Practical Steps for Internal Healing

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That's orderlymeds d. com slash podcast. orrderlymeds dot com slash podcast Because every new season is an opportunity to take the next step forward Compounded medications are not FDA approved, elligibility required and determined by a licensed provider. Individual results may vary see website for details You all know that feeling after a breakup Where you're sitting in confusion H and heartbreak. And all you want is some sort of explanation That helps the pain make sense. You replay conversations, reread old texts, stalk their social media, and drive yourself crazy searching for the perfect answer that might make the breakup hurt even just a little bit less. Eventually, you convince yourself that what you actually need is one more conversation with your ex I know you've done this I think almost everyone has been there at some point Because one of the hardest parts of heartbreak is how badly the mind wants resolution When a significant relationship in your life ends without the clarity you need Your brain can get stuck spiraling over and over, trying to understand why your heart and your nervous system are so deregulated Wanting a sense of closure is not true. Because right now, you think Closure is finally hearing the explanation that makes the reason for the breakup Click into place I think if your ex could just admit they handle things the wrong way you'd finally feel free enough to let go You might even think your ex doesn't realize how badly they've hurt you. and you tell yourself if only they could know Things would be different The reality is Real closure does not come from another person and the journey to true genuine closure It begins the moment you stop expecting the person who hurt you Be the one who heals you. cooach a lot of people through breakups and closeure conversations And one of the ways that it's not been helpful is we think more information leads to more healing But more often than not, more information leads to more questions. So when you go through a breakup, you think if I had all the answers, I'd be satisfied Whereas what happens when you get the answers is you just have loads more questions. Your brain needs to fix the loop. It needs to end the cycle But the problem is more information just perpetuates more questions Here's the thing. Heartbreak already creates enough emotional turmoil as it is And I know that coupling that with uncertainty about why you've been left heartbroken can feel almost unbearable. In fact, brain imaging studies have found that romantic rejection actually activates many of the same neural pathways associated with physical pain Craving and addiction withdrawal That's part of why heartbreak can feel so obsessive Your mind keeps trying to return to the source of the attachment looking for relief, even though returning to it is really just making the healing time slower They've actually talked about how heartbreak can feel like your heart is actually breaking Like you're detoxing from a drug It's a hard cycle to escape You replay conversations, trying to figure out what you missed You reread old texts looking for hidden meaning You stalk social media, ask mutual friends for updates, and decide reaching out to them is the only way you'll ever feel better. But instead of helping you heal All of these behaviors are actually just keeping you emotionally attached to a relationship that's over You're staying stuck becausecause the thing you want to change isn't changing. You don't need further analysis You need the harder thing acceptance. The trap of a closure conversation is that it makes you think closure will come from an external source when really, true closure comes from focusing on healing internally The heartbreak actually begins to lessen when you turn the focus back toward yourself. The hard part is your brain is not going to naturally want to look inward and prioritize your own healing right after a breakup The human brain hates unresolved endings Psychologists who study the need for cognitive closure have found that people inherently seek certainty and we struggle when we feel stuck in ambiguity or unanswered questions The brain wants a conclusion it can make sense of. as a means of releasing constant tension When something important feels unresolved, your mind will keep returning to it over and over, trying to reduce that discomfort That's part of why breakups can feel so mentally all consuming, especially when an ending feels confusing or incomplete. But what your brain doesn't realize is that you may never get the explanation that finally feels satisfying enough whichich means we can't allow our healing to depend on eventually receiving this form of closure X won't give you what you truly need Sometimes they genuinely do not understand themselves well enough to explain their behavior clearly Sometimes they avoid difficult conversations because they're emotionally immature Sometimes they've already told you the truth, but it just hurts too much for you to accept I know that might sound harsh actually should be empowering becausecause the truth is You hold all the power for your own healing. Even if they give you an explanation, your deeper emotional wound will remain open because what you're really searching for is emotional safety reassurance and self worth And those things cannot permanently come from another person They have to come from within you s do you stop Even though I know it can be incredibly painful The journey to acceptance begins with going no contact with your former partner It's not punishment It's not manipulation, it's not a strategy to make them miss you It's truly just giving yourself the space you need for your nervous system to begin to regulate again On from there will you be able to mentally begin processing the relationship's end. And when I say no contact, I don't just mean not texting them or calling them. Don't check their social media Don't ask their friends how they ask. Don't try and figure out how they're doing it work I know how uncomfortable silence feels after a heartbreak person has been woven into your daily routine to rep part of your lifestyle. Losing contact with them can genuinely feel destabilizing Heartbreak suddenly shrinks your world Your routines revolved around one person our Thoughts revolved around one person. Your nervous system revolved around one person And suddenly when they're gone There's this massive emptiness where your attention used to go The foundation of your life will temporarily upend Research on attachment theory shows that close relationships become deeply integrated into our emotional regulation systems which means losing that connection can disrupt everything about your sense of emotional stability That's why healing requires rebuilding structure Internity Wake up at the same time every day and do something that makes you feel good moveve your body, make your favorite coffee, check in with friends, this is the time to pour into yourself with the energy your ex was taking. Because even though it's hard, what that separation and silence eventually does is force to sit with yourself again. You start confronting the deeper questions underneath the greve And that's where closure can actually begin Ask yourself Where did I lose myself in this relationship What toxic patterns was I repeating What about this relationship was actually never working What emotional baggage did it expose in me that existed long before this person entered my life? It's uncomort It's hard This is the work that actually changes you for the better. Instead of wondering, what are they thinking about me You need to start asking What did this relationship reveal about me Where did you abandon your own needs Where did you depend on another person for validation, reassurance or emotional stability What fears were you o prperaying from One of the most useful things you can do after a breakup is write down every moment in the relationship where you felt emotionally dismissed anxious, unheard, or disconnected Heartbreak has a way of romanticizing people once they're gone. Your brain starts replaying the highs and forgetting all the moments that were hard or even hurtful. Writing things down helps interrupt that distortion so you can finally begin seeing things more clearly. Look, a lot of us unconsciously use the search for external closure as a way of avoiding doing this deeper self work Analyzing another person is easier than confronting yourself brereakups that change you for the better are the ones that force you to be more honest with where you're at Acceptance that closure is internal stops you from endlessly negotiating with what you should do What you should say, how you should act right now just need to be It's vital that you take this time after a relationship ends to give yourself space to process Psychologists studying self compassion have found that people who practice being supportive toward oneself when experiencing suffering tend to recover more resiliently than people who approach themselves with harsh self criticism A period of pain, heartbreak and confusion will us So you need to look out for yourself during it. Stop yourself from falling back into toxic patterns, negative behaviors, or any coping mechanisms that are just keeping you emotionally stuck Real closure is behavioral And that's in your control. Right now, you don't actually need the perfect explanation from your ex You need to behave as someone who takes care of themselves differently than they did in this partnership Do the work now and you'll protect yourself the next time life puts you in a similar situation. And I think this is an important distinction because people often imagine healing as this emotional finish line where they suddenly stop caring, hurting or thinking about the relationship And all those things are true in a sense because eventually this dark, painful period will pass. But on a deeper level You don't know you've actually healed until life presents you with a future emotional trigger and you no longer react the same way you used to Look at it this way Relationships are cycles of connection, rupture and repair In healthy relationships, conflict or rupture eventually leads back to understanding and reconnection But when relationships end abruptly or painfully, you can get emotionally stranded in a place of rupture with no way to get back to a phase of connection. People spend years trying to emotionally understand the original relationship looking for that repair in a partnership that's gone They want the other person to finally understand them correctly, validate their growth, acknowledge their hur or mirror back the emotional progress they've made The truth is That repair you're seeking won't come from a partner that's gone It will show up when a new relationship reflects back the same insecurities, fears, attachment wounds, communication patterns, or abandonment triggers And this time, it doesn't end in Rupture This time, you've learned to work through these cycles in a way that's healthy, consistent and emotionally protects yourself. That's closure Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of EarsSay. the Audible and IHart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary, Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science. And what happens when you wake up alone very far from Earth? I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. and it's like, okay, yo, yeo, yo is this indulgent? And I really thought about it, I was like, No, at this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't Go through it. There's places in this book deeply emotionally affected me And I left it on the mic. That's great becausecause it served the story. People will say like, oh my Godd, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too. Listen to EarsSay, the Audible and I heart audioobook Club On the Arhartt Radio apppp or wherever youre getting a podcasts. Smmer is here At Orderly Meds, we know this time as a reminder that life is full of new beginnings Whether you're celebrating the nice weather, starting a new chapter, planning a vacation, or simply looking ahead to what's next This season can be the perfect time to invest in yourself and your home If you've struggled with weight loss and are curious about GLP one medications, orderly Meds can help you learn about your options Through a simple virtual process, you can connect with licensed medical professionals who can determine whether treatment may be appropriate for you. Getting started is fast, convenient, and happens online from the comfort of home. This summer, consider a new approach to feeling your best. And visit orrderlymeds d. com slash podcast to learn more. That's orrderlymeds dot com slash podcast. orrderlymeds dot com slash podcast Because every new season is an opportunity to take the next step forward Compounded medications are not FDA approved, elligibility required and determined by a licensed provider. Individual results may vary see website for details Her doesn't love warm carby comfort, satisfying sandwiches, loaded bagels, rich mac and cheese. Craaywthy and smart, Herobread's loows bagels and noodles have just zero to five gram snack carbs, zero grams sugar and up to nineteen grams of protein and thirty two grams of fiber per serving. Herobread bakes with heart healthy olive oil and delivers a soft, fluffy, flavorful experience you love. Shop now on herero. Co. Use code iHart for ten percent off. That's herero d. coo forerving n low calorie food, some products contain alloow. See nutrition info on hereroot co for sodium and sugar content Maybe in your last relationship, you ignored red flags because you were afraid of losing the person. Closure happens when someone new shows you the same warning signs This time, you walk away early instead of negotiating yourself out of your intuition. Maybe your old relationship made you anxious because you constantly needed reassurance in order to feel secure. Closure happens when you learn how to regulate your own emotions instead of making another person fully responsible for stabilizing your nervous system. Maybe used to confuse nerves with passion emotional volatility with chemistry or obsession with love Closure happens when someone enters your life who triggers those butterflies and anxious attachment styles. But you now recognize that as inconsistency and not attraction Researchers studying post traumatic growth have found that difficult life experiences can often lead to deeper self awareness, stronger relationships, increased emotional resilience, and greater clarity around personal values That doesn't mean heartbreak is good or that suffering is something to seek. It does mean pain can become transformative in powerful, life altering ways I remember when I lived in New York and I was four months away from being broke. We had four months for rent and groceries, and I was under immense stress and pressure because we had thirty days before my visa ran out and I'd have to leave the country I have never dug that deep One of my mentors said to me that when you're in pain youll realize your potential That moment is one I look back on to realize how much emotional resilience I have to remember how much depth I have, to remember how much courage I have because I can't believe I got through it When you reflect on how you move through difficult times, You get more energy to move through new challenges today We have to look back at moments when we did hard things in order to do new hard things in the future By focusing on yourself and your growth during a stressful, painful time You can save yourself years of heartbreak down the road Real closure is not this cinematic moment where your ex finally says exactly what you need to hear and you run into their arms and everything feels perfect for another fleeting moment It's months of hard work, internal analysis, and getting honest with yourself about the baggage you've been carrying in past relationships Beautiful is that losing someone? It does not mean losing yourself It's actually quite the opposite Closure is coming back to yourself Remembering you've got your own bat You can trust yourself and you're capable of changing your own life for the better Closure is about who you become moving forward in a way that aligns with the journey to your highest potential And that's something your ex partner can never give you Eventually the moment you once stal would heal you The final text, the final conversation, the final answer It stops mattering to you because your life is no longer emotionally centered around the relationship anymore. It's centered around a better version of yourself The number one way to get closure after a breakup is to accept that you may never get the apology that you deserve. When you keep wishing, wanting and waiting for an apology keeps you attached to the relationship The moment you release that desire is the moment you are truly free. The second thing is to separate fact from interpretations. When you think about your memory, your memory has all these ideas and interpretations and the goal is to look at your memory and really think about the fact, notot just a story Not just the narrative, but the actual fact What happened What was going on What's the closest thing you can get to the truth? When you look at the facts versus just the story and narrative, you actually get a sense of what you actually went through As I said before, the brain has this tendency during a breakup to romanticize the relationship You look back at a picture and you only see the smiles in the photo. but up the mindset, the argument that you had just before. You think about all the incredible places you went to but not about how much you didn't like planning it together. You think about all the incredible times you had But you forget all the arguments to and from the event at night or the birthday party of your friend. It's really fascinating how the brain only serves you up best memories and takes away all the hard ones. and that's why it's important that you focus on the facts, not just the interpretations. This is probably the most important advice I can give you on closure Say the unsaid. evenven if they'll never hear it A lot of us feel that we wish we could have one more conversation with that person. We wish they could hear our pain We wish we could tell them how we felt And many of us may never get that chance But say the unstead Write a letter Sare what hurt you experienced. Share the pain you went through, share the dreams you had, share the grief you're experiencing S E Write it down. Leave it on the page. It's so important to get out of your head on paper Because otherwise your mind will just spiral and crash out And so many of us get lost in that overthinking and over evaluation Maybe even thinking that we'll run into them one day But you have the ability to get it out on the page. You can then burn it can throw in the trash You can even send it to them energetically to realize that you've passed it on It's so important to feel that transfer. From your energy to theirs from your heart to theirs, from your mind to theirs and to not limit it by physical proximity You may never see this person again. You may never get to have this conversation But that doesn't mean you don't get to feel the emotions when you put them onto paper And actually when you do that, that's the process that helps you feel and heal That's why it's important. It's not important because we somehow believe through some fluffy version that they're gonna to feel the impact of this won't But what we do know is that you get to feel an experience the emotion of saying it to them which for you, And your heart and mind is so, so important One of the biggest mistakes we make after a breakup is that we keep opening up old wounds for new evidence We read our old messages, hoping to find new answers. We read old cards in order to discover new red flags We look back at pictures and our camera roll in our WhatsApp thread. order to hope that we can find a new narrative. All that does is keep you stopped in that relationship even when it no longer exists It's like being embedded into something that is no longer real.