Parenting Fails and Small Businesses

This episode is brought to you by EasyJet Holidays. If you're thinking about your next family holiday, you'll love this. You can get up to 400 pounds off package holidays and up to 200 pounds off city breaks with Easy Jet Holidays Big Orange Sale. Kids go free on millions of their package holidays and there are thousands of hand picked four and five star hotels to choose from across more than a hundred destinations. And as if that couldn't get better, you can book for travel up to October 2027. Search EasyJet Holidays. Holidays at all protected. T's and C's apply. This episode is brought to you by Monzo. End of term is nearly here, Josh. Oh my word. Always a good time for kids to have a bit more freedom outside of their usual routine and even start giving them some money independence with Monzo's free kids account. You can set regular pocket money schedules and one-off payment for something like school holidays. Oh Rob, it's great. Oh, and you're not just handing over the reins either. You can set spending limits and get instant notifications when they spend so you can see live when they've blown it all on sweets at the corner shop. Monzo's award-winning kids account, download your new favourite bank. For children age six to fifteen, parent or guardian account needed first. UK residence only, T's and C's apply. This episode is brought to you by Walt Disney World Resort in Florida. Now, if you're looking for the ultimate family holiday, I've got just the thing for you. And by you, Rob, I mean you. Yeah. Rob, because you love Disney. Big Disney World Florida guy. Lou is obsessed with it. And So give me the things that you love most about it. Okay, obviously you've got the stuff you see on the adverts with the magic, little kids seeing these characters that have been on telly and film. Come to life. Exactly. You've got an amazing ride. The weather's great. But for me, the thing I like most is sometimes with my kids, I feel like I'm watching them on their own holiday. If we just go for a normal beach holiday, they're in the pool with their mates, they're in the sea, me and Lou are just laying down resting or reading or whatever, but it feels like we're having two separate holidays. Whereas at Disney in Florida, I do feel like we're all on holidays, like a group of four mates, as well as being mum and dad and kids. All experienced stuff. So like we come off the road and like, oh my god, that what do you like about that? And we're we're all chatting and connecting as a family. So that's that's what I like about it most. Another thing. Yeah. Which people don't realise, it is humongous. Four parks, two water parks. It's massive. There's loads there. There's Animal Kingdom. Then there's Star Wars Galaxy Edge. There's so much going on. In two weeks you can't really do it all. Then he's got the Magic Kingdom and then the Fireworks Show. And you're just like, how is all this in one place? Epcot, walk around. Oh, do you want to go in Japan? Yeah, I don't mind if I do. Should go in Me Dare I say it wrong. There's something for everyone. Do you know what you need to do? What? Start planning your Disney dream holiday today. Where would I go? Get yourself on DisneyWorld.co.uk. Terms and conditions apply. Attractions are subject to avail ability and change. For more information, visit DisneyWorld.co.uk. This episode is brought to you by Pizza Express. Now serving up After School Club, a selection of Pizza Express favourites for just five pounds each, available th ree till five Monday to Friday. It's a tasty way to reclaim those family moments. That's kind on the wallet too. Oh, Rob, also. You get the after school meltdowns, don't you? You do. They're hungry, they're tired, they're one wants to sit in the front, one wants to choose the music. Or oh you've brought the wrong snack or you get home and they want to watch different things on TV. Josh, when the kids come out of school and like they just throw their bags at you, say I'm hungry, arguing with each other about who sits where in the car. It's it's full of. Couldn't agree more, Rob. And do you know what? When you find yourself in that situation, in my experience, there's no 330 meltdown that can't be calmed with a five-pound serving of doughs. For more info about what's included and how to redeem, visit pizza express.com. Terms apply . Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with Sapphi. Can you say Rob Beckett? And can you say Josh Whiticum? Josh Whitakham? Amazing There we go. Very jolly. Very jolly. Hi, you sexy and relatable dudes. This is my wife practicing your intro with our 21-month-old daughter, Saffron . Stand a bath. I'm recording . You're right, you're laying down there. I was laying down. We're both speech therapists, so I've been practicing this with her since she started talking. As I'm also a Josh. This caused some confusion as you have been referred to uh as Daddy Whiticom on one or two occasions. Not sure that you want that to stick. By his wife or the child . Uh I don't know actually, I don't know. Looking forward to seeing you both in Brighton this year. Thanks for all the laughs . During our commutes and nap walks, Safi 27 months, Hian four hundred and sixty-nine months, and Josh Hi an H Y-A-N. H -Y-I-N H-Y-A-N. High-N. He's I think this must be a just a generic footer to his emails. He's got his email address. No, sorry, he's got his uh phone number at the bottom. Who josh or hyen ? Josh Josh . Josh Josh. Josh Josh. It's a name. There's a wrestler called Hyon . And a footballer called Hyen. Well I could phone him up and ask for the uh where Hyyen comes from. But I think it'd be quite weird. Call him now. Shall I? Yeah, just say hi mate. Um love the little f voice note. Um you're on the podcast. So how'd you pronounce hi and where's it from? Lovely name. Okay. You sure? Yeah, if you just tell him what we what you do. Okay Okay. Then he'll have my number. But I mean Do one four one before it. I'm not gonna do one four one. You've got to show some trust in people. Error. It's not in Rob . Is that landline ? No . See if it will leave it back. speak right now please leave me a message and I'll get straight back to you. Thank you. Hi Josh. Uh it's uh Josh Whiticum from Josh Whiticum and Rob Beckett. Uh you left your phone number at the bottom of the email . And so I thought I'd use it uh on the podcast 'cause we couldn't pronounce the name of your partner. Is it Hyan ? If you could get back to us, that'd be ideal. Cheers, mate. Have a good Monday . There you go. That's nice. Oh, I'm gonna have to deal with that when this pod's finished. You'll have a little chat with your new mate Josh. Hi Josh, it's Josh. I'm not so you know, Josh, I can't face picking up if you call me back and it's not during the pod . Why have you said that out loud? Just let that happen. That don't make him feel bad. No, that's no offence on him, but he couldn't face picking up to me. No, no, because he no, that's not true. He wasn't aware that you'd called. You've made the first move and now you're you you're worried about the the comeback. You y you could have left that unsaid. I could have left that unsaid, yeah. But then we wouldn't have a podcast, would we? Exactly. And we left that unsaid. That's a good name for podcasts. I got obsessed with a TikToker on a podcast when I gone. Well I was this lady on TikTok basically was being really open about the fact she caught her husband cheating and then they've broke up and for like last three or four weeks she's been talking about being single and having it's really quite heartbreaking, really. Yeah. Because I've got kids, and like she's gonna have to move on with her life. And then anyway, um, she recorded a podcast in this period talking about breaking up with him, and then she got back together with him. Oh no. And then was I on holiday with him on TikTok. And then this podcast has come out from four weeks ago. Oh no. And I'm just like, this is madness. They can't release that. I know. But say we were the people whose podcast she'd gone on and they got back together. I don't think we'd have released. We'd say, look, do you want us to release this or not? Because it's a bit unfair if you're starting again in the relationship, but they just went for it. And what was the podcast? But I don't think she's that but she's d she doesn't mind it being out. Well, no, she's said everything on TikTok, I suppose, hasn't she? No, I know, but it's just mad, isn't it? That's a really that's a really difficult backpedal, isn't it? And the basic podcast is coming with the case what's he gonna do? He's not gonna kick off. He's not gonna he's he's cheated on her. She's got the moral high ground forever. But I think the podcast is about two women that got divorced and now they're I shouldn't name check it, but I can't remember what it's called. I can't find it. Um I just followed the clips on TikTok. And um they obviously ha have had marriage breakdowns and they're starting again. That's what the podcast is about, right? So they've got her on to talk about it. But then they said something in it because they were talking about men. I was like, maybe all men, you know, if men are just I just think all men are awful, basically. Like, if men were in a room, I are there no men out there, basically. They didn't all men are awful, that's unfair. I'm not saying they said that, but they were saying, Are there any men out there that can be in a room full of beautiful women and won't do anything about it? And I was like, Yeah, there are loads. It's not that oh I've just got a text. Oh? No. From a woman ? No, it's not from that guy. Um Yeah 's it from? You got your little legs up like Joe Wiley giving it the biggin'. So what are you meant to do? When you get married, is there theory that the way to maintain faithfulness is just to never be in a room with an attractive woman? So it's worked well for me . Before I do Graham Norton, can I check um who's on? If I mean Lou broke up, right, Josh, and I remarried or had a new girlfriend or whatever, what girl partner, it'd be partner, kind of a girlfriend when you're forty. What do you think would be the least likely option and the most obvious option? Okay, that's a good question. Same for me, please. Yeah, okay, I'll have a little thing. So Well the least likely op well obviously w when you said the least likely option, you're not gonna be married to Camilla Parker Bowles, but that's presumably No, but I mean like something that's sort of in the realms. In the celeb world, the least likely option would be um the person you wouldn't go out with would be someone like Victoria Cor on Mitchell. No, I would she's funny and I'd get on with her in a because she's got quite a Cerbic and shutter. This isn't it it's not necessarily that you wouldn't get on with these people, but just Oh no no for me, it would be a it was more likely be I think someone that really takes acting and theatrical stuff seriously. Yeah. And I couldn't suffer that. A novelist . Mate, yeah, or I yeah, or uh no, I think that 'cause actually that's I think actors that are really into it and have to have like a week off work after a park 'cause it was too demanding. Tom Hiddleston. Is that what you have to do after thought? No, but he's very he's he's a serious . Yeah, I'm not going to marry for me. I think the most likely would be a 50-year-old woman that yeah, I think you'd go older because it would be safer. I don't think you could have a younger woman that wanna that you want to like be crazy. I think you'd want a safe pair of hands to nurse you into your, you know, inevitable death. So I think you'd probably go for like a fifty embraced forty, haven't you? Y I think you'll go for some sort of fifty year old journalist um lazy. This is me. Yeah, this is you, not me. Oh I thought you meant you. What? I'm not gonna go older. No, I'll just get one of the slightly older love islanders for a bit. Um No, I think you go for like some sort of fifty year old broadcaster lady that does semi serious political like stuff. No, I think you would. I think that's what you'd like. I think I think I know who you'd end up with. Who's that? Sally Lindsay . Sally Lindsay You know Sally Lindsay when you see Sally Lindsay. She's actress. She's Corey. She's on ITV too. Sally Lindsay . Sally Lindsay. I know Sally. Yeah, I do I do know Sally Lindsay. Yeah. She's happy personality. Yeah. Happily married, I'm fifty-two. She's a fun she's an ITVE kind of. She'll she'll watch I'm a celeb with you. Don't pigeonhole me like we're trying to sitcom up and running. What you were telling us? This is my future wife and life. I think I 'm like Sally . Yeah. She's not. No, I don't think I have. It's gonna be weird when I do now. And when I meet a bored boring journalist at The Guardian. Well th the or you're you know, but yeah, you'd you I think that's where you'd go and but I think uh y it'll be very unlikely for you to start going out of a streamer but it's going to loads of events and everything's been streamed. I think you'd find that you'd get all flappy clappy hands and stuff like that. Would you would you what do you think would ruin the podcast more?, Okay okay. If I started dating um a twenty three year old smoking hot streamer I'd f I think I'd find it hilarious . I don't I th 'cause it there's a balance isn't there. Like for the boy was having to appear in her TikToks and stuff like that. But 'cause there's a balance like for what sells as a podcast is something interesting to watch is like one you've got to really like the people and go I'm really relate to them and connect them. I think people would stop liking me at that point. Yeah, but it'd be so intriguing . People would listen going, I don't like Josh as much anymore 'cause he's gone a bit off the rails. And that makeover is wild. The makeover he's got where he's shaved his head and he's tan and he's Yeah, he fake he's got a fake tan and he's got little blom bits dyed into his hair. Yeah. But yeah, I I but think people would watch that knowing that there's going to be a breakdown. It does make your skin crawl that people have that kind of breakdown. Joshua's smoking hot streamer. Do you think that would be more damaging to our podcast than if I started going out with um with Kemi Badanock, the leader of the Conservative Party. If you married Kemi Badenock, the leader of the Conservative Party, I do think that would put a real slant on the pod of uh one it'd be very left field and also the the you wouldn't be able to leave if anything. You wouldn't be able to talk about it as but 'cause it'd be like, Oh sorry, no, I can't talk about that, it's classified. And I Oh yeah, we get it, Josh. And you'll be I've started anecdotes. So anyway, me and Kemi were going for a run through Battersea Park and we're all like, fuck it now. What And I'll be like, does Kemi know that she's just being propped up for a next year or so until they get rid of her to get a bit of momentum for the next push for a general election? Is she aware of that? What are you saying about my one true love. I think that Kevin Badenock may not be the person that's in charge of the Conservatives for the general election. That's all I'm saying. She'll be in charge of the country, mate. And she's in charge of me. In charge of you in the bedroom. Yeah, she's in charge of the room You sat in the back of your little tweed suit fighting for farmers' rights. What was I doing at the weekend? Just door knocking, mate, on a for a by-election, yeah. Just having a little uh drive past um oh um what's it called? The oh I fucked it. What's the countryside placing the the the prime minister uses. Checkers. Oh checkers. Just have a little drive past checkers, checking out my new my new guests next year. Oh god would have been great podcasting if I can remember the word. Yeah. But it wasn't, it was average podcasted. But we saved it. Anyway, that none of that's gonna happen. Imagine if I went on Love Island. That would be good PR, wouldn't it? So I worked with someone who'd been on Love Island recently. Who was that? I've actually worked with two of them. I worked with Danny D yer, younger, and then I worked with Amber, who did Love Island and Strictly. They both sort of moved on from the Love Island scene though. They're not really influencers anymore. They both made a a proper career out of it. They're not seen as Love Islanders, are they? No, and she's and also Danny Dyer's married a Premier League footballer, so it does really take the pressure off you know and she's got kids. She's not really doing the influence of things. So what if I married like Beth Me ad or Jill Scott or like Jill Scott I mean you and Jill Scott hand in hand at the NTAs Delboy Rodney going down the fucking carpet Lift him up, Jill! Jim up ! Jill, we can't see him. You're gone. But my eyes can see the camera. Yeah, but you're in and behind her handbag. She's six foot two, Josh . Did you know little facts about me? Hi Josh, welcome to Red Carpet. Any facts about you? I have to take all my trousers up That reminds me actually I was in the car on Saturday with with my daughter and her friend. We're going to a birthday par ty. Yeah . And um I had the radio on it was Romish . Oh yeah. Um I was like, it's quite impressive actually, because I was like, oh yeah, I did task master with Romishh, b blalah blah. Do you know what I mean? Just you know. Sorry, no. So you're in the car with your daughter and a friend, Romish is on the radio, and did they say about Taskmaster? Line ups. Right. And did they say actually one of the people on my lineup was Romesh. But they are they were asking you about doing Taskmaster. Yeah. Right. You didn't you didn't introduce that to the chat. No, we were talking about the T V shows we watched. Right, they th and di and th they brought up Taskmaster. Yeah. Okay . Taskmaster's good for kids. You know, but I'm just seeing from this point of view, you're a dad trying to connect with his daughter by telling them about you being on the telly it's it could the the optics could be switched but at the moment I'm back on side yeah fine yeah I just because in my head you're driving through the the countryside right yeah and you've got two kids in the back rolling their eyes as you tell them about the TV shows you've been on. No, no, that's not true. But they brought it up, that's fair enough. They're talking about sewing bee, gladiators, the usuals, right? Yes. I was like, oh yeah. I actually I was on with Romesh who's on the radio right now, yeah. Within a minute he had gone into doing one of his funny impressions of me. It was absol uh one the one you just did. Like the one you just did. Absolutely destroyed. Oh, just like. Why was he doing that? Who was he talking to? He got some text in uh someone who said something nerdy, so he was like, Oh, it sounds like something Josh Willigan would say. Oh, that's horrible, isn't it? He's bullying Rob. It is, isn't it? Because I thought your name would have been brought up, but he's basically gone, Oh, I need to do a impression of a a pathetic little nerd we shit on my shoe, and he chose you. Exactly. It's horrible what he did. As always. The man's the biggest bully in comedy . You know it, I know it. The way he treats you on that show off camera. It's disgusting, isn't it? It's awful. That's good though. That's quite impressive. It was it was your daughter's friend impressed? No, because it was a really disparaging impression that made me Oh. Looks oh. So now he's bullying you in front of your children. Exactly. I don't think even you are that nerd are you just got all the attributes. Exactly, but actually um You're pretty edgy. Pretty cool. Got my feet up on the chair. Yeah, you're pretty chilled out. You're not that nerd do you know what you're not actually that nerdy, but you just I don't know. You get really excited about the nerd being nerdy anyway is bollocks because basically being enthusiastic about a subject that isn't traditionally cool. So doing a four episode podcast on Mr. Blobby, but it's turns out. But even if Andy's not doing that with Rita Aurora. And they're like cool dudes, aren't they? Is Rita Aurora cool? Not to me. No. But to the world that is. But so it doesn't matter what I think. What about if I started going out with Rita Rora ? Um I'd probably be sending you some private messages for questions . What if I started dating Bey oncé? Do you think the popgirls would carry on ? I think I think she'd pop you in her cleavage and walk around and we could just put a lapel mic on you and it'll be fine. I suppose this is the thing Travis Kelsen's brother dealt with when Travis Kells started going out with Taylor Swift. Are you suggesting you might go for a divorce to remarry for your career? No, I don't think it does work . If you if you if you if you wanted a real career increase , marry Kim Kardashian. Yeah. Cause she probably wants a safe pair of hands after Kanye. I'm a lot safer pair of hands. Yeah. Aren't you? I'd say I'm pretty um rock stolid. Pretty solid and dependable. You know you know what if you're going out with Josh Willow, can you know what's happening? It'd be a nightmare on keeping up with the Kardashians . Um do you want some correspondence? Yeah. I've listened to the podcast for years, but this is the first time I felt compelled to send an email. Not sure what it says about me, but yes, you can wash a puffer jacket. Oh, here we go. You just need to put it in the dryer on a low heat with a few pairs of balled up socks to redistribute the feathers. What? What? Oh, so they'll hit they'll hit it as they're going around the dryer. So wash it and then put it in with a a few pairs of balled up socks to hit it in the dryer. So wash it about . I've never felt more boring or middle aged from Frances 41 year old exhausted mama free. Three children under ten. Here we go. Parenting three three children . Don't think three children under ten can I think up to five is when you can keep stop doing that. Three children under ten is just three children. Yeah, yeah, I've got three children. Three children under five, spicy, because I oh that's a lot to deal with. But generally if you've got three children, I'd say most people have them in a ten year in a ten year age gap. Yeah, I've got I've got children. Yeah. Um can we get more parenting wanker stores in, please? We love that. Yeah, ye Seeing people on holiday, simple things you don't understand, panicking in paradise, first week of uni fails. Go on, first week of uni fail. Oh, we've got loads of playground shag gers getting ready for the big special. University fails. Here we go. First week of uni fails. In my first year at uni, a flatmate of mine dated a girl named Abby who got salmonella in one of the stupidest ways possible. Oh my word . Bizarrely, she began by cutting up the raw chicken on a run-of-the-mill plate instead of the conventional chopping board. You may be able to see where this is going. She then cooked the chicken, cutting it open to check it was cooked throughout, only to then dump the fully cooked chicken back on the plate where she'd originally cut it up. Oh the classic. The classic. I hope neither of you had to sleep on a children's bedroom floor last night, Amber. Did you where did you sleep last night? Uh grown up's bedroom floor. Grown up But you can do that guilt free now 'cause you there's no rooms for 'em to go in because they're getting the rooms done. Exactly. When we're in h when we're in halls we, got we got ants because our kitchen was so awful. Yeah. Every week the cleaners would come round to your house in halls, but if if it was too much of a mess, you'd get a sign on the door giving you a warm I do think that 'cause that they they they do offer that uni, but I do think the cleaners at uni halls don't really do it properly. I just don't know just to check that it's not being fucked up. Yeah, like I don't feel like they like even when it's tidy and available to clean I th I think their art's not in it, Gang their students and they'll ruin it. Right. What other emails we got? Here we go. House party stories. Hi guys. Recent listener, after having my daughter ten months ago, a teenage house party story you told triggered my memory to a time that still haunts me today. Yeah. My parents took a trip to Spain, and with my exams coming up, I was trusted to dog and house it at sixteen years old in exchange for a festival ticket. Oh my word. God, that seems a lot. Revision wasn't on the top of my mind, and as soon as their flights were booked, I sent out the invites for a house party. Yes, here we go. The night was going great when I noticed a strange object being passed around in the conservatory. I'd had a few Bacardi breezes at this point and didn't care to investigate. Later on I noticed my husky was licking this object, so I grabbed it and to my horror it was a very large, rampant rabbit dildo. Oh no. Oh no . Someone had been in what they thought was my bedroom, through some drawers. However, after some inquiries I discovered it had been taken from my parents' room. Sorry. How there's no way that you go, I think this is a sixteen year old's bedroom and it's a parent's double bed with parents' decor. Well it depends if they're rich. They might be rich. They might have had it done up like a grown-up's room now she's sixteen. Yeah, maybe, maybe. Also, I can't believe she didn't know what the strange job check was, even though she'd had two Baccardi breezers, didn't it was a fucking deal though, but the next day I cleaned the house from top to bottom to ensure my parents would never know the house party occurred. Me and my friends decided to keep the rabbit and put it back in the original finding place to ensure the secret would remain. I cleaned it with baby wipes. Oh my god. And to this day I've never had any interest in a ramping rampant rabbit for myself still ever so slightly traumatised, Rachel. That's awful, isn't it? So is she completely cold turkey on dildos or just rabb its? She no she's got the cold turkey, that's the one the gobbler. The gobbler Um Simple things you don't understand. Hello, slags was just listening to the back to parenting episode where Josh mentioned he doesn't understand how a plane flies. Stand by . One thing I have always struggled to understand is when you are on a fast-moving vehicle, for example, a train or a plane. Why you don't feel like you're moving? No. Why if you jump, you don't go backwards? Good point, but no. If you're on a fast mov ing vehicle, e.g. a train or plane, and there is a flyer busing about , if we are moving at a hundred miles an hour, for example, how is that fly not also having to fly at a hundred miles an hour? Well that's similar to what I'm similar to what I was saying about jumping up. Why don't you go backwards? Yeah. Yeah. Because it's the same in a car, right? In a car you don't feel like you're traveling at se you're not being forced in your seat at seventy miles an hour. It's must be something to do with the airlocking by having the roof on, right surely gravity innit ? It's not gravity . What do you mean? That's what keeps you down. But th th the the fly going at a hundred miles an hour is not gravity. Well Caitlin says I get I get it when they are just sitting on the surface of a train . The fly, this is. Yeah. But when they are up and about but how are they not just pinned to the back of the train? I know there'll be a simple scientific explanation . It's it's a it's an interior um wind resistance. No, it's not wind resistance. It's there's an internal atmosphere to the train. It's not the same as outside. You just tell yourself this because you have to get it so much. Next time you're on a train, throw a ball in the air and see whether it just comes straight down into your hand or see whether it flies over your shoulder. Well it won't, will it? It will just come down. Try with an apple so you don't look mental. Yeah, yeah. Um and it's Caitlin goes up. Come down on a pogo stick on a train and see whether the train moves under you. No, because if you Yeah, because if you had if the fly was on the wing mirror of a car or train, do trains have wing mirrors? No, they don't need them no. But it's still handy to look down there, wouldn't it? What behind you? Yeah, just what's happening down there? But when people are getting on off. Anyway, if the f the fly was on that they might have a wing mirror, actually for when people are getting on it flew up in the air, it would just fly, it wouldn't it wouldn't be able to go the same speed as the question is if you're on the roof of a train yeah um does does that happen yeah the fly would go backwards if you're on the so wait a minute what happens if you're on an open top bus. So if you're on the top of an open top bus Oh yeah or if you're in a like a a saloon car whatever they're called a a sports car like an open top car what's the score there? Could someone write in an explode? Because sometimes when you jolt backwards and forwards you get thrown about on the train, don't you? So it's not like you're not moving at all. Yeah. Michael? How's he gonna know? Don't Don't drag him into this 3 a.m. and fucking bong session we're in We'll have to find out. We've got g um we need a s new show like how to. You know the one with Deathline ? Yeah. How do they do that? Um Oh I've got an another one here from Bowie. Simple things you don't understand. Mirrors. How the fuck do they know where everything is? I don't understand mirrors. How do they work ? Makes me feel sick. Yeah. Also, when you get a mirror reflecting a mirror, that freaks me right out. Is that what you got in your bedroom? No . We've just got beds on the floor. Why don't you feel like you're moving when on a train or plane? Do you want to know the answer? You don't feel mo oh you don't feel motion. You just feel changes in motion. Said go again. So that's why you feel if there's a bump or whatever, you feel acceleration and you feel deceleration or turning or tilting. But if you're at a constant pace , you don't feel it . So when a train leaves a station. Here's a bigger example. The earth is always moving. A thousand miles per hour rotation and sixty seven thousand miles per hour around the sun, but we don't feel it because it's going to be the same , that's not right. You'd know that. You'd notice that. Well that's what speed we're moving at. No but we'd know if it was going that fast, wouldn't we? So if a fli a fly's flying on a train and the train leaves a station, will the fly jolt back a little bit at the start and then rebalance? Yeah, presumably. But then the train 's already moving on a world that's already moving. Yeah, but all the stuff within I don't know . Right, do you want another ebo? Yeah . Panicking in paradise? Yeah. Hi Rob and Josh. I've been listening to the start and absolutely love the podcast. Just listen to the new year one where Rob described crying on holiday and you ask peopleed to write in if they'd done similar. In twenty twenty four, we took our then six year old twins to Turkey during the school summer holidays. Three weeks before departure, my husband tore his Achilles tendon and had to wear a space The hospital offered to write me a letter so we could cancel the holiday and claim on the insurance, but he decided we should go as the kids were excited. Obviously it was difficult for him as it was a really hot and he couldn't go into the water, but also found it tough being solely responsible for two six year olds. It was a birthday when we were there, and I took the opportunity whilst the kids were having a break from the pool to swim directly out to sea. I then clung to a boy for fifteen minutes and sobbed uncontrollably as in a floating water boy conch. Oh God. Joe in Suffolk, I'm so sorry for you. Oh, that's a great example though. Whilst occasionally giving thumbs up to passing jet skiers to show I wasn't actually in distress. Oh my god. Bleak times made worse by the guilt of being privileged enough to be able to go on holiday. Oh god. As an aside, on the way out, we almost missed it. We always missed our flight. A security thought the hand pump thing used to inflate the inner liner of the space boot was a grenade. It wasn't. Thanks for the laughs and sharing the bleaker moments so we all know we aren't alone. Oh, Joein suffolk. Oh Joe in Suffolk. Oh 15 minute cry on a boy. But there's an argument that if you do become emotional and stuff like that, it means you are actually connecting with the world and how you feel. Well that is actually a positive thing as opposed to just plowing on. You've got to experience them. Otherwise, you'll bury them down, and that is worse. This episode is brought to you by Hubspot. Now, you know that moment when your kid casually drops in, they've got a massive project due tomorrow. No warning, no context, just a hope, a prayer, and a long night ahead. That's what most businesses settle for with AI. Zero context, leaving you to fill in the gaps. But with HubSpot, your AI has the context on every customer. So you don't have to guess, you know. Plus, agents help keep your business moving automatically , freeing you up for more pressing jobs. Like last-minute dash to the craft suppliers. Learn more at hubspot.com. They say go big or go home. But now you can go big at home with the big arch on delivery. When you're hungry for something big, like really big. Big arch for big McDonald's hunger. Order on the McDonald's app . Served from 11 a.m. Upcharges and fees applied to delivery orders. Subject to availability. Price and participation may vary. Do you want a hamster in the freezer story? Not really, but go on. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. Just wanted to get in touch to make Josh feel a bit better about having a hamster in the freezer . My daughter's pet hamster died when we were on holiday and my lovely neighbour was coming in to feed him and our cat. She thought he looked a bit odd in the morning and sent me a picture of him sleeping in a toilet roll tube. I did say to my husband, he never sleeps there. My friend messaged me later that evening saying how funny he looked and I then asked if she thought he might be dead. Twenty minutes later she called to say she couldn't stop thinking about it and went round to her house to find he was still in the same toilet roll tube and was in fact dead. Oh God. We weren't sure what to do, as we thought my daughter would be very upset and we and might want to bury her pet and give him a send off. As we were not due home for a few days and it was the height of summer , we decided it would be best if she wrapped him up and we decided it would be best to wrap it up in a few freezer bags and pop him in the freezer . My daughter was upset at first but seemed to be over it by the time he got back. She never asked to bury him or even asked what happened to him. The thought of telling her he was in the freezer didn't like it was going to help matters, so I left it for a week and then made a mental note to remember to bury him myself. If she didn't say anything else about it. Well weeks turned into months, and every time I went to the freezer I would get a sudden shock as I saw he was still there. In my defence our freezer was in the basement and I didn't visit that often. It was a whole year later. Oh my God. When I felt finally so guilty, I opened the freezer that he went to the top of my to-do list and was buried by me with some flowers. I buried. I was not sure what of the hamster burial protocol was. My daughter has never asked what happened to her hamster and luckily her lollies were in a different drawer to the freezer, so she never found out my secret. Lauren and Sheffield, the woman that kept a hamster in a freezer for an entire year. Oh God. It's bleak, isn't it? Yeah. Would you take being cryogenically frozen? Um personally wouldn't need it, would but happy to do that for society if I'm needed. You know, just some like if times are tough and people are a bit down, unfreeze me, I come out, professor bubbles, do a few shows, do a few podcasts, keep the nation going, then put me back in the freezer. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. That's the that's the kind of my kind of approach. A bit like the spy skills when there's a national event. Yeah, yeah, of course. Get 'em out of the Olympics. Would you be frozen? No, I can't be bothered. I don't really want to be in the future. I quite like the now. I'll take now rather than waking up in five hundred years and everyone's. Yeah, but wouldn't be exciting to wake up in five hundred years just to see it. Yes, it would, yes. Or terrifying. Yeah, it would be a bit unsettling. Everyone you've ever known dead, and not even any ancestors really like it'd be so far removed 500 years. Would you take living forever if after it's you now? Yeah, 'cause you could always kill yourself. When you're like six hundred years in. Yeah. And you go, do you know what? I've had enough. I've gone through another fucking generation of friends, they've all died. This is mental. Gonna have to make some new friends. But they're twenty and I'm two hundred . What are you gonna chat about? Let's go back, right? Because that's believing. Live forever. What what age am I? And does my body change? Or do I just keep getting older and older and more degree? Can I do it? Do you live forever as a fifty-year-old man ? Um Yeah, I think I'd probably take that . Would you? Yeah. Can I be forty? Yep, you can be forty. So you're a four man. So you're frozen now in age. I think the first bit's the difficult bit. The first bit's the difficult bit, which is um all the people currently dying. Yeah, watching your kids accelerate past you. If you're right forever then you'll just constantly be looking after like you what you do is like your grandkids will just be basically become your kids and then their kids will become your kids. Actually they're like great great great great grandkids. Oh god it would be weird wouldn't it? Anyway, stop Do you think? Do you know what Nave said that'll probably won't do it? Yeah, you're right, actually. So insightful sometimes, this podcast. It would be weird if you lived forever. God'd be bloody bonkers, wouldn't it? It would be weird. Any other thoughts on the world you want to share? Clip that up, Michael. That would that'll spark a debate online . Opinions like that . God, why are you always got me so like argumentative and bringing in mad angles ? Um right, parents in fail . Parents in fail . Hello, you sexy related poor guys. I want to share with you my biggest parents in fail to date. Alarms haven't existed in our house for many years as our daughter always wakes up at the crack of dawn. However, one morning this week she overslept, which meant in turn I overslept. So as I'm rushing around like a headless chicken trying to get everything ready, I leave our nine-year-old to get herself dressed and teeth brushed. Our school run is about an hour round trip. Who so we're racing towards the bus stop. We see the bus passing us. Great. Not a big problem. I'll be a little wait late for work, but in just means I have to travel another ten minutes or so to take her straight to the school. As we pull up in the car park, our daughter leaned over to grab her bag. I gasp. Darling, did you forget to put pants on today? The poor thing had forgotten in the rush and had popped on her skirt with no knickers. Oh my god. I immediately panicked. If I do the hour round trip back, I'm obviously going to be very late for work as school. So I did the only thing I could. No, I didn't give her the your knickers. That's mental. I pulled out the car park, drove down a country lane, took off my trousers and gave my pants to my nine year old. That is mental. That's weird. Well she it's a parents in vowel. I essentially sent our child I sent our child to school in a thong . That is ment al. Also now thongs thongs. They can't be comfortable, can they? Why you especially in a rush. Put a pair of comfy pants on. Yeah . Obviously I get it if you're wearing an outfit where you don't want a pant line, if you're wearing like something that's tight or a dress. Maybe if it's hot in the summer, it's nice to thong, but day to the day to day thong wearer. I don't think it is nice if it's hot in the summer. Can I cover can like ladies, can you um Ormen? Yeah. Can you let us know thong or no thong and reasons why? Because I can't see any way why thong is winning over normal pants. I want someone to say I'm where I'm a middle aged thong wearer. Yeah. There's not even a yu and I because because I think they're the most common. It can't be comfy, can you? Are they the is anyone wearing them because they're the most comfortable or is it a kind of this is a bit racy kind of. Makes you feel yeah. Or makes you feel or make it maybe just feels good, your little arch she's straight on your jeans. Who knows? Who knows? Michael, do you wear a thong? No, we know what he wears. Really expensive pants because he hasn't got children . Flying solo as a kid, Josh. Yep. When my husband was six, he was put on a plane to Jamaica by his mum along with his I don't think he used the term in the same boat whilst on a plane, it's too confusing . In the same boat on the plane. What ? Anyway, the ten other kids in the same position. Unfortunately, unbelievably, the plane was running low on fuel. So I had to make an emergency stopover for three days. What? That is insane. To refuel in the Bahamas. But the worse places. How how close is the Bahamas to Jamaica? I'm not au fay with that area, but it feels like you're close enough to just Pop o w within three days pop over to pick up your children? Jamaica to Bahamas. I don't know. It's definitely a b it's definitely a boat or a plane. It's a five hour it's a five hour flight. Fuck off. Where's the arm the armors? Bahamas. Where's the Bahamas ? They're just the other side of Cuba . He reckons an hour and a half flight. If the money's tight, he's got to pay for No I'm not saying that. I'm saying the plane company, they only need a tiny bit more fuel. Well, anyway, they're in Bahamas for three days. That's basically. As if this wasn't enough for any parent. In the in nineteen ninety, with no mobile phones, or it would seem common sense, BA failed to let either mum or dad know what had happened. What? The plane simply didn't turn up and for the entire time my mother in law was frantically calling B A to ask where her kids were. That is insane. They needn't have worried. My husband and his siblings along with the team. They needed to worry, yeah, they did. That's unfair to say they needn't have worried. Well they did need they should have worried and they did worry and that's the right thing to worry. Um really ripping apart the the English in this uh Yeah. We've already had in the same boat on the flight . My husband and his siblings , along with the ten other kids, were put up in a suite of a five star hotel only one chaperone to take care of them. Oh my god, what a job. They didn't have any clothes other than those on their backs and have fond memories of dashing into the clear blue sea with their trousers rolled to their knees. Wow. The thing is I mean like they're they were going to Jamaica anyway, so it's not like they're getting anything there they won't get exactly . Couldn't believe we got the opportunity to go to the beach ahead of my summer in Jamaica. In their tro who's sending their kids in trousers to Jamaica for the summer? Surely shorts all the way, in it. Well I don't know the cold flight. True. Cynic that I am, I always thought that this Hollywood S story had been exaggerated or confused in my husband's young mind. But recently he bumped into someone at a friend's house who had been in the same gang of kids and confirmed the whole story. Wow. Love the pod to listen for about three years whilst doing the washing for my four kids that are two, five, eleven, twenty. Oh my gosh. Oh my word. That's Emily . Five two one months Royston. Right, let's do a small business shout-out and then everyone can get on with their days. Well like this is me getting on with my day, Josh. And me, but the listeners, there'll be some people. Going I've got stuff to do here. Got stuff to do here, but it's Robin Josh. I'd absolutely love to nominate my best friend Jody's wonderful business, Mit Mil m-hmm, can you hear that dr drilling? No, I can't. Well, is that in your house? Can you hear it, Michael? Will you ever be in a house without building work? I said we'd be finished at half eleven. I did I thought they'd come and chcku. Milkley Club is based in Cheltenham Gloucestershire and is a monthly letterbox friendly subscription designed to support, uplift, and truly celebrate breastfeeding mums . Ilch Milkley Milkley M I L K L Y I'm struggling to read that Milkly Mail deliveries packed with carefully chosen treats, words of encouragement, and little boots of self care, all designed specifically for mums navigating the emotional and often overwhelming breastfeeding journey. It's one of those ide as where you can just feel how much love has gone into every detail. Born out of nap times, night feeds, and sheer determination. Milkley is a heart-filled passion project, and I couldn't proud of what Jody has built. She's created something that fills a gap, offers real support, and makes money feels less alone at vulnerable times. If you're able to give Milkley a shout out, it'll be honest eat mean the world. You can find her at milkleyclub.com at Milkleyclub on Instagram. Thank you so so much. That's from Sophie. Yes, anyone out there breastfeeding and finding it difficult, make sure you reach out to people like this. And also, if you do want to stop breastfeeding, you are allowed, it's your body. Have a bit of formula. Let's not stress ourselves to death. Hi Rob and Josh. After you both had great experiences with podiatrists for your various foot problems last year, I would love it if you would give my small business a shout-out. I set up my own podiatry business called the Highland Foot C linic in Invern ess in 2024. I'll be there in May. And offer a range of foot and ankle services for people in the Highlands. Anything from corns looking at you, Rob. Uh you looking at you, Josh. Foreign objects, looking at you,, Rob to three D printed insoles. I don't know how three D printers work. And sports injuries, nothing phases me, I've literally seen it all. My website is www.highlandfootclinic.co dot uk atients can book up line. Don't have any kids, just love the pod and here for the bands. Big love, Amy. A pod, a pod diet podcast. We're talking about feet. Pod iacast. Um I do you know people go, like, oh god, I don't want to go to the pod tired pod iatrist because I it's my foot's really gammy and disgusting. I bet they love it seeing a proper like manky proper manky one. That's what they want. They want they don't want just a a fucking cord or a bit of glass in your foot. My perfect little trotters. Um Josh, see you next week. See you next week. It'll be a joy. Inspired by jet engine silen ces . The Dyson Hushjet Purifier powerfully purifies the entire room, quiet ly, capturing pollen, allergens and pet dander , removing odors and harmful gases such as NO2, day and night . Hoshjet. Powerful compact purification. That's quiet .