Breakups and Personal Growth

Oh, hey, it's the lady with no intro because this is not a typical episode. I guess a lady with no intro is an intro. Listen, listen . This is all secrets. These are all new wall-de-wall. Dad. What are you doing? Here's what I'm doing. I'm taking a little breather. Okay. I was just in New York for the Webbies. We won two, everyone. We won Best People's Voice for Science and we won Best Science Podcast. That makes our fourth Webby and I feel like I should be posting about this online more to brag about it. But it feels arduous to do that and I know I should. I don't I know people have asked like what's your least favorite thing about the podcast? And it's usually posting about it, but I'll try it. All right. So here's the deal. I've been working on this episode that's coming out next week. It's about wine. It's a two-parter. And I I didn't get it done in time, which is why it's a Wednesday and this is going up. And I thought, you know what? Let's take a breather. Let's just chit chat. I know that the parts of the show that probably are the most real to me are at the very end. So I thought I'm I'm gonna take the bra off of my heart and I'm just gonna relax and we're gonna do a wall-to-wall secrets episode. Thank you, everyone who supports the show via patreon.com/slash ologies. You can join for as little as a dollar a month. And also we have smallologies. Those are shorter kid-friendly episodes. They are G-rated. This one will not be a smallologies and it will not be G-rated, probably. Um, also, thank you to everyone who leaves reviews for the show. I didn't look one up yet. Do you want me to though? Alright, I'm gonna look one up in real time. Um I one thing that I'm not doing is editing this. I'm gonna try so hard not to edit this whole episode. The whole point is I'm gonna record it and it's gonna go up immediately. Okay . Um I haven't pre-read this. Uh Masterson 031, it says it's like the most interesting friend brought her most interesting friend. This was just me. Sorry, Masterson. Um yeah, they say that the podcast makes science approachable the same way. So that so many of us are interested, but don't think we know . I read that whole sentence wrong. Um they said uh it's so great, highly recommend. You got the gist. Uh yeah, so it's usually like I bring someone and then I bring you along for the party. But right now I'm in a dark room. There's no lights on. I have a candle lit. And this is going up in within probably an hour of me doing it. Okay, I prepared a lot of secrets. Let's get to them. All right. We're back. Oh wait, we're not back yet, because I forgot the part where I say thank you to sponsors of the show who make it possible for us to donate to a cause of this time my choosing. And thanks for doing that. Okay, now Juicy but not sweet, hoppy but not bitter. America's best selling hazy IPA for good reason. Hazy little thing. Enjoy responsibly. Today's show sponsored by Strawberry.meat. 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See Verbo.com slash trust for details . Okay, we're back. And so now I'm gonna tell you some secrets. I have written a bunch down. I've put them on little slips of paper and I'm gonna pull them from a gigantic mug that is full of secrets. Okay. And then the music goes . Okay, now we're back. Do you like how unedited this is? A lot of you don't realize how much we edit the show. Everyone's like, why don't you do video podcasts? And it's like, because we edit out a thousand um s and so many of my likes and you knows so many stammers from everyone in the show. And so the work that go on to get a show up in air is I promise you more than you could ever fathom. Jake, Mercedes, Susan Noel working behind the scenes. And so uh this one is zero of that. So I don't know. I'm nervous about this because I'm so used to editing and also I'm I get self-conscious sometimes about putting too much of myself in here. Not because I'm afraid of being vulnerable. I don't really care about that. But just I don't know how much y'all want to hear. So if you're listening to this , you're here for a reason. All right, first secret. I love that I'm like, I'm in a dark room with only candlelight, and now I can't read these slips of paper because it's too dark. Um oh my god, the first one I pulled out is that there's there might be a lot of likes and ums in this. And I feel like I already said that. So if there's a lot of likes and ums, then you're getting the real me. Sorry about it. Okay. Um the next one . Okay . Um the secret is something that is embarrassing to me and I don't think I've I can't go back to this one cafe in my neighborhood because it's a new cafe that just opened up. And I thought I'd saunter in there and do some work on my laptop because in America we don't have a lot of third spaces and in Los Angeles in particular, um I like the library, but I also like to have a beverage. So I went to this cafe, it was brand new. I was the only person in there and f in the morning and I was like this is gonna be a one-on-one situation with uh the person who's running it and so I ordered something at their recommendation and it was not a good drink. It was so sweet. I forgot to also say that like um dairy gives me bubble gut. And so I and then I was sitting there working and I was trying to fake drinking it because I knew they were like, how is it? And I just I should have asked for like a nut milk or something. And it was also like so cloyingly. And um they also didn't have Wi-Fi. But I made the most embarrassing part was that um the guy who worked there had a motorcycle out front and I was making conversation. I was like, Oh, is that your motorcycle? And he's like, Yeah it is. I like going riding and stuff like that. Um he's like, Do you ride? And I was like, I don't, but my I and I said that my husband used to, but he thought I said that he did. And so he's like, Do you ever ride with him? And I don't know why I I felt so awkward that I just was like, no. And then um he was he started talking to me about my husband's motorcycle and then I just um I just pretended like he had one still and I just didn't I don't know what happened at this this is the worst first secret because it's not coherent at all. But I'm just saying I went in, I felt really awkward because I had a one-on-one uh situation with a barista where I didn't really like the drink or the vibe or the smell and there was no Wi-Fi and I accidentally uh led him on to think that my husband had a motorcycle and so I I walk really fast past it every time. But he was really nice and I I wish the cafe the best. I'll order different next time I go in. Um next secret that I pulled out is sometimes I miss unscripted stuff, which again feels like um there's a poltergeist guiding my hand on a which of these secrets that I'm pulling out because I I as soon as I'm like this is a this is stupid secret is not even a good one, I pull out that I I miss um not writing all of my points down ahead of time and here I am, you and me in a dark room , floundering through my secrets. Okay, here we go . Um I've had two sex dreams about Andy Rich ter . The first one was at least 10 or 15 years ago. And it wasn't a sex dream, but it was at least like a heavy, petting, heavy make out dream. And it happened um on Conan's couch, which is really just like a very small love seat from what it even on TV it looks small. And in my dream, I had this like heavy makeout session with Andy Richter, and I knew he was like never gonna call me again. And then I realized later that I left my bra in the couch and I watched Conan and whoever was on the couch, I thought, I wonder if my nude bra is still on the couch. So that was this did not again. If you have been gardening or multitasking, this didn't happen. It was a sex dream. But then literally last night, I had this dream where I was on a date with Andy Richter again and he was really tall and we were like making out and I was like, I have to tell him I'm married. And I don't really know, I don't have feelings for Andy Richter in that way. I think he's fine, I think he's great. But I've never I don't have any sexual impulses. But for some reason, twice now. And I don't feel like I have random makeout dreams a lot . Andy . DM me . Don't I actually if I ever saw you, I w don't know what I would do. I would sweat so much. I'd go hide behind a plant or something. Nobody tell him if anyone knows Andy Richter. Um Okay, my next secret I pulled out of the hat was about another local cafe, which tells you a lot about uh me trying to get out of the house to work. But there's this other cafe I really like working out. They've got great drinks, great vibe. But the I've stopped going to work there because it's a laptop farm and it's all laptops all the time and people stay for hours like barnacles and then new people come in and they look around for a place to sit like it's an awkward cafeteria that no one wants to sit with them at. And I I can tell that the owner is dismayed by it and that he wishes the vibe where people coming into chit-chat and draw and read books, but instead it's just like a bunch of us who work from home, um but but don't and we work from his cafe instead. And so I've decided I think I'm gonna try to start going just to the library or to the cafe where they serve bad drinks, but they have a lot of tables. Um the next one is about a trash picker. I got this trash picker , like a dollar store, and it's one of those things where you hold it and then it has a claw at the end of it so you can pick stuff up. Right. It's great if you if you don't want to bend down to pick things up, but it's also great for picking up things that you don't want to put your fingers on, like a bottle of urine that was tossed out of a UPS truck four months ago that's been sitting in the grass down the street. So I got this trash picker and it is, I can't remember if I've told you this is a secret, but it bears repeating. It's the most fun I've had in a long time. There's something that's very video game about it where every time you see a a shiny gum wrapper or uh a sliver of um a plastic bottle cap, this thing picks it up with surgical precision and then you just put it into the little trash bag you're carrying around. Your neighborhood looks great, but it it 's something dope some some dopamine lights up, just glitter s and illuminates in a way that is like a 3D video game, but you're also picking up ephemera. Um you're you're picking up modern day archaeology, you're making the street cleaner and your eyes are scanning everywhere you go, being like, Will I find a piece of trash? I hope so. And then some days after my walk for a couple of days, I'm like, not even any trash. So get yourself a trash pick er, I promise you. It's like Pokemon Go, but for filth. Let's see the next one. We've got banana peppers. I hate 'em. Pepper and chinis, banana peppers. If I walk into like a subway or a 7-Eleven that has a you know, a bar of condiments for your hot dog I smell a banana pepper and I'm like, I gotta go. I don't know what it is. I like pickled things, I like peppers. I do know what it is. I do know what it is. I was on a Latin trip bus when I was in high school to go. I took Latin for four years in high school and once a year they had a Latin convention and it would be at some high school in California, you'd get all get on a bus, you'd pile on a bus. Imagine the demographic of people who were in a four-year Latin program . It's a lot of unshaved chin stubble from 15 year olds. It's a lot of people who are still learning about etiquette and hygiene and eye contact. And I was sitting next to this guy named Adam . Not I don't think he had learned about deodorant yet. And he's his pit smelled like peppercinis . Ex like the same sort of acrid vinegary spice and I since then I cannot I can't smell a peppercini and if the one's on a sandwich . I'd rather just give it to a pigeon . They deserve it. Okay, next one. Oh, this is a secret that's a tip too. Keep a towel in your car. I don't know if I've you've heard me say this at all before . A dish towel in the car. You're gonna need it more than you think that you will. You spill coffee on your pants, you spill an entire iced tea on your pants , somebody sneezes, somebody barfs , uh mustard shoots out of a packet when you're going down the highway with some drive-thru options. You're like having I definitely am like, take whatever leftover napkins you have, shove those in the glove compartment, but also a dish towel . I cannot tell you how often I use them and I switch them out but let's say that you find a baby possum in the road or something you got a dish towel it's so handy and while we're at it if you take a tube sock , whatever one doesn't match, or your favorite, you put that tube sock in the little door cubby that's next to you every time you have a piece of trash. Again, it could be a shiny gum wrapper, it could be a plastic top. You put that in the sock. And then next time you wash your car, you just turn that sock inside out. All those little pieces, even if it's just maybe it's an not an apple core, because I don't know how often you change it, but do not like don't put a banana peel in there. But if you've got a little something, something you got a receipt you want to put in there, that tube sock will make sure it doesn't spill . And it's discreet and I like that. So tube sock and a dish towel. Now you know what's our next one. Um okay, this is something that I I love, and it's I don't know if anyone can relate, but if you have something you love and it's been discontinued , there's a grief that's hard to explain. Because you think, number one, am I alone in being someone who loved this? Like the rest of my community, global or local, didn't love this as much as I did. So it's canceled, it's gone, it's not available. And also what what's my life gonna look like going forward? I think that's a big aspect of grief. And if something like a lip balm that you really love gets discontinued , you feel alone , because how come nobody else liked it? And also you think, what am I gonna do without this lip balm? There was a pomegranate lip balm. It was endorsed by Serena Williams. It was made by Mission Skin Care in 200 nine . I put it on before bed every single night. It stays on. I wake up. My lips look refreshed. I o I can't I every time I've gone to sleep without it in the last sixteen, seventeen years, I've been like I've used it a h a handful of times I haven't had it. So it's been discontinued for sixteen years and finally my last tube was running out, and I went on eBay and I found some and I bought 10 tubes, 10 tubes of it, and I have an actual lifetime supply. I don't care how old they are. They're good to me. And I I realize that I will pr at the rate that one uses lip balm, it's like a chapstick, I will die before these run out. And it's also weird to age and realize like a lifetime supply, the bar gets lower and lower. Like I remember w when my dad was in hospice, we bought him his favorite candy bars, which were Almond Joyce, because we ha we had to try to get calories in him and he loved them. And when I was helping out when after he died, I saw a couple almond joys still in the cabinet and I broke down sobbing because he would never eat them. But it's interesting that like three candy bars for him at that point were a lifetime supply. So you never know, you could get mowed down by a truck and you had no idea that you had like a lifetime supply of ran ch in your refrigerator because you fucking bit the dust. So you never know. I definitely am gonna die before this lip balm runs out. And if anyone else is like, I love that stuff, get in touch with whoever runs m like my estate sale. Um speaking of death and getting run over and stuff, um, I was just in New York and ah I loved it. I love New York. I always liked New York, but I was there alone. I went to the Webbies and they're like, sorry, we cannot afford you a plus one. And I was like, I'm rocking this solo then. And I was walking around New York a lot. I was trying to get my steps in. I was just vibing. I had my i eye airPsod in and they default into noise cancellation mode and I almost got mowed down by a cab more than once and I'm like I need to turn these on like really loud mode. It's so easy to vibe and it's so easy to look one way or not. And I didn't die. No one almost like ran over me, but I definitely was like, it was close. So um you gotta watch it with your life my life a movie. Um let's see what we got for the next one. You're being so patient. Thanks for hanging out with me. I this anal ogy episode about why next week is gonna be so good. And the fact that I can just sit here and ramble at you and you're here and hanging out with me makes me feel really nice. It's like, you know, when you there's someone that you like and they ask you a question and you go, thank you so much. Actually, this is what this feels like. I'm not offering you a lot of facts , very little helpful advice. I'm not cutting anything I'm saying. I'm leaving the pauses in. I'm messing up and I'm just posting it. And I'm not gonna do that every week, trust me. Cause that's not what you're here for. But every once in a while, it is really nice just to chill with y'all. Okay . Um, what's the next one ? Oh, here's a hot tip. You know how sometimes you're you've got a well okay a couple things about birthdays I love other people's birthdays I think that if you have a friend I've said this before if you have a friend and they died . And you would use that as an excuse to get out of something. Not even an excuse, but like a reason to get out of something. Like I'm sorry, I cannot go to the movies. I just found out my my friend died. I feel weird. Or if you would go to their funeral if they died they were a chum you gotta go to their birthday party if you would celebrate this person when they're dead which arguably is for you foreclosure you gotta try to celebrate them when they're alive. So I'm a big fan of birthdays, and I try to keep a birthday candle and a match in my wallet because you never know when it might be someone's birthday and you just find out or you've got to celebrate. I've been to birthday dinners. I went to a birthday dinner recently, a big birthday dinner for someone close to me. No one had a candle. Restaurant didn't had a can have a candle. There were like 25 people there. No one had a candle. She couldn't blow anything out i didn't have mine with me because i was traveling so have a candle on you you never know but also if you are tasked with like making a cake or s or bringing a cake and you feel overwhelmed by it, because I get it. Okay , you need plates, you need all kinds of stuff. Here's an idea. Make rice crispy treats instead. It's three ingredients. You need butter, you need marshmallows. You can go vegan if you want, and you need cereal . You put that together, you put that in squares, people can handle it with their hands. Who doesn't like a rice crispy treat? Sometimes people like cake, oh I'm okay, but I don't take a s they'll they'll take a sliver of rice crispy tre at. Make it easy on yourself. A couple of ingredients. No baking. You bring a rice crispy treat to the office for your coworker's birthday. You've made them happy. You've made everyone happy. And you're not cleaning up any pants and you're not having to stick a toothpick in anything to see if it's liquid in the center and burnt on the outside. So go easy on yourself. You know what? We're gonna take a break. We're gonna take a break. We're gonna donate to a charity of my choosing. And um thanks to sponsors of the show. And this week it's going to the Hand of Salvation Initiative, which I think I've talked about on the show before. Um, it's a group in Gaza, our two fri friendsends, uh, of Mercedes Maitland, she introduced me to them, and they are collecting money for people in their camp who have been displaced by the war and the genocide in Gaza, and they take the money, they distribute food to people in the camps around them. They are still living in tents. There are rodents. There are vermin. Their home is destroyed. There are children who are hungry. So they take the money and they send us videos, they send us thank you notes, they feed the people around them. Recently a windstorm knocked out their solar panel, um, which was five grand, and nobody had electricity to charge their ph ones to have communication with the outside world. So we replaced it for them. And they're wonderful people doing wonderful things. Tas nim and Nad al. And so they are on Chuffed. We're going to put the link to their fundraiser. Um we just uh wiped it clean and we're re raising money for them. So if you feel like sending them a few bucks, they're really wonderful people. We're in communication a lot and it's going it's the most grassroots um fundraising I think I've ever encountered. It's literally going to feed people around them. So um if you want more too on that conflict you can listen to our genocide episode, um, which we re-aired and uh with updates last November. Okay, that is a donation to Hand of Salvation Initiative. Thank you, Mercedes Maitland, lead editor of the show, for introducing me to them. And thank you for all of the amazing work they're doing out there . So Ollie, which is one of my favorite vitamin brands, I eat them every day. They just launched a new line of probiotics and they're made to deliver benefits beyond just your gut. They have this new precise probiotics. They're made with clinically studied strains to support not just the immune and your gut health, but your metabolism , your skin health, even your stress response. So your gut, as you know, we've talked about this, it does more than just digest food. It's at the center of all these different systems and functions in your body. So as science gets smarter about this, you can get more intentional about giving your body what it needs. And precise probiotics target specific areas of your gut microbiome that are connected to all sorts of other systems in your body, like skin and cortisol levels and metabolism. I'm a big fan of my gut and I want to take care of it like the friend that it is. I also love Ollie, so this is exciting for me. You can shop precise probiotics with skin stress response or metabolism support at Walmart EarU. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. We have to say that. Listen, times are weird. One of the things I do to cheer myself up is nail lacquer. I like looking down and my nails look beautiful and slightly threatening. That is why I'm obsessed with Mooncat. If you're not familiar with Mooncat, first of all, welcome. All of their nail colors are like art in a bottle. They have a collection. It's a 2026 spring collection called Deadly by Nature.. It's science It's creepy. It's everything I love. And the shades are inspired by some of nature's most deadly and misunderstood animals and plants, like the Black Widow spider, deadly nightshade, snake venom, de ath's trumpet. Ugh. They also have their first ever solar nail lacquers, which change colors when exposed to sunlight. Why am I yelling at you about it? I just am excited. I want you to see it also. All of their nail lacquers, by the way, are vegan, cruelty-free, tan-free. When I opened this box of Mooncat nail lacquers, it felt like my birthday. I thought, who invented these colors? And how do they know my soul so well? My fingernails , my toenails, never before have they represented what's in my heart. You can discover the full collection now at mooncat.com. I don't know how they do it. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you haven't heard me gushing about Squarespace for years, it's an all-in-one website platform. Whether you're trying to grow a business you have or if you're just a baby business getting started, it has everything you need. That's where I secured my domain name. It helped me build a professional site. I can update it so easily. I've been using Squarespace since before Oligies existed. After procrastinating for years, I literally built my website in one evening. They have templ ates, they have flexible editing tools. Squarespace also makes it easy to share your work. You can book clients, you can get paid. They have built-in tools for scheduling and invoicing and email all in one place. Whenever someone I know needs a website, whether they're a scientist that needs to put their work up or someone who's just starting a business, I'm like, dude, Squarespace. So head to squarespace.com slash ologies for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code OLOGIS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You can do it. Maybe you're a content creator, you're a restaurant owner, maybe you've run a dry cleaner, maybe you have a podcast. Business owners need fast, reliable internet in order to adapt new daily challenges. And Spectrum Business keeps businesses of all sizes connected seamlessly with fast, reliable internet, advanced Wi-Fi, phone, TV, and mobile services. Maybe you're like, I need something specific. Spectrum Business offers tailored connectivity solutions. They have packages built for your business budget, and they also offer 100% US-based customer support 24-7 to help you stay up and running. Millions of business owners rely on Spectrum Business to keep them connected. I myself am a spectrum business customer. This show would not get to your ears without Spectrum. And I have totally different needs than someone who has a different kind of business. I need fast internet, I gotta upload, I gotta download quick. There's also mobile so I could go work out of the house. And yeah, and I've had to call and be like, help me reset my modem. And they've been very helpful. So it's working for me. Visit spectrum.com slash business to learn more. That's spectrum.com/slash business. Restriction supply, services not available in all areas. Here's what I like. I like to think less and look better. Who doesn't want that? That's why every single time I record an ad for quince, I'm like, guess what I'm wearing right now? You guessed it, I've got a quince sweater on. Why, Allie? Because everything looks nice, it's classic, it's high quality, I feel good and I look put together. And Quince uses premium materials like 100% European linen, organic cotton, ultra soft denim. They have great linen pants, they have dresses and tops. They start at $30 . They're just effortless. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories. They cut out the middlemen so you're paying for quality and good craftsmanship, not brand markup. Every time I go on their website, I say, oop, that's something I could use. Also, great for gifts. So refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com slash ologies for free shipping on your first order in $3 65 day returns now available in Canada too. So that's qin ce. com slash ologies for free shipping and 3 65 day returns. Quince dot com slasholog ies . Thanks to sponsors for making donations possible every week, which is my favorite part about doing the show. Okay . Okay, we're back. More secrets. Thank you for sticking with me so much. I'm glad you're still here. Sometimes I get really freaked out about doing the show. I've done it for what, um, eight years, I think. We're almost yeah, we're on our eighth year. No, we're on our ninth year. We're gonna turn nine this year. We've we've done 500 episodes, over 500. The allergies episode that we did, the allergies allergy episode that we did a few weeks back was our 500th, and we just like unceremoniously passed five hundred episodes. We're always racing to the finish line to get these out. Um we do sixty five episodes a year on this feed and then for smallogy is we do fifty episodes a year if you have children and you want some kids safe stuff, you can go to um look up SMLOGs, S M O L O G I E S, wherever you get podcasts, and you'll find some kid friendly ones. We put them out once a week. So we were hustling. We're a very small team and um and we're all really passionate about what we're doing. And I forgot what I was talking about. But um thanks for being here. There was a point to that. And if I were editing this, I would do an aside here, but I'm not. Okay. What's our next secret ? Um honestly, thanks for being here. Um oh sav ing my san ity. I kept losing my phone and I felt like I was losing my mind. We've all lost our minds. It's been a really weird 2026. And also, if you're more tired than usual, I get it, I'm right there with you. But I kept losing my phone, I couldn't find where it was, and I feel like I would walk past all the time. And I got a the most obnoxious phone case that I could buy at this little kiosk, and it's bright, bright, bright fuchsia, and it's sav ed my whole brain. I can see it in my purse, I can see it it when I leave behind I don't walk past it five times because it's dark same with your wallet if you have a dark wallet you're gonna lose that shit all the time get yourself a bright colored wallet and you're not gonna leave it behind in a restaurant booth or in a cab . You're gonna be able to see it at the bottom of your bag. Get something bright. I can't tell you how much that's changed my life, I swear to God. Okay. Um it's worth it. And you can get a cheap one. Um okay, sometimes people ask if we've ever taken an episode down, and we've only done it one time, and it was Cephology, which we put out in uh 2018, right around the midterms, and it's the science of voting. We also have a political sociology one, which is about um like the sociology of voting. But this one is a cephalogy one, it's about how elections run, and the audio sucked such shit. It was the worst audio . And also, we talked a lot about very specific midterm election stuff. And I was like, I don't feel like this is comprehensive. And if people go to find information about voting, they're just gonna hear a lot about like who's gonna flip what and the audio sucks. So I took it down, which means that we could do another one. And I'm thinking it's time for that. So um we may have to do another election one. Next secret . Connor Knightington is a friend of mine. We both worked for CBS. He works on CBS Sunday mornings. He's a delight. And he wrote a book called Leave Only Footprints. It's about national parks. He went to a bunch of national parks and he wrote about them. And he also intersperses some stuff about his love life and things he's processing. Anyway, he's a good pal. And my mom and my sister are in a book club, and his book came up and they mentioned that that was the book they're reading and I was like, I know Connor, so I sent him a message and I was like, my my family wants to know whatever happened with your love life. He provided an update, which I won't hear 'cause you're gonna have to follow him and find out for yourself . But um he zoomed into their book club, which was such a day maker, what a delight. And um, so I'm gonna plug his book here, leave only footprints and say thank you for showing up to my mom and my sister's book club. They said that they're going to talk about it like until everyone dies. Like it was such a highlight. Also, he might get I don't think he'd get pissed at me for this, but he's single. Well, there you go. That's the spoiler on his love life. And he lives in Seattle. He did not tell me to say this, but I'm just saying : if you like absolute darlings who like the outdoors and you live in Seattle, I don't know. Do not do anything creepy. Please nobody do anything creepy, but I just think he's a delight and I just uh I think you should get his book and also I'm I'm hoping that everything works out for him. And I don't know. That's all I'm saying. Um let's talk about lip liner. Uh I love a lip stain. I love putting on lipstick once and then not thinking about it. And I really don't like if you're sipping something and then you see like a half moon of of like chunky pink on whatever you're whatever the vessel you're drinking from, it gives me the heebie jeebies. So I love a lip stain. I've tried a bunch. I swatched a bunch on my hand recently and it looked like I had uh skin disease but the one that has worked the best the cover girl out last it's like a little pen you have to you should probably store it upside down because it works better. And that thing lasts all day. Great colors. Not paying me. Um again. And if CoverGirls Evil, I'm so sorry . I'll look into it. There's so many evil companies . Um next secret. God, every company's evil. Every company is evil. Almost. It's like if you're making money, you're you're evil, probably. I'm not saying you should burn down a warehouse . But I am saying we have a revolutionology episode you should listen to. Okay, here's a hot tip. Clean out your night stand drawer. If you have a nightstand and it has a drawer or it's just has a top to it and you're feeling depressed for any reason, see aforementioned discussion about revolutionology, clean it out. See what's in there. You know how sometimes you put the stuff that you don't want anyone to find in the nightstand drawer? Clean it out. See what's in there. Put your mind at ease. You got a junk drawer? I like to call it a utility drawer because I think junk is pejor ative. But clean it out, see what's in there. Every time you open it, you're gonna be like , got my shit together. Look at that. Your the top drawer of your bathroom where you keep all your stuff, including the toothbrush that you hide from your husband because you don't really like the electric one, although thank you so much for all the people who wrote to me after listening to my secret about how I I I don't know if I'm over-stimulated by an electric toothbrush. It seems chaotic to me. Toothpaste flings everywhere. It's too much. And someone's like, just use it in the shower. And I'm like, so showered twice a day now at least or and after I eat anything garlicky I'm I'm gonna try to go back to the the uh the oral bee I promise. But um clean out a drawer that you use the most and you'll feel so good about yourself. It's kind of it's like the best therapy you can buy in 12 minutes. Also time yourself and see how long it took you to do it. Cause I'm sure that you're like, ugh, by the time you actually time it, it'll take you less than 15 minutes and you'll feel so put together. Um, there are people that I see in the airport. Jarrett calls these Jarrett and I call these airport ladies. And they're the people who are like going through a TSA and they're wearing a nice outfit. Their hair looks like it's been brushed. They probably smell good, their socks match, um, they're not floundering, they don't look like someone just woke them up and shoved them in a place they don't want to be. And I call them airport ladies, and I'm like, I wonder if I'm ever gonna be an airport lady, like a lady who looks put together and looks like she knows where she's supposed to be when . And I swear clean out of drawer, you're gonna feel like an airport lady. Okay. Um I'm still not an airport lady, but a couple times I've gotten up early enough to do my hair and put on makeup and wear like an like not pajamas to the airport, and I'm like, feels good.. Feels good But if you wear high heels in an airport, what are you doing? What are you doing? You don't have to prove that much. You don't have to prove that to anyone. But I've seen people in stilettos in an airport and I'm like, you're doing too much. I want them to take it off. Um I went to the Webbies this past week and or it was a couple days ago, and all the speeches are only allowed to be five minutes long. I mean, oh my god, five words . That's so different. Five words long. So everyone has to prepare ahead of time. It's five words. Everything goes so fast. They're so quippy. They're so funny. No one's like, I forgot to thank my kindergarten teacher for inspiring me. Just five words. I was supposed to record like a video with mine . I haven't done it yet. I need to upload it. I think that mine is gonna be either everything's interesting if you ask, or scientists will save your ass. And I'm not sure which one it should be. Maybe you guys can let me know in some comments or something . Um Um okay let's do another one . Um thanks again for being here. Um my dog sat on my face today and I could smell her breath and it made me so happy. She smells she smells her breath smells like like if you got a seafood tower at a restaurant, you couldn't finish and you got it to go and then you left it in the car. She smells like dental floss after like a lobster dinner. And I've just brushed her teeth and we take her in regularly to our vet. She's got a lot of teeth pulled. She's 13. She's 14. I think it's time again. But she likes to sit on pillows. If she has the option to sit on a pillow, she'll sit on it. Doesn't matter who else is on it. And I was lying on the couch today because I was taking a break from writing this wine episode that's going to come out next week now. Because I decided to do this one instead. And um I put a pillow on my head to block out the sunlight and because I was feeling beleaguered and she crawled up onto the pillow and she sat on the pillow that was on my face and her face was right above my nose and I could smell every molecule coming out of there . I love that girl . What would I do without her? I'd probably sleep in a little later . But I wouldn't trade her for the world. I almost started crying because I love her so much. She's 13. I don't want to think about what her lifespan is gonna be . I don't want to think about it. Um, another secret medium build, the band and medium build. I think it's just one guy um who calls himself a band and I missed his show last year in LA and I'm so sad I did and I keep being like, when's he gonna play again? But um Jarrett just shaved his beard and he left a mustache and I had um music streaming on my TV and I looked over and Jarrett was standing in front of the TV and medium build was on the TV and they look so similar and I took a picture and I'll have to post it on the ology's Instagram because it's really uncanny. But his music is great and melancholy and beautiful and uh I get the song The Yoke uh with him and Julian Baker stuck in my head a lot and um there's also one called Crying Over You and it talks a lot about places in LA. Oh, it's so good. Okay. Um Another secret when I see people taking grad photos, like I was just in New York and there were so many people in the public library there who were in their graduation outfits getting, you know, pictures taken 'cause it's very beautiful and picturesque and huge tall cathedral ceilings and marble everywhere and stacks of books and like oak and water fountain. It's so beautiful. That's what a library. And so there are so many people and in taking their also wedding photos. I think some people maybe had gotten married that day or in the library. There are a lot of a lot of brides and grooms as well. But um but whenever I see anyone taking a grad photo, I always just want to be like, congratulated. You've probably been through so much. And I hope that you don't have any units left over and that this isn't just like an honorary thing and you can actually chill. Although also who Whew, job market is hard and I hope they have something lined up. I don't know. Maybe it's it's I'm lucky that I podcast. I'm I'm lucky that I have a job and the the only person that can fire me is for the most part right now me, which I would sometimes I think I would get I would give myself the sternest talking to. Like my performance reviews would be like, why did you put up a whole episode of secrets instead of the wine episode? Like, um, why did you blame jet lag on uh having horrible sleep and then your brain was too flustered to finish the episode? Like, why can't I would demote myself if I could, but unfortunately I'm the only me I've got. Um let's see. I'll give you guys a c I thank you for hanging out. I hope this feels like a hangout . I don't I guess I don't care though because I'll tell you the truth. If we've been doing this for so long and you know we research, we edit, I write out all my talking points or script, I have all my citations and stuff like that. And sometimes it makes me worried that the fac ade or the artifice is what is valuable, and I worry that the more me I am, or the more raw the edges , the more repugnant I might be to listeners or disappointing or something. So I think that having this mishap where I don't have the episode, but I have to put I don't have to put something up, but I I'm on again on contract for f sixty five episodes a year, so I do have to put something up. But um but doing this free form like this is a good exposure therapy to being a little bit more unedited here and there and not feeling like I need to be perfect. It's also tough when you're on the internet, you have a lot of feedback and sometimes it's great and other times you go and you filter what you say through the madd est person who could leave a comment to you. And in trying to please everyone, you please no one, not even yourself. And so you start talking or you start thinking even and ideating in a voice where the fewest people will be upset with you from a pedantic standpoint. And I don't know, the spontaneity kind of gets lost there. And maybe as time goes on, you would think that you would get more and more confident and more and more like, fuck you. And there are are parts of me that like that but at the same time you just think any any upset DM I get or something I'm gonna have to maybe you know deal with or have a some sort of conflict resolution or I ignore it and I feel like a jerk. And so anyway, sometimes um you just think I'll insulate myself with this guise of having it together, which is really really counter productive to creativity 'cause I feel like being creative and being a little weird um and leaving your ums and likes in and things like that is gives other people permission to be more of themselves and not overthink so much. Um but what I was gonna tell you is plan your fucking wives' birthday parties . I'm glad this secret came up because I'm feeling hot under the collar about it . Here's the thing. I have friends who are having big birthdays, and I have several friends having milestone birthdays Been married for like 20 years, whatever, their husbands are doing absol ute bub kiss for them. And we're like, hey, are you gonna plan like a party? Are you gonna do do you wanna a surprise party? Do you wanna like plan a getaway with some of her close friends? And the husbands were like, well I don't know. I asked her and she said she didn't know. So then what happens is the labor gets outsourced to her best friend s who have been doing this since the bridal shower er time, you know, since the twenty first birthday time, since the wedding shower, bridal shower everything. Ladies have to plan the fucking parties and you don't notice it when it's a 21st birthday because people aren't usually with long term partners then unless it's like Utah or something. And with bridal showers and baby showers, it's like that's vagina adjacent, so ladies are on it. But then it comes to the big birthdays, and I'm not saying all of you at all, but I'm saying some dudes are like, well, and then the ladies are like, okay, well, let's figure out what your ideal birthday would be. Let's figure out where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Who do you want to be with? Da da da . And so we're out here planning these. And I'm like, you know what? You live with this woman had your children. You've lived with her for 20 years. You're trying to tell me you don't know what her perfect day looks like. Does she like Like Hawaiian shave ice? Does she like rice crispy treats? Does she like gelato? Does she want an ice cream cake? You're telling me you have no idea. You can't even come up with a you can't even fumble a surprise and at least try . Instead , I'm out here planning my girlfriend's birthday parties and the dudes are nowhere . Pisses me off. Don't say, I don't know. If you have a wife if you have a husband I feel like this is a a hetero problem more I mean let's be real, but if you have a partner who has a thing coming up. Try ya get it in there . I'm so pants . I just am like how disrespectful, you know how disrespectful. Okay . Make a rice crisp retreat though. Um okay. Another secret, if you listen to the enigmatology episode about magic and puzzles, which are the same ology, and I found a magician who writes New York Times crossword puzzles, you might remember that I was like, I see great. I don't really like crossword puzzles. I've never liked them. I don't like doing them. They stress me out. Something clicked. Something happened recently. I've been bricking my phone. It's this a brick is this little thing you can get for 50 bucks. And you can tell it which apps to brick and you have to physically touch your phone to it if you want to unbrick. So it keeps you from scrolling and it's very handy. Another reason why I don't like posting because I have to go unbrick my phone. But I don't have the crossword app on Bricked and I've been really liking it. It's kind of like if you've ever solved a wordle and you go beep boop beep beep beep beep beep. I solved a wordle. I feel a little good about myself. It's like that, but there's like forty different wordles to solve, sort of. And then you start getting used to the uh, oh, there's a question mark at the end of this. This is gonna be a little pun, this is gonna be a little tricky. And what it taught me from a weird like existential level of self-acceptance was like, well, of course I couldn't have gotten that word when I first tried because it's a little joke or a pun. I never would have guessed that, but I worked around it and then it gave me the clues. Or I went and I worked on this cluster of words for a while and I came back to it and then the word popped in my head. So I didn't like crosswords for a long time because I felt like and also like don't start with the Saturday and the Saturday has like a bunch of weird crossword inside jokes and like who's the composer who d and you're like I don't fucking know. Start with the Monday, start with the Tuesday. He's into it. But it does make you feel accomplished and it does teach you that things are a process and that it's okay if you don't know at first, you just keep working on it. So crosswords. Also, I don't want to get dementia. If they tell me to do the crossword, and I'll have fewer plaques in my brain, and I'll remember who I am until I die, which might be me getting hit by a cab next time I go to New York with a lifetime supply of lip balm in my nightstand that's clean. So be it . Okay. Uh last secret I'm gonna tell you. I think we've okay . We talked about we've talked about vegetarianism many times and about how I'm an aspiring vegetarian. I c'utve back on meat a lot . Um, but I know that any animal product is especially with factory farming, is not good for animals. And it's something that in the future uh we're gonna find meat eating and eating from factory farms reprehensible. Like I there's no way morally to justify it. And I talked about this, I'm literally forgetting what episode we did last week. Um we've done so many episodes. Turkeys. Yeah. Okay. So um and I talked a little bit about how any reduction in meat is a good one, but and also how if you drive on roads and you live in a house, like you've killed animals and you've displaced animals, and you kill animals all the time. And also, what is an animal? If you wash a mite off your face