Foot Fetishes and Celebrity Encounters

Hello Rat fans, thanks for downloading my podcast. Come and see Hullister live at the Leicester Square Theatre on the twentieth of April. It's one of the best lineups we've ever had, and unbelievably there are still tickets left. It is Natasha Hodgson, one of the geniuses behind the fantastic operation mince meat musical, and much, much more as well. And Michelle Wolf, one of the greatest stand-ups in the world. Do come along, Richard Herring.com slash for Hullisterpert for all details, Edinburgh dates are also now on sale. Would love to see you at the Edinburgh Fringe. Uh, there's a couple more London dates in July as well. And I'm doing droit which in June, but that has sold out. Please do come see us live or tell your friends about this podcast or become a badger at GoFaster Strike dot com slash badges. The future of this podcast is far from certain. If you like it, please support us. If you don't, we'll go away quietly and thank you for your time. It's been okay, hasn't it? 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And if you like it, you can easily buy more stocks and ETFs with 0% commission. Join XTB and let your money work for you. Your capital is at risk. Investments above 100,000 euros are charged at 0.2% commission. FX fees may apply. Limited availability. Ts and C's apply. Hello Chelmsford ! Welcome to your Chelmsford Theatre! Please welcome a man who can't believe he's in the capital city of the United Kingdom. It's Richard Herring Thank you my fan friends hello hello,el Chms ford, how lovely to be here. Hard to say that sincerely, isn't it? It didn't come off. Of course, capital city of England for a few days in 1381. Congratulations. Probably probably time to stop going on about it now . During the peasants' revolt. As as is my understanding. Welcome to Richard Herring Let's Slag Off the Essexes podcast . Uh though uh though I was uh hanging out at the pop-up top shop outside John Lewis today . National fucking news that is on the BBC website , the Topshop has returned to Chelmsford, bringing you right up to date into the future, 1983. We're in now, aren't we? And very excited about Topshop After five years' absence you've got topshot back. And uh the people there call it Rahulas to Pass. I don't I don't if that's gonna catch on. We're here as part of the Essex Podcast Festival. Uh if you want to find out all the fantastic stuff that's going on, uh, go to chelmsford for you.co.uk . Seems to be an offer. Take the the lowest offer. Who wants it? Um I've been I've been checking out the news uh for uh for Chelmsford uh before I come. I'd like to get to grips with a local place. That's how I know all about the pop-up top top shop. Pop-up top shops . Uh big news in Essex live, uh Chelmsford boom battle bar wants high-risk activity rules relaxed. Don't know if you're aware of this. They're fed up with the stupid rules about banning people from axe rowing while they're drinking alcohol. So they're trying to get that relaxed. A spokesman according to Essex Live says living in Chelmsford Chelmsford is depressing enough without restrictions. Anyone killed by an axe will be delighted to no longer have to live in Chelmsford. Didn't really say that, that was me saying that . I don't know if you know this, you probably do. Chelmsford was uh built on a a r there's Roman town, very small Roman town on the site of Mulsham. Um it's called Caesar Images, Caesar's his marketplace, and if Julius Caesar could come back and just see Molcham now, how pressed he would be. When you Google Molcham it says it's uh the best known for antisocial behavior . Doesn't classify what that will be. I'm sure there was some in children . Uh my uh you look at facts of the city and you know that you can see it's desperate when certain f facts come in. Chelmscothe Chelmsford I'll start again. Edit it out, make me look good. Um Chelmsford Cathedral is the second smallest cathedral in the UK . Derby is the smallest if you want if you Yeah. Why don't you just knock a bit off yours? If you wanna it's no good. Just take a what I would do is just build a sarcastically small like doll's house cathedral. Then you I'm gonna do that in Hitchin . See how you come back. Um and we'll talk about Charles Dickens next week. Uh that's uh do come back for next week's show what he thought about Chelmsford . Very exciting. Um look, we got luck, we've got a go, we got a fantastic guest who has to get a train, so I'm not gonna talk for too long. Um she's probably best known for appearing in that advert advert where a woman is talking about different white paint colours with funny names , which isn't for a paint company. That's why you're all here tonight. Will you please welcome Stevie Martin, ladies and gentlemen? Stevie Martin. Stevie Martin from the paint advert that isn't for paint. Sit down. We got a whole sofa for you. Yeah. If you wish. If you wish you can do it. Hello, sorry, there's a microphone. There's microphone you need a microphone. I was gonna shout. You can shout. Oh. Do you re do you uh I saw your tweet about the the paint advert. Do you remember the paint advert? It's not an advert for paint. No, it's not. I watched it. It's not you can find it online, I've seen it. Yeah, yes, good quality shit. Um it was it was renewed, so I got I got some yeah that was a Christmas bonus for Stephen. Um but I uh it's for it was for what was it for? A mobile phone company. It is it was good good that you know after they've paid you twice for it. Well I did the thing like you have to tick when you do an advert you have to go through these forms and you have to tick whether you've done any conflict ing or rival adverts that are going and at that point I'd I'd I'd done E E, but I thought it was a pain I didn't think it wa I thought it was a paint advert and so genuinely and so I didn't tick it. And then there was this horrific like at midnight the night before, like, We've gotta get someone else in and then I got released and it was fine. Oh, thank goodness. I know, great story. Yeah. I think they made a mistake of making it so much about paint when it was for mobile phones. That that's that would be my didn't mobile phones once they didn't. Yeah I guess. Yeah. Do you do a lot of do you do a lot of adverts Stephen ? No. I I went through a little I I had a little uh hot uh sort of two years. I did Thornton, all the big hitters, Thorntons went they went into administration. Immediately after the advert came out. Smarty mobile, I don't think they're still functioning. That was the paint one. And then I did Farrow and Ball. That was good. That is paint. That's paint. So wouldn't that now aren't you worried you're in trouble for being in two paint adverts? Christ, yeah. Christ it was only also I thought I thought uh I thought that the more up market the brand, the more money you get paid for the not or farm ball. Very stingy, I think. Should have got paid in paint, because that stuff is a stingy. Well, I did a fruit my first ever acting job was a fruit pastels out of it. Yes, and it was you know the film um the Channel Four film and it was the little interstitial bits. Um and I didn't get any free fruit pastels from that at all and I was really like, oh great, like that would be something and I didn't in any way. No, they're all fair. She could do this advert. Yeah, that's mainly why. Yeah. Anyway, we'll talk about some other stuff. Uh no, I want to talk about this the whole time. Um look let's uh let's talk about uh Taskmaster first of all because that seems to have been a big success for you. Yes. The series was terrible. They want someone to be the worst ever second place performer on the show. Yeah. It was a it was a very good series, I I thought. I've been uh I've been working with Fatia on a a secret project that I'm not allowed to talk about and she was a guest uh last week. James Bond. It is James. Me and me and her are doing James Bond together. She's James Bond. She's James Bond and I'm Pussy Galore. Um how did you find it? What was I mean it's but it's done very well for you. You're very good on it. It was a l it was a lovely group of people, wasn't it? I think it was a very nice group of people and that was the main thing. I think that there was I thought when I saw the lit like obviously when I found out it was ridiculous, but then when I saw he was doing it, I was like, that's an interesting group of people. This could go either way. Like I don't know any of them. Um I've heard of all of them, but I don't know them. They might be really I was really scared of meeting Jason because he was a big LA famous man. Well and he's quite a sc and everything he does he's pretty terrifying, yeah. Yeah. But as in life he's not like that, which is really nice. And uh yeah, actually when I was found out that I was in a group with him . Um that was uh and I saw him as like but my first thought was like oh my god I'm gonna have to really up my game because the man's gonna shout he's gonna be so like good at this and I'm gonna not gonna know what to do. And actually he was just so calm and lovely and sort of like a bit a little bit of a like mentor in a way um and knew where all the all the camera angles were and would say things like okay let's let let's like take take that again for the edit we're like, What?' Thsere an edit No our T V worked at all. But it was a really lovely yeah, it was a really lovely series. I'm really, really glad that it did well. Like I'm really glad that did well for me specifically. That's a real thrill. But I think that's a you know, it can br it I mean and Fatia as well, I think like for a lot of people wouldn't have seen Fatia before that. She did like she was actually on quite a lot. She did my big f my big fat Greek quiz of the year. Oh did she? You know, big fat quiz of the year that they do. Um the oh before Taskmaster. So she was she she was actually quite au fay with these shows and stuff, but I think it catapulted it into another sort of dimension. Well she got to work with me afterwards. So that's how that's how we're very unlikely w s soul bonded pair of people me and Fatty. You wouldn't have put us together, I don't think. Yeah. But we went we went through some stuff together on the side. I think I would 'cause I think I would like I think that's what Fatty is great at. Like she's she kind of gets on with people and she's got this like I think the the the difference between her person a and her is like really interesting and just makes her so lovable, I think, in a very unique way. And she She's very vulnerable. She's very strong on the outside very vulnerable. It's very it's a she's lovely. She's fantastic. Uh I'm gonna marry her, I'm gonna leave my wife and marry her. Of course. I'm sure she said that a few times to you. She definitely definitely Yes. But so no, she so you and Jason, though, were sort of this incredible force. You became one name a one named force. One named force. J V Martukas was the name that we went for. Yeah. And it's weird because then he went to America and I never saw him again. Yeah, I was gonna ask, I was gonna see if you stayed up. And he also doesn't have WhatsApp, so when I when I WhatsApp he takes like two weeks to reply. But but it's really nice. And I'm hopefully gonna go to America just like on a holiday um uh the end of the year and uh we're gonna try and meet up and you know try like I I think he was meant to be in the in the UK in November and that didn't work. But we're constantly chatting and trying to kind of uh but is he's on he's on Broadway at the moment. I'd love to see that. Yeah. Probably shouting. He probably is shouting and being insane. Um my favourite task, I think, that was the task where you had to put raisins into a glass, was it, with your mouth without bending your body? Oh the live one. Yes, yes. Do you remember that one is I do. It's just a very specific kink of mine that that is all those things together. It was one of the sexiest things of all f all five of you. Spitting. Yeah. Uh there's a Reddit gr subgroup saying d does this prove that Stevie Martin isn't human? Yeah. Because you sort of the way you move. That was the first yeah, that was the first episode, wasn't it? It was the first live task and I'd been quite scared in the I it I found that first recording very overwhelming 'cause also as well the the live audience like didn't have any idea who I was at all. So y they more likely to laugh at and enjoy people talking who they do know. So I felt quite like, oh God. And uh and then that was the first time I was like, I did something and then Greg ri was really laughing. And I thought some what they were he was laughing at other people and then it was like, No, no the way you did that was that's the uh you shouldn't you shouldn't move like that. You shouldn't be able to move like that. You look your mouth opened, it was like it was like in uh Shan Andelus really where there's ants everywhere, there's the Surrealist film from the nineteen twenties. Sure, yeah, yeah. By Salvador Dal is involved at Pierre I forget his name. There's all ants come out of someone's hands. It was very similar to that. Sure. Yeah. Razors. And they all missed the glass, which is that. All of them missed the glass. I got like two raisins in, but I bent in a weird way, and that was apparently the good thing. Did you you did look weird. Did you have a favourite task th in the in Taskmaster that you did? I really liked I really liked the group ones especially 'cause I think the solo ones I'd I sometimes would be so like, uh but did I do good? Like and I would always say afterwards to Alex like was that a good one then? He was like, I t I'm not gonna tell you. And also I was the first one to record quite a few of them. So he was like, We you literally can't know at this point. Um and all the ones I thought I did well on I didn't, and then all the ones that I thought I'd done terribly on I did really well on. So the group ones I liked the best. I really liked the one um we did like a drive through thing with J I I did w it with Jason and he was sort of taking money and I was making the stuff and I I it turned out he was like telling the backstory of the of the of the the drive through to kind of like give me time to make these bits of bread out of like it was it was really fun also as well he didn't understand um currency so he had to take payment as well and and he didn't understand the coins. So it was absolute bin fire. I think we won that one. Which was really good. That's good. Did you it's their task? 'Cause when I did it, there's about four or five tasks I did that never got on to air. It's quite hard to remember the 'cause often you're watching you're on the you're on the show and you've forgotten the task they're about to show you. Yeah. And so every now and go, Hold on, wasn't there a thing where I had to put spaghetti together for and make it in a long rock? That wasn't on the tally. Why was why did Alex Horn make me do that? Yes. Yeah, is there would there's was there anything that you remember that you There was one involving uh uh eating a eating a chocolate duck that was yeah. And it was all like well if you one person eats the duck and then you get no points, but if no one else eats the duck like one of those ones and I can't remember oh no, yeah, I think I did eat it. Yeah. Um and yeah, that that it was only like about a month after I was like, Oh, the duck and then everyone's like, Oh my god, the duck but yeah, that was the best bit actually doing the live show and then watching the ta watching how everyone else did it. That was the best bit. Like to and to then sort of slowly realise that what you'd thought the task was wasn't what the task was. Yes. And seeing Fattia do it in th irty seconds. And then and then being like, Ah that took me eighteen minutes. So Did he bully anyone and have them 'cause he does this every now and again, he did it to me where he makes one person do something that that nobody else has to do. So I there was a thing where people had to we had to act out a scene and most people did two parts and I had to do every single part and learn every single part. Yes. Did he did he bully anyone? I don't think so. No. I think he's very careful. It's like Josh Whitaker made camp baked beans, didn't he? Yeah. Josh Whitaker did it. Yeah. He chooses the right person to do these things too. It's bullying though. It is bullying. It is bullying. But it feels I think uh quite I think I've spoken to some people who've done Taskmaster and have felt like oh Greg had it in for me or like or or they felt a little bit uncomfortable but I thought it was really fun and I think I don't really mind that. It I think something to do. I think Greg was quite intimidated by Fatcher. I think I like I was trying to get out of her whether you know, uh backstage whether they whether they he was able to talk to her 'cause I think he was quite scared. Yeah. Advance he was there were the advances made. The advances with well there were many, yeah. Yeah, they well I yeah, I mean uh they well Greg sort of like would like we all had lunch and we'd all we'd all hang out, and then Greg sort of appears just before the recording. Yeah. And and it is sort of like he just sort of walked and he's so tall and he's so kind of intimidating. But but backstage, yeah, they would chat and stuff. Like it was alright. But I think the first episode was like, Oh, you know, when you're finding out ha what people are gonna be like, it was like that's what she's gonna be like Yeah, well we did ours in lockdown, so it was really weird. It was a shame really to do it and 'cause it was we only s like talk to each other in on set. That's so hard. And then off we had to all go off and not uh you know so it was very impressive you had the chemistry that you did considering what did you well what about Daisy May Cooper basically I mean is that chemistry or is that I mean it's it chemistry I enjoyed it. It's chemistry in the sense that it could have exploded and been lots of different colours. Mainly red. So I haven't spoken to her since I've trying to get her keep trying to get her I check keep trying to get her on this and I get not back. So she was quite quite upset to lose, I think . Also that I didn't have hippopotamus mainly, wasn't it? But there we go. So look there's and look the other the I mean it's you've been on the the podcast a couple of times and I think maybe three times altogether, and I think it sort of feels rightly so, Steve. I've been a big champion of you since I since I first met you. Um but it feels like it's all sort of coming together and you're getting the acclaim that you deserve. You were on the uh Mitchell and Webb series recently which I d I really enjoyed. Did you? I did. I think Okay. I thought you were excellent in it. Thank you. I thought there was some sketches . I'm like What I thought there was honestly I think when you watch a sketch show, you know, so you some of it you like and some of you don't like. Of course. But there were some sketches in there that just made me absolutely Yeah there was some good stuff. There were some really, really good ones. I found I felt like as well that it was just quite nice to watch a sketch show on TV. It felt like quite cozy as well, and quite like, oh yeah, you can just watch it on the the bigger screen. Um and and i also I had like the most fun doing it ever. Like it they're so nice and it was really overwhelming in a good way. And um and yeah, like I'm glad that there's gonna be a another series. It shows that people did watch it and that there'll be uh like there's gonna be a new cast and like uh that I love that. It's really nice. Do you love that that you're not gonna be in the next Yeah, I I loved being fired. Sorry, replaced. Sorry. Um no I do I would've I would have liked to have done another one, of course, but I do respect that you can't like I think so it would be filming next year. I'm I'll be nearly forty, you can't say I'm a young up and coming comedian anymore and you couldn't really when I filmed it But that's how the things work now. It is it is really like you people are getting discovered or you know uh discovered thirty seven, yeah. Yeah, it really is, you know, that people are working for fifteen years and then and then Mike gets uh get a little taste of being on TV or But also that's a different like being like there are people who are not on T V who are more successful than the people who are on TV now and that's why I think it's it's so it's I mean me. Mainly me and mainly of course. Yeah. Have you seen my taskmaster you don't count? Have you seen my puppet show that I do every day? I don't watch it every day . But I've seen it. That's the kind of thing you can do once you get to my level. Doing that short film that we did with him with the dummy. Yes, well do check that out that you can get that online because with Bill Alzaffer. It's about you coming to meet your boyfriend 's father who turns out to be my Ali Sloper, my hundred and thirty four year old venturecast dummy. It's Ali. And whenever I'm like, that's a puppet, but you both pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about. And it I just but yeah. Sit on it. It was good fun. But they I love doing those things with Bilal. They've been they've been sort of crazy. Well I knew we'd do we've had some you know, it's it's sort of a semi implic So let well look you to you you're d are in the middle of a big tour, right? Called Clout. Yes. Which again is doing like phenomenally well. You're selling out everywhere.. That's very nice Very exciting. It's very good. That has actually been the nicest. That's been well, lots of it has been the nicest thing. But I before Taskmaster would do when I did live shows, they would be very scripted and sketchy and character I ' fcauseelt sa fe being behind a thing and I don't think I thought well, I mean I'd still I think d do comedians often say like that they struggle to know why they're funny. I don't think they're particularly They don't really No, because it doesn't sound good. It doesn't sell the shows that they're on to promote. But I think it's I I think it's quite I think it's quite narcissistic to think you're funny. But also I struggled with why or what I could do and why I was funny and what and then um so I would like overly write I think and overthink stuff and then Taskmaster allowed me to kind of relax a little bit and I'm now I've gone from being I was I used to really enjoy doing live stuff but I would get very like a really bad stage for I and be and what's been so lovely about doing clout and then continuing to do it and then continuing to do it and then continuing to do it is I've j I love it. Like I love doing it. It's really like given me a bit of a a boost, I think in an area where I was probably going to stop doing that. Like I was gonna not do live comedy anymore, I think. And now I'm like, oh I think that's all I wanna do. Cool. Because is is it the first thing you've done on your own though, because you usu usually you're doing like sketches. Sketches. No, so I well I did no, I did two solo shows before the pandemic and then I did loads of online sketches in the pandemic and was like, Oh, this I don't have to I don't throw up every time I press post on an online sketch. This is much nicer. And they did really well. And then that's where I think I think I was sort of flagging a little bit and s floundering. And I think that helped me a lot. And then um and then actually the clout the show is sort of about then trying to do live again and being like I don't I've forgotten, I don't know how anything. This is so overwhelming. And uh and it was actually quite o overwhelming for a while, but now I've got like a command of it and I kind of feel really I just feel really happy, like I really enjoy. I can't watch myself back because I look so thrilled. Like I'm having such a nice time on stage. And the the shows have gone really, really well and I would never have said I'd ev I've got told when I signed with Avalon, um I said I would never tour and I or if I was gonna tour I'd just do ten shows and then I did like thirty seven shows and I'm doing another twenty two shows and then I'm gonna do another six shows in in autumn. So I j it's really lovely to have found up after I didn't expect that to come from Taskmaster. Yeah, but that's it you know it's it's great the way that that show introduces people to to new people and the fans of that show do get behind you know eighty percent of the people who are on it then they and then the other twenty percent they have sort of hate and say feeling you Yeah. Yeah. I think it helps as well that my live show is very joke packed and I have a very similar sense of humour to Alex Horn. And I think if you like the silliness of T my show is very silly and I d and I'm just committed to being silly in many different ways over and over and over again and I think that helps. Yeah, I mean I'm very serious in my show. So that's that's the thing. So that it's off putting to the how I take it very seriously. I did give away I put up Histor, my the one my of my original puppets from Fist of Fun was one of the prizes I put up. I did win that week but they don't you they don't make you give the stuff away if you don't want to. No. I wouldn't have let anyone take I don't think anyone would have taken that. That would have been too cruel, wouldn't it? Yeah. And most of the prizes in our series were absolute shit. They were quite yeah, shot like the duvet and things like that. Really really bad. Yeah. And and I I'm to blame as well. If you go on Taskmaster , really think hard about the prizes, that is my advice. That's the advice I gave to Dara when he said I'm gonna be on it. And I said just spend a lot of time thinking 'cause I think I just thought, Oh well I'll get this done really quickly and they'll be happy with me when I send it in and I just very quickly looked round my office and said, Oh take that, that, that, and that and that Yeah. And I didn't think about it until the champion of champions went out. Well m um I overthought it. Yeah, good. Like no it wasn't. And then also I had a few things that really normally only very recently I remembered. I had some really good ones. Yeah. And then at the last minute, the lawyers would be like, Oh, we can't do that because of that. And then I would have to like come up and scramble with a lesser one. And then I got crucified on the prize task. That was I was like the worst by far. And a little bit of me was like, oh I had a really good one. Will you let me have it? And then some of them were me. And they were shit. Like really bad. There was one of mine was the most self-indulgent thing. And I and and well and I just thought oh, there's a there's jigsaw of myself that someone had sent me. I thought that'd be good. And when you think of the self indulgent stuff I've done in my life and that I didn't I'd got a fucking panini album of myself being forty snooker players. I mean that's self-indulgent. Yeah. I don't I'm not sure it'd come out by the time I did Taskmaster. But there's loads, you know, or just every episode of Stone Clearing. Yeah. People will want to watch that. And they do. And that's nice. Um I'm gonna I wanna I'm gonna ask you some emergency questions gonna see if I've got some I've got some new ones. Oh I'm I wanna try and start I was I was gonna on the car journey here um just write loads of new emergency questions . Then I couldn't be bothered. But I'm gonna do it. So I've written some. Here's a new one. What is the worst thing you've done with a cake ? Uh I've I've eaten a cake out of a bin. Have you? Yeah, big time. I went to see Bridget Christie the other night and she has a whole bit about how she's eaten a cake out of a bin. Oh really? I feel like great. But it's in a domestic setting. Um yeah. I've eaten a cake out of a public bin. Right, someone else's cake. What fair enough. Um it was just I mean, is it public? It was a uh in a student hall, so it wasn't outside, but it was out it was in the communal area of the student halls. And uh Did you know whose cake it was? No. Um but it was like a birthday cake but not like it barely been I'd be more worried about that. There was just one sort of cock shaped hole in the middle . Just eight around that. But I used to I w when I was a w I was a waitress for years and years and years and I was really broke and it did start out as a bit of a like, oh well if s like 'cause if someone like sends something back and they haven't touched it, I'd be like, okay, I'll have a bit of that and then it did become just like, oh he,'s not n f completely finished as chips. I'm gonna eat them. Like while I give them to the pot wash. Re and then just like in front of people in the kitchen as well, people being like, Right, that's her thing then is it But then when I so my I got for Christmas I bought my mum and dad tickets to see Bridget and they'd seen her a month or a few weeks before I I saw her and I messaged my mum being like, I loved her show, the bit where she ate the cake out of the beer and my mum was like twelve hours later just just sent me one line which is I've eaten cake out of a bin with Linda Huglin. Don't know who that is. Turns out that was in a public bin, in a park. Wow. So that's why it's genetic. There's a lot of people eating cake. How many people have eaten cake out of a cake out of a bin just cheerfully? Well I've got no family in, so no one. No one. Don't think I've ever eaten chips. Fair enough. You're a seagull . A seagull in the room. I've eaten chips out of someone else's hand as they're walking down the street. That's fine. That's good. That's my new emergency question. Hold on, let me see if I've got another one. I don't know about this one 'cause I think this I I started doing this one and then I realised it's a bit um Um perhaps. No you know maybe they are. Uh if like Zeus you could transform into an any animal to have sex Because Zeus sort of just raped people, he turned into a swan and then raped real That's true with With so you can turn into an animal and then with their consent have sex with them. Is there an animal you'd like to turn into I've asked I've asked you before which animal you'd like to have sex with, but what does that mean? So, I can't remember. Oh. Um I should have checked that. Okay, yeah. Um but I I've never asked you what animal you'd like to be to have sex with some someone else. Um I don't think a swan would be that good because they're a clo they're a cloaca based creature. Yeah. So they've all they've got is uh like a h ole that is their sexual organs and anus. Which you know, I d I that I'm into that. Um but as in your combination of the the efficiency of it. Yeah, okay, rather than your But is it if it's literally just like uh that it's you know there's not a woman is anyone's that's what a woman is though, right? A woman's just got a cloaca basically, haven't they ? Is that right? No . You've got a switch sometimes. Sometimes. Did anyone say swan? No well, I had the uh this is the first time I've asked the question. Okay, so it's just that you went into swan specifically. Zeus turned into a swan now. Oh right, okay, I don't really know much about Zeus for my sense. But um I think I think I so I'm presumably if I'm having sex I'm I'm I'm the penetrator. Yeah. Well you know in this sense. Um I f you wanna be if that's where you jump into. Yeah, sex with um I think I'd like to be a very s I think I'd like to be like a sort of um like a ladybird. Okay . Because I'd like to see how that happens. Like I w d does it appear . I mean I don't know how a ladybird has sex with a person, that would be I think I I can imagine I can imagine a ladybird having sex with another ladybird. I mean if you want to chat have sex with a ladybird, just do it, you know, that's why. You're not gonna get in trouble, even as a vegan, you're not gonna get in trouble for that I killed I had sex with a ladybird and it died. Yeah. I didn't eat it. Also if the ladybird's having sex with a person it's just flying up the badge, isn't it? And it's dying. So okay, can I change my answer or is that I the other me one?an it could be a giant lake, it could be a giant you it can literally be anything you're a giant. No I don't know I I want to stick to an actual animal. Okay. Well now I'm trying no I cause now I'm just trying to think of an animal that would most it would be it would be nicest to have that would be the least do the least damage. Okay. Um so I think like a mid sized b bird. Yeah. Like a like a seagull. Like a s oh no, so not as big as a seat. Have you ever seen a seagull's penis? Does it it come out like a snake or does it a clo another cloaca? It's cloaca based. Cloaca means cloaca means sewer. It's Latin for sewer. Oh interesting. Which is that is how I view all sexual organs. I think the Romans the Romans. Or a snake and you just use your whole body. What about if you were a full size ladybird, a human sized ladybird? I think that would be quite scary though, 'cause I bet if you see all that stuff underneath the ladybird in full when the kids yeah. Yeah. I don't want to upscale at this point. It's massive . It's like a lady boy. The ladyird b. That's why it's called the lady bird. Wow. Massive cock. Great. Good so good two good emergency questions. Cake and the re the rape one. But you're raping as it's consensual. Yeah, either we know we de we made it very clear it is consensual. Someone would have to agree. I'm gonna turn into a lady giant ladybird. Would you like to have sex with that? Yeah, I would. Yeah, just to see what happens. Yeah. Good. Why not? Go on to something else. Please. We're so bad for each other. Uh it's so it's so bad. Uh we are we're planning on working together. W weirdly this this week um they've uh the uh Bill Al put up a little clip of um a thing that you were involved in as well. It's called he did a series called When Murderers Kill and then we did improvile improvised little chats with him as serial killers. And he took like one tiny little bit of the one I did, which I want to turn into a tri I think it's a really nice idea about a guy it's about a guy who can't get a girlfriend and he's annoyed seeing all these serial killers getting girlfriends on TV and stuff. So he decides to kill four people so that he can get get a date. But he's a nice guy. And he accidentally kills some more people than that. And then no one's really interested. That's nice. So that's he's very kind, but accidentally kills thirteen people on the last one. Some a couple of kids. So he's but he's a nice guy. But but uh but I'll put uh like a two second clip up or five second clip of it up and it went absolutely viral and two million people have watched it. This guy going , you know, I I couldn't get a girlfriend, I'm a nice guy. You killed 17 people. That was before. And people in America mainly very angry that they think it's real. Patricia Arquette, the ac tress. I mean this is how good an actor I am . It's so clearly not real . Like your outfit. It's so clearly not real. But uh we're hoping to do something with that with uh the money that the podcast gives us. We're go hoping to try and turn it into some kind of film and stuff. So that'll be nice. But uh have you got uh have what what have you got any other acting stuff in the pipeline once you've No, no. You're a very good you're a very good actor and you've done you've been in lots of lots of nice things. I haven't seen it yet 'cause we're starting at the beginning. I haven't seen you in it yet, but here we go you're in which I is a real. I do lots of like yeah, I'll come on for like a a uh day and then go, What and then that's my part and leave. Um and I when I was blonde I was just getting constant like y yoga instructor, spin class instructor and I don't work out, I don't do it. So and it's and then it'd be like, We'll put you in this in this crop top and you've got two lines and you've been and it's i so I really hate that, so that's why I've got prunette. It's what can be taken seriously and less sports hopefully. Yeah. Is does blonde equal sports? I d wouldn't have said so, but yes. In the mind of casting directors. It could be my height actually. That's probably what it is is. I mean I don't think being tall equals In the acting world you have to be like you look like a unit when you're over five, two as a woman, because all of the other actors are like this big actors. They're tiny. And so I look so tall. So I think that's why, yeah, I all the auditions I get are like like I think the last one has been like an ex-Olimpian javelin person. Right. Um a discus thrower. Like is part of her like fun side hustle. Like okay. And then I dyed my hair brown and then I've got a Mormon. Great. A Mormon. I didn't I don' knowve got it, but it was a a thrill to do something that was funny. Well you you write on uh substack you know I know you've got a substack and there's some very funny things on there. But it had that has massively changed, hasn't it, in in recent years with I think I guess post-lockdown as well. The self-taped. Yeah, which is nice because you've got control over it. Yeah. But then the next stage will normally be you go into the room and like I think I've only done like two in the last uh five years of when you go into a room so it's quite jarring suddenly to be like, Oh god, right, I don't get like a million ghosts of this. I've got to work out the accent before I start talking. Um but yeah, no it's it is it's it's kind of positives and negatives of it, I think. I like the thing you said uh you know that they they insist on like a full length picture of you. Which means you have to move all your crap out of the way in that house. Every time. And then some m some message being like just do one at the start of the year and then just attach that to every single it's like, oh my god, I've been like upending my entire house every time 'cause I've got like there's n no window and there's no lateral light and then you go really fine. And every time I have to say I I always I always start you've got to say your name and your agent and your height and then I always start with sorry about the background Stevie Martin Those three adverts six years ago. Absolutely. No. Um you've been working with my friend and uh someone I've worked with quite a lot and who is insane. Do you know who I'm talking about? No. Lou Sanders. Oh yeah, yeah ye,ah L.ou Lou Sanders. So tell us about this. This is on Instagram . Oh yeah. Yeah, this is just like because I was quite uh I don't want to put stuff about being vegan or vegan things on my Instagram 'cause it's boring and not for everyone and fine. But and Lou does a lot of that stuff as well and she's and so we've we've created like a little Instagram thing called Vegans in Your Regions. Um Lou Lou initially wants to call it too hot vegans in your regions. It's like no . Um and so we just basically just post loads of stupid stuff there. Like the thing that's I mean you'll spend like obviously a day editing something, me reviewing cheeses or whatever, and then the next day Lou will go to review a cheese, set her phone on fire and it'll get a million views. So the So the it's difficult to but we' we're we're just trying to kind of have fun rather than like it's not like we're like I dropped like sixty quid on chocolate spreads the other week. Like we're not making money from it. But it's nice to just do something for a laugh rather than worry about like also as well. Worry about the algorithm and how many likes you're getting and something. It's nice to get some. The other day Lou Lou put one up and then phoned me and was like, No everyone hates L Lou reviewing blue cheeses. It was like I think we need to not care about that. And then but like yeah, it's nice to kind of just have fun. I got two million views on my last one on Instagram, the thing we just talked about. Yes, of course. It does mean that if I go to America I'll be killed 'cause people will think I'm a serial killer. But you know and we didn't make any money out of it. I it wasn't worth it. Uh I I don't think that any views went up on the actual thing that we were promoting. She's like lightning in a bottle. She's just is. And then you sort of have to harness her. Like she's so uh uh I h Iate hate myself saying this but she's so authentically her. Yes. And but yeah, but the best stuff is yeah, her saying fire to herself, her falling over. Like we we we ha we we got sent this really f lovely um vegan version of a toblerone and she kept doing Instagram stories and I was just like, can you just do one saying like we love this Toblerone? And she'd be like, we love this um Toblarone, no harm done, one up the bomb. And she just kept saying that . It's like, can you do one that they can repose and she'd be like, sorry, yes. Now I've got to do one that we can re repose. Love the soap blowing up my ass. I just which is perfect and really fun and silly. There's one where she's skiing, I think. She's away on the problem. She poisoned me. Yeah. Yeah, she poisoned me by accents. I'm allergic to dairy, that's why I am vegan. But I was a vegetarian and then I realised I was allergic to dairy. Uh too late actually. Um and so she ate we got sent this really nice like vegan chocolate from this place called Maison du Chocolat, it's amazing. And she ate all of it, so I didn't get to try any of it. And then bought some for me really kindly and was going on about it costs her thirty quid and like blah and it arrived and I ate all of them and then was just vomiting all day because she'd bought the non-vegan versions off the website and then was like okay and then we and then she did a apology video while she's like skiing, which I didn't know she was doing because she lives quite close to me. So it was like under up a mountain. And then got into a fight with um someone who was commenting. So like it was yeah, but uh that's sort of what it's like working with her. It's sort of incompet ent vegans in your region. It should be Oh yes. Vegans who keep eating. Yeah, well we we did one video that we thought we'll use this and maybe it could be like a pilot for a TV thing or something. And in the video we were gonna go to Margate and we were going to try and find vegan fish and chips. And uh Lou was in charge of research and uh we got there and one of them what wasn't open, one of them fried it in in in the meat oil oil and then there was no other vegan fish and shi,p so we just went to another place and just went to Ramscape. It's like that's so the entire point of the video was completely pointless. And that's the sort of level. Yeah, we're going to Brighton to look at good vegan ice creams. I've I've just done it. I've just done that. There's definitely vegan stuff in Brighton. Oh there's so many. It's hard to find out anything with animal products in Bright at all. Yeah, yeah. Even the animals are vegan. That's uh if you catch a f seagull and eat it, you'll find out it's made of tofu Oh this is uh this is in my research my you can see how much I've researched this. It's very impressive, isn't it? Yeah. I came across a video that said Andrew Collins interviewing Stevie Martin and I thought fucking hell, I couldn't realize so I used to do a double act podcast with Andrew Collins. Oh yeah. The journalist. I thought I don't remember ever seeing him interviewing Stevie Martin. And you don't remember either, you do you? No. Because when I went to look at it, it was actually two men in Brighton, one who's called Andrew Collins, the other's called Stevie Martin. And he's a local author and just talking about it. Yeah. This is interesting because so Brighton Brighton is the issue was is the issue with the next tour the the next leg of the tour that I'm starting next week because um when I did my first show in Brighton it was lovely and then we put the second show on and they typoded it as Steve Martin and it sold out in like thirty seconds . Obviously. And then I thought, well that's quite and then all because of like I think it was Ticketmaster that had typoded it. And then because there's no people involved in this, it just got pulled out to loads of other ticketing websites as Steve Martin. They used my um Steve Martin's picture. So t Steve Martin's face. And then there was one website that was saying me and him were doing a double act. Okay . There's one saying he was supporting me which is correct. And then I went on his uh he is uh in March actually at the moment, he's on tour with Martin Short. He's doing like obviously arenas in in in uh America and I went on his website, his official website, to screenshot it and I was gonna put my like Brighton date like in the middle and just do some content and I I went there and my Brighton show was on Steve Martin's website. And it took uh three months to get it taken down. So I'm that gig? No, it's next week or the week after I'm not gonna have a nice time . It's gonna be awful. Just put an arrow through your head and uh do some juggling. Play the banjo. Yeah, play the banjo. They probably won't notice. It was a terrifying thing to see. I thought, well, Andrew Collins has let there's two quite old men. I thought Andrew Collins and Stevie Martin have both let themselves go. Yeah. But it it''ss a I should try and get Stevie Martin to come to the Steve Martin gig. Stevie Martin, come on, he can start. Oh, I thought this was Steve Martin and then I thought it was Stevie Martin and no it's this Stevie Martin. And everyone's just angry in the audience. If you get all three of you together, that would be amazing. I'm never getting Steve Martin. Could get I reckon you could get Stevie Martin. I could I I'm a hundred percent sure I could get Stevie Martins. And Andrew Collins. And Andrew Collins. I think you could definitely get Steve. I've got connections, you get in touch with him. I'll get you Andrew Collins and I'll get I'll get in touch with the other Andrew Collins. Yeah. I might do a double act with the other Andrew Collins and I'll do it with Stevie Marks too. It was it it was upsetting. It was like I'd slipped into an al an alternate universe. So I was very very upset about it. Um you uh I hey look you in uh in one of your interviews and this is 'cause you're quite young compared to me. Okay. Um not compared to someone much younger than you. But you said one of your favourite shows is Police Squad. Oh yeah. But how do you know about police squad? Because even like people might it's sort of from my era, please score. And it is the best series. It's the best it's the best series I've ever seen. I couldn't believe how good it was. My partner's older. Oh okay. How old are you? I'm fifty eight.-e Fiftyight. He's not that old is he? No no he's fifty-two. But like he ha he owns it on like I don't know fucking Blu-ray or whatever. Probably video . And he put it on, it was during lockdown. He was like, Oh you I don't like he couldn't believe I hadn't seen it. And I was like, that happens a lot. And then I could not fathom how good it is. It's so fucking funny. There's a joke every 10 seconds and five in the deep background. It's my ideal thing, and like I'm constantly writing things like that and then everyone's saying like that's too much money. But like because i y it requires so much money to do that amount of jokes. Like it's not just verbal jokes, you've got prop jokes, you've got like it's like the but what's the is it is it's not an airplane. Where what's what's the film that's of that era ? Is it naked gun where there's the joke where the massive ship just comes into the science lab and it's a gigantic ship and it's based on a pun that is is like and it's five seconds. Full ship comes in. That's what I want to make. I don't understand why they won't let me. But it's like it is, yes, it's a top secret. But it's but police squad is what became Naked Gun and Naked Gun is not as good as Police Squad. Yeah, 'cause I saw Naked Gun the same time 'cause Airplane's my favourite film and I saw that at the same same time and I remember just being like, It's good but it's not as good as airplane. Like and I've I've not found anything that has hit the heights of air I mean there's lots of things I enjoy for different reasons but for that particular type of humour I've not seen anything as good as an airplane I've seen things like it but p police squad was was that. Police squad taken off after six episodes. I know that makes it perfect. There's only six episodes and they're like, I don't know, five minutes long or something. It's great. Anyway, do c if you haven't checked out who's seen Police Squad? Yeah, good. Who's Who drinks got about five minutes left to live? Yeah. Checks out. They must be up but it's it is it's it's a well it's w it's the the the best joke in the world ever comes from it was who are you and how do you get in here? I'm a locksmith and I'm a locksmith. That's the bet that's the best joke of all time. I mean it's better in context, but it's still good. Yeah, it's really good. That's that's where you are. So the level of the joke writing is that good and then it is all these other stupid visuals. And I saw in another interview you're talking about your foot of you found out your foota ge score. Wikifoot. Yeah, is that what it's called? I I think it's yeah, I called it footage a lot. And then the foot people were quite annoyed. Yeah. No, you've got a seven on foot on Wikifoot. Um yeah, I haven't I sort of tried to look at that in like a fun way and then just got quite like freaked. Yeah. I mean it's like people being turned on by you spitting raisins. Yeah. You are aware that that stuff will happen. I it's I think it's I think the foot people are actually the most respectful fetish people because they don't really get in touch really ever. But they just quietly talk about you the feet. So when I went on it is that good Yeah, because it's not affecting me. It's not like coming but like there's a lot of pe like pay pay pigs, have you heard of this? Someone told me what it was. Um and like I didn't know what was happening. And it's where people just message you and they're like, uh I'll do some tasks around the house for you if and then give will you fuck me. And you're like, okay. Or they'll be like, uh uh I saw you wearing a leather jacket, can I buy it and uh but you have to have worn it or whatever and I tried to do that, I did follow that and then they kind of he kinda freaked out and didn't do it and then I felt bad. Like I'd let him down. But um But th there is like a lot of that and the foot people don't tend to do that. They don't tend to message you. So they're just but I think I'd I felt weird reading it and then was like, Oh I have come into their house. Oh that's maybe I could have used that I've come into the house. And I and so th then they're fine to talk about that as long as they're not bringing it to me. But also I've got fucking weird feet though. Like I've got eight. Well you've got the same size feet as me. Okay. And my wife as well. So wow. We can share shoes. Yeah. So I've got smallish feet for a man, I suppose. Right. You know what they say? Small feet. Oh no, don't worry about that. Um don't don't balls. One massive ball I' gotve. I actually do. I my ball's grown another ball on it. It's a love story. Um it's not fit for the podcast. I don't really like to talk about that whole subject. Um but my I've got horrible feet and they were I did get them out in um Taskmaster Champion of Champions. And I'm not and I don't know, I've never not looked up to see if I've got a rating. But I remember and and I might have falsely remembered this, I don't think it comes out on the programme. When my feet appeared on the screen, the audience went and they are really horrible. I mean my wife is furious about my feet. A I pick my feet a little bit which she does not like. That's not great. So that was the start of it. But now like I've got like a fungal nail infection. That nail's cracked. My finger my toenails are so thick I've had to buy a special toenail clipper because I cannot y scissors don't go through and a toenail a to it's like an animal chemical, you have to dissolve it . It's honestly like a comedy . It's like a hoof or something it's turning into. But your whole foot I said this was years ago I said this to Catherine Ryan the day she came on. I'd stepped on a drawing pin and the my my feet are so thick I didn't notice and slept on it . The skin is wild. It's like you die you start dying from that way and it just like that foot. I'm sorry quite would like to go on just to see if I can discuss there'll be some foot fashions. So there'll be some there'll be some of them who do. Maybe yeah. But I refuse to go to a cheropedist. My wife bought me um two two or three I think two Christmases in a row. She bought me like one of those sanders you can get for your feet to take . Well, like a like a pumice stone. We took it on um uh John and Lucy's perfect couples and they lost them all 'cause we made a joke about the you know what the we the weirdest gift. To get it once is insulting, but then she bought me again the next year 'cause I didn't use she bought me a different one 'cause I didn't use the first one. But it's by like it's like a you know, you go and it's like got sandpaper on it and you can take your you can take the skin off your food. Have you done the thing where you um you s you smother your feet in a sort of alcohol based solution and then your skin just sort of s sheds like a snake? I did that once. Yeah, it was quite good, but like I th I've got I think I've got more normal feet than it but you should try it and you should I might try it. There's you can have fish eat your feet as well, can't you have you see that? Yeah, I don't want to do that. Yeah. You should do that. I might do that. Yeah, just see what you're doing if anyone's into I'm I'm bringing you know, you can make m money some 'cause doesn't who is one of the is it one of the singers makes m money sending out the pictures of her feet, doesn't she? It isn't that she did only fancy, didn't she it's like is it just Tom Great. Great. If anyone wants pictures of really disgusting feet, they're gonna cost it it's gonna cost you, but I'm happy to do it. And I don't mind what you can wank over the pictures over the pictures. If you I you wank over my feet if it's enough if you pay en But you'll feel it. And actually that might it might help, might Little bit of unguin on there, won't rub it in. Little moisturizer. Okay. Moisturizer. Lovely. This has been really nice. I love how we always demure and and and sensible woman. Thank you. And uh I love improvising disgusting stuff for me more than anything else . So let me have a look. I'm gonna ask the thing I'm gonna ask you um uh I'm gonna ask you another emergency question. I just want to check I've got everything I love doing that audiobook by the way. That was really fun. The your emergency questions. Yes, that was fun. And also you do the I should mention this, you do the audio book for Kate's my work., and so she's she's very she's send her love. Oh good. My daughter listens to her w didn't read those books, but when you were listening to it when you were reading them she she listened to 'cause she loves she she loves she especially loved that series of Taskmasters, so she met Fatih and she was very, very excited about meeting Fatchy . Um so you must come meet her at some point. Right, I'll ask you some emergency questions. These are available after the show if you want to play Rahalas to Burr at home. Thank you I've been going through doing this as a bonus thing for peop for subscribers where I answer all the questions. There was such a weird one. I meant meant to find it. I'll get I'm gonna get David Mitch David Mitchell's on in a couple of weeks. I'm gonna find that one. Ask him why I'm not in the fucking second series because I don't do look at the but I don't even know what this one is, right? We're gonna see where this goes. I like the way it starts. Would you rather have an immortal goose that laid one golden egg every fifty years and you didn't know when it laid its last golden egg and it never laid normal eggs? Oh my god, okay. Or a mortal goose that would lay a regular egg. Do you not eat eggs? You're that kind of vegan. Yeah. Or a mortar goose that would lay a regular egg every day guaranteed, but due to goose illnesses and short lifespan, might die at any time, but also might live for however long an old goose lives . The NB, the upkeep of both geese is the same and costs less than the price of a goose egg per day . So what I'm saying is would you rather have a goose egg every day or the chance of getting a solid gold goose egg every fifty in with in the within the next fifty years. Oh yeah, that one. Yeah. Yeah, why not? Gamble. I don't mind that. I like looking after animals. I think that's fine. All right. I think I'll bond with him. Okay. Yeah. I mean that's more about the question than the answer I feel like I a thing . Yeah. Um all right th this is good for you because this is uh this you might even do this and you and Lou could do this. If you have to create a line of food like uh Barry Norman pickled onions or Paul Newman salad dressing powers that Stevie Martin that Stevie Martins, not that one it would have to be. Oh yeah. Um what would what food do you think would be would have your face stuck on it? Mm I was gonna say oranges. Oranges . It's not really a a sort of branded item. I would buy a Stevie Martin or ange. It didn't really relate to anything that was asked of her. I think that's a good idea to have a oranges and you sort of burn you know, like use a yes, a brand sort of brand brand someone's face into it and then you go, What kind of orange are you eating? I'm eating a Stephen. Stephen Stephen Martin oranges. Stephen Mart Oinrange. Yeah, I think I'll do that. Yeah, it's a good oranges. I like it. Range of oranges. Gonna see if there's another one. Oh, this is this is this is one I w I've started to ask. Who is the biggest celebrity who has come to see your show? Oh have you had it did you get 'cause I never get any celebrities come to see me. I tell you what I found out, this is my exciting news while you're thinking about your answer to this question. Um I'm doing I'm doing a very small production of educating Rita in Hitch in in the the 'cause it's theatre is literally ninety seconds from my house. Oh great. And so I feel I can do it. It's a s a very short run. And the actress who's playing Rita knows Willie Russell, the writer of uh uh educating Rita uh and sent him a message and he listens to this podcast. No way his son likes podcasts and made him listen and now he's and he said I'm nervous about two comedians doing this play and you go, You fucking idiot, Willie Russell, you're Willie Russell. We're nervous about doing this play. Isn't it weird to buy doing a play that that's classic and the person it's like doing Shakespeare and William Shakespeare sending you a text message? Well that's wild. It's weird. It's really weird. Anyway, there you go. I went to a barbecue when I was six and Willie Russell was at the barbecue. Oh was he? Yeah. It was the guy who fixed my dad's cars. Okay. Oh, it's a different Willie Russell. No, no, I was in. He was friends with actual Willie Russell. I don't remember and at the time didn't who Russell was. Make the most of my opportunity. We're both missed out. Yeah. Both missed out. You're listening, Willie? I'm s sorry. He is listening. He loves the show. He thinks it's amazing. I've got to do it well now. Yeah. Uh anyway, I was gonna do it badly and I've got to do it well. Have you thought of uh celebrities come to your show yet? Yeah, I th I've not had loads um uh well when I was in a sketch group, Rowan Atkinson came. No way Yeah You could have ended up marrying him. I don't think so. He was that was he was trawling looking for he was he? He was he was out. I think I was like twenty five. That's fine to row and he doesn't mind about that. He doesnesn''tt care. Do care about that. Yeah, I don't think he can top that. No, that's pretty good. No, I mean I'm sure you can, but I don't think I can top that. Richard Osmond came to my Edinburgh thing and his son, who's taller than him. And it was yeah. It was wild. And I just remember thinking that's two of the tallest people I've ever seen. And it was that's like Richard Orspond and it was Yeah. That was actually Griffith Jones, who was in Not Nine O'Clock News with Ron X. Hardly anyone famous has come to him when I did a show called did a play called Punk's Not Dead and Griffith Jones and it was a very small little theatre room in Edinburgh and he was sitting in the front row and the in that show there was a line where I said where some where Paul Putner came in dressed as like a comedy punk and, I said you look like a Mel Smith punk, which was the in his double act, and Griffith Jones afterwards said, Oh, I'll tell I'll tell Mel about that. And it wasn't I've seen subsequently watched their punk stuff, and then they weren't. They did good represent ations of punks. Great. So I feel very bad. It's too late to tell, it's too late to tell Mel Smith that I'm sorry. Oh. I don't know who Mel Smith is. I don't just get booed for not knowing who Mel Smith is. Yeah. That show business guys, that's it . There's no point in becoming super successful. And I didn't go, yeah. I tell you that man it was a man who loved cocaine. That's who Mel Smith is, and that's why he's not alive anymore. Famous person who loved cocaine. I think he loved cocaine. I heard stories we were going to meetings uh we might have to take this out. He's dead, so it's fine. Let's just say it was only Mel.