Foot Traffic Game and Second Thoughts

Hi Diva, It's Rachel. And Jordan, yeah, hi, quick question. Why are you not spending your Venmo balance? Yeah, we're concerned. You can like buy stuff with it. you love buying stuff. And earn cash backack on eligible purchases. H You love purchasing eligible things. So the money your friend sent you yesterday, that's today's ramen or rideshare or eye patches. The skincare kind, not the pyrokine. Spend with Venmo, then you can earn cash backack with VenMoSash.ZenMo stash bundal terms and exclusions app. That's a dollarsashack per month. terms Vmoot me slash terms I verification required to use VmM bal Have you ever considered surrounding your house with a moat to keep it safe Would you hire a professional wrestler as a bodyguard for your car? Okay, maybe you wouldn't go that far But if you'd go to great lengths to avoid dealing with your insurance company You might have insoranoia And if you have insanoia, you should have NJM insurance They go to great lengths to do what's best for their policyholders Start relieving your insure anoia today injM. com Welcome to Love it or Leave it live from Hollywood. I'm John Loveitt. I'm married to this haircut. We've got a great show for you tonight, but first let's get into it What a week? This weekend, the campaign of maine Senate candidate and guy who you can easily imagine getting into a deadly bar fight over whether the transporter in Star Trek is technically a cloning machine, Graham Platner, was rocked by a sexting scandal. They're pretty explicit and I have no idea why they were sent to me, said Atlantic editor in chief Jeffy Goldberg According to reporting in the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, Patiner's wife, Amy Girertner told a campaign aid that she had found sexually explicit text from her husband that he'd exchanged with several women early in their marriage. Really putting the oi an oyster farmer with this guy But he It takes a little while A getting married to understand the rules as a newly married man myself, is it technically cheating? that whenever the Dodgers win I use the McDonald's app to get free chicken nuggets No And yet, why do I eat them in my car and hide the evidence? Why does it feel like a shameful secret Speaking of shameful secrets, the disclosure of the sexy text was part of an internal veting process that began after that campaign launched in August. Gertner, Platner's wife, shared that she had found the messages in the spring, and the couple had dealt with the issue in counseling. The campaign ultimately decided that it was a private matter. private matter and one that they would not make public But then the aid Gertner told about the text, Genevve McDonald, resigned in October over Platner's Reddit posts and of course the Nazi tattoo, which we're calling strike one and strikes V about that. McDonald then shared the existence of the sex, which were told to her in confidence by Platner's wife to the Wall Street Journal Wow, kind of evil, said Maine resident Pennywise, the Dencing Clown Sa Gertner, I confided deeply personal details about my marriage to someone I considered a friend. I trusted this person with the most private chapter of our lives. This is why I never tell anyone at work anything. Hallie and Laz, they think they attended my wedding. That was a decoy wedding populated by crisis actors including paid celebrity attendee Tig Nataro. For Pladner's part, he made a promise that he would never sex again. The next embarrassing revelation will be new and surprising and worse Gertner also recorded a long direct to camera message on Saturday while being attacked by bugs. No marriage is perfect And I I don't want a perfect marriage. I want my marriage and I want to be married to Graham Sorry B blackless. And I'm sorry for secretly breeding a giant swarm of biting black flies in our backyard over many years, added Graham Platner. It's because I was bummed out over the economy or whatever. and I stopped the night before I announced my campaign. I want to focus on the issues and not the super swarm of bloodthirsty black flies I've bred and released across Maine On Sunday, Pladinner responded to the reports. It's no surprise to me that The established media outlets are just going run gossip instead of wanting to talk about the things that actually matter in this race, which are the material realities that the maners are working Graham, we could spend more time talking about that if so many women didn't know the material realities of what you're working with During that exchange, Pladner denied the allegations. But the stories are true, right? about the text. No No, this is the amazing part. The Wall Street Journal, New York Times ran stories without any evidence besides the gossip from a former staffer I'm sorry. that's u That's frankly journalistic malpractice His wife, standing by his side, had already confirmed the story The discrepancy, it turns out is that McDonald was quoted as saying Platner had sexted with as many as a dozen women, while the Platinner campaign said it was quote up to six First of all What do you mean up to six? Why are we estimating? How are you sure it's not seven, but not sure if it's five And six versus twelve is a big difference when you're talking about how many eggs go in the cake batter. But I'm not sure it's a big distinction when you're talking about how many women got a tongue emoji from a married Senate candidate. But you know what they say? Sex of one, half a dozen of the other The point is, Graham Platner has real red flags. You gotta question the judgment of somebody sexting up to six women at the start of their marriage. And I get that marriage is hard as someone who's been married for over a week Plus, yeah, hell yeah. Plus, someome of Platner's red flags aren't even completely red. They have a white circle with a black twisted cross in the middle that's Sanskrit for good luck But I'm not a main voter, and unless you're consuming this in a lighthouse while drunk on coffee brandy and referring to your in laws who have lived in your town for three generations as the newcomers, neither of you We can win the Senate. It is within reach. Graham Planner to me isn't a vessel for challenging the establishment or showing that we as Democrats can embrace candidates as flawed as Republicans or attacking fashionational opponents or proving what a broad coalition can sound like. He is how we defeat Susan Collins, who is a vote for a Republican majority leader, which makes her a vote to enable The most corrupt and dangerous president in American history Platinner is a means to an end, specifically an end to having to hear Susan Collins say how concerned she is about Trump's four billion dollars proposal to replace the Lincoln Memorial with a solid gold Hulk Hogan built by Eric and Don's new Qatari gold statue compomany Yes And I get it Democrats are afraid of losing, we're accustomed to losing, convinced we are losing. and in fairness, that is based on our record But it also means that our collective insecurity and anxiety turns debates over practical political choices into matters of virtue and grievance. And I love having grievances. Just ask my high school bully. Oh, you can't. He's in prison for a murder I committed Platinner isn't a cookie cutter establishment candidate, they say. Sure, but there are plenty of people who didn't go to Harvard Law and also didn't sex random women on their honeymoon Janet Mills was a stronger candidate. Okaykay, but she dropped out because she was getting crushed Janet Mills did helpopefully pop up on Monday to tell reporters that people have the impression that she withdrew or dropped out, but she simply suspended active campaigning and is still on the ballot Cere, Jan I didn't drop out of the race, Mill says. I simply sat down in the middle of the raceetack and waited for the race to be over, you Morons If you think we need to replace Graham Platinner right now in the days before the primary, because this story, which his own wife, which hadn't become public, is the last draght. you can say that and maybe in a few days, I'll be eating my words. I'm certainly eating everything else now that the wedd's behind us, amm I right This guy knows what I'm talking about, again They're barring an even worse scandal, which I would not put past this guy I would rather a Democratic majority with Platinner in the Senate than a Republican majority with Coins in the Senate. And if you agree and I hope you do, then we ought to believe that main voters can be persuaded to believe it too. And if you don't, it's because at root, you have internalized a loser mentality. It's not because you don't trust Gram Platner, it's because you don't trust yourself Unless you're Graam Platinner's wife, and then I can totally see why you don't trust Grand Platinner But then again, you seem pretty gung ho about the whole thing unless that's an act of self protection, which I would also understand. Anyway, I'm here if you want to talk, b For the record, here's where Senate minority Leader Chuck Schumer was at on Tuesday. I met with Graham Plat who. today we're going to beat Susan Collins and take back the same. Hell yeah. Another thing Chuck Schumer and I have in common. This and the fact that we both know. that lettuce and tomato on a bagel is extra, but if you just ask for lettuce, it's usually free. and let us look at what we're up against. Ken Paxson, be shut up. Ken Paxson beat out John Corn to be the Texas Republican candidate last week despite getting indicted on felony fraud charges, attempting to overturn the twenty twenty election and being the first statewide official to be impeached in almost a century. While we're at it, Paxson's wife of thirty eight years publicly divorced him on quote biblical grounds So either he cheated on her or cooked a lamb in its mother's milk Meanwhile, on Monday, Iran halted all negotiations with the US. over Israel's military offensive in Lebanon. Here's what Trump had to say about it. I said, do you think the negotiations are over now? The president said, I don't care if they're over, honestly. I really don't care. I couldn't care less. If they're over, they're over. frrankly, I think they started to get a little boring I just hope for the time capsule, we have a shot of the White House UFC arena in the background while finding out that the president has grown bored of negotiating for peace in the war he started. You're the president. You don't get to be bored of trying to end a war you chose to fight. It is so insulting. It's like an arsonist leaving before the fire depepartment shows up. You did this, att least enjoy it also Trump has also latched on to maybe the stupidest talking point in the history of his political career I take the word dumb, take the B off because most people don't know that you know, dumb ends with a B, but most people don't know. And all I do is I switch the E with a U And you have a Democrat. Much like Janet Mills's main Senate campaign, that B is silent. So you know that was unfair. 'cause that was just a swerve to come. You thought we were gonna have a nice little fun time joking about Trump who we all hate. but I was like, back to Janet Mills Trump can knock down the Eastw. he can attack the pillars of our democracy, but he can't say that most people don't know how to spell dumb. They do, and maybe that is the one thing he cannot take from us Look I've seen more than a few commentators say that Democrats are embracing Platinir because they've seen how Republicans have embraced morally bankrupt people without paying a price Republicans have embraced Trump and Paxson and other odious figures because they're unrepentant assholes. This debate over Platinner is at root about whether a repentant person can leave the asshole behind, spepecifically in the pictures they sent of that asshole to no more than six women on the internet. And I am hopeful that the answer is yes until we see pictures of that asshole with an even more shocking tattoo Honest And with that, we've got a great show for you tonight and when we come back, Tig Notaro is here Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of loveove it or Leave it coming up Lover to leave it is brought to you by simimply safe. The problem with most home security systems is that they only alert you after a break in has already started and that's too late. That's why you need SimplySafe to secure your home. Using a compreensive system of sensors, indoor and outdoor cameras and twenty four seven professional monitoring with US. based live agents, SimplySafe can quickly identify threats and stop crime before it starts. That's the real piece of mind. I setup is simply safe and you can customize it to your home It comes in the mail It's incredibly easy the instructions are easy to follow, and then once it was set up It was so reliable. 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That's Homeserve dot com slash loveve it for fifty percent off savings compared to renewal price void in Florida Well, I' have T take Nataro and apartent on Churla to join in just a minute. But first, if you're a friend of the pod, thank you. If you're not, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Subscribers get a ton of bonus content. A free episodes of your favorite pods including Love it or Leave it. Even more pod Save America, including O Friends, our bonus pod that is just for subscribers. We also We also have newsletters. We have Dan Fifer's Pller coaster which about everything you need to know about the latest polling. There's ad free breaking news episodes. pllus you'll get crooked extras like ticket discounts and on site perks. If you're not a paid subscriber and you want it all join at friendriends of the pod So please go to crokut dot com slash friends to become a friend of the pod. It's a lot of great content and you're supporting independent pro democracy media. And if you're in the LA. area, you can still get tickets at crout d. com slash events to check out our new space here and upcoming guests including standups, Todd Glass, David Boy, Ali Sadik, and Jay Farrow. Plus, don't miss a special Pide episode Later this June. All right. My next guest attended my wedding last weekend, which was the entire reason I had one. Please welcome to the stage, Take Nicharo Lighting Hi, John. Good to see you Really good to see you You still married Yeah Yeah, it's good. Yeah. I like it. I love it. It's fun to say husband. Yes. Well, I don't know. Yes. I have a female. I have a husband. You have a husband? Yes. The other thing that was interesting is realizing I had in laws. Oh I fully internalize them becoming true in laws. Yeah. And there's a word in in Yiddish Makatunum which is for the relationship between Ari's parents and my parents, which is there's no word for it in English because they're not technically in laws, they're Makatenum No Hey, at my wedding, did you enjoy sitting at the lesbian table I did, and it didn't take me a long time to figure out that I was at the lesbian. What was the first clue think? Just business suits all around Yeah Short haircuts. Yeah. Girls holding girls' hands. Yeah. ye. No husbands.ot a husband at that table. No, not a husband there. It was fun having a big lesbian table. and there was also a gay guy table. I know. And what made you do that All It seemed funny. We almost sat j. It did feel like we were sitting at Yeah, ye, ye. Well, you know, I don't know why we did it other than we thought, oh, you know, are these lesbians don't necessarily know each other. Right. And maybe they'll become fast friends 'use I assume, you know, it's like how goldenoodles can just tell another Goldenoodle. Yeah, you know. I thought From the business suit. From the business suits But we also did think about sitting one. We thought it'd be at the gate like to have like Travis Hellwig, who was the former head writer of the show was at the wedding and we thought, wouldn' it be fun it was just Travis and the lesbians. It's like almost like a bit like a band or something. But then we didn't do that. How did the gay guy table do they all had sex with each other. Yeah Which is cool. at the wedding, which is like guys, guys, calm down. My friend's son, do you wantna hear this? Yeah. Okay. He came out to her before he went to college. And then she and her brother were encouraging him to join like a gay guy group for support at college And then she filled me and she was like, I had no idea I was sending my Sun off to like travel orgies with a bunch Yeah, that is a big part of it. Yeah But those days are over Yeah, I never really had those days. You know, they were over I never I didn't go through a travel org phase You were you staycacation orged? Yeah, yeah. I just Why are we going on? Yeah, you never need to pass an orgy to get to a further orgy. You know what I'm saying? Don't drive, you know Yeah. Aaron Sorgan used to say that about four seasons is. whyy would you fly over a four seasons to get to a more distance four seasons? Just go to the nearest four seasons. And that's how I feel about Org. Yeah. Yes. Go to your nearest orgie. Yeah. Yeah. A of four seasons. At a four, I mean, that's a great org.s That's a great org. And if you do with AmX, you get breakfast Breakfast for thirty. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, I think it's Dpend Yeahah, mean,pend. I don't know if you know, but OrGies now have MCs. Have you heard this No whereere they'll this my my wife told me this. She was like, they'll have a microphone, the host and be like, free whole Freeh And like, wow. Yeah. sort of takes the romance out of it But I don't know much romance there is at though Ogies. There's none But there's free holes N noodles I guess it yeah, depends if it's like an odd number or even number. Did you like the clowns at the wedding? For people listening, there were clowns the wedding we got reallyally excellent clowns to be part of the ceremony and to tell people their table numbers. Here's my question What makes a clown a great clown because to me I was just like, there's clowns like a clown that went to my birthday as a child. like I couldn't tell like Oh my Godd I just saw four incredible clowns. So That's a great question. Thank you. I think it's great to I think you should be that's a great question. Thank you They were so committed to the bit. They were each characters and they each fully embodied those characters. I will tell you, and I suppose everyone, via the microphone that I did write was called the clown memo. Okay. And the clown membo had detailed character traits, qualities, and scripted dialogue for all four clowns. And was the clown situation your idea? It was our idea to have the clowns. And then I thought, well, if we're gonna to have clowns, there should be some kind of story. obbviously. Clearly And that evolved into the clown memo And it was more pages than you'd think it was. I did work on the clown memo til really all hours of the night. Yeah and not my vows. So that's on me U Each of the cl So basically the clowns had a story in which they slowly discovered that Stew was a diabolical and evil clown sabotaging the love of Carpaccio. and Strogenoff and undermining the career of Wellington I'm bored But did you get that story from them I did. Yeah, I think that was clear No, here was my issue. When I went up to get my table number clown and I don't know who it was that was giving me the number There was a A handkerchief Beautiful handkerchief was Strogoff. Y. Okay, it Strougedoff. Because he was sad Okay I know. and here's the problem As a germophobe, I had a bit of an issue that this clown took my handkerchief and blew his nose into it. Yes, he had a clown nose on. But still I was like, Thank you And I wanted the handkerchief, but I didn't want him to cry and blow his nose and stuff into my handkerchief And then I thought to go Take it up with you. Yeah. And then I thought, this is not really the day to get into my issue with the clown blowing his nose in my handkerchief. Right. And Andstand, you gave up Instagram You know, in stand upp, I'm not great at going from topic to topic And what I fantasize about is having an actual segue on stage. so I am on one side of the stage I tell a joke or story And then I segue to the other side of the stage right And I suggest that for you as well U Yes, I'm It would be fun to do a show with the two of us on segways and try and live through that. Right. Yes. Tig and other raak their legs. Sigot Taro and one other U So U Yes, I'm off social media And u Nothing. just I'm just locked in. Yeah. Are you on social media and are you loving it? I' not I'm less and less on it. and that I do think is for the best. I'm consuming a lot of TikTok still, TikTok I go to just to conse social media. Yeah. yeah. And you're right. Yeah, you're right That's the caveat. Yeah. I'm not using Instagram or Twitter as much. I'm going on there. I'm not producing as much. I'm consuming more Yeah. But maybe that's worse. Well, I was that's why I got off. because I was never familiar with the Met Gala I had heard of it And then I was on Instagram and I was getting all of this information about the Metgwa. And I was like, oh, it' truly, I didn't know if it was awards. I didn't know what this thing was And then I was like, okay, so fashion, then I, you know, Bezos, all of these things, and then the politics of who went and who And then I found myself mad Bunny And then I was like, hold on, I didn't even know who Bad Bunny was until the Super Bowl And what has my life become that I am sitting doing about Bad Bunny and his decision. And then I was like, I cannot be taking in this stuff Oh, I see, I think you handle that incorrectly. I think You should just let that let that flow over you and you'll find that there's so many once you're stopping being mad at Bad Bunny, you'll be mad at somebody new and then that's really cool. And then you're kind of amMped all the time, kindind of ready to rumble. Yeah, you know Yeah. I guess it's not what I'm looking for, John. Oh.aking of what we were talking about most recently The time has come for take takes it's a segment where we asked Take for her take on current events. No're not even on Instagram. boy. I can't wait to find out what you think of these stories. I can't wait either. First up. We have RFK Junir. snake handling. here What are they sex stub. What were they? accents? Well, I I'll tell you what, I feel like This is maybe the fourth or fifth time Bobby has wrangled snakes since he's been in this administration. And he's living in DC now, right How is this man running into so many snakes? And I honestly am starting to feel like They're being placed someplace for him I mean, when is the last time you ran into a snake? It's really unlikely. I agree. It feels a little bit like when Richie Rich goes fishing, you know what I mean? Well, I don't know what you're talking about. of fishing that pond. Okay. Yeah Sand. Yeah. And it just like What you're just out at is he at doctor Oz's house? I don't know where he is Yeah I don't know either, but it's cement. Right. It's like he's I'm glad you're raising this because I had the same thought, which I thought I really did see and I immediately my brain just went staged, staged snakes snakes, staged fake snakes to snake fake Ooh, you should get bumper stickers made that say that. Keep honking, I'm faking a snake thing Hey, what do you think about the new White House UFC arerena? I like it It's gonna be Are these quick takes or hot takes? Whateverver I just learned what hot takes were today. That's just a strongly felt opinion, I suppose. Yeah. But a quick takeake is just exactly what it sounds like. I like it. I really like what they're doing. I think the quicker and hotter, the better, but it does, but there's no it could be hot, could quick, could be quick and hot I don't think it should be neither quick nor hot. I think a lukewarm long take is probably not what we're aiming for, but other than that, really kind of the world Joyster. I would like to see Bobby fighting. I doing a snake thing in there Hey, the New York Times published an article called Be Straight is G actually U and that was They They chang the headline to There's nothing wrong with wanting men aggree or disagree It's complicated for me I have to be honest How are you I think there's nothing wrong with wanting And I think also there's nothing And is that romantic but they're different. Yeah. It's romantically wanting a man. Yeah, to romantically want a man. I think that like if you want a man to pick you up at the airport, I think nobody has a problem with that. and that's not really part of the discourse. I think it's more about having a kind of long term sexual and romantic attachment to a man the article is sort of delving at. Yeah, I think there's nothing wrong with wanting men. Yeah I agree. Yeah. Have you heard of the term sllam pig Be of this show. You have heard of it? No, truly because the producer told me Oh of this show, not Rhode Island Housewives. No Bill told you about slam pigs. Yeah. Do would you imagine I watch Rhode Island Slampigs? No no, The show is real housewives. Rhode Island. It's not called Rhode Island Sam Pigs, which by the way is a Great name for a show Boy, boy would boy, is there money to be made in a show called Rhode Island Slam Mixed? I would be curious to watch it. For sure. But For sure. Not much grabs my attention U with television, but One time Stephanie and I were in a hotel room and she said, let's watch something. and she was flliipping through. And the one thing I chimed in about, I said, wait, wait, wait go back, go back. What was that a wagon? And she went back and it wasn int a wagon and she was like, what did you think it was going to be? or what were you wanting? And I said, honestly, I was hoping it was like a information about the history of wagons And that was truly something that I would have watched. Why are you shaking your head? I'm just imagining that I just feel like I'm not sure there's much of a difference for Stephanie between traveling with you and traveling with like a Victorian ghost. Like Ostensibly, I think those are basically the same experiences You you have to be like you're not totally tracking technology or anything. It is totally plausible that Stephanie could be alone and talking to you as a ghost and everybody it would be the same, I think would look basically the same. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to have to let her know you said that. Yeah. But slam pigs I just am grateful. There is now a name for the kind of summers I've been having becauseuse it's a sllam pig summer, right? Slam pig summer. Yeah. Is that you're just I've been having slam pig summers my whole life. Wow, that's so I just didn't know it was called that Yeah, for you, what is that U you know p summer to you, Tignatara. I just like to get my body ready for the summer And then I like to wear a bikini, you know, and I just sunbathe a lot and I wrestle What else is there today? That's it. You got it. Yeah. That's what a sl in Rhode Island. I sp spend my summers in Rhode Island. And then the broth is just clear. That's the thing. Exactly. That's how you know it's a Rhode Island slamp pake summer because you're in a bikini, you're getting tann, you're having chowder, but it's clear, Rhode Island. What would you think if you saw me in a bikini sunbathing. It'sort of I don't know. It'd be sort of like seeing Donald Trump in a musical or Donald Trump. You know what I mean? It'sort of like cans like sort of boy, that's out of that seems something must have. there must be a reason, but I don't know what it is. Tig slam piggin. Tim's Tig slam piggin. Tim. Tig Tig slam piggin Uh and byoy the way, by the way, if you want to, if you want to see Tig slam pig in other contexts Check out the Handsome podcast. That's right. Take will be in Albany on june fourth, Spokane on june twelfth, Colorado Springs, july sixteenth, and Calgary on august thirtieth. Yeah brringing that slamppig energy to Canada. That's right. It's a slamp pig summer. Yeah. Slamppig eh How do you think this went I'm ready to get started And we'll be right back Hey, don't go anywhere, There's more of loveove it or Leave it coming up Lo it or Lave it It is brought you by Zazzle You know that feeling when you're three days out from someone's birthday and you have no idea what to get. And then you end up with something generic that you're not even sure they'll like. That's where Zazzil comes in to save the day ZazL is a custom marketplace where you can take basically any product, a mug, a tote bag, a card, a phone case, and make it personal to you or someone you love. brrowse millions of designs or start from scratch and build something completely on your own. Either way, you're the designer. everythingthing is made to order, so you never have to worry about an item being out of stock, pick it, customize it, done Over thirty million customers have trusted Zazle with their most important gifts. Ys is next right now Save twenty five percent on your first order at Zazzle dot com. That's twenty five percent on your first order at Zazzle dot comot Go make something is amazing All right, we'll keep pitching on that Zazil d. com she appeared at a documentary called Anxiety Club and now I'm anxious I wasn't asked to join. It's a part of on Chherla Hi, goodood to see you There's your seat. Thank you so much. Hi, Parna, good to see you. Good to see you both. So you're in documentary about anxiety, huh? I am. about It's about Comedians with anxiety I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would make me feel scared Are you in the anxiety club? I am. I'm an official member. That's cool. When I first did therapy, my therapist said, do you think you might have chronic anxiety? And I said, No, that's ridiculous. And then she said, All right, well describe how it feels to move through the world. and then I did. And she said, that's terrible anxiety And she's like, I think we have to figure out why you don't understand how you feel all the time and why your brain is not connected to your body because you're anxious twenty four hours a day and you just think that's what normal is. And I was like, bitch. That's also how I go do therapy. Yeah. Yeah. I just I sit there and then occasionally I go bitch We might have similar types of anxiety. Well, the last time I was in therapy, I was anxious because I wasn't I was It was like early and I was dating Ari and I was like really anxious that it wasn't going to work out. Yeah. And then then I texted my therapist a picture of us getting married because I haven't seen her in the years since because I've been so busy Whoa. So you got into a relationship, broke up with your therapist basically or ghosted her? We're not broken up. We're just sort of taking a break for indefinitely I don't need therapy I don't need it don't need it.y are you basing that on? I got it all figured out. Okay. You had clowns at his wedding. Oh. Well that' yeah, that's a sign you've kind of evolved to the next plane. Yeah. Hey, you said you wished you could do standup to no audience. Yeah. That's my main problem with stand up that there's an audience. Oh yeah But then how do you know How to feel about yourself if you're not getting the validation from outside I think I just I We'll assume it's going fine. I think if I could just remove the fact that there's strangers there That would be helpful. But I don't mean I want to perform for friends and family I just there's something about other people there that's always been my main hang up with stand up. and I think that's why people are Im sometimes upset that I do it Take, do you like having a crowd or would you rather do it just sort of in a white box Good question. Thank you, John. One time I did perform for No People. Didn't you do a tour that was just like people's living room? Well, I did that too. But let's keep that a secret. Okay, o. I did a college, I did Pepperdine college and I showed up to the student center No one else did. And the people that booked me, I said, So what do we do? And they said, you have to do your material. So I sat down And with my mic and just told the woman who booked me. I was like, so I was at the grocery store And did that for an hour to get my check So I guess there was one person there, but Not a single person. It's almost like she was a dictator because that seems like what a dictator would do. L bring me my favorite stand upp. Exactly. Do your thing. Bring me this unknown person we booked at a very low rate to fulfill our budget know what that sounds like though sounds like what a Cown would have done, you know Dad on dead on noise. Wow, that's really good. It's like a clown's here. Yeah For listeners at home, no clown were saying I was saying college gigs are notoriously difficult. Y. I remember I did a college gig where when I got there, the poster for the show said, free chicken nuggets. and then my name in tiny letters at the bottom. And I was like, yeah, the chicken nuggets are the draw That's how you. And when we had our comedy duo, we were also the chicken nuggets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Free Chicken Nuggets was the improv group opening for me. What have you learned about anxiety that you wish you had known earlier in your life. That it never ends? Oh, well Hmm, that seems L, how would you answer that That's a tough one. It doesn't have it. I don't have it. Oh, that's true. N A problem. I would say two things Thinking about it. One thing I would definitely say is Iitely like had people in my life that have like moments of really acute anxiety where they're like really, like really struggling. And there's like a culture around And I think it's for good reason, people are like reluctant to like take things like chemicals to deal with their problems. Yeah. But I think it's a good instinct in general, but like I think that there are certain times like when people are suffering. it's like If you're me with anxiety attack Take a thing, just get it, get the emotions that deal with the Yeah quickly. and then like focus on what caused it. But I think sometimes people kind of like you know, like white knuckle through experiences and I don't think that's a good idea Well, I know there are comedians who are also like, I don't want to take, you know antidepressants because I think then I won't be as funny if I'm not depressed, which is reallyally interesting theory. You don't think theres any trh to Well, I think it makes it seem like your pain is the only reason that you're able to like create or something. And I don't think that's necessarily true your side That's my hot takeake, too. I know what that means In your special hopeful potato, you talk about seeing your Wiki feed entry and seeing that your feed have mid ratings So we blow them out. All right Th those are your blurred feet They have a two point seven eight. But you know what's weirder? I don't when I saw that photo because I first saw it, it was shown to me at some show I agreed to do and then they whipped this out after I did my set. I think those are my feet And wait, where would they have g? L I don't know I've never done footwork. I can't picture you ever being in a situation outside of your house barefoot. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I know you well enough to know you're going to put your shoes on. What the hell's that? I don't know. So you don't even think these are your fees. I think they're deep fakes. Now, we did look into this and Take, you have a much higher rating on this website. blurs them out There I am ur We' blurred them just to protect your identity You have a Those are actually a Parno's feet.. Now, the team also discovered that Joh and John Fabreau has a high rating as does Tommy Vitor. Whoa. four point nine bu. They're getting great ratings for these feet. I am not on Wiki feet. I'll tell you someone who is Jeffrey Epstein And Wow. I edged out Epstein. You're doing better than Epstein. I want to read the comments. These are the comments on Jeffrey Epstein's wiki feet. This is a wiki about feet, not about judgments What he did or didn't do isn't the deciding factor, period. The eligibility criteria are described and no, that's not debatable To argue a site where you rate feet is not about judgments is patentally. Well it's about not about judgments outside of the feet. They separate the art from the artist. Okay basically Boy, I'll tell you something. Speaking of feet, walk, don't run to Aparna's new animated series Kevin Upon me. Wow. You play a gross cat. I play a gross, yeah, a gross kitten, a sickly kitten. But takeig your're also in it. Oh yes Do you play a cat? I don't remember Most characters on the show are animals, so you're probably either a cat or some other creature Hey, if you don't want to perform in front of people, doing animated stuff seems like it might be right up your oute. I love it. 'Cause you're in a little booth. You're in a little cave. you don't have to look at anyone You just have your cans on and you can just inhabit your little world and be a little Kitten on the brink of death Any other thoughts about being anxious Yeah u say one thing that's interesting about anxiety because you guys were talking about snakes earlier and how they're They're they're there Be somebody places them Be someone places them there. And anxiety is actually an adaptive trait. It's like when our ancestors were trying to figure out, is that a stick or is that a snake So I think maybe anxiety's still around because of RFK junior. When are you when are you least anxious? Ohoh, great question. Thank you. Somebody has to have ' them Now I'm feeling what I think is anxiety. I'm not sure I've never experienced it before. A first time for everything. I have to say a time that I do feel at peace and sorry to be vulgar, but right after I take a poop I do feel at peace because it feels like there's a release. I did my job. Nothing else is expected of me. No one is going rape me Wow, that's a le I can check it off. Yeah. Now, this is the second time I've heard about your poop Really Well, not yours. You were going to rent an apartment in your bit and then they were like, the one thing is you can't poop in this apartment. Yeah You have to take your poop out in a bag Let's go to commercial Wait, you had to take your poop out in a bag. I saw an apartment in New York where they were like, everything's fine, but the toilet you cannot poop in it That's not a good sign when they start out with listen, everything's fine I just first of all How do they know Well because apparently it'll probably explode. But they can't even handle a classic Hope That's what they've been that's youool. What about a loose stool? Yeah. What about a? mean what about a loose? Well, it's poop, but it's loose Oh it's got diarrheaine It's gotta be. Well, I think it was also that it when I walked in, it was clearly just like an IKA showroom.m So nothing was actually hooked up to anything Well, that would also be a problem for peeing one would think. Yes Yeah, they would have been like you can poop in there, but it's just gonna kind of keep piling. But are you still living there We'll be right back Hey, don't go anywhere, There's more of loveove it or Leave it coming up Lover to leave it is brought you by time. Chime is changing the way people bank. They offer the most rewarding fee free banking built for you, not the one percent. They're not like traditional old banks that charge you overdraft in monthly fees. They have thousands of fee free ATMs because why pay to get your own money? 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Chime is a Fintech, not a bank. banking services for my pay and Chime card provided by Chime's bank partners Optional products and services may have fees or charges, stated annual percentage yield and cashback for Chime Prime only no minimum balance requred checking account ranking based on a JD Power survey published october twentieth, twenty five. For for more information on APY rates, my pay sppot me and travel perks, go to chime d. com slash disclosures. And we're back Aano Yes in honor of your Wikiete, we're going to ourur foot knowowledge to the test in the lighting round. we're calling foot traffic I'm going to show you and take a pair of feet and you're gonna to guess whose feet they are. and I will reveal if you are right Some of them are feet. From the news this week, some of them are classic feet from pop culture. Are you ready? supposed Figure out whoses speed. That's right First up Whosese feet are these Fred one L. You got it, yeah yeah. There he is. Got a softball Anything after the seventies, I won't know. Three tos Yeah, I's always had three Next up Whose feet are these? Oh, that's John Tvalta. What G it How did you know that? I don't know if that is. Oh, is it? No How did I not know that How How could she have known? How would she know that? I will say this. It is something it is a photo that is very recent and it is of someone who has revealed a new, quote, cont delicious look. Oh, Miley Cyrus. No Oh country. And I will say it includes a Is it me? Martha Stewart What did't you know if you first of all, could you imagine Martha Stewart in wide leg pants? Inonceivable. It's Susan Boyle No. Yes. She's she's she has a new look B Bils back and she's got the she's got a u the what what is, I think, known colloquially as a county bob I I think it's cool Um, yeah, yeah. That's why I guessed it correctly. But no, okay, so next up. Who' see are these? Look at those. My good That's Jill Biden. That's Jill Biden. Show me Jill Biden. Nope, it's Lady Gaga. But the That's Lady Gaga. That's Lady Gaga. Let's go to these. You so got it, kid What? Oh, yeah, that's Bigfoot Big feet Big fe That's big feet. I didn't even see where the foot started. Any ganes, I'll give you a hint. the White House posted a picture of this preacher This week Are you seeing feet I think I see one. There's feed. With the mushroom growing through its toes. But then it also looks like there's a club foot on the other side. It Looks like a foot And then a club foot It's Harambe. Whoa. Okay, that's a foot and a knee. You're right But it's at least one foot. But he's looking good. He could still get it. Well he died. He died in twenty eleven. He could still get it. Died in twenty eleven and the White House inexplicably posted On the anniversary of Harambee's death Next up Oh yeah. Shrek. You got it. It's Shrek. And why aren't we raiding these feet? Well, what do you want to give this what do you want to give Shrek' feet To farts down. Yeah Oh this went great. We'll be right back. Ham her back And now for our favorite end of show segment, where we take a loving stroll through everything I said or did this evening and decide whether or not I regret it. in a segment we call secondcond thoughtoughts. And taking apartment, I we'd love to hear any second thoughts you have about this evening. Okay. Whenever you're ready, but I'll take us through a few first I told arsonists to at least enjoy it Oh, Take, I'm sorry I compared lesbians to golden doodles. I didn't notice I reveal too much about the bornning Cown memo I didn't notice Hey, Take, the producers want to know if you have any second thoughts about referring to the free holes at the Orgies I have deep regret over that. It's private. People should have their privacy with the orgies. Um And I apologize that I even brought this into this respectable conversation we've been having Oh, I also lied about not needing therapy I think we tracked it. I shouldn't have shown Tommy and John's feed scores because I hurt my own feelings. Stop it. Do you have any regrets up part up? Yeah, I'm sort of embarrassed. I ghost wrote that up There's nothing wrong with wanting men But I'm glad you guys gave it a shout. People were mad that the Tes ran that right before Pride and it's like, who cares? Yeah. But also they kind of clickbaited it because the full line was, there's nothing wrong with wanting men to exist Too much poop talk, maybe. Not enough I enjoy poop talk. Me too. I guess it's my biggest regret is that we didn't get deeper into it. Yeah