Lou's Voice Note on Solo Parenting

This episode is brought to you by Monzo. End of term is nearly here, Josh. Oh my word. Always a good time for kids to have a bit more freedom outside of their usual routine and even start giving them some money independence with Monzo's free kids.' account You can set regular pocket money schedules and one-off payment for something like school holidays. Oh, Rob, it's great. Oh, and you're not just handing over the reins either. You can set spending limits and get instant notifications when they spend so you can see live when they've blown it all on sweets at the corner shop. Monzo's award-winning kids account, download your new favourite bank. For children age six to fifteen, parent or guardian account needed first. UK residents only , T's and C's apply. This episode is brought to you by Walt Disney World Resort in Florida. Now, if you're looking for the ultimate family holiday, I've got just the thing for you. And by you, Rob, I mean you. Yeah. Rob, because you love Disney. Big Disney World Florida guy. Lou is obsessed with it. And it is a really fun place to go and I love it. And Lou loves me more when we're there. So give me the things that you love most about it. Okay, obviously you've got the stuff you see on the adverts with the magic, little kids seeing these characters that have been on tele and film. Come to life. Exactly, you've got amazing ride, the weather's great. But for me, the thing I like most is sometimes with my kids, I feel like I'm watching them on their own holiday. If we just go for a normal beach holiday, they're in the pool with their mates, they're in the sea, me and Lou are just laying down, resting or reading or whatever. But it feels like we're having two separate holidays. Whereas at Disney in Florida I do feel like we're all on holidays like a group of four mates, yeah as well as being mum and dad and kids, all experience stuff. So like we come off the road and like, oh my God, that what'd you like about that? And we we're all chatting and connecting as a family. So that's that's what I like about it most. Another thing. Yeah. Which people don't realise. It is humongous. Four parks, two water parks. It's massive. There's loads of there's Animal Kingdom. Then there's Star Wars Galaxy Edge. There's so much going on. In two weeks you can't really do it all. Then he's got the Magic Kingdom, and then the fireworks show. And you just like how is all this one place? Epcot, walk around. Oh do you want to go in Japan? Yeah, I don't mind if I do. Should I go to Mexico? Yeah, I will. How far is it? Two minute walk. Dare I say it right? There's something for everyone. Do you know what you need to do? What? Start planning your Disney dream holiday today. Where would I go? Get yourself on DisneyWorld.co.uk. Terms and conditions apply, attractions are subject to availability and change. For more information, visit DisneyWorld.co dot uk. This episode is brought to you by EasyJet Holidays. If you're thinking about your next family holiday, you'll love this. You can get up to £400 off package holidays and up to £200 off city breaks with EasyJet Holidays, big Orange Sale. Kids go free on millions of their package holidays, and there are thousands of hand-picked four and five star hotels to choose from across more than a hundred destinations. And as if that couldn't get better, you can book for travel up to October 202 7. Search EasyJet Holidays. Holidays at all protected. T's and Cs apply. This episode is brought to you by Pizza Express. Now serving up After School Club, a selection of Pizza Express favourites for just five pounds each, available th ree till five Monday to Friday. It's a tasty way to reclaim those family moments. That's kind on the wallet too. Oh, Rob, also. You get the after school meltdowns, don't you? You do. They're hungry, they're tired, they're one wants to sit in the front, one wants to choose the music. Or oh you've brought the wrong snack or you get home and they want to watch different things on TV. Josh, when the kids come out of school and like they just throw their bags at you, say I'm hungry, arguing with each other about who sits where in the car. It's it's full of. Couldn't agree more, Rob. And do you know what? When you find yourself in that situation, in my experience, there's no 330 meltdown that can't be calmed with a five-pound serving of doughs. For more info about what's included and how to redeem, visit pizza express.com. Terms apply . Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with Imogen , can you say Josh Windakum ? Can you say get out my room Becett. Just saying. Rob Beckett. And Josh Whitakham. Josh Whitakham. Ha brilliant. I'll come touch one day. She got your name wrong at the start, but I think she was stressed because she was obviously asking a teenager. So this is my 16-year-old daughter, OG listeners, and originally from Kent. Oh . I also qualify for your longtime school runners. Kent, Dubai, Singapore, and currently Johannesburg, or as I call it, Joburg, with daughters aged sixteen, twenty-three, and thirty, and a grandchild on the way. She's nowhere near the longest r school run. No, I know, I know. I mean it's a long scint, but can I can I cause this is what's awful about that. That it's a horrendously long school run. But what we what we've discovered is it's no de Nero. It's unremarkable. It is unremarkable. But it is insane and it's dominated a life for twenty years. But the sad thing is there's people out there doing it for forty. Well, I was at the school sports day. Well not school sports day, school cross country. Was she that were you there as the sort of you know the patron of the of the cross country due to your running. I was just offering tips. Right. What was your tip? Uh just keep going. Just keep going. Okay, cool. Keep going. Uh feel the tip is stop if you want Not judging by your lifestyle, Rob. No. It's fucking back to back to back. You need to listen to your own advice, mate. The king of the hypocritical Oh my god. Oh my god. Hypocritical buffer man. Um no buffer for me today. Never give up. I absolutely love listening to a podcast. I want to say it gets easier, but it doesn't. Every stage brings a new challenge, more expense, but amazing memories. Um lovely. Rob. Yeah. So I was at school sports day and one of my friends Cross country. Cross country, sorry. Her daughter's in my daughter's year. Uh but her sister was also running in a higher year. What? Not the daughter's sist er, the mum's sister. The mum's sister was also running in the kids' cross country. What what age? Uh uh I must be a few years above. So let me get it straight. Your daughter's class, she's got a friend, and that friend's mum was talking to you and she said that her daughter's running in your daughter's class but also her sister was running in the school as well. Yeah that's a long that is a long one. My older brother's in his 60s There you go, there you go, there you go. It's a classic remarried older dad, second time round, because scenario. Exactly, exactly. Now, we haven't spoken in a while, and we are both in the middle of something mental. Yeah, we're both diary. Yeah. Let's just go head to head on who's living the least buffer lifestyle. From well no but my week wasn't that no buffer, but I was in China for the whole week. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, today's been no buffer. I went to China for a week with Romesh, Hong Kong then China. So but Lou's been at home with the kids obviously, and she's had uh she's not had a Well but so she's had a very busy week with work, so my diary calms down a lot from July August time to the point where I've got like nothing in. So like if anything, too much buffer. It's all buffer. It's basically just buffer. Honestly, well, buffering for months. My second half of the year is very different from my first. But my first is insane. Yeah, and so it will calm down again and we do more parenting and stuff like that. But Lou's obviously gone back to work. Her book's been a big suc cess. So she's doing lots more other work. She's been invited to be a judge for the book awards. So she was doing that this week. So that was quite big and a lot for her to do. She had to read all these books, so it's a lot of not quite time consuming. Then she had to go in and do all the stuff, which is fine. Obviously it's just a you know it's just part of a job. But obviously she was pet solo parenting. And then also in within this week, the um our lights kept flickering. Electrics kept flickering in the house. So I'm in China, not being able to sleep at like 3 a.m. Um, and then she said, I don't know what's going on. So she was gonna be stressed and worried. And then so I messaged the electrician, big up Ryan. Ryan, I said, Can you speak to Lou? Lou didn't his number. So she rang him and he said, um, it should be fine, blah, blah blah. It's not gonna be dangerous because the way it's been wired. I can come tomorrow if they're still flickering. So he came around the next day and then he said, All of your stuff's fine. It's from the main power station or whatever. So there's a problem on the cable that comes from the power. I don't understand these words, but I'm saying substa someone said substation. I don't know if that's that's what they're taling aboutk, but I've clung on to that. In my head, the cable from the substation to the house is damaged, needs replacing. They've come around to replace it. They don't know where it is. No one apparently that again, look, I'm not allegedly, this is what I've heard through Lou on WhatsApp. Apparently, so no one filed where they put the cable in the office. Right. So they've just been digging holes trying to find a cable that's not working whilst whilst we've got a poltergeist in the house. So that that's been going on. So at the moment the house entire house is covered by holes. Um and they're having to dig into like the neighbours' gardens. What? So I know it's not our fault, but you know you feel a bit like, oh god what just for one wire yeah I don't know but anyway so they found that I think they found it can't they just follow the wire I Josh I don't I think I obviously they've thought of that I'm fully aware I can't come up with the ideas that they're gonna go, wait a minute, that's a better idea than we've come up with. Josh, this has been happening with me in China and I landed at 6 a.m. this morning. I was going home, but then there was a drama at home because we can't open a certain door because it's full of builders digging holes. Lou let the dogs out of another door. One of the dogs jumped about three fences and ended up in a field full of horses. Oh my god. So Lou's been Oh my god, country living. Say Lily's Saint Lily's been trying to get a dog out trying to get the dog out of the Hawksfield. I'm messaging I mean the messages she sent me this morning I I mean what c you can't do anything but it wasn't cracking me up. She sent me a load of photos of holes going, it doesn't look too bad actually, and it looks horrendous. It looks like she Yeah, yeah. It's like trenches for an invasion. That's what it looks like. Right, okay, yeah. And then she said, anyway, I said I should be back at 7:50. And then she said, George has got into the horse field, I can't get him back. For fuck's sake, kill me, kill me. Do you know what I always think about text like that? We've all we've all sent them, we've all received them. Yeah. When you receive one, I often think I don't know whether this text, this is the I don't I think focus on the job with the dog there. I don't think you need to be sending this text. I mean at least I don't I didn't I never apply that. I never reply that. I always reply. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I'm like what the fuck do you want me to do? So sorry. That's why I'm so sorry. I said, Oh no, how? Like sort of trying to cut and then I said, I'm so sorry, Lou can you do? What else can you do except I'm so sorry? So I'm so sorry and then anyway so then I go, uh yeah, so then basically I say I'll like I tell I'll be back in time to do the school run. Let me do the school run. So then I got back and then um I got caught in standstill traffic so I was late. So then I got 'em, done the school run, dropped 'em off, come here, got here ten minutes ago, now recording now. So it's nine th we started recording nine thirty AM. I landed at six. I feel okay at the moment 'cause I slept a bit and what's the time in China? Hong Kong that sounds like one of them a phrase, isn't it like more tea vicker? New shoes becker. What's the time in the time in Hong Kong, comma China, because it's not actually China, is like three in the afternoon. So I feel all right. I'll just be a bit of a miss tonight. So I'm a bit just a little bit of a um I plan on having a show. When was the last time you washed? Um I've been in these clothes for thirty six hours. And I'd say so thirty seven hours ago I washed. Including sleeping in them. Yeah, on the plane, yeah. I've been in on the plane. Uh but actually I've I've changed this top though. My top's new. I've grabbed a new top from the office. I'm wearing a football shirt. Yeah. Um Ronaldinho from the World Cup where he lobbed Siemen. Um two thousand and six. Come on. No, that he did actually lob Seaman in that World Cup. Was that 2002? No Ronaldino probably lob some semen in 2006 as well, but yeah. Here we go. He can't resist, he can't resist the joke. Can't resist it. It's a curse. Um so yeah, that's um Yeah, it's quite far, China. Yeah. It's really far. Do you wanna feel better about yourself, Rob? Go on. I'm gonna take you through the last week of my life and the next two weeks of my life. Okay. These I am fin ishing my tour. I've got twelve left, Rob, at the time of recording. Can I also before you start this, can I say to listeners, um very much aware that we haven't done that much parenting at the moment, but that's just how our diaries have fallen. The plan is to do a lot more parenting as they go on. When we're moaning as well, we are also very aware how lucky and privileged we are to do these jobs. We love these jobs, and you know, so we are moaning in a fun way, but like deep down, we're very much aware of how lucky we are to get to do this and the and the sort of nice things it brings to our life. So, you know, all it's take it all with a pinch of salt. I uh take you through, Rob. Yeah. From the last time I saw you. Okay? Which is the 17th of April. This is the last time I recorded this on the 20th 27th. This is the last 10 days of my life, okay? Yep. Record parenting hell 8 a.m till 10 a.m. No till nine a.m. Then I had a uh meeting on Zoom from nine thirty till ten thirty, which overrance. You can't do this for the next four weeks every day, hour by hour. Then train to Derby to get the car to Grimsby. Go to Grimsby . Train to Derby to get the car to Grimsby. Because it was quicker than getting the train from yeah, because otherwise it would have been a six and a half hour train across the country. Do the gig in Grimsby, drive to the Lowry Hotel in Manchester, which is incredibly busy because it's marathon weekend and Man City versus Arsenal. Do the park run in the morning. Uh overtake someone. My phone comes out of my pocket, smash my phone, have to go to the Arndale Centre to get a new screen on my phone. Go for a walk around Manchester , get caught in a far right versus anti-fascist r uh riot stroke rally thing, and have to get away from that. And then you went to Stoke. Went to Stoke. Did you jump on the coach back from the rally ? Went to Stoke, came back, um, and then I went and I this was quite fun. The guy I'd met, there was a guy in the audience who worked on match of the day. So on the Sunday, Rob, he asked me whether I wanted to come in and sit and watch Everton versus Liverpool with the pundits. Oh, that's fun. So I watched Everton versus Liverpool with Wayne Rooney and Danny Murphy. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, that was cool. What are they like? They were nice. I mean they were quite serious and taking the game seriously, so I felt like actually They're making notes. Yeah. Salford, drive back from Salford to Bristol. Record some voiceover in Bristol. Come back, take the cats to their vaccinations. Parent in the evening. Parent in the evening. Parent in the evening. The next day, tour show Plymouth, then straight on the train, 7:52 the next day, straight up to London to have a meeting, then into a corporate, then stay in a hotel in London, then um fly to Belfast, doing a radio two brief ing chat in the departure lounge. Tour show. Right. Then I've got another meeting on the Friday, which means I have to fly back from Belfast early for this meeting, have the meeting, then get the train to Brighton, do the tour show in Brighton, get the car back to London, because I've got Radio 2 covering for Romish in the morning. Then get the train to Oxford, go into my room, try and sleep, but I'm too manic to get to sleep. So just lie and listen to the second half of the football, uh sweating on a sofa, do the gig in Oxford, come home, day with the family. Lovely. Parent. Going to Parent. Parent. When you see a lovely Grace and Perry exhibition at the Civic Museum in Exeter. Was that part of the parenting or or solo? That was part of the parenting. Or poor kids. Uh uh with my daughter. Yeah. She liked. She like she enjoyed the uh streets she didn't so no, it's fair enough. Then we went for lunch on a boat, which was fun. Yep. Watched Ronnie O'Sullivan in the evening, enjoyed that. Um What do you mean watched him? Today on the we watched me and Rose watched the snooker in the evening. Or should I say I put the snooker on and Rose. Rose quite enjoys the snooker. What does Rose do when you watch the snooker? She likes Ronnie. She does like Ronnie. So she'll watch Ronnie perform. She she loves she actually she said she said to me, Do you think snooker's her second sport after tennis? Right, okay. Is she is she actually watching it or she got a phone out or a book? She's not purely eyes on the snooker. No, she was watching it, yeah. We were watching the snooker together. Are you chatting about snooker or just life and love? Um life and love. I'd never have rose down as a like actually watching Snooker. We were just we were discussing if anyone on earth doesn't like Ronnie O'Sullivan and what would have to be wrong with them to not like Ronnie O'Sullivan. I I don't agree with that. I think he's I can imagine people find him quite abrasive and arrogant. I love him for it. I love him for it, but I was we were kind of saying I don't think someone who didn't like Ronnie O'Sullivan is our kind of person. R oh like not you can understand why they wouldn't. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. More it's more like everyone I like will like Ronnie O'Sullivan. Okay, cool. That's good. Yeah, you like Ronnie O'Sullivan, don't you? I love him, I love him. Can't get enough of it. But I could see why someone wouldn't. Two hour record here, Rob. Then on the 1215 to London, where I'm doing a photo shoot. What do you did a photo shoot for today? Um I'm doing a photo shoot with the photographer Rankin today, Rob. With Rankin what Ian Rankin? No, Ian Rankin's an author. Rankin's a top level. Who's Rankin's photo Rankin? He's done the Queen. He's done Yeah, but and he's taken photos of her as well. Oh, that's a shame. What are you doing a photo shoot of him? What's it for? It's for something you don't want to tell me, isn't it what is it? I don't know whether I can, but we'll leave it in. Um it's for McCain Oven Chips Rob . Then tomorrow, Rob, I've got um an office run through for a show. I c I can't believe how much busy your life your life's been, even though I've been to China to do kung fu. I know, it's been a relaxing week I then got parenting hell eight thirty to ten thirty the next day. Uh uh on zoo. Get the train to Leeds for the tour. Yeah. Then I'm coming down to London to do parenting hell all day. Then I've got a birthday party in the evening and then I'm flying to Aberdeen . You're like a um you're more of a sort of like for like you're uh like a you're more of like a a form of transport than a human. So meant like a lorry being sent out. Because it's like oh I could just stay in London on Tuesday but then I'm away till the following when I just wanna do what I know mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh fly to Aberdeen, yeah. Stay in Aberdeen, then drive to Edinburgh, gig, drive to Glasgow, gig, drive back up to fucking Inverness, gig, which is in the wrong direction. Oh, so you're doing Inverness last. In Inverness, they're always arguing over who's got bridges and who haven't got bridges and in that area because they're all No, because there's loads of different isolated villages all around the area and some people have to drive well out of their way to go round and use a bridge to get over all the different water and lakes and stuff. Locks. So that that if a bridge is shut, it really fucks 'em up and they're always arguing we need to and if someone if it's announced that somewhere gets a bridge, they'll kick up going, We need the bridge. Right. So if you want to have an argument about bridges. Oh, okay. Maybe um you could do the little islands of Scotland or maybe Birmingham. Birmingham, that's a good one, yeah that's right. Straight to Birmingham. Next night. Yep, the nine thirty nine from Glasgow Central to Birmingham. Flight or train? Train. So you're driving back from Inverness from Inverness back to Glasgow? That's a good couple of hours, isn't it? Yep. Yep. Okay. Then Milton Queens. Um so long at this point. You've away for ages. So long . And then I go home. I've not seen my kids. Well, we shouldn't be doing we need to rename this broadcast at the moment. Rob, it's so bad. Like I'm getting message like this is the first time I felt like my kids are genuinely gutted when I go away. Because previously it's been bits and bobs, do you know what I mean? And they're too young to really know, but now they're like, what do you mean you're not gonna be here? And I should underline also that it's like much worse for Rose. Because she's it's fucking rubbish for Rose at the moment. She's basically solo parenting the whole time while I'm on the phone telling her that I'm stressed because I've got to sleep on a sofa in Oxford. Do you know what I mean? It's exactly the same for Lou. I I said to Lou, Lou said to me, I should do the podcast this week. I went, You should. I went, send me a voice note, like, you know, we can play of what's happened. And then she didn't have to She said, she's just sent a six minute voice note. It's a mini pod. It's a mini pod. It's pod. I've sent it to Michael to have a listen over. She he's either gonna edit it up and put it on the show or Lou might need some sort of intervention. Yeah. R Michael, for the for the visualize pod, could you like use technology to have Lou's face so it looks like she's talking so it's not just me and M Rob listening to the um could you AI it so Lou's in the room, Michael? So I've listened to Lou's voice note and apologies to Lou, but it's quite intense. This episode is brought to you by Spec Savers. Now, Rob, one of the amazing things about having kids is getting to enjoy how they see the world, isn't it? Oh yeah. It's this strange world they live in, Rob where everything's kind of infinite, anything can exist, but also is tiny in that the people they know are the only people they know. And do you know what they love? A muddy puddle. Oh, they love a muddy puddle as an adult, you're like interested. No, dirty shoes, but like they put on let's put wellies on and get dirty and then just have a sha It's fun getting dirty and jumping in mud. I know, there's so many things they like doing. Do you know what? If someone said to me, Do you want to roll down that grassy hill? I'd think no. No. But they love it. They do love it. They absolutely love it, Rob. Thing is though, Rob, around one in five children have undiagnosed sight conditions. No, no. And that can get in the way of seeing all that wonder. One in five, really. Genuinely, one in five, Robin. Being able to see clearly is key to their development, helping them explore the world around them and connect with others. Got ya. So if catching those issues early can make a huge difference, it's good news that Spec Savers experts can help. Exactly, Rob. They've pulled out the stops to make children's eye test as enjoyable and kid-friendly as possible. Plus, you can stay with your child the whole time for peace of mind. Make their first appointment a good experience. Book your child an NHS-funded eye test at specsavers.co.uk . Head to the coast in Abercrombie's latest summer drop. It's dress season. From minis to maxis, there's a dress for every summer plan. And Abercrombie's new linen blend matching sets are so light and breathable. Perfect for brunch or rooftop happy hours. Dress like you're on holiday. Shop Abercrombie in the app, online, and in stores . It's so mental and the second half of my year is gonna be so different. This tour is this is the first time it's got properly gruelling. Oh well I did do some parenting stuff that we can go into. Before I went to China, um I went on a school trip. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Um to the Chiselhurst Caves. Oh yeah. Do you know what? That's the first time I've heard of them. You've never heard of them? Well, the Chiselhurst Caves. No, I haven't, no. So what happened in the Chiselhurst Caves? W ell they're doing geology. Uh it's like so they're looking at different types of rocks and all that kind of stuff. And geology stuff. I don't I don't I don't know what geology is, but I was on the trip. No, it's stones and it. Well, 'cause basically the caves was like a I think like a chalk and flint mine, but also was built in like the Middle Ages by Druids. The Romans were down there, and then in the first World War World War it was used for like ammunitions. And second world war they used it as um bunkers for w like the blitz and stuff because that area got bombed a little bit because it was sort of south London into Kent and there was uh an airport, Biggin Hill Airport nearby. So they hide under there. Interesting. And then it also um in the 70s had gigs down there, Rolling Stones and David Bowie and Jimi Hendrix played gigs in these caves. Wow. Yeah, it's amazing, isn't it? So it's brilliant because they went in there and saw all the rocks, but also there's all this other cool stuff, and they've got like yeah mannequins and um figures set up to be like um this is where the beds would have been this was the hospital park during the war and stuff like that and um the guy that was running it was very passionate about his job. Yeah. But he was very particular about how he did it. Very confident, quite a good performer, but he sort of very much did his own little one man play. Yeah. Within the caves and stuff. And then sort of got a fucking tree, Kevin, go at people for doing a one man play. With eighteen years of that m,ate. I know, but but like it was so it went in there and then like the kids are all like it was coming up and oh by the way, the teacher's got this like these little techniques where she goes attention and the kids just do a little like salute and then they listen and a clap, the teacher clap, it's like and then they go and they clap back and then just sit in silence. Oh wow. So I was watching this going it's unbelievable. These kids are so well behaved. My daughter's there and then the teacher goes off. They couldn't that the lack of respect for me was in a disgrace. I bet, I bet. They just couldn't give a fuck. And at one point I went Did you do attention? I tried. They just sort of just laughed at me. And then I was like I was like, oh Did you just tell us to shut up? I was like, Oh god, let's shut up Oh god, oh God, oh God Um anyway, but uh these gu the teacher said to the um 'cause he was quite flamboyant, this guy, and he was quite um quite creative with it. The teacher said, Oh look, the kids might be a bit scared of the dark. They're only like six and seven. Um oh god, sorry, I can't I hate saying that out loud. Six they're at the six and seven age. And um and they were a bit scared of the mannequins. He went, okay, no. She went, so if you can show the mannequins, it'll be fine. And he was like, the guys, and he's used to speak like, in the caves are mannequins, and? I And'm I'm like shitting my pants now. What are you doing? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . And there's a bit where because it's like one bit was like the church, he goes, look at the mannequins. He's got like a torture, all the kids are shitting their pants. And he climbs out of the fence and just like yanks on the ear of this mannequin. And I'm like, oh my God, what's going on? He was like, Now, I don't know if you've met a vicar before. You might think he would react if I pulled on his ear. I'm like, mate all you've got to do is tell them they're plastic and they're the white the ones from our suspenses what what the fuck are we doing it so what's your role in this day how many other parents are there? Don't lose one all the all I cared about was don't lose one. When they were like Were you bantering? No, I'm just sort of w following along, watching what's going on, trying to make sure that they're like following the guy and that because we've got like these lanterns and stuff like that. How many other parents are there? No, it's just me, one parent, and then there was a teacher, a teaching assistant, and then the um school uh the like the the coach driver came as well. Oh so why did you get the call? They just said who wants to do it and I'd done one for my youngest daughter, so I went and went and did it and stuff like that. But um but yeah, no, it was um so it was quite good fun. But the um Oh I've got have I told you this about Nido's I don't know what that means. You know Nido's right so I've got notes here from things I've not mentioned there because I'm seeing you know the needo, the things I I've um if you're v watching on the video, it's like that square plasticky thing that I'm fidget squeezing. Yeah, fidget squeezing, right. Yeah, well yeah, it feels like you stretch arm strong stuff but in a little cube. They're called nidoes, the kids quite like 'em. Anyway , we were we went on over Easter we went away, went to gosh, I've not spoken to you for ages, have I? We went to we went to Disney for holiday, went to Orlando again. I don't know, I can't remember. I can't remember what I've spoken about or not. I don't even know anymore. We had they had they had some need os in the bag and they had an iPad. The bags went through the security. So this is a big tip. We got stopped to security, right? Yeah. To check our bags. You know, normally it pulls to one side and then they go, um, open it for me and have a look. Heartbreak. The heartbreak when it goes to one side. Yeah, yeah. But did you know there's another level? No. There's another security level. It went off, went to one side and went, sorry, we need to wait for a supervisor. Oh my god. And they went, No, I went, Well, there's there's four of you here. Can't one of you do it? Went, no, no, we need the supervisor. Oh my god. What I went, uh and I went, well, I don't understand what's going on. They went, it's been flagged as serious and it was just kids bags. I was like, okay, like what's going on? And that was like and then and yeah they were like Did you st did you worry that the the way you'd reacted to that to me it feels like that was quite a guil ty reaction. Yeah, but the way they reacted was so odd, they were so serious and we cannot touch that bag. And they can't even talk to you about why they can't touch a bag. And I'm like, what the what's going on? And anyway, I was a chat and like the price that comes out and a bomb disposal Yeah. What? Not in an outfit, but like, yeah. They think it's a bomb. Amazing. Because he went, Neidos will set off the security every single time because basically it looks like Semte x . So if you have a nido in your bag, do not let your kids pack a nido in the hand luggage because it will get flagged and that's an immediate stop and search, yeah. Or if they have their nido, which feels like a little like a cube of semtex. Yeah. Next to their iPad in the bag. Oh my word. To the machine looks like a b Semtex bomb. Fucking long. So they thought I was travelling with two semtex bombs in a Why do you need two? In case one doesn't want to be a couple . So th do not take me those on holiday. Okay. Please. Okay. Thank you. And are definitely not next to the discussed your holiday, Rob. I'm so mad my life that I've I don't think we know. I just I haven't not really no we haven't. I kind of remember it. My head is all over the shop . But um yeah, no, I went to I went I went we went to Orlando for holiday over Easter. That's what we did. Um 's an addicted to it. And at this stage, the amount of parroting I'm making her do, I'll just say yes to anything she wants forever. We went to Cornwall, have I even spoken about my birthday? I don't even know . Like how long since we've done a Talk about your birthday. Not much happened really. No ? We we were in Cornwall, we had a lovely morning, I had tea in bed, and then we went to the beach. I just wish I was at home with my kids more. But that will happen. I've just got to get through the next three weeks. Well I missed I missed one of their plays. Oh that's a shame. They had a play, I missed another play. The problem is you can't I don't want to be that guy. Well I had that week booked before they announced that that was when the play was going to be I have though booked off their sports day because I was staring down the barrel of missing three years in a row and I'm like I can't be that bad. Yeah. So I've booked I've I've booked that off and I've said nothing can get in the way of that. That is Yeah. When it rains they move it, I'll be fucking liv ing. Oh dear. No we all good. I've got a lovely summer planned. Oh we books we're gonna I think we're gonna go skiing next year. We're gonna book skiing. Oh, here we go. Here we go. We're not going to the place you're go you went to. Thank God for that. Well, no, one of the main reasons was we we want to we were gonna go away the same time as you're going away, so I didn't gate crush. Lovely of you. Um again so we're gonna Romage going uh away together again this year? No, and I've told him all of my holiday dates and where I'm going and he's promised not to come on them. That's good. That's good. Yeah. 'Cause he stole my holiday last year. Anyway, well what else is going on? What what anything else happening in yah what w what's going on? What anything else? Have you seen my fucking gallery? What else could be going on ? It's absolutely We are so terrible at managing our life. But it's because we talk such a talk with stupid fucking idiots. Oh my god. But at least it isn't affecting my health. Ask me what I'm doing tomorrow. Slips go dating. Fucking hell. How long is that series? You're always doing celebs go dating. It's never over . That is mental. Oh I feel mad . Right, let's do small business. Um so I've got this. Where's this? Where was this delivered to me? A small business shout out. Somewhere I was. Belfast. Welcome to Belfast. I hope the show goes brilliantly tonight. My husband and I have tickets. My name's Victoria, and I'm the owner of Victoria Ma y Designs, a small handcrafted tea business based here in Belfast. And because I know how much you like tea, I thought I'd send you some to take home with you. I'm a huge fan of Parenting Hell and went to see Rob when he was in Belfast last year. I'd love it if you give my small business a shout out on the podcast. I have two little people and work around them when I can. I'm obsessed with tea. Started making these gift sets. I've got one here that's lovely. Um for baby showers and wedding favours, I now have over one hundred ranges and sell them on Etsy, not on the high street, and my own website. I had a hard time deciding which ranges to send you. There's a running set I thought you'd have a laugh at, a football one one, a cat , a train one, but in the end I decided to send you the book lovers set and a joys of motherhood tea set. That one's not for you, it's for Rose. I've great sets with godmothers, baby dedications, new mums and grandparents, plus lots more. Each teabag envelope is designed and individual individually sewn. It's sewn beautifully by myself. As a small business, any PR would be amazing. The listeners can find us at Victoria May, which is M-A-E-Designs.com. If they use the discount code parenting hell, they'll get 20% off any order. The business is also on Facebook and Instagram, and if any listeners would like to follow me, that'd be amazing. Facebook VictoriaMade Designs, Instagram, VictoriaMade Designs. Um, thank you so much for coming to Belfast. Enjoy the show tonight. I'm sure we will. Gobble, gobble, thanks very much. Victoria, they're absolutely beautiful, these things, these gift sets. And um, thank you very much. Uh I oh they're they're really well done. There we go. Get involved. Okay, I've got one here. Hey Rob and Josh and Michael. I'm a huge fan of your pot. I recently saw Josh in Bedford, aka the hottest gig of all time. Oh it was boiling. It was boiling hot, Rob. And it was our first night out after having our second baby and it was pure joy. It was not that recent. That was the second gig of the tour. I'd love a shout out for a little project I've started while I'm on maternity leave. A new mum' singsing a new mum singing group called Sling and Sing. I recently read an article about how singing can seriously support mum's mental health, reducing stress and anxiety. I might tell Lou to stick the karaoke machine on calm her down. Ah and it's great at building community sat on our own on dike hugs and whispers. I will survive Yeah yeah Who let the dogs out I'm going deeper underground . No one was thinking that would be a third choice. Oh no, but I did it because of the holes. Oh . I did callbacks in song. So what was the dogs? Oh, who let the dogs out? The dog escaped. Oh, I just thought it was a good and then there was holes in the ground. I've not appreciated my time. Oh that would have been a good one. Anyway, um there was nothing like it in my local area so I decided to set one up myself. The aim is to help to connect mums , sing together, then finish with some cake and chat. I'm running a special festive season. This must be old. Where we'll sing some carols and Christmas songs. Think mums of babies round a piano, some mints pies, and lot of happy smiles. It's on Tuesday the second of December in Potter's Park. Oh my god . We also got one to celebrate uh the Queen. We also we all we also plan to have one to commemorate the death of Diana. I know it's uh I know it's only been a few weeks, but we're still getting over it together. It's on the second of December in Potters Bar for anyone in North London Harborship. Yeah. I'm sure there's other ones. Class is usually free, but for that one it's ten pounds. Okay, right. Anyway. Just search Sling and Sing on Eventbrite and you should find the event. Oh I'm sorry , Becky. I d I think if you want a shout out, you've got to go that you can't go date specific. If we've learned anything. I hope it went well. I think we've done this one before. I genuinely put this one. I do as well. Let me do another one. No, keep it in. It's so funny . It's so old and we've already done it. So please could you mention the Lily and Fox Bakery in Earlsden. They are most lovely people running it. So nice and working so hard. And their bakery is gorgeous. It would be amazing to get them a mention, please. Thank you. Lots of fresh bread and bagels as well as delicious pastries and cakes. Thank you and take care. Thanks for the podcast from Anna. That's Lily and Fox Bakery in Earlsden. Oh well done to them. They're doing special special bagels to commemorate the moon landing, which is um They've got those Berlin Wall turnovers. I feel mental. I promise, guys, I am w I am in the process of reorganising my life so I'm at home. Yeah, yeah. It's gonna happen. You listen and I'm predicting this now. Yeah? Right. So you know, Michael, could you check if we've done that? I think we've done that one before as well. Oh fucking hell Right, see ya later. Right, right . I'm just gonna do a quick voice note for the podcast because I said as a joke this morning when Mob was like, I'm gonna go and record the podcast with Josh. And I was like, I should be doing it, not you. Um I'm gonna try and keep this as succinct as possible because I feel like I will either A cry or B do a 40-minute diatribe of of my week end. Um I I have had a weekend . Right, Friday. Um okay so but girls were on a show a Sunday. Um youngest managed to fuck up her costume. Not really her fault. Springs she was playing Slinky Dog. All the springs got caught up, so it was like one big ball of spring. Um so I had to make her a new costume. That's fine. No big deal. I had more springs. I love a glue gun. No problem. Um, so made another costume. Uh Friday, intermittent power in the house, nothing's working. I throw away my hairdryer because I think it's the hairdryer, and then the lights are surging up and down, like we've got a malevolent poltergeist. Um, I have an argument with the eldest about what she wants for tea because I'm halfway through cooking steak and and vegetables and she was like, I just want toast. I'm like, no, you must have protein and vegetables. Um and then the hob won't stay on long enough for me to cook said steak and vegetables. I've just cooked it just enough that it's ruined because I can't cook it fully, but not I have I've cooked it too much that I can't put it back in the fridge. So I have to throw that away and then give her toast. The toast isn't working. So I have kind of pissed all over my own argument I was having with the 10 year old about her need for protein and vegetables because I just gave her toast for tea in the end, because that was all I could get to work. Um even though I had to use the toaster four times, I was like, there's just no power going to it. The lights are surging up and down. I'm like, we've got a poltergeist. Um, phone the electrician, he comes Saturday morning. He's like, There's nothing wrong with the electrics in your house, it's coming from the road, you need to call UK Power Network. I do that. They come out a couple of hours later. Very quick service, I will say, from UK Power Network, but that was kind of I will say everyone I met from UK Power, all the guys that actually came, brilliant. The person I have an issue with is whoever connected our house originally hadn't done any service logs, they didn't . So we spent all of Saturday till about half eleven attempting to locate a cable to fix it to my house so I could have, you know, power. Um that doesn't happen on Saturday. So they come back Sunday. Um the girls have got rehearsals all day S aturday and s so Saturday afternoon for their show on Sunday. Saturday afternoon I'm gathering candles and torches and the one rechargeable lamp that has got battery. Um because it's going to get dark later when I have I have no power because they're digging holes and connecting things and unconnecting things and all sorts. That doesn't happen. Saturday, so Sunday they come back. Um they start digging holes in the neighbour's field because they think the cable goes up there. Uh this happens all of Sunday. Girls have their show Sunday night, that's fine, they're brilliant. Chef's Kiss, it was amazing. They were amazing. Um I will say there was about thirty numbers, they were in two. Um so it was a lot of watching other people's children, but that's fine. It was great. Um it genuinely was great, actually I sound like I'm being sarcastic, but it was considering that I watched twenty-eight odd numbers with not my children in, um I really enjoyed it and that is testament to the the drama place. Anyway, I digress. Um get up this morning. So power is restored properly, about half eleven Sunday night. There's a massive trench dug out the back of the house, and they've taken the fence down where it goes into the hole in the neighbours' field. Um so I can't let the dogs out the back, which is where I normally let them out to do their wee. I'm like, no problem, I'll let them out the front. Um we've put a fence in, so they can't get out, and there's a horse field for context next to our garden. Um Georgie at 6am this morning, 6am , decides to fuck off over a five foot electric electrified fence which is behind our hedge into the horse field and is doing massive zoomies, just like zooming up to them, barking and running away. And now, if they'd kicked him or trod on him, ups absolutely his own fault, wouldn't have been the horse's fault at all, wouldn't have been the owner of the horse's fault at all. My dog should not be in her field. I completely, completely understand that. I accept that. He should I just didn't know he could get over a five foot electric fence. Um, she arrives to feed her horses. She's understandably a bit fucked off that there's a whippet in her field acting like a dickhead. So I have to get in my car because even though it's next to our garden, it's like you have to go round the road, round the road to climb out of my car, in my pyjamas, in her field, apologize profusely, grab my dickhead dog, which is behaving like a dickhead. I left the house without a lead because why would I take a lead when I'm going to collect a dog? Um grab my stupid dog. He's trying to bite me because he doesn't want to walk back past the horses because I think they've scared him, but I'm like, you have to get out of this twatting field. I get him out of the field, put him in the car, drive back round to our house, get the girls ready for school. They're knackered because I didn't sleep till like 10:45 last night because they were in their show, which was brilliant, aforementioned brilliant show. Had to get them home. They'd like gelled their hair into a French plait, which my eldest was like, I'll swear it's cool. It looks nice. And my youngest was like, no, it must come out now. So she had to wash her hair when she got home. I'm just I'm very overstimulated and I'm very overwhelmed. And what I would say is that I don't mind doing all of these things. These things happen. Not the dog in the field, he can twat off. But like it's no one's fault when the electric goes, it's just one of these things that happen. And I'm I am a big feminist and I can cope perfectly well by myself. However, that is a blue job. Dealing with that is a blue job. I should have been able to take the kids and go to my mum's and I couldn't because Rob was playying sill dicks with Romesh in China . I don't know if this has helped this morning, but what I've had for breakfast is a whisper bar and a can of Coke Zero and I and I can't calm down and I've got work to do. And this is almost six minutes, so apologies for this. Put this on times two. Um, I couldn't I I was gonna try and do this succinctly and I couldn't. There was other things that happened. What else happened? Um , yeah, just just a lot. Um anyway, hope everyone's well .