Touring and Future Projects

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With over 18 5 flavor awards, they're exceptional NA beers that fit your lifestyle and any social occasion. Summer's full of good times and athletic fits right in. Go to athleticbrewing.com to have brews delivered to your door or find them at a bar , restaurant, or store near you. Near beer, athletic brewing company, fit for all times . Put your name on . Just put your name on. That's all I can. Be a man or a woman. Put your name on it . You gotta muff it's nose in your hands. Adam Ray was late, very late. This is why you got a studio in your house adam in my house because at the old studio i'd put you in the corey feldman file because he was like yeah I'll be there finally I'll be there in a I'm so happy to see you Adam Ray very happy to see you. W Ihen look, Joe Prano joining us, Kyle without a mic, because Joe's got the handheld from Kyle because something's wrong with this mic. First studio issue. Yeah, we've done a bunch of these and have not had it's been what a year over a year? I threw a perfect game in a row. Three perfect games in a row, but here we are. Finally gave up a hit. No. What do you Johnny Vandermeer? Yeah. Drink five if you're playing the Johnny Vandermeer drinking game. That's see people, talk about records that'll never be broken. They always talk about DiMaggio's hitting streak 50 or 56. 56. I was gonna say 56, but made me think of Mickey Mantles. Michelle Branch's three Grammys . Exactly. No one's gonna top that . Fucking so happy you're here . But Johnny Vandermeer , back to back, no hitters. Wow, back to back. You have to pitch three no-hitters to beat it . You have to pitch a no hitter, pitch another no hitter, and then the next time pick That's not happening. It may only one man and that man's name is Mookie Betts. Oh he can bowl three hundred . He's record holder in the fucking javelin, I think. What do you think is more plausible? And then we'll shift into some some other topics, but that somebody throws three no-hitters in a row, or that we see another Bo Jackson type athlete. Bo Jackson. Yeah. For real. Yeah, because I'm in PT now for my knee and there's guys in there just I can't say their names cause of HIPAA . But watching like D watching NFL running backs do physical therapy is it's kind of scary. Well, thank you , erotic. No. Okay. It's like vector from stranger things. Like what could possibly be haven't, I haven't seen it . I like doing that for stuff that the eighty four Olympic show. So listen, you are you know when I type in a guest name, uh computer will say people also search for. Oh yeah. What are they digging up on me? Yikes. No, people's names. Oh. The other names that come up. Yeah. Okay. Go for it . Tony Hinchcliffe. Okay. Red Band. Okay. All right. Uh Ari Mati . Sure. And Cam Patterson. All Kill Tony people. Yeah. So I guess that's that's the I was gonna ask you to connect them all. Yeah, Kill Tony. Yeah. Because you and Red Men are very similar comedic styles. Oh, we are it's tough to tell us apart. Physically, mentally, comedically. Yeah, it's where'd you come from, by the way? Fucking Oxnard? Is that a shirt joke? No, it's a you it's your late joke. Oh, okay. A shirt joke. Well, they wear a lot of he's he comes from Oxnard every time. Let's go. He's here at three o'clock. Let's go to a clip. Uh we have um this shirt I got. I want to see. I don't give a shit about your shirt. Where'd you come from? Uh Sherman Oaks. Oh. Is that where you l ive? We'll bleep this out. You live you say you live in the middle of Red Band in Sherman Oaks? Sherman Oaks is the Valley. You and Cam Patterson in fucking trap house? He's out in New York City, baby. Following in your footsteps. I want him to do, I want them to give him more to do on SNL. How do you get how do you accomplish that? Because I've I've uh John Radinsky, Brooks Whelan, funny dudes, both went and dunners. John told me I wasn't John put it on himself as far as I wasn't active enough finding my the people to buddy up with to write for me. He's like I kind of would pitch stuff, but he was a little too shy and he wasn't as I guess but not everyone's gonna come in with Farley or more charisma, right? And kind of you know, be like I was Jim Downey told me like, you should go to the writers' offices and do your impressions for them. Yeah. And I'm like, what am I, a fucking door to door salesman? Right. But in hindsight, that's exactly what I should have done. I should have walked in and went, look, I understand. You're super fucking pissed. If we could just get in touch with Joe, Joe will make it right. Let's go He's shot in the gut. It's my fault he's shot in the gut. Imagine if you just walked in pac with in with just walked in as Pacino just just asking the if they Dave Mandel is here. I guess we all can fucking relax . Oh, good to see you too, Lou Morton. Yeah. Maybe it's Harvard. Like I give a shit. Just complaining about it. I didn't do Pacino then. Wow. I did kind of knew Pacino. Like, all right. Vietnam veterans, killing don't mean nothing to us. Oh yeah. I guess, but I didn't really have the Pacino till like Did you do impressions for your audition? Yeah. I did uh Andrew McCarthy, which I really want. Is he still available for this book? Fuck. My first impression was Angie McCarthy, but you ever see me do it? No. It's a visual. Then I'll do my first impression. All right. Angela McCarthy . I love her, man. That's it. My wife got me that. She goes, I don't know if you'll use this. I said Joe . Cricket City. I played a club once in Cincinnati, go bananas. Great club. Love to go back. Sounds like yeah, in it sounds like in your comedy book at like the first club, but it real club. And there was a uh real cricket that you could hear and I started calling attention to it. But then the owner of the club, I think his name is Mike, and he also has a cricket sound effect that he started playing. So he amplified it. So then I started losing my mind because I was like, I hear the real cricket. And then he played a real one that was right and I go, it was first time there, and it was maybe my third club ever headlining. It was twenty thirteen and I was like, so then I started getting in my head, being like, they're multiplying. And then I was like, okay, so I didn't actually not hear a cricket. And then everybody started laughing and pointing. And I oh man, I almost had a fucking meltdown. And then I recently uh was in Ohio doing a show and a guy was like, oh yeah, you should uh come back to go banana sometime. And I go, does that guy the m owner still play like the cricket noise? He goes, dude, he does it to everybody. Headliners, like that's like his thing to do with you, like to fuck with you. And I was like, I kind of think it's great. Yeah. For sure. I mean, I it yeah, we definitely I mean up smoking something weird in his office after and I don't remember much after that, but was that Dan Murr? Good dude. Drink five if you're playing the Dan Murr drinking. Dan Murr's dead. Yeah. That's me the name of my book. Danmer's dead, my first twenty-five years in Hollywood. Wait, my first impression was Dan Murray? No. It was uh Bill Cosby finding out Dan Murray's dead. You gotta be kidding me . You kind of what was your what was your character of the guy that was like fire it up, fired up, he's fucking walking around. Oh, Sean. You kind of Sean with the um yeah, the the Brody Botox or something? You got a little bit more. No, that was a filter. You but you right now look a little shawny. No. You look very smooth and young. Oh, good. I showed my your picture to my son and his buddy upstairs watching Ted. Hell yeah. Totally inappropriate for 14 year olds. No, perfect. You're gre aat dad. Yeah. All right. I show my um my brother's family guy. He's 43. He looks great. That's what the two fucking teenage boys do. I fucking love that. Uh so you uh short crest high school. Yeah. You guys were the Highlanders. Here's what I uh Otis the Fighting. Their mascot was Otis the Fighting Scott. It was supposed to be Otis Redding, but a lot of complaints. Really? No. We got you there, we got you there, we got you there. You're on my new hidden camera show called Fuck You Jay. The Dan Murr Story. Otis to fighting Scott. Uh here's what really struck me about your deep cut. Here's what struck me about your high school. Established nineteen sixty one. Wow. Great year. Fourteen percent Asian. All right. This is outside Seattle, right? Uh uh 25 minutes north, yeah. Okay. We were we were yeah, we were pretty Asian. We're pretty pr mo predominantly white. Your mascot should have been Pai Gao. Wait, do you consider funny. We'll keep it in. Fourteen percent Asian is that do you consider that a high percentage? Yeah, because usually it's 14% like America's 14% black. Wow. So the Asians and blacks just kinda switched. 8% black, 14% Asian. Yeah. Uh uh uh 28% of kids on assisted food. Yeah, that makes sense. Were you guys poor? Uh yeah. A lot of uh uh beefaroni, a lot of eggs, a lot of spaghetti. Well, it's a great question, Jay. And I think if you're gonna solve any problem. Fair enough. Um enough with the jokes. Be yourself. Um what's your bag? You know what? Fix the hunger problem. I think there was uh man the rich kids . Final question. Um the rich kids had king-sized snickers at home. I was reading Luis Gomez's book. Huge fan of that guy. Why aren't you in it? Final question. And we go to a Lakers game. Assuming assuming they're still a team . Too soon. Uh Luis Gomez, the actor? Uh Luis J. Gomez comedian. Oh yeah. I just wanted How come I'm not in the book? I don't know. Just being a jerk. Okay. I'm trying to answer every question. Was Otis of Fighting Scott? What was his uh costume like? Oh, it was um uh the kilt. It looked like uh a highlander uh a dancer uh right uh the Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah and uh Bill Steph Tolev was Yes, she was a great call. Yes, she was she was a Highland dance, she was a Highland dancer. It's fucking crazy. It's like she's got the um what is it, not the Billie Eilish, the Billy McFarlane. Uh no, he did Firefest. Who's the Billy Billy Ellen? Slow it down. Slow it down. Billy ? The Irish. Billy Elliott. Billy Elliott. Billy Elliott. Not to be confused with Chris Elliott. Billy Morton. Billy Martin. Big head. The mascot had a huge head. Small cock. Did you ever huge head? Yeah. Did you ever wear it? Did you ever wear it? Were you ever in it? No, but I heard a rumor that somebody wore it and uh banged one of the teachers. While wearing it. No, it was sitting in the corner watching them. Yes, while wearing the suit. Otis the cucking sky. Yeah. Piegal. Pie Gal . Uh so I gotta tell you, I I've talked about you a lot on this podcast as a guy that you're we're all universally happiest that out of all the guys we know, the fact that Adam Ray has taken off with Dr. Phil and selling out like these big theaters couldn't be a better guy. Very so. I mean, when I met you, you're doing a podcast with a midget. We'll be right back. Yeah, dude. So you you do And now Brad's doing a podcast um with uh with his opener. Oh is that who that guy is? JB Ball, yeah. What's his name? JB Ball. He mentioned him when he was here, Brad. Did he? God damn, I love Brad. You guys are just the like the fun bunch. I tried yeah, that's a great name for a show. Brad is um you know what's so funny about Brad? He was his yes . Uh his voice, his eyebrows. He said that like Michael Douglas. He came to my wedding, was a grooms man. I hadn't considered the um the element of midget distraction, great band name, but also was something that was happening and was very prominent at the wedding. My groomsman consisted of four buds from Seattle, a buddy from LA, and Brad Williams, right? I didn't uh think about what it looked like from the audience perspective, right? The fucking reverse crescendo from tall to small. And uh I go to my mom afterwards, I go, Mom, what'd you think of the ceremony? All right, she's kinda welling up. She goes, To be honest with you, I missed the whole thing. And I go, Why? She goes , I couldn't stop staring at Brad, wondering who makes his clothes and when he's gonna get shot out of cannon . Jesus. Yeah. When were you married? Twenty twenty two. And what year did your mom die ? Mom died uh when does this come out ? April. My mom, I'll tell you what died, most of the plants after she mom is starting to fart and not realize it. Seventy six. Most of the planes? Plants. Oh plants. Your mom has gas so bad. Planes are landing early. There was a story I heard recently that somebody had such bad diarrhea or it's farts they had to land emergency land. Well I saw somebody with diarrhea like it was in the aisle. Yeah. Yeah you never that's still not landing like just don't go in the aisle. Step around it. You never stepped around shit. This whole neighborhood is one giant fucking shit smear all over the sidewalk. Like we pay a lot of m uh, you know. My wife pays a lot of money, Henry, to be here. Fucking you know what I did when I was in Malibu? People weren't cleaning up their dog shit on the beach, so I went to Ralph's and I bought like thirty pineapples. Great. Every time there was a pile of dog shit, I set a pineapple right next to it. Because dog shit crumb. You tune it out. You do. But you're walking on the beach, you're like, fucking surrounded by pineapples. Oh , we should clean up the shit on this beach. It's actually brilliant. Yeah, I thought it was pretty cool. I opened for a guy in Pachanga at the casino out there in Temecula. One of the first times I did a casino. And I'll never forget this. The guy the first twenty minutes was crowd work, which is fine. Is it? No, but it was also this crowd work, ready. We got a big we got a big uh big uh uh we got uh where the married people at Italian guy. Where the married people at? Why's your Italian guy black? Yeah. It's twenty twenty six. Okay, sorry. Uh great grandma. We got uh we got a married couple in front. How long you been married, right? How long you been married? Uh how long you been married? Uh two years. Good luck. There's joke number one, right? Over here. Where do you work, my man? What what's your job? Uh I do a podcast. Okay . So that and he did, and to be honest with you, my show three, loved it, dude. Couldn't get enough. Came down early. Loved it. No jokes. Twenty minutes of just hey hey, you got any kids? Two. Oh yeah? Yeah? Yeah. Two, huh? What are the names? Timmy and Mikey. You sure? Okay. I mean, okay. It was okay and uh and you sure uh I love it. But he but one of the first bits he did was I lived in LA for uh 15 years. I look walked down the street, play, pla play a little game called Shit Piss comb where you step on something you go, is it shit, is it pissed, or is it cum ? This guy's a genius. Yeah. And that guy, Jerry Seinfeld . Who are these people even shit, pissed? Much common Burbank. My who put all the common stuff. Did Jerry just do one of those? Just one special that's all this like it's called The Stuff I Don't Do . Or the stuff you want the stuff you want to see, right? All right. We're gonna take a commercial break. Stay tuned for Blue Chew. Women of an appropriate age. Blue Chew! You can't get hot on your own. Huh? Stuff Jerry doesn't do. Women of an appropriate age. Show. And that's tonight's Dorito.'s Joke of the Night No, no, no. That's a good one. Dorito's joke of the night is tremendous. You had a couple of those in the Reno show. We are cutting together a Phil documentary, right? I don't know if you remember how much. There was one guy with a camera tape in BTS., man There's some sweet moments with you. And really? Oh my god. Yeah. That was that was a top three show of the 30 city tour. And and you were dialed the fuck in. You're also just so fun in the backstage hang, but uh, and it was a just a great lineup. They were all fun, but some just carried some were had more of a punch than others. This was Knoxville, Adam Devine, Joe DeRossa, and Jay Moore. Joe DeRosa'cause somebody has to open. Joe did do his Tom Hanks impression, which yeah, you know , he did it. I love Joe. The here's that was a seminal moment for me because it was backstage at your show as Dr. Phil and Reno. Yeah. Where I had a complete c crisis of con not crisis, I had a complete universal consciousness of, oh , this is making it. Being there for a friend who's enjoying success? This is I had no idea. Like fuck the chase. He's doing all the work. He was nice. He thinks enough of me to roll out the invite to come up and like, you know, and I'm here with Johnny Knoxville. I'm with both my sons. Oh yeah, they were living it. Like then we're going to Tahoe afterwards. And I'm just sitting backstage, I'm looking around, I'm like, oh, I've completely made it. Sure. Saturday Live, Jerry Maguire . Okay. But this was like this level of uh I felt like I was carroting and kung fu. I should have just been fucking barefoot roaming the countryside, patting young boys on the head before I hang myself and jag out . I used to p I used to pat a lot of boys on the head. Oh, Joe. We all everybody's going crazy about Joe Biden being uh leave him alone. He's on the Epstein list. I was asleep. Mushy brains. Yeah. This is gonna come out in fucking May. We can't do this anymore, guys. We can't keep booking guests. We got five. We have can we have Ron Fonchis in the can, Corey Feldman. We have Sandra Bernhard. You got Cory Feldman? Uh maybe I made that up. I was gonna say, did he tuck anything about Ninja Turtles? You know, he was scheduled to be on, but we had the studio and he was going at 40 at 30 minutes late. He says he's running 45 minutes late, and I lose the studio. That's why I want the studio in my house. Because like when you're late You got Michael Cage? I got Michael Cage. Do you know that it you don't even know? You do not know. Of course he does. Wartz almanac over here. Hillary Swanks one of her first boyfriends, this guy named Ben. I thought you were gonna say Michael Cage and I was about to lose my fucking mind. If that was somehow some deep cut . She's still out there walking around Park and he had a hat that said Michael Cage, he's magical. Like in crazy magical, magical writing. He was. Hey, you look up the stats, like he was all right. He was okay. But he was uh what Sean Kemp uh has told me as I've gotten to know him and smoke weed with him at his shop. Awesome. Awesome guy. Really fucking tremendous storyteller. Anyway, he was like shop is he? And shooter. A weed shop. Oh, okay. Yeah. And a great shooter. Great shooter, yeah. And uh I meant the firearm parking lot. Oh yeah. I thought you meant having a lot of the good stuff. Also that he uh he said cage was like you know uh instrumental in like uh you that guy in practice even Steve Scheffler I go Scheffler was you know a Purdue you know six ten fucking just big milky just and he was like he goes he would fuck he goes he goes, me and the GP would um Gary Payton. Yeah. I did this , they call him. I did this 420 show with them at the Tacoma Comedy Club. I got to know both them and I was like, man, you guys have done so many just fucking regular NBA interviews. You're so funny and both drink and smoke. I go if I got like a place where we could do it, would you sit down for sure? So we did it on 420. It's on my YouTube. You just type in GP camp, Adam Ray, whatever. And man, it was awesome. So many goofs, so much fun. Pulled up the Kendall Gill picture of me and Kendall Gill with the prom pose. Gary never seen it, was losing his mind. He's like, you a little fat motherfucker. He's like, wait, you don't even look like a guy. He's like, you look like some. Yeah, it was, I looked like a lesbian woman. Wendy Joe Sperber. Wendy Joe Sperber. Sperber? Yeah. Yeah. And uh anyway, he um he said that Scheffler they would do like a kind of something like this, almost like the ABS challenge in baseball. And that would be the sign to Scheffler to be like, fuck that guy up. Like Oakley, whoever, Rodman mostly, and just the best yeah. But Bose, whatever, and he was just kind of a a hitman. Was he related to Scotty Scheffler, the golfer? Yes. And Scott Bayle. Scott Bayo. Yes. What about Otis the Fighting Scott? Otis the fighting Scott. Otis the fighting Scott Bayo. Otis the fighting Scott ish. I just watched my son's nanny walk by twice. It's kind of weird to see Teresa walking around. Should she be upstairs or sh is this okay? Yeah, she's she's pr she's not a fan of Ted, apparently. When I made amends to Teresa, Tita, I'm like, listen, uh, you know, I'm a drug addict, it's part of my recovery, where I make amends to the people I've heard. I've just you know, I I I I uh did this, I did that, I did that, I did this. And if I um if I left anything out, I hope you tell me. She goes, The lying. She bangs on the phone. Like we're like the cups went up in the air. I was like, Jesus Christ. The lying. The lying. Nannies hate lying, huh? Yeah, especially when you're lying. I yeah, I look, what tomato tomato re Romano, how do I not know this reference? But I saw it on your merch page. Oh, I um I s I started saying it as me. I think on I was doing a bit and then it was just like uh two each his own. So I but I randomly said tomato, tomato, re remato. Actually I think it's and I was about to say two each his own, and then I just go, uh, tomato, tomato sounds funnier. And then I go, Yeah, but there's no joke. And then I just this is all happening in real time. So then I go, I think I have ADD, by the way. Yeah, of course we all do. Yeah. Who you guys vote them for? But so I uh so I go tomato, tomato, and then I Ray Romano. Sounded funny, phonetically, whatever. And then I started saying it as Phil every now and then. But uh but it sounded I was like trying to think of something I say that, you know that's the merch game. Like what do I say on stage? Yeah, and it sounded fun. And I was like, and I wanted one thing that was just my face, like silhouette, because we had those for a fill and and they sold well. And I was like, I don't want to just put like I know that I say like when I'm talking to someone in the crowd, as I'm gathering information, I'll go, they'll say something, I'll go, oh, let's go. Or let's fucking go. Just as a thing to kind of like keep it moving. Yeah. But I want to put that on the back. And I, you know, I don't have any other catchphrases really, but that I do say that if it uh so yeah. I don't have any catchphrases at all, do I? No, but I think you should go with Michael Cage's magical. Oh, there goes my nanny. There goes the lie. The lie. There goes my nanny. She's she don't like it . She don't like that. Do you when you did uh Phil and Reno with Johnny? This is what was a highlight for me is my sons, they have no idea like I'm in show business my entire life. So they're like crazy. How do you know Johnny Knoxville? You see Kevin Hart at the Laker Gam, I go, Kevin, come here and meet my son. And he just comes over because we we're comics. Oh my god. You know what I mean? Like you're just like Joe Joe. Like it's like Jay Moore, I mean, but yes, you're comic I don't even think of it like that. It's just like oh shit. Let's go. That's Mason. What's up, guys? That's Adam. That's the guy that dresses like Dr. Phil. What up? And uh, this is not awkward at all. Just have a seat here. Sit over there on the couch but don't walk in front of the cameras uh is when we were backstage and my sons are backstage with me and Johnny Knoxville looks at my son my oldest son and goes you went to college help me find this on my phone. And they just sat down on the couch. Crunch numbers. And we were just, they played it totally cool. We go back to the hotel room and him and his brother start jumping on the bed. It's like we met Johnny Knoxville. Wow. And then at the Lakers game, they go, How do you know Kevin Hart? And I just stopped. I go, Do you guys think I sell fucking cars for a living? Like my whole life I'm in show business. Yeah. My own kids today. They don't get it. When I was in rehab, they're all this is what all the gangbangers said to me like I heard you're a comedian dude I go yeah you ever come out on the YouTube yeah bangers love YouTube do you ever come out on the YouTube bro? I was like maybe one day I could get that lucky, bro. Jay Moore here to tell you about Blue Chew. Time for you to get bonered up for your partner. When your partner sends you that eggplant emoji, oh boy, it's on. I know that feeling. You get all that rumbly in your stomach, like, oh my gosh, I'm actually gonna do it. But uh oh, sometimes it doesn't work. That's why you get blue chew. Blue chew is the best. Less talking, more rockin', less hangin', more bangingin', less think, more dinking. Seriously, who wrote this? It's simple. Chew it and do it. Don't let your mind get in the way of a good time. That's my thing. I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so great. The only thing that would make this bad is if I if I lost my erection. Cue the slide whistle. 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I in broad daylight, I'm walk- I park and I'm walking up the street. A skunk runs out of the parking structure in front of me and walks like from here to the door in front of me the whole like I c whatever I want, I could spray it, so I gotta sit back. And didn't stop and and looked at him, but didn't like did a double take, but then I was like, nah, I've got Skunk goes, How do you know Kevin Hart? Bruce Robbins was really fun and I liked how you did it. So fun, yeah. Like kind of uh I just got we're I'm doing I did one at the store with Harlan and and uh Brad and then I'm gonna do one in the um for the Netflix fest with uh Matt Reif and uh Eric Andre. And yeah, it's just like another I was just trying to fuck around with another character like in a show setting, but like those mentalist magician guys fascinate me. Um I think I saw this guy, I think it's Tyler the Medium, the show on E that does those sleds, where he's always taking notes and he's like, you know, just so like, he I mean, he's not awful. He obviously can do it enough, but I think I saw an episode with him and Nikki Glazer and he was like, and your your aunt, you have an a you have an aunt, she's still alive. And Nikki's like, no. And he's like, she's not. I knew that. But she oh my God. Oh . She misses you. And Nikki 's just like and I'm just like, what the fuck is going on right now? This guy, and they like, but it's everyone's so it's something about being there. You want it to be real. It's almost like when you're wine tasting, and the guy's like, if you really listen to your palate, you can hear the grapes separate from the fruit. And you're like, I do. You know, you just want it, you want it to be you want it to be, you want it to, you want to yes, and the experience. And so I was like, uh, you know, I'm just kind of thinking of like who that guy is and the blonde coiff and the big teeth and and kind of like, you know, everybody kind of compares him to a little bit of the Chrisly family, you know, because he's got big teeth and Lil So don't drop it, talk real fast anymore, you know. I remember we what we prank called a Thai restaurant. Anyway, fucking it up and then and then uh I think you felt bad too. You felt bad because you were just like and then you How did I fuck it up . But you felt bad and you and so and I also felt bad. Yes, exactly. And so I'll take it like I'll take it from here, J. Moore. Can I get that mushroom soup? And she's like, Yeah, mushroom. How many cucumbers? Yeah, how many cucumbers and mushroom soups? She goes, Well, we uh no we don't have any cub. Well then then you need to talk to somebody back there because our mushrooms should be left and there were several cucumbers in it, you know? And uh just check it out on YouTube . It's on the YouTubes, right? Are you on the YouTube So Tyler Henry was on this podcast. Shut up. Back in the Palisades days in the garage. Wow. Did he did he medium uh not me? Oh no, I did it at um when it was podcast one. Yeah. At the I don't know. Yeah, back in the day. His mom was wonderful. Jeannie did it and he made a connection with her about her dad and stuff. Wow. But there was a guy that did the podcast a long time ago. He was like a psychic medium. And I was backstage. I was doing the Irvine Improv, the old Irvine Improv, before it became the fucking. When it's the arthouse. You let me do a guest bot there one night. Yeah, of course. Before meeting me. I think that's where we met. Ryan Sickler was like, yo, Jay, can this guy come down? Can this guy come down. He's pretty funny, man. So and what was funny is the guy I did it between shows. So the guy's talking about Jesus. First of all, he was wrong on everything. He kept telling me like about Australia, Aust Australraliaia, you're going to . I'm like, I'm definitely never going to Australia. There's no way I'm sitting on a plane for fucking 18 hours unless you Mr. T me with like a glass of milk with barbit . You remember that on the 18th? They drink them with drinking milk, so we'd fucking pass out. And then um, but I had emails back when I would just take an email from the podcast, a separate account, and they're like, bro, I was so stoned listening to that episode. And as the people were filing into the room, I never thought about this. The ambient sound, you could hear people filling in for the second show, and he keeps talking about dead people showing up. And you hear the people the other . So you're just at home stoned, like, oh my god. Oh my god. The dead people are coming. I gotta be mindful of the time because we're going to a Lakers game later. We're gonna be done in 15 minutes. I love Jeremy. Great, thanks. The pimple faced guy. Yeah. But I think Sean's the one. You could I could get some like eye uh the p the um contact lenses and then maybe you know some some jaw shadowing or something. You the way you do the makeup, you could do anything. It's you could totally Jen Aspin out. I think I don't know. Oh no she was there backstage at Reno. Yes, but she was SNL, I think, from ninety two to ninety-eight, and then uh original Mad TV, and then uh the reboot, and then she won an Emmy for my J Leno uh makeup on Pam and Tommy. Um and uh Westworld and Fall Guy or Fallout, whatever, but yeah, she's a gangster. Anything I I send her shit and she's just fucking she comes. When you do Sean, it's I don't think people realize how heavy a lift that is. More I it's gotta be my here's my thoughts. Sean , way more heavy a lift than any of the other characters. For sure. It's almost like people go, Oh, you do uh Russell Brand, go. I'm like, no, no, no. I talk so fast and on such a different clip . Yeah. I have to prepare something as Russell Brandt. Totally. Otherwise, I just run into a wall of nonsense. Yeah. Because he's so Sean's like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, just every I I just got again like seeing so many like I don't know if you see I'll get like these random dudes popping up in my TikTok feed that are just like what's up my name's Byron and uh yeah I got a DUI let's get into it but life gets wild so what I started doing is I started paying it forward, okay? No strings attached. Somebody behind me in the Starbucks line, so I just I fucking I buy their coffee, no strings attached, because I get more when I give. I found in 58 years of life, yeah, I'm 58, I got a pill problem, but I'm figuring it out. My wife ex Corinne is look, she's got the kids. I they know when my birthday . I buy the coffee for the guy behind me and I pay it for it. Cause when I give, I get. When I when I give , I get . And uh and and I just get like you know oddly moved by these guys and like also fat and also the guys always addressing TikTok fam, but he's got six followers. I love that. Um so it was How many followers you got on TikTok, Mookie? Yeah. I said Mookie, didn't I? We break in double digits? Oh yeah. Let's go. Couple thou? He's got more than the guys you're talking about. Let's go. You should hear his music. He's great. What what uh or or pick one of those. Or or or or or is that what it is? Yeah. DJ, let's go. Making them beats, bro. I bet I bet they're great. I tried to get him to do the opening music for the podcast. Yes. I go, I'll give you 300 bucks. He goes, an episode? I go, no, no, no, no. An episode. I go. I'll give you 300 bucks. And he goes. It's gonna cost you pops. He goes 290. I go, how about this? I give you nothing, and I just keep using the beat that I got from that band Lady Owl. Yeah. And I got that already paid for it, which I paid $200 for. And he goes, $250. I still don't have it. It was a cool where is that beat? Can you play it? Can you pull it up? Oh yeah, I would love to hear it. Alright, go get it. No. Do you got lyrics to it? Are you adding vocals as well or no? Have you DJ uh DJ 'd any parties yet? Yeah, I guess it's we're just getting going. Can I tell you Bring him on the road? Can I tell him my favorite lyric you have? Yeah. He's talking to a lady, he goes, bitch, these hands are bisexual . You're hired for my future son's circumcision party. And um but I run it back and renew my vows. You'll you'll be there. How much money you'll put? 290. 290? Close. Close that deal. Close lock and loaded. Where did you go on your honeymoon with your wife? Oh man, we went to uh we went to Mexico. Uh my stepdad, shout out to George, has this nonprofit called the Alexander Hamilton Friends Association, where they take low uh income, high-achieving high school kids and give 'em money and scholarships and uh you know um service trips and leadership weeks and it's fucking it's awesome. These kids that are like living. Say it again and they bring 'em to your honeymoon in Mexico? Sorry this is a long story's about to get way quicker based on that response. Uh this is a um so at the auction they had, I bought a trip to Mexico that we were staying at the um some sort of I want to say in not Rosarito uh if you want to say it, just say it. I can't remember the name of it. Well you said you want to say it's the opposite of white lotus, this place that we got that somebody put on Black Beetle. What? Black Beetle. Pretty fucking close. All right. And we we showed up and Lotus is a flower. I'm an idiot. And we walked in and it was like we it took a thing to get there and it seemed good. There was like nine different properties like oh cool and the pools over there and the things over there. We walk in all we're thinking is like it was you know two days after the wake so we're like we just want chips and salsa and a drink. It was we want to go down to the beach, you know. So we're in there trying to check in and they just kept trying to be like sign us up for shit. And we're like and at one point I just was like like time shares? Yeah. And I was like I was like we do because people live there too. I was like I we just want like to for a drink can we get it while we're on your honeymoon. Yes. Usually they bring you a drink too, like but we're waiting. Well we're going to off over here. And like, yes. And the chips, oh, there's so many great places to eat and whatever. Like, yeah, but we want it now. And they're like, no, well, in like about three days, we'll get you some tips. And so we sit there and finally, uh, I just go, we're just gonna we're gonna we'll come back. We'll leave our stuff here and we'll come back. We s we so we start walking around. We go onto the beach. There's what looks like six old dead people on beach chairs. One of them wakes up, we walk by and I also and I go, how long have you guys been here? Oh, we came here to look at a place uh 35 years ago. Never left. Swear to God. We go. Wait, did I make chips and salsa? Funny, dude. We'll keep it in. So I go back up and we uh and then we just we check into a room finally. Room's already like three hours later, and we walk down this hallway. There's nobody else on the floor. Nobody else. And it feels like an old cheesecake factory, they converted into a timeshare. And I know that sounds pretty on paper. It's not. And uh there goes my nanny. And um and so we uh so I I get in, I go, babe, I go, uh let's order some food 'cause we're starving and then let's get the fuck out of here. Executive decision. You know, first first fuck. And my mom told me when my dad left, uh, you're the man of the house. Actually my grandpa said that. He goes, You can't wear sweatpants at your bar mitzvah and you're the man of the house. I go, pick one. And um so we leave and we go to a uh a different resort, but somewhere in Mexico. I forget where we went. Oh, we went to a St. Regis and we showed up. Yeah. I end up probably spending a little bit too much, but I don't give a shit to this day. One of the best trips ever. We pulled up after this . By the way, oh, just so you're like, oh, how was it to pull up to a St. Regis that was an hour away? We get down there. They wouldn't let us leave. They had our bags up and they we had a there was like a Yes. At one point where it was like, we're gonna die here. And I was like, not here, but yes. And so we uh somehow I coerced uh a young kid who had like a van, like a shuttle thing, gave him some cash, and he drove us fucking off property to the uh to the registration and we pulled up and they came out with a hot towel and a fucking flashlight and a and a and a and a fucking and a flashlight too. It was both. They said, take your pick, you know. And uh and then we had a glass of champagne and it was it was unbelievable. It was uh have you ever owned a flashlight? No, but I I got gifted one. And when I pulled up to do my first TV job, it's incredible. Oh yeah. Send me a link. And I uh pulled up to do my first TV job, according to gym, season premiere. And you bet your ass that when they brought me up on stage at the improv, I uh they Ben Gleeby go, Well, what do you want me to say about you? And I go, uh, according to gym, season premiere. He goes, according to gym. I go, season premiere. Get that in there, please. You know, it's a big deal. It's my first credit. And so I pull onto the lot, and Henry Winkler, his son Max, was my frat. And so Henry became a little bit of a mentor uh for me and was like, anytime you have advice, call me, you know. And so I have first TV job. I'm nervous as shit. I pull up security. I've got this, you know, fat suit and a and a puppet and a fleshlight in the back. I'm doing all these YouTube videos, so I got all sorts of sketch, you know, paraphernalia. And she's going through all my shit. And I'm and I listen to a voicemail from Henry that goes, Adam Ray, Henry Winkler here. Have a blast on set. Treat Mr. Belushi like an emperor you're not there to fill space. They want Adam Ray because they need Adam Ray. They love Adam Ray. If you think of something funny, say it, all the best. And as I'm like listening, I go, fuck, all right, I got this. I look in the rearview mirror and the security cards holding up a fleshlight, a fat suit, and a pu ppet. And she goes, Let me guess, you single? And I was like, And I was like, Yeah, I mean, yes, but I don't know if this has to do with anything. And it went through your car at the gate? Yeah. It was like 9-11-ish . This was 2007. Oh, wow. That's weird. I've never checked out. I don't know. I had a bunch of shit back there. Cashews, condoms, you know, everything. Cashews and condoms. Yeah. The Dan Murr story. The Dan Mur r story. The I remember the first time I did the Tonight Show, I called Buddy Hackett. I remember it too. Yeah, you came by. You were there. Have you guys heard about this? Adam Ray. Yeah, yeah, Buddy Hack with Dan. You came by with me. Well, Adam Ray. I don't know if you guys have heard about it. You were wearing a uh purple shirt. Have you guys heard about this? He loved have you heard about this? Have you heard about this story? So I called Buddy Hackett. I'm like, he goes, Hey pal. I go, I just want to let you know I'm doing my first tonight show and I just wanted to talk to you just tell you thank you for everything and he goes Are you wearing a tie? I go I brought a tie I'm wearing a suit and it looks really nice without the tie, so I'm gonna go without the tie . Well, if you were my son, I'd really like you to wear a tie . That tie got put on quick. Wow. Yeah. There's a way you can communicate to somebody to really crack the code. If you were my son, I'd really like it. Wow. My mom s used to say that to me about Do you know your real dad? Do you know who your real dad is? All right. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. That's another anytime bit I like to do. Alright, easy. First thing I said to Dan Cook and he hated me for 10 years. Alright, easy. He he was outside the he said it on he uh he go he was outside the group and we're all talking outside the Boston Comedy Club and he goes, you know, it was like his first trip to New York, he goes, You guys ever hear? And I go, easy. Such a jerk to him. No, that's fucked, dude. Come on. Always in the bitboat. Always in the bitboat. Always be in the bitboat. The bit boat. Because you know you and your stepdad are super cl.ose Stepdad's super close. What's his name? George. Bruce Robbins. Bruce Robbins. His name is George Cox. You want to hear a joke, one of the first jokes I had. Kids. So dad loved my dad. Uh uh What's his name? Lance. Oof. Who wins in a fight? Lance or George? Just it just actually a great question. It just breaks out. Stepdad versus dad is a series. I would watch the no context. All right, here's the series. No, let's put a pin in that. You're hosting it. Sure. And I think there's got to do it gotta do it in town. I don't know if it's custody of the of the kids. I think there should be rounds too where it's like just fists. No. It's my fucking show. It's fighting to the death or is it like cooking a pot pie? Go ahead, Jay. It's my goddamn show. This is how it goes. I'm gonna tell you what the scenario is. There's no weapons, there's no rounds, there's no scorecards, there's no score keepers. I guess it's gonna be on a lifetime. No, that it's gonna be on after between Celebrity Finger My Sister and Boohoo The Story of a Lady. And Anal Island. So it it's just it's just a bar. It's a bar. I mean, what do you want me to face? All right, Dane. Easy. Easy. It's a bar. Somebody says something to somebody else. They're still not involved. And somebody just does it just, it's just one of those like flash fires that just pop up out of nowhere. They don't even know stepdad, dad. There's no context. They don't even know they're on the show. They don't know context. It's just an absolute ignition. Straight up, your gut tells you, not who you want to win, but real life who wins that fight . And there's no rules. It's a bar fight. Fuck it. Well na now? Are we are we talking now or are we talking in their primes? Prime and now . We're talking Prime Lance is no joke. Like any I think I think Prime Lance, because my dad was what did you do to make your parents get divorced? Gotta be in social studies. Yeah, that'll do it. He goes, if you don't get an A, I'm gonna cheat on her. And I go . Did I get a gum spit take? The Dan Murr story. It's Lucy. Time for a Lucy break, boys. Would you like one? Took one on tour with Bert Kreischer. The story gets better. And uh was sick for a week. Really? But I was also pretty drunk. You so smoked weed out of Sean Kemp's foreskin and a fucking Lucy makes you ill. Let's cut you a clip. We don't have it. We don't have it. Wow. You should have to go cut the clips. Prime Lance was an athlete. Prime Lance was an athlete. George uh West Point grad paper out since he was five. Oh shit. Mom is a type. Yeah, and uh mom needs to be safe. But they're both tough guys, man. I mean, yeah. I don't uh between me and them, I think I'd take them both out. But um now for sure. Yeah. My sons both tried to fight me one at this sum. Last time I remember that movie. What's that like? They're like, let's let's have what if we both get dead? And I just go, it was about three seconds. Oh, you yeah, just face into the Pouton. Yeah. Nothing. Yeah, yeah. You guys agree. Nothing. How good does that feel? Because there will come a time. It felt kind of bad because it ended with my oldest in a choke. Oh. And I was like, this is very awkward. Like I have my son in a choke. Yeah. But for he's got his balance his body. Yeah. So I can sort of ole him sure down little matrix action yeah standing like this while he's little matrix down and then his brother hung his head and it was just like sick just synced it up and I'm so talking to a former wrestler too right former okay you wanna know my fighting weight is, Adam? Go get a scale . Whatever that scale says, that's my fighting weight. Oh, the being Nagasaki where the women chew to the backy and the men say, Whoa, wacky, woo. It's from the Little Mermaid, right? I have no idea . He was the voice of the Seagull. Yeah, he worked the voice of the Seagull. Great, dude. Disney voices are they're not like they used to be. So we have You can read about this in my Patreon blog. Are you on Substack, Patreon? Yeah, OnlyFans, Craigslist. So what are you on so the fans can follow you? Oh, AdamRaycomedy.com for all the tour dates. My first theater tour started in January. We're on it now. The Who Is Me theater Tour. Um we uh coming up. This comes out in May. So uh we have j we'll just have been in Napa, but But uh, you know, we've got a New York run end of April. We've got St. Louis and Denver in April, Australia doing stand-up and Dr. Phil, because we haven't done any fills down on that. You're doing a little club in Eugene. Yeah, it's my buddy's club. Joe King, Jose and Clitico, uh great, you know, Joe? Yeah. Great dude. And I helped him get it going during the pandemic. And they had a small room, did it, and then they opened the big room and went and did uh four shows. Those sold out quick. We added four more, and I'd never done that. So I was like, oh, one of what you know, I've always seen the people that add multiple shows. So we did it and it helped him out and they made a bunch, whatever, and now he gets uh everybody. You should go play. It's an awesome room and direct LA to Eugene. And it's they love com it's great. I can't say enough about the Olsen Run Comedy Club in Eugene, Oregon. Truly. And it also feels good to help a buddy out. And he's fuck, it's tough. It's so much to to run a club and start it. I mean, seeing them from when they start it to now, but uh they're dialed in and people and comics uh love it and they take care of you. Did you ever want to open a comedy club? Yes. I think about it all the time. I tried to with up in Seattle because there is no now. They just open aed club called Emerald City Comedy Club by the uh Tacoma Comedy Club guys. And I've heard it's cool, but it's in a weird spot. The spot to do it, I'm not going to say where it is, but I hit up the guys that run the um Tempe Improv, Stand Up Live, you know, Matt and Joel. Yes. Playa Vista? Yes. Call it Shitti es . S-C-H-I. I'll donate. You know how much? $290. $290. $290,000. We love He's watching bread on TikTok. Dude, I knew it was TikTok. What if it was bread? Dude, I what I'm doing recently now, I start buying the Cinnabon for the guy three doors down for me. I'd rather have that guy than these fucking cold plunge assholes. They cold plunge guys act like they just discovered fire. They're still cold plunge guys? Yeah. But I thought like that movement came and went. There's guys Oh no. Is it the guys that are doing it for the first time that are like want to make their No, they wanna tell like and now oh the thing now is peptide guy. Peptide guy. Peptide guy's out of control, like this reverses all cancer, your menstrual cycle gets right. Any anything, and if you run into somebody, they always gotta show you something on their phone that proves their peptide. Our country is so fucking retarded. You ever ever wet dream during the day? Peptide. Peptides. And I was just talking to Joe before you got here. It was COVID that fucked everybody up. Cause we were so afraid. Everything, every extreme thing is fear-based, right? Oh yeah. So we were so afraid for our lives. Yes. That you got fucking vegetables. You got guys like Rogan and Theo going like uh what that fucking scientist doesn't know shit about medicine that he's been studying his entire life. And we're all like, you know what? I agree with the fucking podcast guy that's seems a little fucking would you really that's Dr. Fauci 's a fucking criminal or or okay or he's dedicated his entire life Sure maybe maybe but also maybe if you let a little bit of sun into your cuck it goes away. Fucking that guy. Don't get me studded. It is when you just said it like that, it hit me like a ton of bricks. And you're complicit in their success. When you just said when you just said the podcast guys, and it is it not that I s t that you shouldn't have an opinion, but it is wild to it's almost like when you have like a um I don't know, there used to be a a talent booker at the comedy store that used to really talk from a place of like he he just knew better. And he but he was never on but he was never on stage. And I used to always have an issue with comedy. Yeah, but he was about and we booked the store. And and look, there were some things that he said to me like I would come on, I was real performative and like let's cut to a clip of him. And he uh look at me and Duff uh McKagan doing remote control cars. I'm good. But so so Tommy was uh so Tommy would I love Duff by the way. The best. Tommy. So Tommy would tell sales. And I always had a problem because I'm like, you've never done it though. So so you know that to me ? What's that? He's never walked the last fourteen feet. Of course you're right. You're arguing with executives that are brave enough to be backstage and get a deviled egg and a sliced cucumber and a bag of chips and maybe get a soda out of the cooler, but they never walk that last 15 feet to the microphone and you do it every night like it's nothing. Of course you're right. All right, let's go to a game. We gotta go. I could do this podcast for two hours. I could too, but we gotta do it. Well I'll come back. I'll come back next time I'll come two hours early. Let's do it tonight. Let's run it. But I don't have to work anything. I gotta you go would you fucking nighttime pod great idea post game I would I would have done a nighttime podcast to cancel my shows what are the odds of me doing a nighttime podcast zero. The real pot me an email. Are you are you ? Are you guys on pot? No. Are you on the pot? He's still look at him. He's high as hell, dude. Sean Kemp. He thought it was gummy bear for the first ten minutes I was sitting there This cerebo's hilarious. Like this perfect guy. I gotta change. That's why. Adam Ray. Adam Ray Comedy Gov. Nope. AdamRayComedy.com for up close for all the uh two-day tickets and uh YouTube