The MRE Senior Thesis Disaster

Tuesday morning Nips of vodka to get through my classes Last Sniper This is obviously a sniper lead episode. Thank you for the support. Jane Dunk ready to rip into it. There is a bit on in this one. Oh yeah. It's a big mac tack fifty to finish up the pod today as well just some more shit chat but all the way from the states. got some real estate real heroes of real estate to get to We've got that video that we' been tagged in sl sent a million times to Jay to watch. So we're going to make them watch that as well. We've got plenty of messages on the sniper line as well. So thank you if you run that touch base there A little bit more chat about stone skimming as well. some stuff to cover off if you are looking at Cing to Scotland to join us and support Jay as his attempt to become the world champion of one skimming. I'm getting measured up for my New Zealand blazer tomorrow. Yeah So bloody happening. It's so bloody happen. Enjoy theotty Attion, snipers. Gear up and hold your positions. It's time to load up some war stories. tails from the front line to life. Prepare to fire. If you think you've survived through a rough road trip, w to we here this bke's ex girlfriend in the passenger seat of a hluxe at five hundred That's how you started fucking yarn. Bys, a South African guy here with some weight on my chest that I need to get off Many years ago I was the project manager on the construction sideite of a newly built retail center I had a trip to one build out in the sticks on Friday and thought I'd stay the weekend so a girlfriend at the time thought it'd be a good idea to tag along I'm in a single cab Hylux just for some context. Now there's a mountain we had to go through to get there and it's five AM. by the time we started on the pass it's single lanes either way and a sheer drop off either side of the roads and fog so thick You have about ten meters of visibility in front of you. So we're moving about thirty K in heavy traffic and an hour left And hevery tracker and an hour left before any place to stop. are you sweet? It's a long time before they can stop. My girlfriend of the time then decided And only then that her stomach couldn't bear the pressure of a morning log trying to escape her. I had tried so hard to tell her to hold it off or wait until at least a clearing where I could pull over What I experienced next was worse than some torture techniques that I've heard of on the internet She decided she couldn't hold onto it any longer and I couldn't stop the car. She grabbed my lunchbox And in a near zero degree winter weather fully open the window and tossed my lunch out the window She then proceeded to place said lunchbox under her ass Oh she squatted in the front seat of a fucking hyluxe and then refilled my lunchbx what could only be described as a brown Michelin man the size of a well grown mango while I'm s in the driver's seat and he' smack in the face with a mix of zero degree fog. wararm wafting shit smell and my own vomit from dangling out the driver's window trying to escape this hell She did her business, me dying while trying to drive and then sat with shitty michel man on her lapador and managed to find a place to pull over. What makes it worse is when I finally found a place to pull over just as I drifted off the pass and threw myself out of the car, she decided to throw said lunchbox Out of her window her not knowing where I stopped because the fog I had to get back in as fast as possible because where she threw the lunchbx was square in the middle of the entrance gate to a mountain lodge which was always manned. So now some sorry security guards had to not only stand the freezing cold but also clear the steaming behemoth of a shit off their driveway Needless to say, I drove back home that same day to drop her off and never spoke to her again. one hundred percent be the fucking end of a relationship for me If someone I can understand like how do you not manage that situation better Like I can understand that you need to you need to have a you might need to have. but just like full dog as well, like just steering wh you shit I I see I think I like to think I'd find the funny side of that Like ' it's pretty funny It's fucking crook. Yeah, but if the shoe' on the other foot, man, what what's a dude to do You Still recckon M hard to kack in the front of him as' a familiar three two three It is but I reckon that you just pull over and even if you're having a shit in public That's less offensive than shitting in a car next to somebody. Yeah, you want to pull the you want to open both it's a single door. That's the tough thing. Yeah I wouldn't care. shhit in the middle of the road better and shitting next to somebody and then holding that in the lunchbox, like for show and tell when you arrive. And ye Could you not just put his lunch on the fucking dash? Should have eated it way earlier. likeike decided you eat it right at the very end day. Yeah, it's not like you like ye. you're never gonna use that container again for anything. ever. What on me A beach a war They look a Giant Dunk. more e holes F not for radio. Thank you.. Amazing stuff Re first time for real here is a real estate. We're going across to Alaska, I believe This is Mickey Blaut Reestate and this is a new take on a classic real estate video which willll bring up for you right now. This home has five bathrooms and eight rooms and would finally give you something worth living for. This kitchen is bigger than all of your hopes and dreams combined. This would be perfect for all the bought, all the storage in this kitchen you could finally unpacked emotional bagage There's enough space here to buy a treadmill and use it exclusively as a clothing rack. This primary suite is spacious but still not big enough to escape the nightmare you've turned your life into. This shop would finally give you enough storage space for all the crap you have from your impulsive hobbies you pick up weekly. familiar. She'd love that I'd love to see how much that place is worth. I wonder when what it's going. Nothing Un Leskar buddy peanuts And then this one here has been sent in by Kyle Reefves. Rve, is it So know, relelations Reeves Gay folks, Frank and Lee here. We're selling an entire indoor trampoline park. Frank, what's on offer? Yeah, this is lot one B Lee. justust for the pros like me, mate. I' arena, Frank. What are the five Ds? Duck dip duck diving doge! Oh Oh, this is hard work but a lot of fun. I don't even know what it is, but we've got an entire park or arena This is my favorite night. Oh yeah let's go. He fol E is unreserved. Everything starts at a dollar. All of the sections are being offered unreserved and all of the successful purchases have to organise their own dismantling and removal. You can walk the plank on the black Pl or jump onlsuctions. com that are you Yeah! Great commitment from the lads here Lloyds ouctions Australia. It is you forget how tiring it is to jump on a tramp. It is fucking exhausting. bright. I'll be me a sweet for timee I have to tag them the kids at the tramp Okaykay. I mean, it's obviously a thing you do when the kids a bit younger. my boyss hit me there for ages But shit we used to go heap. She one up the road from our house. Yeah and so they would just bou like this is when they' real little We just got like a ye concession to it. costs like one hundred and eighty bucks. My kids are still not that good at doing flips For real coordinated kids they just haven't quite got it. they try and jump forward and flip fast but not jump up to get enough height so you can actually flip slowly. So height and then just go flat along the ground. Yeah yeah. like higher, high, highight and then' just jump all and go P flpping at the bottom as opposed to the top. Yeah. And then you know won you could force them like a flip at the top but then you know they're just gonna land on their head 'causeuse'm not used to. Yeah, but we too. I remember learning how to do back fllips into a poool at my grandparents And it's a wed scene Sienai Yeah, but I smashed my head on the edge of the pool so many times like I'd be Clipping the pole nine out of ten times to the point where it was almost like concuss in the pole Oh my grandparents would sit there watching me just silly fucking it again. Yeah just and I had massive bumps all over the back of my head because it'd start hitting it in the same spot. So I'd have to turn my head so I wouldn't fucking keep hitting this, you know and it just keeps hitting the same bit You always heard the perseverance. Al always heard the yarn about the kid that jumped too close to the edge of the poool snapped their teeth off and then they had the little toothy pigs. Yeah the little we st the ner sticking out and you're just like Yeah now apparently they just pasted it on the side, mate donon't jump too close. That juke was here just last week. Yeah know there there life the lifeguard will be telling you that where you're at the pool I was with a guy on Saturday night and he was he just caught up with a friend of his who was a fucking sport billy. like everything could do everything. was fucking around and dived into the shallow end of a pool and is now quadriplegic Like he and he goes Was that like a couple of years ago now or a year ago or something? I remember I remember recently He's a young buck? Like you' in like his twenties. Yeah ye, yeah. I remember reading the story about that. Yeah. whichich is fucking wild. I've had I think I would have told the story before, but There was fact your misses jumped off that one in FiG off the roof into a pool at her age just fucking retarded whereere she flipped and broke her face. Yeah. Like what are you what at that age, what are you doing flipping off a roof into a pool? I tell you what. She ' been angry as day. She was fucking flooded We've been drinking all day and there was an Olympic diver there doing dives and flips into the pool this check And I was like, manan, that's impressive. And that's all it took. And she tried to impreate me What was the aftermath look Well straight away, what did it feel like for her? Oh like she because I was in the pool it made the fucking grimest noise like it was a full like Like a full over rotation and smash. But she just smashed her face onto the water. Onto the water. Yeahah Yeah and in it up She' was like, Ohh my Godd, oh my god, I fucking land on my face and I was like, you're right And she' like,, I'm not. And was like, sweet she had water, You know, when you pack water inhind your eyes if you fall off skiking or something And so she's like I'm going to get out I' like, you, okay And shes like No, no,'m notkay And I' goes, we'll peel out, we'll go home. That's way of the fun. Yeah. And then steam. Yeah. And so we get home. We get home and she's got like all the water like up her nose and behind her eyes. and so she goes to blow her nose and goes and her whole ey just goes like the guy that blw his eyeball out. Yeah, we had that the other day on the radio show. Exact same injury What happens like Like UFC fighters have it happened to them, footie players have it happened to them all the time when they get a big hit in the face and they go and blow their nose thinking they're clearing it out. and it's basically a crack in the occipital bone and it blows into that cavity where your eye is And her eyes went f and then she freaked out and she was like, Did you try and suck it back out the nose? No, no. I would have done. I was like put I was like, we'll just put some ice on it and put some pressure on it and it'll hopefully R'duced down, she's like, What the fuck is this happening? I was like, Oh, I don't know, and I'mming. She's like,ah're not helping. I was like, Well, I'm fucking flipping into the pool thing those fucking tz and smash my face. like this is your problem. No more. put it back on you. It's like, Yeah, evenven if I was a fucking doctor, how many times has a drunk doctor been any good? Yeah I fucking steamed and not a doctor. Yeah she's like You were a lifeguard. I was like, no shit. I've fucking this before. I would normally say midly, I was off my game today I would normally say fuckking don't do that. that That's bad idea Yeah, she was fucking off it And then wouldn't explain it fully. So then the day after whatever, the eye was still swollen and looked like she'd been punched in the face And so when we hopped onto the plane Um the the a hostess was like, oh, you know, there's like fucking three of them went to greet you onto the plane Oh my goodness, what happened there and then looked at me And An guys I jumped into a pole And then I was like L I need more details. moreore convincing but. because they were just like you piece of shit Yeah. It's like you could have just said you think she should ever flip off a roof again? N good. Now we've spoken about this. Yeah good I wonder if there's three Olympic drivers there She literally said Holo beer. fucking. How high was it? like two and a half meters away? Oh fuck no to be higher like They would have maybe she over rotates. Yeah She did one flip and then went round went round go fob.. So this place that we're staying at Mike and Vx', they they are chaos. likeike all of the kids are like base jumping at fucking seven years old and they've got skate parks built around their house and he built this pole and house specifically so you could bombs into the pool. So the pul's fucking Dpe There's a proper walkway. you go upstairs and you walk out onto the roof and it's like a door that goes out and then there's a walkway and a platform to jump off. I could specifically b for it He's a fucking big kid. It's like if you were twwelve in one lototto He does that sh. I love. Yeah. And and so everyone was fucking everyone was doing bombs off. It was perfect. Like he's even got the way that you walk through the house is a wet area so that there's no fucking water dragging through the house when you go in and the pool doing bombs. Well that's Yeah. it's a boss set up. fucking boss set up, but it would be No it be maybe twelve, fourteen foot. What's that? not like a normal measjure. It' be like no no, it'd be like four meters. Three four meters here Yes, stayent uc Yeah would mean'd probably be twice the height of this. Jh, that is decent. I got no interest. No interest in doing that shit. It's funny how your isk sk appetite drops out the arle all you again. and you go, Oh, it's becausecause the kid. I think it is. I think it's becausecause you're smarter. Yeah, I was at the skate pikeown enough to have think. at the skatepark yesterday with Oski And he's just basically learning how to flly acid drop off stuff and just roll off, you know, decent ledges And he goes J ever go and I was probably still a bit pissed from the night before and I was like jumping on the skateboard and it was all wonky. I was like, Nope,ope, right there. We had this conversation me and you about There'll be a time where you do something that you know, where your thoughts overtake your skills set. You know, like I reckon I could do this, but no, you'll fuck it up And at that moment I was like, this is there is going to be broken something today if I fucking roll off this high I pretty much let my I mean, as you probably gatherered, if you listen to the podcast all the time let my kids for the most part just manage their own risk. Which you should. Bar the fucking cricket bet through Murray's elbow that cracked his elbow. wasn't a proper break. There hasn't been a single brok bone of their own doing. Yeah. crazy ye. Three boys. Yeah, I neverke I didn't break I've never broken anything though We never had a c We got leftter own devices, Ion it's like Yeah The ones that go and try and try shit after having not tried shit their whole life, that's when they fuck out. Yeah Oh I'm running the jungle gy, so fuck, man, should have some practice Be we went to the top Yeah How many kids before you did your piked tart twist How many kids ragle themselves on a O a jungle gyp more like an adventure playground And they always like most kids were just Buckle like they're pretty bendy Oh yeah. It takes a lot to break a kid's bone I'll do a U turn before they go pop. Yeah. Yeah watching U bend in the bomb of toilet. Yeah watching Hunter's ass hit him in the back of the head and the greatest human scorpion ever, I thought he was literally paralyzed. Tough watch for a parerot, especially after you're the one that double bounced them Welly did I tell you about that when Dixie walked out and I've been double bouncing the kids and That was when double bouners got ended because Murray was like higher, higher, high and where our trampolin is there is a footpath that runs down beside it and then our house. and then there's also our Central heating aircon fucking two units that are stack double high. Yeah. And I put him up high and he went higher than the side and was heading towards the side when he came down his legs just made it inside the top of the like the net and he pulled himself back in and went down. I was like he I thought he was so fucked. I thought he wass going out and he's either going to hit the gutter on the house because he was that high or he was going to hit the side of the house and then land on the air coition units the way down and then fucking break in half like Hunty Dupy on the concrete And Dixie was like, and that's the end of that. Yeah. You are not wrong. The fuck it was so close.ull When you have that full body shock, like your blood runs off off a cold, you're like I felt that lightning bulb started in my big toe ran straight through my heart and then out my eyeballs, I reckon I was like. But then had to try and play it cool. Yeah because that's d bit t. You know, look at all the sweeter before trying to get off Aain who ever been been by what's begin by your girlfriend because she got tw insistter and you got confused and fucked her I had. That's how used to listen to Jay and Dunk. Oh, not for radio. Do we need to listen to that again? Yeah. what happened there Have you ever been beaten by w's beginle by your girlfriend because she got tw insistter and you got confused and fucked her at. That's how used to listen to Jay and Dunk. Oh not for radio Okay. We'll put it on the rotation More of those please. Easiest way is to send it through to the Nock Radio Facebook page or click on the on the link tree there and it goes send us yarn, you can do it that way. Now Jay, I know you didn't want to do this. You don't actually have a choice it doesn't f a matter. This is the fish milk that we chatred about your sound the sh. I' going to bring it up for you so you can watch this at the same time But I reckon you and this bloke on the right A a hundred percent brothers from other mothers. What is for those that are uninitiated, what is fish milk? You'll find out I want you to see What kind of milk we' drinking today, Christopher Porchcast eight hundred fifty You. B It's fish. It's fish, book So explains what goes in it here Nice f fuck milk Fish milk. So apparently it's really hard to milk a fish You you ever see the size of a fish as nipples How did you do this? Did you just grind it up? I used three cans of sardines. With the liquid. steeped for forty five minutes. I dislike sardaves it with an immersion blender And then I strained it and chilled it naturally. Yeah. Nur naturally. I'm so happy. Smells like low tide. Slect learn It is gray in color. It's not white. It is gray and col distinctly gray off white. What the fuck are they doing this? Off wooden That's for sure This is just chipping into the v. Chunks. There is chunks. Half cowpage Fish milk Fh f milk.! God, that's taste He Every draper is so It's so oily. Hey Cody He doesn't look very dead That one almost came up it's the guts and bones and all. Yeah It's the whole fish Eyeballs It tastes like the whole fish W It sticks with you. dude. It the breehe out wind is horrible. this get this out of m. Well I' got a down, haven't you? Yeah No one check it? No. one check it No It's like a bl. Just like an old cat with a furball. Oh Oh man. G got to be pllet cleansers are there amazing. Fucking great work lads. Yeah, unre Great work lads. we got there they Gee, yeah who are they porch cast eight hundred fifty Two lifelong bloods from Florida diving head first into the world worldld viral challenges six hundred seventy nine thousand followers. you can see why. Yeah Do you want to see him try sticky tofu We double down? Yeah, sure. It's got forty seven million views. forty seven million views. Yeah. Wow We've got. So at least we know it's friend It's so vriolent uck so Oh fucking ait Alex It's making stakes 's so bad Wh Wh Oh live one more Oh P the fuck you It'! a s d! It not a s ding Oh I just have I got mad respect for them. Fuck there. Let's go to the sniper line if you want to send us this message. best way to do it is to click on the link tree in the show notes or fire one through to our Dams on the N for Radio Facebook page All right, Salars Erton from the UK here. I was just wondering becausecause I'm built like a midget, You guys will not have This conundrum ever been put forward because you guys have built like brickath houses. but I'm a midget but I actually quite like being a midget as opposed to I'm not an actual majic,'s very short, but like I think it comes with lows and lows of bonuses. For example, you're more likely to be carried to safety should you be on a battlefield or in a predicament where someone needs to carry you compared to someone that's massive. You're also going to get your step counting quicker because you've got shorter legs to do more. You can fit in kids clothes so it's cheaper you require less food. So again, cheaper. you never bump your head on anything, you've got ample le room and pretty much any public or non public transport that you could ever w U yeah, I think there's loads of different things that are really, really good. Are there any bonuses other than everyone that chicks prefer being tall? how does it compare What are the biggest wins for being told? Let me know, let's have a comparison Is he talking at toall talking me to him? I reckon like tall tall, like not like But we' six foot. But why you wouldn't consider that to be all Well we're going to come back to that on the podcast on Thursday, but appreciate the message, right? Who's this one from? this Oh, okay, this is This is a tough one We see Leg goes a heads up on this one, but This needs to be played How's it Pys? it's Stu from South Africa. I just wanted to tell you about the time I nearly sterilized myself while fertility testing bulls. So last year we had the vet come to check all our stballs before the season and he brought fuck and everything. he brouought it co he bought this giant fucking buildilder looking thing. It's likeuck an electronic thing and you shove up the cow's off and gives them a little tickle on the prostate and gives them a good timeum. But anyway So I initially was sitting there with my cup catchching all this punk for the oak And I'll give it to you need to have a look at all the little swimmers in there Anyway, it' this snake Roman bll in and fuck he didn't want to cooperate. So it was okay, well How are we going to get this to work because the head tamp wasn't working so great. So anyway Me and some of the form workers were pushing this bull with a metal ppe from behind him. And he took exception to that And he fucking unleashed kick that Dan Carto would have been fucking proud of because that thing hit me square in the nuts. I don't know how I'm allowed to tell the tale because holy shit, I've never been in so much pain in my life. Ho The fucking doct the vet was lying on the floor laughing his aral. The staff workers they they gave me help for about three weeks after that Yeah, and I couldn't walk properly for the next week But anyway boys love the show fucking go, go along afterwardars and most importantly at the fucking sppring bos. boys have a good one. They could have se up the safars There is haveave you seen a Brahman vult The Brahman a certain breed generally in like an arid sort of a dry temperature. they're the ones that you see in like heaps of them in India, heaps of them through the outback. they're fucking got these big like neck frills on them almost. ye B fucking bits of ket and to the Bogues. They look just bring up an image of one and you'll see. C you spell it V R A H A M H Iein Brahman B R A H Iein, I think Um Wha. Yeah, some of them look like they fucking literally come out of a lab just juiced to fuck y. Yeah So imagine that thing just fucking thumping you in the nuts It's like it's it actually looks like If someone accidentally spilt their nutsack on the back of a normal regular ball from a great height Yeah a giant dropped his elbow skin on on a ball. Is it three time international. L at the testicle on the back of the shoulder blades Yeah, it's like a fat hump like a camel. Ohes, so it's just energy stores. I don't I'm assuming I I know fuck all about the fr. The other one is the other part of that story which is fucking hilarious is that's when you are when you are basically milking the fucking balls, it literally is like a big long big long pipe. They get shoved up their ass and basically hits the fucking J spot Yeah, gets him going.'s like if someone wants to give you one of those. There's you fucking chse I I fucking guarantee There would be a there would be a vet somewhere along the line that was like Well, fuck work for these big bastkardets Surely, I go backac it off a couple of notches and use it on myself and just fucking electrified their arhole Yeah, it' be so funny. Someone else has sent this story This is me just while we're talking crook shit. there's there's Hey, Hey, I'm here for it. Yeah there's a thing I think it's called pumping, I don't know basasically you get it People put like a bike toes up their ass and pump a bit of air into it And so Maybe I wasn't ready for it M, I'm not here for it. Oh maybe I am What are they trying to achieve with this It's like fuck. It's like a fuck it's a sexual thing, I think But anyway, fucking Oh he thanks guys. I don't know it's calledool.ust search it up on the computer No, no. Anway word for're well versed in that area? Anyway, fucking as the legend goes, some bloke over in Asia was doing this to himself and just wanted to supersize it. The bike The bike pump at home just wasn't cutting it, so weed in this servo and jumped jumped on the car fucking tie pump and just bllow himself to smotherines. like fucking bits of him everywhere Yeah that sounds running some industrial strength, three phase power into the P Mad PSI Bot them just fucking play silly games win silly prizes People are under some weird sh they. Jesus has been a whileild. If you're new to enough for radio, man This is this is what you paay for. Well I'm going to double down here because I don' think we're going to go I mean, it's just more of the same really. How W fe arees, You can call me Arton because that's my fucky neck So I have a I'm just going to get straight into it. I have a gym And I also have two vimiranas, so two hunting dogs We've seen now we all have a load of cats mentcing about around the building The cats are getting a bit on They're looking a bit ropey. So I let my dogs out the back of the gym down the fields that also belong to me so they can talk about while I'm training One of my dogs came back in, looking fairly full, licking her lips So I thought onud, what have you been think? G have a look to which my other dog walks into the gym Fld Jim with half a dead cup This cat had been buried aboutb a week before and they gone and dug up A dead cat that was rotting pulled it apart and can like started eating it and then bringing it into the gym with everybody knocking about Luckily, I think only one or two people saw because I stole my ass, grabbed it, and did a f sprint outside. Anyway Pro topop My girlfriend actually is very pro cat so she was not juffed about this at all, but It was already dead I supppose. wasn't Y, worse for someone. Not great, but therele. Good tea from your gmate, D't me? That made all the fucking hair on my arm stand up on end and I fucking pins and needles all over my body. I'm gonna go for one more from the snipe line here And fellow from Cornwall in the UK. the chat about Bows on of this episode this week is a reminder of my time inew Zealand in twenty nineteen. When I arrived I got gotot truck the my motorbike, here you go. Larn. before I was a champion at it. the only thing I was pretty shit at was turning around on the spot but I very quickly learned getting the cows in on the race, Jersey Ball decided to turn around on the spot and just wanted to kill me. started steaming at me. I dropped a gear spun r around and absolutely pgged it. I was gone. or I thought I looked over my shoulder to find he was right on top of me pretty much. He caught up with me, flipped the back end of the bike out. I lost control. was just fish tailing all over the place, hit an electric fence, hit the fence post which are six inches, snap that clean on the ground landed on top of the fence, motorbike was on top of me, Ball was over the top of me absolutely screaming down at me and head bit in my leg and the motorbike and I'm on the electric fence which is a twelve point one kilowolt fence, which I can inform me pretty strong. I then rank my cow workkers and the whole time I'm on the phone I'm going you please come me because I'm being an electrutian so yeah. I learn pretty quickly had the ride a bike that day. also don Not to trust cattle. It's still a dairy farmer in now though, so I didn't learn too much Go long, go hard and up the fucking wasalls. Up the fucin wasall. Is it so good. Great delivery. oututstanding. Jesus, good stuff. It's gonna move on break. I've gott to cover off a little bit of Edmund on Stone skiming because people keep asking. This is Rba ar scene, but you can go me r, not because we are friends, not because we are family, because that is my fucking name If you're feeling dustier than Mahab Masandu, then tune in J and Dkoro for Po. Thank you for your c appreciation ups He that was alive with the place G on your rush. This from George He says Airbnb book for the Stones coming buzzing to see the sniper turn out of course the fucking boys This Jay going for those who just joined us that have missed a few episodes or you know just climbed into these sniper leadite episodes, Jay's going to the World Stone skimming champs and we're heading along with him B been doing my mates nutting telling him for the last year the boys would come to the UK at some point due to something fucked up and fantastical, most likely related to Jay's entics. Turns out I was fucking right. lookook what happened boys. So where there is a will, there is a way.' fucking the universseest it man. Yeah the universal fucking layout the cobbles in front of me. genuinely surprised I didn't win not on the weekend. So was I? didid you buy a ticket? Yeah, you did, okay. would I would have been massively surprised you didn't becausecause it was your fifteen million that you're gonna Yeah. So there is somebody and I'll try and find apologies. I haven't released it yet. I might have done by now by the time this goes out, but There is somebody that's thinking about starting in Oan this is about that too O Ban. Orban No, see that's she was like I reckon that's how a Scottish person says it. So you're essentially saying it with a Scottish accent Aben. Yeah, that's but it's actually Oen But that's how they would say it because I've got a Scottish accent, but we how we would say it because we've got an English accent would be open Anyway, that fucking place is close to Easdale, which is where we're going anyway. Someone's going to start up a sniperss Facebook chat group, like a private group for the ones that are going in there so you can sort of tee up rides and stuff I see someone was Loo at driving a seven seedater up and there's various people that have got rooms and stuff that. the bookhole houses and they need to fill another sniper like it's yeah, I st. It's going to be a big event. Yeah. it's going to be so Yeah its it's like I'm looking forward to it. Imagine going all that way and being like, well, Jay's not going win the Stones game and we'll fuck that off and just get hammer at the pup of all these leegions. save ourselves the boat Trope. Some and they actually the one that message starting the gp. So keep an eye out because we'll share it on the Sniperers is not me Facebook grou U they also said they are looking at doing the boat, their own boat to run all the snipers out there in back. Oh wow. Yeah That's awesome. There's a lot going on at the moment. We fucking love it. Yeah You almost take a barge driver Yeah I just don't want that fucking admin on me. I know. M someone else's Absolutely not Who's got the last wa is that? you Me, you? M me me. Okay. well let's by buckle yourself in. Let's go here Snipers Reload. Another war story incoming eyes on target sccopes dialed in. Let's see who hits the mark Yes as how You fucking write a war story This is from Anonymous in South Carolina USV. Howd fellas. Got a hell of a yarn for you. Staying anonymous for this one as I know for a fact that the professor in charge of my senior thesis listens to this show Professor Michaels if you can guess which one of your students this is, I'll give you a twenty dollars note. hereere we go As's a young backack from rural South Carolina notot too fucking bright in my second year of film school in Atlanta Well, the school I attend is known for its extreme workload, with most students often having sixty plus hours of class homework studios and labs except for the photography majors who do exactly fuck all So I didn't have a lot of time outside of studying and binge drinking on Thursday and Saturday nights to do unimportant things like laundry and feeding myself I solved the second problem when a friend and I went to the Amy surplus store to buy him a poncho liner or Wooby while I was here I saw a case of surplus MREs, which are Fucking ready made meals, basically. Oh yeah for the cheap Just add water, Wait five minutes for a tasty dinner Sounds perfect, especially considering I lived in almost the exact opposite schedule of our subp dining facility and couldn't be bothered to go to the store with any regularity and was too fucking broke to get takeaways most of the time as well That week was a bit of a trip Monday through Wednesday. I had midterm exams as did most of my friends and throughout the weekends before. And the week itself, I ate nothing but MREs Now the funny thing about those MREs is someone in a general's uniform A coupon Someone in a general's uniform a coupon decades ago in a general's uniform decades ago decided that soldiers in the field having to back one out more than once a week just wouldn't do. These fucking things stop you like nothing else I chalked up the growing blow to my stomach to my massive alcohol intake, which starting Thursday morning went as follows, Thursday morning of vodka to get through my classes Another MRE for dinner Then out with the lads to other friends' dorms where we would watch watch the absolute diesel fuel moonshine take varnish off a table And if you think that stopped us drinking, you would be incorrect. We woke up the next day, barely alive. I found that a fantastic hangover cure is being nineteen. And by lunchtime, I was ready for a sixer of room temp Naty life and another tasty, you guessed it, MRE That night we were invited to a house party by some of the film program folks. Someone had brought homemade moonshine peaches moonshine peaches and foolishly left them unattended around this Carolina boy It was already about five whiskies deepot, devoured six of them before being informed that each one had soaked up at least three shots of high proof corn liquor. My response was to drink the syrup and later be carried home by my friends like a wounded character from Band of Brothers. I woke up the next morning, draped over a statue of a unicorn in the lobby of my dorm building We made it through the rest of the day with a couple more room temperature tubes and another, you guessed it delicious MRE I found the strength that evening to go back with a different group of friends and drink the wonderful elixir of life known as Rumplems What's rumplements is I think a ly like a shit. chipbs After half a bottle to myself and a sizeable ed and a sizeable edible courtesy of my neighbor. If you're hearing this, thanks, Keith. I was ready for some pretty for something greasy. MREs could no longer satiate the appetite of this particular redneck. I found myself a delicious chipotlean Gelapeno chicken cheese steak in a late night spot and devoured the whole damn thing with the sideid of chili fries. succulent, delicious, spicy Crazy I'm sure my table sounded like the first night together after I'm sure my table sounded like the first night together after six months of long distance dating. I found a comfy bench outside the dorm just to rest my wary head and drifted off to sleep a happy led. Sunday morning rolled around and maybe it was the last remnants of my appellation Catholicism But I thought I would dedicate that day to sobriety go out and eat food and take the take the hangover as it would be I had walked about a mile from my dorm to a lovely upbeat part of town planning to celebrate my first time being awake before noon and over a week with a stop at my favourite breakfast place Cool October wind rreustling my here I found my sigs in my army jacket pocket. Today is truly a great day, I thought as I lit one up I got about three puffs in when a fascinating chemical reaction took place. Despite the hard work of Three days of all booze stomach, the absolute boiled Um The absolute boiled of faces caused my the absolute boiled faces caused my MRAs remained in place. Cused by my ERE's remain in place. Th a second. It's basically saying it still blocking The booze in that spicy food only serve to build pressure deep inside me The nicotine in the cigarette was finally enough to start turning the wheels, and the grease and spice of my late night munch only served to accelerate things I went from absolutely loving life to pushing cloth in a matter of seconds Being the responsible and frugal lad that I am, I finished the cigarette before waddling off towards a restaurant near me. I crept up to the hostess of the nearby restaurant, now drenched in the meat sweats and demanded to know where the bathroom was. She informed me ever so politely that it was for paying customers only She could surely tell by my appearance that I couldn't afford a fucking thing on that menu. nor did I have time to wait. I was feeling like a shaken champagne bottle with a loosening cork as I waddled off next door to the Whole Foods. Ran to the bathroom, tried the handle only to find that it needed a fucking code that would be helpfully provided on receipt after buying something. You fucking bards I ran back out, found the nearest thing to the registers, a ginger energy shot. perfect. and then a truman show like arrangement. A line had formed for the registers. Fuck my m When I stood there sweating and grunting and doing my redneck potty dances, I waited an eternity for the slowest people of fucking Earth to wring up their leaves of kale and gluten free water imitation vegan all natural non GMO paper towels, looking for something I could conveniently drop trout and shit into if it came to that. I settled on the desires of the man in front of me, but luckily it didn't quite get on the desire of the man in front of me, but luckily it didn't quite get that desperate Fally my turn. with shaking hands, I hand up the energy shot. Fuck me, nine dollars, at this point, I don't give a fuck. anything for sweet release. With my receipt in hand, I sprint watdle to the bogs, only one open, thank the fucuckking lord, slam the door close behind me, plot myself down on the shitter where a fascinating number of things happen First off, the entire back of my coveralls We're allowed to fall directly into the into the brown, given my haste As I sat down on the seat that was literally covered in someone else's piss, lovely. However, an even bigger tragedy, No fucking toilet paper. I yanked by now some I yanked my now soaking with overalls over the best covered ass what Fighting every muscle in my ar' attempts to quit on me, I sweetly made it back. He still hasn't p point. This is the most brutal lineup ever for a explosion. Yeah. waddled my way back out into the public eye with one hand holding my receipt, the other holding film over my my holding film my overalls at knee level. Thankfully, another bathroom had freed up, ran inside, sat down, let loose, and for a moment, it felt as though I was giving anal birth to the rock of fucking Gibraltar. Courtesy of the MREs at that exact moment I was trying to guess if it would tear my arhle in half, or I was gonna have a fucking brain hemorrhage from the strain It fired out of me like fucking max chickens showering my ar in toilet water and opening the floodgates to the burning hot six thousand PSI liquid napalm resulting from my three days of indulgence. Heaven hath no pleasure like that I experienced I was reminded of those videos of damn drums being cleared for the first time in decades of footage of Yellowstone gyses I was shown in grade school. Not only was I cleansed, I was fucking baptized My euphoria was killed by two things. O was the approximately thirty years I had to spend wiping my ass and the other was the severe skid marks in my pants. I'd also ripped them open some time ago in the mad struggle wide fucking open. I couldn't put them back on, no Sree. onlyn a hand dryer, no fucking paper towels, no trash bin for my uies Uh huh The ceiling's got drop tiles like in a false ceiling I climbed up on the toilet seat after my horrid creation was flushed and gone and gently lifted up a ceiling tile Door handle jiggled, fuck, fack, fack, fack, fuck security guy outside Fuck I hly disposed the ues in the ceiling compartment and was firmly back on the floor and dressed washing my hands when the door was forced open by a polite security guard ever so kindly informed me of my lifetime ban from that location for running around with my trousers around my knees and shit stained and torn open undernees Fair enough. I stepped back out into the October chill and lit up another cigy Jokes on them for banning me. I couldn't afford anything in there anyway H hope they fucking enjoy my fossilized uundies whenever they get to be found up the w Oh man, what a mess of duty. The streets. Jesus Christ. The streets Oh man' back to back shit chad e It's one of those days, you know, you get them from time to time We don't want them all to be shit chat please don't send her a flurry more of shit chat. Tags was always at like when she was working with us was always managing that because you get to a certain point and if you let enough of those go, that's all you get. like everyone's Hevery runs tit before that he really need a shit. So that's why we like the other ones, but still nonetheless, a very good war story. Well played Great ratio today, go well, go long ice. Afternoon Swager from the UK A fuck it's raining again