Judgment Jar and Bedtime Story

Well, hello there, my little fellows. Hello, little acorns. This is my little petal over here. And this is my strawberry. Oh , I'm a ho ho, you better not squeeze me. Lava juice will come out. Oh, but they taste all sweet. They do. Hey guys, who gonna get out ? We have a great episode for you today, all right? A real good one. Because I tell you what, Sophie has lost her wedding ring . It's not even there, which is a complete disaster. I also have something terribly wrong with my bun. And uh and And also we talk all the ins and outs of breastfeeding. Oh breastfeeding. Breasts. Bre Breasts. Breasts. Hey. Okay. Bye. No, well listen, before you go anywhere, hey, remember to click subscribe because it does so many wondrous things for our channel. Can't wait for you to watch. Enjoy this unhinged episode of Newly Parrots. Hello, I'm Jamie Lang. And I'm Sophie Lang. And now we're Newly Parrots. Oh yeah, we are baby . This episode of Newly Parents is brought to you by Tooie. Okay, Sophie, now we have had some sensational holidays over the years, but also some that didn't go quite to plan. What does it taught you? Tell me. Well, one thing that comes to mind is to not let you plan the itinerary, as I love all the fun experiences we've had over the years, but I also just need to chill on my holidays. Oh, okay, I get it. The old lay by the pool. Okay, versus out and explore debate, which by the way, I know exactly where I stand. And you know what? That also dictates where you go on holiday, which we can't always agree on. Yes, but that's where Tui comes in, guys. Especially, okay, if you're wanting to try something a bit different. What do you have in mind? I'm talking pottery classes, I'm talking water sports. Oh Jamie, really. Well, no, to be honest, I reckon Ziggy and I just can be chilling. But if I was to be doing water sports and things like that, Tui would have me covered as whatever first you want to try on a holiday, they'll be able to recommend the best place to go and do it. I knew you'd want to chill this time. Holidays won't be the same again for us. Tui, you pick it, they sort it. Bookings, Ts and Cs apply, Atoll and Abta protected. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. You know what Sov, I feel like it's been a lot lately. Like a lot with like work, baby, everything has kind of all been at once. Same. And I think during mental health awareness week it's a really good reminder to actually pause and just check in with yourself because sometimes you don't even realize how much you're carrying. And honestly, I talk about the whole time why therapy can be so helpful. It gives you a consistent space to work through things, not just like a moment, but over time, so you can really get into it. That's where betterHelp comes in. They do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. And if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to another therapist at any time from their tailored recommendations. And all BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully qualified in the UK. You don't have to be on this journey alone, guys. So find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.comslash newlyparents. That's better. H-el p.com slash newlyparents. Ladies and gentlemen, this podcast is sponsored by Lego Duplo, where learning and play go hand in hand as toddlers create, imagine and explore. Like most parents, we think our little baby is a genius, right? I mean obviously. I mean sometimes I just look at it and I'm like, there are some big ideas brewing there. Really development happens in like really the early years. Like a stat for you, okay? Ninety percent of a child's brain develops before the age of five. Well this is why it's so important for them to play. It just means that they learn all these important live skills for when they grow up. So Lego Preschool offers a wide range of sets which you can start using with your kids from just eighteen months all the way up to five. I mean, I think it's just about starting them off early, giving them the space to just build and play and just letting them explore at that own pace. And also we have my little niece who absolutely loves pepper pig, like obsessed with Peppa Pig. There's also a huge range of different ones, depending on whatever their favourite character is. Let's start building. Visit Lego.com/slash preschool to find out more. Well, hello there, my little puppets. Hello there you little sugar snaps Ha I didn't see you there young fellows get on my horse and why don't you just go and ride on into the distance with me Mary Jane how are you out there in the cowfields today? Is it a lovely sunny day? Why don't you come on in and I'll make you some hot lemonade? Wait, hold on a second. Some hot lemonade? It's like a hot toddy, but it's with lemons and st Just let me understand that hot lemonade just quicker. How do you heat it? Well we do have a thing called fire. We are in the the caveman time, so I just light it on on the stove and just get it warm and bubbly and then I put it in a nice hot glass view . Wait, the glass is hot too? How do you heat the glass? Well Jamie when you put hot liquid into a glass the glass gets hot Ha ha ! Well well you offer it to all of our guests out there. Guests, come on, you can buy it's only fifty pence then . Welcome to newly parents. Okay, well this is this is how we're gonna kick things off, sister. By the way, for everyone in podcast land, I'm putting I'm putting some eye eye little things on. What are they called? Eye patches, because last episode we were so tired, so this episode I'm gonna make myself look-Deal conscious because everyone keeps thinking you've got a bluff, but I hate to break it to you a bluff is above the eyelids. So what Sophie is alluding to, right, is that for whatever reason I've lost a little bit of weight since having a baby and, I think that's due to me being really stressed, not sleeping, and having no time to eat. No, I know why it is. It's because you've not booze since having Ziggy. Oh and I haven't boo and that alcohol, boy, does he love it, guys. Anyway, Sophie basically. So when he doesn't have a pounds, drop off him. Sophie Base was like, just to let you know, you were a little bit plump. Um you were a little bit plump. I literally categorically didn't say that. You looked in the mirror and you were like god he's literally like down his abs and he like pops his butt out and he's like and he was like god I'm really looking good and then you said I was a bit big before, wasn't I? And I he said it so many times. I was like, yeah, sure you were. That is true. That's exactly how it happened. But I thought you weren't. Yeah, but you actually looked You're solid. Solid. Well, ladies and gentlemen on that note, welcome back to New ly Parents. Alright . Listen, Sophie and I owe you an apology for last episode because we were a little bit unhinged. And now for this episode. We're a little bit unhinged for this episode as well. Our little baby Ziggy still has not uh been able to breathe through his nose and so he is still staying up. He can't breathe through his nose, he's just got blocked nose. That sounds quite severe, but anyway, yeah. He's got a very, very blocked nose. He's got a little block nose. Anyway. So how how tired are you today? I'm tired as in like just feel depleted. Like I'm like, whoa, tired. Yeah. There's no chat. There's no personality. I'm like just cruising through life, not really knowing what's going on. This is the amount of chat we have, everyone. Okay. Sophie and I went to a wedding this weekend. We went to a wedding this weekend. And I was sitting there next to firstly, this is how bad it got. I was sitting chatting to my brother in law, Tom Berry, greatest guy in the world. And when I was chatting to him, my chat was so bad, he even said to me, my brother-in-law, I'm just gonna go find the bathroom. I was like, all right, um, I think it's over there. I don't think he even went to the bathroom. That happened and then I was sitting next to someone at dinner and my chat got so bad I asked him what he got in his GCSEs. He was 30. So I didn't know what else to ask. I I can't. It was so bad. My my personality was like there wasn't it was non-existent. It was so awful. And you know, when you're like at a wedding, you try and bring in the next person. So Jamie, obviously, my comfort blanket, normally choose the back legs of a donkey I was like I'm good he's opposite me we're okay this lovely girl was like telling me a story about like X Y Z I was like ha ha ha that's so funny and then drive my chat tried out because I'm fucking tired. And I was like, Jamie, Jamie, listen to this story. And Jamie, so tone-deaf, went, that's really, really strange. How do you feel about that? I was like, oh, she was like, What? It's a joke. It was just so tone-deaf. Kill the mood. It was so awkward. I kept having to repeat it. And I literally went in front of her. No, Jamie, it's meant to be funny. It was meant to be funny. Like, we're meant to laugh. It's a wedding. And he was like, I don't get it. Sophie also brought me into a conversation. She was like, Oh, Jamie you should come listen to this. Obviously. And I was like, Oh, brilliant. And I came over. The person, it was the worst story I I've ever heard. And then so if he left halfway you you brought me over. So I took over this person's. In life, that is my my biggest hack. It's like if someone is fussy, I I can't do small talk, we know this, like I hate small talk. I'm actually not very good in like weddings or parties or anything like that. Like I like who I like, but I'm not good at like having random conversations. So if anyone's like really you know basically I'm a killdoor, if anyone's like having fun and wants to come and talk to me and it's just like dragging on the convo, I'll be like, see one of my friends walking past. I'm like, Emily, come over here. You you you know this person and then I just back at it. And they're like, How did you even manage? It's like I'm Michael Jackson, I moonwalk out of there and I'm gone and they're stuck moonwalk out that is in that person's mouth and I'm with my friends outside. It's a real skill. Sophie and I our conversation got so bad at the beginning of when we were really in the paternity leave, maternity leave. And uh we were having a conversation, you asked me if I still liked crayons. No I didn't like crayons. I swear to god you didn't never ask you crayons. I don't even think I would know how to say that word. I swear to God. I swear to God, because I wrote it down. You were like, Do you still like crayons? And I was like, You this is what our conversation has gone into. No, I I that's not true. I swear to you. Why would I ask you if you like crayons? Were you drawing something? Honey, I don't even know why you asked me if I had crayons. No, our conversation is every night we sit down, we have dinner and we go, So, how's your sister? And Jamie's like, Yeah, good, and I go. He goes, how's yours? She's good. Think George is good. Anyway . Just like we're really in love and happy. You're spreading us in a bad light. Don't spread us in a bad light. That's terrible to do that. We're having fun and we're dancing to music and we're having like the greatest time. Okay, go on, tell us what happened. What did she say? That was super interesting. She said Mama needs to have some fun and let her hair down. I well I I agree with you. She actually said that I kind of live in Jamie's world. And it's a fun world? And she said, like, I need to not live in Jamie's world. And and what did you say back? But I said, how do I do that? I can't. It's just his world that we're all living in. Um I I can't tell if this is a jab or no, she said she was actually kind of on the money, but then I do think On the money. Yeah, on the money. As in like, like you live in my do you not enjoy living in this world that I'm living in? I love living in Jamie's world. I really can't take you so By the way, just to let everyone just tuned in, I am wearing little eye patches just to keep myself a little bit fresh today. Hang on, you think you live I l you live in my world? I think that we all live in Jamie's world. It's on Jamie's time, it's on Jamie's diary, it's what Jamie wants to do, it's Jamie's world, it's what you want to eat. Horseshit What shit you wanna watch No exactly horror movies every single movie Ziggy's like I don't watch another shutter too. Mama bet that's not watch TV do I that is not true. We l no, no, no. I think we live in a very balanced world between each other. We live in a world where part of it's yours and part of it's mine. And we share it. And we each have the keys to other each other's worlds. And we get to go in and like pop my head and I go, Cool, this is wicked in here. We have a great time together. Yeah, we do. You don't agree? We do have a great time together. I do, yeah, I do agree. Okay, well, listen. By the way, move it on. Okay, I need also mention the fact that lots of the comments are saying that I they think that I've had a bleath. What a fucking compliment, if I'm totally honest. I don't even know what And by the way, guys, I am so with you. How many times have I said to you you have the best eyelids I've ever seen? You and my sister, Georgia Boo , exceptional eyelids, and my son's eyelids are next level. My son's eyes look like Bella Hadith , but blue. I don't, I don't know where I. don't know how. He's so snatched, it's incredible. Right. Okay . Can you just can you just explain to me what a bleh is, please? And explain it to the listeners, because they may not know. A bleph is like this little bit of your eyelid that sags, you know, as you age, it sags and droops. Like for example, with me, I can't wear winged eyeliner because it's so creased that it we have to do like two wings. It just doesn't work. Yeah. So people have a bluff to take that bit of saggy skin off. You have a natural bleath, you've got a lovely eyelid. I would like a blaff. So they have to cut your eyelids. They cut your eyelid off. And then so they cut your eyelids. Basically, it's saying like your eyelids are so nice, they're not saggy or old but like he's never had saggy or old eyelids but what's happened I think is that you've lost a little bit of weight and they can't place what's changed so they're like he must have had a bluff it's drawing attention to how snatched your eyelids are anyway that is that is not what the um daily mail comments have been saying to me though. So the so that's nice that our YouTube comments say that, but this is some of the daily mail comments that I have been going through recently. Are you ready for this? He looks so much older than 37. If I was told he was three decades older, I wouldn' But maybe that'll work for him as he grows into his older looks. This is another one. Does this bloke ever stop talking? No. These are really doesn't. Another one. Did he come out to her? Do you always have gay the gay comments when you're on Mage and Chelsea too? Or is it like a later thing in life? 'Cause I think you've become way more camp in your elder age. You do? I don't think in Maiden Chelsea you were like you were so fl like flamboyant. Wha uh uh you think I'm a little bit flamboyant? I think you do. You love to point your toe. Guys I'm not joking. Whenever z Jamie getting out cereal, he's making Ziggy's milk, you look and the toe is pointed to the side as though he's in a I don't know what the dance move is, but like you're about to do a do a dance. Yeah. It's so pointy and and art. Honey, and it's freaking great. It's so great. Well, look, can I ask you a question at the moment? Yeah. Do you find me sexy? Yes. Why do you always ask this question? I find it so strange. I was talking about right now, but these are Oh right, okay. 'Cause I'm like, what do you want me to say no? Lean into the lavender marriage. Okay. I don't like like what answer are you wanting? These are now coming off. I'm taking these off right now. So today's episode we're talking all about feeding. When you first get a baby, it's like the most intense thing feeding I found anyway. What with him or my boob or what? What was intense for you? Because he exclusively breastfed until he was 10 weeks. So you didn't lift a finger. He didn't even have a bottle of my breast milk till 10 weeks. Can you talk to me what it was like to breastfeed? Is it is it a nice sensation? I actually liked it. I really liked it, but so many people have different like my friend Brony, like sh when she breastfed, she felt like sad. Like people have different I breastfed and I felt I got a happy hormone for from it. Like I felt really not like happy when I was breastfeeding. Cause people do, you get sad nipple syndrome, which we've spoken about, which I have. Yes. This is a thing. No. We all know this. It's not sad nipple syndrome. I think it's like when they breastfeed it releases a hormone and that hormone can make you feel depressed. It's sad nipple syndrome. I don't feel anything. But you so you enjoyed that process. So I like brass feeding, but it's like so, so full on. Uh-huh. Um, and also like so aggressive. Like the midwives show you how to do it and they're literally like, I'm not joking, guys, they get the baby in like a headlock. I think my sister was so right, let me go out. They're like right, first of all, he l he latched like w immediately, which I was so lucky, whatever. I didn't really have it I breastfed really easily, which is really lucky and I'm very grateful for and I know everyone has different experiences. But even so the midwives were like let's just like optimize it, you know? So they come and they show you and they literally like the minute the baby opens their mouth they,'re like like, Go! And it's you hold the head and they're like, Oh, on your they like, bring back at lunch the baby's head. It's like whiplash onto your boob, and they want don't just hold the nipple, they want the whole tit in their mouth. So it's so true. And then I'm like, and they're like, nope, not I'm like, he's sucking. There's shitloads of milk going in his mouth. Not good enough. Let's go again. One, two, three, go! God, it's it's so intense. It's like the only way I can describe it. It's like, you know like an Indiana Jones movie where like the the door is good like going up and down you have to like get underneath it they're like go now like they go and they're like at an angle they like bring it down they want to like get the mouth to like claw over your boob and it's just like I just don't know like am I not hurting him he's like why are you shoving your boob in my mouth I don't understand it's very very full on obviously at times it's like uh sore, right? You had to say that. At times it is sore. Like my nipples got sore at times, yeah. It is true. I don't know about those n silver nipple things, like what like silver nipple things? I'd put those the silver nipple things on my nipples and like that's supposed to like the nickel in the silver is meant to cure your pain. I don't know what about that situation. What I will say if anyone is about to give bath and wants to brass because you have to be getting that nipple cream. I just didn't nipple cream myself. I was like, I'm taking to this like a duck to water. Nipple cream your boobs no matter what every time you breastfeed, because at one point they're just suddenly raw and it's not nice when they are at all. It's really not. So just get it on. How raw did they get at one point? So raw. Like really raw. Oh my god, like so raw. them there it was so wait I do remember because you were like this when when Ziggy needed to feed you like oh god yeah you're like Sophie would get her boob and be like oh god it's like you grin and bear you're like go for it and like the fast but you're like pfft and then you just like embrace the pain. So before you give birth, the midwife suggests that you collect colostrum. So like this is when I'm gone Matt Leave, you know, I am like fucking huge. I all I'm doing every day is bouncing on a ball. I couldn't walk. My leg hurts. Like, as we all know, like I had really bad digestion. I was not in a good way. And like I was just there. My boobs were actual udders and they just rested on my stomach. The nipples were enormous and I was just sat at home like squeezing my tits, squeezing my tits, squeezing my tits like com into a pipette, by the way. Drop. Drop drop drop little April flow showers. That's what you're meant to just sit there all day squeezing into a pipette. I was like fuck, this, but I wanted to get the claustroum. I was like, fuck this. So I thought, can't I just start pumping now? Why can't I? So off I go upstairs, I get the L Lie pumps, I get them on my boos, and I pump and I pump and I get colostrum and I pour it into the pivets and I'm like this is ki amazing. I'm in the hospital and I like the dust is like um and then my milk's cause I had C section I was in our day three milk comes in and my boobs are like f not normal. Like I was like, oh my god, what's happening now? Like rocks, balloons, two on top of my chest, concrete just weighing me down. How heavy of it. Oh my god, it was like they were bursting. I think I put a picture up on Instagram because I was like, I am actually stunning right now with these porn star tits. And I was like, oh my god, what is happening? And she was like, Whatever you do, do not pump because you're you've got such a big milk supply. I don't know how this has happened this early on. But like, do not pump for at least a month. Wait, you pumped. She was like, do not pump for at least a month because you're gonna it's gonna be unhinged the amount of milk you're gonna get. And I was like, okay. And then I rang the bell. I was like, I've been pumping for weeks. She was like, oh no . Do not pump, guys, to get the colostrum. The milk supply that came in was not normal. It was not comfortable. It was very, very painful. There were nodules and lumps. It was a lot. So really, really don't do that. I want to also talk about another thing because um you made uh made a little bit fun of me the other day. Right. I decided to grow a beard. Can I just say I have no recollection of you growing a beard? Sorry, you don't remember my beard. Not one beard. I remember your beard when we were sat on the bench and made in Chelsea and you confessed to sleeping Rosie Mae and then sleeping with me on the same day. But that's the only time I remember that ginger ginger bit. I don't remember . It's all over social media. Never leaves me. It never you go like this. Oh, it never leaves me. Did I? Did I? And I couldn't remember. Anyway, I grew a beard because I thought it was gonna be rugged and sexy. And do you know what you said to me when I grew my beard? Mm-hmm. You were like, I like it, but can you dye it? Absolutely. What colour would you dye your hair? Why are we keeping the gingerbread? I don't dye my hair. My hair this most of my hair, right? Jamie, we all know your hair is dyed. This is na what do you think this is on the side of the hair? That's natural. Dyed. It's not dyed, your big sausage. I know your natural colour. What is it? Ginger. It's not. We've said this. We've done this book of spot for five years. I say it's ginger every time. There's never one time I say it's not it's a really nice ginger, but it is ginger. It's a very it's a like an it's like a strawberry blonde ginger. It's not, it's not. I'm blonde. Look at my eyebrows, they're blonde. Yeah, they are blonde. But your eyeball on my arms. My hair on my arms, blonde. Your hair on your pews, ginger Your pubes thick as the dark as the night. You keep la talking about You keep talking about my pubes. You're talking about my pubes Yeah, but you are pupilful and I'm published. Yeah . I'm published. Sophie. Sophie, I just need you to know that you're not. Like, I unless you're blind. Have you got a blind spot, Dana? I am published. It's not. It looks like a black cat stuff. No, it doesn't. It really doesn't. It really doesn't. Honey, I don't care in your chat anymore. I'm sick to death of it. It's absolute lying. Yours looks a little bit like you have a black brillo pad. Okay, well yours looks like a tabby cat . Alright . And I'm sick to death of seeing you. Why are you like standing over the loo for hours and then the loo' justs full of ginger poo. Can I explain Sophie? Shays her vagina. I'm sorry. You're weird, but like you want you want JB likes to walk in on me going to the loo at every every type of This is what I do when leave me when I'm shaving my vagina. Like, why can't I? I'm in the shower. Leave. You wanna stand and watch me. You're fascinated by everything I do. When Sophie and the Sophie's going for number two, and by the way, Sophie hates it when I come in the room. She Sophie is very private. She doesn't want me in the room. She doesn't want me near the room. She's like, please get out. I need a that she's like, please move. What I do to make her even more uncomfortable while she's on the loo doing a number two is I will get down on my knees and come to her legs and go and rub her legs and go, go on, get it out. Go on, get it all out. Guys, I'm not joking. Obviously, obviously I'm not actually doing a poo when he does that, okay? Let me just When I go for a week No, I'm not because I I refuse to do that. But if you go No, it's so disgusting. Can I just say every time I'm peeing, everything like you 're so close. That is what the psychic said. She said, God, that boy's like, he's like so tactile, isn't he? All over you, like a rash. Yes. And you're just like bat away . You're like a black cat. You just want some to be left alone. You are a black cat. And you are like a Labrador. That is everyone listening now. They all think that you're a lovely Labrador. Yeah. But actually what she was saying is it's you can't be doing that. You've got to let people breathe and you are covering me while I'm peeing and it's not nice. Okay, well I think it's a lovely thing to do. Oh God, but str listen, when you're a parent, you you have to do all sorts of things while holding the baby. Have you gone to the bathroom while holding Ziggy yet? Multiple, multiple times. Well, I'm gonna match you. I'm gonna I'm gonna Uno reverse that back. No, because when you do one thing that I've done for months, you make a big song and dance about it. Gonna let everyone know. Gonna let everyone go. The floor. Okay, give me the floor. Give me the conch. Thanks very much. And now I've got the conch. Ho o I was holding Zig gy and I was like, oh my god, I need to go for a number two. I need to take a shit. Alright? And I thought, you know what? I'm gonna multitask. I'm so upset that you did that while holding . So I went and took a poo while holding Ziggy. And all the toxins from your poo and poo particles went in our son's nose. Didn't think of that. Why don't you just take him to his nursery and put him on his mat? Because he wanted to be with me. Because he went to me, he looked at me, and went, Daddy, you haven't he honestly this is I know why, because your poos are forty-five minutes long. And by the way, I'm actually really bored of them. No, what's happened? Like what's happen? They are they get an I think every time in the morning, every time I need to go and have a shower, do anything, I go, you just have ziggy for a minute while I do this. You go, Oh, can I just go for a poo fuss? I'm like, it's a tick. You're going in there and you're scrolling or something. I'm not scrolling. There's no way you need this many shits. Okay, I'll tell you why it takes so long, and you're gonna feel sorry for me now. The problem that I have at the moment is I have the most painful thing in the entire world. I have an anal fissure . Which is just everyone needs to know that. Alright, just putting it out there. Which is where what happened was I had to go and add split open. No, it's not my piles. I had to go on antibiotics. Alright, and when you go on antibiotics, you you'll you get a bit like constipated. And so when I needed to go to the loo, it was too big, so it cut me. And that's what happened. And so now when I go to the loo. So your arsehole's got a slit slit in it . It's very sore. Do you know what I'm hearing right now is I don't I just don't get that much sympathy from my wife. I have no sympathy for you and your angle fish or whatever the fuck you call it. Anal Fissure. Anal Fissure. Like why are you even Googling? Google, tell me what the slit in my arsehole is called. Like why do you know that word? I'm gonna Google it for you. I think we've actually spoken about it on here. No, I think we've actually discussed this on on this podcast before. I'm gonna talk to you. And I don't need to know what it is anymore. An anal fissure is a small tear or crack in the lining of the anal canal. My day is so much better after knowing that . Well listen, ladies and gentlemen, on that wonderful note, it is time for the moment that I like to call listeners messages play the theme tune, honey. This next part of the podcast is brought to you by Tui. Okay, so when it comes to booking a holiday, Sophie and I are constantly having little debates who we should go with? Wh shoereuld we go? What should we do on the holiday? I'm sure every couple can relate. Now it often ends up with disagreeing, right? I know you know what I'm talking about, but we usually find a way to make sure that we both get what we want. Now over the years I picked up on quite a few tips, so I thought I'd share a few of them with you. And now you know I love a beach holiday, Jamie. Oh you love a beach holiday. I love it. So if you're planning to head off on one this summer, this one's for you. What have you got to do then, Safe? Now, not only if you've got kids, but also if you're married to someone like you, you need to plan ahead because a day at the beach is a long day and you want your partner or your other half or your kids or your your nan or your granny or whoever you you want with, you need them to be entertained. So you need to bring the cards. But you say I'm not entertained. No, you're restless and you just drive me out the wall. You need to bring the books for the people who you want to chill and read. Water, nappies, swim nappies for the baby, change your clothes. Plan ahead and you're gonna have the best day ever. That's good actually. That's very, very good. So games is key actually. Games is key, bat and ball, patch, goggles, if you want to go to snorkeling, all of that stuff, be organized with the beach. So you think planning ahead is a really important I think it's absolutely key. Okay so look the second one I would say is you've got to work out what type of beach you want. Now I hear we're saying a beach is a beach. No, a beach is not a beach. You've got beaches that are very natural, there's no sunbeds, you lie on a towel, it's really peaceful and tranquil. Then you've got the beaches with the the beach clubs where you've got everyone drinking and partying and having a fiesta. Ah, fiesta, lava fiesta. Then you've got the nudist beach, which we went to when we were on our honeymoon. Yes. Do you want to get down with earth and and feel a bit more nate of nature, you know? Feel a little bit more earthy. Earth Mherot. I like a big sandy beach. I like to lie on either a bed or on my towel. And which is the one that you like that we went to? The one in Portugal. We love that one. Cause you love running into the sea. I mean, look, if I'm gonna cho chooseose, I'd a Caribbean beach with white flowers and do you know what I mean? Yes. Divide. That would be my second trip. Think about what beach you want, and that's where you should plan your holiday around because every different country has different beaches. Great point, Sophie. And my final tip is to find that special location using TUI. Okay, there are so many incredible holidays on Tui on the website. So whatever you and your best mate like to do, you'll be able to find someone that takes the boxes for both of you. Okay, well if you enjoyed those tips, you can find out more by searching for the holiday hotline in your podcast app. Tui, you pick it, they sort it. Booking T's and C's apply at all and ab to protected. Right, now back on with the show. Ladies and gentlemen, this episode of Newly Parents is brought to you by Tooie. As you may have heard on the podcast before, Jamie and I don't see eye to eye on everything when it comes to holidays, do we? We're always having little debates about where we should go, what we should do, so on and so on. Now, over the years, I feel like I've picked up quite a few tips, so I thought I'd share them with you today . Welcome to the holiday hotline the destination that helps you solve your holiday dilemmas whether you can't agree on where to go on holiday or what to do when you get there or, even who you should go with. This is the podcast that can help you solve all those holiday headaches. Okay, so on today's episode, we're going to be talking about city breaks. All right. Now, I love a city break. So I think I'm pretty well qu alified to hand out some tips on how to do it right. Now you've got to make sure both halves of the couple get what they want. Okay, I'm looking forward to these tips. Give them to me. Okay, you ready for this? First one? Map out your route. I can agree more. We do have been terrible at mapping out a route. I'm unbelievable at mapping. No, you're not Panama. You can map out any route. We didn't know where to go, where to eat, nothing. Yeah. Do you know why? Because I didn't map out the route. Exactly. Yeah. So you got in there before me, but we didn't map up the route. We went to Panama, it was after our honeymoon. So we ended up staying in the hotel the entire time 'cause we didn't know where to go. We didn't know what to see. We didn't know if there was a cathedral or an art gallery or any sightseeing. We didn't know anything. Okay, so if you map your route, you're gonna have the most incredible time. Like the time we went to Barcelona. And you know what I did? You mapped out our route. I mapped the route. And it was absolutely stunning. And when we went to Seville, do you remember that time? Oh yeah. And I mapped out the route, got us that amazing hotel. You did. Okay, we went and saw the cathedral because I knew exactly where it was. We went to delicious tapas restaurants. We went to a delicious tapas restaurant. We had the most amazing time. Okay. And the reason was we had a great time is because you made map the room. Okay, that's my first tip, which I think is really good. My second tip is this find the right restaurant. Do you know what makes a good restaurant? The local dishes. You know, the dishes that are just that restaurant, and they pick those fish and they get them, and it's just so good. You're all about the food. I'm about the atmosphere. You're all about the ambiance.. The ambiance I want it to be a fiesta. I don't want it to be a fiesta. I want it to be like chill, cool music. I like to hear people speak. I don't want to be thinking I'm in a parcel. Do you know what I want it to be? What? Fiesta. So I like eating when you're on holiday good food is is the best part about being on holiday. But do you remember when we went to Paris? Yes. And I have planned the restaurant. Planned the restaurant. Okay, because what I did is I asked a friend who was a local there. He said you've got to go to this little hidden place. I also checked the reviews. So therefore I knew it was going to be good. We went there, got the best table, I knew the one next to the window, so we could see the sights. I knew everything and how romantic was that. So basically what you're saying is organize. Organize and obviously Tui can help you do that. Yes, and also it means once you book the restaurant, you can also book the best hotel because you're also checking down at the same time. So it's a double win. It's a double win. It's a double win. And our final tip is to find that special location using TUI. Okay, there are so many incredible holidays on the Tui website. So whatever you and your best mate like to do, you'll be able to find somewhere that ticks the boxes for both of you. Guys, thank you so much for listening to the episode of the Holiday Hotline. Now if you'd like to hear more from the likes of Peter Crouch, Abby Clancy, Sam Thompson, Pete Wicks, or James and Fu Ed from Chits and Giggs, then just search the holiday hotline in your podcast app. Oh, and Sophie has her own podcast too on Beach Holidays, so go and check it out. Tou we you pick it, they sort it, booking Ts and C supply at a little lab to protect it . Selling your car can be super simple. If you choose we buy any car because they sort out any outstanding finance for you . Just bring along your final settlement agreement. If only they could make parallel parking simpler. To the right a bit, mate. Yep, back. Back a bit. Bit more. Bit more. Oh, nope, too far . We buy any car. Selling made simple. To sell your car today, enter your regiment now at webyanycar.com . Varis Cancer fears. Sam City Coff. London, we're here for all of you. You don't need to be covered by our insurance. Search Booper pays you go London to book an appointment at your local Booper Health Centre. You've got social dialed in. Search is doing its thing. So why do your marketing results look the same as six months ago. That's because you're fishing in the same pond as everyone else. Podcast listeners are a different audience entirely. More engaged, harder to reach through traditional channels, and ready to act when someone they trust makes a recommendation. We're Ac ast, and we put them right in front of you. Browse thousands of the world's leading podcasts, book host reads, or run your own ads, and track every conversion in real time. Same skills you already have, brand new results. Ac ast. acast.com forward slash advertise . Well, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for writing in your wonderful messages. Honey, how much do we love him? We love them so much. Oh , do we absolutely love them? Okay, this little voice note is from Anonymous. Hi guys. I wanted to let you know about a night I spent with a guy that went very wrong. We'd been on a couple of dates and I was ready to go back to his. He was really funny. I could really see it working out in the future. So we were getting down to business. Oh yeah. And I was feeling a little nervous. So I asked him if he had any lube. He rummaged around in his bedside drawer for a while before telling me that he couldn't find any. I asked if he might have anything else we could use and he suggested using butter. This is the point where I should have said no it's okay, let's try again another time, but I really fancied him. So off we ran down to the kitchen and came back with a family sized pack of Lur p ack, and to be fair, it did work . However, the day after I started to feel the UTI from hell and had the mortifying experience of explaining to my GP that I needed antibiotics because I'd used LORPAC flube. But the good news is he looked after me through the whole thing and we're still together now. You're still together. Oh my gosh. Sorry, I just need to put Can I just say like that's so bold of you to be like do you have any lube? Like I'll just spit. But like everyone does that, right? It's like saying do you have a dildo? So you would just go No But that is always that Our son is upstairs. If if he was Our son is upstairs and you said you went in this oh I wouldn't go and get some lower pack, I'd just spit on it. But like wouldn't the guy just be like, can't you just spit it on your hand? Lower pack isn't I just w I lower pack? I I like lower pack. Lower pack. Lower pack. Lower pack. No.' Theres no fucking way. So you call it lower pack. Lower pack. So how does that what you go it cause it's cold? I re- I'm assuming it's from the fridge. No, some people keep their butter out. To be honest, people are rubbing beef tallow all over them and I myself do it and it stinks of butter and fat. That you that is the smell that you've been using in our bed. And by the way, I also You've been running bone broth on you. Beef tallow. I also put there's baby beef tallow and put it all over Ziggy. It's like natural. But it is like a bit stinky, I will say it smells like butter. It smells like beef fat. You've been rubbing that on you and our son. I put beef fat all over me at night. I don't know if it's doing anything. But I might. I don't put it out my driver . So I don't think I will. But I might put beef on you. I might start putting LAPAC on me. I'm gonna keep a pot of lure pack next to the bed. Do not. Thank you so much for that. We absolutely love you. That was fantastic in every way. Ready for listeners' massage . Never have I ever from Anonymous. Okay, give it to me, honey. Hey guys, I'm so excited to have the podcast back in my life. Please keep me anonymous though. We will. I recently moved in with my girlfriend and discovered a habit that's really making me question that decision. I understand that people's hair sometimes comes out in the shower, and when I've lived with girls in the past, they'd stick it on the wall and bit it after. A bit gross, but I can deal with that. So do you have you d stick it on the wall? I've never done that, but I can see and understand my my partner however has a huge tub on the side of the shower that all her hair loose goes into that she gradually fills up for weeks until it's overflowing and she's finally forced to empty it. As you can imagine, over time it gets all congealed and looks absolutely rank. I've pleaded with her to get rid of it, but she insists this is totally normal behaviour. So my question to you is, is this a thing? Do you guys have a shower discard bucket? That is not fucking okay. Sorry, a shower discard bucket. That's really gross and really not nice. The hair goes in it until to the overflows. I just can't think and wow, like just it's the most vile thing in the world. We have to get our plug unplugged because there's so much hair in it sometimes. And when that gets removed, honestly, I want to vomit. Yeah, that's what it would look like a, big bowl of that. And just answer to that, no, we do not have a shower discard bucket. I know, but I could sell my hair at this point with the amount that's falling out like it's like a a wig's worth every day. Okay, Hallie, I got one. You ready for this? A wild story. Hi, Jamie and Sophie. Congratulations on becoming parents. Thank you very much. I've always been fairly innocent, and hearing the wild stories in the podcast has really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I moved into a flat share recently in one of those houses that has loads of bedrooms with people constantly moving in and moving out. So there's loads of random junk that people have left behind through the years. One day I was looking through some drawers and found a really cool multicoloured key ring. I thought that would be perfect for my new house keys, and swiftly attached them and got on with my day. A week later, when I was opening the door to my sister to show her my new place, she said, Why do you have anal beads attached to your keys? I'm fuck I'm fucking people are mental. I bet they look nice. I bet they're like two dangly anal beads like that. So I've seen them on key rings, I think. Why like why little metallic coloured beads? The key ring I found had actually probably once been up a stranger's bum. When we were at university, you know you'd had like you'd go back to people's rooms and have after parties because we were just so cool. Anyway, I'll never forget we went back to my friend's boyfriend's room and there was this really sweet innocent guy who like was just so innocent and lovely it was like the bed was there and like we were all sat there and I don't know why I was just watching what he was doing and like he was playing with this thing. No Casper, I'll tell you what happened. We walked in and I saw my friend's bullet on the side tip dressing table and I thought, oh my God, what do I do? Like I can't say your bullets at everyone's gonna look at it. So I was thinking I'll like and I just saw this guy going to grab it and he's like for like half an hour just playing with this bullet. Not knowing what it was and I was just like, no, oh my God, you're so sweet. Just put her bullet, that's without her vagina. What is he doing? Just like flicking it around like it was a lighter, you know, just like yeah, you know, involved in the conversation innocently. Because he was also so he didn't was going, no he hadn't turned it on, it just looked like a little bullet and he was just like playing with it. I think at one point he was like, What is this? And I was just like, Oh darling, no. Okay, I have a proposal story from Sam. Come on, proposal story. Hi, Jamie and Sophie. I'm loving this new chapter of yours and wanted to share a story with you both. I recently got engaged on a trip to New York. It was the trip of a lifetime, but I was completely oblivious to the fact that he was planning on proposing. On our second day, we got up early to go for a walk around Central Park and we stopped for a coffee, then strolled through the park together. He directed me to a secluded spot, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him. Let's go. At which point I said yes, obviously, and then suddenly he said Where is your coffee cup? Confused, I told him I'd finished the coffee and chucked it in the bin in the park. No. Turns out he had slipped the ring into the coffee cup with the intention of me finding it at the end of my drink, but in all the anxiety of getting ready to ask a question, he completely forgot his plan. We legged it back to the bin where I'd got rid of the cup, fished through the litter and we found the cup and the ring, thank goodness. He promised me he'll never try and plan a similar surprise again. That is like so funny, but why on earth would you think that putting a ring in coffee is a good idea? Why would you put it in the coffee cup? Like, oh yeah, thanks, slippery, dirty coffee slippery. Also do you swallow it and go what the hell's that? You could actually choke. A ring could choke you easily. Speaking of which, where's your wedding bands? My wedding band is upstairs. Because it scratches Ziggy. So your engagement ring is upstairs and then you you have two little wedding bands. Where are they? I have one wedding band. One little wedding band, where is it? It is somewhere in my bedroom, hidden in beneath the floorboards. The little man came and got in it the night. He's taken it for sure. Where is the wedding bag? And he just sits it and like my precious. I don't know where it is. Honey, and you haven't even questioned where it is. I have because I need to get down on my all fours and look under the bed, but I have a bad back from carrying our son so I need you to do that for me. Anyway do you have um do I have what? And do the parents listener A message to meet out. I do you big old fucker. Here it is. Here it goes. Ready? A wild story from Anonymous. Hi Jamie and Sophie. I want to share the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me. Like most people, I've always been really paranoid about accidentally calling someone when I'm Well, I recently went through a breakup and I finally have started to feel ready to date again. And things got steamy on the sofa. I got carried away and after about ten minutes I noticed that my phone was unlocked beneath us on the sofa. To my horror, I had left a ten minute voicemail to my ex's mum of me snogging another guy. No, that's illegal. She's called Eileen, so she's at the top of my contact list. Amazingly, despite my panic, he wasn't put off and we're actually going on another date this week. As for Eileen, hopefully she never heard the voicemail, but I blocked her number instantly, so our guests will never know. That's so funny. Did I tell you that I got a call from one of my ex's dads the other day? And he was like, hey Jamie, how you doing? And I was like, uh, hi, uh, Mr. And they he was like, oh sorry, wrong number. And then just hung up on me . Terrified for some reason. Terrified you are. Terrified you are? Terrified you are, or was he terrified? I'm like Yoda. Terrified Terrified you are, young one. You are terrified or he was terrified. Okay, I don't know Yoda because I never watched Star Wars. Who do you think Yoda was? The alien in Star Wars. Yeah, he's the alien. Listen, everyone, I want to say a big thank you to all of those listeners' messages. We absolutely love them. Keep writing them in. Keep typing away. Keep floating those little messages into us. Float float float them in. Floaty, floaty, floaty. Oh, you float them in. All right? Float them in to at newlyparents podcast on Instagram. Signed our DMs, or you can send us an email, newlyparents at jump opductions.co.uk, and of course we have our phone number that you can send voicemails to. You can stay anonymous. All in the show description. That's the end of listeners messages well sassy girl. Well sassy how have you found this podcast today? An absolute joy . Yeah, you glug that water over a joy. Do some ASMR for our listeners. Oh my god, we were driving up to um Oh my god the late district for a wedding at the weekend and we were taking my um mum and dad . Jamie drove the whole way. He has passed, he's insured he's down with the kids. Like it was very good. I am like, Jamie, let's put on some music. Mum and dad in the car. And what comes up? ASMR. ASMR that we played on the last episode. The ASMR. Like someone sucking on a lollipop and going, you like that, daddy? You like that daddy? By the way, I was so busy with Ziggy in the back, I just didn't know what was going Sophie's parents in the back. Listening to ASMR of you like that daddy? No, I don't like that at all. I really don't. You like that daddy no that's scary it's not scary don't do it again i don't want you to just look at me for a second you like that mama i'm so tired your head looks like it you know when people are upside down and they're like mouths look upside down and they look really distorted. I'm so tired you look like that to me today. You're like that dead. Your mouth looks like it should be up here and your eyes should be down there. Something's going wrong with me. Hey, I've got a question for you. If you had to take a 24-hour road trip with someone, who would it be in why what famous person it could be anyone you like but yeah let's go for famous and you can fill the car you can fill the car oh with full loads of people you've got a couple of people in the car with you who you take on a road trip four seven it's a twenty four hour road trip. Who you are taking with you? Go and give it to me in why. Um, okay. Morgan Freeman. Because I really, really like him. What do you like about Morgan Freeman? I don't know. He just always reminded me of my granddad. I just love Morgan Freeman. Okay, so Morgan Freeman's in his 80s always been my granddad. Okay, so on the road trip, he's gonna sleep a lot. Morgan Freeman, no, he's not he's gonna be like Bruce Orm Mighty when he's the god. No, no, no, no, he's not. Okay, so I'm bringing Morgan Freeman when he's not sleeping a lot. L likeike that maybe when he's like 70, 65, 70, that age. Like when he's in seven, that that era of Morgan Friedman. I'm gonna bring Willis.