Jump Scaring Kids and Parenting

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My guest today is a stand upp who's gone from performing in pubs to starring in big budget movies. This is the very funny Sindu V and these are five Brilliant thingsings Hello, Sindhu, What an absolute joy to meet you. It is an absolute joy. Like I told you, I thought I think I know you. I think we've met, but I've only really just seen you on TV. Yeah but that's absolly fine. Well same. I've only ever seen you on the telly. And now we're here together in a room in a lovely air conditioned room I know in a quite a muggy, sweaty London. Yeah. And with this room just two doors down. Yes, there's a lovely waft. Yeah. ye. Because you have to have hot drinks in hot weather. Yeah, it's really interesting just seeing like there's lots of people outside having kind of like not I think you can get like a bacon nan kind of curry st Yeah work, say. I've never even eaten bacon, but I think it sounds great. Yes, yes what is your first brilliant thing? My first brilliant thing is the ability to cry like properly like someone I love has just died cry on demand Yeah Why is that brilliant? Well, it was brilliant for my childhood because I got every other I got my sibling and my cousins in trouble like this. and I was very I was the youngest. I was a runt, literally, I was tiny. My mother used to say things to me like, oh if you don't become bit more healthy, we'll give you a pen and put you on the road like to beg. It's literally how I used to look. And And of course my mom never minced her words. She was like, that's what you look like. And so I often was bullied, you know by everybody, starting at home with my sister And the ability to cry like something truly devastating has happened and all she would do is like take my pencil It was power it was a power move, but like with snot and everything. Right. And in fact, she used to call me taps becausecause I had daps behind my eyes. Wow. It was such a great thing. And then for many years I didn't need it because you don't need that in the real world. Yes And then I got married. Oh In those early years You just even begin it, your spouse is like, I am sorry, Ohh my God. they don't realize that it's affected you that much. It hasn't. But it's like, why didn't we go to that restaurant? Yes. And then they think it's something deep, mayaybe it's childhood trauma, but it just very quickly clears the ground, you know So it's kind of like a superpower. It is? And the other person always feels bad. Are you slightly worried now that you've let your seakrown that your husband will look back at your marriage with fury? Well, and what's he going to do? Whaty' he going to leave? What's he gonna do? So so not only do you have the power of tears, but you also have the power of confidence. That look, man, it's been twenty seven years. What's he gonna do He'sactly going walk, walk No, but also what happens J justust as he walks. But also, it's like now you know, like now after twenty seven years, you know how flawed your partner is You know, you think he doesn't know I've been manipulating him? Sure, sure. So then now you think he has manipulative powers? hundred percent. All right, what it is? Oh my back. Silence. Silence. Oh silence. Okay. I don't like it. No. It's a real power, isn't it? It's such a power. It's a power of withdrawing. Yes. Which drives me out of my mind. And are you a gabbler? You strike me as someone that's very chatty Yeah ye Yeah. so I mean I've already been babbling so much Ive hardly met you. But this but when you're because I'm the same, but when you're with people who are like comfortable, it's very interesting that even in your head you find yourself going, stop talking, Russ. You just you know what So many times They just have that kind of energy to be like, I'm fine, just being quiet Yeah, and I'm so envious of them. Yeah. No, I mean, so many different therapists have told me that they're like just be in the silence and And I'm like, what does the silence mean to you? They're like, stop talking. And I once had a very Freudian type of therapist And I had to leave her because she kept saying, well, but What are you saying to me? And I'm like, I don't understand, Annie. I come here and pay you to tell you what I think of you. Bro, this doesn't work. But anyway, she had a big problem with me not being silent. In that situation, the desire, you must feel to go, Annie, are you okay? It must be so diff to sing it. Yeah, yeah, exactly So have you had a lot of therapy Oh yeah. why? My mother was a therapist. I was in non consensual therapy from fourteenC. But clearly, but all we know of your m thus far is that she threatened you all the time with begging. N unless you go healthy. How she was a therapist? So she became a therapist later in my life because she was like Well I think a lot of therapists are like, what is wrong? And then they go and then they find out that I think a lot of therapists are the ones who are like, o there's something very wrong with me. let me help others. I've just stopped with there's things wrong with me. I'm sorry, cannot be bothered with others? Let me help myself And was part of the did doing stand upp come out of the therapy? Do you think it was sort of this nona? you I don't think so. Okay, you just because you had a job and a career beforehand on then. That's why I was saying, like were you happy in that or were you? I loved it. I loved it. So what was the catalyst? you know, I had a kid and On a trading floor, especially in London because of the time zone, especially in my job, which was flow bond sales. you got to work before Japan closed and you left lunchtime New York. I used to leave the house at quarter to six and get home at seven thirty and I had a baby and I thought I'd get nannies. I did get a nanny and it'd be like This heart shot MD with four kids and four nannies, I never thought I'd be that maternal. I wanted to be around the baby. Which my mother thought was so lame. She was like, you will be just housewife, dependent on husband, Ch. But I was like, yep, that's I'm going to do. So you know, it's not And I was lucky I could. I think a lot of women feel like that, but they can't because There's financial issues. But my spouse was still in finance and we were young. So we didn't have, you know, we had no debt and all that jazz. We hadn't. So I think that was it's not a very mystical reason. I just missed the baby so much So and then so you were And I stayed at home for thirteen years. had a couple more kids, because that's what you do. Yeah. So do your kids now, presumably they're older get to come and watch you do stand up? I If they wanted to, they have not come. One was forced because it was a babysitting issue. Yeah. And she was like, o, I can't believe I have to be here But no, they don't you see, it came so late to me. And it wasn't something I'd ever I'd never seen life stand upp when I'd started. It's nothing I ever talked about. It's not like I thought I would be any there was no I didn't know people who were in entertainment or performers and I had a The first boyfriend I had was boyfriend in India, which was such a secret to my mother if she'd found out she'd have killed both of us. He is now an actor. but at the time I like her. She does not play, let me tell you, man'am.. You know, so the kids had it wasn't in the universe. And so when I started I never talked about it. I didn't tell anyone in the beginning. My husband didn't know. I used to just say know he wouldd be traveveling and I'd say I'm going out and then going and gig. So I think by the time it became something, they It just they didn't really think about it. Now with Matilda and the movies and now they're like, o, but then also they're a bit annoyed. I remember when I first did QI many quite a while ago, my son came home from school and said, ah, the science teacher asked me about you on QI. And I was like, oh and it's like, why why do you have to do that? You know, so it wasn't something that they necessarily, I'm just their mom. Yeah C they cry on demand? good questions. No. One of them cries too much, but it's not on demand. So it's a bit like, well, this is not a superpower. you're falling apart all the time Fix it. I see. Yeah So do you ever actually cry? Oh yes, I cry a lot. Yeah, yeah, sure, but I don't know whether this is actual tears. No, it's actual tears. because also recently in the last few years I've had a lot of my mother, my sister and my father all passed away within a year of each other outut of nowhere And it was like, what? So that just made me feel like jelly. But also you know, the crying superpower, I don't use it so much. It's been a long time because you use it when you're feeling bullied or when you feel like you have no other tools. As you grow up, you learn other tools. You learn to have a conversation with your spouse as opposed to just trick them into, you know, earlier stuff. I haven't used that for a very long time. I did have to use it sometimes two of the acting things. Oh wow, that's pretty handy. That was so handy. They were like, oh my Godd. And as soon as I stopped, I was like, What's for lunch? I didn't care. You should try it with a heckler sometime. It would work. it's really just like full on sourbage. Yeah. I just have some g so I'll take you back. I come. Yeah, it would work,. How were you finding acting? Are you enjoying that I find acting very seductive very seductive. so my relationship with it is complicated in the sense that I never I'm never myself, which is so seductive because you really can drop everything and go do this thing. The thing about acting that I'm uncomfortable with is how outside your control it is to act Yes. You know, as a standup, you're like, okay, I'm going go and try this material if it works. And then if you keep on working at it, eventually you'll get somewhere, you'll have an hour, you'll take it out. Act and you just wait for the phone to ring. I don't like that. Yeah. But and I don't like sending tapes and tapes and tapes and you don't hear back because Oh But do I like acting? Yeah, I like it as much as I do it. I don't think I would ever fully turn into act, you know, have been that has been suggested and I've said nope. Yeah. because stand upp is my home. Yeah. Yeah, it's sos that's the thing for me. It's so fulfilling. You get because you get to act, you get to write, you get to direct, you get to produce, you know, you are kind of you know a one person band. Yes think That's what I did for so long and then when you go into acting and I have a lot of respect for writers but you're like this line just sounds ridiculous. It's not funny. And you don't have the kind of clout where you can be like, please, hello, what is this?? So that can be awkward. Also editing, you know, You can be in a thing and then it's gone But like I say, it's seductive. It's like going on a going to Galapagolis Islands or something. you don't know what's going to happen, but it's kind of interesting and there might be a giant turtle. It's like that. whereere a stand up is home. I know where everything is. Have you ever swamedn turtles? No, but I've seen them in rivers in India, but I never swam because our parents didn't let us swim, because they'd be like, if you swim, you drown, which is so weird and then he came to the west and everyone can swim. I'm like, how are these people alive My mother used to say if you get in the water, you will be dead. Good luck. So I never got in the water. Yeah my uncle was a bit like that. He had a real thing. He was like, donon't go in the water? Yeah. You out this is a leisure center. It's It's not late, No, you'll flip and die. Exactly. There's a lifeguard there, you maniac. No But we had to learn, I was briefly in an American school and we had to learn swimming And my mother was like, I can't believe I'm paying fees for them to potentially kill you. So the whole what I learned with having kids is they pick up the talk. I'm petrified. And now I'm married to Scandinavian. they're constantly jumping into freezing water. Yes. And so if I can't touch the ground a of Ocean. I'm not going anywhere Yeah Whereas I didn't want to do that to my kids. So they're all like water puppies. They'll go in any water, swim. I'm like great. You'll only go in near a lagoon If that, ye I'll be on a boat and look the water but don't And they like to go on boats in the middle of the ocean and say, oh, look, Sardinia, look at the water. It's blue, green. Let's jump in. I'm like, Are you insane? And then I cry when they're all in the water. I s them cry Not fake tears. True fear. Really? Yeah, I don't like it. that's just trickled down from your mom, I guess. Yeah, and from also from having siblings that hold you under the water. That's not f. Yeah, yeah. What is your next brilliant thing? Free Bibles. Free Bibles. Okay. So I just thought very funny because From tears to Saviours. Okay. What do you like about? It was because you said five things and that make you think of something great. It's It's the mid nineties. I'm in Canada doing one of my degrees, graduate degrees. My mother has decided to visit because she wants me to get married. She's back. She's come, She's said to me, I miss you. I want to spend time with you. She comes with a suitcase of with a briefcase of arranged marriage proposals, right R Because I'm twenty four and as far as she's concerned, like she said, you're on the turn She she said to me, You are not old made on shelf. You have fallen behind the cupboard. Yeah. It's like, I'm dead. I'm minutes from death and you know, anywways. So she doesn't tell me. And so we have a massive row because I say to her, I'm not They were all arranged. They're like sending me on a date But I was like, you know, on doing a PD. and you Why did you bring these proposals? Who are these boys? And she said, Well you have to meet them to see any massive row. But then we made up our row. And the way that my mother often You knew that she was done like she wanted to make up where she would cook. She's a great cook. So I used to teach an undergrad class because you had to earn money to be in school. So she would come with a little different box of like all my favorite food and she would come and she'd There was a massive lawn, this at McGill University, massive lawns around the campus. and she my mother had a nap every day of her life in the afternoon. I tell you what I mean everyday, every day. So I would come out for lunch but before that she would have a nap and then when I came she would put out this picnic. One day I came and this is the summer, so it's a different time on campus. One day I came out and she had a Bible with her. And I said, what's this? And now just for context, my mother used to she did drug and alcohol therapy in India in Delhi, and she used to send a lot of her patients, and she herself used to go to the alcoholic Annonymous meeting in what was called the Free Church of Delhi Just put that in your back pocket. So she said, Oh this this is a Bible. And I'm like, No, I know, it's a Bible. Where's it from? She said, I just, you know I said, What? She said, N, but it was here. I'm like it wasn't here. She said, it's free. I'm like, what is it? She said, Okaykay, but don't scold me. I said, No I won't. She said every day I sleep here and one lady, I hear her going to different people sitting and saying Do you know Jesus Christ, Lord loves you and they say, no thank you, no thank you. And she had a big box with her. And I would watch her every day. And then I realized she wants to give the Bible to people. And you know, in free church all the Bibles are torn. So I wanted one Bible Obviously this lady was trying to convert everyone, you know. And so then she said, and I was sleeping and when she came to me, she said, excuse me. and I said to her, do you know Jesus Christ Lord loves us all? And she began crying. And I said, yes, Do you believe in Jesus Christ? And she said yes. And I said, I also believe o How lovely and I had conversation with her and she gave me a free Bible. Loly. I'm like, M, now what? She said, No, we are going to meet every day and every day I will ask her nicely, canan I have Bible? She took twenty four free Bibles off this lady by telling her, Jesus Christ is our Savior. You have been saved this is a devout Hindu, my mother The idea that you would swindle free Bibles of a lady who's trying to convert you, which is just bizarre anyway.. It's kind of a double whammy.. And then My mother said to me one day, she said, What time are you going for Chala And I was like in our apartment. I said, why? She said, I think you should wash your hair. It's very dirty, you know? I used to have very long hair. So I was like, anyyway, she had told this lady, I'm living in an apartment with a girl with a girl who does not accept Christ. and I want her to accept Christ. but I want to give Bible to her family. so you bring so she bought a crate of Bibles. But my mother knew that I would not be like, who's this lady? So she asked me to have a shower for a long time. So when the lady rang the bell She said, and you cannot come here. She's very, very, you know, that kind of right wing Hindu.. She made me a Hindu fascist and took these Bibles. She went home to India with seventy Bibles. So what I love about that is she She arrived with wedding proposals and left with free Bibles. you can' believe it? The scanners at Delhi Airport must be Lave mom girl you won't guess. You never know what it's going to be. So and where did these Bibles end up? All at the free churchant astic one. And you know was Wewndla, I love her. But they were beautiful. Like they had like gold on the top. And she just was like, there're such torn up Bibles and this lady is trying to give them away. and everyone is saying no thank you, no thank you. And she knew where they would They Yeah, my mom had nothing to do with Bibles, but she had listened for a week and then laid this like this trap. And this lady fell in the trap. She kept coming and giving us Bibles. and I was some kind of Hindu fascist. So my mom was like, we really have to help her But The thing with my mom was she was utterly fearless er fearless. but also I was like, M, there's so many lies in this. And she used to say, you know path to God is not straight And then she got so much kudos. You think she told the people at the free church that she got these for free? What was this game she told them? I been like, I'm so generous. Even as a Hindu, I believe so much in your faith. And she did in a way because she wanted them to have nice Bles. It's a really sweet In many ways, she's like the religious equivalent of Robin Hood But Robin, who didn't take credit. My mom would have been like, look at me, or I went abroad and look what I did for you. And I would say to her, M, why do you have to take the credit? She said, Wh who should I give? The neighbor? the credit? Yeah It's my credit. I'm like, alright, fine. Yeah I like it. Complex. But fascinating as well Very, very cool. So presumably now every time you see a Bible, you're reminded alwaysways think of that. Yeah they're really it's so fascinating, isn't it that if you're lucky enough to have spent a long time with somebody and you have all those memories when something jolts you back to them. So for you seeing a Bible is like this beautiful suddenly you're on the lawn at McGill Yeah. you're having those tiffin meals. Yeah. you're kind of laughing and talking with your mum Yeah So you moved around a lot a lot? Well, a lot. Delhi, then then Philippines and back to India. But you know, it was very it was very from four to eleven I was in the Philippines. so I didn't speak Indi. I just spoke English and as Spanish, I think. So when I came back to India was completely like some kind of foreign kid with an American accent who didn't speak Ind. again, back to being bullied fully. And I went to a convent then, so that was very different than the American school Yes. How strong was the expectation for you to take up one of these arranged dates? A hundred on a hundred from my mother But it wasn't, you have to remember, arranged marriage came second to education. Right. So as long as I was studying and I was doing grad work and I was on fellowships and there were good universities, my parents would never. But she kept sliding the idea in like not to leave my studies, but she found boys in Canada found boys doing political science and thought, well And how did she find them? How does that process happen? Friends and then there's these matrimonial ads. and because my height is a huge issue in India. so there was just there was like a very narrow group of people that would agree. Why was your height an issue? I'm five ten. In India, that's like from the circus The national averageite for Indian womomen is five foot. Right. I'm very tall. and I was very dark and that's another thing Yeah, But it was fine. I didn't care All of us girls in our family or in families like ours, we our parents, they had this background thing. She's too short, she's too fat, she's too tall. She's not dark enough. her brother is a not a good enough boy, the family, you know that's always going on in the background. And are the boys judged as harshly? No they're judged Not. As my mother once said to my husband because I was complaining about my she was complaining to me. She was sitting at the table, My husband and my mother were my mother loved him and he loved that. He's an only child, so he knows how to take adoration from a parent. And my mother was saying, putut oil in your headir, you're becoming a bald. And my husband you know, he's Scandinavian so said, Ohh, Mrs. Weieber, I'm going to be bald. She said, doesn't matter. You are a boy. Full stop. Yeah yeah. yeah. So that's the thinking So what is this Where does that come from? justust that like it feels like you've slowly moved through lots of things and achieved have you always felt like you have to be a high achiever? Yeah. That was kind of a through a personal desire or kind of aetly stuff. Yeah yeah. If you do it if it starts early enough and I don't think I'm the only South Asian who will under who feels this way. it starts early enough, it becomes fused with who you are. Yeah, of course. So it's And a nice thing really, ultimately I mean, to me, this's like like I say to my kids, even though they're not Indian, it's like, what is your purpose? if you're not doing well What's the what is the point of view? Lots of people are born ' you know it's always, especially if you have resources, do something and do something and then be an asset in the world. What are you doing? And if you can't be enough to be an asset in the big world, be an asset to yourself.. Make yourself financially independent and do something with your brain, you know And the kids always like you sound like such a Like it's so black and white. It is black and white What is your next b thing? Fake hot dogs. Fake hot dogs. Okay. What work? My mother's gonna come out very bad from this story. What like as we talking like seven eleven hot dogs, those those? No, you cannot understand. So. We're in the Philippines. Right. We're a Hindu family. My parents are Brahmans. I mean, I'm a Brahman, so we don't eat any meat. notot allowed. Now we're in a western environment. Everyone's eating meat. My sister, who's much older than me, lies to my parents and eats meat at school. and I know that. But I, partly because I'm like the annoying little sibling, I decide I'm going to discuss it with my parents. So I come home and everyone's eating hot dogs. At that time in the Philippines, Marcos was president. There was the Philippines, and then there was the American bubble. They had all their military bases there. So I was at the American school, so it was very American. You had rocky road ice cream and you know this kind of thing. I come home one day, probably five, six, and say, I want to eat hot dogs. And my mother looks at me and says, shut up, I'll slap you. That's that conversation. My father's at the dining table and he says now now, he was much more like calm. He was like, now now. and he said to me, why is it? And I said, all the kids eat it I had never seen a hard dog, but I'd heard about them. becausecause we didn't get packed lunch, we got school lunch I don't remember what a hot dog is in my mind. I just sayna' a hot dog, hot dog, hot dog. And my father says, I'll make you a hot dog this weekend He then makes me what is essentially a club sandwich.. It's got lettuce, cheese, tomato. and my sister's like, u and she leaves. But she knows better than to contradict my father because he's obviously trying to get me to believe, I believe this is a hot dog. I eat it, it's yummy, it has ketchup. Every day, my dad comes home from work, He makes me a hot dog. Great. I never bring it up again. I never talk about it at school. in my head. Now this may show you how dumb I am. I thought I'm eating hot dogs O that's my mother went back to university. So Mrs. Deshpande, my mother's friend, used to pick us up from school, like on a one day a week. They ate meat. We got to their house one day and she said, Oh, kids, would you like hot dogs? And we all went, Yay. She puts this thing in front of me and I'm like, What's this? She's like, it's a hot dog. I'm like, No, it's Mrs. Deshpande, this is the eighties. She says to me, be quiet and eat your hot dog. I eat this thing, It's kind of different. So then I get home that evening and I tell them that Mrs. Deshpantes made a hot dog and it was very different. My father immediately looks concerned and my mother looks at me and says, D you eat it? I say yes She then gets up and slaps me so hard across the face. and says, how dare you? I have no idea what's going on. My sister starts laughing because she knew this was going to happen eventually. My father tells my mother and he never used to raise his voice, that's enough And she says, this is all your fault. You're raising a meat eater, as it is, she's so ugly. She's gonna have a hard time getting married and now she eats meat. and she leaves the dining table. S particularly your sister is laughing really hard at this point. Be she couldn't haveone better. I know. And I have no idea what's happened Yeah, I did not ask for or think about a hot dog for the next twenty years of my life.. My children because my husband's Danish, they eat pulser Yeah. And every time those kids get a hot dog, I'm like, ' you know, she got up and she just macked at me, which she used to do. But I literally spun and everyone had a different reaction. My sister was laughing, My dad got annoyed. She turned around and told my dad what she thought of him. and she left. I was like Yeah, ye, yeah. just and all you did was followed orders. Exactly. Because another adult who could have slapped you said eat it. So you did. Exactly. And you know, many years later, in my early twenties, I was in therapy and we did anger work and the hot dog story came up. And my mother was a therapist and I called her in India and I said, you know what? The hot dog story came up. She was like, what hot dog story? I'm like, let me tell you And then I told her and I said, and it was Mrs. Dishwande. And you know what my mother said, Yeah, you know, she was always trouble. herer husband left her I was like, she was not trouble. This is not on Mrs. Deshpande. She said, So what's the point of your story? I'm like that you slapped me. She said, I thought you ate meat I'm gonna keep it fair I kind of was stumped. I'm like y we Okay. She's like, I thought you ate meat. And I'm like, well, and literally I had nothing to say. Also, I don't think mrs. Deshpande's character and her failed marriage needed to be brought in. Yeah.. But mommy, you know But it's that amazing ability to traverse. I remember a getting a tap, let's say for mr., you know for misbehaving. So it's sort of often have you ever spoken about being hit and stand up? Yeah, all the time. Yeah. But it wasn't everyone was. It was not traumatic to me at all. But it's very interesting to audiences who aren't familiar with it now. Oh yes they're like Yeah, there's a whole thing I do, which I think I did at live at the Apollo, the different kinds of Different mothers from different parts of India will threaten to injure you in different ways. Yeah. But I mean, for us, it's like You know, I always tell this story when people don't understand. alsoso because when you're married to Scandinavians, for them, it's like beengal. It's abuse But it's not abuse.' I mean, yeah, it's not great. But if everyone is doing it It' part of the cultural makeup. You can't do it here. It just feels abusive. But you know, I mean, I always knew why, except maybe on the hot dog thing I didn't really understand. But you know, and I remember there was a girl who came to the convent and She was had her front tooth broken and we were all talking about I don't know why I think because one of the other girls had got a proper pasting at home for getting bad marks and maths and she was crying and we were like it'll be fine, it'll be fine and all this. And this girl said that she'd never been spanked or hit. and we all were like, Ohh are you an orphan? Like we didn't understand how this' possible. She said, No, her mother didn't believe in it. And we were like, So I went home and told my mother and she said, yes, I know her. She is divorced. And I was like, What I didn't know divorce was. I'd never heard of it before. So it was like So, you know, but I don't I would never do it My mother smacked me after I had three kids in HSBC and the guy got so scared he jumped back behind the window Why Wh whyy did she slap you in HSBC? The first of, didid you have the wrong saving account? No, she came, she came to London another they've passed away. She came to London in India at the time, you couldn't have foreign currency. It's not legal. Right. And if you do get to asking me about my next thing then you will know that this story all comes together. She came with a plastic bag of Cash dollar cash. Yeah I was like, what the hell is? She always brings something. Yeah, yeah. I said, What the hell is this? She said it's a US dollar. I'm like, whereere did you get it? She said, It doesn't matter. Can you put it in a bank account?? And I was like, can I put in a bank? a drugm. And I was like, canan I put it in a bank account? She said, Yeah, because your father will find out. and then you know he screams and shouts, He has no patience I was like, okay, anyway, she was older, I was older. I had three kids. I was like, okay. I can't put in a dollar account but I can like Okay Okay So part of that story was me having to open an HSBC account in for foreign currency. and we were going and I had to take identification. I had my passport. And my mother said to me, You always forget things. donon't forget your passport. And I was like, I'll be fine. We did the thing. She was saying, canan we go to Starbuck? I want Starbuck, I want Starbuck. She used to call it Starbuck And I said, okay, we'll go and I turned and I'd left my passport there. And she said I told her you' forget it. And the guy behind the glass jumped back and she looked at him and she said, Are you going to call police now? She's a very stupid girl. She took the passport. The guy was like Oh my God.. I said, Rama, Ykarni Sata, you can't be smacking me in public. But what's so wondery is that you're so calm. You're like, M, Mother, you simply cannot do it. Like like it it's like an insignificant thing. Mother, slapping an adult. Yeah I said Carny up to the police Aj they'll call the police. said let them call. When I tell police they will split on you No Do you hear that Sounds like breakfast is ready. becausecause Quakers coming in hot with morning nutrition. one hundred percent whole grain oats and a good source of fiber to fuel the rhythm of your morning and kick startart your day. And that sounds Absolutely delicious. Fuel to start whatever's next. Quaker, offfficial sponsor of FIFA World Cup twenty six This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips? That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over nineteen thousand local agents, they help you find the coverage that fits your needs. so you can spend less time worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride Download the state Farm app or go online at statefarm. com. Like a good neighbor. State Farm is there Introducing Taco Bell's new jalapeno citrus salsa with bright citrus, real red jalapenos, guailo chiles. Usually, you add sauce to the food, but when the sauce is this good, the food is just there to get the sauce to your mouth. That rolled quesadilla, not a rolled quesadilla anymore Now it's a sauce shovel. Taco Bell's jalapeno citrus salsa. Get it with any item on the canantina chicken menu while it's here. They participate in U.S Taco Bell locations for a limited time only, while supplies last, contact store for availability What is the next thing? you said this will link to it. Smith and Weson. Okay, which is a gun. Which is a gun. Right. so why is that one of your b? Okay, I want to say I've been dying to tell this story somehow Maybe it would have come into my standup, but I felt like your podcast, especially the title, what it really really was the place. So basically I was probably twelve And in India you have these big steel cupboards called Godardridges. Gid. And they're like you keep every like many families have one and you keep all your safe stuff in there. Yeah. And my mother used to have a guardridge and it had a locker inside the gardridge and it had a big key. And my mother and my sister would go in there and they would look at the various jewelry for different weddings And I was always banished from the room because I was very clumsy. And they would bring out something I was twelve, so it didn't matter. One time my sister she'd left to go to university, so it was just me and my mom. and my mom was scared she'd lost a gold chain of hers. so she was very frerantic So she said, come in, close the door, lock the door, Chit Kanilal, put the lock on the door, put out a big blanket and let's start taking this jewelry out I find. And she kept saying to me, don't lose anything. donon't touch anything and then saying, bring that down share this habit of saying, J shut up and tell me. So it's very confusing. And also with my mother, if you questioned or I think you'd get a tight slap. And I was actually very excited to be allowed to look at what's in the gardridge. So taking down all this stuff. She had all this jewelry. She had a list and she was looking at it And at the back of the thing was like a shoe boox. So this is why I always got into trouble because I didn't know when to leave good alone. So I pulled out the shoebox and I sat on the side of her. She was busy, and I opened it and there was a gun in it And I said, Mummy, Yii. I said, What's this? She turned on. she said, Smithen Vesson. And I was like, Oh, that's all I remember saying, Smithen Wesson. it up and I was like, it's very heavy. It was very cool. It was like the movies. And I said, very calmly, I said Gouia Do you have the bullets withithout even turning? She went I was like, cow. withithout even turning. She said, Are you stupid? Who keeps gun without bullets? Of course I like, Oh. And then she said to me, but don't tell your father, he doesn't know. And I was like, Oh. And then she said, putut it away, you'll lose it. I said, But where are the bullets? She said, we don't keep it together because then dangerous things happen. Sut up, put it away. So I put it away and As we were closing up the gardridge and she'd found her gold chain and everything, she looked at me and she said, listen to me She said Abitun Hut. rightight now you're very young. or Hobitun Tori Budhuan as it is you're quite stupid. But listen to me, every woman needs three things in her life to secure her. She needs some land. She needs some gold And she needs a gun. Samj. And I was like, o, she said, And don't tell your father, block it. And that was it. We never talked about it again.. And I never told my dad But she made me believe in that situation that there were ways that women had to look out for themselves. My dad was a fantastic man, great father. We had a good life, but ultimately women have to look out for themselves with land, gold, and a gun. So do you think wo questions, whereere did your mum get the gun? I asked her, She said, Do you have a business? You go and mind it. mind her a business. I asked her in my twenties. Yeah. And do you think she ever fired it? No No Because remember and she had a license. Guns with licenses in India are like currency. They're like, you know, it's like the things she said, gold, land and a gun It's something you can always sell to secure yourself. Right. You said they passed now. Yes. Where's the gun I don't know, but she did show up with a bag of cash. Remember? I have a feeling. Did she flogg it? Yeah, but I wouldn't Well, no, she wouldn't have flogged. It had a license. so she would have sold it with a license. Yes. But that's still a huge thing in India. Yeah. And also it was a smmith in Weson. It wasn't an Indian gun, but that's what I remember saying Mommmy, what is this? And she's like, Oh Smithen Messon. As if I was asking her the brand of the gun. But And my grandfather was a cop. Right. My mother's family. see. So I think and she had fired guns in her life But that Smith and I think if you're a twelve year old, you have a real gun and they say, what is this? You say that is a gun. You don't give them the brand. Yes. But your mum is clearly a very interesting lady. Yeah. And I mean her Did you give the eulogy Wh gave We don't do eulogies. don't do eulogies. What Hind those we they pass away, we cremate them right away and then we have like days of ceremonies. It's all about the soul passing. It's not about the person. So there isn't like conversations about her. Oh, people talk about her. the There's not a one thing. it goes for days. there's thirteen days of mourning But And with within those thirertain days are is it conversational? Are you talking about memories or is it No people come and go and they bring you food because you don't light your own stove. So it's not formal. I see, I see. And I was just I mean I was very, very close to my momum. So it was very It was very she had told me this will come and you got to be ready. Don't be stupid. But you know, was yeah, so no, I just and I had to do a lot of this stuff because my sister wasn't able to be there on the day. and so I had to do a lot of this stuff. No it's all very religious slash spiritual slash ceremonies. And I think I was in a state of like I knew it was going to happen. and I was like, I can't believe this is happening Yeah. is there a comfort in being the fact that she feels so alive in the way that you tell me stories about her. Is that a kind of comfort when you've lost a parent? J the fact that she can be, she feels like she's in the room. and feels very interesting and really funny. Yes It must be something quite nice that she's always there, I guess Yeah, you know, I don't know the flip, so I wouldn't know. But mumy's always lived in my head and also even now if I'm scared and You know, as you get older and your kids get older, they get more out in the world and you have fear for them I'll try and remember My mother and I spoke about many things all the time. and she was always doing like her business and then would suddenly give you a life lesson or say something. and you'd be like, o, I remember being very young. were we hadn't even left the Philippines. I wasn't even eleven and choose to cook for my father and for us, but mainly she liked to make what my father liked And she would be cooking. she was cooking one day and I was, I don't know, playing or whatever. And she turned to me and she said, You know, when I'm dead, my ashes must go to Ganges. Don'tisten to your father. He'll try and keep me in South India. and we don't want that. You will take me to Ganges? I was like Yeahah, she said goodood And then carries on. And And I don't know what made her think of it. But so we talked about a lot of things. And so now if I'm scared of some things, even though they're not specific I can if I close my eyes and think Yeah, Mom would have said, it's gonna be fine. Yeah. It's fine. Yeah ye. Did she ever see you do stand up? Yeah. That must have been cool. Yeah, she was the funny one at home. She came to a show I did that was filmed in India early years, early years, it was just, I don't know how it was on TV. and they panned her in the audience and she was laughing And I remember when I came off of there because growing up, I got a lot of flack from her and my sister for talking too much. and My mother was like, you know, you like don't talk so much and then life, life, life, and then I was on stage. And when I came down, she said to me, Igat Batam Bita, shall I tell you one thing? And I said, yes. She said, you know, when you're with me You're my daughter and you say so many things and I think, my God, have I can't die if she's too stupid. She won't manage. But then you walk from me up those stairs and you're on stage And she said, you're a star. You're not my daughter. you're this person, you're a star, and you're doing what you're here to do. You must never stop. And then when you come offstage again, I say, Oh God, it's just her. That was a very big moment for me. because my mother Well it strikes me, you know that that's such a authentic compliment and she clearly wasn't lying. She doesn't strike me as somebody' going go, Hey, that was great if it wasn't. Do you know what I mean? I can imagine If you had a tough set, you probably wouldn't want your mum there. Well you know what I mean? The only time my dad The only time my dad saw me do stand up was with my mom and I'd gone. it was early days and it was in a restaurant in Delhi. and in those days I used to go to India to gig because the kids could be with my parents And it was like they were serving food, they were doing this. I died. died. peopleeople were looking at their watches And I was mortified. I mean, I'd only been doing standup for a year, year and a half. and as we were leaving and it was a very fancy, not not fancy. It was like a cool chain restaurant and as we were leaving My father looked at me and he said, You know, I think some of your humor was too intellectual for the audience here. And as we were leaving the restaurant, my mother turned to him and she said, too intellectual. A these people? and she turned. there were still people there. these people Th Oi Ko these poxy puppies of leprous bitches. They don't understand comedy. I spit on them Oh and she spat on the threshold and we left. She sided with me. Yes. She's like Charlie Murphy to your Eddie Murphy. Yeah. And I was like, whoa, and my father was like, that's not very dignified. Kishna don't behave like this. I love her. Yeah. I love it What How different is it gigging in India to gigging in the UK You know, at the time it was very different, but I haven't gigged for so long, I haven't been back to India to gig because I just haven't had the chance. But I think in the sorry No, in the early years, it was different because stand upp was just starting to emerge. So a lot of gigs were in the middle of a restaurant. They were like literally things that I would never have done here. Andere you go to a comedy club I went to a comedy club in Bombay and died on my asks. I spoke too much Hindi, they expected me to speak English. That's all evened itself out, I think. And I look forward to being in India to gig. I went to a comedy club in Mumbai.ere when I have been there twenty sixteen. Yeah, so I was there in fourteen, R? It was still early days. Yeah. And it was a comedy club in the mall So like a lot of it laugh factory It might have been that That's it. Yeah It was in a mall. But it was it was in Hindiian and then punchrs in English. Yeah, yeah yeah. I didn't understand a lot of it. Yeah. What I loved, I just went there to watch. Yeah. You could see the audience just Yeah. It felt like wow, this is fertile ground. because it from the beginnings. Yeah it was really wild. Yeah. And now you have great comics who only gig in local languages a K Khan Abishi Kupamanu, Amit Tundon I think Pciistit does it in both languages. I now gig when I have a huge South Asian audience, I'll take a poll and I'll do it in both languages because I think in both And how does that How does that differ when you're gigging in different languages? Do you differentiff idiom? Yeah. But it Is it kind of like piano and guitar you what I mean? O does it do you write the sense in that language? Okaykay just so it I have a say I have a bit. Yeah. And if the audience is predominantly Indian, I can embellish that bit I can start it in English, but I can take it down these little lanes in Hindi. Yeah with references with language language becomes very important, literally the turn of phrase. And that's a very technical thing, which I don't think of myself as a technical comic. and then you can bring it back there. Yeah. And I think that's because by being bilingual For a very large part of the population in India, not all, especially in urban centers, is not that uncommon. We have something called Hnglish, Indian English mixed. So you know we have words like the opposite of postpone in India is prepone You know, And like I say this to my kids, todayay I'll freak out. yesterday I froke out. And they're like, no one says that. All of India says that. So we have that thing What is your next brilliant thing? Jump scaring your kids at home. Okay, ye, b Oh good So the reason I find this delightful is it's a very fun way to make it obvious to kids who's the boss Do you see what I mean? Yeah? Especially as they get older, because they do, especially in the West, they're teenagers, they think they know what's going on. Once they hit eighteen, the government tells them you're an adult, which is truly atrociously irresponsible of the government. Have you met an eighteen year old? I mean Yeah, donon't do that to tell them they're adults. But anyway, so what you do is you because you're just much better at stuff than them. them coming to sleep at night and you having waited forty five minutes under their bed It is the great equalizer. They might know what AI is, but they will shit themselves when you put your hand out and hold their ankle. And that kind of it's kind of the law of the jungle. deep down inside they're like You know what? Push Cam to shve. She's the boss of me. Yeahah. It's also super funny. Of course. And I mean they laugh. Th first they scream, then they laugh, sometometimes they pee whichich is hilarious. And it's just a way of staying connected with your kids that both teaches them a lesson and everyone's having a good time Yes. I love it so much. I plan it. Now my husband thinks That's my question to you. Yeah, Have you ever been underneath one of their beds and you've forgotten that they're having a sleepover around a friend's house and had to skulk out? Has it ever gone badly? don have they don't have those kinds of sleepovers So it always comes like you plan it because forty five minutes under under a bed. has been done. or actually it's behind the bed. Behind the bed. incredibly Because the beds in our house they're quite low. Yeah. Behind the bed. And just lying there and waiting. She just waiting ye and waiting. And you know, your kid's probably fourteen, fifteen shape. That's forty five minutes crouched. No, you have your phone. Okay. What do you mean you're not just lying that have your phone? I don't know, you know, think you haveone in this story. No and they think you're at a gig. You tell them by And you shut the front door and then you come out Got you. And you lie there with your phone, you wait. They've done their thing. they think they can sleep late because their mother's out They get into bed They have no fucking clue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. L please tell me if they're boys that you scare them quickly. Oh yeah, noise if they get in bed and they're te No, no, no, not. No, no, no, theseese are the girls. but the boy is what you do Yeah Exactly. so bad. No, but with the boy also because my son scares he's like he doesn't like horror movies and all the girls do and I do. So with him, it's more like Have you ever like brushed your hair forward and done? Yeah, or actually just in his closet. You just, you know, sort of, and then he's just getting a socks and you're like, Hey, and he's like, why It is so joyful. It's so good. Yeah. I love that. And the thing is they la. And here's the thing, they do it to me. Of course. And I swear to God, I huge respect when they actually get me Yeah huge. but some and because they're my children just before I jump out, I think this is going to be so hard on them. They're going I feel a little bad but not that bad. Now, this entire thing, my husband thinks is absolutely insane on so many levels. He's not a sccaaryr he doesn't enjoy it. He doesn't even get invved like he's not even he doesn't even sit in the room next to this shit. He's like, why are you doing this to the children? whoo has this much time? What are you getting out of it? And I'm like, you don you will never understand. Yeah, I mean you I mean that's insane. I once tried to scare him in Odan I hid behind a door and he came out of the bathroom and as the door opened, but most people open the door like a normal person. He whacked it so hard, it slammed against me and he kept on walking. and he's like, that's so fucking stupid And I had like the door pasted to my face. I was gonna to go B. And then once he said, boo to me, but he had to catch me, almost fell backwards on the stairs, he still talks about that. Yeah, I don't Danger, That's what he said. and I mean, I would have died. I just don't trust people that don't do stuff like that. My friend Sam is for not you know, the kind of Oh do you want a cup of tea and then you know honestly, no one does it better than him you know whenone It's so good. And you feel the hot tea on you this n and you're like Yeah Exactly. And it's a bit like you know when you go to a water park and you go down the flume, it's that same feeling of like It's so so good. You know, like when your kids got dressed for a party and She'll come down to show you're wearing, and you're like, oh, that's amazing. That's great Yeah Oh and and then they're like, Mom, why would you? And then they laugh? Yeah. You gott to do that. Listen, life you gott to be fun, youve gott to be funny, you got to not know what's coming aroundong the Yeah, and those little, I don't know, like saring your kids, whatever Yes whatever makes them laugh. it's kind of I' got love son at the minute. so don't scare him. Oh no That's too little. But what I like doing is is So the big laugh we're getting at the minute is I will walk into the cupboard. And then my face will hit the cbo hit And I turn to him and pull a face That's it's the best. Cindy, just from the benefit of your experience, can you let Russell know what age it is acceptable to start scaring his son? Depends on the scare. You can go for little scares, but not at two. No of course. No, I think not at two. I think four Yes. Four is fine, but little scares. like just little not because the thing is if you start it too early then it's never going to be fun. He loves being chased. so That's good. and also So he get starts getting acclimatized to this idea that the parent can suddenly be scary.. By six, do what you need to do. Yeah, exactly. he's very much So I'll carry him up the stairs and my wife will kind of chase him. So great. Also Halloween place. Halloween's a great place. four or five. Get some big masks on, get them off. And if they burst into tears and become hysterical, they'll get past it Yeah Of course it's scary, but it's you. Yeah, but the fascinating thing about kids is you never know what's going to calm them down because it turns out The Hoover is the thing. He loves to play with the hoover. C couldouldn't have seen that coming.ver hoover we go press the hoover, put it on. He loves that. twow is a great age. Yeah, it's From two till twelve. And it's he's kind of going for a sleep regression at the minute so he'll kind of wake up in the middle of the night and then I was in with him last night, so I fell asleep by the cot. right? and my hands like just tapping him. I woke up this morning because he threw his water bottle on my face. You have such a rude like halfstick.ack You like All right, we don't do that to daddy. Do we? And he's kind of laughing and Yeah he has a wee weei and we're having a child Yeah. Falling next to falling asleep next to your Tdler is one of the great joys in it. It's what you know that it's so funny how quick it goes because that feeling, you know when your baby's really little and you have to burp them, I miss that. already, you know that feeling when you know when you get it right and you get the little tap and then when you make when you make your baby burp and what a feeling that feeling and they're physically relieved And And then all of a sudden, they's no need for that. but you remember a time where you would just getting in the circle, right just a little Yeah Yeah but we carried on for longer, like I still, you know, for a long time because we give the kids massages. We put oil in their hair. So I'm like my son who's twenty four. I think last summer, he was like, M, can you put oil in my hair? And I put oil in his hair. So you still get to like make him feel relaxed and you massagees because it's very good for your hair. me, mom. No, but it's not that work me. But those tactile things that give your childildren physical comfort and it's that you're touching them and you're doing their hair or it's still a nice thing Oh yeah, it's the it's now obvious, isn't it? It's kind of my son has started saying, you know, so if I'm doing a gig, I'll kind of face time and say I'm doing a gig tonight and he go, good luck, G luck good luck. And and it all takes all the kind of fear out completely because you know when you go home he's there Yeah. Yeah. I think people say to me, well, you know, did you mind dying on stage? And in the earli yearsers I'd be like, well, if I go home, there's three people who really are happy that I'm around because they were little. Then it became so it was like, I didn't care if the audience didn't like me because I had these kids. Now, thank God, the audience is like me because when I come home, these three, you know. What was it like for your husband to kind of see you go from kind of working in finance to a mum to like your mum said a star and doing stand upp. Did't? Was he like he must have been so surprised when you because you said, I'm just going out. but when you fin p up Yeah Well what was his dram? He was like, what? He was on the phone because I had to go somewhere with him out of town and I was like, I can't go. I can't come. He was out of town. I said I said I'm in a final of a stand upp comedy company. He said What? I said, I'm been doing stand upp And he was like, Oh, but you know, they're very calm Scandinavians. So he was like, okay, well we can talk about it when I he was like, what's he going to say And then over the years, you know, I mean, because you know it is, when you do well, people are like, oh my God, you just showed up. But you've been working like a dog for years, you know, doing going to dirty dicks and doing five minutes and all that stuff. All that time, he was very cool about it because also it was at night, it wasn't I never it didn't affect It's like my life went on. I still picked up the kids. you know. But he was very like, oh, that's interesting. He was supportive without being Very inquisitive because I didn't really know what I would have said Yeah And then as it started The live at the Apollo, which was early for me. And it came the same year that I was nominated in Edinburgh for whatever best newcomer. That was it was like literally you understand what viral means. Yeah. And I mean I was very grateful to have experienced that. He kept tracks on he kept a tab on that a lot. He was like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh And then You see, my husband and I, because we're We have an enormous amount of respect for each other. and I know that sounds so, but it really is. We've never said to the other, you can't do this because it's like so I think he just thought right, we're going to have to make this adjust and work this thing. And he always has I think he's very, you know, he always says to me, I could never do what you do. But I do think that deep down inside he's I know that he really admires it, but he also holds me like he's very He's much's like he's actually a bit like my mom. He's always like, Don't be lazy You know, because he's got this Wall Street mentality still Yeah. So I think it works.. He's Sometimes the things I want to talk about, he's like, I don't think that's funny. Yeah. And I'm like, not too bad. Right Yeah. Too bad. I think in the acting and stuff when I was writing a show and there was quite explicit in some ways, I was very concerned. I was like, do you care about this? And he was like It's a character. But that's the whole thing about Danes. They're very liberal. Yeah. It's like it's a character. If I'd been married to an Indian and had written a scene like that that had been like, No. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It was a scene about a woman having a wet dream. Yeah. It was a great scene. But he was like, What's a character? It's not you Yeah, yeah. He's dri. Yeah. I think there's a lot of mutual respect. and also I think my husband understands that for many years I was at home and he was doing. Yeah. And he can kind of see that. Yeah. But he's very like he thinks it's very cool You know, some of the stuff that like he's like, wow, Yeah, it's just it's just a fascinating this like kind of, don' know, within your relationships, just three really interesting acts. What exxactly like the work and then the family and Eactly. And I think one of the reasons like people say, Oh, you talk about your marriage, you talk about your husband. I don't really talk about my husband, I talk about my marriage. I talk about him being Danish. I've known stand upps to be much more open with personal details. But the reason I won't do that is he didn't marry a stand up. Yes. You see? Yeah So late into my marriage, if I decide I'm going to be some kind of confessional, that's not fair. Yeah, great. He probably would have had a hu he's a very private person. So there's My social media does not include my kids. It doesn't include him. I've never talked about his name. I don't talk People may figure it out but I never talk about it. It's never important to the story, includluding with the children, I'll say things like they call me bro But I will never go into real detail, which I think some people can and it could be very funny, but it could be. And we all know comics who are much more but I always feel My husband didn't marry standander. Yeah, it's a weird one, particularly with the kids like you and also your husband, but it's that thing of like at what cost? I always think at what cost to thrust them into this world that they didn't ask to be in and to be a kind of porn or an addition to your brand, you thinkgh. Yeah it's going it's going to come a consequence at some stage because they're not equipped to suddenly be in this world nor do they ask to be. Yeah, you know, if Again, it works for some people and I can see how you could have a lot of amazing stuff, not just for your brand, but for your creativity. And had I been even a writer, you know, writing articles about my life and my husband had married me, this guy had no clue. Like I was doing a PhD, then I was in finance and so was he, and then suddenly I'm on stage, but I was much more open about my mother because I told her, I said, I'm going to say everything on stage. She said, good You are only famous because I am funny.. she didn't mind at all. But like there was a story about my sister that I wouldn't talk about until My father passed away and that's when I put it in my special. 'cause it would have made him so sad that I told it in public, Hilarious story. But I just couldn't do that to him. Yeah. It's been lovely. I've really enjoyed having. I had a great time. Yeah, fun. Ladies and gentmen, the wonderful Sindibi Well, that was wonderful. Yeah, her mum and your mum, not the same. Well, my mum isn't as violent as her mum. The image I had as well, every time she spoke about her mum hitting her, it felt like she was almost like the mirror staff closer of like she would always find the target. Like every story her mum was on one side of the room when push. I've really enjoyed that. Great stories, eh? Great stories and it's sort of that thing where what I love about stand upp and I felt like I've just hung out in an Indian family for an hour and it's been hilarious and it's been very similar to my family and very different to my family. and you realize that's the majesty of stand up and stories that we just get to hang And I feel like I know her a bit better and I know her mum and it was just great. It was one of those. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, but that's the first time I met her as well. Didn't feel like it Yeah, yeah, really great. Now, Cinda will be touring her latest full length show from September this year. It's called Sanky Hi and she's going be in a town or a city near you to get tickets and find out more, get yourself to sinduvot comot I mean, if that chat was anything to go by, it's going to be absolutely brilliant. Thanks so much for listening to the show. Take care, farewell. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. 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