Antimatter Bananas and Cleaner Fish

Reinforcements Army definition extra troops or supplies deployed to strengthen an existing force Football definition . Bringing three world class players off the bench at sixty minutes . You're already speaking our language . You belong here . Search, army jobs . No listen up, business owner. Your business is good, but your website is bad Let's fix it with Ayanos. Your super duper easy y peas digital partner. It uses clever AI to build your super smart website in no time. And there are many tools to help start growing your business today . You like ? It's nice, nice nice. Yeah , love it. Yes, I thought so darlings. Try Ayonos, your digital partner at ayonos dot co dot UK Hello and welcome to another episode of Little Fish. My name is Andrew Huckleberry and I'm joined by James H arkin and Anna Tujinski to present a selection of your best facts. You the audience. You've been emailing podcast at QI. com by gum, you have been and we've got some facts that we're going to be telling you now. Who's got a fact? Please someone stop this introduction. I'll stop it . I've got a fact. Yeah. It's from Emanuel Funk or Funk maybe, but there's not a little couple of dots. Loud.s Huge fat, thank you anomalous. Could be a diarrheis depending on the word but diarris is a more embarrassing word to say, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. I've got diarrheis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a huge fan of the show. Thank you, Manuel . he And's got a fact that sounds like it was scripted by a lazy novelist, he said. But apparently we mentioned Joe. Why do you not give yourself this one, Andy? Okay, that's rude . And his new book is out soon . The recently dismissed coach of Fortuna Dusseldorf is named Marcus Anfang, which translates to beginning . And he's been replaced by Alexander Ender and Andrew you speak German. Do you know what ender is? I think I do, yeah . It's End. It's end. Oh beginning and end. So there we go. And then he said, as an added fun fact, Marcus Anfang is no stranger to strange headlines. In twenty twenty one, he was fired because he'd faked his COVID vaccine. Is that fun? Faked a vaccine? Yeah . You might have just had the little piece of paper that says you've had it and then written it down. Yeah, sorry it feels like it's got to go to a lot of effort to fake a hole like fake a vaccination centre, fake a LAN a staff, fake a Q. He did the paper, yeah. He didn't project himself with saline solution. , good named . We like to collect that. Yeah, it's interesting because normally you send me the funny football names, Andy. Yeah, I think you might have one. I do. Can I read it quickly while we're on the subject? Yeah This came from Roy Mundy, and we'd done a fact about Westbron managers being called Ron, Don Ronnie, Ron Ronnie and Ron . Yes. But he said in nineteen sixty nine Aston Villa had three midfielders on their books, Jimmy Brown , Barry Hole and Oscar As . This meant the midfield was Brown As hole . Oh my god . And I would just like to say to Roy that I would pronounce his name Oscar Arse would you ? And I'm fairly confident that that's how everyone pronounced it at the time. That's amazing though. But James, the mispronouncing for comic effect is now a long established fish tradition, I think. So yes, I thought it was your trademark. Yeah, I just wish I was a commentator in the nineteen sixties . And it's Brown, Ask Hole You'd be lynched at the time, wouldn't you? For being that rude on air, as in, would you would you not you be in huge trouble? I guess you're only reading people's names. Just reading their names, Your Honor. What about Uve Fuchs, the German German? There was a famous footballer whose name is basically Fucks yeah , that's true. There's been lots of funny names. What about Ariola, the goalkeeper? Ariola's not rude. It's a bit rude. What? Ariola Grande She's rude . There's always whenever he messes up because he's a goalkeeper, they always say he made a bit of a tit of himself. That's fine. That's very good. It's a mean name to give your kid, there's no questioning that. It's a surame . Here's one from Laclean Harris. This is about there's an American chain of membership warehouse stores. You know those things where you have to be a member, but you go and you get big disc ounts, right? Oh, I know what you mean. Is it Cash and Carry? Yeah, we have them in the UK, for sure. So there's a chain that started in the seventies in the USA and it's called Price Club . And that is because it was founded by Sol Price Price Club was later bought by Costco , but then Sol Price was forced out and he then started Price Smart. So which is with his friend, Julie Smart . Do you think there's diminishing returns of these things hunting? Because I think they rather diminished after the first week. That's interesting. I think like Stewart Lee, I'm going to keep going and as long as they're flooding into the inbox and they are . It's extraordinary just half the inbox is now these. I have to say it's not diminishing returns for me because I've obviously arrived at the very tail end when everyone else is rolling their eyes and they kill themselves when you say it 's you think it's the tail end we've got further around. You know where a snake's tail begins ? 'Cause it's not right at the very end . We're just at the neck bit es of the tail. This is a very, very long tail. I'm afraid so I can handle it. Well, let's have another fact. All right, I'll give you another fact. Actually, this is one of my favorite facts I've ever heard. So this is sent in by Sam Cornish, but he or she , Sam could be either and you haven't specified, and you've got two daughters, but that doesn't tell me your sex. No, it doesn't men can have daughters too. Wow, you're such a feminist eternal. Just say they . So they thank you. They wrote in saying 'cause it plays in the car when I'm driving my all of them including the daughters. Jesus Christ This one person said, Because it plays in the car when I'm driving, my two daughters, Charlotte, who's eleven and Harriet who's eight, have got into facts and jokes. I don't know where they're getting the jokes from , but they'll always request to put the podcast on and they've recently learned some facts about guinea pigs and wanted me to send this in. And this is the fact which I didn't know and is extraordinary. They poo while they're eating up to a thousand times a day , but if they aren't eating, they can't poo I mean pigs digestion seems to work like it's like if you shove something through a tunnel. So if put it you in your mouth it pushes something out at the bottom, but as soon as you stop like how electrons go through a wire. Yeah. Well how my brain works? Someone go in, something go out. As Helvis Simpson said, it's like when I went to that wide tasted event and I forgot how to drive That's very cool. Gosh, human society would be completely different, wouldn't it? Well, it would be completely different restaurants would be very different. Well, public toilets would be, right? Because you would go to a public toilet, and you know, when you go in and you first check if there's any toilet paper , you'd actually be first checking that there was a pot dog machine . I don't know what was the point of a toilet because you don't need the loo, surely ? No. You don't need the loo until you go into the habiters don't just say, okay, I've got the optimum amount of food and waste in my body now, so I'm just not going to eat or go to the l ounge. Though, I guess. I don't know because I know they need the loud though. You get hungry, wouldn't you? You must restaurants we have to come with porcelain under every table. They'd be the same thing. There would be no toilets and no restaurants. They'd be the same and the thing is what would we focus on? Would we call them restaurants? And toilets disappear, or would toilets just be the places we went with friends in the evening? I've booked us in a lovely toilet . I've booked in a really nice toilet. But I'm not hungry because you're a guinea pig mate . Yeah, so thank you. Charlotte and Harriet, that's fantastic. That's a great phone. I have a fact that I've been trying to push on you guys for months and you've never gone with it so I don't think we're ever going to do it. But there was a geneticist his surname was Suell. I can't remember his first name but he did lots of work with guinea pigs and he would always carry guinea pigs with him wherever he went when. And he was lecturing he would keep them under his armpits to keep them nice and warm . And one time he was doing a lecture and absent mindedly took one of the guinea pigs out from under his armpit and started rubbing out the chalk from the board with it. What the hell? There's too many things about that can't be true about. That's probably why we've never gone with it, but I love it. I love it. They go all the time. You wouldn't be able to hear anything . Especially if they're being squeezed in an armpit, I guess. That's a real pressure point. You know, you'd have to have your arms quite he must have been quite muscular to have his arms a bit further out because I keep my arms by my sides. He must have had an extra bit of shoulder that pokes out a bit further and then his ar,ms fell down from that and left a gap. Have you ever eaten guinea pig? No. But I've never been to South America. I have . You start both. Both, yeah. One corresponded with the other . But yeah, I did eat guinea pig and only a little bit from my wife's plate because I didn't feel like I could order it myself and it was not very nice and that's the end not really No really good anecdote Greece . That's what people always say about the small animals. Yeah, the meat wasn't so bony while the bones. Okay, that makes it. Those are tiny steaks, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah. You'd have it maybe in a ragu or something, but on its own, it's a bit of a sad proposition, I think. Partly because they give love and happiness to so many children the world over. They're a burden they do. All parents wish they could be eaten by the end but in Peru, they are eaten all the time. Street food. Like crisps Shall I do? Well, let's do that. You were talking about driving with this family who go driving and listen to fish. Here is one about someone driving as well . This comes from Ferrari Dawn and they said that in august twenty twenty six , two hundred meters of New Zealand State Highway one will be shipped to Singapore for repairs. What? That's a long way. Actually, I wonder if we should ship our potholes there. Well, the actual thing is that they're talking about the ferry that links the north and south islands through the Cook Strait and legally it's considered a road and they're in disrepair at the moment the ferries and so they're sending them to Singapore to be fixed. Longer. Legally it's a road. The ferries a road, yeah. Wow. That's cool, isn't it? That's really cool. That feels like Satnav could have some real cock ups there if your roads isn't present the roads moved a lot of most people I think or a lot of people would fly between the north and south islands. But obviously if you can't do that or if you're taking lots of like the person who wrote in Ferrari Dawn is a truck . I actually wrote this email while staring at Mount Doom. Wow , which is the big mountain in the middle of the North Island. From Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Yeah, it's filmed there . And basically you would have to go across the Cook Strait, but it is, we've been to Wellington, it's the windiest city in the world . It's a very, very dodgy place to cross. The last time we were there on tour, I went for a jog. And I thought it was very windy. That is a great anecdote, Andy. What is it worse than the I ate a bit of a guinea pig once? No, I think it is really because how many of the listeners do you think have ever been for a jog? How many of them have eaten guinea pigs? So what I'm hearing is that mine was relatable and yours was eat a terrek . Well, you can't say you're relatable addict . Do you know what? I got up in the morning and everyone else was going . Me too. Story kills in a live setting. I promise. I played golf when we were last in Wellington and golf is a game where you really do not want it to be windy. Yeah. It's very, very difficult. Yeah. Still not relatable, see? Yeah, it was Right, here's another one. This is from an anonymous source . I don't know why, but the fact is this, Miami University is located in Oxford. Miami University located in Oxford. Miami is a there's a public research university called Miami University, which is in Oxford. In the UK? No. Oxford is in Ohio . Okay , Miami is in Florida, which Miami University is not. and the Americans, they're messed up. But it's also in Luxembourg. It has an outreach center in Luxembourg. What the real business Miami it the Luxembourg that's in Luxembourg? Or there is actually a larger area of Luxembourg that is in Belgium Is that so? I think so. What's called Luxembourg? Yeah, yeah. No, this is in Luxembourg, Luxembourg. But this is Miami University in Oxford , Ohio. Miami, of course, the place Miami in Ohio is named after the Miami people who came from Florida, Miami. Indiana, Michigan, and Ohio. Well, they were originally also called the Tuito . So I think Miami is a better name . That was the Ayatollah's death wish against you, wasn't it? I've issued the tot against Andrew Hotsamuri . We all wish we could reinforcements Army definition , extra troops or supplies deployed to strengthen an existing force . Football definition . Bringing three world class players off the bench at sixty minutes . You're already speaking our language . You belong here . Search army jobs No listen up business owner. Your business is good, but your website is bad . Let's fix it with Ayanos , your super duper easy peasy digitalner Part. It uses Clever AI to build you a super smart website in no time. And there are many tools to help start growing your business today . You like? It's nice, nice, nice. Yeah, love it. Yes, I thought so dar,lings. Try Ionos. Your digital partner at ayonos. co dot UK Okay Another one? Yes . This is from someone called Big P una from California. First name big, second name Puna, I can only imagine . I'm writing to you about the eucalyptus trees in California , lots of them and apparently they're just one big scam . So in California , they needed loads of timber in the nineteenth and twentieth century. And someone started a rumor. He says the geniuses in Australia started rumours about how amazing eucalyptus trees were for building. There are loads of eucalyptus trees in Australia. Okay. So I guess they managed to get this rumor spreading that you should buy arts ready for building. They're not. They're rubbish. I think Eucalyptus is quite soft, very soft wood. So they sent a bunch over. Imagine how nice your house would smell though. That's really important. It'd never get a cold. Work yeah worth it even if you are in a three little pig's kind of fable a year later when the wolf's blown it down. But yeah there's eucalyptus trees now all over California . It's kind of known for them, smells of it because they were meant for building it. It turns out you can't build anything out of them. So that's great. A lot of antipity and stuff today. Australia, New Zealand. Oh yeah. I've got something related to Ireland. Oh yeah . The Roman Catholic Church says gluten free communion wafers cannot transubstantiate into the body of Christ . What? Gluten free. Gluten free is that the special ingred ient? You have to have gluten in it. That's where Jesus is. He must be hiding in the gluten. It's exciting to isolate the god particle and its gluten. Screw Higgs boson guys in Switzerland The Pope apparently. That's huge. So Seliacs can't exactly to heaven. The reason I mentioned Ireland is because there's a very high proportion of celiacs in Ireland and obviously a lot of Roman Catholics as well. So this is a particular problem there . So they do sell gluten free hosts that have got so little gluten in that you can legally call them gluten free . And even the worst celiacs hopefully won't be too affected by them. So if you saw them on the shelves, it would say gluten free . But they call them low gluten because if you call them gluten free, the priests will say, Oh, this is gluten free so we can't use this. This is insane. I would have thought that one way for most people would not call it if you're Celiac. If you're celiac my dad's celiac and like it's just poisoned and basically yeah . There must be moments when you're debating things as the Catholic Chur ch, when you're like writing down and how much exactly Luton should there be in the wave of where you go, this must be a bit bullshit now. What are we doing? Well, I've got good news. There is a loophole and that is that you can take the body of Christ just as the blood of Christ and it's all the same . So you can just have the wine. Lovely stuff, but you have to make sure like usually during transubstantiation they break some bread and put it in the wine like when they're doing all the rig mole. Okay, so you have to make sure that hasn't happened and also that there's no contamination with other people. So you kind of need your own hip flask. God, it must be so annoying when the Celiac guy rocked up to church. But if you're an alcoholic and a celiac and you're a child or a child . So what happens with the wine that is that alcohol free ? It's not allowed to be alcohol free either. So it's alcohol and glutes. I feel really like we've made progress with the whole thing today . Jesus lives in the alcohol in the gluten. Yeah. Cool . Well, it can make some complete sense now, actually. I think for omnipresents, you'd also be in the non gluten. I didn't really know what the non gluten bit is of a wafer. Well glut,en is just the protein that holds it together. I didn't know what gluten was either on I lured you into explaining what gluten is. You could have just asked. I didn't know I thought. I hate the way you do this at me. Instead of asking people questions . And like when you're lost and you're driving, you're like, Oh, I just I just wonder if there's a place nearby called Stockton . And then someone goes near yes, it's just down the road there and there on the left. Trick you Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they feel like the ideas. While we're driving, can I give you one more fact? Yeah, last one. Last one. Ary Toon's Samonson writes During the Second World War, Citron Big French firm manufacturers. Another own ? Yes. Yes , Citrun was forced to manufacture T forty five trucks for the German military, right? He sees the factory or whatever , but sabotage them in an unbelievably ingenious way. How? They put the R and the number five on the gearbox in the wrong place. Oh my god every time you think you're going into the top gear, you actually go into reverse. And then the engine just jumps out of the bonnet and you fall yeah, yeah, that's do you know what? That's a really good idea. They painted fake tunnels on the side of cliffs. That's it They no seatbelts. Oh, that's good. A trick. People that a trick. Yeah, people were like, we can't drive these. They swapped all the umlats on the citron for diarrhea. Yep , that's it Your first one, James was actually extremely close. What was the first one you said? Something about reverse? Oh yeah, just a little thing of the design that actually makes it really hard to drive. So this is what they did . They have dipsticks, right? Showing how low the level of oil is in the engine . They simply moved the notch that marked full several points down. Absolutely. So you'd fill it up to the point where it looks like it's filled, but the dipstick has been altered and actually there's not nearly enough oil in the engine and then it breaks down. That would work, but I mean I've literally never checked my oil and I haven't broken down yet. So they can go for a few years, can't they? My first car, I never checked the oil, and it did break down. And actually, it cost me a thousand pounds to get a new engine. And when I got the new engine, they said, yeah, you should have checked your oil. Okay, so some people who picked up and got it. I was a Nazi though. Fishy France. Yeah. I think codrivers must be changing the oil for me. I actually come to think of it. Also, I've got an electric car. Right. Yeah, yeah. Don't check the oil. I don't know what you're checking. Tracking something . Yeah, anyway, I just thought that was an ingenious trick. Clever. And that brings us to the end of your facts, but now we're going to dish out some facts to you because if you join Clubfish Patreon com dot slash club fish at Friend of the Podcast Level, you will become the sponsor, the owner, the curator of one of our headline facts in perpetuity. And we're going to dish out a bunch of those right now. So let's get into it. Who's got a fact they want to give out to a curator? I have got one. This is now under the curatorship of Joseph Levin . Any relations to the character from Anna Carrena? We don't know I fancy your brother, Joseph. Can I just say a QAT, I think is the fact. Yep. Cool, just jacking . And I'm sure Tolstoy would find that very attractive as well . And actually it's a literary fact. It is that JR Tolkien and CS Lewis once went to a party dressed as polar bears. It was not a fancy dress party. Brilliant Remember the story behind that. I think they were just pranksters, weren't they? Yeah, they just liked doing stuff like that. Everyone was chasing each other around having a funny, funny old time. Yeah. This fact is to go under the guardianship of Katie With a Wy and it's about Agatha Christie. Another literary. Agatha Christie thought Hercule Puero was a detestable bombastic, tiresome, ego centric little creep. I have a question . The word bombastic, is that a negative thing ? Because Shaggy was mister Bombastastic and that was a positive thing for. That's a really good point. Weird isn't it? It's context dependent, doesn't it? I would say it's only context dependent in that song he's made it positive. I've never heard it be positive outside of it. I just never hear it. I don't ever say you're being so bombastic. I just don't ever hear that. Do you think maybe Shaggy was being like self deprecating? Yeah, definitely. That's his style, isn't it? Oh yeah . It means inflated. Apparently given extra importance that it doesn't deserve. Yeah. Okay, so that's Poirot. I didn't know that. Oh, right. I wouldn't have . With a gun to my head, I wouldn't have been able to tell you what bombastic meant. Oh wow. I'm sorry you're dead now. Yeah, bombastic is always a negative thing. He's very bomb astic, well I've never heard it be used. Right? Okay. Well, interpreted that way as well. I think that's fair enough about Pirro. I think he was I'm not the great books. I just don't like the Pyrot ise a bit annoying, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's meant to be annoying in the books. Yeah, yeah. And she wrote him. She's a good job. She doesn't like him. It's okay. You don't make him like about it. Make him likable in your books in future. I don't think he would have been as good a character if he was likable. I think if he was tall and non detestable and fascinating and brilliant and humble, he'd be Jack Reacher. And the books would have been all the better for it. Is that what Jack Reacher's like humble? And he's pretty proud of himself. Yeah, he's pretty pleased with it. I think if Puero was more like Shaggy , then they would be much better fucks Mr Love a lover coming in solving all the crimes. Don't a lot of people say to Puero it wasn't me . Very good. All right, this one goes out to Fabian Taylor, and it's the fact that before he invented the television, John Logi Bed invented a pair of socks to wear under your sock s. . This is the bed under sock. Yeah. And it was you getting trenched foot? It was to stop you getting trench foot and it was sprinkled with a chemical that soaked up the moisture. So it was for the first world war soldier. Obviously. Steve more than one. Yeah, yeah. The one guy who was fighting against him, why you keep hitting yourself ? Yeah, and they were a terrible failure. So he was forced to go off an event TV instead. Which was a big success. Imagine if all we'd had, if we just sat in front of an old sock every evening for two hours with our partners staring at it blankly. Do you want to go out to the restaurant toilet? No not really . Let's stay in a look at the ultrasark . Okay, here is another fact. This one is under the custodianship of Kenneth Vandenberg. Kenneth, your fact might be shorter than your name because the fact is bananas emit antimatter. Oh yeah. What a fact. Yeah, I think that was one of your facts, wasn't it? That's one of my facts. Yeah, but they're radioactive. They're radioactive. Bananas get such a bad rep , they're radioactive. Everyone always thinks they're going to overdose on potassium if they have more than two . They 're the shape of a penis. You slip on their skins . Poor old bananas . I've never heard anyone slagging off bananas. I'm defending bananas I think it was a backhanded compliment really . Why does everyone give you such a bad name? You're bombastic They're radioactive and as part of that radioact ivity they give off antimatter . Which is good because really antimatter is what stops the whole universe from imploding. Is it one of those? It's got the same amount of matter and antimatter. And if we had one more banana , the whole universe would implode. Is that correct? That's exactly right. Again, I think you're giving them a bad name . I've got a fact here for Sasha Goldberg. This is that Slovenia's largest lake, Lake Kirknika disappears every year . There you go, Sasha. I think was this one of your facts? Yes. Is this after you'd just been to Sylvenia? Well, remember, James. Wow. Yes, which I love, by the way, highly recommend is a holiday destination. But Lake Kirkniker, yes, it vanishes and then reappears, doesn't it? And I think it 's got a special name that kind of lake. sinks through the prairie. Yeah Spongy things. It's on Swiss Cheese Rock, basically and it just flso.at So did you get to see it or not see it? No, I didn't. I got to not see it. Did he did you go to the place where it wasn't? I didn't go to the place where I didn't to the place where it wasn't. So you didn't even get to not see it. No, here's why I did.. I went to Savonia I had a lovely holiday and then the airport and the way home I thought, oh shit, I better find a fact about Savena for next week. And I googled it. Perfect. Yeah, it's good, isn't it? That's good. Was this the one where 'cause I know they have alms in those caves in Savannah. Oh yes. Was this one where the you brought an elm to the table? I bought a cuddly elm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That long ago. Yeah , yeah, yeah, yeah. They're brilliant little blind little cave worms, lizard things. And they prefer lizard.s They're a bit endangered and they're lovely. And the caves of Slovenia are fantastic , which is not a slight on the above ground experiences you can have in Slovenia, it's just that the caves are really good. Here's another fact. This one goes out to Kalobi and it's that. In twenty fifteen, half the world's saigers suddenly died and nobody knew why. Now what's a saiga he ask? It's a kind of antelope . And there was this disaster in Kazakhstan where half of them died and no one knew what. But I'm pleased to report that other populations have been improving a great deal since the last assessments. Sometimes checked homicides actually good and I've almost thought God that, is terrible, but they are somehow coming back. Yeah, yeah. Great. Which is great news. Quite an international episode, this, isn't it with the Slovenian Lakes and the Kazakh Kazakh? Yes, antelopes? Which exotic bit of the world are we gonna go to next for the fact. Well, we'll see. Oh, I can't wait. Neil Merrick. Exotic or not. Your fact is Barbara Streisand has a shopping mall built for her sole use under her house . Lovely. By prisoners of elimination, you can work out whose fact this was anyway but when I was in Chongqing went about I think it was about a two mile walk but it was raining and I did it by going from one shopping mall to the next shopping mall to the next shopping mall to the next shopping mall because there's so many of them and they're so big and they go across so many different streets That's the dystopian vision you've just created. It was crazy. And then you go to another, like you cross over and then you'd be in another mole that was all themed for Garfield . And then you go to another one and it's like, oh now it's just a load of Chinese street food. I think it was just the weirdest thing ever. I'm hearing action film that goes all in a mall. In fact, that's the title of the full cup. Okay, yeah, I'm hearing that it's been done. There is a movie called Paul called Morecop. I think it might be a couple in the More Cop . It's called Paul Something called Paul Blart More Coffee. And in fact, there's a podcast where two guys watch it every wee k for a year and slowly go insane . Okay, well you lost me on a lot of this subject matter. You know those podcasts where two blokes watch a terrible movie and slowly go insane. Yeah. There's a few of them around right. Yeah . Do you think that you making all these cop shows in the future