The Sofa Unloading War Story

I stick the landing. I'm talking fucking teens all round from the judges And forortunately, He, welcome to the podcast. This is off Radio. We are your host, Duncan Hide, Jay Ree, fucking swearings is part of this thing. Enterainment, Wild fuckking stories I'm not going to say much about it good it's a good podcast. I're not going to say too much so. apart from the fact that we have one of the fucking greatest war stories of all time at the end. Yeah this is going to build to an absolute crescendo. You're gonna love it. Yeah. The end of this is just the audio version of blowing your pickies enjoy Attention, snipers. Gear up and hold your positions. It's time to load up some war stories, your tales from the frontline, brought to life. Prepare to fire. This is u this is actually in from South Africa, and we're talking about this There's massive rounds, you know, the Mch tech fifty a big long range toort of gun There's these ones I like as long as index finger. Yeah, they've got these ones that they use for hunting buffalo over in Africa, B big, big game And I've got f them rhino stoppers. Oh they fucking do stop rhinos. These things are massive. It looks like a fucking brass dildo that you jam in the barrel of these things just goes fucking bom. They don't even have a don't have a scope on them. Nothing. Like you just fucking point it in the general dis like a one that you shoot the pigs with. Yeah bigger but fucking bigger And this guy gets shit whipped by a buffalo just running straight at enemies He goes fuck Bang is ' sink off the top of its horns and just fucking keeps charging through. Oh. It's why of they call buuffaloes of the Black Dath in here. Maybe this will be a part of the story from anonymous But Benny's had a conservative guess and thinks that they're from South Africa. Okay, We Chelsea Good day guys. I was a Sounds pretty sant to me. I was an officer in the Royal Engineers a few years ago and one of the jobs I was given was to go and do some mortar simulations Ohit For the Grenadier guards to make their life miserable whilst on exercise in the bush. That fucking cool a Be the baddies. That'd be a rare jobaddies. The army being the army, this involves a shit ton of waiting around Seppers being Sppers. My lads had shit ideas that passed for slightly intellectual These two factors conspired one night when we had to set up and we're waiting for around fourteen hundred four hundred hours to initiate the explosives One of the lad's got given names I don't One of the lads not giving names, I don't want the fucking heat decided in his infinite wisdom to get out his Bluetooth speaker and play lion noises. I didn't expect this to achieve much, so just fucking ignored it I wasn't aware how far lines can hear other lines. So when it turned out that we had attracted our pride of lines from ten kilometers up the valley, shit got real They encountered the troops first and proceeded to harass them for over two hours. fuck this and we were just sat on the end of the radio listening to the carnage When we finally got told to prep to fire, we had to walk five hundred meters from our wagon and wait for the device to wake up Whilst we were doing this, we hear a noise and suddenly see a herd of zebra running like fuck up the fucking your turn next m. The penny drop pretty quick that they will be having been chased by something. they then start to they chasing them so start to run The penny drops rather fast that they will have something chasing them And so start to run as well So we say size run as well When we make it to the truck ten seconds later, we see the lion give us a look and then fuck off. Thankkfully The kit all worked so we didn't have to go back out of the truck until the sun came up I don't think I've ever run so fucking fast in all my life, fully loaded up, kit everything that you'd have it on a battlefield And yes, I did I did outrun the lad that was with me. That's all you need to do. I reckon that when when you're when you're getting attacked by a line or a line's chasing you, you just You don't be this the last. Yeah you don't have to be the fastest but you can't be this last. Other ones you always see get mowed out on the Edinburgh documentaries Yeah I watched a nature' Metal the other day, Zebras crossing one of those rivers are just fucking crawling with crociles. They basically walk across their back.'s big fucking nile crocodiles. They just live on elephants and shit so they're the same size Anyway this fucking they got this they got hold of this fucking zebra was giving a real hard time as they were going across and eventually it kind of Death rolled it a bit and popped up and then it popped out the other side and I was like, you go, you fucking good thing go In doing so, the fuckking crocodile had ripped its fucking front leg right off this fuckin' zebra So yeah, you got out of the water, but you're fucked. Jeez, youre going gonna get the bre of that later for afternoon tea, wouldn't you? Yeah ye. Just watch it G on, it's so tough. What What would you What's worse to have a runom with? Would it be a black bear or a fucking moofusser I'm going to say BRA. Fucking press pretty close up. I think you could scare a lion easier than you could I mean, you could sre a bear easier than you could scare a lion. I feel like bears are a little bit more unpredictable. You know, like you see like how many times have you talked heard about people in like Canada or whatever and they' on a hiking trail and they've been hiking forever, thenen all of a sudden the bear just decides one day that it's going to fucking ruin your life, but would have been there You know there would have been beers in the area they've been hiking the entire time they've been hiking Like there's just no rhye or reason to it. You can probably prepare a little bit better for move fusser The black bears are the more mellowy ones brownown bears. Brown bears are the dangerous ones. Oh, okay, Brok brown bears. either way. Yeah, I've seen fucking revvenant just and that's enough for me to know. How weird is it how you get puff watching that? becauseuse I've batling breathing the whole time She's good movie. Yeah Yeah. considering his script is one page for three hours, fuck it was There' going to be a weird on real life Leo? Leo DiCaprio. No, we're be pretty sweet. On I feel like between the ages of nineteen or twenty two might be a bit weird. Yeah. He's got those, He's got that weird thing going on for Ssies But to be fair, if you're a real handsome motherfucker And you could continually roll out Differe partners And that was A sweet spot that you like to operate in Would you not do the same? Wh'd you go? No, mate Not at all You go So you go' I'm a long term person. Things go. Things go pe shape with you and Dixie and you go, right, fuck I'm only in the market now for fucking forty year old mums That'uch more dangerous. A bear line or a cougon I beane. lying or answering Jay's question. Yeah. I'm sayane. I can't you it like would you, I don't know, you don't no, in all honest, we've had this chat before on the podcast. I cann't be fucking bothered, mate I actually couldn't I couldn't be fuc going out there to do that again. You just ended up looking like one of those. Crab's over in New Caledonia that's got a little pinchy yam and another fuckking mess. Yep it's all that aside. like I know like I've got buddies that have I've got buddies that are going through these terrible times with their partners and You go If you've got if you've got the money and the kids you're not going through the family thing again Like, I don't know. Maybe you Maybe you would meet somebody you go, Ohh, sweet this I've been looking for I've been looking for another mum with kids after breaking up with my wife a. I don't know I'm giing it match thought, but I feel like I would just roll solo for a bit until we figure it all out intontil what becomes, you know and what path you want to take becomes a little bit clearer You sound like you have a line going around the block Let's go N not for Radio with J and Dunk Hosts accept no responsibility for injuries caused while listening to this podcast. I'm justess saying You're not fucking trading your car in for a car of the same year Well, you know classic casmay. like beanging old people that's up to you. I mean it's like a sixty n one charger. Yeah,ang, I'm just trading in my eighty three model for another eighty three model, thanks I don't want the fucking air conditioning no I don't want fucking an Ale car playay. I'm want a fucking tape head deck. At least I won't turn heads of other blokes as you go down the street. Give a fuck, get another one. Tade that one in too. I heard a fucking garly yan over the weekend. so one of the boys is definitely gonna remain nameless He notot long after him and his misses got together, so they say they would together forop two years got married. So they're only sort of And the scheme of things relatively new. Yeah They go around to his mother in law's place for Christmas and he fucking stacks the toilet And he's that What I'm going to do look like he' had even been spent that much time with this old Duck he' you know obviously wants to pull his big foot forward So he looks down and got a magazine rack and there's a fucking old newspaper there. and then so he's like I'm going to have to like holid it pull my tourd out. and to try and unblock this thing He's like,, I'm going use newspaper So anyway he pulls the turot out of the toilet you know, the toilet paper and stuff and to unblock it And then he's like, fuck, now what am I gonna to do? I don't want to walk out with the toilet paper And so what he actually ends up doing is puts on the window sill and the windowsill is you can walk past the outside. So later he goes and collects that like we Walks out, finishes going to the toilet, walks around the back of the house, grabs off the windowsill, and then for whatever reason when I was like, why the fuck would you do that? It's gonna to catch up with you? It actually hasn't caught up for them. He's tooken it out to the garden shed and put it on the shelf in the garden shed it's still there. Why did you not just fucking put it into the ground? Dig a hole. Didt fucking dis thisint I' like what are you doing? No know, he just just needed to hide it and say there's a tudad in his fucking mother in law's carartage. it's gonna be found at some point. as a man that needs a poop knife If he had a poop knife, he would have been fine. He would have been one hundred percent fine What you do in that situation, everybody knows As you flip the fucking toilet brush upside down and you just witches culd from their bas just fucking grind it in there like a mortar and pestal. just fucking flush and go just fucking a bit more water there boys fucking shit it up. Don't worry about it fucking toilet paper on the end of the handle, fucking wipe it down jam back in there n's awide I should go snipe alone. Yeah, overdue this You can see this a voiceemm, we can do that. There's a link in the show. not just go to the link tree. And then you can fire it through. I think there we're a limit to like, what was it ninety seconds or something But if you need to do too, just do too far it through or you can go to the notfadia Facebook page just sl into a DMs you can do a voice memo that way. All right, Stars Eting here you can call me Ein so that's my fucy name. I just thought I'd pause this as a bit of a Question to everyone. I have like niche abilities that people have My Nife ability is the our condition called exercise induced orgasm spepecifically doing hamstring curs or dips. I can make myself awser not through exercise Does anybody else have any unique abilities similar to Sonfracts when I went to a sperm some I did have to do this. I had to request an extra chair in the room so I could do dips between them while I've got of the pot cradled in between my thighs with my wge gets in it Turns out though, when I asked this funny request and I asked if she'd had any other funny requests There was a bloke that had been there before who requested a bucket of icy water because if he gets his feet cold or he gets a cold draft on him, Ill buuff to know. So it's a nightmare for him in winter and that's how he did it. That's how I do it Does anyone else have any uniche superpowers I'm gonna throw it out Ian Eirton's got fucking huge triceps He he's he's a gym owner. He's've we've seent was on He was on the podcast last week. Yeah, we've sent him a manadrner Yeah, he's got a knough for radio. See bust up by doing dips. Dips and hamstring curls Jesus. Well he must be going late at night, then you wouldn't wantan to be doing that with clients around Or he got a gym? Did say lastk he had a gym at his house? Why he owns a gym? Fucking hell that's I've never heard of that before Cold feed thing too I might report back would you But I just I just I also I mean that I once again, I'm Inquisitive, I find that stuff fascinating. abbsolutely fascinating Mud the different particularly things that aren't like This's not sexual. No what it is, but it is't like doing a hamstring cool Winner Well there must be there is a link to him finding it. sexually arousing. That's what Annie said in the pump docter. Yeah, it's like garming. It's like garme you got the pump But a few itks ago it'd be kind of like wild every now and again when I just fucking swwape the kitchen If I can makes him rock hard and a blow a load Yeah more sweeping being done around our place if that was the case. Why ha' you got five different types of brooms? Wow Well, well well. is taken. Takeaking the top three layers and vanish off the floorboards Oh man. Oh this king that. That's very niche, but any what fuck if anyone else is getting to climbing on that How are fers got a quick yarn for you, legal reasons, won't be any names can say we are from Australia. Anyways, a couple of years ago month I was obtained eight hundred dollars worth of fireworks and we took me out camping T a state forest on a public holiday G imp pact as always U eleven thirty in A many cs and not so many good decisions We all jamp back into Brumbing. me being the driver, I know the perfect spot in the state fore us to go So we were heading there about halfway The passenger grabbed one of the candles to set it off to shoot out the window as we're driving U And as he's lit it, I've looked at him lookooked at the candle, Sen he was holding the wrong way, but I was already too late to say off it. it started whistling, shot at me. I managed to turn away quick enough so it didn't smack me between the oars managed to hit me straight on my ear, blew off on impact, lost about seventy percent hearing in my left ear. Oh shit and There are dereayy burns all over my cheek in the back of my head As it's done it, he's dropped the candle life about eight more times on the carpet, fuck on the carpet. but anyay if we' survived and set the rest off once we got to the spot. Anyways, love the body And up the motherfucking wh motherfuck. So yeah, I fucking melted my face off in the car and was like, well, you know, we're fucking already on the way. might as well get there, you know? that's gnarly. Fireworks are illegal in pretty much all of Australia. No shit because the country burnt for seven months in a row, remember? Remember that so much that the fucking sky here was orange at midday Yeah, wasash clloud went to Hollywood. It was apocalyptic. Yeah, that was crazy. Fair enough too. that is mad. how was so I've recently seen some fireworks and they were majestic Wh Where would one acquire those from? so I believe part of Australia They you're able to let them off over one weekend. Okay. So they just sell for a couple of days in they the lead up to and that's it. yeah. So heaps of Australians will go to that part of Australia. A For that. Northern territory, Territory Day the one day you can buy them This de looks like. It look like a cross between Harry Potter and a war zone all those streets. Like everyone is going mental, blowing up cars, shooting them at each other sh. I saw one dude put them into a road cone like a bazooka, get down on one knee and launch it into a crowded bar Oh I did see that video. Yeah, fucking pull your head in. they won't last much longer. Do know what I did see over the weekend I was like fuck this is. It makes sense for America people celebrating the Freedom two fifty in different ways, two hundred fifty years of America being a country. fourourth of July Yeah Yeah So yesterday, No, day before. There was someone going down a freeway and they're on a dirt bike and didid you see it? Yeah? And they fucking strap the biggest fucking Roman candle ever to the front and I'm doing a wheelie going through traffic just shooting into the air. That's pretty cool though. And then about two more videos after because we've got the same algorithm, do you see the bloke that strapp two hundred fifty fucking Roman candles together and look them at the same time the flamethrower No, That was also cool. He was awesome. He was wearing fucking American flag overalls. And then lit it with a flameetrower, ran to the car, got an American flag and this thing's just about fucking eight foot of flames at the same time. he's got fucking star S spangle man playing in the backroom where he waves his flags, aboutout eight hundred thousand likes on that one. S. I seen the video of the guy parachuting and he's got a big American flag at the back and then it gets caught in a tree and he just goes smack into the ground. I love how they're all getting amongst it and celebrating all good things. Fuck that If you get a chance to see that, was it Black something coffee the Travis Pastrana one cooffee company that we're talking about the rifle cop Black rifle cop yeah, have a gog of that. Oh in fact, maybe we can bring it up. Actually It's pretty yeah, those fuck those it's probably got fucking a song in it Star Single Banner, W that be copyright? Probably not I do This' be over fifty years old so it won't be Let just watchatch it on just watch it qu with the fucking sound off Yeah. This one maybe? Yes. This is fucking like ultra ultra American. You didn't watch it the other day when we talked about the show away? No. Okay yeah this Yeahah, I'm keen to watch this. Okay, I'm just gonna drop that over to number five the atomic Helicopter Fag. Aamps, guitars, deeadbarks Ky they must try break people to live in infamy The's Bgest American plague Sockets massive. Fuck in! America is Girls shooting grenade launchers. Blackor Aic D didn't really have a close up in Pastrana and he was in that. That's pretty fucking cool. Isn't it out There's something about I think I might have shown you, there was a Texan high school team that was heading out wasas that on the buses? Yes Ah. likeike it made me emotional watching it like fuck it got me choked up. Yeah. I explain it for those haven't seen it. So it's basically there's a bunch of high school kids that are going off to play in a final against another Not a state. N the states sort a team, whatever as they are rolling out of the school and getting onto the freeway, there's a massive Between the two freeway lanes is a mass of grass Virgin between the two, whatever the fuck could call it And there's all the kids' parents. L itost makes an emotional fucking singer. It's so fucking cool. They're there with these I f old of. Yeah go. But just you're going need to explain it anyway because ob J just basically they're heading off and they're being sent off kind of like as if they're going into war, which they are to a certain extent in this on a sporting level And there's parents on fucking horseback with these Lone star state flags and the collollege team flags and they're just fucking charging down the road next to these kids in the bus and you go There is fucking That is pride and that is Yeah. Nothing gets you quite cheed up but you know, like that and you say like, fuck I' ready. I've got the people behind me. So this is your Texas High Sool sends off And team off to state finals, whatever it is L right on the hores Chuck. Sadow. Like that's just fucking so sick. America. Ca American flago alost. That just is I don't know, Maybe I'm just a r fucking simple man, but just that's good shit. It was fucking cool Anything here che out for a sports matchim or for? Yeah We just submit like I don't know, I just think if I was the kid that was on their bus And you know what your parents have done to get you into that position where you could be a part of that team and then That's the level of pride that they've got in making sure that you run out and know that you're supported with a fucking full cavalry riding next year like that is fucking. late level shit in my box. I've got to we we've done real heroes real estate for a bit. I I've got fucking this to out. I'm going to grab the one they didn't quite get to yester as well, but This um First day That fish t'es so good of the real estate Ron this guy here is Lying to us straight off the bat ever look. It very out of character for a real estate agental to be a h. No no As you can all see, I've just landed to this property in my private chopper. So take your flight, drive your car or walk to this property, but you really don't want to miss out on this jam in Anenbrooke. That's pretty much it. But claims he owns a private chopper, he doesn't. there's also other ones with him and like B moobiles and he's him doing fight scenes and he's fucking riding jet skis into properties and shit Where do you sit with the AI'm all for it? I fucking hy. you need a point of difference You need a point a difference. I think there is We were literally talking about this at dinner last night. There is going to come a time where L obviously, I think that if you are going this is clearly Back in the day you'd be like, this is so fucking. So made up clearly that you know that they're full of shit But you're not trying to pass it off with something that's real So if you're actually putting out there' so much stuff particularly on any form of social media But is thereero with thereabouts and you'd be fucking hard pressed to not pick it. And then it's being palmed off as actual factual news or an actual factual thing that happened or something like that You go Now I don't know where any of this sits. Well, you know what one hundred percent what's going to happen is people will just endat up fucking switching it all off. Exactly. So currently right now you're watching this episode at Sniper Elite and Duncan and I aren't actually here. We scripted this and I'm fucking suunning my cock in Hawaii at the mom Enjoy the AI in theo Maybe.ay He does he a cock. says pretty believable. Yeah. but there's enough money to go to Hawaii So it's like those sort of things. you feel if you're wanting human interaction and you're getting you're not getting that, I think that's when it's the issue And particularly a real estate agent who are the fucking this is this is a this is a sweeping generalization. you want the best for you, not the best for your client, the best for you Be you go, how many the amount of houses that I've bought and been part of property deals There is nothing Nothing that even comes remotely close to that negotiation and business where they go this is what the client wants and you areK c we're not quite there Well you need to put your best foot forward. Now, what's going to get the fucking deal done is the question I'm asking you. Well you you need put your best foot forward. This's my best foot. Well, that's not quite there then Well, we don't have a deal. hang on, let me go back to them and it's like You fucking greasy motherfucker, you'd happily spend fuckking was. I'm glad you took it here because I've literally got the perfect video to b you off the back ofs goo to the next one attomic. This is hundred percent the video for you right life. It's one of the most punishing things to me like what How much do they want How much do they want? Just give me straight answer. Oop, real estate agents can't do that What do you think? Yeah, it's not bad. What sort of price range are we looking at? Yeah, look, we're just letting the market speak for the moment. And what is the market saying roughly? Hard to say, H to say, we've had a real mix of buyers coming through. And what were their budget? We can't disclose that information, I'm sorry. Of course. yeah, yeah. So what can you disclose? I can disclose that the market's changing daily. here we go one go Well above expectations, it kind of took us by surprise. Look, would you like me to provide insight into the value of this property? Is that what you're trying to askking? Yes, please, that would be amazing. Then I would it's really about the value that you see in the home. Oh my. You punch someh This particular property is in a beautiful pocket of the south side with excellent street of pee. Yeah, with views of the petrol station right next door. Perfect for those late night snake hankerings Hi guys, be with you in A, That's wild. Look mate. We're just encouraging all serious buyers to come forward with an offer. We've had a few numbers blown around, but nothing effici. And What numbers were with those? Oh you know,. I said one million, wouldould you laugh cry or shake hand? I'd say the owners would love to see more than how much more we We're not putting a ceiling on I can see that it's falling apart Should I take down your details? I think you should Ecellent choice. Can we with the budget? I might' let the market decide on. The you owners are looking for offers over one point one. Thank you. Wasn't that hard, wasn it Have a good day Excuse me? Yes. canan I ask what price they're looking for? Offers over one point one for this one. A Peterit. Thanks God. That is literally the dance. That is the dance. If you've looked at enough houses you know you kind of know like if you because not many people buy a house after scene looking at it once you' normally like try do a bit of house hunting, get the perfect place. You watch if you go to you know the auctions happen or whatever, you get a pretty good finger on the pulse. Like I reckon I can get it to within like thirty grand after all I've been looking Yeah, but then it's and then there's the variables of obviously you might really want the house and you've got an extra two hundred do and someone else really wants them and they'll got an extra two hundred fifty. And if they really want it, then it just fucking goes past any form of expectation. I mean if you're selling the you're selling, Well you turn up and and no one's there. We did the exact same thing. fucking same shit dance. This is a story The we this we had a crack at this place. O maybe mid last year And it worked well. It was on right situated on this massive park across the road from the boys' school. It's fucking perfect. They are a couple of buddies that live on the same street all fucking well and good. Sweet as went and they checked the whole place out. Yep, fucking everything seems to be pretty sweet Um we said to M, Watson we'll put in an offer are they going to auction? Okay, swweet as.ave you got any idea? now they're going to let the market decide the fucking number. Sweet as we turn up at the auction, I can't make it. send along Staffy my mate with Anna. He fucking eats auctions for fucking breakfast, lunch and dinner. this mother fuck is a beast And so and it's like, o was fucking he goes, no, no, no, no, no, just fucking sit there and just fucking watch these mother fuckers scream. No's buying thisouse today And's like how do you know I guess there's noiers on that's right She's like It's like he can fucking he's like a smells. He's a fucking bloodhoundl this anyway Sure enough. F you guys are rapping the auction and blah blah blah, blah blah blah. Can we start the auction? this is say P pulling an u ata a fucking and a half milks say 's this is what the valuation of that on the house was in twenty twenty one. And so now we're twenty twenty five and the market tank by thirty percent. People are hung up on this thing anyway. so it starts off there's no fucking no bids whatsoever And then they're like, okay U Well no one's going bid them there's no point having an auction. So they wrap the whole thing up. And so then Stehie goes straight and then he goes, R here, we're going to put a number in front of you. And they go, what's the number? And he goes, one point six. And the owners are wantning two point fucking something. And they're like, no way. And he goes, didid you not say to my clients that you're letting the market decide the value and there is fucking currently Zero value in this property, so one point six from zero is pretty fucking good. And The way I look at it, you is going to be one point six million dollars better off than they with this mor. Yes, And then when they go, no, what's the number? Well they want fucking, they want the twenty twenty one price for it. Well Awesome. I want the same fucking k. What about a fucking king? I know I want the same these because he's now sixty fucking seven or something he guys. I want the same energy as I was when when I was a twenty one year old just doesn't happen like that, you know? Time goes on. thingsings change. hereere we are. and this is the fuckking this what I got to deal with. I'm playing with my feed here, but he just fucking drilled them on it. But it's the same. he doesn't mind it because that's his day to day. It's so tiring go into these fucking negotiations The motherfuckers knew they had they had a number before the fucking bloke even picked the hammer up. They kn knew what they wanted. Oh yeah. but they wanted more. And then that's always happensertain especially as soon as the bids happen Then the vendors will quite often change and punch it up as soon as there's a flurry of activity. Yeah. They'll move that like the bottom dollar thing. like o it's a bit of an activity out there. Yeah. and they'll shunt it upwards. Yeah. And so to save everybody the hassle of going through. L I didn't see the value in that place at the number that they wanted So I wouldn't have gone through and paid for the fucking builders report and all the other shit that we did and fucked around and got my mates to goong with my misses and given up all that time because you could have just said you greedy fucks. this is the number we want and we would have been like we won't fucking bother then And said, Well, we're gonna let the market determine the value. Well, you've got nothing. And you know who fucking bought that house? No motherfucker. They didn't end up selling it because they fucking pulled it off the market and it's still living greedy still li Oh out of it How does spite? How does sppite want to go back and buy it when they fuck us out again for fucking a hundred grand less than when one point six we offer them That's brutal though. like if you buy at the peak of the market, the people that are cross the road from us they sold and I think they lost two hundred grand And they just couldn't service the debt anymore because the interest rates went up or whatever and the fuck it's a lot of weeds to make up. It is, but these cheeky fucks bought the house in like ninety six And for three hundred grand or something. L You've made your money. and if you haven't managed to if you haven't managed to a pay down that three hundred K and your house is now sending it over two million bucks then That's fucking on you boo. sw you shit out I would argue your place that you got now is better. you' got more room. got way more meat the bone. It it's funny how this works out like that. Every my sisters through it at the moment. We had the opposite though with them, The number that they wanted. We just turned up to them andre like Hi u in the off chance that this even remotely interests you. This is what we could this is what we could offer. And it was an older couple being there for forty four years And the adest agent was like And they just want to meet you And we turnuned up and like That's beautiful. we can see another family growing up in this house and this is what we want. You're not going to smash down and put fucking fifteen townhouses here. I'm like No. And they're like, cool, thanks, mate.ob job done. It was like we see Lee's one as well. Yeah they wanted Lee's quite good like that. He'll write like a letter explaining who his family is and you know what they do for jobs or whatever. and they were just super pumped to have another family going through it and there'd be some more memories there because people get quite attached to those hes' been in forty four Totally. And this bloke the guy that had our place was a retired engineer and Handyan and inverted comas And so all of his handy work is still one of those Like it's it's kinda. That's my grand, my grandad on the b Kinda.oy, didid you say you saw the podcast? I can't remember. Did it had the new shelving go Is it working? Are the you sh up now I haven't it up yet. I haven't got it up yet.. So this is the clearout. So I've got to get, I've got some little bit of pl to g up over there Sides and they' jamven up, but they look fucking good. so I' got to go to Bunnings after work today and grab some shit. I was in Bunnings over the weekend. Isn't it just fucking You just it's one of those things It's I guess it's the equivalent of like Turning up. to the end of a marathon and running shoes and feeling like you've done it, you know? Oh yeah that you get all the fucking all the kudos without having done fucking anything. Do you know what? I didn't realize how fucking expensive pavers are. looking at pavers. so I'm gonna put some pavers down and put spparkle on that we're gonna get whst see get in Sparkool. Fuck pavers are so expensive. I'm gonna do minimum, twenty five like six hundred by six hundred pavers, which will just be a square big enough. Even that it's like seven hundred bucks How many bags of supercrereat and fucking boxs are bastard out? Yeah, bit of messed down though warning and my sparles saga continues. This free sparles is gonna set me back about two grand to get it running. Yeah. it works, but like all the underneath wood is like pretty rotten and there's bits falling off the side. We actually went to bunnings and got all replaced all the bits. like we showed them. We'd measured it and they cut them all the bits per like, that's amazing But then it's like, oh, we don't have the right sort of power. It's a fifteen amp plug, so it needs more earthing Yeah. So that's like twelve hundred bucks it has to be run from the mains out. someomeh you got to get the electricity around our pond. And I'm just like, manan, thiss free spa. and now it's just got this rottening spa sitting outside and my misses every day. She goes, How's the spa today, Ben It's like a relaxing. What brand was it? It's a true tr chairman. Yeah o. The interior of itss m mean and the engine and motor and everything work, but it's just all this auxiliary stuff it needs I fuck gonna buy it Fl on a second. I know one I know I've got two sorts that I want. that's not one of them And then I was looking at other one, there was other pavers there that are like real made in Tuscany concrete, fucking real buler looking things. And that was gonna to be like fourteen hundred just for the pavers. It was like fuck Anyway I wasn't kind of the to byoy paveers, I was just having a look. What it was there to Boy was a new letter boox because Dixie's parents came around and did a drop off of a whole bunch of nerf guns and also had a Ths hammer pllastic hammer in there and then u Muz told Heath that he should smash the letter box with Thor's hammer and so blow the glass out in the front of it. so I had to take Heath to Bunnings to buy a new letter box out of his fucking pocket money and he doesnn't speent much of his pocket money. and I fucking blitz most of it on the new letter boox 'Cause it's one of those ones with the light up on it, it lights up it now. How much is a litter box? So I actually bumped into another block there. He was like, M fucking whking on my account to a cash sale. I was like, yees, sweet, I went through there was one hundred twenty three down to one hundred, which I thought was quite good. Heath didn't think it was so good 'cause I was showing them the numbers fucking disappearing in his bank account lesson well learned. Bunning's power passage So yeah, someone else's. We talked about this on the radio and you said not to say it was me, but this was a sniper elite. So when I was younger, we used stilleal a old let up us. It was our ongoing thing. had this What did you do with them all? This dude, Well, there's this bully up the road from our school. He's an officer our police now. Thomat would have been running the same similar fucking racket down down down his mom would have been knocked off with baseballbats isn't the fucking running with a tractor We' we don't take it And then we'd hide it in the park nearby and wait until they replaced it. When they replaced it, we' steal the new one and put the old one back O we' go and take two of them and get another one and then we'd like rotate the around. This went on for like two and a half years. And then we got a real taste for it. We'd go like house parties in random suburbs. Once we' steamed enough we'd just go out. And we were at this one house party over in the shore once. and we had a mountain of letter boxes from the neighborhood in the lounge. like we piled them all up. They must have been like fifteen or twenty letter boxes cops came and knocked on the door And they were like standing there and it was like hallway little bit of hallway thing mountain of letter booxes and turns. they're like, Hi, look, ye, we've had reports you guys having a party and also people have been nicking letter boxes all around and we're like Oh, that is horric. Is our litter box still there? We okay? do we need to go look for it? And they're like, No, your one's still there. we're like, Ohh, well, funny enough, out this whole street, you're the only one fucking there. Hey the ment for an upgradeter It's pretty s Pret loud in there. We haven't heard anything. What numbers the police station? Hey boys we got to sixty seven? sixty seven Litter box bingo. Fuck you getting nice litter boxes now.ike myine fucking clowes all night long with a number on it They's got a single rechargeable AAA battery with the solar panel on the top on the front of it. hundred twenty one hundred and twenty bucks buddy, nice, mate nice letter box. You know what? I like that little hustle. Wh the fuck What do you do for job? I'm in letitter boox design. I'm a small postal architect. Yeah I made just, you know, obviously the thing' slow down in post but now it's mainly just like a feature And we' a throwback to when people had a smaller version of their housees their Litterbox and it it's fuck up. It's a letitter box house. so noine using. What are you getting there? fucking bills? That's it. My fucking millions making letitter boxes match houses What? Yeah, so if you've got a weatherboard home then it would be a weatherboard letitter boox, like bigger ones. Is it the one that has the fucking crazy supercars Is it the one? No, I know there one another one Uncle Mad Dg Clive Mad Dog Clive is a letitterbox millionaire. Yeah Yeah. Yeah Yeah I made a lot of money There's a lot of money in the boxes. I was just thinking, how you were doing any anyone. Lgitimately millions like I'm just roundning the fucking numbers of my head T too make a letitter box that looks like your house.uck's' That's the budget you'rening on a letter boox. He's not gonna go. Peuckking grand, twenty grand for aitter box. No, I spent three, five Three to five grand in a littleitter bot. You You know what happens buy a million by three thousand dollars. How many fucking little? I've been for thirty years. Yeah here's h is what this is what happens me. It p. It's a snowball effect. You get one house in a suburb And they've all got shit leaditer boxes. Yeah. You put the nice leader box in Th then everyone wants the nice litter box. Yeah, thenen you sell another fifty sixty in the same area. Move on to the next. It's only three hundred and thirty litter boxes. Yeah there you go, soll fucking way more than that, mate, Probably own the launch Fown and food in litterbx, that's to make him that's all like if you to break it down like that's pick something fucking random And how many of those you have to sell? Like Okay, Tire eh? A tire. Now we get a coffee cup How many coffee cups do we have to sell? So we're buying them for two dollars fifty And we're selling them for fifteen dollars. How many coffee mugs do we have to move to make a million bucks? This is what we should se Do you know what I'm going to say? I' gonna put this on the record here. If we're going to sell coffee mugs, we'll sell the best coffee mugs And they'll be worth every fucking dollar of that fifteen dollars. How much Did you run in it? six thousand six hundred and sixty six doable Do You know what? I was just thinking there's a market back to the letterbox ch. There is a market for a new type of letter box that you could call it like the fucking Timu letterbox or something or online shopping letter boox that's bigger and has Some sort of like you can give a key tag to the courier drivers and they can swipe and drop big packages in so So it's actually locked away so you don' describing a PO box Now you can you cant seing Kria items to PO boxes No you know you're talking about the ones that they have in places U so there's like my mle fucking New Zealand post when they used to deliver letters would have these huge letitter boxes at people's houses that they would then stash other mail in for the posties to pick up on their route. Yeah, you know how like all the online shopping just gets dumped at people's front doors and happ people nick it, justust something that can hold your online shopping. They throw hours over the fence and on the other side of my fence there' a narrow bridge and a fish vont. So you come out your se my package is just half submerged The fishhing nibbling on it e. Little as they know, you bought more fishing gear that fuck. It' self catching the fish. Self hooking. Fuck. Should we play sniper line Yeah, it should be W story. Oh shit. Yeah, okay, when it's that time alady. o, yeah, S W story Snipers Reload. Another war story incoming eyes on target sccopes dialed in. Let's see who hits the mark. This is from David Australia. Davo Have you ever bottomed out so hard at work your spine fuse? How fellas! You guys can call me Dave because that's my fucking name. I am thirty four years old and a very proud sniper elite member. Apologies in advance. This will be a bit of a McMillan tack fifty at David Longy In the last few years, life has slapped me and misses around more than a mosquito at a noodus colony Here are some straight sts forere. S years, five moves, four countries, three continents. Fuck Each time we started over with nothing but a suitcase se and only the first and last move was by choice. The rest was simply just life reintroducing us to the ground at an alarming rate each time we tried to get up Originally from South Africa and now finally after all of that have settled in Australia and fuck me, I am not moving again. This shit is exhausting and stressful So this is how pure desperation as well as stupidity nearly ended me. During this time that we were shit slapped around the planet We at one stage found ourselves an island It's how like o, you're good. We're going to get detailed I know.. Now I should mention that this particular move was during the height of COVID. so masks on the plane, permits to travel, passes to enter buildings and so forth This also meant that jobs were hard to come by as many places were closed for business. And the town we moved to was about one blink away from not existing and the cemetery was the fastest growing part of it. I was desperate and running out of the little money that we had, so I applied for absolutely everything. In fact, I applied to places who weren't even advertising and eventually it worked I landed a job as a sales assistant for a furniture store. I was fucking pumped. I don't know about you guys, but I'm not much of a fan of starving. Now is at this stage I should point out that I am six foot two and around ninety kilos, but back then purely because of the stress, I had lost thirty one kilos in about three months, putting me at fifty nine kilos at the time of getting said job. Fuck you would look like a skeleton. I should also point out that I could tell straight away that my new boss was basically the a human equivalent of a stipping on I was stepping on LGo That's a hell of a description for a boss. A first class knob who would start an argument with his own reflection He also knew my situation and that I was desperate so he had a firm grip on the old wedding tackle and fuck did he take advantage, Having me do some seriously shit jobs that weren't even remotely in my job description and paying me the absolute bare minimum to do it After working there for only a few weeks and still finding my feet on how everything operated, I went with them to a warehouse where a truck with a forty foot container on the back was waiting We hop out of the car As the truck driver opens the container and this thing is absolutely jamed packed to the roof with sofas of all shapes and sizes. My boss promptly informs me that we have one hour to unload the container before he starts paying fines Now I'm staring at this container thing and how the A I going to unload a forty foot container where even the smallest single se of sofa is way more than I do And I'm sure as hell not getting any help from a boss as he promptly makes a phone call and walks off Now, I should say that this container is on a trailer And the floor of the container is around one and a half meters off the ground I wasn't given any instructions, but I quickly assumed that I had to start unloading as I was the only person there so I climb up onto the trailer and start wrestling with the first sofa, which is a single seedater weighing approximately sixty five kilos from the top of the stack and managed to turn around facing outwards with this sofa balancing on my head This is going to end so badly. The container like jumps down and use as a post rammer to push himself through a fucking crack in the asbt. Here we go The container is full to the point that I'm balancing on my heels on the edge of the container with this fucking sofa. It is at this point that I realise I'd really fucked up. I can't put the sofa down as there is no space and I wouldn't be able to get it back into its original position. At this stage my arms are getting weak, my legs are starting to buckle and my L one to L five vertebrae have fused together. so I need to make a decision and I need to make it quick I run through some options. Option one, drop the sofa on the floor from a height, lose my job, and pay for the damages for the money I don't have Option two. tryry to call over the truck driver for help only to realise he's fucked off to the survey presumably for a pack of darts, a pion and a monster. Option three Call over my boss like fuck. I'm not giving him the opportunity to dish out the usual insults and belittling comments that he seem to enjoy doing so much Well, it seems that I'm left with only one option Jump So here I am B balancing on the edge of a container that is on a truck trailer with a so far on my head looking down at a slab of concrete and I give myself a countdown So One Jum o. Zero. Jump It is at this very moment that my boss appears from around a stack of furniture about ten meters away. He's still on the phone but we lock eyes. I am mid here. Te slows down. His facial expression changes from his default pissed off state to sheer panic. I could see in his eyes how this tightass was calculating the cost of the lawsuit that was unfolding before him as I rapidly descend back down to earth. A I felt like an eternity. My feet hit the ground. And to my amazement, I stick the landing. I'm talking fucking teens all aroundound from the judges And forortunately The sofa didn't get the memo and was still travelling at a rate of max fucking chickens towards planet Earth. And I was the meat in this particular sandwich. It is at this point that I will refer back to my weight at the time of fifty nine KGs and the weight of the sofa which is around sixty five KGs Well, this thing folded me like a piece of fucking cardboard on ben nine. It was sheer determination and enough adrenaline pumping through my body to give an elephant a fucking heart attack. The sofa never touched the ground. I held that bitch up as my knees blew out As my knees blew out and I look like an old holding with a collapse with collapse suspension. I bottomed out so hard that I'm pretty sure my sphiners stimped E think sick one this as if this wasn't bad enough. I also had a hemorrhid I had a hemorrhoid like a monkey knuckle and on him back they fuck a pop like a balloon at a porkyp convention uck I could pose myself for a second and put the sover down gently as my boss yells. What the actual fuck are you doing? It was at this point that the other three guys walk out of the warehouse and they turn out to be the guys that are doing the unloading. And they have a fucking forklift Oh shit I was only there to lend a hand if necessary. my boss just wanted to see the wanted me to see the warehouse so I have a better understanding of the operation. Anyways I ended up working for him for about a year after that before moving on. He continued to be a fucking dick, but in a strange way I kind of grew to like him and we parted on good terms The good news is I wasn't actually injured in the event, although to this day my right knee still clicks when I walk. but I also never got another hemorrhoid so fuck me that was actually worth it. This was definitely not the smartest thing I've ever done, but surprisingly it's not the dumbest either. Happy to say that after two and a half years in Australia we've settled in pretty well not planning on any more moves K keepep up the amazing work that you guys doing up the mother fucking wars. Oh that It is in a late Snd that motherfucker aheat. Yeah. That's that's where we need to be. That is fucking and can we that's that's a classic builder's classic yarn as well. Yeahep. Yeah is a fucking belter all time My podcast in. H a great R day. We'll be back on Thursday with another edition of Not for Radio. G well, go long. Oh the motherfuckking W Not for radio, J and Dunk.