Release and Legacy of the Countess

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Prices, participation, delivery area and charges may vary Welcome to Noble Blood, a production of IHart Radio and Grim and Mild from Aaron Mankey. Listener Discretion addvised In eighteen ninety five, the French forensic pathologist, Dr. Henri Leg Ludi published his first work Notes and Observations on forensic Medicine offenses Against morality If that sounds fairly dull, please stay with me, listener, because I promise you this episode is anything but It's the final section of the book that we're interested in today, a section that the doctor actually did not write himself, which consists of the entire text of a unique autobiography that the doctor had acquired An autobiography entitled Secret Confessions of a Parisian Legludik claimed the autobiography's author was one of his patients from his time as a prison doctor and he had chosen to include the autobiography, quote, for documentary purposes, in order to enable readers to understand the writer's state of mind Many of Leg Ludic's patients when he was a prison doctor had been convicted for sexual violence But this particular prisoner had instead been booked as an army deserter and petty thief The autobiography, then, was included not as a study of a devious criminal mind but to quote the doctor, to quote trace the origin and evolution of the author's sexual inversion. Autobiography begins quote In the beautiful year of eighteen sixty, there lived in Paris a woman whom all gilded and gallant Paris knew This woman who happens to be the humble author herself went by many names But in the byline of the autobiography, she narrows it down to two Arthur W. and the Countess Throughout this episode, I will refer to our subject mostly as the Countess and as Pauline, another name she used as those were the names she used most commonly Colleen presents her life story in the vein of many nineteenth century buildings Romans. She takes the reader from her early experiences as a young boy wishing to wear the dresses her mother made to her courtship with the nobleman who introduced her to the life of a female courtesan We then follow her as she becomes Pauline and the Countess working as a performer in Parisian clubs frequented by the queer community, as she gets drafted into the army and ultimately is sentenced to years in a men's prison for abandoning her post Confessions of a Parisian was largely inspired by Rousseau's confessions and it offers the reader a similar look into the author's psyche Pauline's insight is often funny, often joyous and often heartbreaking Sinner, degenerate, and corrupt are oft used self descriptors These ideas echo the common societal view of homosexuality and other nont traditional sexual and gender identities as immoral vices Her work was ultimately published, after all, as a documentation of mental illness At the same time, conffessions also offers an intimate, vibrant look into the lives of members of Paris's queer community during a time where they were regarded as little more than case studies by social scientists and deviance by larger society On top of being a talented performer and writer Pauline was a very competent illustrator and her drawings of different members of her community were included in Confession's publication As I mentioned in one of our earlier episodes on the nineteenth century writer and nobleman, Mark de Monttefaude, discussing the gender and sexuality of historical figures through our modern understanding is a very complex task. The Parisian queer community at the time had their own language and system of identification. and this is how the Countess best understood and described herself. In her words, she was a file or mignon Both of these terms applying to multiple identities The latter term, for example, originated from Henry III's fashionable, young male favorites, but eventually evolved to apply to a broader queer identity In Pauline's writing, we see Mignon mean a homosexual man, a cross dressing man, and a transgender woman. Countess seems to have identified at times with all of those descriptors. She was happiest, however, when society saw her as a woman. proudly reflected I who had so desired to be a girl triumphed over natural law I'm Danish Schwartz and this is Noble Blood Linda opens her autobiography in the time and place I described earlier ty Paris at the height of her local fame She was around twenty two or twenty three at the time and had begun performing six years earlier. Though the book is an autobiography, the prologue is written in third person and introduces us to our quote heroine Speaking of the third person This is a good time to acknowledge that there is very little secondary scholarship on the life of the Countess. Our main source of information about her life is the woman herself Certain details and events have almost certainly been embellished or glossed over and ages don't always match up And she writes at one point, quote, Tim doesn't matter Nor does space, in this sect of those who deny their sex. I was an example of that Hauleen is, however, a fairly balanced narrator. and seeing as she did not know whether or not the work would be published in the end, There was likely little reason to self censor In fact, I would argue that reading it Her writing comes across as brutally honest She describes herself in a measured if flamboyant tone As a young adult, she had quote literary tastes. She read a lot, she drew passly, and she sang agreeably Her face leent itself marvelously to makeup, like the face of all of those whose physiognomy is large, full and marked by strong features While she considered her face beautiful to average, she thought her hands ugly and her figure too thin. When it came to her character, writing in the third person, quote, she was good despite her cold air Sensitive, despite her reputation of insensitivity, a little romantic, generous to a fault She also described frequent bouts of depression She had, quote, a melancholic air a tinge of sadness which, despite her efforts, changed the expression on her face from laughter to sorrow in an instant It appeared as suddenly as a lightning bolt in the summer in the middle of her gayest hours. Pun, ironically, not intended While the Countess's life drastically changed after her childhood We see her goodness, her sensitivity, and sometimes her sadness in her earliest years Pauline says she was born in eighteen thirty nine That would make her twenty or twenty one in eighteen sixty Her parents were working class and in her words, decent folks in all senses of the word. Her father was a coachman turned steward raised and educated by his first master Pauline notes interestingly, that he belonged to a now extinct class of servants who were treated as family by those they worked for She concludes that her father, quote, had only one great flaw a weak character compounded by excessive vanity I inherited these two traits almost in their entirety Her mother was a seamstress and, according to her An angel The image Pauline holds of her mother, even years after her mother's death is nothing short of sereraphic The two were incredibly close from her earliest years Colleen much preferred to spend time with her mother rather than play with other children While her mother would sew, young Pauline would read romance books she found stored away in the home Qote, My eyes would often fill with tears, forcing me to stop reading My dear mother would also cry and we'd dry our tears with exchanges of kisses. Her mother would say, My dear little boy, you have a good heart The Countess described the first part of her life as one long musical poem Her mother loved singing, and the pair sang together every day. Quote, These golden hours developed a powerful taste for singers and concerts in me I specifically mean female singers because my frivolous nature was seduced by the brilliance of their appearance. Her mother often took her to shows at cafe concerts, which were popular, accessible alternatives to cabarets Pauline quote, drank them all in with my ears and my eyes wide open and dreamed of one day being on stage Many of her mother's clients were actresses in the theater. and they liked to spoil Pauline with gifts of candies and books. She reflected Those experiences didn't leave me indifferent The sight of these women decorated like holy shrines and perfumed like sachets, filled me with all possible joys She remembers running her fingers over the lace of their dresses and playing with their jewels while she'd sit in their laps Her most prominent memory is of a blue satin dress with gold spangles theater owner had sent the dress over to have her mother make a copy and Pauline became fixated by the dress on the mannequin She wrote that blue satin gown had obsessed me ever since it had been brought in. I looked at it, I touched it. I took it off the mannequin and I managed to put it on myself. evenven though it was too big for my little body She knew the tricks of the trade from her mother and her clients and pinned the dress at the front so that she could walk in it She then picked up her mother's fan and began to show off for herself in the mirror Abssorbed in her fantasy, she didn't hear the delighted giggles of her mother and her assistants having returned to the studio When her mother asked what she was doing all dressed up Pauline replied with a little embarrassment Mama, I'm playing Diva Her mother smiled and simply replied That's nice, but you must take off Madame D's gown. You might damage it. Pouline's father also simply laughed at the anecdote He did not enforce masculinity on his young son While Pauline loved women's dresses and accessories from a young age She would burst into tears at the sight of boys' shorts refusing to wear them unless they were decorated with embroidery and lace Hoeen believed both the innate tendencies of her character her shyness and sensitivity and the chance of her mother's profession developed in her quote love of beauty and style. that would later degenerate into a frenzy and cause the disorders and missteps that mark my life end quote, Dpite that perspective She cherished that time She wrote, My whole childhood was spent in an atmosphere of graciousness delicacy and lovely faces, and neither the passage of time nor misfortune Nor the cruel disappointments of life, nor the long hours of imprisonment can ever tarnish that glorious memory As an adolescent, she was sent to a boys' boarding school very close to her home Her first sexual experiences happened there masturbating with older male peers, namely one boy called Charles Pouleen recalls she didn't think much of the quote evil she had committed only the desire to do it more She wrote Having indulged in pleasure, I had drunk deeply from the source of those predilections that make a man prostitute himself, not by circumstance, no by starting out with a boy four years older than myself. I was destined always to play the woman's role The role of the Mignon that distinct, separate type among all men with similar passions It was during her time at boarding school that Pauline began to realize she would never be like her peers She wrote, People have often said that morally I am not like other men I can only add that I'm different physically as well, and this difference has caused me pain It is the rapidly growing ulcer that has engulfed all my happy moments and the poison that has corrupted my life from the time that I became a man. this sadness, which is so powerful in my life is the real cause of the enjoyment that I had in concealing my sex beneath a woman's exterior It is an evocative, early description of what we today would recognize as gender dysphoria The Countess tells the reader that she still sees Charles sometimes and declares that by seducing her, he had, quote broken down the barrier that my shyness would have raised against the desires that the sight of me kindled in the mind of the Marquis D The original Marquis de X was her father's employer and we do not know his identity beyond the mysterious moniker Marquis de X died when Pauline was just an adolescent, and then his son inherited his title This new younger marquis whom Pauline refers to as M began to come to her family home often maintaining a friendly relationship with her father When Pauline was a young teen, M began to court her He was, in her words, a tall, handsome man of twenty six With her parents' permission, he would take Pauline for rides in his coach, where he would praise her beauty and tell her, If you wished, dear, you could be happier than a king's son and you could have all the lovely things that you want so much He laid out his wishes plainly for her He would take care of her generously, giving her as much money as she needed each month, and she in turn would provide him pleasure Couline was, according to her, thrilled by the splendors Everything he had told me seemed so special that, with my regret dissolving into my desire, I was eager to latch onto this man who said that he loved me like a friend and like a lover The Marquis also charmed her into sharing her secrets I'd tell him everything about my wild dreams and the frustrations that I felt at not being a woman. Since I was so ill suited for being a man He replied, You are so unlike a man that it would be very easy to change you into a charming lady Mm told Pauline's parents that he would take her in to further her education That was one word for it, she quips to the reader Pauline's mother was hesitant at first, distraught to part with her dear child, but Mm persuaded her that Pauline could pursue her talent for art with his connections and opportunities Perhaps by twenty first century standards, we might identify M's tactics as grooming inststead of enrolling Pauline in art school Mm took her to meet a courtesan, Paula who styled Pauline into a courtesan herself. Pula acquired her dresses, found her an apartment nearby, and gave her lessons on how to walk and talk the part of a courtesan Paula was very influential to young Pauline It was she, not coincidentally, who offered the name Pauline as Pauline's first chosen name The name was in full Madame Pauline de Floreange This woman, who quickly became my friend and confidant, was my first true platonic love, she wrote With her, I experienced the charm of exquisite and intimate friendship After Paula's lessons, Mm took Pauline out in society as a woman for the first time popular restaurant in Madrid, he introduced her to his noble friends and their own kept women. She wrote, It took some nerve, and in spite of my confidence, the confidence I had in my luxurious wardrobe I could feel myself blanching under my pancake makeup And my heart was thumping Pauleens Delight Everyone was cordial, and she saw the women paying close attention to the details of her fashionable outfit. After recounting this day, we get one of the most arresting passages of the autobiography The Countess reflected years later There's one thing in my life that made me so happy that it alone banished all my regrets and my sorrows, at least temporarily was the realization of my most bizarre dream of seeming to be something that I was not The desire to dress as a woman To be accepted in the eyes of the world as an elegant lady pleased me so much that When I was able to do it, it took the sharp edge off my regrets. She continued With a great deal of patience and effort, I had succeeded in resembling the finest being in all creation I was a woman. And when people talked about me They referred to me as the lovely, the charming Pauline With that, I was able to forget my feeble body and enjoy hours and hours of an enchanting illusion Her euphoria jumps off the page It's especially remarkable when you remember she was writing this in eighteen seventy four Her relationship with M wasn't always as joyous Wh she claimed to have accepted his offer without a second thought She was conflicted over the nature of their relationship and the nature of her role as a mistress Sweet words from Mm would placate her doubts. She explained, Since I had so often envied women when I was reading I was able to forget when listening to this seducer. that I was nothing more than a plaything for a debauched man whose affection for me would last only as long as I could please him The source of much of the Countess's shame around her gender and sexual identity was, it seems inextorably intertwined With the grief she felt about her profession and position in the world She declared Every kind of prostitution is a moral degradation dishonorable situation so that in order to live happily, you must not even recognize it Because she could not live as a woman until she had become a courtesan, one became forever associated with the other in her mind. It's tragic and Pauline was certainly not the only queer person of the time to feel similarly Around three years into their arrangement, M grew distant He eventually ended things, leaving her a letter enclosed with some money Holleen claimed she was sixteen or seventeen at the time And she worried about what would happen to her now She could not return to her parents because they would ask too many questions she couldn't or didn't want to answer She also admitted she had no desire to return to the quote straight and narrow, as she called it, after time in the vibrant circles of Parisian society And so she made her debut in the Cafe concerts She used the parting money the Marquis had left her to buy exquisite stage costumes and considered herself a quote, passable singer This is the time in which she became truly immersed in the Parisian queer community for they were her fellow performers and audience members One group was known as the tribids, a term allegedly coined from the Greek verb to rub which had long been used to describe women who had sex with other women In Pauline's words, these women came usually in pairs and were charming priestesses of that enormous cult that worshihiped at Sappho's altar. They belonged to that strange sect, that incomprehensible love. from which men are excluded They were, as Pauline described them, women who loved women and dressed like men She analyzed, such a woman so comfortable dressed as a man usually has a masculine personality and masculine tastes Like Mignon, as described earlier, Trbid also applied to a broader queer identity Pauline's illustration of one tribed friend, B, is included in the autobiography She wrote, The despair that B felt at the age of fifteen was the same one that I felt. So she adopted men's clothing and looked ravishing in them Even men were fooled and women went wild over her Another part of the audience was made up of quote mincing perfumed young men. Fit it out with the finest gloves, makeup, and professionally curled hair a group sometimes known as Fi An illustration of a fe and good friend of the Countess, L Charles, is also featured in the book Within their group, all of these terms applied to one born as a man who either identified as a crossdressing man or as a woman. Specific terms were also seemingly associated with sex work. Holleen was also engaging in sex work as a performer taking audience members on as clients after the shows. The other F performers did. She also found two more, quote protectors following Mm's departure, but neither lasted as long as her original affair The group she worked with had a tradition of quote, baptizing new members of their circle One night, drinking champagne, a fellow fid adorned Pauline with a new name On behalf of all these young ladies as well as our dear sisters who are assembled here, I, August D, now baptize Arthur W, the Countess. The Countess noted how seriously everyone took the ceremony. For the Tribads and the Mignons who were there, this was a well known and powerful act For me, I thought that it was just a joke But when D, taking his seat again, added, My lovely I dubbed you the Countess, and I swear that this name will remove all traces of your real one He was only too accurate. She found genuine friendship and community She commented on the solidarity between Tbades and Phile, writing that Troubades were, quote deeply sympathetic toward Phile and Mignon, since like them, they have an unnatural love. They're indulgrient and have a soft spot for the young men whom they call their sisters And that feeling is genuinely reciprocated In her early twenties, now years into her career, the newly named Countess rekindled her relationship with her mother Her father had died and she wanted to bring her mother as much joy as possible It was around this time as well that she was required to participate in the conscription lottery After Drawing the number one hundred and eighty, she was in the reserves and eventually deployed Not only was the Countess afraid to join the regiment Being an army man meant living as a man again The Countess eventually was given leave to visit a fictional uncle, and she was able to see her beloved Paris again. Returning to her mother's home, Pauline threw herself into her arms, weeping that she could not return to the regiment Her plan to desert was simple Arthur could not be found if only the Countess existed. She told her mother that she was quite comfortable as a woman, and rather than just playing the part when she performed, she would become one forever. Her mother, whose que dearest wish had been to have a daughter, was pleased with the idea The Countess told her that she would return the next day transformed When the police were sent to find the lost soldier, the Countess's mother told them she hadn't seen him The soldier in question was naturally standing in the very same room. The Countess returned to the theater and for years continued living life as before. In eighteen sixty after a brief illness, the Countess's beloved mother died Falling into a depression Couline lost much of the desire and energy to dress up and perform She stole from the home of her mother's former employer to pay off her debts and was later caught and identified as the missing soldier She was arrested and sentenced to ten years in prison As she wrote in her autobiography Ats the beginning of september eighteen sixty one. I arrived, chained to another inmate the central prison The countountess claimed that less than two hours after her arrival, all of the inmates had learned her life story. Naturally, she claims she gained many admirers According to her, quote, those who had had unnatural sexual urges outside of prison would have more so inside, and those who had never experienced those thoughts would adopt them easily. So my arrival stirred up many thoughts and unleashed many desires She eventually accepted the proposal of a particularly devoted admirer she calls R in the autobiography This man had saved up quite a bit in prison promised the countountess everything she might want. His feelings for her became eventually obsessive. He could not sleep, he followed her everywhere and was prone to fits of jealousy Eventually, she says she became fed up and told him she didn't want to see him again Her count, the relationship lasted four years and five months She tells the reader, I have sketched this story in one page, but I could have spent twenty on it because there were so many strange incidents involved ar was eventually released and begged the countountess to request transferring prisons out of his fear that she would form a relationship with another inmate there She knew the request was ridiculous, but felt guilty over how things ended between them and felt she owed him for all of the money he had given her She did request a transfer. and the request was eventually approved and she was moved to another prison She arrived twelve days later in March of eighteen sixty six At intake, she was led to the baths There, a handsome man tossed her a towel, saying, Take this, kid This tall handsome man was the stockroom clerk His number was five ninety eight. He had served as the bugler for the first Riflemen. And as the Countess wrote, he was to become more than a brother to me His name was Gustave Engl It was love at first sight for the Countess, at least She asked her fellow inmates about Gustave, but all they told her was he had a reputation and that she was wasting her time She believed they were jealous as they wanted to court her themselves The Countess lamented her new position in the prison's dirty shoemaking workshop But luck shined upon her when Enggel was demoted from his position as a stockroom clerk to fellow shoemaker. She recounted I decided then and there to give him as many extra rations as possible I had almost two hundred and fifty francs saved so I could pay for them At this point, all my thoughts of frugality and greed were banished. This new love, though shameful. had cleansed me She included a note with the rations asking for the man's name In his reply, she learned it for the first time and he told her, quote, I want to thank you with all my heart, but you shouldn't deprive yourself because of me His reply did nothing to deter her She wrote, From that day on, I understood the meaning of the word to love Oh how well I knew then that I had never been in love before, because I had never experienced such overwhelming intoxication. Such a stirring in my heart She looked forward to her exercise period in the yard, because she knew she'd see him there and he might smile at her, maybe even talk to her The man was her light in a dark place She forgot that she was in prison when thinking of him Their relationship lasted over four years, although it's unclear whether they were ever quote exclusive lovers. Still, there was certainly mutual intimacy she wrote Our earthly happiness is a friendship or love without limits where shared feelings merge completely and I had never felt this sort of mutual affection before. At least not to the extent that I had yearned for it Eventually after a quarrel over the Countess's jealousy, Engl wrote a letter to her, saying he never wanted to see her again Distraught, she got herself placed in solitary confinement to get over her Still, the night before Agel was released, the Countess found a way to see him She recalled, he squeezed my hand, told me that he'd never forget On that day, he gave me his badge with the number that was used instead of a name and that each inmate wore on his sleeve. This simple number, five niney eight, spoke volumes to me and was precious to me because my friend had touched it every day Then the Countess tells the reader simply On july twenty second, eighteen seventy one I was released Those are the final words of her autobiography It is the antic cllimactic ending to such a dramatic life story But it is the ending we have The Countess never published further writing and her life following her release from prison is undocumented We can imagine even hope that maybe she returned to her life as a performer life as a woman. back to her beloved community in Paris. But we cannot know for sure Despite its abrupt ending, Confessions is a magnificent work It is one of the earliest surviving queer autobiographies in French and provides incredible insight into the life of not only a large community, but a fascinating individual She who had realized her dream and in her words, had triumphed over natural law That's the story of Pauline or the Countess. Keep listening after a brief sponsor break to hear a little bit more about where you can see her work