Iconic Made in Chelsea Quotes

The other thing we have in common is boarding school girls. I went to four boarding schools. Shut the f<unk> up did you actually? What's the story of how Maiden Chelsea came to exist and how you ended up on it? Well I was like in my room trying to get ready for a date and I like walked out in like my underarm and then they were like, who are you? You need to be on the show. I got the bus to filming and then they made me get an event leave. Now I have heard you say that you think anxiety is a made-up construct. Well hold on when did you start thinking about the fact that you wanted to remove alcohol from your life in this serious way. You have the night, you know, things get out of control. In the time, like you just think you're having fun, even you might know you've taken it a bit far. You wake up the next day and you are just like Yeah I was pitch it hi dolls welcome to Olivia's house today's guest is TV personality f,ashion and beauty entrepreneur, author, model, and mum to two gorgeous girls is Millie Macintosh! Woo! Thank you for having me. Finally. I know finally. I feel like we've been having this conversation for a minute. We've been Instagram friends, we've been DMing back and forth, especially the last couple of weeks. We've both been in the trenches. I think everything you've been posting, I've just been like, I feel you. I don't I don't know my public ist would wish I'd post less, but also when you see something, you're like, okay, that meme or that quote really um I can we relate to that. I'm gonna post. I know it's kind of hard not to, even though I'm like, oh probably shouldn't. I just post it anyway. How are you? Like how are you today? How's how's Do you know what? I'm actually really good today. Mm-hmm. So I'm just gonna go with that. Go with good. Yeah. And every day is different, I think. Every day is so different. Um up and down. It's a journey. Mm-hmm. It's definitely, you know, life is lifing. But I'm really focused on all the positive things in my life. And there's lots of exciting stuff going on. And yeah, most days I actually feel good. On that note, we have a little tradition here in the clubhouse where I asked my guests what they want to leave at the door. Okay. It can be something, a trend, a person, a thing, it's whatever you just want to stay outside today. What is it? Anyone out there who just enjoys bringing people down. That's a good one. Just kind of people out there that are gonna take the time out their day to go on your Instagram account and leave a horrible comment. Like, what's the point? Like, did you need to do that? Is that something you've found that you've experienced more in the last few weeks of everything going on? Or is it something you've always been aware of since you've been on telly? I think it's just something I've always been aware of. And I actually don't let it bring me down. I just kind of find it sad that people feel that they need to do that. So if you don't like if you don't like me, fine. If you don't like my content, fine. But like do you need to actually make the effort to comment on it? It's just I think like Instagram social media has created the most like perverted exchange between humans because like we always say those interactions nine times out of ten, thank goodness, they would never take place face to face. Like people, I've never had anyone approach me and go, Oh, I really hated you on Love Island, but they will message you that. But if they saw you out, they probably would be like, oh, because we can get a selfie. Yeah, they would they're definitely asking for a selfie. Yeah. And then it's it's interesting that I think when you're going for a bit of a rough time or you maybe have made a mistake or like I'm going for a breakup, like I might post something and someone might DM me and go, oh well this is why your you know your relationship didn't work out. And like, what would actually go through your mind to think, yeah, this is I'm gonna write this and hit send someone. But the only way I can rationalize it is you hurt people, hurt people. And I kind of hate that bullshit because I think it gives people a like a free pass. But it is true, because no one happy or balanced behaves like that. No. Do you ever interact with those kind of comments or DMs or DMs? I try so hard not to because I think it just feeds it. Yeah. And then you then they they're like great, I got the attention I wanted from that comment. So if anything, I just don't think there's really a place for it and I don't want my that to be part of my platform. So sometimes I do like block or delete. I just don't want it there. I actually I feel I'm quite weird. I I leave rude comments because I just think it it's interaction. I'm like I also don't think sometimes people need their moment and I'm like yeah and actually fine. The only I'm like you know what you can have a little spot on take my picture yeah but it's the only time I ever and it doesn't happen too much, but if it's about if someone comments on my and it this is that pisses me off, if someone comments on my page about I don't know, they've about a rude thing about my friend or someone in my family or it's someone that had basically hasn't asked to be like, you know, totally on this stage that I've chosen to put myself, then it's gone. And they probably will get a message from me because I feel very protective over like my friends, my family who haven't asked to be a part of this, you know? D but do you reply to comments? Well, I mean, my agent is here. I don't so much anymore. I definitely in post Love Island World when you know we went into Love Island, I came out of a million followers. Like you you know there's no there's no amount of overnight PR training that can teach you how to manage like crowd control that. So I used to do a lot of like sing, you know like Michelle Obama says like they go low, we go hard. Yeah, I love that quote. I go in the mud. I I'm like I I drag you to fucking hell. Like I you I I'm go you wanna load low, I'll show you low. So I used to a lot of like you know like someone messaged me or you look like this and I'd get on them and go, have you seen yourself? You you know, fucking this, that and the other. So I used to do about lot of that. I don't so much anymore, Scarlett, so you can breathe. Um because obviously as well when you have the platform and the you know you just this has to be, you know, you're expected to kind of just take aren't you so when you like respond on their level you can get yourself in trouble and also you shouldn't do that. I'm a little bit more mature now. Little Yeah but it's the dopamine hit, right? Yes. And like, you know, as a fellow ADHD girl, you get like we love cheap dopamine. Like whether that's an interaction, dopamine, yeah. Penny dopamine, shopping, falling in love, a like a impulse decision, alcohol, we'll get onto all of that. But but let's go back because the other thing we have in common is boarding school girls. You went to an all-girls boarding school. I went to four boarding schools. Wait, shut the fuck up. Did you actually? Because you had you were having a bad time at school. That was yeah, it's like a combination of like having a bad time, one closed down, one only went up to age twelve, so I you know and then I wanted to go to the three of them were all girls and then the last one was mixed. And which like w what was your kind of if you had to overarch your experience of school, how would you? I did it's not good. Um no. I struggled to fit in, I struggled with bullying. Um, you know, being being at boarding school when I was ten was pretty hard, you know, being away from your family. Like, yeah. I think I learned quite early on kind of not to um that like my f you know my feelings weren't valid or you know I couldn't really express how I felt. And because I didn't really feel like I fit in with like a particular group of friends um and I felt like a bit of an outsider. I kind of became a bit of a chameleon. Like I didn't really know who I was so I was like okay I'll kind of be whoever this group of people like needs me to be so that I can be accepted because that felt like the kind of safest thing to do. Yeah. Well that's like an actual like human , well, it's an animalistic survival instinct because it's like the zebra in the wild that has the different stripes gets guilds. Yeah, so it's like that is like a way of surviving, especially at school. Like, no one wants to be different. But I think that when I was like reading and learning about, you know, the way you've talked about school, it would surprise people so much because, you know, most people know you from Made in Chelsea, like you're this cool girl, like you're impossibly gorgeous. It's like how could you not be, you know, how would you not have just swam through school? Like you do know what I mean? From the outside, I think people be surprised to hear the t the experience you had. Because in your words, like you were bullied at points by other girls. And it was like being bullied, you know, about my appearance uh which is insane but what would they even say to you they you know I had kind of like that teenage you know stage where kind of you're like coming into yourself but like every you've got a lot going on. I had like the acne, the braces, hadn't figured out my hair, the whole the whole the whole works. Kind of like grew really tall really quickly. So it was just like kind of like this like lanky, like uncoordinated thing, um, really awkward. Um I didn't know I have ADHD but it explains quite a lot as well. Definitely. Because I did kind of become like the class clown. To sort of yeah like the kind of troublemaker just because I think I knew I like it got attention from other people. Which is validation. Which was validation. Um and I found learning difficult. So I was like, okay, I'm just gonna be the kind of stupid one that, you know There's we had a very similar experience in school, I feel I feel I didn't struggle so much with other girls but in the sense that the what you talk about like when I felt like I was falling behind in lessons and I was I knew I would if a teacher were to call on me and ask me a question I d I didn't know the answer to, I would have found that so embarrassing. So I used to deflect by causing trouble. You know, I think obviously going to going to a boarding school is obviously a you know, it's a it's you're from a privileged situation to end up at boarding school. So I think and I understand for a lot of people it is I any It's like you can't complain about Yeah. It's like it's hard to gather sympathy around that. And it's almost like no one's asking for sympathy, but it's a very like unique and it's a very tough situation. It's if you imagine everyone had a bad day at school, but you have your bad day at school and then you can't leave. So those girls that were mean to you , like in double science, then you have to go and share a room with two of them. Like that is that's tough. And is that how did you find that difficult, that element of like I'm stuck there with these people that I don't like . Like massively, I was looking through some p some like old photo albums at my mum's house recently from the age when I was about twelve and I just looked so pissed off. And that's just like how how I remember being. I was like so angry at my parents for making me go to boarding school, so angry with the school, like I just kind of was like I'm out to cause trouble because I just wanted to rebel against the whole thing. And it yeah, it's it's hard. It's for like weeks at a time. It wasn't weekly boarding. No. Oh oh, so you were I did weekly say and the only time I didn't go home was when I was this this I was saying this someone on the day, it's really sound so draconian. Our detention was that you couldn't go home on the weekend. They said keep you in. So that the only time I wasn't home on the weekend is if I was they called it gated, which also I feel like was just so counterproductive because what you're gonna do, you keep all the naughty kids in school over the weekend when there's that skeleton crew of teachers . That's gonna fucking work. That's when I started smoking. Because I was like, what else are we gonna do? We're here all weekend. Yeah. So yeah, so that I mean that's t and you went at ten. Went at ten. And was e have you had conversations with your mum as an adult about you and has she said to you, I wish I hadn't sent you or it was it. I feel like they definitely thought they were doing the best thing for me. And like, you know, it wasn't all bad. That first school was in Dorset and we rode ponies every morning. Yeah. You know, and there was some kind of magic to it. It was a bit like St. Trinians. Yeah. But then there was also the kind of you know really bad homesickness. This is like before mobile phones. So it was like you got one phone call a home a a week and there was a lot of like you know, homesickness for for like a long time. Um and then I think maybe after about a year I kind of found it okay. And that I think it can do two things. I think I can create resilience. And I think for me, in the end, it created resilience. But I think sometimes it can cause more damage than it does. And is that what how you would feel ? I mean, I spend a lot of time in therapy talking about um some of you know the scars I have from that time in my life. But I do think it also kind of forces you to be quite independent. Yes. Which like is a good and bad thing as well. Th there's like a well, you kind of have to learn to self-soothe yeah and also I think I don't know what the schools you went to are like but you know and I'm sure I could imagine a lot of this yeah the school I went to probably is very different now like the pastoral care like for girls especially 'cause my school was like m uh historically a boys boarding school and then they introduced girls at a later point. So when I went, I think that was some of my lessons there was only like two or three girls in a lesson. So I think don't think they had really they hadn't developed how to like like nurture us. Like and we just did a lot of like, you know, I remember like, you know, there was no like sanitary stuff in the bathroom. There was no one to talk to about that. Like it it was it you just kind of were figuring it out on your own. Yeah, one of the ways I kind of figured out like one of the ways I figured out how to kind of be accepted and be like liked by the more popular girls was I taught myself how to do makeup. Okay. So I would beg my mum to like, you know, take me shopping and buy me even just like super cheap bits of makeup, just like anything I could get my hands on. And then just I can't remember if it was that was it wasn't like that was looking at YouTube tutorials. I think it was even just like books on like how to do makeup. And I would just spend hours in the mirror like trying to do it. And then the older girls at school would like ask me to do their makeup and there was like a party. And then that was kind of quite a good way in. So you had this thing that they kind of wanted, and then that was your ticket into that friendship. Yeah. And then I learned how to kind of change how I looked, and that helped kind of help me feel like I would be more accepted as well if I could kind of, you know, change my appearance. When did you start sort of dipping your toe into like drinking and party culture? Because obviously you've got your book, Bad Drunk, which is on the shelf there, and you talk the this is what you you know've been talking a lot about in the last year, your sobriety journey. What was your first memory of alcohol basically? Um, I I mean my first memory of alcohol was probably like alcohol pops, you know, kind of going to discos and parties and there'd be like the kind of WKDs, the Picardi Briezes, just like those super sweet, like they were marketed for kids. Yes. Which is Alco Pops. So fucked up. And you know, kind of just that getting that like tipsy feeling. But then quite soon it kind of turned into, you know, stealing like spirits from home, getting really drunk like before going to a party, 'cause you couldn't like really drink at a lot of these parties went like you know, you're kind of meant to be being like chaperoned, but you'd just kind of pretend it was water in your bag when you were getting ready, get really trash before, then have like a small face, be like paralytic and be like, it was just a sman or feist. Ye Yeah. And do you think like people around your parents were aware? No, because I was at boarding school. So this was still like this would be when you were there. This was asked. It would be a mixture. It would either be like I'd come home for the weekend and there was some kind of party going around. I'd go somewhere else. They weren't normally parties at my house. It was like, you know, near where I lived in the countryside. Or it would be at school. And people would like smuggle in booze. And you cultivated yourself a reputation basically of being a party girl and that kind of became Yeah. It was another way I kind of felt like I could be accepted and like fit in. And it was like an identity, it's like a hat you wore for like a many years. But you said you know, you would do things just to kind of gain the approval of your peers, but then you knew deep down that maybe you weren't still. Yeah, I think at the time I just it was like again, it was like a kind of this is how I can survive and then when I'd gone through b theullying and had a lot of insecurities and didn't really like myself when I drank, I suddenly kind of felt really good about myself. And I don't know about you, but I think that m when I think about alcohol and one of my first memories of alcohol was having ADHD and having it at that point had it been mentioned to me as a it mentioned my parents as a child. Then the conversation came up again in my teen years. But we were just saying when you came in the studio, like it wasn't something that girls were being diagnosed with. Like we kind of they would diagnose everything else around it and go, oh, she might have anxiety, she's right this. But no one ever diagnosed me of ADHD until I was 12 . But I remember the first time the first couple of times of actually drinking, everything just went really quiet in my mind. So all those racing thoughts, all those like computer tabs that are constantly open, just shut down. And still to this day, that that is the effect alcohol gives me. Yeah. And that's why people who are neurodivergent have the highest addiction rates of anyone. And did you feel that as well, that that kind of that quiet and like that all the the the chatter in your mind just kind of like went away. I don't think I had the awareness at the time to be like, oh this is what it is. My brain's like gone quieter. I just was like I like this feeling. I want to keep this feeling. I want to chase this feeling . And so whenever I could, I would get drunk. I mean I guess I know the answers to this, but would you ever send your girls to boarding school? No. No I want them under my roof. If they really wanted to go, yeah. Age sixteen and it was week ly. Different. Different. But that would probably be the only scenario I could imagine. I'd want them to hear what would you? No, I don't think so. Unless they were real little No, everyone's like wait till they're teenagers, but everyone's like, but I'm like No, but they need their mum. Yeah, I I I I f I don't think that's the kind of I can't I can't how do I say it's about making it sound bad on my mum? I know that's I feel the c I know it's hard, isn't it? 'Cause I know more like say same as you I my parents did what they thought was the absolute most, you know, w and it was and in so many ways it was a wonderful experience. My sister and brother thrived at boarding school. My sister basically ran that school more than the headmaster did. So I think for certain children, yeah, it can be amazing, especially like really sporty kids, whatever. But it I don't think that I can't see myself sending my kids to boarding school. Do you sometimes I think about obviously I'm gonna have a difficult time, you know, the whole like do as I say, not as I do, which quite hard when everything we've done is like publicly documente d. Do you ever think how you'll approach those conversations with your girls? Because they'll you know. I think I just want to be super like honest and open with them. Kind of educate them, you know, on the dang ers of alcohol. Yeah. I'm not gonna expect them to not drink because I don't drink. Like I I feel like people need to make their own mistakes and you can't like completely wrap them in cottonwool or you know just ban them from doing it because they're just gonna want to do it more. Yeah the m especially with kids the more your teenagers you say you're not doing that, the more do you I think it makes it more attractive. Like they want it more. Yeah. But I think the fact that they're gonna grow up with a mum that doesn't drink will massively help because they're not then it's not gonna be something they see me doing. Yeah. And then I'll be very open and on honest with them about my journey, my experience. Yeah. And I think if they understand that okay, the way I'm wired, they might then realize they could have problems down the line with alcohol as well. They might have that kind they have a predisposition to possibly being susceptible to a bad relationship of alcohol. I think it's just having that awareness and also understanding like the health risks as well. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's it is you know, people don't want to talk about it, but actually it is linked to so many different cancers and I think yet the younger generation now don't actually drink how we used to drink. They don't. Which is amazing. So I just hope that continues. I saw some stats from a like an alcohol brand recently. Yeah, and it's you know, m our generation millennials, we still hold up the alcohol market, like on our earth you know like Gen Z don't drink my brother you know when he was at uni my brother's twenty four now there just wasn't the drinking culture that like if you think about how you know people that uni when w w the age of we were it was insane. Yeah every night . Right, listen up because I found the ultimate cheat code for looking incredible without actually having to try. We all know the struggle with slip dresses. Usually they're either completely see-through or they have zero stretch, so you can't actually breathe or eat a single carb. Not cute. I've been a skim devotee for a long time, but the fits everybody slip dress is on a whole different level. The stretch is unreal, it just glides on and adapts your shape perfectly. It's that signature buttery fabric that feels like a second skin, and for once it actually moves with you instead of riding up every five seconds. I've been wearing mine constantly. I'll just throw an oversized blazer over it with some boots for a lunch date with the girls, or whenever I want to, just feel my best. It solves that massive problem of wanting to look and feel amazing , but also wanting to be comfortable enough to actually relax and enjoy yourself. I'm currently ordering it in every single colour. Everyone should experience this level of comfort in life. Shop Skims Fits Everybody Collection at Skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you, select podcast in the survey, and be sure to select our show, Olivia's House, in the drop-down menu that follows . You were cast I've made in Chelsea when you were twenty one years old. I didn't realize you were so young. I know. And it's so funny when still when people come up to me and they're like, Oh my god, I love you for made in Chelsea. I'm literally that was like ov like fifteen years ago. That's actually m I'd I because I gu ess when I was watching it, I don't know ev everyone felt so much older. Do you think yeah, I don't know the lives you were living and stuff but maybe I don't know, maybe that's just 'cause when you're watching someone on TV they already seem like they're kind of, you know , like levels ahead of you. I'm not sure, but 21's really young to like thrust into the spotlight. And obviously Med and Chelsea was still is one of the biggest reality shows ever to be. I mean I can't believe it's still going. So it's amazing. It's amazing. What and you were part of the original cast. What was that? How did it come about? Like what's the story of how Maiden Chelsea came to exist and how you ended up on it? So I wasn't involved in like the pilot episode, but I knew the some of the people that were. So kind of in our group of friends, we'd heard these like whispers that we didn't really know what it was, but there was some kind of thing being filmed. Um, and so they they'd actually made the pilot, and then they were looking at all the cast members like, the they would go onto their the researchers, were like go onto their Facebook pages and look at who they were friends with. And then they would try to like reach out to people, like send them a private message and be like, Can we meet you? Um and they I was living with a flatmate and she was actually being interviewed for the show. She didn't she didn't up doing it. But she was um at home being interviewed. I was like in my room trying to get ready for a date and I like walked out and like my underwear and was like, should I wear like this or this? And I don't know, I was just talking about my dating life. And then they were like, Who are you? You need to be on the show. Obviously. A producer was like, Yeah, you're gonna be on tele. But I actually had wanted to go on Britain and Ireland's next top model. Okay. And I'd and at that time I'd been auditioning for it and was like almost through to the round when you're actually on TV. Oh wow. And then that didn't I didn't get through to the final round. So at the beginning I was like no I'm not interested thinking I'm gonna go and do this other show. And then it didn't happen. And I was ended up taking the the meeting for Maiden Chelsea and then just kind of happened. And the rest is history. I know. What were you doing for work and what were you doing in your life at that time when you got cast? Um I was working at Space NK. I was as a makeup artist. So my favourite store. I mean still my favorite store as well. Um and I really enjoyed it, but I was, you know earning like twelve pounds an hour on my feet for like you know eight to ten hour shifts so I was like why not like this could be really fun. Yeah and I I you know I realized early on like the reason to do a show like that was because it could be a springboard to do other things that I wanted to do. I wasn't like okay, I'm planning to do this show like forever. I just thought like fuck it, why not? It's gonna be fun. Did you have ideas at that time of like because people always ask me when I'm about on love violin, they're like, did you go on love violin because you knew you wanted to be in telly? And I was like, genuinely, I I hadn't at that time in my life I didn't know what the hell I was gonna do or what I had I had no idea. Did you have any aspirations at that time about what you wanted from your life or were you just kind of like floating? I was kind of floating, I really didn't know. Yeah. Apart from being like I won't kind of wanted to be a makeup artist at the beginning. Yeah . Do you remember your first day on set ? I do remember this, I think it was the first day, it was definitely in the first episode when I got the bus to filming because I lived on New King's Road, so kind of actually in Fulham. Yeah. Got the bus up to King's Road and then they made me get in a Bentley. That's actually hilarious. With my friend Kaggie, and they filmed us getting out of a Bentley and going into this nightclub. And you don't actually just go off the bus. So a lot of that like, you know, people in that show obviously are from very wealthy backgrounds, but the lifestyle you were living was heavily exaggerated. Yeah. Yeah. And I wasn't even living in Chelsea. Sorry about like really ruining it forever. No, I think that people would think it's like fascinating. So this like the way that you were living in the way of say they wanted you guys to appear you that you were living, they wanted you to appear you were living a lot bigger. I mean, we were going out and partying and drinking a lot, so that part definitely wasn't exaggerated. And during those years of you know, the early years of made in Chelsea and like the the time you were on it, was alcohol crutch for you during that time? I think I was already definitely kind of, you know enjoying myself, like going out quite a lot, drinking a lot. But then suddenly the pressure of like being on TV. And and those scenes when also sometimes you'd be, you know, confronting someone and it would be really uncomfortable. You yeah, I definitely would be drinking. I'd be drinking before you know those drink throws didn't happen when I was sober . So many of those clips from those early men in Chelsea days, you must see them on TikTok too. Like they do the rounds.. Yeah Because also But they were they were really real for me those times like obviously a lot of the show is fabricated. But honestly the my storylines really weren't and when it started to feel like it was getting fabricated but I didn't wanted them to film anymore. That's when I left. But there was like one scene where it was, it was they just planned it all. They had kind of got me in a back room and kind of talking me into doing it. And then they had all the cameras ready. So like I literally did walk through in the whole sequence it wasn't like you could film it again. No. So it was like it was happening very real time. And like you say it might not be the case for everyone but you had real relationships like your relationship Hugo other people like they were And how did you navigate that as like you know in your early twenties and it would go out and then people would discuss it? Well, just like I remember watching it on a Monday night, we'd all get together, which was super awkward when you'd like fallen out with some of the castmates. And then you do like a group viewing. Yeah, we do a group viewing, and that was always just like a really boozy affair. Just remember sitting there with like an enormous glass of wine and just I'd be watching it whilst refreshing Twitter. And just pause Twitter and seeing people commentating. whatever had happened even it would probably been a few months before, but you didn't know what had made the episode until you actually saw it air. No. You didn't know how it was going to be edited. Who do you you're still friends with Kagi? Yeah. Who else do you keep in contact with from the show? Um or is that is that probably she's like the one person that she like we went into the show and like did it together and we were we'd been best friends for a long time. Yeah. Um she's the person that that I still see the most. I see Binky a bit as well. Oh yeah of course yeah Binky. And you've all got kids now. Like it's like it must be kind of wild to look back at like what your life was like and now how you all like adults. I was walking down King's Road the other day, like taking my daughter to nursery and I saw them filming Maiden Chelsea at like Bluebird . And it was just it was just really funny. And it was some of the same producers. And I it was just like this walk down memory lane. It was really nostalgic and kind of funny. Like a very full circle moment , like looking at the next generation of people that that's wild. You just said that obviously when you started to not have genuine storylines you wanted to bring to the show, that's when you started to think about leaving. How many years did you do in total? I think two. It feels like a lot longer than that, doesn't it? Yeah. I think I was only in like the first four seasons. And when you were starting to think about leaving, was it like something that you decided quite quickly or was it a decision that you let sort of you were mulling over for a while? I think I had gone through a really painful breakup and I just was finding at that point the whole thing like really difficult. And then when I met somebody new and then knew that that relationship wasn't gonna be filmed. It just didn't really make sense anymore. I didn't just be there like someone to just comment on other people's drama. Yes. So it just yeah, it just it just kind of ended quite naturally. Cause you basically you had a new relationship that y was a serious relationship and you were like, I'm gonna leave because we're not he's not gonna film, so I might as well go and do that. Yeah. Was it scary to like close the door on that ? It was a it was a bit scary um just being like what's gonna come next? Yeah what was it was what was it like when you finished Love Island? Well I guess Love Island's a different one isn't it because you know there's an end and people so I you know, I you go in I guess Love Island's different because I guess with show at Love Island every you know, God, how often do they like dump people every like four or five days they chuck and put off the show. So I guess in those early weeks you're like, fuck I really hope I don't get sent home, you know, in like we because all those embarrassing. That's what you always used to think in my head. And then once you get past like a four or five week mark, I don't know, I think secretly I was like send me home. How long how long were you on it? I was away. Well, I think I was uh R series I always get this wrong, I think our series was a nine weeks in total. And I did ten days in lockdown. So I was away from home for ten weeks, no phone, no contact with anyone at home. So the whole ten weeks. Whole ten weeks. Apart from they bring your family in on like the very last week of the show, which you just don't know if it's gonna happen. It's they kind of blindside you with it, which actually I always say to people it's a very bittersweet thing. I remember that night I couldn't sleep. I was almost like I'd almost wish I hadn't seen my mum and sister because seeing them upset then made me start thinking about the like the what's been going on like why are they upset like and then they were very produced of like what they were allowed to talk to us about. And like we were in the garden having our interactions with our families and if anyone's family starts to talk to them about like, you know, too much of home or media, they say on like that voice of God, like, um no conversations about, you know, could you want to be like do people like me, do people hate me? Yeah. I remember when they left. And I you only have at that point like a week left, but I found it actually, I think I would have rather just gone through to the last week without seeing them in a weird way. Because once I seen my sister, I was like , I just want to go now, I don't want to stay another week, and but I did on the whole, I had a really good time, but you you're thrown out into it, and then I guess I did I always get this wrong, I did like a a s series and a half of Taui and then I got pulled off Taui by the channel to do my show. So again I didn't really have to make that decision of leaving. But I think I I I'm not very good the ironic timing, I'm not very good at leaving because I'm I'm I never really trust in gem in any situation in life. I ne I'm not very good at trusting my gut because I actually don't like change. So if I was on a show like made in Chelsea and there wasn't something lined up next, I think I'd find it really difficult to make the decision. Because I like to just I like to know what's happening. Yeah. I'm so the same as you, but recently, my thing has been getting better at being okay with not knowing. That's like leaping into it and being like, I don't know, but I'm gonna figure it out. And though you mentioned therapy, I talked to my therapist about my my resistance to change. And he was said it's because you're he was telling me I I'm so hung up on it, worst case scenario. So whenever I think of anything, I'm like, I think all the things that go wrong. And he's like, why don't you put as much energy into thinking all the things that could be good? But I think it's also if you think of all the things that could go wrong and all the ways it could be horrible, it's self-protection, isn't it? I think it's like the ADHD brain as well. Yeah. You tend to have more like negative thought patterns. Definitely. But you can rewire that. You're like the the sort of the the loop is on and I almost want to try and neutralize every possible scenario in my mind so that I'm never surprised, never disappointed. But you can't relive life like that. There's a Mel Robbins um quote that I love and she just she just says when you're having those thoughts you just have to stop them in your in their tracks by saying, What if it all works out? You just say to yourself, what if it all works out? I'll be on a plane, there's a bit of fabulence, I'm like we,'re going down. Like, we're going now. Not gonna get there. I'm gonna die. I'm never gonna see my children again. And then I just have to stop myself and go like, what if it all works out? Like what if it doesn't? Like what if it lands fine? And like you know, and I just have to literally be like, no, and not let my thoughts like run away with me and let the fear take hold. That there's another, I I actually I don't even know who to credit for this a book that I've read. I've read so many books, the like the you're not special theory. And basically it's like so if you think about so for example, you know how often do plane crashes happen, right? So if you're on a plane and you're thinking, oh I'm gonna be in a plane crash, the chances are so sim. So he writes in this book, why do you think you're so special that you're gonna be this in this freak accident. It's something just why are you? So always like if you think about because I sometimes think about freak things of like you well you're not that special. So why do you think your life is not going to be mundane as every other day is for the next 10 years are going to be the same mundane shit. Why do you think you're gonna have this unique, completely, you know, unusual experience? You're probably not, and actually we we we make ourselves the main character always in our own mind. But the chances are are our lives just gonna carry on day after day, the same as the days before. But it's it's like a human thing, isn't it, to try and predict bad things that could happen. Yeah, it's like that hypervigilance. Yeah. Talking about you're a Mel Robbins fan. Obsessed. Yeah. Have you read the book? Yeah. Talk to me about the book because it's available, it's out now. What when did you actually let's talk about the sobriety journey. Okay. When did you start thinking about the fact that you wanted to remove alcohol from your life in this serious way? After I had kids. Okay. After I had kids. I mean, obviously the book is called Bad Drunk, so you know, no secret there. Um I was a bad drunk. And how do you c how do you define a bad drunk? Okay, so I would define a bad drunk as, you know, like you've there's I think there's like two types of people with drinking this. People that can kind of handle it and people that can't. And people that can handle it can probably know their limit or they can drink quite a lot and they don't really change. They kind of and they're still in control. They they can take it or leave it. They can, you know, they know or they know when to stop. Um and then if you're on a night out with them, they're not gonna have any drama, they're not gonna be falling over, they're not gonna be like, you know, doing something they regret. And then you have the people that are like falling off a table and you know, a bit having fun, but then kind of all goes a bit sour. You know, where it goes, well like this isn't fun anymore. It's fun to a point, but then you don't know when to stop. Yeah. And blackout and you know, wake up the next morning with that shame, with that regret, feeling horrific and being like, I just really r wish I hadn't done that. And that was me. And I just couldn't break the cycle. I was like, I I'm gonna figure this out. Like I'm gonna learn my limit. Like next time will be different. I'm just gonna drink tequila. I'm just gonna have three drinks. I'll stop by nine. I'm gonna have a water between each drink. Like, I tried like all these different ways of moderating, and none of them worked for me because as soon as I had one drink, it was like the fuse had been lit and it was a ticking time bomb. Were people around you at that time like friends, family, were they was it causing friction, the how you would behave if you drank too much? I think you know there were times I could drink and it wouldn't be a total shit show. So I think that also kept me for a long time thinking it's not you can't. I did just have one glass of wine and it was fine. I didn't think crazy. And then I'd be like, okay, I'm not gonna drink that often because I just can't deal with the aftermath. But then that almost almost made it worse. So I wouldn't have a drink for ages. And then when I did, the wheels would just completely come off. And I I I reckon when I was in my thirties was when I really first started to think okay, I should actually just maybe not drink. And I actually took a bit of a break from drinking for a couple of months, used a sober coach, like kind of started to understand that my drinking was really unhealthy, but it didn't stop me at that point. I don't think I was properly ready to stop. I didn't take it really seriously. I just was like, okay, I've taken a few months off, like I'm fine. And then after I had kids, and like after you've had children, you're so sleep-deprived, like your life has changed so much . You are literally different, like your your brain is different. And I found that first baby in lockdown like really difficult. And when I did have that kind of mum's night out and go out drinking like it was even more savage. Because they just wanted to release much more susceptible to alcohol. You wanted to let loose even more. My hormones were different and the anxiety like the next day . And I have heard you say that you think anxiety is a made-up construct. So I need to question you on this because like I'm I'm not I think it's amazing if you don't just don't get it, but I am a very sensitive person. I think everyone's so different like how it affects you. But I have I've always had anxiety even since I was a teenager. Like I feel horrific the next day after drinking. You know my mum messaged me um about that, I think it was on was it on Kiss Radio that clip and I I talked about the hangs up and she's she was like, You're such a stupid, she I mean I'm literally 34. She messaged saying, You're such a stupid little girl. She's like she was like encouraging your young followers to get blackout drunk. She's like I never heard so fucking ridiculous in all my life. And I was like, Well, hold on. I was like, I'm not, I am not encouraging anyone to get blackout drunk, but someone called into the show been like hangxiety kills me. The thing is, I know this from you know, hang xiety is is a real chemical imbalance in the brain because your serotonin, you're doping, everything's through the floor. So actually, it's a very real thing. What I and I'm talking to, I think it's a really interesting conversation to have because you know as someone that I'm very open about the fact I like a drink. I'm still I definitely am still a party girl, but I think that there's a difference between people that I think go out and have a good time and then just give themselves hell the next day. Like, yeah, my thing to people is always like if you had fun, you didn't hurt yourself, you didn't hurt anyone else. Why do you fucking care? Like, don't like on the other hand, if like, you know, you say if you're going out, you're getting blackout drunk, you're falling out of your friends, you're putting yourself at harm, you're blacking out in a taxi, that's then you do need to think about your choices. Like there's it then there is a line, you know, and I think that you should people shouldn't give themselves a hard time for having fun. And that's my kind of the point I was making. But there is there's a differen ce between you know having a good time and and to having a good time at detriment to like your own safety or the like the well-being of people around you. Totally. Because you talk about in the book that there was one of your worst moments. It was a 2016 Monaco Grand Prix. I mean it's very brave of you to like to kind of like ten years ago. Yeah, to pull like this sort of like the to put yourself out of that. What was uh it about that weekend that was that sticks in your memory of of being a kind of low moment? I don't know if this has ever happened to you. You're in the public eye and you like to party, so I know this happens to lots of people, you know. You yeah, you g you you have the night, you know, things get out of control, but you think you're even though in the time like you just think you're having fun, even you might know you've taken it a bit far, you wake up the next day and you are just like, fuck yeah I was pitched and it's like and then it's like that the feeling of that anxiety inside of you and then looking at your phone and seeing a hundred messages and just be feelings like you just literally want the floor to open and like swallow you up because it's that bad. And then like sh with a shaky hand being like, okay, looking at you know, go doing the Google search and it being like way worse than you even could have imagined. And just like the shame. Yeah. Like I kind of I wanted to put it in the book because I mean a lot of people will have seen it. Yeah. See, I know every time I talk about it, probably loads more people go and look at it again. Um but you I kind of felt like I had to like own it as well. Yeah. And it was probably like my most mortifying moment ever. Just seeing yourself pictured in that sort of state and they being so wasted. And how would you like we talk about anxiety though in a serious way, how would you get through those next day like the next day? Would you have an object 's annex. Yeah, okay. So you'd like self medicate go out of bed. Yeah. And that would then just kind of quiet the just trying to help. It would just kind of soothe that feeling of just that absolute dread. So you're in that cycle where you're like And then I did end up end up drinking again to like deal with how bad I felt about it and it was just kind of you know a through it was like a three day weekend. Um and then I kind of had to face the music when I got home . That was a bad one. If I ever feel tempted to drink it's a very good good thing to look at. But you have that like my wall of shame. Well there is I guess you know, being in this industry is savage sometimes, but there's an accountability factor that you say you almost there's like this, you know, this digital footprint, you know, not always, but you know that sometimes you can't avoid and you can use that I guess as like a marker point to work, I don't want to be that person anymore. When did you get the sober coach on on board? I mean I really should have like decided then to get sober. That would have made sense to really wish at that point maybe I'd thought about it. Did you even know that was a thing, an option? I didn't I d no what it didn't really occur to me. You know what I thought? I just said to myself, don't get caught next time. Yeah. So that's what it taught me. Don't get wasted don't do it at home or do it. Don't somewhere more private. Don't do it somewhere. Yeah. So it didn't really I wasn't ready for the lesson at that point when I decided to stop drinking for good nearly four years ago. I had had a big night out and I had a massive panic attack the next morning. And I I'm pa I do get panic attacks, but particularly after drinking, that would just be a massive trigger. And it was the probably the most intense panic attack I'd ever I'd ever had where I really felt like I was dying and I had root young children. And it was that fear in that moment of thinking I'm never gonna see them again. Because I literally thought I was like black like blacking out, I really thought I was about to die . And when I like kind of a few hours later when I was feeling better, I I went for a hike, but I really hung over hike. And I was like, I just said it out loud. I was like, I I just have to stop. Like I was like, this is it. I can't do this anymore. And it had been like in the back of my mind, I think quite a few times um in the months before. I would I'd gone to a wedding, I'd gone to a hen, where you know, I'd like lost a shoe, I'd you know, I'd just been that annoying drunk person that people don't want to be around. Like a liability to And I was like, I this is not who I want to be. Like I become somebody else. And this is not aligned with the women that I want to be. And I j I finally was just like enough's enough now. Like this has got to stop. Like I had like two young daughters to think about. Um, and I haven't had a drink since. I mean, that's incredible. Congratulations on that, because that's like a huge feat, and it's a huge decision to make and to stick to it as well, especially when that has been part of your life. Like you say, it's you know, it's it's is you you probably know more of your life using alcohol as a crutch for social situations than you do without it this episode is brought to you by diet coke. Okay, stop whatever you're doing. It's time for a Diet Coke break. Everyone knows I love Diet Coke. I mean, okay, just look at the fridge in the house. It's always stocked on me and my guests. So when I heard that Diet Coke were teaming up with the Devil Wears Prada 2, one of the most anticipated movies of the year I had to get involved. The Devil Wears Prada movies are legendary, from the stylish characters, the iconic New York City sets, and of course, the fashion, it's iconic. Pairing that with another iconic brand like Diet Coke, absolutely perfect. To celebrate their partnership, they're giving you a chance to win the break that everybody wants: a trip to New York. And all you have to do is scan the QR code on your Diet Coke and upload your receipt for a chance to win. Plus, there are hundreds of daily prizes, including cinema tickets, an exclusive Diet Coke, and the Devil Wears Prada 2 merch up for grabs. Scan the QR code on your Diet Coke for a chance to win the break everybody wants. Ts and C's apply, see Coke.co.uk . If someone listening to this is like is flirting with the idea of sobriety. What would be I mean, the book is essentially it's like palatable tips on how to approach . I wrote it with a doctor, so I wanted someone to explain like what actually happens to your brain and body when it's not just it's not a biography, it's a it's you talking about your experience with alcohol and then the doctor basically narrates the ways that someone reads that book and put them in place. I would say to anyone, just stop for a month. Yeah. You know, do something that feels um not too scary that's kind of bite-sized yeah and just really notice how you feel in that month and then if you feel great do another month like don't you don't have to put the pressure on yourself to say I'm never gonna drink again just become sober curious. Yeah. See how you feel without alcohol. Like you're never gonna regret not drinking for a month. You're not gonna look back and be like, I wish I'd drunk every day of that month. Because there's such a new point. You're gonna like you're gonna like everything's gonna improve in terms of like how you feel. Your bank balance is gonna be better, like you'll probably lose a dress size, like your skin's gonna look better, you're gonna sleep better. So sure. And like, you know, your mental health will improve. How do you or do you remember you your first like big like an event where you went where somewhere you would normally get like wasted and you were like doing it sober and how you felt I think I felt worse before and then like it was like that um the the pre-evit the pre like the worrying like how it would be. And then it actually wasn't as bad as I thought. Yeah. Or a couple a couple of times I did go to things where I thought this is a bit triggering. And I just left. Do you know what it is for me? And it's like I have so much admiration for sob er people , and and now as an adult, my relationship with alcohol has evolved a lot over the last 10 years, and it's like, and I know I'm not the kind of person that can really have a few and go home. And because now , and not like anything bad happens, I am like the best time and I'm look after myself. You know, I don't really cause issues for anyone, but where I've started to prioritize my care er over everything the last five years. I'm like, okay, I can't, I can't go to an event on a Tuesday and get drunk and then show up how I want to show up on a Wednesday. So I started the last five years doing a lot more things where I just don't drink. But I do find it hard being around other people drinking. That's it. Not because I'm jealous, more just 'cause they're fucking annoying. Yeah, it's no, it's not like it's not annoying what you're like. You're like oh no, get out of my face suddenly it's not as fun. No, I know. Yeah, it's nothing they're all laughing about such shit. And I'm like, that's not even funny. And I'm like, but if I if you were drunk, obviously you would be, you know, and and then you don't stay as long and you don't, you know, chase the night into the do the but then like you say you wake up the next morning and I don't go, Oh, I wish that I got do you know what I mean? It's so true. And it's such a good feeling. Even if like the night's the night's a bit awkward it's probably not sometimes it's really not fun. Yeah. But you feel like you've got to be there for whatever reas on. When you wake up the next morning you w you feel so proud and just not waking up, no shame, enjoying your coffee or whatever it is you're doing that morning without that anxiety and that dread. That's it. That makes it really worth it. Yeah. But like the first few months, like definitely was an adjustment. But then I I started to feel better and better. And then now I don't think about it. I don't think I don't wake up every day and think I don't have to drink. I just don't drink. It's just not part of your life. We touched on the ADHD. Yes. And you describe it like as your superpower, which a lot of people do. How old were you when you got your diagnosis officially? And how did that come about? I was, I think I was about 34. It's crazy, isn't it? And it just clicked one day. And my therapist had mentioned it to me one session. I think I was like jiggling my foot or something. And human. Yeah. He was like, Joe, I think you've got ADHD. I was like, okay, I do I just I'm not gonna get assessed at the moment. Like ten of it was in the back of my mind. And I think it was actually Mel Robbins talking about her ADHD and how she got diagnosed as an adult. And it was like kind of talking about surprising signs like that you might have it or things that you do. And I went through the list and was like, I do all of those things. And then I was like, okay, I'm gonna get tested and see. Um and it was actually really validating. You know, I think my mum was like, why even bother finding out now like you're an adult? But actually it's helped me have a lot more compassion for myself and understand like why I've done certain things, why I've made certain decisions, certain mistakes, why things have affected me so much, um, why I'm like it's part of me being super sensitive as well. Because it's um is it there's a site there's the dysphoria or something. Yeah the sensitiv ity like I c w I can't remember what it's called. Do you think everyone like hates you? Is that something you suffered with a l a lot? No, but like when it happens it kind of catches you off guard. Yeah. How do you feel like it shows up in your everyday life? Are you like are you aware of it? Do you do you mind if I ask if you're on med if you take meds? No, so I don't medicate it. Yeah. And it's it's a cot it's an open conversation between you know, me and my therapist for gosh, like five, six years. How I was summarized it to people. If my sister works in finance, if I worked in a city or in an office, I would 100% have to, I would, I wouldn't let' hsold my job down as simple as that. Where in this m you know my job now and working entertainment and a lot of my good stuff comes off the bat, and this is not me saying to people that you lose your creativity because I think you can find a medic ation that doesn't that I think there's you know there's more than one way to address ADHD and I don't think you lose your spark or anything like that but a lot of my sort of like my inhibition and like a lack of inhibition actually and and you know the things I say and things I think of my creativity it it comes from that however it's he he and I talk about this because some days are really hard. Yeah. And I'm meticulously organized. Like it's like militant. And I, you know, I it's something I look back on. Yeah. The way I you know, I and I under I was always just put my hands up, you know, because my way of coping was everything has to have its place. I I have lists, I have an A list, a B list. Otherwise, I wouldn't even make it out the door in the morning. So I have to set myself up for success or I'll fail. Yeah, systems in place. Systems. Yeah. And also it's like, you know, I'm I'm normally on time, I'm, I'm responsive, I'm all the things that ADHD should people shouldn't be, but that's because of the way I structure my life. You've learned to it's like coping mechanisms. But also my people in my life will sometimes catch me in a pure ADHD moment. Like I will be so late for something and then I'll walk past a plant in my house and I'll be like, that plant looks a bit sad. And I'm like, oh, I wonder if that plant needs food. Like I'm like, oh shit. What kind of plant is it? Like farm. And then someone who works for me is like, live. You meant to leave. I'm like, shit, what am I doing? Like so I do those moments, I you don't even realize you're in it. Yeah. So that's how it shows up for me. And then sometimes, you know, in the evening, you know, it's I have to come down off the racing thoughts. Yeah. I have to center myself, background noise. And for me, it's things like exercise key, you know, I like eating a like a high protein, high fat diet, like, you know, eating well and minimizing alcohol, things like that. All the things that I've just learnt, I know what I know aggravates my symptoms, I know what makes them better. Do you medicate yours? I'm not a medication for ADHD. I have tried it. I actually use it during the book writing process because that was when I really had to like lock in and focus And like you said, like I don't have an office job. So my kind of day to day life I don't really feel like I need it. No. But I used it kind of through that period. So you could actually sit down and do what you need to do. But I don't like the kind of come down from it. So when you're in it, you're kind of feeling good and you get loads done, you're super productive. But then in that that like point of the day where it starts to wear off, I I can tend to get really anxious. Yes. And have a bit of a kind of come down. Yeah. A bit like if you've had like a really intense work day and you're you know you're coming home and you've got all the adrenaline in your body and you've got to kind of wind down before you can go to sleep. I I think I thought I might like I remember just having this like weight on my chest and actually nearly going to hospital and think I can't breathe. And then realizing I'd had three coffees, taken ADHD medic ation and not eaten that day. Yeah. And and just locked in for like an eight hour writing session. And then I was like, okay, let's like work backwards from the point when I thought I needed to go to hospital and like that probably wasn't the best way to do that. You're like looking at the steps. Looking at the steps. I was like, okay. Um so I'm currently not um taking medication and I just like use my lifestyle to kind of manage my symptoms. Like you said, like exercising for me, it's like meditation, exercise are like my daily things that I they're like non-negotiable. You know, it's like um the the cycle you can get in, like whenever I've had a panic attack and I talk to even if I even I just sound bored out with like someone in my life, like if my my mum or like oh I had a it this they never come you always go it came out of nowhere it just came out of nowhere I was just but actually they never do and then when you actually like if you retrace your steps backwards of all the things you did okay the first thing I did when I opened up in the morning was opened Instagram, then I had a coffee and empty stomach. Then I, you know, had an argument with someone in the car park. And like, you know, just have it, and then you go, okay, actually, it wasn't that or didn't eat anything. Actually, all of a sudden it's not out of the blue at all. But like it like you say it's catching yourself in the s moment before you get there. Um, that's really interesting. It's really interesting talking. There are a lot more women now who have been diagnosed with ADHD, but I feel so sad that for so many of us, our teenagers and pre-teen years would have been maybe very different if we'd had that diagnosis, you know, and had that support at school. You know, I used to get one of the times I used to feel impending dread, and I thought it's just because I thought maths was boring. It was anything that was a double lesson because I knew that I was going to be on that chair for like an hour and 20 minutes. And I did'nt think I realised when I was older, when I was diagnosed, I was like, it was just it didn't matter what we're doing. They could have been putting a film on for but it was the fact that I knew I'm gonna be in this room and it started to and I had you know, I had panic text at school and they'd go, Oh, she's had another panic attack because it's double maths. And actually it wasn't anything to do with it was to do with the fact that I knew I'm gonna be but I didn't know at the time. I didn't have the awareness of what I was worried about. But it's it's you know, it's Do you do any weird ADHD th ings that you kind of do and you're like, this is just me or is this my ADHD? I mean I just think I'm a literally stone cold weirdo. Like there's no one in my life who's not like you are kooky as fuck. Like I do a lot of weird th ings. I do I mean you it's funny talking about the plain thing, yeah, because the an ADHD's classic trait, especially in women, is I nothing major freaks me out. Like we could have oxygen masks like dropping from the ceiling on a plane, and I probably killed. But then something very small can tip me over the edge. Like my people Goodness weirdly calm in situations where other people would be but then there's things that what can kind of throw me out of whack that someone would be like, That's not a big deal or like you know, I mean like someone changing plans or something. Changing plans really like set me off. Yeah, what are your things? One thing I didn't was ADHD was sometimes I'll get really obsessive about eating one particular thing. Oh my god. And then that's like the only thing Hello I want to eat bells. And I I''llll like and on I went through this stage of like wanting to eat papaya with passion fruit and Greek yogurt and honey every day. And I I if I couldn't find fresh papaya, I would get really stressed. Like it was like it's such a niche fruit. Such a niche fruit. And it was just like the exact combination. I had to have the passion fruit with it. And like looking but thinking back to like my teen years, I literally would eat the I would eat the same thing like every day. No that to be fair, I didn't even think of that, I'd do that. And I I will eat something until I'm sick of it. I mean I just put on my story And if I like something so my wardrobe is like you know who's what Simon Cow's wardrobe. Yeah I have this I put on my story. I've got like the 10 different color pairs, the bands. It takes away like the decision making process. It's like one less decision that you have to make so it's easier for your brain. And I listen to like songs on repeat. That's also like dopamine seeking. Do you listen to watch TV shows? Yeah. I've watched like friends from start to end probably I mean it I could qu I could word for word narrate along with it. But when like you say, when I'm tired at the end of a long day I'm overstimulated and whoever I was with was whether it was a friend, they go, Oh should we start this series? I'd be like, Now? Like a new series? Like you then they'd be like, Yeah, it's like seven o'clock and I'll be like, No, I I wanna watch the office for the millionth. Do you know what I mean? Because it's like comforting. Yeah. Yeah. And like in my wardrobe, it's like it's if I find a white t-shirt I like, I will order five more that night. And then they're just like in a row. Like you say, 'cause it's just you know, you know you like it. What a pair of freaks. I think it's actually sense of it. It's like I always call it near being neurospicy. Yeah. Like who wouldn't want to be neurospicy? Do you think that you yeah, I mean this is like throwing forward, but it's like, do you think you could be with someone who's like neurospicy, or do you think you need someone that's neuro-beige ? I don't know for sure, but I do think that neurodivergent people are on the same wavelength. So most of the people in my life that I have close relationships with and really get on well with and really enjoy hanging out with, they all have ADHD, even if they're not diagnosed. And it's just something about just feeling on that same wavelength. Like an understanding. Yeah, it's like an understanding. Like an under unstandwritten ing. It makes complete sense. Right, before I let you go, I want to play a little game. Okay. I'm gonna test your memory here. Oh my god. What's your memory like, by the way? Because mine's fucking diabolical. Mine I can never remember like names and faces . I actually have a real like fear about that because it I abund people all the time. Bad. Millie, how I no idea. And I don't know if it's because I was drunk when I met them. I'd have no clue. And this happens all the time. I'm just like hi, and then afterwards, I'm like, oh, what's the I'm gonna do we'll just we'll just make t-shirts blame it on ADHD, but apparently again it is an ADHD thing. My my short-term memory is amazing, but I can't remember what I did like a month ago. You know , I can't always remember even remembering. They argue their boyfriend, they bring up what the boyfriend did in, you know, two thousand. I can't remember what the boyfriend did last week. I mean it's my half my fucking problem, but yeah, my memory is so short. But yeah. We're gonna play a game straight out of Chelsea. I'm gonna read some quotes, famous quotes were made in Chelsea. And you have to see if you can remember who said them. Okay. Starting with a personal favourite, which I have used myself in obviously in jest . He normally likes other dogs, sorry . I have to say I was very proud of myself for that one liner. And it actually honestly was not planned. It did just come out. I was like, um, I said it to Victoria, Baker Harbour. It was you had the French bulldog, it was getting into the like a pet taxi or something. Or you're on the side that we're going to just I was like I was like in a in a park or something and I had the dog and then I didn't know who was coming into the scene and then I was like, oh for God's sake, this you know, this w this girl's coming in I that don't get on with. And she was like the dog started sniffing her shoe or something. She was like, Oh, I think your dog likes me. And I was like, Oh, that's weird. Usually she doesn't like other dogs. And it honestly just came out and I was like, that's what I just say. And do you have to try and hide your like celebration what's happening inside your head? I was so pleased with myself. Why is everyone getting up in my grill? Lucy Watson . Her first scene, I think. Yeah, doing the same kind of dinner setting. Were you guys like, who is this fucking girl? I yeah, I don't even know why I really had a problem with her. Um I honestly can't I think it that was just drama over nothing. It it's funny, isn't it? I remember someone asked me a little while ago about someone on tower, he was like, Oh, do you still hate blah blah? And I like I was like, I don't know, I ever hated them. I think I just I didn't have anything to do in the scene that day, so I started an argument with her you can oh wait I need to do it in the voice you can you can do it you can please I actually don't know that one you do know you weren't on the show at that point you'd go on, I think . It was Zara to Sam Thompson. Okay, I know, I don't think I watched it. When he was trying to break out of her and she was like basically begging him not to. Okay. Oh, this is so iconic. A second toast to my best friend Rosie for hooking up with Hugo while we were together and lying about it. Yeah, that was me. Um , slightly produced because the producer had like locked me in a room with a bottle of champagne before and I and I was like I just want to go home and she was like you are gonna go out there and make them feel as bad as you feel right now. So that the reality of what happened was true. They had no idea you were going to do that. No, they had no other body self- you were like they were amping you up like they amped me up to do it. What was going through your like with your heart in your throat? Yeah. Like I just was so nervous. But I just I was so hurt and upset and I just wanted to go. I mean, her eyes need ed to be like and I had someone there going, How are you feeling? And I was like, I just feel awful, I feel so like, feel like so upset. So like when they were like, don't you want to make them feel like that? And then they knew what they were doing. But it did make great T V God you producers, you just fucking Um Oh. It was yeah, it's a it was an epic moment. I don't think I'm delivering these very well, but this one. It's hard for me to respect you when you allow me to cheat on you. Sounds like something Spencer would say. Yeah. Yeah. Spencer Matthews to Louise Thompson by the River Thames. Awful. Wow. Don't fucking open your fucking fat fucking mouth, you fat fucking turkey . Is that a real one? What's that is that? Is she from the show? Is that this is Victoria DeCesca? But I was gonna about to say that's pretty fucking mean. Yeah, do you fat fucking turkey? I mean, but that's the kind of shit she would say, which is why I didn't like her. She's she's feels like not the night the friendliest girl. You know what was I was having this conversation with Catherine Ryan, it it's like culture has done like we must have like a bit of whiplashes millennials because the shit that was going on on made in Chelsea in those days and the the like misogyny and the the comments like that, you just don't that just wouldn't go on air now. Like they would, you know, like they No, you would not be able to get away with it. Yeah, like I think if you throw a drink on someone in Love Island, they'd probably like send you home. Like they're so things are so you know, and and and some things have to change, right? Like of course and some of the stuff that we thought was normal when we were growing up was not normal. But then also the TV was a lot better. Before I let you go, you have to give a recommendation for me, because I always like to ask my guests who should I have in the house next? Who do you think I should have on? I feel like Lily Allen would be good. That is a good one. Do you know her? Um, I used to like when I was younger because she knew my ex. Okay. And was she nice? Yeah, she was. I haven't seen her for a long time. But that would be a good one. Um I just love her album and I feel like she's just had like the biggest glow up and I really want to go and see her on tour. Yeah. And yeah. Lily's for listening, can we have to do it? Yeah, can we have tickets? Um That's a good one. I feel like she'd be good. Who shall I ban ? I was thinking about this. Donald Trump. That's quite a good one. Just don't I don't think his vibe would really would really work . Just his vibe. Just his shape. I think he'd really kill the vibe. It's just that whole like war crimes thing. It's not giving. It's not giving . Yeah, that's a good one. We could definitely ban him. I don't think there's anyone that wants to see him in here. Millie, thank you so much. I had I had a lot of fun talking to you, but it was also, I think it was an important conversation and thank you for being so candid because I think that there's a lot of people listening to this that will take something away from this, and it's not a conversation that a lot of people have the guts to have so openly. Um so thank you. Thanks for having me on. I actually really want to have a night out with you. But like I'll be sober, but I just feel like you're gonna bring well, you're gonna no. I will not relapse, but it would be Oh no , I didn't bring it like that. I mean it's it's very when you were I'm gonna be sober. I'm not putting you through me. No me drink. Just feel like it would be I it would just be fun. I would just literally be drunk from your energy and I wouldn't want to drink, but it would just be entertaining. I can test me that I am I am actually just insufferable sober so we don't there doesn't have to be any alcohol involved. Um where can people buy um the book Bad Drunk? anywhere that you in that you get your books. Anywhere, bookstores online Yeah, amazing. Guys, don't forget to subscribe um so you don't miss a single episode of Olivia's House. And big thank you to Millie Macintosh. Hello, it's Jamie Lang here. And Sophie Leng and we have just had a baby. Yeah, we have. So it turns out the biggest change isn't just having a baby, by the way. No, it's what it does to us. Yeah, the dynamic shifts. You're tired, you're emotional, you're slightly unhinged. Speak for yourself, so I am, but you are more so. Okay, welcome to our new show, Newly Parents. We're talking wins, we're talking arguments, we're talking everything. Oh yeah. This is newly parent. It's out right now, guys. Wherever you watch or listen to your podcast.