The Volturi and Closing Thoughts

You know what's really terrifying? that unfinished college degree lurking in the background, just sitting there waiting for you That's where Southern New Hampshire University comes in. With flexible online degree programs, there's no commuting, no rigid schedule, and no more excuses. Plus, they have some of the lowest online tuition rates in the US Visit snhu d. edu slash morbid to learn more before your degree becomes just another story about what could have been Every good detective needs a partner to support them on important cases. Think of a state A arm agent like your sidekick there to help you along the way in your search for coverage State Farm can help you choose the coverage you need, whether it's for your home, car, boat, or even RV With so many options, it's nice knowing you have help finding what fits for you so you can get back to solving all of life's bigger cases. Go to statefarm d. com or use the award winning app to connect with a local agent and get a quote. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there C in Re it Pinata Inide the pag. So Cloro's toilet wand is all I need to clean a toilet. It don'll need a bottle of soution. So get into the Star Revolution Lx. feels good. U is directed Hey, weirdos, I'm Ash, and I'm Elena. And this is a bonus episode of Morbid. It's a bonus bonus It's on top of the other two this week. It's on top of everything Yach You guys Breaking down Part one is the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. The book is also wildly rough. Oh my god, I wildly r. I remember reading this book. I was probably like thirteen maybe when this one came out, maybe twelve, and I was like, this is the sexiest thing I've ever read in my life. And now I'm like, A What the fuck It's It's a trip. It's Be almost thirty years old and looking back, I'm like, why the Who let me read this? That's the and I got I got my postits back out in the book. I love watching Eena prepare for these episodes because that bitch whips out a pack of postits and she just goes to town because we got we gotta do book and movie and illustrated guide. Yeah in no site we got some off the website. I got a lot from the website. I was surfing through that website and there's just so many things I have to say. Stephanie Meyer is a trip. Stire you are a trip. you just really are. I just need to say this because it's ten me off At one point she writes like somebody else is writing for Stephanie in on the on the on the website, like her fansite or whatever you want to call it And then she writes like she's writing it, but it's within the same couple of paragraphs. It's confusing. So I said, who the fuck is writing this if not you, stff? Yeah. Yeah, it's a big it's it's wild. Yeah, it's a wild ride all the way through. I feel like I now I can't remember Breaking non part two at least like the movie. BeCacause when we were watching this, I was like, o Ohh wow, I don't remember like any of this. I specifically didn't remember that Edward delivers the baby via his teeth. Yeah ' hard to forget. it's wild. I think that was actually a trauma response. Yeah for sure. I think that was in a box it' somewhere in the deep back part of my brain. Yeah, yourour brain really protected you there. But now I'm like, oh God, what what's gonna happen when we do part two? Part two just has a lot of funny lines in it and deliveries. Okay And then there's like a pretty cool fight scene, I'm pretty sure. if I remember correctly. There is a cool fight scene. and I remember, I don't know why we're getting like into part two right now, but I do remember that Bella has that like force field thing she can do. Oh yeah. I forgot about that. I actually completely forgot about that. That was I remered that out of there. Yeah. ye , but this part right now. Well, and before we get into that We wanted to announce our next morbid book club. period, pick It's going to be Victorian Psycho by Virginia Fado. I'm very excited. I' very excited about it. You have a special guest joining. We have a special guest joining for it. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be great. It's an aha. An aha, you say. It's a horror Uh, Horror And we're very excited about them coming. Yeah We're excited to talk to you about it. It's a pretty it's it's a book that's on the shorter side, so it should be pretty Pretty easy to get through. Yeah. I think even if you're like like an audio listener, I think the audioobook's like four hours. Y, for sure. So So check it out. And it's supposed to be great. I'm excited to read it. Yeah. That'll be at the end of June that comes out. Yeah Mikey. Does that come out at the end of June Oh yeah it' be the. That'll be the end put it's kind of funny. Sory M M jo. You know what I should just start yelling at. M joes! Do you remember that? g gang twins? Yes You absolutely should. So yeah, that's the business that we have. Also, since we're talking about books, if you want to preordder a book, you should preorder the butcher Legacy. Cat Mouse because it's there. Yeah. And you should order it. Yeah. I wasad really good the prologue of it the other day after not reading it for a while. And I said, That's not that bad. I said, wow, I don't even think I suck at this. And I was like, I'd actually venture that you're pretty good at this. So I'm telling you. I said that Drew. And he goes, Do she realize she's been on the New York bestest sellers list twice? he was like in like at the very beginning of her career. It's the thing that I will never. He was like, that's of pretty high esteem. I'll constantly be like getting better at this. are you know. You are. Always improving. And I think you have a natural talent to say. Thank you. I'd appreciate that So yeah, go get that if you want you can get it anywere good So in my UK babes Some specials come for you too, so stay tuned. Oo. Is that the thing you showed me the other day? Yesterday?. Yeah. That's for UK. Yeah, that's so cool. I know. I'm gonna get one too though. Hell yeah Oh, can I have one? Yeah, cool You guys a fight that A I didn't even mean to make that so spoily or like or like exciting, but that's. see? Okay. So yeah, so that's all the business and now it's time for breaking down part one because it's time. This one is wild Y, I forgot I think we saw this together in the movie theater. We did. I think we might have been with my mother Maybe I mean You mean writte Yes. No, Watching this movie, I said, that would have been my mother if she was invited to my wedding will Good night. That would absolly be. We will be with the disheveled hair at all. She looked. wild She was going She said, Ebody at this room get to see. She did, she did. why would Charlie spech the best. I love Charlie to an unhealthy degree. when he walks in and he goes, Yeah, I know I look hot. And I was like, you do. I said you really do Charlie. You're looking good bud. I really do. All right, let's start whereere' we starting? So we gotta start with one thing that makes me fucking so annoyed. Oh Godd So and it's the overarching theme of this whole thing. Okay So obviously in a lot of these things, we find that Stephanie Meyer goes against her own lore that she created because the illustrated guide will say something, the book will say something, the movie will say they' all collide into just like a Fucking crazy think. Now, in the illustrated guide, she says Stephanie Myeyers says that she understands that people won't accept or get the whole vampires and humans having babies. Like that would be like, wait, what like well yeah you've never brought it up before. Yeah. like immortal children have been brought up, but that's like a different thing. That was like when they were tatingamp children baby or don' of like kids. Yeah, whichich is so so. What kills me is she says but to her, herer and I quote, scientific reasoning is enough for her she do an experiment Scientific reason. S she do this scientific method on this? Nothing about this And here's here's again where it doesn't make So you say, whoa, okay. so you're science We're science here.. That's No science in case everybody's wondering is based in reality. Y, right? We're firmly in reality right now because by her own words Here we are, two feet in reality. okay. So she says She went against her own previously set up lore Obviously because like, you know, that happens. And instead of saying like, you know because I would respect this. if she said I wanted this plot point, you know, I felt like it was going to be a good direction. It felt important to me. It goes against the laord, but like I just went there because it was really important to go here. like making a canon. Yeah, I can at least respect that you're saying, you know what I'm going against my own law, but it's important and I think it's going to be worth it. Yeah. But instead She says first that her scientific reasoning is enough for her for this to work And then she says, Gys, it's fantasy Vampires are real What boy. what She really said fuck y'all. So you just told me We canose down in the realm of reality that it's based on scientific reasoning And then in the next breath, you say to me, Oh You believe in vampires? that's so cute. idiot? That's so cute, you fucking freak. Like it's just like what What? And she's like, No, this I can make it up as I go along because it's fantasy And it's like, no, I know that you make the world and that like you can make it worldver you have to follow your own rules. But the problem is you made lore and not only did you make lore, you made an illustrated guide. I you didn't need to make. I think she might forget that she made that. You made this illustrated guide that no one made you do 'cause there's also another big thing that happens with Jacob. There's a few yeah, there' some glaring issues. That one is glaring to me. Yeah, like it and it's such an easy out to say It's fantasy. Yeah. vampires are' real. It's like, but you made this. And it's like, but also taking it so seriously. And it's like, and it's okay if you take it seriously because it's your world, Ukraine. R But in the same breath, you're telling me, that's fucking weird that you believe this But believe this, please and care about it. It's like you can't have it both ways. No No. Also, I do feel like it's kind of misogynistic that vampire guys, it's like how like men can fuck until they're seventy and like be a dad have it or just likery about that. It's not nice that she's like vampire guys can impregnate human women, but vampire women, empty. Oh I'm duck. I'm gonna get into that Because that what bothers me about just like to go back to this one thing is Like I love fantasy. Yeah Fantasy is fun. Yeah I will fully envelop myself in a fantastical world and I will believe it for the moment that I'm reading it And it's like, But you and she as somebody who's writing fantasy, like if I was writing a f, I love fantasy so much that I wish I could write a fantasy novel.. It just seems like a lot of work because you have to have a world but I'm like verse to work. But I'm just saying like we know. creating a whole lore and like magical system. is like daunting, I imagine. a very impressed. Obviously tough because it as it builds and build and builds, you have to remember all of the rules. Exactly. it feels hard. Like maybe I'll try itomeday because it does seem fun. And now that I said that I don't think I could do it, now I feel like I have to do it. She has to prove it to herself. You know why? because she's a Virgo Riz. That's not cicorn coated. That's Virgo. There you go If you are writing something like that, I imagine that you take it very seriously and you take the world seriously and to you it's in that moment very real. and you want readers to feel like it's very real while they read it. So then to to kind of cop out of fucking up against your own lore with You think this is real guys? Yeah Yeah, It's an It's real like you silly gooses. Like what are you doing? I'm like, no, you can't do that. You can't make readers feel stupid for being enveloped in this world. When you've given me every reason to be enveloped in this world, like that's not cool. No Like you can't just be like, it's fucking fake. No, we know that Like you don't bring me back to reality. That's not what we're keep be rooted in this world. And again, if you just said, yeah, you know what? The story just had to go this way. I felt very passionately about it going this way. I'd be like Okay girl Like I can respect that Yeah But to use the you guys are silly for believing. I don't carry so much is like Okay L you don't blame your readers. Stephanie? Yeah, don't blame your readers for giving a shit about your story and remembering your lore. Yeah, Hh? Like b. She also said that this was inspired by the merchant of Venice in a midsummer night's stream. And which are both in the movie, by the way. I just want to state that. Yeah, that's all. I'm just gonna leave that there Like, damn what? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't really know. I'm not sure about that. I'm not really sure. Anyways. Also why Because we're like four movies in at this point Why do the Cullen's wigs change so much? The wigs. Where' the wig police when you need them? Tom Link Where's Tom Link with the wig police? Tom Link would say what the fuck is going on here? He would ' also bothers me is I'm like so many questions here. One Why are there Why is their hair changing? Its supposed to when it's very much drilled in our heads that they are frozen. Yep Ros. Isily's hair in particular goes through such a character arc? Yeah, it really feel like her hair has a character arc. So does Carlisle Carlyle's hair What happened? Becauseuse he he looks so beautiful in like the first two and then I don't really feel like he' M in the first couple is ed out of stone. I mean, he's beautiful.'s gorge. And I'm not saying he's ugly in the later ons, but no no. H hair. Here's the thing, his hair looks ugly. It does And I'm willing to say that because it's not his hair. It's not good at It's like like what did you say? Straw yellow? raaw yellow And it's like parted over to the side but not like quff at all It's like mushroom hanging in his face. It's giving mushroom. It just doesn't make any sense. And then Jasper's hair Who fucking knows what's going on with that? Jasper's hair is crazy. I TikToks of him hosting like twwilight discussion things and he's really funny. Yeah. like the actor who plays Jasper. He's played by Jackson Rathbone. Yes, you know. I was like, wait, I figured out., no that's just the character It was hilarious. I was very impressed. I should just gone with it. But yeah Like going back to what you were saying, like one of the things because I'm like they're supposed to be frozen because also where? are the wigs from season from movie to movie. Okay I know I was asking like that's like where you put them. Even Mikey has a wig drawer Yeah, that's the They' a production company and Mikey has the same wigs in that drawer twenty four seven. Rusilyie's wig hasas it From the first movie, where to go? I don't know. Where is it Mikegy iss opening his wig drawer. Yeah, putting wig looked so scary. That's the Sherry Moon zombie wig from when I was sureheroon. when I was sureheroon Oh my go. There go. Honestly, that looks like one of the Cins wings. That is Rosie's w. but I really If you're out there and you have those w, where are where did you b are they? Where are they? Because they change every every movie. No that's true. Like there's no chain of custody for these wigs. There's no there's no chain of custody for anything. Be also where are they? Alice's hair in the first movie is like super super like not super long, but it's like longer. Yeahs like a a fuck ass bob. And then it gets cut and then it's like long again and then it's it's a pin on like Their hair's not supposed to grow. That's the thing. and I'm like, when you cut it into a pixie, you're committing to that. I your hair. I love Alice's hair at the way. The way she like sculpts its like twentyies. Yeah I really did love. But Alice in this movie pisses me off. She's a creep She's a creep. Alice does kind of piss me off. Alice is a creep because she Everything is her way or the h whole wedding. She plans the whole thing, which I realize like the whole thing is supposed to be like, Well, Bellate doesn't want to and she doesn't like this stuff. And I'm like, but hest why is she getting married and having a huge wedd? Well, and honestly, I don't even think she's ever given a chance to. No, it's true. She doesn't even get a chance to say As I've said, many time before, she is baby girl. She is baby girl. So baby girl. Soirl. I got a bone to pick with Bella. She's a selfish motherfucker. She is a child ofart. Honestly the poor Cin family. Yeah. The poor Cin family. Truly. their lives have been in danger The entire time she's been around Yeah. They had to up All of them hadant to up and move because Edward was like, can't do it. Yeah. Sorry. And then they were like, now come back. we're in love. Oh, she's gonna to have this baby and maybe die Yeah. but we're going to have to try to like keep her alive. And also not is she only is she going to have this baby and maybe die It's also going to avoid the treaty we've had for a zillion years with the werewolves. Now they're going to try to kill us. Ohiss off the v off the Volteri. And now we're going to have to deal with all those Oh, and also all the other covervens are going to have to get involved and all their lives are going to have to be upended by this and they're going to have to fight the Voltteri too. And she doesn't care And this is all because Bella She just had to fuck as a human. say it. She just had had to fuck as a human. I have to have that one human experience. It's gonna cause a lot of problems. Also can I say you know what thing do it after you're both gonna be ungodly beautiful after that brother. Why not? And also I bet vampires, I just watched Tara and Franklin fuck on true blood. Exactly I mean she's not a vampire yet, but that looked incredible Of course I think if you were a vampire as well, oh my go. Yeah, like oh my go. Hallys will fly. I know you wanted that human experience, but babe You kind of gave that up when you decided to marry a vampire. And also Edward didn't really want it She like guilted him into humanking. And that's weird. And if you had waited until after you were a vampire, you wouldn't have gotten pregnant with a half vampire baby who tried to kill you. Wh tried to kill you and it wouldn't have avoided all the treaties and pissed off all the voltures. So it's like girl I feel like this was this was a problem for everyone. It's literally it's very selfish. This is Bella's world and we're all just living in it. And may I venture to say this I think Stephanie Myer hates Bella. I think Stephanie Myeyer hates Bella. See, I think Stephanie Myeyer thinks Bella is like But I think she hates her Why? I just think she hates her because she puts her in all these crazy ass situations. And also, I think Stephanie Meyer really loves Edward. So like Edward. I think so too. always getting upset with Bella. That's It like can't stay away from her all at the same time. But I think she kind of sees a little bit of herself and Bella. Maybe. no I think she does because I think she's kind of like said that before. So I think these crazy situations that we're like, what the fuck are you doing? she's like, No, that's great But that like maybe I just hate Ea Yeah, I think. maybe I feel like maybe that's Maybe I'm just hater. Maybe that's it. And to go back really quick just to what you were saying earlier with the how completely sexist and misogyisting the whole thing is when you really dive into this She there's some serious internalized massage, one hundred percent that just never should have been spat onto the page in my opinion. In her words, her website and breakingon part one. She says that vampire men can have babies. Uhu. they can Because they have got them. They have a fluid similar to seminal fluid. Oh yeah, their shit works pretty much the same way Which is wild. Re fucked up And if the venom slash sperm comes in contact with an ovum, they can conceive, but that And you say, o Wow, okay, so vampires can conceive, oh no, no Because yes, the male vampire shit works right the same, but women They can' Because when wom vampires turn into vampires, they are frozen. That's so fucked. And their system stops working like a woman's body should work is literally what is said That's like essentially what's being said here. Women's bodies in her words in the book, quote don't have like vampire women donon't have what is needed to accommodate a growing child So you're telling me Men are still pew pe pew can shoot Sperm everywhere, every which way, sperm like It's not even sperm. it's sperm like and it' still creates works. It still creates life. Thisisses me off even. It's not even sperm. It's venomous sperm and it still creates life. Yeah. But we when we get turned into vampires, everything just freezes in place done and we become frigid Barren just we can't accept a baby. and it's like is that? Yeah Fuck! It is fucked is so It is fuckucked And I also Have a problem like just coming off of that. becausecause obviously, Rosalie is a great example of this when she explains that all she ever wanted was a baby and all she ever And that's why she's also pissed at Bella for wanting to become a vampire. becausecause she's like, Hey bitch, you're not gonna to be able to do that. And why she's pissed that become a vampire becausecause she was really hoping she would die and that she could keep that baby. Exactly Before legally blonde, before law school, Elle Woods was in high school. Set in nineteen ninety five, this Gemini vegetarian knows exactly who she is, until her family moves from Bel Aair to Seattle and turns her world upside down. Watch Elle navigate a new city, a new school, frenemies, and crushes all while staying true to herself. Packed with iconic fashion, nineties nostalgia, and a throwback soundtrack, Elle proves one thing Law school was hard. High school was harder. From the world of legally blonde, watchatch Lll, a new original series only on Pime video july first Are you hung? Let's order delivery. Yeah. I was thinking Italian Burgers. Oh Game night We just got tents, T bros on different sides of the fence. Why can't we have food without the f? With Wonder, you can combine twenty restaurants in one delivery, so no one has to settle. Use code meal timee for fifty percent off your first Wonder order Terms apppplies seewonder dot com slash new customer. Ryan Reynolds here from MidMobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for fifteen dollarars a month plan that I've been enjoying It's not just for celebrities. so do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to MintMobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintMobile dot com slash switch. Up frront payment of forty five dollars per three month plan, equivalent to fifteen dollars per month required. intntro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. Feful terms at MintMobile dot com d made Rosalie for a stereotype of an infertile woman. And this is coming from somebody who went through infertility so I can speak on it. As a previously infertile woman king hate. when they are portrayed as frigid, mean typing you're saying like control Jennifer Garner Jennifer J Juno. like her husband's such a cool guy. I'm like, Oh man, he's so cool. He's a fucking predator I to up with. But what a cool guy. And then she's portrayed as this very frigid uptight like L can't have a baby that. And it's like, no No. Why are we portraying that? Like why are we And it goes right into this. She's fucking mean for no reason, Abella. She's nasty, She's like a frigid bitch.. And she just comes off as being like, well, I can't have a baby, so I'm mad at everybody. And it's like, that's literally not reality And then it like goes further with this movie and this book becausecause now all of a sudden She has a change of heart to Bella Because now Bella has become a fucking vessel to her She doesn't give a shit about Bella. She doesn't. She cares All she cares about is cool. That baby's gonna kill you and claw its way out of you. And then I get to have my baby. Y. That's also not reality of like an infertile L somebody going through infertility is like, oh, I'll just look at everybody else like a vessel and I can just watch them die and steal their baby What a weird way to portray her. Crazy. And I feel like it fucks up her character because she also has a cool like she has a backstory that's really like traumatic and crazy. And like she's she gots like bad. She gets like stifled down to just to just that. get first into this box is just being like baby obsessed lady who can't have a baby ever. like that's it. That's icky.. Because you've made her like she's a strong character and it's like and she really dumbed her down. She's such a bad ass. herer backstory like just saying like in eclipse. It's so cool. And I think we said it when we went over Eclipse. they don't even go that far enough into it. No, I wish they had. Yeah Going back to the beginning of the movie because we'll like try to hit some of the stuff in the beginning One of the things that I noticed in the movie Is in Bella's room when she's like packing up her shit Why is there just a painting of a dog next to her bed? I wondered that too. It's not like a wolf dog. I wondered that too. It's like a floofy dog. Yeah, it's like a bichon. Yeah, Yeah, I don't know. It's like a sheep dog. I don't think it was before. I don't know if it was there. Maybe it was and I just didn't notice it until the room was empty but I'm like Why? Maybe she has like a desire to become one of those ladies that like shows those dogs. I'm like, you didn't give me any like, you never mention that she had a dog. Yeah. I think she this very distracting thing Big painting. I was too upset about the fact that she literally gets into bed wearing jeans and a belt. Oh, I literally have that in all caps right here. Why does she get into a bed with jeans on And also Edward is going to break her house and at least she acknowledges that, but it's always like no, nobody knows that Edward is here. I'm like, Charlie is a cop. Yeah. Charlie is the sheriff. Yeah knows that Edward has attached himself to the house. Yeah. Like hello when he jumps on and it's like playing. He comes like every time. And then Emma and Jasper are like, Wh like going the roof knowns that you have people over. Like Charlie's a smart guy. Yeah. Charlie's smart he's handsome, he's capable. He knows he's hot. And he knows he's I know him hot. But yeah, you're right. He knows every single time. Come on, what are you doing go to sleep in jeans, you freak. Oh God. At least take your beltst off. Just what are you doing? What are you doing? And then Renee the mom getting the wedding invitation. Oh my god. Like Charlie reacted appropriately of having like a somber moment to himself being like, fuck, I really fucked up here. Yeah. Renee is literally like She's standing in her green sccreen beach. That green screen beach was Die on motherfuckking Phil, who we don't see. And she's just like, girls L I' so happppy that her eighteen year old daughter getting married after dating this guy for Oh point five seconds. I don't need They've been together. Theyven't been together that long. because your transfers I don't I think they're like, I mean They go to prom, so I think she had to have been like a junior When they first got together, so two years. I don't even know if it's too I'm looking it up Because I don't even know if it's two years. I don't know Well, also it can't be because she transferred in the middle of the school year. Yeah. fourteen months fourteen fourteen months J. They met in January of two thousand five and officially started dating in March of two thousand five. He left her in September. They were separated first seven months and then they reunited in march two thousand six and got married on august thirteenth. Oh it's not even It's like seven months H they've actually been together. Some people count the breaks, someome people don't. If it's fourteen months Yeah And you weren't together for seven of her S of them half of that time. That is half of that time. We are going to count that one as a break. Seven months I didn't So technically they have only physically been together for seven months. Let that sink in. Everybody let that and then I want you to picture Renee on her green screen page standaying there It's happened You're a bad mom You're a bad mom, Renee. I mean, Renee, you hear me? You're a bad mom. Based on the illustrated guide alone, she's a terrible mother. She's terri. She let Bella take over the bills when Bella was like twelve. She doing the books. know she I think it literally says Bella started doing the books because Renee couldn't. Yeah L hello That's gnarly. It's so funny because she's so parentified. That's why she's so baby girl because she was she was a parentified child. Yeah. And then she met Edward and she said. And he's a thousand. I have to be the kid. Let's go. I don't know know to do this. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, Then we go to the wedding, which o my God. I love her dress, I will say. The back of her dress is stunning. One thing I do have to say though, in the beginning, she's practicing walking in like gigantic heels You don't her dress covers them. She could haveve work fking fuzzy slippers if she was. Like you can't see the heels. Yeah But also as she walks down the aisle, I said, babe people are taking pictures of you if we're considering this a real wedding. She looks. She looks like a Der in headlight. So horrified to be marrying this man And I love it because when they go out, like she's like, just don't let me fall. And and I love when Charlie says like never or whatever says, it's really sweet. I just love Charlie. cute kid and dad moment.' just gonna be me loving Charlie.i. It's the only good thing about this In that moment, I was like, if I was Charlie,d I'd be like, I'd gesture broadly and be like I've already let you f I already did B let, you know what? I already sailed, babe. So hereere we are. You got involved in our life too late, I think sure did. Like like more involved too late. And there's a part where like when she's trying on the shoes too with Alice. Oh. when she walks away in the movie, she does this one little skip and then like hops up Deb Deb who who noticed it and I had never noticed it before and I was like, why did she do that? Why did she do that Just a skip and then she's just off. I don't know. It's very strange. And then we do get like when she's packing up her shit, we get Edward. doing a flashback to like why he's still trying to convince her not to become a v before the wedding Be because Edward still wants her to die of old age so he can go get it with someone else appntly. I'm sorry, that's like the most unromantic thing to me is a vampire not wanting to change the person he's in love with. It's a really annoying trope too, because it happens in like every vampire movie TV show and it's like, it's very unromantic to me. It is. If you really loved me, you would not want to live without me. and you wouldn't want me to die something. And if you think I'm so beautiful, why not freeze me in this gorgeous state? Yeah. Hello. You just shouldn't ever want to be without me. No. So why? You're just going to wait me out. Also how about my own autonomy? I'd like you to change me, do it. So I think it's dumb. But he's in there being like, Let me tell you about when I turned into it. I'd be like I literally don't care. He also tells his whole backstory, like he's a monster. I said, first of all, you were hellah hopper. make something even better. First of all, sick haircut. I love it. Edward in the twenties slash thirties.. A plus. A plus. A plus. honestly Men's looks in the twentyent. Yeah, A plus. personersonality is probably not great. Yeah But he tells her all about his backstory and how like he basically murdered monsters, like he was he was going to very Dexter exactly. And he says that like Is that who you want to be with? I'd be like, ye. ye. yeah. like that would make me want to marry him more. Yeah. She also says he's like, What does he say? He says like What do you want to see when you look in the mirror, Bella? And she's like, you And I said What? What? I said, This romance is more fucked up than It's weird. You're not becoming one. She actually said, I wanna wear skin. You' weird like to wear your face U But yeah, that was weird, but I liked the flashback because he looked really good in that fun. He saves the lady. He does E a great outfit It's true becauseuse it was like the twenties thirties. Y And at the reception, we meet like those blonde vampires from Alaska, I think it is. Yeah. I remember they played a much bigger part in the book. Yeah because people tried to like set Edward up with Arena, right? Well, in Arena Apparently was like with La Rom. Yeah. Yeah. like and then obviously The wolves ripped him apart because he was going to kill Bella. Yeah W you know happens But she doesn't believe that. And at first, here's the thing. at first when I saw this scene, I was like Id be pissed.'d like get the fuck out of my wedding ' because she's like, I don't believe that. L and she has way this this actress plays it. Yeah I know there's not a lot to work with here. like you got to do what you gott to do. It's like very dramatic But like the face she's making makes me laugh every time because really so intense. It's like when Kim K cries. Yeah, it's pretty garly. And she's like and, you know, they're like you know, Laurent was gonna to kill Bella. Like that was really lovehing had to. She's like, I don't believe that. I'd be like then get the fuck out of my wedding. Like, why are you going to support me then I'm like, well, breaking down part two is actually going to bring like Pretty big headache Yeah to all of these covens because Bella just had to fuck as a human. It all kind of like kind of on Ainna's side here like because she's even like brring a lot of problems. Well, that's the thing. All the vampires are looking around like You're really gonna like throw it all away for this boch. And it's also like just turner Yeah, just fucking go. Turn her, baby. Y the Vulturie, the Volulturie wants you to do it. She's got the fucking shield. M. Like do it Yeah, the fuck. This could all be fixed. It could be But then Jessica's speech, Jessica's speech, I'm still thinking about it. I will I will cringe until the end of the earth or the hair as I call him. or the hair as everybody calls him, was like She said his ey call him justust Jessica. That' was name for Bella husband. And when they like flashed Edward, his wedding hair is shit. It's awful. Complete shit. I'd actually be so angry at John. If during our wedding he had the worst hair of his life. It's very floppy. Like well and he did nothing with it. No, no No nothing. No slips No nothing happening. No. He might not have even washed. I don't think he did. That might have been on Robert Pattinson though, because he did admit that he went six months without washing his hair He also has admitted in interviews that he had a strange body odor that smelled similar to crayon wax I don't know if I know what that smells like. But then wast like wet crams? I think I might have been wrong about that. Okay. just cran waxks. They were dry. But then Kristen Stewart said, I think he's overplaying that. Like no, he smell he smells fine. He smells really animalistic. He's got like an animalistic musk And I said My dou pretty much never smells good. I'm not sure. I don't know if that's like a defense or not. I don't know if I've ever thought of John having an animalist analistic musc. But it is rumored that people on set. like the crew was like, why is so stanky Rob? Why is so st I that he's just like I don't know. Maybe it was becauseuse him and Kristen were in that like early two thousands indie Gungy. It was like a little grungy. Yeah. So maybe He really hadn't done it. Maybe that was it because it didn't seem like it. And just her being like, and like could have been me didnidn't notice me. I was like, who does that at w? Like that's not I know once again, as Stephanie Meyer would say, it's fantasy. you believe. I'm like, but this is supposed to be the real part of it. I know they actually did get married. Like I'm like, you nobody would do that. No. Like no, you can make her have a weird speech without being That was just so off the rail. man speeches all the time. But to me I would say that. She wasn't even president of the Ge Club or the school Cnsel. Yeah. basically like you could have had me. Yeah. No one's doing that. I don't know Damn. And then then re Renee singing With herep Batchit crazy hair. Oh to sleep and you wake up. And Bella loves it She's like, that's my mom. She's just sitting there like, that's my mom and I'm like, damn. you know why she likes it? ' she only sees her daye a few times a year. Yeah. she's like, There's another story to in my back pocket. S see you in six years, mom. G glad I don't have to do your books anymore, you crazy bit. crazy bitch Go back to your fucking green screen beach wheread is. Fville. Jacksonville, mayabbe. Yeah, it is But yeah, that was that was gnarly. Oh my go. And then U what's the name Edward is like I have another gift for you. It's here Yeah. and you're like, Oh my Godd, yeay, a gift Edward gives Bella Jacob as a wedding gift. And that just feels weird to me. That just feels weird to me E lets him have a moment alone Oh, a very inappropriate moment alone as far as I'm concerned. There are canoodling. They in the moss, as you said much canling. What did you say I said, whyy are you dancing with another man in the mosque at your wedding And I stand by that question. She like leaves the wedding. Yeah. She stands in the mosque What did they for? As he like dances S and twirls her. Oh yeah, and she like is has her head under his shoulder. they're canoodling. They're canoodling in the woods on her very wedding day. It's like The way the fact that Edward's just like and he's so happy, he's like, I know you this man. I know you love this werewolf so much. Get of a cook Got, he is a little bit.. So do you want a chair to sit down in? Would you like to sit at myall or anything? An oomen for the fellow What really What you're like, what the fuck is going on here? He the wedding party's like, hello. like what's going on? This wedding's getting weird. We're gonna leave. Like in the last few movies and books Jacob has been so disrespectful of their relationship Bella has been so disrespectful of their relationship. He has outwardly admitted that he would kill Edward if he could, just to snake his gal. Yeah. Heays And he's like, you're not good enough for her. I'm obsessed with her. I wan to fuck her. I wantan to marry her. We're supposed to be together. Like he said this several times. I'm hotter than you. he said And now you're just presenting him as a gift at your wedding. It's really weird. On what planet, Stephanie, Cuck plananet? Like on what and in the book? Jacob is so fucking unlikable in this book. Do say in the book that he proposes being a thrupple? At one point he does. I don't know if it's in the first part or like doesn't propose it's implied. Okay. I think Edward is the one that kind of Imies it. Did we just unlock a theme in this? I'm not positive. I need to look it up now which Oh, it's yeah, it was at the end of a clipse. He tells her he's willing to accept whatever relationship she feels she needs to have with Jacob Oh, so he's kind of being like we kind of been forging a like if you feel like you want to be with him as well as like I Understand. which is essentially him suggesting or not suggesting, but being open to the idea of like whatever you want. Yeah, like an arrangement. Yeah. Okaykay. Those happen. Which I don't think he wants that, which is even sadder. He's just like, I just love you so much that I'll accept. I'll give you essentially and it's like, Bella G But yeah, it's and in the book, Jacob, especially Baking Dwn, he's so unlikable. His chapters are borderline unreadable for me. They're also insanely named. They are and I have a couple of them. In the book in this part is when like they start talking about the honeymoon. and he's like, you know, like basically saying you't have real honeymon, because you can't fuck And she's like, well, it's be real as anyone else is basically like, we will be bonin. And she's in a weird combo to have with your guyf book He gets so he gets mad in the movie. He gets so mad in the book that he grabs her like grabs her shoulders hard enough that she's in pain. Oh my God. And she literally is like, o that hurts in the book. likeike yelling it hurts And Edward has to come over and like literally be like, I'm gonna fucking kill you if you don't let her go. And like f Seth has to be like, let her go, you're hurting her. It's her wedding. Like he literally is abusing her because he's mad that she's gonna fuck Edward, her husband on her honeymoon. Okay. Make that make sense like I need to know what happened here? likeike where No one along the linine said This is weird I guess not. O did they in just still like it. You have to think that by this point, like when Breaking Dawn was out, it was well established that this is YA. like Yeah That's really fucked up. That's a nasty relationship. Like for him to grab her like that because he's mad she's going to have sex with her husband. And I realize that's not it. like that's not the end of it. It's like that he's mad because he's like, you're gonna die Yeah like he'll kill But a part of anger a part of it. But that does not justify hurting her. No. And a part of it is he's mad that Yeah. he's j's gott have sex. He's jalous and he's upset that could happen to her. but it's like that does not justify grabbing her like that. No, nothing does. Like what the fuck It's wild Edward's not telling Bella where they're going on their honeymoon. Thank you. My family And like her family is aware of this. like talking Renee iss like, oh my God, whereere do you think you're going So fun that he's taking somewhere where he's told no one. Where the fuck are you going? Yeah. My family would say, hey You're not going. Yeah. until we have your itinerary, you're not going. That's an episode of Dateline. I'm like's an episode of dayaylight. L I could never no. I couldn't ever No. My family would say I think not. Yeah. L we just don't know where you're going. That's that's insane I thought that was th I was like, sorry I got so excited. The trash bins were really light. And I said, is it Thunda talking about twilight and in a thunderstorm? would be just chef's kiss. It was just trash. But it was just I mean, wow, it was just garbage. Wow. that's also fitting. Also this whole thing Like this whole scene I'm like, wow. because from what I've seen On the website, like Stephanie's website, she actually says before this even gets like moved into movie form, she said this should be two movies. She was the one who reallyally? ' she said she it is a long book. It's a big book. But but like to be fair, not a lot happens in part one, as far as I'm concerned. a lot of like hadad I mean, part one of the movie is like nothing. Yeah. But do you know if the Harry Potter series had that book been split into two movies yet I don't know. Let me look, because I wonder if that was part of the reasoning Well, I think she just, I mean, if you're going to split it into two movies, you're getting more money out of it. That's I think it's just all based. You think it's that to me that She references the Harry Potter books on her website, so that's the only reason that I wondered. Yeah. because Turn like turning that into two movies like this part in particular We watch them get in the car We watch them get to the airport. Yeah We watch them get a taxi. We watch them randomly walk through the streets of Brazil for a minute. We watch them getting a boat. We watch them arrive at the island. We watch them walk in the door. By the time you get there, you're like, I didn't need to see all your traveling. No I did not halfway through that, I was like, can we just get there Yeah. I don't need to see the traveling. Yeah, no, I fully they had to because they had time to eat up. That's the thing. And there's not a whole lot of other stuff o until you get to well because like Renesme has to be born and the Boltary has to get upset and then you have toit there because that's like where it splits. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like that I don't think it needed to be I don't think so either. It could have just been a long movie. It could have been a think Eactly. Because I think the honeymoon is f It It's half of the movie. watch I'm playing chess for more of the movie than we don't. Yeah Yeah, it's a lot To be done, all American gymnast and Viori athlete. When you travel and train as much as I do, you find happiness where you are the sand, movement and comfort are essential. That's why I live in pererformance joggers by Viori. madeade from dream knet fabric that's made of eighty nine percent recycled materials, effortlessly soft and made to move as much as I do My happiness starts here in the softest jogers on the planet Get twenty percent off your first purchase at biori dot com slash liibbi. That's vuoRi dot com slash liVvY. Exclusions apply. Not only will you receive twenty percent off your first purchase but enjoy free shipping on US orders over seventy five dollars and free returns. Go to Viori dot com slash liibby and discover the full versatility of Viori clothing Exclusions apply, visit the website for full terms and conditions You know that thing where you get an amazing pair of shoes at a really great price and want to tell everyone about it? Yeah, so do we. Here at Designer shoe Warehouse, we'll give you something to brag about, like the latest styles from brands You loveove, or the trends everyone's obsessing over, or shoes that make you feel like, well, you. But go ahead, show off a little Find shoes to get you, but prices to get your budget. That's your DSW store or dsw. com today. DSW. Let us surprise you Why have we asked our contractor we found on Angie. com to be our kids legal guardian? Because he took such good care when redoing our basement that we knew we could trust him to care for our kids, B laate of them. Should something happen to us Are you my dad now? No, sorry. I do basements Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over thirty years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at Angie dot com No Just to go back the way like another thing ' like we're gonna get into now, like theoney you know. honeymoon a baby and all that. immmortal children The way Stephanie explains them in the Illustrated Gide. And has Carlyisle explained them in the book is that Immortal children are like outlawed because they can't keep the secret like the vampires because they're just like kids.. They stay as kids so they just don't have the ability to keep secrets. And like that They were so beautiful and enchanting and endearing that like Coins would like just you know, they would do anything to protect them. So the valtteri was like, this is a problem. It's too because we're having to eliminate entire covenins just to get rid of these immortal children because they'll just protect them. And it's like, but the way they explain it is like, not because like they felt This need to protect these children Be they're babies because they're children and like they need to be protected. Yeah. It was that they were so beautiful That's weird And I'm like, why do we have to? And I say this because There's a lot of weird shit That that ends up with kids. That ends up with kids in this that I'm like, I don't understand why this had to be part of it. I just don't. It's icky. Like it just doesn't make sense. like do we can we not like even going back to and we'll touch on it in this in this part too, but even last time when we were talking about is it Quill who Oh imprints on a Yeah, two year old Yeah like we get we icky shit. And it gets weirder in this one. Well, and she's not the only infant who's been imprinted on now. No which we will get to We got you. Now, and also another thing that I noted here and it came out of like the wedding reception really. and this is from the book. is the way she Hasbeella. Beautiful women Yeah. Like hates Is it when she sees Erinna? She's immediately horrified by the presence of the Denali covenin. And in turn the Donali cooven are kind of assholes. like maybe because they're like they feel judged. Well, and she makes them Well, they're beautiful. so they ob they're mean. Like they have to be nasty. Like when they laugh, like Edward introduces her in the book as his wife and they're like, And it's like She is his wife. You were you're at the wedding. Like It's just like that doesn't make sense. Like can we have some girls supporting girls moments, please in this? 'cause there's none. No, there really is. BeCause even when she tries to do it with like the Rosalie and Bell Bella thing, I'm like, no. She has anlior motivive. Rosie is using you as a vessel. It's not girls supporting girls. And even Alice, Alice is just manipulative with Bella. Like I don't have a very pure relationship. She just controls her Uhh. And it makes me crazy There's a lot of internalized misogyny that's happening here that is coming out in these things and likeing more and more. Like in the book when the Denali Kan meets Bella and they like say hello Kanya is part of the Denali clan F feel like Hing is not a vampire name. I know But Tanya, was mentioned before as somebody that like I think they wanted to set Edward and Tona up and Tanya had like a big crush on Edward. Oh, I thought it was Areinna. but Edward, ' Arinna's with Laon. So Tanya like really was into Edward, but he was like not super into her I guess like he was kind of into her, but like not like he's into Beella. Yeah. And so she knows this And like which like what this is what you're saying or So she knows that like, but she knows that like nothing happened and that he's not interested and that's it. And also like they're getting married. And also like you're at your wedding. So like think I think you won. Yeah. I think you got it. L you got this lot. But the way in the book, it's like, Tanya iv like they give each other a hug, Edward and Tanya. and then it's like Tanya was still holding Edward like held on to him longer. And then she says about all of them, all the four of them, and they were all four so beautiful that it made my stomach hurt. Can feel like intimidating? you just feel like wow, they're beautif Yeah, I'm married. Like it's just like one has like their beauty has nothing to do with you. Yeah. And it says and that's when he says, let me introduce you to my wife And it says the Denalis all laughed lightly in response And then she says She says, Tanya was every but as lovely as my worst nightmares had predicted. Jesus Christ. She eyed me with a look that was much more speculative than it was resigned and then reached out to take my hand But immediately just be cool. Like she's more beautiful than like my worst nightmares. It's like damn. C we just like And she's kind of being in a bitch. Like why doest need to go like that? Yeah, like why? And it's like I realize she's young. she's eighteen Yeah So you have those like like weve many women have found themselves in similar positations. But I'm just like, but I feel like She's so She's never just like in awe of these women or just like, wow, would it like, you know what I mean?, just looking at them like, wow, would it Beautiful cure. She's always threatened. It's always threatened. It's always competition and it's like doesn't It doesn't need to be that way, babe. And you just want to shake her and be like Girl It's okay. You got him. Yeah, it's okay. He's literally sickeningly obsessed with you. So like, don't worry to crazy level. D'try about it, which I don't buy It They have no chemistry She gets pregnant and I'm not even convinced they ever fuck. I Like they don't have chemistry together. they just don't. whichich is wild. I'm like D you screen test them? I know. because they're both pretty good actors. L R Pson has gone on to be in a lot of like really great movies and Kristen Stewart, like when she was Joan Jed, I thought she was so good. together I'm like And it's wild ' they dated. All right? Well, that's the other thing. They were together for a while. But I'm like, was that mayaybe that was just press? I don't think. nothing's real though I mean, I don't know. Nobody knows. Yeah. but No chemistry to scream. And never is it more apparent than when they finally get to Isle Esme and they are about to, you know, he's like naked in the water. Yeah. And she's like, just give me a second to get ready. And then she acts like she's preparing to get sacrificed. one hundred percent. Which like maybe she is. I've never seen anyone brush their teeth so vigorously and rip at their hair. Oh my Godd, from the root. Yeah those root As a hairdresser, ye. started the blad. And then and also the way she shaves her legs. I said J ri up there. You were gonna have razor birds. Yeah and cuts. And then I didn't understand that Alice packed for her, which like what? That's your brother. And then Alice just put a bunch of skimpy like teddies and lingerie in there. Okay, here's the thing It's weird that Alice packed that bag. Like I'm moving on f. I was like, please do tell me that's so wed. That shit is weird. But Bella is so horrified by what was packed. Yeah that she's acting like it's like nipple pasties. Yeah. like This is your honey moon. Where do yous Teddy? You could look cute. Get down with you your bad self. It's good. And she ends up going out there naked. so I was like, whyy were you so scandalized by the fabric? You went out there naked. Hello. Which like good for you. Hello. Like you should if you feel so inclined. But weird rumples to the ground at one point And it is like she's about to go out to meet a firing squad. She I think she's just so embarrassed about like body and so younger. Yeah like this is why you weren't ready to get married, babe. If you're crumbpling onto the ground at the thought of fucking your brand new husband, you're probably not ready for married. Pbably And also say if you just waited until after you became a vampire, you would feel confident as far. I know. So like, why don' she just wait, I know. When do you feel like a good ass? But I do get what she's saying about not wanting to be like writhing in pain on her honeymoon. Yeah, I mean, that's aing. Yeah They should have figured They should have blamed H Do it I think it's a few days I don't really. It didnn't seem like it at the Collins house I think it is. It's days. I think. I think it was just hours. Is that all it is Three to five days. Yeah But also they were there for like fourteen days. They were there for a while. I was like, okay, so part of the first week is gonna be you writhing in pain. then you wake up looking like a snack with a full smokey eye and new highlightsir. Me personally, you best changed me before my wedding. Yeah. You best changed me before my wedding You't your moth as you do. fucking appointments I had before my wedding to be the hottest version of myself. And you could just have Permanent smokeye. I woke up like this. Yeah, like literally permanent lashes. W you plan that wedding for a dreary day? No. So you're not sparkling and freaking everybody out.act say they didn't need to? anyway because they had the cover of all those gorgeous flowers. One thing I have to say is that their wedding was stunning. Oh stunning, stunning stunning. But yeah, I would like to be changed before that Yeah But they do end up doing it And it's very chaste. get She gets bruised from missionary. She does get bruised She gets bruised from simple missionary ason what? And also You see it the next day and I'm like How did the closet door and a wall get damaged? in the bed The bed is b. I'm like, you guys were doing missionary. Bit pillows Like show the softest sex I've ever he. showh me where he broke the closet door. Show me showhow me to me Rachel.ach showhow me to me Rachel how that room was raed. Show me that because from what we saw The theightest. I said that's soft. so gorgeous. beautiful. It was beautiful candlet. But it was an ouelet, notot breaking a bed. I was like, where or what alir, huh? What? I was just a little confused. And then when the housekeepers come rude Ela goes They're not carpenters. They' not. 'use one of them, the man is hu just walking out with part of the bed frame in his hands. They didn't even bother to pick that place up. and then later you see Edward fucking flying around the room to pack and warp speed. I was like you could have clean that fucking room for them. I'm sorry to leave that room that big of a mess and then just be like figure it out. And also to sit ony to sit on the couch while they clean. Yeah That's so your underwear. I know they pants you do. Yeah while they clean the room that you fucking demolished and didn't bother to even pick up the feathers. Yeah while doing missionary.ike' crazy. That felt yucky to me. It did. One thing that we also didn't even really talk about when like between you and I when we were watching this That's his mom's house. Yeahah I don't know. I don't want to fuck there. That If I was Bella, I'd say It's not the first place I that comes to mind when I think of fucking you for the first This home was built for your vampire mother. This home we should not fuck at it up. We should not do missionary in the home built and named for your mother. In the book, they destroy many rooms. Yeah, there's many rooms. There like a blue room, a white room, and they destroy They wck them all. Yeah, they just wck them all. And then they in like a real hopefully as they will let us come back. I'm like probably not It's disgusting. You pieces of shit. And alsoolog just comes back pregnant us fuck and imagine how embarrassing that would be. Yeah like It like like we did f guys. I don't think we might have made a mistake. It have been a problem. We did it oooie. like oops. I just can't believe I watched this at like thirteen years old and I was like . I watch it now I'm like, oh my go. Maybe that actually explains some of my decision making in my youth my younger days. I mean, you never know. Yeah. Also, why isn't he sparkling on this honeymoon? That's a really good question. Is Do you know why? Because I don't think they had it in the budget. I don't think Apparently that was like incredibly expensive. Really? T make them sparkle? Yeah. shit And one part that really got me was when he's trying to avoid fucking her because like her and They're in the Amazon rainforest, I assume And he sprints ahead of her, like way ahead of her. and she's just like that's his left behind. and I was like Why are you leaving your new bride, your new human bride Alone in the Amazon rainforest, you've already left her in the Pacific Northwest rainforest. I was gonna say it's kind of his thing. Why do you just leave her in forest? I was never I'd be so mad at John The rainforest? Oh that kind of scary? Oh my god. Boops and beeps are living in the rainforeorest. It's criminal to even call the boops and beeps immortal. Yeah One little and I'm gone. I know. Like your stone, at least you can get through this, but you just leave me because you don't not of that. You don't wantan to be tempted to fuck me in the rainforeorest What a sentence. That's like essentially what's happen. I don't want to be tempted to open me in the rain to missionaries in the raed. the ra's crazy W. He also, Debbie pointed this out when they're in the waterfall. He takes a deep breath. before he goes under the water, I was like, but you're dead. Yeah I was like you you don't do that. Like hello. What does it mean? Also it What was the dolphin thing that you said when they were in the? Oh my god. When they first got in the water just like living their lives and looking at the moon Yeah and kiss said that is beautiful. So beautiful. But I said there's pink Dolphins, river dolphins in that water. Look that up. You ever seen a pink river dolphin? I don't think they give a shit about humans. I'd like you to go look at itook Because if anything's gonna ruin the mood, it's a pink river dolphin. If that thing opens its mouth near you, you're never missionary again. And I said you two are very unsuspecting right now and you're very exposed. Yeah And I'm sure there's other things in that water that could let's gooo could give you right What's in the Brazilian water. And if you're naked, you should be a little aware of what's going on. Let's see. Jaguars. Jaguars are in the water. It says Brazilian. That's why I said that. It also says legendary fish Legendary f. aginary fish swimming all up on the butt butt Pig water dolphins are so scary There's also another one that's called the tuck Tuckuxi No, and it's related to the dolphin, the pink river dolphins. I'm scared The largest predator in the Amazon reaching up to twenty feet in length is there, the black caiman. E The green sc. The world's largest snake is in that water. It's a green anaconda. P up Ramas are in there and No, that man is sparkling There's electric heel. That man is sparkling. Don't Oh my God love sparkly thing. The worst shark. The worst shark in my opinion, from what is itark cookie cutter shark? Oh I don't know about that I thought the worst shark was the bull shark. That's really bad too. What's the one cookie Cutter shark is just really spark. Are you saying cookie cutter shark? I am. Wh I know who told me about this? My child. Well tell me about the cookie cutter shark. I'm show you this thing Jhotars are excellent swimmers. who knew? I didn't know that. yeah. They're frequently spotted prowling the river banks. What the fuck is that the actual mother Cutter shark. I think they're little, so I think or maybe. Oh my god, do you know it's actually really exciting? There's Cappy Baras. Oh, that's fun. And Amazon Matees L luckily those are h hert ofivse, but yeah, there's a lot of fucked up shit in that water and you should put your butt away You should you should keep your butt out of hot water.ust looking up at the moon, honey. You just got stung by an electric eel, bitten by a fucking piranhah and a green anaconda shark and a jaguar is actually actively hunting you while we record this podcast.ly Truly, it's happening right now. And you know what? it would be fine for Edward because he could just dip and, dip dip. Bella dead, dead, dead. But also Edward's sparkling. so he's's not piranhas. No, there's no budget for that. But he should be. He should be, by. Yeah, put your butt away. That That's another time Stepanie said Vampires aren't real. She said, you believe and they really think they sparkle all the time. She said, girl, that's so cute that you believe in vampires. And I said, but you do. You wrote about Stephanie No. It comes to it, but he's like, I'm not Can I do that again nt we're not ever We're not doing that. like not until you're turned. And she's like, that sucks. So they play so much chess. Which also, if I'd rather go through venom spreading through my body rapidly than playing chess on my home over and over again. Yeah, no. Yeah So they play chess and then she has a dream they that they do it again. And she wakes up and she literally I cry and begs him. I don't wantan to talk about sex with her I died inside during the scene It is upsetting if you have to beg your h genuinely and cry and beg him to have sex with you, That should not be your husband It was so upsety. your husband You should imediate should you should revoke the paperwork because technically it's not even legal yet. know. And you should say, baby. that's not big sre. I have to be him to. G rid of him. G rid of you gotta go You gotta go my dude. That's so upsetting. Yeah. And this is when we get are Mency This is one of those two times. She got pregnant. Wait before we get there, there's also a scene like in the middle of all this where Jacob is on the beach. Oh and we have to talk about this. I do have that. Okay Yeah. so he's on the againain, Jacob's part of the book is wild and the chapter names of his are really wild. There's like the preface of his thing of his part of this because they're all split into chapters and like point of views and books and all that. H is called life life sucks and then you die. Yeah, I should be so lucky. Oh my God, my mom used to saying that to me all the time. God life sucks and then you die Herrific. I know And so angsty. It is so angy. She is Team Jacob, I guess. She is team Jacob, I think. And let me find the u chapter. It's literally a chapter that's called like What am I the wizard of Oz? You wantan to take a heart? You wantanna take a light L The longest chapter name in the world. What do I look? This is a chapter. Chapter seventeen is entitled What do I look like The Wizard of Oz? You need a brain, you need a heart, goo ahead, takeake mine, take everything I have That's the name of the chapter. Was this edited I don't know Stand up. who did it? Hello. Who did it? I guess you don't have to take all of the editor's recommendations. No, you don't. you The more books I write, the more I should be collabor that editors are very smart people And they do know what they're tal. That's why they have that job. They do know what they're talking about. And it should be this far into a series, I feel like. By book two, book one, I was probably a little like. That's my book. I'm not taking your suggestions, like not enough. Yeah. Book two, I was like Youre right You're right. Yeah. Book three, I literally was like said I so much better than me. Like I was literally like to said final ' my hands, let's do this together. let's jet up. I said, you just know. L you really like editors out there BeCcauseuse you know what? you know. you know. And we need you very So that We need you But yeah, this I do question this one because I'm like, what's going on here? Yeah T be done, All American gymnast and Viori athlete When you travel and train as much as I do, you find happiness where you are the sand, movement and comfort are essential. That's why I live in pererformance joggers by Biori. madeade from dreamnet fabric that's made of eighty nine percent recycled materials, effortlessly soft and made to move as much as I do. My happiness starts here in the softest joggers on the planet Get twenty percent off your first purchase at biori dot com slash liibbi. That's vuoRi dot com slash liVvY. Exclusions apply. Not only will you receive twenty percent off your first purchase but enjoy free shipping on US orders over seventy five dollars and free returns. Go to Viori dot com slash liiby and discover the full versatility of Viori clothing Exclusions apply, visit the website for full terms and conditions. At DSW, we ask the important questions, like what shoes are you going to wear? Whether you're prepping for wedding season, festival season, or just planning the ultimate vacay, the right shoes can make or break an RSVP. So own the moment. You've got big plans and we've got just the shoes at the perfect price, of course. Get ready to get ready withith Designer Shoe Warehouse. Es your DSW store or dsW. com today. And let us surprise you in Ly we're in the push I love saying Lap Pushe. Where in Lap Pushe And they're talking about like, you know, Jacob's, you know, wondering what's going on, wondering if she's going he's convinced that Belle is going die. So you' basically saying the treaty will be null and void and I can't wait toill Edward once it is. Pretty much And he's talking to Leah, and I think he's talking Seth there Yeah, I think it's Leon Seth. Yeah and they're talking about how, you know, They start talking about like imprinting essentially because they look over and on the other side of the beach are all the other pC members whoing coues. They're all kissing, cuddling, giggling with each other. They' noodling. And Jacob's like, Oh my God, their lives don't even belong to them anymore. And as he's looking at them, canoodling couples. It then switches over and he's looking at Well and the two year old Claire he imprinted on. right after he's talking about these canoodling couples whose lives how lucky they are and how lucky they are Da saying how lucky they there. And then it's so dark. You're And you look at this little two year old in this att least seventeen year old. This boy who has no Right. squatting by her next to the water And I said, this is the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. It's almost isn't it more disturbing in the book? You read some of it out loud? Oh yeah Oh yeah, it is. You gotta post it. Let me find find where I have this so. Because at one point, so remember The way imprinting is talked about in the illustrated guide is that It is not ue love and it's not love at first sight. It's not or it's not I shouldn't say it's true love. It's not love at first sight. And it doesn't have to be romantic cess It could be brotherly. It can be brotherly And it's very much and that's the way that everybody tries to defend it. that it It doesn't have to be like, but you know, it's crazy You know, it's crazy. So there's a part in this book in Jacob's part where he's talking about how his sister, Rachel one of the pC members, Paul imprinted on her and how he's like annoyed by that And he says, wasasn't it bad enough that yet a number another member of the pack had imprinted? because really that made four of ten now. When would it stop? Stupid myth was supposed to be rare for crying out loud All this mandatory love at first sight was completely sickening thought you cancellled out your own thoughts stuff What is what? Like what? You said it's not love. And actually I think in eclipse, Jacob or maybe even a New mooon, Jacob literally says the words to Bella. It's not love at first sight. Yeah. And then in his point of view in Breaking Dawn, he says all this love at first sight. Y Make that make sense. And then like the very next. paragraph it says So I'd been all geared up to be keeping that secret. And then two days after Rachel got home, Paul ran and her on the beach, bought a bing, bought a boom, true love I thought it wasn't true. That's the second time in two paragraphs that it is stated that this is true. Love my friends. And then We get to another part just speaking of imprinting, speaking of quQill and Clire whereere we get an entire scene of Claire talking like a two year old Like being like, I have a walk and like meaning a rock and it's gen And blah, blah, blah. L And she call and she's like,Qell, do this and blah blah blah. I have a question. Where's Chris Hanson? Thank you. Where is it Chris Hans get him on the scene becausecause it's about weir. Chris Hansen toula push. It's about You know it's actually crazy. Robert Pattinson, somebody sent me a DM is about to play Chris Hansen in a movie Are you serious? I'm serious. That's wild. Isn't that wild? That's wild And so he's talking about Quill., we go through the whole scene of seeing Claire being a two year old. and he's saying that Quill would play peekaboo with her for an hour Like he never got bored of hanging out with her but whichich also is weird. It is we. It's weird, man. We're making this anywere. It' Cla's mom I'm saying And then it's and then Jacob says and I couldn't even make fun of him for it. I envied him too much Though I did think, are you ready for it? I did think it sucked that he had a good fourteen years of monkitude ahead of him until Claire was his age Also That would only make her sixteen And also thought you said It didn't have to be romantic. Now you're telling me, he's wait Ga wait. He's gonna to wait it out and watch this little girl go from shit in her pants to sixteen years old when you can finally date her. Yeah. We're really gonna do that We did that. They did then she did that. She says for Qill. He says for Quill, at least it was a good thing werewolves didn't get older I don't remember that being part of the lore they were I thought they just like slowly got older. Yeah, I don't remember all that part of the lore, but I thought it was just the vampires that didn't age. Yeah All right, so it says They age normally until they reach physical maturity, around age twenty five So not So I'm sorry, wait a minute He's gonna reach age twenty five And she's going to be sixteen. And then also like there's going to be that age What Like and then he just it's the same thing And then stops and then she'll continue to age. That's the thing. So then they don't age as long as they continue to phase. So if they stop phasing, they'll start aging again Okay But yeah, twenty five is where they get permanently frozen. But you also but but they die. And if he's they're not immortal, who knows how old he is? I think he, I mean, he's probably like sixteen, seventeen, like Jacob's Aage, right? So it's like like who knows because Sam's kind of older. So he's going to hit twenty five Before she hit sixteen. Yes. because she's only So it's like that, don't think too hard on that. I'm thinking way too hard on that it's real upsetting because even in this same thing when he's like, Yeahah, you know, he's got a good fourteen years of monitude. And I was like, Oh, this is g so gross Like he's not gonna to fuck any girls his own age. You can't because there's this two year old that he's waiting for. That so fucked up. Yeah. That's a I can't get over this And he even says to him,Quill, you ever think about dating? And he's like, huh And Claire's like, no, you Claire doesn't know what the fuck that means Claire's too. And then he says, you know, a real girl. I mean, just for now, right? On your nights off babysitting duty He was interestrusting Quill to babysit this child that he's in love with. Yeah. This is too gross. This is actually like making me nauseous. Oh well, and then he says Jacob says, I bet she'd understand, you know, when she's grown up, She wouldn't get mad that you had a life while she was in diapers. She might get mad that you imprinted on her when she was two years old. She might get mad She wouldn't get mad that you had a life while she was in diapers. This is the weirdest thing I've ever heard in myself. So when she's sixteen, she'll be like, Well, I was shitting my diaper then. so I understand why you didn't date me I don't need just any I'm like, are you what? How do you write that? As a woman too, hello Like I I have to go I'm actually late for I'm late for something by. Just to make it even worse You have to Jacobs like, but you won't do that, will you? Like you're not you're not gonna to date anyone else And Quill says Now remember, we have been Primed and told it's not' not romantic love every time that they are be will be what they need to be. like if they're a brother or a protector or whatever. This to me sounds like it's romantic love because he's not willing to date anyone else. He says, I can't see it I can't imagine I just don't see anyone that way. I don't notice girls anymore, you know? I don't see their faces. becauseuse I'm only st Be I'm only into two year old two year old. Like I'm sorry, there's no other way to take that There's no other way. And here's it like could have written this in a way where he became Claire's protector. Yeah and like had a girlfriend at the same time like had that kind of relationship with her, like a big brother and you know, like There could have been a scene where Claire or Claire was playing by the water and he protected her from drowning or something like like, makeake it. orm That's the thing. It's like if you had made it like yeah, they just become you imprinting, but make it you' if you're saying that it can have a brotherly piece to it, show us that piece. That show us a weird fucking guy waiting until he can fuck this girl, but she's two right now. Because if that conversation had happened and Quill had said, Well, yeah, of course, I'm gonna date other girls I'm not interested in her that way. I just love Claire. I just want to protect her at all costs. I'm going to be the person that makes sure no one hurts her. Yeah. I would have been like, o, you could even make up that like when Claire gets older, she has a boyfriend and like ye quills really protective and making sure he's the right guy. Yeah, but like in like in that way that's like not crossing a line.'s like If they had had that discussion, I would have been like, oh, that's a little less crazy. Because the other thing is it takes away the two year old or the woman's autonomy. Oh they have no say in it. Like even u What's is Emily, even Emily fucks over her best friend and cousin just because Sam's like, well, I imprinted on you and have no saying And it's like and you're saying Like he's like, Oh, I'm sure Claire will understand when she gets older. I'm like, So we're just not even giving Claire a choice. Claire doesn't want to be with. She now has to just look at you and go, oh, it's okay that you, you know waited She has to say to the then I to date you. Yeah because you imprinted on me. That's so fucked up. There has no choice. Like the whole imprinting thing, again, it's such a weird like thing to do that takes away women's autonomy because it's like we're not giving any, I don't see Leah imprinting on anyone. No. which that's fair. So we don't take away the men's autonomy. We only take away women. If I was Leah, I was reminded of it in this movie when she's sitting on the beach with Jacob and Seth and she's just hanging out and she has to watch her fucking Bch ass cousin canoodle with the man she used. It was hilarious. I would physically fight my cousin every single day of her life. I would beat her ass on the daily is what I said. That's what I wrote down right here in these notes. said I would beat her ass on the daily. Bch. Cousin do you that dirty, bit. I thought is your cousin do you that dirty. I not over it. And if I was the best friend, I'd be in prison. Yeah. truly P on justustice For Leah. Leah can be a pain in the ass in this movie. Oh my gosh. They have kill her dad. She loses her manail, but she has to there's one part too where they're they go. I got it. Go ahead. I got my posted not loed and loaded. E in this even in the movie and I think she and she says it in the book too, when she breaks away from the pack because later when they get home from the honeymoon and they have to keep Bella safe The pack finds out she's pregnant and the pack is like, we're got to kill that baby. Yeahike we gott to kill her because this is fuck up it's an abomination.. And they've broken the treaty essentially because this baby's going to kill her.. Obviously Jacob doesn't want to do that. He breaks away from the pack because he is technically the true alpha. He just decided not to H grandfather was chief. Yeah. So he's like, I don't have to batt to you, Sam, fuck off So he leaves and Seth follows because Seth's ad door doesn't want to. he's like, I don't want to hur the cols eith And Leah eventually comes because she was like, I want to get the fuck away from my ex boyfriend. ando thoughts I've had to hear every day. And when she says it and Jacob's like, you don't even like me. And he's like, I don't she says, I don't have to like you. I just have to follow you And I said, wow, if that isn't twilight in a nutshell. Yeah, a woman saying to a man That's the eye of the duck to like you. That's the eye the duck the duck. Shadow to Adam and Dom check out their pond. Wh listen to the eye theuck.'s a good That is the eye of the duck That is the eye of the duck is I don't have to like you. I just have to follow you. That's Wow rightight there. And then on top of that, because she starts talking about, I don't want tona be the sad ex girlfriend. follow her ex boyfriend around her. H story is so sad. And she's like, I don't want to have to think of his thoughts and hear his thoughts and have him hear my thoughts. Well in the book They talk about how when you like, you know, when when you phase when you phase, your clothes rip apart. so you're naked unfortunate And Jacob says, nudity was an inconvenient but unavoidable part of pack life. We'd all thought nothing of it before Leah came along. Then it got awkward Leah had average control when it came to her temper. It took her the usual length of time to stop exploding out of her clothes every time she got pissed, not exploding out of her clothes. Imagine every time you got pissed you exploded out of your clothes That one got me reing yesterday. But then it says, are you ready though for Jacob? Team Jacob We'd all caught a glimpse and it wasn't like she wasn't worth looking at It was just that it was so not worth it when she caught you thinking about it later Also just the sentence It's not that she wasn't worth looking at and like someone else s down even more worth Loo atth looking I want to fight people right out forget forget Emily. I'm gonna fight so much more than a justice for Leah. Like what the not' thinking about it later. On Does this bititch have to watch her? love of her life Fall in love an imprint on her cousin and best friend who's just like, eh, I don't know what to tell you. I just love them. You want to be in our wedding though and then has to hear his thoughts about Emily And he gets to hear her thoughts about the whole situation explode out of her clothes, crazy. and then These little dingus mutts over here. Tking about it not it's not like she's not worth looking at it. But then they have to think nasty ass thoughts about it later and then she's gotta be like, hey, little bitch. That's so. Stop thinking about my ass. Like so fuc What a fucking life. I was like, no wonder you broke away from that pack. I'd be like, I' have a lone goddamn wolf. I would walk into the ocean. No way I'm being part of a p I would say I'm going to Lapushche and then I would walk into the ocean of Lap Pushch What a shit life. Oh man Justice for Leah, Leah is kind of a bitch of this But whatever. She's on the right side at least. And honestly she can be a bitch Bothers wild and It's I just can't get over it. Now, apparentlyarent the whole idea of like human vampire hybrids is a thing. It's in the Iillustrated Gide, of course. because she had to explab illustrated Glavia. an illustrated glide. I just illustrated g. This vampire named Joham I love it. He was a vampire who was I guess he was like a scientist when he was a human It's just a realist name. It is Yoham And he was very curious about things. And so he allowed a female vampire to turn to him just so he could like experiment and see what it was like What it like for him? For science. I feel like he has really good hair. Right? I feel that too. He's not great, but he became obsessed with the idea of vampire human hybrids when he became a vampire. So he tried a ton of times to make one. Okay. He just kept fucking women who are humans, like human women. And he kept either killing them while fucking or they would die while trying to have the child. A he was like o, this isn't working. He's like god damn. But after According to the Iillustrated guide, and I quote after a lot of practice. Oh practice he impregnated a woman named Serena and she lived and had a daughter Okay. He apparently conceived a son with another woman who was apparently what is termed a singer But she was very and now a singer is what Bella is. Okay. a singer blood that quote unquote sings to one vampire. What a fucking fluck. That's why Edward is so helplessly in can't f it. it's that blood. Her blood is a siren. She sings to him. That's beautiful. Now apparently Singers don't hit for all vampires. They hit for a particular vampire That's not true for Bella though, because I feel like every vampire that comes in contact with her is like Remember James? He l his life. Literally I just wantan to taste it. It's like that that's against the laore. Yeah. Maybe it just tastes a little better, I guess. I don't know So he conceived a child with a son with a singer In the Iillustrated guide, she is very adamant that this lady Her singer abilities, nothing, according like when put up next to Bell is. Okay. She's always like Bell is just more than everybody. Oh, maybe she doesn't hate her. I think so too But so they did they are a thing. Hybrids reach physical adulthood by seven years. Okay. So in seven years, they will become like an adult, but they're still seven. But they're not like in a seven year old body. Yeah, they become an adult, but they are only on this earth for seven years before they become an adult. Okay. And apparently they're born with an adult mental coition. I was going to say, o. o And then they just stay that way they don't. pass that. All right But yeah, so that's a thing And so I just wanted to put that out there because there is like you know, precedents for it kind of thing But yeah, so that's what will happen with Renesme is she will S within seven years she will become a full adult. Okay. So that's all that Jacob has to wait for. Oh, that's so great. Which is weird To be done, all American gymnast and Viori athlete. When you travel and train as much as I do, you find happiness where you are. On the mat or on the sand, movement and comfort are essential. That's why I live in pererformance joggers by Viori madeade from dream knet fabric that's made of eighty nine percent recycled materials, effortlessly soft and made to move as much as I do My happiness starts here in the softest joggers on the planet. Get twenty percent off your first purchase at biori dot com slash liibby. That's vuoRi dot com slash LiVVY. Exclusions apply. Not only will you receive twenty percent off your first purchase but enjoy free shipping on US orders over seventy five dollars and free returns, Go to viori dot com slash liibby and discover the full versatility of Viori clothing Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. DSW, we ask the important questions. Which shoes are you going to wear Whether you're prepping for wedding season, festival season, or just planning the ultimate vacay, the right shoes can make or break an RSVP. So own the moment. You've got big plans and we've got just the shoes at the perfect price, of course. Get ready to getet ready with Designer Shoe Warehouse. Head to your DSW store or dsW dot com today And let us surprise you. Now the whole time that like Belle is in the Cullen house and Rosalie is just thirsting for that baby Anytime someone's like, you know, this fetus is hurting you, this fetus is going to kill you. She's like, it's a baby. callall it a baby. And it's like, no, I get it baby. I get it that it's like a real thing in there. Biologically and medically, it is a fetus until it comes out of her. So like You need to tone it down. likeike you need to calm down and actually She's like everybody else is a little bit wrong because for the amount of time that Bella is pregnant, it's not a fetus. It's actually an embryo. it's an Honestly, I don't even think it's an embryo It's actually ever Yeah, probably not with what how she's pretty It how long is it? nine weeks. Nine nine to ten. nine to ten weeks. but how long is it that a? that she's pregnant. Oh sorry, Th weeks, I think. Three weeks. I think let me make sure. So I don't even think she ever just because also remember As soon as she gets pregnant, she feels it kicking. Implantation for her is two minutes. Literally. She's pregnant for twenty eight days. Yeah. So and she feels it kicking the second she's pregnant. . So that thing is no longer an embryo. That's a full blown fetus. Yeah. but it's a fetus the whole time. Yeah And it's like that's just maybe that's justically and biologically it's annoying me that she's like being such a bitch about you are a science queen. It just annoyed me also When she does figure out she's pregnant, She looks at she like In the movie she like, you know asks for her like makeup bag and she sees the thing of tampons and that's when she's like, oh, fuck.. And in the book, the same kind of thing happens, but she like lifts the tampon box up like, because she's kind of like, Ohh fuck I don't need these. And Edward in the book is like, you're trying to pass off this sickness as PMS. And I was like I'm sorry. Some people do get really. I'm sorry Edward Anthony Cullen, Man. Have you ever had a period? Because I've had cramps so badly that one have thrown up and twoost out. Yeah. literally So don't sit here and be like trying to pass this off fuck off. Like, I've thrown up during my period before, okay? If John ever tried to question By period I'd be like fightver experience for Fight night. Like get outt of here. Like that just annoyed me in the book. No get out of here They're he's not nice to her. No, he's not. ever. He's not He's still in love with her. like makeake it makes sense. Make it Makes sense. So Alice taps into the fact that like something is awry because she can't see Bella anymore. like I think like the fetus like overs her. It's like it's like actually endone it's a literal eclipse. But so in the movie like Alice calls and's like, what's going on? and then Carlle gets on the phone Bella says, Carlyisle, I swear something just moved inside of me. I said, That's diabolical to say to your father in law. probably like, did you mean to call me? I swear something just moved in me. Who are you saying this to? What? And she meanwhile looks in the and she looks in the in the mirror And she's like I there's a bumpper. let me tell youagech is a Pilates queen. I would give my left arm for that bump. I would give my left arm for my stomach to look like her stomach looks when it's when she's like, I'm pregnant. I eat a pizza and I'm more pregnant than Bella. Mama is ton as fuck that's like I was gonna say, I drink a little water and I'm more pregnant than Bella litter it's like Godddamn nuts I was like, we're really not gonna give her like anything here. No. But cool So yeah, so Justice Ree and all that and Carlyisle Now, there's a part where u It's like while they're talking about how she's like getting to the point where it's like breaking her ribs and shit. Yeah. And Carlisle's like, yo. you're gonna to kill you. like this thing you look like That's real talk right now. Yeah, like he's no way And Robert Pattinson literally almost laughs in this scene Multiple times. When they're telling him that the baby's crushing Bella from the inside out, he says, I can't live without you. Watch it again. He laughs. Stifles a full laugh. He And he turns to the He doesn't do a good job. It's very, very obvious that he stops himself from laughing and then he does it one more time like right before he yells at her. Watch that scene. He's lawless. Please do. He's lawl.use he's like, this isn't serious. Also I think it's partially that she looks so scary Yeah that he can't be like, I can't live withoutcause's like I kind of want to live without you. to live without terrifying. I'd like to get out of here The makeup and like whatever else they did to make her look so just like gaunt and scary. I was like, what did you do? Terrifing And while, um, when Bella like goes into labor and like all her bones are breaking. It's so scary. ' she like drops blood. They figure out that like the baby needs blood. so she's drinking blood. and then she drops them and the baby like wants it so bad. She breaks her back and her knees. Yeah. it's terrifying and in the book Uh Jacob's part. He says for the tiniest part of a second, my eyes touched on the two standing in the back. Esme, Alice. smallmall and distractingly feminine Distractingly feminine. What the fuck does that mean pretty? Distractingly feminine. He's like, here's the thing. I was really concerned about Bella, but I kind of wanted to fuck those vampires out. I do feel weirdike that sounds like something AI would spit out. No, you know what that sounds? I realize these were written well before AI. was a thing so I'm not that's not what I'm saying. distracting what I'm saying that does sound like a stupid thing that AI would put together It's be to be like put this in there. It sounds like that whole generation that's like looks maxing. haveave you heard of that? Y That's the kind of shit that those inceells would say. distractingly distractingly They call girls like mobs or something. I don't know. What the fuck? It's weird. I just it just sounds like something that two things that don't belong together. It just doesn't that's why I feel Aain. I realize this was before AI. I'm not by any means, no no, We're not accusing it. I're just saying like that's how that is also why when like people think things that are not written well are just AI. Not always. sometometimes. just don't work. But this really does feel like one of those because like a lot of times when you see like something written by AI There'll be things that you're like, that doesn't make sense. like that metaphor doesn't make sense or like it's like overly Yeah the word or like the phrase. That feels overly worked. Distractingly feminine feels like something that somebody should have said, pulled that back. Distractingly feminine. That feels like insult. Yeah, it is. It kind of feels like work. And I feel like maybe I'm like, was he trying to insult? Absolutely because he's like I think he's basically saying like the vampire women shouldn't be. So feminine and beautiful, they are and it's like fucking me up. It's like what? He also yells at Edward when he finds out that Bell is pregnant. You did this. And it's like, ye, yes. they are married and you did just get back from their honeymoon. Yes. He did do this. Like you haven't discovered something. Yeah, like truly what And Edward has to perform the C section, like we said with his teeth. Um, with him his teeth. He s to bite through that placenta. We also have to assume that he separates the cord, the umilical cord with his teeth as well because when the baby comes out, there's no cord. Yeah, J just crunch. And I said, what a different way to go about that. Yeah It's a lot of layers to bite through. seven. se right seven, I think. Sea sections are no joke. It might even be more because I know You have seven layers of skin, right? Seven distinct layers Layers of tissue and muscle. But they also have to like move organs. and o yeah, maybe he just like shuffles those around us the skin, the subcutaneous fat, fascia, abdominal muscles, peritoneum, the uterus, and the amniotic sac. Have you ever seen somebody like reenact it? Oh on TikTok, That shit will fuck you up. Every time I see it, I'm like, damn I did that twice. twwice. I know.icead bitch over here Sap. I don't think I could survive that. But also and he's biting through those layers. So I'm like, that's gonna to be jragonous fuck. And also and infected. accccording to the Illustrating gun When hybrid babies happen, it's the placentas like stone. Like it's like vampire skin. Imagine if he lost a tooth, that would have been the funniest shit. And then and then it just grew back because heed quickly. Here's the other f So he says because Jacob at least in the movie says like because they take out the baby and or like they're the baby's not completely out yet and she's clearly like dying. Yeah. And he's like, you have to change her. And he says, I can't until that thing is out. But you're biting into her body. like that doesn't make sense. So your venom is already You'reing her system. Yeah, you're saying I can't give her my venom until the babys out, but you're giving her your venom by ripping open her skin with your teeth. Yeah Ind And nobody caught that. like I don't get it. Nobody caught that. Yeah. Another thing that nobody caught is how Jacob imprints on Renesme. Oh, I caught that and What's crazy? Is that he imprints on Renesme at all? But before we got there, but also When she was born, he' aner And he sees her for the first time. He literally is like, get that fucking thing out of here. Yep. like I'm not calling it bitch that rank ass like infant That bitch. She says I don't wantan to touch that baby that's covered strawberry cream cheese. Yeah. he said, that's a murderer. Get it out of here In the Illustrated guide Stephanie Meyers states that imprinting this is a quote, direct quote. Imprinting happens the first time a werewolf sees the object of his imprinting If the werewolf does not react to the human the first time he sees her after he phases, he will never imprint. on that human but he does Buddy does. What Like he literally saw her And then he sees her again, and that's when he imprints. That doesn't make any sense.. And there's no reason for that. No. Like there's no reason. We watching the movie and I said, hold up seeing her. He's seeing her immediately when she's delivered. Yeah, whichich honestly would have been even worse if he imprinted it on her as she was coming out of her mother's uterus. Yeah, I'd be fucked. That would be fucked. It's still fucked. It's completely fucked And I love that in this whole thing that First of all, Edward, like goes into this moment of just being so enamored with the baby that he literally does not care that Bella is fully coding just dadting right there. Dadting She on the bed. She's a corpse. Like shes just presumably is a corpse at that moment. And then he's like, o shit, I have to fix her now too. I'm like, Oh wow. No that sucks. I don't. And what's funny is like again, in the Iillustrated guide, there's an interview with Stephanie Meyer. And she says that the reason she wanted to explore this whole pregnancy thing is because pregnancy is like not dangerous. That the dumbest thing I've ever said now it's not dangerous. used to be so dangerous. It's not dangerous anymore. I said I beg you to read. It beg you to read the amount of conditions that you can get one, not only while pregnant, but two immediately after delivery I needed two blood transfusions after I had the twins. You were like Bella Every organ in my body was shutting down. When I saw Elena post birth, it was like, I think one day later, I literally grabbed a nurse and I said, Is she al right? Yeah Because she was gray. I was literally gray. She was the color. She was the gray stuff. Literally I Beauty and the beast. I was literally I had two ull blood transfusions right after giving birth. Birth isn't even dangerous,? Reading was dratic. I was like girl, I know it wasn't like giving birth in the middle of the woods back in the day. I realize that that things have changed. but its danger dangerous. Like we can't pretend that it's not dangerous. No. So like that's a weird weird thing to say, especially when you're having her die during birth. Yeah. so there's that But it feels like I'm doing something new here women they're der. And it's like, no, they do. They do. they sure do. That does happen It's just And then we have Rosalie who has to be taken out of the room because she's about to eat Bella because she's just all the blood. because they haven't hunted in forever. because of Bella. Because of Bella and eating to fuck as a human. Exactly.s back to that're not them I've eaten in days, weeks, even. They're all hungry. They're all like all their eyes are turning fucking dark bllack white whine not amber. Esme, Carlyle and Emmett are out hunting when she goes into labor. Yeah. and also trying to avoid being hunted by the wolves, which at the same stops by like, you know, fucking with them. Yeah. But it's like all of this is because Bella just had to have sex as a human. could not wait But then Rosalie gets that baby Ch guys often ask if Bella survived. Shes sit by a fire I can take it cooling at that baby unfucking bothing at that CGI baby. So there goes that whole girls supporting girls thing. She doesn't give off. She that. She said, this is my baby now. I hope she does die. And also also I hope that' crazy. Sorry I had to recover from that. That's my baby now. I hope she does. I hope she does die. That baby, like when it first comes out is a regular baby. L somebody was like, hereere's my three month old. goohe and cover it and jam. great Wild. And it's a beautiful baby Then they make it she I put it and I'm like, but you didn't have to do that because babies are already b exxactly. But no we needed this baby to be the baby that Jacob falls in love. They make it really scary. Yeah. I don't like it going to get a freak Renesme in part two is going to be the thing that you're Your sleep paralysis demon has nothing on Ra's Mam. Your sleep paralysis demon is a top model compared to what I say. becausecause when When we see Jacob imprint our to his And he just has visions of this beautiful Adult Renesme. H hereere's the thing. It's beautiful. For an adult Renesme, it's weird. And her wig is weird too. It is. Why can't they just find a pretty girl with with wigs? Why can't they just find a prettyy girl with long chir? Get a good wig. There's good wigs. Yeah. I might not even need it. You found Victoria. Yeah. the first one. gorgeous hair. Then he just falls to his knees and will do anything to be with that baby in seven years. Meanwhile, that baby just shed its pants. Meanwhile, that baby just breathed its first breath. Like it's literally being fed by Rosalie because it can't feed itself And you fell to your knees thinking about it as in a beautiful adult woman that you can't wait to be with. Also you also has no choice in the matter. Yep, And you hate vampires Yeah. That's half family like that baby's drinking blood. Yeah, not breast milk Yeah It's the weirdest f. It's the weirdest movie. L like This is got to be the Stephanie Myers mind is a dark place. We've gott to study it, man. It's crazy. It's fucked up. I gott to be like, girl Tell me what's going on in there. Then we get to the end, by the way. makeake sure you watch past the credits if you didn't know the first Past the credits. We get Probably my favorite part of the Tilight series. I love Eb. He is funny. I love him He love Marcus. He's wonderful. Marcus is just so toasured. I love him. And we have is it Bianca? Yes. The Bianca, the seecretary comes in And she hands a note to Arrow. And it's a note that because she's a secretary, she wrote down Carlyisle had contacted them and said, they have a new addition to the family. So he reads the note and when he says it he's like Cle Carllyle has contacted us and he looks up and he says, with an ass, Bianca She spelled Carlis you can't spell. He's like, wow, d And that they added somebody new