Final Round of Celebrity Bank Holiday Plans

I am hopping mad and I want something in the middle. Aha! Y absolutely, yep, yep, yep, absolutely. Monkey tennis, spring bring! There's a new chat in town. I had the last laugh. Damn! Monkey tennis. Love pierce my foot on the spine. With a chuckle, with a chuckle. Monkey tennis. Radical. Awesome. Make up! Monkey tennis? Okay. Where's my assistant? I do not know. Monkey Tennis? Edwin is a total wazer of a guy. Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. This is great, Anton. Monkey Tennis Back of the Net. The people who enjoy Alan Partridge will enjoy this podcast. The people who've never got it still won't get it. Hello dear listeners, it's Tom Dark Not Stab here, arriving in your ears today with a very special Surprise episode. And when I say it's a surprise, I don't just mean for you, I mean the rest of the monkey tennis team don't know this is happening either. That's right, what follows today is a little project I've been working on in secret for the past week or so. No real reason. just makes it a bit more fun for me. If you haven't figured it out from the episode title alone, let me explain. Today's episode is something I've always wanted to put together as I knew it would be a hilarious listen. What follows is a compilation of all the brilliant Bank Holiday submissions you've sent us over the years. And I'm pleased to report it was a lot of fun to put this together. So I think you'll have a lot of fun listening to I figured there's no better way to mark the 10 year anniversary of this podcast than with a mega bank holiday compilation. With that in mind, get ready to answer the large question that is, It's a bank holiday, whatcha doing, who's with ya? Take it away. our former selves. Enjoy This next one is just a little bit of fun we like to do around the bank holiday by asking everybody uh it's the bank holiday, what are you doing, who's with you, and inviting people to come up with their own fantasy celebrity bank holiday pastimes. We're gonna go through this as quick fire as we can. No one's gonna make any mistakes, and we're definitely not gonna have any problems. We never do, we're seasoned professionals. Okay, there's a lot of these. Thank you so much, everybody who's got in touch. They're all great. As many of you as possible, and I will begin. Marino Bertie says I'd go fruit pricking with Les Dennis, followed by Toby Carvery with extra Yorkshire Puds. Big Al says LaserQuest with Superlad. Sam Crook says go up break and beacons with Susanna Reed. Take a couple of nets of pick a mix cheeses. Superb. Horwich Bloke says go karting with Steve Bakshaw. King Ralph says trampolining with Danny DeVito. Yes. Psy Duckworth says I'd spend it with Chris Hakabusi exploring a national trust property before rounding the day off with a barbecue in the car park. Brackets if permitted. King Ralph also says go casting with Gary Wilmot and Bobby Davro. Michael Miller says Drive the great UK ringroads in advert sided Kia with Suzy Dent. We would spend the weekend delving into the nuances of ye oldy English and the linguistic traits of the people we encounter I'd hope she'd want to visit a cracking owl sanctuary. Linus Beaven says beaver stroking with Martini. Ollie Brice Kay says archery followed by some medieval backs throwing at Lake Windermere with Pat Sharp. Jim Stevenwall says Badger Watching with Bill Oddy. Del Randalls, Gardening with Monty Don, Mid Morning Snack of a Lion Bar and Pickled Onions, all washed down with a big glass of meatless lilt and see-through gold. Runny Superb says, I'd like to go fishing the river T in a coracle with Rod Stewart and six cans of McEwan's export. Thank you very much. George Fox says, I'd like to go around Alton Towers with Stuart Lee, please. Maybe stay in the water park hotel afterward. Thanks. Peter Norris says, absolutely with Peter Dinglin. Bye. Dave Hughes would like to go crocheting with former speaker of the house, Betty Boothroyd. Jamie Lee Hill says I'd like to go to a dog rescue centre with Bob Carrol Jes. Bye. For their plus up, I'd like to use the full calls of a shell garage just to turn around with Ross Stewart. Dow still says I go co-casting with Russ Abba and afterwards to a harvester. 445 for the early birth 33% offer. Only to be let down that it's not available by call later, but Russ would generously pay the difference. Dave Hughes is busy. He's riding on a Heritage Steam Railway with Russ Abbott. Rob Fox says, I want to go to Court Castle with Lorraine Kelly and have pint after. Or go with Julia Brabury. In fact, both can join me. Bye Stephen Ballantine says, An hour at the bingo with Diane Abbott before some kanji and teas on the train ride home. Ooh bliss. Uh Andy Carroll says cleaning out the attic with a lovely Kate Winslot, not sure where he got that one from. Leo Belches says a trolley dash at B and Q with nicknolls. Oh yes. Donat, sorry, Dean Toller. Kenneth Wilson says I'm going to don my dirty boy garden dungarees and get stuck in outdoors. And we'll end with uh Alex Largs who says nothing. Bye. Thanks very much to everyone for your uh bank holiday fantasy scenarios. I think we should redo that section. There's we we should ask people to uh send in their uh idea so that we can do that feature again because that is genuinely brilliant fun. Do keep them coming. Or just wait till the next bank holiday and just tweet it like we normally do. That's an option as well. There's one coming up, it's nearly m uh August bank holiday. That's why I said that. Um we've had some excellent feedback on Dream Bank holiday. I like I like this as a regular feature for at the start of every series now. We've always got some Dream Bank holiday scenarios. It's good. Yeah, definitely keep these coming in because they are they're really good to read. Um so uh we had an email in from Alex Crab um who says thought I would send you my Dream Bank holiday. Ice skating with Anthony Warrell Thompson, followed by snuggling in front of the fire with a brace of hot egg egg baguettes with extra egg. Bye. Crucially doesn't uh doesn't specify whether Anthony War Thompson is invited to the late night egg snuggle, although that's just Just for ice skating and then go home. Well you can't snuggle you can't snuggle on your own, I'm assuming unless snuggling the baguette. Yeah. Specified extra egg, perhaps for snuggly. Snuggly egg. Jedwood snuggle. I must admit I I I really do like an egg baguette. Hot egg baguette is delicious. What do you like more? An egg baguette or Warrell Thompson? Uh we have this. I don't need uh Anthony Warrell Thompson to be there. Although he probably would make quite a good one. Um so maybe he should be there. Right. Um we've had another uh dream bank holiday weekend in from um William Rainer or Reiner? I want to say Rainer. Let's call it Reiner. Uh he says a stroll up and down the pleasure beach with Martin McCutcheon, followed by a very long luncheon. That sounds Really. And crucially rhymes as well. Although I think uh unfortunately, William, you would need to pay because she was made bankrupt. So um do take that into consideration if you're gonna take Martine out. I mean that's the great thing about a stroll up and down the pleasure beach, it is free. The the long luncheon though actually will get you on the long luncheon. You will be paying for that. Maybe by long luncheon what's he what he means is that you just buy a plate of chips between you but spin it out for several hours. Or at the end when the bill comes, he'll just sort of push it over to you and nod. Yeah. This is your moment. This is your perfect moment. And finally from Dr. Fine Soda, who who writes um erotic Mario Kart with David Garhan. Um Lake Wind Surfing with Colin Hay of Men at Work, I must admit, uh David Garn not a name that I'm familiar with. Anyone else? Yes. But that's not the part that intrigued me the most. I really would like to dig just for a few minutes into the the into the uh the idea of erotic Mario Kart. How does that work? Well, I mean it goes one of two ways in my mind. Either it's you're playing Mario Kart as normal, but every time you lose you have to take an item of clothing off and humanism for rules. Well I like to imagine though is that someone programmed an entirely new video game which is essentially Mario Kart, but all the characters are pornographic or erotic. It seem like it it could be a Black Mirror episode, basically. Perhaps, for example, those of you that are familiar with Mario Kart, you fire a red shell but if it hits someone then they have to take some clothes off. I don't know. I mean this could be a whole subsection of the show, couldn't it? Send in the rules for erotic Mario Kart. Maybe maybe between you, me, and probably Jed seems the most likely candidate, we can get this into production. It does sound a bit like an Alan Partridge show idea that you might say to Tony Hayes, doesn't it? Yeah. Erotic Mario Kart? So since our last episode we've had another bank holiday, and you know what that means? Yes, it's time for our new regular feature. What would you do with a celebrity on a bank holiday? I'm gonna throw to Tom Dark to get us started. Andrew Lines says it's an Easter egg hunt with Richard Dawkins. Chicken Crackling says I'd take my friend Bill Odddy to Wookie Hole visitor centre for a stiff talking to over a recent rocksack incident, but then make everything alright again with a stonking lamb lunch buffet under hot lamps. Wonderful stuff. John Turner visiting Kesick Pencil Museum with Carol Decker, then an all you can eat Tobary Carvery. Uh Marcus Whitehead says I'd go for a 20-mile hike in Devon with Pizza Capaldi, then afterwards we stop off for the country pub for scampia chips. Lovely. Whoa. Howard Eccles says I'd like to visit the Wensydale Creamery with the lovely Sarah Lancashire, followed by a pint of Real Ale at the Tan Hill Inn. Lovely stuff. Danny Hawkins, I'd like to wander around Pennywell Farm with Rob Bryden. Then we go back to Plymouth for fishing ships by the harbour. Uh has anyone been to Pennywell Farm? Oh yeah, Pennywell Farm is brilliant. They do miniature pig racing, like you can go and uh hold miniature pigs, pet donkeys, pet little uh little animals, it's brilliant. Tom and I have been there, I don't know where you you two were but yeah. We were just getting hammered on our own. I used to live down the road from Pennywell Farm, went there on school trips. Shout out Pennywell Farm Okay, well uh unless you've been banned, Adam, all of us uh would basically be up for uh attending uh that with you, Danny Hawkins, it sounds like a lot of fun. Ian Derry, I would go to Bannham Zoo with Kate Garaway and feed the emu, plural, then pull into a nice country pub for a pint of directors on whatever the lady's having. Uh Matt McClellan says, oh it's got to be, it's got to be relaxing with Tom Stab in the garden listening to old episodes of your show. To which we suggested that perhaps Matt might be the crank caller. I haven't actually gone through this and read that. That's actually quite weird. Uh Pete Laws says I'd go looking at show homes with Carol Smiley and stop at Harvester for an all day breakfast. Richie McHugh canoeing on Lock Lowman with Ringo Star followed by a vegan barbecue on the beach. In fact that's a terrible idea. Bye. Peter Norris, I'd go potholing with Andrea Bocelli. Uh Simon Duck says I'd spend it trapped at home with my wife and child. Leo Belchez says self-isolating in Swathham with Susanna Reid. Easy for me to say. Says Valentine says bog jumping with Ainsley Harriet. Ian Collins some campanology with Angela Ripon. And not satisfied with one submission, Ian Collins again saying whip turning with Carol Thatcher. Stephen Lloyd says a walk through the Yorkshire Dells with Sheridan Smith, followed by afternoon tea at Betty's in Harrygate. Robin Carford adds, I go to the Saving Banks Museum near Dumfries with Philella Benjamin before I pack lunch in a lay-by near the A75. Bye. Paul Sheridan writes, I'd take a trip to Wookiee Hole with the lovely Susan George, followed by some delicious cheese and cider on a picnic blanket for two on one of the ample picnic areas nearby. Of course, the good thing is that the outdoor air will help get rid of some of the cheese odours which one would associate with fresh cheese. Michael Guy Perry says I'd like to tackle long leak hedge maze with Kate Humble. If anyone can crack it, she's your man. Followed by a handhop plumbs and a big fat shot of director's bitter in the nearest fee feeder. I've got a two for one voucher that needs using up so it could even stretch to a dessert and eight bracket small coffee from Bychester Services on the drive home. Superb. Bista, sorry. Mmm, Mister. William Carroll writes he'd love to re grout the ensuite shower tray with the inimitable Alan Tich Marsh and afterwards enjoy an episode of Morse whilst Titch prepares dinner. I love the nickname of Titch, that's pretty much a great addition there. And Dean Tonner simply says bog snorkeling with Fiona Bruce. Yeah. With Ainsley Harry and Fiona Bruce. What a day out. I think we've also had multiple trips to Wiki Hole Caves as well. I'm noticing a bit in the meeting. Mark Walker Photo says competing in an online socially distant pub quiz with Louis Thoreau. I'd assume his quizzical nature would have meant he's picked up some general knowledge gems through the years. Birch underscore Scott, which I assume is Scott Birch writes, on a zoom chat about dry stone walling with Bob Carroll G's and a tin of burgers with onion gravy straight from the can because I can. Uh Spaggy Hoops writes, um creating the garden fence with Dave Benson Phillips. Simple, but just feels right. Kenneth Wilson says, weeding the back garden with PJ or Duncan, followed by a simple barbecue of chicken wings and cans of cider, cider dependent on whether it's PJ or Duncan. Oh very topical and close to the bone there, Kenneth. Michelin says, enjoying a heated debate about which is the best Charlie via socially distant CV radio with Chris Akabusi. I say Charlie Drake, Akabusie continues to argue it's the 70s perfumery brand, but who's right? Uh Cacophony X, I believe I pronounced that right, says browsing the Scroopex website over Skype with Peter Gabriel after a brief but intense unexpected encounter with Claudia Winkleman in the Middle Isle of Little Great. And finally for this section, Sly Fox 1 says, Mowing the grounds at the local old people's home with Gary Barlow. I do it for charity. Gary likes to keep his heart. Brilliant. Very good. More of those later. That is a fantastic list, so thank you to everyone that wrote in. So we thought we'd leave you uh more or less as we started with a round up of some of your very best uh suggestions of what you'd like to do on a bank holiday with a celebrity. It's a bank holiday, what you're doing, who's with ya. Here we go. First one is from uh Robert Fugnanger, who says he'd like to be attending a find love online webinar hosted by Pete Gabitas, R I P Simon Woolley says I'd watch the sunrise with the Calus Dracken from the top of whichever hill is closest to her place, then help her cultivate her potato bed until around eleven o'clock. I'd want expenses mind, probably just go for a walk after that. It's taking a while though, as Peter hasn't updated his computer in donkey's ears and he's struggling to install Zoom on Windows Vista. Alex Shaw says, go karting with Jeremy Clarkson. Richard Hammond and James May aren't invited. Cre creepy Pastagoblin says, I visit the grounds of Barry St. Edmunds Cathedral with Carol Vorderman, and if someone were to mistake us for a couple she would chuckle borderly in that way middle-age divorcees do. Carl Harder TM says, an amble around the Natural History Museum at Tring with noted taxidermy enthusiast Amanda Seafried. Mozman writes, I'd go to Babakum Model Village in Torquy with 80s goth rocker Suzy Sue. I've been there. Not with susie sue though. They used to have a UFO that came up in the evenings when you went to Babaka model village. Tour bay. Daniel Lee Ramers says I'd like to spend the day at Nukey Zoo with Bill Oddy, which I did once back in 2014. Bye! Leave us on a cliffhanger there, Daniel. Please do get in touch with more details of your Bill Oddy encounter. Michael Asterisk, probably not his real surname, said I'd like to go for a KFC with Richard Osman and afterwards we'd go to Dartmoor Otter Sanctuary. I've also been to Dartmoor Otter Sanctuary. It's twinn with a butterfly farm. Devin Fack there for you. Thanks Adam. Tony Paul says, Lake Garder, Bag of Bricks, Edmunds. Dark. Well, if you think that was dark, uh Russ Appleby goes on to write Melinda Messenger Repopulating the Earth. Thank you. What's dark about that? Sound great. Pauly G says he'd like to put the kettle on, open a packet of chocolate digestives, and watch Boys in the Hood with the lovely Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Brilliant. Uh Tom Lawrence says, taking into account the lockdown situation, I'd say have a full English breakfast by video chat with Brian Blessed. I'd have to adjust the volume settings first, mind. Samuel J. Crab 80 says tour of the Morgan factory in Great Malvern with Nigel Havers, followed by a pint of the local ale in a country slash old man's pub. Ed Owen would like to go to the National Pencil Museum in Keswick with Fatima whip bread, followed by a piece of ginger cake in Grassmere. Gavler says, I'd kill to have a walk around the Eddie Stobart plant with Daly Thomson. Uh Davy Twittle says I'd like to have a lazy morning visiting the National Piping Museum in Glasgow with Andy Peters, followed by a thermos of soup in the car park. Jack Tyndale writes, I'd like to go on the North Yorkshire Steam Railway with Susie Dent, and then we'd go and have fishing chips on the seafront at Whitby. Lovely. Uh at Gab Undy or Garbundy would like uh to responsibly and safely stay indoors, spending the day playing the Settlers of Catan with Andrew Marr. Simon Wilding says self-isolating with Nigella. And he's left seven uh deaths after the word Nigella, which is ominous and threatening. Uh Marshall Nuts says Ducksford Air Show with Christopher Biggins, then Vicky Michelle would join us at an adjacent Harvester for an early supper. Harvester's getting quite a lot of shout-outs here, isn't it? Uh Math Andre writes attending the National Toboggan Convention in Little Barningham with Gary Kemp. Ryl O Ken writes dry sloped tobogganing with Barbara Woodhouse. Double to Bogging as well. Dave Hughes said he'd like to go to the Yorkshire Air Museum with the lovely Gabby Roslyn. When I see a beautiful lady, I will often say, ooh, she's got the gift of the Gab, meaning that they are a picture of beauty. I'd buy her an airfix kit in the shop and we build it over a machine coffee. Uh Ali Wolf is our second uh Vodeman enthusiast, says painting by numbers with Carol Vordeman, combining Carol's skills with maths and my hidden talents at heart. James Bancroft would like to go feeding the ducks with Alan Shearer, followed by an all-day breakfast at Nutsford Services. Bye. Oh that's fantastic. Uh Krill and Sue I've probably mispronounced that, so apologies. But they would like to go for Pirate Adventure Golf on Hastings Beach with Paul Chuckle, followed by tea and sandwiches for lunch in a local garden centre cafe. And Sha says Sue Cook, but I fear she'd pull out at the last minute. Unofficial fifth host and domineering correspondent Adrian Bavister adds, I'd like to go whitewater rafting with deck from Ansen Deck and or Ant from Ansen Deck. If both aren't available, Warwick Castle, seal. Superb. Sean Smith says he'd like to go for a curry with Roy Keane to see if he really is that angry all the time. Matt Black says that he'd like to go on lockdown with Richard Hammond. Shooting the shit. Edward Emerson antiquing with Ian McShain. In the future, maybe. Nice. Very clever. Chris Fox says, re-tarmack my driveway with the efficient Gloria Hunterford. Jonathan Ballock tells us he would like to switch off my mobile phone, put my page on mute, and enjoy the stillness of the Norfolk countryside, and go for a ramble around the Swatten area with Una Stubbs. At Brain 84 says, Mountain climbing with Fern Britain followed by a leg of lamb. John Coplin says Pie and Peace Supper with Ray Reardon. Danny Pitt would like to go deep sea fishing with Steven Tyler. And Ruddy Superb says, I'm gonna pour myself a machine coffee tuck into a big plate of sausages while listening to this morning. I like sausages. And finally we have Connor O'Carroll who says on this occasion there is no one I wish to spend the bank holiday with. Thank you. Brilliant. Fantastic. Thanks so much. I swear every time we have a bank holiday these get a little bit better. But yeah, the the uh the locations get slightly more specific, a bit more regional, and the celebrities get just a little bit more past their prime. So thanks everyone for sending those in. Um as I said before, if you'd like to get in touch with us on Twitter uh and Facebook we're Thepartridge pod. On Instagram we're Monkey Tennis Pod. It's thepartridgepod at gmail.com. What you doing in this bank holiday and who's with you. We're gonna go through them one by one, going round and round each individual host. So uh I think it would be quite nice if we had a musical bed uh underneath this. Perhaps Cudley Toy by Roachford, so Jed, if you could start playing that. Now we'll go. Okay, Silent Screamer says Legoland with Sean Connery is out. Kelenku says, Sean Connery? When? Dean Tonner says paragliding with Jay Blades, followed by a fish supper on Chroma Pier. Lee Hicklin says a walk around the park with Michael Palin. It's sunny, but there's a gentle breeze. Oasis Podcast, truth fair name, say Carol Singing with Tony McCarrell. It's not even Christmas. Top banter. Anthony Pearson says, Cats and Hammers. Roger Grace says, a morning at Norwich Castle with Giles Corran doing the escape rooms. Already been twice, so we'll blitz them before a visibly impressed Giles. Then fishing chips at East Runton with one of the All Saints. Doesn't matter which. Matt Andrews says he would like to kick off with a visit to one of the three major car boot sales in Hunt Stanton. Running out of breath. In the company of the delectable, love that word, Leslie Ash. Lunch at a harvesters with Paul Catamole, and wrapping the day off with a Race cocktail at GGI TGI Fridays with Desire. Great. Greedy. William Money says, sitting down this morning to a Judith Chalmers podcast on her tall tales from Wish You Were Here, then in the afternoon, blissfully clipping and watering my geraniums in the vestibule, water way to have a good time. Mantaric says I'd assemble some flat pat furniture from Ikea with George Alagaia and Ravier Sing. Then we'd sit in the garden and listen to Harry Connick Jr. whilst enjoying egg and crest sandwiches. Tim O'Sullivan says I would take Philippa Forester to the Hanworth British Legion Club for a pint and to feast on the Finger Buffet, followed by a relaxing driver on the M3, listening to Dexie's Midnight Runners. Paul Gledhill would purchase a cheese sandwich from Boots and share it with Invent Fielding on the beach. After that we would go to Walton Pier and flout Covid restrictions. Vinny Gerstroke said a lingering visit to Greater Manchester Police Museum, a ploughman's and a pint of hoppy bitter for lunch, all in the company of QVC presenter Dale Franklin. Chiplang says I'd join a massive Argos queue with Col Meanie to buy two flip phones, then spend the rest of the day running around Birmingham pretending to be in Star Trek. Dirty130 says I'd spend a day with Brian Harvey from E17 and Ant from Antech at the National Motor Museum in Bewley. Afterwards we go to the Ringwood Brewery for a guided tour, followed by a few jars of old thumper and a bag of pork scratchings. Lovely stuff. Davy Twittle says he'd like to visit Coldport China Museum with Nigel Havers, followed by a Slap Up Burger King at the Castle Farm Interchange. Chicken Crackling says I'd go for a free eye test at Vision Express with Rebecca Brooks before queuing up and collecting the wrong order from a Costa drive-thru. Graham Watkins would spend the day getting a COVID test performed by Hattie Jack's. Steven Pocket says I'd ask Wolf from Gladiators to help me pick up some treated timber gravel boards from Wix, then reward him with a sausage and bean milk from Greg's. He's welcome to a pastry if he wishes, but that is coming from his purse. So Wolf's got to pay for pay his way for that. Harry Ford would like to hire a swan pedal for an afternoon with Mel from Mel and Sue, followed by a roast dinner and a Steven Sagal film marathon. James McCulloch says Lamming with Bob Carroll G's, but Spit the Dog must, I repeat must, remain at a safe distance to not scare the sheep, and this is a deal breaker. Andy McGrillin would go for a lovely walk at night with Professor Brian Cox. It would be cloudy, but he would bring some star maps. Richie Emery says Bill Withers. I take him to a cracking Sour Lank tree that I know. Psstury. Sour lancture. Leave that in. Nick's had another one of his strokes. Call of ambulance. Where are we up to? Oh, Julio Tool, that's where we are. I'd go to TK Max with Richard Osman followed by a big Johns, then maybe sit in the park with a couple of cams of directors, bitter. Uh Adrian Codway says, Frank Boff, as long as we are both vaccinated, we could go back holiday dogging in pay masks. Leo Belchets says attempt to reconciliation with Fernando and Denise in the woking branch of Pizza Express. Followed by a sweat free evening at a hot spot in London's trendy West End. Very clever. Richard Neal would like to join Ross Kemp at Stowe Mary's Airfield taking a bunch of underprivileged kids. It must not, I repeat, not turn into an all day rave. Marcus Whitehead says, I'm taking an electric scooter ride with Brian Blessed, then stopping off at KFC for a portion of chips each. And lastly for today, Sean Taylor is partaking in competitive archery with Tony Happy of a Spandau Ballet, followed by a trip to Long Stanton Spice Museum with Bill Ody. Mmm bliss. There we go. Uh now my main takeaway from that list of uh fictional ideas for back holidays is that I'd completely forgotten about the existence of Philip or Forrester. Anyone else? That's the thing you take away from it. I'm not a fan of the fact that Marcus Whitehead is going to KFC with Brian Blessed and only getting chips. Yes, and Chicken Man! Q Roachford, let's go. Jonah Newman says she will be partaking in bare knuckle badminton with John Inman, followed by Mintcent Onions. Mark Powell says, Enjoy a Bonka Red Bull session with Thora Hurd. Carl White would like to go water sorbing with Arsenal legend Kenny Sanson. Helen Hughes writes, I'd invite Sue Cook for a nice walk, followed by a lamb lunch, but then she'd make her excuses and not turn up. Jamie Atkinson is going for a walk in the woods with Rebecca Ferguson. Rob Langer's gonna watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with sting. Holo Matthew is gonna go geocaching with Ringo Star. Kieran Smith says, I'm off to the wildfowl park in pepperstock with a bottle of scorch. Paul Carnegie will be going on an Easter egg hunt with Brian Blessed and Sue Pollard. Adrian Bavister would like to go to the Devonham's coffee shop in Nunington for a mocker and a jacket potato with the grammatically incorrect Anne Diamond. Mark Cocker, LaserQuest, and then Wimpy with Patricia Routledge. Andrew Davis says a day of paintball with Charles Haughty with a picnic luncher, a Greg's stick slice and a pickled egg. Darren Miller is going for a walk around Stockport air raid shelters with Nigel Farage, followed by a few IPAs and a carvery. Mo Walton says I'd like to have a pint with Chris Rea. Primarily I'd be asking him whether he now finds the drive home for Christmas a little mundane. Thomas Shepherd wants to go tile shopping with the hairy bikers. Jay Frost says litter picking with Chris Evans. Any of them. Sam Carr says, I'd like to discuss the works of Shakespeare with Stone Cold Steve Austin whilst hiking in Snowdonia. McAfeity21 says stand up paddle boarding with Andy McNab on the wave knee. And after that, a hot mug of Molligatay on the bank as we natter about our favourite junky socks. Cole Wilderness would like to sort through old copies of Gardener's World in the Shed with either Pepsi from Pepsi Shirley or Shirley from Pepsi and Shirley, followed by a lamb roast and a big fat shot of director's bitter. Hype Freedom 43 says a spray tan with Gloria Hunliford and Anthea Turner, followed by some pear cider at the Royal York Britannia restaurant. Suddenly Tim is spending his day with Boris Johnson, just punching him in the testicles and face until I could no longer lift my arms. The Avanti Gardener says minigolf with Richard Blackwood. Sandwiches and lemons squash in the car for afters. Righty 894 would go clay pigeon shooting on Avon Dassett Hills with Pauling Quirk. Tim Oscroft says I'd go to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park with Dicky Bird, then have a nice cup of tea at Sid's Cafe in Holmforth. Dave Hughes, I'd like to go paddleboarding with Wayne Sleep in Scarborough, followed by a scampy basket supper. Bye. George Fairhurst says, I'd like to go canal boating with Dan Snow and have a picnic when, to my relief, we meet up with Peter Snow. David Baxter says train spotting with Barry Scott followed by a cream tea at Heston Services. Coleman Hegerty says simple. Ax throwing Trevor Eve Northhampton. Nortflix TV says me Mr Johnny Walker an empty car parking hull. That's depressing. Well this will cheer you up. Harris MJ says only tripping with Rishy Sunak. Roger Grace. Footgolf with Elton. Ash M says Battersea Dog Time with Barry Manalo. Lovely. Josh Jeffery. I'd have a bubble bath with Monty Don. Bye. Those are so good. And actually Will Morrison agrees because he's written in and said that this concept would work great as a podcast in its own right. I mean to be honest, we're not actually quite far we're we're not really that far off that are we just listing all of these. But I'm not quite sure how the concept of this as a podcast would work. Do we just list that and list those and that's the podcast? Well you know, or do we actually we do a deep dive into our favourite ones? Hmm, I quite like the idea of it's an hour long list. Perhaps he could probably go through all the previous ones we've done, edit them all together, and put it out as a special episode. Always constant amongst the feedback is uh suggestions from you uh inspired by Alan's uh phone in uh in I Mala Partridge. Um of it's bank holiday, what you doing, who's with you. It's people's dream. Well, I say dream, it's people's mid-range celebrities for a bank holiday, and I will tip things off and then I think we'll go around the room. So David Boxell says he'd like to defrost the freezer with the cast of Hollyoaks. Any of them that want an extra fun trip could pop to the recycling centre with some empty pesto jars. Magic. Patrick Baines says Chutney making with Clive Mirry on a nice barge. Then later we'd pop into a delicatescent to top up on cheese and bread, then have a lovely picnic at a motorway service station. Goodbye. Lord Tweetbury of Twittington Upon Tweet. Uh right, open top canoeing with Dave Benson Phillips in the Way Valley, followed by a round of gold nails, complimented with some savoury snacks at a local but reputable pub. Madame Swish 90 would like to go ice skating with Nigel Farage, then for a spot of tea at Chester Services with Alison Hammond. Uh Luntman says Dame Kelly Holmes can pop with me to Pets at Home to browse the small rodent section and then help me load up the car with Felix. I'll drop her at the cab rank and then help AZ Harriet be up do the audit of his VHS collection as promised. Gary Armstrong would like to go to the light water valley with Sting and stop off for a fillet fish and McFlurry from McDonald's. Adrian Barress. Balcony seats at some concert with Delia Smith and Ian Duncan Smith. Yes, must give the Smiths a call. Peter Fitzsimmons says browsing streamers at B<unk>Q with Adrian Charles Drive through KFC on the way home. Just a quick note that that was posted on Twitter and KFC Island did reply to that tweet say saying aka living the dream. Brilliant. Benji 82 writes, a ramble with Pat Sharp, then round to the twins for Twister and Pork Pies. Steven Warren is keen on a ploughman's lunch at the Cooper's Millenniova with Diane Udale Stephen Reeve writes, paintballing with Dame Judy Dench, followed by a couple's massage to soothe those aching muscles. She's very competitive. Douggy Dark, Naught, says, Clubbing with Go. Bye. Mark McAfefferty says Botox treatment with Shouty Chef, Gordon Ramsey, followed by a beef wellington lunch at his place all washed down with a big fat shot of his wife's homemade slow gin. Sarah's off to a car boot sale with Sir Ian McKellen, followed by Toby Carvery. And lastly, Dean Toddter, who writes carp fishing with Rylan and stopping off from at Flurry's on the way home. So thank you so much to everybody who uh who joined us on our fantasy bank holiday there. Ian kicks us off by saying, I spent it with my girlfriend. She only lives two miles away, so we drove up and down the A329M for an hour to get the engine oil properly warmed up, which prevents moisture damage. After that we played Mermaid and Dolphin trapped in a drawer net. Superb. Joe Sully says he'll be visiting Burton on the Water with the great Paul Danan. Carl Davenport says I'm off to go eight with Annika Rice. Unclear if that's the uh go eight the noun or go eight the verb. Scott McDermott says I'm off potholing with the crankies and afterwards we're going for a roast haggis dinner in our bro. Patrick Baines writes rock pooling with a lovely soubaka. Marino Bertie wants to go to Alton Towers followed by a roast tofu dinner with Billy Eilash. Matt Andrew says I'm visiting the royal town of Sutton Coalfield as part of my Prince Andrew Memorial Tour, taking in the sights and sounds of the company of Neil Buchanan, who insists on bringing the head with him at all times, even though the plaster work has begun to perish. John Adams is going dogging with Dan Walker. Nick Wells is off for a hike in the Yorkshire Dales with Helen Skelton, followed by crusty cheese and onion cobs, and enough directors for rosy cheeks. Shippy is going axe throwing with Robbie Earl. Robert Rothwell 82 says antiquing with Jeff Capes. Careful with the crookery big fella. Then dobbies for lunch. Thomas Wright is going clay pigeon shooting followed by beef paste sandwiches with Carol Thatcher. Bye. Jamie Atkins going up the M6 in the wrong direction while driving a tank with Rebecca Ferguson. But which Rebecca Ferguson? We do not know. Harwin123 is going antique shopping with Nick Cave in Hastings, followed by a chippy tea on the beach with a couple of pints of the brown stuff to wash it down. And a paddle in the sea. Backpack Digital is uh having toasted tea cakes in front of Lord of the Rings with Lucy Worsley. Cold Wilderness says a visit to Longleat Safari Park with Nick Knowles, followed by a slap up pub lunch. Nick will have too much to drink and finish a day by beating up a dad with his family in the pub car park. Part one on a nullsy. Murray Kerr, watching Cold play with a snow patrol jacket on. We are mortal scorch! Thumbs up, thumbs up says take Mel from Melon Sioux to see the Marble Arch Mound and then have a chili concani at a local pub. Lovely. Uh Marge underscore in Algians says Art Gallery with Neil Buchanan, followed by a pedalo on the serpentine. Bye. Battle Still says a lovely walk along the beach at Leon Sea with the lovely Philippa Forester. Ending at South End where we play in the arcades. I'll generously give her a £5 worth of credit to spend on any machine she wishes. Any spare change I'll have I'll happily get changed into two peas. We'll do our best to win a key ring or an eraser on the two pee machines as a reminder of our lovely day out. Forester will be expected to pay for her own drinks and donuts. Uh Andrew Davis erecting a greenhouse with diddy David Hamilton for lunch a hot egg. Jamie Atkinson skydiving off the Empire State Building with Ray Mirz. Adrian Bavis this says a lovely afternoon with J Middlemiss attending the launch of Avantich Mark's new energy drink. Uh Mark Santrian, Cornish Tin Museum with Timmy Mallet. Despite his dress sense, he has a way with the working class. Well Tom Ray is off to the Sea Life Centre with Mick Hucknor. Then we're stopping off at the garage for against us and the post office driving license for renewal. Carlos Blanc, I'd spend the day at a Falklift truck theme park with Peter Duncan. Graham Wood says I'm going to be seeing Tony Hadley from Spandal Ballet at Archery. I'm a grade three at the moment, I'm hoping fingers crossed to get my grade four there this weekend. Frances Jackson is doing an online finger painting class with Neil Buchanan in the virtual world. Matt Strong simply writes, fish cakes, dump. Chris Mann watching the entire collection of James Bond. I don't think these last two have got the convention of how this works, have they? Adam Keeble meeting up with Sean Connery, Legoland and a lovely lamb lunch in the centre of Windsor. Hmm, that's original. Sean Corrigan says I'm going around the M25, both clockwise and counterclockwise. It's one of the great British drives. Sparky Rich says, I'm having a liquid lunch with a Linda Lucadi lookalike. Adam Dre putting together a lazy season with Jeremy Kyle. Bye. Zach Kyle says the hamster, Richard Hammond, to those who aren't friends with him, and I will be doing a tour of all B roads ending in the number 8 in his gorgeous MG. I'm bringing the glove compartment snacks and some spare driving gloves in case Mr. May pops over for a spin. Sam Tilson says we took the kids' Ikea, had meatballs and dying cake, then just bought a mirror and some individual lasagna dishes. James Coughlin says ex Benedict at the Hanley farm shop with Eddie Large, brackets, deceased. Ruh McAllister, uh walking around beamish with Ed and Senna. Shane Varley Shrewsbury Steam Rally with Gary Wilmot. Andy Vittles, I'm spending my bank holiday making synthetic furballs for ceramic cats. Andy McGrillen, organising a barn dance at J Valer Drone with Jet from Gladiators. She is pushing for an all-night rave, but I'm not having it. Shuer Filmer, sodall with nobody. Gareth Bundy, I'll be plotting the downfall of the capitalist system and the rise of full state communism with Jeremy Corbyn at the Camden Garden Centre. Emmet Lynch going to Longstand Spice Museum with Ball Bozborn. That's supposed to be pool. Bull? Uh ball balls ball. Mark Walker. Owl Sanctuary, followed by a buffet, and then some classic intercourse. Doesn't say with who then should it. Is it with an owl? Uh Dean Connor foraging with Bruce Dickinson in Thetford Forest. Then off for lunch at the Red Lion. AKA it spoons. Mark Ride, off to the local football where I where I commentate on the games and call the raffle. I'm a bit of a big deal at Poulton Rovers. Mike Hobin says monkey tennis with Chris Ebank followed by Mincent Onions with Gary Wilmot before a Bond Fest with Sue Cook. Su Cook cancelled. Do you fancy a point? No? Okay, bye. Louise Young, I'm playing squash with Ann Diamond, although she's a bit of a bad loser. And finally, Dave Atherton ends with simply nothing, no one. Lovely stuff. So I'm gonna start with Sean Wheeling, who says my bank holiday would be a horror marathon with Mark Hermod at the Prince Charles Cinema. Daniel Buttress says, I'm going to the Didcot Railway Museum with Ringo Star before joining James Cordon at Chiefly services on the M4 for a ploughman's and a flat white. Uh Michelin has said something so specific to uh the area I grew up that I have to assume they are a Newton Abbott or Bubby Tracy local. Uh she says, uh going to the Marble Museum in Bubby Tracy with Chris Hakabusi. After that we're off to buy a mini fridge at Trago Mills. Literally those things that are all within the three mile radius. Brilliant. Jamie Atkinson says chopping down trees and digging up my garden with Lily James. Dave plays drums says indoor mini golf with Samantha Quick. Bye. John Paul Wilma, Gangway Bakes and a cup of strong tea from the port from the porthole in m Mud Muddersley followed by a relaxing afternoon watching Zulu on the sofa with Penny Morden. Uh thumbs up thumbs up says going around the Morgan Motor Car Factory in Great Melbourne with Fiona Bruce, then for a lovely cheese in Hampanivi in a country pub or washed down with a bite of Tubber. Bye. Cold Wilderness says, monkey drive through at Long Lee Safari Park with Bacanus Draken. I'll insist she goes halves on any damage the monkeys cause to the car. The Avant Gardener says, I'm drylining the shed, but Holly Willoughby is popping over with her high cookie nail gun. Jeffer cakes will be provided. Harwin one two three binge watching old episodes of Grand Designs with George Clark whilst he wallows in his resentment of Kevin McLeod and his success. After calming him down A slap up chippy tea with a sticky toffee pudding to cap things off. Hmm, lovely. Cool that actually sounds great. It doesn't. Thanks as ever for all of your feedback and especially your bank holiday suggestions. Do keep it coming, uh we will feature them in future episodes. If you wanna get in touch with us, uh it's Instagram at the Monkey Tennis Pod, Twitter at the Partridge Pod, Facebook.com slash thepartridgepod. You can email thepartridgepod at gmail.com and whilst the monkey tennis hotline is on hiatus, uh we would love to hear your voices, so please do email us a voice memo and we may work that into a future episode as well. Plus all the good stuff, follow, subscribe, give us some stars in Spotify or overcast, tell a friend, share an episode, just have a nice time. I am hopping, Matt, and I want something in the middle! Aha! Absolutely, yep, yep, yep, absolutely. Monkey tennis, bring bring, there's a new chat in town. I have the last laugh. Damn! Monkey tennis, love tears from foot of the spine. With a chuckle, with a chuckle. Monkey tennis, radical, awesome, makeup! Monkey tennis? Okay. 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