Aftermath and War of Roses

Hello and welcome to the Lines of Videonkeys podcast, the only military history podcast in the entire known world. I'm Joe, and with me is T and Nate in London. What's up fellas? Boy mate. I'm doing good. I am experiencing a carbohydrate crash after having another sideways rap for lunch . I had one and some fries but I, checked my step count and I've already walked twelve thousand steps today and it's for the American heads out there, it's like eighty five degrees here. It's like twenty eight, twenty nine right now. So it's hot as balls . That's actually like a meteorological standard being hot as balls. So I'm not worried about the huge wrap and fries and stuff that I ate or the salad that was just raw cabbage and mayonnaise . Yeah, it was a choice. Yeah, it was good though. I don't care. I love mayonnaise. I'm secretly dog. I've had that wrap every day for the last three days and they've been cutting it in half in stranger and stranger ways. Well, yeah, but also you gotta realize something d,ude. Like I fully have naturalized as a year ago Joe's been calling it his London residency and it's been increasingly becoming more creating every episode . That's right. It's the last time you gotta hear it. Yeah, Joe is a resident ially stinking out my studio. That is untrue. We all stink thanks to the insulated box that we're in. Yes. I don't know. I've showered and put on numerous lotions and creams and perfume per,fumes. No, I have it's a joke actually My luggage got lost when I was twenty when I was flying to France and it took two days to get it back and Air France gave me a little like sorry we fucked your shit up package. And Air France took care of you back in those days because sorry we lost your luggage package was like a zip bag, nice zip bag and it had a new clean t shirt, a new pair of guy's underwear because it was for this was the men's version a condom, a pen, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a comb, and a little bottle of oxytonon province, green tea, gender neutral cologne, or as a friend of mine who smelled it for the first time said, Oh to be sexuality and I got that stuff and you know what two sprites that isone? An whoy's been on the realness, do you ever try that? It's a Texas what is in fresh green tea, oxygena provenance. It is the real shit. So I smell great, but you're gonna rub off on me, and I'm gonna smell bad. Yeah. Because I'm in the same room as well because you're just going to pile me because we do fraudage at the start of the radio. It's a pre show warm up. Well, that's why we're not in person together actually that often. It's not because we don't want to be, it's because we'll simply build up too much friction. Yeah, exactly. And then there's a static discharge. fucks up the British power grid. Ragnans all stop at once. To be involved in this at all. I am not frauding anyone. It was on your employment contract.s Exactly. What contracts? Don't worry about it. Well, I mean, I mean okay, maybe you're not comfortable with fraudge, but I mean because of the common travel agreement in the treaty between the United Kingdom and Ireland, you basically are being docked by the king right now, so it's all good. So fellas , I've gathered you here 'cause we're gonna talk about some knights. And now for the discharge of context. Now for the static discharge of context , a hundred years war . We have kind of sort of talked about it for years in piecemeal fashions and one battle at a time, specifically the Battle Azincore , something I absolutely nailed in pronunciation back in the day. There were some guests last night at our live show from Switzerland who brought up A bjancor and your pronunciation thereof from eight years ago how good it was. Yeah, and they were like good. Yeah, it was incredible. Also, we talked about the combat of the thirty, which is still one of my favorite bonus episodes we've ever done. Wow Well. ori thegin of a sort of Christopher Ben Law correct. Yeah. So if you're interested in that, maybe support the show on Patreon and go check out the time that Knight and I talked about all the CTE that Knights probably have. For the for the listener's reference, we record we did our live performance at Richmix in London last night and so we are on stage madness still. So even though this is this is a recording free episode. It's going to come out later. You have no context . We are still in the riff zone. We are still in the make fun of each other's clothes zone. We are still in the after this gets done, I'm going to run you for your shoes in the green room zone. To be sure it's easier to make fun of each other's clothes when we're in the same room. Yeah. It's a lot easier, yeah, although you can look it on the webcam. You don't know if I'm wearing pants or not. I assume that when it's hot in the Netherlands that you are absolutely on like FKK, you were just fully like, you go to below the waist you let it hang youing, have a big fan underneath it, but I'm full Donald Duck mode. There's actually a cutout in the chair so your like dick and balls can dangle free. There's like the pope chair. It's like a birthing chair, but specifically so that the fan can get to the crucial parts. I would say flow is important , Nate. Talking about talking about being gross as fuckin' and exhausted and talking about stealing each other's clothes, I think actually puts us in the right frame of mind to discuss the Hundred Years War. It actually does. But the Hundred Years War was not just one thing. It wasn't one war or a reason for war over the decades that it covered. It involves a dozen other smaller sub wars, a few DOM wars, and maybe a Switch war or two. Fuck you. You're welcome. I wrote that for you too. I thought it was gonna be a thing about, you know, people were like, Oh, the Holy Roman Empire wasn't holy or Roman or an empire. The hundred years weren't a hundred or years or a war. But you got better. You decided to do, I guess there's a side war, isn't there? Top dot bottom dom subside war. The Black Death was also involved at one point. The Parabota War . Due to its length and complexity, it's often split into three main phases, with the third and final one being known as the Lancastrian War, which is the era we're going to be talking about today, the Battle of Castillone, the final boss battle of the war. This final stage of the war involves a lot of the stuff everyone's probably at least a little bit familiar with obviously there's Azure Kore, there's Joan of Arc as well. Someone will definitely talk about at length at some point in the future because I can't think of another history podcast that's ever done that . But for the sake of this episode, it's important to know that England was backsliding terribly by fourteen twenty eight . Something that thankfully has not continued to this day. Every single one of us went for that joke right before you said it. I saw Nate lean in. I had to do it. I was thinking more along the lines of just imagining people using the Baz caricatures to envision fourteen twenties where at one point the kingdom of England had possessions in Calais, around Calais and also in Bordeaux. So that's what we're talking about today. Decent chunks of France that were just England. Yep, which is that is what we're talking about. Love Brit, love Chardonnay. Hate me misses. If you don't like it, there's the door. There's the channel. If you don't like it, there's the Sene . The English kings once held large holdings in France , but at this point only two remained Normandy in the north and Gascony in the south. Then in fourteen forty nine English holdings in Normandy were obliterated in record time within the context of this war. I mean, think about it like this. The French have been fighting on and off, trying to kick the English out of France for over a hundred years at this point, and then Normandy falls in a year, leaving Gascony the last English stronghold in France. The reason for the rapid turnaround is largely thanks to French military reform, and in essence the slow creation of an actual centralized state in order to support it . It was an era of factionalization, squabbling petty lords and fiefdoms. The army that came out of that system reflected it. Lords raised armies independent from the king while serving him , bands of mercenaries were hired, and this mess went to war in a disjointed, chaotic manner funded by temporary taxes that would rise and fall with each group being mustered out and hired. There was a huge problem with all of this. Namely, during when the many treaties that would pop up during the course of this very long war, these dudes didn't just go home when the treaty kicked in. They turned into bandits , raiding their own countryside sometimes, killing and stealing because suddenly nobody was paying them. This became so common that mercenary bands were nicknamed skinners . All right , all right. Yeah, they were called they had a term for them as well. I know that they typically would go on these campaigns to just yeah plunder what they could. At one point they tried to invade Switzerland and they got fully stomped to the curb doing this by what was called the Googler War because the weird pointy hats that basically the Swiss War in the Middle Ages that made them look like the people on Tatooine . The Googler War. Googler is how do you say it in German, but GU, Umlau GL ER is the Googler War. Ridiculous. The Googler War now is when it's like am I Googling the correct slur for Google to show me the funny? Yeah, no, these guys actually have a long history of descendants in the UK and now one of the most famous ones eats, you know, a chicken curry and a beef pie at six AM and says Barsh. Yeah, same guy. Yeah. If there was a hundred years war, that guy would just be getting dysentery. Yes . Send Tom Skinner 's back to the Hundred Years War. That's why they call him Skinners because it's not necessarily a great history, but it's a pretty good starting point to learn about some of the major players. Barbara Tuckman's distant mirror talks about the thirteenth and fourteenth century and specifically about some of this with the level of sort of like either we're on the campaign or we just turn into chaos agents doing plunder France sucked. It sucked being French. It was horrible. You were constantly getting marauded, raided, et cetera. Hate to be marauded by English and by mercenaries and by whomever it is. During the previous treaty, the French took full advantage of the Lowell and fighting to reform their army. French King Charles VII implemented a permanent land tax for the constant funding source for or a standing army , and dragged the feudal armies in all their little bits and pieces , kicking and screaming into France's first permanent standing army sworn only to the crown of France. Mercenaries were brought into the fold as well, but they could only accept a contract from the king . And refusing this or trying to negotiate the contract would lead to them being branded as outlaws and murdered. Volunteers for the army would have their taxes forgiven , men would be paid on time regularly, even when there wasn't fighting going on. And that pay would come directly from the crown, which would, of course, earn the king loyalty and stop everybody from turning into roving gangs of psychos during any downtime . This also gave the king another power. It allowed him to appoint those who were in command and under them, and this would centralize a tool of political favor, military promotions and positions . But arguably the most important reform for the context of this episode today and one that was only possible thanks to all of that work was the rewor ganization of French artillery , specifically under the guidance of the Biure Brothers, Jean and Gasbard. Gunpowder artillery had been around since the beginning of the Hundred Years War, but those early cannons were mostly unreliable at best and dangerous to everyone around them at worst . But Gaspard had a master stroke logistics. Hit the big old logistics siren. I thought he was going to he designed a new type of canon applying the, you know, the incredible French science of you know treating it and designing it with the sensuality of the approach of a woman 's like you're canonn must be a white button, but narrow on top, narrow in the shoulder, big ass Putting a cigarette at the barrel of the cannon and trying to light it. fifteenth century French guy who's also al Pacino in heat . I was gonna say she had a great ass in French? I mean colloquially I'm not one hundred percent sure but I would probably say hello via All the artillery is taking notes as he's screaming slapping the cannon in the back. Cannons were in general , a random assortment of boomsticks at the time, from handguns to bombards with whatever armies could get being brought to the field for battle. There's no standardized makeover model either. Meaning armies often times were forced to make their own cannonballs in the field with like a forge that they would have to make , with each cannon being a slightly different size. So that meant like the crew of a cannon couldn't use the cannon balls from the cannon next door because they were a little bit different. It's like there's always a little bit of imprecision in things, but if it's that imprecise then like a cannibal might get stuck and blow up or the cannib might be too loose and it's just like it just plops out like a disappointing poop. Like all kinds of things can happen. I'm also thinking to myself on this like , you keep talking about a guy named Gaspar and this is a side note, but my daughter loves this French cartoon called Simon Super Simon Super Rabbit and Simon's little brother's name is Gaspar and so I'm just laughing like this little four year old boy rabbit is out she's like , yeah, but he's got the ingrained memory of a cannon master who's deeply horny as well. And so it's just like, maybe anyone named Gaspach just has that means the guy from Justice is also able to build huge ass cannons . Both huge ass canonsn that can defeat the enemy and cannons with huge asses? Yeah . And Guess Bard changed all of that . He standardized everything . There could only be so many kinds of guns and each gun had multiple different categories , but they all corresponded to a regulated size to better streamline supplying them with ammo, which now meant ammo could be sent with the armies rather than being slap forged in the field, which is never a good idea. Like, oh, we have to put all of our conscripts who don't want to be here back in the forge , making the French fourteen hundreds equivalent of pig iron in the backyard . Yeah, created ending the age of, you know, the bespoke canon by, you know, just standardizing everything is kind of the same as the founders of Huawei gave Steve Jobs turbo cancer . Yeah, except the French didn't try to figure this out by just pouring fruit juice down the barrel of the can. I mean, I guess to me it's one of those things for, yeah, I feel as though the way that cannons work by, you know, the amount of explosive power and compression, propulsion and whatnot, like this is the thing where precision is going to be a good idea because like I feel as though if fifth time the cannon explodes or get s like a really fucked up goiter just bulging out of it and ruins the cannon like that doesn't make being a cannonier fun. No threating out a like rain shit on people, you know it must rule like, it must be awesome because like I don't know. I just found my mind the cannons had short arrangement that meant they were closer. That meant that you saw the cannon ball land and like you watched the whole thing it was just cartoonish. Like stuff exploded. People sounded like, you know, like you were playing fucking what is it an,gry birds and the pigs were getting fucked up. Like, you know, everything you did was more visceral. If you're accidentally liquefying every fifth artillery crew as well, like artillery crews require some skill. They require a lot more skill than like pointing a guy in the right direction as a spear. Well, yeah, and also you have to be strong to do artillery stuff, especially back then. And it's like, you know how long it takes, how many peas you have to go to create peas to feed someone to be strong enough to be artilleryman? Like you don't wanna just yeah always waste that. All the artillery teams just look like asterisks and obluses there's the big one that moves the cannon and then there's the small nimble one that pulls out the protractor and you know figures out the angle. Well then there's the fruit juice guide to pour fruit juice That's the Druid or whatever. The Druid comes by Druid. The Canon Druid basically was like, he had a vision of what a pomegranate is. And he's come, he's found, he's gonna grow it in Britain and Canon Druid is wearing like a chainmailed turtleneck? Yeah. Yeah, he's got in the vision that he's seen when tripping off mistletoe, he saw the Palm Wonderful logo and now he knows the future . And everyone knew the conquest of Gascony would be much, much harder than the conquest of Normandy had been. For example, the English had controlled Normandy for only about thirty years , whereas gasety had been under English control since the twelfth century. I find it funny sometimes because this is a thing that obviously repeats during the crusades that you have the Frank ish kingdom in what's now Palestine . But it's very funny that they basically had created sort of like the analog of the Frankish kingdom and or the state of Israel if you want to go that far but like it's Britain colonizing France. Like there's something extremely funny about listening to shitty sci trans port fourteenth century version. And the last thing that Charles wanted to do was invade and get bogged down by a series of drawn out sieges . So he decided he would rely on the same tactics had worked during the previous invasion of Normandy. Rather than sending in one large army, he would send in three smaller ones trying to bait the English into picking one to meet in the field in open battle, and then crush them.ed The ultimate goal was for all three if open battle failed to simply converge on Bordeaux, the seat of English government in Gascony. And this all happened in like a month in July of fourteen fifty. Bordeaux had fallen and it seemed like the Fren ch conquest and therefore the war , was over , but it wasn't. As I alluded to earlier, Gascony was pretty much just English in both culture, customs and norms. Nobody there had any living memory of being ruled by the French throne , so before long English nobles in Gascony and commoners began to resist French rule. But more importantly than that, a lot of Gascon nobles had run away to England after the French came, so they began to petition the king, Henry VI to invade and liberate their land. King Henry was let's say a complicated character . He was notoriously weak, having been crowned as both king of France and England, and was the only king to technically be crowned in both places. He had been crowned as a child, but he had been ruling on his own since he was sixteen , kind of . He pretty much let his court of scheming nobles run wild over him. His rule was racked with problems . England was pretty much bankrupt, and what's interesting here is they were bankrupt from both witting and losing the war over in France. When they were winning, it took a lot of money to maintain their holdings across the channel. And when they were losing, it took away the rich lands and large tax base . Not to mention resulting in a lot of unpaid soldiers, returning to England, and then going on looting springs throughout the South. Well, you know, as the saying goes, heavy is the head that wears the crown, especially so if you're wearing two crowns. Heavy is the heavy is the head that lazy crown, especially if it's a child . But as coming back to Nate's analogy earlier on is like, maybe they should have figured out the got their own wizard who had the vision of the pomegranate instead is like, why don't we get guys from Kent and put them on paragliders and get them to sail over the English channel into France . I mean I feel as though there are so many other visions you could possibly have when fucked up on mistletoe. And if you imag ined what if you could burn juice from the ancients in a machine to make heat that could propel a motor that could then put a sail in the air and you could fly across the channel? Like I don't know, I would be terrified by that vision. And obviously the French weren't going to do it. They're using all their juices for the cannon. Well, yeah, exactly. Yeah, they well, they're both making the cannon bigger and also like they're getting it because they use that fire and heat and propulsion to ferment more alcohol to celebrate the cannon, to get the cannon drunk, so it's tipsy. You know, yeah, see, it's the often forgotten part of Sun Su's Art of War is the chapter that's on juice management . Where you allocate your juice depends. It will decide how your war effort goes and when it goes bad. Oh no , my juice is gone. Yeah The enemy has taken off my slurp juices. So it is no surprise that people began to yell at the king, saying like, look, if we retook our holdings in France, everything would be cool again, and before long, the king agreed . So he tabbed Lord John Talbot , a sixty five year old man who'd been fighting the French for thirty years to put together an invasion force. Talbot had been the head of armies had smashed the French before, and you know, in the middle of all these late stage re versals, and thanks to his utter ruthlessness, he had earned the nickname The Terror of the French , and he's as close to a blood drinking lord of war that could exist outside ofham Warmer , and I do not mean this is a compliment. He had been fighting wars and rebellion since he was sixteen years old , murdering his way through Wales and Ireland before turning on the French countryside, and making it look like something out of Cantaro Mura's wet dream. I actually went looking for French Berserk recently, but it's been taken off YouTube, which means I can't hear Goody Fit, Goody Fit anymore. What's interesting here is one of the titles that Talbot was like the Duke of Waterford in Ireland . And that immediately tickled the back of my head because another thing that America does, of course, is name towns after places in Europe W.ater Andford is where several members of my family live in Michigan. Yeah, it's like, you know what? And thinking of him as the Lord of Waterford, but like brackets, Michigan is a very funny idea. See, I 'm still stuck on the idea of British Kantaramura and now I can't get the image out of my head of Big John in the Berserk armor . He's obviously gonna be Bazu was it was it Bazuzu was his name The weird round headed kind of looked like Magneto Knight, the sixteen year old guts cuts in half. Yep. Yeah, that's Victorian, I think. And like, I know this isn't how things are named , but in one of the most on brand things of all time, one of Talbot's holdings was a town called Painswick. I feel like on the nose. It's gonna be nomine of determinism. Painswick, but I'm sure it's pronounced like Pissic or something like that. Nobody tells us how names are coming from Pisc ini. Pissic Yeah this is the Pissic Bound Northern Lion Service Stopping at Cockfasters going to Painswick ruled by the Terror of the F rench and just instead of street lights, there's candles and human skulls . I mean, look, man, we all wanted at some point in our lives we thought living in Caslevania would be cool. You just like hit a random pot and a fully steaming chicken comes in. I know that's the thing that's so annoying about when you live in the sort of dystopian like medieval vampire hundred D kind of environment of Castlevania, is just that yeah, you can't just have a flaming whip and hit candles to have hearts come out that heal you or chickens. I keep trying. It hasn't worked. I've never go to the web. I've heard the story before and I love telling them I'm going to do it one more fucking time. We was seeing the sort of draftsman idea for a channel tunnel in like the seventeen hundreds. It would have horse carriages and it would have candles every like hundred meters and it just was drawn in such a way to be like horizontal scrolling, basically do this architectural elevation and it just looked like Castlevania . There was carriages and candles and shit and you just need the room with the upside down furniture and stuff like that. The man had actually been captured twice while fighting France and only been released a few months before his new assignment to once again invade France. I will say also that for nobles and people of rank and stuff getting captured didn't necessarily mean it was always for ransom back. Yeah, he just got ransom. If you were a soldier, they just killed your ass. Yeah. If you weren't worth any money, you got God. Yeah, if you were a soldier, you weren't like being put in a cell and getting your feet tickled. No, they just didn't know that it would be horrible. I would hate if someone did that to me. They'd have to get a real big fe ather for your old fucking thing. Fucking ostrich fell in this . I'm gonna need a bigger Ubli We can't put 'em through it Unlike France, England hadn't undergone any kind of military reforms. Under Henry, England was about as factionalized as it could be without it being an active civil war . So when Talbot gathered his invading force of about three thousand men, they had all been mustered from his lands with commanders he chose personally and were loyal to him more than anyone else, which included his son, also named John Talbot, who was in his mid twenties. So yeah, we have the Painswick Battalion commanded by the Talbot slaughterers . All right , all right. I mean, this is getting more and more just anglo vibes like unintentionally. Yeah, this is one for the real Wexford heads. This is how the hotel ended up being called The Tallbut. Yeah. England was factionalized. Everyone hated each other . The leadership sucked. Things were not forward looking and hadn't advanced in centuries. They were bankrupt. The French were stomping on their ass . I mean, action movie intro in a world where England is factionalized, aka my dream . His invasion goes incredibly well, at least for a little while. The French were expecting the English to try for Normandy first , and virtually everyone in Gascony welnecomed the English with open arms, throwing open the gates to Bordeaux and letting them all in. Afterwards, the French garrisons found the population turning against them, and English troops were chasing them down one at a time. By fourteen fifty two, Gasmy was mostly once again under control of the English. Furious, King Charles put together an army over the winter to prepare for a fourteen fifty three campaign. He put the Lord Claremont in command, but then tasked Jean Bureau with commanding his artillery , which would grow into a force of over three hundred pieces of artillery , and then they decided fuck it will give you an army to go along with it of several thousand men. The tactics were the same as the first invasion, three different armies marching separately, trying to trick the English into committing to battle . And before long, Lord Claremont's army was heading for Bordeaux. Meanwhile, Jean Bureau's army, artillery included, was marching for the town of Castillon , about thirty miles away. Talbot knew that the entire French force outnumbered him easily by several thousand men, so he took the bait that the French were setting for him. He believed rather than taking the whole French army in open battle, he should launch himself at one of the smaller ones, heading it off and destroying it before the three colums could join at Bordeaux's doorstep, which is exactly what the French wanted him to do. Bureau and his army got to Castile , camping at the east of the city on july thirteenth. He then went to work ordering the construction of what is known as an artillery park , which sounds like a theme park that is built specifically for me . But in reality, this is more of a base . It's like a fortified position for cannons and men, it's a logistics hub. It's an anchor point for the future siege of Castillon. From the park, French troops could then build trenches and move cannons and men up closer and closer to the city, and then it acts as a fortified fallback point if shit turns sides. Sort of like a fortified motor pool for cannons. Yeah , yeah. The park was butted up against a river and some walls, and ditches were dug on the other three sides with firing ports that allowed intersecting fields of fire for the cannons that were stationed on the other side of it. Inside of the walls were between six and seven thousand men with a reserve for ce of one thousand stationed two miles away on the other side of the river . This is also known as like the place you don't attack. Talbot sat in Bordeaux as Bureau's army dug in with his plans of targeting a smaller army in mind, like he heard about Jean Bureau's army and decided this one ain't for us. But soon, Gascon nobles were begging him to relieve Castillon. Talbot shot them down, saying that this is not the battle for me They're in a good position . They already outnumber us. This is not the place we want to be attacking. He wanted to wait for a realistic target. Yeah, he really knew that the juice wasn't worth the squeeze. Yeah, exactly. And the squeeze in this case being like his own bones . Creating like a fine juice with pulp out of hundreds of French people. This all goes back to the tactical juice supply . Yes. He explained this to the Gaskans, who then turned to each other, broke out into a meeting, came back, and then just called him a coward. So he caved. He's like, oh, you said the one thing I cannot possibly put up with. You called me names. This man has personally slaughtered thousands of human beings, but he gets called a coward. He's like, I'll show you who's a fucking coward. But this is like extremely congruent with all of the people that I 've ever met that I would describe as mental cons. Yeah, yeah, he definitely falls in that category. He did what you never do. He listened to the trolls . Despite him knowing that this was not the battle he wanted, he was soon marching out after Bureau on july sixteenth with about eight thousand men . But that many men moved slowly, and that's not something that Talbot wanted to deal with. So he selected a five hundred man vanguard and rode them hard through the summer heat to get to Castillon that same night. He surprised the picketing force of one thousand French archers who were still asleep in a camp in their beds, and he chased them off. A few of them are murdered, but most of this turns into like the French going, oh shit and running back towards the artillery. It's really funny to see like a thousand guys with bows running off like just weird angles, just like jostling, you know what I mean? Like fuck shit, turn around and stretch your arm really far but you can't, you know what I mean? It's just hopping away in my sleeping bag. Yeah, it's sort of like you opened up a garden shed at a thousand crickets . Protect the juice. But Talbot doesn't go after them as they run back towards the artillery park, and Talbot's surprised because he sees that Bureau makes no attempt to retake the position which is on the high ground overlooking the artillery camp. That's because Bureau didn't need to . The entire purpose of that position was to alert him of their approach so he could get the artillery park ready to fight. So it did its job. I mean, it's classic picket position. As Tabot and his v anguard sat in the picket, eating food taken from the dead and drinking a whole cask of wine, he sent scouts forward to check out the French's position. The men quickly reported back exactly what he saw. The French had built a strong position with tough walls and no real good approach to attack it from. But then a few nobles from Castillon, seeing the English had arrived, rode over to meet them. They told Talbot that they swore to God, they saw dust clouds rising in the east , which could only mean one thing . The French were in the process of withdrawing. Should be noted here though, Talbot scouts did not say that at all. Talbot decided right then and there that he needed to go on the attack before the rest of his infantry managed to walk the thirty miles to where he was camped. When he was reminded of this like, hey, there's only five hundred of us here, he just ignored that. He decided that his own handpicked scouts must have been wrong and these local randos must really be hunt to something . And if he attacked with his mounted vanguard, he could hit the French while they were withdrawing, negating their numerical advantage , which is just insane, right? Like, there's about seven to eight thousand French dudes down there. I don't know how big the surprise has to be when you only have five hundred guys to win that battle in anybody's mind. Maybe if you could do the alt history thing of going back in time and giving the English machine gun. But even then though, it's just sort of like as a full force multiplier thing. It's like plenty of machine gun positions have been overrun by people who are not particularly well armed against it. There's a lot of them, you know ? So it's like those numbers , you really have to count on panic and nothing else and route and hopefully because it' its's, you know, something we've talked about like countless times and something we'll talk about in the show before is like you don't have to make a whole army route. You smash one part of it, they take off running. Some people will just like buck this and they'll try to run to keep up with them or think that they miss some or der of retreat and that causes a cascading failure. People who are drowning don't behave the way that you think people who are drowning would like their heads bob up and down in the water, their arms kind of flail up and down, but they don't scream, they don't make noise and it's like people even though they're trained just like me dancing. Well, yeah, exactly. But the thing about it is that in your case, when you're dancing, when people are drowning, there isn't a guarantee that D twelve's purple pills is playing in the background. Not if I have to anything do with it. That is interesting to think that there's basically non diegetic music that follows anywhere on human history, that anytime someone drowns, it plays purple pills. Like that's just always been there. We didn't actually know what the song was until sort of Druid Em and M was able to like see the vision and put the song together. Yeah, I think the heroin did for him. What I'm trying to say though is that like despite all the military training and numerical advantage, like when people freak out and panic, it causes a lot of people to do things they don't you wouldn't expect, like freak out and panic and just fucking go. So it can work, but it's it's a bold one. It's like all the times that you heard of like crushes and things like that. Like the dynamics of human minds in large groups is completely uncontrollable. Once something is broken and everybody realizes they're in immediate life threatening danger , you've lost control of them. They're going to scatter . And training can only go so far. Yep, yeah. Funnier still though, his men hadn't even finished eating dinner, but they have put down a lot of wine , so some of them were solidly drunk. So that begs the question, What was this dust cloud that the nobles said they saw? Well, Bureau had ordered horses in the camp to be moved out to make room for those archers that had just run away . So the artillery park hadn't gotten weaker, it had actually gotten stronger because they just evicted all the horses and now there's like nine hundred extra archers inside. And there's a bunch of horses that're just gonna stop the shit in the way. This place is like the archers are being protected by a sort of orbiting ring of horse. Yeah. I was Talbot, you know, he whispered in like one horse's ear, like, they're gonna try and eat you eventually . All horses running off Yeah, he hadn't easy out because Tesco hadn't been invented yet. They've had apples this whole time . Their camp is full of sugar cubes. There's children you can stop . Now, things are already pretty dumb, but they're about to get even dumber. You see, when Talbot was released from French captivity, he was made to swear an oath never to take up arms or wear armor against a French ever again . So despite the fact that he accepted this assignment, he was going to stick to his oath , and as he led his men forward, he took off his armor and left his sword behind . Mind you, all of the other men had dismounted from their horses to fight on foot due to the marshy uneven ground , but Talbot didn't, meaning there was now one lone, unarmed, unarmored man riding forward on a bright white hor se towards the enemy. He also had like a known look. Like he had long white hair and wore a red cape ? It's like a single like, hey, look, it's that keeps slaughtering. I mean, genuinely this feels like a Diablo mission where this is the guy you have to kill in order to pass the mission. He looks a kind of way that immediately jumped out to me. He's like if you're playing an RPG and you're looking around for a quest giving like NPC because they always look noticeably different. Like, that's a recruitable character. Alcard is out there. He doesn't have any weapons, fuck. He's just covered in a thin sheen of blood and carrying human skulls from Waterford. You would be so scared though if you were like on watch and you just see this guy like riding towards you because this is the type of vision that the pomegranate wizard would have. Yeah, a hundred percent hundred percent. Like this is signs port ence o,mens , he's riding towards the enemy and he can't have a sword. They said you can ever take a sword up against the enemy against the French ever again, right? But they never said anything against put on hulk hands . Well also it's like if he's ballock naked is he riding the horse without a saddle as well because that would hurt no he's wearing clothes. He's just wearing armor Yeah, he's not allowed to wear. So I do like it your way better because how intimidating would that be ? you' Lreike being faced by dudes screaming and charging and carrying weapons. There's just some dude full hog out Hulk hands up riding forward his like white hair billowing behind him in the cape and I think there's like an epigenet ic trauma in all of Western Europe that when you see a butt naked English guy in England hasn't won a football match, then you know that something very, very dangerous is coming your way. It's still dangerous when they've won, but if they haven't won and the man is naked it and's it' likes like sort of the haunting vision of the Crow Magnan, you know, like when Uncanny Valley freaks you out more because it reminds you of the sort of the paleolithic ancestors. He's running towards them, Ballock naked with hullcans on Dick Rockhardt, another smaller hull can on the tape . Once Talbot and his men got closer this starts to sound like sexual kataramera quite frankly sort of weird making it sound like there's a difference or maybe I'm just reading Berserk wrong. Weird grotesque pervert shit, but like most of Berserk isn't sexual so much as like now speak for yourself. I mean, okay got ised shit I don't get me wrong, but you know what I mean? Like the stuff is more about body horror and like, you know, like eternal punishment and like spoot like demon shit and stuff in like other worlds beyond our own. But like there is a sexual element in some of the storytelling, but I'd say like the level of weird grotesque art that he lo ved doing, like the human bugs and the human lesions and stuff. But like you what you just described of like Dick wearing hulk hands, that feels like mirror's vision but horny. No, but he wrote a book unknowns to anybody with Mirakami ones. Yeah. Oh, okay. So now Talbot's also a twelve year old girl. Yeah , Talbot's fourteen, and there's stairs everywhere and cats and cats and weird weird weird flashbacks to lesbian sex for some reason Once Talbot and his men got closer, he saw clear his day that the French had not been withdrawing at all. And they haven't committed to battle yet. Like they could call this thing off . And that's what all of his subordinate commanders said they should do. Like we aren't like we still have the chance to just wait for the rest of our army and but there's a reason they're subordinates and he's not yeah he's the fancy boy that he's the bloodlord of Painswick . You're also wrong. It's not Kantar Mord that is the hull cans on the Dick DC's a hundred percent Iraqi who created JoJo's. Like that is a JoJo's ass character. Yeah , ye,ah yeah. Araki also loves absurd proportions, like buildings with windows that are forty feet tall and shit like that. And so I think like what you're describing in my mind like there's something about the mismatch proportions of Tiny Band versus like just infinite like exponentially increasing numbers of archers and other other launchers of projectiles that like it's starting to seem yeah somewhere between Joe Joe's and like Captain Planet villain shit. It bears mentioning once again, he only has about five hundred men, and they're staring down an entrench position that has as many cannons as he has soldiers, as well as almost ten thousand soldiers at this point and the ten thousand soldiers are all singing and I would fight five hundred men . Instead, Talbot once again ignored his officers , insisting that the violence and fury of his attack would break the French anyway. This is one of those things where you really need to stop reading medieval epic poems about like the Chaval Rakira who can cleave five hundred men in twain because when you start designing your order of battle based on the idea that like, oh, the Champion of Rolland emphatically a French thing is mine. Actually, every one of us is gonna fucking, you know, chop the Saracen in literal half like down the long way. Yeah. And then you actually just realize that no, like someone's gonna slip and like, you know, throw out their back and then a horse is gonna trim them and like the whole thing's gonna fall apart. Like hold that thought Talbot orders men to be broken up into two groups one to target the west and one to target the east . And at first arrows began to rain down on their advance, but obviously kind of like we talked about before, cannons have quite a limited range, so the true killing wouldn't start until they got there. I also want to say this show , is thisn'ta ault f of your s. This is funny. But the way you just phrased that sounded like it could be a quote from like son Sue for even dumber guys. They broke into two groups, one in the east and one in the west. That's just sort of like, yeah , yeah, you kind of do that sometimes. There's a North at play as well. Oh, is there? So you might not know this. This is actually a bold theory that I'll put in my son suit everywhere. There's four Carnival Directions you have east, west and a secret third one . And then a secret wooden secret or fourth one. The finest minds in England are trying to figure out what the fourth one could be. Well, it's because no one in England pays attention to the north. Actually call it that so there's it's not actually north and south, it's God's up and God's down. And once the cannons open fire , they absolutely obliterate the English ranks. The men who didn't rapidly have their insides turned into outsides via cannonball dove into the ditch for cover and began to climb up the other side of it to fight the French. As the English began to crawl though, the French had a special gift for them. They had smaller guns called culverins. Now the term culverin is sometimes used for guns of various sizes, but the ones in this case were what were effective handguns. It was like a handgun blunderbus situation because they just fired like shrapnel out the barrel. Doing like John Wu, a gunkada move with a blunderbull. They get hit with the equilibrium over the top of the trick . And they started firing these culverins right down into the English as they tried to crawl up the other side. It sounds like it sucks. It sounds like it really fucking sucks ass. I mean, I'm sorry to be like so just matter of fact about it. But it sucks until it suddenly doesn't 'cause now you're dead think. It's just one of the things where it's like everything about this, all I could think of is when you're describing the larger and larger buildup and the level of preparation the French had done and then these guys been like, No, we can do it. It's like, this is one of those things where the game can't necessarily force you to not go a certain way at a certain point, but like everything about it is set up so that you cannot advance. Yeah, when you go into an area and it's like level gated. Like you have the English are about to learn a valuable lesson called There's Levels to this . Once they got to the top of the ditch, the English who survived found themselves in hand to hand combat. This is where the man that was acting as Talbot's standard bearer, the guy holding his flag with his house cigril on it , ran forward, planting his lord's flag at the top of one of the dirt walls, showing everyone around that the English had taken that section . And then he got clapped at point blank range via hand cannon. The French kicked over the flag . Like some of the account says his chest was literally just blown out. This wouldn't have happened if you had gotten all , you know, the current cunts from Romford who love flags in this country is like get them, they would not let that actually know they would let the flag touch the ground if like all the French would have to do is like wave like half a gram of coke from a mile away . I mean, I will say that it's interesting too because like this is emphatically in the high middle ages I believe. Actually maybe I'm a fucking idiot. I don't think this counts as early modern yet really because we're in the fourteenth fifteenth century. And I guess I'm trying to say is we think of horses and armor and swords and axes and heavy shit, but then we don't necessarily envision dude getting fully airhold like novelty oversized like Arnold Schwarzenegger shotgun style. Yeah, but it did happen. Yep, so it feels kind of like an anachronism in a way. And it's a gun that kicked so hard whoever shot it like got blown straight off their own feet. Straight up. It's like the arm gun that Guts uses in the first episod e of the nineteen ninety seven version of Berserve when he was now we keep going back to Berserve and blow when he blows up the fucked up snake guy. Like seriously it's that but the French have it for real. By this point, reinforcements had arrived and saw o,h shit, oh god, the commander is in another battle. Like they had just walked thirty miles for hours. They're tired, they're disorganized and they're unprepared. There's no mass deployment of Minn becauseie all of their commanders are now in this battle without them. I would fucking desert so quickly if I got hit with the ending of Super Mario. I was like your commander is in another battle . The tried and true law of war is this battle doesn't have to take place. You could just hit the bricks and you can leave anytime you want. So they deployed into the battle on their own , but because they weren't arrayed and deployed in any organized fashion, they just kind of trickled into the general area and then started humping it over to the battle. But before they got there, they had to walk across the same open field , directly into the same cannons , which changed target to them and began eviscerating them. According to one chronicle of the battle, each cannon shot easily vaporized six minute at a time. Jesus Christ . This is starting to be like the, yeah, like force on force sort of yeah , confrontation version of the story I. remember when I told you about the envisioning the rats on Mauritius eating the dodo egg. I was like, you think they make this illegal or so these guys would you think they'd be smarter than this is you're just like fucking like hands arms a kimbo fucking shit fly'ings everywhere like, human pinball machine basically sending limbs into the sky. The French is sitting there very calmly smoking cigarettes. You think they're gonna run away anytime soon? This is getting kinda boring. Yeah . Before East London, Gascon had the Jews Please not finish these guys off. I haven't committed adultery in about eight hours. Wait , at this point was tobacco in Europe ? I'm not sure . I don't think so I'm not one hundred percent sure . The French just ancestrally always have. Yeah, it's like cigarettes. We just have to come up with new stereotypes of like the French soldier's not going to have to take a smoke, break and cheat on his wife. Although it's not necessarily cheating 'cause they have an understanding both. Yeah , they both agree on it. It's fine. It's not weird. I'm willing to be wrong, but I believe that tobacco is a new world crop and the Colombian exchange has not yet happened to them. Just like Armenians and nineteen eighties Mercedes , they've always just had them. Yeah, even before they were invented. They have autochinous, Galwas, cigarettes, basically, they just grow on a fucked up tree. Exactly. Pre rolled in everything . Young Gascon, we must go harvest the cigarette crap. You just have a big scye and you're like cutting all the cigarettes down. There goes the baker cheating on his wife . What do you think about it? The same old gall was to seven. The French are like were the first ever like anti polyamorous people on the planet 'cause it's like no, we have an understanding that you can fuck other people but like having emotions is completely like , you know, off the table. When are you my father? There could have been some chance that the thousands of dudes showing up a little late could have swung the battle in Talbot's favor, but he was missing something. His own artillery. As was custom for most armies of the day, his artiller y was limbered and marching at the back of his army. So while it took about ninety minutes since the start of the battle for these guys to show up, it might take hours for his cannons to arrive. And Talbot in such a rush in believing the only way he could succeed was through the ferociousness of his attack , also failed to do something so elementary it's kind of shocking that a guy as experienced as him didn't do it. Though I suppose when the majority of your career is just spent slaughtering Irish and French peasants, you kind of forget what happens when they fight back. He didn't post a single soldier to protect his flag . Honk. Okay . So that's when Bureau saw this and then ordered his reserves a thousand cavalrymen from across the river to simply walk on over and fuck his shit up and in no real rush they for the river and begin to advance towards Talbot's right flank. Talbot, panicking at the sudden realization that he'd forgotten something so simple, I figured it out when I was nine years old and playing my first total war game, screamed at someone to fill that hole . But it was far too little and way too late. Yeah, you get Zergroched by the French. Yeah, exactly. He did not construct additional pylons . Fucked up. Lana Zergrochet . The few guys who ran over to meet the French charge were immediately trampled within seconds, and the armored cavalry crashed directly into the English flank. The English began to retreat, and now they had the cavalry on the rass, who were quickly joined by a countercharge of the men inside the artillery park. While that was happening, French archers began to walk through the fields of the English wounded, sussing out who was worth ransom money and stabbing anybody who wasn't under their armored armpits because there was like a gap there. I love just going to add it like you were fucking dispatching crabs or something like that. Like fucked up. Like when you go and pick like mud bugs for like a crab boil or something like oh, not a good wed. Shank them in the armpit. I feel like that was a unique experience for you, John. Is that how that feels? Yeah. You talked about maybe I should have brought up some bands. We're talking about crayfish . Okay. We didn't call Mug Mugs in Indiana. So that's why I was looking at you for something like, y'all eckroaches up and there? Yes. Michigan really is beyond the pill. Got a belly full of mud bugs . The French were driving the English south towards the banks of the river, a river too deep to cross . And also, don't forget they're still getting slapped with artiller y. One of those cannonballs splatted right into the side of Talbot's horse , throwing him off, and then the shattered horse corpse landed on top of him, pinning him to the ground. Aw, he's about to get William of Orange ? No, what's interesting here is I've kind of laid out why everyone in the French ranks knew who he was immediately. He stuck out quite a bit and they all fucking hated him. Like we talked about ransoming nobles . This was something that was standard practice for people unless they really fucking hated you because when they saw him go down , every Frenchman dropped what he was doing and ran in his direction wanting to make sure he was finally dead. Getting shanked on site with hundreds of baguettes. You like are lying on the ground and you're just like looking like Saint Sebastian with baguette sticking out of your ribs . That's almost a better way to go than what happened ? Because one French soldier sprinted over and just beat Talbot to death with the blunt side of his battle axe. He took the whole cand off his dick and hit him in the head with it. Basically getting Charles the Bolded. I'm way too heat death, heat stroke to remember if Charles the Bold died before or after this. I can't remember, but you know, fell off his horse, bad things happened and then just got basically stomped with every blunt oblong object and were bladed object . Meanwhile, the surviving Englishmen were now leaderless and totally broken. Some men tried jumping into the river to swim across only to die while being carried away by the current. Others were cut down by the French. One of those was Talbot's son, who was killed while trying to find a shallow part of the river. The few survivors of Talbot's cluster fuck managed to get to the town of Castillon, which surrendered the very next day at Bureau's demand with the option of like you could surrender now or we'll sack and loot your town to shit. Like what's your what's your choice? Yeah, if you surrender, we'll leave you alone and they surrendered. Over half of Talbot's army arrived on the battlefield after it was too late, and Jean Bureau allowed them to search the battlefield for Talbot's corpse so it could be returned home. His face was so smashed in that it was entirely unrecognizable, but thankfully he was known having such bad teeth. They identified it via his dental records by just like, damn, look at that grill. That's got to be John. They managed to get his body off the battlefield before the French deployed their ultimate weap on a guy called Pierre the Corpse Defuiler . From here the French besieged Bordeaux, which held out until October before surrendering . This time in order to be safe, French King Charles was so over this shit he banished the Gascon nobles and installed Jean Birau as the region's governor for life , uprooting any hint of English loyalty in the area once and for all. The only continental holding the English would hold on to after this was Kell A. And while this is the end of the Hundred Years War, nobody knew it at the time. And in fact, the war would continue, at least officially on paper for another twenty years. But the English had no ability nor will to continue fighting it. Instead what happened was Henry, King of England, lost his goddamn mind in the immediate aftermath of the battle with some chroniclers insisting that the news of the defeat caused his mental breakdown. The king retreated into his chambers and became completely unresponsive for a year . Speaking of like doing the shinji sitting in the chair post ? I'm gonna say like this is such a distant world from ours and we don't have any points of reference and this is the most relatable thing you said so far . This handed the control of his government over to anyone else that would take it, with the majority of the power falling into the hands of the Duke of York, who became acting regent. King Henry snapped out of it all, like I said, a year later and without talking to anybody , and walked out into a bickering throne room full of nobles who wanted power or those who hated the ones who had gained it from his absence, and most people who hated him personally. The country was full of landholders who were broke thanks to years of war, disaffected soldiers in a society largely ruined by the mismanagement of the conflict. And all of this eventually broke out into open war that would eventually become known as the War of the Roses between the houses of York and Lancaster. Henry weak, insane, and outmaneuvered by pretty much every single person around him would lose, be arrested , thrown into the Tower of London, and probably be murdered, though it's mostly just said that he died , but nobody's really sure how he died. So murdered is probably where we're at. The son of the Duke of York, Edward IV took the throne in fourteen seventy one, and he is the one that finally brought the Hundred Years War to an official end. Though there was a small little side quest here where he very nearly restarted it before it finally ended. The end . Grandol Duke of York, he had ten thousand men? That is the Battle of Castillon and how the English got turned into a strange meat pie via French artillery. I mean, it is the combination of the two great national loves of both England and France of fucked up pies and fucked up meats. Tucked up teeth, getting your head smashed in with an axe know. that We they love that shit. Yeah . I was thinking about this that yeah, they didn't have potatoes yet, so they couldn't be making comparisons to how everyone got turned into a Shepherd's Pie or Parma Tay if you want to go French Shepherd's Pie. Mm m. Shepherd's pie but instead it's just made with mashed turnip . I mean, I like turnips if you have gravy on it. It'd probably be okay. But that's what so like in Ireland, like say with Halloween . L theike Halloween pumpkin is actually an American thing. Yeah, one hundred percent. Because we used to carve turnips . Do you put candles inside too? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. I know what I'm doing this year for Halloween. I'm gonna confuse all my fucking neighbors. I mean, Joe was gonna walk around eating a turnip like an apple, just like pure horsemouth, your lips are gonna like peel back. Yeah, I just have to make sure to feed myself with a flat hand or to be fair . Joe , you should just do this. You could find new confounding things to eat like ambulatory snacks. You should eat a plantain, like a banana, a raw plantain. He's walking around with a handful of spaghetti. Yeah, exactly , spaghetti. Just walking down the street, eating like the kind of thing that Diplodicus would eat fellas. We do a thing on this show called Questions from the Legion . And if you would like to ask us a question on the show, you can support the show on Patreon . You'll have access to the Discord, which is a whole channel for stuff like this . You can ask us on Patreon itself or you can hollow out a turn up, carve it up real nice and give it to Tom for Halloween and put your message inside and we will answer it on the show . And today's question is what historical cult are you most likely to have joined? Oh, actually before we came in, I wanted to talk to you. I sprung into my head in that there was a cult in Dunny Gaul, I think it was in the seventies called The Screamers that like they were like a new age weird cult. It was all women and they all dressed dressed up like Victor ian ladies. They were all lesbians . And they also like coded computer games. Well, it sounds like I couldn't join that one unfortunately. But like everyone in the area like from around that time has stories about like they got called the screamers because all you could hear was screaming from this house. Okay . All right. Yeah. That's a bit odd. I mean, screaming ecstatically or screaming demonically. Why not both? Both and it's like Ireland had like a weird , not necessarily like that kind of like late sixties, early seventies, like new age Christianity thing , but it was just like when the kind of new age paganism thing kicked off a lot of hippies across Europe moved to Ireland and like set up weird communes. Weird hippies in the US do that with Hawaii. There was that person who moved there and swear that she was like the mother of the volcano and like Hawaiians get really mad and like threw shit in her mailbox . The one that I would like actually join and is because I'm kind of fascinated by it, I might join OTO like the order templaris it's like it's the Alicear Crowley thing that's like still around. Like Dave David Tibet is on the board of the international OTO talking about though like we're talking historical so like this is like when it's at its peak like back in the day. I'm gonna say it's probably an obvious one from the jokes that I made on this episode and other times that I would be willing to go along with whatever the fucking Celtic Druid thing was because I think druids are inherently funny. Yeah. And I'm not trying to be disrespected and Druid to cut to Celtic culture, but I think there's something about Druids that's funny. I think something about sort of like, you know, carrying a scythe and making potions that make you trip and reading entrails and whatnot and all the various druidry things. Yeah. I find it so I would absolutely be on board with that. I mean, genetically speaking, I'm probably descended from people who were , let's be real . So , you know, maybe that, maybe some of the weird Italian heresies in the Middle Ages, you know, on some like some free Catholic Catholicism where they just like completely relike there is no such thing as the Eucharist, you know, we just all have to take naked baths together or something like that. I think we have to cuddle like friends joining the Rose of Crucians and like the eighteenth century. I mean, yeah, just whatever. You know, I feel like I feel like in a way, like our treatment of history and specifically military history is heretical in its own, right? So maybe we have a cult, maybe we've started a cult without knowing it. Yeah, it's the church of Eastern Horseodoxy. Exactly. Yes, exactly. I will say Joe, because we raise up our boroughs together, I am touched that my stupidest fuck joke got made into a t shirt. That's actually really good. Because I remember when it occurred to me to say Eastern Horse Dodoxyn, you lost your shit. The most I've ever heard you lose your shit other than Spur of the Ment Bob Seker lyrics. So like, you know, I'm glad we can make that happen. I think the cult that I would be in, I want to make this really easy. I would definitely fall for Hong Krist. Yeah. Yeah, well, Tom, you might be genetically related to someone who did fight for Hong Krist. That's exactly true. I was also thinking another option to be Heaven's gay just 'cause they got those sick ass uniforms and shoots. I mean, I didn't like the castration part of it. Yeah. That one's real downer. I mean, it's kind of annoying to pick a random ass comment and be like, we're all gonna die and big things gonna happen. Like no one cares that comment is like at least Halley comment is gonna come back, you know, in sometime this century, but like Hailbob isn't going to come back for like ten thousand years. So it's hard to prove him wrong, then, isn't it? Yeah, it's also hard to prove by the time we get back, like basically the world will be either, you know, fantasy future meme or Vampire Hunter D. So like, yeah, one of the two no one's going to care about guys who wore Nike's in nineteen ninety seven. I mean like Jonestown is also a good example like in the very in the very beginning. Jonestown's really problematic I know but in the very beginning it wasn't. This is why it's interesting . Like before he went completely badshit cuckoo insane , Jim Jones had a lot of really good points, and then he didn't. Long story short. But in the beginning, it was like a very like there was nothing else like it in the United States. It was very much like in the spirit of new wave like togetherness type stuff. But in the very, very beginning, he was like a Christian church who let white and black people come and worship together when nobody else allowed and fought for black people's equality . And then he discovered, you know, amphetamines and went insane and started seeing himself as a prophet. Like that's why it's like, Which one would you have fallen for? Like most people who fall for them fall for them when they make sense. Like, you know, a good example is Hong Christ , which at the time when it coming up, you're like, yeah, he was doing all the I'm Jesus Christ's demon fighting little brother who God gave me a sword. No, you can't see it, don't ask. Like, but in the beginning, he's making a lot of very good points how illegitimate the government was because nobody's taking care of you. I'm kind of laughing about somebody in nineteen sixty five being like, It's okay, I think we can save this one for posterity. Jim Jones will forever be the proud son of Indianapolis and everyone would hear Jim Jones would be like, wow, what a great job Indianapolis did creating a man like that. I will certainly this will not go wrong anyway. That is a podcast . Fellows, you host other podcasts, plug those podcasts. First of all, I want to say so many of you came out to our show last nightk than. you so much We had an absolutely wonderful time . We're still kind of buzzing from it and we're still kind of sweating out the post drinks, the post event drinks. I only had two. I only had two also, but it's hot as dog shit right now, so I also just feel bad. I am the co host and producer of Trash Future, a podcast about the technology industry being bad. I'm also the producer of Kiltre nd and the executive producer of No Godsman Mayors. I'm in a band called Second Homes. We have an album called Find Aw Haay toit. It's available on Bancamp . And that's it for me. Penny Skin show about the history of everything total through the history of tattooing. I also am the producer of Bloodwork, showbout the economy of violence. If you're hearing this episode, you have heard Greg from Bloodwork on this show? I also have a studio here in London which you are hearing us in right now. So if you want to produce anything or just a place to record , let me know Thank you for listening to the show. Consider supporting us on Patreon. You make absolutely everything we do possible. We're an independent podcast. We do no ads, we do no marketing. So tell your friends , put it on a billboard , how out of Gourd, put a message and sign and throw it at someone . And leave us a review on wherever it is you listen to podcasts that helps us immensely, especially when it comes to securing venues for live shows because they look at that kind of thing. And my book, The Highlands Burn is out . It is out in paperback, ebook, audiobook , cuniform tablet. All of them are yours. You can find the links in the show notes below . And until next time , you see a man trapped under a horse beat him to death with a hammer. Keep that thang on you and by thang I mean whole hands