The Jack Russell Condom Incident

Attention snipers, gear up and hold your positions. It's time to load up some war stories, your tales from the front line brought to life prepare to fire I'm not going to use the last name on this one an initial Michael Zed . How many people do you know with a surname that starts with the Zed? Yeah , so this is from Michael Zegler . The wife looked at the bagged evidence and said, Those aren't mine. Welcome to my worst days event. Get a fall s and fallets . My name's Michael and have I got a t ail for y'all? It was just another ordinary day in veterinary medicine . A dog are coming after eating something it absolutely shouldn't have. Now dogs are funny little furry vacuum cleaners with anxiety issues, socks, rock s, corn, cubs, toys. If it fits in the mouth, it's apparently worth a crack. How's our agent's dog ate a fucking whole beach towel? Remember that? Yes. This is like it's not like a it's not like a Saint Bernardi. This thing's like, is it like a spinula? It's like a must have been or something Yeah, but I've seen ripping bits off and then swallowing the smaller bits. Yeah, it was fucking massive. Almost killed it. They had full emergency surgery, full open up its stomach, fuck pulled the whole thing out of it. And our other mate at the moment dog Maddie Carls dog's recovering from eating fucking slug bait which is no good because your body temperature goes through the roof and your organ starts shutting down so it's been was in fucking intensive care for four days. And the other my favourite is that St. Bernard, I'm not the Saint Bernard . The great Dane that ' gots one of those mats that they have at the vets, you know, those fucking like a piss pad ones or whatever they're puppy pets. And it's just dry reaching, dry reaching, dry reaching. They've obviously given it some like what are those fucking spew tablets or whatever to make it vomit up, whatever it's in the stomach and it just goes rock and this fucking massive like twelve inch intruder comes out of its mouth onto the fuck they would have seen so much eye . Now this particular dog had swallowed some sort of cloth material and needed foreign body surgery. No worries routine procedure. The surgery went well and eventually removed the offending item only it wasn't a tea towel, it wasn't a sock, it wasn't even a pair of undies . No, ladies and gentlemen this dog had apparently developed a taste for fine lingerie . As I'm preparing to discharge the discharge instructions I bring the carefully bagged evidence into the consult room. Mum takes one look at it. Then she looks at Dad, then back at the londries, then back at Dad. The room suddenly got very, very fucking quiet . Finally she says those aren't mine. Then without breaking eye contact with her husb and and I've never bought anything like that for our daughters , I would love to tell you that I had some profound words of wisdom to offer in that moment. I did not slowly backed out of the room like Homer Simpson disappearing back into the hedge, smiled politely and decided that whatever happened next was far above my fucking pay grade. The dog recovered beautifully. The marriage Well, I'm never gonna follow up on that one. And that's my not for radio war story folks. Until next time, keep your pets away from the laundry basket, keep your explanations believable. And remember if your dog eats something unusual, the vet staff have probably seen worse. Now go hard and always put up the laundry basket up the walls that is a beauty. That is almost that 's version on a classic yarn, that one there is a beauty. All right, it should be put up for consultation. Yeah, we can we can definitely talk after the episode. So it's very early to also be that call on a fucking Monday. Maybe the bat first wall story fucking classic gun pin it to the top. Let's go. We are in a good spot Two fucking right lads. That's not for radio . Right, no hell of a way to start the inside word for Monday. Big weekend . Big for Jay, not so big for me. It was quite cruisy for me. Well , let's cover yours first then. Very mellow. So Friday night real child just watched League at home on the couch, which was nice . No rugby at all on Saturday Heath was, coughing web when he woke up. So yeah one the kids had a disc school disco on the Friday night so one of them chose to go to that instead of rugby and then the other one had a buy on Saturday morning and then Heath was a bit crooked so we just fucking slept until nine thirty and kid thes got up and watch TV it was awesome. Levin and then had my mate what it was birthday party Saturday afternoons did burgers and stuff and then three of the lads came back to my place to watch the Sabrogy final . Went to bed about midnight and then Sunday they're around again to help some of the shit out of the way in our garage because we get all the new cabinetry this week which is going to be fucking sick. So we drive into our garage, the whole thing's going to be black cabinetry and then I'm going to have like a fishing station set up with all of my fishing stuff there where I can just do all my tackle and shit because I'm not doing renovs anymore so like why fuckin would'n't I do that? do So peg board and have everything hanging up and all the different fucking all the different nylon and braid and stuff all sitting there ready to go and the different reels hanging up is the plan and then you'll just it'll get turned into just an arts and crafts table for your three kids. No fuck I'm doing that another room Yeah this shit stays out of here. This is my zone. I don't mean that they'll just get on the stools and just go I'm gonna take a little bit of mono here and I'm gonna fucking tile these lures together and make a super lure. So this is a starter. I kind of become a bit of a shit guy, hey yeah 'cause I've got the fucking bear fridge right beside the work area which is gonna be awesome so excited about that this is one of the ultimate so carpeted garage too which is fucking awesome. I love diceoning in my garage for so sick Telly who's a good mate at his new setup, he's got all of his because I mean he's got everything like you name him to all he''ss got got it. He fucking everything top of the top. And it was like a real subtle thing , but just goes to show how much of an operator you are. If you've got like a table top bar fridge, which is kind of the stock standing there or in you're going to go for the big one depending on what sort of space you got. Instead of having the fridge door because he's got like he was like a monster monster energy motor cross sponsored guy back in the day. So he's got all of his old shit there he's got instead of the door facing out , so you walk up to the bench and grab it, his one's facing in because you're fucking at the bench. That's where you are. You don't want to reach around and go out the front. He's just like, dude, it's right like a pop in the microwave door beside you. I love it. Geez, that's good. Yeah. Consideration. So we had to pull everything off the back wall of the garage, which is fucking super handy having the other lads there because we ripped through it real fast and just make because I think tomorrow the cabinetry gets delivered and they deliver just the whole carcasses of the cabinet cabinets but it will just fill up the garage floor. So to reshuffle everything and then above where our laundry is had some cabinets on the walls so we pulled them out because they can replace and then put them on the one of walls of the garage. So now we've got fucking more storage. So that was sort of the thing yesterday and then watch the wars it's just a nice chill weekend really. Yeah, beauty. So mine was fucking the complete opposite . So Saturday morning and his mom took the boys because they're going to go straight to footy but in true spectacular Oski fashion he left all of his footy gear at home. So that was an early morning scuttle around to the coach's place to drop it off to him so that he could take it to Forty. He's playing Desi's kids. Did you end up going catch up with his misses on Friday night? You go straight home because you were no did. Now we went out we had a little date night Friday night 'cause I did. Yeah, so picked her up from the Afghan hounds, our friends up the road there and that was cool because I've caught up with MNA's as well. So it was good to see the good to see the crew. Funnily enough though, and this is quite a so their son same age as our boys . He's an awesome little rider. Like he's got an amazing mountain bike, his old boys into a bit of dirt bike racing as well. So they've got he's got a dirt bike and to fulfill the combo , he really wanted to get one of those Sauron eBikes . And so I went around there and he had this he didn't have one of those. They didn't he did like how's this as a twelve year old . He did full PowerPoint presentations to both parents and pitch them on the idea of them buying him one . And then because he was that committed and he laid out all the purposes about nine grand. There's no way any kids should have one of those. No, no, no. So fucked privileged if you're buying you got a nine thousand dollars eBike. Yeah, well I mean they're in a they're in a position where they they could do that, but it's also like hugely fucking wasteful I think anyway. So anyway, pitch this idea, pros, then had the cons that went against it and then they end up settling cons. I'll turn into a fuck that rides around the streets doing wheelies that everyone hates. Yeah. And so end up settling on like a pretty hyped up eco, one of those like a normal line speed, but one of those ones was suspension, one of those ones that people ride that will never have sex with another person, one of those sort of setups, you know? I saw a dude in the states and this is funny that I just find this funny if I was on one of those sewer and deep bikes would probably fire me up but he, was fang ing one of those and went across out of a seven steer, dropped down onto the top of one of those power boxes and then onto the footpath. And I was like, fuck I've never seen one of them do that before. And as he landed then the power box fucking fired out the fuel huge flame like ball of flames out the side of the oh fuck cut to two cops yeah. So what happened? Yes, we just jumped on the top of it, then the thing exploded hit the yeah. Yeah . Crazy power box power the box exploded not the bike. Yeah . Yeah, so it must have like shorted something out when the lid went down a little bit. It was like imagine the round the belt he would've got if he put his fucking feet down on top of the box. He would have been like a cat on a hot tunnrof. So anyway, he pitched and got this fuckin and got the scooter and so I said to him his mum was about to say her name, his mum was like fuck it 's been like this is like a twenty four month play. Like it's been a real long run. This is the negotiation. And I was like, Do you ride the scooter with the helmet? And he's like, Nah, fucking you look like a loser. And I was like, During the first point of contact that you make with the ground when you have an accident on a bike in an urban area. And he was like, Nah, I said, sixty percent of all accidents you lead with your chin. So you're a handsome little man. You know what's going to happen if you don't wear a helmet? And I suggest you do because this is overpowered for the skill set that you have at your age. Regardless of the fact you ride a motocross bike and you grade on a beamx or whatever it is. You don't ride a motocross bike round the streets, you don't mountain bike through the streets. You're riding like you're on a track , but you've got all these different obstacles and problems that you'll come across that you're not familiar with. And your brain just can't compute and that's not your fault. It's just because your brain hasn't been able to adapt to the level and you don't have the ability to recognize risk at your age. It's fucking it's just scientific fact is that you're going to sand half of your face off and as a result of that you'll go from being the really cool kid that had a fucking hyped up e scooter to a bloke that's like the fucking bell ringer and you know hunchback of not arm with a sanded off face who's just fucking closed windows the whole time you won't want to go to school then you'll be a dumb fuck, then you won't ever have a fucking partner so you have to live at home with your mum and dad and you'll never get out of the house and this is you fucking your life up because you want to look cool for a weekend. See how much you should buy the eco for? Yeah, I got it off and for no. Got 'em right down. Got them in a phone at a breakneck price. Fuck you out of the deal. Welcome to Dave Ren . I was even talking to a cop mate of mine and they're literally in the process of putting through not a bill but basically looking at they reckon that this year the first parent will be charged with vehicular manslaughter because they're giving their child because it's the equivalent. They ride them on the road. It's the equivalent of giving my kid the keys to a car and letting them drive without license a. And if they killed some body, then I would be done as the parent for vehicular manslaughter because I was the one that enabled that to happen. And so they're looking at putting it in because if it's a bike that can be 'cause you can ride sorons on the road if you're pl gettingated, registered and like all the rest of it. But because parents haven't made the connection between giving their kid an e motocross bike which does fucking a hundred clicks and knowing that they ride it on a road they're like oh it's just an e bike, fucking sweet zimmate. If I gave my kids the keys to my harley damn and they were leaving fucking pumped it into a car and they'd like, Hey, there's no insurance and you get done for it anyway. So she's like, thank fuck for that. But it's the same. Those little e scooters, little hyped up ones as well, they sit outside of that motorcycle. You can't use them. So there's a little bit of gray at the moment, which will be fucking properly ironed out by the end of this year. So that was kind of classic. Anyway, what do you say to your pitch? What's that when you're fucking just fuck up uncle Joe, this is not helping me. Hm Yeah, which is fair enough, it's not sick. I'm not there. I was like young teenager and I wanted to listen to an old yeah, old person. Exactly. I was like, I just don't want to I don't want to go to your funeral and see your mum and dad sitting in the front row crying and then have to have to listen to the shit music that you like as you get fucking walked out in a box don't fuck don't make this my problem Oh you know what they should do? There's probably you can probably buy it on Alexpress or something. The cops should pass the law where they can have a jammer. So they shoot like a pistol shaped jammer out so the Surinriders be going along and they go identify and click the trigger on the jammer and then they just lose all power and stop. Yeah . Sure they'll be able to do that. Or if you want to if you want to buy one for your kids, they are like speedlocked and have one of those fucking immobilizers in them that every other police officer has. So if you are riding past the cops like a f uck it like these other kids were when I saw them, they can just go boop and they just fucking slow down and just slowly stop What about fix it pretty quickly? Just a fifty thousand dollar fine if your kid gets caught doing anything illegal on one of those Yeah, if you can afford the nine grand then you have to factor that in. Yeah because you would think twice about it fuck honestly you said you were going to be good but also like it just goes to show because I said to her, you are, I mean she didn't get it for him, but what parent has that age of a kid that doesn't have social media and doesn't see the fuck wittery that goes with those things. It's kind of I don't know. Like I mean, my parents bought me a fucking slingshot. I smashed out every single window in all of our sheds and killed everybody like that. Like obviously there's there is a level of danger that goes with anything that you get your kids . But it' yous can't just throw them, you're not, you are complicit to anything that somebody does in that round. Totally. Like you wouldn't give you wouldn't give your kid , you know, like you can't get a firearms license and think it's until you're like sixteen or seventeen . You know what they should just put Siron pump tracks in ? But they don't want that's the thing. They don't want that. It's like saying to boy racers, well we've given you a burnout pad. Well half of you. You're doing a burnout in doing it on a fucking pump road immediately. They never do. They always talk about it. The bogs say they want it and they never put a burnout pan in for public use. They've never done it. They've got them they've got one at Mary Mary. I think they've even got one at Hampton Down. That's right. You can't just pull off the motorway and hook a skid there. Now they have them organized. Yeah, we don't want it organized. You just want to open. I want to be able to pull in like it's a McDonald's car park and light that thing fucking up. Then the problem is if somebody gets injured, then you're injured in your property and you're the one that's liable. No one's going in council land. Yeah, the councils, they're the ones that are fucking liable for it. They should just be treated like a road. There should just be an indemnity thing we have. If it's camera, who was at fault? Yeah, it's only supposed to be one skid car on the skid pag at once. Whoever enters second, your fucking problem, mate . Dunk four castle Everyone talks about that. It's never happened. Yeah , but also it's once again promote skids or they're gonna do them anyway. Yeah, give them a good space to give them a massive skid pad and watch them go there in the middle of fucking nowhere. Yeah, it's a decommissioned site. Well then, yeah, it's kind of one of those things . It's if you go to the drags , the chances of you wanting to feed it off the back of that when you leave a ten times higher than anything else. Look at the number of fights that happen at the UFC. Look at the number like in the spectators because everyone thinks they're a fucking UFC fighter having watched it like that the number of people that put that after rugby games like doing steps on to them skid man let him fight let him skid and let him fire, let 'em drink , and then do all the fun shit. The skid pan service is pretty good though. Like I used to take my cars out to the wet skid pan, fifteen bucks and you just take turns all day. You just got to have a helmet. Yeah. You gotta have a helmet and a fire extinguisher in your car, and then you're allowed to use it. Is that one that happened downs? Yep. They're sick. It's main and they got like these little like retractable sprinklers that come up out of the concrete, wet it all up then go back in the concrete. Saving mad tyres them. Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. Just boiled them off and then fucking get on the open road in one hundred and ten zone. And you can take , I'm pretty sure you can take cars that are like project cars as well that aren't waft and registered. Yeah, Carl, they did a great job. Good day. Get it. Good stuff. Good on your hip and downs yet again leading the way. So anyway, that was that was the beginning of Friday night and then we went out and we went just basically went and checked out a local joint which is or had dinner at a local joint which is not far from us, which is a fucking great model and credit where cred ditue is and I love this . The establishment itself, it's called the Oak Barrel. And so the room itself would be maybe twice the length of this and half the width. So it almost looks like almost looks like a tunnel , like a fucking train tunnel . And so on all the walls, they have the whole thing covered in bottles of wine with prices on them. It's an off license as well as a restaurant . So you turn up and they've got one centralized table that goes through the middle and their seats are hold on so it's kind of like shared shared seat and dining . And then they do really delicious pizzas, wood fried pizzas and then they do a bunch of steaks and sort of other stuff. But you just pick the bottle off the fuckin' wall, crack the thing open and you just start going. That's and then because if you don't finish the bottle, you screw the cap on it and you fucking walk out with it because you've bought the bottle at an off license price. Yeah, that's cool. So instead of buying, say, for example, it's a thirty dollar bottle of wine you pay ninety bucks for it at the restaurant . They make the fucking margin there anyway. And they don't have to pour the thing. So you just walk out the door with it. Or you just keep going. So that was great. So had a little bit of a dinner . Yes, Saturday was the big old day for Reeves. So didn't watch kids rugby, watch kids rugby? No, no, so that was the game was basically starting as I was off to the airport won Yeah, they did. Yeah, they bet Desi Dan Carter's team. Correct. So it's great stuff . And so they went to I turned up at the airport , parked up, was meeting I was meeting Matt Watson who's just a legend fishing Jesus for New Zealand and he just had a big one this week with a fishing amendment bill . So that was making the number of people and this is like someone's trying not even grazif. He was literally stopped every three meters sometimes for photos, but predominantly just to say thank you so much for doing the work that you've done on this whole thing in the Social Amendment Bill. So he should be. Yeah, which was awesome to get a little bit to get the recognition that he deserves from that but the plan was to go to the super rugby final for those that don't follow rugby or super rugby or whatever it was. The Why Cuttle Chiefs, which is my team that I support and the team that one of my best matrix is the assistant coach for was playing the Wellington Hurricanes in Wellington at the Cape Town . And so I flew in and it was a fucking bumpy flight. Oh yeah, because they had like one hundred forty kil wowins forecast . Yeah, so it was a classic Wellington classic Wellington landing where you literally feel like you're just floating the whole time and you can it like it was dropping into the southern leaf D land towards the ocean? You must have didn't even think I wasn't even looking. Yeah it must have been because you wouldn't land in without the tail worn. So that's why we're super bummy. Did it feel like a slower landing ? Yeah, well yeah,, defin ititely came in sight and then it was like bangs. So that wasn't too bad. But when I got out, I was like, fuck, this is Windy. And so I rang Maddy because he was coming from Ki Ty to Auckland, Auckland to Wellington. I mean, Carrie Carrie to Auckland and he goes They've delayed our flights thinking that we might not be able to get in. Knuckles is flying over from Brisbane so he was just flight straight to Wellington. He went round like twice like touch and go rounds because it was and he's on a big bird so hes fighted up . Matty's on a smaller plane coming in and he's like, I don't know, they might divert us to Palmy and I have to get into an Uber and just get him to feed it and he'll get their bases just on time. Matty's got the tickets for us . I don't know the people that we're going to be in the box with and it happened to be Anne and the team from Kubota who are the major sponsors for the hurricanes. So the opposing team that I'm supporting and I'm in full chief scare turning up to drink piss in their body so Matt Watson and his souls Matty and Knuckles was made them his honorary team as well. Yes, so this is going to be an untidy setup with just the two strangers turning up to drink p urse in their box and be h osted by them. So luckily for us, Maddie got in and he met us at our hotel. So Knuckles had a room in the intercontinental. So he put my name on the thing so I just dropped my fucking bought it. I just felt like I needed to travel with something so I put a pair of shorts and a new set of strides in case I shaped myself a toothbrush and some deodorant and then just left it and left it in his room. So it turned out that he was staying where the chiefs were staying which worked out well too. So I ran into Ho Pre game and the boys were all looking good and feeling pretty good. He's like this window is shit but it shouldn't be too much of an issue with both of us have got to play in the same condition so no major. Anyway, so we primed up , went into the game. When we're walking in there, there were literally people being blown over off their feet. Really? Yeah, it was fucking it looked like on TV as far as some of the kicks and stuff go they were just bending all over the place and you could tell that it was whipping around because sometimes it would make the ball bend back on itself and then other times it would go further in the opposite direction. It was just all over the shop. I was like, man if, that's like getting that much like wind speed inside in a vortex , outside must be fucked. Yeah, it was crazy outside was crazy but inside was also fucked. So they've got these towers that have the flame fucking flame throws on them, whatever, whatever they hooked up with the big juicy fuckers . And so just as one of the teams, I think when one of the teams was running out and they fucking went to squirt these things, both the towers got blown over. So just pumped flames out to the crowd . It was like, holy fuck about torch them. So they had people standing on those flamethrowers the whole time on comps so that they could fucking duck down and let the flames go otherwise they'd been roasting themselves 'cause they fucking pump some heat out of those things. Oh, did it? So that was nightmarish. But yeah, the wind in that first half it was pretty crazy, but Dimac kicked the amount of times like he either kicked off and the ball went fucking dead and then two seconds later went to kick for territory and the ball would bend out over the line by ten meters, then come in by ten meters, then go fifteen meters forward and end up twenty meters behind him. I've never seen anything like that. Crazy. It was almost like and we joked about it. It was almost like somebody in the crowd that was a Keynes fan had the controls for the ball because the Keynes literally in eighty minutes did not make a single mistake. And when the when the chiefs were fucking running red hot , there was they just there was someone that made like a like made a deaf tackle or got over the ball or turned it over or did something or made forced a mistake . They just literally had it was like it was almost a scripted game. And it wasn't like the chief went trying to fuck the boys threw everything at it. So we got taken down the tunnel and we got led through and we were standing on the field just towards the end of the first half and we got to clip the team off and so obviously being chief sand there in my jersey Brad Shields who's another biker I've known for a number of years years, ten between drinks for him at this at this final. So he's warming up . So he runs off with clapping the wall off and the boys head off into the sheds and as they're coming out in the second for the second half. I'm standing there at the edge of the time ye yeahah bo boysys, yeah boys and shields he runs past he goes fuck off and goes but just put like a jousting a jousting fist into my chairs crumpled me plays for the opposite team off he plays for thees Kan . He's been the captain for them, you know, for a number of years and is just he looks like the technoviking if you know the famous video clip. He's a fucking beast, but yeah, congratulations to the Keynes. They won an emphatic fashion. sixty to five or something ? sixty points to five the biggest margin ever in a superfinal and it was it was in the box so he in the bloke from Kubota is wearing Brad Shields last game worn jersey with his signature on it . And it got to the point where in the first half is bad. So you know, fucking there's like three chief supporters in the whole fucking box . And so we're copying it in fair play, but at half time you go well if they scored that many points in half we can score that many points in half as well. Well literally as we're standing on the field at half time and the wind's fucking blowing straight into our faces and we're on the trilode on the chief's end the second that they ran out the fucking wind's blowing the other way. So the voice cop it fucked both directions. It didn't make any sense . And so then obviously afterwards the celebrations were very, very muted. All the hurricanes fans that we ran into awesome like, hey, fucking we can't play you can't play a final without another team and you guys had a cracking season. And it was like it was that level of condolence because it was that much of a fucking hide. It's not like yeah we won like you know the blues did over the Marines when they snatched in the last second. It was like they actually fit sorry for us. But it was great to kick on with the lads. So I had flights, tickets to the game and zero accommodation. And so my flight out was seven hundred forty five on Sunday morning and so how did it play out? Because you got a tricky so you were in a chief's top but the hurricanes have won Yeah. Can't really party with the chief scot because they won't want to party because they'll just be over . That was perfect. So yeah, okay. We're back team rooms all set up once again you can't like you can't not celebrate a success season like I'm glad they do that then and they said let's not let a game define our season because we'll obviously put in the it effort to get there and that win losener on the boost. Yeah . So it was great to catch up. So there was we just basically team team room party until they kind of wound that down and then we just basically scattered off into different hotel rooms and kind of bounced around these different hotel rooms and g Ione'd to pre bought quite a bit of piss beforehand because I knew that once everything got dried up then we'd have some reserves . So yeah, it's basically boxed on with the lads and they could catch up with Hoe and catch up with all the other team, which is the other thing was Ho and Wopper, who's the assistant coach of the Kanes, were teammates best mates for the longest time as well. Lema Sop Owang has just returned back from a stint overseas, so him and Ho are like you know brothers so it was good to catch up some fucking some great insights and some intel from the lads and once or I possibly be at sniper really I can share this one as fast as I can go yeah. So Antonina Brown who's just come back from winning the big Japanese league , him and Lima have been teammates for the longest time in the All Blacks , but they weren't in the same team. Lemon played for the hurricane played for the Highlanders , Lenny played for the chiefs . And so there was chat about who was who like who in the All Blacks frame doesn't actually get on with each other. And so there was I'm not going to name names because that's kind of chat that's saved for privileged to have that chat, but one I can share is because the boys were in I think it would fuck. Lenny's got this massive cut down the side of his fucking face at this big scar that runs in there and he goes this happened in AB's camp and I was like what someone get you did somebody get you in a ruck or something? He goes nah somebody got me outside of training in the in the hotel . And I was like, Who the fuck was that? And he goes, that motherfucker? And I was like, Jared, oh and he goes Nah , Lima. So they were first five second, five mates and fucking punched on. Sick. Yeah, and I was like, that's sick. So he's got it's a good scar that one too. It's a beauty. He's like, you got him good. Looks similar to Delanart Mini's Lesniaks Yeah on the game on Sunday for the Wars. Yeah, so he got stitched up. I think it kind of got brushed under the tape , but he said that Shag stood them up in the team meeting the next morning goes some of these blanks and you think they're going to be playing NPC rugby, but we're the old black fellows and that's not what we do in this environment. So if you want to play NPC for the rest of your careers then carry on the way you carry on which was great stuff. And I was like, Oh, fucking awesome. So then Ho's fucking feeding the fire again. And he was like, Well, fuck surely must be she must be around telling us. And so there's these big lads in a fucking very small room and so the knucklers , you know, you can feel the energy start to change in a room. So we're like shit's gonna kick off here and Knuckler's trying to fucking shimmy his way out of the room because these big humans the, senior play of the Chiefs are in their big units and they're like, Who fuck this be a good watch? You go, I was like, No one's budget stopping. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, everyone's like, Oh, fuck you know, look white off. Now, what happened between the hours of three say six thirty when you had to head off to the airport? We basically just stay in the hotel room just listening to music and chop in person telling us people still going. You don't have to end up in the bloody couch in the reception or anything. Oh, shit no, they were still going when I left. Yeah, okay, good . And then they had to fly back as well. So then Lenny was flying back on the same flight as me. So I just said, I'll pick you up from your 'cause he's staying he was ironically staying in the same room as Lema, which is . So I go, You go back and grab your shit, and I'll pick you up on the way to the airport and that way you're gonna make the flight . And so turned up at the airport , sat down, had a pie and a coffee and then hopped on the plane and all the parents basically of the chief supporters were heading back on that flight as well. So I sat next to a couple of parents one of the props boys that was originally from Gizzy but his parents were flying back to Walk and then down to Gizzy. And so I just hopped on and was just like loving meet you guys. I'm not going to lie. I haven't had a moment's kip, so I'm probably just gonna use this flight to get some snoozing in, so I'll wake me up if I dribble on you and that's about it. So literally grab my jacket, put it over my head like a parakeet and sprink, straight asleep and then the I could hear the trolley dolly walking down the plane because I just chucked it on before the I fucking literally went lights out before the safety video by safety video play ed . And so I put her head the jacket over and she walked down and she's like, Are you going to be okay to fly? And I was 'cause I heard her walking down. I just pulled my pulled my jacket up so she could see the seatbelts on because that's all they fuck about . And I was like, yeah, I'm totally fine. She's like, why can you wife your jacket overhead? Because I was like, It's so much easier to sleep with this over my head because, Are you going to be okay to fly? I was like, I was fucking okay fly. I'm sleeping. Fuck off. Oh my god. If I just pulled my beanie down over my eyes, it wouldn't be a problem because I looked like a corpse in a seat. So he then got home and walked in the door and the boys were like, did you stay up all night? I was like, I stayed up all night. Yeah, fucking champion . Here he is. Now fucking hero sleepless heroes. Front door famous here went hopped into bed, slept till about midday and then just got up and fucking minced around with the fellas. Yeah great. Awesome. My kids start school at eight forty five, woke up this morning at eight twenty seven . How long do you think it took me to get the meridian out the door? Ten minutes seven . Fed them and because we didn't both metrics we didn't put an alarm on. They normally come in but, they just went they got dressed and went in and watched TV. Dixie woke up at eight twenty seven, got him fed and made three lunch boxes and out the door in seven minutes that's Formula One. I know. It may make me realise I'm fucking dragging the chain on other days. What the fuck it's your and you go you boys can do this sometimes sometimes it'll take you an hour and a half a lot faster than I could use a kettle product that much. Yeah keep moving keep moving . Speaking of the cattle prod, completely unrelated to getting kids out the door. Yes, we should blow him. Did you see the they did cattle prod fencing? So you have a cat long cattle prod each and they like go es Yeah, they put 'em on a stick . Should that look good? Well that's that's how long they are. Oh okay yeah they get the fucking big long moving catalytical long. Twin barbers yeah What about like a couple shopping trolleys and some jousting? Yes. We were wanting to do We were wanting to do scooter josting. Yep. Moa josting in four days. Fuck yeah. Scooter josting with a boxing glove on the end of a big long pole and fucking wholes so good. Open face helmets . Yeah, teaching baby kids a lesson. Bring them in all right we're gonna jouse you. If you win you get to keep your scooter. Yeah. Just gonna flick across to this one. Tom I don't know if you can change the screens over, but this is a little message from a blank up a fucking wind turbine for us . Have a look at this Good day here from the UK out in Sunny Sweden me and my buddy Matt we work out there on the turbines also want to say love the fucking podcast here makes Benny issue fucking full laughter in that and fucking f look 's like wind turbine in the middle of Sweden. Crazy. That's that bloke gets a not for radio hat. You can line them up. Testicles tingle looking at that. My hands are sweating after seeing that. Like that is the instant effect that those things have on me. Absolutely wow just crazy This is Jan Dung's Not for Radio. Please don't leave bugs unattended and collect all possessions at the end. Thank you . How's this some daddy carol? It's a fucking bitrogue so I've checked this in a sniper lead episode . I've been paying fourteen ninety nine quote a month for home security for nearly ten years in February I paid nine ninety nine quid for an ISIS flag which I've been flying on a pole in my front garden twenty four hours a day there's a police car set at the end of the road now and a few weeks ago I was going away on holiday so I took a ruck sack to work and come home without it. There were two police cars there the whole week I was away Beta living everyone . Snipers reload another war story incoming eyes on Target scope style deep. Let's see who hits the mark . There's no fucking way we're brushing over that bit quickly. Where the fuck is buying an is ? You're gonna get flowers searching now. Oh actually my keyboard is just broken. Penny Boy, can you search ? Yeah on my work computer yeah . I mean, if you hear the logo you can get anything printed, right? Like on TV . You know what? This is a fucking great prank is just to start buying them and sending them to people. Like what? Like just ship it to your mates. It's real weird. Nothing comes up on Google Shopping. Nothing comes up at all ye,ah, just goes completely blank. It goes completely blank and now I'm on six watch lists. But isn't that ironic that it can be fucking it can be scrubbed on the internet yet? Oh, DC still fucking fan. You ever do this when you've done something dodgy on the internet, then you put in another note for now when the FBI was watching like that was just for the radio show noise but I wish I did the tamp . This is how you get fucking done. Rolling around with a fucking oysis flagging like the back window of your car. How much hate you'd copy? You get a brick. You'd literally get a brick for it. Yeah, wouldn't it not take long? I don't even reckon that they'd cover you. Like particularly with the fucking way that the world is at the moment, the climate for that would be oh let's do this final and then we'll wrap up the inside word for the day. Okay . This one here, I'm just going to go a story from Anonymous . I've had this story banked up for quite a while and finally think it's time that's all the light of day. Now this is the story of how my mother found out her son had misplaced his V cards There's a theme to today's war stories. Back when I was a young buck I finally worked out what the thing between my legs was actually for. I took a young lass home and did the dance with no pants while my parents were out, putting all the school sexed lessons to good use and being safe. I finished up, took the joey off , tied the end off, wrap this is actually fucking random chat. Was that something that you were ever told to do in Sex Ed? No , why? Condol. They're tying it off, tying it off. Like balloon tying a frame or after you've used that . I was completely unaware of that until anyway took the joey off, tied the end off, wrapped it in some toilet paper, flicked it in the bin on my way past, then returned back to my day as normal. I came in that night, beaming from air to air as every seventeen year old would be after the day that it had just been. I noticed the same bin that I threw it into had been tipped over, thought nothing of it, picked up the contents, and carried on with Meday. Fast forward a couple of days there was a shout from Mum followed by a disgruntled call of my name. Turns out the family Jack Russell had done a little bit of fucking bin diving , managed to find the Franger in the barn , gobbled the fucker down but didn't quite have the power to push the whole thing through. So mum had been walking past at the same time as the dog was trying to have a shit and decided that the small pooch needed some help. Gave it a gentle fuck that's disgusting. We pull star ing. Gave it a gentle tug not realized fucking fuck dogs are grubby . Gave it a gentle tug not realizing what she was pulling on. That was when I showed up and saw the panic in my poor mother's eyes, realised exactly what had happened . This was followed by at least I know you're being safe and a very red face on my behalf. Rule thumb fellas, throw your Connies and the Wheel B on the way past or better yet, get good at pulling out . I just shit it fire So good. Go long and up the wall . That's so funny. What real room was there? Someone could have chucked it over the fence over the fence . Who the fuck is going around throwing news condoms over' the neighbors in the neighbors sparful . Oh jeez . I don't know if we've heard that one before. We possibly hear it. It's a bloody beauty. Yeah, it's a mump star , the Jack Russell condom. Just the snap two 'cause it'd be like almost like a catheter because it'd be like an air pocket probably at the end of it too, which would make as it's going through a tight thing they'd just squeeze it to like a fucking balloon animal. Ironically like how a balloon animal has its a dog tail made like a poodle would be what's inside the Oh my gosh so good. There you have it that's fucking the inside word for Monday. Go well, go love and up the wars up the wars You've been listening to Jane Dunks Not for Radio Podcast . Thanks for listening. I hope to see you soon . Yes.