Discussing Dick Picks and Relationship Etiquette

You're listening to the Savage Love Cast, Dan Savage's sex and relelationship show for grownups If you're under eighteen Get out of here, youngin If you're stuck in a relationship quanding, or if you're looking for sexual harm . I wantan to thank AT, a lovevecast listener in Australia, for bringing a local to Australia sex scandal to my attention this week, a sex scandal I shall now bring to your attention. A group of cops in Perth, the fourth biggest city in Australia, went out and got fgged up or as the Western Australian police investigators put it in the report There was a social gathering involving officers from Perth Police Station at licensed premises The investigation just concluded. the results are in more than a year after these officers went out and got fucked, sorry, got socially gathered. It was a wild night, a wild social gathering, so wild in fact that an internal affairs investigation was launched immediately after, and an email went out to all the cops involved had gathered socially to let them know that due to a complaint about This specific social gathering, an incident at this specific social gathering. They were all under investigation and CCTV footage from the pub was being reviewed hilariously That email prompted a cop who was not the subject of the investigation to go to his superior officer and turn himself in This cop had rubbed his dick against the rims of the pint glasses his fellow officers were drinking from He somehow did this where the CCTV cameras might see him with his cock out, but his fellow officers Could not? And after confessing to a crime that he got away with this genius cop's actions were added to the investigation So what was the incident that initially prompted the investigation One of the cops at the social gathering, a gay cop gave a blow job to another one of the cops at the social gathering. blow job was entirely consensual. Things went south for the blowjob giver. when the blowjob receiver, the cop who got the blowjob, who is straight and married to a woman went home, saw the wife, and in that moment was either overwhelmed with guilt or still drunk But he told his wife about the blow job, or, hey, maybe he was doing the right thing and letting his wife know that he'd had an outside sexual encounter and they would have to wait until he got tested before they resumed marital relations Whatever happened, the next morning, this hungover cop and his wife went down to the police station and filed a complaint against the cop who sucked his dick. For while the blow job was consensual, The finger was not Apparently, the gay cop giving the blow job slipped a finger into the ass of the merry cop getting a blow job. This was the basis of the complaint. There was verbal consent for the blow job itself, but verbal consent was not sought nor given for the finger. I have a theory of the case Do you know how when someone cheats and then confesses to the person they cheated on? and the person who is cheated on gets angry? but not at the person who cheated on them, not at the spouse. Instead they get angry at the person their partner cheated on them with The wronged wife who gets mad at the mistress, not the husband, the wronged husband who gets mad at the personal trainer, not the wife Often when someone has cheated on and decides to stay They're angry and they need some placeace to put that anger the mistress or the personal trainer Or in this case the junior officer I suspect the wrong party here, the wife wanted to let her husband off the hook, but needed a hook to hang her anger on. and the other guy's finger was the most convenient hook Let the record show I do believe the wife is the wronged party here. I am not casting the wife as the villain in the pieace I think the villain here is her husband, the guy who cheated And then, after cheating instead of taking responsibility, decides to play the victim and cast the gay dude who sucked his dick as predatory and himself is the helpless victim of one consensual blow job and one non consensual finger And I'm not buying it Again, let the record show. I think consent before penetration is very important and should be sought and given verbally, ideally But I have given and received Aple of dozen blow jobs in my life, maybe more And in my vast ish experience, before a finger goes in, the finger goes near There's some touching some gentle probing. And if you don't want that finger in, there are nonverbal ways to make that clear. You shift your hips, you move your hold, just slightly away from the finger and the person gets the message or you reach around and move the hand the finger is attached to away from your butt. A blow job, ladies and gentlemen, is not a paralytic. There are ways you can signal you don't want that finger in you without using your words and ways you can signal you do want that finger in you without using your words. And I suspect that's what happened here. I suspect the fingering wasn't sudden and was Cented to non verbally or That was the perception, the blowjob giver Again, not ideal. Please seek verbal consent before any form of penetration, digital or otherwise But what happened here is someone had to take the fall for this blow job and the recipient didn't want to take the fall himself So, the guy who gave the blow job was set up for a fall Now I haven't seen the CCTV footage myself, but I think the outcome of the investigation, no charges filed backs up my interpretation of events. No charges were brought against the officer who gave the blow job. No charges were brought against the officer who wiped his dick on other officers' pint glasses either Both received quote unquote managerial sanctions. In the end though, the cop who gave the blow job resigned from the force, But the other cop, the Dick Wiper, did not. I'm not a cop in perth myself, but Yeah. Low job giver, Dick Wiper. I know who I'd rather have at my next social gathering Coming up on today's show, a cis gay man spots two trans men and slings at a sex club taking loads and wonders if he gets in line and takes a turn. Could he be a dad nine months later? We also talk to a woman who has grown to enjoy receiving dick pickics from her boyfriend But does she have a duty to warn him that most women don't like dick picks? And on the magnum, I'm so excited about this guest. You are going to love my conversation with the hilariously weird and weirdly hilarious comedian, actor, author, and now composer Eric Andre. He's an oversharer. I'm a nosy pervert and we are a matchm in podcast Heaven We put a wonderful two or three minutes of my conversation with Eric on the micro version of the show for all to enjoy. But if you want to hear the whole thing, you're going to have to become a magnum subscriber of the Savage Lcast now, which you can do. And you can also give a magnum subscription as a gift at saavage. love And hey, do you have a relationship or sex question or an etiqute question? An other kind of question? Record it in a quiet place, email it to us at Q at savage. lovev or call us at twoz six threezero two twozo six four or visit our website, savage. lovev and record and upload your question directly on our website. Nancy is standing by ready to take your calls And speaking of calls, let's get to this week's first call This episode is brought to you by Mac Weldon, timeless innovative menswear to help you move through the day with confidence. Get twenty percent off your first order of one hundred twenty five dollars or more with promo code saavage at macwldon dot com This episode is brought to you by VB Health, Doctor formulated supplements that work To learn more about load boost, drive boost and soaking wet and to get ten percent off visit be. health and use the code Savage This episode is brought to you by Blueand. Going eco has never been easier revolutionary refillable cleaning essentials eliminating single use plastics. Right now, get fifteen percent off your first order by going to bluand. com slash saavage. Hi Dan Nancy in the Tech Savvy at Risk Youth. I'm a woman in her Now early thirties and I just had a long term relationship breakdown of nearly ten years So like met in college and spent our whole twenties together. We were engaged and multiple things were planned includluding a venue. and I had bought address and invites, pre invites had been sent out It all blew up in my face about eleven days ago. No real explanation. I thought everything was going great. and I come back from work after him not answering my calls all day, which was really unusual we text He works from home. We text a lot. I just came home and he had written me a letter reread it out to me, said that he wasn't in love any moreore which was like super painful, very painful. And then he left and We're basically in the process of dividing our things and Yeah, I just don't know where to start. All of our friends are the same. We've shared everything together How do you begin again? How do you do this? I don't really want to do this. I'm not really in the place to even imagine not being with him, but he's made it really clear and It was very sudden. I know my parents are worried about me Do you start again when everything in your life is connected I have some advice for you, but Oddly and unusually, it's not advice I think you should act on soon because you need to take some time to grieve and you need to take some time to process the shock and trauma. of being esssentially left at the altar, which is painful. It's always painful when a relationship ends. Rejection always sucks, but when it comes bundled with, feels like or what is the humiliation of being left at the altar. The venue had been booked, the dress had been purchased, Save the date invites. had gone out. and I'm sure your family We're rightly worried about you, I'm worried about you. I'm sure everyone who's listening to your call is worried about you in all of our hearts to you, I'm sure family and friends have offered you the banality that I'm gonna offer you now, which is better Be the wedding then immediately after as humiliating and as awful as it is have a wedding canceler or cancellled on you or to have to cancel the wedding yourself Better to do that than wait six months or a year. and go through the much more protracted and expensive and leegally entangling process of A divorce So I know people who were divorced not long after their weddings and it came out after the wedding, that their spouse, their're soon to be ex spouse id didn't want to go through with it, but couldn't bring themselves to say it or want to despair. My friend, the trauma of the cancellled wedding Bear them the humiliation and so inflicted on them A long protracted and painful divorce instead. So as hard as it to here right now. If he knew that you weren't the person he wanted to be with as he You two together plowed into your thirties We didn't want to be with for the rest of his life, even if you were right for his twenties relationship can end and still have been a success right now. I'm sure that's not something that you can see, but maybe one day in the rear view mirror you will see that it was a success even as it ended as painfully and traumatically and suddenly and shockingly did and I've lost my train of thought because I went on too long with the subclauses. I'm really sorry. and I just want to before I give you my advice, recognize your pain. It was only less than two weeks ago that this happened. and I again, don't think you should act on my advice right away But after you've taken some time to grieve, maybe after you've talked to a counselor or a therapist afterfter you've leaned on family and friends and eaten the ice cream and cried it out Whenyneth Paltrow famously popularized the phrase much mocked, conscious uncoupling when she and Chris Martin Got a divorce Ben disconnected. You say that What do you do How do you start over again when everything in your life, your adult life since college has been This connection that you've built over time with one person, this life you built together with this one person Disconnecting has been done for you What you need to do is a little Not conscious disconnecting, not conscious uncoupling, but very conscious, very intentional. Cnecting in a month or two Don't isolate yourself, take time to grie, but don't isolate yourself lean on family and friends, see a therapist like I already said, and then Throw yourself into making new connections throw yourself, mayaybe not into online dating, if you're not ready to date right away Get out of the house, go places, do things. the friends that you've leaned on who've been there for you through this process. tellell them that you want to go out, you want to Go see movies, go to dinner, go bowling, go do whatever the fuck And they are empowered not to let you Wallow Get the wallowing out of your system the next few months And then tell your friends, let's go out, let's do something. please take me out, please do something with me. No wallowing. If I bring it up, if it comes up you have Absolutely, my permission, I empower you, I beg you in advance to change the fucking subject. Let's go do other things and make sure the other things that you're doing are things that force you to interact with other people that aren't the friends that accompanied you. Join a rock climbing club, join a sports leag, a coed sports league Volunteer for a political campaign. We are headed toward the midterm. There are going to be a lot of political campaigns all over the country that you can volunteer for. Do things that keep your hands brain Occupied and where there's a shared mission and goal with other people, known to you and unknown to you in the room so you form newew connections I don't know why this phrase, when I was listening to your call popped into my head, Not my monkeys, not my circus. Wringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Circus were two circuses that merged. You were? one circus that merged with another circus and you have only shared monkeys with your ax as your circuses pull apart. Man, I am torturing this metaphor to death. Everyone, please forgive me. You need a new circus. you need your own circus and you will, if you start your own circus, if you get out there and you do things and you meet people, you will find new monkeys, your own Monkeys And that's really what you need in your life right now, or what you will need in your life in two or three months Not shared friends, not mutual friends, not anything that reminds you of him, not anything that you did together, but the new friends, the new people that have come into your life because you put yourself out there did things and went places and met people and joined a sports Lague and voluntered and started going to the gym or whatever it is that puts you in a room with other people who aren't your ex and do not come bundled as mutuals do with memories of your ex or with news about your ex. goes out to you, you're going through One of the most traumatic experiences I think, besides the death of a loved one. that a person can go through, a divorce or an abandonment so close to the altar like this Take time to grieve. Get out there Start a new circus, find some new monkeys Hey Dan, forty something year old gay guy from Phoenix. I was at a. sex club for Gayen and there were two transgender men there and they both took turns in the sling and they were getting fucked by multiple guys. And it was really fascinating to watch and it raised a lot of questions for me. I was curious as a gold card gay who had never experienced that. But then I also thought What happens if someone were to get pregnant And I know that know a lot of trans men are on hormones where it reduces the risk But I wasn't sure about the etiquette of it all. if I should have ask them you know, are they on birth control? if you just assume that they're taking care of it or if you were just running the risk of getting someone pregnant and having little kids run around, which I'm sure is not the case, but those are the questions that went through my mind. And of course, the easy thing to do would be to put a condom on, but Nobody wears those anymore I had to look it up for all the talk here on this show about Transmen up with gay men and the fact that there are, as evidenced by your experience at that sex club that night, plenty of gay men out there. More than enough, there's not a dick shortage. plenty of gay men out there who are interested in hooking up with or willing to hook up with or experiment with. trans guys or date or marry trans guys. And yet it never came up whether a one off hookup with a trans guy on testosterone is transitioned who may still have their ovaries and their wide open fallopian tubes and a uterus carries a risk of pregnancy. and I had to look it up And it does being on testosterone As an assigned female at birth person, being trans man, even if you're a trans man, even if a trans man hasn't had period or his period in a while or forever could still G pregnant. So you're Fears are not irrational how ever I'm just going to assume that the kind of trans guy that'll jump in a sling at a gay sex club or a gay sex party and let a line of guys Rock him Homonem is Probably the kind of trans guy if they get inconveniently pregnant, who will get an abortion and If not That trans guy that you may have been pregnant. You don't have to worry about being a daddy. You don't have to worry about being held responsible. biological child that you might have produced if that trans guy decides carry the pregnancy, the unintended pregnancy as a result of getting fucked by ten guys at a sex club to term How are they going to trace that back to you Probably can't. probablyroably didnid't take your name, probably doesn't have your ID, probablyably can't pena you and require you and all the other guys at the sex club that night to take Eaternity to us if they get pregnant So Yeah, I think this is something that a gay man who is dating a trans man might wna ask about or bring the fuck up, but it's not something A gay man at a sex club having anonymous sex with a trans man who's having anonymous sex with other gayen at that sex club needs to worry about But I gott to say as a long term sufferer of worst case scenario disorder Game respects Game Game recognizes game here. This is a place that my mind might have gone. What if there's an un planned pregnancy as a result of this hookup with another man, a trans man in a sex club. That is a place where my worst case scenario might have taken me. so I respect and recognize fell the sufferer here of worst case scenario. Dorder. Yeah, something for gay men to think about, gay cis men who are hooking up with gay trans men and certainly something for gay trans men to think about What are you going to do? If The worst happens at the sex cllub an unplanned pregnancy at a gay sex party. notot something gay men typically have had to Th about, but definitely Something gay men at the sex party with gay trans men, gay this men at the sex party with gay transen need to start thinking about now This episode is brought to you by Mac Weldon. As many of you know, I am a homosexual male, gotot the husband to prove it. a husband who loves to shop and wears amazing clothes, I have fashion show stopping outfits on his show stopping body. but I'm the kind of guy who wants to spend as little time as possible Thinking about clothes and I slink happily into my husband's shadow. And it's why I am so grateful for Mac Weldon. Mac Welddon is perfect for guys like me, gay or straight because their fits aren't flashy, just classic, always in style and made from the world's most comfortable performance materials. Their clothes are easy to style and they offer versatile looks versus good, versus a virtue, versatile looks that you don't have to think about. Mac Weldon is effortless by design. I recommend the ace line. crazy comfortable, but elevated sweatpants, shorts, sweatshirts, even blazers. If you're lucky enough to grab one while they are in stock. It looks like a blazer feels like a sweatshirt. I love sweatshirts. I like anything that feels like a sweatshirt. I love this blazer. My favorite thing to do is put one of their pieces on and then take a walk with Terry in our own different ways. We both look good Get moving with Mac Weldon, comfortable anywhere Go to Macwldon. com and get twenty percent off your first order of one hundred twenty five dollars or more with promo code Savage. That's MACK w E l do n d. com code Savage for twenty percent off. Let them know the love cast sent you Macwldon. com code Savage. Hey, Dan, Nancy in the Tech Svvy at Risk Youth. I'm a thirty five year old lesbian calling from Vancouver, Canada, and am in a real pickle right now My close friend, closest Bestest friend, Virging on sister of over twenty years, she has a husband who is getting more and more radicalized as the days go by. He's officially a climate crisis denier and actively thinks all scientific research is fake. He doesn't believe in voting and thinks all government and democracy and taxes should be shut down Which is a bit rich as she's an American who was recently given Canadian citizenship and therefore has so many socialist benefits without actually like believing in them, but yet still goes to the doctor for free. And then probably the ice on the cake is that he's still struggling to get my partners, my AFab, non binary partners pronouns correct. It's been two years now And I gently correct him, but I'm not sure if it's just no effort. I know some people just have a harder time. So I maybe have a bit more compassion around that So I'm worried that as he gets deeper and deeper into the manosphere that I'm going have to distance myself from my closest and most loved friend because I just can't stand his conspiracy theories And the other piece that I haven't mentioned here is that My friend is quite non confrontational. She does everything she can do to not argue this is her own thing that I'm sure she needs a lot of therapy to work through So she doesn't push back on him. push back on him, we get to heated arguments these days And it's making it really hard to spend time with them. I want to be close to her I don't want to be anywhere near him So What are you supposed to do if your best friend's husband doesn't believe in science and she's not willing to talk to him about it. This is another not my monkeys, not my circus situation. That is not your husband. That is your best friends husband, that's her monkey, but it's not a monkey that you're going to have a particularly easy time avoiding so long as you continue to see your best friend and her awful husband together, which you do not have to do. You can go to your best friend and you can say, I don't want to lose as your friend. You're my bestest, oldest friend. You're practically my sister, but your husband is nuts and an gr greatate, frankly, immigrating to Canada, getting Canadian citizenship and then insisting that no taxes should be paid and then going to the fucking for free in Canada. Yeah, fuck that. Your husband is nuts, lady, and I can't bear being around him, but I do not want to lose you and I don't want you to be isolated in your relationship. So Let's continue to see each other One on one. And if her husband won't let her see you one on one. That is the reddest of red fucking flags and you should point that out to your Bestest friend. that he is not just Nuts that he's not just a science denier, that he's not just anti An government and doesn't think taxes should be paid while he reaps the benefits of living in a society where Roads get paved and are able to see them because people pay their taxes Yeah, you don't have to hang out with this guy. You shouldn't have to hang out with this guy. And if in addition to all the other crazy shit he does or thinks or believes he attempts to isolate Your friend? Well, then you say to your friend, againgain, write us to red flags and It might be that your friend isn't able to see you for a while or your relationship is circumscribed You should still reach out. You should still talk to her She still has a phone, even if you can't see her person without having to deal with her awful husband, you can text her every day And you can let her know that you're always there for her. When she can get away for lunch or Girls night out But yeah You're not going to put up with her husband, and it may be doing her a favor The two of you, you and your best friend's husband, get into an argument every time you're in the same room together. it may be that he doesn't want to be in the same room with you either that she doesn't want to be in the same room, It doesn't want the two of you in the same room together either if she is Conflict avoidant And there's always conflict when the two of you are in the same room. It may come as a relief to her that you no longer wish to be in the same room everver again with her awful Crazy ass. Hypocritical inggrate of a brand new Canadian citizen husband This episode is brought to you by Drive Boost by VB Health. tired of navigating the confusing and sketchy world of libido supplements. You're not alone. 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Learn more and get yours at vb. health Seriously, go take a look Do your own research, cheheck it out Bb. health Visit bb. health, use the code Savage for ten percent off. the link in the episode description Let them know the love cast sent you by going to vB. health and using code Savage again for ten percent Hey, Mro listeners, I was so excited when Eric Andre of the Eric Andre Show, Bad Trip, Reous Gemstones, and many other great films and TV shows agreed to come on, glvecast and take a call with me. I am a fan of Eric's, and I blush to say, Eric is a fan of mine. The whole thing is on the magnum version of the show, but I wanted to share these potent three minutes with you faithful micro listeners When you were in high school, did you do that straight guy thing where boys jacked off together I don't think I was cool enough to be invited to the circle jerk and play oookie cookie. I didn't even know it was like a thing Yeah, I wasn't invited to the circle jerk either. I think because I was a risk. Yeah Like I found out after I got out of high school that there were some Like closeted gay guys who were all fucking each other, but they wouldn't fuck with me because I was out. therefore I couldn't be trusted to keep the secret. I might talk. Whereas all of them you can't win. United by their shame around what they were doing that they wouldn't rat each other out. But hvestly like the openly gay kid, I might blab about it. So I wasn't invited to the circle jerk either Interesting, interesting. You can't win. You were between a rock and a hard place U yeah many hard places. Yeah, many I won in other ways. I wasn't invited to the high school B booy circle jerk, but I was sneaking into gay bars in Chicago when I was seventeen. so Now it's in vogue with straight guys these goon rooms and edging and all this stuff like Now it's like mainstream Yeah. Yeah the whole gooning thing, that amazing article in Harpers, it is like there are guys out there who are jacking off together, but they They're separated in front of their own computers and there's this camaraderie and they share porn with each other and they're watching porn. But I think there's still a line between like the kind of guy who wants to jack off Maybe while another guy jacks off in another Date. And they're watching porn together on the internet and a guy who wants to jack off next to another guy on the couch. Watching Pour together which I the Gom rooms, they all don't they do it all together in the Gom rooms or they on a Zoom They're on a zoom. almost I thought there wass actual goon rooms like a video arcade where they're in like a video village where there's like a bunch of monitors playing porn and they're all sitting next to each other like a movie theater. Not so far asing No Oh, okay I think there probably is some virtual. The jack offff party. I had the guy who founded Rain City Jacks on The show a while ago, Paul Rosenberg And that's where there are clubs, there are parties where guys get together and it's a jack offff club, a jack offff party. They sprg up a lot and during the AIDS crisis as a safe way for guys to like be sexual without taking any risks at all because you're just jacking yourself off. And Paul Rosenberg told me that there's a lot of straight guys who come to his jack off parties. I mean, not a statistically significant percentage, not a majority of the attendees, but like more straight guys than you would think at these Jackoff partartyies advertised primarily to gay men, which surprised me Yeah the amount of shame and confusion and sadness I feel after I'm done jacking off. I don't want any it's not just about men witnessing it. I don't want any living creature. I don't want plants to witness the stupor that I'm in once I come out of this haze of reptilian thought Like it's so like it's an immediate like shame and like, God, what am I doing? I gott to go to work. What am what the hell am I doing? Why did I just do that? I'm so in my lizard brain. I'm like, that like it's right next door to taking a shit. like nobody needs to see this. noobody needs this is me time. I want to just getet the poison out and go on in Again you can listen to the whole thing, my entire interview with Eric Andre and hear the call we took together, hear the question we answered, and it is a doozy by subscribing to the Magnum version of the show over at saavage. lovev This episode is brought to you by Blueand. Did you know that an estimated five billion plastic hand soap and cleaning bottles are thrown away each year? And if that's not bad enough, most cleaning formulas are ninety percent water which is heavy to ship leading to excessive carbon emissions. 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So you aren't shipping unnecessary water all over, that they're not shipping products that are mostly water to the grocery store, that you aren't shlepping products that are mostly water home from the grocery store, which increases emissions. It just makes sense and it's a relief to see a company making good eco based decisions This one Also, Blueand is a certified B cororp and leaping bunny cruelty free certified. Their formulas are EPA safer choice certified and many products have also earned Cradle to Cradles gold material health certificate. Make the switch today like we did. getet fifteen percent off your first order by going to blluand dot com slash savage. That's fifteen percent off your first order Blueand. com slash saavage. Let them know the lovevecast sent you by using blueand. com slash Svage Hi Dan. I am a late thirties Cis woman living in the Northwest. I started dating my boyfriend about two years ago. He is Also in his like early forties, married for the better part of twenty years and is now divorced All that to say, I have just more sexual and relationship experience than he does. About six months into our relationship, I started doing something that I love to do, which is sending dirty pictures. He loved that very well received on his part. and after a little while He kind of asked like Am I supposed to be reciprocating here? Like am I supposed to send you pictures? And without clarifying at all what? The picture should be or anything. I just said like, yeah I thought I would get like, I don't know, he has a really nice body, so like maybe something like without his shirt But I got a dick pick And at first, I just kind of giggled and was like I don't know. I think he was just like kind of like really going like one for one there. But I didn't know what to say. I wasn't really not into it, but I wasn't really into it. I don't know, it was the thought that count to kind of vibe I don't know what to say. anyways, he kept Doing it And I started to just, I don't know, really like it and Also on occasion send a short video of him jerking off Also somethingomething I had no idea that I would love so much So This is the question. If we end up brereaking up because I don't know, relationships end D don't want that to happen, but if we do I have an obligation How him that I don't know, like most women probablybably not gonna love picks like I do. And for me this is just like honestly like new Fantasy unlocked for me, I had no idea that that was going to be something that I was into. so I would have never even known to ask for it And then again, I would have never I would have probably said no if he asked. Should I say anything at all? Side note, am I just like the world's only woman who likes a dick pick? You are not the only woman who likes pick whereere did you get that impression? Well, maybe from all the headlines and the news stories written about how much Women, straight women in particular, but women hate well, lesbians too hate. I'm sure lesbians hate more, hate it more. hate, hate, hate, receiving picks, the study that all of those news stories cite and that I've recently cited When we talk about how much women hate getting dick picks, a study published in the Journal of seex Research, conducted by McKinsey Institute schcholar. So a legit study That study found that the overwhelming majority of women felt grossed out, fifty percent of women grossed out when they got a dick pick or disrespected. forty six percent of women when they got a dick pick. twenty five percent. of women In the study, everybody cites about how much women hate dick picks or all women hate dick picks. twentyenty five percent of women report having a positive reaction Okay quickly, for the conspiracy theorist Does the math math there fifty plus forty six is ninety six percent of women either feeling gruzed out or disrespected. So how can twenty five percent report having positive Reaction? Well, maybe some people aroused when they feel disrespected or a little grossed out, so they had a disrespected gross doubt feeling, but a positive feeling to, an aroused feeling to. that's possible or More likely Some women were grossed out felt disrespected when they received dick picks fromr a man they did not want to receive dick picks from, but turned on or had a positive reaction when they received a dick pick from a different man, a man they wanted to see dick of hence these numumbers that don't seem to math, but they do math. if you give it a moment's thought. The study is women and men's reactions to receiving unsolicited genital images from men published in the Journal of Sex Research in July of twenty twenty, which means came out right at the beginning of the pandemic, during the lockdown, the data for it was collected Before the pandemic During the pandemic, dating moved online and a lot of people who'd never sexted before or had online sex before started sending dirty pics, making dirty videos, swapping them. And I wonder becausecause the pandemic kind of normalized Dirty picks for a lot of people who weren't into dirty picks before. I wonder whether the numbers that they conducted this study today would be the same. All right. on to your question, should you say something? to this man when you break up so that he doesn't bumble into a new relationship and start sending Dick picks. whyy wait Why wait tillil you break up to say something, Say something now when you can laugh about it when He may be more receptive to the message. justust say, hey, when I said, Yeah, you can send me some dirty picks too. I was a little surprised that he went right for pick and just so you know, like I wasn't that into it at first, but I got into it. I love them now. you awakened something in me. I didn't know I was there. and so You took me outside my comfort zone, but Yeah Don't pull that move on women in the future. They say you can send me a pick. Ask first if it's a dick pick they want to see I gotta say though, I really do want to challenge you on this point You say he sent a dick pick And you didn't ask for dick picks. You started sending him dirty pictures six months into the relationship, dirty pictures, your words. and he asked you if he could send dirty picks in return And you said yes What did you think you were going to get a pick of? When you told this man, he could send you a dirty picture picture of his calf? Yeah, you weren't gonna get a shirtless pick Men's bodies aren't taboo. Men can wear speedos in public. Shirtless picks are great, but shirtless picks of a man can be very sexy. It's not a dirty pick. When it comes to women's bodies, fairly or unfairly, tit picks. Shirtless picks are dirty pigs because We don't let women for arbitrary reasons, for sexist reasons, run around shirtless in public, the same way we let men run around shirtless in public. That taboo makes A shirtless tit pick from a woman Dirty, taboo. But for a man, if you tell a straight guy to send you a dirty pick as a straight woman, yeah, you're not gonna to get a whole pick or a shirtless pick, or a calf pick You are. going to get as you got, callaller, you're going to get A deck pg All right, time for listener feedback. First up, I'm going to share a few of the written comments listeners left about last week's show at savage. lovev says far north, for the caller cybersexing with a female AI version of himself, the first thing that jumped out to me was that he might have an unexplored interest in cisification or feminization, particularly if the spark behind it was trying to see how he would look or act in a more feminine role. Get off, AI is my advice byy yourself, a cute sexy outfit at your local sex shop and see how it makes you feel. Says Eigenwert, regarding couples in very long term relationships, losing desire for each other over time. I think the callar over genereralized to all couples, but Dan did a good job of keeping it to most couples except for one time When Dan slipped and called losing attraction and inevitability, I think it is good to acknowledge it can happen and may even be likely to. but surely the examples of Ruby, skyscrapers, and myself, just to name a few people in this comment thread alone, demonstrates that a multi decade relationship isn't doomed to a lack of sexual desire and activity Good point, Eganwor. sorry about that Stray inevitability. It is not as you and Ruby and skyscrapers all prove an inevitability. Finally says Jo aglow for the caller who wants to get with her attractive jacked seventy year old coworker, just don't Also don't seek advice about workplace situations from two men, that would be me and comedian Jamie Wolf. are entirely unfamiliar with corporate culture and have never or rarely been employed in any hierarchical structure. At most, ask the dude if he plans to retire anytime soon, and if he does, you can make the approach If you've got something to say about something I said or one of my guests said on this week's show, you can jump into the comment thread at savage. lovev or if you want to say it with your whole chest, you can call us at twozo six threez two twozero six four and leave us a message or send us a voicemail to at savage. lovev. And now, Savage Lve listeners who left voicemails on one of our answering machines aboutbout last week's show, get to have the last word on this week's show Hey Dan Id just listen to the Australian caller who was sexually assaulted by the tiny dick douchebag And I was wondering why she buried the lead by starting the call talking about his two inch todger. I think she's worried that in kicking this guy to the curb He's going to presume that it was because of his microcog and not because of his massive boundary violation She should cut out her handringing and tell him straight I don't want to see you again and it's not because of your tiny dick, which I was perfectly happy to work around. It's because you' stuck it in me without my consent and that is totally unfucking forgivable This is in response to the woman who was considering getting her neck chairs Andan you told her there's no downside to giving the shot since she's already got little sensation in there, but I am here from the future to tell you that there could potentially be a downside. I was in a very similar situation to skiful nipples, but no sensation, no sexual pleasure from them. And so I also decided to try to get a piercing to increase sensitivity. I only did one It did not increase my sensitivity in a sensual way. It kind of hurt all the time. and um downside people really like to play with theyre doing sex. and so then it would be really sore for days afterwards. I dealt with it for like two to three years. It never fully healed. when I finally gave up on it, It's now quite scarred and disfigured and so my niibles switch from are beautiful now no longer match. my nibble that was pierced was a little bit larger than the other one So There is potentially a downside to this. So if you do want to give it a shot, Maybe take it out pretty quick you try it if it doesn't do what you're hoping it will do Hi, Dan. This is in response to your lovevecast one zero one nine where you give advice to the lesbian who hasn't slept with a man in twenty five years who wants to sleep with her seven year old male coworker. I'm a little bit disappointed in that you said, o, do you know how many straight men would like to sleep with kinky lesbians? I think we all can acknowledge The fact that if she wants to sleep with a man, she's not a lesbian. okay? There's way too much rhetoric out there. I am a lesbian. For twenty five years and how many men have been like, o, if you just sleep with me then, you know, so a little bit disappointing. Clearly she is eer or something outside of a lesbian, but she's not a lesbian if she wants to sleep with the man And we are going to leave it there. Got a sex problem, G a relationship quandary, Got a comment for us. go to savage. lovev slash ask Dan To record and upload your question or your comment directly onto our website, or you can record a voice memo and email it to us at Q at savage dot lovev or you can call us at twozo six threezero two two zero six four and leave us a message on our answering machine. And hey, if you tried something new and you want to share the dirty details with me, send an email to Q at savage dot lovev. Let us know what you did And you might be my next guest on after action report. Are you too horny, too kinky, too queer, too the opposite of shy, then you are too too perfect for hum The best dirty little film festival in the world is accepting film submissions For our twenty, twenty, seven spring and fall seasons If your film gets in, you could win cash prizes and you will definitely get a cut of ticket sales from humps National and international tours. sububmissions close, november sixth, Humpfilmfestival dot com slash submit for all the info you need Follow me at Blue sky at Dance Savage, foollow me on Instagram at Dance Savage. Follow Eric Andre, on Instagram at Eric fucking Andre, subscribe to his YouTube series Bombing with Eric Andre on YouTube, and check out his new and much praised album of classical music, Blarf film scores for films that don't exist The Savagege Lovecast is produced every week by Nancy Hartonian and me and Nancy in the T tech Cviat Resc Youth will' allll be back at you next week for the installment of the Savage Lovecast This episode of the Savage Love Cast is brought to you by Load Boost by VB Health Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, the volume and the overall health of your semen If you're already putting in the work, why not make your performance unborgettable? Made in the USA, NSF certified and produced in an FDA registered facility. Thousands of guys across fifty states and forty five countries swear by load boost. If you want bigger finishes and better reviews from your audiences, if you want better taste, better mouth feeleel Go to loadboost. com today and use code Savage for ten percent off or click the link in this week's episode description That's loadboost. com and use offer code Savage. Granger knows, when you're a procurement manager for an office park You're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners Light's about to fail, filters ready to clog, HVack on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind Count on Granger for quality products, easy reordering and twenty four seven support. Call one eight hundred Granger, clickranger. com or just stop by Granger. for the ones who get it done