Caring for our sick guinea pig

What's going on? What' you doing? A you p? you finished? Come on, get out, get out And welcome to another new episode of Lash withith me, Joanna Page. And me James Thornton. Who's brought his own towel today? I've brought a towel. It's so hot in here. It's so hot. I feel like Steve McQueen and you know, the great escapeper when he's putting in that sweat pun and he's got to be in this like tin box in the blazing heat and it ripping with sweat. How long's he in there for? Ages. I can't remember now but days, but he's for punishment. and they put him in this the sound of that might didn't do that to you that's what this is like in here now. I the weather's like this. And in fact, a little I had a little mobile air conditioning unit which I bringing in it when it gets really hot sometimes I'm doing myself in here gets too hot so I could turn that on in summer. but a sort of guy I am. I took it into school today. Well I said that you shouldn't. I know I know well I suggested it and then after I suggested it I thought, o, that's going to be difficult. I'm making a problem here because it's going to need to be certified Well yeah, that was my called the power test. Yeah, you can't just take in electrical equipment. And like the other day I went to Pick Bow up and he would let her take that mouse, that remote control mouse and the cheese in. And when I saw the teacher, said, o Oh, we've been having a bit of trouble with this. I said, Oh my go James didn't let her bring that in, did he? And I said, I' told him he can't because of the batteries, but apparently it's because the batteries aren't working and Ba was really frustrated all day. and the poor teacher was having to do what we have to do and try and get the mouse to work Yeah. She always has to take something in, don't she? Yeah. So so I went into school today. So I dropped everyone off, then I went back to the car, took it in, spoke it to the headmaster and I went, Yeah yeah it's fine. We're going to get it pack tested this morning. Yeah. Someone's going to come in from someone's qualified to do it so they can come in and they can just do it, test it really quick signign it off and they'll put one of those stickers on it to say it's safe. Do you mind if you put a sticker on it? Well, no, it's cool. And they're going to make one of the rooms in there. they're going to put it in there and sort make it like a cool room for the little ones because there're only four and I was like, you know what? justust stick and just chill out, you know, just cool down a bit It's really hot in it And I'm walking in with it and then I'm thinking of a gag because all the teachers are stood at the gates watching me carrying this thing. I said, theseese show and tells are getting bigger and bigger. This bo show and tell for today, an air conditioning unit. Oh God it actually made me laugh. And it had a big tube at the back. It's got a massive big funnel on it Yeah And it was sticking out and the teacher said, I think you should turn that the other way around. It looks a bit rude. God. So anyway, yeah, it's in and I was trying to get the window open so you can put the tube out of the window in the classroom and have damaged my neck bleeding. this sash window. Anway, it's there the tube goes out and you've got to sort of block that and then not let any warm air come back down. That's how I said I was going to kill you wasn't it? If I was writing an episode of Midsumer Murders, I always said that with the little if you had your airc unit in here and with the little tube that came out I would make sure that there were no a it was airtight in here and then I would just feed helium through there to come into here. You wouldn't know what was happening and then that is how our midsummer murders I'd kill you. Yeah, ye. Yeah. That'd be a good episode? It would, wouldn't it? Also, we have made a bit of an effort for all of you listeners today. We're in the studio. I mean, I've walked around, God knows what the neighbours must think It well just in my pants for the last few days in this heat wave. but I've made an effort and I am not only wearing a little dress, but I'm wearing a brara which is so everybody knows you don't w want to wear a bra in this heat and I can't believe that you were fully dressed Yesterday he was walking up the stairs and I just said to him, Why are you naked? And why was it? You were getting changed or you were hot or there was something, wasn't there? Yeah, I was just in the middle of getting changed, but to be honest, I quite enjoyed it. Just being free. Just ' it was so hot I get hot anyway. Yeah Yesterday I was doing voice oververs in here shirtless Where you? Be the camera was lock. Nobody could see me. We were on down the line. I was talking to the producer, but the camera was off so I could Yes. I could do it with my shirt off. But yeah, the door's open here. so if you hear like birds or dogs barking and stuff Yeah because the door' open. I hope you hear dogs barking because I got a delivery come in. Got my own towel. Yeah. So I'm like a darts player or a snoker player today. Yeah, you are. What did I say to you yesterday when you offered me a lollipop Oh my gosh. It was so good. I've written it down. You said to me, you were lay on the bed doing your sorting out your parcels to take back. Well, at that moment in time I was laying on the bed looking at substack just im. Yeah were? Yeah. I was I was working All You said just said out the blades but do you know what I'd like An nice lolly under each boob. Yeah. That's what you said. Yeah. And I don't know why you're so shocked because I think women listening, well, men as well would actually identify with that and go, yeah, okay, I understand where she's coming from. If you can understand where I'm coming from because the thing was he was offering me a lolly and it was you've got those like round trees, like long thin ones. s a bit like a rocket. So that's actually the perfect size. And I went, you know what, right? I could put one of those underneath each boob And that would be like, o my God, that's what I need right now to cool me down. And then what did I say? Th you talk off then ' you went putut your finger under here and swipe. I under your boob to see how sweaty it was. Was it sweaty? Put your finger under here and swipe Swipe. Well, you know what I mean? J just hold it there. putut your finger there and swipe like that and you'll feel sweatyful. I wrote it down for the podcast because thought I was so crazy. strange thing to say. I wrote down for the podcast that what you came up with, yes, this is right the fact that we have been stabed indoors with each other for the past couple of days because we haven't wanted there've been stuff, you know there'suff that I need to do and I need to leave the house, but I just haven't wanted to because I can't. I've just sat in the coldest darkest room But just we have just been like locked together, haven't we for the last few days You have now told me that you think you're being hacked online. You keep getting what is what's going on? Well' so a load of my em you always get those junk emails, don't you? And they go into the junk folder so I never see them. But just this last week I've been getting these emails coming through. It's like inviting me to a party or something There's a party and here's some pictures from the party. Whatere are the pictures? Do they show you? Well, it's a link innt it? like well I'm not gonna click on that. When if you click on that ity.ed pictures then they'll managed to put your head on them or something It's a party and it's in Ethiopia. Oh my go. I'm like well it's unlikely to have been a party that I attended. And but I keep getting them. and then I've been getting text messages as well about parcels that I haven't that's yes, that's And they get me sometimes No that I've clicked on them. but I sometimes go almost think Oh, I' expecting sn pass So yeah, I'll just check. Yeah. whereere's it gone? what's going on quite They're getting a bit more cny th. They are really badood annoying ourselves. They' really annoying. In'mt sure they must catch people out. I wouldn't worry about the party one because you haven't really got many friends of you. So I wouldn't be surprised if you did actually click on that one to go, Okaykay, I ha't been invited to a party for ages. Where is it? I'm t and up. I'm in Well was was Joe? look after the kids. I'm off to a party Where is it? Ethiopia? withith all my mates But yeah, we've been struggling, haven't we? Yeah. We kept the kids off from school yesterday. Oh yeah. We just thought it's just too hot. E everybody's going back in their school and then we got up in the morning and it was absolutely boiling and I thought God love them. They're only small The school is still open And but I just thought when they came home the night before and everybody was tored, Beu was exhausted and really, really overheated. And I just thought, you know what? we're going to keep him home And but Eva wanted to go in so off she went, she went in, we kept the other three home. Well, my Godd, that was a mistake. It was. Within about ten minutes, Noah and Beau were fighting. We had put the aircon in the front room and so we had like an ice room. I just separate them and say to them if this continues you're both going back into school, I don't care how hot you are. And by the end of yesterday, I just say to you, please will you just take Baow I've had her all day Absolutely boy Len, I just need a break here. The thing is nobody slept all through the night. It was so hot. There was no draft and everyone was like up and about I was as well I fe physically set. And and nobody slept, right? So then in the morning I was like because they're just so hardot. They're exhausting. You can't send them to school in this state. I've had a bit of a breakthrough because the last two nights that I've been sleeping with Beau, it's been really, I think she's had a growth spood. She's massive. She's got really long legs and she is massive And she's quite like she's a strong little girl, isn't she? Yeah, she is. And she's now sleeping horizontally, but she's got every right to, you know, because it's her bed that I'm crashing in. And she's sleeping horizontally and I for the last two nights I've been kicked full in the face back everywhere. there's no room for me to the point and it's like she's you know, she's four now. so I've been in there for four years. I quite clearly like it in there. and to the point where I've gone o my gos, this is awful, I can't do this anymore. So Last night, Kit was getting ready to get into bed with you and I said, Darling, Mummy is going to get back into her own bed first time in four years really properly. So I said, do you mind going and sleeping back in your own bedroom? And he said he was fine with it. So I got him into his bed, cutched him down. He was listening to his audio book and then it was all about it he was ever so hot, loveove him. but I got a fan, we cleared out Argos. I've got all of the fans. Everybody's got their own fan now in their room And they're brilliant. They're really, really quiet. They're good. I didn't p I only paid I paid twenty nine pounds for each one. I thought I'm not paying eighty odkid for them. twenty nine pounds for each one. I thought that's okay. The fan is really quiet. Each fan is quietilent. So I settled him in But he was all a bit like doing and throowing. I put the fan on and he loved that. And then I smoothed his head because he just sort of went back to, you know, little Mr. Kitten little baby boy again and I smoothed his head and he went out cold. And then Eva was already sleeping. Noah was sorted and settled.' good sett. And I'd already settled Beow. I read her one story. We were reading the rhyming raabbit And that's the first time I've read that one because she hasn't, you know had the concentration to listen to all of it So I read the Riimen raabbit, she went out cold and I thought, okay, and so I got out and I went into our room. I started getting myself sorted. and then you were in there using the bathroom and making loads of noise and I thought, I don't know if I like this. I don't know I like my own space now. I don't know if I want to get back into bed with him I like being on my own when Beau has gone to sleep. I've got peace, I've got quiet, I've got my own space. So then I went back in to look at Beau and I looked at her. She was all sorted And I felt really sad. And then I came back into Yo. And then you got in and then you managed to like wedge the douelvet cover. Well the douvet down so that were it was still up, but you were sleeping on it. So you basically made a coffin for me so I had to move you so I didn't have the covers on me. And then I got in next year and I got to be honest, I wasn't happy I thought yeah, I genuinely thought, I don't want to be in here. I don't wantan to be in here. I felt this real pulling and yearning in my stomach and I just wanted to be with my baby. Yeah. And so but I thought no, don't. And then I laid down on my stomach and then you put your massive big heavy hand on my back. and then you started going to stroke my hair. and I was like, get off And then I went out cold and I had the best bloody sleep I've ever No. I did. At one point I was lying and I turned my head towards you and I had my eyes closed and I opened my eyes and you had your eyes open and you were just staring at me at one point. Yeah ye And you had your eyes open looking at me and I closed my eyes and I thought, don't even go there, donon't even start. I'm hot. I'm sweaty. That's so hot know. So yeah, I'm back, I'm back. I'm back in the bed. Yeah A recommendation for any of you listeners and you've got small children is to read the Velvetine Rabbit. I bought it years ago and I never read it because it's not a big book. we got the hard bag and I remember reading it to Eva and Kit And I got halfway through and if you've read it, you know the moment. I got halfway through and I started the tears were pouring down my eyes and I couldn't get the words out. It was so beautiful and so moving, so heartbreaking. It is one of the most beautiful stories you can ever read your children. It's beautiful You never read. So I've said to you, I will read it to you in bed one night because you just you just have to hear it, right. It is read it at some point. If had if you had read it, you'd have known. And so I read it to Ever and Kit, and I was crying, Eaver started laughing, Kit had fallen asleep. so nobody's ever fully appreciated it And I started reading it to Beaow the other night and halfway through the book, it captured her. halfway through the book, she fell asleep And I continued to read to the end of the book crying just to myself out loud because it is so beautiful and so so incredibly sad and so beautiful. There's a bit where the boy becomes ill and then the velveine rabbit doesn't leave his side. it's a toy But the thing is if you truly, truly love a toy, like you really love that toy, then they become real. and it's only certain toys that become real. Oh my go, and this is what happens to the velvetine rabbit, he's loved and he's hugged and he's held. And then the doctor comes in and says to you know the nurse, the nan who looks after them because it's set like it seems to be like in olden times. Gather together all of these sheets, everything that's in this bed and burn it because it's everything that the boy's been sweating in and the velveine rabbit gets swept up in everything. Oh and he gets taken down to the bonfire where the gardener is to be burnt And then he ends up seeing this beautiful golden flower. and the golden flower He looks at it and the golden flower opens and inside is this beautiful fairy. Imagine me telling the story right to the kids. This beautiful fairy. And the fairy looks at him and she says, You were chosen by the boy to be real because he loved you so much that you became real. And that means now that you can go, you can go and you can become real. and then the velvetin rabbit looks down and he suddenly be gets proper hind legs and he looks out onto the meadow when there were all these beautiful real bunnies and rabbits jumping around It might be it's like six months later or a year later. The boy is in the garden and he's grown up a bit and he's playing him in the distance. He sees these rabbits and these little rabbits sitting up and looking at them and they're all real and he looks and he thinks I know that rabbit. and the rabbit looks at him and they just sort of know that he was the one that he loved and he became real It's so sad. It's so sad. Oh my go. So I'm reading that to Bea at the moment. I read it to even she just started laughing and Kit fell asleep and I'm now reading it to Beu and nobody's ever really experienced how much I feel for that b. Oh my go. Oh my Stuff like that o my gosh, Can I read it to you tonight? I too. I'm already crying now. It's so beautiful. you even need your towell. Really beautifully then Hm lookook at us. You put us together. We can't stop talking about the kids. Where was I the other day, I I had some time to myself. it might have been yeah, I was up in Glasgow filmen and I stayed up until about one o'clock in the morning one night, just looking at like photos and videos of the kids from like about ten years ago, years and years and years ago Yeah, when we're very old and gry, we can just spend all day looking through all the old memories There's so many. Talking about found. My dad, right he's always been really, really blonde and he's now got like white hair. But I've now started cutting his hair and I' gotta say I do a flipping good job. Here's hair, there's a certain square patch on the side sort of on his temper back a bit, which has just turned into a proper brown square of hair and just around the back by his neck that's all starting to turn brown and he's never had brown hair for the whole of his life. And so We were thinking that mam had been lying and she's changed the shampoo or something again because she often lies to my dad. And there was one time when she'd actually got some free shampoo from somewhere. Her friend had given it to her, I think, and dad was used to using Tresme so we had those big bottles But mama got some like VO five or something that her friend had given her. and dad wouldn't use it because it was making his hairfly I didn't like it. So Mum decided to lie to him and she would be so they ran out of the tresameet. instead of buying anymore, she unscrewed the bottles and started just pouring the VO five Secretly Secretly she did this for about six months. she didn't he was none the wiser, he didn't even know. She continued to lie to him until she made a mistake and she put the conditioner in the shampoo bottle and And suddenly he was like, o what's what's going on? My ha is sudenly going funny Wh's myir going so fly away?'s you han't change the shampoo? I said, What's going on? She had to admit to him that she'd been lying to him for six months and she had been pouring different shampoo into the bottles like some sort of psycho And I just wanted to know, do you lie to your partner Do you lie? Are they big lies? Are they small lies? Are they lies to make everything better or we want to know all lies Do you lie to your partner? Sometimes I just quite happily lie to you because you ask me too many questions and I do it despite you. Yeah, I find that if I ask you too many questions, you just make up random answers. I do that to my mother as well. I don't like Just to stop me asking. Yeah, it makes me panic When somebody is going, what time do you have to be there? What is the hotel? When do you start filming? When do you so and so? I just's too many questions and so I just shut down because I like to very much just live in the moment and go, o I don't know what I'm doing. and if you bombard me too much, I just think I just make stuff up And I will just go I've got a book and it's seven hundred thirty and I'm being picked up tomorrow at nine, going to Harmersmith. and yeah, I'll be back probably by about five and it's all made up. Yeah ye. Do you lie to me? 'cause that's not something I've even thought about asking you, what do you lie to me about You do lie. You've got to lie like white lies. What Have you ever lied to me about anything? What are there any normal things that you lie to me about? Look at you, you already look guilty. Look at that face. You already look rightrightil What do you like to me about? Well, I do go You all this I don't want This is my thing though. You do it, you must do it as well, though. What hell When I go to the toilet. What the hell? No, sometimes when you've got when you've got kids, sometimes the only sanctuary is the toilet. Yes. Well I don't get that though. So nobody can stop you from doing a poo can they? No but they can all come in and watch you, which is what they do. You can go, I'm doing a poo. Yeah. Leave me alone. And it does give you like a get out. Yes Sometimes when it when it's just like, oh my gosh it's so craz it manic in the house I'll just go, I'm gonna go and pretend I'm having a pare. down the toilet. And I'm just gonna read some news and I'm just gonna just just to zone out just for five minutes And then I can start afresh. It's like going count into five in it, you can go How do you actually just go and do sit on the toilet? But now I see you forced me to say that now. So now when I'm genuinely just doing a poo, you're be like, get out Do get out? Do you sit on there and do anything? Do you do a wee? O away, O away at all I'll just set it, let it You know, imagine I'm doing a poo. I'll take the length of. I like to sit down to do a wee know. Wa there, we haven't even talked about the fact that you're hiding in the toilet. Do you ever go in there? I reckon I'd love to know actually how many people do this because I reckon quite a lot of people do it. Do you ever go in there and not even sit down on the toilet and like drop the? No, no, no do. I sit on the toilet because if I sit on the toilet I'll do a wee anyway. It's normally cause I'll be like ' oh, I need a wee. and I'll just make it last longer I am not going to take it away from you, I am just going to employ it as well Yeah do. You will now never know if I truly am or if I'm not. But no, I never do that. If I'm going to the toilet, I'm just going to the toilet. Do you know what I do? I'll go upstairs and I'll tell you that I'm hanging the clothes up and tidy in the bedroom and then Ill just get on. know you do that I caught you doing it yesterday. How do you mean? When? Well, you said you were doing all these parcels and stuff. I wasn't there I was. Then you said you were doing all no it wasn't yesterday. it was the day before. You said you were doing the laundry. I sort that laundry file out you said. Yeah. And when you said it I thought She won't Yeah. I'll be back up in a minute. She wouldon't have touched that. Yeah. And I came up's about two hours later, I think. Yeah. And you were just sating on the bed scrolling on your phone. I know. I was. So not that you don't deserve it. Everyone deserves a break. Sometimes I know, but sometimes I'll go upstairs and I'll say I'm doing something And then I will just like sit there and have a rest and then I'll hear you coming up the stairs. and then I'll jump up and I'll get a coat hanger and I'll it and I'll be like, yeah. And I pretend that I've been doing something for a while. But they do say that that shows what you were like when you were younger or something, the fact that if somebody walks in You can't just continue to sit there and just go, I'm seving a rest. that you feel like you've always got to be like doing something Yeah. But I think it's only because when I do that I do take the p and I've been doing it for like an hour or something. Gossh yesterday, I don't know one turn this into like a moan fest or anything because I'm perfectly happy with it all. Yesterday it was like the guinea pigs the Scrufferante has been to the vets And he's had this abscess removed. He had a big operation and we've had a bit of drama this last week because it swelled up again and it didn't heal properly. So we had to go back in. It turned out he was on the wrong antibiotics. so they've changed the antibiotics It's working. I's actually squeezed a load of God, I couldn't even pus out of his because it was like coming out of where his scar was and they said Oh if it does that, squeeze it out. Yeah. I's like one of those videos you sa I knew I couldn't do it. But for real and I was like Oh my gosh, I've got a my go, that's right up your street. You love those squeeze and popping videos Yeah, but when it's like in front of you and it it's guuinea pig. It was I was like, okay, I've got to get it out So I squeezed it all out and then I've got this solution they've given me to bathe it in like an antiseptic solution. So Ive bathed it in that Anyway, he's got better. He's touchwood He came out the other day because he'sort sort of in solitary confinement now. And so so you know they obviously need to be they're very social and they need to be with people or with other animals and guinea pigs. So I took him out and I sat on the sofa and I put him on my lap. while I was cutching him, Th I put him on my lap He's one chilled guinea pig. He's amazing. Kate came and brought loads of grass in from the garden and we put grass all over me and he was just eating all of the grass. Then he started licking my arms Th and then what was amazing was that I was lying on the sofa and they're quite flighty sort of like you know, running fast type things. He wasn't interested in doing any of that. He came and he went and he stood and cutched right into Bess and was like sitting on her back, keddling right into her, like he sort of felt like she was his mother or something. Then he went over to Lola and he stood sort of like on her thigh and he was getting her long white fur, sort of putting it in his mouth and then pulling it up like that And then going back chewing chewing and chewing, pulling it up like that, he stained it yellow. It was really sweet.. Well they were I mean, they're just brilliant within the dogs. And then he just laid down. he could see because he'd been out for a while. I thought I really want to sort of wear him out now with like all of you know this interaction. And then he liid down and he cutched right into where my barey was. he went on his side and then he put his head round then on the side, which is the most adorable thing you can see And then I cutched around him and I just spooned him. He's brilliant. I love him. He's love. He loves Bess because he's like basically like Bess's baby. Yeah. Be Bess is a black cocker Spaniel. She's been He's really fury. A black guinea pig. looks likes like looks like Simon Cowell or Michael McIntyre. Yeah exactly the same hair. L like a bit of a spiky hair on it Yeah But yeah, and I think he looks at Bess and thinksh's my mum or something Definitely. But anyway, we've had quite a lot of drama with him back and forth to the vets and it's finally looks so far looks like he's making a recovery and he might be alright and re Proably in three or four days, he might be able to go back out with the other guinea p. I know, but I don't even want him to. I want to get him. but he's lonely, he's not eating as much. Oh yeah, because he's in the c in the b. It's not a small cage, but he's in a cage in the house Yeah. and he should can't get wet or sociable with everybody else and back with his straw and stuff because we've put a blanket down for him because he's supposed to put you're not supposed to put straw and stuff because of his scar or wood chippings, but I think he's been because his bums got sore. Yeah he chs on because it'subbing on the blanket It's just rubbed it a bit so but it's fine. it'll be alright. but yeah, he's we've had him a lot of stuff to deal with him, haven't we? And then feeding him all and I put him on the grass the other day. I put him on the grass yesterday And like we've got this little portable pen so you can put him on the lawn and he could eat some grass and be out at least in the fresh air, which is good. I've not felt the presence of the ghost since last week. Oh goh, the ghost. I haven't felt there. but I' gota be honest, I haven't washed in about three days. This is the first time I've had a shower. I was absolutely stinking because I just thought, what's the point in washing? Because I'm sweating so much anyway. I've not really had time of the evening. O the time I've got everybody into bed and we've sourced everything out, I think I can't be bothered. I ha't got the time to jump in the shower. and I've not been leaving the house. So today is the first day that I actually smell alright. I found this week I've just been following the kids around just trying to constantly tide it, cook food, sort the guinea pigs, you know like well, at the weekend anyway. it's like It's just you just I love your hand mod. You don't get a chance to stop Your hand mod. So if I go off for a poo, I deserve it. If I go off for a fake poo, I think I deserve it. Well, I'm never going to know which one it is, but you know what I'm going to do from now on? You know, on the outside of the bathroom locks There's the circle for the lock and then there's like a little line going through it. so if you put a penny inside it you can twist it and open the door. I'm going to sneak up, right? I'm going to give you about ten minutes. Im to sneak up and I put a penny in there slowly twist then I'm going to go Ohre you Yeah, you guys do it really quiet as I don't know you've unlocked it. and just What's going on? What's going on? What' you doing? A you p? you finished? Come, get out, get out. Yeah, so let us know if you lie to your partner. because that was something I thought of the other day and I thought, God, I wonder if other people lie. I don't lie you about loads of stuff. But if you do pinpoint me on you know like where I' lie you then, I'll have to have think if I lie you but anything else. Does anyone else slyly sneak off to the low. Do the dogs ever go with you to the Low? No. The dogs always come with me to the Low. as soon as I leave the kitchen and then I go in to go to the toilet. They both start like coming like they following me in and they both lie down on the toiles in exactly the same spot And then normally now the kids don't come with me. Beo did used to come with me or all of them used to, but now Beau doesn't. She's fine just let me go, but the dogs always come with me, including Rusty, my parents' dog when he is done. So now it's normally Ive got three dogs, but that's cool Anyway, we'll let you go now. seend us your voice notes on.zero seven four five three thirty eight twenty two fifty nine And we'll see you next week. Bye bye