Dramatic Arguments and Final Thoughts

Welcome back. Welcome back . It's Skinwigs in the Sun. Yes. Skinwigs, son and suspicious parents. Can you feel it? I can't feel it. We started setting up in the sun and ash it's just Ash in it now. Yeah It'll be funny actually because in the beginning of the video you were sat in it like you'll see it like you'll see yourself coming into the shade as you try to set up. Maybe it's you . I've tucked it away . Oh I don't even know how y'all still in it. It looks fully behind that house. It's just the vibe that I have , I think. I don't know. I don't really think about it too much. It's not something that I like. I'm like, but I'm not like , I'm the only one in the sun must be me. Feels like you are doing that a little bit. No . Are you a big outsider person ? Um Oh sorry, this is Skinwig's podcast of our two best friends who compete to embarrass each other Hi everyone wel,come back to episode two of Series two. Episode two of series two but episode twenty two of series one . Yeah. Yeah. Are you going to do it? Are you gonna do that episode one two or you gonna? I don't know. Okay , you can always do just hash no because then Well, I'll do episode twenty one twenty two . I think it's fine. Okay , whatever. Yeah, I mean, do you guys care? They don't care. Yeah . Let us know if you care about me at all. Yeah, anyone, 'cause we've asked that before and we didn't have anything coming in. Yeah, exactly. Do you 're in the sunshine . We're in the sunshine. We're in the sun shine. I'll sing along when it's true. We're in the wear . It's just me, man. I'm just in the shade. Sorry, I didn't mean to a bit in audio. Oh yeah, sorry for the audio listeners out there. Me and Ash are doing skinwigs from a field today. Yes. Are you have you gone camping a lot? Are you a campi kind of person? Oh me and camping on we but like never succeed like one time I went camping all his friends and we didn't bring any camp chairs or anything to sleep on Right. So we were like you, weren't camping, you'd just all gone to a field. Yeah, so we like showed up and then like sat on the floor to join everyone and then when we went to sleep on the first night, we didn't want to like tell anyone that we didn't have to sleep on it. It was like there's all tents. Britney, we brought these . And my mate had a fucking blow up sofa in hers. Like that's how organized she is . And then so the first night we just slept on like some blankets that we had. But then we woke up in the morning and we could not move. Like we're getting older out, we could not move. And then we told people like in a camera this was recent outway. I thought you were talking about it when you were like a teenager. No right. No way, Jose. Yeah, I'm always surprised by the tent. When I was a teenager I would not have needed a tent. I just been out in the woods. The stars are my tent. The maggots are my pillow. What's going to get me that I won't get first Yeah, and then we like casually told us friends that would , you know, slept on the floor last night, but we didn't want to like we didn't want to like bad for us already dude. We were like, it's better for your back. For your back in it, it's better for your back . That's just that's just the way that we do it. It's wild camping is what it is , but then sleeping rough, some people call that. Something for us. I can't even remember what it was, but they produced something for us that we had a better night the second time. Try again something. Let's just say they produced something and we had a really good second night . Yeah. Because we did not sleep. We was up all night fending off warriors . And then the second time we did a very similar thing like forgot everything . Then we bought a tent box. Chron bought a tent box in October because he want ed to get one week a campaign in One Week. He was like just before the season ends and it was it got a really good deal on the tent box. I see. Oh yeah, just for context. Yeah, Ash has a tent box on her car. She's had it on her car. Should I identify your car that way? No . But it's on my car . Oh, so you wanted to say it, sorry And it's been on Ash's car since we met. And I don't think you've gone camping. I haven't met . I won't. And I tell you what, right? So we used it once. You tell them I'm uncomfortable. I keep wriggling around a lot. You alright? Yeah , cat pick up. Do you want a blanket? No, okay, come here I'm a man So then we went we got this tent box on but it was getting colder and Chad really wanted to like use a tent box but his battery was dying all the time, no, in fact it was no it did start a bit alright and then battery his car battery and then the day that Chad started setting up to go camping, he left the boot open all day just like packing it up but it drained the battery. So we literally like we went to set off and we were all like tucked in like stuffed into our car and we're like, for holiday . And then he tried to start the card. It just didn't start. It just was completely flat. So AA came out and they had a look and we were like, yeah, you're gonna need a new batter you need new battery. And we're like, Oh, but what if we can like not? And he was like , he was like , Then you walk in. He was like, What you need to do is you need to get let it run now for half an hour and then we told him we were going camping and he was like, Well when, you get to camping just like every now and then keep turning your car on and let it run. Is this one that started with you? Yeah . Well, again, one of the first times I met Ash, it was at this channel four event and Ash had to keep leaving the event every hour and ten minutes to run to her car in the car park, turn the engine on, turn it off for twenty minutes and run back . And it was it made sense. And I'd fucked my parking tickets right up. They're definitely coming for me because they're sending them to me all the stress. Yeah, you got a parking ticket from again from one of the first times we met still not paid off. Ten bucks still on. Yeah. And that ten bucks as well. I just ignore it completely. Like so every time I go into a parking place to park my car , I'll go under the minimum and I do hear it go that might just pretend that does it go boy? Or does it go Yeah. It does a little one . And then every time I'm driving around the car park, it skims on top of the tent box. Yeah But I just ignore it. Yeah, like I say, I just squeeze my little way in and I just go if anyone looks for a little one. If anyone looks at me, I just go room for an eight foot tall car . And now I'm so scared to go camping in that car because I think that when Chan unpacks it's just gonna be battered I smashed the light on it and everything didn't hurt yeah my own light yeah Ash just for the purposes of the podcast Ash allegedly were not confirming this. Tried pull into carpet on broken did a bit of criminal damage to a light in a petrol station. Allegedly. It was so funny as I was meant to be in a meeting with Sam , and so I sent him like a quick message and I was like sent him a quick video and I was like, Oh I'm so sorry I'm gonna be late and then you just see the light smash off of my window my And then he texted me about being like, Do you need five? Like I can we were talking to some like brand people about something and I was like I can do it like myself if you need to, I can just fill you in and you're like, No, no, it's fine, it's fine. Yeah, Sam has always like, I'll cover it. Like, don't worry, just sort yourself out because I'm just always in it . And then like an idiot, as soon as I got into the meeting, I assumed that Sam will have probably told them what I'd done and then I started kind of like explaining what I'd done and then Sam just went, well, I've not really sort of gone into the ins and outs of it all . I said you'd had a little accident . I didn't say Ash has caused some criminal damage and fled the scene and is now Zoom calling from her car. As when I was Googling it, this is all legisd and for entertainment purposes only by the way any police that are out there. Any characters maybe they're represented a fictionalized Yeah. When I was Googling it, it was saying like you've got to turn yourself in or you'll get done for like a hit and run. Allegedly. Allegedly. But then I asked my partner and he night, me Iant'll just get logged to repair that. So I did report to the police allegedly. Allegedly but it wasn't me either way. Yeah. So yeah, that's the situation with the car My car's always got something wrong with it. Like it's always got like burst tyres or like at the minute I've got a headlight out or it's the engine or it's a tempox. I just think she's just very me I think she's very young. But she never felt when we went camping, by the way, we had AA come out to us three times . It's the first night that we got there. And that you know that spells and my phone , I was using its charge on the car and obviously when the battery died I could still be laughing at that so they won't hear anything right to say OK. Okay, are you done laughing at that one? Do you know what AA stands for? Ah quite similar to the one I did Your face you're like laughing How was your day today ? It might be a real day of it, but it was like it was a nightmare because it was just me and I'm always in a tears but it was actually really nice, you know, because we go in pardon. You know what I didn't notice when you burp into the mic that's directly connected to my ears ? I just like blew out my nose and people do burst . I somewhere when people burp sometimes I say bless you 'cause you do it when people sneeze but for a burp, all there is is like pardon . But yeah, but that just feels like you're being like that just tells me that you think that Burpin was part of the bubonic plague . Okay . Well, no, but Burpin could be a symptom of some gastronomical issues. Gastronomical . Woweeee. What about? I bring big words to the table . What about what should you say after somebody farts? That's astronomical. You should say that . Well, that's what you say. Still laughing. Oh, I see If someone felts, yeah. So we've got bless you just sneezing. What's the occasion ? Um Grandma's standing up out of her chair. Oh, I'll ignore it. Okay, I'll ignore that. Okay, what if I just did it now by accident? I would just go Did you just far ? That's what you say that. If it was so obvious that I had to notice it, I would just go Did you just far and then I'd probably do it Okay what if I tried to do a little subtle one and you can tell I was when like looking at you , oh, did you see that? I would put on my best poker face and pretend that I didn't. Yeah. So maybe we could say I didn't hear that . Yeah . Or I could go or I could go or I could just fart myself to like make you feel better about it. Yeah . And then for a birp, maybe the same again. Yeah, yeah, yeah Why do you say bless you I just like it Is like it's just a funny thing you get a little laugh sometimes? I'd say about one eighth of the time it gets a little trickle. Oh, so you're doing it in like a funny way It's not like in a like the last time I did it wasn't in a funny way. It was like, I got a little chuckley. First time you said it would be a dick . No . I don't mind people burping and stuff. I don't mind at all. Burpin's fine, I think, but I mean Fartin's fine also too I think but you just don't do it but I just don't do it yeah I'm just too scared to do the first one I speak into fartin you said you were at Weather Spoons the other day the other day I went to Weather Spoons and my kids are running around and it's just us three and we're waiting for our food and as soon as our food came out my daughter was like I need the toilet and I'm like can it not just wait and she was like No, no, I need it now . So I went and like took her to the toilet and then as she sat on the toilet I realised that I'd left my bag like downstairs on the chair and car keys money and now she's also doing a poo . So I had to like so I kept saying to her like you finished? Are you finished? Mummy just realized I've left my bag downstairs and she wasn't finished. And so I was like begging her to cut it off from it . And you were saying like, I can't, I can't I made poop, what do you mean? I was like, just cut it, just clench it. Look at Mummy. Look at Mummy. Look what mummy's doing. Like a stage one . Like a stage one but a cubicle mom. So basically I had to like teach her how to cut a pill off so that we could run down and get my bag and then come back up so she could resume and then by the time I got back my breakfast was just freezing and all of our breakfast was just cold so we just it was just such a waste of time and I'd shown myself what other people in the toilet by the way, as I'm like coaching her to do that Nip it off for mummy . Nip it off for mummy. Do one of these were you born ? Yeah, motherhood just bites me in the office every day. But it was really cute because like today we both went shopping 'cause my little boy's poorly, so just me and my daughter went . And I remember when I was younger because I was like Ash sorry for the audio list is Ash is having a real hard time with her microphone falling. That's why you keep hearing this . Are you hearing that 'm not hearing it? I am hearing that 's why you at hell and heard my burp as well because your old fingers turned off. You hear this ? Yeah . No, I didn't hear that if you're embarrassed about it. I'm a tiny one. See how tiny I can make it be. You can still hear it. Okay , no. Smells like bit. No, it we don' onlyt smells puree . Have we told that? Would Liam be fine with that? So we're still keeping this far train going . And asking you remind me what that stuff . Could you remind me what happened with your friend Liam in the car if he's okay with us talking about that? Yeah, so one time we're driving somewhere and it's always like stuck in there because I would never dare like just fart. I would never just risk it. I think because I've left it so long being fart shy as well, if I were to do that now, yeah, fartless, sorry. If I were to do it now, everyone would be like , okay . And they would probably quiz me about it and make more of a like deal of it. So I know it's off the table for me. But anyway, we're in the car and my mate like fighted to make everyone laugh. You in the car? Yeah, there were five of us in the car. And then my mate were like, Oh Lee and that proper stinks like not even like fart like bin like pure beans . And you were queen. You don't smell like smell like bin. And she was like, it does. And then someone else was like, No Liam, that's like duspin that like, you know, like when you put your bin there, open it was like dust bin. And he were like trying to like plead to us that his father were pooing because he was embarrassed about it smelling like Bin. Because like Binnie is like a worse alternative for him . I would tell him someone about it in the car. It's just so funny to me that to be like smells like Pooh, quality smells like Poop farts. It's so funny that he's like made this rod for his own back and like done this mental like just doing a big fart in a car with four people anyway I think it's an insane decision and then we're like that smells you're like yeah like poo like pooi like I've just put my own poo particles in the air I like it I like the smell of it 's yeah pretty pooy to me like if it smells like dustburny. It smells like bin. It's not poopy. It smells like bin . It's funny that . Well, I think we're gonna make a sketch out of that at some point. Yeah we are. Although me, Ash and Tom were together the other day and doing sketches and like making sketches and stuff and then Tom was like, Oh Sam, you'd be great as the father for that. I'm not doing it What for this morning sketch? Because whenever we were making a sketch together. When you and I sort of saw you as being the one that was doing that, I've only started doing that back to Tom because Tom will be like, I've got a brilliant sketch idea. One of his kind is of a lovable rogue, and the other one is kind of a scary, disgusting Victorian tramp And Sam , you would shine a stinky Victorian tramp . That's so funny. You've got the chops for it. And you know what's annoying? Sometimes I'll just reluctantly play those characters and then I watch the footage back and I'm like, He's right. I smashed it. I'm shining. Yeah, yeah. I can see that yeah . Emines, I went to MNS the other day I went to Marks and Sparks. I call it now . Was that on a different topic ? Well, you've generated a new one with MNS. You know how mean you went to MNS the other day and I was like doing those jokes where I were like, Oh I'm second home because I thought it was like so boogie to be and you were like , I didn't understand what the joke . I know you were being like, yeah, I know it's nice and hearing it. Like and then that's what I sort of thought wait , is it not like you thought it was like Harr ad ins London? Yeah, I did. If you get some fudge, it's like a thousand pounds. Yeah, I thought it was so about to reach me, but it happened to be the other day . The same day with the weather spoons where I like told you that I'd like ruined my afternoon because I could get it in my head that I was going to like do a p ool and then get a pool in the garden and have all the kids around and then I just like was running around different shops, couldn't find the right thing. Then I had to blow the pool with my mouth and went all faint and then I did have a hose pipe or whatever one story at a time. Oh sorry. Oh yeah, in fact, this is important context for everyone. Ash is off of meds today . Yeah . Yep, that's me. What was I saying? MNS. Yes. So the word MNS just happened to be in between these shops are like come on then we'll go in MNS . I love it in there and it's not that expensive. Some things are, but like it's really not that expensive. No. I couldn't believe it. Like I even went back for round two once I went and got all my bears and then I went through the things and then I saw the little kids trolleys that they have in there so I was like go on then grab a trolley . Yeah, kids not asked at all. They were like, whoa, and I was like, go on. Mummy. Mummy can take just put you on the internet for mommy. Grab a trolley for mummy. Come on now. And then we went back around two and I went back round it. And then, but I just felt so fancy even having the MNS bags like as I got on my car and all my neighbors there were like oh sorry guys I'll be with you shortly just been too bloody the old ball and train. As you can see I've come into quite a lot of money recently . I felt like that today taking my daughter shopping because like I remember when I was younger that you'd see like movie montages you okay holding your car could be like that. Yeah , I'm fine. Okay . Yeah. I see music movie montages of like people going like on a shopping trip. And I just remember when I was younger just feeling like that's so out of it. Oh, if I had that money I won't even go shopping with it I'd just hold it in my head totally yeah and then like I used to be so jealous of girls that would like would go shopping because I always felt like I like just had I just could never like actually go shopping and just like get everything that I need and want . And I always remember like shop till you drop. Like people saying like when I would watch like rom coms and stuff and they'd be like, you know what you need? You need a shopping trip. And then like they would you know, they'd say that they shop till they drop. Yeah . And then so today me and my daughter went shopping and I were just like letting her have anything that she wanted really . And then and then went for something to eat. And I said to her went, Cool, we've shopped till we've dropped . And she was like , she's like, What? And I was like, We've like shopped till we've dropped today if you loved it. 'Cause I just really wanted to be able to say that. But like, obviously she doesn't understand the significance of that for me, like to have enough money. I went back to my car three times to drop bags off. Wow . Yeah, because I was like, oh, I couldn't simply. A part of me did want to like carry them all, but I didn't either. I just I knew in my mind that I'd shopped 'til I dropped and it was just like a really nice thing for me actually to like to be able to drop that. Yeah . I'm exhausted, but I could so be exhausted by worse things like, you know, the crippling weight of debt and being depressed . This is like a better tired, you know what I mean? I'll sleep tonight . I think I never sleep . You don't really properly do you? No, I do sometimes. Sometimes I'm alright, but no, never good. I remember the first time I kind of went shopping and it was after I'd broken up with my first girlfriend ever and it was like not very nice relationship at all and I felt like I was kind of distant from friends that I had at the time because she'd kind of made me not hang out with them as much because a lot of my friends were girls and this girlfriend really didn't like me hanging out with girls . So one of my best mates at the time I just wasn't talking to for ages and even my mate was kind of understanding because she was like, Listen, I know it's you're ' goingcause out with XYZ and I know it's 'cause XYZ is kind of manipulative and isolated but that's kind of up to you and I'll be here whenever you're out of this relationship. Yeah, I mean that',s fair . Yeah. then And this friend did kind of wait for me and was like there for me when this relationship ended. And then was like, and I'd saved up a bunch of money to get X, Y Z a birthday present . And like I just had all this money that I'd never really had before and then my mate was like, We're taking you shopping. Oh store. We went to like Manchester and we went to like the Arndale, which at the time felt huge and exciting because I was only like fourteen and fifteen maybe and and then we went to like vintage shops and it's probably where I started dressing more like a clown because I got like I've still got them actually I got these like braces and these like dumb trousers and like just and she was just like, just spend it on yourself, spend it on yourself. And it was like it was really fun. That's so nice. What a nice friend. I shopped till I plot that day. When I used to go shopping, it was just a steal. Like I I was never actually had any money I had enough money for the train and maybe like to split a three bang when we got home but like never actually to shop like I would just go into Param backwards to take the chicken fillets out we know about this already . And then yeah, we'd just go like Robin. But I remember like I used to be so jealous of girls that would have like Victoria's secret leggings or you know any kind of like brands like that as if your parents gave you a choice for one thing yeah I don't ever remember getting forty good for. To be fair, yeah I was the same even that friend that I was talking about she like her whole family like used to go out together wearing like matching Jack Will s Glas and stuff like that. This was my one day of shopping . But then I'd go out with Emma and 'cause I was quite close to her family too. I would go out together and I'd be looking at like some socks in Jack Will s and I'd be like, Oh these are cool. And then my mate's mum would be like, Oh, why did you buy them? And I'd look at the bag and it was like thirty five pounds for some like normal stuff How is everyone doing this? I know, I know. I used to feel like that as well. And like girls that would just like have like a bag full of like Victoria's secret trinkets and stuff. And like I used to steal the ten pound ones that think it was called red cherry lust or something like that . And because I like couldn't literally buy like a what were they ? Shag bans? Love links. Do you remember what was called Love Links? Shag bands? No, there was those silver bracelets you could get and you got little unique things for them. The girls were obsessed with them. Pandora. Pandora Charms. Yeah, I never had that. Yeah. My nan once got me the Pandora bracelet and with one thingy on it and I never got any added to it ever. Oh no. But at the time when I was younger, it's like, yeah, because it's like thirty five for one charm. I'm never gonna get that. Even today , my kids have always worn like cheap crocs, like fake crocs . And I like was gonna get I wanted to get channeled my son some shoes to like run about in on holiday and I went and got him proper crocs and I felt like so fancy. But also I was like , the crocs that I got my son were only twenty five pounds and I were like, the amount of crocs that I go through that are like eight pounds. Do you know what I mean? The thing. They let me always like break and yeah, can't say it enough. Yeah. Buy shit . Buy twice. It is true. It is true. But I think it's because like I've always had like little amounts of money to deal with. So it's like yeah I can't like I won't save it and never won't 'cause I need the dopamine and I need to go and spend it right now and I need as many things as possible for us. Roma will spend as much money as she has. Yeah , I remember like one time having five pounds in a bank account and scaring through Amazon to find someone because I knew I had an Amazon prime so I knew that delivery was covered. What can I get tomorrow for five pounds earbuds come on, man , just something bluey arm bands. Have I got anything else to tell you about? Shopping today, shop till we drop or break down with someone to tell you. Oh, sorry, Tiger Tiger I was in Tiger Tiger. Shut up and I like went and got What's Tiger Tiger? I don't know. I don't think you called Tiger Tiger. It's like it's some shot. Do you mean a tiger? Yeah . You've made it kid friendly . I just you know, I just thought yeah, I just thought Yeah.. But we went in there and I was so overwhelmed by everything because me and my daughter both needed a way so I was just like panic grabbing all these things and then I went to the till and I paid for all the items and then I just walked off and left the mall at the self it's like a self checkout in there. I left everything on it. What do you mean you left everything on it? Everything that I'd bought, I left straight there. I paid and then walked off. Right. Because my daughter spent some money. My daughter was in one of those cars as well that you ran. You left us and that was just a nightmare to go anywhere with because I was constantly going into people's back of people's seat and stuff and knocking like knocking things like boxes like piles or boxes over and stuff. So I just wanted to get out as quickly as I could and then I was that bad and like not on my meds that we went for a way and then I was like I want to put those rings on that I bought right now . So I went to look for them and then I realized that I didn't have them and that I must have left everything because I always remembered that I didn't remember like bagging them up or anything . So then I went back to the place and I was like I've just left a load of stuff in here like on the thing and you were like , yeah, yeah, he said I've just got to put 'em all back but just go and get what you got and it'll be alright. I literally could not remember what I'd gone and got you assume you left a receipt? Oh yeah, I left the receipt that far. This is just a cool opportunity for you to just do like a supermarket sweep and just get whatever you want. Well, to be fair, I was kind of thinking like shall I like mob but then I did think like what if just Jason on the way out not me, Rob. Rob. Oh, you were thinking I should bring Rob here love away with it. And when I was in Primarch ia, the girl was telling me, she was like I said you need a little light desk fan or something because it were boiling in there and they're all sweating. I was like, You need a light little desk fan or something. She was like, Oh, not allowed for health and safety. And I'm like, what? And she was like, I know it's so bad and they don't put the aircon to save money. And I'm like, greedy bastards, you know me? Straight away, we're like , they what? I went, Do you want a cold drink? I'll bring you a cold drink. She's like, No, no, you're all right. And then then but she was like also riling me up because then she went it's like the same in the winter when it's when it's the winter they won't put the heat and on them and we're all freezing because they're trying to save money and she said and there's no windows and there's no air con even in the staff room and I literally like was like I was fighting demons to not just steal every little thing that I could after I'd spoke to her because I just felt like you will not treat your security guard good enough that he's gonna chase me That's not rule though. If you can you should I actually think it is. I saw something about Tesco . I could like just I could like tip the table over now and spill your wine over your head. Yeah, I mean, I should. No, but when it comes to big corporate big corporations, I do I do think you should. Like Tesco, yeah, Tesco like have turned such a big profit and they treat their staff like shit and also I imagine that the security guards minimum are on minimum wage. So I'm always wanting to say to them, I know you're on minimum wage yet and I know you're not appreciating and I also know you're not allowed to touch me. If I 'm going to do it I'm going to go in I',m going to n ick a load of stuff and you're not going to come after me . If I give you a hundred pounds and you let me steal five hundred pounds worth of stuff , well you've just said that's my body cap . We're not all the time Sam's just been out to find who was stealing from Tesco. That's such a thing for Tesco Anna . Yeah Allegedly. But yeah, I didn't do that . Like, why am I paying? What am I paying for if it's not going into you guys? If it's just going in some fat cat's pocket ? Do you know what I mean? I wanted to say that. Yeah, yeah, let's go . Let's not have a pop up the fat cats. Some of them might be sponsoring this episode. Oh, sorry, did that decline ? Ash winked . Did that decline? Couldn't be that you're gonna let me steal it all, could it? She wouldn't, but I just thought I was really trying not to ask. So I used to work at the Crystal May's live experience. Yeah if I can just get a word in. Sorry. I really have an eye . And it just reminded me because you were talking about them not being able to have the aircon on. And this is not alleged . I used to work in the it was like in the production corridors of the Crystal May's Live Experience and the management work and there was a it was it was Did you just fart? No no that was just a mouth one. It was just a mouth fire. Oh okay there was in case you didn't realize it was so warm there because it was in like old Granada studios and it was basically in just like this metal ware house. So when it was summer , it was really summer inside. It was like a greenhouse. There was like glass ceilings but they're metal walls and it was so warm in the production corridors where we had to kind of scurry about and reset games and crystals and stuff . And when we were complaining about being too warm and also the customers were complaining about being too warm in the main game areas because it's a really physical thing. You have to do these physical games and stuff , they were like, okay, we're going to get that sorted. So what they did was they put these big Aircon machines in the game areas of the Crystal Maze so that everyone was all the people playing were really cold . But then all the warm, unfiltered dirty air, they just put this foil tube and just like it just went into the production corridor, not even outside. It's meant to go outside, but they were just like, these look s good deal with this all right. And at one point we had thermometers, like digital thermometers dotted around so that the managers and so could make sure that everything was okay. Make sure everything was hot enough . It was just hot enough. And I started taking pictures of the temperatures and I was like, look, it was like thirty six degrees in the production corridors today . We can't work like that. And they had this really good idea . They just took all the thermometers away . That's what I do. They were putting like pictures up of like dead cold stuff . So it would be like sweating and like passing out from exhaustion, but then we'd look up and there'd be like a little picture of igloo or a penguin and we'd be like ooh I guess I must be freaky Did they actually do that they didn't do that . They did fuck all they were awful. They just got rid of the thermometers . That is so bad . That's so cheeky as well. Take the thermometers away. Yeah, and then but then that just like kind of tells you that you know that they're hiding that they've done something wrong. Yeah . Like when people turn their comments off you do what I mean? Yeah, totally. It's like, well, I can't see what everyone's kicking off about, but I know you've done something wrong. Paul Breach. Yeah. You love Paul Breach. You've done summit. You've done something. I don't know what it is, but allegedly, you're done summit. Yeah, I've already told you already but I was there right from the beginning and I got I was so overheated by the time that I saw Paul Breach first . I feel like I do this with everybody though. Like I used to be obsessed with like that go live on TikTok and just like watching them and like keeping notes on them. There's a busker that I watch a lot and I'm obsessed with him and it's not because he's good . It's because he sings in this way the really affected way that's like doing American accents and stuff and he's from the UK and is it is it him who's like stands in front of the window? Is he got long hair? Yeah . Yeah . A legendary . Yeah. I love him . Is he like um sort of big teeth? And it's just like um he wears like gym shirts No onem not to talldking he doesn about' the same guy. Okay, the guy that I'm talking about is like, he was like, he does like love ballads kind of. Do you know what I'm talking about? I don't know who you mean. He's in an apartment. He's got a slick back hair. Oh, I know who you mean. Okay, let me just think of his songs. They're all just like I love you. Why are you going to ? Just like weird fucking noises cut to clip clip I'm gonna take the animal and we're back. I'm obsessed with him though. He's really he just doesn't look like he'd be singing the songs that he's singing I love you, Magdal . That's one of his So good so good. I've got an advert today, but because we're doing this outside and it's too awkward to turn it around, maybe I'll just read it. Okay . I guess, to be honest, you've been reading a lot of them, but they send them for either of us to read. Yeah, that is true Okay, here we go . Fake blood, fake poo , fake sick . What does that tell you? People love fake body fluids . So why is it so hard to buy replica cum ? Well it isn't anymore . Come on down to Bunsen Bums cocktails and cums, the only place to get your buzz on and to buy fake cums of every thickness . So yeah, thanks guys to Bundsen's Bums cocktails and Cums. It's like a bar and you can go and it's a husband and wife that have got together that combined their businesses. Oh so it's a really nice cocktail bar but if you are in the market for and when they say every thickness, they have some really thick and really thin too. I almost didn't know that I was playing with it and rubbing it on myself Should we save that for the exclusive paid online content ? Why would you say that I didn't mean it in a horny way I know but you can't help because of what you said . I didn't mean it in a horny way. Wouldn't that be a funny thing to say in court. You were like, Do you have anything to say to explain yourself? I just want to say Your Honor. I didn't mean horny. I didn't mean it in a horny way . It turned me on it. What biggest mistake? What's that from again, Jeremy Carl. Can you tell everyone about that? Me and Tanuel love this episode of Jeremy Carwood watch you every time we hung over and it was basically like this girl had slept with a mate's boyfriend it was her brother or something. Oh it was something gross . And then when Jeremy were like quizzing her on why she did it, she kept going , Well it turned me on what biggest mistake but it was like she the way she would say it and then oh and then she said to Jeremy she, like was J,eremy said to him, Why did you do it anyway? I turned her on. I turned her on. It would be bigger than it was just like as if like they had no choice in it at all, do you know what I mean? It turned me on it what biggest and stay. When you say it would be that my biggest mistake was blah blah, you meant to be talking about something like it was my fault like I brought him into my life. I guess I've got to deal with that kind of thing like you did a nice thing maybe but does she mean it was a mistake for him to turn her on or the mistake was that she was turned on. The mistake was that she was turned on. That's why it's so funny because you also don't pick that. No , but it's also shaggy. It's also as if like when you turned on there, is nothing else you can do but shag. The biggest mistake we're being turned on We're letting we're letting that fucking fucker turn me on Yeah what biggest mistake What am I gonna do? Not fucking after I'm dead orny when I've rubbed all that thin com in my hair from Bunsen Bums, cocktails and Cums. Sorry, they wanted me to say it three times just so did they said it three times yet? Yeah, that's three times a second No , is it okay? Bunsen's bums, cocktails and combs. Yeah. Three . Yeah . Threesome. This is suggestion for the audience . I've heard they're good. No, you haven't. I have I definitely have heard . Yeah, of course I've heard. Like when I'm sitting around with my friends and we're all talking about doing it You were all adults imagine a shag. Doing it and doing eating it matter . Three sombs, foursombs, sixty nine's , all of it. It's not immature . You remember the cheeky girls? No, I remember the cheeky girls. They've probably had a three or something . One million percent . The lyrics when it was like come messy , don't be shy touch my bum . Is this life? This is life life so ahead of its time . It was so but they sort of like they sort of like pigeonhole themselves as well by like making their band the title of their only song . And also well no, wasn't it the cheeky girls and they did a song called like cheeky I was the cheeky girl We are the cheeky girls yeah it was called the cheeky song. Also because you've set yourselves up as we are the cheeky girls and you kind of expect it, you know, what if they then want to go into some dark kind of metal or wrap? They can't attempt the cheeky girls and they've literally been there. The song is it very cheeky Touch my bum . This is like, imagine having that confidence . I feel like touch my bum. Look, hey what ? I'm so sorry . It's not that deep. It's just a fucking asset . I'm not like I'm cooky. Do you know what I mean? It's how did you think? Yeah, you're not . What's that guy's name? I really hoped I could remember it to show off Cookna Cook Norcross I have no idea who that is. I'll send you Don Duma. Go on, I will. Dump. Cheeky, cheeky. Yeah, you kind of have to be like cheeky forever if you call your band that. Yeah, you do. What if you just don't want to be cheeky no more? Well you have to. I think that they had another song out as well after the cheeky song . Yeah, it's called We Don't Wanna Be Cheeky No It's called Depression Hits. Depression hits. Yeah, hits hard. Yeah, they had they learnt a hard lesson after that song, I think. When you're in such a good mood that you write a number one hit song and then come out of the good mood . Well, your dad's done that without even knowing it has no what the hell. It's still going up . I think by the time this episode comes out on Spotify, it'll be over a hundred thousand streams . That's insane. Yeah , just mad. It's just the best song ever. It's a banger. It really is. It's really working for people. It's a banger, it's a hopper, it's a hopper, it's a skipper. Yeah. That's what it makes me feel anyway. Yeah. Let me try. Don't even bother Sam. It's a plopper itself. You know, you're making our audience uncomfortable . I didn't have one after plop her anyway. I knew you didn't. That's why I said just stop while you were ahead. Yes way it was fine. Listen to your friends . I always finish on a plot. Yeah, me too. Allegedly, don't read into that . But with Bing Bong with untitled In B flat major there was a girl who she like lives in Australia. Maybe we shouldn't have reposted it. Maybe that was the problem, but she'd used this song just to dance just like on like a hillside when she was travelling and she shared just her dancing to it and I think it was just kind of for her followers are probably mostly just like friends and family. Yeah . But now it's been seen by like a hundred thousand people and it keeps getting shared. And she sent me a message saying, like, is this normal? And how do I like how do you deal with this amount of people seeing your face and stuff? And I felt sort of bad, but it's Lee's fault because it's your world, darling. If you didn't, if you didn't want to get famous, you shouldn't use your song. Yeah, if you don't want people to have negative opinions on you, don't be on the internet, Darling. Yeah, if you don't want people to be a cunt, your darling, you should be showing your face on the internet. At the end of the day, I'm entitled to my opinion as much as the next count. I do not allow Facebook to use my cookies . And that's a little bit of advice that I would give you as just somebody that's been there on that. Earlier you told me you could do a cartwheel. I can . I can . Yeah. Yeah. Let me check the cameras are still rolling and you're gonna do a full cart wheel. Okay . Pretty good . Do you need to go for a week? Yeah, I'm dying for it. Going then. For it? Do you know who that is? Shrek Go on the internet, Sam for fuck's sake . It's just tits every time I look. Do you remember when Sam? Wait One time Paul Breach went on he was on live and he was like he was like, Why does everyone say that I'm some sort of pervert because I'm on ear dancing like this when every all my algorithm is young women dancing br,as out out, bellies, bums out, video after video , not knowing what an algorithm was. Mining. And not beating the pedo allegations. You at? Nothing . Whenever I'm urgent for anything, I feel like I 'm going to cry. I'm just talking about her wee . Yeah . Yeah, it makes me like, you know, when I'm really desperate for it I feel like I'm gonna cry my eyes out. Same as if I'm too hungry or thirsty , it feels like the second that I'm like o likeh tired if I'm like too tired but I can't sleep it makes me like want to cry my eyes out I think it's like I don't know I don't know, it just makes me like when I have any kind of like yearning for something like that I need to do something it makes me like really emotional What's the last thing you yearned for ? Um Probably a glass of water the other night. I was gonna say peace on earth . Oh you went glass of water? Oh no, it is peace on Earth I'm thinking about that now it's definitely pizza on earth. Oh, sorry no I was thinking the last thing I gave for was a pizza pizza. Oh no, that's pizza on pizza on earth pizza on earth is what we're trying to say that's on earth ye . Pizza, pizza, disco, Disco . Do you ever remember there was a Spider Man game and there was a mini game in it where you had to deliver pizzas on time or your boss would be like yeah and the music for it was Something like that. And then this guy released this one on YouTube that goes pizza goes pizza, pasta, put it in the box , deal , worry to my house and put it on my cock my cock my cock my cock my cock my cock, cheesy on my peani and the salsa on my balls . You've made that for me. I have no idea that up. You are, you're gonna say you've just found it. Hang on . I remember a boy coming in science class once and he'd been bluetoothed a video of a man putting his dick in a pizza box . Hm , and they were all buzzing over it and like Dude, do you ever used to play that ? I used to play that Hangman game me where it was like a dead man and you would like try and like stick him on things before he landed on the floor. Yeah . And I used to play, did you ever play bird on a wire ? That rings a bell . When I was younger, every time I would go to my grandad on the laptop and play bird on a wire, you basically just had to like jump over things. Yeah, I had to like jump over the things. I'll play Burner White or I'll play that Hangman, that really aggressive one or another one. Are you thinking of a pizza, pasta? Put it in the box? No, are you? I am now. Do you like that? Oh I like it. I dunno . I don't know that you do. You grew it all purple ? Purple? Yeah, down here I'm going Buddy's purple. Who's all purple when he'd likes ? You just heard what I said . Hm Dad Buddy down here, I'm going purple. Think it wrong with me? Down here, I'm going all purple . He's so horrible. I'm not saying I like the woman, but down here, I'm going all purple. You've got me all kinds of old shades of purple, if you know what's gonna be all fifty shades of bloody purple down here. Well, you want to get some cream there. I've got blue balls purple cork. That's all I know. My arse I don't know. My arselet I don't know. I've never even I've never even tended to that fucking horrible bar nement. Feels left out. Give me nothing but that's always like, Oh, don't leave it up. I'll do something to it and I'm like, nah, nah, not unless I'm fucking hammered. Snakes have been over there. No, it smells like poop nice poo. Poop . Sounded really good. Now nice poo Nice poos poo . Obviously it's pure dicked. Oh speaking of that like yearning like feeling that I get that I think is linked to childhuma I was telling Sam the other day about my stuff of course everything that I do like is . I was talking the other day about this meltdown that I had when I had tonsiliters with Chan . So basically I have this thing whenever I'm poorly that like I just really hate being really poorly because I was ignored a lot when I was younger and I was poorly . Like yeah, I was ignored a lot. Whereas you out there with normal childhoods, you love being poly. Yeah, because you were probably like tended to and stuff. That's true. Kids like being poorly because it's like, Oh no, you're gonna have to look after me. Yeah, exactly. But whenever I feel poorly, I'm like, fuck, I'm alone. I'm scared, naked ball and a frame. Like that's how I feel. I just feel like if you read my diary . Whenever I'm poorly, I feel like I'm vulnerable to prey somehow, like and it and again it gives me this like feeling of like I'm like a baby bird and I'm like helpless . So I had tonselitus during our break and the first nighttime was so good they were like literally like cloth washing me and like looking after me bed bath yeah they were bed bath in me Tom Lawrenceon really thinks it's funny the idea of a bed bath I think because of what it's called in contrast with what it is. I've always heard it be called a cloth wash not a bed bath. Bed bath is a common way to say and I think it's really funny because bed bath is like ooh that sounds cool like a bed in the bath but what it is is rubbinging your paul nan down in hospital with a rag. Yeah, yeah, no yeah, yeah. It's just get under it wet . Just a wet bed basically get under it . It's just a soggy bed. Shall I give you soggy bed ? Do you want a little soggy bed, my darling? Tell you what the bed's bloody soggy when I'm dying. You know what I'm doing? One night by myself that bed is going to be sopping wet by morning sodden. She's been soden through. Bright purple, blue down below, if you know what I mean? Just getting all confused . I don't mean waffle. I mean balls Sorry, you were saying. So Chang was giving me an sopping wet bed baby. He's giving me a bed bab and looking after me gorgeously. But then he stayed up to watch boxing until five o'clock in the morning and oh this might have been the third day actually maybe in polluted. I don't know whenever I'm poll it really blurs into one because I was sleeping so much. One of the nights he stayed up watching box untiling five in the morning and then he kept like I woke up at nine and like to him coming up and like getting into bed with me. I was wide awake because I'd like slept sufficiently for the first time in life and he was like sleeping next to me which absolutely should be fine in the beginning when he first laid down I was like in it lovely In it lovely soon you fell asleep he's at peace oh he's dreaming that it sounds underfall that's all dark. It's all purple downstairs, bless him. That's how I know he's nothing to do with me. That's his business . Boys will be boys . And so we were like sleeping next to me, which was fine, except it wasn't actually fine at all because I was really politic, and I was really thirsty and hungry and like the room was a mess as well . And so he's sleeping and I was just getting like more and more triggered but like not realizing that I was getting triggered because it's always like it's like not a real flashback. It's like an emotional flashback that I don't know that I'm in until I'm out of it . It's like I genuinely believe that I'm like fighting for my life for some reason or like I'm like alone and afraid. You always kind of operate like fighting for my life at all. And very much fighting for my life at all times. Sometimes you just like in my life I'll just be like I'm just sitting down Yeah, no, I'm never fighting for my life but you look at you on the surface and you look like this literally I am always in survival mode even if I if I ever look relaxed to you, I'm lying through my fucking teeth, I can't relax. But anyway, never ever thought you were relaxed . Never . Oh, thought I was pulling it off. No, okay you're all purple up here if you know what I mean What do I mean? I mean like all the blood drained from fancy you know what I mean No no no I mean you got you get a big stress vain. Also yeah,, that's not me, is it? It's not me saying that . Can we talk about the word fanny? Because I don't like it. I think it sounds dusty and old and it doesn't sound appealing. Fanny to me feels like it's like it's like just a little fanny. It's a little like funny thing. That's how I imagine a fanny. It's like a little funny looking little fanny fanny . Don't take it seriously. Oh yeah, sorry I was so that was my fault . Can we talk about Fanny and then you invited me to the party and then fucking left out of that door then ? I didn't like what you were doing. Come on, come . What you didn't like my funny funny stuff? I wanted you to most say stuff that I was already thinking. What was you already thinking? Go ahead Like Finny it's like it used to be like an old woman's name and it's kind of a weird thing to call her well the word I use for it is a pussy . So I was paulry. Sorry. They pawed. You invite me back in and kick meed out. You know what? That didn't feel nice and I've learned my lesson. Good. Hold your microphone so it's facing you. It is. It isn't actually I can see it. It is now. That's a fucking show. Yeah. So I'm poor late and anyway , he's snoring next to me, which like sorry guys, trigger warning sad. My dad like was on her and so he used to like nod next to me and like when I was younger I used to try and wake him up all the time but it was like literally dead to the world. He's like pull his eye light lids up like that, but like he was like nodding and for some reason like in my brain I'm like, he's nodding the child who's just fucking sleeping next to me . You look so scared, son . No, no, no, I'm sorry. Anyway, heroin dad, her and dad da da da da da. Born a heroin . And I was like kept waking up and being like, I'm really thirsty. And he'd be like, he'd be like, Go get a drink in love and I'd be like, Oh, will you get me one go? Yeah, two minutes and he'd fall back to sleep immediately. Then I said to him, I'm hungry Two minutes I'll get you in my dream yeah that's all right isn't it and then he fell back asleep and then I told him I was hungry and then he said Uber eat something and then I was like thinking in my head that's not the point like you just're neglecting me . And then he basically stayed asleep till like one o'clock in the afternoon, but by this point that is too late. Yeah . When you've got a poorly girlfriend, yeah. But obviously he'd gone to bed at like six o'clock or whatever. So to him he's like probably like anyway so by this point I've like thought myself into such a stir that I'm like look at him he's no different to your dad. Every man you have in your life will snore next to you while you're needing attention and you're like and I was literally like thinking The cheeky bassard, I'm fucking five years old. I'm five years old and he's fucking letting me ear fend for meself. He's on actual heroine and I'm just a little girl. convince myself sort of do you know what I mean guys ? Oh Sam don't because you won't like what you see speaking of what you see, right ? So eventually, I am so poorly, by the way, and because he's staying asleep, I really, really, really genuinely convince myself that he can't take care of me and never will, and that I stand on my own two feet in this world . So I stood up with all my might. I had no strength in me at all, put my dressing down on, went downstairs, slammed the front door, got in the car , and he like I heard him like shouting like wiggle like in and I thought no, I need to drive away for some reason. I just every time we fall out I'm like, you leave for me and it was like you there? These are just about like I can't be honest. You go . But he'll always be like, Well, we could talk and I'm like, no, there's no talking. It's done It's done . I always get an instinct to run away or kick him out of the house, but anyway usually it doesn't ever come to that because they'll just sort of be like relax or not I will. But like this time it was too late so I set off driving and I was not strong enough to drive at all. Like I literally got around the corner I pull,ed straight up and just burst into tears and was crying and he was ringing my phone and I was just like rejecting it, rejecting it, rejecting it. And then eventually I answered the phone and went, What ? No, did I answer the phone? I can't remember if I did. Was this an episode of Holly Oaks? We were saying this you did this Yeah. Yeah this I did this yes you did for sure. I definitely did this . So then he rang me and I like answered and he was like,' Whats up? then And I just like hung up the phone again because in my mind I was like, You don't even know what's up. If you don't you are on hard drugs and I'm a fucking child . In my brain genuinely, that's how I felt . And then I got home and then he was like , What's all what you're doing? And he said, He said, Why are you driving you dick and that's not safe? And I'm like, only way around the corner. And he was like, Well, why did you take so long? And I was like, 'Cause I was fucking crying. That's why. And then he was like, Should you beat the gun? Five . I don't even know I could drive that . And then he like, because to him , this was also broildering because he genuinely just didn't know where it comes from as far as bewildering. Bewildering. Like he didn't remember that he kept like promising me that he could get me a drink and stuff allegedly didn't remember allegedly but you know what dad's like. No, but everyone does this weird half asleep stuff where it looks like you're awake and you end up being a dig. Oh yeah one million percent I used to get as a teenager so bad . So to him, he just like stood there looking at me like I'm some freak because I'm being some freak and which was just not acceptable to me and then he was like is this some sort of like what's going on here like which he was like very fairly recommending that I was like triggered by kind of something else in that moment. But that to me felt like how dare he accuse me of something that's one hundred percent true and happening right now in real time and I just went absolutely insane and I started telling him to get out of the bedroom and he was like why I don't want to get out of the bedroom to talk to you? And I said to him I said to him This is the one line of the story that I do know and it's a doozy. Look at me and see me or don't look at me at all which by the way how did you actually deliver that line? Oh my god it was so bad I was like oh my hair was like stuck alright so basically I was trying to get out of the room and he was like I'm not getting out of the room because I want to talk to you about this and I was like Leave Leave You're not gonna like it and he was like What's going on? No, no talk to me and I was like, Don't make me push you out of this room now, which I wouldn't do, by the way, that would be violent. But we have to keep in mind that Ash is tiny and Chan is a boss. And Ash is not well and Chan had a lovely childhood . And then yeah, so then I said to him, either look at me and see me or don't look at me at all. But I was like , because I have this thing as well when I'm crying, I hate people to see me crying. It's embarrassing and I just don't like people seeing me crying. So when they're also seeing me crying and asking me why I'm crying that's embarrassing to me. So it felt like what I was trying to say is like if you don't know why I'm crying get out. I don't know if that does translate how you said it. It's sort of like a thing that you've said that sounds like it could go in a film, but then when you start thinking about it, you're like, what are you talking about? Look at me and see me or don't look at me at all. It's just like so dramatic and it was funny because after it all cut it is funny, you know? This is reasonable by the way. Yeah, yeah, we said that we said that. After it all calmed down , he just went to me after look at me and see me or don't look at me at all. I was like, I know I'm really creeing about you. You're like, who said that? I didn't say that. But at the time, I truly like felt like, oh my god when I got in the car, I was literally like googling like what I should do if we were gonna break up. Like where would I go Bless him actually bless him though. He was just snapping. Like he stayed up late because he got a hobby that he had to stay up late because it was streaming from America, I guess. Yeah. But when we talked about it, he understood why. He was like, he was like, Oh ash, sorry, I do not recall at all telling you that I'd go and get you a drink. And I was like, What's you three times? And he was like, I know love I didn't know. Like I was so tired that I was just falling straight back to sleep . Yeah. But he didn't understand why to me that morphed into the fact to me being like a crackdad and he's on drugs and I'm a child again . Yeah . Yeah . But I think that yeah , that's just something that would have been talked about in therapy if I was still in it, but I don't need to be in therapy save it for skin wigs coming out in skin wigs and drunk nights . And that's all we've got time today . Thanks so much for having me and seeing me when you look at me. Yeah, that's one thing that wanted to say as well. Look at us and see us or don't look at us at all seriously because we're doing weird stuff over here. How dare you notice that? Don't just look at us see us . Yeah, and if you think what we're doing is weird What ? What ? Well, then we'll just delete the podcast . We could do that. That's always an option for us. And then that sort of show you hate us . But please please sign up to our patreon patreon dot com forward to our skin. Finally get a house. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We can't get to an air. I've been kicked out. Ash's been kicked out. She's picked a small shrubby area. I've picked a small brambley area. Yeah. But yeah, if you want some more bonus episodes and access to our private discord stuff like that, if you watch this podcast and feel a little bit of purple downstairs, if you know what I mean. Then get on patreon and you'll get those blue balls a nice shade of pink . We don't do porn. I should say that's not what I'm getting at. Oh, I do porn . h is dabbling . What do you mean by do pulling? You mean like do it, don't you? Like what they do in porn ? Shaggy? Yeah. Oh, I do pull. Oh, I do. No cameras do all the pool, but I'm doing pulls. I don't need to be seen when I'm doing what I'm doing . I'm just sixty five in . I'm doing a caty catty on the back . I'm doing a I'm doing fanny on the on it. Cement mixer . I love the cement mixer. Do funny fan fella. Oh , they eat lovely. I do fanny fella. That's how the world goes round. That's what my grand saiddad when I was pregnant. And then he mad at me and he went, 'No, darling, that's what little boys and little girls do. That's how the world goes round. ' I was telling free though. It's what little boys and little girls. You don't know that What you're telling me you've been a child ? Next on skin wigs . How are we gonna do that? We've not recorded it yet . Let's just make up what we think he's gonna be in the next episode . He said what? You were a child that's me. They're both me. Oh yeah, okay . Oh, that was it. All right, see you later. Love you. Love you so much