The Airbnb Pizza Mystery

The McAlrooy Bothers are not experts And their advice should never be followed Travis insists he's a expert. But if there's a degree on his w. I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids which I mentioned only so the babies out there We know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby It s of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossom. It's wped into a precious friendchhip. I could have never seen what was com for me. Hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach My love. It feels like It's b, it's b over you A It's better' This is It's better. It's better too It's. Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother, me Avice S showow for the mododern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McEroy Giffin Hi, everybody. I'm thrown, Trav. I can't fucking do it. I know I talked to B big this weekend. You pinched it. I know I don't think I can What's Trav. I'm Melansr Travs Dg Wf, F fromom the Heater Award winning Big Dg Mackerel And I'm the Desen Nooir. Griffin McRrooy. That's good, Griffin. Yeah, that's good. I realize that was my place. I can't the builder. Travis skips the builder of the like set of three comedy sort of thing where he's just like, Justin does his thing. Travis blasts off. and then I'm like and I'm here too and I can'tot be that guy. can't And I'm Justin Just ro day was sad in mind. Okay. wait, Ohh sorry, Juice. why are you say Hey. And I'm s and I'm set and I'm just in Hey, what's going on? What's wrong, little dog Well My concert's not going very good. Oh juicer Yeah. I constantly try Yeah, I don't know if you guys knew this, but I was trying to throw America the most kic ass concert ever had Yeah And Everybody's quitting.' ye like and I I busted my ass to get Probably nine of the biggest Names and talent and I and it's crumbling dudes. This is the biggestwn I've ever been in charge of and it's fucking fall. Let me tell you the line because like I got theam lineup. Okay ye, yeah, yeah yeah. I got someome of these dudes were off the fucking grip. Justin had to find their the address of their Alaskan remote cabins so they could I could fly to them in a helicopter. Yes, yes. I'm fully like stoutalth Thor rolling around trying to scoop up Whatever nineties to try is that good fine line around But anyway, I had the dream team Yeah. who'd you have? I had Martina McBride. Martina McBride. Ding him see I had CN C music factactorory. This is Can I tell you right now, Justin? So far, eclectic is the word I Well I mean my electic ride regott it. Charlleson, West Virginia literally any summer I am I am glad that Martina McBride and young MC were able to finally squash their beef and be on the same stage again. Well because was ever they fought over who got the MC because for a while, Young MMC was like, just be Martina Bride And she was like, no, you just be young. And like they went back and forth and back and forth as to who had customs. I got SNC music fat I got vanilla ice Wow ye I got and this is the one that a lot of people were like, hh, I got Millie Vanilli This is the point can I be aatically can I say I'm starting to pick up a bit of a latter half theme here of maybe some Bibu who had some legal trouble related to the music they wereleased.isten Well it's the two hundred fiftieth birthday of America travel. It's all about second chance. An amnesty apparently. Yeah. Um Now Amnesty will not be performing. We' going to do a live recording at the concert where we justlik Yeah. C get back and Martina McBride doing a live taz. Yeah That Asment price was too high. Yeah So who else did I have there? I had Martin McBride. I had young GC. I had mo in Ly. I had the Commodoreors Mm. You know how your parents love the Commodoreors? I had them. They were there. Yeah. And I had more to stays. I don't know I don even know Justin if our parents love the Commodoreors. I think our parents' parents love the Commodoreors. Well, to be fair, these aren't the Commodoreors. Th theseese are the Commodore' grandkids come themselves the Commodoreors probably not all the watch. And then we got Modor sixtys. Yeah. G got fllow Rider And we got back Rid from what I understand is still on board. stillill ride or die. I'm trying to get clarity on the flowridus situation because this is evolving and honestly, Griffin, this thing's falling apart all around me. I'm on I'm texting flow ridist people, like constantly like, please mister W There's two ways to look at this if you' flow Ride. And the first way is uh oh A majority, about seventy eight percent of the artists who signed on to perform at this event have dropped off. I don't do I want to be left holding the bag? The other way to look at it is More time for Fow Rider? That's true. Yeah. Yeah. He can't or get into what he calls the flow flow state If he's not in dude, and that's the problem with flow R of concerts. His vision is the tickets are five hundred dollars and you're there all day. Yeah. because once he gets into the flow state, the flow flow state please The flow flow state It's really is something something to behold. And you know, sometimes it takes in two to three hours of sitting in silence before flow flow sate kicks in, you know And you gott to be there for it and Bret Michaels Wow And I had and I had this great concert. It's going to be on the National Mall, which I know has always been a disappointment to everybody because of the name. No want be more fun than it is, but it's really just a long walk between big buildings. you know. this can gonna be cool. It gonna be a concert But now the pool now the national mall, the pool does look like a like a shit like a piece of shit backyard sort of like midwestern glistening sort of pool now. So it does and you can also see the UFC ring from the mall, which is like pretty it's it's way too on the nose, I feel like the conert a UFC fight. It's hurts travel is. day that this line that was announced and you guys know how Yeah, absutely this lineup and when Griffin saw The crop that I was bringing to his backyard, basically, he just texted like, and it was a video of him one dear. than you. It's like that Yeah. Can I speak on behalf of the American people? Yeah, I and I gth we have a gth. And here's the thing, Justin Me and all the American people were in one big group jet And we were talking about how excited we were because like this is a huge deal. hundred fifty eighth. It only happens once quarter of a millennia, right And National Mall, huge like budget back thing, a lot of prestige. and you got I would say to match all of that The biggest names in music entertainment entertainment, right? You think Brett Michaels is just is just a musician. He's a multi vertical Entertertainer I would Rock of love. Hello. He's Hello star two. Change the way we think about celebrity. Like eighties rockstar dating shows If it If the timeline was different If we were in a different timeline, And we were trying to make up a long sort of joke about Wh This administration would put in a two hundred fiftieth birthday concert for America If we came up with the list that was the actual list We would be fairly derided as hack pieces of shit. Yes.. A talentless unfunny talentess unfunny. Why are you doing this? Hey, Justin? I'm not saying this bit no, no, you misunderstand Justin. I'm not saying that you are talent this is hack shit that you're doing right now. I'm saying that someome more nuance, like someone who's like, o, I forgot about that band. And I did my b Hey, Justin, why weren't you able to get kid rocking Ted Nuent? Like I hold on. You got one you they basically have A musical jester, a national musical jester at this point in mister Rock. who have R send a couple of our arm. He's he's he's a seecretary of defeense So he doesn't have to war. He's a sergeant at arms for the second,'s like in charge of all the ships or whatever. So he's like, he's busy with war He's doing stuff in Iran that he's like anyyway, I threw the best concert ever and I announced this lineup and everybody's like, yes, thank you, Yes We love it. And then people were like, Yeah, Mad because of the present And I told you to That wasn't you You didn't book him. No, what I did was now Travis, here's this is where I, if there is egg on my face. Yeah, it's this Uhu Um I told these performers that this would be a non political event Oh, okay. and Um, even though Literally anybody with half of a fucking brain would definitely know that this is absolutely a political event and maybe they would just love to make some of the money. You know, they just wanted to have some of the money and maybe people wouldn't be so mad about it. Some of let's be clear Our taxpayer dollars, right? ourur tax dollars going to line Martina McBride's pockets. But Everyone you listened, Justin, I know to be all about the music. arrtists first, you know? Right. And just because I trick them with this Perfect trp like it'sent's like Riddler level genius. I g these people that a concert on the national mall while Trump's president wouldn't be political And they were like Absolutely. Like that makes perfect sense. Oh, that's a perfect. Is the money already there or do I get the money after Yeah I would like to talk to you and clear the air I will not y I worry At the Great American State Fair on june twenty fifth, says Martina McBride They are they are turning they're making the right choice. I think we can all agree, but they did get tricked. I do think there's the right choice for who Griffin not for me. I'm an embarrassment. I ask lots of questions, Martina says And I was assured this was a nonpartisan event on the National Mall in Washington, DC two hundred and fifty feet as the crow flies from the UFC arena in the fucking West laawn sideidebar. I need to step out say this I've been trying to get mad about the UFC thing And I can't, I want to admit' pretty funny. I mean, like I want to be mad about it, but it is so tasteful in the millu that it is just everything that's going on everything that's going on in that quter Yeah. It's like I can't You know what I mean? It's like aesthetically perfect If you we need to everybody, we need to do a wellness check on Mike Judge Be I know right? there's a prophetic The UFC thing is so close to like the battle seen from idiocracy that my judge has to feel like he's spiraling into into a different dimension And he's like, I did this. I made this happen Guys, I have so many people that have crap on me. I asked lots of questions and was assured this is a nonpartisan event that was meant to celebrate All fifty states Martin is o huge in Rhode Island. She should know Ive spent my entire career singing songs about real people with real issues So she se you So she's out. CNC Music factactory guy said, I don't know. I don't know, Trump I don't know that guy And so he just kind of quit on me. He put up a seven minute Facebook video. He didn't even write it out so I can't read it, but he quit I didn't watch the whole thing because I was so mad. I'd like to think that'sico CNC music factactory is very pro union You know ye I've been operating the CNC music. My grandfather opened the CNC music factory in nineteen ten in Hoboken, New Jersey My grandfather was pulled into the gears of the CNC music factactory I'll never forget one time That's why the union started. It was my father. Heing out was greatest friendult to CNC Music Factory. One time I was hanging out with friends and CNC Music factactory came up and someone said, whatever happen to CNC music factactory. And I said they got shut down by OSHA And this other person there said, that's not funny. My friend's dad works for OSHA And I think about that. That's a great exchange All the time did conversation More stay in the time quit Yeah. Can you Can you read the Bre Can you read the Bret Michaels quote? Yeah I gotember the Bret Michael one up. actually, I want to treat you the young MC first I have informed my agents that I will not be performing at the Freedom two hundred fifty event. The artists were never told about any political involvement with the event on the national Mall of the United States. The artists were never told And despite the claims by the organizers, Justin T. Mcrooy, chief among them That the V is nonpartisan Spin magazine describes it as Trump back. to perform in DC the near future edit event that is not so politically charged. I feel like YoungMC is like this thing was cool. I think Spin magazine might be the bad guy here guys. Can we all Sin did this? I do these out. This reminds me of the time when someone reached out to us about doing a live show at the Republican National Cvention And we said, is it going to be partisan? And they said, Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you worry about it Boy, were we surprised? Egg on our face. Hello to all my awesome friends and fans. I want to jump on here real quick and talk about the upcoming Freedom two hundred fifty event in Washington D.C. When this opportunity was originally presented to my team by Justin Mclrooy, it was described as a celebration of our country through music and a chance to honor our veterans, active military, first responders, teachers, and hard working Americans from all walks of life. Now Brett. Now Brett, time out, Brett. Have we been doing a lot of teacher honoring in the last few years? Would you say Bran? got to take a real zag and honor teachers. Yeah. for once let's. Yeah. no, this is I thought they were blowing probably a billion dollars of taxpayer money that, yes could go to teachers. Let's give it up The concert I was gonna do to honor them instead. As many Oh, as a son of a veteran and coming from a family that is proudly served That is something that and of course, Brett Michaels himself was one of the most notorious bomber pilots Every time he flew against the reed Baron, didn they call it the Baron of alxy. As many of you know, Ive spent my entire career bringing people together through music, positivity and good vibes. That I describe it? My shows have never been about politics. They'iv this is important. They're about giving people a place to come together, have a great time and forget about life stresses for a few hours For a few hours, Bret De? h you got there, dude. He's including the before and after tailgating. I'm hoping you're freaking figaking in like a snack break for everybody to go use a head or get three hours. How long is every rose has a storm, man? They do like five different versions of it back to back back to back. I love that Breck Michael started his statement with my awesome friends and fans. and I'd like to think that he was getting a lot of concerned texts and emails from people he knows. And he was like,, I'm just gonna address all of this at once Right. The greatest one though is Milly Vanilli And I have to and this is the one that makes me so happy Kids, Millie Vanilli and I do feel like I do need to do this a little bit, right? Millie Vanilli was a pop group in the nineties and they had this hit called Blameing on the Rain And they had one other hit, right There's one other Billy Banill hit, but Bamey on the righting was a big one And it turned out that this group was basically two very handsome guys that they got to lip sync. these other talented performers. and it was a real fairly good dancers, if I remember I mean ye, the energy was off the charts. Talented guys, but they the singing wasn't real. And when this came out it won like an MTV or VH one music award for like best new like singers or something. It's a huge scandal when it happened. And then like basically one of the members I think actually passed away because in part because of this harassment that took place. So Millie Vanilli is now a name that is used by the people that sang The Milly Vanilly songs Huh? Yeah Okay Now Millie Vanilli is that group U one of the lead singers Fabmore Van, who was one of the guys who was pretending to be a Millie Vanilli. He was who was signed at the concert So they just went ahead and listed him as Millie Vanilli. Oh my. So the people who actually are singing and performing as Millie Vanilli and sang the songs of Millie Vanilli, right That's Millie Vanilli On the poster is the guy that pretended to be Milly Vinillly, Fabmore Van And he is performing at the concert and they went and en listed him as the only people There are still belieelieving this are my staff. who filled out this poster and I spegged him. Please don't put Millie Vanilli on there. It Fabmore fan People know Fab. Please don't list him as Millie Vanilli. And they did it anyway. Yeah And now people are like litally performing. and even I don't know that. Now that's comple too complex. That's like a whole ship of Theseus question at this point. You know what I mean? I don't know Mbe they are, Maybe they arent Yeah, I don't know. I want to say I want to take a brief moment to say you In all this hostility, there's still room for gratitude There's still room for gratitude guys There's still room to say thank you. Vanilla Ice is still playing the Great American State Fair. This is the quote from his representative to me and the Associated press Hand this picture. He's proud to help celebrate America's two hundred fiftieth anniversary Everyone is welcome to attend. and celebrate USA's birthday. Yeah, here's what I love. Justin. If I what I loven just for you guys. Yeah, attributeed to story This quote, he's proud to celebr Americ's two hundred fiftieth anniversary is attributed to his representative that told this to the Associated Press. And then the picture is vanilla Iice with Michelangelo. which leads me to believe his representative is Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles. That is That is the the obvious Connect the dots that you make by looking at this image is that Michelangelo is Billief Vel always representative. and he's like, he's still proud to help celebrate America's two hundred fiftieth anniversary. And he's saying this to a belligerent crowd. Yeah. likeike the free wor kid, man Michelangela just ran out on the stage while people are boowing vanilla ice. And he's like, No, dude, no. no. everyveryone's welcome to attend. Cowunga. My read on this situation is that Vanilla Ice is not aware of this situation at Rob does Rob's not following the news. He's too busy partying with the turtles. I think his representative is keeping him insulated, giving him a little bit of plausible deniability. So if he for whatever he's doing, Griffin, because I am flailing right now to find worse people Like I'm trying to find worse performers that people would still recognize the names His representative, Michael Angelo, told me that yes Broadfan Wle AKA vanilled has been crashing on the turtle's couch in the sewers for the last twenty years and they don't get cable down there So like, yes, he has missed a lot of the news ight It's a fun game. W guys help me brainstorm people. Yeah, not worse people, just like other people that I might plausibly be able to book. And I'm like don't don't give me easy ones, right? Like I know that I could fill it out with like You're You know, So Robin thinkick quick. I don't want to do the bad ones. It like right I' hate with this. Do you guys think I get the Bloodhound gang I think that's an easy pipeline for Vanilla I and I know some some like not all of them. I know I'm not going to get like Daddy Long legs Sot of. You're going get like some low tier bloodh gang members to perform as this bloodhound gang U ye, I mean, names mean nothing in this I mean scenario. So yeah, you could absolutely do that Do you think I can plausibly Say it's Elvis Y could say he's back As long as you say An Elvis, I think you're An Elvis is here Yeah, Jice, I think you could Hey guys, legit. I think you could put elphis on I think you I think you add way with could do it are I'm going to say Robin Thick. be Travis, Robin Thick is so fucking precient That is actually extremely good. Robin Thick on this list would have been like Maybe Chrisrown. I should have called. I should have called I was so ground. you had a greatz ground on there Yeah. Chris Brown. You could get Kelsey Gramar to come out and do the Frasier theme song to open up Yeah to openerage A bit of a valediction and then he falls off the fucking stage. and everyone is like, why was Fraasier here? I I start doing jokes at my sps I knew that my tragedy would become your humor. This is about politics It's about staying true to what I've always believed in Everyone is entitled to their opinions. That's one of the freedoms our veterans fought for and I fought for is the Butcher of Biloxy, one of the most notorious fighter pilots in history, the US A military I didn't bury I didn't leave a bunch of caskets overseas. I didn't leave a bunch caskets overseas so that my friends and family, I believe in our country in the freedoms we supportorded and the idea that for over two hundred fifty years We have gone through both highs and lows together and remained resilient. Music, he's still al. Music is a universal language Just like I did when I entertained a record breaking crowd of over one hundred thousand at the Staint Louis Arch for an indndependence Day celebration with people from across the country. What record A hundred thousand guys.ost Most big's ever played for at the Staint Louis Ar. Travel. Yeah. He broke his own people Enertained by B Michael. He's entertained by F Michaels could have attached any picture to the post, but I do appreciate that Brett attached a picture of him playing at the arch just in case you think there're you think he's fucking full of shit. Well, you're full of shit because there's a picture of him doing it, Pal And that's the art. reallyally did it That's the arch, and that's me, Bretad Michaels. I don't need. I don't need this. You're probably wondering how I got here. Well, it's a funny story Do you guys think what's the little half life of the Yeah I got like intense play. It doing a b Yeah thing Yeah, that'sool. What is the what is the half life of the back channel group texts that have happened between the artists of this? Be you know Martina like probably reached out to Millie Vanilli saying like, hey, what's the fucking vibe on this and Millie Vy, we're not playing. What are you talking about? This is the first we've heard about this I mean, we would Yeah we were't do until people got mad at about it, and then we'd quit I wish I had done this. abbsolutely guys. This is best case scenario for these genius artists, right? Like celebrate America patriotism, veteran first responder teachers. Gosh, I just don't feel like I find out. It's like I' inv That's not my thing. I'm thrust into the public spotlight again. Everybody's talking about me. And now I get to have this moment where I'm like, no, no, no. I love America too much. Thank you. Yeah Young C is in the conversation again and he's one of the good guys And I guarantam to you, every single one of the people backing out is like, but you know what? I will play a concert in DC on my own turn. Travis, it's you don't have to guess. it's just in there. It's just in there and you just read it and they say it with the word. Like they just like say it Bret Michel I will definitely playing a show in DC very soon I do appreciate how all of the like apology letters all have a tone of like my whole thing. I don't have any feelings about this stuff and not like, yeah, he's a fucking wow man, holy shit. shit's actually collapsing. Bat. Everyone wass just like, hey man, you won't catch me being on any position of this thing one way or to other. That's a great point, Griffin because the counter argument all these people are making for like, hey, we didn't know it was No, no, no, no guys. We're neutral on politics, right? Yeah? We don't have an opinion on what's happening. We thought this whole thing was just going to be neutral You know And we're neutral. Why are you m? Be Because if you're neutral, everyone likes you. Hey I want to and you know I'm not going to judge anybody who because I legitimately, I think some of these people Maybe didn't know that their name would end up on the poster. That happened. There's at least two artists who are like, I don't fucking what? I don't even know I was doing it M state I guarantee you, most of these people have given carte blanche to their agent of like if an offer comes in, you say yes I don't care if you can get ahold of me or not, Doug. You This is more the Tim post. This is more today's post. Holy shit. ye, it's like it's on it's like a Facebook gradient background, one hundred twenty eight point font on an image Can I read it? Yeah P good Contrary to rumor, Morris Day and the Tim will not be performing at the G American state Fair. I don't is that what we're calling? And then aable emji. And then look at the It's a no for me. Sun gllass emot. That's all Morris has to say. It's a no for Thank. Morris just share the image. just share the they with it. The sound is G glows getting lonely too. the time U yeah, so that like it really She good to you already. Wh Why image announcing his backing out of the Great American State Fair two hundred fiftieth American Birthday celebration concert. Why would he put a track up on there? Why would he do that, Maura? Be he's got 'cause it's the visibility of these like It's a no for me. It's a no for But, you already said yes The time one yes. The time will say. the time ask the time if at the time form a super majority vote, they can they can over they can veto veto power over Morris. I will say this. I did do Eggs on my face because I did do a perfect trick. I did do the perfect grip I did per. But I do want to comment that I ha't sign anything likeike if you back out if you back out or cancel like you're fucked, do you have to do this thing, you know back these Audies or you have to pass us a billion dollars. Did you get them to sign anything? There's no was all like good faith handshake stuff which okay, again, same on me. Yeah. you livewhere out You know, I'll know for next time. I will just say this nine people Yeah So they when they wake you up for cryogenic sleep, they do the five hundred to the five that one's gonna to be. I will say this about the nine acts that I managed to trick with my perfect trick. D Sure manage to trick the exact nine acts that you would think that I would trip. You know what I mean? It is funny how The exact people that would be right on that line of plausibility were the nine that I managed to trick with my incredible grip. We had this conversation five days ago Oh man, the tener is completely different. Guys, I crush it. The most kick ass lineup tricked to high heavens of all time and none of them have backed out yet It's just that they it's just that you didn't get ' them to design nothing and they just b a deip Yeah He quit too No Yeah. DJ Hubris, you guys remember his hits from the nineties. He had a bunch of big ones, but DJ Hubris backed out. He was like, I thought I could do it, but honestly I just got I was too high on myself and I You remember his track? you remember his track? I'll never die, don'umpump jump jump jump. I'm never wrong, D'p. I remember it, Grfriend, it's my ring turn Yeah. I am in a unique job where I have a p We thirty minutes in Dg. Wh are we really? Are you really? Okay let's take a quick break. We will do a question. I think we can commit to doing one question at some point. Yeah We'll do a question. J first we're going listen, I don't know if you heard, but I'm ruined. So Oh yeah does it like Yeah, you know, I let me just get my let me get my dumplings real quick Bow my nose, while you start doing the ad for ZakDot. Maybe I should go to ZakDoc and find a doctor for the nose who can come in and help me get who can help me out with that. Maybe they could help me me said so I can know I talk about this because On ear nose the third doctor is so cool to me because There are very few like there I can't think of other doctors that both have specific focuses, but also took like three things all at once. And I know that ear nose and throat there's but you know they had nose and throat and they're like the nose and throat connects. And someone wass like, okay, I want to do ears and they said, no, that's all external head things. openings. I've taken that one too You're probably should listen to us about doctors. and that's fair, but you should listen to doctors. They'll help you find a good doctor. My ears aren't directly connected to my nose, right? Like I'm doing. abbsolutely are.ude.' it's all tunnels back there. It's all tunnels. Wh Tubes? Yeah to. ZockTk really is I mean, I don't know if you've said what it is yet, but it's like a platform that you go to and you can find doctors in your area that take your insurance and make appointments right in the thing and it's like It's the way that this should work Fing health care should work. It is the only thing that is sort of making the healthcare process easier and more streamlined. so you don't have to deal with quite as much of the other bullshit going on around it. It has find in the suggested intro, like when something feels off, do you usually let up on vitamins and hope for the best? I feel so called out Because like I have a ziploc bag full of vitamin bottles. that's the closest I have to like John Wick cracking open his cement floor and breaking out ball of guns where it's like I haven't been taking these regularly, but I w up feeling a little sick and I roll out from my big thing and I'm like shine for a bunch of D's and Cs and B's, baby. s you guys think Zacha Dark knows how to get in touch with Dr. Dreay or maybe Dr. Joh? someone love entirely possible Yeah doct to book them. Yeah. Oh, Blues traraveler, Justin, good Blues Traveler. Blue Sver work absolutely do the two hundred fifteth, dude I don't know Zach talk about this talk actually Yeah. abbsolutely. They Yeah Let me let me callop popper But here's the problem Jm when you try to b assume my drug They're gonna to give you run ofhers guys. Wait no mind. They're going to give you the runaround goodw Zock Doc, I've used to find a whole suite of healthcare professionals for myself and my family here in Washington, DC. It's tough to find doctors and make appointments Oh. Um in a big city. Did you blow your nose here? Yeah, I did. I did it discretely under the table. I know you wanted to hang a lantern on it, but I got to charge for that. So ZoockDoc is great and it's really an easy way to find doctors so you can finally get that thing ZockDoc is a free app and website that helps you find a book, high quality and network doctor. so you can find someone you love. stop putting off those doctorss appointments and go to Zockdoc. com slash my brother to find an instantly book a doctor you love today. That's ZocdOC d. com slash my brother. Zockdoc. com slash my brother. Thanks ZockDoc for sponsoring this message Uh, If you have a dream, you got a business you want to start, you got a concert, you want to put up whatever you want to do, the best place to start some refunds you have to offer someome ref funds you have to offer some apologies you have to issue. some clarification websites you have to build on the fly, go to squarespace. com. They're going to help you build a Uh Slam Dunk tootally rad website that looks like a professional made it because they got professionals to make the templates, right? So you bring in your data you bring in your photos and the stuff you want to sell. whatever you want to do with your website Squarespace will help you build it That's true. And it it says it right here. I'm looking at squarespace d. com says the right here. slam dunk tootally rad. tootally radular I mean cutting Bongo website for the agent. Dude, it says to do the whole thing in a Bart Simpson voice. You got to start over You gotta read the guys, we gotta read these fucking do right websites donon't eat shorts. See what I get. I don't know if that If it's ever been phrased that way Justin needs to cook Head to squarespace. com slash my brother for free trial. and when you're ready to launch, use offer code My Brother to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain You did still do that in your normal voice. It felt like you werere about to do a bit there and then you didn't I did. I lost myine, you know what, Griffin? I was about to Absolutely with a Bart Simpson impression for the entertainment of our audience. and I lost my nerve. I my. That's fine It's scary it's scary I've I've been sort of struggling lately with accents where They'll just be one. like I'll open my mouth and I'll get it the first try. But if I don't get it the first try I'm not going to get it better But sometimes you just be one there, right? just discover Pin from Dareredevil Born again is in there But I don't but that's not useful to me You know what I mean? I didn't work on that And if I don't put my mouth there as Bart Simpson It would have sounded like Bart Simpson. You know what I'm saying? What you do? No, people get on Jeff Dunham all the time because it's like your puppets are mad racist dudes. Yeah. and Jeff is syistic and misogynistic. But Jeff Jeff Dunham. Je you could get J. You get Jeff J get Jeff. Call Jeff Call Je. Call Jeff J Jff What are you doing? You know that new racism we've been looking for? Well, listen to this. No, you guys are misunderstanding He doesn't like doing that. Those are just the voices that are in him. He has that. He can do the cut he'll do the he'll do the. He'll do the fighting cter for sure Sunscreen companies calculate SPF by testing it on volunteers' butts. There is a can of spam in the Mariana Trench. A Nobel prize winning physicist from the Manhattan proroject invented modern speed bumps. Mesoammerican native people invented kidney medicine that glows in the dark. On the podcast secretly incredibly fascinating, we explore this kind of amazing stuff stuff about ordinary topics like sunscreen and spam and speed bumps. Topics you'd never expect to be the title of the podcast. Secretly incredibly fascinating. Find us by searching for the word secretly in your podcast app and at maximumfun. org If you like too many podcasts, you'll love Sound Teep with John Lick Roberts. It's got clips from all your favourite podcasts such as Diary of a Tiny CEO, Leonard Sprag. Tell me how you make your money. I go to the beach and I steal people's towels. Remember Armor? Do remember the trend of everyone whacking themselves in the head with hammers and mallets when they wanted to lose weight? And LlTie Johns loobberly songs I'm here today with Kiie D. Hello Kicky De. Hello Elto There's dozens of episodes to catch up on and brand new episodes going out right now. So if you want far, far, far too many podcasts, then look for soundtap on maximum f bo Qion Yeah, let's into the intro. I'm in a unique job where I have a baby raccoon in my car much more often than most people. Sometimes when I have a baby raccoon with me, I drive to a fast food restaurant and I really want to show my baby raccoon to the people working in the windows I know if I was working in one of these establishments, I'd love to see a baby raccoon randomly on Tuesday afternoon, but I have no idea how to broach the subject How can I ask the fast food worker if they'd like to see my baby raccoon without making it weird This's for fine Gon purveyor in None of your business. Seriously, don't get me fired That does lead me to believe that the baby recon isn't supposed to be in your car. Y's probably you' in your car, hu? And you're just hanging out with them and you're like if the boss finds out, I'm taking this baby raccoon to get some burgers and fries, I' be so much trouble. You wouldn't get fired for thinking about showing your raccoon to people, friend. I don't know. It feels like you're stole right in Ground H day I like to think of myself as a man of the world. and of the people and of the workers I can't even imagine what job would lead you to have a baby raccoon in your car sometimes, more often than most other people Because there's not a ton of jobs where you're interfacing with baby raccoons in the first place Let alone the jobs where if you're at, I don't know, pest control or animal control, I don't think you keep them around in the car like As side kicks. I Jewel fief and the baby raccoon is trained somehow. I can see that all I can think of orr it's like you caught the baby raccoon, you are with pest control. you caught the baby raccoon and you're like, I know how to reward myself with a job well done before taking this to jail, maybe? I don't know exactly what they do. for the. Yeah, they stop for a happy meal on their way I have somehow let myself become the stereotype of the dad who's like at war with some like natural annoyance and for me it's the raccoons that live outside. Yeah. It's an on gang really, truly. Justin is engaged in a long term sort of battle with these reing tailed bastards. I have they shape his he has schedules based on like I have to do this thing before the sun goes down Guine Google calendar reminders thwart the raccoons. Yeah. I like to keep snacks out there for delivery people and I get because like I think it's nice like some drinks in the summer and these fucking Dick heads Racu at night not the deliveryons, not the delivery drivers delivery drivers. The raccoons would come at night if I left the snacks out and eat them, which like fair play The night is your domain raccoons. Still kindim an asshole, but like fair now they've gotten bold We're at five the an afternoon Dick headads will be up there grabbing a snack for themselves Yeah. And here's what kills me They'll drag the snack off, open it, enjoy it and leave the wrapper for me to clean up. I shit you not So if I saw a raccoon in your car, I would judge you pretty bad. I think you're in league with them. and I'd be real careful of what I told you How do your children feel about the raccoons? Beuse I have a war with deer. after they sharpened their antlers on the trees I was growing and killed my trees and they eat the flowers off the flowers I'm growing. So like I'm standing at the window with my cup of coffee the morning looking at these horned rats. Yeah, derogatory. and my kids are like, Oh tea or something. I'm like I'm gonna to go out there and yell at until they leave I'm in the same boat. I got these big bunnies that hop around in my yard and they've never once leted me pet them or my kids petted them. Even though we try to give them strawberries They don't want it and I feel like they're judgy and they wouldn't even let me petted them once. N even one we're an outside. Not even an inside kid, Griffin. You're such an inside kid right now. They're so big. I don't even They're so fucking. I saw last night there was a raccoon. Could you just say you didn't think I saw a bunny? No, I know you saw a bunny for sure. There was one who was coming to get my sex and I went outside and he just looked at me And it used to be human presence was instant instant disappar. Now it's like looking at me like what have you got? Nothing is more deilility that happened once I was camping by myself. Raccoon started going through my trash. know it was like time. I went outside my tent, wave my flash around, made myself big. A Raccoon just looked at me At that moment, I went okay and just went back in my tent like because I crash no other If the raccoon charges, You're done You're might have back inside Yeah. Yeah, you're you're out But I mean, if my situation is any indication, you could just walk forward and try to pet them and be a be their friend and pick them up and love them and give them a stw give them a big juicy strawberry. That raccoon will run right away You scare away more flies with honey. There's scooters in town near me that I stop by sometimes. Whenever I go through their drive through, I can't help but look at the beautiful, healthy and giant clovers they have next to their shop I want to rummage around for some big old That's a cool you have That's a cool mind you have there and I'm genuinely mean that and I'm jealous of it. Yeah. I want to rum for some big old forly for so bad. How dod I go about doing this Do I just go for it unapologetically? Can I call ahead of time As their manager? Do I have to buy something from them first? I'm Irish too Can I demand that it's my right helpelp me firstirst of all, Irish too, like the chain scooters Is what we're saying or is it all like the four le cl adding on. Yeahes. for scooters. Welcome to O Scooters U I think if you ask, they'll call the police on you, but you should just do Yeah, dude. withithout giving us like distance from it, if it's like between the drive through window and the like driveway, there's a patchvers, don't do that. Oh would you Oh some fries. Nice, man. Just looking for clovers. G my name If you're working a drive through window, that area For like at least A by eight is your office So like if I have a drink that I need to dump out I'm not going to dump it out there in that person's office You know, I'll drive up. So the trash can furtherover Oh okay So I think if you are rummaging around for Cover outside this person's office, That would be very distracting. If you're down away from their office, you'll probably be okay. But I think that that view, you shouldn't have to make that person think about what you're doing. That would be my one request just from on a human level. Don't make the per they're not going to say anything But like, don't make them wonder why you are doing that for an hour. You know, just do it, discra. Yeah. That would be my suggestion. You gott to walk up, You walk out to the counter and say, Hey, did you see? Kids throw an iPod nano. into that field really good twenty And then you're going to walk around looking and occasionally like stand up and scratch your head And L Chimmers is getting bullied at school and they stole his damn pod Nano and they threw it out in the grass again outside scooters And I'm just gonna to have a butchers around real quick and hey, just Do you all have a clover policy or is it just sort of finders If I'm out there. If I'm out there and I find a big old four leafer I might have a juicy four Lafer. Is that just up for grabs or is there a ra? You guys own it? Do we have to share Can anyone own a Cover pat? I God's greatest miracle Clover Grass with a hat on. Umbrella grass. Umbrella grass we call it in our in the old country T bow ties. I had two people This week that came up to me that know me fairly well. and told me that they had found a four leeaf C clover adult And like You know, that I got a little sprinkle of the of the touches and a little touch. What do you want me to do with that conversation? I mean, honestly, what are you neurotypical people doing about clover discussions? If someone, if a normal adultph comes up to you' like, I found a four leaf clover Yeah, I got social anxiety What do you want me to say about that in this social situation? You know what I mean You found a clover. I don't know. Can I hit you with just next time. Wow, someone's in for some good luck The other art gets yous you right? Is not chill you to your fucking b It does, but it will to them too. and then Cvo over, there's nothing else. There's no follow. How do you remember Yeah saying something like that out loud You know, you don't have to D Some people worry about small talk, Justin in a way that We don't in a way of like Okaykay, there's no follow up. You can just look at them. Now what I would suggest, Justin is just show interest to a degree maybe they were not prepared for, grab them by the lapels and say where? where? How? Yeah. And then like when they tell you, take off in that direction Yeah, I guess it's fair. No, that's true. I need to come up with something better than staring at people blankly and saying and Yeah, that's not What's that mean? I signs him for some good luck. Nice works a lot Could my kids like to tell me random observations throughout the day that I don't know how to follow up with besides, o, nice. The problem is because I'm always goofing and joking I think that If I say something sincere like, beautiful You know' like,, what is onene of nature's most miracles huh? One of nature's most delicate miracles. If peopleople look at me like waiting for punchline and I'm, I'm not a joke store. I'm aly realize person. I'm a whole person. and I can't just say like Wow, delicate You know? Yeah I have such a hard time sounding sincere that I have the opposite problem. that if someone told me, I was like,, it's a little miracle. They'd be like, all, right? And I'm like, No, you don't understand. And I would just keep going on and off. It's the same problem trying to sound different. not the opposite problem. That's the same problem No, Justin's was sincere and not a joke. mine they would assume is a joke, but it's actually sincere No, it's the exact same thing It the exact same thing. you said the same thing. Listen, I was only happ listening. Sure. yeah Yeah. It's the problem Well us clowns Yeah. no one want no one wants us no one wants us to tell them all our thoughts on God. They just want the they just want the The Sammy, I went to see the therapist And if there was like, there's this clown in town and the guy was like, I don't if I can care about clowns. man, I'm trying to tell you my problems. And if there was like, I don't want to hear your problems. I got tickets to go to this clown show later Yeah. And you've been talking for what feels like two hours and I'm going to be late. And the guy was like, doctor, I just got here five minutes ago Yeah and the clown show not for another four hours Right. I know because I'm in it. I am the clown. Yeah. And then the doctor shit himself Yeah It's famous. Sary. peopleeople always say the same thing too, but your job is so easy. And yeah. It is. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, okay. We have do a lot of it. I will say this, it's easy, but we have to do a lot of it. We do a lot of it. And so I mean not but as much as a normal job. Yeah, not like A schedule that not not like a forty hour a week like. I make more podcasts than a normal job than a normal job would make podcasts Yes. Yeah for. Yeah, I guess that's true. That's the only metric That's the only metric that matters. That Like at the end of the year, your average like bank teller has made less work podcast than you have Yeah. Yeah I think I'd get on board with that Uh I clean an Airbnb as a side gig and sometimes the guest leaves what I call tips. They never leave money, but sometimes I'll find beer, frozen meals or other packaged items. I usually throw away everything that's already open. Today, I saw a nond descript takeup box in the fridge. Being the nosy person I am I open I only find two slices of the most delicious looking pizza I couldn't help myself. I know I shouldn't have eaten them, brothers And it was the most delicious pizza I've ever eaten. My question is, how do I find out where the guests got this pizza without letting them know I'm a nasty boy who ate their left withithout letting them know, I'm a nasty boy who ate their leftovers. The pizza was a standard meat lovers with sausage, bacon and pepperoni, which most pizza places in my area offer So narrowing it down by topping is not a choice. and that's from Airbnb Animal in Arizona That's really, this is really, really good. Thank you. Thank you for sharing this with us. It It must be nice to live in an area with enough choice in pizza They where you do not know every pizza. Yeah on site. I could I would identify there's like pizza in the tr State area one hundred percent. There's there's five different pizza thicknesses And based on which one you and shapes, and based on which one you get, you can easily triangulate. Bring me a square cut with little dirty sausages on it. That's Monie's. That's M. Thank you. Yeah. I'll have it. One of the for Cincinnati has no specific pizza identity as a city like New York or Chicago or something when Yeah so When someone opens pseudo foods. Well so when Cincinnati opens a new pizza place, they're like, ah, but ours is like this. And it's amazing because it's like to what level of slothful do you want to feel today? Like how were you planning on accomplishing anything? Okay, we've got thin crust over here. Are you napping for the next sixteen hours? Great Us boy Here's my worry, question asker is that sometimes our enjoyment of a thing is so ephemeral and based on the context of the thing Because right now it's feeling magical. You were hungry enough that you ate the pizza from the fridge. It looked amazing. It feels, dare I say a little naughty, a little. You can be a little And I'm worried that even were you to find the source of this pizza wouldn't be as good. He wouldn't live up to it again. Yeah. the sin makes it This is of sweet. This is a classic brother my brother me solve. It' one of her best ones and it's called No bigigs. because it's just like what we do is we say like you we you bring us the problem and we could solve it or we could just be like, No big. No big, not a problem Its not a problem. Do something else, worry about something else. L it's not no bigs. I'm just like it wouldt have. If you got the pizza, you'd eat it once and be like that's this pizza. and then you it wouldn't it's like when Little pee found his special song that was just for him, his favorite song. and then he couldn't find the band anymore And then you know, he had to recreate it. The specialness of it was the fact that it was lost So like this pizza chase is let it fuel you. L in the like liveving, let it Let it be special Do you know what I meanant? A mystery is a project and projects are The vehicles of true joy and satisfaction that we get in our you're lucky to have this mst. That and you should work on. That's so true because you could try to find a way to contact The people saying that O Or now you have the fun project of I need to sample pizza Like go to different places and try different pizzas from different restaurants until I can like match this pizza experience. I would I would totally watch a TikTok series. It was like Hi, my name's Joshua and I'm trying every mediocre pizza in Arizona until I find the one that I liked and then it would just be like that going around for different ones I think that' would be incredible You could be like that guy that goes around and reviews pizza restaurants that no one seems to really like very much. And sometimes he goes to the pizza restaurants and they kick him out. Yeah so wealthy this fucking assholes' kicking me out And it's like, well you'm so wealthy I'm so wealthy. That happened here in Cincinnati and I was very proud of my city You said their pizza tasted like gross dog shit yuck. You said the yuck facter wasil. N appealing. What a what what aad care Yeah. Oh sure I know.'s easy money, man. unappealing as possible Right I've been so likable this whole time Yeah, to me, you're always like, B Tve. Thank you, Dud Thank you so much for listening to this podcast We got three We got three questions in there G Yeah re questions questions. There were people doing some strange like gambling where it's that thing of like, I, you know, I think this guy is gonna say this word. And when we hit that third question, somebody you made bank. Also don't do those things. They suck. Those of su suck. So you do. If you play if you play the polymark, we can maybe work something out where maybe everybody's getting their beak a little l. Yeah. Yeah A little snoot in the till. By the way, this episode is brought to you by Betzo. Use code brrother Betzo fifty off to get fifty percent off your next vote. Brought to you by Beto Ross. I sold my country's flag and I wave it for gambling. R Hey folks, are you struggling to make it st, Forget me. This's two hundred fiftieth I'll people perarming alongside kid dog Wh Straaslo Robin think? I got the Draft Kings guys. I got the Draft Latin Kings. They were they were gonna play my show.ingsact there. I got Miami sound machine I got the engineer of the Miami sound machine Yeah, I do the I work on the UX of the Miami Tch machine. We've had some great innovations lately. takeake out the guy that skpes from My My Bostones. Just the way ye from My My Bostones Blue Man squad is before We got J see. What? Yeah beyond Whoa. you. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. I'd love to talk about our merch. Can I do it? Yes We got sticky notes, makeake it stick sticky notes designed by Evan Cruz up up on the store. if you need you know reminders that, you know, you need to be pitching heaters, you need to be tossing them day and night. We also have a you're going to be amazing shirt designed by Sabrina Volante. It's incredible. It's one of my favorite designs we've had for a long time Proceeds for that shirt go to Lambdaegal and ten percent of all of our merged proceeds this month will also be donated to Lambdaegal, which is a national organization working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ plus people and everyone living with HIV through impact litigation, education, and public policy work That stuff again over at McRrooy merch dot com dot I also want to say you can preordder the Adventure Zone story and song right now at theadventurezonecomic d. comot Barnes and Noble and Books A million both have exclusive editions available. Barnes and Noble includes four collectible trading cards and Books A Million includes a collectible poster. I also wanted to say had a great time at Champions Grove last weekend. everyverybody who came out for it. It was wonderful. Um Just thank you to everybody for making it a wonderful time.