Reflections on Death and Future Plans

Now, just a quick break, guys, to talk about something that's actually been a huge part of our lives recently. One of our sponsors today is Hertility, the end-to-end hormone and fertility care provider. This one's really personal for us. We've just become parents ourselves. The whole fertility journey, I think, is so important. You just want to understand your fertility in your body as women. Exactly. And hertility is not just a standard test, it's an advanced at home hormone and fertility test. It gives you insights into your egg count and can screen up to 18 conditions, such as PC I mean look, it's all about getting clarity. Whether you're just starting to think about your fertility or you're trying to get to the root of your symptoms like painful periods or irregular cycles, you can get results in as little as six days. Okay, and that's not all. Okay, you aren't just left with a bunch of data. You can also get a one-on-one call with an in-house expert to walk you through your results and help with whatever the next steps are. I just love the extra support that Hertility offers. Head to hertilityhealth.com/slash podc This is the paid advertisement for better help. I do think summary is funny because everyone talks about it like it's automatically relaxing, but actually sometimes it's complete opposite. Yeah, suddenly there's loads of plans, there's loads going on, there's people traveling, the baby, the work, trying to make the most of every sunny day. And then you end up feeling guilty if you're not having the perfect amazing summer all the time. I think also sometimes we put loads of pressure on ourselves to be kind of thriving when really we're just trying to keep up. Which is why it's so important to actually check in on yourself during busy periods and make time for yourself too, not just everyone else. Yeah, and therapy can really help with that. It gives you space to slow down, understand what you need, and reset a little when life feels full on. With better help, they do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. And if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time from our tailored racks. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhealth.com slash newlyparents. That's better. Hglp.com slash newlyparents. Ladies and gentlemen, this podcast is sponsored by Lego Duplo, where learning and play go hand hand in as toddlers create, imagine and explore. Like most parents, we think our little baby is a genius, right? I mean, obviously. I mean sometimes I just look at it and I'm like, there are some big ideas brewing there. Apparently, development happens in like really the early years. I got a stat for you, okay? Ninety percent of a child's brain develops before the age of five. Well this is why it's so important for them to play. It just means that they learn all these important life skills for when they grow up. So Lego Preschool offers a wide range of sets which you can start using with your kids from just 18 months all the way up to five. I mean, I think it's just about starting them off early, giving them the space to just build and play and just letting them explore at that own pace. And also we have my little niece who absolutely loves pepper pig, like obsessed with pepper pig. There's also a huge range of different ones, uh, depending on whatever their favorite character is. Let's start building. Visit Lego.com slash pres chool to find out more. Listen, everybody, welcome back to the episode. Okay, today we're gonna talk about a zombie apocalypse. We're gonna talk about how Jamie can't drink coffee. I had my first coffee the first time. He was pounding off the roof. Sophie's also taking aphrodisiacs in pill form. I'm not, I'm taking oysters in pill form. Okay, and also her pregnancy pillow is back. She's not even pregnant. It's bonkers. Apple Wham, baby. And guys, one more thing, if you can click this little subscribe button it's gonna pop up here all right you won't miss an episode wink and say bye bye join us hello I'm Jamie Lang and I'm Sophie Lang and now we're newly parrot. Oh yeah we up baby Wow well Wow wow wow look what we are again Rat a tat tat. It's the door in the hat. It's a door. Open up the hat. What's underneath? It's a little man called Jamie. Hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello. Hello, I'm so scared and sorry to everyone listening. No, come on. Ratat tat. It's a little man in a hat. Hmm. Hey, listen, everybody. What the fuck? We were just going with it. You randomly go, hmm. I was enjoying it. I was enjoying it, by the way. I thought that was a great little intro. I'm not, I know you're sorry, but I'm not having your like when you're not in the room energy. I'm friggin' focused. Okay, focus, boy. Honey focus, girl. I am focused . Shh . Honey badger shush . Okay, we're back. Why don't you whip me up a little smoothie? I already did. Yeah, you did. And it was delicious. It was really quite delicious. Can I just say this by the way the other day? Sophie spiked my drink. This is how I'm gonna kick this off. She spiked it. Alright? With what? We were doing our raisin chelsea Raz and Jelsea. Raisin Jelly. We're doing our raisin ch I can't raise it. Okay, we were doing our raising Chelsea um thing, right? You haven't even got a Raising Chelsea promotion. We were doing our Raising Chelsea promo. It's on Disney Plus. You can go and check it out. All right. I was ready for it. I was like, let's go. This is a big day. The day that we've all been waiting for. I was like, Sophie, are you making a smoothie? Bang, I'll have one of those smoothies as well. Sophie made me a smoothie, blended it up, shh, gave it to me. I downed it. Let's get on the road. Suddenly I felt like my body was taking off. I was like, what the f I I look, I wouldn't know, but I imagine that's what it's like when you take a whole load of That's what I imagine it's like. Alright. I was about to I was about to frickin' wild gas. All right, let me rephrase it, you you little sassy. It felt like I had an adrenaline shot shoved into me. I was basically about to take off. I I I was I couldn't sit still, my head was sweating, I felt like I was about to like throw up. I was like, what the hell is this? It's not called nerves and anxiety. Yes, it is. No, it's not. I put a thing a something called space goods, which is literally like lion's mane in his drink, which by the way guys, I have been putting in for the last three months, every morning, scoop, scoop, scoop. One morning on the day that we had to do press for racing chelsea, it was the premiere, the show hadn't come out, we didn't know whether people were gonna like it. He feels anxious. Oh, it's the drinks I've given him. She totally fucks me. I didn't. She totally fucked me. Jamie, you've just nailed five coffees. Yes, I have. I'm gonna get into that. All right. Before we get into that, welcome back to the show . All right. Welcome back. We missed you. I think about you every night. I think about you every night. I think about you every night. You weren't last night, you little sleepy little dory. Oh my god. Sleepy little muffin of. Sorry, forgive me for sleeping. I solo parented for a week last week and I'm solo parenting again for a week this week. So sorry, forgive me that you did one fucking night. Well done. Round of applause. Our son was crying. You were fast. He was not crying, guys. If I I mean honestly, literally like a breath, and I'm r up the stairs. But Jamie, I said you've got to do the whole night. And I did the whole night. It was gorgeous. It was gorgeous. How annoyed were you with me? I wasn't no, I really wasn't I heard it you I heard you down the monitor at one point go, please, please . No, please. Because he wasn't sleeping. Trying to bribe your baby. Can I just also understand this, which I don't get? Sophie's brought back her pregnancy pillow. It's in the bed with us. I don've not brought it back, I've never given it away. No, honey, it's it's big s a big long sausage thing. It's in the middle of the bed. And it will be there for the rest of my life until I die. When I'm 90, I will die curled around a pregnancy pillow. It's like it's like the Berlin Wool in b in our bed. Like you you can't get near you. Y Fancy, can I just say that how many times a night do I say, Can you please like touch me? You do you refuse you don't like any touching at night? No, no. What you like me to touch is to rub your back and your bum. That's what you like. I do, yeah. Yeah, you're what's wrong with that? Nothing's wrong. You refuse. You're like, no, no, I can't go near you. No, I I like being near you. I want to be near you. I you I I'm you're just so hot at night as well. I'm not hot at all. You're so hot. This is like a big situation that we have going on because obviously we've got a baby, as you all know. Um and Jamie thinks Siggy is hot 24-7. Like it will be gale force winds, it will be raining. Jamie will be like, wow, he's too hot. Like whip off his sock, whip off his jacket because you have a heat problem. I'm hot all the time. Anyway, I didn't sleep that much last night. So what I've decided to do today, for the first time ever, is I've had my second ever espresso. So not for the first time ever. The second time ever. This is my second ever espresso ever. And honestly I feel jacked up. On frickin' b I feel like So they feel like what you imagine it feels like . I feel like I'm honestly about to take off again. I don't know what but it is But also you feel a bit like sketchy and anxious. Yeah, I'm sensing it. You need to go get yourself an ashwagander and just pop that. No, I feel all about leopelling yourself out. You get yourself a bit anxious and you bring yourself down with an ashwaganda. Why the hell do people drink this coffee? Because now I I I I drank it, felt great for like five minutes. Now I feel sketchy as anything. Like now I feel like everyone's watching me and talking about me. Terrible stuff. You are being a bit weird, to be fair. I uh you don't make you feel weird. The problem is once you have a coffee you can't get it out. It's in you all day long. That's a whole day. You can't re re you can't I'm gonna feel like this all day. Yeah, you can't r you've gotta just keep on the you've gotta keep drinking them every two hours. Now that we're in, can I tell you the time that I once took mushrooms? Oh my god, what is going on with you? I need to tell you this 'cause I was I I just need to tell you this story 'cause it was the also one of most horrific experiences. Basically, what I've worked out is anything that changes my whole mindset. I don't really like coffee, not love alcohol. Okay , coffee coffee, not great for me. Make too much of a stimulant.es M meak get too energetic. So tell me right now you don't feel good. I look quite dry mouth. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I was about an eight out of ten when I started. I'm probably rolling around a four. I feel like why don't you take a breath? We can take it a minute. Like try and catch your breath for a minute because otherwise I fear we're gonna hear so many stories today. My hands are starting to sweat. Anyway, this person one of these people that I knew had brought these mushrooms to a party, right? And I was like eighteen years old. Real mushrooms that would be in like my mum's cupboard. Like real mushrooms, right? Anyway, he was like, Oh, do you want to try one of these? And I was like, Well, what's that? Why would you eat mushrooms? And he was like, go on, just try it, it'll be really fun. And I was like, all right. So I I ate gobbled these mushrooms. Delicious, oh no. Well, no, it was like eating mushrooms like from the dirt. There was still dirt in them, soil, everything. Anyway, I was then like with with my girlfriend at the time, and then we were walk we started we left the house and we started walking back to her house. And I started to feel a bit funky. I was like, this doesn't feel this feels a bit weird. Anyway, I got home to our house and I turned on the TV. I started watching Rugby League. Okay, it was St. Helens versus like I don't know Bradford or something like that. I watched it for 45 minutes, not even kidding you. Yeah. Yeah, what a forty St. Helens 1, 3217. I got up to turn the TV off. The TV was already off. And I was like I was like, what the fuck? I looked in the the mirror and I was a puppet on a string. I was like, oh my god. And it was the worst night of my life. Okay, so mushrooms know. Just to clarify, like lions mean that they're not magic mushrooms, so you shouldn't have like been seeing things . Rright, it was a horrific experience. Hey, listen, anyway, I've got a question for you, right? Okay. If it was a zombie apocalypse, right? The whole world, because I need to understand what a sort of good mother you're going to be when this happens. When the zombies take over the weapon. Yeah, because that it might happen. A virus has been released. Producer Yui has released a virus. All right? Yui has released a virus. Yui is the releaser. And it's spread everywhere and everyone's become zombies. And these zombies are like fast running zombies. They're not slow. And they're big. Well they're human. They're human. So they're like it's Yui sprinting after me like this. Yeah, and he and he and he and uses his teeth. He like bites. So these zombies, they kill you by biting into you. So they're cannibals or Well they just bite because that's what they they feed on humans. And Zui's gums release a venom. No, well y yes, yeah. If you want to get into the specifics, yeah. I must need the specifics. Okay, fine. How many people has Yui killed? Loads of people. And and it's the butterfly. So that's an army of Yui's. Yeah, but they're not an army because they're not they're not regimented. There's no leader. I think what happens is they turn into Yui. So there's just loads of Yui's on each. Yui started it. Thousands of UEs. Yeah. It's thousands of UIs, right? And they're all zombies and they're trying they're taking over the world. And if you get bitten by one or scratched by one or blood Pan into Yui and you start running. We live in London. We wake up on the news , everyone's become a Yui zombie. What's the first thing you're doing? How are you surviving? So, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna get Ziggy, I'm gonna get the RT pop on. Okay. As you're gonna get the mamas and papas carrier because it's so comfy for him. Lovely that you love that you're mentioning the brands. And I can run with it. So I'll strap him in. And I will You can run. I can run. I will come out of my house with an umbrella, like that. So if anyone comes near me, poke them, protecting us, and I will find my nearest badger hole and I will get both of us in it. Because Yui or the Yuies are gonna they're gonna run over the holes. They are not gonna be looking in the holes. They can't smell us. Okay, just quickly so. Actually, do you know what I would do? I'd rub myself in um garlic oil. So that they can't smell me. They can't smell my blood. Sorry. Just quickly. And chili. Just so I understand. They don't, I'd be spicy for them to eat. Just so I understand, where are you gonna find a badger hole? Anywhere. You don't think badgers live in London? Where a foxhole or a badger hole. And you think you're gonna climb down that? Yes. With Ziggy attached to your front? No, I would go I would put him down hold him down like that and I would slide in with him. Or I would crawl. Into a badger hole. Yes, a badger hole. Badgers are fucking big for starters. Probably about the same size as me. Not far off. You think a badger is the size of you. Second thing I would do, you know, when you go to a skip, you know you've got those things that you open up, but you have that it's like you open them up like a letterbox and you put the the stuff in and then you close it I would put Ziggy in I'd wrap him in cotton wool so he wouldn't hurt himself or like bubble wrap and I would put him in that and I would close it. You'd put him in a bin. I would and then I would put myself oh and then I'd chuck loads of food in, close it. And then I would chuck loads of like water in, close it, chuck loads of milk, close it, and then last and lastly, oh matches a torch, sorry. And then I'd chuck myself in , close it. I can't get out ever, because that's the way these bins work. You can only get in. But these can't get out. No, but I would just wait until all the zombies are evacuated. And then and then how are you getting out? I would knock until someone hurt me and keep knocking. That's what you do. What would you do? Okay, so you're dead very quickly. No, I'm not because they would not find me in a metal bin. They honey, you're you're dead. So you're you're dead. We're actually living in that bin. We've got a torch, we've got milk, we've got food, we've got blankets, we've got pillows. No, no, no. I'm really sorry you're dead. I would survive a hundred percent. Without a doubt I'd survive. No, you wouldn't tell you straight away what I would do. Okay. Okay, here we go. Wake up. There zombies are happened. Fine, that's great. I would go and get protective stuff to put on my arms and round my neck. What's protective stuff? Uh like like like from the gutter I'd go and get the little whatever they're called piping. Put them on my arms. No, just pi like the the piping from the house. I'd go and put on my arms and on my legs. Done. I'd go and do that. Pippinks under the walls. No, the drain pipe going up the house. Okay, fine. I'd go and put them on my arms. Alright, I would then get on my Vespa with Ziggy attached to me, and I would drive to the ocean. And they can jump. He would jump, bite, kill. No, honey. And Ziggy, what is on the Vespa with no helmet, flying around? Yeah, he's on my front facing me. I'm protecting him and I'm on my Vespa. I'm driving to the ocean. I'm getting on a boat. What boat? There's gonna be a boat. I'm driving to a harbour. There's no harbour in London. So you go to the river Thames and you jump on one of the farries. Get on a boat, drive it out to mid-ocean, put the anchor down, I'm surviving, I'm done, I'm fine. Okay, I'm not sure. Can I also just explain? Our house at the moment is full of lotions and potions and there is we have a drawer which is just full of like different types of pills. Such plants. Ashwaganda. There's like so many different ones. And the new one that I just realized Sophie is taking. Sophie is taking oysters in pill form . And I heard her talking to her friend. They said when she burps, she burps up oyster. Yeah, it's fucking vile. I actually can taste an oyster in my mouth right now. Why? Like not the delicious oyster you're thinking of. Like you know, when you have an oyster and it's a bit of the shell that gets in your mouth with the water and you're like it's like crispy, crunchy sea. Yeah. That's what I'm bopping up 247. I don't know what it does. Why you eat I saw it on Amazon and I get clawed right in. The amount of packages that arrive every single day for you from Amazon. Yes, I know. We're gonna we have to make a rule together right now. But my son's world is on Amazon. My world is on Amazon. You can buy anything, you can buy you could buy anything you want on Amazon it's just so fun that the wildest your oyster Sophie bought so if you bought she, was like, look what I bought for Z iggy. He's gonna absolutely love this. And I was like, what is it? She opened it up . It's one it's one of those blankets that you wear after you after you run a marathon to ke yoepurself warm. No, you know when I s the only way I can describe it is when I got got w fell over skiing and broke my knee. They wrapped me in one of those boil blankets and I was lying there and it's a real cool memory. But he loves it. I go and put it over him and he's like, whoa, it's called sensory toys. Why on earth did you buy that phone from Amazon? It's called sensory toys. My friend told me how off I go to Amazon and buy it. And it came with feathers as well. That I think you're meant to like tickle him with. We have to make a rule now. We were not gonna spend anything more in Amazon Amazon. We have beef organs that I eat from Amazon, beef liver I have from Amazon, everything from Amazon. Sorry, run me through this beef organs. Beef organs, and now I just moved on to the oysters. So I'm like barping up lots of like meat . The orchans don't really taste of organs. What do you what do you think it's going to do? Give me energy and make me feel good and look younger. It it doesn't because can I be just really honest? No, I don't want to hear it. And I'm sick to death of you telling me why am I tired. I'm sick to death of it because my central nervous system is up to here because I am a good mother. So you shut up. You're a great mother. You're the best. Okay, I'm just gonna t put it out there, all right? Just I gotta say it because this is a podcast about being new parents. I did one night, and so therefore Sophie doesn't get a reason to be tired. No, I'm just gonna put it out there. Okay. You're tired , right? And I think it's 'cause you're taking all of these oysters. No, I've only taken I think they're coming you. I feel good now and it's because I pop those oysters in my mouth. It's just not. I guess. Honey, I have more energy than anyone. No, you don't. You're actually you run on fake energy, I think, and I think that's why it leads to burnout, if I'm being totally honest. There is no way I'm like close to burnout. There will be something like your your energy, whatever your dopamine levels or something are like they're not right. They're not level. I have a lot of energy. Which is a curse and a and a blessing all in one. Yes, but the truth is I it's because I'm not taking any lotions and potions. It's all natural with it. You could do with some lotions and po tions. They make your eye bags go, they make your skin glow, they make your breath smell nice. Does my breath smell bad at the moment ? No, but I do think sometimes . Sophie literally said to me the other day, we went on a trip to Ibiza, guys. It was our first like holiday that we've had in like a year's time. And it was just like fantastic. And anyway, I was talking to Sophie one morning and she literally looked at me and went, I think you have halatos is. And I was like, what do you mean? You're like, something's wrong with you. Something's wrong. And then you I think he's got a bad look. I'm gonna be really honest with you. Jamie, Jamie does like 500 views a day. Like it's so strange. You have a bad gut because that causes like a a not a great breath and also a bad poo mouth what do you bad poo like a bad bowels. I don't have bad bowels. You fucking do. Are you kidding me? It's not normal to do a pa most people do yes, they go to the loo. It's a healthy to go to the loo. Once, twice, three times a lady. You don't have to go to the loo every time you go to sleep. It's like a tick. Every time I go to the orange , you go, Oh, just need to go to a poo. So I don't know whether you're trying to get out of like doing something with Ziggy or you actually have really bad battles. I don't know what the truth is. Did you enjoy a batha? I had the best time in Ibitha. Wasn't it great? It was so great. It was so needed. You switched off. You didn't TikTok me. Only one in five days, guys, which is a world fucking record. The the TikTok that gives me life. The social media that gives me life. Yeah, but that's sad. We need to be more present. We need to l get life from the flower, from the plant, from the ocean, from the water, from our sun. Okay, that's fair enough. The only thing about these oysters, right? Oysters is an aphrodisia c. Mm-hmm. Do you know what an aphrodisiac is? I do. What is it? It's something that makes you like sexual. You're about to say horny. I was, I really hate that word . So when you feel sexual, what do you would say? I want to have sex . Not I'm horny. Please let me know in in our DMs or in our comments. Does no one say the word horny? No, it's so fucking weird to say I 'm what do you want me to say? I like oh can we have sex? I need to have sex, I want to have sex. I think people do say that they're horny by the way. If you do stop immediately, your girlfriend and your boyfriend, like no one likes it. Maybe the boys like it, eh? Explain to me. Explain to me other things that we shouldn't be saying in relationships. So you can't say the word horny. What else can't we say? Lush. You can't say the word lush. Hate the word lush. Sorry, you can't say the word lush. Yeah, I hate fart. I don't love the word farf. What was that word you guys said? Snuff. Guff. Guff is absolutely vetoed. Don't say I need a guff. Oh god. Sorry, oops, just gaffed. No . Horny's a really bad one . Anything else that you can't say? What gives you the real ick if someone comes and says it to you? I've told you, I really just want you to stop calling me mum . I really don't like it. He doesn't call me anything but mum. Mama. And I'm like, no, you call your mum that. I've heard you call Penny mama for six years . Do not think that I'm gonna ever be okay with you calling me . My son can call it me eh. You've gotta stop right now. My name is Sophie. You can't be calling me mama. I find it weird to call you Sophie ? I I I don't like calling you Sophie. Okay, well what did you call me before? Lammy. Kitchen sink. Anything but mumsy. Goat, kitchen sink, all of them. E those completely fine. I'm down with. But when you call me mum, and I hear you also then pick up your phone to your mum and go, Hey Mumma, and then you go, Mumma, can you get me a coffee? I'm like I d no. Okay, fine. I totally get it. Listen, I want to ask you one more thing before we go into listeners' messages. Like the zombie apocalypse, if you were holding Ziggy and you had to protect him and an animal was running at you, what's the biggest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands? Why do I have to kill the animal? Can't I just get it on my side? You don't have a weapon, you're protecting our son. How big but is the animal attacking me? Yes. So what animal is attacking me? You you have to say what size the animal is. I s I like an otter. I could take that on. You how would you take down an otter? I would hold his neck. And I've got the neck. Look, guys, I love animals. I love altars so much. But if an otter was trying to eat my son, I think I could take one down . Like I could definitely take on down a ladybug. Okay. So what about a pig? If it was a pig? No, that's quite full on. I wouldn't want to put that scenario out there because pigs are really vicious. They're actually so intelligent and clean. But like they've got big teeth and huge hooves. Trotters. So so a pig is too big. What about a cow? No . I could give it a good kick if I try to protect myself. Okay, the the cow is running at you. How are you protecting Ziggy? You're kicking it. I would kick it. Or I would um kick snap its neck. Oh well it would go head down at me like a rhino and I would hold its neck as it did it like a rugby ball and then I'd to the side with full grip with Ziggy on my back. But I would have to really, really grab my feet in because it could whiff me off the floor. So I would steady myself like a a a South African rugby player. What are you South African? I just pitch myself like them like in the sh harem or whatever they do. In the rug. In the rug. And then I would let it come at me. And then I would snap. You would snap a bug. You know, they'd pick it the snap. Yes, I would. What would you do? Not snap a cow's neck. I think I would I would if if a cow was running at me, I think I would just take it down and like lock it. I would wrestle it. Ziggy's on your back, so what are you gonna do? I'd put Ziggy down on the ground and wrestle the cow. I could wrestle the cow. Or I would just punch it and knock it out. You could wrestle a cow because you are sturdy. Like this man's glutes are thicker than anyone's you've ever met. They are so solid. It's like I don't think if if you did acupuncture on your bum, you wouldn't needle here when the muscles that big. Great. Listen, everybody, you know what time it is. It's time for listeners messages ! This episode of Newly Parents Guys is sponsored by Lego Duplo, where learning and play go hand in hand as toddlers create, imagine and explore. Okay, by the way, I bet no one knew this. Did you know that 90% of a child's brain develops before the age of five? Totally wild, isn't it? So probably comes as no surprise that play actually aids so much of that early development. Well actually, did you know that Lego Duplo is all about helping preschool k So it could be cognitive skills, emotional skills, social skills, there's so many. Yeah, it's incredible, isn't it? So big question for me to you. What skills have you learned as a new parent? I'm fantastic at burping. I you well. No, not fantastic at burping myself. I I'm fantastic at burping my son. Okay. I'm fantastic at getting a little burp out of Z. All right, well I'm gonna come over to you now, all right, and you're gonna have to show me the burping technique that you've learned if you think of that good at this. So I would set you on my knee. All right, so I'm gonna Oh my God, you lump of a man. Okay. And just leaning forward, bah , pat pat away, patterkate, patakate, patterkate, uh, but off you go. Oh my gosh, you're so heavy. And then and then what? And then you push me off. And no, and then I hold Diggy. Well you didn't. Okay, what have you learned? Tell you what I've learned. How to maneuver a pram in any situ ation. I can get a pram into the back of a taxi. Damn straight you can. Thank you very much. I can fold up a pram and put it on a plane in the luggage place. Damn straight you can. Because I can tell you what what's embarrassing is when you're trying to fold a pram in the aisle of a plane and everyone is behind you huffing and puffing. And it doesn't fold. And it does not fold. I've mastered that skill. You are the master of the pram folder. Well, now that our baby is six months old, I know the facial expressions he makes. Oh me too. I can tell you exactly when he's hungry. I can tell you when he needs a poo. I can tell you when he's pooing. That one you can tell for sure. What does he do when he's pooing? It's like a bit of a fl ared nostril. I think he looks as cutest when he's pushing out of Pooh. Really? Like that is when he looks as cutest. He goes very rare. He likes stares you right in the eye and just flares his nostrils. Yeah, he does. And like it's poo time. Do you say that too? Imagine if I said to you every single time you did a poo, it's poo time. You would hate it. Hey honey. I can tell you. I'll talk to Ziggy. Do you know what? I'll talk to him how I talk to you. Like I'll go and do you want some dinner? That's how you're gonna start talking to him and think he'll prepare that . Are you thirty get yourself some milk? Bedtime, put yourself to bed. That's very good. It's very good. I want to say one more skill that I've learned. What I've learnt as a new parent is to be kind to each other. This is true. Because parenting is exhausting. It's hard. It's tiring at times. But you know what? We're always good to each other. You've got to pull through and those 3 a.m. wake-ups, you've just gotta brush away all the nasty things you say to each other and start afresh the next day. Exactly. Okay, so if it's clear that every little skill we're learning now is laying the groundwork for what's to come and it's the same for Ziggy too by the way. That is so right Jamie. That's why we've been loving Lego Duke . Honestly it's amazing which is all about helping little ones start their building journey from as early as one and a half . What's really nice, okay, is that it grows with them from those bigger bricks designed for tiny little hands all the way up to more advanced play as they get older. Exactly because play isn't just about play. It's actually really important for helping build so many important life skills early on, from creativity to problem solving. I mean, especially in those first early years when so much development happens. So even though Ziggy's not quite there yet, we're already getting so excited about introducing him to Lego Duplo. And I mean, let's be honest, probably playing with it ourselves too. I honestly can't wait. I'm like so excited. Okay, honey, let's start building. Visit Lego.com forward slash preschool to find out more . Before the roar of the finish feel the glory at Goodwood Qatar Goodwood Festival Tuesday 28th of July to Saturday 1st of August Qatar Goodwood Festival presented by visit Qatar book now Well, welcome back to lovely listeners' messages. Thank you so much for sending them in. We have a funny parenting story from Jess. Hi guys, congrats on baby Ziggy. And thank you for bringing back the pod. I thought I' sdend over an anecdote of what happened on Family Holiday a couple of years ago, and so hopefully this never happens to you guys with Ziggy in the future. By day four of the trip, I'd reach that dangerous level of parental exhaustion. I totally understand what that is. Much as Obitha was amazing, you're basically parenting in the sun. And you think that they're gonna love, love, love it, but like I don't know how much at Ziggy's age he loved being slathered with sun cream and like in this like sweatsuit all day. No, no, no. He he was hot. He was tired. There was one point when we were feeding Ziggy by the pool on holiday and we were feeding him a soup and the f soup and the food puree. Pure the puree was going everywhere. Like everywhere. And all the other parents are just looking at you thinking, God, they're bad parents. And you're just trying to also can the other parents listening to this tell Jamie that he needs to like not give a fuck. You started going shh to Ziggy. I was honestly about to karate hiccu like a cow and be like shut the fuck up he's okay. Okay. So by day four of the trip I reached that dangerous level of parental exhaustion where your standards start to melt away slightly. We were relaxing by the hotel pool, cocktail in hand, both boys temporarily entertained, it was almost peaceful. Then my youngest appeared, saying he needed a wee. Normally fine, but on this day I'd taken him at least five times already, and he barely produced a drop each time. My patience had reached its limit, so I whispered just go in the pool. Everyone does it. Before I could stop him he marched to the pool's edge, unzipped his full body sun suit, and unleashed a spectacular fountain of weed directly into the crowded pool . Oh my god, that is so cute. I sprinted across the tilescreen. No, no, no, not like that. Too late. The pool emptied fast in the fodder and spent the rest of the holiday avoiding eye contact with everyone. If Ziggy went to the edge of the pool and pulled down his pants and started peeing into the pool, what would you do? I'd obviously you'd be like, oh no, but I'd find it quite funny. But if I saw someone else's kid do that, I would find it funny. I would find it funny as well. I wouldn't be like, like, who doesn't pee in the po ol? Obviously I don't. But like I have peed in the pool in my life. Have you never peed in a pool? No. So I I'm not sorry, but I don't know. Have you never peed in a pool in your house? You You y you Yui, you pee in the pool. No, if I'm in a pool I'm peeing in it. That is what is wrong with Have you ever peed in a shower? Yes. What's the difference? Totally different. Chlorine, it kills all the peas, right? Do you pee in a bath? Oh no, I don't pee in a bath. Honey, to be honest, do you pee in a bath? I have never peed in a bath and that is wrong. And anyone in this room, if you have, I'm not gonna give eye contact with you because I will judge you because you are bathing in your own pee. Although I do know someone who used a bathing at her pea, and she thought it was good for her skin. Bathing in your own pea. I reckon you thought about that. I've never pe bathed in my own pee. I really, really haven't. Because then you would come out and you'd smell a pea all night. Like I absolutely am not bathing. I I have a shower after having a bath 'cause I think baths are g kind of great if you bathe in your own dirt. Bathe in your own filthy little filthy mat. Well you speaking about this and I know we've chatted about this be before, but people think I'm a complete psycho and I'm gonna come at you. When you have a bath, do you let it run or do you get in it while it's running? I get in it when it's fully finished. Absolutely crazy. It's the most mental thing I've ever heard. People who have baths, you get into a bath and you let it run up alongside you. No, you don't because you're sat there chilly like this while your butt is warm and then like I'll I'll get into it when it's like up to my belly button, let it run up to my boots. Again, a quick tangent, but when Sophie has a shower, it's the m most it's the most boiling hot shower I've ever had in my entire life. I don't understand how you can have such a hot shower. When I get in and share it with you , don't know why you like you don't share it with me. You get in 'cause you're greedy for the shower. I would like a shower and you take so long. And she does this thing. She gets in the shower and she like waves her back round it. It's too hot to keep it in one place. So just boiling hot. Yeah. Yeah. Boiling. Terrible for your skin. Okay. Okay, give me another. Funny dating story. So this is from Anonymous. Okay. Hey guys, it's so good to have the podcast back. I have a story to share with you that I need to get off my chest. Last month I was on a night out while staying with some friends in Manchester and was getting on pretty well with one of their colleagues who we'd met up with. So well, in fact, that he invited me back to his. As I'd been staying on an airbed on my friends' floor anyway, the idea of a bed for the night sounded like a win-win. That was until we got back to his place and it was completely empty. No furniture, just a pile of clothes on the floor. When I asked where he sleeps, he jestered to the hammock hanging up in the corner and said, Don't worry, we can sleep here, as he pulled out a double air mattress and a foot pump. Despite the huge ick of watching him inflate it, I'd come all the way, so I tried to ignore it. As we were getting down to the it, the weight of two people bouncing around was clearly too much, and we heard a loud pop, followed by a hiss as I collapsed onto the wood floor and he landed on top of me. Any sexual chemistry left in the air died at that exact moment, and I ended up getting an uber back to my friends about at 3 a.m. feeling as deflated as the airbed. Anyway, thanks for letting me share my trauma with you both. I love the podcast and hearing all your hilarious stories and pickering. Gosh. Is that a nick? If you you if can feel like that man's clothes would stink would be my biggest takeaway from that. Like where the fuck is his washing machine? Like how how has your brain gone there? It would be like you know like clothes that stink. I that's that's my biggest ick is stinky clothes. Like people who don't wash their clothes and like you know, uni clothes. You know, like the laundry basket. If you take the clothes out of it, they have a it's a strange You can tell that it's a dirty smell, I guess. That hit everything about that man smell of that he was a walking stench. Have you ever before we were together had like a little date with someone, maybe had a little hookup with someone and they did there was something weird that happened. There was like he had a hammock in his house or something . Nothing. No, I've not. You've never had that. No, I'm very, very innocent, aren't I? Haven't. I must have told you the story where my a friend of mine who's a comedian, quite a famous comedian, she said she had a one night stand with uh a guy. She went back to his house and he was wearing an Anarak and he had they had sex and he didn't rack off. He kept the Anorak on the whole time. That's really bad. Yeah. That's really, really bad. Okay, do you have another story for us, honey? Okay, I do. This is a love story from Megan. Hey Jamie and Sophie, congratulations on your new baby Ziggy. I've loved following your journey right the way through newly beds and I'm especially excited to relive that journey myself after my partner Ben proposed me last weekend. Let's go. Come on, Ben. I've known Ben since the first O secondary school when we were put next to each other in maths and bonded over how much we hated it. We became best friends and were basically inseparable until Ben 's family moved to Australia just before six form and we mostly lost contact. Then in 2024, I reached out whilst traveling in Australia and we met up in Melbourne. Our connection instantly returned, except this time the vibe was more than friends and we ended up travelling Australia together and completely falling in love. Once I'd convinced him to move back to England, we moved in together and things had have been a dream ever since. He's the most amazing person I could have hoped to end up with. I literally couldn't stop crying when he got down on one knee over breakfast in our flat. Just the two of us, like I'd always wanted. Then he surprised me by taking me for lunch, where all my family and best friends were waiting to celebrate. So I wanted to write in to thank Ben for making me feel so special and how grateful I am to have him in my life. Let's frickin' go, Ben. Let's go, Ben and Megan. Also we have a lovely voice note from Anonymous. Are you ready for this? Hey, Jamie and Sophie. Missed your podcast so much. Have I got a story for you though? Uh so I agreed to babysit my gorgeous six-month-old niece a couple of Sundays ago. But I decided to make the really silly mistake and go out the night before on Saturday and drink an absolutely heroic amount of alcohol. And then I rocked up at my sister's the next day, just absolutely hanging, which was probably not the best art to the day. When um I walked through the door, she immediately hands me my little niece and asks me to take her to a baby sensory class that she had booked, which she forgot to tell me about. So we walk into the class at first, it's really, really lovely. My niece is absolutely loving it. She's super, super peaceful, super relaxed, so relaxed, in fact, she decides to do an absolutely enormous poo all over herself, all over me, and before I can even react, I gag and threw up. It was absolutely horrendous. I don't even really remember what happened next, but I grab her, run into the bathroom. I did the fastest nappy change of my entire life. And I was just so mortified. I shot out the door. All I can say is, I'm so sorry to whoever was running that class who had to not only clean up my sick, which by the way, stank of tequila , and also my little niece's poo. I still haven't told my sister about it, and she continues to go to that class. Let's go . That is awful. Throwing up in public is actually the worst. Throwing up in public is totally the worst. A friend of mine went to on a trip to Amsterdam and he finished the day and he was so hungover. He was like impossibly hungover. And he was going back through security. And you know when you go through security you feel a bit sketchy. You're just like, oh, you're a little bit because you're just like, oh God, I'm going through security. For some reason it makes you just get a bit flustered. He picked up his tray, put his laptop and everything into the tray, and as he's putting it he threw up into the tray and then he didn't know what to do. So he just handed it to the guy working at security. Yeah, it's horrendous. It's horrendous. Horrendous. It's horrendous. Growing up into the security track. Growing up is like a demon's coming out of your body. Like it's like a a a demon is leaving you and it's just the most horrific thing in the whole entire . I don't think I've ever seen you throw up. Oh no I have. Yes you have. Yeah I have. I have seen you throw up. Yeah you make it you're a real ratchet. I've never seen you throw up. I've just heard you crying about throwing up. Like after you're like my mommy I do not say that at all. I d I need I just need sympathy when that happens. So having a sickness bug is is top. The worst thing in the world. Listen everyone, please keep sending your list's messages. We absolutely love them more than anything. Send them into newlyparents at jampopproductions.co.uk. Send them with email. We read them all. Okay, sign to our DMs. Newlyparents podcasts on Instagram. And also send us some voice notes, whatever you want. You can all stay anonymous. We have a number in our show description. Gets to our WhatsApp. All right? Isn't that right, honey? That's right. That's the end of listeners' messages . I've been thinking about death a lot recently. Do you ever think about like what your funeral would be like? No. You never do that. I don't want to die. I know you don't want to. But did you ever think about that? No . What you'd put on like your gravest one? No, and you're making me feel depressed. No, why would I ever want to think about that? What do you think happens when we die? What do you think happens after that? That's a whole other lie. Because I would be so sad, I'm just gonna be a little bit cheesy for a second. I'd be so sad if we if we died and we'd be buried together, you and I, and Ziggy and our kids would be there. Okay, this is awful. Why are you talking about that? Do you think we go to the other world and we're together in that place? Yes. Really? Yeah, do you not? Yeah, I would love that. Why what is this for conversation then? I just want to understand your thoughts around it. I don't think about death too much. I think it's very upsetting. So you would like to live forever? I would like to live longer than all my children for sure. Or no, sorry, not longer, but like all of us just go at the same time. Well all of us going at the same time. All of us. So I would be like 1