The Bizarre Dry Humping Date

C coming up on this week's episode ofhark Marred Annoyid. A bit of IKA role playay, notot like that. You loved it. it's not like that though yeah it's not like that at all. I genuinely believe've gi meselff here fever. We'll see what happens. Oh them shets are coming outs awful Beef as usual, and some awesome Voice nortghtered questions. Yes Enjoy This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a fifty page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online makes sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responsse is set upp required compatibility and availability varies eighteen plus Hello, you are listening and watching Shag Marinoid with May Rosie Ramseay and my husband Christopher. Hello, hello. Hope you're all well, Enjoying the hailstones. We've got every fucking season in one day of the year. I know, but hang on, we might be a bit out of sync because we are on holidays so these are sort of like backloged in. This has been recorded a couple of weeks ago. I've got a feeling there's going to be a heat wave so I think there might have been a bit of heat There's always a heat when we go on a lot Every single time to hate with England, Do want to hate with? J just book make it find out when we're going on holiday and book your time off at home, your staycation for when we leave the country. we C We don't even go on holiday that much. Yeah. I've noticed that It is fucking irritating. I know Anyway, I'm going to start the podcast. I've got an apology to make. Yes. Okay And I accept No J just your general behaviour and just the way you act around the house and stuff. Never, I will never apologize for that. Okay great one. No. So a couple of weeks ago, I for some I don't even know why We talked about homeschooling and I was a little bit aggressive in what I said And I think I've upset a few people who are homeschooling and genuinely, hand on heart I never want to upset anyone. Yeah It's not how. it's not my vibe. like I think sometimes we forget we sit here as a couple. Yeah. and we and we're just talking there's nobody else here And I think genuinely okay, let's just say it donon't want to upset people. Yeah. My opinion is my opinion. I went a bit too harsh. If I was doing it again, somebody said I would not go as harsh and Also, what you do with your child is totally to you. And the end the day this is a comedy podcast and sometimes you can get irated for comedy purposes. And you do like if you're homeschooling and it's great and it's working for you, that' absolutely fine. Don't fuck listen us but you have to understand that our opinions come through the filter of ook cards on the table. I do not want my fucking children in the house all day. Yes. Okay, listen, and then this is totally different from what I said but We're really lucky because we don't have to. but and I'm saying this from a point of view and I did say that the other week. I know that some children really struggle at school because I work in schools and I also have friends with children who have SEN. like I'm not trying please, please, please. and I beg it. I'm not saying it like that. I wasn't trying to be a bitch. I'm not trying to I'm not trying to be judgemental. It was just it's a comedy podcast. It was just something that was said. and I hope you can all accept me apology because if watching Real Housewives has taught me anything, conflict and resolution There it is. And so I hope you can all take my apology and I hope that it's working for you and that I hope that it's going That's the thing because you've got to understand, when our children leave in the morning to go to school I feel like I've had a fight. Our children enjoy school, so I really look at Yeah We're looking enjoy school. We look at schools working for them. So yeah. I suppose yeah. So and to on come on going to keep going No just all of my best friends are teachers. Yeah. and I see how hard the work. And I think that's why I came so you know from that point of view because I see how hard they work and I see genuinely how much the the try to give to all of the kids. But that might not be everyone'sience. Well everyone's experiences are different. It's all relevant. And like I say, you know, everything comes from our point of view and our opinion U Yeah. But our opinions are often We all said, we're not Christ when we had the fuck, I hate m was what I said to you, sorry it was just on the tip of me tongue. I could probably I could possibly have a conversation with someone who homeschs for twenty minutes And I would pull my kids out of school. That's how much you don't need to take my opinion seriously. So because I am very This is why we don't do any kind of political shows I don't talk about politics. I remember I've spokeen I don't to see. I don't want tona see his name, but I was speaking to a very famous comedian once about this and he was like that's the re like he was like that's the reason one question time or anything Be one person would say something, I can't do his accent. you'd like immediately guess who it was. If one person would say something, I go, he's absolutely right. Th the other person would do their argument Id go Christ know he is right like I know I'm exactly the same. Yeah. So there you go. right 't carry on. Well done. You know what? No, you know what, in fact, no, I wasn't offended for her, so I can't oh God, is the window cleaner behind you I freak the fuck out there. shit. I'm not going to congratulate you for an apology because it wasn't to me, but you know, one day hopefully you can be a big enough person to maybe apologized to me for something You would just you would love apologies I don't feel like we've got anything to apologize for to apologize for what m're going We very rarely apologize. apologize for appol shift first off Right guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you soone for listening. Thank you soone for being part of this silly messy little world that is Sagmarnoid. And withouturther ado, it's time for week's lucrative Lucrative sponsor This week's for the holiday It is yeah. this week's sponsor is Don't cut this box with a knife, even though the only fucking way you can get into it is with a knife What have you cut? What have you broke? What's happening? Iaking I was making wardroubes recently Right Iing Ikea wardrobes, bigig sign out lovely by the way. Thank you. Big sign it took ages. Big sign on the front. Don't cut this box with a knife. Fucking fully impossible to get into it without a knife. I'm sick of it. Is do you think that's to cover them so you don't chroop your hand off or is the thing underneath. Y. So you don't put a big slice of it though. So you used to just have it on the you know the mirror doors, you should just have on the mirror doors it It was like, don't fuck do this because you got to put a big slice on mr Every bit of the box, don'tut little knife. Okay Give me a call on IKA customervices Hello there, How can I help you this? Sorry sorry can I speak, I don't like your accent Can I speak to a Southern person please p can All right, Governor, this is IKEA customer serervices. Much better. How can I help? Are you Southern or Australian? I listen, I live all over the place. Okay. What are you done? You've been chatting your vac in wardrobees We're vac in nights again Can says on the box, Do not use a knife Right Yeah right F in press Yes yes. sorry. a pair of scissors like everyone else. First of all, first of all, first of all, I can keys the fucking key. I got fucking keys' got ask Excuse me, canan I go back to the northern person please Can I speak to the northern person? f say Hello. How are you? Sorry about my colleague. Yeah, what's wrong with your colleague? honestly, all she does is upset people. She's had to do a five minute apology at the beginning of a comedy podcast. She is just How does she still work here? I daught, honestly, don't know, but we have to represent the whole of the United Kingdom. You're currently speaking to me, I am from theorthast of England. Wonder. Yeah actually known as a very jolly place. Yeah. And what was it have a gruby accent, I'll talk you anyway'll justately I'll just power through it. That's very classist to's very. Listen Regionalist, I think you find this. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah, see you would have known that if you're southern. Listen and I have tried to open my IKA wardrobes. Yes. I've got two boxes here. One of them I opened with a knifees because the other one wouldn't open Sice the whole part of the front of it and cut it. The other one wouldn't open without a knife and I've hurt me fingers open it. It explicitly says on the front of the box here please do not use knives. open the box. Okay,'s cancel that one. then the other one I've hurt me fingers, opening it without a knife Right, okay. What did he use to open it? My fingers and my teeth and I of my tooth tooth. Unfortunately, we can't actually do anything. How am I supposed to open it How am I supposed to without a knife? Have you got a house? You got any case Geease Al always open boxes with keys. It'ically Ky is basically just a blunt knife. I'm just telling you. Ky's not strong. I' not h cob. Ky is not get co through the cell tape sir. It wasn't cellot tape they're not cell tap. Do you actually work for IKA?Ccause you would' know that they just glued these boxes. Theres no cellot tape on I. Sry but it's actually lunchime, My meatballs already, so I'm gonna have to go. I don't like being la in the ceue. sometimes you're out gray. All right, thank you so much,. I'm really sorry about that. you can toworrow king cand. Oh anyway, I don't know. I love that the IkeEAa staff are eating Ikea meatballs on their break Oh my go God, why wouldn't you? Yeah, meatballs. Yeah. Oh, haven't been for a while I haven't Ikea meatballs for a while. Are you taking the piss?? You used just slag them off. Oh ye, I don't like. But you like them I'm seeing you like them I'm seeing haven't' me for while, I don't like them, but you like them. Oh, this is what he does, you know, this is what he does. Wh try be nice. You're a gaslighter becausecauseuse you will go and you'll gobble up ten meat bows and you'll go, I forot nothing. There's nothing else on Not really my cup of tea. Y What? Well, I'll them m afterter there. I'll them m after there. Oh noope, I'm glad you hear your hand. I did I hurt me hand and Ik basically, I hurt me finger doing it and I took a little bit of one of my teeth and I need IKA to pay for some hand surgery and a trip to Turkey to get my teet fixed You're not going to get. And I'm going to take me golf clubs as well this shirt that I'm wearing that you've been slaging off all day Oh I hate that shirt. b. So I was wearing this shirt. it came downst stairs If you watching YouTube I'm really fucking guted about this top, I'm really guted about it. I put it onl. You were you wearing for golf or something really summerary or like a fancy dress boy you look like a clone It's awful. It's horrible And did I pick it? No Wh trust the process. You know what the worst it is? I've got it in another color as well. Oh Godd, what color? Like the reverse of what it is now, not the reverse of what it is now. so it's like it's's my finger going. It's this dark color there and then that one there and then the white there. I just don't know what it is Th Mxies on at the minute and also you just Youve hit a doozy? I just came down, doozy means a good thing do you mean a do Yeah. Yeah I was making coffee and you came on stairs and you, don't like that shirt Aful. You're an awful I. don't like it. And then you went Ar's all, Arnold's goingown on autifying way because you couldn't hust just't get changed and then I in and I've turned the cameras on. I've just looked myself on the screen and I look like I'm fucking I don't know what what I said to you was that it doesn't match your personality. It looks like someone would wear that. It was really jolly, really sprightly. not s like it just looks like corporate. L it looks like, imagine I'm on a golf day sponsored by the insurance company that I work for That's what it looks like. This is going to be hard to people who are just listening. Well, we'll just carry. all you to do quickly on Instagram There'll a clip me wearing horri f shirt triangles on. I apolog. I hateself. I hope you hate as well. Let's fuckking cry. We're not getting changed because we're currently burning through clothes clothes. So my top doesn't even fit like my boobs are coming out of it of course they are. So and by the way, it was really upsetting P put add dress from Zara, right? Size large, which is usually fourteen to seventeen. Did anyone say size large They do small, medium large. I guess small medum large. All you got to say was large, size large was a really weird way of saying. Okay, well I bought a dress large ize lodge.at. and It was too tight and I'm a fourteen to sixteen. I was like, okay fair enough, butought an extra logge if fits great, but I'm just like What is It's just insane. Doesn't make sense. I don't think a fourteen to sixteen should be extra large I don't really understand No I no dont sizees and I don't really think I can comment I remember thinking I' have to do another aologject next week. if you start commenting on women's. No, but no, but can I just say I don't think that's maybe H it So Are you away that NASA had some kind of like it was like a thing for blokes pissing. There's like, you know, a thing for astronauts to piss in that they would put on like literally fit on the tank, right So they hard small medium and large and everyone all of the astronauts just picked the large, even if they weren't so they changed them M Lodge, extra larodge, extra extra larodge And they're still the same size Do you know this? this is one hundred Well, I'm sorry. So this should do the same with this. So it should do the same with this. So your size fucking zeroos and all that to make everyone feel better should be extra extra extra, extra extra small. Oh my Godd, I'm an extra extra extra extra small. or, you're fucking ten like And it should go that way so that no one has to pick up a fucking top that says extra extra extra large and it's only a sixteen. Do you understand what I'm saying here? Yeah. Yeah. mentality. I do. I know what you mean. God, why would what dick size would you pick up Andano Nano micro, any Do't have any. But surelyedium having a medium dick isn't bad. I I don't know, but like so apparently it was was this is look it up. this large would be like, well, like like porwnn star. Yeah, but now it wouldtge. So they're still the same size. So say it was like four inches, six inches, eight inches. They're still four six inch, but instead of being called small, Mimi large, they're called large extra large and extra extra large. This is one hundred percent true Well, I'm sorry. It's great at. But even fucking astronauts, even the cleverest fucking people in our society who are literally going into space where a handful of people have gone are still like Well, I don't have a little ter, what you do? I don't like sizeing.. Anyway, I've kept the dress, it's lovely and it's extra large. So there you go. Well, you own it, well, don't? It's gorgeous. I'm fine don't it It's just wr rittine. I know what you mean. That's what I was trying to be. Do you understand I was on your? No I'm actually I'm notteen I'm like twelve. I'm like twelve to fourteen. Great I'm not even fourteen to sixty I could leave the room. C I? Anyway, yeah. Blli. It's just it's just whatever card We had a fight about the jingle jingle We couldn't set alone a jingle jing. So this is the jingle j h like the jle jun Babaoo baba doo babaooab J Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of shagged Marin Nooy. Hello, stillill here. still I'm not gonna to look at camera much this episode because I don't let my t shirt but there we are. Listen, how's it going I have really good really good. I'm just waiting for a period to come. Brilliant The period that goes on honestly little bit late.omday'clock L little bit late little bit late There's always that little panic No we did we did dirty things, but it was only a couple of days ago that can't be happen. We the last time though Oh was gizzical. Oh my Listenow. So it's a lot easier to track. That's go that way. But definitely do. It's a lot easier to track. Dare we see it? You have your monthly Chinese more than me We've been busy Listen, right? Funnily enough, F, let me add an epiphany this morning. So totally unrelated to what we've just talked about, I want to make it that clear our children Both slept in this morning. We had a weeak both of morning because sometimes on a morning, especially if when we're doing the podcast, When we're both there in the morning, I don't think other people have this. When you're both there, both parents getting kids ready in the morning, the fucking can be a pair of knobs. like just I don't know why Worse when there's two, when it's only one of, it' less So Ill let you stay in bed this morning and I sort everything out and B Both this morning claimed they weren't very well. I know what was that all about? I'll tell you exactly what it was about. I stood thinking about it while they were fucking eating their breakfast going They both had to be walking up by us And Rom was like, I'm not well, I feel bad. And Raver was like, I feel bad. I was like, no This is called being woken up like This is how we f Yeah fucking welcome in the future, bitch. L this is this is being dragged out of bed and it's shit. Yeah. I wake I'm dragged out of bed by the periodickads and I feel like I want to die for a couple hours. That's why I have to drink coffee every morning This is You're just being like for the first time ever in your fucking lives, you're not waking up naturally any can't handle it. We experienceced for the first time ever. shift between like kids waking you up and then teenagers and that's going to irritate me even more when' have to wake them up because like Having to get them to doeduff winds me the vocal. Yeah. So having to get them out of bed First thing of mor, I'm just going be like God? Yeah, getet out of bed. When they've gotten a way to go, I'm gonna leave them in bed. but Literally when you've got to get them up to get them up to school Robin, it was like we a te teenager this morning. He He's going be a pure teenager. Oh, such a teenager. Pure such a teenager But yeah, that's it. They are literally for the first time ever experiencing what it's like to not wake up naturally of your own accord and they fucking think it's so jarring for them, they think they're ill. Js. I know Robin came up. he came up because you love a lovely lion, thank you very much.. He came up and he was like, You said I'm not well Since when? like with. No symptoms, zero, nothing. Absolutely no, you're fine. Yeah This's full of shit. did it a temperature. Yeahah Kl Pul. He did it himself like a little smackhead with the syringe in that. That was fun to watch twowo ves of six plus his main symptom was C't be honest. I this this. Oh my Godd, he's heard. he's heard about the homeomesk. You' probably what I'm saying, stop saying it in front of him. He did the temperature thing on his head as well. didid it thirty six point five, I want you fine, did it again, did it again. I'm not kidding. He took his temperature at six times. I was like, M, you likeike what are you doing? I bless them I used to try it all the time same. But my mom's a nurse who was like, I remember being woking up at a morning. no We had to write this thing at school called a Life in the Day of. Did you ever do that? Oh yeah. it was like D but it was like it was your standard D that you had to write I started it my first word and it was like a queer k and it was the noise of me bedroom doorhle. it was like was and I remember it walk was up every fucking day and I was raging when I woke up And I was Th then I was like, You got to get up but it was like like this God. Anxiety. Yeah P probablyably why I am the way I am. Maybe it is I to blade that door handle. Blame that door handle. Bab dooo bab,oo baboo Hey, it's Christie from Louis Llemon, and I'm here at the office checking out the shhake it Out shorts. These have been my go tos and I kind of think of them as a middle ground between a true run short and a more playful athletic sporty short They have all the performance you want for running, so a comfy liner, our lightweight swift fabric, even a pocket for your keys But what I really like is the flowy fit and layered hem. It gives it a little bit of volume, a little bit of fun, so they feel as good on a run as they do just at coffee afterwards. You can find the Shake It Out shorts in store now or online at lululeemmon. com Pandora jewelry brings the sparkle to your summer Now with even better prices, enjoy up to fifty percent offs like styles, from personalized pieces to must have favorites made for the summer Timeless designs that shine with you through every moment, whereerever the summer takes you. Shop in store or online. now through july sixth. Terms and ditition apply. Visit pandora. net for details There's a part of me that everyone sees. I'm Howie Mandel the comedian. Apparently I know what funny is. Funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny. OCD I've lived with OCD my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal. But OCD is severe, often debilitating. It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented, unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character, your beliefs, even your safety. General therapy can help with some things, but for OCD, it can actually make things worse That's why I want to tell you about noCD. NoCD is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and is covered by insurance for over one hundred fifty five million Americans. Their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD. If you think you might be struggling with OCD, go to nD dot com d To book a free fifteen minute call, they are here to help Baba doo baba doo, baboo. So big news in in my life. Okay. D Sorry, I don't know why I'm laughing but I was so weird with Big news. B news in my life. lot of my podcast was is here as well. What's happen? I touch what touched what I hope I'm wrong I really, really hope I'm wrong, but I do believe I've given meself here fever Oh, okay. So what the antihistomans that you both did the work How's it on? S lot going on with this experiment at the minute, right? basically bas Yeah, basically Really, really stuffy nose, really horrible stuffy nose. I'm having to sleep with my mouth open. Like you always do I don't know why you feel like this is a new thing. You sleep with your al. I'm aware of it now. You watch so you don't know this I think it's been a beef, but there's times we are watching telewar I have to lean over and close Christmas mouth because It' just the grossest thing. Literally watch u tell you like. And I smell Not that you've got a bad breath, but I just smell your breath and I'm like, this is I'm not ening me something. so so I your mouth through that.' an observer that you are. In the cruelest twist of irony ever, I might be a troglerite I might be knuckragon. I might be a knuckle dragon mouth b even drogger I I forgot what I hate. Listen isten Oh sorry, don't laugh because my makeup looks nice. honestly. So I am I've been waking up with incredibly like, I'm talking in middle of the night nos is like so stuffy and stuff the stuff's hurting It's hurting, is it? he's hurting. he's a brave boy.'s hurting. So listen, it's running now. It basically I was playing golf the day and me nose was like, just halfway around the golf course I just felt like shit at me nose and my head was like banging and I was like, what the fuck You you got secret c cabb Oh You want to admit this It'll just be that. It'll just be that. Is that A' my Mystery solved. It's me it's me my golf course in that I have Every time you get a booie, you got to push up them bgies. No, I am so U First of all, I was on the one show the other week in a Roman camp talking about how we're talking the Chelsea Fower show,'s, well like I never go, I've got here. And I said to him, I went, Mate, you know My supporter I call got Hay fever and I know people have got it. and it's what it's I've got a lot of sympathy for it. Well, it's one of the one things I never take the piss out of. And Rom M was like, whyy? And I was like, becausecause I know you can randomly get it. the strain of pollen can change each year and bang it and just get it one year. And I don't know if I've like willed it on myself thing No I think I have. So listen First of all, I woke up the that morning and I was blowing me nose. didid I tell you this? was so To sayve toilet role, I don't blow nose I just lean in the sink and I just like blastach each nostrila like a footballer like a nineties premership football U and there Robin I didn't realize Robin was in the bathroom as well and I turned around and he was staring at us and he went Don't. ever do that again Well he's seeing the f tugglet I Yeah, yeah. so it's like sheets it's like sheets of fucking this is horrible. Really like imagine blowing a bubble with bubble gum. It's like sheets of like thin like snot come out and they're fucking huge. It's really odd. Really Yeah, it's like someone's being wallpaper in the inside of me noses R right, okay. I didn't realize there was loads ofuff coming on. Horrible. Yeah, but it's green. It's not supped to be withay fever, apparently. it's sorry, everyone, thank you. It's apparently clear with hay fever. Anyway, I got what is it? He' dying. Oh, I got it on. Ive got a nasal spray thing. H'tment. Listen to his man. Listen I got a nasal spraay and it happened to alleviate it. Yeah. fever nasals. Yes. but It was at the same time that we had a footload of rain And the rain gets rid of it. like it's alm almost like rinses the air. N never going know Im busy the jurys out, mate I'm hateating experiments like that, you know, you know, when you're like Yeah Sometimes you don't know what it is. I feel a loads better. And I'm like, oh, it's because of this. and then I'm like, but it could be. Yeah, yeah. I hate that. So sometimes like a doctor or someone if you ask like no again, fucking hell, no offense to doctors or any. in the past I've had like, You, for instance, are This has hurtting You know, All right, if you had enough water? Yeah, I have loads of water. I probably had too much water. Sorry, that's not answer. Like you can't go either way on. I feel like that's what'm doing're try. I've been trying to do, I mentioned it I think last week. I've been trying to drink coffee later. Yeah and have some water before I have me coffee. Genuinely feel loads better. I'm not as oh God it matches your st. I've just picked up me Stanley Cup and me top matches me Stanley. or like the top againany I like the topic now. Cry on File that you just stole that off of me. It's so what the sty. Awful. This is my Stany. Great So, but also So I'm doing that and I'm like, oh my go, my depression's gone Yeah. But also And the trees are nice and flowers are out and the sun sometimes comes out. So you know these I'm like is it the coffee Late E is it, meet depression. Every year, winter comes and you want to move house Every year winter comes and start you and you go suun comes out, fucinking flowers come out. you go, I love this house. I'm staying forever. It's honestly as someone anxiety. It really hot to live with. Really you've got us on the edge Hamo thered Iry Sorry you He I've actually got a little bit a sole voice today because I Yeah We were rehearsing last night for the show. Bandcamp. Broadway Baby. You rehearsing Bancamp last night, yeah. anyy good? No D remember that film, In't enough for donkeys. Merain pie. Mountain pie So I saw thing recently that said a lot of Gen Z has as an experiment watched it and found it incredibly troublesome and offensive And you know what G to agree? Yeah we stuff we were a fucking nutch generation. We were a liability to be honest with you. I think we were an experiment I think our generation was just an experiment. My God Robin called me a booma the other day fucking raaging's well watching that thing where that guy we' watching that thing on YouTube where that guy was showowning around that ridiculous house in Colorado. Oh ye we win got the electric blinds and he went, it's called technology Boomer I was like, yeah, I will fuck. Oh yeah, it says We've got like three elx windows in our house that are just permanently shut because fucking No, I hate it. Yeah. hate it, hate technology. I' all have a long pole Take me back, take me back, Lord. Ironically, most astronauts of NASA would also rather have a long Well clearly notice Wp theers. Babadoo baboo, baboo bab. It's time for whata be. Whatatchsa be W me What's it bee for me? I'll knock your teeth out before I tell Beef your teeth out. Ladies first G on then An. You have let The new bounty castle Become part of your personality And it's extremely upsetting to witness Right, rightight A hot Right And I don't use this word I don't use this word lightly. I had or deeal yesterday W It's been a wee It' been a week. It's been a week, long ordal and I've had enough so We u We discovered those bountcy castles that have the pump Yeah. It it's like, it's not just, you know unbelievable. They're incredible. They're absolutely incredible. You can get them in all shapes and ses. and' C call Hutchson's got one, he put a video of himself. A a couple hundred grid. We've had ours for about four, five years now Five years. Yeah. One of them covered in mold and ripped had to throw it away. Al other one still going strong But every sumerere it comes out,. And I thought, you know what? the kids play on it so much and they're getting bigger, I'll get a new one That's got. It's a bit more rigid. It's a bit bigger. We may have describeed it as Takeshi's castle, which I was very excited about. We have a lot of children around our house. Yeah. house. it's great. Yeah. We Rosie, we go to it's lovely, but we go to the soft play and my kids My mates' children come up and go Can we go to your house now? And I'm like, you're in a fucking soft play. I it's nice well another one playing at you's what it is loveoving love. So I got the bigig lad. I got the Takashi's castle. Yeah. It's fucking' amazing. The kids love it but we got it out and the grass was wet when I put it out. It was a nice day that the grass was wet, and I thought, right, I can't put this away. I can't put this away because it' the bottom's going to be wet and it's going be mold if you put it away. So I left it out down with Hilstone and snore and Rne and all kinds for three days And I spent all day yesterday Look at the weather and going outside and trying to find out when it was going to be a break in the rain for me to inflate them and dry them off And I found the break in the rain and it took me two and a half hours And honestly, it aged as about fifteen. I know. it was sad. It was sad to watch. It was horrible. I did I kept checking on you and I thought, it's not. It was horrible. Sun's not I was waiting for the sun to come out for you. So I blew them both, I inflated them both, but I did them over the trampoline so that I could get some air under the bottom of them Right? Which is quite clever, yes And then I waited until they dried and then I turned them over, which was a fucking nightmare by the way. Literally while they were inflated, I just lifted them and flipped them over out the halt And then let the bottom of them dry. And then I found out once I let them defl it and push them all down There was water inside them? Oh God, you're jobing. I couldn't get it out. You're jobing. It horrible. So I had to fold the whole thing up with the pipe things facing the bottom and then I had to fold it in half and I had to hold it like a bear hookg and just jump up and down jump up down the trampine Just real as I said I don'ting I just had jumped them down on the pat, you let all the water out and then I end them then God. So I was just holding it and just jumping So the thing is, when are you going to get them out again? N. Right? Well, we didn't have this problem with the little ones. They never come out again They are never coming out again I'm telling you right now, it needs to be born dry floor. And you know what was brilliant The Point is made an err. Again, another thing. what we should move. like I love this No, I love the Northeast, right? But it's just And it's just ex that hot? Noah, it It's exhausting. It's horrible. It's love the place. I love the people, but the weather's so shit But honestly, you know what it is, right? No, I'm going to go the other way. I will get them things out again. The bounty castles out again, but I'm not going to worry about them getting moldy again. I'm just gonna fuck and put E exact thing. Yeah. I'm going let them owners. You know, I'm going to go on record now. The fucking mold from the last of us could happen on them bounty castles and I don't care. Okay. Don't let it own you. I'm not going let it own us because I had a terrible day yesday Be this part of a showerot of a shower. actual shower. The upsetting thing is that sometimes in the summer we'll have a drink and stuff And I know in the back of your head, you're just thinking about them bountncy castles I've got to put them out. and I get bititten what I'm doing bites, somethinging in the grass or somethinging Okay, but I mean, the kids do love it I do love it. Likeful. C I said you once when I was watching them, I think it was last year I was like, this is cool memories. It is cool memories. It's c Yes. and'm a dad. I've just got to take on the chain and just put the foot bountn casses away that's what Ive got You're not for I won't be doing it I don't blame you. Yeah. I'll take that on the chain. Thank you. I'll add it to the list of stuff I do around here You come Iurtish master on here the other day and I didn't have anything Oh. Is that why you let me have a lie in this one? See, this is you fucker, you fucker You little a cururrency like a chub. Whatd it be with me? My beef with you. But I've been delightful, so don't even know how you do. I've genuine I think my whole personality has changed with this coffee bin. Youready get coffee fifteen minutes later on. Half an hour, half an hour. Oh sorry, half an hour. And a glass of water. You are Yeahah, you are a lot better as a person U listen You were I w in the in the front room the other night And you were extremely cy and defensive, so you know you were in the wrong You were Eating breread sticks Dipped in Ang little God knows how old pot of still in it just McDonald's sweet curry sauce. Yes And I said Are you dipping breadsticks in McDonald's Weeakery sauce and you were like Yeah one of it. And I was like Tn was unnecessary Everybody heard that That was That's a hate crime G Are you actually Sorry I forother bigick I would have got to awayree with that. you would like snow H snow. and Oh was it was breadsticks dipped in sweet curry. It was just so you did it. You had the breadsticks. don't a little thing and you just did it. It justly It was just upsetting and you got so immediately defensive I was like, she knows that this is rotten behaviour. It was not rotten What's wrong with breadsticks? You just you just s joyous sap. you have not got The imagination and make yourself a snack. That's why you get so jealous of me because I can go in them cupbards right. I cannot not have been in the shop. Sorry. three days four days. You are ming your words up you're mixing your words up here. That is not imagination. That is desperation. brereadstick dipped in fucking a sashery of McDonald's st c. loved it Sweet Korery isn't actually my favorite. Swet Swa is my favorite but I' Des'per I have to strongly d. Would you have them dipped in the sweet sour, sweet sour? Yeah. Would you dip them in ketup No. Would you dip in barbecue? Yeah Would you dip in garlic? Yes D my favorite is minint sauce actually such a condiment slag. I love condiments. Did you see last night I had my tea without anything? God, it was so depressing awful horrible, I'm so sad Becauseve I've decided that wine and condiments are why, I can't lose weight. Right. So that I'm trying to Cut out the condiments, I will never give a wine. C of put last night to I made salmon Salmon with boiled potatoes and like veg, which are genuinely like that's not a that's a lovely dinner for me. like I really N for you. Did you have a pizza laterastasty fuck No that's I didn't have any mayonnaise. I didn't have any, do you know that bloody dill? the dill and mustard sauce that I get? fil like fil think ventamin or something. Anyway. I didn't have any of that And it was horrible Horrible time. Well done Thank veryy wel done. Proud of you D to retract the pig noise that you did earlier because that was really upset? No, I'd like to double down on the pig noise. G Good for you. Yeah. And I'm going in fact no, I'm going I'm going to redo the scene and I'm going to add some more noises in Rosie, is that what you e? Then you followed as well. and then and you bed And then you shit yourself you were sick All over your tits oo bab b,oo, baboo ab do bab, do, bab do. It's time for questions from the public. public As always, if you'd like to get in touch via email for a story or anything like that, something written. a long form written correspondence It'shagmaud Dinoid at gmail d. com. Yes, please. You would like to get in touch via the WhatsApp message system to send a voice note, that number is zero seven eight, seven four, four zero, six six, five zero. That's zero seven eight seven four, four zero, six six five zero Bloody love, you get in touch, whatever it is, however it is that you do it, thank you. Yes Our Daisy has sent some Wonderful. Voice not through. So there we go. I've not heard these Hello, Rosie and' Chris I have a question for the public and it is actually a question. So My absolute dickhead ex, who was really horrible reallyally nasty and quite not very nice. So we broke up last July and I've discovered that he's been using my Tesco Cub card QR code the entire time to get money off Now, the question I have is Should I change the QR code just so that I have the knowledge that A some point he's going to go in and try and use it and the smug horrible look will be wiped off his face because he won't get his discount off his bottle of rumub. Should I just carry on letting him Get me points Oh is a no, that is a fucking dilemma. Get that. Yes, but he's getting money off get the point. What if he can Can he spend the point? Could he claim the point? No no, I don't know And she knows it to roam as well because she can check what's been pured. All right okay But then you want a clean break, don't you do but so if she you know when people got dogs together, I'm like This is even more important So If There is a way that he can never spend those points all and she in full control of them and he can't access the account or spend them points or use that points for anything. If he can just keep getting his discount and accumulating her the points Ill see keep letting it. Absolutely. I keep I agree. But then also, every time you see something pop up in our emails or something, she'll think of him and then you don't want that. Maybe. Okaykay, thenbe it's not worth I get your change break for your mental health and you get to know that he now hass to pay full w for whatever it is he's buying. Yeah. Love a point incentive of Sper Margotcus, thank you, Super Margotcus because honestly It's nice to get a little bit back, isn't it? Yeah And this isn't an ad. This is not an ad. you know for your old T school What you've got there That's a fucking great advert. Stick that on the telly I Yeah. your ex is still using it, but I still get the point and he gets the money off. Oh, well, that bygones are. That's a hell of an advert. That's how you advertise. Maybe you could come up with a system where you could just have all of your ex's E c on you cl card. Right? Exclip card Snow snow cllope card. Baboo baboo, baboo. I've heard stuff on the podcast about like dominatrixes and people who do like financial dominatrix. And I think the general feeling is like it's like money for old role, but I got the opportunity to do it and I always thought it was the best job possible but I was on a date nap And there was this guy and he said it was that he wanted to invest in financial domination. so he would be the submissive and then I would be the one financially dominant and I wouldn't never have to meet him. I certainly wouldn't have to do any sexual favourors. I would just need to basically treat him like shit. I'd get all of his passwords and his logins transfer money whenever I wanted and I sort of had to control every aspect of his life and I wasn't sure like if I could do it because It's not really my style, but I thought, well, you know, it's money. I was talking about trying to make sure if it was like real and that. and he says, Oh, he says, I don't really have much in the way of family and friends because my mom's just died and she's left our house to us. but I'm gonna sell the house to fund this this fish that I'm wanting to look into. And I was just like, oh, God him I don't know if I've been n to them. so I was like All right, well, we'll try it for a bit. I says Don't give me any passwords or anything. We'll try and I'll just try to be like nasty weia. So I tried a couple of times. I'd send them a few messages and that and Oh you're a dick Eonalist. And one of the aspects of it that he wanted us to do was tell him what to do and control his everyday life. I remember when I realized I couldn't do it After this story that he told us about having no friends and family and he was selling his mom's house and oh God, I felt so sorry for him, he messages and says U Would it be okay if I get a trippy dinner on my way home ton night? And I just I just said I go on pet, you deserve it. I just it's not nle I don't know if it's maybe like I would say it's a Northeastern thing, but I think I know people who could be f vulnerable to them. But I was just like I qu you never chpp, like youad It's not. So what I'm saying basically is the domination thing, the dominatrix thing's not for everyone It might seem dead easy. and occasionally there will be things that are easy. It wasn't for me. I learned a lesson that Day, week That's fucking amazing. That's so interesting Iagine if be a message back cod off a fx it tell us no? Oh call fake. Yeah, send them my just again he just hass's married if he needs all this. Oh God, but why does he want is that he clearly going through him enough? Why is he wantking be shit on again? He's got's obviously blessing him. he's got something up with him but that is a I love I just love the idea that she's accidentally not like the first time she was like E God, love him. I love the idea. I just taght her's like ' God love you. I mean fucking wank are you? L Oh bless Oh bless. Can I get a chippy tea? No, you fucking can't go home and what he want? We wanted like no. G to the fucking supermarket now buy some cat food go home, open it with a fucking screwdriver and a hammer, not a fucking can. I could do this, not a can open and eat it. the lid Like fold the lid in half. Oh easy to do G them on the phone. Yeah,' you could do it. easy. Eat it openen it with a screwdriver and a hammer, which is if anyone's done it is the C remember when we lived in the bungalow, the One story Gory I was trying to open some bad times. Beans saausage and beans with a hammer and a screwdriver. Yeah. It's worst thing ever.'serrible. I thought you were going of course can take your fingers off you And so I wouldn't do well with that because I'd message back saying, why are you asking me Well they go maybe that's why you want. I say, whyy the fuck you asking me? If you're hungry, go and get some chips. I don't care. I'm busy He's born then. so he me and you were like, can I go get a chipp tea? I' be like, you hate me asking. You just hate anyone asking questions. I So here's my point. What I say you I say if I was dead, what would you do And I know that's a really awful thing to say, but I just really would probably serve food at the park Oh that I hate to talk about memes, but I can't think something about that video that Ive cently didn't that.. just it was like a screen screen of like just loads of buffet food and some broke eating a sandwich and being like British peoplety five minutes after their family members. Yeah yeah around. Yeah. scrating. Inead a buffet? Why do we do that? Is' Mar that would do that? Everybody come here. it's not just British people all of Europe ye yeah yeah. Mion Wow. And how about how about you have a party with everyone at the worst day of your entire life Yeah I'm harry for weight, may like ust cheer everyone up There' been a funal recently where I think, you know, the people what cheered about for us to see everyone and you see everyone called talks about how the, you know he look at great Sos great turnout in it Fair enough. You've done it again, you've turned comed me in the sadness. He he has me point with this dominate respect I'm just a person with an opinion. You shouldn't be. Here's me Yes point with this dominantom. Would he love it So you your're a next level of fuck off like he wants someone to control his life and be a twat of him But you'd be like, stop fucking asking us. Doatever you want, Stop asking us, you do me titting. Would he like that even more? or is that not what he specifically wants? Well who knows, but he's picked that he's obviously, he needs to get pick sh' like niceice She's like, E know, you had a really b Chippy G on, go onhe. Hey, get yourself a st.' your mom's house money ' that's what you would have wanted you to have tyy for years. Chip puty with gravy and loads of vinegar. No, Chip buty meate used to get chip butdies with garlic sauce. Oh from Gills. Chip puties garlic sau d. Phil. Absolute Pil. I'm talking about so much garlic sauce that you wake up at three in the morning and have to put your head under the fucking tap. Oh God, I'm starving I was me sorry that was me Mud bought me, garlic sauce. Booabooab Hi Rosie and Chris. hope you and the boys are both well. Hello, we are. For a long time I didn't think I had good enough story for the podcast, despite sitting on the story of my uni house mate who took a shit on a random person's doorstep or the result or the events that resulted in me jumping out of a moving taxi, pretending I was James Bond.ice. Until a recent girls weekend away provided me with a perfect Smart worthy teal. H we go My friends and I were sating around the kitchen table discussing all sorts In Brack It's Girls weekends away now now also include five to eighteen month old babies so wine is drunk considerably quicker so we can all have an early night. Oh my go, yeah. Yes. Yes. I went away with the girls a couple of years ago and we were on the first night we were in bed by ten o'clock. Yeah because we'd drk on the way then. it was just like Ry Im bed I'm going on a golf trip in a couple of weeks time with me mates and We tee off every day It tenen o'clock in the mor And I was talking to meate the other and I was literally like Mate have to have a nap in the afternoon I was like, I'm not playing a gol.. They're like, Oh yeah'll straight around the pool afterwards for beers. I was like, You've get me around the pool for half hour, I'll have a beer and then I'll be going for sleep. It's different in this own. You might see how you feel. You'd be surprised. Okay. Well good for you. One of my friends, let's call her Sophia suddenly told us she had a story about another friend Leaning closer We listened in. She proceeded to tell us that her friend went on a night out with Sophia and some of other girls, but didn't wear her wedding ring Instant alarm bells ringing, but you know, each to their own, whatever Solfia said it was so she could flirt with other men and have drinks bought for her As the night continued, Sophia and her friends got drunker and drunker until said friend disclosed that she always took back a random guy. back to the house to have sex with What? We were shocked All right. I always thought I was quite liberal, but perhaps not This woman had two young children and a husband. a fuck The friend then continued to say that when she got home, her husband liked to watch them engage in sexual acts when they were in the bedroom This happen this happened every time she went out. My question for you both is And this is still an answer from Sopfia Where did the husband stand or did he sit like some creepy serial killer? It's called , isn't it? And cook hold, I think C cook hold if you just watch Yeah Did he hide in the wardrobe? Did he join in When did she tell the guy she was bringing home that she was married with children? Do the mind of the children watch? notot the children? Oh my God. Jesus Christ. If the husband watches, I'm so sorry No, it' just a slip, it's fine, but you didn't mean that. Be it says here, where were the children, but I'm imagining I don't think they're going to be in. I'm hoping they're out sleeping out. That's hope, okay. How many times was a change in the sheet each week? Please help and So So my first can I just telly my first thing on this, right What? And this is kind of a bit further down What if she went out and didn't pull Would he be like humuman? Annoyed? Probably fuckking out, I've got a shog together Jggan on you? I've got I've got work in the morning You literally shagg it you lazy Yeah. for One job, one job. You telling me not I've got to shagg it and not one blke on that night I want to do. And I've got a and I've got to settle for you Maybe. H' your ring back That is I'mad't it? So awful. Right. So first of all What point in the proceedings does she tell person has poulled You know, is he just hiding in the room somewhere and home? We talked about this, we talked about I have talked about it on here. the guy who used to I have I'm going to say it again in case anyone's forgot it. You've definitely forgot it. The guy who someone told me about a guy who used to do this He used to like to watch his wife having se other men and he used to watch in the wardrobe. Oh yeah. In the wardrobe there was a stool and he stood on the stool and he put his head through a hole in the top of the wardrobe, but on top of the wardrobe on the haole was a racing helmet, like a motorbike helmet and they used to call them the stick Aful. And so you would watch so do you actually know someone who does it? I know someone who knows the guy? Oh't avatist person't millions to them. I Okay fair not one guy right So he I can't so So his wife would be on sexercise. Yeah, but he put a hole the wardrobe Normal wardrobe Normal wrobe. there's a hole the top of the wardrobe to put his head through, but it's not he's not just poking his head out as a wardrobe because that would be mental. Yeah. There Motorbike helmet there. so he's got this so it just looks to all intents puroses if didn't always there it would just look like a motbike helmet. I'm going to see him in cruzy here. Yeah And I don't often stick with for men It's usually tidlized and we know this, right? R. But I feel really sorry for the bloke in that situation. What bloke The bloke who's gone home with the woman Yeah and then not knowing that some of the blokees watching through a helmet like If a man who want to have one nightstand, how would you feel U Awful Would you like would you mind? Would you carry on or would you stop Guinely I don't think I'd be able to do it do not think I'll be able to do. I genuinely don't, I genuinely don't I mean I cant press whenone' standing behind. I know. yeah, I'd No. againg, I'd be fuming if some last was just there. justust like what point I like Who are you? Yeah, at what point does the woman tell This is not when our weddening Or is that just for the initial bate? is it like, or already come back by the way my husband likes to watch? Oh Im up for that. O Oh no, sorry, I thought we had a connection. You married. I'm devastated. Well I don't we'll never know that Isn't it mad, inn't it? I find it weird people who would like to just watch that. I couldn't think of anything word. How far We've been married now nearly eleven, Is it twelve years this year? us No but like when does it happen? Are we gonna get to this? no. I've just put them my I ke wardb, but I'm not cutting hole the top of You've got a fucking no chance Norter. You would You would not enjoy watching me have sex with someone. I would not enjoy watching you have sex with someone. I would be human and I'm not even that much of a jealous person, but I'd be raging think nice. Yes, well, listen, arere we arere we in Ch Are we insecure? Is it Maybe are you like the ultimate secure with yourself person if you can do that? Maybe, mayaybe it us. I remember I watched the documentary about P the monsters. You know on the docentary Channel five I would have random. b st does on the stuff and I remember . It was a funny female It was a female porn star. I just remember the guy's name. I can't remember I still remember it There's a female porn star and she was literally like getting interviewed and they were on set. It might have even been a Ly through, you know. And she's obviously incredibly fit like in a kind of bobby doll kind of weir figy gu. And she's having sex with this porn star guy who's just like looks like an action man, just muscly and fucking massive and that And she was like, oh yeah, and this is my boyfriend. and our boyfriend came to w of them and he had like huned up on a carp and glasses and I remember his name his name was Sketer Okay It's my boyfriend Seter. Skider was like largest come and watch. I remember thinking A Like Sida. So she's having sex with these like really incredibly masculine like por star guys and then she's just got this like really fuck strange bloke That's their job thoughn' it? They very much see it as their job. I imag see it as sex. I imagine Si all connection. I imagine Skider's not sniffing around for sex when she gets home is the point. So she's gone with someone completely. So I don't know, mayaybe Set there in this story. soia doesn be deceiving? you don't know. Maybe. Anyway Each to their own. It's interesting to talk about though, isn't it? For us borear and bastards. D sk does are great. Brings a bit of imagination. What's it called Adventure That's what I meant Well I'm all right for it Just you know I'm more right for it A you fucking touch their wardrobes telling you I'm telling you I'llill you Baboo baboo, baboo b. Hi, Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous I wanted to share a story about a tinder date I've been on recently. Getting I met dates. Yeah.een a while. It's been a while. I met up with a guy for a drink and we got along pretty well. So we ended up having dinner too. Oh, that's good. Oh That's good the way you wanted to go. Well, that's quite nice. So just for a drink. Act I'm hungry, don't I to get some food? Yeah. Nice. N prorogression. Yeah. Oh actually Jna come back me, husband's the wardrobe. U too far o Okay. mayaybe not, bye I didn't really think I could see it going anywhere, but I thought it was pretty attractive and maybe we could just have a bit of fun So we got all excited then, but Also when're not going the wedding Okay So a few days later, I had him over to my apartment at about eightash nine for a drink Before we had even kissed he had invited himself to stay over.h thought was a bit strange. but I took it as a sign that he was keen to have sex. so I went with it because obviously she was a consent consenting adult. And did Did he already have a condoment? did put on him before he left? as you should? or was he going be a whole rogue and put it on at the house? Gross. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing and moving into my bedroom. Heaven I excused myself to use the bathroom and when I came out he was in his undies gettingting into bed like he was going to sleep. I made a few jokes about me being an Airbnb and got into bed with him When I got in bed with him, he told me that he didn't want to have sex I was really confused by this point and wondering why he'd stayed over. Right? Just after having that conversation, he starts to get things going with me I had no idea what was happening but thought maybe hed changed his mind Right. Things were going well and we were both really worked up When the time came for him to actually go inside me, to my surprise, he didn't take his underpants off He proceeded to dve Fuck me with his underpants on I would describe it like dry humpming, but instead of some rubbing action, he was actually banging his pelvis against mine like he was having sex with me He even changed positions like you usually would For anyone looking on, it looked like full blown sex minus the fact that his dick was still very much inside of his underwear Sorry for those of you listening, My jaw is wide open. Um, very rarely on my speechless Curry on. I think try humuping when you're young is actually Iite It's quite like It has its time. Don't you think Like not if you start moving around in positions that'd be like what So ye Yeah what's he doing?ilm? was he think? he' filming a fucking Hollwood movie Like what ye, the beginning bit. Yeah, well just how they don't have sex, Do they're just prot even in the most ridiculously filthy ones, they've got a flesh guard thing on and they're just slapping against each other's bits Just said like dry homeing has a place It's when it's when you're a teen it's when sex isn't an option. It's like, you know, either you're not ready or either, you know, parents are downstairs or whatever, when you're younger. I think it's got ex in life. But when sex is fully on the card Yeah It It's a bit confusing Once I realized that for him, this was the main event and he wasn't taking his pants off, I called it off By this point, I was extremely confused, sexually frustrated, and so The whole situation was just so strange We fell asleep. Oh You let him st How did you fall asleep? This'tbody doesn't sleep on the bed though He's not sleeping on the bed. No, no, He stands to the cour leans against the wall Yeah, yeah He' not getting on the bed you can't b to sleep. you do? that's off too much. No, no, no, no Y pajamas in a packet it just holds them he just les again getst the wall y whyy are these people letting me sleeping is really is really an amazing? And then the next morning, he got in the car, he put the key in, he turned the car engine on just to take the handbrake off, opened the door, pushed his car home. He loads of these by the way pushed his car home. Andbody brush his teet? T stop. stop his mind I still don't know why he didn't want to have sex properly. Maybe he had an STI. Maybe he just enjoys dry fucking I will never know. I would love to know your thoughts about the whole situation because it still confuses me Some extra details for context, I'm thirty and he was thirty four. Neither of us orgasmed. How could you? And I never spoke to him again You let him sleep, You slept next to this person You would say U Yeah, Gave, please please leave And even Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm out a practice of SDIs You don't think you can catch them with condoms, can you U unless it's like do No unless unless' rips or something But then you you go, look, I'm not I'm not fucking sting over. I'm not We wouldn't, I think Crect me for wrong, you've got aDI., let's not go on the poull. Yeah, let's notal to someones house. did antibiot exick. Let's just see, we'll have some dner a bit of kiss and then I'll see you. Yeah Is it that thing of like is he playing a game way it's like A so just don't make sure you hold it back that time and then they're like gagging for it the next time, but it's like Come on, dude. Aful When you're in your thirties, you know if you want to have sex Yeahah to be the student ye. No. Yeah, you should be fully informed so weird. When I was talking about dry hing, I was talking, you know parents are downstairs. Yeah Yeah M, that it's so odd It' so odd. She should' have known though, because you know when they were having the dinner He was just open his mouth and just throwing the food over his shoulder. st The fucking wall, our wall was covered in bologers abol the m Mad Do we shit in the bed next to the toil. oo baba,oo, bab,oo D Thank you so much for listening and watching this wee's episode of Shag Maring O. We willll be back next Friday. We will indeed, thank you so so much for listening and being part of this why wy dudear little worlder. As always we' again, touch at Shagmaring Onderjmail d. com for long form written correspondence and zero seven eight seven four four zero six six five zero for your awesome voicealals. Please keep coming. I absolutely love it. loveo hearing from me. Thank you so much. By near guys next week. Bye, bye bye