Small business shoutouts and closing

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Parents can easily manage spending from their own Monzo app and you can deposit regular pocket money for things like taking the bus to school, going to the shops or their first cinema trip with friends. Monzo's award winning kids account. Search Monzo to get them started with money independence. For children aged six to fifteen, parent or guardian account needed first, UK residence only, T's and C's apply. This episode is brought to you by Walt Disney World Resort in Florida. Now, if you're looking for the ultimate family holiday, I've got just the thing for you. And by you, Rob, I mean you. Yeah. Rob, because you love Disney. Big Disney World Florida guy. Lou is obsessed with it. And it is a really fun place to go and I love it. And Lou loves me more when we're there. So give me the things that you love most about it. Okay, obviously you've got the stuff you see on the adverts with the magic, little kids seeing these characters that have been on tele and film and come to life. Exactly. You've got amazing ride, the weather's great. But for me, the thing I like most is sometimes with my kids, I feel like I'm watching them on their own holiday. If we just go for a normal beach holiday, they're in the pool with their mates, they're in the sea, me and Lou are just laying down, resting or reading or whatever, but it feels like we're having two separate holidays. Whereas at Disney in Florida, I do feel like we're all on holidays, like a group of four mates, as well as being mum and dad and kids, all experienced stuff. So like we come off the road and like, oh my god, that what do you like about that? And we we're all chatting and connecting as a family. So that's that's what I like about it most. Another thing. Yeah. Which people don't realise . It is humongous. Four parks, two water parks. It's massive. There's loads of there's Animal Kingdom, then there's Star Wars Galaxy Edge. There's so much going on. In two weeks you can't really do it all. Then he's got the Magic Kingdom and then the Fireworks Show. And you' justre like how is all this in one place Epcot, walk around. Oh do you want to go in Japan? Yeah, I don't mind if I do. Should go in Mexico? Yeah, well, how far is it? Two minute walking Dare I say it Rob . There's something for everyone. Do you know what you need to do? What? Start planning your Disney Damre holiday today. Where would I go? Get yourself on DisneyWorld.co.uk. Terms and conditions apply. Attractions are subject to availability and change. For more information, visit DisneyWorld.co.uk. This episode is brought to you by Pizza Express. School holiday heroes are back at Pizza Express to save half term. Order a full price main for yourself in one of their pizzeries before the 28th of May, and they'll make the price of a piccolo meal disappear. So super kids eat free. Plus mega teens can enjoy a classic pizza and soft drink for just twelve pounds. Incredible. Josh, school holiday heroes, what we talking. Oh, do you know what? Yeah. I absolutely love for school holiday h eroes is now we live in the country, opening the back door, we've got a trampoline. That's my school holiday hero. That gets us through hours of school holiday. What about you? Can I approve upon your trampol ine? Yep. Heat wave, bit hot, twenty-five degrees, maybe twenty-two degrees, sprinkler. Ah, running the sprinkler. Jump on the wet in the sprinkler, dry on the trampoline. Beautiful, beautiful times. School holidays can be a juggle, but Pizza Express holiday heroes help keep everyone happy. Download your code at PeterExpress.com or redeem within the app . Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with Alfie . Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett . And can you say Josh Whitacom? That's like Good job. There we go. Who's that? Kim, uh, who's the mum of Freddie and Alfie from Abingdon in Oxfordshire. Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. This is my two-year-old son, Alfie, introducing you. I only discovered the podcast a few months ago. Are you insane, Kid? Where you've been living under the road under a rock? Yeah, in blood I mean, what's going on? Has Abingd not got the bloody internet. Oh, here we go . Binge f eighth series so far. Wow. To be fair, made up for Lost Tonkin. Thank you for all the laughs. I suppose we'll have to address your glitter ball comment, Rob. Early door. Chow. How many contestants are? I' gotve these 12 faces. You are the new host of Co-host. Co-host. Co-host? Co-host. Sorry. Sorry. Yep. Congratulations, Josh. You are the new co-host of Strictly Come Dancing. Do you know what? When we started out in stand-up, no one foresaw that, Rob . It's very exciting, Josh. This is I mean, it's wild, isn't it? You've somehow become the co-host of the biggest show in British television . Probably history. Not of history, but I don't know. It's got to be news news at ten. News at ten. Possibly It's got to be the news, the six o'clock news it's arguably one of the biggest of the twenty first century, isn't it? I suppose along with I'm a celebrity and Big Brother Mike. Oh, it's bigger than I'm a s uh no, I I I think it's the biggest really. What else would there be? You know, stuff comes and goes. It's been going twenty odd years now, isn't it? Twenty. Exactly, Rob. Do you what is good as well actually, because I was a bit worried, you know, you've not got much work on at the moment, stuff's drying up, you're not been busy, you've been twiddling your thumbs, sat at home going, When will some bloody work come in? And you know , I'm glad for you that that it's coming. Do you know what, Rob? It's good because I I think I can fit it into my life with buffer. Absolutely. Yeah, the king of the buffer. And the king of the buffer. Be buffering yourself off Friday and Saturday nights in London, Sunday nights, the whole caboodle. Exactly, Rob. Exactly. Um dear. Are you excited? I am. It's just I'm glad it's out there because I've been lying to people. You lied on Good Morning Britain. I didn't lie on Good Morning Britain. Okay, you did a y you actually acted like a politician on Good Morning Britain. I evaded. I evaded questions. How did you see that? Oh it was on in I saw it on Instagram . We were waiting half an hour because you're you're late for the record because you're you're Mr. Saturday night. Well I was coming from London. I was coming from London. Yeah, it's good to be left there, isn't it? From a work point of view. Elstury's not in London. Um but is it Elstry where they filmed it? Elstry, yeah, yeah. Where's that one? Is that over that's is that Borham Wood, near Borough? Yeah, yeah. I think so. Like north, Hartfordshire. Did you ask to move it to Cheddar Gorge? Film in there I'm excited for you John do you know what I'm most surprised that you've heard of Cheddar Gorge Do you know what it is? I feel like I am. What is it in rocket ships where that you have the thing that blasts someone off and then they get they get they get ripped apart and they fall to the earth once the rocket's high enough? Well I don't That's why I f when it comes to the BBC. That's how I feel. Be Romesh and Week is link, you on Saturday night. If you want to show on the BBC, come and work with me for a bit and I'll boost you up there and then you can get rid. So that's so now you're working with bloody Emma and Jojo. Love lovely Emma and Jojo. Lovely Emma and Joe. I do love both of them to be fair. It's a great lineup. Do you know what? We had the f this is recorded just after the announcements come out. We had the photo shoot yesterday. Oh yeah, I've seen the photo, Josh. I mean. I love the photo. I love the photo. It's great. It's absolutely you look all like you're all having loads of fun. And I love that. We are. Go on. Be honest. Your face. My face is disbelieving, I'd say. I'd say the way you're holding the glitter ball makes you feel uncomfortable, but apart from that. I've I've It's it's the last it's the last go and I've got a seven ten split on the bowling and I'm about to step up. Right. You can do this mate. Just one bowling got this. Yeah, I've I've seen yeah, the I th I think you look great in it. You great smile, you look very charismatic, very fun, energetic. Suit is perfect, you look great. But the way you hold the little ball does uh it concerns me. But apart from that, also as well, you've never held a c it's hard to pose of a glitterable. Do you know what, Rob? Do you know what? You've got a they've got a little hook on it, right? I don't want to let people in too much behind the scenes. Someone get let us behind the curtain . But I had to conceal the hook. Oh, oh, so that's why you're like that, to conceal the hook. To conceal the hook, you see. Right. Yeah. There you go. Jojo and Emma are uh managed to g managing to conceal the hook without looking absolutely like they're gonna smash it down Hollywood Bowl . He's been years had having to conceal the hook, hasn't he, on Straightly? He's he's been on it like a decade. Yeah, he knows his way round a hook on a he knows how to conceal a hook. Is is his glitter ball smaller than yours or is he just bigger than you? Uh he's six he's six two. Big guy, big guy. Got ya.. Got you. Big guy Yeah, yeah. Um . So Emma's the same height as me, but obviously she's gonna be wearing heels. So it is gonna Yes. Yeah, but that's great, isn't it you're the comedy turn. I'm the comedy turn. We've already discussed, you know, it's gonna be fun at Halloween for the Halloween special. I might be the first person on Strictly to go as Damon Orban for Icons night, but we'll see how that plays out. Yeah, no, absolutely no chance. I think it's good fun. Yeah. It was in the papers for a week, the rumours. And so I've had you send a lot of text saying don't believe what you read in the papers. But then they should have believed. Yes, but I think that's a good phrase anyway. Don't believe what you read in the papers, yeah. It's just an unconnected point I'm making. Yeah, absolutely. But if it's coming from a man that the story's about but the story's true, it's not great for you. I don't think any of my friends are going, I can't believe Josh lied to me. I don't think any Do you know what? I'm absolutely furious that when I texted him that article from the Sun he didn't go, it's a hundred percent true, but please don't tell anyone. Well because what I would say is though you're a bit more of a what's a outsiders in the betting before this all began where when you I think that's what I'm saying I'd say I'd say I wasn't in the betting. Can I put a bet on Josh Rudelman to the host? Who Oh, he does a podcast with Rob Beckett. Oh yeah. No, that works. Um yeah, so cause yeah, 'cause normally with like a football, you know, manager replacement it's like if you know you know who the runners and riders are. Man City now potentially pep's leaving them. Is it Moresca or maybe Tuchel after the World Cup or whatever? No one's going, oh hello, Neil Warnut should n't But that's really exciting though. Well done. How do you feel about it? So I'm incredibly excited. When we've done the photo shooters, the three, um, it was incredibly fun. There's a real fun to the three of us. And I love that it's three because I think it just feels like a totally new idea and team and it's really fun. There's something for everyone there, Rob. Um as the as the producers described it, it really is the ultimate modern family, me, Jojo and Emma . Um, and so I'm really excited. It feels weird now because it's four months away. Do you know what I mean? God, yeah. So are you gonna are you gonna sort of at house parties practice with talking to some people upstairs to sort of get ready? And ask how it went downstairs, just stand outside the toilets at house parties. Talk to someone downstairs and I'll go. Anyway, you head on upstairs now. So you where are you gonna be? Do you not know yet? All I'm saying, Rob, let's not rule me out to being the head judge. That would really mix it up. Yeah. You're the orchestra of the band. You're conducting. Poor old Dave Arch is gonna have to take a step back. How do you know that guy's name? Because I'm a fan of the show. Wow, you're that is you do really love it, that ya. I do, I do. What have you what have your kids said? So 'cause this has been recorded when it's just come out. Yeah. Right. I've I've got to go and get them from school in and tell them. 'Cause I can't I couldn't trust them. Oh, of course. You just simply can't tr like not I don't mean you can't leave an eight year old and go, you simply can't tell anyone this because you know, that's unfair. So I haven't told them. So I'm gonna go and pick them up from school. I imagine my son won't really I think with my daughter the truth is Rob the Not until the first show and they actually realise I think. It's not gonna feel as wild. She just sees you as a human? She just sees me as a great guy. She just sees me as a rock, as dad. Not Mr. Saturday night. Not S C D D A D. That's what she sees. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, sorry. I mean that's so s that's what it says in my diary for things and now in my head it's S C D working sort of just mugs like me that call it strictly. Is it S C D for all the cool kids in the mow? Not plebs little muggles like me. Just so you know, Rob, just so you know. We call Blackpool BP as well, but I don't want anyone to know . Do they? No, no. They don't call it SED, they call it strictly. Yeah, well it's good to know at the end of your tour you're gonna spend every weekend in London and then Blackpool for a weekend. So Do you know what I finished my tour on Saturday? It's absolutely wild. I finished my tour on Saturda y. The the stor y in the tabloids saying that I'd been rumoured to be confirmed came out at 11 pm on the Friday, the day before my special on the Saturday, Rob. Yep. You had a busy week, so you had to record your special. And you actually radio too. So I uh 11 pm, I saw that story, I was like, well, I'm not going to sleep tonight. That's the end of that then. This podcast has gone from parenting to basic ally the world's busiest man's schedule. You can talk . This has been moved for you. Because you've here 'cause a new job's coming on Friday. Yeah. February just returned from another job where you were uncontactable for fucking two and a half weeks. How fucking dare you Oh it's Connor's too tight to laugh like that. Oh Yeah fair point fair point hands up fair point fair point guys so I could work again This episode is brought to you by Expedia and Visit Scotland. Some places you don't just visit, they shape the stories you carry long after you've left. Start your story in Scotland this spring and surround yourself with blooming scenery, fresh air, and farm animals making their grand debut. Josh, can I tell you something I love about Scotland? Please do. And it's gonna shock you. Go on. We know how beautiful it is. We know the people are great. Oh, it's glorious. I'm into the food. Are you? Talk to me. You don't think of it straight away, but when I was in Glasgow and Edinburgh, yeah. They do all the Scottish stuff, obviously. However, they also do the curry. Like nowhere else I've been. I'd say it's the foodiest country in the UK. It's so good in Scotland. I I think about this a lot. I went to Loch Ness. How serene I felt on the edge of Loch Ness. I love the highlands, Rob. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, Rob. Pick a home base and explore from there. Deep dive into the local food scene, explore striking landscapes, and discover deep history around every corner. It's easy to get to, easy to navigate and full of warm people who'll make you feel right at home. Start planning your own Scottish holiday today at expedia.co.uk slash visit Scotland I've seen my kids I've got some actual good parenting stuff to talk about actual advice on parenting that I thought I did well but we can do that in a minute 'cause I'm still interested in this. Okay, any more any more questions? So um Do you know what I think we need to do, Hill? We need to put a call out. Okay, this is a big show, right? Yeah and whenever you're announced for anything big, the your reaction 's abuse, Rob. You're gonna get dogs abuse even, if you're the best person to host it ever, you'll get dogs abuse. So, what we need to do is this is what I'm gonna do. I'm going in heavy on the comments in defense of Josh Willicam, and I'm just gonna really go in here, and I want the parent in hell listeners to go in. I don't want you to get toxic, I don't need to be personal or aggressive, but we need to defend our Josh Willakam in. Just just say we're talking hypothetically at this point as well, 'cause I haven't looked at the internet. Yeah, no, I'm sure it's absolutely fine, yeah, yeah. Well, I d I don't know 'cause I've deleted my Instagram app. Good idea, actually. Well don't worry about the comments and he's not even looking. If there are c if there are any negative comments. I'm sure it'll be well all absolutely fine. 'Cause most people on the internet take new information pretty well and they're really uh happy with change at all time. They embrace change. They embrace change. That's the thing about the internet. They love change. Yeah. Oh man, I had to go and get a suit. Nice. Yeah. I think you might need more on one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I thought let's deal with the photo shoot. Let's not go let's deal with that. One one game at a time . You know, it's all right at the first time. I don't want to be over presumptive, Rob, but I bought ten series worth. I don't want I don't want to jump So how many episodes is it in total? Um Saturday Sunday. Saturday Sunday, but there's there's thirteen weeks, but the first week's only one and the last week's only one. Right, so then there's also the Christmas one. So twenty twenty five eight or whatever. And you have to have a different suit in every one or you can switch it up a bit. No, I think you can um accessorise I two hundred and fifty suits you need. I bought two hundred and fifty suits. Walking to next go. I need two hundred and fifty suits. Yeah. In every colour, please. All two hundred and fifty colours. And can I have the trousers um some some thirty inch, some thirty two, just in case of have a big Christmas. Yeah, yeah. Because let's be honest, ten years is gonna take its toll on me. Also it's gotta be a big fucking Christmas that by September you're still trying to lose the light . By the way, yesterday, when we arrived at the photo shoot, I did realise that I look like I am a lit weird looking guy, little guy. I get that. We all are comedians. Yeah. No, that's not true. Yeah, I I'd say you've got a certain charm. Yeah. Me, you, I think if anyone 's you know I'd say if anyone I I no, I think the they don't take this the wrong way. No, no, no. I think if me and Romesh walked down the street and there was other people that looked a bit like us, you might go, Was that Robin Romage or was that Rob Romesh? People know if they've seen you. Yeah. You've got a distinctive look and I think it's pretty sexy. Thankank you, Rob, th you. Lean body, strong jaw, curly hair, big eyes. Do you know what happened, Rob? When I got to the photo shoot, I didn't. But you want a high five, by the way, you've had your hand up there for ages. I've read somewhere, I do that sometimes. Where it's like a marked if you're um on the what's it neuro if you're neurodivergent, sometimes just having your arm in the air is really comforting. Yeah. Which and there's but there's suspicions that we are, but I don't think it's true, do you? No, that's not good. Got enough on my plate . Sorry, gonna I cut you off from the hand thing. I did realise that when I turned up at the photo shoot that I have been cast with two of the most striking looking people on British television. Oh. Yeah. It's a tough they are models. They both model like model looks, model heights, model builds, and I'd say you are a normal man. It doesn't feel like it next to them It's horrible, isn't it? When you're next to people Please welcome the run to the letter . It's absol utely I just w I worked with Maya Jammer recently. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're just like we can't be the same species. You know you, Jerry Hall, and Maya Jammer lined up Me Robish Jerry Hall Maya Jammer Miranda Hart all in a line welcome to the human race Bloody hell. Bloody hell. Um it is weird, isn't it, what our lives have become. Because you know, we we did just start out as stand-ups driving around and we are now like BBC One, you're doing traitors, I'm doing this, you know, you've won about seven hundred BAFTAs, you don't even turn up anymore and win BAFTAs . You can't win BAFTAs because you're doing another show that wins BAFTAs at the same time. It is definitely uh yeah, when when you sort of look back, it's a sort of mental um life journey. It is so weird and but yeah, it's just like incredible and you're just like do you know what? Like I think this is a fair thing to say . Obviously, when this opportunity came up initially to just have the meeting, I thought I really like my life. Would I want to throw it into flux? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because it's a big thing, it's a defining thing that you're suddenly doing. Yeah. But I just thought, what an incredible thing to experience. Do you know what I mean? You're Josh, you're perfect for it. You absolutely love it. Your kids are at an age that they adore it, you're going to be so good at it because you've done what for twelve years of live TV. That pro you don't understand how accustomed and professional you are in that kind of pressure where it's very overwhelming. You're already got that under your belt. You know how to be funny in short snippets around a big sort of structured show. You're perfect for the job. You're gonna be brilliant at it. Oh thank you, Rob. You can build your life around it now. Well, you know you've got that exactly autumn. Then you you've got I think I suggest maybe once a week you ring me and I tell you what jobs not to do, you know, before you end up on some stupid other podcast or TV show. Maybe we could have a just ring me up. I go, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that. They said on Good Morning Britain in the intro. They said um he's will he be quitting um parenting health for strictly? I was like, mate No. If you knew how little time parenting hell takes up in my life. If you said to me, Rob, I'm really sorry, due to due to working, you know, two days a week in London now. Due to working two days a week in London for autumn, I'm gonna have to quit I'm gonna have to quit a podcast that I I give twelve hours a month to. That'd be wonderful. Well thank you all for your support um in advance. I'm genuinely so excited. I can't wait. Yeah. There's nothing you need to do apart from turn up and be yourself on it every every day. And the lengths I will go to to book Emma Willis for our podcast. I really this really is above and beyond but, I'm willing to r willing to do this so that she feels she has to come on. I've got a feeling we're gonna have a lot of strictly celebrities on here. All I'm saying is he hasn't got kids, but I'd love to hear Craig Revel Horde's view on other people's kids. Shall I get um Jerry Hall on here? Yes, in a heartbeat. She's amazing. I'd love to get Jerry Hall on here. Rich Lee Grant. We'll do that. Oh yeah, here we go. Do a swap shop. Ross Kemp. Yes. Love Ross Kemp. There we go. Everyone was lovely. Really good. Really enjoyed it. Oh, great. Well, enjoyed meeting the people. It's quite hard work. I'm wanting to get Michael Sheen back on. Oh, Rob. Sheeny. The Web We Lead. The Web Wead is not the weave the web we weave. The life we lead, the web w the webs we weave. Yeah, but do you know what? Thank you to everyone. It's nice that it's now out in the open because I have felt a bit like um You're lying to people. You're a liar. But also you're doing that lie where they think you're lying, but you you are lying, but you have to keep lying. So did you do traitors as well? Did I blink in your? It is. No, it is a bit like that's showbiz. Everyone's fucking lying and smiling. But it was like you know on W Would I Lied to you when it's obviously Max lying, he knows he's lying, everyone knows he's lying, but he has to go through with the lie. It felt like that. It felt like that, yeah. But that was a bit of fun. 'Cause you can' s a bit of fun. What are you doing tonight? So tonight, so we've it's just been announced. Um tonight I am doing nothing. I'm staying in. I'm not spending a night away from my family for a month now which feels insanely got there josh finally back on the bedroom floor back on the bedroom I can't wait I am I am the host of Straightly Come Dancing and tonight I'm sleeping on the bedroom co-host. Co-host. Night time sleeping on the bedroom floor again. Yeah, I think you've got some confirmed money f coming in for the autumn now. Treat yourself to a little floor mattress. Treat yourself to a floor mattress to enjoy the benefits of being the co-host of the biggest show and telling. Get yourself some silk pajamas and a floor mattress. Well Rob, tell me about parenting. Parenting. So I've had a bit of time at home with the kiddos, which has been lovely. Because before traitors, I was absolutely slammed. A few things I want to go through. Yeah. So on the way back from traitors, my bag was overweight, right? For the flight. Sorry. But it wasn't on the way there. What had you taken from traitors, Rod? Well I what's Jerry Hall giving you? I came out of a lot of emotional baggage Um I no it was and I was like, I've always been right, I think it's my upbringing aware there wasn't money growing up. Yeah. It's like your bag cannot be overweight where you're weighing it. Like I'm oh my god, it can't be overweight. Anyway. So I get there and it was um one kilogram overweight. They went, it's overwe ight. You're gonna be charged. And I was like, Oh my god, I've done it, you idiot. You know, like sort of beating myself up. And they went, Oh, it's gonna be twelve pounds. And you thought, What have I been doing? For 40 years. I've been running around thinking on my like put taking stuff out and putting shoes in my backpack to carry on a plane for 12 hours. Yeah. And it's 12 quid. And I'm like, what? What I've got to re-eval re balance my approach to this. Twelve quid though. So c why did it go over then? What has what have you added? Oh no, so basically that you you have so many outfits up there because Oh, but they get taken up a before you. Yeah. So then the the the outfits all got mixed up where two bags were gonna come down in a van, but I packed one bag to come back, but I overpacked it. Can I ask a question about the outfits on trade because I don't think this is a a giveaway behind the scenes. Well I wore crotchless trousers at the round table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Have a look at those two round tables. Yeah, have a look at that, yeah. Yeah. Banish this. Banish this . Do you wear your favourite outfits at the start? Yeah. Because you think, well, I'm unlikely to get to the end, so I'll just save the rubbish ones. Or do you save them 'cause you want to look good at the end? So this was a discussion I had where basically you pick what you want to wear. I went for like four or five decent ones to start with. Yeah. Saved a few for the end. Yeah. So the middle is the the middle's it's an iffy outfits in the middle. I reckon episode six to eight is everyone's worst clothes. Okay, that's good. So keep an eye out for that . It's like the worst routine of your tour. I'm not saying I was in episode I'm not giving anything off Watch all traitors, episode six to eight. That is people's clothes they like the least. Whoever's in there at that point, whether it's me or someone else, that is their worst clothes. Don't banish me in this. Please don't banish me in this. Um anyway, right, so per some parents appear to um so it was my daughter's my eight year old's first ever s sleepover, they do a thing at school which is like the year three sleepover where all the kids do like games in the day, like team building games, then they watch a film and then they put all the gym mats on the floor. You send them in with their like sleeping bags and a yoga mat. Similar to my bed . Yeah, pretty much. And then they all have a sleepover together and it's like a the whole class year do it and then they get a little certificate and then you pick them up on the Saturday morning at like eight. Amazing, amazing. So great thing. My eldest did it, loved it. Youngest is not a fan of sleepovers. Never really done a sleepover before. She get she tried and didn't like it. And I used to hate them. I didn't do a sleepover until I was about thirteen. I used to find them stressful. I used it it wasn't I didn't like the difference. I didn't like that you know you do them, but I I never looked forward to them like my daughter does. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So she and like she still wakes up in the night quite a lot and comes into us and she was really worried about it, Bless her. we And were going, Don't worry, you know, you'll you'll you'll love it, you'll be really fun, it'll be exciting. And she was getting all worked up. And then Bless her, she said to me, Do you know what I'm best at, Daddy? Well, watch when I I'm the best at worrying. And I was like, Oh god . Oh no . And I'm like, oh God. And I was and then I was like saying, well yeah, you only I went You need to meet Josh Witickam. I don't think you are. There's a guy I chat to a couple of times a week. Who's about to enter four months of the most worry in the history of the world? Yeah, but it'll be right. It's got a big break. And we're and I'm gonna go for his diary once a week to make sure he's not doing some useless podcast for someone else for no money. Um anyway, so I was chatting to her and I was so we kept on saying it'll be fun, it'll be exciting. Like, and then me and Lou were like, No, actually, we need to reframe this because we say we say like I said to us well, like, yeah, you are good at worrying because you've got an amazing imagination. The same way as you're incredible at writing stories, and she's really good at writing stories and writing some time. The same way you're incredible at writing stories is the same way why you're so good at worrying because your imagination's so brilliant. Yeah, yeah. Brilliant stories, but also it can be brilliant in a negative way where you imagine things that could go wrong because you've got a great imagination. Excellent parenting, Rob. That's excellent parenting, can I just say? Thank you. Thank you. So it's a balance where you can't have one without the other. I've got a massive drive and energy and enthusiasm. However, I get overexcited, agreed to too much, leads to burnout. That'll always be a problem with my personality. And um so I was saying, Yeah, so you feel worried and stuff like that, but that's you know, 'cause you're imagination. And then sh I went, Look, you'll have you'll you'll have fun at the sleepover, it'll be exciting, you'll love it. Don't worry. And she went, Don't keep saying that to me, 'cause I am worrying, it's not gonna be exciting, I'm not gonna have fun. And I was like, right, well, this isn't working. And I thought, well, rather than try and convince her otherwise, I said, look, I'm gonna talk to you about the sleepover, but not say the words fun, exciting, or worry. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll we'll and we'll talk about that. So you 'cause she was getting a bit combative because it was we were only saying the same things to her. Me and Lou decided to go down this route. Well I said I said, do you want to do the sleepover at school? She said, yes. I went, Are you sure? She went, Yes, I want to do it. I went, do you want to do sleepovers at your friend's house? She went, yes, I want to do that. I don't want to be scared. I went, okay. Well, if you want to do seepovers at your friend's house, you've got to do this sleepover . So I'm not going to tell you it's fun. I'm going to tell you it's exciting. I'm not going to tell you not to worry. I'm going to tell you this is a challenge that you can decide to accept or not. So if you want to do more sleepovers, you've got to beat this challenge. And I know you can do it, you know you can do it, but it's going to be difficult. Here we go. This is like Mikel Arteta. And at times you're going to be you might be swelling strings under this Michael No Fland ers Whatever So it it may be scary, you may be worried, it may not be fun, and that's okay because it's a challenge. And sometimes if you want to achieve something and you want to achieve the sleepover, you've got to push yourself and it'd be hard. You know, when I wanted to be a comedian, I'd go and do gigs, but no one would laugh and it would be difficult and a challenge and not very nice, but I knew that I was getting better and it will help me become a better comedian and this is gonna help you do sleepovers and you wanna do it. Just kept on saying to her, I know you can do it and I was going I can't and I this little saying it's from this motivational speaker called Eric Thomas, who I don't always agree with because it can be a bit toxic hustle mentality. But he says, I I think it's a really good phrase for when it's something that you have to do, but you you have a danger of falling too far into it and over beasting yourself. But he's like, I can, I will, I must. So I kept on saying to her, I can, I will, I must. Remember that if you're up night late, you want to do this, I can, I will, must. And she went in and she was all nervous and then she went, I'm not gonna do the the club at the end where you get my other daughter, 'cause I'll get upset if I see you. I went, Okay, you don't need to do that. And that was the Friday. Picked up my daughter, she was there, she'd come out and give me a big hug, and I said, You can do this, I believe in you. And then I went, I can, I will. She went, I must. And I was like, all right. Anyway, center off. And then that night me and Lou were in fucking bits. Because we're like, is this the right thing? Are we considered every two seconds? Was there a discussion with the school as to what would happen if We said to the school she's very worried and about it and nervous and they went look, they all are but it's always the same. They're in it together, they'll come out feeling ten feet tall. We're not gonna let a co-ho we'll help her through it. And there's always a teacher await to talk to them if they need to. Anyway, so we dropped her off and then I woke up at like four AM. Like Lou was really worried and we had a couple of glasses of wine and then we're like, Oh, maybe not too much wine in case we have to drive and get her, you know what I mean? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah So and then I woke up at four AM and just like couldn't, you know, um sleep, desperate to pick her up at eight, got there at like quarter past seven too early, like trying to peek through the window of the hall to see if I was like crying.ing and scream Anyway, I got there queued up. She came out and sh her face, sh her shoulders were back, this pride in her face, she came out, jumped into my arms, and it was the best hug I ever when she just she was towed and she was going, I did it, I did it, I did it. And it was like celebrating a way , honestly, I celebrated more in that moment, like and seeing her achieve that than I have, you know, anything to do with my job or a gig I've done or a BAFTA and Wards and all that shit. That I was like, oh my God, it was like and it was so exhilarating to sort of assist her as much as we could. And and just by reframing it gave uh it allowed her to accept her feelings of worry, but give her a different purpose as opposed to the only purpose being d trying to convince yourself you don't feel the way you do. Yes. Does that make sense? Yes, totally. That is such a good point. And th so it's amazing the the morale in the Beckett House was You've got to allow those feelings, right? You can't be going no, you you don't feel nervous because if you do feel nervous, you do feel nervous. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You've got to let those feelings happen. Yeah, so and yeah, because it's always that balance though, because if your kid says I'm scared I don't want to do it, part of me goes, Oh, you don't have to come here. Yeah, let's go go cinema and have a treat night. But all you're doing there is almost saying to them, Yeah, you are too worried to do it. So she wants to do it. She does want to do it. If she said she didn't do it. Do you think she would now do a one at her mate's house? So what we're doing now is we've we it's really helps us with sort of reframing stuff as challenges. So like I said to her about roller coasters for me, my challenge was to do roller coasters with you girls because they used to scare me, but I wanted to do them, so the process is challenging. So now she her next challenge and, I we've got her a toy, she's into this Moira Elizabeth YouTuber. Right. Because we're doing family YouTube time now where they pick a YouTuber they like and then they watch it in the front room while we're about rather than them being on their iP ad just scrolling reels. So what's Moira Elizabeth do? Oh, she's she get she has squishies and dolls houses that she repaints and repairs and she's quite fun and entertaining. Yeah, nice. She's quite a good one to be fair. I'd say crabs doesn't come up as much as sleepovers in the child's life. More avoidable. When she was two, we went on holiday and they went, we're going crab hunting. And you know hermit crabs can just crawl on your hands. Yeah. I think the lady that worked at the kids' club was didn't really I think she about been called up last minute was like find crabs and let the kids hold them. But it means hermit crabs. Right. Because she found just a normal crab and said, like, who wants to hold it? And I'm going, Well, it must be fine then because the lady that lives in this country that works on this beach would know, and basically just put a crab in my daughter's hand and it immediately attacked her. Oh my gosh. And pinched her. So she hates crabs. So her next challenge is to hold a live crab. Oh my word. Well how are you gonna do that? Go od. Pay down a fish monk. Yeah and get one that's tied up and get her to hold a crab. Oh my word. I know but I don't yeah it might be a bit intense, but that's a new thing we're doing in our house is challenges. What's Lou's challenge? I think Lou's challenge at the moment is to try to recover some sanity after her husband hasn't been present for about fucking eight months. She's doing really well at it And in terms of us discussing our second half of our year, right? Yes. I'm pretty pretty empty in a good way. I I think this might be the first period in parenting our history. Yeah. Where I don't think I'm gonna be living a buffer-free lifestyle. Chess, you you've just agreed to do four months of hosting, strictly co-hosting, strictly come dancing. I know, but that's yeah . But that's yeah. But in the week, are you not working in the week? Well I'm doing this. Yeah. And then what about your museum of Oh yeah, I'm we're gonna we're we're rack and stack theming so they'll be done by the end of June. Okay, yeah, so yeah. Okay, that's fine. And um last leg ? So I'm doing that, yeah. Yeah. On Friday. The live show? No, no, no, the Zoom. That'll be that'll be in London on the Frida y. And Sunday. And then back here to do this on Monday with some London record dates in the Yeah. So you know it's it's up and down. gap of no work between now and September, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah. So you'll be well read r you'll be raring to go then. I'll be raring to go. I'll be I'll be ready. I'll be ready. Um and I've got so little for the summer holidays and I'm like, do you know what I'm just gonna parent for the summer holidays? It's gonna be brilliant. Uh d and d properly do that. Just say no to everything. Yeah. Because you've got a hit strictly refresh, 'cause by the end of it you'll be exhausted. I'll be cha-cha-chaw on my way to bed, mate. Do you want some other bit stuff to happen to me? Yes. Big time. Oh we have my son's birthday by, the way. Oh, do you want to do that? He's fine. Because mine's about window wipers and McDonald's drive-thru. Well, let me tell you this, and then we'll finish on window wipers and McDonald's drive thru, because that sounds fun. Oh, and I want to do a new correspondence thing called food confessions. Okay, greatat. Gre. You go ahead first and then we'll it's not a huge amount. We did his birthday, went really well. He was just so into it. What did he do for it again? Well, no, we've got his birthday party coming on this Saturday, so it will have happened at the time. Oh lovely. And you're you're zooming in for that, yeah? I'm the well I we are doing Digger World. I can't wait. Digger World Is it Digger Land? Whatever it is. Is the dig place for the digger's the main the main cell not the are So is it just a land? No, no, no. I want a world of diggers. So we've got that on Saturday. I know that's gonna be a lot of fun. But he's just he'ss obessed with transport, so it's a transport themed party. He loves trains, planes. Is that you ? You love trains? I love trains. I don't I wouldn't say I love planes. No, no. No I think trains are nice. Uh uh if a nice train journey is lovely if it's if it's done nice. But when those ones to Edinburgh where you're sat on the floor. Yeah, they're not ideal. No. But do you know what? Here's an unpopular view. I love the great I love Great Western. Whenever I get a great Western, I'm like, oh, this is lovely. It is, it is absolutely lovely, and they're great staff, and I have a lovely time. But anyway, uh he's five, very exciting. It's it's basically though, Robert. We haven't got a kitchen at the moment, so it's it's been quite intense. Sorry, sorry if uh is has Michael remixed this from an episode from last year? Josh has got a massive workload and no kitchen. I haven't got a massive workload, I've got the week off. He's got the week off, sorry. Yeah, so I've got no kitchen. So you're all done now, you got nothing tomorrow? No, I haven't got anything tomorrow. Nice. Tell me about the McDonald's drive through. Yeah, so right. I basically 'cause my my daughter loves um hot chocolate, right? So I thought, Oh, big nice is no . I believe in miracles. You can't. Um that's is that hot chocolate? Yeah. Um so I went early to McDonald's drive-thru to get uh hot chocolate for her to take her to give her when she came out of doing her sleepover.. Yeah But obviously but you've established you had to wait forty five minutes, that's getting a skin on it. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's so hot the hot chocolate. You've got hours. Has you got um cream? Uh no no cream, just the hot chocolate. Okay, cool. So I went through the drive-thru. Pull up to the drive-thru. Voice goes Are you ordering on the McDonald's app ? I went no. I'm at the drive-thru, aren't I ? I weren't trying to be funny, I was like, what in the inception is going on here? Yeah. So when could I look at the app? And I'm physically in the driver. You ordered it on the phone's app went, no, I'm the driver . Can I order with you? And the and then I it just spammed me out. And then he he didn't find it as funny as I found it. Yeah. And then and then um and then I went through and then uh when I got the hot chocolate and this blew my mind, Josh, she went, sweeten or sugar ? And I went with an hot chocolate. She went, yeah. I went, people don't do they? And she went, they do. And I thought, you greedy fat fucks . If that I no , I'm not even gonna say no offense. In full in full offense intended. If you are putting sugar in a hot chocolate, yeah, you need to have a you need to wobble your head and have a fucking good odd look in a mirror and sort your shit out now . That's mental. Do you know what? It sounds good though, doesn't it? Too much, Josh. Definitely too much for you. You can't have caffeine. No. Anything. You're not putting sugar. I find hot chocolate a bit much for my taste. Put sugar in it. Yeah. Come on. There's a there's a small Leon on Tottenham Court Road. Okay. Well it sounds like you're being a bit disrespectful to that Leon actually. What do you mean? I go there. If I'm doing um radio, I'll go there and get my breakfast. Are you doing any more radio? Um I think Romish is going on holiday and So you're back in there. I think I'm back in then. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be giving out Romish's travel details. Well yeah, you don't want people to know he's not at home. No. That homebuddy, homeboy, was it home bird? Yeah. He's basically aggro. What's the opposite of agrophobia? That's what Rubbish has got. Again, uh what how can I talk? I'm with it most of the time anyway. You're with him. Even when he does traitors, you're fucking with him . And then you're having a go at other people. But it's absolutely wild . I know I'm a hypocrite. I think me, you and Romesh can't be having a go and we each other for our workload and it's consistent that we whichever two are talking, the they'll they'll hold the other one out to dry as an insane workload. Also, I've just remembered that we've got that idea for a T V show penciled in as a pilot that may go to sea. I know, I know, Rob in. I'm fully aware of that. What was I saying? So Oh, you're criticizing people for No, the Leon, the small Leon. Oh sorry, yeah. And it's got like it must be biz I suppose I am in there at eight AM on a Saturday morning. Yeah. But there's no one in there. Yeah. There's someone behind the desk. But you have to go in and key into the screen while she watches you key into the screen what you want. And it I I know this isn't older. But you're encouraged to use the screen . Yeah. And then anyway, anyway, it's neither here nor there. It's neither here nor there. Right, I've got food confessions 'cause I was messaging my mates about this. Right Um sometimes if I'm really hungry and I I'm a bit of a comfort eater, I've been doing things that I think are unacceptable. But I think if we all share them, then the shame can go away and then we can stop doing it. Yeah. I've recently been getting um you know when the butt the butter's gone in the in the tub a little bit down to the yeah, it's around the edge rather than in the middle. Right, yeah, yeah. I've been getting breadsticks. Yeah. Wiping it around the edge to get the butter on, and then just dunking it in grated cheese. Oh my word, that sounds good. Yeah, but it's but you can't live like that. I'm not saying it's not good, but you cannot continue to live like that. Not w well, obviously I've had the clean bill of health on my heart. My heart is absolutely perfect. Well you've got some wiggle room to do that if you want to do that. No, I won't be doing that. That does sound good though, Rob. Have you got a bag of grated cheese from the supermarket? I've got a bag of grated cheese because my the daughter has that a lot on beans and toast. Right, yeah, yeah. We've got loads of breadsticks because the kids like it and sometimes if I need an immediate I'm doing that and I'm thinking what you do in your life. How can you moan about putting on weight if you're not even using a knife? I'm wiping the stick on the butter and dunking it into communal cheese. That's disgusting. Because I'm c I can't accept to get it all if I if I get it all out on the kitchen side , I'm eating it. If I'm dunking at the fridge, I'm not. I'm sorry, yeah. Can I ask where the j geography of this is? I'm all at the fridge. I'm taking one breadstick to the fridge, standing in front of the fridge, opening the bar, dunking in I'm eating it facing the fridge with the door open so no one can see. I shut the fridge, go and sit down and think, I'm gonna go and get another breadstick and repeat. Yeah. If I had it on the kitchen counter, I'd accept this is unacceptable. This is too much. Where I'm I'm I'm sort of d in denial eating that thinking it's not affecting my calorie intake because I didn't leave the fridge. I'm still looking at that point. So I'm still looking I've not I do want to hear other people's ones of them. Because I don't know if I have something like that that I do because I would just um what do I do that I 've I've got another one if you want. Yeah yeah go on. Basically if I'll sometimes have a little treat bowl of cereal after dinner that,'s like you know, healthy dessert, and it might be some sort of like protein cereal, but then with some crunch nut cornflake chucked in, which is unacceptably delicious. Yeah, yeah. Load of milk, and then I'll what I'll do is get the spoon, scoop up a load of Nutella and stick that in the fucking cereal. Oh my word, Rob. Move it around a bit and I'm start eating that with I used to, if we ever had double cream in the fridge, I used to get uh crunched cornflakes with milk and then I'd pour double cream on top.. Th Thereere we we go go. There we go. What should we call this? Do you know? Fat fuck confessions. No, I don't know whether that's uh gonna fly. I don't think we'll be able to get the uh top level sponsorship for that feature. Okay, well let's Fat Fuck Confessions brought to you by Nat West . Michael going into meetings at Spotify. We think we could get a marquee sponsor for our fat fuck confessions features. Fat fuck confessions brought to you by better better help better help. Yeah . Well mate, okay, well suggest a name for it and suggest and and send in your confessions by what? The cheek of you having a go at people for having sugar in their hot chocolate. Uh no, I've never said I'm not a hypocrite. You've never said no. I'm still having a go at people with sugar in the hot chocolate and me for my workload is the absolute unbelievable. I'm still our tether out. Yeah, of course you are. You're still not doing the traitors. Um so right , um let's do some uh small business shout outs. Small business shout outs. Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, please come up promote my w Ient in quick so I could get the short one at the top. Do you see what I did there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please can I promote my new small business, Niall Terracotta? We are a mixed heritage family who import garden pots and decorative vases from the river Nile to the UK. Wow, great. Our pots are lovingly handmade by skilled potters in Egypt, traditionally fired for days at high temperatures and then carefully imported to the south coast of England, durable, frostproof, and beautifully crafted. Each pot is one of a kind. You can see and purchase our full range at Garden Sage in Henfield, Sussex or online at Nile Terracotta .com. We deliver anywhere in the UK. Oh parent in hell listeners can enjoy ten percent off shopping online using the code par ent ten. That's capital . I'd hope they deliver anywhere in the anywhere in the UK. Because if they've got it all the way from Egypt and then they refuse to deliver to Wales. We don't go Bem fleet, I'm afraid. Um you'll have to collect from the Solid Hole. This is currently our side hustle, but we're working hard to make it our main hustle so we can have a better quality of life for our free boys. Right. And go on as many holidays as you guys. Fair play, absolutely, absolutely. Target. Yeah, I'll be honest, I'm I'm living my dream here. Um Perry and Hell is my favourite podcast, and I've listened since the beginning. Thank you both for the laughs and solidarity. You really have no idea how much it helps. Oh, thank you. Thanks, Kate. Good luck with Nile Terracotta. Yeah. Look at that. They're nice, aren't they? Beautiful parts. Hello, you pair of comedy geniuses and Michael. Could you please give a shout-out to our small family business, flourishing feat, run by myself and my wife in Sleaford, Lincolnshire? Sleaford? I mean, talk about a place that will forever be associated now with uh with the band, the Sleaford Mods, and the surrounding towns and villages. We're a mobile foot health service helping people in their own homes with corns, verucas Oh man, I could do with this in growing town toenails. Callus is hard skin. Diabetic foot care. General foot health. Um we've built the business around family life while juggling kids, self employment and the usual chaos. So your podcast keeps us laughing through the driving, paperwork and long days. Find us on Facebook by searching Flourishing Feet. If you need any foot care in the Lincolnshire area, I would recommend that because that I would love a mobile . I would love a mobile uh flourish on my feet. That is from the bla I've got Bristol is Bristol near you? Bruh, not really. I went to a great shroppedist there that got that bit of glass out my foot. Oh yeah, of course you did. Of course. Apologies to the foot doctors out there. Apologies. You're a foot doctor almost, aren't you? Footwork doctor. Footwork doctor, yeah, yeah, of course. Of course. Um Josh, congratulations, you're gonna be absolutely brilliant. Have some time off. Look after your mental health, look after your family and enjoy it and relax. You've got ages to sort that out. Don't stress. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna. I'm gonna have a lovely cup of tea. Go for it. Decaf . With sugar. Bye.