The Choice to Be Nice

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P participating McDald's for un limited time. law suppies last, All rights reserve twenty six McDonal's FFA Wor Cup twenty six ACAS powers the world's best podcasts Here's a show that we recommend I'm Monica Reingel, nutritionist, author, and host of the Nutrition Diva podcast We dig into the questions that you're actually asking, if it's okay to drink coffee on an empty stomach, whether it's possible to retrain your sweet tooth, which ultra processed foods you might actually want to include in your diet? We take a closer look at diet trends. Fact check sketchy claims and track down the science so that you can feel more confident about what's on your plate New episodes are released every Wednesday Find Nutrition diva on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening, and be sure to follow or subscribe so you don't miss a single episode ACast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere ACast. com Shut up. I'm curious. Could you shut up king about. So there are some rumors out there.ut Is it okay if I just ask? Okay, but can I just sh I didn't even say anything Go ahead and do again realick. I'm Evan Ross Katsz from Shut Up Evan. We don't say shut up in our household. But you say fuck a lot In my household, yes. Okay, but is Fuckle out in the household? Yes. Okay, but not shut up shut up. This is a very antithetical framework for you to exist in right now. I apologize. So maybe we're like, we alleviate the shut up E, and it's just this is evvven. your ammanda in my household Recently, I've been hearing uck you for my son And I'm between like He's using it in the right in the right context And then part of me is like Fuck, you. Is it being directed at you? Yes. Oh, wow, that's intense. But he doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it. I think it's funny that we're like, you can't shut up. You do not tell somebody to shut up Yes But he's saying fuck you and and I'm not giving him the same kind of U disciplinary response with the fuck you of it. So it's interesting.'m going I'm going to I'm mean a teaching learning right If you had said fuck you to your parents, would that have elicited a reaction? I would have been s sent upstairs a long time. Which ties into this film in a sense, because snd upstairs for a long time. But before we get to that Is that what I did? Well, thank you for throwing that. had to be thrown but then you had to get it in the net I want to start by asking how your Thanksgiving was. It's Monday morning at nine AM the weekend after Thanksgiving. This is a notoriously lazy sort of week I guess really month as we sort of transition from Thanksgiving into the quote unquote holiday season But how was your Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving was totally unremarkable in the best way. I did the early Christmas tree thing, which I've never done before We did the tree yesterday and because I'm kind of gone a lot. But Thanksgiving was fine. How was yours? Mine was good. I went upstate. Wh I went to a town called Long Eddie. I don't think it's anywhere near where you are. It's like, do you know Calicoon? It's in the upperas. Yeah. So I went up there, like town of like two hundred Did you cook? Are you familiar with Round Swamp in East Hampton? No. There's like this place called Roundwamp. We got all of the food from there and transport it. That's a long ride with a lot of food. Yeah. Thank God for Coolers. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, it was lovely. I also wanna ask you about your relationship with being interviewed. I've been doing a lot of these junkets lately and talking to actors about not just interviews, but sort of like the state of press in general. 'cause I think it's changed a lot and you've been doing this for over two decades now. What is your relationship like to being interviewed right now. It's changed a lot and it hasn't changed at all How does that happen I am a curious person, so I I respond well to people being curious about me And I think the lack of give and take is a little bit unnatural, but I also understand that we're in the business of getting information But I think it's crazy that the junket style is still pretty much unchanged in that Tmorrow for five hours with maybe a little bit of a break, I will be being interviewed With so many people, they only get four minutes. So it feels like there's you can't really scratch the surface with anything except kind of generic questions. and I feel I always, u So I grew up And I still am this and this is many this is many people where I Really am desperate for everybody else to be comfortable even though it's really not my business It's not my responsibility to make other people comfortable But I still have that sensitivity. So I just want to like give you what you want. And which is why in my career, I've been U slightly unfiltered and impulsive with the things that I've said and u Shucks But I also just like I'm a people pleaser, so it was to my detriment, for sure, but now I I'm pretty balanced with it. It's a long answer to say that like I' have a pretty good relationship with interviews But are you attuned to the fact that the unfiltered nature in which you've spoken throughout your career has really endeared many people to you and I think actually gives audiences a deeper connection with you. So like there has to be some sense or maybe there isn't, but a sense of like by being my natural self, by being who I am and not performing the act of act being interviewed, I've actually been able to connect with people Totally, but there's a middle ground and I think that Things taken out of context can really make you seem like an idiot And I feel like more than than I would like than I would have liked. I think I' have been taken out of context. But yes, for the most part, I feel like it has endeared people I think there's a middle ground where I can be I'm never not going to be myself. What is that? pererformance, right U I do enough of that in my work. H I mean, you always see me in my roles in some way sh in some percentage. It's also just like there's a direct line when you are you and that person is them and you're just living in the moment It's it's really interesting to me. And yes, it is but that being real being Authentic is it what people What you know, what's endearing, it's not necessarily the unfiltered nature though that can help So I think unfiltered could also kind of feel like Oh that she's just being authentic, but it's really like there's a There's a time and a place for being unfiltered. like I'm I'm probably going to air my dirty laundry a little less now that I'm turning forty and apparent I think that's changed. So I think sometimes before I speak which I've heard is useful. Can I ask about your relationship with pool quote culture? Because for instance, on this recent round of press, you've been asked quite a few times about Mama Mia three. and all of a sudden, no matter if you do an hour long conversation, the headline becomes Crect cororrect. Mama Mia three. Yes. Poland. Is it happening? How do you feel about that when sort of you see something that was you know, a bite within a much larger meal become the centerpiece. I feel like if you're a journalist, you've seen me answer it, right And so like You're not going to get anything different. So it's like, let's talk about something that you might get that's different I just feel like it's it's a time waster I'm just very fascated by it because I think it must be strange when you feel like you've said so much and you see this one piece of it extracted that as you said, has already been said, but I think there's a temptation and I think it's low hanging fruit where, oh, obviously Mama Mia three has SEO value, right? It's going to get the headline. And so people are like, I'm going to go for that low hanging fruit as opposed to asking something more substantive. I see that fruit and I see them Grab it And The old the broken part of me wants to give them something new But there's literally nothing I can say short of a lie, which is like, oh, we already We're in production. which is a lie U, but also yeah, it's funny. I mean, are they asking Stellen that because he's on the Chunk it scene right now right I have to find out I'm curious Let's talk about this film I wentce saw this in theaters with a theater full of people that were having outsized reactions to this film. Were they told to have outside reactions? Not to my knowledge. And this paired with weapons were two experiences that I had this year that I felt really instigated idea that going to see movies in theaters is necessary. And I've been thinking about the three art forms of like theater, film and television, right? Theater, it's like it only happens in the room that one time. Television, it comes into your home Right? It comes to you. And with film, it's this communal experience that you can have in a dark room with others. And I think all three are really valuable. And I'm wondering what it's like for you to know that this film is something that is giving people that experience of community. Like you know, I'm doing the testament of man Lee. I'm talking about it. When you say in this movie, I have to remember which movie I'm talking about And that's that's the biggest blessing that I can tell you in my career. This is the best moment I've ever had. I know how unique this experience is I know that we don't go to the theater very often The lake This is the movie If you're gonna go and trek to the theater, This is that experience that you want. This is that nostalgia. This is that abandon that you want as an audience And I'm telling you when I saw it for the first time, it wasn't even done That Taylor Swift song came on at the end. and it was like It was the full package. It was like the full experience. I screamed because It was thrilling and then Taylor Swift is saying, yeah, bitch Yeah We fucking got him together because Taylor Swift brings people together She brings me together with my daughter and her friends and my girlfriends and like in their ies and thirties and twies. I think what's also fun about this film is that I went in, I had read the book before But I was not aware how Um sadistic the film adaptation was going to be. What's fun is watching the audience in real time watch that transition happen from what I believe is sort of like psychological thriller into what is, I think, a sub genenre within that, which is female revenge. The twists are very delicately dealt with and Paul Fag is He's sadistic, like he is He's He's the sweetest man. He's very smart, but he can get dark And I think I think with a different director, I don't know if we would have this kind of True joy the end. And I think that permeates the audience experience as well because knowing that Paul directed this film gave me a comfort in terms of my ability to sit back and know that I was going be taken care of. I just want you to know that the teeth wasn't in the original script that I read That moment with the teeth is I can't even look. I can't even watch. I shot the movie. I was in the movie. I can't even watch. That movie take that movie took me away That movie destroyed me and put me back together And I was in it Is that a feeling you've had before in watching a piece of work that you're a part of It's rarely, yeah, very rarely. Let me ask you about the character of Nina Winchester, Winchester? Winchester, not Chester, right? Chester It's Slled Chester. It is Spelled Chester. Okay, you know Winchester. It's not even her real name anyway. Fair. So there's a version of the role that you could play where you could play her crazy, right? That she is this crazy person and then over time you start to learn more about her. But I think part of what you bring to this role is that you're aware that there's more to her. And I think that's what makes you particularly c great in this role and what keeps you with Nina rather than thinking just sort of casting her aside as the crazy wife And I'm wondering if that's something that you had a consciousness around or sort of how you bring that to Nina and not make her a two D character He was written in a way that made it made It gave me so many options. was I did think, oh God, what am I gonna to do? I'm playing a character who's playing a character. Right. Basically Nina in real life Not crazy. she's incredibly traumatized but she's on the other end of it. She she's got all the she's got all the balls back. She's got she's got everything in the palm of her hand And I wanted I wanted you to feel the empowerment that she had. I wanted you to feel the The brokenness that was like kind of getting filled in that she had blind spots about Millie like leaving Millie. Her daughter was like, why are we leaving her? the fuck Um, like she's blind spots. She just wants to get out. She just wants to survive And and I wanted to show like that's real in order to earn that you have to feel like this woman is on the edge and unpredictable. One of the scariest things for me about human beings is when they are unpredictable. when you're not sure who you're going get each day. Like that terrifies me. That is psychological Um Tama whether they know they're doing that or not, it's terrifying to me. L you there's a lot of different personality disorders and different mental illnesses that cause that kind of disconnect or you know unpredictability But but that was like, that's what's scary. And so I'm going to play that because she's going to be You want to get your backyard summer ready, but you don't want to break the bank? 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Visit progressive dot com and see if you can enjoy a little cash backack Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates national average twelve month savings of nine hundred and forty six dollars by new customers survey who stayed with Progressive between june twenty twenty four and may twenty twenty five. Potential savings will vary the One or the other. neverever at the same time And I don't know. I don't it was written I kinda say there was a lot of there it was a meal for me. I read the script and I was like, I feel bad for the other two. They don't get to do this shit. This is like the role And I had the best time So you mentioned the testament of Anne Lee earlier, and we're here today talking about the housemaid. And so it made me curious sort of to hear about your selection process in terms of how you decide on the roles that you're interested in pursuing. Oh, it's mostly about director and the story. If the story is interesting and the roles is someone that I think would challenge me or someone I don't think I can access, or someone I can access through a new method or with a new lens, then I'll take it. It's great. I mean, this was these both were handed to me. I didn't have to audition for them. and my agent was like, Paul Fig The house madeade great IP huge selling book, like every year on the best seller list for three years, whatever, Sydney Sweeney, New Jersey. And I was like, I don't even need to read it. takeake it. And I did, I read it. And then I was like, you gott to bring the teeth back in, but no no. just the one. Yeah. And then with Mona was Mona was like, will you play this role? And I was like, I don't think I can I actually was like Don't you think Olivia Cook would be maybe better suited for this And she was like, I want I want she's like, sureure, but I want you. Do you think, you know, I'm offering it to you like this is for you. like I mean, are you sure I'm not too old? I mean, are you sure because I'm kind of American? Are you sure like, you know, I could you could see me in like I had a lot of questions about it because I was scared because it's terrifying and that's why I 'a you like to be terrified? Yeah, because otherwise there's there's no hill to climb. Weerere mountain? Hill mountain. Big hill I gotta climb it You talked about the New Jersey. You live upstate, and I imagine in addition to wanting great scripts and great directors, as you mentioned, there's a practicality to the projects that you sign on to in terms of how long are they taking me away from home? And so I'm wondering how much of a consideration is that in terms of the decision process of what rolls you It's massive. the pro going to go shoot in Budapest like Anne Lee, It's got to be a life changing project and it was. it was absolutely life affirming. It was it really took me off my game in a lot of ways in good in fruitful ways. if it's going to be side of the country is got to be really perfect state for me to do it. Otherwise, I'm just not right now. And so many of my friends live far away from airports and they're like, that's the give and take. You have an amazing life filled with nature and you get to come home and feel more grounded than you could possibly feel in a city. yet the commute to JFK is three hours. And that's okay. because I'm making it work. I'm fascinated by upstate living and I moved upstate during COVID for a period of time and really just fell in love with it. And you know you talk about the nature and I surely know that that is an appeal. Another appeal I find about upstate life or just sort of like living outside of big cities is locals in these places, and you know we talked about the community that is involved in seeing a movie in a theater together. I think there's also a specialness around the communities in these quote unquote, small towns. And so again, like I know you've got the nature, you've got the animals, that we all understand the appeal of that. I think many of us do. but can you talk about the appeal of just being around Hollywood folks. It's funny, there are a lot of Hollywood folks up there can't get away from them. But it's okay because there's a certain frequency with which we communicate in that in that frequency could be used in two ways Not like frequent, like a lot, but like this frequency, like a radio wave that that we can communicate on and that we operate on just based on schedules and what art can mean like freelancing or you know being incredibly busy and not being it's just a different kind of wavelength that feels really familiar familial to me when I'm up there. A lot of a lot of writers prodroucers, directors, I'm surrounded by them all the time. And my kids go to school with their kids. and so that's the community. I mean, I spent Saturday at a Christmas markart market at the old Dutch church in Kingston. and I just ran into a director friend of mine We ran into our friends, you know, I mean, some of them have like real like medical jobs, like not real. I'm not saying we all have real jobs, but like some of them are in the medical field, some of them are musicians. A lot of them are writers and journalists. and it's just funny. L we all actually kind of are We all kind of do everything. and yet we live we live with we live with the same like groundedness of the nature. so it's like we're all kind of more sane You know, commommunity comes in the choices that you make the shared choices too. and that just feels so safe. And you know, you know I go don't know, I don't know. it was just like we had the Woodstock Film Festival and like for An Lie and my husband had a movie the night after premiere there too in the same place. and everybody showed up for both nights And It was like a theater full of people we knew. Like ourur lives are there now. I read and watched a lot of the interviews you've done over the last decade, and interviewers are so often fascinated by this decision to move upstate and quote unquote, leave Hollywood behind. What's interesting though, is that is a path that many actors have taken for many decades. Are you ever surprised or interested in what the fascination is with the idea that actors could live outside of Hollywood Yeah,ah it is surprising to me that it's still surprising. I find the approach that interviews often take with you when talking about upstate, it's as though you live in like the most like rural like place where you're like, you know pumping water out of a well every morning. It just make they make it seem like you're like off the grid. Yeah, no yeah, it's true that rural equals off the grid to a lot of people. Yeah. And I think I think it's like the natural evolution of someone in the public eye wanting to be surrounded by birds instead of people Right? I get it. Also during the pandemic There was still toilet paper left where I live I don't think there wasn't this city. M people, more chaos. Humans are very strange, especially in crisis And they're unpredictable. Like I said, the unpredictable nature of certain people is very terrifying to me. When you make the drive from upstate into the city, do you ever feel like a moment when you kind of start to feel all the people, right? I feel this way when I come home now where I'm like the second there's a certain exit I pass or something when I just start to feel this shift and I'm like, oh, I'm back T the grind. I don't feel that. You don't. No. How do I get there? You gott to keep doing it. It's just muscle memory. I muscle I think it's beautiful because you're present. I think it's fine. I don't think you need to get where I am. I just think I used to have that, but I just don't anymore. I mean, I'm in the car all the time. I go to JFK I mean, at this point, like once or twice a week, I think it's I think you don't have to get there. It's fine. You just knowing both in your body is great. I get excited. I'm like, ooh, I'm in apartment now and I can go to Z bar Ooh, I have someone to help me with my box. Ooh, I you know, I can walk to anywhere and get anything. is so wonderful. I love it. What a novelty the city is now for me. What are you listening to on that car ride? Interesting. Well, Aubrey Hobar, obviously becausecause my assistant is in her twenties. She gives me all the music You know, last week, I listened to an old Celine Dion album to fall asleep to because dont I lay in the back of an SUV because it's the only way I can be in a car becausecause I get car sick. So I have to lay down. I have a bedmaid all the time. privilege, I understand. I listened to the entire Celine Deion album on repeat because I'd fallen asleep. so I kept waking up to d d I Ti. She'll never get old. You know, Gregory Alan Iakkov is always as pretty usual. A L lot of Brandy Carlyisle. Her new album is incredible, incredible I mean, obviously, I mean, I'm a little bit played out of the new TS album. Are you a podcast early? No, notot at all. Not anymore. Interesting. I used to be like Cime junkie, but I do audible books. I'm listening to a book by Clara Missud. who just interviewed me for Vogue last week and I was like, you're a novelist. What are your novels? So now I listen to everything. Isn't that a fun aspect of the job that you get to do? love it. I meet novelists all the time. I'm like I'm in awe of novelists. I love novels. I love memoirs. I love everything. I just recently listened to Jessica Simpson's memoir a little too late. Fantastic. I loved it so much I reached out to her Because I appreciate her so very much. I really, really, really think that that book is for an entire generation of women, especially. I truly appreciate her. Celebrity memoir is definitely my favorite genre of book by Amile. And when you read a really good one, Demi Moore also has a really I loved her book. Yeah. When you read a great one, it really can reframe your understanding of what happened to a person. How old are you? I am thirty six So we're kind of around this L we understood Demi M when she was a Bruce Molis. Yes. It was powerful. I really like her too. I just like her. She's a very nice person. I want to ask you about legacy because I'm really fascinated by actors who sort of have a legacy role. and I'm thinking about like Sarah Michelle Geller with Buffy or Sarah Jessica Parker with Sex in the City, and you have one with meane Girls. I just think it's so unique to have an event that happens in your life that you're constantly being asked about and having to you find a new memory from to share or something. What is your relationship like the idea of like a legacy role and how that takes shape. My relationship to it is that I had nothing to do with it. But then I realized I did have something to do with it But I mean, for me My relationship with to mean Girls itself, I was just picked from A giant crowd of actors and you know brought to this legacy, I am the luckiest person in the world to have gotten that opportunity. becausecause not only did I get to be in a hit movie, a cult classic, a movie that really like made girls feel seen, parents, I mean, it was a game changer culturally And I had nothing to do with any of it except I got to play Karen, but also also the fact that I got to play a role where I could actually show my reign, my skill. Like I felt like I had skill, a skill that need was being utilized in a way that I mean just doesn't that was my first movie. It just doesn't happen like that for most people. It's I mean It changed my life And and I'm so proud of it and I will never stop wanting to celebrate how fucking genius that movie is and how much it changed my life. I I love going back to that. I love the fact that Mona's daughter showed my daughter mean girls for the first time while we were together in Zurich. Like the memory keeps it's beautiful. It's very rare. I'm very appreciative of it. and I love that it's a movie that makes fun of the bully It sure does. We should always be making fun of the bully. We should. I'm always interested in like the moment after the Big Bang, if you will. And so I'm wondering about that period between Me Girls and Mama Mia and the kind of opportunities that were being floated your way and what that period was like immediately following the massive success of M Girls. I feel like this is a part of the timeline that I don't have a lot of clarity around. Here's the thing. After Mean Girls, I went straight to work. I went to pilot season. My God, I had a map It was paper, and I had a civic Honda Civic. and I used that Honda Civic with my map. and I would drive to five auditions a day, some days, some days there were three. five auditions a day, I would go from Venice, I would go to Mary Verneu in Venice or wherever she was in the beach. And then I would go to Warner Brrosers, which in the Valley. and then I would go down to Culver City, and then I would go back over to like Paramount. I'm telling you, I knew all the studios based on pilot season for two months Not even two months, a month. And I got I booked two pilots that season. So it's like my skill, I was being proven that I had a skill and a work ethic. I would memorize so many sides for all these auditions. It was insane. maybe it was the first time I ever worked that hard in my life, but I loved it because I was acting in a room with people. I was like trying to it was a competitive u and, you know, I pump my own gas and I had such Freedom because I was living there with my boyfriend and our friend in Vice on Brooks Avenue in Venice Beach, which is not the best place to live when you're eighteen years old, but at least I had, you know these two guys with me. It was magical, It was magical. And then I booked Big Love, which was a contract role for ten ten or eleven episodes on HBO, which was huge for me. and made a lot of friends to this day. And then I booked Veronica Mars where I play I auditioned for Veronica Mars, but I got Lily Caine, who ended up being a really cult figure in that. And I had a lot of fun. So I was going back and forth from San Diego to Santa Clarita And just working and making money. I mean, it was o at the time of my life. And then I was still auditioning. and I was auditioning for this and that. I don't remember what I was auditioning for. I did like little movies like like American Gun and Nine Les with Rodrigo Garcia, who directed the Pilot of Big Love, who's fucking genius, and who texted me today image He's like a follow up, here's like a new script. I' do anything for that man. And he gave me this amazing role in nine Les was Cy Space. L what? And Ian McShane, What? And I did a lot of cool stuff, a lot of independent movies. I did Alpha Dog. I was hanging out with Justin Timberlake Back when he was bringing Sexy back and he was amazing in that. and my God, like so many Anton Yeltin was in that and Amber Heard it was like her first role. and we were in Dominique Swain and we were in home Springs like I had no business doing, you know partying that much. But my God, I lived I lived fully between I mean Girls and Mama Mia. I'll tell you, I had fun had a lot of fun. and I just worked my ass off. Thank you for invoking Heronica Mars in this interview. Classic, classic. Do you remember if there was a specific instance or over time when you started to realize that the work of acting and fame were not one and the same, but were in fact a venn diagram? I don't remember exactly, but I remember being very deliberate in understanding that if I wanted to play the long game that I needed to make I needed my choices to be more specific. I needed to I needed to know what category I wanted to be in, which is the category of a Sissy Basic or a Sigornney Weaver or like whoever I was like Sally Fet. L I wanted to I knew that I had I knew I had the work ethic. I knew I loved working. I knew I was good at it. I knew that it filled me to the you know the brim. And I also knew that what fame fame could be very unhealthy because you could fame could make you feel alienated, fame could make you feel insecure. Fame could separate you from your friends and it could change the shape of your life and what your freedom is. And I knew that and I knew that because I saw what it was what it was for Lindsey when we were doing meanirs and when mean Girls came out, it's like there's too much pressure It was too much pressure. And I felt I still I mean, I feel you know, nobody deserves that kind of scrutiny. Nobody. evenven if you make bad you'reaking we're all making bad choices. We're fucking seventeen. eighteen, nineteen, twenty five, thirty. Well, this connects back to the Jessica Simpson book of it all and the opportunity I think that there's been this reassessment of the way culturally. And I think it began with the media, but it sort of seeped down to a lot of people's systems of how they think about these things, where it was like they see someone doing something perfectly normal, the behavior of a seventeen year old, and there's a judgment that gets cast that was just sort of innate to how the paradox of fame at that time, whichich I think has changed. Do you feel I think it's changed