Closing Thoughts and Tour Details

Oh hello it's Harriet and I've just come on to let you know that I'm on tour. Later in the year I'm bringing my show Fuie to you fluszing about the UK. Lots of new shows have been added. Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, Birmingham, London, New Date there and we've added Winchester Froom got in trouble for pronouncing that wrong. Froom, Taunton, Leeds, Milton Cunes, Leicester, Margate, Farnham, and let's not forget, Colchester. You can get tickets at harrietkeemesley dot com and I'd love to see you there I'm very glad to. And I'm Hriette Kemesley. We're both single and in our thirties and we've found ourselves back on the dating scene. Landscape has changed. We w to settle down, but we're back out there. We're desperately trying to figure out what the hell we should be doing. So we're gonna speak to experts, chat about dates we've been on if we manage to get any and share your tips and horror stories. So we all feel less alone. We might even get our exes on. Yeah, we'll see about that. This is single ladies in your area Welcome to Single Ladies in your area. Thank you, Harriet. It's my pleasure Really overjoyed to be here, thank you. Let me introduce you to this episode. This episode is with a very good friend of both of ours. Celia, Ay. Love that Love shooting the shooter. hate that I missed it. Yeah, You're back now, but I'm back now. My ears are wide open and ready to listen. Wow, have y What it did you make that? Yeah. I'm so about that. Yes. Re what an image? What an image? Do you know? I got a message in my Instagram request folders Sometimes I just have a look. just I don't read them all. I just have a little dip to take the temperature of how it's going dipped in and a man had said awful message, really, but Niche. he said, I'd like to have sex with your ears. You've got very sexy ears. I just thought never. I've never been complimented on that before. Yes. And even though that isn't a compliment, it's borderline and hate crime. Yes. I just found it fascinating. What do way to reveal you have a tiny penis as well? Yes. Oh God, that's it, isn't it Penis, the size of a hearing isid. Sorry I And that's including the balls The balls go round the ear. Yeah, youve thought about this too much now, Harriot. Now I'm thinking about it though and now the list't think about it. You should just have to deal with that on your own. You request Fress just for yourself. Stop sharing, please. We shouldn't have to put up with this as well. No, that's horrible. I'm sorry that he send you that message. We don't want any We don't want any messages No No no messages, thank you Thank you so much, Thankk you so much. Thank you. Thank you that serice Thank you. can I just say I just never heard it. just whichich is ironic, isn' it? You can have your own Anyway, we must stop talking about a scaryd cock. Tell me about our wonderful guest This Cellia, yes Let me take you back. I don't want to be the one introducing things anymore. I don't think it suits me. I'm not an introducer. It's too much pressure. I took it on and then now I'm done. I can't do it anymore. Well, what sort of things did you chat about? French? She's French. She's French.' French. Okay And we it was actually a very insightful episode. It was very like soughtful Philosophical. Yes. We're not used to that. French phhilosophical. French philosophical. Yes. Yes, you kind of want it like I almost started smoking a cigarette. I didn't even have any cigarettes. It was It was wonderful. On a stick, like a cigarette on a stick. A cigarette on a stick. Yes, yeah. If I don't smoke, but that's what I'm going to do when I listen to the episode. I think you should. Yeah I think you should, you should start. Yeah. That's no people shouldn't do that.'s not let's notcourage that yes.. Actually be difficult to quit once you start. yeah, I just love Celet. and she she's so funny and she also yeah just really like lovely thoughts. She's really thinking about things and she's really looking for emotional intelligence. Good luck Yeah, a nice one, mate. goodood luck with that, Sellot. But yeah, I don't know if that's that is something that but I'd never really thought about it. Like it's not on my list. I've got to put on my list. Well do you know why? it's because generally This it's awful to generalize, but generally women have high emotional intelligence. So I think we take it as a given. Like obviously. Yes. We want people that can care and have empathy and understand how other people are feeling. Yes, but if you don't put it, you don' on the list the list ye I don't get it. It's really important you put it, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think we need to do new lists Do do need to at a list? Okay, well, that's something to think about for. Yeah Because I was thinking about my list and it is like it was just like gets out of bed in the morning. and I must higha Where wasine? I met Mat. I met the man who's on the list, but I didn't put single. In Australia, he was married, but I met him. And I was like, o my Godd, I didn't put it on the list. It manifested you. And then I just didn't put a just assume they're gonna be single. Yeah. And I didn't put in the same country as me. So I'm learning. We're all learning Yeah Okay, so we'll I guess we should do that. We'll do that. But first firstly most importantly, please listen. To the wonderful Celler AB G' got to get out there. Oh hello, Zelia. Hello Aria I'm so excited. This is literally my favorite podcast. I feel like you said that to every podcast No, no. I feel like you're going around to every podcast saying you're my favorite. The rest is politics Guinely, this I think I've like kind of I've been hoping to be ableed to do this podcast for so long. And kind of like similar to you and Amy, I was like What if I find the right person before I get asked? It't happened. There's pros to not finding those. There so many pros. so many pros. Yeah, Guineally so excited to be here me single . What year is it twenty twenty six? Yeah. I want to say This millennium, this whole millennium God, it's twenty it's a ge of twenty twenty two. twenty twenty. Yeah becausecause the whole time I've really like known you, you've been s. You' really nally. You got like a real air of. I've had stuff. I've done stuff. Yeah ye But like no not the right person yet. You know, I've been single for that's four years, isn't it? Yeah. Four years yeep Yep, ye. When did you move to London? I moved to London in twenty twenty twenty one with my ex. This is the X from twenty twenty. This is the X from twenty twentyy two. twenty Yeah, twenty twenty one, I think I moved to. I was kind of like in between Birmingham and London for a while and then it was like, well, I'll just move in here Um Then yeah. Then we broke up. So yeah. How long have you moved? We broke up in I think April of twenty twenty two just before my de our debut comedy show. You more comedy show Everyone listening is gonna know what thatans.' like your debut on the ball. L what are you what are you talking about your first stand upp comedy show. Yeah Mother you wrote you broke up Four months before before. Yeah. didid that feature in the shot? Yeah, which was quite good actually because that's the great thing with comedy. because I was like, there's no end to the show because it's a bit too joyous and then it Oh that's wonderful. That's wonderful. and then it it gave me that little sad bit at the end which, you know sacrifices work out No, it was really tough. Good to laugh about it now about it. So wait, how long were you in London together for? So he lived in London and I lived in Birmingham and I used to So I think we Started dating in twenty twenty nineteen, I think So we were together for close to three years and then sort of lived together for like maybe a year and a half. Oh okay. The way you said it, it was like you moved to London and he immediately was like, I heard it when you wereking actually. What thing That would have been a better ending for my show No, it was mutual.um, just assuming, just clearly assuming. Yeah, so obviously broke up with you. No, it was we were living together for like a year and a half before before the de You really gave it a guy. We really gave it a guy Yeah. And I think we really like it's kind of like when the world started reopening after COVID, that it was like, are we I mean, we had a really, really nice bubble in COVID Yeah. And then I think like when it started reopening and then but I have no like I've got no bad feelings about the guy. Like I think that's like one thing I'm quite lucky with. L I think there's no Ss like it just didn't work out. work. Yeah. it just there's something not quite right and You're looking fornak? Was he in comedy? Yes. It was the first comedian that I really D did, I think and it was um It was good. I think that the Do you ever look back at a relationship and you're like, if I had been in therapy at that time, we would have communicated better? You know what? I was thinking this earlier and no. My choices have been so wild every turn. I've literally something I've been thinking recently like I don't think, you know how some people are like, o, that's the one that got away. Yeah Every single one I'm like What would I be doing now if I was with that person? I know what you mean. I think like maybe more like I have some like regrets in the But actually they're not regrets. It's more like I can see that I was younger that we were both young And I think that sometimes with relationships, the You can't have regrets of the way that you both behaveds of communications because you were just babies. You were just still trying to figure out how to even be one person, let alone working as a two. I think that's a really nice blame free way of looking at. I like to blame. but I love that for you. Yes, I mean one to just shame and guilt. So this is a good thing Tnalz it. Yeah yeah yeah If you cut me open, there's shame. Oh Don't do it. Yeah, so single since april twenty twenty. That's so specific. Yeah. I just remember it because I remember thinking like, Okay, my Edinburush has been on sale. And I actually remember it because I quit my job and became a full time stander That same week. that you break up? Yeah ow Like within two days. Wow, that's a big week. That's a really big week. I wonder if there was something about like the planets, Like there was something weird going on in the planets in A twenty twenty two. Well, I'll tell you what happened in the planets. I quit my job and then was like, yeay, we can just be a couple and that' be a full time stand upp. And then was like, oh my God, with all the free time that I've earnd the day, we can do so much stuff. And then we broke up two days after And I accidentally bought two for myself, two lifetime memberships at Prince Charles because I forgot that I'd bought one 'cause I was so heartbroken and tired that I bought one on the first day. Two lifetime members L lifetimeers Prince Charles Sm But one the Monday of the breakup. twow days later I quit my job or like the other way around. two days later, broke up, bought another one and forgot And I've got two lifetime memberships and the priner, both under my name Do you use it a lot? I did for like the first three months of like and I cried a lot in the prrince house U during that time, but I quite I kind of look back at it fondly like it was a nice way of like getting over someone. I think that's true. I think sometimes there's something quite nice about breakups in somewhere. Like the sadness is so pure. Yeah. L it's just so And I don't know how to describe this. It's just like It feels so bad that you're just in it. L you're never more present in your life than you're going through a breakup and everything feels so raw and you can't achieve anything. You can't do anything. You just have to get through it. And all the songs sound so good. Like I feel like as someone who hasn't been like sort of in love since I feel like when I'm listening to like love songs, it's kind of like shooting blanks Like I'm just like yeah, not like ye, it doesn't have that power. Yeah, like every song is about like like yearning and like I'm kind of like trying to picture someone that I could yearn for. it's like a mix of different people that I've yearned from in the past and it's like, But when you're interested in someone and when you're heartbroken over someone, every word seems to have been written about them Because I keep it vague. Yeah, they're not naming loads of names. And like how you were human. It's like the most vague thing. Crying feels so good, there's something so cathartic about crying. I just cried nonstop for like three months decided to separate. I just just I just lived my life crying. Like I'd just be going to places crying. Yeah. I would cry at the most inappropriate times and in the most like extreme ways. I remember one of the times I cried the most. It was It's in hindsight, so embarrassing. My agent was on maternity leave and so I'd had these cover agents who were like lovely and so nice. but I'd kept to qui and hadn't told the agency for a while and like me and my ex used to work together quite a bit. and And so I don't know why I don't know if it felt like telling like a parent figure or something, but I was like, right, I need I need to tell them I called them And I just saw me on my phone. And it's so it's so embarrassing and they were like, are you okay? And I couldn't catch my breath? And then I had to call my sister in law and get her to like talkalk me off 'cause I had to go get Mabable from nursery and I was like, I can't turn up, like hysterical. It was just this mad kind of yeah, relief. Not relief. Wow, that seems like whatever it is like I at release Yeah I think like I'm trying to understand how that's important because I did the exact same thing. Like I cried down the phone to my old agents. I mean like so maybe we're keeping each other down because I yeah, I definitely have I've called I've called my agent and I cried on the phone I had, oh my God, the day of the breakup, I had to do to support for somebody And I remember it was Oxford and apparently I was quite mean to the like my crowd workork was quite mean and like heartbroken And'm like, o Oh look at you, happy and love It not last pretty much. L I fure like Because you've seen me on stage. I'm not like an edgy No, you're like a com goose. But I was a very serious goose that day and Iood in twenty twenty two. You could work out what who it was for and stuff, but it was I think I walked into the dressing room and said, Yep We just broke up, let's do this. and then just went straight on stage. Yeah. It's so Did you have to do gigs and so for? Yeah. And the thing is, I don't know about you, but a lot of my material was about my ex husband, but we didn't tell anybody for a while. But was on I would be on stage. talk about being married. and then sometimes I'd come off and I'd be in a green room. And there was this one particular night in Nar Lan square and everyone was making jokes about my marriage. I don't know like what? You know you're in a green room sometimes and there's like a bit and everyone's got a bit and everyone jumps on the bit. Yeah. And I was like Yeah. and then they're like, yeah, imagine if they like break up or something. and I was like, yeah, h It' like, you know, you're just going along with it. Yeah. And then I walked out of the venue and I remember walking and I was like, you know at the end of the usual suspects when it's like Kaiser so say, he's suddenly like the limp. feels like I just became the saddest person. and I got in my car and just started crying. Yeah Just I mean I comple like there's also that thing with breakups where you have to give it like a full six weeks before everyone you know knows Do you know I mean? Yeah. So like you have to kind of let plant the seed of this has happen and let people say it to each other. I think it's the same, it's like universal. It's like with anyone that has a breakup. It's a thing where you're still you still see someone in like six months or there, they go your boyfriend and you're like oh my go, God that, then didn't spread. I didn't reach you Yeah. They didn't reach you. Like I don't know why you're so disconnected to everybody, but you don't know. and now I have to do it again. to say and I have to bumm you out because you're like I have to tell you broken up. and then you'll have to say, Ohh, I'm sorry about that, Are you okay? And then Ill have to say, yeah, I am okay. It's been a while and then you have to have another conversation about it. when maybe by the time that it reached them, you're kind of done. The great thing with mine is that no one was surprised just they were just like It's happened. It's happened we didn't know when, we didn't know where, but it's happened. And so that's somes, isn't it? I had I did do that thing with another comic where they were a comedy couple and I It was the first time I met the man in the relationship and I said, I'm obsessed with your girlfriend standup. I think she's amazing. And then he was like I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, great. Thanks. And then I walked out the conversation. and then a full two months later, someone told me, No they broke up like a year ago. And it was a massive breakup. And I was just telling him like, you should really just value her, like she's amazing. Yeah, that seems really bued actually It's a match. Has it stopped you from dating comedians? I cannot divorce another comedian. It's a real it's a real thing I cannot do. One. Not that many assets. O It's just a mistake. It's just like you can't have that on the back padlog. You know what I mean? J like To down, who's next? Like can't that can't be it. You keep bumping into them as off for the rest of your life, is it. especially if child. is this is it. I can't I can't have another child with another comedian. I't ever bump into together and not that you have a child together. We weirdly bump into each other all the time All the time Yeah But then I've also I was really like no comics, but then you try and date people that are living a normal life and I think what we and working nights is really confusing. It's very confusing. Yeah. And like the amount of, I mean, I'm not, I don't date comedians. I don't think I feel like the There was a time in my life where you d comedians. No, that's a rle. way you said that was No No, sorry, Harry Thank you. Sorry Harry. Do you want to pause for a minute? Oh my Godd, that's where I got you. Sorry. Wait, wait, what is this a new rule I've had it since I'm in April when. Yeah basically. I think I was like I think I was quite open to it until the year after my breakup, I was like, maybe I will date another comedian And then I think I really needed the separation because I feel like but it's hard as also because you you spend a lot of time with comics and it's kind of becomes your whole life. And so it's normal for comedians to be attracted to each other U but but I do feel like there's I think I've tried to understand what I need is different from what is available. I think this is so impressive. I cannot imagine having the Wherewithal all the self confidence to block out a whole group of people? Oh, I mean, it's not like they're queuing up as well. it's not like I'm gonna have to be like just battle lots of comics and be like, no, thank you. L's more like it's actually everyone's pretty fine about. We still my joice everybody. Everyone's pretty like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we also respect that. We were thinking that the whole time But like I feel like I don't know, like I would theyate I feel like a good pair is like C comedian and producer. L I think like that's a good pairing or someone who used to do producing And I found out recently that producers part of their job is to be really nice to you. Did you know that's confusing because what you think that they comes ono you? Yeah I just more like I thought they were just all nice. but then I found out recently like, I mean, you know, there's like apparently part of the training is like you have to be really nice to comics. But like I think like it's like so weird when you're like 'cause I'm a writer on a show now and there's likem like it's like SNL let's fx But like going from like writing to being like, you know when you do like a TV job And like that you've got your own runner Who's there to do everything and you're like, Oh my me and this friendner are really getting on. They're like they're just getting paid to be nice to you. Yeah. And ye they go back to get your snacks and they're like,ucking fucking Christmas How many bull eggs. We have very different snacks company.. she wants sixty bll eggs They're more like a I mean, more in a sense of like, I think You need someone who kind of gets it But like I'll give an example, I went on a date with a girl I want tona say four months ago And one of the things that she said was like If I'm dating someone, I don't really like having to compliment them all the time Like And I was like she was like, so like, yeah, if I' like, if'veld you're beautiful, should know' beautiful. And that was a one time thing. what what you said it, You better you better remember it forever. Well, I heard that. I was like, you can't die a comedian Because I pictured myself the most logal of all Amer species. I pictured myself like We're on a date tight Maybe we've been together for a year and I spend an hour getting ready and I come out and all she says is you're ready. Like I pictured it in my hand like I just say Tilt nice? she said Zillia has been at all She told you in may twenty twenty three that I think like my I don't really I mean, it's like of course, I listen to the episod of loveve language. I think I'm big into word of affirmation and I'm really good at them as well. That's your love language. I love words of affirmation. The problem with words of affirmation for me is I've realized I was seeing somebody in their very They were very with like really just like giving so many compliments. Yeah. But that it's kind of overwhelming at the beginning And then it just naturally stops being all the time But then you miss when it's like a constant thing. Get say more. So what's So like at like they're just like saying, like compompliments constantly. Yeah. But then life happens. Yes. And you can't be saying compliments while you're living your life all the time. You can. You think you can. You can. You look very nice today. Thank you so much., thank you. but could you keep that up when we're just like, do you know what I mean? Like I think it peters off a little bit. It can't be like compliments like all the time for. I think so maybe. I feel like for I think a I'd like to think I could keep it up. I think it's also because I'm big into gratitude and like so like every morning I do my little gratitude things. And if I'm like in a relationship with someone that I like, I would be like You in my gratitude today, You were in my like like gotud less you like I feel like the I just I think it's like as long as the words are not empty Like I really like something like you did really well at this and well done for like dealing with the situation well and like that in a physical touch, I suppose. I'm a big hugger. Yes, I didn' think so I didn't think I was into words of affirmation so much. And then before I dated somebody that was like gave me no compliments at all. And I just thought, Ohh, you just think I'm the ugliest person in the world. Like I just at the end you're just like, thinks I'm disgusting because he never says I'm attractive And I also like I I'm like a a follower of compliments. So if you're not giving me compliments, I'm not giving you the same because I'm like well I don't know if you've consented to receiving a compliment because you don't seem to be into them that much. Eactly. like I feel like and I' must stressed I don't mean like empty compliments. I mean also like just like it's notress it's not so much compliments.'s I guess it's like really good communication and like someone like I'm big into emotional intelligence and someone that is, I guess like not working on themselves, but like to themselves and patient with themselves and also patient with others. I think someone that has like Basically someone that's been to therapy for a while Yeah. like, but like and I also don't like the idea of I hate on dating ups when people are like, if you're mentotherraapy, don't bother because it's like this is such a privile to be able to get therapy I think it's kind of gross when people say If you want to therapy Don't bother It's like again, so if you haven't got three hundred and forty quid a month. Yeah. like I think that's really gross. However, I like people who are into just questioning themselves and just like Just understanding where things come from But you think sometimes that can go too far and sometimes it's just nice to have a simple man. Yes, but I also feel like I don't think me and someone that's very simple and had a nice life would be a match likeike I think I need someone that's been through some stuff and has like But like is a very kind person as a result of that or like the hus patient for me, which I can be a challenge Bys They love a challenge famously, they love a challenge. What are you doing that's challenging I think I'm cheating. I think I'm someone that I'm very big on just communication. and I think that like I I'm a very honest and blunt person and I expect someone to do to be the same. And I think that like Obviously, I'm a comic I'm self involved So I often thinking about why I did something and why I'm doing things. And I think that that can be challenging for someone to date someone who's sort of like work in progress on that In front But like notot cheating or anything like that, more into like I'm big into long conversations. Oh no, they hate that. Yeah. yeah, but then like liivving with me now, I suppose it's like kind of like doing a very sincere podcast. But you're very funan and I think you have a really like You're somebody that has something that me and Amy have been striving for And I think I've got better at it.ike you have like a very naturally kind of like flirty vibe. Oh do I? Yeah, I think so. I think it might be the French. I think it's a French and the brown hair because French hair. French Fown hair. Now I've heard that about me before, but I actually don't I've been wondering because I've been told before I dad I'm quite flirty But I don't see it, but I guess I do maybe like when I watch myself on the podcast, I'm like, why am I flirting so hard with like A' Altman? like In the moment. I don't think I like it's not it doesn't come across as like I'm trying to flirt. It's just how I speak. But maybe it's eye content. Yeah I think you have really good eye content and I also think you're very fun. Like you have like a fun vibe happening whichich don't think is good. Yeah. think I think it's a great quality. I have tended to be like serious and that's not You' a bit of serious in what Yeah. in like sometimes I would like, especially with dating and stuff, I think. if I like somebody I become quite serious. Like it's not who I am and also it's not very fun. Do you think it's you maybe trying to like feel safe first making sure that like because you're extremely fun person, is it a way of kind of being like I'll just set up that I'm not always just this fun person that I do have boundaries, that I do have all of these things that I need. and then you can have the fun. I would love to think it involved that much. I think what it is is that I think that other people I have to pretend to be more serious because that's what they're going to want. And I think this is what I've been on this like weird journey where I like Obviously, like when you date People in comedy, like it's very silly life, everyveryone's quite silly and then I didn't think I could managed to date somebody who was like person who had like adult L things like that like liter from liveere. Yeahes, had like good taste and had like a penschion a new nice restaurant and things like that. Like I didn't think that was something I could get because they'd be like, o This silly this silly woman doing. I feel like, you know You're like the sun. you're a very bubbly, sunny person. but I also think having been to a music festival with you and having been I've immediately put myself as baby in the dynamic and you were in charge of taking me from one place to the other. I also know that when you're serious, it's kind of like It doesn't come across as jarring to me at all like in between the two. And also people, there's a spectrum to everyone, right? Like Like I'm sure Krsty the Clown is sad sometim. like like, you know, like the most bubbly person you can think of, they also have to like set of direct debits and stuff. Yeah. I think that's it. I think when I have to do I have to really focus on it. if I need to do something serious, I have to really focus Yeah. And so I can't really be myself and flirt. But there's there different ways of flirting, I imagine. L Al also like a thing about me as well is I can never tell when someone is flirting unless they're doing it in like a sort of like nineties jockway. like if they're a pickup artist ye. It's like if they don't have like an arm upon a wall and I'm like it doesn't register as flirting. L Yeah, this is it. I think it's really hard to know what flirting is. I never know if someone's interested in me. Like I just like I never assume because I've all I think Because I was as a teenager I was quite like sort of like bullied and not like cool in any way in high school can I don't think I have it in me to like believe that someone's interested in me until someone else, like I need an exterior person to say this person was flirting. Yeah, that that's a thing that's been really helpful for me recently. Yeah is other people giving you the confidence to believe that somebody likes you. But we need to get there ourselves I know. it's just like it's that thing of being a work in progress and like constantly working on yourself and building your confidence so that you just assume everyone's fl. Yeah, I feel like that's I think, do you know what it is The idea of thinking that someone is flirting with me and they're not This this is it. isn't too terrible? I'd rather be alone forever It is horrible. You're saying to someone, Are you flirting right now instead of going like no. like just no, Sbuu immediately. immediate seuku. 'Cause I think there's once I must have been like, I think say immedate Saduku. Subuku. What is that? You know the Japanese shame ritual? Yeah yeugu. Sorry, I thought you meant do a Sduku. Get the Seduku out quick. Where does the nine go? L I just find it like Every single person like I'm sure that you must have been involved in these like When we hung out or like telling me someone was flirting and me being like, I just thought they were nice. Yeah. or like no way they were interested And because I'm not really good on picking up on signals from people. like unless it's like, I feel like they hate me, then I'm really good at picking up on this But like like I need some if someone fanies me I've been saying this for a long time If someone fances me, you have to tell me. This is a PSA. D everyverybody. Listening, if you fancy Selia, please tell her. You have to tell me because I will never know. Be literally I'm actually I'm completely the same. Are you the same? Yeah. Do you ever like lie in bed awake and you're like, oh my God, this person from ten years ago. madeade me a carbonara, off course they were in love with me. No. like no one's made me a. I had a Spanish flatmate from like ten years ago who like Just realized like recently, like, oh ten years ago, you made me a carbonara because he knew that was my favorite thing before he left. And the whole time I was like, thanks, bird. I gott to play catch after that Look some ging h Let's get some chicks Oh, you just love a roast, do you How'd you feel about like putting yourself out there? Like Is that something that you have tried? It's I'm trying to do it now. I feel like I've got this like lease of life that I was didn't think I was going to have. and so I'm trying to challenge myself and put myself out there more. but It's crazy because I've done it for so many years doinguring stand upp, but doing it romantically one on one with somebody feels so hard. Can you give you an example of like But something that you've tried. So I I went this I mean, this isn't even romantically, but I went away on my own for a few days and that felt like something that was really like beyond me to do. and ye me like really encourage me because she's really good at doing it. and I just thought it would be like so embarrassing of me on my own it's it feels that feels so insane to say it out loud. How did it feel like when you like it what was the fear that you would be you would feel? that everyone would be like, what a loser, but then no one cares. And I had a great time and I just needed some quiet and it was so good. ye Yeah. evenven more that no one cares, I think some people are envious. Like I feel like like I like to do a lot of stuff by myself. L that's and like sometimes I'm watching People in groups looking at me doing something by myself and I'm like, I think they also want quiet sometimes. Yeah. I feel like going away by yourself can be so daunting if you see it from the perspective of other people may see it. But once you're there, you're like, o, it's just me and my body and it's just me and my head and it's nice to spend time with me actually. Yeah. It was it was wonderful without anyone else's energy. like this is a thing. I think I've just been like on this journey, but yeah, the next step is to try and like like I've never asked anyone out. I've never really told anybody that I like them. I would like rather die and be rude to them than never let them know that I like them. I think that's a bad way to live And our medual friend Alexa I' met to me and they'd like message me and then they'd kind of like be messaging and then She was like, why don't you just ask him out? And I was like, Oh my God, that's crazy. I would never do that. Yeah. And then now I've started to att least like message first. Great. and it's worked so well. It's like finding a a cheat code in a video game because There was like two months last year where I don't know what happened. Like I felt like I was on my like follicular face for two months straight. and I was just like started asking people out And it worked. it's so empowering to be like I'll just be the one to approach and it's great until I got my first rejection and then I didn't do it ever again. Wow How did it how did how did it go? So For like two months straight I was kind of like I mean, it was I'm saying that like I was just going out on the streets everyone and going, hey I ask two people and they said yes. But it was like a third person where. So how did the two that went well go? Really well So but they people you knew you were chatting to. One of them was some a guy on an app Okay. And I was away and I just was like It was just like, hey, I'm in town for I think that is so much easier. Yes. becausecause you're not your real self. you your time limit. you just have to get in moving. Yeah. and like they're not like picking someone who like doesn't know I do stand up, doesn't care that much about it who happens to live in a city that is a full like nine hours difference, like time difference. Yeah. like like that was good. And then the second person was someone who lived in London and I was just kind of like it was like first date sort of thing where I was like, I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship, I just would like to sort of like explore something more fun. And that went really well And then the third person was someone that I'd known for a little bit of time, not too long that I asked out and they didn't actually reject me Specifically, they just said that they happened to be seeing someone else. but because like My rejection muscle hasn't been trained. I took that as a full on rejection. And as women were so used to saying, I'm seeing someone. Yeah because yes, the thing that keeps you safe. Yes. they respect. So amount t drivers you're saying' dating like a sort of like WWE. L the amount of tax I'm fully married to likeike it's like, yeah, I think that that's such a good point. I hadn't even picked up on that that like becausecause we know the excuses, we kind of like It make it personal. but I think that's you're so right by describing it as a muscle. L I think it like it's doing things that are embarrassing. Yeah is a great that's how we grow. like is how we have our jobs now that we love is because I'll just speak myself. I embarrass myself all over the country. Oh, same overver and over. Yeah. And you just have to build that muscle of just being like, and I think dating is this it's the same as stand upp. Yeah. You just have to fall on your face Yeah and not be for people but keep putting yourself out there. Yes until it kind of works. Yes. And I think there's like that I don't know about you, but I feel like with standup, I can just be like, okay, I'll just go and write something else or I'll just go. But like if I get rejected for how I look I'm like Right, so I can't like come up with a new five. Yeahet. This isn't all I can yet. Yeah. and like I feel like I still struggle with, because I've lost lots of weight when I was a teenager and then moved country. I think I'm still sort of like not basically it's body dysmorphia. It's like I still feel I don't often feel like eligible to attract someone in the way I look, but then sometimes I do feel quite beautiful. and there's no like I know exactly what you mean. I'd really like to have a baseline. Yeah where I just am like, oh yeah, like I can chat to people and it's nice and maybe they don'd want to date me rather than being like, oh, I'm fucking disgusting. And this place would never want to date me in a million years Yeah and then sometimes being like, actually, I'm doing okay this one day. L I can be too broy with men as well. L like the amount of men and this I'm not even drgg, the amount of men on a date where I've been like, do you wantna arm wrestle? O who wins? Like's like it's often like me because I'm like, it's not my fault w. But more of like It's also like growing up with brothers where I'm sometimes too comfortable around some men in a way that like doesn't make them feel I don't think it they se me as a potential person if I'd remind them of like their coach. Like I would just have like a weird like I'm not like my energy is not fully like sort of feminine or masculine. I tend to dress more feminine. but I guess it's kind of confusing, I guess for a lot of people With the rejection, did it happen in person? Yes So you were so it was somebody that you were like friends with? Friendly, yeah. Friendly.one that I didn't know that much. But like is that thing where like it was someone in my life where I'm like, whyy have we never you know in And then I was like, oh, I guess I guess I should just put myself out there a bit more. Yeah. And then but then I felt like I felt compleompletely fine about it, but then I did notice that took me a months to sort of get back out there after that. Even though it was a perfectly like, I mean, that person is in a relationship now and like and you haven't P yourself out there again. Like you haven't asked No, but to be fair. I just haven't met someone to put myself out their shoe since. like becausecause of the block on dating comics and stuff, after that was like the fringe, then after that was Soort like lots of comedy parties. And like most of the people I know are comics because I moved to London and didn't know anyone So I guess it's like just have to wait until Also that this was a big change. From like October onwards, I realized that I wanted a relationship, which hadn't been the case in like four years And so I was like, I've just it's going to be more about finding the right person and I just haven't met the person withself. I think when you're looking for the one potentially forever, then the bar is so much higher. Like in your twenties, you could just be dating somebody and it't mean the thing it doesn't have any repercussions. like it's just something you're seeing whereas now. there's no point unless it's something that attential with. And I've decided decided I've realized the last year or so that I want to be it Like I like I would love to have a little baby And like that also adds another layer of like, It's not just about meeting someone at a party Yeah. It's about like and just see that they're responsible, seeee that they also want that, seeee that like You've just got it's like a bigger it's just more chips on the table of not chips like like like just more carbs. It's just more. Like do you know what I mean? it's more that you like have to bet on someone And so I think that's kind of like that's also kind of posing Un fllirty vibe of like Sort of like summer festivals,? It's hard for those things to go in hand in hand because often that's how you need to start something. L you don't want to start something just like hello, I'm Selly. I'm looking for a long term relationsation by. Are you inted? It's like you need to have a bit of fun, you know what I mean at the beginning at least? Yes. Yeah yeah I don't know, like when you're like I imagine with you as well With Mabel, there's that's probably a new thing that's been added. onto finding someone who you feel is responsible. Yeah It's been incredibly helpful for me having somebody like outside of myself that I cannot risk bringing anyone that is potentially damaging to me. Like even I was seeing someone in like end and I just felt like really sad about it. And then I was like I don't want to be like artbroken in front of my child. like I don't want to waste time with her where I'm like, o God, you know? like in the past I used to be able to just like be heartbak. You could just spend days in bed and Yeah, affecting anything, but now I've got to get up, I've got to live my life. And so putting feelings into somebody, I've really got to start being very like I think what's good is that for a long time I was like, I can't imagine ever being with anybody or ever. And I've started to kind of start taking like leaps a little bit with people. but I think I need to I need to just I have a PetT and he's he's quite straight with me and he's like, you've got to start just putting one foot in. like the problem is I put all my feet in. All of them, all of my feetiously All ten of my meet are in and need to I need to just dip toes rather than just being like as soon as the problem was I think when I started like not seeing any red flags, for a long time, all I saw was red flags and people and I was like, o, this person will never get enough that It's never going be anything that's fine. It could just be fun, but I'll never be able to think of that in my head. And then as soon as I started to meet people that I was like, o, I can't see any real reasons why this couldn't be something. I was like, well, I guess I'm in. And then not you can't do that until somebody is really themselves It's more like it's like a sve sving system. It's like, okay you passed the first bit of no obvious red flags. Yeah. And then you've passed the second bit of all of my the past versions of me are not coming out. Like you're not triggering anything that is not conducive to a healthy relationship And then the last one is like, do you actually like me? Yeah. I'm still learning so like I didn't think I would still be learning so much. I know, but there's no like, my cousin has two children and is separated from the dad and she's dating and it's kind of the same thing where like she'll be like, this person would have been great for me like pre children because I' There's less risks. But then she's having to like also Yeah, she's more tentatively like There's more trials that those men are being put through basically. because you are You're meeting children at a very important part of the development of their brains. and she's like, this is so important for them that they know They're safe around that person and I'm safe and I feel like to not introduce too many people to them as well And I think like I think you guys should hang out. my cousin. think so yeah. Yeah yeah, I haven't introduced Mabel to a single person yet. I think that's Cld is Mabel like think that's I mean, there's no right or wrong Yeah, until I think it's something and it has a definite future. I just wouldn't do it. But I think it's probably easier at this age where you could just be like Oh it's your friend, Like she' meeting a lot of friends and I think it could be It could be okay She's meeting a lot of friends. H aboutirthday party is to you and like the polyiccule that you're in A lot of my special friends, but no one between my special friends, special friends. Say it with me. I'm a goddess Has dating in the UK been different than France? Yeah. Yes. I feel like I would be more open to putting myself out there if the rest of the country was also. Yeah. I feel like France is more open. Yes. Okay. just being on the dating apps Paris, I was back there in November and just being like this is People are just straight away in messages being like I don't know there's more of an honesty to the communication, there's less sort of like they're less sheepish than a lot of English people. And also like in the UK, I'm a novelty is that I'm the French person that they're dating. I'm the French And that I think that kind of like because of just probably like sort of both like fantasy and xenophobia. It put there's a lot of people that are not eligible today just because they'll just see me as like, well, she's probably not going to be him if reform goes in or like or like I'm going to put her on a pedal because she's French and like Also again, I'm a very honest blunt person. Not blunt. I just communication I need clear communication because that's the only thing I can do really without feel like I'm erasing myself a little bit. Like I don't want to feel like I'm working in an office in a relationship. and like I have to put flowers on everything And I don't mean that in a mean way, more in a like clear communication, this upset me. notot like, I feel like when you know me? And I feel like in the UK there is like when a lot of I think English English men specifically, I think English women are better in terms of emotions. but a lot of English men, I think have that like A lot of them haven't worked out how to even acess how they're feeling let alone trying to understand who someone is And like what I'm saying is like, I'm an intense French woman I the little English boys. I mean English boys are like never you. An English womoman English womoman don't handle it, but like a lot of like, I don't know, I feel like that's It's weird I was thinking about that that like I just I just noticed that In the last week or so I am a novelty, even though I think of myself as like person I am like someone else's ex French girlfriend or like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, you've got a specific like casting bracket. Yeah. You've got a specific thing that yeah Yeah, I see that Have you ever dated someone that was not English? Yeah, my ex husband. Was Canadian? Yeah. Yes. Yeah I like I like the I think I'd probably I don't know if I'd like French, it's maybe a bit too you No offense. but too pretentious for me. Not you. pretentious? No you're not. but like the French, you know, sometimes like the Prisian kind of thing of like, I would crumble under that. I would be a mess on the floor. like I just couldn't cope with the kind of the behavior that you'd need maybe like the I could see you of a French mander. No, because I think they'd be like, what is this clot doing? Like I think they would a nice dinner and have a have a cigarette on the balony and then I' dpp the cigarette in my hair and I' fall on the bon You know, they don't want that. I don't think they want that. Whereas I like you like I communication, I' very helpful and that is why North American people I find very easy to be around. like my best friends are American because they're just like they tell you exactly how it is and then I feel safe. can't. I can't quite work out what I'm going to be doing or No like, do you know my idea of her is trying to work out how someone truly feels about the situation or about like And this is what's so hard with dating. Yeah, it's like I think as a woman, you do maybe pick up on things and you think, o the vibe is a different? Is it this? You don't wantan to be mentioning it, you don't Yes. I don't know it's a real headfail. It's going between like hypervigilance and actual vigilance is like and like I can't feel safe in any relationship, whether it be friendship or like self check out or like a romantic if I don't feel safe in if if I don't understand the walls of the relationship, if I don't understand like this is like if you're upset about something, you will tell me, if you're happy about something, you tell me if it's like I just need Essentially, I work really well with rules. like I'm the same. and I also like if someone's not really into me, I just want to know. like I find it really difficult when I'm like, wait, ite know if they like me or not. Like I just want them just to be like Oh yeah, I don't like ye That's actually what it was' and I'll be like right. that's such a relief for me. I don't want to be just going around trying to figure it out. Yes. and also like in terms of like telling people that Like If someone fances you, for example, if someone fances you, it's better for them to say that. And then to like to and then be like, oh, I don't feel that way. And then we can keep this friendship or whatever other relationship you have then having to wonder like I think you can you can only repair a relationship that might have been hurt by unrequited feelings if one person says it But I used to have a bit in my standup like two shows ago that was like People in the UK will have a crush on a friend for years and they'll take it to their graves. Like they would rather just not say anything and you can see it when you're in a group of people because when they're like, I'm going to use this Like, let's say you're in a group of friends And so let's have a crush on cama and we're one of a group friends and we' laugh. The person that has a crush on the person will do this. And you can pick up on that. Yeah, they'll just go And like, but like I mean, that's obviously exaggerated for stand upp, but I do think that that's like a sometimes I notice it in groups. I kn you spotted it like. Not on me, but I spotted other tim Yeah Do you think you're quite good at spotting kind of? Yes, accept it's for me. Like I am actually I can tell the future in my friends relationships. if we all know each other So many of my friends have been like, I'm like, Ohhide, they need a person and I'll pick up on the fact that you're talking about them differently and like you're like, I reckon by in six months tim, you'll be dating, or I reckon in like I'm really I'm going to back myself here so I'm quite good at predicting who will get with who, but I can't do it for myself afters I'm gonna ask you who I'm going gonna get with. Yes put me in a group and I'll figure it out. Yeah. Yes. I think like just pattern recognition I'm quite good at. Yeah. but not for me. L as soon I'm in this, I'm like It's just like a blizzard We have to wrap it up. I just when we went to end of the road, that was so fun. That was a real like pivotal moment in my life doing mushrooms with you. What It was so really. It was so nice. It was so like I felt so free in a way that I haven't in like so long and you probably could tell, what was it? I was I think I went on Iyebow shoulders and then did I just throw like my bag Yes So I gave my phone to you to look after so I could dance. and then you put it in your bag and then you gave the bag to a random person that we had'. And I was like and then completely interrupted my feeling of freedom because I was like trying to keep an eye on this random. it's fair enough because I was I had been baby the whole time apart from that And you mustnt trust me You mustt trust me really, that was your mom. One of the most joyous moments of the year last year for me was when moonshine moonshine Mon Chonelli. Moon Charlonelli. God. Both like all of us dancing backstage and then going into dance was just like it was just so joyous.. I sure there were some mushrooms involved. but it was only a tiny dose. Yeah like it was all we needed. It was all we needed and it was so I don't know, it was like that was such a nice weekeo. It was nice I was in such a grunt when I arrived and then I just was so free And I woke up that morning after doing the mushrooms. I think I had like three hours sleep and I woke up and then I just I really wanted to wake you up, but you wouldn't wake up. and I sat on the stairs for like two hours just like so happy after these mushrooms. and no one would wake up in the Airbnb It was like Oh yeah, we were all knackkered. And then you stole my jeans Yeah, I got my packed my chair. I just grabbed everything in our room, just shoved it into a bag. My passport and my mom, just packed everything. and then and I remember thinking like you probably needed that. Yeah, I did. but I remember thinking like, if I did I pack them? and then I had to like because we were all so tired and quite hung over. had to find a picture of me wearing them from this weekend just to like legitimize the fact that I have I own those jeans and they were with me Yeah. I'm sorry about the jeans and the phone. I'm sorry for wking when I had the time of my life. There was a phone when you went to bed because we were in a bunk beds together and like well well yeah. So you were in the top bank And I was in the bottom bunk and I was up much later than you the day before the day you were leaving. I was up until five. And then do you know when you've been in a really loud environment, so sounds feel less lid it probably are I was like just in the bottom I just scrolling at full volume. scrolling at four. No I don't seem very sorry. wasn't I had a great scroll. I did Olympic levels and scrolling that night. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy to have spoken about dating with you. You are going on tour? Yes. Later this year. Yeah Where can people find you? AB Cellia on Instagram I'm doing I'm going basically everywhere in the UK. There are two big boys of roooms. There's Bloomsbury Theatre in October and then the Bristard Oldvk in November And I would learn for people to buy. Y. Amazing and youre going to be Edinburgh. Yes I'll be Einburgh. Edbur Festival. Edur Festival in Scotland, UK. Yeah. And I's at six ten monkey Barrel tickets alive now and the show is about It's sort of about like charmotherapist told me to stop doing standu and the relationship I have with who I am and who who I put out and dating and all of that Amazing. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Be byye. Bye Thank you so much to Celia. She's as wonderful as you expect. Wise. What a wise woman. She is a wise one. Yeah. She's a wise. Yes picks up on things. Like I loved what she was saying about how she can see if somebody has a crush on somebody. L she can pick up on people's cues. but can't see it in herself. Can't see it in herself Yes., it's a gift and a curse. It's a bloody gift and a year.es. No it has to be like, Oh, well, I know that B bl's like Yeah, But yes Yes. Wow. Wow. Yeahah, it's like an old fairy tale or something, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. tragic Anyway, thanks very much Celia for coming on. G good look not dating comics. Yeah. I my I respect that. Oh I respect the hell out of you. Yeah Yeah, I couldn't do it myself, but I respect it. Trying all the time to myself to fully back myself That's never gonna have to. Divorcing them. Okay, thank you so much Celia. You can go see her on tour, which you should. Celia is so funny and fun to watch her new show. We Mass Stop Meeting like this. Great title is going to be at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. E heard of it and then on tour at places like the Bristol Old Vic and Bloomsbury Theatre.. V cool and you can find her on Instagram On Instagram, Instagram Yeah That is what we use