Closing Announcements and Film Festival

You're listening to the Savage Love Cast, Dan Savage's sex and relelationship Sh for grown upps If you're under eighteen Get out ofa here, yngin If you're stuck in a relationship quandary or if you're looking for sexual harm S Let those amongst you who have not gone on vacation with your scorchingly hot and totally stacked live in senior mal advisors passast the first stone I haven't. I do live with a couple of dudes, but if anyone is advising anyone around here, it's me. I am the senior male advisor. So I will go ahead and cast a stone, but not as it turns out, the first stone. Credit for the first stone or two goes to Tim Miller and Will Summer Bullwark Takes podcast over the weekend. they elaborated on a story posted at sources sayay. News And sources cited by sources say said, tryry saying that three times fast. sources cited by sources say said, Representative Abe Hammada, Republican of Arizona and a rising star in the MAGA movement, first elected to Congress In twenty twenty four, an unmarried man Incidentally, That guy, that unmarried male congressman from Arizona, Republican, has a senior live in male advisor who happens to be a former realtor with no background in politics, this advisor. Livin Mle was the highest paid member of Hammada's staff until he was moved over to his reelection campaign a couple of months ago. And the two men, according to sources cited by sources say They live together. Have I mentioned that they lived together in Washington, DC and go on vacations together and work out together. There is a lot of pink smoke here What may be a little gay sex scandal just in time for the last day And in what may be the biggest tell of all, the very first thing Representative Hammedah did when he got to Congress was redecorate his office to look like something out of a British costume drama I have seen the pictures. Looks like Bridgerton in there But in Hameda's version of Bridgerton best heaving bosoms are on his senior male advisor and not on the marriageable daughters of the aristocracy. Some of you who've been paying attention for a little longer might recall a former Republican member of Congress, Aron Schock who had his office redecorated to look like something out of Downton Abbey Shock also had a hot staffer, a male photographer that he traveled with and like Hameda Chock was unmarried The tale of two closet cases to close out pride mug. Like Hamada, Shock, who is now out of Congress and out of the closet as well, Shock liked to post seexy picks. It was shirtless picks for shock, pictures taken by his live in and travel with mail staff photographer, but Representative Hameda, it's Pantless picks He shared a pic after that appalling fight on the White House lawn, a pic of him in the White House wrapped in an American flag wearing nothing but a square cut red speedo looking thing. And again, no pants Hammada would in that outfit fit right in at a july fourth party on Fire Island this weekend It would be funny I would be able to enjoy this more if everything happening absolutely everywhere at this moment weren't so fucking tragic. But I am going to will myself to take what pleasure I can in this story. Hamanda is a first generation American, an Arab Born to Syrian immigrant parents. Hamada supports Trump Iice rounding up immigrants and Trump wanting to end the kind of birthright citizenship that made Hameda himself a citizen And Hamada has said, nothing I could find while Trump administration officials the idea of stripping naturalized citizens and anchor babies, babies like Hamada, of their citizenship, and deporting them to countries where they've never lived and do not speak the language. And of course, Like shock Tameda is a vocal opponent of gay rights. He's introduced legislation to ban the display of pride flags on federal property. He opposes Qote unquote gender ideology, it is always the closet cases who are the most vocal opponents of LGBT rights. because they think it puts them above suspicion. so far above suspicion that they can live with hot men and vacation with hot men and post pictures, shirtless or in their underwear without setting off anyone's or everyone's gadar There's been some debate about the ethics of outing people are talking about Hamedah. It was the same debate we had about shock No one outed shock and no one is outing Hamada These guys, both of them We're outing themselves One sexy staffer, one sexy shirtless or pantless selfie, one over the top office Reno at a time All right, speaking to gay members of Congress, I would really like to see Scott Weiener an out and proud gay man, a gay man who has served in the California state legislature for more than a decade, where he's effectively championed LGBT rights. And by effectively, I mean, he didn't just talk the talk about supporting LGBT people, he got a lot of important pro LGBT legislation passed and onto the governor's desk and signed, I would like to see him elected to Congress this fall to Nancy Pelosi's old seat. Scott has been a champion of the trans community. which is what was so galling about seeing him attacked at a rally for transans rights and SF this weekend, which he has attended every year for the last twenty two years. The loudest person attacking Scott, as we later learned is a straight cis guy who identifies Big sigh here as quote unquote culturally queer That man, again, straight Sis man was telling Scott loudly on video that he posted, proud of himself. He told Scott that unlike his straight ass, Scott has been an gay man for decades and decades and deces isn' Tweet That no one at this event was shouting down the people, shouting at Scott was a sad indictment of all the other people at this event, maybe getting rid of the gatekeepers, as it turns out May have been a mistake. Like a lot of people, this weekend, I kicked in some money for Scott's campaign. It was his biggest fundraising day Ever so that attack on Scott backred. If you're inclined to join me, if you'd like to see Scott Wiener in Congress, if you've got a few dollars to spare and you want to help put not just a fighter for LGBT rights into Congress, but someone who's led the fight for housing and been a guest here on the Savage Lbcast who talk about housing, you know, a whole lot of desperately needed housing is going to be built in California over the next twenty years Thanks to legislation, Scott proposed and got to the legislature and onto the governor's desk for his signature over the last ten Housing that will, in many cases, wind up being homes for trans refugees fleeing to California from increasingly hostile red states. If you would like to see a fearless fighter like Scott in Congress Go to Scottwener. com Click on donate The messy closet cases, of course, they are fun, fun to talk about, fun to watch, stumble out of their glass closets But an out gay man, an already out gay man was not going to redecorate his office in some ridiculous way. An outgay man with a track record of legislative accomplishments That's the kind of gay man we need in Congress right now Not Representative Hamado All right, coming up on today's show. flooding someone's basement can be a good thing. That can be a sexy thing metaphorically. But this caller's boyfriend is having his basement flooded regularly. And there's nothing sexy about it. Find out Why and find out who the culprit is. Also this week, friend of the show Carlton drops by to weigh in on the A ball, a product that is supposed to replace douuchching. It is the talk of the internet and this week it is the talk here on the Savage Lbcast And join me here on the Magnum Seaan, Galenos, host of the Love Drive podcast. He drops in to help me answer a question from a very, very horny woman who wonders whether she should hire a male sex worker if she could find one who works with female clients Seaan, a straight guy who used to be a sex worker that worked with female clients has some suggestions for my callers on locating providers like him My convoist Sean, again is on the Magnum, the longer, stronger ad free version of the show that you can subscribe to at savage. lovev slash subscribe. And if you subscribe today, june thirtieth, you get a full year of magnum for half off. It's our annual June sale for new subscribers. Just twenty five bucks gets you the longer ad free guest filled Magnum webcast Sex and politics, my longer form show, more Savage Love invites to Savage Love Live and yeah, more just More all for supporting the show. Last week Sabage L live with my husband, Terry was a blast. five hundred people came by to ask a lot of nosy, but welcome and invited and calmly answered questions about our relationship and they got to see me and Terry be the Bickersons In real time. For Magnum Subbs who missed the show, you will be able to watch a recording of it. We will email all Magnum Subbs a link to the video this week. Be sure to look for it in your inboxes and to subscribe to support the show, to become a sub, head over to savage dot love slash subscribe. Oh, and one last thing. PS last night at dinner, Tom, That would be Terry's living boyfriend H junior male advisor, he asked whether he could come on Savage Love Live. So Magnum Subbs, you have Cbo to look forward to. All right, let's get to The first call This episode of the Lovecast is brought to you by the good folks at Squarespace. They make it easy to build a beautiful website blog or online store. Head on over to squarespace d. com slash savage for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Savage to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain This episode is brought to you by Field, an app where curious people come to connect download field on the App Store or Google Play and find out why so many of my listeners are already using it Hello, Dan Nancy in the teech savvy at Risk Youth. I have a question about self deprecating remarks because my husband recently voiced some concern that I have been sort of down on myself regarding my looks to give you some idea round No one ever called me hot or handsome But thanks to like working out at the gym and watching my diet from about age twenty to about a sixty I would describe myself as fuckable, you know, not hot, not good looking, but, you know, I'd fuck that guy But you know now I look in the mirror and I would not fuck that guy. And you know, I make some comments about it sometimes. and anyway, my husband thinks it's bad for my mental health Anyway, so what do you think? self deprecating comments, unhealthy, healthy, neutral I guess obviously I should stop making them in front of my husband, but other than that, what do you think I am right there with you. I have never once looked in a mirror, and thought I would fuck that guy But I did learn eventually to take yes for an answer and that there were guys Who wanted to fuck me? so I cleared the fuckable bar, which is a pretty low bar generally And those guys would sometimes tell me that they thought I was hot. and I had a problem hearing that. I couldn't really hear that. I would roll my eyes, I would scoff, I still kind of do and it was an insult to them. their taste, their intelligence, their truthfulness when I would that. I was basically saying you're lying to me when some guy like the guy I married or some other guys would tell me that they thought I was hot and I had to really beat it into my own head that hot is and that there are people out there that Friends of mine think are hot, that I don't and people out there that I think are hot, that other people don't, and it's perfectly possible for me to think, I'm not that hot, but to accept that other people Do find me hot I don't know about you, but sometimes You know Pictures of myself in my thirties and forties when I felt unfuckable and not hot. and I'm like, huh I was all right. I wasn't bad And so it stands to reason, even though I've gotten older that the people who are telling me, they want to fuck me now for whom I clear not just the fuckable bar, but the hot bar are telling me the truth. and when I'm in my eighties, I'm going to look at some pictures of myself in my sixties when I was convinced I wasn't Reuckable and go, I wasn't that B You gotta do the same. And yes, absolutely positively self deprecating comments, the grunting, the shrugging, the scoffing. I used to do Unhelpful, when your husband pays you a compliment, do not insult his intelligence or his tastes tellell him that his feelings about you or his attraction to you is invalid. It is exhausting It's exhausting in part because when you're the one who doesn't think you're hot and you're hold your hot and you scoff It puts that other person in the position of having to do the emotional labor of arguing with you about it of having to say it Gam My husband will sometimes tell me I'm hot. That's his job. My boyfriend will sometimes tell me I'm hot. That's his job and it's fine I die a little inside when they say it to me because I still don't quite believe it. Maybe when again when I look at those pictures of myself in my sixties when I'm on my death bed, I'll go, yeah, they weren't lying to me that either that I've learned to mask it internalized the scoff. I no longer scoff audibly or visibly, I spare them. because Refusing to take their word for it, refusing to take that yes For an answer that you are fuckable the person who is standing there with a boner wanting to fuck you sabotages your relationship and reinforces your own negative attitudes about yourself. And you don't need any help with that, particularly from yourself. No reaching around the insecurities was in Chicago neeighborhood Andersonville this past week for the midsummer festival ade neighborhood within Chicago, As Jen, you probably know better than I My girlfriend, holding hands, walking around and more than a few times was requested to have an additional handheld by the very gay population there Only my hand was requested to be held be to hold hands. seems like a fun, little inclusive thing, but later on that entered my mind something that means something that I don't know. I am a big straight guy, but curious if this is a thing or just a legeonree that was nice enough So when Terry and I moved into the house where we live on the block where we live in Seattle, twenty plus Years ago, our next door neighbor gay men were moving in and she marched across the street to a stay at home dad who is now one of our very best friends and asked him what he was going to do if the gay guy is moving into the house directly across the street from his, if we tried to kiss him because that is, of course, what gaymen do. We run through the neighborhood kissing straight stay home dads. It's totally from the gay recruitment playbook. No that's not a thing That happens. That's not a thing that gay couples when they move into the neighborhood We don't run up and down the street kissing the straight married men who live on our block We live in Seattle. There is no shortage here of gay guys. who want to kiss other gay guys, we do not have to resort to recruiting or sexually assaulting Straight guys Our next door neighbor, now one of our biggest fans, friends fine. It all worked out. This is how people learearn and grow, particularly twenty plus years ago. when we were literally the first guys Bkday Men on our blog just as twentywenty years ago, we had two. reassure our neighbors that this isn't a thing that gayen do My feeling is This thing that happened to you, not a thing, Gamean Maybe it was a bit. I'm thinking maybe a friend group at The street party in Andersonville, wasnt a gayighborhood when was growing up in Chicago, but is absolutely a gayighborhood. It was a Swedish neighborhood when I was growing up The Swedes left, the gays moved in, the lesbians moved in Yeah, it's a gay neighborhood now. I'm thinking of a friend group Festival clocked you. and your girlfriend and maybe they thought that you were clinging to her in a panic sort of way teelegraphing to everyone on the street that you were Happy to be at the Gay Festival, but you didn't want anyone to think for even a single second that you might be a gay man yourself so you couldn't let go of your girlfriend. For even an instant. we've seen Straight guys do that in gay bars, we see straight guys do that gay street festivals or gay neighborhood parties. I've seen strream guyss do that at mostly gave dinner parties that they were invited to As if gay men invite The straight couple who just moved into the building around of the block over for dinner try to pick off The straight boyfriend out of a thing that happens. Maybe a friend group clocked you and they were just Goofing, teasing. on a dare. they came up to you one after another and asked if they could hold your hand too. This is not anything that you will find in the protocols of the elders of West Hollywood about how torment straight guys and clublic. This is Not a thing. notot doubting that this is a thing that happened to you on this day at this street party The explanation has to be something ur and directive went out from gHQ and now this is what gay people do at street parties when they spot straight guys. No, some gay guys saw you and decided to the wings off the straight fly be you, sorry that's kind of dehumanizing rhetoric. They decided to tease you by coming up and asking you to hold your hand too kind of Rousing kind of affectionate Hazing where they were at once acknowledging that you weren't out of place, but you weren't like all the others, but also wanting you to feel on their terms It's also a way for gay men, maybe gay men at that street party that you were at where this happened to police the event because if you weren't comfortable approached even in a joking way by a gay man about holding your hand, you would have fled. You would have run screaming from the event. You wouldn't have belonged at the event if you were a straight guy prone to G panic Maybe they were trying to panic you out of there if you didn't belong there. And you proved by sticking around to be asked again and again and again and holding guys' hands from the sounds of things that you did belong that you were, although straight This episode is brought to you by Squarespace They make it easy to build a website, blog, or online store I use Squarespace for my stupid Klesmmer band We use Squarespace for Dan's stupid film festival? You will use Squarespace for your cool business or creative projects. Squarespace has state of the art design tools so anyone can build a classy, professional looking online presence that fits your vibe It discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated site map and more, so you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers And Squarespace makes sending out promo to your email list so easy. Bam. out it goes. and it's gonna look good too And if video is a part of your venture, Squarespace has you covered Uload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall What will you do with all the money you just earned? I would buy myself a hot fudge suunday Head on over to squarespace d. com slash saavage for a free trial. and when you're ready to launch, use saavage to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace d. com slash savage and use the offer code Savage Hey Dan. my boyfriend is a very handsome man and he lives in a ground floor apartment. And his neighbor upstairs is a guy in his late fifties sky has flooded the ground floor apartment at least twenty times Every time this happens, it's the same thing It's always the evening. My boyfriend is always home Water starts coming through the ceiling and my boyfriend runs to bang on his neighbour's door and alert him And this guy emerges wearing women's lingerie my boyfriend goes back in, starts to mop up And then he gets this really apologetic email from the neighbor who's like really beating himself up. And he always says that He was just running a bath and lost track of time Now my boyfriend is focused on dealing with the insurers and getting his ceiling fixed And I'm trying to work out what is going on This has happened so many times that it's just impossible to believe that this is an accident. I think the neighbour is absorbed in some kind of water related kink and I should add that this always happens whenever the neighbour's wife is away. And I think that it happens after The neighbour has seen my boyfriend outside like they've passed in the street I mean, I interpret this apologetic email as some kind of post wank shame My question for you, Dan is Have you heard of a kink where people get off on the sound of running water This is not an accident nor is it a water related kink. Your boyfriend's, your hot boyfriend's upstairs neighbor cost dresser has a humiliation cake, wants to get caught in his women's by a hot dude. and he now knows he's done this twenty times, he now knows that he can summon a hot dude to his door whenever he wants because your boyfriend moved in under him downstairs and he just has to let the Oflow Get into his women's panties while the tub is overflowing, startart having his wank while he stares at his front door, waiting for your boyfriend to materialize at the door, to knock at the door. And then he opens the door and says, Ohh my Godd, I'm so sorry. Ohh, you caught me. Oh, look at me.' in my I'm in my women's underpants. how mortifying. And then he shuts the door, opens the drain in the tub and finishes having his wank Fine thing to wank neighbors. And we're all free to wank about whoever we want to wank about. We are not free ress gang someone into making an appearance in our wank sessions against their will and then send them A self lacerating, self flagellating email after where you try to style yourself as the of your own stupidity to try to elicit sympathy. from the person you just violated and used the way this guy upstairs is violating and using your neighbor Overflow drains have been a standard feature on ubs on bathtubs, I looked it up for a hundred years. This is not happening by accident. Not only is he Putting the plug in the tub. He's also stuffing a washcloth or something into the overflow drain at the top of the tub so that it overflows so that it summons your boyfriend who he clocked coming into the building He only does this after he checks whether your boyfriend is home or knows that your boyfriend is home brings him to the front door So what do you do? Well, you could take it up at the condo association. Your boyfriend could contact the last person who lived in this apartment before he moved in or owned the apartment before he moved in to find out if this was something this guy was doing to them. And I guarantee you, if previous tenant or owner was hot and male too, was probably doing it to them. Didn't think of it right after your boyfriend arrived And you build a case, and sue if you want to really get ugly about it, but I think there's a simpler route which is These emails And the fact The evidence that you have that he's hiding this activity from his wife He sends these emails after it happens, apologizing profusely and flagellating himself. Oh, you can't mad at me. I'm so mad at myself. It would be piling on if you were mad at me too. We know this strategy. It's very manipulative when somebody does something wrong And you have every right to be mad at them, but you can't them up metaphorically because they're standing there in front of you beating themselves up. It's an a abuser' tactic and a manipulative piece of shits Forward these emails, tell this guy you're going to forward the emails to his wife if it does not stop. then The next time it happens, forward the emails to the wife Let her know what the going on And that she's in some financial peril too, because you are, your boyfriend is sick of this and going to sue and already has all the evidence he needs that upstairs Neighbor is at fault? And of course you should turn this evidence over to his insurance Dude, the insurance company that should be going after the upstairs neighbor to be reimbursed for the damage that he's been doing to your boyfriend's apartment that theoretically is condo insurance is covering N a running water fetish. That is not a thing. You know, I sometimes say that if it exists in the world somewhere someone is jerking off to it right now but I've never heard from anybody or heard about anybody with a running water fetish or an overflowing tub fetish. Not A thing. Ac comes razor. The thing is getting caught in those panties and the lingerie by a hot guy. And your boyfriend's upstairs neighbor knows exactly what button to press would overflow drain to block to bring that Hot guy to his door This episode is brought to you by Field, the dating app you keep hearing my callers talk about on this show. If you're wondering why, it's because field serves the curious, the open minded, and people who know that the concept of normal is overrated culture, not a thing on field. You can browse profiles without having to say yes or no right away and take your time making intentional decisions about who you engage with Put your interest and desires right on your profile, desires like being a brat, exploring DS or BDSM, and even friendship. Field supports honesty in its very architecture. Your bio can be as long as you like But if you have something you only want to say to people you're vibing with that you've connected with, you can write a hidden bio, which you choose when to share with potential future lovers and friends. And active consent is embedded into the very design of field. For example, DM photos with nudity are automatically blurred to give the recipient the opportunity to decide themselves if they want to see them And Field has a new feature called Reflections. It's designed to reveal you to yourself, what you desire, relationship style that works best for you, your boundaries. By answering these deeper questions about yourself, you can reflect before you connect What are my actual boundaries? What do I deeply desire? What type of relationship do I really want If you have the language to say what you want, if you can use your words, you will be so much closer to getting what you want You know, it sounds a lot like the advice I give people on this show. know thyself. littleittle introspection, use your words Try reflections right now by visiting field d. co slash reflections or by downloading field on the App Store or Google Play Field. It's where it's at and it's where my people are at. And if you're one of my people You're going to want to get on field Y is advertising itself as a replacement for douing Joining me to help answer this question, doctor Carlton, the interternet's favorite butt stuff and queer sexual Health Dc, with nearly four hundred thousand followers across social media platforms. He is the co host of But honestly, a podcast about sex socializing, love and butt stuff, pack full of great info, laughs and everything you need to know to h responsibly. doct. Carlton, welcome back to the Savage Lbcast Hey, thanks for having me, Dan. So the A bL from Plari Labs, have you heard of it Yeah, I actually have heard of it. I've had a lot of DMs on my Instagram about this product and people want to know what it is, Do I think it's going to work? You know, should they send money in for it? Or someone are saying, hey, I'm sending money in for it for this project You know, you should too I've been cont contacted by the company, but I don't want to deal with them So what is it? Just let us know what it for people who haven't No one sent them the link yet or haven't heard anything about it yet. What is an A ball and how is it going to replace theoretically douching? cleaning out before anal sex So the whole idea is it's designed as an alternative to anal ducing before receptive anal sex. According to the company, it's a soft ball made primarily from collagen and algginate, which is like a sew seawed derived material It's intended to act as a temporary barrier between stool and the anal canal during sex So what one does is wash their hands, apply water based lube to this gelatinous ball, which is a little bit firm initially, not too firm. And then you push it up into your anus, into the rectum with your finger. And then what's supposed to happen then is it' supposed to for a blockade between anything above that area and where you're getting fucked So basically, it' meant to be kind of like a dam But You know, I see a lot of potential pitfalls here over time as supposed to melt, not and melt but soften to a gelatinous consistency, kind of like the consistency of stool. so that it can be expelled properly For me, I'm concerned about it melting too quickly or not really making things clean enough inside the rectum, the rectal vault can be kind of wideen people, especially people who've been fisted before, you know, that vault is ye, I don't see how a little ball is going to block stool in someone's rectal walk that's been stretched out from fisting or large toys So let me just run through a couple of my doubts. I' seen the cross sections on their website. Yes, definitely. and it's pretty you know, stom peopleout putting me off anal sex forever. Basically, you shove this gelatin ball up your butt and it functions as kind of a damn. It's a cervical cap, I guess for your ass. Yeah, and the theory is the poop is further up, the gut and this ball is in between your anus and pointoint in your gut and then somebody can fuck you and the idea is the ball melts. and my first thing is like How quickly does it melt and anal becomes a race against time? Because if there is a dam in there, the dam could burst at any time. So unlike douching, which you could do a couple of hours before you play, you could go out, you can go to dinner having doucheed and be ready to go for anal later. You can't put this ball up your butt and go out because by the time, you know, if you're waiting an hour or two to fuck It will have already come to room temperature and melted But the other thing that they kind of bury the lead a little bit in the cross sections is that it'll only work for the average sized penis. If a dick is too big The ball isn't going to be far enough up. The ball itself isn't just going to block shit of from above. it's going to block the dick from below And since Half of all dicks are above average dicks, that means this isn't gonna work for half of all dicks Yeah. And so if you're going to a sex party also if you're going to a sex party orre going to a bad house or any sort of event like that where you're going to have sex with multiple people,'m a little worried about the timing of how long it's gonna to last and be effective for someone. So it could end up being a big mess in a situation like that. Obviously also with fisting, you're not going to be able to use this for fisting. know, That's going to require a really deeper, more intense cleanout. So I personally don't understand what's so hard about douhing a little bit and taking fiber every day I take fiber supplements daily, you know, csilium husk based things and other fibers that clean up the residue in the colon and they make my rIT out process of four or five time rs out. and I'm ready to go for anal sex. It's not a big deal at all So there's obviously demand for this. They started a kickstarter and they've raised five hundred four thousand dollars for more than five thousand contributors. You've heard about it from a bunch of people. I've heard about it from a bunch of people People ask me whether I'm excited about this or it's going to work I'm not sure it's going to work. but clearly, although I don't think doushing is that big a deal, it's pretty easy. It's pretty quick. They make doushing sound like this protracted embarrassing, shameful nightmare, hence the need for this product in theory So other people want an alternative to douching. web the company itself says bottoms deserve better than douhing, but in your experience, douchhing, not that big a deal. in my experience, not that big a deal. So I don't understand the need. I mean, I understand the butts this product is going to fill. I don't understand the need it's supposedly trying to fill There are some people that I still talk to in my DMs who say, o my God, I'm you know dshing is like a three hour process for me. And I'm like, you're doing something wrong if it's taking three hours. You know you're putting way too much water up there, you're creating more mess. you know, small amounts of water U just a little you're only rinsing out that last little bit. You don't need to go you know, you know, gallons and gallons and gallons of your colding So yeah, I think You know, I would like to see this in real life. Obviously there's five thousand people who donated over five hundred thousand dollars to make this thing happen. I'd like to see them get their experience on what it was like in real life because you know, I don't need it. poo this tonga chi. I really am really skeptical about it. on what I would like to see what real life does with this thing because it's not available on the market Actually, it kind of sort of is. I have a conspiracy theory about this product. I don't know if you've ever seen an Oviositor Dildo. Ovipositors, egg depositors. Oh yeah. Dildo is designed for people who have fantasies about bugs or aliens laying eggs in them. and it's a hollow dildo that looks like an alien dick or phallus of some sort that you can shove balls up and the balls you're supposed to shove up it according to The product you can go to actually bad hypeandragon. com and look up Ovipositor and see what. not plastic balls, not silicone balls, not balls that could get lost in you, but gelatin balls and at Bad Dragon, they sell molds for you to make your gelatin balls for yourself. and I had this theory and it's just a conspiracy theory. It might not be true. Maybe they just reinvented the wheel from wholeo cloth, lightning struck, great minds, Th alike And whoever thought of the Obi Positor, somebody at Polari Labs thought of this separately and they're not related. But I have this theory that somebody was using an obupositor and thought, oh, hey This gelatin ball but that means you can already buy molds. You don't have to wait for this company to send you these gelatin balls, you can buy a mold right now to make your own gelatin balls and shove them right your butt and see if it works. Th then get back to me and Dr. Carlton about whether this works or not because we're all dying to know Yeah, for sure, absolutely. I'm really really interested in what's going to go on here. But like I said, this has caused quite a sturbn people, so I'm sure it'll probably come out at some point and we'll see what happens. Dror Carlton Host to the Butt Honestly podcast. Thank you so for me back on the Ss Lo Ccast You always going to be here Hi Dan. I'm a single straight woman in my late thirties And I was wondering if we could talk about condoms. I took birth control for a long time, but I'm not taking it anymore. so I rely on condoms for pregnancy prevention and also STD prevention Some of my partners recently, even though they've been kind of long term partners I've had multiple partners so I know just feels like it gets a little bit scary to me, even though you know, maybe their partners have STD checks, it's just kind of like a web of hookups that feel like I'm making myself vulnerable to STDs and also have a lot of fear around accental pregnancy because I've been in that circumstance before and also the people I'm with don't want to have a child either. So anyay, you think that men would just be more interested in wearing condoms, but it's been my experience that they're really avoidant about it. and it feels like they have amnesia about the conversation. We've talked about it multiple times And I't know, these aren't just like total assholes. like they're otherwise nice, considerate. find people consent oriented partners and I wish they were a little more on board. and the obvious answer to this is I should just always have coombs on me which I don't and have them ready to go But I just really feel like It should be their responsibility. I did birth control for years, like I said, and I don't think it's a lot to ask And it really just makes me feel so cared for when Men show up with a condom and I don't have to ask and it's not even a conversation and they just wear it And so I guess that's kind of like my PSA also, tellell me if you think I'm off base, but it's embarrassingly hard for me to insist on a condom too. And I'm not saying I haven't had these conversations because I have It is hard for me and that sucks, but that is the truth of that gender dynamic, and I know I need to work on that And lastly, there are also these all these men who don't seem like they're able to maintain a erection with a condom Do you think that practicing jacking off with a condom would help them Yeah, it should be their responsibility Gabriel, Stanley Blair, the amazing writer, interior designer, and social media superstar wrote a whole book about it Ejaculate responsibly. Maybe you should in addition to having a couple of boxes of condoms on your nightstand, getet yourself several dozen copies of Ejaculate responsibly and hand them out to the guys who show up at your house and are suffering from a bout of condom amnesia that they've forgotten at the last time that you were with them You explained that you needed them to wear a condom that it was sex with a condom or no sex. And they somehow forgot, they didn't forget. they just don't want to where om and yeah, you're going to have to get better about advocating for yourself. You're not on birth control. D don't want to contract. NestDI that you can avoid, you do not want an unplanned pregnancy, you need them to wear a condom. You have to insist And little advice from the darkest days of the HIV AIS epidemic in your own best interest with casual sex partners, Check. while you're having sex that the condom hasn't quote unquote fallen off which just meant not goingulling out necessarily turning on the clag lights and inspecting the dck, just letting your hand drift down every once in a while and feeling the dck as it's going in and out of you and making sure that that condom is still on that That's for advice for guys who have a problem wearing condoms or might lose their erection. wearing a condom or relying on losing an erection, wearing a condom to get off the hook of having to wear a condom Yeah, you hit on something. That was advice that was commonly given to gay men at the height of the HIV AIDS crisis getet used to condoms, sometometimes jack off wearing a condom, get accustomed The condoms that can help a guy maintain an erection with a condom if he associates having a condomon with having orgasms and can self stimulate. and keep his erection Also, don't put the condom on the split second before penetration. inccorporate putting the condom on into the roowing around and the f playay, put it on Well before, penetration so that there isn't a suden loss and sensation so that if taking that beat, that moment to open the condom packet, which you can also do before you start fucking around taking that moment pausing causes the erection to begin to flag. Well Yeah, then Keep rolling around, keep playing with each other's tits, keep socking each other's faces, do whatever it does That makes that dick. H. whatever you were doing that was making that dick hard and you were getting ready for penetration, keepe doing that for a little bit. and the erection will come back and the condom will then be a Temperature, addict temperature and not. We also foreign and the loss of sensation won't feel so great when penetration starts Also, what a guy learns when he jacks off, wearing a condom is that sometimes you need a little extra pressure So you should let guys know. like sometimes guys go into penetrative sex with women with hangups about pulling out for a second, stroking themselves and diving back in. Sometimes women If G's issues about make guys feel self conscious about 'causeuse a woman will see a guy pull out, give himself a few strokes before going back in and think, oh, he's not turnurned on and will a meltdown in some cases about the fact that, oh, like if I was if he desired me enough, if I was sexy enough, if he was into me enough, he wouldn't have to touch himself and Yeah, look M no Hs orgasms and look on no hands erections are great You're in your thirties now, presumably your sex partners are in their thirties, forties Her to be that hard at all times without the dude occasionally having to I'm himself up. So you should in addition to disinhibiting about insisting on condoms, advocating for yourself, making sure the guys know that if there's no condom, there's no PIV, other stuff you might be willing to do able to do You should let a guy know that you're not going think him less a man or any less attracted to you if midfucking you with that condomon He needs to pull out and use his own right hand for a minute. And he also has the option, if you come from PIV Sx, maybe with the incorporation of a vibrator, he also has the option of pulling out at the end, taking the condom off and finishing Not on your hole. carries risks for STI, but on your tits, on your back, on your stomach, anywhere that you're comfortable with him finishing on you. And if not, If that doesn't appeal to, a guy blowing his load on you, then he can blow it on himself Hi Dan Straight guy, late fifties West cooast So I recently had a surgery, a Holmum laser nucleation of the prostate or HoLEP surgery for sureort which basically is a laser that's inserted into my urethra and it lops off a part that I didn't want. my case I had a growth on my prostate that was pushing into my bladder, causing a hoover dam like effect in my ability to void So they go in there and they lop it off and you can pee again. U but not pleasant, not fun, nothing about it, fun Um I'm five or almost six days post op right now and part of my post op instructions are no heavy lifting, no exercising. U and no sexual activity, including masturbation. So ejaculation, according to the surgeon can irritate the O wound that's on my prostate right now as it's healing and potentially cause bleeding and infection and complications U I have a great girlfriend and we have a great sex life. So I've been trying to use this time to turn lemons into lemonade and focus on her and find new and interesting ways to go down on her and heat her ass and do all kinds of fun things and make it different every night She wants to reciprocate without getting me to the point of ejaculation. And one of the things she wants to do is suck a cock. and My question is Is it safe six, seven days post surgery to have my girlfriend go down on me U withithout me ejaculating Um Or is that increasing my risk of infection? Should I avoid even Maybe one of your medical experts can answer this one Don't need the assistance of a medical expert to help you with this one. Your doctor said, no sexual activity. You shouldn't even be going down on girlfriend, you shouldn't be putting yourself in a position where you're becoming aroused because during arousal, the prostate swells in preparation as it gets ready to blow that load. If you tiptoe up to the point of progasmic inevitability and you take one step over the line put yourself past the point of orgasmic inevitability, you will ejaculate and the prostate contracts B things aren't good for you Google told me, bothoth things are bad for you considering I looked up the procedure you had. both things are a risk, not just Ejaculating.our doctor didn't say no ejaculation, but go ahead and go down on your girlfriend and get a boner and let her suck your dick. He said no sexual activity It's arousal. A least right now early on after this procedure, that you shouldn't be risking Prostate doesn't swell up like a water balloon or something. It doesn't increase in size twenty times during arousal It swells So no No Y girlfriend's not gonna suck your dick. notot if she cares about you, not if she wants to suck your dick in the future to have anything come out of it. She's not gonna to suck your dick. And you know what? You shouldn't be going down on her. You shouldn't be doing anything sexual until you get the all clear, not from your local sex advice podcast monkey, but from your doctor perform this procedure You need the all clear from from Come the fuck on Don't come. D't coming No sexual activity Piod the end All right, time for listener feedback. first up, a few of the written comments listeners left about last week's show. In the comment thread at savage. lovev says tall Canadians For the guy in the side slash top relationship, it can totally work. My husband and I are a side top couple, and we still have an active sex life after a quarter of a century together. We've been open from the beginning, so anything we can't do for each other, we can find elsewhere. The outside sex also boosts the in relationship sex But if you choose to open your relationship, make sure you have lots of ongoing conversations about what open looks like. For you guys. says Fox Trot Delta. For the caller looking for a gag for gag options, I recommend they check out wWW dot moonsspeak dot comot They make bespoke gags. They'll tell you how to measure the recipient's mouth and head and then you choose the size and type of gag and the size and type of headgeear And they make it and then they ship it to you. looads of options. I'm quite sure they have something that will work for you and your sub Great advice from Sis Het Boy for the caller who was threatened by her girlfriend's vibrator. The whole comment too long to read here, but I did want to share this part of it. I've had the dumb luck and or good fortune to experience relationships with a few women who have, like the callers's partner, taken a lot of time and effort to achieve orgasm Since H Boy continues, many of them felt shame and inadequacy over their sexual response and have been made to feel insecure about the time it takes them. Please, caller, do not do anything to foster those feelings. in your partner Got something to say about something I said on this week's show. You can always jump into the comment threads at savage dot lovev and say it there. or you can give us a call at twoz six threezo two twozo six four and leave us a message or you can email us a voice memo at Q at savage dot lovev and you might get to say it on next week's show. And now, Savage Love listeners who left messages on one of our many answering machines about last week's show G to have the last word as they always do on this week's show Hi Dan. This is a comment for the DM looking for a comfortable gig to shut up his up. I wanted to consider using a pacifier This can be a really comfortable gag. Give it a try, see how you like it Hi there. I just wanted to have a response to the caller in episode ten twenty four who was looking for a safer type of tape to use with his partner . which is used on animals when you have to tape around a wound or something, it sticks to itself. It doesn't stick to fur or hair. and it's really easy to take off. Hey, this is for the caller whose partner doesn't like ball gags, but he also didn't want to use tape I like the sort of oral penetration vibe of an actual gag rather than tape. and coming from the Shibari community, I use something called a Tenugi. I may be mispronouncing that T E N U G UI. This is a Japanese hand towel And it's sort of like a handkerchief, but a bit longer. and you can just use it as a gag just by tying it around your partner's head. You can tie a knot in the middle if you want a little bit of a ball gag vibe, but it's a lot softer than a ball gag I found people who don't like ball gags do often like that And we are going to leave it there. Got a sex problem, got a relationship quandary, got a comment for us. Go to saabage dot lovev slash ask Dan to record and upload your question oring a comment directly onto our website. or you can record a voice memo and email us your question at Q at saabage dot love or you can call us at twozero six threezer two zero six four Leave us a message at any time of day or night. And hey, if you tried something new and you wanna share all the dirty details with me and my listeners, send us an email at youQ at savage. lovev. Let us know what you tried, and you might be our next guest on After actction Report Heads up, humump fans, the ball season of Hump, Hump twenty twenty six Park two is coming right up. and our eager Beaver presell starts july first. This is your chance to snag the lowest price tickets of the season before prices go up. Pick your screening, grab your discounted tickets early, and hey, if your plans change later, we will help you switch to another available show. Visit hunpfilmfest dot com to get those eager early Bber tickets and we will see you this fall. And while you are on the website, click on sububmit to find out everything you need to know about getting your dirty littleittle film into our dirty littleittle film festival. Follow me on Blue skky at Dan Savage, follow me on Instagram at Dan Savage, foollow doctor Carlton on Instagram at doct Carton be sure to check out his podcast. But honestly, follow Sean Galenos on Instagram at the Lve Drive, Savage Lvecast, prodrouced every week by Nancy Hartonian and me and Nancy and the tech Svy att Risk Yous. We will all be back at you next week in an installment of the Savage Lve Cast Thank you for downloading. This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Load Boost by VP Hel Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, the volume, and the overall health of your semen. If you're already putting in the work, why not make your performance unborgettable? Made in the USA, NSF certified and produced in an FDA registered facility. Thousands of guys across fifty states and forty five countries swear by If you want bigger finishes and better reviews from your audiences, if you want Bter taste, Bet mouth feelel, go to loadboost. com today and use code Savage for ten percent off or click the link in this week's episode description That's loadboost. com and use offer code Savage. When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant You keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns L Ranger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts, and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place, so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done Call one eight hundred Ganger, click ranger. com or just stop by Ranger. for the ones who get it done