Finding Balance and Human Emotion

Well, new day. It's a new day The sun is shining. It's a new day, it's a new tank, it's a new trunk. I would say also a heat wave. Ooh, trunk . Is it musky? I mean in the ninety degrees, it's pretty musky . I thought we were in the hundreds. Probably we're in the Burb right now. I feel like it's hotter. No, but where you're at, it's probably Haricula is hot and republican , conservative . All the more reason you should get high . Yeah . Apprentice good . It is. I miss it. three weeks. No, you're longer than that. I'm on three weeks four weeks . But in all fairness, that is the amount of time that you really start to feel , okay, it's out of your system, like you're thinking clearly, I love marijuana. Amen . Fun fact . First time we ever hung out . Not a fun fact for you. You know this. First time we ever hung out we got high as a kite , I remember having to excuse myself and go into the next room and be like, I'm having a fucking Ubi. Edibles are like that, especially if you make them. Not to mention the fact that we had like slater blasting in the background, which was like drugs, death, sex . I just remember thinking, I do not love Hollywood. I love Hollywood. I don't I don't. Shut up. But you were the one turning the speaker like all the way up. Well, it's your music. Music, I'm like, oh God, this is loud. Silence is not an option when you're no, but it's your house. I'm like, you know, he's controlling his v.olume I can contro manl's this v olume . But even if we work on Ableton or something, you're I always had to tell you like fucking turn it up . It's too quiet. I can't hear my brightness is not for you either. T iturn up. Can't you see that you can't see? Edibles killing you aside. I do make them too strong. I think that's why I had to take a break because I just like was in a slump, like even if I took it and I would be off of it for two days, like it just felt it was in my blood. It was in my body. Oh yeah. Well, it stays in your system, right? There's research. Oh yeah, so this has been a good break . I'm not done. I'll never be done. It's been my life since I was like fourteen years old. It's a balance , so I agree. I'm enjoying where I'm at right now, but I know wherever I am when I do partake again, I know I want to be somewhere with like a guitar or a pad of paper and in a safe spot because I know I want to use it to create to create, to create. That's my biggest thing is like my question , if we were to have one question over this episode would be like, does it help or does it hinder not just creativity but motivation ? And that's a balance because for me it hinders my motivation , but it also hinders my creativity when I don't take it. When I'm on Able thet ponast three weeks, I just sit there and I'm just I can't even take you with the Ableton think because you send me like complete fucking songs. Overnight, you're like, this was something I just did . I'm like, how did you do that? Like how tell me how, but it's impressive. I didn't see the light of day because I just it's going to because I'm just gonna start sharing them. It's a hard moment . It helps me. It helps me with both . And I can do it. It's not that I can't do it. I'm not reliant on it to that point. Like feeding for it, like I need it, I need it. But it does help. It just gets me that flow where like I can just hear a note and even if I'm really stupid on it, I'm like, that's pretty , it's really pretty. That sounds good. I want to hear that and yeah, you just flow with it. It just keeps you, I don't know. I just I don't think I could be convinced that some of the biggest masterpieces or just maybe just selfishly personally, some of my favorite songs weren't created by artists who were in the studio Hyazak . You know , John D enver, Rocky Mountain High, Take Me Home Country Road, Cheryl Crowf it makes you happy. And I don't think anybody calls him a sonar song, but to me, I hear that. And I'm like , that is a cool ass vibe y, comfortable , lay back , rock out , sing from the heart type of song . And that's how I feel when I'm stoned . I don't feel like there's anything wrong with that. I feel like there's nothing wrong with I feel like if there was more than that the world would be a happier place. It's that or you can drink a shit load. If I take a brownie I've made with that butter I make, I'm like, I get a little bit illegal too far into my brain. Then I'm like, what is this? It's not even weed anymore. It surpasses it. You know, I mean, you know this, but we call it a Joffrey and call it Joffrey 'cause get him to the Greek . It's talking about cancel culture. Is that even cool to say anymore? Like is Russell Brand OK to is it okay to like Russell Brand? I don't know. You could like what you could like. I think there's a difference between separating an artist from their artwork. I think that's something a lot of people can't envision . I personally think that you can separate artists. Then why do you hate Willy Wonka so much? I don't hate really . Why do you hate HOT OGO reach over and I don't like the artist or the art in that situation fair enough in that scenario. That's a good idea. I do like Johnny Depp and I like Wonka and I do like the original wonka oh my gosh, why am I getting his name? I don't know, but Timothy Challen is cute . You know, we all have our own tastes. Does it hinder your creativity? I told you hinders mine. I don't know if I'm bringing this through your creativity . Hinders? Hinder no, sorry, my motivation . But it matters. It matters. It's on a different podcast. No, no matter it matters. It matters. Guy. You told me about a certain somebody that you worked with in the music industry that said she could not partake because it hindered her motivation or it would fuck her up, right? She couldn't . I think it was more than that. It was that, I think, but it was also once like, okay, you can be Snoop Dog and be high as a kid all the time . But can you be a woman and be that high all the time. Unless you're maybe Casey Muskerays, tell me what woman has ever been without being like publicly flogged because she's a woman and a dude can do it but a woman called old school rocker chicks, you know, maybe Janet Well not, a Janice Joplin, I would say, but I think that was more than weed, but a different time. Different times today. Today, yeah, I think it's like who? Keshaw ? Even Kes Casho just gets the short end of the stick all the time. They're so brutal to her . Are we allowed to talk about her miss girl that didn't want to get high before a certain hangout? I mean, I guess. Yeah. What were you gonna say about her? Nothing. Katie Perry. Can we just say Miss Girl doesn't have to be Katie? Why already said Katie Perry? So it's out there. There you go. Now everybody knows. There you go, Katie. No, I came out to her . You came out Out to Katie Perry, her firework music video. Oh, you came out during like that song came as wild. I'm aging myself as a baby with you. You're aging me. What's talking about? That's even better even better, even better. I want to feel young You told me thirty's when I'm an adult, I'm like pushing it, so I got to get that youth in while I'm at it. No, I came out to her firework video when I was eleven that was when that came out. That's what I was sitting in my office . I was like a senior director of creative at my company. Like I had worked my way up. I did all these things. you And're fucking eleven. Yeah. It's crazy. I didn't know what it was. That makes me feel good though. That makes me feel like what I was, I didn't write the song. I didn't produce the song. I was just the publisher at that time. Yeah, like that's all I did. I was a publisher. It takes, takes, but I was every of something that meant so much to I mean it meant it was a huge in my life too . I would go to the clubs, it was playing like it was a thing. Yeah. It was cultural phenomenon but to know that it would play a it part and huge. It was huge. I didn't know what that meant. See, I grew up with brothers that called me a fag all the time , but they didn't they called me fag because they were calling me a fag. They called their friends fag. They didn't you whatever and that sounds horrible. No, it just I thought it meant an insult to someone. Yeah . I didn't know it meant gaming. And I looked at that and I saw the comments and they were just like, fag, gay, you always go to be where these saw the comments all you mean about the TP music video game. All those words . And I don't remember that. And I was like, wow Fag, like two guys kissing , that means something. I'm a fag. I know, I'm a fag. I wrote my mom a note, a little letter and I was like, I not that I'm a fag, but I wrote that I'm like, I'm interested this is something I'm interested in. I think I relate to this. I don't know what that means. I got to tell you something like that alone . Like, I know what the song means to people. It was huge, right? Yeah. Not even on that level, just it could be, you know, an overweight girl. It could be and I feel like that's what the video depicted. Yeah , but the fact that one of my friends , you that had an impact on you and that, I mean, that's the fucking best payoff ever. It's a full circle moment. It was when I met you . I'm having it right now. I didn't know that that was something that you had a part in until you kind of like you mentioned it a little bit in our hanging out. I dropped her name. Katie Parrot, Katie. No, you were never, you're not like a named dropper. It's only ever come up in like conversations. Really? My daughter. Meeting you where I'm at my point in my life as an adult, as a gay man , I was a gay kid anymore and finding myself in the music industry and starting to make music, starting to write music, like trying to put myself out there . It's just interesting to meet you and how we became friends at a certain point in both of our lives. And that's kind of what this is all about, right? We have a different generational generational perspective on things , but I think we relate to generational gap. We do, but I relate to a lot more. Like it could be oh back in my day and this is how it is for me now. But it's not. Like I think you and I are why do you keep saying it? Because it's funny. It's fun to make fun of me . I gotta make fun of you. I'm gonna make fun of you too. And I enjoy it. Yeah. I think it comes down to what unites us and what makes us similar. And art bridges , I mean, that's the one thing about TikTok that I could like is the fact that it is connecting younger generations to music that they otherwise would never have connected to. And something that would be on their streaming , something that's out now , it's separate. But now it's just kind of bridging that a little bit. They'll come back to a song that they think is, oh, this is cool, this is edgy, this fits on my video now. I just struggle with TikTok though. Yeah. I definitely fall into that demographic with the TikTok. I mean, I try , but sometimes you go to these patrons who have millions and millions of followers and it looks like a good will of TikTok. Do you know what I'm saying? I know what you mean. Just cluster fuck. I'll tell you. That's why I don't understand how that's an attention span thing. I think it's people just working on an algorithm, working on is it my attention span or somebody else's someone else's or what they know is working and what they post your phone turn off your phone connect. It's a whole thing. TikTok is like it is a whole thing. It's so prevalent though. It really affects everything. It affects movies, it affects we talked about this a little bit on last episode. It affects music. Doesn't it affect ? I mean, I feel like it affects everything. It affects everything and it's it's so dumb. And maybe that's why when you talk about music in the past , when people get smoke a joint, listen to a full twelve minute song in a club, like and there weren't phones out there. I forgot to say this in the last time, but you just talked about clubs and attention span. When we went to WeO , I was ocked. Way ho, I was shocked at how few people had their phones out . I agree. I remember looking around all constantly being like, oh, you saw a couple people. I was kind of one of them because I was like hi , but it was your first time there . But most people did not have their phones out. I agree. But their attention spans were still like they still want to get on their standing there losers. Most people are just standing. When we start working on Ableton together, I mean, obviously it was when we were first getting to know each other and becoming friends. So there's that kind of awkwardness of just being comfortable with somebody and working on music with somebody. I think it's mostly you though. Well, yeah, I'm shy, okay? I'm shy, I'm awkward. I'm ready to get back into it. I'm ready to start when I'm comfortable and I'm ready to take an edible again . I think I think I don't have to. Don't have to. And I know you don't miss it, but I miss it for just honing in on something and but I fight with myself in it. We talk about Miss Girl and how she couldn't do that because it would get in the way of her creativity or it would get in the way of just like a live performance or doing something . And that's the one thing in my significant other like we don't we're a complete opposite If we're doing a project like when I was building our shed , I had to have it and not because I wanted to be high , but because it calms my anxiety and helps me focus. It gives you kind of more of a one track mind. Like focus on one thing, put your attention into one thing. Real than like everything else all around because I'm constantly everything all the time. I know I see it absolutely . You do see it. So I'm not crazy. No, I saw but it does help me just like this is where I'm putting my attention . And I like that feeling. And it's hard to not become addicted to that. And I think that it's , you know , it's nice to step away and recognize that. I'll say it over and over balance, but it is it because is it's too much of one thing. It helps me feel really good. It helps me feel creative, it helps me feel relaxed . I'm not so grumpy, I'm not such an asshole . I don't go out into the world and deal with sh theit head people that are on the roads or in grocery stores or treating other customer service people like crap. Like I want to be an asshole now then if you're not taking it because I've still not seen you be an asshole because you threatened it. I'm gonna I can't wait to see it. You're yelling at people on the road. I'm dying to see you. Well, you know what this is the first time years that I've gone this long without it. And it's I've gone through that first moment it's going to come. When you're gonna have a BF on someone to right now, I'm not to right now . I'm like, you keep putting me on the spot. No , I have a bitch fit, have a bitch fit . I think I just like I do like the grounded feeling of also just feeling everything. It's a human thing. And like we're going through so much in the world right now . There's so much shit all around us. Here , I like to be numb to it, sure , but at another point it's like as a creative, as an artist, like I need to feel something and when you go too long feeling numb, when you go too long feeling nothing , the weed contributes to that feeling of just nothingness, numbness . And that's not life. And I need to feel alive, whether it's pain, whether it's like heartbreak or sadness. Of course ., or fear I feel that. Like it doesn't matter. I feel alive right now. I get fucking angry sometimes and you don't see it because I'm your friend. I hide it or when I'm sad and I'm scared about something, like scared about doing a podcast or I'm scared to put myself out there music. You weren't scared? A little nervous. Yeah. But it's always nerve wracking to put yourself out there. But you know, it makes me feel alive. Like being sad, being scared, any of that, it's good to feel alive. And it's like , what a great thing to have, you know? Yeah. What a great thing to be able to experience. You have to have some gratitude for that. I think it's so easy to take things for granted , especially my line of work outside of a podcast or anything else, you know, working with adults with disabilities, like you just lose track of that. And I think recently I've really noticed that. I'm like, this is so special that you can have a full range of human emotion . And you're reminded how accessible everything is to you. Yeah , yeah . Run with it and count your blessings, I guess. We have many chaffy pops. We do . We do. Absolutely. That's the ones to let people sit with, I think. Sit with it. Sit with it. What are your blessings ? This is the part where you say, tell us in the comments below. Well, tell us. I do want to know . I am curious or things that piss you off. You can also comment on those too because like I said, I'm all about balance. You can be blessing and sleeping fucking grinds my gears . LA traffic . That really grinds my gears. What does grind your gear Chapel I'm not I'm in a state of sober sober bliss , gratitude . I don't know if I have anything to add to that. You said it so perfectly eloquently. Oh, I love it. was this It was not this . Well, for you, it may be that. If it were this, it would be higher . It was this . Well, there you go. I think we'll leave it at that. What else can you say? Going to Lu doesn't swallow . To that