Sleeping Beauty Bedtime Story Finale

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the motherfucking podcast. It is New ly Mary! Hello, I'm Jamie Lang. And I'm Sophie Lang. And now we're newly parrot. Oh yeah we are baby . Welcome to the girls' bathroom, the podcast where no topic is off limits, no matter how unhinged it may be. I'm Sophia, I'm Chinzia, and we are your girls. I'm not his mother. Been there, girl. Live. I caught my boss slagging me off on WhatsApp to a friendship and everything in between. This is thrilling. Watch and listen every Wednesday on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. We're waiting for you in the girls' bathroom . Ladies and gentlemen, this podcast is sponsored by Lego Duplo where learning and play go hand in hand as toddlers create, imagine, and explore. Like most parents, we think our little baby is a genius, right? I mean, obviously. I mean sometimes I just look at it and I'm like, there are some big ideas brewing there. Apparently, development happens in like really the early years. Like I got a stat for you, okay? Ninety percent of a child's brain develops before the age of five. Well, this is why it's so important for them to play. It just means that they learn all these important life skills for when they grow up. So Lego Preschool offers a wide range of sets which you can start using with your kids from just 18 months all the way up to five. I mean, I think it's just about starting them off early, giving them the space to just build and play and just letting them explore at that own pace. And also we have my little niece who absolutely loves pepper pig, like obsessed with Peppa Pig. There's also a huge range of different ones, uh, depending on whatever their favourite character is. Let's start building. Visit Lego.com slash preschool to find out more. One of our sponsors today is Percival. TV, if you're a at wedding in Greece or Spain this summer, what are you wearing? Great question. Okay, I'm gonna be wearing definitely linen, a linen suit because it's boiling. Good, because your current suit, not a but have you seen Percival? I love Percible. It's so good. I love it. Jamie, this green linen suit would just look stunning on you. Green. It would look like an avocado. No, it would look absolutely stunning. I love green. It's nice with your eyes, it doesn't cash with your hair. If you don't like green, there's loads of other colours. There's brown, there's cream, there's merlow. Okay, listening more. So if you book a person shopping appointment in school, you get free alterations as well, and you get 20% off when you buy a blazer trouser and a shirt. So I'm getting a full outfit. Exactly. There's no excuses. All right, okay, honey, sold. Well done. Guys, if you've got a wedding or a holiday coming up, you must go and check out Parcel . Especially that cream suit. Head to passwordcloy.com to shop that summer suit collection. Man oh man oh man. I'm just gonna let everyone know this is our very, very, very first episode of newly pairing Because we are new parents. And I bet you guys thought we weren't gonna come back. I bet you thought that this was never gonna happen. I bet you thought my Monday's a ruin for the rest of my life. I would bet you thought, hell no, what am I gonna do ? Mondays? No, Sunday blues, cause there's no Sophie and Jamie on a Monday. But we heard you and we came in. Can we just say, and I'm gonna say this down the camera, and you are too, honey, we frickin' missed you. We missed you guys. We have so much to catch up on. I mean, we had a baby. He's upstairs. By the way, just to let everyone know, but we actually are recording at our home. So if you hear a little bit of drilling or you hear a little bit of something going on, turns out there's renovations around the place, but we're recording at home a little bit easier because we got Ziggy upstairs and we don't really want to be away from him. And truth be told, you should still be on paternity leave, paternity, maternity leave, but I've dragged you back to work. Get back in there, Sophie. Back to work. So that's why we're doing it in our home. Yeah. But we are back and we are so excited. I am really excited. I'm really excited. And we're ready to roll. We're ready to run, we're ready to roll. Look, I'm just gonna caveat as well before we even start this. Okay. I can't bear what you were about to say. I'm tired. And I gotta sore tooth. He's tired and he's got a sore tooth. And when Jamie's tired, he looks like weirdly at you and he'll make you feel uncomfortable. And I don't know if anyone the team in the room notice this, but he looks at you like there's something on your face. Like, are you not gonna say something? And I'm like, mate, it's you who's tired and sketchy and weird right now. That's not me. I'm good. I slept. I have the sorest tooth in the world. Don't roll your eyes at me. I have the sorest tooth in the world. I'm so sick to death at this sore tooth. Every night of the last two nights I've been woken up when our baby is asleeping. My tooth hurts, can you just stroke my tooth? Yeah I really need you to stroke my tooth because it's really sore. Get a grip. How many times do you complain about your back? My back is so sore. What do I do? I think massage it. You go, oh, I'm tired. Get a grip. Get lost. Okay, so anyway, guys, we're back. Let's talk about it. At the birth, how was it for you? Because I can tell you how it was for me. The birth for me was um amazing. The most magical thing in the world. Like it wasn't the most magical thing in the world because obviously it wasn't how I wanted it to go, but it was incredible. Like it was still the best day of my life. Can I just we should talk about like just before the birth? Because when you were leading up to that, you you got quite big,. honey You were as in like you were you were wonderful, but it was like you're you you had you w how do I say this? I was big. I was bigger. You were you went quite big, didn't you? And um there was a point when you thought you were giving birth, wasn't there? I don't really remember it. You'll have to say it. Okay. So you were feeling very pregnant at the time, and you needed to go to the loo. So I'd done nine months of being constipated. Nine whole long heavy months of not going to the loo. It's how it happens. And then I needed the loo just before I gave birth. Yeah. So Sophie needed the loo just before she it was And it was a shock because I needed the Lou in so long. Yeah. So what you did is So I thought as I was going to the loo, what if this isn't me needing a number two and what if this is me needing to push out a baby? And I couldn't I couldn't differentiate whether I was pushing out a loo situation or it was a baby's head coming out because I just did how big was it? It's not that it was big, it's just I forgot on what the need to go to the loo was. So you thought you were It's not that it was big. Okay. Let me clarify, it's not that it was big. I just didn't forgot about the sensation of pushing. Yeah. So what you did is you then were freaking out so bad. So you took a self ie of your arsehole to see if there was a baby coming out. Yeah. And it wasn't a baby. It wasn't. You took a selfie of your poo. Yeah. Not of my poo, off my bat . Just to see where I was pushing from, if it was coming out my arsehole or it was everything felt numb down there and I was just pushing and then I thought because when you actually need to push for a baby, it actually does feel like you need to push for a shit. Does it really? That's exactly do you not remember I kept saying guys I need to do a poo to the nurses and they were like when we're in the hospital. They were like, No, you don't. I was like, trust me, something's going on. Because like you're pooing out your vagina. Does it actually fall? Yes. Just quickly, when you when you took a selfie of your poo, did you did you do you had you do you took a selfie? I took a selfie. And then what you saw and it was like, okay, there's no baby. It looked like something like when you were at school, like the porn websites that everyone used to set around . It looked like something that would have gone round on a group chat. What a poo coming out of your poo. It wasn't a poo coming out. It was like just like not your butthole. It was just not nice. Like no one needs to know. How did you do the selfie? Did you go? I went backwards. You went behind. I couldn't go under my stomach wouldn't allow that. I meant so and then I thought mate, did you put flash on? I've never ever seen my arsehole in my life. So that was new to me in my start of it. I was like, oh my god. That's what happened before. The whole hospital thing and, I know like if you've seen our show Raising Chelsea, by the way, thank you guys so much for watching it. We really hope you liked it and enjoyed it. Um, you kind of seen what happened, but that whole experience was amazing. And you your pain threshold is unbelievable. Guys, it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. They were say they linked me up and they were like, uh what are you feeling? I was like, I don't think these are contractions, like they're just like period pains. They were like they're off the riptown contraction. Sophia was just like Sophia was doing this. I promise you, she was just going to be a it wasn't I was just going ps like that. Also, I got that epigen jorabbed right at me when I kid. I got told I couldn't do a water bath and then I don't know why I was like, fuck it, alright, give me the drugs. If I'm not, it's not gonna be like Earth Mama on a bed to me. The thought of doing no drugs on a bed with no water to relieve the pain is not something I'm up for personally. Who does to you if you are? The water, I was like, ooh, earthy in the water, swimming around, push, push, baby comes out . But it's just not Arthur. I'm linked up anyway, so I was like, we'll give me the drugs. We thought it was gonna be like me with like a sound bath. Sophie in this hot tub and I was gonna go with my baked Buddha. And I was gonna go, woo, woah, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. And you were just gonna go, take it out. It was not like that. You you you got the gown put on and you were and you were I know I looked like a uh like um like a worm. You you 'cause you had s you had such a you were so pregnant at the time that you were your gown was half off when you were sitting sitting on the edge of the bed and they were like Yeah like you it was more like chapter the heart backack there again . What were you doing? I was in the corner just scoffing your face with curry. I was eating a lot. bend over and the needle that goes into your back was so long and as a husband you feel like you you can't protect you. The whole thing was just a hell of a lot. And then it didn't work. They were like none and I was like, no, not numb. So then we had to take it out, reject it in. Were you not scared at any point, be honest? Yeah, I was scared when we were doing the C section. But I I don't know why I was so scared because I I'm not someone who's particularly scared of surgery. Like I'm like slicing over him. Can I just say Sophie is like the bravest person I've ever come across in my life and all women I think are just so brave, but I've only experienced my wife in labour. Honey, you were so like brave. Like it was crazy. Because what happened was this well you can explain it 'cause y you you were the one that went through it. What happened? So what happened was I kept thinking I need to push in the midway's like, do I really think you're that dilated to push? And so Tarek, our OB, came in, the doctor. And he was like, Yeah. He laughed and was I looked as well. Yeah, you looked at and you were like, Hell Mary, she needs to push. Okay, can I can I say what I saw when I looked down? Why not just tell everyone what you think my vagina looked like when I was in Labour? I w I wanted because I I love all that, right? I you love looking at Labour. No, it's just like the most beautiful thing in the world. I had to look down. I had to look down because your legs were like up on the bed. And I had to look down to to to look in to see what was going on. And it just didn't look like what I it normally looks like. So I was a bit like, oh something's going on here. It looked like an angry tranchelor. That has that's you know when a tranchelor's about to eat a fly. It looked like it was a the mouth open. You know where the tarantula goes. But also like there's no hair, so I don't know why you keep saying tarantula. Because they're black and hairy. There was a little bit of hair. There was absolutely honey, I'm so sorry. I I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. There was no hair. So what you're saying is a complete utter laugh. Honey, if there was No, there wasn't. I know for a fact. Honey, there was a there were I spent days and days making sure there wasn't any happen so Eric spent days and days trying to find his way through. He was like it was booked. It might have been open because a baby was trying to come out of it, but it was bald. And there's nothing wrong with having a hair, hairy vagina . So I don't know why you're shaming me when I'm giving birth on the pairs of my vagina. I'm not shaming you. It was wonderful. It just I was just trying to say everyone gets an image when they're listening or watching. Oh please, yes, make them think of my vagina as a hairy Trangler. Go with an open mouth about to eat a fan. Go and Google now. Transl are about to attack. Now every time a magic safety's head above it . Magda. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Let's see it . Let's see it . Let's see it. Quite lovely if you ask me and not open it. It looks just like a a sweet little spider. Yeah, yeah. Tea and and compact. It was. No, you were wonderful. It was wonderful. Any it was wonderful. Anyway, so then our doctor came in and had a look and was like, Oh, don't the good news or don't the bad news? Mm-hmm. And he said, The good news is that you're eight centimetres dilated . And the bad news is that um his arm was through, right? So we had to have an emergency C section. That was intense. That was it was very quick because it was like, this is what I would recommend and then it was like within the space of a second, like we have to do it. Scrubs are on, wheel through. They were jabbing me with like numbing and trying to numb me all over. That was the scariest part was when we were in the room I kept saying, like, is she numb? And they were spraying me with this cold spray. And you could feel it. And I could feel it. And then he was like, We really have to go now. But it I was taking a long time for my body to get numb. And so they'd spray she was like five more minutes, they'd spray me again. I c I was like I can still feel it. And they and he was like, We've got to go. And in my head I was thinking like I'm just gonna say I don't feel it, so they get the baby out. Cause I don't care if I can feel it. I just wanted him out safe. And then they and then they did and then they sprayed. And I could still feel it on my boob, but my tummy, I couldn't feel it, and I said I can feel it on on my baby, but I can't my tummy. And she was like, go. And then they cut. It was the most emotional thing I've ever experienced in my entire life. Yeah, it is, it's like but also just being in like an operation room like a theatre room with everyone in their scru andbs mov they'reing so quickly, and like we're rushed in, and it's like you know, like that in itself is intense. Our doctor, Dr. Sarrett, came and listened to music, just strolled in just like head. No, he was like in the zone, he put his music on and he was like, he was unbelievable. He was unbelievable. That's him being like, I'm in the zone. But he was getting panicked when I was not getting numb. And that's all I remember being like, oh my god, just fucking numb up, body. You were gonna take it. But that I think is why I was so numb for so many hours. I did not feel my legs, honestly for 24 hours. I was like I couldn't feel my tummy. I was like plodding myself like you said. I think they OD'd me. Do you know I OD'd me? They OD'd me up. I one of my biggest memories is us calling our friends Toby and Molly when we came out. I had I was as high as a kite. I 'll look no on all the morphine and like numbing stuff they'd put in me. I was like, oh I had sick in my arms and I don't remember what I said. Like I was like Really? Yeah. The moment when Ziggy gets taken out, by the way, it gets taken out, you're telling you, quite like Yeah by the net. It wasn't it wasn't like a glamorous but it was like Oh my god it was amazing. He was like wriggled out. Like wriggled and I literally could see exactly what he looked like. Even though you were like, oh he came out quite like blue and like squashed. I was like I saw exactly what he looked like. What do you mean expensive? Like I just saw what that he was my son. I can't explain. Like I was just like oh my god that's the face that I just know he would have Are you serious? You knew it straight away. I just knew straight away. I was like, oh my god, to me, I was like even though looking back on like he looked a little bit squashed and blue. Like blood all over him, I was like beyond perfect and stubborn. But also when he got like he got taken out of this, uh and when the moment that you hear his cry, you're like, it's like, it's it's like I can't even It's like ecstasy. You're like what? And then he was like hand and then he got handed to you and you were you were like Earth Mama. You were having just had your stummy ripped open and everything on you were just like held like this and you were like crying and I was a bit like taken aback . I was like, it's I think it's just been taken from your body and like have what was it like for you? Fucking mental. I feel like you've really been like taken aback by the whole bath experience like my god. I don't think I came down after about two months I'm I'm not I don't think you've still come down from it you are a bit kooky since that experience I would say I think it's perhaps changed you I I like I'm sensitive, right? So I was like there was so many feelings going on. It was just the whole thing was magical. Uh what my favourite bit was, it's like you you s like the bath is in raising chality but like you can't actually hear what everyone's saying. And uh and my favourite thing is afterwards, Jamie goes, Thank you, thank you, everybody, thank you so much. Like you've just done smoking at a conference to like it you're like, thank you very much, thank you, Tarek, thank you, Anise says, thank you, everyone. Thank you very much. Baby's just been born. That's all that comes out your mouth. Yeah. And then you hear me being like, Did you have to cut my tummy all the way up? And she's like, No, they must have been like these two . No, not me. If you've seen the show as well, not me going like the sweetest moment I'm I'm because by the way, the people who filmed um our birth, the person who filmed the birth was the anesthet ist. We didn't realize they were filming it, and so we didn't know we were being filmed, and I was going to honey you're my hero saying all these beautiful things and I was like honey I bet you can't wait to meet our boy you then go shh you shushed me at that moment I think it is in the show. And the reason being is because you were very sweet and but you were going over and over and over again, you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay, you're about to meet your boy. And I just needed to get in the moment. I you can feel stuff, it's not numb. Like there was tugging him. It felt like my whole stomach had been cut open and he was rooting about up by my broods. And I was like, I love you dearly and I'm grateful that you are said telling me sweet nothing' ins my ear, but you must be quiet so I can concentrate on breathing. The great thing about the hospital was the gas and air that I was chugging down. That was Oh my god, we love the gas and air. Jamie was nailing the gas and air to the point I was embarrassed because I felt like they must be able to see how much you take in your tank. And I was like three centimetres, and the whole tank was gone. Oh my god, yeah. The whole thing was glorious, guys. That's all I can say. And now we have our beautiful boy Ziggy. He's just the bouts. This was the strangest part about it. Sophie then fell in love with our doctor, Dr. Tarek, to the point where we had to go and see him afterwards for like one. Tarek is gonna freaking love this. No, he's not. He's gonna never gonna what's he gonna do when I have my second baby? He's gonna say I can't work with you, it's inappropriate. So you're not actually in love with him. I'm not actually in love with him. I love him. I love him. You you you you? I love him. When when we left him for the last time and we left, so we walked out and she went, what do you mean I I don't uh do I not get to see him again? It was so sad we went for like my six week checkup and he was like, Right. Well good, so good luck. I was like, Well aren't you upset 'cause I am. Like we have a bond and a connection and you couldn't give a fuck. He didn't even look up from his paper. He was like, have a nice hour. How's that? Sobb it. What it's called something though, isn't it? It's like Stockholm Central. It's not Stockholm syndrome. But there is something with it. But um speak of which though, honey. Um because I know how much you love Tarek and how amazing he is and he was an incredible doctor in loads of ways and just absolute champ. We have a little message for you. Oh for God. Thank you. Would you like to hear it? Oh god . Hi Sophie. Hi Jamie. Congratulations you guys. I can't believe it's already more than four months since you welcomed Ziggy into the world. I guess it's a bit like trying to control a runaway train at the moment. A small baby, sleepless nights, dirty nappies. You guys were brilliant. Sophie, it seemed to me like you took uh to being a mother like a duck to water. I'm sure of course it's been tough, but I hope that you're managing to find the time to enjoy it. Things change very quickly at this stage. And don't be wishing any of it away because actually in some ways this is uh the easier time as you get bigger children, bigger problems, as they say. Uh it's an absolute privilege to be involved. It always is to be uh to be part of uh something as special, just having a baby. Um and I hope you guys are having a wonderful time. Take care. Isn't he the nice is so lovely? We love Tar ek, I'm gonna I don't know how to do it, but there you go. Making the heart slow. Sweet, it's he's got the most lovely voice, right? Oh my god, Tarek, listen, you absolutely stud . By the way, I'm gonna say we don't know if uh if Tarek is single or in a relationship, we don't know his marital status. But we were at one point, we were so in love with him, we were like, maybe we should set him up with your mum. I was like, he needs to be my step that's what you were and I think he was saying oh my god that's why he didn't he said bye to me he was like just leave go okay so ladies and gentlemen, that is the first first act, act one of your brand new Monday night del ight of newly parents. And of course, in our little show that we love to do, we love to bring you guys along with us on our journey. So wedding the arts. I'm weirding myself out with us. It's time for Listen ers Messages ! This episode of Newly Parents is brought to you by Turi. You know what, our holidays are just never gonna be the same again. I know right by the way. 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Sign up and get ten percent off at betterhelp.com slash nearly parents. That's betterhel p.com slash nearlyparents. This is your business. This is your business supercharged with the help of zero accounting software . These are your numbers. These are your numbers sorted with the help of zero accounting software. This is you. This is you taking business we want with the help of zero counting software. Hello ! This is your business, Superchat, with the help of Zero and having your numbers sorted all at the same time so you can finally focus on taking business where you want to. Superchat, your business today with the help of zero. Search zero within it ! Welcome to the girls bathroom. The podcast where no topic is off limits no matter how unhinged it may be. I'm Sophia. I'm Chinzia and we are your girls. Talking love. I'm not his mother. Been there, girl. Live. I caught my boss slagging me off on WhatsApp to a poly. Friendship and everything in between. This is thrilling. Watch and listen every Wednesday on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. We're waiting for you in the girls' bathroom. Ac ast recommends . Who are you? I can't see anything. I have your eyes now. Malevolent is a love craftian horror podcast about a private detective who's lost his son. And the mysterious elder god that is attempting to take over. What are you ? You're killing him. You're killing him. Stop . Malevolent. Visit malevolent.ca to listen now . ACAST powers the world's best podcasts, including Dan Snow's History Hit, The Magnus Archives, and the show you're listening to right now . Okay, I'm starting. You ready for this? Yeah. It's from Matthew. Maddy. Maddie. Mateo. Matt Dea. No, no. Matt . Why do you uh da oh this, Mate. That's it. May I go together? Why do you a keto ? Because I'm passionate. Hey hombre. Hey hombre. Hey chica. Come on. Why do you come asta? y, hombre, come on my stack Okay, this is from Matteo . Welcome back, James Sophie. I want to share a story with you from when me and my then girlfriend were about sixteen. I would frequently stay at her parents' house during school holidays, as I lived an hour away. For obvious reasons I made just I was made to sleep on the couch. But did that stop us from getting frisk y? Hell no . While our parents would be sitting on the opposite couch, oh my God . We would have a blanket over us. You're fucking kidding me. And would be fooling around . However, while in the evening I was getting the best hand job a young lad could ever dream of You are joking with the parents there. And bam! Finished within three minutes as one does. Three minutes is ages . Sorry. Let's just play this out. Right. Parents sitting there, you're like this for three minutes. Just sitting there for three minutes. Exhausted? How are you exhausted? Exhausted. We headed our separate ways . So I fell asleep on another couch. The next morning I woke up, got dressed and left for work. After an hour passed, I got a frantic call from my girlfriend saying my mum has just found just stuff on the couch and pillows. She's making me clean it up. My heart raced all day. I was generally considering just ghosting her and going home, but no, I faced the consequences and went back to her place after work. That night, after her dad got home, I could hear them arguing one of the bedrooms as I sat in the lounge. Thankfully, no one said a word to me after that. My then girlfriend is now my wife. And we have two beautiful girls. It's been 17 years since the incident, and I still cringe. That is a happy ending. I love if I've ever seen one. I'm sorry, like they were just giving a handjob with the mum and dad, right where you are there. I told you the story of a person at my school. No. I must have told you this. I d I never told you this. My my we were when we were younger we were talking we were discussing like, 'cause you do, we're boys, we're discussing about the places where you would had like what they would call like a danger wank. Right. I find this danger wank so disturbing. We were talking about the times we had a danger wank. And I don't believe anyone has a danger wank other than you. No, we're talking like danger. My friend Adam, he said he had a danger white when they drove down to Cornwall and he did it. He was in the boot of the car, and he did it in the boot of the car when his parents were driving, which is quite weird. My friend Milo . I've never heard you talk about Admiral Milo. My friend Milo said he had a wank on a flight to Thailand in between his brother and sister in econom y . And everyone gave that reaction . We're like, that's pretty weird. Like, is this true? Yes. Ewen, producer Ewan is looking for more to Iden says, no. I I w I wouldn't be doing that, but maybe Adam and my lower cup from a different cloth from my Yui, where have you ? No, no, not episode one. I do need to know you because I need to know like is it just Jamie's like is it the breed of school that he was going to? Like is it the public school boarding schools who were doing deja ranks in all the weird creepy places. Yeah, we weren't doing that. We weren't doing that at my school. I think that's a boarding school thing for sure. So where did you do your first deja rank then? I I never You liked it, did you liked it anywhere that your mum would call you Jamie and say then you would like race to do it before your mum would get your room, which I find really I've never done that in my life. Yeah, you said I said to you what once, what's a danger rank? And you said, Oh, when it's when your mum's like about to walk in. And I that it's always too with the mum, like a mum meaningful. That's just giving broidian slip, if you ask me. No, a danger wag is when you go, you you start to uh you start to masturbate and then you go Mom and you have to finish before she arrives. I I've heard that, yeah. I have heard of that. That is true. I've not done it again, but Why would anyone find that orgasmic Because it's thrilling. The the idea of being caught. So when you go surf downstairs, that's what you're doing in the upstairs bar . That actually unbelievable take me 'cause I haven't seen that take me before . All right, you go honey. Okay, right, I've got a love story. Hi, Sophie and Jamie. I wanted to share a story from when me and my husband were in just out of our honeymoon phase. We were heading out for a night out with some friends and we were in the bathroom getting ready together. He was out the mirror putting a splash of aftershave on and I was on the loo. I'd just got to the point where I felt comfortable enough doing pretty much anything in front of him. So I was getting on with my business. But as I looked over to him, I saw him staring up at me and in absolute shock horror said, Are you putting lipstick on your vagina? What? Turns out what he thought was lipstick was actually a shiny plastic tampon applicator. I was his first girlfriend and he grew up without scissors. So we'd probably never seen a tampon before. Ten years on we, now have two little girls and our going out days are long behind us, but he's grown into the perfect girl dad. I'm so proud of how far he's come. Do you know what that's so funny? I so sweet. Generally, I I know that feeling. I grew up with sisters and I grew up with a mum, but I remember being really, really young. I must have been I hopefully this is not embarrassing to my mum, but I remember being really, really young. And you know, parents would walk around naked all the time, whatever. I would be naked, because that's just what we were as you family, right? And I must have been like five years old. And I remember my mum coming out of the bedroom and she was naked and she had a had a string coming out of my thing. And I remember being terrified, thinking it was like a mouse. I to was like, oh my God, do you think she knows there's a mouse in her vagina? And I was really taken it and for I never forgotten it. There you go. At least he thought it was lipstick, not you rubbing a mouse up your vagina . Okay I got a birth story from Anonymous. Oh gosh. Hi Jamie Sophie, I'm happy you're back. Thanks guys. Now Ziggy's here, I thought it'd be time to share the story of my second baby's birth. I had a low risk pregnancy, so chose to give birth to my son at home. Me and my partner are quite private and we were looking forward to welcoming our baby at home, with our first baby looked after by my in-laws who lived nearby. Everything was going well. My contractions came on quite quickly. But from my perspective, I was handing them well and breathing through. I was nearly ready to push. When my partner heard a loud, persistent banging on the door. He rushed to open it to find two police officers who had been called to reports of domestic disturbance. No ways. He explained to them that I was giving birth, they took one look in the living room where a mid wife had her arm halfway inside me in the birthing pool, and were satisfied that he was telling the truth and left us to it. Five minutes later there was another knock on the door from my in laws with my first ball in tow. Turns out another neighbor had called my mother-in-law and told them that the police were at the house and she had rushed over in panic. My tip is this: if anyone is planning a home birth, give your neighbours a heads up, or you might end up with an unwanted audience. Great Ed Vice. Great. You wouldn't survive a home bar. Yeah, I would. Are you kidding me? I would know everything what to do now. Honey, I would know everything. Give me I I had like ten people cutting me open and you still couldn't deal with it . You could that was wild. When Sophie's waters broke , firstly there was a there was an orange bucket. What's that? An orange bucket put underneath. Right? Because I was just picturing it, I was like, where's it coming from? Was I hanging off the bed? You were your legs were off the end of the bed, and so there was like a gap. There was a gap. And your waters broke, and on I was down close to it when your waters broke. The only way I can describe your waters breaking is it's like when you go on the log flu at Thorpe Park. It was like this gushing out of hours. I had to get my waters broken 'cause I was contracting loads, but I my waters wouldn't break weirdly naturally, so we hook and eyed them. What a little hook and hooked it, and the w came out of the water. It was like insane . And then I I got a little photo on a key ring. Snap. Okay, I've got another one. Okay, good. Hey JB and Sophie, and this is from Sarah. Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy. I'm so excited for you both to be back on the podcast and to hear all about your parenting stories from this wild and magical time. I wanted to tell you about my own amazing mum Jen and how she still inspires me every day. Growing up, my dad passed away when I was four due to complications from surgery. Even though I was the only child in my class who didn't have a dad, I never felt like I was missing hours . My mum was so incredible on her own. She showed up for me every day and did everything she could to give me the best childhood I could possibly have. Whether it was dressing up as my favourite cartoon character for my birthday, or crying with me as I navigated my first teenage heart rate. It was always me and her against the world. Hmm. During the pandemic, when my partner and I were expecting a little girl in front of our own, all our world shattered where my mum was diagnosed with no guys, it's too much. Was diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer. We were completely devastated. She was sure she just had a few months left, but she defied all the doctor's' expectations and hung on just long enough to meet our little girl who we named Jenny after her incredible grandma. Sadly mum died on the third of March twenty twenty two, just a few weeks after baby Jenny was born. As she grows up, I see more of her grandmarine every single day and I am so so in awe of her already. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, but so rewarding. And I just know that Ziggy will grow up to be just as proud of you as like Had copy. Dude, not on the first episode. Not the first episode. That's really that's like the saddest one we've ever got First episode back and you've got us. Congratulations on little journey and your mum, she sounds like she sounds like she was a hero . On that note. We love hearing your stories. We love them. We really want to hear them. We want your listeners' messages. That's a huge part of the show. We especially want to hear your voice notes this series. Okay, so you can send us a WhatsApp message on the number which is in the show description, and we can play your voice notes because we want to hear those too. You'll also DM your stories at newly parents podcast. Newlyparents podcast or you can email us newlyparents at jumperproductions.co.uk. Everything is in the show description. Ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of listeners messages . By the way, Sophie ate her placenta. I did. Gobble, gobble, toil, and drable. Not only did she eat her placenta, her placenta was so big, it looked like a squashed octopus, and some man turned up that I'd never seen before with a box and shoveled into a box and took it away. And then Sophie ate her placenta and pillful. Yeah, and every morning Jamie was like, Do I get the placenta too? I was like, no, you don't. My my thing is this is what I'm a bit worried about with the eating of the placenta. You have no idea if it was your placenta or someone else's placenta. I do know it was mine. How do you know? Because it they would have put Sophie Boo on it. Could have got mixed up. Well then they could have mixed up Ziggy . No, because what? How on earth would they have mixed up Ziggy? Why did they mix mix up babies? Yeah, they did. They have mixed up babies before. They've mixed up babies before. But Ziggy got handed to you. Whose hair is on your top hair? Could have been someone else's hair that got implanted into your hair , but I don't know where I don't know how that tangent ha what do what do you mean? Is that really your hair or was it another bloke's hair that was plucked out and on a tray and they stabbed it back into your forehead for you? You will never know. Just the same way, I'll never know. I took the wrist and I gobbled it up and I felt no fucking different. It didn't have to be shit all. It did shit. Stang. That's what it did. The pills fucking stank. I was like, every time I opened the lid, I was like and I had oil I rubbed in my placenta onto my skin. There was baby creams with placenta in it that I rubbed on the ciggy's nappy . I will say he does have phenomenal skin. Yeah, he do he does have because he's a baby. No, lots of babies get like eczema and Yeah, but I have phenomenal skin. You do, yeah. I have really nice soft skin. He's got my skin. You do have nice soft skin, yeah. Yeah. I tell you what else was stank was you your your gas when your gas when you were pregnant. And you absolutely smelled like a they smelled No, I'm not doing that. I I can talk about poo, but talking about farting, I think it's so gross and icky. And honestly, I'm not having it. Everyone thinks they've got a tranchula vagina. They think that I've got a log coming out of my bum that I take a photo of. And now they think that I fart happy nails and McDonald's. I'm not having it. Like it's just not happening. They're only quick. I have a bold, nice petite vagina . Tight now. 'Cause I had a C section, you didn't even have to come out. I have bald, there's no hairiness, I don't and I absolutely don't poo. Yeah. But when if I did poo it would be small. When you were a little bit gassy, it was like it was like someone would bought a happy meal and she went, Hello They would just go it was like they quickly they were like