The Great Caravan Abduction Scare

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And James and I are just looking at each other like how have we already spent a small fortune For children, it honestly feels like we're on a never ending loop of tiny financial requests And you don't want to say no all the time, but you also don't want them thinking money just magically appears every time they ask That's why we've loved using Go Henry becausecause it's helped us turn those moments into something a bit more meaningful Go Henry is an app and debit card for kids that teaches them how to save, invest, earn and spend, but in a really hands on way So now instead of just handing over money, James will say, All right, then, what job are you going to do for it? And certainenly, there's a lot more enthusiasm for helping out around the house And I've noticed such a difference They actually stop and think now. The other day, Kit said, I might save up for it instead And I just looked at James like, Did you hear that? That's growth. It's not just about the money really, it's about them understanding choices, learning a bit of independence and feeling proud of what they've earned And for us, It just takes away that constant back and forth and makes things feel a bit calmer So this summer, you can grow their skills and their money at gohenry. com With one month free to get started Go, Henry But kids go to learn and grow money Terms and conditions apply. The Go Henry card is issued by IDT Financial Services Limited, a principal member of Visa Europe He's getting into his DJ mode He sounds like now big up. Rine welcome to another new episode of Lash with me, Johanna Page. And me James Thornton. Oh my Godd, who's just cleared his throat so many times. It's like having a wild animal in here. I was thinking about all of the preparations that I need to do before we start recording. and I like to sit down, I und do the top button and the zip of my jeans. I take my shoes off or my trusty sandals and cross my legs and then I feel like I'm ready to go. Is there anything that you have to do before we start? I have to have a big cough Yeah my throat. Seververal and then a sip of this lemon and ginger tea. Oh lovelyake. veryy nice This one's got Manua honey in it as well. Yeah s nice. Do you know right? We went to see a school thing yesterday and for the first time ever, I will normally have a glass of wine all like a coffee and I don't know what hit me, but for the first time ever when we got there, I had a camomile tea. Well, there wasn't any wine Well I know weren't any beers either. I will have wine. There's normally some beers at these things Yeah, and a dina and a red wine. I know. I' yeah I' was very disappointed becausecause I was really looking forward to it. Well Well, I'd already thought I'm not gonna have any wine because I had a glass of that rosa you've been buying me the other night and it made me feel a bit sick. Oh's on office. really, really sweet, which I like Bat. I don't know, but my I was to say my temperature there, my taste beds, I think of are starting to change or something. I think I've just overdosed on really really sweet rosay to be honest, because I've had about four bottles in the last. I've just bought you another one yesday. Well I'll managage to drink it. but I think I need something a bit sharper. Well, you will tonight, the weather's nice. Sun's out. Sun's out. Half term's coming. You getting your guns out? Sun's out, guns out, yeah Those were the days. Oh my Godd. you could might be getting your sleeveless vests out now Last year we had a massive tooo dar because I got James some sleeveless vest t shirts for the summer, didn't I? Yeah, I think it was more for you than it was for me I thought it would be nice for you to wear something that wasn't so warm. I thought it would be nice for me to see something which wasn't a bloody navy t shirt. And yeah, and I thought, Ohh, you know You're not over the hill yet, getet your arms out, be nice. But I don't mind it around the house youough I'm in the garden But out and about Well, you you didn't appreciate them in the beginning, did you? until you wore one? And then we couldn't get them off you Really? Yes, Really? Oh my God, the amount of fuss we had about a sleeveless vest and that you were like, Oh I'm too old for this now and I don't think I've got the arms that I used to and just like you were really panicking about it. And I said just put it on. and you wouldn't. And then I just left them in your wardrobe. And then I don't know why you were just really hot and you put one on and then you were converted and you were like, Oh my god, I' got to be honest, these are really nice. Was I wearing them on holiday? when mean spain? Yeah, you wore them on holiday. All You were wearing them a lot and then we couldn't get them off you. Be I was very self conscious about wear In Yeahah, well, yeah, you were in the UK, but in Spain you were fine and then you got into it because it gives off a bit of like I think I've got a really good arms and I go to the gym all the time. No it doesn. And if you don't, then You're in a sleeveless vest I don't think people think that deeply about it Anyway, mayaybe I'll work on my arms. Wh I've just said, I'd like you to put the Rowing machine Yeah, not a rolling machine. was a bike. Honest God, that shows how much I'm using it. I don't even know Peloton. The peloton. The Peloton. Which is basasically a very expensive clothes dryer. No, it's not. Just hang stuff off it to dry. No It never gets used. say that to be dramatic Can you honestly tell me it's in the kitchen at the moment? Can you honestly tell me if you've ever seen any clothes hanging off it? You haven sub you It doesn't even get used for that Well, it didn't get used, that's for sure. It I' fully admit that, but it's never been used to handangle. It's not getting used. It's one of those things I think it was a lockdown. it wasn't for us, but lots of people got them in lockdown, didn't they it? They couldnt They couldn't make enough of them And then everyone's got these things now and You know, I don't think they get used as much as everybody intends. When it was bought, it was bought before I did the finale of Gavin and Stacey I bought it because I was still breastfeeding and still rightiting, you know, the sick of it I bought it because I wanted to try and get a bit fitter and in the bit of a you know mind zone of working and I bought it just before doing Gavin and Stacy. And then I went on it once for eight minutes Then I went off to that hotel to go and do the show. And then a part of me thought I am too lazy to make my way to the gym in the hotel I think I would like to ask if I can get The bike sent down to the hotel in Cardiff. And then I thought to myself, G God, you can't do that. That's bloody ridiculous. I mean, can you imagine you can't put it in a van and get it sent all the way down to a hotel in Cardiff the gm and I never ever did, so the bike's only been used once, but you know who did do that? Larry Lamb. He got a bike put in his room. Did he really? W, I know I'd feel a bit difficult making that story. Well, I know that's why I just couldn't. I thought I'd gone, I can't, I can't. I'd like to and I would have used it because I was watching a lot of Ty in the evenings and I would have sat on it and I would have used it because there wasn't anything else to do. Whereas here,'s stuff always going on. Yeah, do you know what? We need a little shed just dedicated to that I think we should get one then and just put it out in a shed and just make it like that Well that bit of gravel that we've gotten now out down the side of the house. I don't know what you're intending it for, but I've seen on the internet, right? I've seen a square little shed with like an open front and I would like to have a desk in there. I would like my own podcast, you know like little area there and I would like my palotin and then that's my Well, you know, the plan is the rest of your This studio we're in right now. Yeah is supposed to be going It's not out there. It's not. You're just gonna have to have it in here and I'm gonna to have my own space. I've already claimed it now I've claimed I've seen what I want and I've claimed it. This week, right, I have shoveveled about ten tons Grumble Well you see me doing it? I thought that you were just sort of you know the front of the house I wondered what you were doing, but I thought you were just neatening up the gravel. Where is the ten tons that you've I don't know I've taken it from the front of the house where it's on the drive and the bit. Yeah. It was really thick. Yeah. So' like right instead of ordering any more, I don't need any more. I'll just thin that out because it's really thick. There's too much there. Oh right. So I went around sort of shhoveling it all up. very you know, spreading it out and trying to make sure I wasn't taking too much from anywhere and then wheel barrowing it r the back My hips gone, My back is knackered But I tell you what, I was so I was really satisfied Doing a load of physical stuff is so good for you, you know Just to do something. you know, I warm myself out, completely warm myself out And I felt really good and I slept really well. And I wake up a lot in the nighttime, right? ye. I'm thinking it's just because I'm not physical I need to be physically exhausted. and then I'll bell Ill wake up I'll be so tired I'll need to sleep. What time are you waking up? Because if you're only just tuning into our podcast, we're not sleeping in the same bedroom We haven't for about the last four years. downown to our first of all, our last child. U so I went in and slept with her but I'm still choosing to sleep in there just because Well, I was going to say it's comfy, it's not my round by my right kidney is really hurting this morning either because I've had too much rose or because Jesus Bow takes up so much of the bed now and my right shoulder and neck have gone again. Well, I think you need to slowly I don't know Kitits s in with me though, and it's lovely. Kit sleeps with me. and we just could look He's just taking it over and there And I'm just making the most of it because I think I've probably got about six months a year left before it wasn't there for longer than that. No no he was'tay. I want to ask you, what times are you waking up and do you wake up every night Yeah, I wake up sort of about half one probably No I need to go for a way And then, um And then I'll wake up this morning I woke up at five. I couldn't get back to sleep, so I put a podcast onod and I drifted off It was a football podcast. It was about as a BBC. And is it every single night you wake up Not every single night, but certainly like when I was younger, I'd just sleep anywhere, anyime for like endndless amounts of time. I could sleep forever. massive lies in and I wouldn't wake up at all. And as I've got older now, I just like I just have worse sleep. Oh know I think it is though. I think when you have kids, I think your sleep patterns just get ruined And you know, when we had EVa, you know, obviously first time with a baby, you're like, donon't get any sleep. It's just massive sleep deprivation in it and then And then it just For the last twelve years. You have such bad sleep deprivation because I was breastfeeding, so I would breastfeed all the way through the night. And what would you do Well I'd get up and I'd help I was how up. How would you help? I'd walkking around, but up and down the stairs. A the times they used to walk up and down the stairs with Eva I used to put her in a carrier And then I used to like bounce as I was going down the stairs to try and I' probably waking her up more I say because they're bouncing around so much. The reason we're not sleeping in the same bedroom anymore is because I've always breastfed and co slept So to be honest with you, I think you're milking it a bit there with the fact that you're sleep You know? was like really put out because you never had to do any bottles or anything like that, did you I didn't not his sleep. I didn't We didnt like would have like three hours sleep? I remember going to work on like three, four hours sleep Loads of looads of times I'd go into town to London and I'd be doing a documentary and I'd be like into episode two going So do you tired? It's because you're not doing as much physical activity now. that that's Yeah, I do I do. running or you know, stuff like that. I sleep really, really well doesn't take me anything at all to go out cold. There have been in the last couple of months some moments when I wake up at about like two in the morning or sometimes three in the morning. and then I'll stay awake then until about five and then I close my eyes and then I just go straight back out. but I gott to be honest, the last night and you know for quite a while now. I go upstairs as soon as I've read to Beau, we cutatch up, I go straight out cold and then I don't wake up until the morning. and I'm now sleeping with Beau's curtains open so that the light shines through the blind and around the corners of the blind. so it wakes me up naturally then in the morning I can honest toone, I could sep anywhere. Do you know what's rining it for me actually? What is the heat Oh ye. So what I've started doing is I turn the heating right down and then I open the window. Last night I slept with the window open and add a much better sleve patchelor. because you think could just get too hot because you have the heating up so high Well, I don't, notot in the bedroom. No, but it affects the whole house. It affects it because Well, I haven't at the moment because it's sunny. I know where it's got hot now, so I'm not gonna to get straight on the out that. Turn everything down. You've turned it down. Let's keep it that way now, tntill Christmas God, honest to God episode of Lash is brought to you in association with Dmentia UK On this podcast, we're always talking about how life can feel like a juggling act. You know, kids, work, friends and somewhere in the middle of it all, you're supposed to be looking after yourself as well And for some of you, you're also caring for a parent or partner who's living with dementia which is a huge thing to carry on top of everything else. If that's you, there's a podcast that might really help is called My L withith Demmentia from Demmentia UK An award winning show where real families share what life is actually like alongside warm, practical advice from Dmentia UK's specialist admiral nurses, who support families every day It's a bit like having a chat with people who properly understand your world You know, you get those, oh, it's not just me moments, and ideas for handling the tricky bits. 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So Oh my god, we thought we'd have quite a relaxing weekend, didn't we because we'd shipped out all of our kids Eva was going out to the cinema in the evening, so she was going to be out for a while and going to have a meal. Kit was in like a major sleepover. Oh yeah It was a huge one. And then where was Noah? Was Noah with us or not? or Noah No Noah was at the cinema as well. And then Noah came home, We put Eurvision on and we sat there watching and we got as far as We did over ten songs. And then Ea came in from the cinema and said, Ohh my God, I can't believe you've started this without me and made us put it on literally from the very beginning, didn't she? So after watching over ten songs, we had a reminder all the way back to the beginning and just watch it all through again and we watched the whole thing. And then the next morning, Kit came home from the sleepover and said, Oh my God, I want to watch Eurovision because it's a real thing with our family. And we sat down and we watched it all over again. We watched the bloody thing three times Enjoyed it though. I missed a few songs. You did Be I was doing food for everyone. Yeah So even though we watched it three times, I still haven't seen all the songs. But the first time we watched it We've sat down dinner with me, you and Beo. But wouldn't watch it, she got scared. Yeah yeah, she did, yeah. The two of them were quite scary though. There was one with like a mask. Oh, the other no, the winning one Bangaranga. Oh yeah We love that as soon as the masks came off because that was like, oh my god, I feel like I'm in a serial killer's lair W that see through, you know, masking thing they had on their head? That fre me out. but I loveved the song and I loved it once they took their masks off and we thought that was going to be a win. didnn't mean it was really good. But when we were watching it We were saying We need EVa Be Eva does this like running commentary like So Graham Norton, Terry Oogan style. commentary on the whole thing that's really dry, really so sarcastic. she makes jokes And then she like critiques, the costumes and comments throughout the whole The dance routines, the songs and it's just she's really and very cutting. Almost this because becausecause when she did come home and we were like, o my Godd, we've really missed you. We've missed your commentary all the way through But then she launched into it and I think she was really going for it, then yeah. Jesus Christ hadone a bit too much for me. I want to go Oh my go, canan we just calm it down a bit with a negativity and just like I think it's getting a bit too much now. I think it's because we b bigged her up so much, we saying we really missed your commentary. She was like She did really well, Caora And And then Kit, we missed Kit because Kit normally does the dance routine. is. He gets up and he copies the dance routine. I know, and it felt good it was a bit shit watching it just with you. It was It's what life's gonna be like when the kids go. It was a bit, wasn't it? Yeah It wasn't the same. We'll have to invite them all back for your revision night. We'll have to do our pick your revision night. No, they'll be like Mac messag insure going to this showo vision thing Mum and dad still want to do your reision. Desperate for us to be there. I'll be sending. I'll be sending private messages to Ea because she's the eldest daughter, a guilt trippener, going, come on Darling, youve gotta come home. You cant just leave me watching it with Daddy He's so bloody, miserabelle I used to get up though. I used to do the dancec sh. I would just like to point out the word that was used there I used to get up. Rember I let the kids do. I don't want to be like taking over, let them have their fun No that's all about me Well, we watch that and I've just started watching Raival's series two. I didn't bother waiting for you So I've done the first three episodes because Oh God I'm gattered that cause last time it was all released And I went right through and just watched it all straight away But because it's been such a huge success, they've released the first three episodes And then I think we've got to wait now until later in the year until the next three episodes are going to be released. But there's more episodes to watch and I'm loving it. abbsolutely loving it It's really, really good. Is it better than the previous series? No, I should say it's just as good. I wouldn't say it's better because the first series is flipping brilliant. I'm loving Taggy's hair because I think in the first series she wore a wig because she didn't have a Frene And now in the second series I think she's using her normal like real life hair and it's gorgeous. And she's got this lovely fringe and she's just I love Tagy. And in the last episode she was wearing this lovely blouse with these really nice little dungeres and she's just gorgeous and adorable. I'm loving Rupert. He is just fantastic. I'm just loving all of them. It is oh my god, it's so brilliant And David Tenant is amazing. Down to the fact, the way that his character just even eats. There's loads of scenes where he's like eating and he's smacking his lips and he sayss just he's like a wolf or something. he's horrible. Horrible in it, but he's brilliant. and it's all really like sex sex sex. but the thing that's having the most effect is the whole sort of you know, yearning for each other between Danny Dyer and Catherine Parkinson and then they just very gently and just chastely just sort of just had a peck on the lips. That's all that happened. And that's the thing that I think is gripping the public the most. Is it still within the book or is it gone off onto like a new story? I'm not sure because I want to say it's still within the book because obviously it's Jilly Cooper, the wonderful Jilly Cooper's, you know, like Riders' thing all about polo and Yeah ye yeah. And there's a whole succession of books and stuff. ever do riders T show I think they did, yes years ago. I think they did. I've seen, you know, some stuff you know, all of that. And so yeah, I think that this is now going on in the book. I don't know how you know, tied it is to the book, but it's going to make me buy. How many books is a series right? a series? yeah. Oh so they've got loads to work on. Yes, Yeah It's really, really good. And I think Catherine Parkinson in her interviews were saying that all of the sex and the romance and all of that is done through the female gaze Do you know what the female gaze is? Yes, yes. What is the female gaze? It Th throughrough the eyes of the female Yes ye. I think the youngsters would say call it POV, wouldn't they? wouldn't they? I' I don't know You want to get your backyard summer ready, but you don't want to break the bank? Wayfair gets it. Planning on dining alfresco, or relaxing poolside? Wayfair has everything you need to prep your space. Shop now and save up to seventy percent off during Wayfair's fourth of July clearance. sccore huge deals on outdoor furniture, area rugs, and more. We're talking thousands of products for every style and budget Plus, sururprise Flash deeals july sixth. Don't wait. Shop Wayfare's fourth of July clearance now through july sixth at wayfare. com Pay fair, every style, every home. Any any idea, Paul You do the settling This does, right? I do. I'll do that Bags, blah, blah, blah, big guinea pigs, all that and we'll aim to get that done. by nine o'clock And then from nine till ten W' watch. All right, so let's see, I'm sure that this is what we've said for like about the last two weeks that let's see if we can sit down and watch something It's not going to work week because it's half term minute and that's going to be like everyone's going to be on holiday hours then. don't mind. you know what I like about the half term and holidays and stuff is I like letting him go to bed later and letting him have a lie in And if work allows because sometimes I don't start until so of ten o'l after nine tened long so then it just gives you that you donre not having to get up at half six. So you so just gives you that extra time to have an extra bit of sleep because if you sleep when they sleep, you get more You get more rest? Everybody wants to go down the caravan, don't they? Yeah. Do you think we will go down? I want to, yeah, I really think they should Yeah. We're supposed to be really good in it I think we probably end up going down, but my God, I can just stay here and just sleep. You've got some staff work I'veot got a new documentary series under doing. Oh geographic yeah Oh, you what? Are you going have to come back and do it? Well, I know there's a book in Midwake so I've got to be here Well our da thought we could come and go I can solve Yeah it popping down I know, but then it's the thought then off packingking for four kids to get down there. but it's only a week so I think I'll just try and pack like this time. You know what I think we should do with that is just think just take a few pairs of pants. enough to get through. and if you need more, I'll bring some more down when I have to pop backbody Be when you think about like packing for all of them for a week It's just too much in it? I can't bear it because youve got to think about what I know you're really good at it. I am useless at stuff like that You wouldn't even know if you were useless at it because I wouldn't even attempt it. I'd forget everything Oh my Godd, that is so rubbish to getet yourself out of doing it by just saying you're rubbish at it. But when I do all the stuff like You know, making sure the boil is working and the gas is there and you know, I do all those sort of things Thats it's really not in my skill set to pack a suitcase. Pack clothes. It's not in my skill set actually to have to do the boiler and turn the water on. There was one time I went down there, just me and the kids And Kit had to help me open that little hatch on the bottom and I'd crawl underneath the caravan T to turn in the water. I didn't like that. didn't like that And when you get there, there's always something that's gone wrong with it. There's always a le a way things happened and it's all blocked and it' Yeah, the drains are blocked and stuff. Remember that time when our toilet stopped working and it got backed up all my caravans. There was so much blockage there. Oh Godd, it was awful Well it was awful anyway. We still got throw it, didn't we? Oh God I love the car I love being in a caram. Do you remember that time when you thought that me and the kids had been abducted? Oh my God, it was terrifying. This is just. Oh my Godd. How impulsive kind of I am and how much I don't think about anything. What happened now? Where did I go Did they go to the shop I don't know, I think you went to the sh I think you must have gone to the shop or something. The dogs weren't with us. The dogs weren't with us were they? No. So we'd left them with your parents, I think. Yeah. So So I'd gone off to the shop, I think I'd gone off somewhere to get something. Yeah. I came back. And the caravan door is wide open. It's a static caravan, right? So it's it doesn't go anyhere J like u yeah So it's got the doors wide open And there's nobody there. are, okay. There must be just playing out Wandered around around a corner where there's a bit of grass Nobody's there. bit further down Went down a bit further down around the corner. There's bikes, the kids bikes just on the floor. but no sign of anybody Callin And there's no sign of anybody Right. Okaykay Then I went back to the car and got my bike and thought I'll ride around the site and see if I can find him. A ride around the site, no sign of anybody I've done about two or three laps And I'm progressively getting more and more panicked And then I go down to There's a footpath.ere you ph thest.one yeah, and I'm ring you. I'm ringing yet and there's no answer I'm not getting anything. So I went down to where the estuary is I thought they must have gone for a walk. No sign of them there So now I'm thinking right, okay Gone for a walk Joe's collapsed or something kids are with her. and they can't get old of it. God knows where they mean we Or someomeone's abducted all of them. Yeah. because I mean, we've been gone for hours.'ve been It was ages It was Yeah. It was about two hours. Yeah. And then I started asking the neighbours and going and they were like, No, no, we haven't seen them And then they started helping me look for you And then I was calling I was just shouting worried There's a big like warehousey sort of thing on site. and weren't you worried that we'd been like abducted and we were being held Well then my bra's going mad then. I'm like, No, this possibly can't please don'll let it be something like that. and something's happened and I'm just writing all these scripts in my head down about it how you've been abducted You've been taken and the kids have been left somewhere or You've somethingomet's happened to you. you've literally fallen or something really horrible hass happened to you and the kids are abandoned And I can't find you anywhay. It makes absolutely no sense. I've been everywhere, but the doors' wide open and I'm like why would they have gone for this long they've left the door wide open. They wouldn't do that They wouldn't intentionally do that, so it must be something really serious And then, um,