US I just picked that up. Has anyone ever thought of that? I just picked that up Have you just learned that seed is spelled SEA and that us is spelled US Then you are dumb Pill DM. You don't even deserve the B. In some ways, I have to admit, I'm envious of Trump. I wish I could be as confident about anything as Trump is about spelling one syllable words C you imagine this dude in a spelling be? Bolinda Walk. The LIN TAWK. Tessa Conter. TSSA AC on TR. Toraathapsia. TRK THAPSA. You spell us US I just picked that up Theident is using his office to enrich himself and his family, put his face on monuments and money, and set up a slush fund for his criminal supporters all while waging a disastrous war that has made life harder and more expensive for working Americans. There are lots of words you could use to describe it. cororrupt, incompetent, immoral. But at the end of the day, there's only one word that works best and that's the word dumb is the word and this has been a closer look. Hey, it's Jimmy Thown and K K keep home. Don't miss passwords. Last season had hilarious moments like this. U well Lad What? And this season kickies the password is. Fun with your favorite celebrities. Yeah, but the password is ourur bad season yet. Right, but the single password is. amazing. Amazing was my name it was great though. That was great. Yeah. Password is back. Don't miss an all new episode, Tuesday on NBC awward winning actor and writer, you know from shows like Ted Lasso and Shrinking. He co wrote and stars in the new movie Office Romance, which premieres on Netflix june fifth. Please welcome back to the show. our friend Bret in everybody. Often I've long been impressed by you, but this is man, this is really something. Yeah, this one's You pulled it off because you're a really good writer and you finally figured out the smart thing to do is I'm gonna to write a Rom com Where it's me and Jennifer Lobz Like you you did the thing that every writer dare not do and you pulled it off Yeah, and I thought Everyone did this But no one does. So when Jennifer Lopez gets it, you're the first Yeah, it's Great plan. It's amazing. You that you pulled up, this is like better than whatever those Ocean eleven jokers did. Nothing. This is a real heist.. This is the real. But you're a fan of Romcoms and you wre this with Joe Kelly, who's an old dear friend of mine. And how did this idea occur to you? So Joe Kelly who's one of the co creatersors on Ted Lasso. he and I when we were making Ted Lasso season threeree, we were at Manchester City Yeah filming there and on the train back to London, we were like, what should we do next? And we both love Romoms and we were like, let's do an old school Romc And we were like, Wh's the best person to do a rompum with? And we both were like, JLO, obviously. And then we were like, all right, and then we came up with this idea on the train. And then we sent it to her with a note that said We wrote this for you, You're at the top of our list There's one name on this list If you say no, we're not going to make it Also I'll kill you. And And she, you know, a little of encouragement and a little death threat. it works. That's fantastic. You you play a lawyer. She plays the CEO of an airline. Yes. is this is also a novel role for her in a Romcom Yeah, because we will if you've seen all her wromcomes, which I have U She's always like low status and aspiring to something and sort of on the outskirts of things We wanted to do like a more grown up one that I hadn't seen her do before. So she's the CEO in this one like she has it all And she's very good at a job. It was like a love letter to workkaholics. That was what it was. It's really it is nice. Also you mentioned you've seen all her films. Yeah. It turns out you're a huge fan of hers and you've said it a lot on camera. I didn't realize. How of I thought. Once on my podcasts I might have mentioned I thought she was good. And then when we were making this film Every week a producer would come up, we'd be talking and someone would go, Oh, they found another one. and there's like me on a red car going, Isn't Jaye like brilliant A, shhut up.m tryrying to be cool Do you think at some point she when all this like footage of you like kind of being obsessed with her came out? She regret it is a strong word I think it's the word you would use to describe the behavior. Oh respectful.pectful. Thats interesting. you've established, long established yourself as both a really intelligent writer, but you also have a very raunchy sense of humor. Were there' scenes in this film that in the first draft were too too hot for the final product. Well You know I love You know I love this You of all people. I know more than anyone. No, I love the C word. And I love it so much. and I maybe love it the most when you say it and I give you permission to say it onece time right now. Oh, I good it I'm gonna hold ont to it and use it. Yeah, use it. if I get one, I'm use it. Yeah yeah, donon't waste it now. We're gonna be here for two segments. Okay at some point So in the original script there's a long section, not an hour of the film. There's a bit where about the C word and how Americans don't love it. and we put it was in the first draft and Jennifer agreed to do the film Then we did a big rerout of the film, we sent it back to her and we'd cut The C word stuff because we thought she's probably not going to like that. And the only note we got back from her was Where stuff? Yeah. Well you. Sve it. You gotta save it for your punchide. You got to save it for a punch slide. I got a lot more to ask you. you'll be right back with more from Greant Cster. Hey is Rreck Goldstein. I imagine as a writer with integrity, you're trying to write the best movie. and then probably while you're writing it, you forget that you're gonna to actually have to do it at some point. Yeah. Are there things you put in the movie and then you're like, o right, I have to do it. There is a dance scene And and on the day of I was like, oh, She's famously a very good dose. Yeah. She sides like that I made it I was like, quick, quick, the character is really bad at dancing. You just add in a state direction. Yeah, that's very very wide. There's a scene on an airplane with some turbulence. you Is this something that has happened in your real life? you I was once I was once alone on a plane. There were other people on a plane. Yeah I was not was not with that would have been. Iediately no one had sympathy for you. They're like, you get what you deserve. Yeah No no pilot, just me sat on an empty plane. No I was on a plane once and the I mean, I've been in turboes but this was so bad that the pilot cut himself off halfway through there. everythingthing's okay saw point. everythingverything's o and then it cut off And then I saw the herists lock herself in and pray. And I thought ye, I thought that's bad when they're praying. Yeah. Especially when they're praying and they know you can see them. Yeah Yeah. Yeah I see that. Yeah. didn't even go and hide them pray. Yeah She was like, everyvery rememberember themselves?. And how are you in those moments? Well, honestly, what happened was because there was a bit where it just sort of plummeted probablyroably five seconds, but it felt like a long time. That's a lot. And just sort of proper noisy everything's shaking And I remember like but half of it being like And then suddenly somethingomething changed in my brain And I went Come on then. And then even down ?. Everybody on the play was like, that's what it took U I want to congratulate you even though it came at my personal expense. We we each root for London football clubs. I'll say football since you're here and I respect you. You're a Todam Hopser fan Yeah it's from love. I'm a West Ham fan. Oh man And it was it was we're too we spent too much money to be in the position we were this year, but you stayed up just barely and my team went down to the to the lower division. It was funy like a season finale had last for both of us. Yeah I'm so sorry. Were you was this something that brought you great discomfort over the last few months? Oh, it's been horrendous. Yeah It's being a football fan. Especially for teams that we support. Yeah. is a form of self harm. Yeah. I don't know what It's just painful. And then the way we felt when we didn't get relegated, was like we'd won the World Cup. It was like come on. I will say I've had an interesting relationship with it. I mean this is I think the third time if I'm right since I've been a fan of West Hamood relegate And I'm just I am at peace. I'm like, I need a year on Like I'm just like, you know what? this is great. This is I'm going to reconnect with my family. I don't need this hang be every Saturday. Yeah. What about a World Cup? Are you excited? Will you go to matches Well, I'm film I'm filming something what the World Cup is on and I've never asked but I have put in my rider