Interviewing the YouTubers Deep Salad

You're listening to Quirpline here on QWRPFM. Quirpline this week is brought to you by SATISFACTY Refractory Flactory! This amulet can withstand an adequate level of heat, pressure, and chemical attack. Satisfactory refractory phylactory! Keep it in the califactory. Good morning 's burg it's Big G Money here with a train. How's it going, Alex? Feeling off center but on axis. Well I hope we can split the difference. My mechanics said that might introduce wobble. Well, try to avoid highway speeds, I guess, and the same goes for all of you wonderful people out there in Senegansburg. If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over? That doesn't seem like a motto our tourism board would come up with, if I'm honest. That might have been feedback left on a different motto. That'll teach them for sending an email. That's why all QWRP internal communication is on teletype . And now the news in breaking news, the town hall is losing yet another member of its senior staff. Oh my gosh, is Silas finally going to open his cocktail bar? Edith, why would someone opening a cocktail bar be a breaking news item? It's not just any someone. Silas is the mastermind behind the Belgian tickler. Well, your ticklers are safe. Oh, I always use a dental dam. Because City Planner Tasman Funt, Jesus Edith, has resigned in protest after Mayor Dick Thurpston unilaterally approved his controversial amendment to the city's fences and hedges bylaw. Hold up. As a result, tonight's public consultation is now cancelled, but the Innsberg New Dystopiary Club is vowing to continue their sit in. Funt' lasts act as city planner was to declare her former office a city park, allowing the new dystopiary club to use it as a coat check. As a reminder to our listeners, it is now illegal to have a fence or hedge higher than thirty feet, if it is within six hundred meters of the mare's lenticular particular funicular, or if the hedge in question has been styled into a topiary that depicts quote, a man, beast, reptile, or creature from beyond the stars. That seems needlessly wordy. The Council has also passed a resolution banning Yucatan Stan's mountain man slam can, specifically the Gobi Gas flavor, deeming it a danger to children. In what way? It's quote all natural. It's also, quote, a surprisingly effective method to boost combustion in modified street racers. Ah insburg youths have been operating a popular network of ride shares and have started using Gobi gas in their cars to decrease the time between fare pickups. Oh man, now I won't be able to wake up, hop in the back of some kid's hooned out jalopy, and get to work Uh when reached for comment, Taxi Union Representative B. D. Joe responded that they are disappointed in council's decis ion on the ban, and that, quote, chopped and dropped will only get you so far, we still need that go-go juice. What's even in that stuff anyway? According to the label Jinseng, Taurine, and Octane. Octane? What do thates? taste like Guarana. I didn't need to see your adenoids, but. And in a flash of parliamentary brilliance, Dick Thurpston has unilaterally passed his own version of the recessed bike lane bill. According to Hans ard, the lanes will be triple decker to make the most efficient use of our city's arterial system. After his refusal to take questions from the media, Dick made this statement as he fought his way out of town hall. You plebs cannot grasp the brilliance of my design. It confines those loathsome veloc edes with the same kind of human excrement they so closely resemble. And in an effort to be fair, I've given them a great above the sewage upon which to ride. You churl have been screaming about bike lanes for years, and now that I throw you a bone, you have the gall to raise your fists at me. There's no pleasing you more on that as it breaks. Uh it seems pretty broken already. But for now, we have with us in the studio Ball Hinckley, who has been weirdly insistent about talking to us and we finally gave up. Thanks for your persistence, Ball. Hey, I'm an old man, Graham and Alex, and I don't have much time left. Oh my god, are you dying? I am, Graham. Dying to tell you about all the savings you can get this weekend at Ball Hinckley's Raymond's Talc Barn. Oh, thank God, f that's right, Grayman Alex. I'm unveiling a new collection of powders and bespoke dusts. I'm titling it Hallucinations of Innsberg. You know what? Been there. And you could be there too, gentle listeners. Just come on down to Ba Hinckley's Ramon's Taliban this weekend and rummage around through my particulate matter. Evocative wording, ball. Anything else you'd like to add to your free commercial? I've got everything on deep discount. That's right. I'm talking up to and including and in fact only ninety percent. Ninety percent off? Indeed, Graham. I only had so much room on the sign. But ninety percent off means you can come put on I've got it in original, extra fine, and fancy grade. Hmm, love me those fancy grade allergens. The new scents also include extra chunky, Silver Lining, Face of God, Wet Sidewalk, Paraffin Dynasty, and my new favorite neglected knickknack. Do you still have a mixed up ladder? Oh, you bet I do, Aldusman. I never retire. Classic. What does extra chunky smell like? You ever sit in a new car that's six months old and needs its first vacuum? That's not a new car. No, but you've painted an evocative picture. Cross that with a crying child in a parking lot. Now, Paul, you insist on referring to yourself as an artist. What inspired you to create this many scents all at once? Well you see, Graham, I noticed an uptick in the amount of powders showing up in my warehouse and realized I had to share my bounty with the good people of Innsbruck. Plus everybody ordering off my website, Ball Hankley's Raymond's Talkbon dot dust. Ball, at the at the risk of continuing to talk to you, what do you mean by appearing in your warehouse? That seems suspicious. I agree, Graham. It's almost as suspicious as the multiple pipes that appeared above the powder piles. You have no pipes in your building. What do they look like? Yeah, the cast of the copa three-quarter in the church-inch flange. Uh yep. I have the very same thing. Everyone has the same thing. That's the problem. Are you saying that the secret pipesman's pneumatic tube system that Lorna told everyone to use as central vacuum terminates in Ball Hinckley's Raymond's Talcbarnes warehouse. Or to put it more succinctly, all suckholes lead to balls. Thank you, Michael. It was my pleasure, Graham. Ah, I wonder how I was getting all them powders for free. I make the differen there, Alex. I'm an artisan when it comes to dust and I'm very particular about my particulates. You see the root word of powder is power and there's a lot of power in all that dust. That's not true, but what do you mean? It's basic economics. What like supply and demand? Exactly. The city of Vinsburg supplied me with all the excess dust, and now this weekend I demand you can buy it back. Paul, what if I don't want to buy back all my mold spores and cat dander? Y'all ever seen a dust explosion? Well the talc barn's getting real full, and y'all better come on down to Ball Hinckley's Raven's talc barn this Saturday and get something while it's on for ninety percent off, or else we might see half an Innsbruck go up in flames. Is that a promise or a threat? It's basic physics. Well you heard it here first. This Saturday, everyone go help drain balls. And if you buy five powders I throw in a one kilogram grab bag. What's in the grab bag, Ball? Sa in. Well, thanks, Ball. It was a pleasure. Don't say things you can't take back. Speaking of things that are dry and ubiquitous, we go now to Richter Hammock Slam up in the QWRP traffic co opter. Forintonsburg traffic update. How's it going up there, Richter? Graham, I told you about my psoriasis in confidence. That's why I asked for a secure channel. You know we don't have the capability to give you one of those . And that's why I keep requesting one at every budget hearing . Regardless, last night, while scanning the airwaves, I was presented with a videogram pleading for my direct involvement. I was courted by two opposing forces in a long-running but archetypical battle of good over injustice. There were heroes on both sides , and they were desperate for my assistance to turn the tide in their favor, even for just one day. On one side, a codenamed daring, highly trained special mission force opposing them a ruthless Ophidian-based terrorist organization determined to rule the world. What? I was propositioned to work alongside a man who I g'dather the others called lift ticket. The only confirmation I had was that later in the message he got himself punched. His helicopter was unlike any I'd seen before, Alex. It didn't seem capable of flight, but after a group of terrorists in blue tanks broke through a retaining wall of some sort, it took to the skies and let loose a barrage of large kinetic missiles. I say barrage, but it was only really two . It did manage to knock a few rocks off a precarious nearby pile, though, and that was enough to subdue the terrorists. Anyway, the whole thing wrapped up with the counter-terrorism group all in one voice, calling the terrorists a little girl in Japanese. At least that's what Kyle at the Innsberg High Anime Club tells me, Yojo means. I couldn't believe the terrorists were able to still hold their heads high after that kind of humiliation, but once I picked up who was their leader, I knew his charisma could hold them together. He looked like a John Cena with a mercury coated bust of Yule Bringer grafted on at the neck. Was his name by chance Destro? Seems unlikely. I'm thinking Mr. Fahrenheit, one of the lead singer of Queen's many nicknames. Anyway, I guess I'll never know who they are or why they're all sold separately. In my experience, you can negotiate better rates via collective bargaining, like I did when I became a traffic reporter. Anyway, back to you, Graham! No wait, traffic, please. I feel like I just blacked out for like five minutes. If you want to do it for real, have a sip of this. Bottoms up. I it's time , uh do I throw to Richter now? Well it's it's what's listed next on my teletype. We did. Wow, I'm gonna have to listen to the tape later. Um, so then we go to Derek. We go to Derek, who is on location with Deep Sal ad. Are we sure I'm awake? Hi Graham. Hi Alex. I'm so excited that you sent me down here to interview Deep Salad. They're the hottest thing on YouTube. Oh okay, I think I'm back down to a typical level of disorientation. How large is the salad ? It's bigger than I thought actually. They've got a really cool studio down here. They need one too because they like got thirteen employees and there's like a bunch of other contractors who come by to do work from time to time. Right, right, and they all sorry , I thought you were at a salad restaurant. You don't know who Deep Salad are? That's so embarrassing for us. Deep Salad is a group of hot upcoming YouTubers who are like not popular in Innsberg for some reason, but that doesn't matter because they're popular ever ywhere else. And they make a bunch of online comedy videos that focus on what they call forbidden foli age. So they don't make salad. Alex, they're not a restaurant. They only make salad in their spare time at home I think. Can we beep beep back up to forbidden Foley? I'm glad you asked. Forbidden Foley refers to all the unusual sound effects that they plug into their videos in ways that you wouldn't expect. It's like ASMR if you were getting kicked on a flight of stairs. Gus, no, it is not. No, you're right, Gus. It is the good sh Derek! And thank you, Gus, for bleeping my French tongue. Can we do the interview now? Please , yes. Show me how the salad is made. Green for the last time. There's no actual salad. It's a very catchy name that's easy to market. I am joined here by Tom. He refuses to give his last name because he thinks having a monomer is cool. Hi Tom, I'm Derek. Cool retro media. I'll tell my grandma. You should. She should donate to our pledge drive. We're not publicly funded, but we can have one every year thanks to tax loopholes. Cool man, we're also crowdfunded. Hey, can I show you some sound effects? Would you? I've been dying to see your waveforms. Yeah, man. Hey Marion, pull up 227. That one's one of my favorites. Oh man, I love two two seven. Man, we call that one the dilator . You feel that? It's like having a headache across one eye. Some people need to see the doctor. Now play box for a head. Oh, number 52. Yeah, no, that's gre Ow I think he needs some more time to warm up. Let's move up into the sixties. Let's try sixty-five. Uh Now try anxiety feelings. Oh are we killing Derek? We aren't doing anything. Oh wow. Oh um you sound a lot different in person on YouTube. Oh yeah man we've got really good speakers here so you get a lot of frequencies and harmonics that just aren't gonna be reproduced when it's crunched down by YouTube's compression. That's probably how do you put on those special shoes so you can really feel the frequency. Can I keep 'em? Only in your mind. Leave nothing but shoes and take only memories. Yeah, sorry, they're like six hundred dollars a pair. They're designed by some Swedish guy named Skin. We spray 'em out like bowling shoes. Well, this has been really cool, guys, but I need to ask you the hard-hitting questions. Uh number one, where do you get your ideas? I have this book that's just so full of big ideas and just insp irational . I've hollowed it out and it's where I grow my mushrooms. Chanterelles, Mom. Neat, I don't know what that is. Okay, question two. Do you have any new, secret and as yet unannounced projects that you want to communicate to the world at large right now? We've been running this neural engine man for like two hundred hours like the past two months and it's been crunching down trying to find that deepest, dankest sound that only computers can hear, man. And we're gonna play that. Ooh, sounds great. Oh yeah, this is gonna be cool. Put in this mouth guard. Okay, sure . My biting surface is ready. Alright, little dude. You're gonna wanna clench your teeth, your core, and your buttocks, not necessarily in that order Alex, do you hear anything? Just the sound of us definitely killing Derek. Do we have liability? Hey Derek. Yeah? Are are you okay? It's okay, guys. I have a mouth guard and I'm clenching all the muscles that they told me to clench. Derek, we can't hear anything. What? Could you like I don't know move the mic closer? Alex, I'm not getting a dang thing, are you? Nope. Maybe it's like a it's like a sensitivity thing with like the gain on h- Hey Derek, could you ask them to turn it up? No , sure Hey guys, turn it up Hey, why are you making these noises, Derek? It's really strong . I've never seen such a perfect sine wave before. He's like a human tuning fork. Done What do you think? Wasn't it life altering? Uh Hey Derek, we didn't get any of that on our end. K you wanna get him to like play it again or something? To be honest, no. But I'll do what I can for the honor of QWRP FM. Wait, FM? Frequency modulation isn't built to carry our caliber of sounds, dude. It just won't show up on the other end. Yeah, we're like a John Cage cover band to your listeners. Wait, you guys didn't hear what I heard? We heard a sound like your soul escaping. Guys, maybe it would be okay if we just called the interview here. Can I just go to the plug? I thought that's why you were clinching your ass. Gentle listeners, you can find Deep Salad on the internet. They're at Deep Salad.com. Other store is Etsy.com slash Deep Salad. Uh, they have a YouTube at youtube.com slash deep salad. And you can crowd their funds at indynono.net slash deep salad. Can I take this mouth guard out of my mouth now? Oh yeah, and since you bit most of the way through it, please feel free to keep it. It's a gift. Sweet, free deep salad branded mouth guard. It's just from the kiddie corner. My bones hurt. Graham and Alex back to you. Thanks, Derek. Sorry about the bones. I kinda want to hear the sound. I should go to their next fringe show. Well, don't hold your breath. Ooh, good point. That might create a resonance chamber. Well, that takes it up to the break. And speaking of a resonance chamber, when we come back, these secret pipesmen are having their annual ceremonial hot box tonight at seven PM, followed by their open lodge at eleven. Residents of the area who do not want to take part in the ensuing contact high are advised to seal their own windows before the pipesmen open the lodge. Man, I hate doing this. Oh, is this part of your official duties as aldersman? Yeah, I'm obligated to go. Whole thing's a waste of time, if you ask me, but snacks are all right. God, you must have a legendary tolerance. Doesn't it affect you? Not really. I just don't breathe in. And Sunday . Frampton Downs holds this year's Country Woodcock Invitational. Come and cheer on your choice of this year's Hopefuls: Timberdoodle, Bog Sucker, Night Partridge, Hoke'em Poke, Little Gomer, Fiddle Squeak, Worm Saber, Whipper Won't, Mud Needle, Crazy Straw, and Hot Stepper, but the bookie favorite seems to be I make sure I'm reading this teletype correctly. Chowed. Hell yeah, go chode. Gates open at 10. Judging starts at 11. Stick around, more Qurpline after this. You're listening to Quirpline here on QWRPFM! Thanks again to our sponsor, Satisfactory Refractory Phyllactory! This amulet can withstand an adequate level of heat, pressure, and chemical attack. SATIS FACTORY Refractory Phyllactory! It offends senses Olefactory!