Advice to Our Younger Selves

New day, new drink . New pump ? No . Let's show your guns. Oh, you can't show your guns today. I can't show my guns today and I don't have guns like that, so I can't. You actually have you very much have guns like that. Not like that. So those are some daddy guns. At least they're not grandpa guns today . When I first met you, you weren't fat , but you called yourself fat . You would call yourself fat all the time. You weren't fat . And you weren't skinny , but you also showed me pictures of when you were fat. Yeah . Which can that's the bottom of it? This is the top of the coaster. And you are? That's because it was there, but I don't mind doesn't get stuck. Spectrum. Mine's not stuck to the bottom . Like somebody else is stuck to the bottom . Could have been our name. That's your artist name. Put it on the spectrum, like you are . If I was on the spectrum, I'd probably be smarter than I am. You're smart. But that doesn't matter because I work out and I have muscles. So who needs a brain? Who needs a brain when you have muscles? You got body? You turned of legal age during the pandemic , which was the shittiest time of everybody's life. Yeah. You were working out, you were active when I met you? Yeah, yeah, I'm listening. I'm sorry, is something more important? Yeah, my job. This is your job, my other job. How you' qudalify for this position again? Because I'm skinny . See? And who do you have to thank for that? You're not gonna take credit for that. For being skinny? Yeah. I lost before you was that you saw you were saying I was heavy. Why were you calling you fat? When I bet you, you would say you were fat. Well because we're as gay men, we're evil and mean to ourselves because we're online. We go on Instagram all the time and we see everything that's better than what we have, quote unquote and you want more. Who cares? No one needs to be chiseled like that . I look like Hollywood movies recently they watched a lot of movies from like the nineties, early two thousands, and the bodies were very average. Look at sex in the city. We were watching well I guess we were watching the newer one, but re watching sex in the city. The one that you talked trash about. Just like that. That's all right. It's alright and just like that, but which was good. But the bodies in like sex in the city were very like normal , very average looking and hot. The guys were cute. It's a better look. I mean, I like a man that looks like a human. I don't know if you're like fully just completely shredded. It's like I like a, ch est and I like you like corn fed . Corn fed. Corn fed. Corn fed. I've never heard. That's like muscular, but like a layer fat over the top. I like just yeah, I like a little layer. I like a little. I bit agree. Nice to cuddle up to it's nice to lay on and it's like it's real. Yeah, I like somebody that will work out with me and have fun but will also like eat a cinnamon roll or something, you know? Like you gotta eat some food . That's where we differ. That's where we differ. Yeah, I need somebody who's gonna eat a cinnamon roll with me. I need somebody who's gonna eat a pizza with me . I need somebody who's going to drink with me , smoke with me, eat another cinnamon roll with me, eat another pizza with me, drink with me . Is that not what I just said with me? No , I agree. Getting back to my point , do you ever have one? Sorry, that was mean. That was mean. You know what? That was mean. I take it back. I take it back. I think we should create a there should be a game that we play. Okay, what's this game? Every time one of us cuts the other off , you have to dig a drink . Okay, your energy drink. My energy drink? Yes. . What I was saying was , what are we fucking talking about? Taking a drink . Oh my gosh, what was the topic? What were we talking about? Bodies. Bodies were working out . Okay, so when I first met you , I was morbidly obese. We get it. No, we get it. We were in similar places though , because I was really out of shape when I first met you. You're great though. I had started working out , but what I realized was my kids viewed me as out of shape . When in reality I had only fallen out of shape about a year or two before their memory really started remembering what I looked like . Until then , I was always athletic. I rode my bike for miles a day. I always kind of had a chiseled six pack . I didn't have really have love handles. I was a personal trainer. I have pictures to prove it. Back in your day. Back in my day . I'm fucking proud of it . And then we became gym buddies . You just stopped eating completely . Not true. You're so skinny right now . Thank you . I was gonna ask you what your secret was that an eating disorder and I don't have that. I think you do have an eating disorder though. Not that it's cool to talk about or laugh about. Canceled , cancelled. Fucking canceled. That's the only reason I'm here is to be canceled . You don't really eat food in the first part of the day. I don't eat food in front of you or anyone. That's super unattractive. No, I eat food. I eat food and I eat food with you too. What are you talking about? What do we eat? We've gone in and out quite a few times. I've eaten I drink a double shot espresso in the morning. That I'm not very hungry . I'll go I'll order Jersey mics. I like a sandwich, I'll eat food, I'll go home and then I'll cook dinner and I'll make two minutes doesn't make sense to me because we work out, we get to the gym and we start working out and you'll either complain about not having energy or being so tweaked out because all you've had is caffeine espresso gate alone. Over caffeinated. So one yeah, like how are you not running the bathro toom because you're gonna shit your self? Or at green tea one day you had green tea? Why don't you not go to the boom boom? Take a boom boom at the gym. Because I go before the gym. Any self respecting human being. I'm not shitting at the gym. Shitting in my own toilet. I had to go that day . Well, you're lucky they had single stalls. Oh, I did go. Oh, that's another day. I didn't always go into single stalls. It takes me a long time to get to the gym. It doesn't gym poop. Yeah. Make way, motherfuckers, I gotta go. You put your butt on that toilet seat at the time? No, I hover . Hover . Squat, I never I also camp. Like so when you camp, you don't sit on a toilet seat. Who's Yeah, this is a toilet seat. That's different camping you dig a hole and go shed somewhere. That's fine. No. I'm touching a toilet seat, like a gym toilet seat. Dig a hole in everywhere and camping. I'm talking about campground toile . I'd rather die. I'd rather die. It's actually not that bad. Strangely , even though you look down and you see what's in the toilet , it's not always as bad. The only times it's really that bad when there's a lot of fl and you go in and it's like you don't want the flies to land touch you again . You don't want the flies to land under . But it's typically not that bad. What is bad is somebody seeing you dig a hole and take a shit because you think you're in the middle of the woods, but you're not here on a campground. Well, if they're continuing to look at me as I do it, that's on them. I know that you're into that, but you're not into pooping at the gym. Yeah , that's nature. The gym is disgusting. I see the people. I see, as you like to say, I see I see I did not say I see I see the people at the gym and I'm not about it. Now, you know, my parents started saying that just in the last few years I seen it's the area they live in, I see, I see and I correct them and my mom gets so mad . She's like, I've been talking to this web No, no, you haven't mom . I seen, I seen with your I'm sorry, I'm sorry . It's your love of chapel Roan . What does that have to do with Chapel Roan? Every time your timer goes off, I think of Chapel R one. Why? Because the first time it went off, we were talking about Chapel Ron. Oh , and forever , you're chapelone . Don't be chapelone . So let me ask you , where are you at with your physical fitness journey? Jesus Christ . No class. Cut that. Cut that. You broke last time . You didn't I turned my face. I did. I kind of went this way. I went to the left where I was eating like pizza every day. This one I lived in Denver. But you were in Denver, so you were high all the time. High all the time, eating pizza every day, drinking beer, like IP As every day. IPA's are gross. I love it. Not even worth it. I love an IPA. I'm probably the only gay man in America that loves an IPA. That's not true. I know a lot of gay people like IPA . You think you're the only one? I thought I was special . You are, but not because you like IPA. Special like spectrum? No, not even that special. Not that special. You're just special 'cause you're joffee pops. Aw. Thank you. Pizza. I love pizza. I was eating pizza and there's this place we'd go to in Denver that had like was famous for pizza and fried chicken. So we were ordering were you an extra large pizza and an order large order fried chicken and french fries. What was your year since twice in September ? What do you mean? Well, like what years? What year ? What years it right now It was twenty twenty two to twenty twenty three. Oh, yeah, I was already here. So it was not a great time. And why was that not a great time? It wasn't great. It's like still coming out of COVID . I wish I'd known you when I lived in Denver though . Or at least in Colorado because we lived in Denver for about a year then we lived in Denver? Yeah, I had not. I fucking love Denver. I love Denver. I love Colorado. My twenty first birthday during the pandemic , I'm sure plenty people, obviously, my age and my generation relate to . I lived in San Jose and I had my first apartment and I got my cat and turned twenty one and like broke off my engagement to like my six year boyfriend at the time and I just was he older than you? I forget. Yeah. Everyone know dated has been older than me. I've never dated anyone younger than me or my age. You're such a grandpa chaser. Grandpa Joe You like the Lana Del Raids, the Lana in me . No. It's funny. I would say I would blame my mom, but my mom's always dated men like thirty years younger than her. So cradle Rober. She's a cradle robber. Yeah, that's a graduate robber. Yeah, but I just I was a really close. Like I had fun and I did some crazy shit that I shouldn't have done. And then after the that was the beginning, right? The very beginning of the pandemic, like doing stuff when you're not supposed to, going out, drinking, like, breaking the rules, driving past curfew, like, that was fun because I still had college friends. Crazy. I had college friends at the time. I lived that reality. I was stuck. Like I got pulled over when I was working because I worked night shift . And so you get pulled over every time I got pulled over a few times driving home and they're like, Where's your where's your like whatever letter to prove that you're allowed to drive right now? And that was fucking nuts. That's great. Where were you allowed to drive the stores where we lived literally refused? I mean, we're talking like big box stores , Walmart, yeah, Alberts, all of them . We lived in a place in Arizona that just were like held up the finger was like, no, we're not doing it. But at the same time, the hospital was overcompassed all the time . The entire time. So like part of it was nice because we did have the freedom to go. But if you walked into the store s, nobody was masking . We got called child abusers for being in the store with a mask and our child having a mask on. And so that came with cost, but I never experienced any of that. I could do anything I wanted to at any time. Granted, most of the time we stayed in our little compound. Yeah . Or in the forest . Yeah. But I never didn't get pulled over. That was in the Bay Area. Are you kidding me? If you're be going any towhere in America, that was str ict, it was Silicon Valley. Yeah . Like I was right in Coopertino, Sunnyvale, like Apple headquarters , you were the rules were in full effect. And it was isolating. Like I feel like I would have made music or started my musical journey way earlier , but you're like when you're at that age, you're already unpacking like your childhood. You're already packing like early adolescence, early adolescence, right? Like you're just learning how to come into yourself . And it's like, how do you do that when everything's on pause and the world is shut down and you have this insane fucking president that was like the beginning of all that wasn't the beginning, but it was like earlier than is now with all that crazy shit. So it's like, how do you find yourself as an adult? Earlier. And look at that. We're back. Back again. We're back too. And that's why it feels so fucking it's so confusing. And yeah, so maybe I'm a little bit of recluse now, but people my age, we all kind of are like, but we're like making up for it because I look at myself now and I'm like, holy shit, like I'm almost twenty seven. And yeah, you're like, that's young, that's young. Cool . But I don't I don't feel like I got to enjoy it. Like it went by like that. Like I graduated high school in seventeen and we're it'll be twenty twenty seven and I'm like, what the fuck? Like where did the decade go? I don't remember . My life from age I left home like at eighteen is and by time I was twenty seven the amount of partying and show and celebrity intermingling and studios and shit that I had done in LA . Yeah . I mean, I can't even imagine like what I'm just generation . Yeah, yeah, like you were robbed. A fully robbed. And not rightfully robbed. You were robbed and so much of it could have been prevented. That's what's angry. Of course, of course. And it's it's like one of those things that you just I'm trying to make it up now. So yeah, when you say like, oh, I'm a bit of a recluse now like I am, I'm selective not because I'm afraid of COVID now, right? I'm not afraid of that, but like are, you afra id of the gym ? Apparently , apparently no, I'm not. I'm not afraid of the gym. It just takes energy. It takes not the gym of course that takes energy, but leaving and doing things that I'm I've gotten so much better. If you would 've met me, we met a year ago, if you would have met me two years ago, I would have been in a completely different place. Even not just one year alone. I had like this epiphany when I turned twenty six and I was like, I'm not gonna let . And that's kind of part of like you and I becoming friends is we're at different crossroads in our life, right? Your kids are kind of getting to that point where they're they're getting older. They're gonna be in high school, not crazy long . And when you're in high school, you're pretty self sufficient. You're almost done with their year, man. Yeah, like a year away from high school. You're super self sufficient at that point and you're doing your own thing. And so that gives you that chance to kind of be like, what am I, what am I doing? Right? For me, I don't have kids, but I have myself now. I've been so checked out and now I've like come into it and I think you and I met at this like pivotal point in our lives where it's like well we're artists or creatives . We it's kind of weird because we talked for a minute on Instagram or whatever it was. Like we talked and we there was a I feel like reluctance more so on your behalf understandably , but we finally made that connection yeah I do love technology for that reason like it does connect us, it does bridge a lot of open space that you otherwise wouldn't be meaning people this is true. Knowing what I know about you now that's pretty brave for you to meet a complete stranger . Yeah And decide like, yeah, I'll take a stab at being creative with you I mean being creative with somebody that you don't know, period, but then being creative with somebody that you don't know after coming out of what you came out of. That was like, I think it was just like right place, right time thing. Meeting you, I'm grateful for that. Like I'm grateful to meet somebody and take that chance because you met me right at a point where I was like telling myself every day like I'm gonna do it. To people that went through what I went through and have gone or still going through it my age, like you got to do it. Like you have to step out and listen to your gut, like listen to your instinct. My point being to everyone, just you have a point to wake up, wake up. What is this? Wake up. What are we looking at? My shirt, wake up, wake up . I can't see. Do you want to see it? Can you see it now? Like doesn't go in your butt Jocrey . The pandemic funk and the situation we talk about what is the obey consume re peat? Yeah, obey. Obe has always been that kind of like political brand that's like , you know obey Of course I know Obay shirt. You have one. I do not own a Obey Shirt. I swear I see you wear no shirt. I never would wear an obey shirt. Why wouldn't you? Because it's too like what everybody else would wear. Oh, this is a vintage one, so I guess I don't feel so. I am vintage. If I have a right to wear vintage , I have a right before you do. Okay ., okay This is vintage. It's cute. It's a cute top . You're a cute top. Oh , okay . Wake up makes sense and obey I like the brand for that re ason. Yeah. Wake up. It's just one of those trendy things. It's not saying be woke. It's just saying literally wake up. It is very woke. It is, but it is like just we can fall into this. Yeah, it is. You can fall into that shit and you can fall into that pattern or you can live life while you have it. And again, I wouldn't have met you. We wouldn't be doing this podcast. You know what? This is one of those episodes that's going where it goes. Oh, so we're embracing wherever we want to go. Yeah, I love that. Go where you want to go. Mama Cass, be where you want to. Yes, be where you want to be. Yeah. Be who you want to be. Be who you want to be. Yes . Yeah. Where's to live by? Be who you want to be. Be one Musky trunks. Musky trunks. Yeah, I think it's important. So the COVID babies and it wasn't just COVID babies that were affected by it though, you know, it was like everybody was affected by it. I think we're all try justing to figure out what's quote unquote normal now for us . So yeah, bring it back to you calling me a recluse. My kids , it's like a flash in a pan for them. They were in elementary school. It's like they had a year, a year and a half of like online learning or hybrid learning and then whatever, back to school . I think for my generation and people of my age or older , it is again a couple years , it was this thing and then it became like, oh, you got a test or a test or you got a mask for, you know, a year or two afterwards . We didn't sacrifice any we didn't sacrifice graduation. We didn't sacrifice our twenty first birthdays. I can't imagine. I know where I was on my twenty first birthday. I was at Schmidti's, what wasn't Schmidt's. I told you this when we were there, right? Yeah. Yeah , getting drunk that's like a memory as ridiculous as it is . It's a memory I have when I turned twenty one. That's when I turned leaky old. That's so beautiful. It's fun. But you were deprived of that . Yeah, I mean, I fucked around a lot in high school and right before the pandemic for sure. Like I wasn't a good boy. I didn't wait till my twenty first birthday to have my first drink by 's not the the point point is that but like coming yourself as an adult as you're as an adult and legally yeah allowed to have that experience, go to those clubs, legally free . There's a difference of stinking around and doing things you're not supposed to do, getting somebody to buy you alcohol. Hey, Su, can you buy me a you know, twelve pack like I did those things . It didn't come with the sense of freedom and liberation that you get when you can do it legally and show your ID even though it's on your twenty first birthday and the woman behind the counter doesn't think you have a right to be buying it, but she has no choice but to honor it because it's her job. I had that experience. You didn't get to have that? No, now . So I'm making up for it. Good. Fuck it up. I'm making up for it, and just enjoy it. It doesn't mean I'm gonna go crazy off the rails. You get over there? Sorry, somebody's disgusting . You don't like your orange grape, pineapple , coconut, gin drink? It is disgustoids. I'm sorry. Whatever that stuff was that you put in it. It tastes like cough medicine. It's not good. It's horrible. It's not good. It's horrible . Um , but better than nothing . Is it? No , no . Let's end on a meaningful note. Yeah What is the advice you would give to your younger self as the lockdown started? What would you look back and say to your younger self ? twenty years old , locked in an apartment . Create. Like just create, like, don't get so in your head and be so depressed. And this matters now as well, but like , don't be so depressed and down on yourself. Like there's always gonna be moments in your life that you're knocked down. It's not just gonna be a pandemic that puts you there. Like you're always gonna put yourself in that kind of position, but like find an escape route and do what makes you happy. Then I wanted to make music. I wanted to produce. I wanted to learn Ableton, even then, but I was like shut down in every way, right? I broke off the engagement. I was dealing with a pandemic. I was trying to figure out shit. I didn't go to my dream college. I got accepted into, by the way, in Europe. And I just ran away from that and I freaked out. And I just decided I wasn't going to do it. I mean, all of that is like one big recipe for incredible art to be made. Yeah , but I could have and I should have , but it's like create, but also don't be hard on yourself because there's no recipe for like the right time or the right, there's no answer specifically. Like I get on myself every day about it where I'm like fuck if I would have created and I learned Ableton then and I put music out then would I be better off and happier now? But maybe not, because also maybe it took that experience and it took these years of being depressed and deprived of things in my life and art to become the twenty six year old I am now and write the way I write because I could not write or sing about stuff the way I can now that then. I just submitted some self tapes for an audition recently and read the script and it just like was just b itlew my mind how it came to me. Just tears like I was sobbing, I was feeling it. I really like I was like fucking in it. But you asked me to do that five years ago. I wouldn't have known I was just like a little twink. It was like, you know, my acting acting, I didn't know what I was saying. I was reading a script and yay acting and that was kind of but now it's like some life. And so even if it sucks, it's kind of like, you know, we are where we're supposed to be. Don't beat yourself up, but take what you have when you have it. And if you are there and you have the time and I had so much time in that apartment living alone to like create and write and learn music and play more piano and play more music, like I would have told myself to just do it. Don't worry about anyone else . Just do it. So are you telling yourself that same thing today? Yeah , fully . Yeah. That's why when we hang out, I'm like, let's create, like, let's create, that's what this started this podcast. Like that's kind of been the basis of our friendship is regardless of where we're at different points in our life, like that's what unites us is that it's a part of us. It's deep in us. It's something that you can't deny as a creative as an artist. You can't deny that you're creative. Deep in you . Don't ignore what is deeply in you . Well said , thank you. I don't know if that was cause for applause but it wasn't. I feel like that was a good reminder for everyone. A good reminder for me though it seems like that's what you said to your younger self, it felt like you were speaking directly to me I'm currently this entire podcast because I don't I don't know how to look anywhere else I'm like staring at that's not what I'm talking about. I mean like because what you said was still meaningful to me at this point in my life. No, it's a create . Just create create . There's no excuse . What was the other thing you said? Just create, don't be so hard on yourself . Those are things that don't fucking change . Do it . You lazy motherfucker. You do it. That's what we need to be. I mean, that's what I need to tell myself. You got bet.a It doesn't have to be a masterpiece. It doesn't have to be complete , just ate . Create create, be kind . You stupid motherfucker. Be kind yourself , stupid motherfucker. I mean, be kind to yourself, to yourself. I mean, I guess. You were just telling me to be kind of myself. I don't know the kind type, so I'm dick. Well, I'm usually dick. I love Dick. You're not I know you love Dick. I love Dick. Yeah, from front and behind . You call me bottom. Spit roast. Not bottom. Don't you ever call me bottom? You're a bottom. Don't you dare? Eiffel tower you . With who ? Anyone who anyone? Oh, so I'm just I'm just open property, apparently. That's the only Musky Trunk moment we've had this entire episode. Bottom . I mean, you were just twerking in front of the camera. It was not twerking. I was arcing. You were what is a twirk besides an arc that happens over and over . I don't fucking know . That's like that tina twirk. You gotta like what's the team? Like that Bob's Burger character twirk that I mean , that's like that you got to be able to like actually twirk. I can't twerk . You gotta like put it, right? You gotta like loosen it. You got to loosen it up. Oh, do I have to pull as high as that? Yeah, you gotta pull them up, boom up. Or you could like the side one . Do you have anything else to say while we're here? Well, I had to read this disclaimer. You want to read one? Yeah . You have a better speaking voice than me, so maybe you should read it, but it is listener discretion is advised. This episode contains explicit language and mature themes not suitable for all ages . Possessing or using oh no, possessing, using possession , you said it like twice . Possession , possessing Possessing, Pos , Possessing , Using , Distributing Mary vana, but I don't understand what this is supposed to say. Possessing ? What are you fucking talking ? What did you read? Let me see this. What are you talking? No, you can't read. You know, a fucking terrible speller. Terrible spell. Give it to me. No, give it to me. Possessing, I think it's supposed to say possessing and using. I see it's scribbled out. So I don't know what it's supposed to say. Give me it. No, you told me to read it. Possessing and using marijuana, or no sorry . Possessing . Possessing and using or distributing marijuana is a federal crim e. This podcast does not offer legal advice or guidance on violating federal law. Whoever expected that for us to begin with.