Discord Suggestions and Closing Thoughts

How? Hello. Welcome to Skinwigs. Welcome, God you got so big. So big, It's big in? Yeah you're big now. Well done. So this is a podcast where we speak to you like a baby just to make you feel small and tiny and safe. Yeah. My name's Sam O'eary. I'm a magician Filmmaker, comedian, and all around big boy My name's Ash Tyson and I was not kept safe as a child That's Yeah, yeah, that is. She sort of just explains s sumer sumer. So that's why, you know, do it back for you Yeahet So it those times I was There was times I was saying is the least comforting thing I've ever heard someone say about their childhood. Okay, let me start again. My name iss Ashlin. I, um twenty nine and two halves. And sorry, twenty to hs first And ten and a half. And I am really, really excited for this opportunity. Better, but less telling about your fuz. Yeah, that's perfect, isn't it? Yeah,ah, the less you tell the better, I don't like hearing about all that and I am I don't like hearing. You don't like hearing. Where's she going? When we first made sketches together that I made a little joke were in your car And you know how you were plagued about you kept leaving little dotles a piss on my Um Well, I U I like made a little joke in the car because we were were having a conversation about privilege. Oh yeah and how you were saying like you got away with a lot of like quite insane behaviour with boys because like they found you pretty. Yeah, they werere always just like so confused but kind of still like, she might kiss me little. And as a joke in so you were dropping me off here and as a joke, I said because you were saying I used to get away with all sorts of like being crazy or whatever. And I said Ohr, did you used to be pretty or something? Did you And the joke was just like, o, because you're hideous now. And you barely reacted to it and then just carried on telling this story and then And then I had to go and we didn't know each other well enough for me to be like But also it was inappropriate for me to be like, No, no, you are pretty. might it just felt like a fucking nightmare. And then I just remembered that the other day but I was thinking about it for ages after that. Really? Yeah. I swear to God that is not in my brain at all. I mustn't have heard you. Yeah, probablyah, probably just wasn't listening to me. He heard you now though. How'd you feel about it now? Loud and clear? Yeah you can't keep doing these visual face gags for the audio podcast? I didn't do anything. She did a twitching eye freak emoji. Comment below if you think I'm prettyer. Anyway, that's what the podcast is like. Yes. And today we're talking about And next week we're talking about And the week after that, we're talking about H figure out what to do with that there. Yeah, yeah yeah. we've got that. Yeah, we've got that. What are we talking about One thing that I remembered is because someone in the discord that we have was asking if I was an actual like certified magician or I just called myself that. like asking if I was in the magic circle, which is a real thing, by the way. you can like join the magic circle. I think you have to like prove that you're able to do some magic and theal youue in that it costs a certain amount of money a year and There was like a Hoodersfield magic circle. Oh. And I tried to join. I was like, o, I'll sign up for that. That sounds interesting They just sort of met in a pub. L in London, the Magic Circle has like a headquarters and it's really grand and kind of interesting This was just like some old men in a pub So when I got there How old are you fifteen, fourteen. As a kid. L so I got there and it was just like nine old men clearly trying to get away from their wives Talking about anything other than magic. And I' my pack of cards and I'm like Sos what we all been learning, like and they were just like, whoo fuck's that? I don't think any of them were magicians I think it might have been some kind of ring Yeah It's a big difference between a circle It a circle jerk. Yeah, a magic ring Oh no, no, sorry. this is the magic circle jerk. You're looking for the illusionist string. Yeah, you're looking for Whatever, that's not real, the stuff you're doing L I don't know where you're going. What we're doing is very much real. Yeah I can't believe it so so You went there How long did you stay there for I think maybe about like forty minutes before I was just like So when you to see what this isn it? And they were sat like on the table in the chairs Did you go like in the middle of or did you sit on the end? They were sort of just gathered round like normal just people hanging out in a pub. So I can't even remember. I think I just like just sat on one of the available chairs, but It was just And then and then they were just like talking about their wives and stuff and you No I think They were talking about they were just talking about anything. And there was like football on. they were chatting about that a bit and he's never gonna blah, blah, blah. it's like What is this? I feel really p. I didn't feel that you Don't, that's worse Just ask, just have a laugh for me. I don't want pity. Sat there on that little bar store with you withith my half pint of coke Ohy Maxs okay. Yeah. And then you st there like forty minutes and then did they all stay there when you left? for you the first? Yeah. And then to than you would disli like. Thanks for these guys. What did you say? I have no idea how I left that. I don't think you'll have noticed when I left. And how did you find out about them? I think it was like on Facebook or on there was like a group somewhere. Yeah. and like Yeah. And you didn't learn anything at all. 'cause I didn't That's the last time I tried that. Yeah, I think so. It's such a funny like idea of you being like so young and being this magician around like like these like dinosaur men know. Because it was like, o I don't know. it's just really sweet that you were like seeking things out as well and like at the time and I was disappointed in them because I was almost like There's so much new stuff happening like, Where's your inspiration guys? Where's your drive Like I was just so passionate and they were just like Did they do any tricks? I didn't see them do a single trick. S he wouldn't have even known You never know when you s likes to a magic circle. No you might well. Clearly.ot the Huddersfield Magic circle. Y Dents would be wearing cloaks. And like me. He like you. That's what I mean. Yeah. Oh go. I've always got ripaway trousers on just in case I need to do something cool D. Oh, I hate that. But I also like love that but I also I don't like seeing don't I don't like pity, I don't like sympathy. Okay, okay, I don't feel bad for you, but it is very very sweet. Don't see me as fourteen year old meate. See me as me now still doing that D you know that I did when I was first like coming into comedy or like thinking about making like a pivot him. Did you join a comedy ring? I joined just a stand up call. Did you really? Yeah in my local area. Okay. Yeah And it was free And it was put on by a university. Okay or something like that and then Um That was a real experience because I was that was like a lot of older people like there were a couple there who just work for the council and they were just doing it because they do any of the little free projects. That's a very funny one to join just because you do anything. Yeah, ye, I know yeah. And then there was like I was Youngest one there. Yeah quite a bit. Um And I'sone getting into stand upp at like fifty five. So yes, it was a course and there was a stand upp at the end of it that our friends and family were coming to How long was the course? six weeks. So you did a six weeks, six week course and then you had to do a show with all these people at So like when I first went there, I'm not even joking I had such a big tantum in the bedroom because I couldn't find a cool enough outfit 'cause I just thought, o my Godd, it's gonna be like everyveryone's gonna to be quirking. And I was like, insecr, was Iin't enough cool clothes, like to go in. And I was really like feeling like, Oh I'm gonna meet my people here. like I'm gonna really meet my people. And T would that excited from it and then I like went to it And then when I got there and this is like nothing again him but I was just like, I'm not meeting my people here And I also don't think that any of these people are going to find me funny at all. like I'm gonna have to like kind change the way that I want to do it. So u, and then there was this guy who was like, this Marxist and he likeike Go on these mad rants that he kept like going over his time by ages, like every week on a Marxist rant Yeah, it was about sort of things like that, but then he would just like just go on for ages. Then his wife dropped out because he was annoying her. because like every time he would get up, he'd like just go on for ages and then he' like he had this like big piece of paper and then he'd be like reading it and he be like, sorry, I'm going to finish. but can I just do this one and then his wife would be grin L like that like getting annoyed at him or whatever And then there was a kind of like a drama teachery sort of guy and he was good. But it was just such a weird thing to be doing in like this like O church. L like a community center kind of. It was yeah, it was it was very it was a community center And then like as the weeks So they basically like there was teach us like how to write a set basically, like to think of an idea and then every week, we would like expand off of the first thing that we picked on on the first week, but I just like kept changing my mind every time every week or quer I were like, I've wr something new and then I would just do it to this crowd that would go entirely flat, like because they just didn't get me at all And then I've got a feeling this crowd wouldn't like most modern standups Yeah. if you sent Tom out there. I don't think No the wouldood't. It was a lot of people were doing it because it was just something in the area. yeah. going for a hike all we could do this stand up course. But they didn't actually want to do stand upps Yeah. In fact, I think there was one guy in there that did want to do it and he was cool. but Yeah, so then we went like through the weeks and stuff and then we did the like show at the end Um, and Did your family come? My mates all came it How does it go? I felt so bad for them They had to it through the worst like comedy of their entire life, including me. Do you remember any of your sets? It was about Mieorne Oh really? Yeah, it was about And Iidorine talking about how about like past like when she was younger how they'd have like peeping tos and stuff like that. And it was just sort like a bit that I was doing about like her telling me a really traumatic story, but like in her way where she's like, yeah. and don't get me wrong. It gave me really bad tummy ache, gave me really bad tummyache. I was like I'm not seeing that's thing every time I went back into the factory. But we just got on with it. We don't have anxiety or anything like that.. ' my nan like, yeah, that's funny. Yeah, well, actually one of the lines as well was like I was like being my nan and I was like, yeah, I wonder I just walked into the factory. fourour manen, come pull myiakas off. and I like burst out laughing. ye. And then like someone in theom No I said, yeah, I said ripped ripped miniakas off. Yeah. But like should have really thought more about it because it sounds a lot worse than it is. but I just meant like I was just trying to think of something that they were doing and then I was anyway, but like people in this you where you' like You're on this weird wobbly line between reality and having a laugh where people are like Do we laugh? or will that encourage her ly a mental health issues We don't want to encourage her, but we also feel bad for her. Exactly. Maybe give one of these It was funny though because I feel like I feel like I took to it quite quickly. Yeah and likeike I think I was like second to last off. No, I think I was the last one on. But I just felt like I had like it was like a night of like the weirdest comedy and and like there were just like a lot of just like older men just sort of like going on rants about stuff, but like it was just the word comedy yeah. And then like I'm meant to be like the headliner. And I like sort of had all of the the thingsings that where you would think, oh yeah, she's a comedian or whatever. like I were like walking around the stage and everything, but like also was so brand new into it myself that like Iish shit as well. So I was like this this I was like this I was like the senior shit one of the night. You know what I mean? Y But yeah, yeah, I did a comedy it's like similar to audience like that Oh my bless my mates though. It's really nice that they came. Yeah. Did it feel worse that they were there when you were about to have to go on I don't like anyone I know coming to stuff that I do. I do after and they when I contact to them. But beforeand they're like, these is going to be shit' gonna to be shit that they're gonna hate you. Yeah, I'm bit like that as well because I feel like a lot of my friends in real life don't have My true sense of humor. So like I often feel like if they came to watch it, I would disappoint them because They probably wouldn't under like they wouldn't get Yeah. 'cause they're like, a lot of my friends are like friends to me because we've all grown up together. Do know what I mean?'re still not met through I' very weird. Yeah, yeah, exactly Um, because like when I were when I were first starting out like my friends it'd all be like You need to tell us? you need to tell us when you're doing an open mic and I was like No, because I'm just it's gonna be shit and like you all being there. But then to be fair, the word still come to them, right? Yeah I went to one one night. In fact, I think this was like the second stand upp that I'd done and I felt really bad about it because I went to it and I brought like a few friends with me because they wanted to see me. But then when I got there It was like all these like comedians and stuff are like, I don't know. I just felt like I'd like shown up to this thing that that like people were all taking quite seriously. and I'd like brought my mates and I was like just sat with I'd even know about this like green room or like whatever that situation. So I was like, just go my mates and like chat You at my night. you just chose to sit on the front row instead of in the green room. It's also like the social. wanted to watch the show as well. Yeah sense. Yeah. I don't like the green room thing if I want to see the act so just hang about. Yeah, exactly But like I've like showed up my mates we had some drinks on the train and stuff. and then I've got there and like was just kikiing with my mates and then like and then I was like, o it's my What's me by the way to Kiki Kiki, it means like You know what me and Roman was doing when we was talking about the neighbor we was like,'s like it's like Kiki and it's like you're like girs together. Okay, so I could probably never key key No you could Kiki. But but I'm yet to Kiki have we key keyed Yeah, we've keikeed. what about when we keikeed that guy's car No that was just kying King o o Okay, sorry, gore. you're at the ging Yeah, and then uh L what I was saying. Yeah, then I was just like left of my friends and then went up there and then came off. And then but like at this point I used to just think it was like you just would go to an open mic and then that was it. but like I didn't I wasn't into like the circuit. And then like after it, I was like talking to the other comedians and they were like, you should have come back stage and like sat with us and they'd all come by themselves and it made me feel really like I don't know why maybe feel like I weren't taking it seriously enough, Do know what I mean? Like I've just shown up as a laugh. But that's only because of the weird way that like people People act like you need to do any of this in a certain way. I don't believe in any of that. Yeah. I don't like doing gigs where they don't know who I am already. Yeah Well, this is what I was struggling with when I were like first doing it, like these open mics is that People weren't laughing because they I was like genuinely feeling awkward even though I was, but like that was like part of it as well. Do you know what I mean? I feel like people need to know me to get there Yeah Did you do much? Have you ever done open ms? No You've never done open m my h I've done I've done friend I've done friends gigs. Yeah or my gig. Yeah or adult Film Club, but I u Yeah I think I don't have the exact same drive. It's weird when I'm on stage doing something like that, I'm like, I'm alive, I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive. Yeah ye. But because when I plan events in advance, I get a stomachachche for months leading up to it and I'm just like, forget it, I'll just do something else. Yeah. ye. becausecause they it doesn't pay that well anyway most of the time and Iper might don't pay at all really Yeah And I like having no, but I mean, even just normal gigs don't don't tend to pay that much. but I just like making a physical thing and then seeing the results of it with standup, it's so fleeting. You can even do a night that goes well and afterwards, you'll forget it and Yeah, I had that once. I had that in leads like I like did really well and then I came off and I was like, o my go, that's so good. But then with standup, it's like you can't post your set because that's You said it phone than Well, that's it, really, isn't it? I completely agree, I like to like watch things back and like cherish them and make something of them. And also whereas stand up feel a bit farting in the wind to me. Exactly. yeah. There's some laughs in the room, and then once you've forgotten those laughs in the room, you're like, yeah, f's come. Yeah, but also like when you've only got five minutes, I used to find that hug because I would feel like, o, this is just sort. It takes me to get to know me did that I just feel like, well, this means that like because I have five minutes, I'm confined to like just like telling three maybe little jokes. but I don't really work like that. L like I work so much better like long form U You'd need to have a quick list where you're like, okay, context for the next four minutes. Yeah, born on the heroine wood Wonder that'll getem. But again, no, I can't because I don't know me I thought it were a really good thing to be like, He, I thought the reason why I got into is because I know that good crack runs in the veins Yeah. And then you gave that one a go gave that one a real good go. Yeahah, but then obviously people were just like, was you just takeaking a piss out of crackets And in a way, yeah. But but you've got a pass. Is're mine? Yeah m crack heads though they're my little cracks? I get the pass. get the sea passass. Sea passass M We've got a sponsor today G Do you want to re this one That's why you can read it N you. A sure? Yeah. Okay. Just real. Let's keep me for a safe sa we're home Getting hit by a lorry Living in a cave Setting yourself on fire at a party. Today's episode of Skinwigs is sponsored by Th things ask dreams about every day from assassinating a public right wing figure to leaving it all behind and drowning in the sea Things our streams about everyday has you covered. Dream on swweet Soldier and good luck It's really nice. What's the product? I don't know they just send us it, don't they send us a little of cash in the post? It's it be me when the same thing. well, does that ring true for you? Do any of this sort of a fantasy of yours I mean, I'm sort of like looking at it and don't feel mur. I'm like getting hit by a Lorry Ourn I c. Thank for our ps I like it. I'll tell you that like. Living in a cave Love that shit. Setting yourself on fire at a party? Would do Yeah. doesn't mean you love it. It's just something you dream about it. Do doesn't mean I love it, but it's sometimes something you have to do. Yeah. You know what I mean? I dream about it. Yeah. Asassinating a public right wing figure Can't tell me too much about that. Laving Ol behind and drowning in the sea Yeah, I mean, that's yeah Those are the perfect. Okay, so it is kind of a scenario I guess it is about you then I don't know where they get it all from though. What are they just gonna to make other people have my Yeah, I think you can buy little capsules and it'll kind of skew your dreams so they're a bit more like that I'm worried because I don't think they're gonna put anything in those capsules. You think it'll be a placebo. Yeah. Well, even if it works, then that's fine. Sometimes placebos work. are some there in the capsules Do you mean arsenic Arson is when you like set fire to someone's house. I know what arson is and actually do I mean arsenic? No, I meanant arson. I mean Get the little capps. You're worried that they're gonna put arage into someone's property in the cps Cups. Yeah Arsenic. No. You're an arsenic of the Dictionary. I'm an ask lick of the dictionary. You heard it here first guys That's going in the next rose battle. You're ar flick at the d I can exist. Can I tell you about me wreling with the rock? Can I tell Wrestling with the Rogue. May I What y'all about? Brestling with the roue Ssy and I was bad ag one there. So u You need me here? 'llick go around No, Illick around go on G. Okay. We you got some we back today Kind of a Okay Oh, being rude. You can tell my house look the dictary. So the other week My daughter's second teether come out Big Gio So I was like, oh, I'm going to go upstairs and put some money underneath her pillow. Were you there for her first tooth coming out I was in Barnley Oh,. You didn't think it was important. And I drove home to leave her a letter and drove back to you. Yeahes, she did yeah. So this is a second two. It happened days later, al right? So it's like You know, bit back to back on the teeth situation So I was like I said to Channel I was like, I'm going go upstairs and I'm going leave a little no two pound co because we g have a tenor for the first one which. and I spoke about on the podcast before that I heard that another little boy got a tenor and that I wasn't gonna to do that But I did but I do think that L fairy shouldn't be carrying around like big notes, you know what I mean? So the second time she gone. I do like that reasoning. it makes sense. Yeah, yeah. like a check. My daughter, you can't she's not like she thinks about things. like you can't like li like you obviously can, but like youve got to be so careful because she remembers everything she puts things together and So yeah, I think that it wouldn't that I think that my daughter could think like ye yeah. An anyyway. pan coin. So I' go upstairs and I'll just have a little scrolly I just have a little tiny little scrolly on my phone and somehow ended up on like a parasite Reddit forum about parasites And this has just never been brought to my attention before. I understood there were germs But I remember asking you like, what's in them? like what are you scared of sort of thing? Yeah. And acting like I was a freak. Yeah. Well, I just my turn was around the corner. Yeah. So anyway, I started reading about all these things and I just absolutely got completely like brainwashed immediately by it. I was like, yeah, actually that does make total sense Probably not dehydrated, am I? I'mull of fucking parasites. Here I am thinking, Ah, you need to get you six liters a day. Wh two liters a day. Oh, you need to eat two liters a day? No. It's not because I'm not drinking water or sleeping or eating. Wh I've got these headaches It's the parases. Parasites. Which is an easy fix. You're telling me like one little dewormer and I'm sorted sweet, but also I felt disgusted by it. And anyway I ended up convinc myself that I'd wororms and I felt like I could literally feel them and That is so you Yeah. immagining the movement of fake words. Honestly, it was really freaking me out. Like I started crying to Chan and I was like, I just want them out. I just want to go there and scoop them out. the fact that they're like in me while I'm sleeping makes me feel sick it's just like You know, like whatever chance was very just like, all right, L Via look. And he was saying like you don't will scoop the worms. He was like, you don't have worms and I was like, you don't know that. I was like, I cannot believe all these years I thought I've got IBS The whole time it's been You think you've had one consistent worm since you were like a child? I was reading these testimonies right, which now read it. Yeah, which now I'm looking back, I was one hundred percent down some sort of like holistic pyramid scheme. I'd fallen into that. because these women were given these testaments of like, I suffered with brain fog and depression and you know after I had my children and like and I used to just wake up every morning and think, why? And then I realized I had a worm. I had a worm, a single worm. and it was making me sad. Yeah, and all I needed was this product to get rid of it. And anyway, u Yeah, so so but the worm thing really freaked me out, like really freaked me out. and I saw some videos about wor which I've never seen. Not based Like it wasn't like you Googled a symptom. you just found this and was like, I've probably got that. Yeah So So it wasn't even like Oh My tummy hurts in a weird way, I'll Google that. It was literally just like, do you have worms? Yeah, I honestly couldn't even tell you how I like got onto something, but it was like It was on the feed and it was like I always w I always thought I had IBS and it turned out to be this. And that would have been an ad right? No probably yeah, but it was a bit, you know. I'm getting older now, Do't I mean mediatelyiteracy' going down? trs so yeah, anyway and then yeah, I could fully convince myself that Id worms. And then also I was seeing these like Like people say in that They when they took the deworm in that, their belly swelled and they could feel the worms dying in them. And like this wom woman was like, I passed two hundred worms likeike about two hundred worms. She' like my belly went big and then I just like passed like two hundred worms. She was like I felt so much better ever since But honestly had passed the idea that I had had a worm for. must be ten years u that Id had a away of ten years and that there was multiple And that did I tell you about them coming out of Did I tell you about Right, so apparently when you have worms in your bomb For women literally it feels so sick. So it does this for everyone, but the idea, because they are a parasite is that the woman woman comes out of your bumhole in the nighttime and she wiggles around your bum to tickle you She lays eggs and then wiggles around your bumm on an evening. She knows when you're asleep to tickle you so that you scratch your bumm Yeah. and that's how they keep it going. So then you have like their her eggs are made to be to spit under the fingernail and then in the and then that's how they keep going, right? But not only that, but when you're a woman, they come out of your bum and wiggle into your vagina So that's what you've got going on there. That's what I thought I had going on. Well, that's what I could not bear the idea of going. I literally was so scared to go to sleep I guess that happened to me. but you but But you weren't bit you had no symptoms. I know, but there was like a feeling there of like that something was like wor Treating me. L I was like, I just want them out. like I just want them out. L I don't consent to them I do not consent to the wors cookies Yeah, it was really freaking out. anyway Ill tryed to speed up the story, but basically that got me headl like Line and Ziner, Hook line and hook line and sphincter. And I basically stayed up all night really like worried and anxious and I did the delivery so that they would get their first thing in the morning of like loads of dettle, like laundry dettle and like antiack wipes, washash, everything. And then Do we look back to the tooth? So then in the morning, I strip all the bedding off, put them all in on a hot wash And then I start to my Normally do a cold wash, right? ' then I start to my rug. Yeah. yeah which by the way, have now convince myself is like full of parasite eggs. So and I cannot stress enough, I've just never had this before.'ve never thought that things were going on me or anything. This is a bit my fault. I think so because I she said to Chan the other week, like I think that Samon Abe With me trying to probe them to understand things more, I wish that I hadn't because I've started thinking of things like that more. So But then all you're doing is making me cleaner. I'm just washing my hands. You just was yours I wish you had have told me to do that every day. you've got me like, o, I must l my hand. I should be angry Oce, twice a day, even sometimes. Y. So anyway, my rug is huge It's like H huge,? Big for the fed living room. Yeah. would you say it's like Six by four four wow. So anyway. I decided that the rug needs washing because now I couldn't even like walk and I was so scared of it. So I went upstairs, put it in the bath. Then basically I had to like sit on the side of the bath. Chan said that I had a scary look in my eye, so they went out for the day. Jango downstairs and I had like these gloves on my hand and I kept like touching my face and then being like, o, and I would have to like. Yeah, because I just felt that. Did you at any point ever find anything that even slightly resembled what you were looking for? No Can worms grow on any other surface than a living organism Their eggs can survive on anything for two weeks. Two weeks. Okay, and you think Maybe that there'd been some I don't know where I don't know where the fucking come from. I don't know who'srought them into the h. so I don't know ifru' has got them. I've dewormed Bruce too. Also, I got us all army appointment. everyveryone in the morning we all dewormed. What does deworming look like? Just just one tablet and to take one two weeks later. Have you taken the two weeks later one It's not been two weeks. Okay, well'll just remember because they might come back. You should start making all your guests deworm on the way you Have you dewormed? Like that's the same as taking your sho shoes on shoes off. Wormms on no worms I want to keep mine. It's keeping me slim. As she sounding that like she sound like s nice laugh on that but. didid she ask you to doworm when you came home? She did ask me to doworm. And the thing is like because I had to go around twice in a week I shouldn't be taking that much dewormer. Yeah, I know it's really weird and she kept saying to me like no bear bumbs on the sofa. Yeah. which I thought it was a bit weird becausecause I was like already sat there like bare bum Like yeah, she sort of asked me to take my trousers and pants off and sit down but then was like, no bed bones on the sof. So you're gonna to hate this Do you know one of the things that freaked me out about the wor? When I started Googling like, how do I know if me and the kids have worms? it was saying That's an easy fix When it's nightt time, just go and get a flashlight on your child's bumhole and you'll see the worms. I never did that by the way. And it also said it about yourself Like this man was like, I just caught off I thinkink I've got worms and people were cing to be like, Ohh, that's easy fix. Have a little look in the mirror at your bomhole. If it's nighttime, you'll see the worms That is disgusting to me and tell me the truth Did you at any point at night try and see a worm in your body? I was not brave enough. There' lots of pers. me. I went to China and I went Do know how, you know if you've got worms, you see them. you see them coming out of your bumhole likeike you can look in the mirror. And he was like, Have a look there and And I was like, No, if I see them in there, like it's gonna I'm gonna kill myself But you were already doing everything that you needed to do if you had them anyway. Yeah, I know. But the idea of actually confirming that they were there really. think that you'd have seen them anyway. Even if you'd have looked to, you'd be like, I think I start moving. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I would' have done. Or would have found something else. Yeah. Tony, I got this rug in the thing and I was just going to town with this rug bear in mind, I'm so deathly like afraid of germs out of nowhere, but I like have my pajamas on. put the in and then I'm like I kept like running the bath and then letting it thing out until the water was clear, which took me genuinely all day. It never got clear also, but it better. And I was like hand washing this entire rug and then Venice comes in. By this point I've got the heating blasting And in the house and like the windows closed because I was trying to get the rug out the bath, which I couldn't do. But anyway, Venice came into the my daughter came into the bathroom and she's like Mummy, where's my tooth? I've whipped all of her beding off and completely forgot that the tooth with in there Bear in mind I' lost a tooth twice a day before I lost it on the football pitch and in the car This is the third time that I'd lost the tooth So did you find it found it but I had to gas light so obviously I was wrestling the thing all day. And I was w going to sleep, she was like, Mommy where's my tooth? and I hadn't found it yet. And I was like, I was like, listen, darling, Mommy's put your tooth in a very safe space. and I'm not getting out 'cause that tooth's just cursed, isn't it? And she was like, yeah. Remember, this give us all worms And I was like, so So tonight when you're asleep, I'll put a bloody tooth onl just cursed, isn't it? Th do? she was going along with it And then I actually did find the tooth for the next day. Thank God, because if she'd have found it, I'd give up the whole gig of the fairy lady. A Lion cow. Fairy lady, you just have to call her. Fairy lady. She's a fairy lady, isn't? Yeah, but sorry, so with the rug, it was like an absolute nightmare I had to get Venice's gymnastics bar up into the bathroom and put the rug on top of my head because it's too heavy to lift out the back. putut on top of my head. All the water was going down my neck in my ears. and I was thinking plenty of eggs in there? Eggs in my ears. I was like thing it in my head as well. And then I managed to get the rug on there then I started flooding the bathroom, so I had to squat all day in this boiling hot room that I'd put the heating on turned all the radiators on. and just I had to go and get bin bags and spread them all over my floor and then sat there squatting watching the rain pour onto like the bin bags and then I was just picking them up periodically and then putting them in the bath and laying them back down And Chang came over to me like the end of the day and he was like, I do find it funny that like You've woke up like afraid of germs today and just spent your whole day wrestling a bag of germs. I cannot tell you how stressed I was in that bathroom. Anytime someone came in I was actually like gollum. Like my hair was like wet old out me because I I' had the rug on my head. my hands By the way, My knuckles were genuinely bright red all across like scrubbing the rug. And whenever someone came in, I was like If you had have had worms, you'd have had them all over you by now. I know All I had to do was like maybe roll the rug up and put it outside. but I insisted on like hand washing the rug all day, which essentially I just felt like the eggs were all over me all day. and I don't know I did that. Yeah When I sort of just went. When you took more time, then it just went away. When you took more like because you left your cafe job. And we were I had a little fantasy that maybe we could record the podcast like twice a week or we could meet up more often do sketches, that kind of thing. Absolutely. This is the sort of thing that you're doing with your new days off. Yeah, and then you text me at the end of the day you like I think you put like you better be better in dit all seriously in general because I've been texting you all day. And I was like, how do I explain to him what I've been doing And this is how bad I was as well. It was a second day of my period as well, so I' like lost it a bit. but This out bad it was, whenever I'm doing house like I have to have my headphones on for light I did not know where my phone was all day and didn't have any headphones. I was in pure silence in that bathroom. justust sweating and wrestling and rolling around with this you growling. Yeah. Gling, crying. It was such a day for me. Yggs. Gotta get the eggs. no, don't go in there, look Darl, just leave mummy to it. She's gone a bit, you know, and you know, her eyes have gone black No literally. He literally like was next to me in the kitchen and he was saying something to me in I like turn and he went You've got a scary looking you write it and I was like, What, what do you mean? You do transform like probably more than any other like face I've seen. because it it's like you I don't know, got you've got multiple people in there. But also yeah, but also in my brain, I was thinking that because you know what I just said to you about them going from your like bum to your dina while you're asleep, I was like thinking that like, I think a lot of it was coming from guilt because I was thinking, oh my God, I bet the kids have had worms this whole time and like the kids have been struggling even though they like haven't and they haven't been saying that, but er Simes no way. But again in my brain I was like, you've been letting a rock with worms every night. Every night those worms are coming out of your kids bombs. Wiggling around a cl Shing up, n yeah. So that's what. And then when I went camping So now I've got a thing for oldld I hate my car Now I've got think for mold because I started reading about mold exposure as well, convince myself that that's what this cough is. Welcome to my world Yeah, I think that that's what this coth is Won't you come on in Hope it's not moldy. Hope it's not moldy. Yeah, I didn't know that mold was like in the air So yes. I know my mold. . It's over there in the corners. And yeet, it's getting bigger and bigger Smells pooy. But you know, u what do they say? If you friends your enemy, if you're not looking at it, then What facts it matter to you? Keep your enemy cl Ke your moould closer Keep two in the bush So when I went camping anyway, my car was like cutting out and the way there I was really struggling with the hills and stuff. I' has been camping again M don't know why. And then when we unpack the tent box it moould Can you imagine if you had a friend that specifically told you to check the tent box before you go because of how long it's been a lovely world that will been I know a man called Sam O'Leary. Do you remember me saying that Yeah. Why don't you listen to me? I was in a rush, I only had an hour to Do it an hour to do what Go Cathine. you count for one hour Then I picked my friend up and I was like, I said to my partner something about me stopping at Azda completely forgot and just drove the whole place and never went to ASda. So't I have any blankets or anything. I wanted to get like blankets I don't know Bxacle is a hope, anyw Got there, got up there, full of mold And now I'm scared of my old of sudden And so then I went by the way, there was a healthy fe. I went to the reception. And then it's like mold treat the whole tem box and it was like fifty miles per hour like winds and I had no idea to put it up and I had no signal to like ring t either. And then we had no bottom sheet and Yeah, it was just honestly a real bard like Can I do?en can you just send me like what you're doing and when and I'll send you a checklist of what to do. Do you remember I did one for you for holiday? Yeah Yeah, just out. I'll do that every day. But I don't know what I need. Wash hands, Dworming tablet No but I know what you need. And the first thing was getting the molds off the tent b. Y Because what happened is last time I was in that tent, I was sick and then Was it been clean since? Oh yeah, yeahah we were camping with our friends. I got a Tubby bug. So we'll liter all sat around the fire I think so. Well I've had it this wholeot. I've I've had worms. I' had worms. So many worms, got blly worms coming out my arse yeah, I went camping and then I like got this like really bad tommmy cramp and I was like, I need to go to bed. I'd only had like two beers went to bed, and then I woke up at like three oclock in the morning and just went Jad, you know Gonna be safe So he sat up really quickly and tried to open the window but I was sick in the tent. So then Chan had to clean it up in the middle of the night and then he packed it all away and drove us and then when I got home, I went straight to bed because I was like being sick.ve And then Chan like took open the tent again and he did clean it all, but I think he's just He cleaned it more, but I think he just packed it away too quickly. But like when I got up there it looked like loads of little spiders had been in that corner. were just like Yeah Really scary stuff. Sick mold And my friend that I went with, she also doesn't like mold and we're talking about it on the way down. Eone likes mold. So I didn't want tona tell her that it were as bad as it were. so I went up and came out an event. We've got a little bit of mold, a little bit of moldy situation. A little bit of moldy pic. It was genuinely it was on the netting. Oh O the windows.. But I didn't wantan to freak out. So then I went up there, got the moldspray, went up there like you will have just seen my hand along the t like that. It was like it wass just a little bit of mold in the corner and then I wiped the whole thing down. A little bit because it looked like you were I mean, you'd been there for about an hour B bleached and ruins by new Ayust trousers. Oh I know. And then yeah, it didn't have a change of clothes, didn't have anything You don't do camping, you just d G to a field and the I thought it would be so nice. I was like, imagine how cute it would be if we come. And she loves camping as well. You hate camping This's a friend of yours Yeah. So I'm always like, I do love the idea of camping, but I think I'm better off just probably going for like a walk in me local and sitting on a bench. so I don't need to do the whole thing. Stay at home and look for worms. Yeah. Stay ar this with you can I keep keep myself occupied, Oh As you weak This not to Tals Come on, we've got guests. Please tell us about your week Tell us about your week. You get excited. Good by P. Upstairs, upstairs upstairs We got sent So again, untitled in B fllat major, still doing the numbers. It's now out on Apple Music. By the time this episode comes out By the time this episode comes out, I think that the full album of Dad songs will be out. so I hope you're listening to that. Yes, please go and listen to it. Christmas in Jamaica for Christmas number one, twenty twenty sevenlease Even though it says twenty twenty five in it. Can you dub it, so it says. Yeah, yeah. I can just about do the vice twenty seven, something like that. twenty. Don't freak me out. Sorry, This is rude to him. But we've we've been sent so many remixes of it. There's one that we are putting out This Swedish music producer gu Tjin did a really, really cool remix so we're like we put him as like a featured artist and where releas Releaseing, release and, releasaseing the track. We releaseing, releaseing and releasing the track together with him But I got sent another one the other day by a guy called Connor Harkwkins And I just think it's really cool and I want to play it Sam and the edit here, We can't play you the track. I didn't realize at the time but it's full of material from a song by no doubt And I didn't realize that until I pointed it out to me I'll stick it on Patreon. That's probably fine We were talking earlier about how, well you think it's funny when I am here, you know? Talking to you. Yeah I heard I was here. Oh you just let me know. Yeah, you said we were talking early. I'm just saying I'm in the room. Talking now too. You know how when I say Getting off with someone Yeah and that means like snogging. That's always what we used to say is like kids and you think that's sort of funny or weird. Yeahay. ' you say feels funy We say get him with like or did you get with him? But what would you say if someone started a relationship with someone Meeting I What if you h out with each other? me in. so like I wouldn't like now I'd say they're together or something, but like when we were younger it'd be like, are you seeing our meeting 'use meeting sounds more casual but meet you've never heard meeting. They meet in each other. Yeah, I've heard meeting like, I've got a meeting today But you've never heard it like me in Wait now to me about getting together. seeeeing definitely like o Oh, he's seeing thingy like he's going this person. Yeah, but we would only say seeing if you weren't like if you were just kind of talking to them meetings. And then meeting is like, do you think was a boyfriend? M E A T. king. Yeah, I think that's the way I always meant it anyway when I said I was being meeted U are you going out with that Chan guy out yet? I don't know what you're talking about there, but what where I get my meat from? He's me me That's where I get my meat from anyway. U what other did you have any other words for like kissing people? U there were snoging, no, getting Getting off way, getting way ne Necking. Yeah. neecking's a thing. like I've never said that and I always thoughtel that was weird because I was like What youck on? What are you doing with your neck? Did you neck on with him? Yeah, what does that mean? Oh M you're like rubbing your necks together. I think it's because when you're younger, you're all like Nck in I mean doesnt. I remember this makes me speak so much, but I remember being young being an ncult and like me and my mate were like going around snogging boys and then like we'd see each other and we'd be like O how many you see? Yeah it was like and then like by the internet it was like I was literally like next I'm like twelve boys We just now I'm older. I a buddy meat raaffle the amount of meats I've had tonight. Now I'm older. I'm just like you cant pay me to snug twelve strangers. That's disgusting Oh, I've been watching first series of Virgin Island Good is it It's so good. and just thinking about the snoggin thing, I think if I was a sex therapist, I think that's the thing that I'd struggle with the most. because you can always tell when they can't care, when they've like Yeah, it's like they're like, Loose. Yeah. you can sort of see the therapy trying to perk it on a bit. We've all got to learn how to do that. Isn't it funny? You just sort of forget the point you were just like I packs on my hand. Did you really? Yeah, I think so, like that It didn't give me much back, but ye got me to where I am got the job done. No let's just put it that way. got the job done. I wrote down some ust before we started, I wrote down some alternatives that we could say for kissing. Okay. Slob goobling plan. M it long. Is it you think? Yeah. Oh you don't well like the rest of these then Mouth pissing. Okay, yeah Gum thumping. um something. Oh I'd like a lot. That one could be gumping Okay, yeah Because you saw a Yeah, and it's like, I'm not dumping you, I'm gumping you Yeah, that's nice. Oh Babe, you thought I was dumping you. I'm gumping you. Did I ever told you about that story Babe, I don't hate you. I hate you No. N. It rings a bell When I went to the gay bar and then there were that girl that was like, She were like looking at me through the crowd, but like scowling at me and all thinking Sure I. So then I like went over it and I was like, Are you okay? You keep like I'm worried that you have a problem with me or something. She went She she went Babe, I don't hate you. I hate you. and like put her arm like over my shoulder. So always stuck in my head because I was like, okay, you're rhyming. Okay you rhyming. like a rhm was an opener though, it goes hard. I won't lie. Yeah It was a first impression for sure. So like if you were like I was staring at some g in the bark. Yeah. I'm not dumping yet. I'm gum dumping yet Yeah. Bum thumping, but there's not kissing I I saw you catch a worm in it bum thumping. Why's the bum in there? W' you catching a worm Your body your body wororm. Yeah. Bum thumping. a thump on your bum at night. Yeah but this Oh, okay. so this is unrelated to kissing. Oh right Okaykay. ye. Okay, right. Jaw slopping Yeah Jaw slopping. It feels a bit They're a lonely theseies, aren't they? Yeah. I like this one. Mouth housing I like that one. That makes me feel like I'm at home and safe. Yeah, and you're locking in. No you don't get it. He wasn't like Jaw slopping me. He wasn't like gumsp me. He was like who was mouth mouth hous hous me? It's like saying fuck or like make love Yeah. house or. we mouth housed. Yeah. I'm not gonna be I'm a gentleman. Did you mouth house him or did your mouth homeold him And the way I asked it sounded worse. Shaggin Now this one I think I think the feers all likey, isn't it there? Well, but I think the lads all like it because it they'll be like, yeah yeah, we'll shag in. Because it reminds you of shaging I don't becauseuse it remind you 'cause they say that they've been shagging more. Evenough it was just kissing. Yeah. That's very clever on the b. Very clever. It would get me. Yeah. If they were like, I'd shagging a lot, I'd be like, that's probably yeah. The se sounds like more than mouthousing to me Mouth housing I'm realizing now just sounds like any kind of oral stuff. I dont know it feels like you stayed there Yeah. it feels like you came. And you never left. He made a mouthhouse into a mouth home. Yes I like that My mouth my mouth it's not much, but it's But a mouse My mouth ain't much, but it's house Ine of to the next. Do you want to hear some skin wigs?op Bag Bag. Doan you hear some Singwigs mail bag? Please please. Not so much a Q and A for Sam But a solution for this is Jenny's on the discord, notot so much a cue Oh fucking out Jenny's on the Discord, rightit, notot so much a Q and A for Sam, but a solution for his dark walk through his home after all the light switches are matching Yeah, okay Have I spoken about that? Yeah, o They are battery operated. That I told them. I've been telling you secrets on the internet. There are battery operated motion sensor lights that stick on the walls. My local dollar store sells them I bought a few to line my own hallway with for nightly bathroom visits. Oh, you got distracted, then didn't y you? Well, because they're overviously American, I was just trying to do it. dollar. And I think that's what Jenny probably sounds like Just like that. Jenny, give us a thumbs up if you are like giveive us a ye h L the Canadian So that's yeah, you could put them on up the stairs. Yeah, I think that was a good idea. Thank you for sending that. You got some pretty steep stairs by the way. I really do. I don't usually like saying that to people because it's like, canan I ask you a question though? Even if they were a normal steepness wouldould you still scrbble up them on all folds like you do anyway? Do I do that Yeah, I think so. Well you run up then? No, I do. I mean, I do that I don know she's I thought that I wasn't I wasn't doing that in your home. Sounds like you are. Yeah. I feel like I'm hearing more than feet You probably are. I'll be so honest You know what? you never know what's going on behind walls Yeah, unless you listen,less you listen, it sounds like there's four legs running up. You might have an idea yeah, you could uh I guess I'm I'm going to where you going put them And your forehead. My ass. Yeah. Yeah my forehead because then as soon as I wake up the lights are on. Yeah, exactly. That's a really good idea. Thank you for that suggestion. Thank you Jenny. That's actually really thoughtful, isn't it Nes Masks Would you rather only be able to smell things thirty minutes in the past or taste things thirty minutes in the future Also, would you like me to read that? got it ough. Not because I think you think, I think because it's a O question What's your answer A's taste in the future. The only thing about that is introduces more questions for me So if I can taste something thirty minutes in the future and It' In fact, wait there's a discussion about this in the discord just a bit further down Someone said, If you taste things thirty minutes in the future and someone makes you eat a turd Are you predestined to eat the turd or can you run away thanks to your premonition of turd taste and Nath responds I think it means predestined. no matter what you do, you're gonna taste that dirt So that's what I don't like. I don't like We don't really have free will We can talk about that in a different episode. I'm going say the taste one because You know M me and my old survival. I'm just thinking, you don't really use your taste for survival. But you do use your smell like to be able to smell carbon monoxide or smoke or Really Do you not think it's like I thought it was like a power that it was a choice whether you could do it or not Oh no no, you're right. Yeahah. Yes, I think I think that your life is like as is and then those two senses are just like ahead or behind. Yeah. So I'm going to say Smell because I feel like that would me safer in the wild. smell one. Yeah But what if there was a fire You wouldn't know until half hour away. No no Lets of away. So you want to pick taste No I Non the smell. thirty minutes in the past or taste things for thirty minutes in the future Oh I'm going to taste things for eightty minutes in the future, yeah. Okay, yeah. so you could smell if there was a fire in the forest. Exactly. But then what if you u You started tasting that your mouth was full of blood What do you do then? Th And then I would just make my way to the hospital. Yeah And then you crash on the ro. That be kind of handy. Yeah, and then I'm dead Yeah, okay. What would you do? This I'll go taste I think Well that means I S if we were like ask you go to the cafe. But on the way there, we're like, Yeah, that's gorgeous. But then when you just we ask to go to the cafe now. That's the thing though, it's predestined. He's just got to do Whatever happens, you're gonna taste that thing So if you go to the cafe and you're not tasting that sausage sandwich yet, it means that you change your mind for some re. Oh so you have to ye, so if you taste it, you're going to the cafe. Yeah because you've done it. That's what I mean. That's what this this bunky in the group chat is saying if you taste a dog shirit, it's like you're going No matter what happens now, that is locked in you will eat a dog's shit. so you're gonna taste it and then you're just gonna be like, what the fuck have I gone up to? Yeah, exactly. What's gonna to happen? Oh I' done that.' fine I'll eat it then shall I? Oh, that's why I did it. I feel thought that was very me you first. is yeah. Oh, you think someone's gonna force me to eat the shit? No, I'll do it myself. 's a joke on shooting stars that Matt Lucas used to be the sort of K keep the sculls on this like game show that I really li to vic and Bob And I think Dizzy Rascal was on as a guest, but clearly like not really I don't think really getting what the whole thing was about. It was probably dizzy. Yeah, it's just really dy. feel like a rascleittle rascal. I loveved theing Dizzy rascal It's pretty fun it Yeah Sorry go.s right. You could get a wormy wormy scamamp. Wy sad Skinwig is kind of like a skinny rust. Yeah. skinny skinny wig skull. Yeah, it has the same feel. He just kind of calls Dy Raskal out and he goes, D you ask school? D you ask school? Ask me Ask me, yeah, ask me what is my favourite cartoon And Dizzy Rascal goes, What's your favorite cartoon? in that Lucas goes. Dinner, I don't wash cartsons that's so just for that. What show was he on? Shooting stars I need to show you that. It's so good. I've not seen that. Is it like a paddel show? It's sort of a panel show, but nothing matters at all. It's a joke. It's just silliness nonstop. Love that. It's really good. Yeah, I'll watch it Sure you will. I feel like I no, but I always intend to watch the things that you recommend because I just trust your recommendations. But now whenever I say I'll watch it, I just feel like I can't say it's sincere, even though I mean it sincerely. Yeah don to say bit like an inflection on it. You watched Virgin Island? I watched Virgin Island. I watch Mm Thunder wrote? No, you didn't. Isn't it? You watched Tropic Thunder. Yeah did f. There's a really amazing film called Thunder Road. It's like a really emotional indie movie that I was like, askh, you need to watch this. We're trying to work on like projects together and I was like, I think you'll really like it. He did it all himself blah, blah.ike he was like he's the writer,'s director, he's the star of it. It's this thing about a cop in like a small town dealing with the death of his mom Ash gooess O sticks on tropic Thunder Which is whichich is like a Hollywood comedy. where Robert Daney Jror is doing Blackface. That is not the one I have pitched. And Ash she's like, o, I'm sure it had thunder in it. It's probably that. Yeah. I was sayingagr I was like Summmer Thunder I think it's this one. but I actually did watch a bit of the other one. You did watch the short film, I said yeah. No, no,under the other film Thunder Road. Thunderbird. No, yees, Thunderbird. I watched it and I was so upset that I had stood off Be the daughter is like my daughter's age and I immediately was watching it and being like feeling guilty and sad for that little girl. I don know. I. I get seeing Shann I was like, I get S seeing Chan I don't know why its makes me feel so sad that little girl being neglected. not neglected, but I'm feeling sad. And every season is like they give me like want to go up and like wrap Venice up and like, yeah, I can't really watch stuff with kids my ageing for some reason. Kids my age. Aain, you Ash, you need to remember you're not that age anymore. You're saye you pretend not I'm stuckough You're He So and he's saying that. I can't watch toin it with kids my age. A like thirty years old I'm just I go He Oh yeah, no, so I actually did try it. Gif Thunder R to watchatch guys And while you're listening, if you fancy some more bonus content or to listen to these episodes fully ad free or to join our nasty littleittle discord D that get with the U o Oh no end. If you Patreon. com Check on now. Just for the sink Patreon. com forwardsl skkinwigs Little stuff't know Patreon. com for its slash skin wigs Perfect. Yeah that'll do. Do you want to Yeahah, okay. Yeah, No, I think that's the end of the ep. Sort of Yeah That's on. Thanks for listening guys. Thank you so much guys. I really feel like I've taken over episode. I don I think so. he showed up S not worm chat, but you know I don't feel satisfied, but, you know, there's no's all. know, I feel like you've not told I talked about the magic circle and Oh yeah. Didn't talk about that didn't talk talked about mouth pissing didnt I brought that up. Mouth pissing?es. Oh the way' got that con good.ool. Okay All right love you everyone. Thank you so much for listening. love you so much. nice.ink down below If you've ever had worms. Oh, I like that And comment if you haven't had worms. Yeah, That's covered everyone. But no bragging. So many comments. I'm serious, no bragging. donon't be comment insane. I've never had worms. C humbly. And equally, don't be bragging about having worms. Yeah. You know it's not cool to have worms or big feet? No. no, exactly. As I am I continue to learn throughout my life I love you completely well