Lessons Learned and Future Projects

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Now if you were ever part of Bachelor Nation, you probably remember the windmill You know the one Hannah Brown sitting across from Chris Harrison, she looked completely unbothered confonfirming that, yes, she had been with Peter Weber, you know, pilot Pete in windmill and not once but four times. And if you didn't already know who Hannah Brown was before that moment, you absolutely did after Now she grew up in Tuscaloosa, Alabama That's the kind of place where Friday night football is practically a religion And that whole southern charm thing is not just a performance, it's just how people are raised. So she became Miss Alabama USA in twenty eighteen. And she used that platform I really feel like the only way that she uses every platform Very honestly, talking about our own struggles with depression and anxiety And at a time when patchant contestants were still answering questions about piece. Then came Colton season of the Bachelor. Now she wasn't the front rununner, she wasn't the obvious edit She was nervous and funny and a little chaotic and completely disarmingly real. And the audience totally latched on in a way that the producers clearly noticed because the next thing we knew She was the lead Season fifteen of the Bachelorette Cannibe She moved the rose ceremony pedestal to avoid giving Lupe a rose. Do remember that And then she delivered that windmill confession that no one who watched it will ever fully recover from Then she got engaged to Jed Wyatt at the finale. Now you may remember I interviewed Jed. Almost immediately, the whole thing unraveled when it came out that Jed apparently had a girlfriend back So Hannah calls off the engagement on national TV. and really walks away with her own dignity entirely intact So then she wins dancing with the stars. She publishes a memoir. She competed on Special Force's Wld's toughest Test She meets her husband so in this episode, I talk about What it is like to actually be a contestant on the Bachelor and even more so to become the lead on the Bachelorette On paper, it seems weird, twenty five guys vying for you. How do you know that anyone is really into you and not the opportunity to be in social media clips? or good morning, America But even more so, you're pulled into different directions. How do you make sure it's the show that you want to lead and not to show that you've been moved into a placeholder position Can you really show who you are If you are not in fact pageant like twenty forty seven So we sat down, I talked about What it was like to be the lead of the bachelorette with her, the pressure, the scrutiny, the very specific kind of loneliness that comes with being the most visible person in the room And we talked about her life after the show and about her new book. So here's my interview with Hannah Brown Hannah, Hannah, Hannah Brown. I feel like I have been your older sister from afar for many, many years. offering you advice through my like trying to teleport the advice to you Sometimes you took, sometimes you didn't. And this feels very full circle in a way for me. So welcome to the show. I'm so glad to be here. It's nice to meet my older sister from afar Tell me a little bit more about your family of origin and what it was like to grow up in the town that you did Yeah, so I am from Alabama small town Alabama but always say Tusclussa because people know the University of Alabama. So college town Simple Life means growing up. I went to the University of Alabama and was fifteen minutes away from home, had never really traveled in my life, just had a very I don't wantan to say small life, but contained life growing up. I didn't really know much different than what I saw around me. And I hadn't like had many experiences outside of A fifteen mile radius it seemed like So yeah Did you rush when you were at the University of Alabama? I did went through the rush at The University Albabama people, you know, there's Bama talkk, people people know about it now and it is very intense But especially being from Tesclusa, it's very different You kind of know what to expect just because It was like a part of the culture, but I didn't really know that people like It's so funny now to see how many People are invested in Vama Rush talkalk because like I just thought that's how everything was. Like that's just What I knew to be being in a sorority and the intensity of it and a certain way that you dress and the certain way that you act and what each of the different sororities mean and you know, for me I went into I was in a sorority that was very much like only like Southern girls and mostly from Tusclsan, you had to be this certain type of girl to be in the sorority. like that's just what I knew and I knew the ones that I didn't want to be involved in. It was Yeah, it's crazy. so I didid that was a pageant girl. started doing pageants to gain money For scholarships, for school, that was like initially why I started doing it and was able to pay for like half my school parents paid for my sorority because And they couldn't pay for both, but That was like how important like Venus sortity was for for me and I feel like forre just Honestly, like Cege was the first time I knew people like traveled with their families to Europe in the summer and there was like this whole other like world. I wasn't around that and so at least like being a sorority and being around You know, young women who have had different life experiences in Lia. Oh, wow, wow. L people like lived life outside of their town. and I don't know what thats that's like. They call us townies like we were So a lot of the girls in myority like, we were the weird ones and I'm like we kind of are. I guess we are. This is all we know So yeah can go into bunch more, but that's a little Ciff note version So if you were to look at your younger self, like what was your big dream? Did you Did you envision yourself staying there? or did you think I'll probably leave the state and move somewhere else Jon Kena like definitely like wanted to see the world and have a little bit more life outside of Alabama. I don't know if I thought I would just like move over, you know, I thought, Oh, I'm gonna move to Los Angeles or New York City or do something like that, but I don't know what I like envisioned for after, but then, you know, had my first love and He was this good o old country southern boy. and then I was like, oh, I guess I'll Stay here. I guess this is like what I'll do. and I feel like I'll let go of some of those dreams because That's what I thought that I was supposed to do and it was fun and it was fine and I thought I was in love and I do feel I kind of let go of a little of that. but Yeah, I don't think I knew much different, but I knew that I wanted more than what I was seeing. And then in the midst of that maybe, say settled, but could see a life where it would be okay toust stay Alabama and do all things But then when that didn't work out, H I think I was like, okay, now I really got to get out of this town because this town's way too small for a heartbreak and don't know if I really want this. And so that's kind of where I had to start being like All right, whyy haven I made some of the decisions? Why did I go to the University of Alabama? Like I went there because of a boy to be honest, like I made some of my best friends and like there was some good good in that, but like I stayed because of a boy and then I stayed in Tusclooa after I graduated college because of a boy thinking, oh, like I'm going get married right after this. That's what all my friends have done. And that's for me, like I've been in a relationship longer than some of them. and then to work out and then I'm like, Ohh my gosh, I'm still in my hometown and kind of gave up on the career dreams that I had because I thought I was just gonna like be here and support you know, hopeful husband and then I kind of found myself like, oh crap, like what have I done? And then someomehow thought pageants were the way out I think U And they kind ended up being but did miss Alabama and I've done that for years and it actually was a source of a lot of feeling less than. Depression, anxiety But it was the way that I was able to pay for college. It was the way that I you know, had recognition and value, was how I had seen it for years. and It wasn't working out and I had stopped. and then I got super skinny after my breakup and my mom was like, Well I mean, you're fit, you're ready. like might as well just do it. And I did and then I did win. So like this being sad worked. I would honestly say from that, my life changed And that's kind of how I guess I was like discovered to be on the bachelor and how did that work out? And by the way, as you say it, it just it really I think it sort of represents how a lot of women probably grew up that you really start to believe that your life should be centered around someone else's needs ly. Yeah, and like it I did. I felt like this comfort and safety of okay, I know what my life's gonna to look like. and I kind of know my role and Yes, I'm going to have to give a, you know, give up some things, but It's safe, it feels like. Well, you've seen everybody else's lives play out. so you can know Oh my God, what this makesense look like This makes sense to me. I can place this. And then even when it comes to like I think about this all the time like, why did I not think, you know S there's there's a lot of ways to get out of your small town. Why did you think it had to be to put yourself in a bikini on the stage You know Why was that Why did I see like like using my physical experience? appearance, but also like my charm. like why did I think that is the way that I was gonna goout. but like because gu it did work out, but that's kind of how I saw My out. Did you ever confuse that with this is the only power I have peopleople when people look at me, they see me for my beauty. they don't necessarily see ' clever and kind and smart and creative. Yeah, I think so. if I'm being like super honest, I thought, oh, like I know how to charm people. I and the quintessential like southern bell looking girl and that intrigues people. And I can do that And And I did it feel like that was the way that I was just like seen to the world. And so I play into that. So how do you get in touch then with the producers or the casting team for the Bachelor So I had never watched this show. I wasn't a big like reality TV show girl course like I'm a storwarded girl the Uniity of Alabamaike I know what the bachelor is and my friends and my roommates are always watching it Like I said, a lot of my girlfriends, I think I had like seven of my friends were engaged their senior year of college. like that was just twowo of my best friends like got married like right out of college, like a few months later And so I definitely felt behind and in the culture that I was in And I've done Miss Alabama and was getting ready for Miss USA. And I had this videographer that was gettingiv some content for Miss USA to to use and we were going all around the state of Alabama because I represented the whole state and just getting videos in different towns and We were in the car for like two days just talking and Like I said, I'd had a recent breakup before I did this competition and we were just sharing my life and where I was. and find out She decided to sign me up for the show for the Bachelor We didn't talk about it Btle ase D don't know what came over and I didn't know until One day been with my friends, most of them that were engaged and getting married and we werere all together and I was like, laughing about where my love life was, and I was like, gosh, I guess at this point, you're going to have to sign up from the Bachelor This was this, you know, in the afternoon. I drive back home was about an hour away meeting all them And I get back and I get a call from a bachelor producer that day And I'm Like this I an't sayer mind. Is this a joke? likeike this lasto? like it's so kismet like of timing I don't understand. Of course I call my friends and I'm like, didid y'all like, had y'allready signed me up or did you sign me up? I mean, we think it's a great idea, but no We have it That was like a few hours ago So I talked to my mom and she's like I was me, she doesn't watch it. She's like, but like What do you have to lose? Just like, Yeah, go through with whatever they're asking you to do. They want to me just like make this video for them and they and they told me that I've been You', uh, ' been nominated by someone who didn't want to be named like, o hey, this is so weird And so yeah, they send me like a paper of questions I mean, I think now they've printed they've like showed on YouTube my interview. like I truly like sat up the questions up, Im like had this big streak of light across my face. L I just answer the questions, read the questions, just answer And then I just kept going through and I didn't know that this videographer had been the person that You know put my application in until I was going to my very last interview and she just like randomly messaged me and was like, o yeah, I forgot to tell you like I put you for being on the bachelor like, I hope that's okay. And I'm like, well Here I am. So that is how it all started was This random woman who took some photos and videos of me Do you feel like the pageant world prepared you for a situation like that? On paper, it sounds insane. You know, you're one of all of these girls and you're competing, but there must have been some sort of life circumstances or skills pageant and sorority world. that may have helped Yeah I know how to like turn on and perform in a way. and I think me being miss Alabama at the time You know, if people watched that season of the Bachelor, there was another girl. Oh I remember. Yeah. So think that was already like flashing lights of like, oh, this is going to be intriguing to have This storyline of these two Pageant girls, or there's actually multiple pageant girls on the show. It's just they weren't like had a title, I guess at the time, but Anyway, I u I do think just haaving to like sell yourself so much for all of your life in some way is like W, look at me I'm sure helped, but I will give a lot of credit to some of the producers that I talked to, they saw right through me. They saw that I like had played this game, but there was actually like this whole other version of myself that I wasn't quite ready to to show, but if you The right buttons You know It comes out. I can't f it anymore. And they were able to see that. and I think that's when they were like, okay. Like we gott to like, shake this girl up, but once she's She's shown her cards, like they're all out on the table. and think that was the case brain is already of full capacity. With tooos and errands and birthdays and the dinner plans for Tuesday, you have to let Skylight Calendar handle the rest. This is perfect for you, moms and dads It syninks your entire family schedule onto a sleek digital display So you can focus on more important things like spending time with your loved ones It's so easy to put together. E I could do it And it is a seamless process with Google Calendar, Apple Calendar, outlook, and more. 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I realized that the way that I'd lived my life where I could like turn it on for a second, what I'm going to do and then go back and like I guess really just like be myself was not going to work in this situation for me at least, like the way that I and could not get over that we're pretending like there were all that there weren't all these people around us. Like how are we going to have an intimate conversation when there is truly like, fourour cameras like this close to your face and I'm supposed to just focus on me. like I couldn't understand how to do that U couldn't understand like how to do the show Date There's a sequence of events that you have to do, but like did that really fit into what was happening between me and this guy? It wasn't. And I did not know how to be the performance girl in that situation, like whatever was just not connecting and I was failing And was I realized Oh, this isn't going to work. So I'm either going to have to like Be myself for the first time maybe in my whole life or like I'm gonna go home and not have this experience And I did choose to just like fully be myself, be weird. and Mbe not say the right thing, be frustrated, like Baby Pope joke at people and maybe they don't get it's a joke and it comes off the wrong. way like just be that person. And so I'm really thank I always say I'm really thankful for my time on the Bachelor because I came back than I did before I realized that if I like myself That resonates way more than when I try to like be what I think I need to be, what I've been told for years I need to be doing. The stor be always being told like I actually had this revelation the other day. that I still find myself in when I think of somebody as like Anytime somebody makes me feel like, oh, I should just be be that this is the situation. like cards, like it's not about me, but like, oh, you should just be glad that we accepted you I turn small and I'm not myself and I can still sometimes do that. but this this show kind of like saw the magic in me just being a little less Cpped and reserved with my thoughts and my feelings, even if they like made no sense and I made up words and actually didn't know the word, but like You know, all the things like that is more interesting. then watching me try to like sale at being this perfect version because I actually was never good at it. L that's the reason I took I was never really good at the faking. Well it work was pageants though, so I could see why you would feel accustomed to that. it did work with the pageants, but You know, when you're competing against all of these other women in a different environment, it's probably going to bring out other insecurities or feelings I would assume. And then did you actually find yourself feeling like you were falling in love in both of my experiences If I would just listen to the first part of me that was like, I don't know if this is right, but But then as you go into it and meeting like I wouldn't say desperate, but like, o, this is really what I want for my life. Like I want to meet my person. I wantna start. like this is what I see around me. I want this for myself think I was trying to make it work for me in any way possible. Like I was trying to like I have this journal for my time. Oh I always wonder about those journals. Oh I wouldd love to read the journals because you're always writing in them, Yes. Yes. I was so like, okay This this what happen? Let's see how this can work for me. Well, he did this and this was a little bit weird, but You know, he has this. let's focus on this and this is what I'm going to you know, have myself fall in love with so In a way, I don't know if I've f ully fell in love, but I could see the parts of Colton or even any of the men and David that I was like, okay I can attach myself to this. I can We have commonality here And push myself into that direction Is there a part of you too that's like a professional though? I mean, so there's all this crew and you know that there there's a show that they want to make Is there a small part of you or maybe a big part of you that felt like I owe it to them to show up and to explore the idea of this person, even though there's a part of me that knows, they're probably not a right match for me I don't know if I was aware of that when I was on. on the bachelor, but as a bachelorurette Absolutely. I mean, there were things that I did for the sake of the show part of me. was for the sake of the show. keenly aware of when to let the, you know, we all have internal restrictions we have with certain emotions and when maybe I should let that into the world and be a little bit more explosive because that's gonna to make good TV. Like I was aware of that And that was going to make their job then be able to do their job in a better way and have a better show I felt the most Sister from Mafar concern for you when you were the Bachelorette. I did feel even towards the end that you seemed overwhelmed. Was I on the money I don't think there is a better, I don't even know if overwhelm covers it. Yeah Yeah, like anxiety ridden and sort of just outside of yourself Like, I didn't even feel like you were there anymore This is something I struggle with lot. I didn't goingo back to like my childhood, like my mom would just call me a worry wor, but like anxiety is something that I've really didn't have the right word for it, but Overwhelming and anxiety, I like get upset with myself that like think I don't know how to handle it U like other people can, like I can get really consumed by it. And so yeah, putting me in the situations that I've been in magnifies it But then there's still that part of me that knows I have to perform So Yeah, it was really tough and also like I wasn't sleeping and I was taking like A Rot to stay awake It was just a really hard, you know, I I interviewed Jed back then G well Yeah and, um let me just say, I'm so happy and expected the both of you to end up exactly where you are Uh, but I feel like you know, you are in similar places because you're struggling to really find your yourre the center of yourself in the middle of chaos And that's a lot to ask of a person. And I think for people that watch, it's, you know, you kind of just begin to believe like This is a fairy tale. This is so easy. They're given every opportunity, but there's the There's a long tail to it. And I remember talking to him and him feeling like You weren't all there either. Like you were ready to move on from that opportunity as fast as you could. Was that right too I was ready to move on from the opportunity, like move on from the relationship No, more so In this chaotic environment, I'm ready for my life to get quiet again. So it's not necessarily the people around you. It's just more of like, I think probably my soul needed that, but yeah, the train like the train's moving so fast and I just I need to go back and let it slow down and find myself again I probably we did, but I don't I was too scared to do that I was too scared if I got quiet and like The train stopped, which it did in a way What what would come up And I needed another thing. I needed to like becausecause yeah, the anxiety and overwhelm was there, but like what's actually underneath it is like so much shit from my past and these experiences are bringing it up in a way I don't know how to handle. And there's actually so much under the iceberg. And I'm twenty four years old and doing this whole experience And I was the youngest bachelor at that time. Maybe Jin was the same age as me when she did it recently, but It was just too much and I think like When I first got there and met all these guys F and I I go, there's some great guys here. I don't know if this's my person here. And kind of just was like, I don't know, which who knows? I've gone to a lot of therapy in between and it was like There could have actually been a really good guy there for me, but like was I actually fully ready not like I thought I was. I've learned so much about what love and connection is now, which I don't think I knew. And that's what I mean There was actually so much from my past and this past relationships that like I brought in. Yeah. It's in your head It was in my yeah, like, J just so much and then Um As I go on, then I'm pushing myself into these relationships and they need to feel the certain way. they need to get to this certain point because at the end there's an engagement and an Actually like, you know, maybe this relationship with Jed is like familiar and it's going well. but then there's the another one that I'm like, Ah Maybe there's something there but I need to like focus on this. It was just way too much because then I did open my heart to like multiple men and it got it got just yeah, like I guess the best word is like overwhelming and confusing and on such a Timeline. Yeah, I was gonna screw about that too Is it always in your head to like, I have to make a decision about this and it's going to have to be in three weeks Absolutely. and like You know, think about I don't know, like, you know, dating like Hving to make decisions off of little moments of like, oh, you know That was weird. So I guess I'm have to send him home because I didn't have that weird thing this week with this guy, even though I did have it last week, but like there was somebody else that was way weirder that I let go D like It's like I'm pulling back little moments that I'm having to make these big decisions on that really Don't necessarily let me know a lot about that person And I'm really just having to go off of My own emotions at the time, which are so fickle and fleeting and ridden with anxiety. so Yeah, it was always like had to make a decision. likeike, oh, is this gonna to be the thing that makes me He's going to you know, jump ahead in the line or is oh, oh, he we had this weird moment. So Now I got to let him go because I It was it was impossible. It's a really hard situation to be in Mm. Well, I would say when I interview, you know, a housewife, for example, or that's the best example I can give too is that There's almost like three tranches. There's the experience that you have when you film it. And there's the experience that you have when it plays back And then the third part is It plays back and you hear what people really think So if you already experience anxiety when you're filming it in the long tail of it, what was it like to have people watch it back and then to hear what they had to say Yeah, that part was not fun, especially with like everything that was like happening you know, in real time with the relationship that I had like chosen at the at the time Yeah, like It's not in our Humans are not made to have so many opinions and eyes on on us. And so The Experience outside watching everyone else see how I behaved and sometimes like moments that I'm proud of and hvestly some of my lowest moments and being like, oh gosh Wh do that and having everybody comment on it. was tough and then just seeing like public perception of what people saw in me and Oh did I not see it this way or what was really hard, but It changed after every episode. It was like some episodes, people were like, I'm obsessed with her and then I'd do something else and be like Why did she do that? I have like Thousands of comments telling me how like awful I am and Did you read them? Like would you look into your DMs or did you separate?? I did, I did read them I thought I could handle it. I think I would laugh about it You know, and It actually hurt, but I could like laugh about it. or then there were some days I didn't. like I was just all over the place when it came to just kind of depended on the day and the forecast of level, you know how I was being be that are portrayed that episode or that week and and kind of allowing that to kind of change how I felt about myself and how strong I felt to be able to Read The DMs and not The rejection of the pageant world more difficult or a rejection of a contestant for like another contestant or the rejection of somebody who watches the show Maybe it all stems from the first pageant stuff, honestly. So it's like I don't know what's more upsetting But every thing that I've had since goes back to that like young girl being told to wasn't like good enough or what that felt like to just be like, oh, like why Wh I'm not me or it always actually goes back to that feeling. So I guess that is the strongest because it has not had not been healed. And so everything else just made it harder. I think it's really hard when people misunderstand you and don't like see you. like I'm like I know I'm a good person. And I do think most of us are, but like when people only see one side and don't give like grace or like, oh gosh, she was This is actually what was going on. likeike that is so hard to to deal with, but then you also can't like make somebody like you or see the value of who you are and see to want to see your heart. So it's just like I've gotten better about like when fans or people like are mean 'cause I'm like, Ohh my gosh, who voices their opinions on a comment section about how they don't like some? Like I don't do that. You know? I might talk to my friends about it. like, I'm not gonna tell this person on out in the world So that like has to say something a little bit more about person than me, but But yeah, I think it's hard not to be seen and ev valued and and be misunderstood any for anyone, but yeah, in a public way I dont think there's one person who has walked on planet Earth that has really ever thought that you were anything other than kind. Let me just tell you that. I just don't think it exists. And if somebody did comment You have to remember, as you just did, that a lot of it is a projection of how someone feels in their life And I think what's important about your story is that O paper or on film, one could easily presume She's had a cake walk ofable life She's very, you know, very attractive and she's bubbly. She was a sorori girl She is a pageant winner. She's selected to be on this show and she gets to be on national television Everybody experiences a level of insecurity and definite emotional pain and I think that the importance of you coming forward and talking about it is that Everybody needs to know that they feel seen And that just because somebody's life doesn't mirror your own doesn't mean that they don't have pain as well. Absolutely. and I feel like I've I even think, you know, you saying that youve back in in the day, like interviewed Jet or any of these people on my show the show that I was on that were like vylanized in so many ways like It's It's so hard because Like gosh, I just I might have saw them at their worst moment or we saw them at their worst moment and like It's so tough to be human and put yourself out there in your best and worst moments and that and I just I think I didn't have as much empathy until I kind of went through it self and have been a villain and the hero and have been everything in between But it's really hard. I think people just forget that like, oh my gosh, if you had cameras on you dealing with some dramatic hard things like You might not be the hero of the story either. Like you might have some moments of your flaws showing and you not being on the right side of, you know the argument and it's really tough and I've learned a lot about myself through it, but I don't know. I don't know if I want like my child to go through sure things that I've gone through or the people that have been the same experiences with me have Well, I remember to saying to Jed I don't know if it was on or off screen. I said, I think you two are destined to be friends at some point. And it is so true. I mean When you look back at your younger self and the things that you got upset about and that the the plight of somebody who's on a show like the show that you were on is that Again, you see little moments and you have no idea what's going into that moment. The life experience that they had or something that someone whispered to them in the moment before. Giving grace to everybody is understanding that everybody needs to grow up because as you said, You're twenty four. There could have been some guy who was fantastic, but you just weren't there in your life to see there y. No that's what like when I was there and even after I was like every all the guys there were just bad and I was burned and now I'm like, I don't know. I'm sure we were all just trying to figure it out for ourselves and falling on our faces and if I was a little bit older, a little bit wiser, like I could have may maybe been aware of the guys that really were Ready? If I was ready but I I want to say like I really did think I was ready, but I think I had a lot of healing to do and that's really hard to start a relationship on a TV show. I'll just say like it's just it's pretty hard to start a relationship on a TV show and make it last. Do you think there was one of those chapters that has helped you more in writing and developing characters than others I've always been pretty curious and I'm in a conversation with you. We get this this podcast could go on for four hours because I would ask you the question back and I would want to know like what so what did you think of or, what did you see this in And like figure out, oh, why did she see that way? and find out like How our paths have crossed in some way or a shared experience or whatever So I've always been a very curious person And but also I think have been more trusting in my past and than went through u maybe realizing like, oh Sometimes you need to be a little bit more safe and obserant of who is actually worth pressing and who who deserves that And so I think some of the moments like you said that where maybe trust was or there were things that didn't go up the way I wanted to or were hurtful, like I can now, I look back on those times of my life and I'm like, okay, What did I not say or What kind of going different? And I go back and realize like maybe some of the blind spots that I had in my own life. and so I think those moments of maybe not being as observant, not being as trusting are the ones that actually have helped me so much when it comes to my writing because I'm on the other side of that and look back and like, okay, what didn't I see or what lesson did I learn from this? So like whole twenty five to twenty six year old range when I was I've never been on it I've never been out of the country before. I'm going I'm meeting all these people. I've never met a Jewish person in my life. I got to meet people from different backgrounds that had different world views in me and like It didn't scare me. It excited me. I My world got open, meeting all these men from all over who had different world views me I needed that to then be able to know like if that is for me or not? And so I think it allowed me to create characters that weren't one dimensional I the same person, you know? So I think a lot of that time in my life has been pivotal for me as a writer for me as a creative because I experienced so much life had to question so many things experperienced places and people that I never would have. And so this has always been a dream of mine to be a writer, but I don't even know what I would what that would look like had I not gone through These years U dreamlike experiences for better or worse It gave me a lot of material and things the ponder on Tyler Cameron and Pilot Pete alone are just great characters in life. I would say to my kids, like go out, ask people questions I felt like when I was growing up, I started to look at my relatives as television characters. And when you do that, you kind of release a lot of the shame that you feel about someone because you see them more as a person And I'm assuming that, you know now that you're married, you're probably gonna consider having a family of your own and you get to write that a lot of the people that you've met along the journey like Pete and Tyler, you see them and are amused by them in a different way They don't like have as much effect on on me, maybe they're little, you know thingsings that were were hard and the times that maybe in even other relationships where it just wasn't the way that I hoped or You know, there was a missed moment, miscommunication of some way like I just don't have as much of a I can see them differently and have more empathy for everyone as a full person and not just see like my side of things, but also like what were they going through? Also fed a dynamic light Why was like why were we Having moments where we weren't able to connect or just didn't work out or can see that more clearly now. and it's not as emotional and triggering and more like, oh, you know, they have flaws and perspective And it's going to vary from my own vs and my own perspectivive own life Experiences So tell us about your husband and what your life is like now I met my husband, Adam on a dating out after, you know fininally being done with my situationships with past people and just being like, okay I just can't do this with in my U at the time sign me up for a dating app that you could just like sign up right for and