Australia Tour and Family Stories

Hi, Richard Herring here. Thanks for downloading my podcast. Now you may have heard on the gown upp news that I've not been very well. I'm feeling fine I'm sort of in the middle of treatment C very minor cancer. It's not curable, but it's completely treatable. So please don't worry about me. In the meantime, if you want to become a badger, this is an excellent time to support us at goofaststrike. com slash badges. if you would like to buy a thank you Moriati t shirt from Rich and Alley's Craven News round, then head too fastter Stripe. com. and you should be able to find them on there. They're only going to be available for a couple of weeks print them all up at once when we find out what the demand is But if you enjoy that podcast, particularly, that's a great way to pay us back for that Look, I've still come to the Edinburgh fringe unless something that goes horrifly wrong in August I think that to the sixteenth and Go to ridichchain. comash for Hallispurg. you can see all the dates and the guests confirmed so far whoo are Mike Was't at Susie McCabe and Flo and Joan. there are some big names to come, I'm sure. I'm aiming very high with this And I will be giving some recommends of people you should be going to see at the fringe through interviews over the next few weeks as well Anyway, thank you very much Let's sit back. Thanks for all the lovely messages I've had from you guys and it's lovely to know how much these podcasts mean to you and that's worth more than money I mean, obviously doesn't keep us going, but thank you very much for the love you've been giving us I very much appreciate it and I'll do my best to carry on doing these until I get bored Anyway, sit back, relax and enjoy another podcast from the head and Mouth of AK Heric Hello, my finest friends. Welcome to another retro Rllust tob, a chance to catch up on a show you may have missed a few years back or want to watch again or want to share with your friends We need more people listening and watching Rhadasaba Also, it's a chance to watch the full video for free on YouTube That's your thing. You can watch them all, of course Straight away byy becoming a badg at gofuser stripe. com slash badges. get lots of other benefits as well Also, if you'd like to support All of my podcasts, if you like the newews round, I'm currently in the newews round studio U Then you can buy this. Thankk you, Mariati T shirt. very very limited time, very limited offer. only available for a few more days Go to gofastter stripe. com and search Mariati, I guess, and you should find it, who knows But anyway it's there. cheheck my socials and you'll be able to find a link But thank you for your support. Thank you as well. I've been going through a little process at the moment. that you may be aware of, than you for all the many lovely messages you have sent me. I am fine, though to be fair I still have to go through all the treatment as we've had to start again. Hoay But it's the best diveet I've ever been on, so I can recommend it. that's where you want to go. All right, thanks very much for watching, listening, spreading the word. Thanks for supporting me in which other way you feel is practical Let's enjoy another retro Rahllustopa Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Leicester Square Theatre. Please welcome a man who has good news for people who want to pull at Pizza Express. It's Richard Herrying No leas to see you all, thank you for coming. Welcome to Rich Hers Leicester Square Theatre podcast. There was hanging out with the Crash test Dummies, the band, the Crash Test rememember them the crash test, tummies? They call it m Theyren't run space's fine.'s's goodood to see them. Good yeah. Well, look, I'm still ill. This is it's been going on for two, I mean, five weeks now. This illness U But you know, we'll get through it. It's going to be fine. I've had a lem sip. Max. I don't mess around. Yeah, look, I was in I was in Pizza Express this week and if you if you've been recently, or if you' listened to podcast recently, you know that I was upset that the Viniciana is no longer on the menu, which means you which you could donate a twenty five discretionary twenty five pence to the Venice Iperil fund which I had used on a couple of occasions to impress a woman enough to have sex with me refusing to pay the discretionary amount because I hated Venice I want you to sink into the sink. I'm not saying this is going to work for everyone But if you're witty like me, you could make that work And I was up, you know, my dating days are over until my wife divorces me, which you know, By the time it happens, I'm going to be too old and decrepit. I mean Who am I kidding already am Please stay with me, Katie, I love you. I'm sorry I'm sorry for everything I've done I was in with my family this weekend and I've got great news. The funungy D Bosco pizza has just come out It sounds fucking horrible. It's not like Venziana was nice. It's got chestnut mushrooms, tomato, garlic, mozzarella and rosemary, and then there's parsley and grand Milano cheese on the top It includes a discretionary twenty five p donation to the Venziana fund. Now I don't know if that is the fund to bring back the viniciana pizza. whichich I would willingly donate twenty five p to, but I'm not sure I'm willing to eat the fungy deibosco pizza for that to happen, but Is the Venice they realize that Venice isn't in peril anymore? Be it's gone the other way. was actually there was no water in Venice recently. so it had been too successful. So now they've got to get twenty five B to put more water into Vice So all I'm saying is you can buy the funky deabasco. If you're on a date G it and then go when the bill comes, I say I don't want to pay And it turns into a funny little scene because most of the waiters confused And all you're doing is don't do it like I hate Venice and don't go crazy like that. because that'll look bad to a date. What you're doing is, you know, you're showing you understand the word Discretionary It's ' the main thing U Good, well, that's good advice to everyone. So look, we're doing more of these podcasts Throughout June and July, so go to Eessquare Theatre. com no guests as yet book but you, haven't booked any guest for march twenty seventh, y, so bet they'll be great guests whoever they are. Do come along and see you alive. It's much better alive, isn't it everyone Yeah Let's get on with our first fantastic Guest She is probably best known for her appearance on Colchester Zoo and Friends Bringing the zoo to you That's why we're here to We're only going talk about that tonight. We are pleased welcome the incredible, Jordan Gry ladies and gentleen Hello Hello, sit down Rom Hello, thank you so much for coming along. What's the Colchester Zoo bring zoo to you all about? Because during lockdown, all the zoos was all closed. the animals are still there and they need to eat. They're still hungry. So we'd done a this is so crazy. you asked me about this. They needed to do a fundraiser for Colchester Zoo. We went and did some comedy to make some money and then in the interim, they gave me a private tour of the zoo. Right This is amazing. you asked me this story. I thought it looked good the middle of Col Chester oo there's a massive And I says to the woman because there's all pictures of all the animals you can see in the like horny toads and adders and all this. And I was like, how'd you know they're still in there? Beuse that's a really big lake. She went, Oh no, we don't put anything in there We just build the lake and hope that those things show up one day I hope you don't do that with all the bloody animals in see As if Rpe for disaster. I once cleaned the elephant enclosure at Colchester Zoo What? It was for my show twelve Tasks of Hercules Terrace. I was trying to recreate all the tasks of Hercules and Colchester Zoo allowed me to come. and it's like clearing he cleaned some stables or something didn't he the Ogean sables thank you. You doing well this now, the audience is getting a lot more intelligent. I was going to say the Sttyygian stable, so I'm glad you're here because I'd made a fool of myself But Elevan poo smells quite nice. I would say it smells at the time I was of dieting. the court time of recording, unfortunately And I was eating weight watchatchers shepd microwaveable shhepherds byie smell exactly the same as elephant ship. So if you want to know what elephantit smells like, buy one of those and microwave it O, you know, just stand near an elephant for a bit. Did it smell like? Don't all ls smell like Groross beer. or was that just me? Didn't they? Somebody did a little gasp of recognition They do. I don't know I sorry if groche. O beers are available that do also smell like the zoo. But groche very specifically is the smell of a zoo in a bottle. Is it? ha't smelled to groche for a while. Are you missing out W it was Boss used to put the bottall stops on their on their shoes And it's mentioned a lot in sliding doors as well. So you've hit two of my main interests there, well done. I went to school with the Bros twins of them. That' supposed be weird if you don' any m like to They're in the saavier and everything. Let's talk about you what a fantastic twelve months you have had in comedy terms To the extent that when I was researching this, it kept on saying nominated for the Edinbgh comedyward. And I whyy they just been nominated? She won the Edinurgh Comedy Wward, but you didn't win the Edinburgh C comedy Wward I completely believe that you do. So you did win the Edinburgh comomedy Award. Until this podcast come out, everyveryone el'se believe did? Yeah, No, I didn't, but thank you. It was a nice nomination. But I won that other thing recently. I won a really nice thing. They g Channel four gave me some The Breakthrough comedian of twenty twenty three. That was amazing. Well and rightly sir. I mean, I don't think yeah. Thanks very much. I don't think anyone can deny that. It's kind of rare that Somebody goes to Edinburgh and it wasn't like you were not known but you weren't You know, you weren't well known as a comedian, I think at that point. No to suddenly just completely burst onto the scene. It weren't really bonkers, this is how you get a bonker's Edinbur F fringe right? It's really, really easy. Get a really small room and don't tell anyone how big it is because then it sells out really fast. It's really exciting to people. It sold out did it? Yeah, I had twelve seats in it, right And then when you get some nice five star reviews, that's really, really good. What happened was we got loads of five star reviews and after a while that It stops blipping on people'sadars it's not exciting anymore. So then it was like, what do we do? We should probably get a celebrity to come along. And then I found out Ian McKellen was around the corner and my agent asked if he want to come and he showed up. so then like Magneto showed up and I'm like no. And then people got all excited about that because it's like superhero themed show. It's sort a little bit Batman themed as well. Yeah to have an man there. I am technically an man myself, but to have like an to have like Magneto there It was very, very cool. Yeah And he liked the show. He liked it lot Yeah. He coughed all the way through, blessed him, I think But I took that as a sign of enjoyment. because he's laughing and then coughing because I think he's doing he was doing that Shakespeare around the corner.'s doing a bit of Shakespeare. I meann He's always doing Shakespeare around the corner. Everywhere he goes. Thanks for this mg. It's well nice. I was a guest And all I got is a Snaousey mg. You can't have one of those guys unless you become a guest, you never know One day, one day make up of you. Um get up here come it think's not going badly. you can come up it would be fine. So yeah, so it is this sort of combin that you're interest you're interested in superhero stuff. Yeah Yeah I don't really like superhero films. Maybe just not seeing the right one. I've seen them all. Have you though? Yeah. That's a real commitment to somebody who doesn't like CP. My w My wife sounds like a liar. I went a lot. My wife would like them and we went a lot and I went to the point when I don't think I like these very much. Just men flying around with lasers coming out their eyes. Yeah, I get that bit can seem annoying, but there's good ones. Ant man's well good. He's big and then he's small I'm not selling it. really good it's really great. I like that Moon Knight. You want to see Moon Knight Yeah, it's good. not often you get like an Egyptian mummy superhero. Those things don't tend to combine, but he says, do you know do you I don't know Moonlight I'll give it a. He's really cool. He's like wrapped in bandage. I'm really not setting it at all. but he's wrapped up in It sounds like my son wraps himself up in toilet paper a lot. Is it similar to that Deny's a mumy That's what he likes to do. I do like superheroes because basically every story is the hero's journey and like that whole thing, the Joseph Campbell thing. And then with supero movies, you just remove all the metaphor. You' like No, it literally is about a superhero going to another realm, getting something fighting the goddess and coming back. It's just every story is a superhero story to me, I think Spurer There hass been some controversy and prejudice directed at you You are from Essex? whichich is I went on channel four got the W Kie Lu out. whichich is the last, you know, this It's the unchallenged prejudice isn't Essex?? You're still allowed to just hate people from Essex. Yeah. And it's the only way this acc I like having this accent because people don't assume you know anything. everything you say is a surprise. But like yeah Yes, I quite like the informistics. I'm really working class. I went to the dentist today, right? because I've got a bit of money now from this stupid career. And when you're working class and you get a bit of money, the first thing you do is get your teeth sorted out. I'm such a cliche. Well, I mean, it's a massive room. so I don't they look quite, didn't they That's what I feel. Just Yeah, first thing you do have a party, second thing you do is get your teeth soared out. but they feel weird now because they've been scaled. You know, they go all sharp at the back when you get them descaled. Yeah little nod of recognition.'s like I don't like it, Richard. I. I was just looking at my own teeth and how. Oh, in the mirror? Yeah. It' pretty good This is a clever way I ofve discovered. And we d I've got like one I got wooden silver crown right at the back. and I had that just before my daughter was born. and they said We can do like a white one so it'll match in becauseost five hundred pounds more. and I thought, I'm just about to have a child. I'd better be careful and not spend the extra five hundred pounds. So now every time I see that tooth, I kind of think the nice thing I did for I got plenty of money. I could have easily done it I kind of regret it, but it makes me think about how much I love by loving my daughter before she turned up. She'd leave it to her. leave her that little crownd. I leave that just actck that off. Solid silver. It is interesting though I think that Essex thing I was talking to Pope Lonigan, do you know, Pope? Yes of a big fan. And he's a very clever guy, but he says that people treat him like and he's written a fantastic book which we talk about in the book club. R blah blah. But he feels like people treat him like he's stupid because it because of his accent, which is crazy. And his book is full of all this erredite reference, which I think I almost feel like he feels he has to put in. Do that does that feel like something genuinely that you I do feel that a little bit, but say with Because me and Popper got very different haircuts and what what happens is with my haircut, people just compare me to Russell Brand, who makes an entire career out of using very, very long words very, very quickly. So Pope doesn't really have that problem. Mil My friend told me that Milton Jones said that the the bigger the hair, the thicker the audience. whichich is not a belief I subscribe to so that that's not why I came of with a massive hair U yeah, I'm sort of Being from Essex makes you a little of a cartoon character anyway So I don't know, I' quite like it. Yeah. So look, in your route into comedy is pretty interesting in that you were a singer. and you were doing pretty well as a singer musician You were on the voice. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. How I mean with Ricky Wilson, some of my audience donon't know anything about him because we had to not put his one out Um And Peloma Faith. Peloma Faith was my coach. Yeah. fantastic. She's She changed my life. The song they gave me from a Battle Round Duette was Kate Bush's This woman's work blind in song, but it's really up there and I'm transgender. and I was like, if I go on and try and sing Kate Bush but it like a parody of a woman, it's going to seem really, really silly. She was like, donon't worry about, justust sing like yourself. So then I went on like, you know like really judge on c. And I was like, oh yeah, it's like it doesn't really doesn't matter. She basically convinced me just do what you do what you do. Yeah. She's a vastly intelligent person and she gets typecast so much for just sort of the she's gooky, andn't she? the kooky one. She is kooky, but she's like she's amazing. Yeah. Offscreen always talk about was like French cinema and like quantum mechanics and stuff, and then the thing it cut back I'm not even show it sounds like being sarcastic. That's what we talk about. And then it cut back in and they're like, right, now do Charlie's Angels pose. And I think at once someone said to her on stage O, so you can get back into the Charlie Angels pose and she just punched him in the arm, scamm the man she knew him. She didn't know him. startart that rumour. She's just really cool But was it the voice that you decided that you sort of got the idea to become a comedian? that was? Yeah, I didn't want to do it anymore. because Well, when I was on the voice, thiss is bit called Marvin's Corner. and I was wearing a bright red suit and they put me in a bright red couch and I fought live in front of the nation. It'd be really funny to make my first joke ever, right? So just like lied down, pretended I was invisible obviously Most of the people watching are watching at home on their TV, so I had no idea if it's funny or not. And I decided after that, I want to be a comedian. But then after the voice I brought out a single and it's rubbish. It's really I spent so much money on a single and it came out sounding like crap. It was really, really bad. And I thought, I don't want to spend money doing that for the rest of my life. I'd much rather try and make people laugh So I went out and bought a red couch next I mean, there's obviously music's a big part of your act and the songs are sort of fantastic and been compared rightly to Tim Minchin, which I think is is the kind of the ultimate Isn't that bonkers comparison? That's amazing. It's Yeahah fucin' its so But you know, the wittiness of the lyrics and the tunes, you know, they're very, you know, you're a fantastic musician and also very funny. So, you know, and that's not all those things don't always gel. You get musical comedians who aren't very musical funny and you get musical comedians who are very musical or not funny, but it's quite know, B but some of the best Ba Burnham and Tim Minchin. Absolutely. I think there's two types of that's what I love in comparison. Thank you very much, Richard. There's two I think there's two kinds of musical comedy. There's it is a funny song. We all know it's funny. I'm sing it funny. Then there's This song is funny, but I think it's really serious. You lot know it's serious, but I'm going to pretend I'm taking it really seriously. like a sort of David Brent the way he sings. You don't think for a minute, he's not in on the joke obviously. he's not in the irony. So that's what I think Tim does very, very well.s all very earnest and the gravitars is huge. I want to be the biggest star on the planet and put out these incredible songs But they're about Batman and like cake or whatever Wats it. But you just take treat it really seriously. That's the kind of musical comedy I like to make. Yeah Yeah And I suppose the Friday Night Lve thing sort of broke you to the general populace. Yeah. It's fun. Yeah it's really cool. It was It was hot in there. It was really nice. like that's how my show ends. I've I was going to say, ye, that's long Edinburgh feels. I did the Edinurgh fringe and that's how the show ends every night. And it went really well. and I thought, I'll do that in front of the nation. That would be nice It's confusing for people. Really, really confusing. because I suppose basically what most of the nation did was go there was a reason we didn't come to see you in Edinburgh. We don't like this at all. why are you in our living rooms now on that square Yes. Well, but you know, it's sort of odd it's I mean, the whole reaction to this whole subject is sort of bizarre. I from each from every angle, I think, but but it's, you know, it's you obviously get naked at at the end of your show and at the end of this set. You disliked you don't have to do it now. If you want it, it's fine We're very relaxed here Bys areleefully wait in the front row. That's why they that's why they've come for But yeah I you wanted to set yourself on fire on the channel for thing but you weren't allowed to, I wasn't allowed to? Beuse what I wanted to do was do a Cat Niss Everdeen off of Hunger games and I was going to make, I'm going to do it against so I've spoiled it for you, lot. Don't tell anyone I was going to make a magician suit out of magician cotton paper and not be wearing anything underneath and set that on fire. so it was going be, but instead of a dress it was just going be nude. And I thought it wouldd be really funny, and it would have been amazing. But like a week before the show, we hadn't really talked about it, and then channel four sent me this really polite email saying, Jeordan, we really respect you and we like you, you're doing great job You're not allowed to yourself on fire on live television I seent them a drawer. send them a drawer of what it's gonna look like And it is just what you're imagining. It's a little stick person on fire. I' like would be really V be really good But I had to draw a picture of my face because what I would have needed to have done was shave my own eyebrows and draw my eyebrows on fake ones And my own hair would have had to be under a flame retardant like swim hat with fake hair on top. You'd be surprised how much of this is actually my hair. someome of it's not. but'd ever fireproof. The only thing that would be in jeopardy truly would be my eyebrows No sorry, eyelashes. Oh yes. Can't fake that You can't cut them off and put new on. And also, you know, you might have burnt to death as the diagram showed, it would have been really funy. But that you didn't need to do that. I mean, a lot of people have appeared naked on stage and on TV, including myself. I've done both. did and I was never accused of indeccent exposure, though it's much more indeccent when I was exposed M Stew had a flash frame thing which I'd completely forgotten about and then I found it again We sort of had this idea in Fist of Fun that we would flash up freeze frames of us naked as dressed as gods because our aim was to become gods of a New world Order. But we actually just went into a garden somewhere. I remember it now and just had a phat. don, I can't believe Stewart agreed to do this mainly and had foes of our pudgy bodies staken with our cocks out And that we didn't anticipate DVD, I think or someone screenshotting going to put it on the internet. So there's that. And then I did a play called Excavating Rita in which my character went crazy and sort of took his clothes off and ran aroundound the set, but you know, but nudity on stage is a different thing. Yeah than when jumping out of a bush of people whver decent exposure is they So many people said stuff like o like God, if I did that in a Ptonga, I'd get arrested. see. Siously. It's like you can do that or anything. No. Oh all those men shoot each other on the front line. Oh, if I'd do that in a whimpie Yeah. Tar's not the right time or place. Yeah I mean context is very important, which seems to have gone out of the window, but obviously theres there's more to it than that. So even the song, you know, that Some people are saying the song was misogynous because you're saying you're better than I'm so glad you brought up. Thanks for coming that out because it's so important. It was really sweet. Ben Elton said something to me just beforehand. He was like, heard the song and it was like, Do you maybe want to change he suggested I maybe change one of the words. I think that it was like the word dear it's like that's going to imply to women very specifically that you're saying that you're better than them. And he was like, I'm going jamble with your art, but I didn't change it because it was one of the rhyme words and I couldn't thinkig. But thank you for asking because it's really important. That song is really clearly in my mind.t I'm really surprised it's been confused I don't I never in that song was once say I'm better than women. No sayay I'm better than everyone. The whole point of the song is how much better I am than every single person in the universe, man, woman and child. Yog good. I'm better than everyone. But when you I suppose when you hear when you're in the wrong mood, you hear the wrong thing but all the way through that song iss just Well it's a comedy song and it's clear, you know, it's about insecurity as much as.. So if you believe me, I'd be a terrible person. I've written a song about how much better I am because I'm the same as everyone. I think I'm walking around going on not as good as everyone else, but I'm a comedian. so the song is the opposite of that. Yeah. Thank you for saying that. That's okay. know peopleeople have an agenda, obviously, and You know, it's and it must be exhausting for you. and I know you had a terrible time like or at least an exhausting time ofort death threats and Twitter storm It's unusual. It's an unusual thing to go through, but also because my career is going really well. You just sort of like during it was really funny actually, like there's loads of death threats between Friday and Night Live and I did the London Padium, which is very, very exciting I'm a working class comedian and what am I doing in the London played him. And they kept putting on more and more and more security guards over the course of the week. And then I just went out at the end. and obviously the whole thing went without incident because the world is full of lovely people. So it was just loads of lovely people there. And then I had to walk through like twenty security guards to get some flowers from someone Really, really odd But they would try to look after me. What I've noticed is that' people sort of spring to other people's aid quite especially if they feel like there's inherently some injustice. So my life now is I am When I'm nude on stage or like right now, I'm a six foot toddler who's having a really good time and everyone's looking after me really, really well. It's really nice ' they thought I got my feelings hurt and now they don't want them to get hurt anymore. It's lovely. But you know, it's one of the powerful things about comedy and onene of the great things about comedy is it gives a voice to someone where everyone You know, comes to see you and they have to listen to a way they don't have they can leave, but they have to listen to you for for an hour and you can tell your story. and you know what you know the whole transgender debate if it is a debate you know it comes from both you know I think most people who get het up about it are not even anything to do with it And so, you know, to hear somebody's Just to hear someone's point of view and and how they've lived their life is such an important thing And that's one of the great things about comedy. and that's part of why this is such an important show Thank you. That's really nice the way you said that because also I think one of the reasons why my career is going so well is because it's not an hour of me talking about being transgendnder. It's all slipped in. I talk about Batman way more than I talk about being transgender andight boobs and dogs and stuff, but it's just being transgender circumstantial. Basically when you arere transgender, this is a great thing about being a transgender comedian. You can tell like two hundred year old jokes, but there's a little twist It would be like In any traditional situation, the old thing of our If your husband leaves the toilet seat up, how bloody inconsiderate when you're transgender iss like leaves the toilet seat up. Oh, what a lovely thing to do. It's just you can do like hundred year old jokes, but they've all got a fresh silly take. So you get to feel like a real comedian as well I't know if I might be rambling, but I feel like I'm a part of a lineage of comedians. I'm a comedian first, then I'm transgender after that Yeah, what, I think you you make that I think that's important, but it is just it's about, you know, I think through over the Last twenty or thirty years, you know various communities have come up with different viewpoints of different lifestyles. And and, you know, and I think it is often the first place where it can be, you know, it could just it's not, you know, like you said, it doesn't have to even be discussed. It's just it just has to to be being there And you know, and as you say, it's not you know, your stuff is funny and your stuff is comedic and it's and it's about a lot more than that So it's just showing the humanity, I suppose, behind what has become deliberately this sort of political football that's, you know, trying to distract us away from I mean, no it's it's for the vast majority of people, it's it's it's not even something that's gonna even remotely a He's not even a blip. like we like to think there's a massive swathhe of people in the middle that are like, oh, it's fine. M likely is a massive sway of people in the middle going, I don't care. I really don't care, whichich is why I don't talk about it too much. But yeah, we're supposed to talk about what you know, right about what you know.. I am this Yes, I am like half. Like do you know those picture books when you werere a kid when you had to like match the top of a fireman with the top with the bot of a fireman? That's just me It's just my life. But you know, I think it's interesting. I mean L life of Brian's interesting because people bring that up sometometimes there's a bit in life of Brian that some you know, woke people are very upset about and other people think is you know, it makes a big point about you youtte the guy wants to change to theoretta and have babies and he can't because he hasn't got a womb. But then also in life of Brian Graham Chapman is completely naked as well. no one's going he he's trying It sounds like my sort of film. I think you'd like can't remember that, but it's you know,'s's still not one of favorite films, It's fantastic film but it's sort of like people just choose one element of it and don't spot the The other the other side of it or, you know? that's it It really is a target It's not targeted in a malicious sense. I think it's just a natural thing. It's like like in inception when you're in someone else's brain and the whole brain knows that you're there. you know, that bit Yeah more life of Brian fans than has, I suppose. Is a bit Yeah, yeah, where they're all I suppose it's like being in a white blood cell in a big giants veins. So's not it's not a targeted thing, but everyone just instinctively feels Like if we're living in a time now where we feel a lot our freedom is being taken away, it sort everyone's a bit less money, a little bit less freedom, or at least the illusion of less freedom It's really hard to admit your freedom has been taken away and it was maybe your fault for not fighting for them. So instead of having to admit that to yourself, you go, o, but there's another thing that's takaking the freedom away. right that then that's the problem over there. I think that transgender people sort of represent freedom in a weird sort of way because we'd changed a little bit You're not supposed to do that because where's my freedom? You got that freedom, Where's my freedom gone? So it's easier to sort of maybe try and squash us than admit that you posossibly let your freedoms go get taken away Yeah a bit Yeah I think so. And you know, and just it's this distraction thing of refugees or whatever that you know, if we make everyone think about boats or cocks,' that it'll distract people from everything else that's going on. But you know, it does it's sort of this it's so crazy, you know, I I know you've had I think I've talked to this talked to you about this before, but like one of that that there's a couple of times on Twter I've got in the middle of a Tit storm and it's it's the time when I've said what I think is the most nice and moral thing I've ever said. And ussually my Twitter stream is full of stuff that you'd think would make people angry The time that I said let's try and not use disabless language. I had three days of being called a spastic. by Ricky J Brace fans there may be a compent. there might be a little parallel with this story as well. And And the time I said, why you know it's sort of polite to call people whatever they want to be called Again, that's led to a lot of problems and me within about two hours of me tweeting that Someone said, you want to go into women's changeing rooms and spy on teenage girls. Which I do, but that's not the point. That's not why I said it It's nice you take ownership of thing. But it's know it's weird how much it comes down toilets. I send you backstage When I was in Pizza Express this weekend. I accidentally went into the women's toilet. I went to the toilet and the women's toilet And I came out, I opened the cube. There wass no Giners. I thought just s that's a bit weird, but they know I got I opened the it came out of me a cubicle just as like a probably ten year old girl was coming out of the other cubicle and I went Oh go. And she just laughed. I mean she wasn't scared. She laughed and then try she just went out and then she walked back to the table she was sitting at which she thought she was safe and I it was actually the table right behind her so I walk us. just go to a you never believe what happened They just told me went And I have to tell you was a man going into women this bathroom is the most humiliating thing. So the idea that anyone would be wanting to do that for anything other than to do a wee. It's quite There's very few sort of really fun bits about being transgender, but one of them is sincerely just asking where the toilet is asking being in a pizza express, for example, if I was toal up to waiting, I like I was exing which way to the toilet, they go yes. All right Two options for you And be that And theyre always really sweet. You can see the mental cogn tone. they'd be like, Well the ladies is there Should you wish to visit a L for any reason? It's just around if you want to tell a friend or something, it's around the corner. Really, really sweet. There's never been like no one that would like to enter a toilet any toilet for any reason fo with malicious intentions is going to be stopped by a little sign, a little cartoon Imagine like being like a murderer, let's say a murderer and going, donon't be a murderer. they're bad. Don't ever do a murder. They're really bad. But like a murderer, G up to a toileight and we' murdder some people. A, that's the women's A not allowed in there I'll go through the gmaral ten year pale of doing all this and all the bloody transition to get Oh, she's moved away now. What a waste of time No it is absurd, but I like that it's absurd. I mean and when it stops being absurd is when it gets dangerous. When it becomes normal rhetoric to talk about this stuff. It's been weird. last few days have been a bit weird I keep my names keeps popping up on weird programs that are angry programs What's that LBC LBC OC Is there like I might be saying like the completely wrong letter? Letters are hard. There's so many letters. What's that British newews program That GB News was on that pro then,? I wasn't on it. No My name was mentioned I've things are going really well for me because what's really nice people saying is I'm staying away from all the rhetoric and that's not by a design. It's just I don't I really I'm not put pic particularly politically savvy person. I don't really know what's going on anyway. If I keep popping up, peopleople keep being angry about me But they will they will be. I mean, it's that's a, you know, it's a it's a shame. I mean, more than a shame that it's horrible for you and it's a horrible for us that that's the world we live in. But I think it, you know, it But I think it's It feels like this kind of thing happens it's one of two things. It's either the last death rse of something kind of ending or it's a really horrible The disgrace will happen me. So yeah, but I think, you know, I think You know, most people, I think most people just feel they don't know. they're worried they'll say the wrong thing, they're worried they'll do the wrong thing. So I think most people it's just more out of o, you know, I don't want to dont I don't want to offend anybody. So I think that's most people who are confused by it. But then sorry, no please don't me you know, but I I think that GP news thing is I think that GP news thing is well, you know, but you know I'm always worried I'll say the wrong thing to everyone and I always end up saying the wrong thing toone. But you know, it doesn't matter, does it? If we make a mistake, that's not that's not the important thing And that's because it's this strange self imposed thing. I understand it's really sweet and humpling that somebody would want to not upset you you end up with this cognitive dissonance in your brain, like when you When you're expecting there to be something awkward and then something awkward doesn't happen You're left with it in your brain. And then it's like, right. So cognitive dissonance is amazing thing. The idea of being able to hold two opposing viewpoints at the same time. The brain don't like that at all. So when you walk past the homeless person, a bit of your brain goes, I've got money. I shall give it to them because they need some money. And then another bit of your brain iss going, I want my money. It's my money. I like money, right? And walkast The homeless person, and we all do that same thing with the lip goes in. Right? And when you walk past That exchange is finished, but then a bit of your brain is still pinballing between those two things, and that's cognitive dissonance. and it builds up and builds up and builds up. So city self imposed situations like that where we haven't yet made ourselves comfortable with who we are is why we lash out. And so Yeah, having not decided how you feel about transgender people before you meet one That's sort of on you a little bit. You've got I can do half the work, but you've got to meet me halfway as well because we are just a normal person with maybe extra bits or fewer bits than you're expecting. That's all we are really Well you know, I've only got two thirds of male genitals. so So know, I can I can swing either way now. I can I can I I'm take the rest of it off can't run like could I could get more put in. you can get if you've lost the ball you know, I could ask for five or six people to be put in I be even I even more of a man than I am right now. I've heard's one in the Albert Hall going somew there. really well I'm just knocking about with hit those bolts in your b Well, it's a dream. it's a dream of L health. H no dream If anyone finds, if anyone finds it, I'll do it. That's a guarantee. Let me ask them but let's get We'll ask you some emergency questions. I'm going to ask you some AI gener generated emergency questions. I don't I'm hoping to replace myself with a robot that looks exactly like me. All I'll do is I'll bring in the robot every day, set it up.ll just come up with questions, ask questions then I'll take the robot out after it's finished and then I'll bump it. That's that's that's Sorry, it's still for me. It's my own ass all right? you're allowed to bumb yourself. it's not cheating because it's a sex robot Is it cheap? Is it cheating on your partner to have sex with a sex robot? And it doesn't have to be of yourself. No's swe because what you've asked is a hypothetical question that you would like there to be a very specific answer to. So I sort of have to agree with you. Um Right this is was a bum of Richard haaring sex overver. did that. Everyone will soon as they're out There's going to be all different types, all different number of balls. Les there's going to be God. Imagine finding out, o they're finally they're finally made sex robots. That's amazing. Yeahah. It's rich Eic. They're all richher Eic ust because just because we fancy that 's sort of that's sort of what would happen in the Tilight zone,n't it? Oh. Oh okay Mouths aboutou. this is is very this is a very similar question. If a genie this is from an AI created this. If a genie granted you three wishes, but one of the conditions was that you had to make one of your enemies happy Who would you choose and why? So one of your wishes, I presume has to be made benefit of someone who you consider an enemy. That's great. It's great because it's a roundabout way of making my own problems better. I just wish that JK Rowling was really happy because then my life would be fine. E would be fine. then she wouldn't be so distracted by it. or Also, I never met. I was probably fine. She's probably al. She's probably fine. She's probably fine. And then more two more wishes. I'm have ten wishes for yourself.' coming up Jordan, I'd wish for Richard having sex like Everyone's getting one. Yeah for everyone, I think. And I'd wish that Channel four had let me set myself on fire All right, let said that's good U I'm good. What this is AI what would be a good emergency use for a giant towbarone i giant bu the like the ones, the big ones they make, or are they talk about the giants. I mean, the big ones get at airports I think which Yeah sort of like a winch What's it calledld when you put I know it's a podcast but like there's a visual medium. Where you like w want to lift something? you put it underneath and you've moveved that. Yeah. A lever. A lever. leverr? I don't know.d Yeah that's a good use for it. Okay, this This paid dividends last week, this one. What is the most ludrous thing you've ever done in the name of love U. The sittiest thing I've ever done for love Oh I broke up with my fourteen year old girlfriend when I was I was fourteen. Yeah Thank that. That's good. It was great moment, I was like. And then I thought it's really important that she knows how heartbroken I am. I was in a band. I was in a grind Core band . That's what we were called. And then and then she comes to the gig and then I'd written on my chest in red lipstick, Broken heart. likeike Like someone's going to see that go Pro probably got a broken heart I wonder who did that? I'll be like, Oh she like. But that same night, I I should tell this story is we've got the time for yourself a short storory That same night she come it was so embarrassing. I was a little goth When I was a kid, and I behind the drum kit, we used to hang up black bin bags behind the drum kit of my band. So it looked really, really cool And then we'd run out of b bag. so I hung up my goth black bedsheets behind the drumk kit, which looked amazing. And then at ten o'clock at night they swched on switched on of lights and the UV lights came on. And I'm standing there with my broken heart there and this Glo massacre behind me A. I think she left U it's a good question that AI's come up There's two for two as two for two Right I'll do more. let me say it now'm I'm not going to do the cat and the washing machine one. That's not nice. Um Um Let me just check There's a couple of quite I went for sort of more convoluted ones This is nice. Yeah. H's a c I don't know what this is. I don't know what this is. this is the first time I've asked this. What would happen if a potato had consciousness and became self aware? Would it try to escape from the frying pan or embrace its delicious fate And if it did escape, would it go on to lead a fulfilling life or just rot away in obscurity And then then the AI comments on how brilliant it is itself These are the kind of hard hitting philosophical questions that we need to be asking ourselves in the modern age why That's why we have to be scared of the robots taking over the world That's the arrogance at the end of there head. It's not just I've come up with a great question You could see that the development of AI in that question because its job was ask a question And then it got a bit too excited. started telling a whole story about a potato. Do you think to think it would I think that's what would happen ifty more chs do. This is the robot, I'm curious All right, a potato, if it come alive me Oh, it's u itd probably be able to see all around itself ''s got loads of eyes. That's true And it would take one look at the world and it would throw itself back in the frying pan. Wow. That's good. And and itbracace its delicious fake. It's not it's I mean, it's a delicious fate for whoever's eating it. It's not a delicious fate for the potato, is it? AI is not Oh, good, I taste delicious and I'm being eaten. That's not a delicious fake. That's a horrific What you want to taste delicious to, let's say, for example, a cannon In fact, that's the onlycifs the only. Would you want They last when you know you're going to beat in, would you want tastese good to them or would you want to go down like would you want to get stuck? Yeah, I think I'd try and take revenge. I'd try and take them with me. and then as they were dying, I'd try and eat them to show them what it's like. Youound You sound like an AI computer right now Hopefully that won't happen. Yeah wt be my five year old's un asked about cannibals, the other day and said, A cannibals real? it's a really difficult question to answer because you go, Well I mean yeah, but not really. And so I sort of said like I think I started talking about plane crashes and stuff. but now you could eat them and I thought that's not appropriate. So if you get yourself into trouble, if you try we have to remember kids are fucking stupid. Just saying no, they're not real But then they'll find if you go to a kid know cannibals aren't real, then they find that cannibals are real, then they go Oh, so there are monsters or ghosts all over the house. So you know youve gott to try and tell the truth. Let's ask you some questions about your upcoming work. Look, you've been working on quite a lot of scriptive stuff. And you've got a sitcom in the process with Simon Peg and R us, is that still happening? Yeah. It's their production company, picked up a sitcom I made for Comedy Central, which is called Transaction where I work in a supermarket and it's just me with a slightly different haircut. sure it is. I'm not really a trained actress at all, but I think it's quite good. so that's being made by them Lots of all sorts of lots of things. Are they going to be is a Nick on Simon and or Simon going to be in that? Nick's going to be in a lot. Yeah. Simon's probably what he'll do is he'll do like a, you know, sometimes cameos from the other side of the world on like a screen because he's like literally filming mission impossible twenty whatever is Yeah. So he'll just pop into a screen for a bit, say hello and then that'll count as his cameo. But yeah, he'll be in a bit Lots of things, developing lots of scripted stuff and we' going be on TV loads now. We've taped loads of stuff at the end of last year. All my favourite shows, including this one.. Luck this is a bucket list thing for me. think I've ticked off most of my bucket list now which is quite sad, one first one I'm going do. But it' screen open it does show Is that an applause on something opening some crisps. I do't want to be like, thanks, you know, I was open some It might have been a sentient. I said it was a sentient packet of crisps, embracing their. Come alive. come alive the potatoes. So so you know, so which things have you done I mean, obviously Friday night live is a massive thing to done just you know's because that was obviously just back for one time. was Is there any chance of that coming back as it was a Well was anniversary show I was Oh yeah. I guess it's an audio medium, but what you just heard me do was rub my micphone on my nose. It's a secret But there's, you know, there's always talk about that sort of thing It certainly did very well it's the shape it would come back in is the question. Is it going to be a running thing or maybe a annual thing, rather than every like Friday night, like live every Friday night. Yeah. Beuse it was huge, wasn't it? I think I saw in the background there was like an airplane and like windmills anduff. I mean, it's a big show to do every Friday night with big stars and stuff. And I can't get nude every Friday night. I think the novelty would wear off after the first few Fridays. There's more to ving no clothes on. I mean, also there's all the different ways you can take your You can burn your clothes up, You can get in a bath of acid and make them come off that way. Like an ice clobe which just helpt me slowly slowly I think you could do more than that. I think you could do every show you It would annoy it would annoy people. other thing what else could you talk about that was on your bucket list that you've got to Lots of those sort of panel shows that every like that you watch when you're a student in the middle of the day and something that you watch during the night, I'm trying to make this sound exciting without revealing what they actually are Clever ones. Yeah, so not so clever ones was perfect for me. And likes. and they're going to send me around the world this year to do sort of a travel log type thing, which is really cool. You're gonna to see loads of me, and I am sorry in advance for how much you're going to see me in this face of this haircut But yeah, ls. It's a sort of it's a risky thing as a performer when this happens, right? It doesn't happen to many people, but when when you burst onto the scene Is it difficult to make sure you you know, you't want to get overexposed literally. you don't want to you don't want to be ore expposing too much stuff and you don't want to kind of M people say I thought this about Jimmy Carr, so I was pretty wrong about that. I thought o Jimmy's doing too much this Christmas. This will be the end of his career. But that he did all right. But he would have done better if he hadn't done somethingough, he wouldn't. Is that a concern? or you do you think let's just go with everything and it'll go everything I want to do? I'm being looked after by some incredible people and they've staggered it Qite cleverly. I got like there was an offer. I don't know if you're all to talk about offers you got and then you turn down. Is that right to say? Yeah, I mean I don't know, let's see So there's some things where it just wasn't the right thing at that time. It would have been ovexposing, but I was supposed to go to Switzerland and build a massive snowman at Christmas with some celebrities, which is really sweet. And then my agents was like, I know that sounds really fun, Jordan, but you've got a lot of work to do here in the UK. So I wasn't allowed to build a snowman with celebrities. But it's like there's been lots of things like that where it Was that for a TV show or was that just just like, comeome on over, we're building a snowman Yeah, I think they do it every year, doesn't they? celebrities build massive, massive snowmans Snowmen. Yeah, so yeah, but that was a TV thing. There's lots of unscripted andscripted stuff. And my own podcast, which you joined me on Thank you so much for joining me on my podcast. Transplaining the podcast, which would deserve more than you just gave it. But thank you for coming on that. We went for My guest was late and we went for lunch. It was very nice.re we had a break an Indian breakfast, which I discussed, I think last week discuss. you discuss Mark Gatestead have you ever been to Dreum to have breakfast? and I went No, we went Oh no, I have I we. Yeah it was amazing I had an egg in an arm. Yeah it was very it was if you want an interesting breakfast, go to D shoom You wouldn't think to go for an Indian breakfast Not for breakfast. But also it' the first time I met you and I was all nervous because you're cool and famous and funny. And then And I was just like just it was really cool to just ask if you wanted to go to dinner and you sort of you'd have had to really politely say no and then sit there for an hour in silence or come with me for food. Yeah. So I felt like it was time to ingratiate myself with you and you were very polite and very sweet to me. No wasn't It was love to beet you and it was a really good fun podcast as well. Do list to that podcast if you get the chance. It is fantastic You're off to Australia imminently, so you' Sunday. Yeah. Yeah. So you're in Melbourne and Melbourne and Canberra, I going to take that show out there And I've got a show in my a joke in my show about Yorkeie. I went into Jeff Goblin. and for I've got a show with my Yorkeie bars. There's I've got a joke in my show about Yorkeie bars And I don't know if they've got an Australian equivalent to Yorkie Bars because they know what they are. And that's the thing that's been on my mind more than anything else. I actually when I when we went to at the Adelaide Festival, I tri to write a sitcom about it and the sitcom was called, Do you have Mars Bars here? Because it wasly that exactly that thing. When you go to another country, you basically have to go and ask Someone you trust. It was going to deliberately fuck you up because there are some people who would deliberately fuck you up. you sort of said you had the new Richard Harry. it's sort of interesting but it's interesting that that's what's on a comediian's mind, would you go? Not I mean a lot of Americans come over here and it doesn't seem to occur to them that we might not really know what twwinkies are or you know but yeah, it's It's a very exciting do youve not performed you even as a musician in Noral no. No,'ve been to Australia I' got a family in Nun of Wadding. My great grafather went and started a second secret family in theecond World War. we've got an equivalent Australian over there, which is very nice. I'm looking forward to meeting the Australian Pversion by myself. upside down Yeah, it's going to be really nice. and I don't think my elderly relatives know the content of the show either. so it's going be fun. My go, that's a really sweet story. My grandfather came to visit at the Edinburgh frre, came to see my show. and as far as he was concerned, walking in, I was just his grandson, he doesn't know what transgenderism is And then I did the show and he was squinting the whole time bless his little cotton socks. And then at the end, I get nude and I was goodood night everyone. And then he got up off his chair and he come and hugged me and I'm nude. And then he put his walking stick in the air and he was like, She's amazing And it was like it killed me like in a nice way. and then that's it. It took an hour of jokes about Batman to convince him that I was his granddaught. It' really It was so, so sweet. So I'm hoping to recreate that with with all of my family members around the globe. They might very They might just attack you and p you. it is no offense to Australia, but it' It's a terrible backwards gun Oh shit is. I get my third highest listenership in Australia It's time it's time someone told the truth. No it's so the opposite. I mean, some of it is they're not very nice to the Aoriginal people there, but apart from You'll be fine A, dearary me I' remaining really quiet throughout this day because I am leaving for Australia on two. By the time this goes out, you'll be home again so you can join in I'm never going back. Fuck you Australia. Fuck a love you I'm so lik to go. It was I had such a bothoth times the last two times I toustad I had just broken up with two different girlfriends eode was was one year after the other and we're in two serious relationships and they'd both broken up. So I was quite sad at the beginning And then the women of Australia made me happy again Quite a lot, quite a lot of them the second time Thank you to the wonderful women of Austria. Not the rest of you was' wrong Keep goinging, keepe goinging Whatit wrong with me? I'm ill. I'm just ill. I reckon they can take it I reckon they reck It was. I've got like a really HD guilt going on. It so close up. You know, I could get canceed in Australia, which is, you know, it's the same as what I am now,n't it? I'm not I'm not going back there. I've got a family ' the terrible thing. A question I'd like to bring back that I haven't asked very much recently, but we've started doing these emergency question God 's the word collaborations or what I say not that What's the word for when you do a loader Compilations, that's the word, thank you broach. that was intelligent over there and just dictionary over there. That's good We started these a b of compilations where we just give everyone's answer to one question. And with the second one is about The Human centipede. Are you aware of the film The Human centipede? Yeah, ye yeah. I think it's a good question. I think we should ask I think I should ask it more. I've not seen it, but no, I haven't seen it.ike most people, we sort of all know what happens. I've never seen it. Andy Mc has seen both the first two but not on of the others. That's what I learned from the compilation. I forotten If you are going to be put in a human centippeede You're in the middle But the mad scientist lets you choose who's at either end. rong with you.? Who would you like? Who would you like your mouth So to the Amus of and who would you like to have? Four people in the front rom Who would't be in front and who would be What again is is one of the beautiful things about being transgender is you get to surprise people. So like I'd like them to say, Oh yeah, there's going to be a woman in the there in the middle You're gonna enjoy that. and then just see their expectations. just the happiness drained from their eyes. Whever's behind me. I'm not sure they'd be that happy. No, it's relative, it's relative It's hard That's a very weird thing for Bs. there you go. B the. Be Be what's great about that mathematically and it is identical isn't it? Yeah. So I've not given any any special treatment. But which boss one do you want at the front and which one do you want in the back J want I mean, Boss are a very interesting pair of twins because one of them's had work done and the other hasn't had work done. I want the work done in front of me? Working in front. Matt working. Matt's had some work done. Luke looks like Matt would look if he hadn't had the work done I hope to get for uss on the show one day That might that might wrecked it We re relact what we've just. Did you did you see the documentary about Broth? Wasn't that incredible that Broth documentary amazing. That was amazing you couldn't be that. You couldn't be that if you had them on, I couldn't get them talking about ending better than they talked on that. It's one of the greatest pieces of drama I've ever seen in my life. We live in a world where, yeah, obviously the boundaries of satire are so blurred because people like a shit posting, I believe it's called. it's a noble profession, like people that they satire things and satireize is probably the word And they're so good at it that even I'll go on and go, My friends have become very right wing and unusual. And it's because they're just satirizing. And then Boss documentary comes on and I couldn't tell for the first fifty minutes if it was a joke or not. It was incredible. it was like David Brent, wasn't it? it was amazing So they seem like nice guysy. I love them. I love him Failland's middle school For one year, then they move back to London, but it still counts. the ched are massive they'reid amongst that. Good, that's good to know. If you could go into a chrysalis like a caterpillar, dissolve and come out as anything, I mean you sort of have. What would what would you What would you come out as? Yeah, myself That's nice. You're right. You've hit it right on the head come out as me with on Slightly nicer teeth. Iicer teeth. Thanks I' missing I gotego teeth. That one just comes right. Oh I get this. It's like a little I love it. I made it myself. It've got these little thermo beads off the interternet. so I'd go in the Christ list. Yeah, I'd come out and all my teeth would be real. Okay What happened to the tooth that you've just taken outally the other guy? fell out because I'm a child, I ateat too many sweets. I hate a lot of sweets. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I teach it Well, that one isn't that one's Y I'll make you one if you want. Okay That would be an honour for me to make your te.