Household DIY and Tick Tales

What that eighty ET called J and Dunk on not radio You big beauty. You big beauty. It's becoming a catchphrase which is Catching on. a bit of Monday motivation for you Just before we get into things we will start with the Wallstory but first motivation. for Medicaay tack mode. You see, most people in life They have nothing. Y they are playing defense. They playing defense on nothing. This is how most people live in life. Me on the other hand, I am an attacking twenty four seven. I'm an offensive specialist. If I'm basketall, let's say I'm Kobe Bryant. I'm not playing defense. I am all offense. I'm going for the dunks. I'm going for the three pointer and if I miss, I'm not even going to try bothother defend the opposition. I'm focused on my next attack and move and all I'm going to do as I'm going to get so good at offense and my defense doesn't even matter. They can't outscore me Whether I try or not, I'm always gonna outs schoolool everyone. That is how you make it in the world attack mode uck Tack mode ten Tack mode ten offens is defense. I love that first comment in the in the section, Kobe's dead. Fuck's awesome. Right, let's go to W Straet. I' go to beauty Attention snipers. Gear up and hold your positions. It's time to load up some war stories. Y tales from the frontline brought to life. Prepare to fire. This' from Dererk in New South Wales you guys can call me Derek as that That's my fucking name! Growing up in New SouthWales, Australia. I always had a passion for climbing stuff never afraid of heights In our front yard we had a thirty foot tree I regularly climb most of the way to the top and would violently sway it from side to side thinking this was great fun Nothing bad ever happened here f for quite a few years and my family moved a bit and now we I'll set the scene in rural Victoria at a farmhouse we were renting. There was a weeping willow tree directly outside our kitchen window in the backyard and my brother and I M so me would climb that thing every chance we got. So just I'm if I'm going to be putting a little bit of a cart before the horse here Weeping wy trees have the Tensile strength of a fucking bit of shit paper. Oh, you know, we used to call them the weeping widow makers they just fucking whh by themselves at every opportunity U betteretter for a wicker basket and Yeah exactly than climbing I lost track of the amount of times I would climb this tree on a weekly slash monthly basis branch as I would sit on, hang from, etcetera, etceter Fast forward again now to this one given day. You can kind of see where this is going. I proceed to climb seed tree thinking Ohh yeah now this bran tree over here looks good. I'm going to sit on that one A good ten foot off the ground, I think from memory. So I proceed to climb up making my way to this branch. I see I sit my lanky butt right on it thinking yeah man this is cool. That's where things take a turn I don't remember anything after that I love those parts of these stories. I woke up six years later. I haven't been able to taste since then night and all I could smell was burnt toast. My mother and one of her friends were in the kitchen, they heard this almighty crack and then see two things fall. One, the branch, two me. She came racing out to find me unconscious Ker and her friend threw me into our L three hundred Express Mitsubishi van and she got her friend to fucking peg it all the way to the cololock hospital. Apparently on the way I came to again, I don't remember this I was told after the fact and proceeded to spew everywhere through the black back of the van. notot good Before going out cold again. I get to the hospital. they rush me in. I got put into the pediatric ICU for a week. injury sustained eighty percent bruising into my left kidney That was it No broken bones. Plus, being a little sore, to be expected, doctors were putting me into a monitoring state for my kidney function to see if I need an operation to remove it. Then the fucking fun begins. Every night because I would toss and turn a lot during the night, the IV line they'd inserted into my arm would get ripped out. And blood would be pissing everywhere all over the bed madeade a right roal fucking mess Three days into my recovery, doctors weren't expecting much but o boy did I have a surprise of them. I was already up and walking about in the ward much to the complete amazement of the doctors looking after me. byy day seven in ICU I was fit enough to go down to the ward for I think another date for a day or two from what I can recall before being allowed to go home. Mum was shocked and of course not surprised by my antics, probablyably thinking Jeez, what am we going to do this kid? I didn't climb as high as that again. Oh I see that tree Lell. still doing stupid shit As us guys do, just older with bigger toys up the ws, say less faman. say less. There's if anyone's ever been to Mount Mongo to the main beach of Mount Mongano, Benny would know this because he's a club and would have competed there probably from time to time. There's a whole series of Norfolk pines which basically go from Moa, which is the mountain out to the corner of turnurns into basically the Ocean beet trade offff Marine parade and Two parts of the story Norfolk Pints are a large majestic imported fucking trees, but they look fucking cool. They are They're a climber's dream. A a fucking climber's dream perfectly spaced about the branches are about one point five apart and they just go up in layers like you knowolutely just lder to here. they literally fucking that's pretty much what it was because onene of our boys Cribby, climbed it. he was like a spp a monkey from Fuckany this blke, he used the bike to come and train at Mount Mongano. So just for referenceced Fuck a tan is like turn a ce away from the mount or something equally fuck and he would follow the white line on the side of the road because he had no torch in the morning when he'd leave at four so that he could get there for like a midday fucking patrol He's a's fit fit as fuck psychopath anywhay once you during that ' been doing some road workors and taking the line out off the side of the road which he was following and it was just a big fucking divot down to this like down to a river exit So disapped didn'tun out one day he survived. fuck. I was like, Jesus this is taking like an incredible turn for the world. I could have say outside IP Criby. Yeah oututside the main surf cllub The Mount Surf Club as one of these trees sits in front of all the cafes. you've seen a million times, past a million times. They've lifted the bottom branches so people can't climb it But with the illustrious surf cllub mentality, we caused it we created a fucking human ladder out of three of us totem pulse. Yeah. and then he shimmered up our backs and got onto this thing. So now if you go Three of us be six made to say Give a take But underer, ye and then He got on top and got up into these branch. There's a six meter gap between the bottom branches and the sink. So we're sitting on the Deerer Club having some bears and we gave him a road kind of like goo and put this on top of the fucking Norfolk Park' be classic And so he scales up this fucking thing, which would be about Fucking high Fucking high thirty meters, plus I at these fucking ginormous. And he gets out there and puts a con on top and he's standing there and he's, Yeah, if I can listen to the boys And same thing. he just fuck his feet just went straight through the skinny little branch at the top And it was like literally like watching the slowest slowest game of human could plunk. It was fucking comedic like W, fuck and we had that much time watching him fall that we went through the whole series of emotions and ended up laughing and we' almost at the bottom of the tree when we ran over there to collect him. because he just went fucking butots, butots but Did he get knocked out? Was he trying to grab on? tryrying everything he trying fo him fold himself in half backwards and forwards and then sideways and fuck he just went pink pp, pink, pink pink, pinkp pp p, p, p and then the six meter drop onto the ground. What How did he land? L fucking proper crumpum Was he out cold by that point? No just fucking buckled. He's auck fuckuck one of those ones. Sorry I' get I gotta headit a giggle. No shit. It felt like he was falling for ten minutes. How bad was it like? What was his injuries just rubs because the bark on them's pretty is just a pair of fucking b board shorts. No shirt. So he was just scraped. Can he say anything more retarded since? are fuck you on something Another one. so we used to do these we have these we used to have these posssuming sessions a tree involved again. Psuming sessions we' have a couple that basically take a fucking dozen tins up a tree and smash them in op out it so around the mount once again there's these old like four hundred year old poudacaas and he' up in the top of one of those and with them we're like Ryo fucking last one down has to go and chop another dozen and bite all the rest of us piss. And so he's up there just shoveling chop another hle dozen. So you come from twelve to twenty four standards. Yeah. so we fking to walk to the shop to buow another five dozen beards. And this tree leans out over the Shelley Beach, which is below it where all the rocks are around the mount. And anyway, so he's sitting there with two turns to go and we're starting to fucking make our way down And he's probably about five ten meters above us and you just see him just go Last one done and then he just fucking pin dropped out of the top of the tree and just we pass see you guys it' just in a flash of It's a blur of colour. justust fucking crumpled into the because it's all shelves at the bottom, crumpled into the sheelves and then it was like fucking Whever's last now was now the one that had to beed the person by the pist. So everyone just slowly started dropping out of the fucking treree full leing. Now the fact that we're alive is fucked. Oh shit sururf cllub's awesome Zf Club's awesome. shit. Hey inside word. welcome back Benny boy. Hello. Hey I thought you werere going to be like little cast up or something. but I just come back looking. Yeah yeah,'ve got I've counted, I've got twelve scars now on this arm. surger that's been At one point did they just give up and cut the fucking thing off? Just give me a big captsain hooklock. gott to be ganksy man. you'd be the only amputee in radio. Different attachments like my misses's mixing bowl. You know just have little clips on like a little. Yeah. The mixing bowl attachment. P can't wait to make ganks with this. This is the three reciprocating swords that you wanted Uah, feeling good though, man. gllad to be back. It's so punishing. You know, when you're like an active dude and you're just like, you have a fun job like this, you're just sitting at home and it's not like being on' fucking lie, you were fishing for two weeks. R I wasn't. I haven't even been out. I've out of my boat the day I bought it and I've been looking at it for like four and a half weeks. Oh that's t. That's punishing, dude, you know. But hey, I'm back back. They told me to this week off but clearly'm fine You are. We're back at. Well, you're not fine, but you're swollen. Y your arm's okay. It would be an easier way of saying. Yeah. I don' think you've ever been.funion. funion. Thiss. Parm and her five daughters are back in action. Let's just put it there way. Jeez That's impressive. Imagine that. Probably the best form of rehab you can do. J just wake up in the water, am I ready to go?? Yeah Fry, I will tell you this real quickly stre. I I woke up after the surgery in the room where theyd like assess you and look at you and it was so sore because they operate on the nerve, right? obviously, that's always feeling so Like it was so sore. So that moveved your nerve from the outide of your elbow to the inside to make it shorter. Yeah, so that hopefully the feelings come back in this finger, this one's still pending, still loading I woke up and I was like Dath. I was like, manan that hurts. And so they gave me morphine and I was like, it's still so swin they gave me morphine, and then the cary goes, I see them whispering it then the d goes Y, Yep, go for And they're like, we're just going to give you this. This should help. I'm like, okay, and they injected it and I'm like, what was that? And they're like ketamine And I was like, oh, and then everything starts going like people started moving in like block motion. The clock on the wall was like dripping and started melting Everything was going real eo and And I was like, o Oh, I didn't feel pain anymore 'cause I didn't feel anything. Emotions gone. How long did that last for? I passed out. Did you? Like I was just like, wa, I'm feeling real sleepy. and then I woke up like seven hours later in a normal ward. And then they were like, you can go home now. I didn't even have to stay the night in the hospital. Just a bit of turbo recovery is me. Just go lie on the couch for like two weeks. I can actually take that on Sunday morning. It's jamming yourself into a c ho I h I prescribed So yeah now I've got a crippling addiction, but hey we' There's woriss ones. you say. Andit's in the list rightight The Swiss Army knife of addiction. Oh far out. Okay, well back my. Yeah. That was your weekend, Jay? Yeah, it it There thereabouts had big big plans of basically clearing out the carriage and trying to get some form of resemblance. So I can just see the fucking wood for the trees basically because it's a shit fest It's that whole thing when they say tidy desk, tidy mine? your garages are fucking shambles and that makes you feel like you're probably a little bit of a shambles. It's probably a fair indication as Yeah She has't hasn't gotone a plan. It nearly hasn't slowed down. so I got after work on Friday when and picked up these things I've knocked off a semi famous seventies Furnure designer today.es. And they did a great job of them, which is fucking awesome the lads knocked them out for me so I grabbed those, took them home, then first thing Saturday morning headed south to Uh, back down to Toto back to T Pona actually where where I grew up and um in toto and to went to my mate's mother's funeral which was pretty sad. There's nothing worse than seeing mates. You did it the week before one of the toughest things I've watched is watching the whole family because they had five kids. all five of them carry the coffin out. Oh fuck I mean obviously it's worse if it's the other way around but jeez that was that was tough as I'm used to seeing people You know,d be a couple of uncles in there as well or you know, like best friends or whatever, but it was just literally the kids. And I was like, fuck that is the end of an era. Yeah, it's just and it was kind of ironic timing, but probably fortuitous timing. here in New Zealand, we're about to roll into Mutterey, which is a my newew year but also a chance of reflection and bit of a checken on yourself and the rest of it and there' Beautiful stories that go with the Subaru constellation, or the Japanese call it Subaru call it Mtery. U And so it was a full two to two mldy funeral, basically.. Everybody that stood up would wire or sing afterwards Um Everybody kind of turns up from different factions of families that are loosely related or have had something to do with the person and they have a spokesperson on behalf of that family to pass on their condolences And I think that Maali in particular or probably any indigenous people have a much better way of dealing with the grieve and grieving process and rationalizing White people so transaction away That's fucking yeah. It's just a qu funeral, some asparagus roollly pololies Yeah and a fucking cupper it on your way back to her. Yeah, which is gross. It is it because you kind of, I mean, obviously If you had to look at it from a probablyrobably a functional way well, Well, that dude, that ain't fuck fuck honoring them properly though. It is and letting you like feel the emotions for as long as what you need to feel them for. Yeah. And some people just don't feel them at all. which is fine. Yeah and you can move on. Yeah But it's sort of like can even for my mate Benny, like he came back here's on holiday in Bali, came back early because they said your mum's not not well. she's not looking like she's going Go the distance So he came back, he was sick in Bali. So he'd fucking his heart was operating at fifty percent. he swelled up He was fucking somethingomet was going on with him. He's fucked as well. So he was in hospital So you' seen this a video at six o'clock on Saturday morning going We just need to be quiet here and he's unplugging himself off all the fucking monitors and turning the machines off pulling my V drips out of myself me fuck them peeled out of hospital and didn't tell them I had lost a patient Yeah. and he go Did he make it back in time? Yeah he goes I check no, they would have missed him in the morning rounds and on what the fuck? Yeah yeah no I mean back in time backkingon New Zealand time Yeah, he got back in he got back in time to sort of, you know, say goodbye say goodbye and tidy things up. But it was like the way that There's nothing more beautiful than hearing somebody go through prrotocols of delivering a mouldy speech, you know know like how they Do the fucker pupper and People are to where they're from and what their relation is to this and then they come in with. it gives people so much context about who the person is and you know what their vibe is. Yeah And it and it sounds infinitely better than Howi you good I'm Jay. I'm buddy playled a bit of rugby st. I can played mates have Beny, but u N even me his mom but u'm Yes, Aday, you know It was from here, but now live in Aucky, know it's just a shit of traffic as a roadw? Yes, fuckking know. just ye it was really beautiful basicallyongside wholesome. Yeah, but it was a punch down there so it was like two and a half three hours to get there. was at the funeral for a couple of hours, hung around for a little bit at and the thing and then Benny had to get himself back to the hospital. So I was like, I'm fuckking peel out of here and go back But we're there. and so There is Binie who is fucking like he looks like u What's that fuckerin Vin Diesel? He literally looks like Vin Diesel. He's just this massive ripped bald brown bastard. like he's just fuck' so nice know there's more of us Yeah. Now you can she she some of them the fake The fake celebrity load that you do. Oh I know. then am of times you take not someone's copingent me down the b plenty. Yeah so he he's messive, but so he's fucked Fit is fuck I don't know when it's going to go up he's poked. And then our other mate Clayton turns up. so he owns two gyms and he's also fit his fuck but he's wearing like a cone of shame that a dog wears when his kncks get chopped off. because he's had neck surgery and so his's full full stuffy like and then the boy's obviously just ripping and going. Fucky fucking pieces of shit, the fittest, healthiest They at the gym four hundred thirty every morning, twoo sessions a day, clean eating fucking this. You don't want to get too like like rigid with muscle. You want to be like just midway. like between jellyfish hard muscle. Yeah, just in the middle. A bit squidy. Yeah know. a bit of squish Yeah but can fucking mess up who needers.t look at me just ure person and shit life decisions on them I wouldn't say'm healthyer the.. you've literally been into hospital five times since we started this podcast. so yeah, I wouldn't say you're the glowing pitcher of health. I'm catching up though Jac. Yeah You've been a month off and five weeks. It looks like I'm the fittest fucking guy on this podcast and maybe I ha been diesel Just living your life, one quarter podcast at a time. One quarter pack at a time Yeah that was a place keepeps. And so then so then Sunday watch watch the footy. Fuck the foot over the weekend was outstanding. R there was fifteen minutes of the all blacks thring it aroundound like they were the warriors and it was just a completely different look all blacks sl in their attack. and I was like, this is fucking amazing to watch. I haven't felt that for so long watching the all blacks. Yeah, the vibe check was there. The French got in in a minute thirty, which was concernning because of fucking we just fell apart got last time we played them Yeah be be team not a B team. M They an outstanding for they anstanding fucking organization and they and they put us re prettyty much to the sword and we maned to get away with it just just by two points. So you go, Well that was impressive Th the Australia Ireland game was also a great watch. that was straight after it. And then Fiji played Wales was it? Wales. I didn't end up seeing that I in Italy Japan Italy was another one, but the fucking game of the weekend. Sou there we go. Oh my God. It is terrifying. Terrifying. They fucking thumped England out. England is a class class Pass act And they got fucking bullied likeike Yeahah, I'd say South Africa should be like a dollar twenty favorites win the World Cup next year. No they shouldn't be that fucking shouldn't even be on the thing. likeike it's almost Who's coming second? Like they were that I've never ever, ever seen Tw top level teams with that much disparity Dack. Um the young the young Lke Pllock, who I'm a fucking massive fan of young Flanker. He's like Richie McCall two point zero pay as So quick on the ball, so so good at tackling, so good at fucking spotting opportunities, opening up space, fucking Game game IQs out the gate gets over the violin jint every single time he picks up the pill He got Fucking Bched Mike Everyone on that team got bitched And then they would finally grind away and grind away and grind away and get across the line and you're like P Fuck it was tough going. And it was almost like The South Africans were just having a rast for that whole that whole position and part of the game and then they're like Shall we go again? And then they just go fucking dance and smash that like it was I watch the highlights watch thelights, I saw of sc. Yeah, it was it was like I've never been terrified of a team or impressed to that level. They were fucking outrageous. We'll talk about this on the on the radio show for Bechia, which is like a bting outfit that we're Ambassadors for? Yeah Fucking had one just dropped short at the end had one hundred bucks on an eight dollars mali had Australia to draw at full time with Egypt which happened had Colombia to beat Ghana which happened had New Zealand to beat the France in the Union that happened had Canada to lose to Morocco that happened and then I had Brazil to beat Norway and Norway beat Brazil to one. So I dropped it by one. there was like fucking sixty people that have taken my bet as well on B social Lambs to the slaughter. Fuck was so close so they would have had a hell of a ride over the wind. Fuck me! I've got how many followers you got in bed social? I no idea. I haven't checked a raage. I've got sixty seven thousand people. Holy shit 'sy. Imagine how many have if a fuckking actually won something Yeah. Cody Taylor fuckking on m Multi on the think I thought he was in for sure, but that was where I fell short but have a go at this one here. so I'm friend of one of the bugs that's here at work Binny Rose So what team he went Brazili Yes. Yeah. Brazil lost Norway. Yeah. So he goes hereere is this here is this five leg multi that the first one was Brazil Tel England two one, Argentina three one, USA two one, Spain two one. And so he goes Here's the number. And so it's basically for his five dollars that he put on it was paying just under Just under six hundred and ninety five grand Pucking the scores fucking wild. How many legs do you get On five. So he sent me that one and dropped the first one and dropped the first leg. is you fucking idiot And so I've jumped on it as a four. as a four leag Mali And I'm still alive, but my fifty bucks brings me in the exact same amount of money six hundred ninety five thousand dollars if it comes in. on four legs Well,ll tell you what, will'll be going to the fucking NRL gnd finel if that opens. Yeah, I'm already lining things up. I'm having a conversation with a person about that. I've already lined up, bought my tickets on the weekend D either tick it on sale. Yeah, tick a win on sale. nice. Normally doesn't sell out straight awayay anywhay it's hundred and five thousand people. We got our house real late in the pace Last time we decided we were going maybe three or four weeks before and you still We were in the noseblades, but still got there, yeah. Yeah, great U you do some drone fishing in the weekend Or have you someone offered you a drone? No, no, no, no no. So we went around last night to our friends Jamie and Pul for dinner. And they live at Pointh, which beautiful part of beautiful part Great spot for drone fishing. How a They're right in the water, so they just fucking have this little spot he just goes fucking sends it out does a little bit of a fucking wrecky on the joint also which you should be able to do easily Yeah He also has a spot where he can walk out with a burie bag and there's two bits of crushed concrete and just puts it under there. So when the tide comes in, he knows there's going to be fish around it anyway And so he just goes out, checks it, Ohh, yep, the fish are there Zc drops his fucking thingam ose a say fucking like Snip, fucking big hooks, big baes, big fish And it's fucking almost a Llego. he's shooting for a barrel. I was fishing under the harbour bridge one time, you know how the bls line up there with the Sfcasts. And there was a dude deal with his drone. he was taking it like right out to like halfway across the harbour and dropping it in And then he looked up like a little shark. This little shark went mental and it must have gone through about twenty dude' lines on the. So he snagged every single person that was fishing along the whole like m. And it's all these just, you know, sout of the earth blokes. And then he's there at the back of his flash SV with his drone every and it's like, you fucking wake, you piss off. Fish like a normal person, you fucking cook like that Oh man. so why there's a there's I don't know what sort of fishing drone he's got, but there's one called a Swell Pro Yeah, this' one that fls already alright it wass a different product But this the swell probably can land in the water. and then it can still take off again and ye it floats But I was like, ye, that's fucking sick. remember I went saaud drone fishing off the beach when we went camping that time? Yeah And he got to fish straight away. I was like, fuck that's the money. Yeah, handy's there But then you start looking at it and youre kind of like at the point Like to get a good setup, you're probably looking at four and a half grand And at that point you may as well be got an inflatable with a fifteen horsepair on the back. Yeah Well, yeah Look I know it's a different sty of fishing, but. fuckking you could buy a boat with a trailer with a fifteen horse ground the be for four and hal grand ps pse. Yeah, but where he lives, you just fucking literallyalk across the there. It makes sense for him. And then he just fucking puts his rod in the rod holder, flies out there with it, just scans around and goes, Oh, there's fish. What's his drone's he fishing with? I don't know which one it was. That's the point because I said to him, Oh fuck I'm keen to see it. And he goes K knows where this thing's gone, so he's had it for like a month and crushing it. And he went to bring it back. So it goes reteturn to home, whatever press the button and it just goes, shot across sideways just went fucking tearing across. but down the length of the beach And he's like, home home home, home home. fuck no, nothing, nothing, nothing nothing. And just goes,, stopped And say, thank fuck for that news guys just shot up in the space like it was off the fuckking mouse. Well actually Well actually he had a drone or over our place Yesterday about five o'cock C I was like, Where' it go? and he goes, Fuck nose. It's just Proper into space. L get can you get insurance for that? I mean stight there I was like, your dronees just fucking malfunction and fucked off into space Um and they're like, here's the three the three things he sent back like Check its last known GPS coordinates. Well, it doesn't matter because that was out over water and it fucking shot off in the It would basically be back over Greenheth or something. like fucking gone long gone on the other side of the harbour And that was the first suggestion, second suggestion If you've attached an Apple Air tag or something similar, look for the coordinates on that you guys Why am I putting a fucking airtag on something that has GPS coordinates always being relayed to us like Fuckking he You fucking idiot It's like putting your life jacket on. Well, that's not quite enough. Let me just put on another one. A beauty. they're doing the exact same job. And then the third suggestion was Jump on your local Facebook groups and see if anyones seen it. A fuck sick. Yeah, so he's waiting to see this thing back, but fuck it sounded sick Do he have his number in shit or not But yeah He's like this thing's not in fucking plan at anything, what's go. Ters uc Before we get into the last wall story, how's this for a fucking yarn? So over the weekend I had one of the boys come around my plumber mate Russ and we were doing plumbing up the new dryer because it's one of those heat pump ones so it needs to be plumbed up into the wastewater because it just drains constantly and then put and then putting the washer in then doing the S bend the S trap or whatever you call it as well. And so we're chipping away doing that. and then I was like, sweet job done, fucking look mean and everythingverything's perfect. I was like, fucking Dixie come and check out this fucking girl porn. And it' like she's like, it looks fucking amazing. It said nice good height and everything And then so there were still so when the kitchen people put it in, there's still the last panel to go on which is it goes underneath the washing machine and the dryer And that's not in there yet. there was just a couple of placeholder like skinnyer bits. And then anyway, so I went to go use the dryer and the fucking thing wasn't turned on, but I couldn't reach my arm all the way down. So I was like, ah fuck, that's anoying I'm going to pull it out. But all the pipes are quite tight and end up being a bit of a fuck around. So I was like, maybe I can jimmy something up to go over the back and then flick the light switch on This is the greatest insight into how Dunk operates. He's like gets I'm quite. I'm quite happy to spend three days Jerry rigging some fucking cut off pieces of shit with tape and blue tech. to get there as opposed to just fucking ripping the thing out and going again A yeah, I mean it's a long story about the way it I've changed the way it was hooked up now so it won't happen again. but anyway, so I was like, I'll fucking just remind myself where the switch is So I have my phone with the torch on video in and then I'm holding it out the back and then it slipped out of my hand and drops down. I was like, Yeahah, fuck I was like, Well, I'm gonna need to take the drywerary out now anyways, but I when he got Dixy's phone looked underneath and I could see the light but I couldn't just see the fucking phone. I was like, the fuck's going on here is it falling down? is it stuck somehow behind a hose back of the dryer or something. so give the dryer a wriggle it's not there and then I was like I'll fucking get the little pole that you under the attic stairs with which has got a right angle on the end of it. I'll sccoot that down there and see if I can hook it out. And then as I put that thing down the end I twist it and it drops down. So there's a fifteen mil gap at the back of the kit the carcass, the cabinetry carcass and the phone' gone from the top and perfectly like a fucking envelope being sent in a postbox gone fp and is now behind the bottom carcass and on the tiles at the very back. like ucking impossible to get out. I came back inside D as I had it go. I was like, I don't know if where' to cry laugh right now. Fuck. Hav you know that your phone So what I ended up doing was cutting the fucking back of the boards out. No. why I tried to pull the the toe kick board off. couldn't get that. I was fucking really tried hard and that was must been hammered in there And then I ended up taking both drawers out and then taking the whole bottom carcass out and then reaching and grabbing it that way I was fucking absolute rig roll. What a fuck around Should have just got some blokeer e That's why I pay people to do. L I did because you know, whatally. that if that guy happen what happened to you, I'd be like And that's some shit and that's his day for What I was going to do was like I was going to claim insurance And then just get a new phone, which would have been nice to get a we upgrade for five hundred bucks. But then I was like, Well, Dixie could get a new phone to pull the cets after And I was like, hang on Dunk, that's insurance fraud. I won't be doing that And But then I was also thinking like maybe I could just be a not a phone guy. And I got quite excited by that. Oh yeah L foreign out Oh yeah it is Well. It is soak it's it's like what a You know the different things that you crave when you are at different ages Like when you're little When you get told to go and have a nap, you're like fuck off. I don't want to have a nap. When you're old, you're like, I'm gonna have a nap And it's the best I mean be young, you want to find when you're old, you don' want to find Re funny how it changes th When you're old when you're young, you want to offs cream for breakfast and when you you want to ice cream for breakfast And hadit it in the weekend, hereere's it Yeah Iice cream bf as you fit. Well, admittly it wasn' on a waffle In order to make this okay, I need to put it on some form of a breakfast transporting device Oh fuck Right, let's let's do a waterrow wrap legs up here Snipers Reload. Another war story incoming eyes on target sccopes dialed in. Let's see who hits the mark. How are my position from Rachel in Glasgow Seeing as a few of youriews are headed to Alburn, the Subban This isays Aan, Alban, Auburn, whatever. I thought I'd share a cautionary tale on the dangerous ecology of West Coast Scotland So no venomous spiders to be found here and we with just the one venomous snake. Oh Hang on a minute Unware of the fact that Scotland had snakes? The European addder. What the f? F European Ader and yeah it's in the UK. I know about this because it's in Latvia too and my dumb ar little brother tried to impress his girlfriend by picking up a snake he found and it bit him on the arm and his arm swelled up like massively purple and he was in hospital for three days. Fuck Okay, well this this is this is good intel. We need this I just keep thinking of Ryan Atkson as a snake, you know, the full black ater which you'd really have to bother to provoke a reaction from But I' pking it up be they'd be fucking moving pretty slow in the cold weather, you'd imagine. it's not like they're going to be too nimble. They'll be in fucking slow mo. Am I right in thinking this someone will be able to crep this? There are no snakes and whales But there are snikes in Scotland. famously the snakes were all chased out of Wales, Andlander and the grass snakes. I say Petrick There's two times island. That's right, sorry Paul. That's what Staint Patrick did with the fucking we fleute. That's right I. But when what we do have is some very wee and very bastard micro fauna So I was visiting just last weekend and is part of an etymology gathering, a bunch of super lovely nature nerds visiting a beautiful natural spaces around Aban Well the aim of finding and recording as many species of insects and other we beasties as possible We were staying at one of the gorgeous campsites and feeling very content after photographing some amazing rarities from the area such as the beautiful Forester moth The recording excitement didn't stop there though, as on hopping into the shower the next morning I noticed a a very up close and personal new friend called the Sheep Tick Well no. AKA Exodus Rickonus 'causeuse it's fucking scientific name Well hey, a new species for the day but not a very welcome one This was a good size near adult tick about Medium juiced up, not quite fully gorged on my tasty fluids, but not far off burrowed fac first right into the wee bit where my muffin top meets my belt band slightly around my back. These things are fucking horrible. Ticks are fucking horrible. Do they do like a wee an aesthetic like in before they start burrowing? So sure you just notice the train and be like, get up, you can't. I donunt know they get Lyme's disease from them It fucking horri Dam. Grossly fascinated, but not being able to see it well, I kind of punched my own flish Noted its legs wiggling a bit of in response. The head is deeply buried into the squidgous part of me I hear it's better to get them out quick and with minimal fuss to avoid them spewing their teeny guts up into my bloodstream because that's what happens. You rip the fucking back off them and they spew into you. Oh. U I don't have the trusty tech tweezers on me So haveal to meet do with my eyebrow. They're fucking tick tweezers. A fuck that The eyebrow ones with the flat edge I'm reaching around because I'm in the shower. thingsings are slippery and I don't have a good hold, but I'm feeling a bit panicked and grossed out by now I go for go for the grab as close to the head of the kk as possible, but my own flesh slips from between my fingers and the tweezer scores into my skin Just a tiny cut, but unfortunately They continue on cycling through my tiny passenger's body about halfway down, severing the abdomen, neatly leaving it in four sets of tiny legs waving at me in a gory break dance I freak out a little bit more. Then I try and grasp the rest of the bugger, but the tweeze are too sharp and neatly cut through the back of its head, leaving its tiny barbed mouth parts firmly embedded in my body No One week on a little black dot of tick mouth parts is still visible, the wound having now closed over nicely So now part of the wee bugger is forever preserved in my flesh until my own demise, hopefully many years from hence upon which we will both disintegrate back into the soil So remember folks, to shower before you get into your tent K the tick tweezers handy and don't be afraid to ask a friend for help The Ws Rachel in the Greater Glasgow region. Get on your Rach See, you'd think your body would have rejected at some point like it would have turned to a pussy zip that you need to squeeze or something, eh Have you seen the videos of those birds in Africa ticking picking ticks off warthogs. Oh yeah. This is my I go day by B now ' there's also a type of weasel that does it for hogs. so mong I was a monger say ye Yeah. It looks a heck of a lot like Timon and pumber from the L for cleaning them and feeding them out. Yeah, fash. are so grim. Because we get ticks New Zealand, I've got them. like if you I've got a few ticks at homeg for you hunting normally in like they get them inong grass or dare get them along grass. And so if you're hunting during the su summer months and you're carrying them out, the ticks are normally on the insides of the leags and up under the armpits. And so when you go and carry them out, it's what get onto you. So you gott to check yourself off of them afterwards. But they're not like the big fucking grunty ones. Those ones look like That's tough, man. Yeah Fucking real tough. Right on that note, we'll wrap it up for Monday. Thank you very much for tuning in. appppreciate your support as always. The sniper elate, fuck is a few of you now. Bloody loving it. Yeah. Got an update on numbers So it's awesome and good everyone that's just jumped on and has finally made their way to this episode. What way would you attack it? I'd probably take it from the start So if you're new to being starper, you probably won't hear this. until months and months later. Yeah Uh that's a toughy. out to what's going on.magine if you're like, yeah, I'm sniper elite now and then you fucked f all the way back to the start to listen to seven hundred episodes. And in that meantime we've won three awesome prizes. fly somewhere around the fucking world and you missed out on them. No chance say you've listened to all the free ones. So you've only got two hundred to burn through. Okay'tah it's not even that many iece of cake It's a week. a hundred hours worth pretty much. You know after it. G it. Hey, have a great recing Monday, buddy, go well, go longong. And at the w this weekend. You've been listening to Jane Dunk's notot for radio podcast Thanks for listening. I hope to see you soon.