Building Longevity and Connection in Love

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Summer iss a gift It's a gift of days that last a little longer, a brighter state of mind So give yourself a new Kia at the KEia Summer Sticker S sales event Especially tagged vehicles including the Srento, Sportage, Carnival, as well as the Nurohybrid, all backed by a ten year one hundred thousand mile limited powertrain warranty. So the gift of summer can keep on giving for summers to come. Kia Movement that inspires. Call eight hundred three three threety four K for details host Jaree event and seven hundred six twenty six to deealer for warranty details Discover a spectacular island destination with crystal blue seas, endless sunshine, and the cool Bahamian breeze. Baamar, located in Nassau Bahamas offers your choice of three luxury hotels, over forty five fine dining and nightlife venues, John Batiste's All New Jazz Club, the Caribbean's most luxurious casino, and one of the kind experiences for the entire family likeike our fifteen acre tropical water park, wildlife sanctuaries, world class golf course, and so much more. Visit bahamar d. com today. Most of us don't struggle to find peace, we struggle to slow down long enough to feel it. In this conversation with Melissa Wood, we explore what it actually takes to stay grounded when life doesn't slow down and why so many of us feel disconnected even when everything looks fine. I share the practices that keep me centered and what we need to let go of to actually feel calm If you've been feeling overwhelmed, you don't want to miss this conversation. We live in such a chaotic world and there's just this buzz of energy going on. I mean, I live in New York City And you can hear, you know sirens constantly. so to be able to drop into yourself is it's the reason I know I'm here and the reason that I've been able to build and blossom in the way that I have. and I think the more that I've gotten to know about you and your story I feel that is like the one thing in people They struggle with the most. They like battle with this is finding this peace within themselves And I, you know, I'd love to know where The seed of this all really came from for you. If you ask me about in a piece, my honest answer is my mum. and I really believe that a mother's love can be the greatest shield to all of the challenges, stresses, pains and pressures that a kid can go through growing up And so my childhood was not easy by any means But I feel like my mother's love wasas this give she owed that When I look back on it, I think How do I not have any cuts on me? And how do I not have any scars And where are my battle wounds And the beautiful part of that is you realize your mother's love protected you then you ought to realize that maybe your mum took some of those wounds for you And that's the hardest part because As you grow up and you want The people around you also feel peace and also feel love and also feel joy. that they hoped you have You realize you can't always control that And so the cedar pece for me is definitely my mother's love. I think everything that's good about me is because of how my momum raised me and All the credit goes to her becausecause yeah, she loves me more than anything in the world. and I still feel it today I love your mom your your love for your mother. It's 's so real and as a mother myself, I'm like, that is think when people are like, what is your greatest wish in life It's to have my children talk about me the way you talk about your mother and your parents. L it's just you know, I think when when you look at Just like, what's the point of it all, you know? and to have that were literally bringing into this world feel that because I didn't feel that I I hope and I pray that everyone feels what you felt and I know that's why I feel so much passion about the way that I parent because I want to break a cycle I have broken a cycle and in your home wasas your mom a meditator, was she like what were where did all of this ground did like mama bear energy come from from her. You know what? it was She was the hardest worker I knew And so she woke up earlier than us She'd do her prayers in the morning. But at that time Spirituality and religion to me were very ritualistic in how it was practiced at home We did it on a particular day. it didn't have meaning. It didn't necessarily have a spirit It didn't really have I guess, to some degree at least Or at least from the outside in it didn't feel that way to me. But I think for me I just saw my momum working hard I saw her making a fresh breakfast, lunch and dinner for my sister every day dropping us to school Picking us up from school going back out to work Coming back home, she was the breadwinner of the family She did everything. and To be honest, I think that's where I get my work ethic from is watching my mum just work so hard a life when it wasn't really handing her out any favourors or it wasn't giving her the best opportunities, or it wasn't like things were lining up for her But I don't remember hearing her complain And I remember her making a big deal out of it remember her getting on with it and you know, I think I remember once when I was going through a bit of a tough time And I don't talk to my momum about that in that way. Our relationship today is very much. I check in with her. She ask me what I ate I tell her I love her She asked me a bit about something that's happening in my world which she doesn't fully understand. And it's a sweet interaction. But once I remember telling her that it was a really stressful time and I wouldn't usually say that to my mum This was around seven eight years ago. And she said to me, she goes, Well, you're really good at dealing with stress And I said, what do you mean? And my mom doesn't give me pet talks either And she said, Yeahah, when you were in my stomach, you went through a lot of stress I was under a lot of stress because you're really good at dealing with it And that like I remember just like crying that day because I almost I had no idea what she meant, but I also know what she meant and there was so much in that coded message that she shared with me. And I felt so much strength and resilience from it from that reminder and at the same time felt sadness and pain from the fact that she'd undergone so much at that time. It gave me such a boost And so I think It's not sometimes the Peace doesn't always come from peace It comes from knowing how to be still in chaos and I think sometimes we're hoping that if we create a peaceful atmosphere People will learn peace And I don't think that's the case I think it's giving people the skills and tools to know how to be still in a chaotic atmosphere That creates peace. And I think that's what my mom did not consciously or intentionally But simply by watching her work and watching her move I was sure that That's how she got through chaos Does that make sense? It totally makes sense So how did you crereate your practice of stillness And I want to know what it looks like. Yeah. like the real end. Yeah, yeah, yeah I really believe that my practice of stillness came from in the beginning, listening to my inner voice And I probably started listening to my inner voice when I was around fourteen years old. And I remember that very strongly. because there were expectations for my parents from family and I disagreed with them. or my inner voice did And I was strong enough and courageous enough at the time to stand up for them And I felt that's what stillness really was Stillness was the ability to say This is where I stand This is how I feel This is what's important to me. this is what I value. That's real stillness There's the external stillness of what we think of. calm ocean or a calm lake, but To me real stillness is I'm immovable in my spirit and immovable in my conviction, that's real stillness I stand up for something There's a beautiful quote from Mind Luther King where he said that If you can't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. And so stillness to me is that ability to say, I'm here. And at that time, it wasn't serious. It was me telling my parents I didn't want to study sciences. Yeah. And you know, you're arguing over what tootally What you're gonna focus on at school, It wasn't deep, but it was the seed of learning how to be still. That gave me chills Right L, I've never really thought about it in that exact way, but that is exactly what it is. It's it's standing so strong in who you are and what you believe and Regardless of all of the stuff and the opinion shopping. it's like, you know, when I think of it, it's like being with self and It doesn't mean that it needs to be quiet or anything. It's actually really going inside to the depths of your soul I know you can literally do anywhere I do it you know, on a park bench in an Uber, on an airplane, when you learn how to do that. It's something that just like sharpens these intuitive tools within yourself and you can tap in like, I mean, right before I did it. Like I'm just like, okay, like just do it, go. like it's It is something that we all have the ability to do. Absolutely. yeah, it's not and it's When you first start listening to that voice It's going to be really quiet It's going to be really soft because it's been ignored for so long It's been shunned and put aside and then it gains confidence And then it gets stronger and it gets louder and it gets more courageous and it gets more powerful. And so When you first start listening to that voice which is what makes you im moovable In the beginning, it may be a bit shaky The voice might even be a bit shaky. But it will gain strength as you listen to it and as you follow it And I think for me now my practice means being able to reconnect with that voice in and amongst all that noise and I think it's about giving that voice Hey personersality, a character, a name, a identity That makes it easier for you to recognize it becausecause as you get older, there's more voices There's your voice that is true to you That's buried in the voices of everyone's expectations And that's buried in the voices of society. and then that's buried in the voices of social media. And then that's buried in the voice of your boss. your team, your friends, whatever it may be. So your voice that you're saying gives you stillness is clouded by all of this noise. And so hearing it and identifying it becomes the biggest challenge And so for me I usually know That is my voice because and this is true for me and it may not be true for others and you've got to find the characteristics that are true for you. For me, usually no one agrees with me. And that makes me go, yeah, that's I know my voice. because no one really agrees with me. Me too. Yeah. right? And it's like no one agrees with me. Most people are probably gonna to think I'm crazy or don't really vibe with it. and I'm probably going to have to go against the grain. There's going to be some resistance. That's what I found with mine. O Yeah, other people will say, o, I feel lots of flow and I feel lots of opening doors. Mine's the opposite. I've always felt that my voice means I'm now going to have to break down doors and fight my way there And that's just what's worked for me And I'm just more prepared for it now because I've done it so many times And and I mean, we can talk more about and I'm happy to talk more about M of the stillness that we'd assume is stillness too, if that's important. Well I can definitely do that. Yeah. mean It's all so important. I love just you know, my My favorite thing about having a conversation with anyone who us has mastered the mind and continues to be on this quest, right? Because you can master the mind one day and then you wake up and you're like And sis, you got to get back to work. It's like this never ending. And I will honestly tell you here in my forties, I'm like Is there ever going to be a day where I just wake up and it's like, you know what? You can just skip this day. For me, I can't. I have to continue to quite literally like get to work inside myself because it has opened up a world beyond anything that I thought. could have ever happened for me. And knowing that it's It's shifted and changed everything inside of me. and to be able to experience what it shifted in other people, I'm like This is my work. You know, and it it's what has created other beautiful things in my life, but there's actually nothing more important any day to me and I really mean this And I'm a mom and I'm a wife But I can tell you that Taking care of my mind First, es comes before anything else. And if if I don't, Things are just different. I'm just more reactive. I'm not who I know my like purest highest self to be and It's just this You know, it's this never ending like beautiful journey of literally opening my eyes every day and realizing that, even when I don't w to do it, you know Summer' is a gift The gift of days that last a little longer, a brighter state of mind So giveift yourself a new Kia at the Kia Summer Sticker sales event, Especially tagacked vehicles including the Serento, Sportage, Carnival, as well as the Nuro Hybrid. all backed by a ten year one hundred thousand mile limited powertrain warranty. So the gift of summer can keep on giving for summers to come. Kia Movement that inspires. Call eight hundred thirty three four K for details hosoafree event and seven hundred six twenty six to deala for warranty details Hey,'s Ry Reynolds from MitMobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited preremium wireless for fifteen dollarars a month is back So I thought it would be fun if we made fifteen dollars bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at midmobile d. com slash swwitch. Upront payment forty five dollars for three months, ninety dollars for six mons one hundred ninetyllars forelveth plan required fifteenllars for month equival to taxes extra. initial term only greater than fifty gigabtes and slow netk busy term Hey everyone. It's Cal Penn, host of EarsSay, the Audible and IHart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Will Wheaton who played Gordy Le Chance in Stand By Me forty years ago and now narrates Stephen King's The Body, the novella that inspired it all We talk about what it's like to return to a story that shaped his life, channeling his memories of River Phoenix and the recording booth, and why the friendships you have at twelve might be the most important ones you'll ever have I know Gordy Lchance. I am Gordia Lchance. Like I mean, even when I was a little kid, I was Gordia Lachance when I didn't know it Listen to ears say the Audible and IHart Audioobook Club on the IHart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts How did you? do that when there's such a societal conditioning for women especially to forego their own needs for the family children partner. I feel so many women feel that. and then it comes with the guilt of I'm putting myself first What was it for you that What reframe helped you do that because I think so many peopleople want that, they need it, but then the shame, the guilt, the conditioning kind of becomes overwhelming. and it's especially true for women way more than it is for men. so by the way, that's true for my mom. L when I look at my mom's life Everything I was saying, my mom sacrificed everything. For being a nurture and, I've reaped the benefits of that, but at the same time as now an adult son All I want is for my mom to have taken out time for herself. R Like that's what my wish I wonder what was the reframe for you that you get to that conviction of you being so clear that Your mind is your first priority in like complete honesty Pew, it's hard to even say without choking up is from not growing up in a happy home. that I like will do anything everything in my power to ing love and happiness and joy and fulfillment into like the energy of my home. and thinkink when you When you grow up in a house where There's just mental struggles and mental illness and just mental health you know, it's a battle. And for me, it's just knowing that I could so easily shift in that gar. likeike that is my natural state. I can go there so quick I know I have to work I have to work extra hard And it's not even about hard at this point It's it's about this devotion. It's this daily devotion to myself, to my family to my team to my community, to any person that I interact with because I know that I want to wake up and operate at a frequency that is at a vibration that I never felt growing up, I didn't really know that was felt at home. So it's It's so like deep you feel it. It's so deep in my soul that it' it's like do it when I don't want to do it because of that That's beaif. Yeah really special Thank you for sharing it. Yeah. So what does your practice look like? Be you're so wise and you know it's easy to look at someone like yourself and just think like, oh, you have it all. Like look what you've built. like you're the You know, top and wellness podcast in the world. You're the I think when you like strip back the layers of being a human Like we all have these inner struggles and these things that we're up against and some look different for others. So so what is it with you? like what and how Do you devote to yourself to keep coming back and just stay so connected to yourself and your purpose One of my favorite practices that I do on a daily and weekly basis is called Seeds and Weeds. And so when I'm making choices every day I ask myself whether that choice is a seed or a weed Am I planting a seed that will one day turn into a beautiful tree? and bear fruit give shade to others and be a beautiful place to rest. Or am I planting a weed? which will eventually strangle The newborn tree in its infancy and kill all the things that are good in my garden and That simple practice is a practice of evaluating intentions and actions. So When I'm saying yes to something Is my intention, my ego And is my action aligned with that orr when I'm saying yes to something is my intention Joy and purpose. And is my action aligned with that by the way, I've made mistakes on both of those And you only learn by planting a weed and a couple of years later feeling the weed Grab a hold of it and even if you did it unconsciously, by the way, sometimes it's not like you consciously made a bad choice. You subconsciously, you unconsciously, you unintentionally did it But that's why it happened. teach you to raise to you so Now it's very clear to me that I think of seeds P. Love. Joy commitment duty, responsibility. accountability, those are all seeds Weeds are ego jealousy Ager Harrison L illusion. These are all weirds And we have the ability just by pausing to know which one we're watering and which one we're planting And so I will visualize myself Unweeding my garden of my mind I'll literally visualize myself grabbing hold of the root of a weed. Pulling it out in order to dispose of it from my mind because that's what it takes. and visualizing myself. and by the way, I'm terrible at gardening, so I have no idea why my brain works this way But the idea of planting a seed very deeply in the soil and making sure that it has sunlight and water and everything else that it needs. So to me, that practice has been one of the game changers in my life because it's something that I can always be honest. and that's all that's required. So are you sitting in a meditation first? When I first started this, I would do it on paper And so I would literally draw a line down the middle of the page. And on one side wr seeds and one side wr weeds I then made a list of categories of what seeds are to me, which I just named to you, and then a list of what weeds are to me And then I'll look at the next choice So the next deal, the next partnership The next career venture. love that. whatever it may be And then I get to be honest with myself Sometimes I would honestly put in the weed and still do it because I was being pulled, but recognizing it was a weed. And sometimes I'd be like, no, it's a weed Can I upgrade my intention to a seed? Can it? Be improved And so it gives you a real map of being able to figure it out. It's almost like looking at a garden and going Well, do I want to plant rose bushes over there? Do I want to plant, you know, whatever else it is and I like the idea of doing it on paper and writing seeds and weeds on either side and having a list of seeds and a list of weeds and then looking at every choice. That's a big choice, a career choice, a relationship choice. It's almost like, am I getting into this relationship because I'm scared of being alone or because this person is compatible with my values and vision. Am I staying in this relationship Because I'm settling for less than I deserve, because I'm scared if anyone will ever love me Or am I staying in this relationship because I believe we can make it work.ight. Every single decision, you know whether it's a seed or weed. Yes. But because we think of our decisions as Final and fatalistic We don't talk about them in the right way whereas when you think about a seed and a weed, you realize it's something that can be grown and cut And so all of a sudden you approach your life You realize a seed has a long journey and so does a weed So if you catch a weed when it's only got to fifty percent of your garden, You can still take it out. It's not a decision that can't be changed. I love that so much. I'm definitely going to start thinking about that when I'm like in that, you know, when you're just like But I but hold on a second. And I think thing that I've learned in this place when you were maybe not feeling certainty because we live in such an uncertain world. way to really gain certainty is to trust and to go with the thing and to give it one hundred percent of what you have. Yes, right? becausecause that's how you're going to, like certainty is going to come through. whether you made the right decision or the wrong decion.ally Yeah. And I don't think there is a right or wrong decision I think there's too much pressure on making the right or wrong decision But I think that You can choose to make something work for you and make something right if you desire to. I think The wrong decision is just a harder decision. It may come with more discomfort, it may come with more stress, and therefore we think, o, I made the wrong decision But sometimes that leads you to your greatest growth and your greatest lesson And I think as as you as you're smiling to that, it's like I think there's a beautiful quote that I love and it says that I've never seen a strong person with an easy past And it goes back to what we were saying about children or about raising someone that over prrotecting and by over Huddling you create something we You don't create something strong because it never had to build the resilience or the strength to fight off anything that was bad for it. And so by allowing yourself to make mistakes. Yes, but then from that mistake taking strength can transform everything. Everything. As you just said that, it's I feel like I you know, really been in this space of being so conscious of my vocabulary because Sting and really listening to the words that I use. have really helped me realize like, wow, I was holding myself back for so many years the the limited beliefs that I was just saying every single day. So as soon as I said that I swear to you, I was like There's a different way to say that. But like that's a beautiful thing, right? Because I think about all of the quote unquote, like wrong decisions, if you will, that I've made have without a doubt made me the strongest, most resilient version of myself and also made me realize It's not It's not Is that wrong? that you had to take to get to the right. Th for you. rightight? Yeah, absolutely. I mean As you were saying that, I was just thinking How many people downplay their wins in order to make other people feel comfortable How many people will complain about their day just because they know it will make other people feel better. Yeah. How many people will lie about or even make up a relationship issue they have in order to feel more relatable to everyone else. And it's really interesting how quickly we all start creating our own drama and stress and pressure in how we talk to ourselves. because we think that's what makes us connect with everyone around us. If someone's gossiping Or if I match their frequency, now we can connect over something If someone's talking bad about someone, if I join in, now we can connect about something And we all do it. I do it too. Totally It's what you're saying. It's like, wait a minute Are we raising our frequency? Are we lowering it? And to me, that goes back to making a choice because every time you lower your frequency that becomes your frequency You become more like what you critique, you become more like what you compare, you become more like what you complain about? And all of a sudden you realize, You're becoming all the things you didn't want to be. And it is all about how we talk to ourselves. I think How we talk to ourselves and how we talk to people we love Yes. Oh, that's a big one. Yeah being able to recognize the words that you use to the person that is the closest to you I mean, I feel like that has been one of my biggest awakenings this year too that you know, when you're when I'm like in my zone or just like meditating. That's like one thing for me. like when I'm It's very verbally communicated in my home because everyone wants mom to meditate because when mom wants o, they're like that my children, I mean, my husband's like You didn't meditate. And listen, I know people are like, but it shouldn't it completely change the person that you are, Yes. actually, trust me, you want this. So it's a known thing and I can feel myself if Noah interrupts me. I'm just like the fire, but I'm just Softening those edges and learning that like there is a way to not be so snappy Summer iss a gif It's the gift of days that last a little longer Brighter state of mind So giveift yourself a new Kia at the KA Summer Sticker Sales event, Epecially taged vehicles including the Serrento, Sportage, Carnival, as well as the Nuro Hybrid. All backed by a ten year one hundred thousand mile limited powertrain warranty. So the gift of summer can keep on giving for summers to come. Kia Movement that inspires. Call eight hundred three three four K for Details hostoafree event and seven hundred six twenty six to deealer for warranty details Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of EarsSay. Audible and IHart Audiobook Cub. This week on the podcast, I amm sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobobook Pject Hail Mary, Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science. And what happens when you wake up alone very far from Earth? I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. and it's like, okay, yo, yeo, yo is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, No, at this point it would kind of be betraying the trust, the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. There's places in this book deeply emotionally affected me And I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story peopleople will say like, Ohh my god, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude me too. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and I heart audiobook club On the Arart Radio app or wherever youre getting a podcast. discover a spectacular island destination with crystal blue seas, endless sunshine, and the cool Bahamian breeze Baham Mar, located in Nassau Bahamas, offers your choice of three luxury hotels, the richly refined Rosewood, the playfully hip SLS, and the stylishly modern Grand Hyatt With over forty five restaurants, bars, and lounges, Bahamar serves up delicious dining from world renowned chefs like Daniel Balud and Marcus Samuelson, nightlife venues like the newew John Batesee Jazz Club, and the Caribbean's most luxurious casino. At Baahamar, you'll find every pleasure under the sun, and one of a kind experiences for the entire family, like Baja Bay, our fifteen acre lush tropical water park Interactive wildlife experiences, including our daily flamingo parade, world class golf, tennis, spa and so much more. Visit banhamar. com today and discover a vacation destination where memories are made for a lifetime Bahamar, life spectacular You're reminding me of an experience I had when I lived as a monk for three years. there was a One train journey we went on that was around Somewhere between two to three days, there was a journey from North India to South India. And when you're a monk, you don't You travel generally by train, especially when you're in a country And withith a backpack, right? With a backpack. Tiny little. Yeah, totally. And it takes like two to three days to get to the south we were going on a pilgrimage And so I get on this train and You know, I'm born and raised in London, like the be in London is amazing and the trains in London are amazing and the trains in India When you're a mon, you're not there is no such thing as coach. It's like whatever's less than coach. And I'm not kidding you. I got on this train and I went to use the restroom and for anyone who's been to India back in the day. And that train still had it that way, the The bathroom is not a toilet that you'd find in a Western home. Right. It's a hole in the floor. I've heard. and I walked in and it was the whole bathroom and the train was so filthy. We just got on the train. It was so filthy I decided to fast for two to three days because I didn't want to use it. I just didn't want to go in there So I'm on this train and the train's chaotic. I thought I had a seat. But there is no assigned seating, everyveryone' sitting everywhere. There's people sitting on the floor, there's people sitting on the chair. And I told my monk teacher, I said I think when we stopped because it was a long haul train, the stops would be like ten minutes, fifteen minutes, twenty minutes at a station. There weren't these quick stops. And so I said to him, I said, You know what during the next you know, time on this train. I'm going to get off. the train meditate somewhere near the station and then jump back on the train. And I just want you to know that And he asked me why and I said, Well, because it's more peaceful jum off and I'd find somewhere in the corner of a station. I'd say it's more peaceful than the train because the train is just chaotic. There's people everywhere and there's nobody to sit And he saw me do this a few times, and then he sat me down and he said to me, He said, Jay, do you think Life is going to be peaceful like the star or chaotic like the train. And I said, It's going to be both But I think it's going to be more like the train And he said, Yeahah, that's why you need to learn how to meditate on the train. And it was just a really great lesson because That idea of just I was looking for peace to create peace And his point was, don't look for peace to create peace. Find peace in the chaos because then you've really found peace. And so I remember meditating on that train in the middle of crowds, people getting on and off people sleeping where I was meant to be sitting That's what's given me the ability to what you were just saying to meditate in the Bak of Ua. to meditone in a plane to meditate wherever you are because that's the skill you are trying to develop. And so I think sometimes when I'm being disturbed during meditation I see as the best thing that could happen because that's the test of can I really It's so true. And like, you know, when you're like real, you know, every time I meditate, I'm not transcending energy, but sometimes you You really are and I specifically in that very moment was what I chose. see what my husband needed. And I really it's such a vivid moment because I saw a version of myself I've created in a way that I've always wanted to. And it was so subtle, but I do think in relationships, especially These are the things that keep you together. Yeah. respectfully talking to your partner. and you know, I feel like there's like, I want to go in two directions with you right now because I'm like, okay, I want to think more like a monk, but like how does a monk meditate? Is it TM? Like tellell me exactly how do you meditate? Yeah. so I have three meditation practices. Okay you'll be aware of some of them or maybe all of them. The first is breathwork.. I think you and your audience and community will know so much about this. and it's as simple as that. for me, breathwork is how I start my day because to me Breath is at the core of everything. I remember when I was at my first day of being a monk And I was watching a young monk these children monks how to do something at their first F school. So I went and watched. And I asked him what he was teaching them and he said I was teaching them how to breathe And he said, what did you learn on your first day of school? And I said, one, two, three, ABC, I don't know. And he said, Well, here we teach them how to breathe because we believe that the only thing that stays with you from the moment you're born the moment you die your breath And he said, your breath is connected to every emotion you experience in life. So what changes when you're happy? You're bat. What changes when you're sad, you're bat What changes when you're joyful your breath, what changes when you're crying, your breath And he said Every emotion under the sun is connected to your breath So if you learn to navigate your breath You'll know how to navigate life He was ten years old. and I couldn't believe just how powerful it was. and so to me Day is dictated by the quality of our breath for anyone who works out, you know if you're breathing right, you can lift heavier, you can push harder. If you cold plunge, you can stay in there longer. You can deal with so much. yourour body can push it to limits breathing properly. The athletes that we all admire can push themselves because they're breathing properly. The musicians who sing at the top of their lungs or play wind instruments beautifully can do that because they're breathing properly. Your breath, whether you look at it through science or spirituality, is deeply connected to human performance. If you're out of energy, you can change it with your breath Right? You can transform everything Every. And so to me, starting your day with breathwor Is life changing and You know, whatever practice you do for me, it's usually aligning my breath and my body So it's breathing in. Can we do it? Yeah absolutely. Oh, I'd love to. I just literally felt it. Of course, let's do it. I love it. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm always being careful because I don't like to tell people something they already know and doing and stuff love it. So what I like to do is what I find is when you wake up in the morning We wt experience one of two things Your body's ahead of your mind your body's running around and your mind is saying, I wish we were still in bed. orr you're experiencing the opposite Your mind is racing around And your body's saying, I wish we were still in bed So this practice aligns your body and mind You're now bringing them both together so that they can be collaborative partners for the day rather than live in this stress and tension, the whole day competing for your energy and your attention And so it's as simple as we're going to take an inhale. I'm going to count And we're gonna to inhale for a count of four And I'm going to excel for a count of four. It's as simple as that and the goal is to align your personal pace countounting for your breath with your breath. So you're aligning your breath and your body. You're breathing in at the same pace as you're counting in your mind to breathe in for a count of four And out for four Inhale T Three Excel T Three Remember in your own pace at your own time Inhale C T Exhale Yeah Three aligning your breath and your body not letting your mind run ahead or your body feel like it's being left behind? goal is not to do this for as long as you can or as Butly as you can, it's to Inhale at the same pace that your mind counts Exhale at the same pace that your mind counts. One last time, inhale to Three Okay Exhale. to Three And so that simple practice is how I like to start my day because Your body and mind are competing all day Your body' saying, I wish we were still in bed. yourour mind's saying, I wish we were doing more. I wish we were more productive. Your body' saying, I wish I had more energy. So you're constantly living in this inside your head where there's this competition. And here you're just saying, hey, I see you both Yeah. I fe you both. I love how you like align the two like that. because I love like I mean, I do and I share so many different versions, but the way that you likeike as soon as you said, like aligning and not letting ase of your breath, like be let your body be with it. L you could feel an immediate Like just alignment. Yeah, if you think about anxiety in your mind What happens? your breath gets shallower and it gets faster So that means your mind is directly connected to your body. Now what's happening is your mind is moving fast, it's forcing your body to move fast. That's not helping your body because we know shallow and fast breathing is not ideal So now we're trying to deepen our breath. We're trying to slow it down. And so when we're trying to bring both into alignment you end up being able to do that as your day shifts and changes. So if there's anxiety, there's stress, you're able to remember, Oh wait a minute, I just need to bring them both back into alignment at a slower Tase, that's actually gonna help me And so I love that It changes everything. I mean, it's changed my life just like the one practice and I've been really ing my nasal breathing. So I used to and I still do a lot of breath work with into the nose, out to the mouth or just manyany different cycles in series of breath workork But I find that almost like the softer, just like longong, slow inhale through your nose. and then that slow, long, deep exhale out through my nose Wow. Just like the subtletybsolutely of just like dropping in and like really breathing into All of your diaphragms. Yes. like Yeah, and sometimes if it helps people, I always say put your left palm on your stomach and When you breathe in, feel your stomach come out And when you breathe out, feel your stomach go in. That's how you know that you're doing it right if there is a right and that definitely helps for sure. It because we're all breathing up here in our chest and our heart. Yeah. There's only so much you can breathe in when you're using that part of your body. So I'll usually start with that The second form of meditation that I love is visualization And I practice this almost on a daily basis And the reason this is so important to me is because I think today when we think about visualization, people think about visualizing the result or success or the podium or where we want to be And those things are beautiful, but that's not what I'm doing. What I'm visualizing is the process to get there So I'll visualize what I have in my day So I knew I was going to see you today I knew I was going to see a few other people today. and I'll visualize meeting that person. If I've seen them before, I'll visualize them in my mind's eye. I've never seen them before I'll visualize wherever I'm going a bit more generically And I visualize how I want to show up I don't visualize how successful it is. I don't visualize it being the best thing I've ever done I visualize how I want to show up, what energy I want to walk in with. because I find what you're doing is almost a dress rehearsal in your mind But you don't get to do that in life. Life isn't a dress rehearsal to deliver in real time, it's always live. And when you're living always live You can kind of just run from one thing to the next So when I visualize my day already live there with that person the way I want to So when I walked through that door I'm living in that space So I've had the time to rehearse. I've had the time to prepare myself. I've had the time to prime myself, to set my intention of who I want to be and how I want to show up. And now I don't leave a space thinking I wish I said that. I wish I wasn't so rushed when I walked in. I wish all those regrets that we have, all those things we should have done, could have done, would have done You've tested them out in your rehearsal And you may not deliver them perfectly as you did in your rehearsal, but there's a presence There's a priming. And I find that that takes like three minutes to do But it's one of my favorit things. I'll do it before I go on stage I'll do it before an interview. I'll do it before a meeting, I'll do it before a presentation. So this is something I recommend everyone does And you're just visualizing where am I going stand? How am I going to walk on What do I want to be thinking about when I walk on And I found this to be especially useful for things you find difficult I remember a few years ago, K of mindset to me Tomorrow we're going skydiving And this was at a point in my life where I never ever wanted to go skydiving and I didn't want to look likeike a chicken. so I said yes. I said, sure we'll go skydiving tomorrow. I felt the peer pressure and I succumb to it. And so That day, I watched videos of people skydiving And I watched on YouTube now you can search everything. so I'm watching people going up in the plane and jumping out Every time in my visualization, I felt sick I literally felt it in my st. I can't right now. I literally. And I literally experienced it and And what I found is on the seventh time of visualizing it I didn't feel sick again And the next day, when I went up the plane jumped on the plane I didn't sick at all because you've primed your body through visualization to have that experience. When you look at the best athletes in the world, I had the honor of interviewing Louis Hamilton who drives a car at like one hundred and eighty miles per hour or whatever it is. He visualizes the night before, not winning and being on the podium and lifting a trophy He visualizes taking each turn He visualizes how fast he's moving in that moment. He visualizes how it feels in his body When he takes a turn at a certain speed He's not doing this Now he has a simulator and things like that, but he's doing this with his eyes closed for years while he's training. when you look at David Beckham who scored so many iconic goals in his career He would visualize aking a ball in a specific way so that it curves in a perfect way so that it hits the top corner of the goal. He's not It's just visualizing winning the game, it's visualizing his process. And so I encourage people to visualize How you want to wake up? I often ask people Visualize and rehearse seven PM the night before how you want to wake up? So go through your morning. So imagine it's seven AM, five AM, six AM, whatever time you want to wake up. When you wake up, what do you want to feel When your feet hit the floor Maybe your bedroom floor is too hard and you actually want a nice cushy rug to make you feel more comfortable. Maybe you want your slippers right there Maybe when you walk outside, you actually going to Every day you convince yourself not to work out because your workout clothes are not already ready. Your sneakers are not already ready placed at the door that you're going to go to the gym If you rehearsed that before in your visualization in the night before or even a week before, you're now primed to know how your mind's gonna to trip you up at every step. Oh I'm so here, right? Y use for anything. I'll do that with clients. I'll literally walk through their morning routine with them at night or the day before or the week before and go, what are you gonna to wish was there What is your mind gonna to say when you're in the bathroom brushing your teeth? Let's write a post it note that tells you the exact opposite so that you can prime your mind for it because we can train our mind Absolutely. I was so like what you just did for me because we all have our process, right? And I think like this is the beauty of these moments to be able to connect with people who just make you think differently. That's what I think life is all about and surrounding yourself with someone who just gives you that like you just gave me so much inspiration for evenven just like before because I think before speaking is a big one, I always say a prayer and I get really, really grounded in myself and I find that that helps me move with love It helps me move literally like with my heart. and I just I felt like what you just painted because it was so vivid for me can help you us Set it up in a way where like you don't have to be so scared of it. Yeah You know, because like waking up the next that's like a big thing for people. Like getting out of, I think that's the hardest thing in the world for people to master is getting out of bed earlier than you want to Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of EarsSaay. Audible and IHart Audiobobook Cub. This week on the podcast, I amm sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobobook project Hail Mary, Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science. And what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. and it's like, okay, yo, yeo, yo is this indulgent? And I really thought about it and I was like, No, at this point it would kind of be betraying the trust, the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't G through it. There's places in this book deeply emotionally affected me And I left it on the mic. That's great. ' it served the story peopleople will say like, oh my god, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude me, too. Listen to EarsSay, the Audible and I heart audioobook club On the Arhart Radio app or wherever youre getting a podcast. Discover a spectacular island destination with crystal blue seas, endless sunshine, and the cool Bahamian breeze. Baamar, located in Nassau Bahamas offers your choice of three luxury hotels, over forty five fine dining and nightlife venues, John Batiste's All New Jazz Club, the Caribbean's most luxurious casino, and one of the kind experiences for the entire family Like our fifteen acre tropical water park, wildlife sanctuarary, world class golf course, and so much more. Visit bahamar dot com today This is Dr. Lai Santos from the Happiness Lab. And this message is brought to you by Simple Mills On our show, we talk a lot about strategies like temptation bundling and implementation intentions those research backed ways to make good habits stick And there's some powerful evidence to suggest that the right snack can also support the other habits you're trying to build Take a snack like Simple Mills. Almond flour crackers are made with almond flour, sunflower seeds, and flax seeds Simple Mills refers to their almond flour crackers as sunshine in every bite And there is truth to that. It's a snack that lifts you up instead of weighing you down And if you haven't tried them yet, Simple Mills Popems are light airy cheese puffed crackers made with vegetables crunch like that can reinforce the habit loop without sabotaging your energy Find simple mills at your grocery store And and you have to rehearse here. when you're not getting up Because when you're doing it in the moment you're getting up, your mind's going beat you. Because everything you didn't spot because you didn't rehearse is now going to come at you whether it's the thought in your head So the first point in your head is I'm going to snooze Right remove the ability to snooze. Keep your alarm clock on the other side of the room. Now you knew that the night before, so you set up so the next morning you had to wake up to turn it off Right? So youve figured that out so you're not losing in the morning to your mind You're actually winning in owning your mind and getting that. So that's my second practice of visualizing And then the third practice, which is the longest part of my practice is mantra meditation, which is the repetition of sacred sound. And so in the Vaders and the teachings of the East Sacred sounds are considered to have frequency and potency. to connect you to your higher self, to connect you to the source connect you to God and divinity And those names, those worords, they're almost like affirmations. They just happen to be in Sanskrit. which is an ancient Indian language It one of the oldest languages in the world, if not the most. and connect you back through the beginning of creation. So when you think about When we hear the word om, which everyone's so familiar with today Orm is considered the starting syllable of the universe It's considered to be the first ever sound that existed. And so When you're chanting that mantra, which many people do, that mantra reconnects you to that inception, to that beginning, to that moment And so there's a The way I like people to think about it is When you hear certain music, it makes you dance When you hear sand music, it makes you cry. when you hear sand music, it makes you nostalgic Sound takes you back and sound reveals images. When you hear a song, you can remember a party you're at Can remember a moment you shared with your partner, the moment your child was born, whatever that sound does So when you Speak or listen You can then visualize, you can see, you can experience. And the name is the beginning of that. And so I'll practice mantra meditation is the core part of my practice. And you say like It will worry Is it internal? It It's loud enough so that I can hear it. So it's you're putting a sound down. Oh, no,'ll I'll repeat it with my own Okay Yeah, I'll repeat it with my own lips and it can be different names. There's so many different names in our tradition of Krishna is the name for the divine, which is the name of the all attractive Aurama means the reservoir of all pleasure which is another name for the Divine. And so these are all beautiful names. could be repeated and that connect you to that And what you're basically saying is U me in your service That's the request of the prayer is use me in your service. Use me to do your work makeake me a true vessel and instrument in your hand and allow me to You know, experience you every moment of every day. And that's the real request, the real intention behind it Have you visualized yourself before you got to where you are today. Like, have you known that this was going to be your power and your strength I hope this helped when I said it to people because I don't think I've had different moments in my life where I had different dreams, but I don't think I ever believed it was possible And what I'm living today is so far beyond my imagination. is what made me realize that There is a far greater plan for each of us than we even know. And you think your plan is good. And that's your biggest mistake. Our biggest mistake is that we think our plan is good. And so we hold on tightly to our plan. And when life doesn't go to plan, we think it's going wrong. not realizing that there is a far great notot realizing that there is a far greater, far better, far more profound plan that exists for us But you only get it if you let go of yours So at one point my master plan was to live as a monk for the rest of my life And when I left, it was the most embarrassing, humiliating challenging thing that I had been through for myself. Why? Because I had told my family that this is what I was going to do for the rest of my life. And my family had warned me and said When you leave, no one's going to give you a job. When you leave, it could be the worst decision you ever made. You're going to waste three years of your life. You're going to be behind everyone else, whatever it is And when I left, I felt that all of that was true When I left, I was rejected from forty companies. No one would give me an interview let alone a job. ake a surprise surprise he wants to hire a former monk What are your transferable sitting still or being silent, you know, if I would love Yeah, I would love to come and work with you. But that wasn't an option. Like companies in twenty thirteen were not thinking about this So When I came out, it almost felt that everything those people said when I went in was true And I had to sit with that and reconfiguure that. And so I hope it helps people to realize that I didn't have this vision for myself So even if you don't have a vision for your greater self right now, it doesn't mean it's not possible And I don't want you to think, you have to dream big or think big in order to kick it off I would actually suggest you just start it small. When I started this I was grateful if Two people showed up. And that's what it was like for many, many years. when I did my first ever talk, Zero people shut up And then the second time I did it Zero people showed up and I just practiced my talk in an empty room. And then the third time I did it, two people showed up and then the fourth one was ten. And for years in my life, ten years before I ever made a video The largest audience I potentially had was if I was lucky a hundred And that was incredible to me. That was Mind blowing, like that was so special It wasn't this feeling of o, one hundred' not enough. And I think that's kind of where we've got to now where You're so overexposed to these numbers a million and billion and you know tens of millions of views and tens of millions of downloads that you don't even have the opportunity to be grateful for ten views. come from a time when I was just grateful if one person turned up and I think that's what the universe reciprocates with that When you're grateful that one person turns up, You get the opportunity to serve a hundred You get the opportunity to serve a million But if you're constantly living in, my vision' bigger, I want more for myself. I'm not convinced that that leads to a happier and more fulfilled journey. It may lead to success But even today when I'm Speaking to large groups of people Ill often just remember speaking to a group of three people in a room because that's how I want it to feel. even if it isn't what I' isn't my reality anymore. I want everyone in that room to feel I'm looking right at them and I'm there with them because I am And I could do that in a room of three. And so I have to recreate that for myself. It's so powerful I When I started, it was in my living room on my phone and too this day, every single time I film anything, I still feel where I am. And like I'm still connecting to like, you know, that smaller community time because I think When you move through life from this trve state of appreciation and gratitude for like what it is right now the abundance that comes. and I mean, clearly, right? It's like looking at you're doing in the world, the guess who you have had these incredible conversations with, you know, it's like, I would wonder, I'm like, what is your like what is your deepest desire? Like what is something that in this moment in your life right now. is bringing you the most fulfillment So. My deepest desire genuinely is to use up everything that I've been given in the service of others. I if I could could just completely completely run dry and empty and leave it all. That would be perfect and that if I could use every gift that I've been given in the service of others That would be my deepest joy because I feel like I've been given so much. I'm so fortunate and I feel a responsibility with that, but I feel the need to reciprocate with that And that isn't to say my life's been easy or it's been a straight path or any of that, for sure There's There's a feeling I have of I have a lot to give. And and I want to be able to give it all And then what's bringing me the greatest joy right now I mean, nothing brings me the great greater joy than being with my wife. I love her. She's just I love her.ing with her. Yeah, my wife is like I She is joy. She's joy. Yeah, She's joy personified. and so Any moment I get to see her smile or get to hang out with her or getet to just, you know, be with her. That's like magic And I'm lucky because Yeah, it's just she's always liked that. she hates when I say that. She's like, I'm always like that. I'm like, no you are to me, at least I have more mood swings than you do. And she's just yeah, she's just so steady in her joint. she works for it. It's not She has practices, she has habits, she has everything else. like it's defefinitely comes from her amazing parents and upbringing and everything, but it also comes from her investment. in wanting to do that And so yeah, anytime I'm with her, I feel it gives me the greatest joy from a work point of view I get the greatest joy from Cstantly trying to see what's possible I live in this I live in this ultimate realm of possibility. because I come from as I said earlier, not believing anything was possible. now living like, well, let me see what's poss. And so I get the greatest joy from trying things that are so far out my comfort zone that are so far reaching that are things that I only could have dreamt off once upon a time or maybe wouldn't even have dreamt off. And now I'm like, well, it's all bonus world. Like When people say to mere like, oh, don' you just, are you happy with what you're doing? I'm like Yeah, I love what I'm doing, but there's more to give and there's more to experience and there's more to live. And so why not And it's not safe, it's risky and everything else, but I love it. That's what life's for. It's fun. Yeah, it's fun ye I love feeling nervous. I love. Yeah I love feeling. It's the best feeling in the world when you're like I don't like someone's like, but what if and you're like, but why not? Why not Yeah Test it and try it. Yeah, and you don't feel that to start and that's fine. Like at the start, you're just like, all right, I just need to start sm and figure it out.. Once you've done that, I think you have to get to a point where you just go Well now let's just give everything a go, you know? Yeah Yeah. That's, what beautiful answers I love your wife. She is such a radiant being. I've never met her, but I know you guys would love each other. loveo each other. Yeah, you guys would definitely I feel I want you both to meet. Yeah. I want you both to meet each other and be friends. I they be great friends. We need to. The last time she was here, we Our schedules can connect, but we will will make you'll make it happen. Yes. I will make it happen. But that's just so beautiful. I mean It's at the end of the day It's all about the love that we have in our life and the love that we have to share and the love that we have to give and the love that we experience with the people closest to us. and You know, I mean, youve wrote an entire book on the lessons of love. Can you just give us, you've been with your wife for a long time We've been together for twelve years and married for nine. It's a long time. through marriage and just, you know, I think the longevity of being with someone for so like it's like you you start You literally marry so many different versions with those. right? I mean, my husband had no idea what he was getting consself into. None. I'm like, didid you think he's like He's like, I knew there was greatness, but like I didn't know it was going be this great whichich is it's a beautiful thing. Yeah. Like how do you stay so connected with your wife This is reciprocal and mutual and that's why it's so powerful The first is When you love someone And if someone loves you They never use your wounds against you. So they never use your vulnerability as a weapon if you've opened up to them They don't use that to shut you down. If you've shared a deep part of yourself. They don't expose it in a shallow way. if you've Share your heart. They don't. Treat it harshly If someone loves you They say to you, I know you told me this was sacred and so I'll hold it gently And when I think about my wife, I can't think of A moment where I felt judged my wife And that is so freeing It is the most. free thing in the world because I think everyone in the world is judging you constantly and to not have that at home. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to be better. like Yeahah. It doesn't mean she doesn't want me to be better at things or doesn't want me to improve or doesn't challenge me. She does all of those things. And she checks me and she humbles me. She does all of those things. I can see her doing. Yeah, for sure. She roasts me. I mean, if anyone I ever seen anyone mine in my life love roast. Everyone knows she is not scared to do any of that. But I never feel judged by it. Yeah, that's different. And it's different, it's different. Judged means I want to change this about you. I want to control this about you I really dislike this about you And it's a pressure that we carry in our relationships. that pushes someone away, doesn't bring them closer. So that's been a big one for me. I've always felt that And then by the way, it's the same for her. I don't charudge her either. Yeah Another thing that's been really beautiful that leads on from that is If someone loves you, they won't try to change you. They accept everythingvery that you bring They may not love everything, but they accept it. And what they really try and do is they really try and understand How that makes you you So I'll give an example. if I was less ambitious I think I'd be less attractive to my wife because She married me Because that's who I was. That's my drive. Now I'm not saying she's attracted to my ambition But she's attracted to a version of me where ambition is qut to who I am So even if that's not what she's attracted to That makes me who I am And when I think about my wife, family and connection for her are what makes her who she is And so in the first few years of our marriage and even now my wife will take any opportunities she can to fly back to London to be with her family And I know that's her number one priority And I don't want to change that. I don't want to compete with that I don't want to compare that to something else because that's what makes her who she is. And I think often in relationships, take away what makes our partner the person we first fell in love with We want to change the very thing that made them attractive to us in the first place. It's like if someone was with you and was like, I don't want you to do all this meditation stuff anymore. It's just not it's just woo woo, likeike it doesn't make sense to me it' like, wait a minute That's what I have Right Sorry Is that feel like? Yeah peace. Yeah, exactly. exactly because that's who you are. Yeah. But if someone just suddenly sprung that on you, because they're like, Well, now I'm just tired of hearing about it and it's not enough And and I think everyone's experienced that version of that where a part of their identity was being questioned or taken away as opposed to being thought about. And I think peopleeople go through this with their careers where you married someone who was a full on career person That's who they are. Yeah. They're not suddenly just going to slow down and shift all their priorities. And if you want that, then you can't have the other part of it too. That's who they are And so I think a lot of the time We get into relationships wanting to change our partners And they get into a relationship with us never wanting us to change. I feel like. Right And it's like they're like, please don't change. and you're like, please change. And then And then you're like wait a minute, like, why are you trying to change me? they're like, Why don't you want to change? you know, it's And the truth is you're never gonna to change anyone anyway, so why waste your time? Yeah. First of all, what you said I was so deeply hartful about your wife. and I feel like with me making the like, oh oh I didn't even mean to like interrupt that moment because it was so beautiful and you You can really feel that when you're partnership with someone who has your like your full embrace, right Now on the flip everythingthing you just said. beennd me in every single relationship that I've been in Even with my husband, I can own that However through my own transformation and being able to like see my stuff and to see that control is something that always stood in the way of everything for me and really surrendering to it and You know, I'm in wellness. I married someone in nightlife. Like you don't get more polar on opp than this, okay? And You know, here I am and I'm like, well, why aren't you meditating? and you're staying out so late. And then You do have to have these moments where I'm like, I knew this. Yes. So what you just said, I wanted to change him. He didn't want me to and then then I blossom like this butterfly and I have gotten to this place where it's still a daily practice have not not saying something in that moment because what is it that I'm trying to say change the way in which and And no, that is why I've been with my husband for fifteen years because I've been able to recognize that for a good half of our you know partnership, I was very much fully thought that I could just get him in a meditation pose and like this is going to be it. Now the more that I let go And I Don't Nag. And I don't passive aggressively say things. I used to be like that. still you know, we still work on the moments where it's coming out He itated Totally He's. doing the things. from his own free will And I think that that's like the dance, right? of being the embodiment of what you would love to see within others that you love. Holy, rightight? When I met my wife My wife has always had a great commitment to working out And when we met, I was like I'm mastering the mind. I don't really care about the body. And she's a dietitian, nutritionist you know, hyurvedic health counselor, like like she's totally about food, nutrients, body, like everything and She never made me feel bad that I didn't work out All I saw was someone who worked out five days a week, seven days a week commommitted to it invested in her mental health And it was just inspiring And she also presented it to me in a way that would reach my goals So she'd always say to me, she said, you really care about being efficient and effective and productive. She said, if you worked out, you'd be so much more productive Your mind would be on another level. and And I was like, yeah,' sl