Angel's Personal History and Grief

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Tyler King is gonna world premiere a brand new song that he wrote with Monster Music band Matt, Reed Foley will perform. Sean Hopkin will perform and the wine stopping competition all next Friday along with free breakfast from Bagel King all happening next Friday. So join us. Savannah will be with us. I will. Amber Angelique will have of course Ryan and Angel and myself that is all next Friday. Onyx, the one will be out there with us and everybody oh the mayor of New Samerna Beach will be with us. It's gonna be a great time Crimson House. Come on down next Friday free broadcast free breakfast. Angel, what's happening with Monster Sports? Monster Boards Right to you bye Mark Smate and Realty to make sure you check that out . They're also doing some hirings hit up the website. Get all the information there. Mark Spain, realty . Let's start with the Orlando Pirates Russ. Orlando Pirates, that's part of the IFL Indoor Football League. They're on the road this week and they're going to be playing the Tulsa Euilers at the box center in Tulsa. That's going to be Saturday night eight PM . I'm trying to find I was on the website trying to find out if it's going to be streaming. Currently they are six and four. They're six and two in conference . They are on a one game winning streak at home. They're phenomenal rust. They're four and at home. It's on the road where they're it's tough for them to one and three , but hopefully we can handle this game versus Tolsa. And then at the end of Monster Sports, if you guys somebody wants to go to an Orlando Pirates game, we'll be giving away a pair of tickets. Just give us a call four hundred seven nine six one one zero four one and then we had a World Cup started yesterday . Ryan went out and watched the first mats with Mexico. Yeah that's exciting that's fun. I did see the opening ceremonies. That was pretty cool. I mean, I can't believe how big that stadium is eighty thousand people. Stadium is massive. It's crazy to it's higher than like Colorado. Yeah, stadium. Yeah, which is like it's like way up in the and air breathing is hard there. Hey, did you watch the Shakira performance? I did not. I didn't get there till like about two minutes after the actual game started. I think she was half is there half time with Saw the intermissions intermissions . And so it's funny. So outside of the United States, the rest of the world is kind of like laughing a little bit because the way that they're trying to do, they're kind of super bowling up the matches and they're doing these halftime performances and everything. And the rest of the world is like, dumb Americans that also they never do that. They don't do that's not normal tradition. So they're securely great. Of course, was pretty cool. Yeah. All right, so today's matches are going to be Canada versus Bosnia, Herzegovina. That's at three o'clock and then nine o'clock it's going to be USA versus Badaway. And then if you are interested in winning a pair of tickets to one of the Miami matches of the World Cup, please come hang out with me at Elixir seven thirty to nine hundred thirty tonight and we will the winner will actually walk away with their pair and it's a huge shout out to City Bev and Michael , Michael Ultra team and Michalobltra's the official beer of the World Cup. It's one of the best prizes. I mean, yeah. I mean, those tickets are so expensive. eight hundred, not hundred a thousand dollars a ticket. Yeah, so go hang out with Angel , have some incredible food at Elixir and some drinks and watch a, you know, watch the game that's great . Then we were talking last I did hurricanes and golden Knights and Hurricanes win last night. Take that series lead to three to two and one of the interesting facts with the Stanley Cup finals is that the winner of game five when the teams are tied like that ends up winning the series is something like sixty seven percent or something like that. So this win for the Carolina Hurricanes was huge at home . You got you got these two, you know, two different sports with the playoffs going with two incredible series, you know , ye,ah no. And so again , as of right now, this is one of the highest scoring NHL finals in NHL history. Right. And then what's interesting is that Carolina, Carolina Hurricanes, do you know what team they used to be Rus,s ? And I didn't know this either so I'm just throwing it out there. The Carolina Hurricane. Yeah, so they they were another iconic NHL franchise and then the own when they bought the team, they moved them to North Carolina, renamed them this, but they're 'cause I and the only reason I think most of us remember this is probably because of their logos . The Carolina Hurricanes used to be the Hartford Whalers. Oh yeah , the NHL. And then when that when that franchise was sold it went to Carolina because this is if they end up winning this, this would be their second in franchise history would be their second I think second or third, second Stanley Cup and the last one they won was fifty some odd years ago. So but again it's because they were the heart for Walers before and then Saturday night obviously we're going to have the NBA finals New York Knicks are going to San Antonio seeing for game five and seeing if the Knicks can wrap this up on the road or how the San Antonio Spurs are going to respond to the way that they lost this. So we'll see I don't know. I'm really curious to see how San Antonio bounces back from this. Well to get to get a perspective from another sports broadcaster a world renowned sportscaster Linda Miller here today What do you think the chances are that the New York Knicks are going to go to San Antonio and win it all or do you think they're going to come back wait to come back to New York to win it all . I feel like the first of all, let me say thank you guys for being with me. I haven't been here for a while. I've been busy. I've been busy doing a lot of stuff. I think the Knicks are going to take it. I'm really proud of that team this year super, super excited about it, loving World Cup, but that's not why I called. Why did you why did you come in to the Miller? want to come to the promotion at Crimson House and stalmed them grapes for them girls . Now, I will say I am missing my pinky toe on my left foot. What happened to your pinky toe . That's a gambling bed I lost it on the basketball team and they cut my toe off . I don't like that. That's kinda nasty. That's kind of nasty, Lina. No, I have it on a necklace. Oh my God. I took it from the doctor and they put it well not the doctor, but when I finally paid off the bet, they gave me my toe back in a nice box. Yeah. I put on a necklace. So you don't have all your toes on one foot. She just got it on a chain. I may or may not have a little toenail fungus and a bit of athlete's foot, but I will stomp a grape like I will stomp an ass . Lennon speaking of toes. I don't know, but I know you and Savannah don't get along, but that bitch ain't getting in them grave. Did you know that there's an entire website devoted to Savannah's feet? What? This is a real thing . Where do you get that? I googled Savannah phone feet. Did you just make that? No, I swear to God, this is a real thing. Savannah's feet better. You better wait wait,, Rusty. Will you make that? No I want to make that Did you 're doing whilo? I just figured like I just don't like talking about that baby sorry, but yeah that's a that's a thing that exists. There are pictures and stuff? Yo yeah No, don't tell him Are you stupid ? Honestly Wow yeah Foot people are so strange they'll find a picture you so like you're like top one on Instagram, you know what? There's like a zoomed in version of that one . You could take your feet down girl . Or just embrace it and start anothered website and just nobody's looking at that feet. I just showed you a literal website . But that's not real and I didn't see any pictures . So I don't believe it. I don't trust it. Okay. I don't want to play just shut up for a second. I would like to I would like to, you know, I'd like to throw my toes into the ring, so to speak and see if you want me to come on now in a crimson house. I feel like Rilk Scain answers. Ask the listeners, ask the listener. The listeners absolutely want you to be a pleasure. They like they would love it. They miss you and they want to gnaw on that pinky tone on the chain. I did a little paraffin wax on my feet just recently get ready for this. So Linda Miller welcome. Come on down. Yeah, I'd love to see you Linda Miller there. That'd be great. Well, you suck my toes right ? I will not. I have come on right. I'm so good at that. My big toe . First of all, okay, just real quick, if I'm going to suck a toe, which I'm not going to do . I'm gonna go smallest toe over the big toe any day. Why? Lots of toe in my mouth. You can get after you get after it. You can go after the big toe. I want to go after it. But I don't have one on my left foot. That's my good foot. That's my good foot. They cut it off in that gambling bed. I was so mad . How much did you owe? About forty thousand dollars . That's about right for a total. That's about it That's a gold rate for a toe . I was thinking about getting a wooden one . Wooden toe . You sound like I'm tap dancing. Yeah, but you wouldn't have to be able to sneak up on somebody. All right, as we as we wrap this up and to the surprise that nobody so there's reports now Connor McGregor as he was recovering from his leg injury . The reports are now and it'll be difficult to confirm this, but there's unconfirmed reports now that he basically got juiced up on steroids to heal his leg. Yeah. Remember when he fell out of the testing rotation and it was basically he's quit testing on the national or on the global level, whatever that agency is right test all fighters. And so he stopped doing that. He showed up in the movie and he was all jacked up. He was jacked up in that movie. And so now that he's been getting ready to fight, they've got six months worth of testing in him now. And I mean, miraculously he's, you know, shrunken down to his normal size. Right. So there's now a couple different reports. This one's from Espination, Alexander Kaylee. He is fighting again though, right? Yeah, he's got a match coming up . He'll be what was it like Cool Harris set to fight against the for the first time in five years when he met rematches Max Holloway at UFC three hundred and twenty nine. This is a lie but it was his report The New York Times was basically saying after the injury that he suffered, he was using quote unquote powerful banned drugs during his recovery from a devastating leg injury suffered in the fight against Dustin Pore , which was UFC two hundred and sixty four. But like I said, I don't think anyone is actually surprised by that . And that's monster sports. All right, and then so next round of the NBA playoffs is Saturday Saturday eight thirty, eight thirty. That's going to be good. Who do you got? Who got? Oh, I really think the Nicks are gonna win. Money on it. Nick. Nixon five. Nixon five . Yeah. You know what? And I really, I just like watching all those people be so happy. It's just so cool to see all I mean, I know there were some there's some people that were being asshole but the end for the most part see that many people all happy it's sort of a like in this day and time where not everyone's united, it's kind of a uniting kind of cool thing to see that many people happy to that point though, because we had this argument yesterday and Ryan was feeling a particular type of way . Basically almost everyone that we saw a video clip of they all got arrested . There were twenty one arrests Um, and a bunch of those arrests were of the people that we were getting captured on video. Good. That's the part that we don't follow up on. We'll you know, we'll point our finger at and be like, oh, these bad people and that we feel like they've gotten away with it. They didn't. Yeah, they got twenty one arrests on that. And if the Nicks win wrap up this in game five , you know, NYPD and the mayor there have dedicated even more law enforcement out there to apprehend these people. All right, when we come back , Amy, the counselor is here. Today is our deep dive on Angel. We'll do that. Then we'll explain to Savannah what Amy does basically the reason we met her is because she does this this bit on stage with comedians. So a comedian will go up onstage, do their bit, you know, do their comedy. And then she will do like a Ryan did it. He's the one did it. Yeah, he brought her in. It's she basically kind of tells you like a psychological profile of the person . she And's like dead on whenever she talks. She's really great. So we'll have Amy, the counselor. Well, that's exciting. Yeah, when we come back, don't go anywhere, you're listening to the March of the morning. So you are professional plumber, yes. But do you have profession aal website? Hm , not so much. Try Ayanos. Its turbocharged AI power works super fast to bring your WordPress website to life and deliver top of the draw results every time. And it's clever auto updates do all the hard work of maintaining your site so you can get on with maintaining your business . How's that for nice nice nice? Try Ionos , your digital partner at ionos. com. uk with whoop, you can focus on living better for longer, understand your sleep, optimise your training and build habits that support your well being. Whoop gives you personalized insights into your sleep, your recovery, your strain, and the patterns that may influence how you feel. With more clarity and consistency, you can create routines that support you throughout the year, add more life to every moment. Discover whoop at whoop. com So you are a professional plumber, yes, but do you have professional website? Hm , not so much. Try Ayanos. It's turbocharged AI power works super fast to bring your WordPress website to life and deliver top of the draw results every time . And its clever auto updates do all the hard work of maintaining your site so you can get on with maintaining your business . How's that for nice nice nice? Try Ayonos, your digital partner at ionos dot co dot UK With Whoop, you can focus on living better for longer , understand your sleep, optimize your training, and build habits that support your well being. Woop gives you personalized insights into your sleep, your recovery, your strain, and the pattern s that may influence how you feel . With more clarity and consistency , you can create routines that support you throughout the year. Add more life to every moment. Discover whoop at whoop. . com Our radio is on Friday next Friday. Welcome back. I'm Russ Rollins, along with Angel and Ryan Savannah's here. I don't know where she went. She's here. She'll be back. And then we've got Amy the counselor here with us. Kind of, Amy. How are you doing ? Hello, hello. So before we dive into Angel whoa , that sounds aggressive. I want intrusive. First, I wanted to introduce you to Savannah. I know she ran out, she'll be back in a minute, but co gotffee for But let's talk about you joined us last Friday for our monster event. Now Amy's new to the whole monster thing, right? Like she's just getting to know us all right you know so, give me your take on being at a monster event. You were at the meeting greeting got thrown into the deep end of the pool. Well, I sat her next to Fro our former intern Fro who needs a kidney. Yeah,, I yeah went for Fro Huhat. And I thought maybe you you guys, know, he might he was so busy. People were talking to him constantly. I didn't talk to him at all. Oh my god, every single person wanted to talk to him. And I think I put you in there. Let's see here, Brian is from Tuttle. Tuttle. Yeah, so I met Tuttle. So how much did you talk to Tuttle? He wouldn't talk to me. He was as soon as you told him that we were gonna do a little thing, he was terrified and he kept on running from me. Oh, okay. All right, all right. 'Cause you did go on stage and you did a psychological profile of Tuttle. Right. A little bit. Yeah What was that? What was the what was the outcome of that? That he had masochistic disorder and he had daddy issues with Russia because he wants Russ to love him and he'll do anything for Rus'ss love , basically. Truly. That's pretty much you're exactly right. He nailed it People wanted to give me information all night too. So that's what I was saying. Like people have seen me on a few of these shows and now they want to be like, hey, you know, Russ has this or Ryan has this, or each person wants to give me little nuggets. And it's been really interesting to build a little case. Do you lift that? Did you get Russ's feet nuggets? I was looking at Upmore. I have a whole assessment for when Russ is ready for that. I'm not ready for me. The rest of the cast is ready for that whether or not is Angel's Day. This is not Russian. I'm prepared for whenever we're ready for that. I have that assessment. We will have you will do a deep dive on me at some point. That's fine. But okay, my question is though, do you let the listeners say and like, you know, infiltrate your real thoughts or your real like yeah, even so if we were doing real therapy I would ask the family for information too. So you do an assessment with the individual and then you do an assessment with the whole family. That's really important information. It's not about finding who's right or wrong or what's real or fake , it's creating that picture of the system that you're creating and living in. Oh, and for the audience and also for Savannah, once again, explain your background and then how we met you. Sure, sure. So I am a licensed mental health counselor. Okay , and I have a license in Florida still counts . And so I've been a therapist for, I don't know, fifteen, twenty years. And now I'm a stand up comedian and I have a show called Psych where I have the comedians come up and do their bits. We do a session, I give them a diagnos is. It's kind of fun, kind of real. That's how I met Ryan. Why are you being like that? What are you doing, Ryan? Why are you being so rude to this carbooting? You carbo looting. I have to have a lot of fiber guys . Yeah, but we were just in a break, dude . I forgot I was doing my stocks . So to explain how does it work with okay, so you're a standup comedian but you're also a mental health counselor . And then how are you able to talk about this publicly? Are you getting permission from everybody? Is that how that works? Yeah, every show that I do for the comedians, I always say on a scale of zero to ten, how real do you want to get? Some say one, some say ten, so I always make sure it's consensual . And then I'm diagnosing them on stage based on their character. Gotcha. Right. So it's like if they bring the real stuff and they want to go deep, we do . If they want to bring their character, then we diagnose their character. So we're really just talking about mental health in a fun way and sometimes it's real, but it's always based on each person and how they want to go. Because I would like to know not so much about Russia's foot fetish 'cause we already know that's a thing. We are all in agreement on that , but what it is about the squishing of the grapes that is so gratifying to me. Today is not about Mason . Every day is about you, right? Oh my God, it is. Let's appreciate it. Like you've asked me five questions today and answered them for me. So like let's not pretend that. The quick answer is the sensory thing, right? Right? 'Cause he's got squishy . He might have a squishy squishy sensory sensory fenish. He's got a squishy worm. Yeah, he might have a and I mean, if we're gonna get into stuff like that, like people that have fenishes have like things with textures and they like sounds. It's very tactile so that might be shape. Okay here's something so you mentioned that you said well you know when I when I talked to them interviewing they're they're doing their character right you know so can you tell because you came to us afterward and you're like, Oh, that's so funny, Daisy stay in character. Yeah. And we're like, No, no, that's really dad. That's right. So a real one. So you couldn't tell whether that was character or real? For Daisy, hard to say because it was only a very short amount of time , but she's very she has a very strong point of view. So when someone has a very strong willed and point of view, that's a helpful character trait for me to kind of be like, oh, okay. And she had all her tequila out and she had all of her impulse stuff. So all these little clues. And again, all of this is for fun and I'm just picking up on these things and some of it's real, some of it's not and it's what they want to show me. Right? Each person wants to show me something about how they want their diagnos is. Gotcha because when Amber was in it turned up she didn't want it Turn it to being a bitch fest. She didn't really want to be a bitch fest. Well Amber didn't I can tell Amber didn't really feel comfortable. So I kind of pulled back and I didn't give her a diagnosis because there were some different things with like her job and stuff like that. So I'm a therapist first. Like I like to have a good time but if I can see somebody really feeling uncomfortable I don't like to dig in. So then we did more of a family therapy thing and it wasn't necessarily like a full diagnosis for you. Just use your powers for evil. That's my license, Ryan. I have to still have a job, you guys? Yeah, you do have. And by the way, if you want to follow Amy the counselor, you can go to Florida Comedy Collective . com, right? That's where they can follow you . So today the listeners were saying, okay, you focused on Amber, you focused on Andrew Leek, you focused on Daisy. We think the guys should get a focus. Okay, and it was full focus. Yeahed, full focus to Angel's birthday this week . So and I was going to have you come in on his birthday, but you had stuff, you know, you go you actually have a life and you have busy busy stuff. But so I said this week we could, you know, we could do angel . Angel, are you comfortable with that ? Does Savannah want to go? No . She doesn't even know me. We just met like five minutes ago. I was just throwing that off. It's not Savannah Day. I can't take Savannah Day. No, that's I'm good with the knob. You need to do the scale of one to ten where you want to fall like how deep you want her to go. Yeah, we'll figure that out. Okay. At least a knuckle. So okay, so what's the gross? What's the best way to go? Because like once again,gel An's not a stand up comic . It's not like he can do a comedy bit and then so how much of angel have you heard where you can give a dive seen what have people told you? Or should we go around some bits of sand by me? If we all go around and say something Yeah, we could do that to say something. I know preliminary diagnosis was kind of avoidant disorder. Oh yeah. Kind of being on the outside, kind of never necessarily connecting, maybe some attachment stuff. So that was the first one, not having a comfortability being and he was saying he was like what was Army Brat Navy Brat? Air Force Brat Air Force Brat and that had some attachment things of always kind of feeling like maybe he was on the outside having to rebuild relationships. And then in the context of this, the fact that like a lot, there's a ton of show and a ton of stuff that happens in that room that I constantly and consistently miss and rush reminds me of that every time we come back from breaks. I know he misses a lot of stuff and I want him to be included in my opinion, I want him to be included in the hear all this stuff right and I sometimes I feel bad he doesn't get to know some of the stuff that goes on in here but so does it okay so I'm going to ask us like so does it upset you when I point that out? Is that what is all I think is funny? It's actually it goes twofold, right? Some of it's actually funny. Some of it helps in the sense of what we're doing for show because then I can tell you what going on. Well, you can tell you what's going on and then I don't I'm not tainted by being in that room so sometimes it's a taint. So sometimes I think my reactions to things that happen in that room will come off really let's say aggressive or let's say loud . But it's just because I'm not in there and I'm not in there during the break so you're getting a genuine reaction. Gotcha. Yeah So how do you want to go about this, Amy? Do you want us all to say something that we know about Angel? We want to get some information or do you have anything you want to say before we get started, Angel that you want to think about, talk about, work on discuss? No. Maybe not . I'll pick up something . I don't know. I don't know. We'll see what we're seeing. Have you done if you don't mind asking, you can always tell me. Have you had therapy before? Yeah, I've done individual therapy . There's been a handful of times that I was in couples therapy. That was fun . No Do you want to talk about that? No, no, no, we're good now. Yeah . So what's your general view of being in therapy? How does that In the times where I was working like or trying to work on myself or aspect of it, I found it really insightful and helpful. So like the Air Force Brat thing, it took me forever to realize like that was a real I don't want to say condition, but like there was a clock in my head that was always running. Didn't matter where we where we were moving because for every say every three or four years , we would move. So that once my family retired or my dad retired when lived in Florida, right, you know, three, four years into living here, in my head and I was like I wasn't making real strong connections with friends or like that kind of thing. I had casual friends, but in my head I was like, oh I got to move. Right, I'm moving, I'm getting ready to go. So that 's how I ended up in Pittsburgh. That was the only college that offered me a scholarship to play ball outside of the state of Florida. And I was like, oh, that, of course, that's what I'm supposed to do. Because I'm supposed to move. And so that took a while to figure that kind of mentality out. Right. And so did you find that it was difficult to like trust in being able to have like long term friendships or getting too close to people because of that ? With friends with friends not so much in relationships definitely. That's. it I know, always having the clock running of like when it's going to end or it's not going to work out or that or that I'm going to be leaving soon. so it didn't matter where and it, you know, it led to for a major part of my twenties like I, you know, went from Pittsburgh and then I went, you know, playing ball in Puerto Rico and then went to New York and I was living in Manhattan and Queens, you know, at that point I was writing for a hip hop magaz ine and then I only did that for a minute and then I'd go to California and then do that for a minute and then I'd go to Houston. So I kind of kept up this moving thing that I did as a kid with my dad military, but I kind of kept doing that after the fact . So and how long have you been here now? Now this since two thousand? So Orlando's like I've been here a while now. Right, right. So like once I got or that was shown to me, I was like, okay, that makes sense now . And then I didn't feel that urge, you know, and the huge part of it was trying to break into radios. Right, right, right. And now that you've been here for a long time and it's home . Are you still doing the same patterns with friends and relationships? Are you still having that same feeling ? No, not to say with friends, but still relationships. Let's say yeah, not a great record with relationships. Got it. Got it, got it, got it got it. And so that's some attachment stuff from growing up and for sure. So I have some thoughts already. Do you have questions you want to ask, Angel before we get into question. I mean just So yeah, Angel out of everyone that's ever been on the show, he's been the one who has been the most at arms length, right? Like I haven't it was it took me longer to get close to Angel than anybody . And I think it had something to do with when Angel first came on the show , it was because they had canceled another show that he really loved. Like he loved being on the SPK show . So I think I kind of felt like, oh, he'd kind of really rather be over there than here, but I want him to feel comfortable. I want him to feel welcome or whatever. And angels really stand off as so it's taken a while. Is that true or false? I will tell you what's funny about that is that I was Yeah, I was bothered by what happened with Kevin, but remember, when I got pulled off SPK live, I got thrown to Rooma first, right? And so I did Roomba for like a year. And then and then I did a romantic station for a few months. And then what the what probably what you were perceiving was I was apprehensive about taking the job because I was replacing two guys that were beloved. Two guys that were like , you know, Daniel was with Daniel Drunky one of the main guys that one of the main guys from day one on the show. Yeah , TC was another one that TC and I drunk started we are internships started about the same time and he became like a super a rock and roll superstar for this show. And so then, you know, after , you know, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen years of them on the show , then I was the guy that was replacing replacing that . So I was more not not I don't want to say afraid but let's say overwhelmed with that part to the point where I was like probably standoff is probably you know I was what's that when you are worried about that you're going to be exposed for being a fraud So at that point, I didn't I wasn't sure if I was ready yeah, I took the job and yeah I was gonna do it . But subconsciously I was like, am I ready for this? Don't be the bear. And I perceived it as he didn't really want to be here you know kind of I was freaking out the whole time. Absolutely and I know isn't that funny how different people can have different perceptions of the same reality We have to take a break. I know you 're writing notes down. Sannah, if you've got questions about Angel, we can we can go through those. Ryan, I'm sure you have some about Angel. Is today glasses day on the monsters? I didn't get them in the middle. You don't have your glasses. and get them in It's old people that need their glasses I told you I couldn't put my stupid contacts in this morning because my eyeballs are too dry . All right, and Brian, you got lasers on your eyes. So we used to wear glasses before too. No , I still kind of left out. I wish I you know what? I'm just gonna put these on. I got some shades in my back. There you go. All right, we got more with Amy the Cowser. When we come back, you can check her out if you go to florida comedy collective. com that's floridacomedyll Cectoive. com . You're listening to the March of the Morning. Real radio . Welcome back to the Mox. Morning. Robertio one hundred four point one broadcasting live on iHeart Radio. I am Russ Rollins, along with Savannah here today we got Ryan Holmes . Amy the counselor is here and we're doing a deep dive on Angel. Yes, Angel. There's two things that the Techers have been asking me to share with the class or share with you guys. Share with the class. Yeah. So one of them is that for whatever the reason these guys think it's a big deal that my phone screen is black. You right. we talk about that. Yeah. So the black phone screen. Nothing. Yeah, they phot're no o of anybody. No family photos, no dog. No, no, no sunset you saw one time. We will not share anything . So they wanted me to make an appointment to share that. And then the other part of it , which is a huge a huge part of my life. And the guys everyone on the show in the station is familiar with it about twenty years ago, my brother passed away in really , you know, difficult circumstances. It's been a mystery. Netflix did an episode on it on Unsolved Mysteries and everything . And this is our birthday week. So my birthday was on the ninth, his is on the tenth. We were born three years apart. And this is the time of year where it gets I will say it gets weird now weird's not the right word, but it let's say everything gets kicked up like our listeners, I love them and they're fantastic and they'll see these different it's constantly someone's making a new video. Someone's making , you know, their insight on it. And so our listeners will catch that stuff and they'll hey have you seen this one or have you seen this ? And they've been, you know , so much that they like I can tell like they just want to try to help, you know, and so and that's diminished in I guess int intensity ensity, I guess is the right word on a nice emotions haven't diminished from that Oh emotions no and would you say though five years ago you've had or six you're handling better it now than you did five years ago like five years ago before this week was really tough. You've been you of what I've seen is a far as on error. You've been great this week. You were pretty good last year this week. It seems like you're handling it better, true or false. To certain extents. Yeah I would say. I think a huge part of it because it wasn't something I would normally even talk with them. I think that like everyone kind of knew about it. The only thing I didn't mention it for you. I knew about it. I wouldn't bring it up because I was afraid that it was going it was going to be hurtful or whatever. Yeah . And then one day he told us we could talk about it and that was when the Netflix special came out. Yeah , that was that was I would say probably whether it was forced or whatever, it was a somewhat of a breakthrough moment . It was back then when John Toled Mistry Start came out. He kind of had well definite itly as far as my family's concerned and everything put me in a different position . Well, I had always kind of been the focal point, but now people could see because like, you know, my sister in law you can't really, you know, she's not on social media. My parents aren't really on there. My sister to a certain extent. But so a lot of the stuff that would come from different parts of the world or here at work or whatever would, you know, they would want to talk to me or try to get through me to get other places . And so it happened about twenty years ago and then got reopened about six years ago. Yeah it was right before the pen dancers during the pen like this was starting Yeah. And then so and then yearly you feel it more yearly or is it like constant like I'm talking about the emotions of it. The emotions of it that 's a daily still for you? Oh yeah, they're just not a day that doesn't go by where let's say if I only think about him once a day that's that's odd. Right, you know. And the memory of him sorry. And if this gets too deep then we'll stop, but the memory of him is it still painful or is it comforting Oh , can it be both? Yeah. Yeah, no big one . Everything is line one. Everything has a hyperky and you gotta pick one. 'Cause there's definitely some pain in there in the sense that he's not here 'cause like, you know, I'd love for him to have met my daughter's right, you know, like each big milestone kind of comes back up All any of the kids that are, you know, my niece nephew, the grand baby, any of these other things , he would have had he been here or if he were here today, you guys would love him . Mr. Phillips is the only guy that got to meet him and they hit it off fantastically. My brother we did a bit on the file with him once and he would be like, you know , I could like so the things I miss out on is like , you know, him not being able to like carry on with you guys or that kind of thing . That's a level of two. Yeah that lost you still feel it even twenty years later it',s still like