Ruining A Company Meeting With Poop

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U I don't I don't it's just we thought that You would enjoy the episode? Oh, sure yeah. you'd be a fan of that. You just thought, you know. Jared, this is technically the second Red Stories that we've done together when this is airing. Yeah. But tomorrow, as of recording this, we're going to be doing Reddit Live. Yes, we are. So we'll see how that goes But by the time this airs, we'll stillill a second. We'll have known that it went great. And the audience loved the one. Yes Yes. Yeah. And all those prize giveaways. Yes All the cars Yeah that would drive into the. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. they're going to love it. Um, anyways, is this our fourth Pride episode? Wow. I've been doing this show forever. That's A long time to be doing pride These have become like the big like episode of the year, I feel like. I don't know. There's a lot of gays on Reddit guuess so we're everywhere now. yeah yeah. but always were Always were, but mainly on Reddit. Jared, are you how familiar with Reddit are you? I'm pretty familiar with Reddit. I use it mostly to look at purses Oh. very specific. Yeah, that's kind of my main use for Reddit right now. Well, very cool. Well, we're going to be diving into all sorts of parts of Reddit, but all of it having to do with Pride of some sort, I've been informed that some of these stories are your typical Reddit stories might have a couple who's gay in it. Oh. So I hope there's some straight cred in here too The worst prank we ever pull we do a pride episode and they're that's funy. We just don't acknowledge it..ust just like anyways. so all right. Let's hop into our first story here Our first story comes from Today I Fucked Up, and it was posted in September of twenty twenty. And they write Today, I fucked up by having sex with the father of a woman I dated at a later date. W Dam That's like us with this second recording comp for the For the live show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. veryery similar They write, Okaykay, so yeah, it's messed up. This happened years ago A few years ago, I met a bisexual dude who was around twenty five years older than me. I was twenty three at the time. We met through an app similar to Grinder We meet up, hook up, and that's the end of it. Never met again Around two weeks or so later, I started dating this twenty year old girl. Things are going okay and about three weeks into the relationship, we are walking through a park when she stops me and tells me that her dad is there and I should meet him It's a bit soon, sure, but it's not formal or anything, so I agree Lo and behold, her daddy is the dude that was calling me daddy a few weeks back. We both freeze and stare at each other in absolute horror, not knowing what to say. We awkwardly shake hands and the girl attributes it to nervousness. Two weeks go by and one day she calls me to meet up. When I get there, she is absolutely fuming, like I can literally see smoke coming out of her ears. She goes off on me about how I could possibly do this to her I obviously have zero clue what she's on about. She tells me that her dad came clean to her and her mom about being bisexual and told his daughter, my girlfriend, to break up with me so he can be with me. Wha. And apparently it was my fault because I was the one that turned him gay. So she throws a plastic container at me and storms off, never heard from any of them again Butus he's so good. so good So good Also, I love the I obviously have no idea what she's so mad about What even happened, dude? Whoa U this is not the first this is one of like five stories we've read of like a person hooking up with someone's parents fromrom the past and not realizing it any. Yeah, there was a threesome story that was real crazy. DNA is powerful Yeah, he has a type. Yeah. If the dad had not confessed the daughter and they get he's like, okay, the dad and I have this secret My daughter doesn't. That's a rom com, but keep going. There's still no world that that relationship can work. You gotta break up You can't you can't keep harbor that secret. You can't harbor that secrety. You got, you got to go. No, That's too much. You got to go or Well, the dad already knows. so yeah. yeah That's like the most extreme version of it. Like I don't think there's any version of like, if you dated someone's sibling and then you're dating like that would be tough Like there's no, there's just it's like, I got you too much. Yeah, Got to bounce. But then it's like Can you figure it out But just imagine every holiday. Yes, birthday dinner.. You're just sitting across from that guy you hooked up with withith that girl, you're okay, Yeah qu it It's like You can't. No. I it is kind of it is a little hot, like just as like a thought experiment. I'm thinking like I keep kind of thinking going like, well, this sounds cool, but it's a bad thing. The idea of it, I could see people being like Oh ye. right is a play, but in real life Yeah, no. Yeah, no, no. There's also the fact that the dad is married Okay So it's an affair. But also that the dad confesses and then says Hey, you need to break up with him so that I can be with him. Yeah No amn. The dad wants the daughter to break out. This dad is like twenty five years is a lot of years. It's a lot of years. That's a lot of years. He's twenty three and the dad is forty eight or fifty Yeah. forty eight ye. Yeah forty. roughly around that age. So that's a big there's a lot.'s lot of layers to this. Yeah. And then you add on top, of course that the daughter is saying like that he made him gay. Yeah, you know. And I understand she's in a very Heated moment, but still it's just like, hey, and don't throw plastic containers at people. You know, even if even if styrofumb if you have to. Even if someone has sex with your dad, come on, don't throw a plastic container at home. Don't do that. We've got some comments here. Someone said this sounds like a plot to a porn movie without the happy ending. I mean, it's almost euphoria. I was gonna say this made me think of Euphoria. Oh, 'cause yeah, that's That's close. Yeah Hunter Schafer's character and u Yeah, ye. I remember that scene. Yeah Yeah. They're like a carnival, right? Yeah. And when they meet and he's just like Yeah, right Yes.. This is just euphoria. Someone said bigiggest ooof is him telling your girlfriend to break up with you so he could be with you. That's on him, not you. He had stuff to work through for sure, rough luck. Try not to think of yourself as a home wrecker because none of this is on you. Lastly, someone said the horrors. Hopefully you don't have recurring nightmares from this horrific experience. Best of luck, OP. Hopefully Daddy doesn't come looking for more action from you. Must have been good if he wanted to leave his family for you. Brightide thoughts Sure, sure. Al was a glowing review Yeah. Yeah defly. Truly, you gota at least you walk away feeling b pretty good about yourself, Yeah, but get as far away as possible. That's something to be proud of this, Je.. Yeah Um, All right The crazy story, not I don't know much else Just like like what else do you say Okay, it was me I want to say Okay we got Jaredmy B here because we know we got him We got you. Tay's episod of Redd Stories is sponsored by Quintince. The summer is really starting to heat up here in California. No, literally, it's so hot. It's hard to decide how to dress when I want to look good on set, but need pieces that I'm not going to sweat through. That's why you keep seeing me come back to Quintince. I love that they focus on high quality essentials that feel and look amazing and that feature breathable linen and soft organic cotton that are a perfect fit to beat the heat. Their Quince European linen pants and shirts start at do thirty four dollars and are so soft and easy to wear. I can't think of a more perfect fit to add to my summer wardrobe rotation. And what's really neat is that while they have incredible clothing options to choose from, Quince is so much more than just clothing Who knowews They also have custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware, and even premium bedding. Whatever you need to upgrade your summer, Quintince has you covered. Now I really love the Quincez cashmere stuff that I had for the winter, but now their linen and cotton options are incredible for summer. They have me covered the entire year. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quQinces dot com slash pit Reddit for free shipping on your order and three hundred sixty five day returns Now available in Canada too. That's QuinCE dot com slash pit Reddit for free shipping and three hundred and sixty five day returns Quintince d. com slash pit Reddit Back to the show Our next story comes from Am I the asshole When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant You keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns With Ganger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts, and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place, so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done Call one eight hundred Ganger, click ranger. com or just stop by Ranger For the ones who get it done. This podcast is sponsored by Made in Cookware Made in partners with multig genererational artisans and some of the world's best chefs to create professional quality cookware, knives and kitchen tools Their products are trusted in Michelin starred restaurants worldwide and designed to perform just as well in your kitchen From five ply stainless clad to carbon steel, every piece is built to last and made to actually make you a better cook Discover award winning cookweare at madein cookweare. com Posted in March of twenty twenty. They write Am I the asshole for not telling a bunch of random women I'm gay Oh So I, a twenty three year old man turning twenty four soon, am gay I've been out since I was eighteen and I've never hidden it, but I don't like actively mentioning it or broadcasting it because it's literally nobody's business. The first person I came out to was my dad, who's forty. and he has always been supportive of me. He was sixteen when I was born and practically raised me as a single dad, so we have an exceptionally close relationship. Anyway, onto the story. My dad recently turned forty only earlier this month, he had a huge party and drank a bit too much and was severely hung over the following morning. He's a freelance photographer and had accepted a contract with a local business and was meant to hand in some photography work he'd done for them the morning after his birthday. He was too hungover to do so, so he asked if I'd do it He called their office to tell them he was sending his son with the work and I went in. Everything was fine and I ended up meeting a bunch of people he's currently working with. They knew I was my dad's son as he talks about me with them I had some conversation with them to be nice and a few of the younger women started flirting with me. A few of them called me attractive and stuff like that, and I kind of just stood there awkwardly. It was just wild that straight women were hitting on me. I didn't encourage it or anything, but I didn't say anything as I was too embarrassed. And I eventually said I had to run off and off I went. My dad went in the day after and he was questioned about if I was single. He said no I wasn't, and that I had a boyfriend and that was all he said It T turns out these women then started blatantly calling me an asshole as I apparently let them embarrass themselves by openly hitting on me when there was no chance I'd ever be interested. My dad did fight in my corner and said that I was literally there to just drop off his work and that I had no obligation to disclose I was gay. I'm thankful my dad's on my side, but these women calling me an asshole kind of makes me feel bad for not saying anything. Am I the asshole? Wh are these women. D. What is hell? was me. I was got I was mad. I was mad. Wow. he walks in there and they're just like, they're like Yeah, they must get here They're like, you're not interested in us Yeah. What the fuck fuck ch fucking monster? Yeah It's like if you had a girlfriend it would be no different. Yeah. I think that he is the asshole because if it's March of twenty twenty, You shouldn't be going into the office. You're right. This is like ten days after Yes You should be social distancing. Yeah. Get away from him. You crazy. Don't tell anyone anything. Regardless of orientation, stay away. Yeah. That is so funny. But you definitely don't have to you can definitely get hit on and you don't have to disclose your sexuality No No Wait can I tell a story about the time the hottest girl ever hit on me course you can tell a story. Okay, So the hottest girl ever hit on me And then she asked me outright if I was gay. And in a panic, I said no. Okay. I lied. I said no. And then I ran away And then I ran to my friend and I was like, this beautiful girl is hitting on me. And she asked me if I was gay and I told her that I wasn't. And then my friend was like, whyy did you do that? And I was like, I don't know. I just give me a minute. I think I can figure this out. I was like figure out up stop How to be straight. L you don't say no to this woman, She's gorgeous So that it is a spectrum and you did say this woman was hot. So there could be a part of you where it's like if I say yes right now, it's shutting down this window. She's asking because she's like, are you interested in me She should have said like something else, not are you gay But it sounds like you were really interesting Yeah, that she like blatantly flirted with you and then was like, all right, so by the way I know in the she can kind of tell, she can tell. Hello. She could tell But But basically like I kind of I hid from her for the rest of the night. We had exchanged information. We did ultimately become friends. and then about a month later, I had to tell her, Hey, I'm gay. I've been openly gay for a while. I was just really flattered that you were interested in me. And when you asked me if I was gay, I lied. And we're still friends to this day. What did she say? She just got married. What did she say? She was really flattered. We had a good laugh about it. Okay. Yeah. Okay So was she was she hitting on you with the purpose of wanting to date or was she just like, that she was flirty? You wanted to marry me. Fuck dude. She wanted all by this. Damn. yeah. Damn. Well, hey, got it's a compliment. Yeah, ye. It was flattering for both of us, I think. But Courtney just sent me a TikTok that were like gay men are still men. and it's like a woman with her two gays. She showed me that and they're really hot and she's just like Watching them on the beach like wrestling stuff. Yeah. They're like carrying her down the mountain a little bit. Yeah. Isn't there a seex in the City episode about how like gay men are like the hottest men and they're just like, Ohh, why are they all the? Yeah Anyways, But it's also like We can still be the objects of women's desires. Sure. Yeah. Yeah They mean we are still m Yeah, for sure. And he did not have to tell those ladies that he's No. No he didn't have to tell themt his dad's office that might have been inapppate. Yeah suuper inaropriate. There's many layers. It's a professional capacity. Yeah. It's like it's a professional capacity Like he's like, hey, I'm here for business. Yeah. I don't have to tell you shit. Yeah. Stop flirting with me. that's unprofessional. Imagine going to your dad's office and being like, so I'm gay, everybody. Okay. R. Come get me. right away with the photos. So like we gotta get those. Oh my God. Your dad's in a photocopy, or're like, canan you please go home Please stop. The dad also sounds chill Dad sounds chill as hell. Yeah. The verdict was not the asshole Comments Not the asshole. It's none of their business really. If they're embarrassed that they hit on a stranger, maybe they shouldn't hit on strangers. OP said, It's just wild to me that they did this in their place of work. I was only there to drop off my dad's work. Someone said Not the asshle, Y your sexuality is nobody else's business unless you choose to share the information, they made themselves feel foolish. Oope he said, I was more baffled that straight women were hitting on me. That has not happened to me in years Lastly, someone said not the asshole. Also kind of hard to seamlessly work in the fact that you're gay when doing so would require calling them out on their flirting, which they might end up denying and making you look like an asshole. Fair See I don't really have much like frame of reference. in my perspective I feel like I've never been hit on in my life, right? Like I don't But I think that I'm a bad read of it probably. because then then there's times we're like, no, no, no, you've never been. you you're good read. definitely have been. definitely defin never happened. But then like Courtney and I'll be walking and she'll be like She'll be like, that person checked you out and I'd be like, really She's like sick and she'll be like, stop, stop this. I stop this.. Wow, pretty cool. Yeah. No, I think'm just I just know I'm a bad read of it. So I could see why if I thought or like I'm like, o I would just be like, oh, no, they're just nice. Yeah kind or whatever totally And see in my delusional brain, I'm like, they're hitting on me and they're not hitting on me I feel like there's definitely been times a similar story where women are like hitting on Oh yeah, yeah. But do you disclose or do you just areke Just like, hey ye. I think I'll disclose in way that's not like I'm gay. It'll be like Yes! Yeah. I'm like, o my Godd, it's so funny.ike let me see. Let me see And then they cried, they're like, Damn. they're like, Damn Shit, but I definitely went through a phase in Chicago. where I would definitely entertain women as well. Okay? Yeah, after I was out and things. Okay. cool Okay, cool. Okay. But then sometimes I'd be like, you're gay. And I'd be like I mean, yes, kind of, yes. You're allowed do it. T. Do it. T. But then it's like, yeah, that's such a shutdown for so many people too. It's like interest. Maybe less so now, but especially I was just seeing on Twitter, it was like There's like a whole group of women who don't want their men to be any type of gay at all. It's a big turn offff for them. Yeah. But it's interesting too because I feel like Men, straight men aren't usually like, ew, women who like other women, gross Yeah. I'm not attracted to that. In fact, it's the opposite. Yeah They're like, Yeahah, makeake out right now. And everyone's like what? Steve? No. I know there's that episode of what's that show, the HBO show U How met your mother. Yeah, the other two. There was an no, it wasn't Girls was similar to that. It was the show where u She has a friend who like is dating this guy and then he's like, Hey, I have something to tell you like I I hooked up with a guy once and whatever. And then she like can't. Yes. That's exactly what I'm talking about. And it was just kind of like, I remember watching that and just being like, oh, that's so interesting. What why?, you know, but it's just the things that are fucking. I think that's why what makes it so scary for so many straight men to come out tooally. They're like, Well, it's why like probably why bisexual men are so like Yeah Scks So if you're going to come out, you got toa do now. nice Our next story Comes from Am I the asshole posted in twenty twenty two. Am I the asshole for not reacting right to a colleague telling me he is gay Okay Okay I feel like I could be in the wrong here, even if I don't understand why. To be honest, there have been incidents in the past where I have unwittingly been rude without intending to, and there are some social norms that escape my understanding, whichich is why I would appreciate some impartial, unbiased input and imp posting here. One of my colleagues, H, technically, I am his boss, not sure if that matters. H stands for Ho came into my office today. I have an open door policy to encourage team members to come forward and share their ideas. so this was not that unusual H came into my office and said I am gay Okay I thought he was going to say something else, so I waited for him to continue. Ten minutes goes by After a moment, I made a sound of assent to make it clear I heard him, but he still didn't say anything. Since he was staring at me, I assumed he was trying to convey something I wasn't understanding. Here's where I might have messed up. The first thing I asked, my friend specifically scolded me because this was the first thing I said. was if he had any insights in marketing to that demographic. We work in a marketing firm He said he didn't I asked him if he was getting married and needed time off. This too, I have been informed was an asshoolish response. He said he wasn't married. I finally said that if he had nothing else he wanted to discuss, he should leave as I had a meeting starting in a few minutes and needed the office. He left. Shortly afterwards, a mutual friend scolded me and said I was a right asshole for the way I responded to Hge. Am I the asshole for how I responded? If so, could you please explain what I did wrong? What should have been the right response, and how I can fix this? Why do I feel like he's summarizing what the guy actually said? You think the guy went on like like he just like, hey bud. Yeah, that I need to tell you something This is the hardest thing I've ever done. There's a lot of fluff. There's a lot of fluff there But he's saying that the guy walks in just I'm gay. Yeah. and then kind of I'm picturing the meme of the person going You know what I'm talking about? They're like staring at each other? Maybe I probably know. I probably You know me right? I know him so well. I think the guy I think OP was just trying to like not make a big deal out of it. OP was just like whichich is best case scenario for me personally. Yeah. Yeah Do we think that this, I'm curious how out this guy was at the time? Yeah. Is this like is this the first person he's telling? Is this the Is there a reason he's telling is this his boss? He said he said yeah, OP is this guy's boss. He's the boss. Technically I am his boss, notot sure if that matters. I think it does matter for sure. It absolutely does matter because it's like as a boss you can't like You got toa be careful with how you talk to this person. Yeah. I could also feel like Maybe this is just from working here at Smosh. I'm like, know who's gay and who isn't. L I don't know. like someone might be out for so long that they're just like I'm. I just want to say that. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I'm also not. We know we're not gay. We know that. But he might just be like, oh Yeah, like, okay, like he's just taking it on as I do love the initial like, so how can we apply thises Is this like a business or boy Yeah. So how do we make money on? He's like being a stage mom. Yeah. We need to capitalize off this. Okaykay, good. goodood stuff U I like also like, are you getting married? L ye, that's sweet. That's kind of sweet. Yeah. Yeah. like, oh, you're gay and you've also you're doing well. Oh gosh And someone loves you. So what are we doing here? Okay. U He's like, Are you proposing to me? What would you do in this situation Let's John Kinunonez this Well If someone says I'm gay to me Like, I'm like, I know Now what like Yeah. Yeah. ye, I know that. Yes. So okay, so what if I know everybody and said What if your employee came up to you and they said I'm straight I'd be like No, you're. Sure. You' like, arere you getting married? A you? And how can I make money on there? Yeah. I guess maybe the response that People were thinking he would say is just like, oh, that's great Cool. Yeah Nice. I support you As your boss you're Save more on what you need to get the job done right. Right now, at Lowe's. Get fifteen percent off, seelect custom entry and interior doors. Plus, save eighty dollars on the D Walp twenty Volt Max two tool combo kit, now just one hundred sixty nine dollars. And at the Lowe's Proesk, bring us your materials list and get a quote in minutes. Handwritten, a photo or even a sticky note is all you need. Keep your jobs moving faster and on budget At lows Valid through seven eight while supplies last. Selection erers by location ood, like everything's good. everythingvery's good. so strange. Well I just there's no like And when you're like not expecting that. No, totally. What do you do? Yeah, Lya, what do you say? The verdict is not the asshole. No, I don't think so either. Comments, not the asshole. Isn't this sort of the long term goal for when someone comes out for it not to be a thing and just business as usual Someone else said, I can even understand the this is a big deal for me. Can I get a little bit bigger reaction, please? Feeling when coming out to family, but your boss Not the asshole, I'm not a supervisor of anyone, but if I were, I would have no idea how to respond to an employee coming out to me with no other reason, like reporting harassment. Asking about marketing is a total foot in mouth moment, but that's what happens during those dear in the headlights moments Lastly, someone said, thank you for trusting me enough to confide in me as your boss. Is there something that you need from me besides my support That is what OP needed to say. That's too damn much. I'm sorry, that is a lot. Acknge Yeah, acknowledge what he was just told and figure out if there was a work related reason he was being told. That is like the textbook perfect response. Yeah. But I understand that some people like thrown for a loop don't, he didn't say anything Wrong He just also didn't give the textook textbook HR response. Yeah. These are some very empathic commenters. Oh yeah But the problem is when you're reading a Redd story you get time to think about it Whereas when you're presented in the moment, you got to You gott be sty. Yeah. You have a g guysy staring you down in your office. Marky. What do I do? There's no escape. You get up and run, You're like calculating, can I make it to the door in time or not? Start sweating. He jumps out the window He presses a button. I'm gay Oh, that's great And he ejects himself out of the building. And the gay guy's like, damn. I'll get him next time. we have an update. He's not gay They're both gay. Oh my God. The boss is gay. One year later Okay. Oh Shane, you can't read it ahead What do we think? You have to read it out loud What do we think? What do you think? Thr I mean look at it cr. You no you have no inf. Oh. You have no That's a good gu I like that. Whoa. So he was hitting on her. He was, Oh, okay. guess.. 'cause then he goes, I'm gay. it's like me too.. And I made the pillow into a diamond so material update., it's really moldable. Yeah, I didn't know and now I'm really excited to fid it with it. This is fun I never really thought I would ever post an update, but I wanted to share the good news. Nearly a year Nearly a year after my junior colleague, H unexpectedly came out to me at work, he's become engaged to my brother At the advice of this forum, I had a follow up conversation with H to ensure that he was not facing any type of harassment or discrimination. Oh my gos. And we have the opposite real. I had a follow up conversation with H to ensure that he was not facing any type of harassment or discrimination, and to try to understand what prompted his exclamation. It fortunately was nothing major. A month later, my parents finally got the courage to ask Jay, my father's assistant about adoption. My parents had met Jay several years ago when he was huddling by the side of the road He had aged out of the foster system, but due to lack of support, he could not get a job and was homeless. My parents had invited him to spend the night, and he has been working as my father's assistant ever since. Jay has been like a second son to my parents for a long time, and after a late night conversation when Jay opened up to how alone he sometimes felt because he had no family, my parents asked him how he would feel about adult adoption I wasn't there when they asked him, but at the family dinner afterwards, it was very emotional and long overdue. However, as the days went on, Jay seemed to get more and more anxious and seemed to withdraw from us. Nearly a month later, he told us in a shaking voice that he couldn't go through with the adoption because he had been deceiving us He was gay Now throughout all his time with my family, Jay had never dated. We all had assumed he was just shy or uninterested, so it was heartbreaking to hear that he felt he needed to censor himself and that he thought we would leave him if we knew the truth. It was a painful conversation, but ended happily. And the next day Jay went with my parents to file the paperwork At that time, my siblings and I were wondering how we could show Jay he had nothing to worry about when I remembered H and asked him if I could share his email with Jay I had been thinking that it would be good for Jay to have a friend who is out I never imagined they would start dating and become engaged Wow, that's really sweet didid have the thought when his brother came out to him, he was like, I'm gay. He was like So do you have any marketing Yeah that I think would be good. That's also really funny. just like, I know another gay guy. Yeah. I give you his email and he's like, for sure. and then they got married. That's wild is pretty funny. He did a good job. Yeah. wow Bet than grind as I'll say, a lot of people That used to be a thing. It was like Maybe like a while ago. but when I used to talk about being gay with people, they'd be like, Oh my God, you need to meet my friend. And a friend would be like So not For me, like we were not a match at all, but the only two gay people that person knew their life they're like I am the perfect guy for you. Oh what is he like? Well, he's gay. End of list. Heing. Oh my God, But it sounds like he did a good job. He did a great job. I mean, he didn't intend he was trying to set him up. He was just like, oh, like sure, help you out. You feel alone, so sure. It happened to me in college and it was like probably a year after I came out and it had never occurred to me that anyone in the world would ever come out to me. Yeah, you know?. I was like, u It was cool. That's awesome. Yeah I felt like guy. what was your approach Like you well, you kind of just like get to like say everything that you either like liked when someone said to you or just hoped that someone said to you. And then you just get to like it for it's very cool. And then later in life, another friend of mine came out to me and And it was fantastic because you just you get to tell people like the thing you needed to hear And it's It's amazing. comeome out to me. if you're in the closet, come out find Jerry. I have so much. Good stuff to say to you. if you want You have a billboard next to the highway, just like call Jerry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, ye U, that's really cool. I think that's such an honor to be someone that like someone trust someone trusted you that much. Yeah. L it's a really cool thing But I understand in a workplace as a boss, you're trying to like, okay, let me navigate. Eesspecially at work. Yeah. going into their office. Yeah. Damn What if that guy, he clearly is like prophetic.ike he's like I need to come to my boss so that he hooks me up with fut your brother Smart Yeah, sure. Nice. So he does have marketing strategies. Yeah. I'm the strategy, markarketing Yeah. Yeah. Our next story This comes from Am I the asshole Am I the asshole for not telling the nurse at my niece's school about my profession? say no more. My niece is nice nurse. Yeah. I, a twenty nine year old woman was supposed to pick up my niece, Sophie, who's seven elementary school and spend a day with her. It was all mentioned before to the school and I've picked her up a few times before. Sophie was running towards me, but she tripped and fell down. Her knee was bruised and she started crying like crazy. I took her to the nurse's office immediately. The nurse was in her early twenties and helped Sophie with cleaning up her wound and dressing. I tell my niece a lot about my line of work, so she asked me if she was going to need stitches If so, how many and what kind, etceter. The nurse was impressed. She showed Sophie a few items of equipment she had and asked if Sophie wanted to be a nurse like her. Sophie said no. She wanted to be a doctor like her aunt, AKA me. But the nurse got a bit upset and asked me why I didn't say anything about this. I was honestly confused. I was like, why would I need to even mention it I even threw in a compliments saying she was quite good at her job and I enjoyed witnessing a professional at work. She said I was being too generous with my comments. I told her I was being honest and thanked her for taking care of Sophie's knee. Right when Sophie and I were leaving, she said she'd never be able to guess my line of work correctly because I look better than most of my colleagues. I thanked her again and said I appreciated her help She said I still owed her for not telling her my job and that it felt like I was testing her or deliberately trying to see how she was doing. I apologized and said that's not what I meant and that I knew she was more than capable of doing her job well. She said maybe I could find a way to make it up to her properly. And I was like, sure, but Sophie and I need to go now. I don't know if I was rude, but this had me thinking, shouldh I have told her about my job? I know this person wrote this all out and didn't see the signs. Also, which one's gay? Who's the gay one? Oh my God. That's like to write that out and just be like, yeah, anyways. ye And then the next like, watch if there's an update, it's like, so we went on like five dates. but. I don't know if she's gay, but anywways, like we're figuring it out We only have We have a couple of comments. Someone said LL, she's flirting hard and you're oblivious OP said, I can certainly see it now. Honestly, this is embarrassing U Someone said You know what, you're right. You're right. This is you know, going back to the previous story, this is a really valid time where it's just like, no, you should just say, I'm gay. Yeah. Just say that times just in case I'm the gay nurse. It's me. Hi, I'm your niece's gay nurse. ye. I work at the school. I'm gay Someone said poor Sophie is going to have to take one for the team and go down so you can meet the nurse again. Oh, that's cute. He keeps getting hurt The nurse is like, Hey, can you get injured again? Yeah Someone said, LL, well, you can maybe send her flowers as a thank you for Sophie's knee and see how that goes if you really want to take her out for a date. that's good. She said she'd never be able to guess my line of work correctly because I look better than most of my colleagues like, wow Well, you're pretty hot for a doctor. Yeah Yeah. Those doctors are. Gross. Yeah. you're hot I do think that I owed her for not telling me my job and that it felt like I was to be like, oh, you owe me. that feels like very flirty,. Yeah, definitely Yeah. ye, yeah. I would pick up on that. I'm bad at pic up on that. I know yeah. Although honestly, I kind of didn't pick up on it reading just listening. Really? I'm hearing it now and it's all very clear, but I think we're reading it with the context of like, it's an am I the asshole post. Yeah, yeah you pissed her off Like here like putting those words aside and then picturing the context, I'm like, no, this feels like this was I will also say there are angry flirters, people who like totally their madness or like the when they kind of like bite at you is them flirting. Like they're actually mean. it's like very u Elementary. Yeah I do recall u I think there was a time I think there was a case. yes I'm not lying here where Talking to some Talking to this girl from like that I hadd known back in elementary, middle school. She was like, oh, I thought you were cute and And I was like, you were an asshole to me. But I was like, oh' was's what it. It was also like prime sarcasm era. Oh like no we would. Like the os were just sarcasm to. So it's like if you like someone,'s, I gotta show you, I'm the sarcastic person in the world and It it's like, oh, so you just hate me Yeah. but that seems like this person's maybe a little sarcastic a little bit like Yeah Um Update H. First of all Thanks for your lovely comments on my original post. I appreciate every single one, and I would like to thank everyone who took the time to give their input on the situation. As you could see in the original post, I was absolutely clueless during the whole interaction and missed the flirting part altogether. So I took your advice, asked my sister to let me babysit Sophia again, and picked her up from school. Around ten minutes before school was over, I went to the nurse's office with a bouquet of flowers and thanked the nurse for taking care of my niece's knee and asked her if I had the opportunity to make up for my rudeness from the last visit. Thankfully, she agreed. We went on a date last night, It includ It included a late evening walk by the beach and dinner. By the end of the night, I showed her the post and I think it is safe to say she was as amused as every single one of the commenters, and she can barely stop teasing me about it. So overall, thank you so much for your comments and help Wow she came out to her as a Redditor Yeah Yeah, that's that's reallyable. That's pride Um Okay The last time the OP has updated her Reddit account, they've been dating for seven months Oh my. love is real. That was two years ago, but that's the first time we got an update. But maybe she's like, You know what? we're together we We're happy. I'm going to stop getting on Reddit And that's growth. Wow.. That's beautiful. So wow Damn, so not the asshole, No, not the asshole. No, no, in fact, justust a little bit of oblivious. Just just stupid is fun. Just a dumb ass. Okay, wait. Her niece is like, dude, why you were so stupid. see that? gushing blood from her knees Okay Our next story, let's do it. comes from the subreddit Rant This was posted in twenty twenty two. They write, have to get a paternity test done to prove I'm not the dad of my friend's baby, even though I'm gay. I don't know whether to laugh or cry over this entire situation that's unfolded in the past six weeks. I, a twenty three year old man, have a coworker, Robert, who I've been friends with for four years, pretty much since I started working at the factory I'm still in. Robert, who's thirty two, just had his first daughter, Chelsea, who's two months old, after four boys. The boys are danging near carbon copies of him bleach blonde straight hair, freckled skin, and I swear to God they were just born with tans. His high school sweetheart wife, Danielle, who's thirty two, is a tight curled redhead with freckles for days and burns like there's no tomorrow. Their daughter from the jump had a full head of red hair that's already starting to curl. When I got to meet her, she was two weeks old I gasp A fellow redhe myself here with long curly red hair and said something along the lines of, o my Godd, it finally happened. The red is alive, just being dramatic and funny Robert goes, Yeahah, don't bank on that staying. My genes are strong after all Danielle rolled her eyes and I shrugged it off as a weird joke at first, but the entire time I was there, he pretty much kept going on about how his genans would prevail Jump forward, Chelsea is now five weeks old. For three weeks, every single day, Robert would be complaining about how little of himself he sees in his daughter, how much of a stranger she is for it, that some days he thinks he's looking at another person's baby. He only ever seemed to want to complain to me about it as it was. After the fifth day in a row, I started trying to explain how genetics work prettyretty much saying jeans aren't going to always drastically go one way. Three days ago, Robert came into work just itching for an argument with everyone Our mutual friend Jesse asked him what his deal was on our break after he shouted at another friend for asking a work related question. He blew up saying he knows Chelsea isn't his, that his cheating whor of a wife just won't admit it and he knows exactly who she was fucking around with. He then looks over at me and points at me and yells at me to get my ass outside I asked why And he starts screaming, he's not stupid. He knows I've been trying to kiss ass to avoid his beatdown. I'm gay. I have a male fiancee. I have pride stickers all over my car. Outside of work, I am a parrot of colorfulness. I just couldn't help but laugh at him It was just so bizarre and I know I wasn't the only one looking at him like he was insane either. I told him Chelsea is literally half of Danielle's genetics, that Danielle isn't a fucking incubator for his genetics and asked him why he was so obsessed with their kids needing to look exactly like him What's the point of that He wouldn't answer and just kept telling me to get up before he dragged me out to the parking lot I told him I'm not going to fight him on something this ridiculous and asked him if he was trying to get fired He starts demanding I take a paternity test and again, I asked him if he was completely serious. He said he was because I spend so much time with Danielle. He's not necessarily wrong, but she's a part of the girlfriend group I'm part of. There's five of us in total. We do artsy stuff, try new places, just hang out and do whatever, but never stuff like that. I told him to go take a paternity test for himself. He argued that he's not paying for a test he knows the truth to I told him, I'm not paying for a paternity test and then asked which redhead in the factory he was going to accuse next. The exchange ended when our shift manager came in for a break. I texted Danielle and told her exactly what happened. The next day was my day off. so my phone was on silent and I slept in. Woke up to Elliott, my partner getting off the phone and telling me I should check my phone I had been bombarded with dozens of messages and missed calls slash threatening voicemails from Robert because Danielle had kicked him out He decided to get Elliot's number out of Danielle's phone to tell him his version of events. I'd already told Elliott the night before, so he was just baffled how certain Robert was. Danielle did text me a few times, apologizing on his behalf and then updating me. They were getting a paternity test slash she's filing for divorce She has no idea why he'd think such a thing. My partner thinks it's hilariously sad Robert destroyed his marriage like this This morning while getting ready for work, Robert texted me saying he has the money and when the test comes back with the truth, he'd F me up in court for what I've done. how I've ruined not only his life, but his kids' lives and everyone in their families lives too. Idiot really has gone around telling everyone, I'm the dad. I agreed to the test and told him he may as well quit his job and just vanish after this because it's going to be real embarrassing when I walk in with the paperwork and wave it around saying I'm not the daddy to his red headaded child. And he has has to explain to everyone. including his own children, what an absolute idiot he is Our friends have been giving me the cold shoulder all day, pretty much saying, yeah, they don't think I'm the dad for sure, but I'm a trashed friend for going straight to his wife and getting him thrown out of his own house and being forced to sleep in his truck, and that I should have just agreed to the paternity test to begin with instead of stirring up drama and getting unnecessary people involved. It's one thing if he decided he wanted one for himself, but he expected me not only to get one, but pay my own way and just not say anything. But yeah, I'm the trash friend and trash person I guess. Robert's family is doing nothing but slandering Danielle, and I'm being mocked for having the reverse version of a beard, like when a man uses a woman as a cover so people don't know he's actually gay And it's causing issues now with Elliot's family because their logic is, well, they wouldn't be so sure if there wasn't proof. My family is one hundred percent with me and knows I absolutely have zero interest in women. Even if I did, I'm not a cheater Wow. It's a doozy. What is going? I love the idea of ending that with A I the asshole? It's like, Yeahah, So this guy threatened to beat me up and I didn't do anything. Did I do something wrong U It must suck to be that kindind of stupid Yeah. You know? I need to know what's going on in the marriage Save more on what you need to get the job done right. Right now, at Lowe's. Get fifteen percent off, select custom entry and interterior doors. Plus, save eighty dollars on the DWalt twenty Volt Max two tool combo kit, now just one hundred sixty nine dollars. And at the Low's Pro desesk, bring us your materials list and get a quote in minutes. Handwritten, a photo, or even a sticky note is all you need Keep your jobs moving faster and on budget at lows. Vallid through seven eight while supplies last. Selection varies by location. What is going on? Yeah, like sometimes people are stupid in a way that's like kind of joyful and awesome. Like you don't know stuff so you're kind of like oblivious. Wh gu knew when you said that? No I'm just looking at this. I just met you, but look, This guy's stupid in a way that's causing torment. Yeah Yeah doesn't understand genetics. so he Itally is r of a punet square B. Sorry Um, But also this guy is an absolute asshole for thinking that only saying his genetics will prevail That such a crazy enough to really be like get away. You're like a superman. You are literally a villain. Unm built. Sounds like he sounds like Sauron or some sh. Yeah. Um, OP definitely has bad friends. Yeah as well. There is like also like a really scary, straight type of narcissism that like makes the leap that Someone around you might be pretending they're gay to hurt you It's like, have you ever experienced anything like that? U no. I think maybe it's happened to me once where a friend's boyfriend maybe doubted that I was gay, like with my closeness to his girlfriend And it's like, I don't know how else to it really just know it really makes you stop and think. I just had a memory comeback of in middle school during gym class I would like hang out with the girls and we'd be doing like cartwheels and stuff and be like doing dances and shit And I remember the guys used to always like watch me and be like, doing it again And then they'd like bring me over and they'd be like, you're so smart, bro. you' so smart retending to gay so you can like, do cart wheels and hang out with the girls like that and I'd be like Yeah You trying to be gay. Wait, what? But that seems like a fun dumb person. You know what I mean? Yeah Like he's like, o G's like He's so smart. like that's good dumb. Yeah, yeah, can get you get to do sleepovers and they spend the night at your house and stuff. and I'm like, yeah. Yeah Why is that? Yeah, It's a type of stuid, but it's a combo of stupid and insecure. Yeah. and It's really Dangerous like truly. But a lot of guys are just so incapable of like I don't know. They're just so insecure that any guy around their wife, it's like, you're trying to sleep with my wife. Yeah. And then They just can't then they they also are like, it's it's just kind of a combo of homophobia and sexism and all this stuff too.. It's like his wife has no agency Yeah. Yeah He's not talking his wife. It's all like, oh, his wife like does she feel to think about in this situation. He called her a Yes, yes, the sexism comes out very blatantly then. but Yeah. now this guy is Awful U comments, everyveryone is trash except you, your fiance, and Danielle. Do you live in Trashville? I'd take precautions in the sense that you may need to get the authorities involved if he's going to go nuclear. At the very least, I would have touched base with your company's HR unless that doesn't exist Someone said to that, this, this guy could easily try and get you fired because when your test comes back negative, he will be very embarrassed and might act even worse than he already has. If the company doesn't know what is going on, his behavior could get you, him or both of you fired. Protect yourself, OP. If the company doesn't have an HR department, you go to your manager and or the person who runs the business If it's not one of them, they can tell you who it is. There's always somebody responsible for handling these issues, even if there is no official HR Yeah No to work in a factory. They work in a factory, but they're also he's also part of the friend group of his wives. like there's a very interconnected ecosystem Someone said, What the fuck is wrong with them? Dude was trying to street fight you and basically ruin your relationship, but you're trashed for telling your friend something that definitely would have gotten back to her. He was calling her a whore and smearing her name, just disrespecting their vows and entire marriage. Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with him? Why wouldn't he want a mini version of his wife when he has so many of himself My siblings look exactly like my mom and I look different, but no one accused my mom of sleeping around, especially since I resembled my dad's great aunt. Dude just doesn't understand genetics and I hope he takes a test for himself. Otherwise he'll ride around town looking for more redheads Oo. Lastly, someone said, I wouldn't worry too much. Everyone's just feeling bad for the guy 'cause his life has been uprooted. But he did that to himself. His poor wife though, five kids, including a newborn, and this guy freaks out because the daughter looks like her mom instead of him. What a fucking waste of oxygen. Good for her for finally standing up for herself Wh. I can't wait to try to win an argument by being like, I have Pide stickers all over my car. Yeah And he's like those are just a trick to get to myite wife. Anyways. Moving on to our final story I think this one's going gonna be a little bit of a different tone This comes from todayoday I fucked up Cast post in twenty twenty one. It's like my name is Robert. Robert I made a whoopsy. Today I fucked up by ruining my boyfriend's company wide meeting This actually happened a few hours ago and I am wriding this outside out of fear of going back into the apartment. The iconic and viral clip of a mother storming in on her children and asking which one of them didn't flush after using the toilet has been a cornerstone of my boyfriend and I's relationship Today, my boyfriend took the I don't. Yeah.. I took a shit in the toilet. I don't know. I think I've seen this. Sounds hilarious. Okay. Discouren Oh o I know that phrase Today, my boyfriend took the largest poop I have ever seen. and I mean largest. It wasn't even broken into pieces. onene long continuous poop. And while he might have tried to flush it, it did not work and ended up greeting me in the face when I too, needed to take an incredibly large poop. Out of pure humor, I barged straight into my boyfriend's work from home office and in my best and loudish Scottish accent said Did you take our shit in that flush? Disgusting The intention was to laugh with my boyfriend and for him to come and see how it didn't flush correctly. Instead His face went completely white and jaw dropped. He was on a video call with not only his boss, but his entire team. We normally have a little sign to put on the door when we are in video calls, but just like how he maybe forgot to flush, he forgot to let me know he was having a company wide meeting where he was presenting And then his boss was like Are there any marketing strategies. firstirst of all, I just wan to say congrats because a full log is a good that sign of a healthy colon. Yeah. Fibermaxing. Yes Poed ends is most ideal. You didn't know Pointed ends. you want So it sounds like they're doing everything right. They're doing a great job. So that's good for the team to know Yeah that he's healthy. Yeah. He's ready to work So also maybe they know the video Maybe it's another reference video. Maybe. Yeah, like, o, you're c. they're like, a promoted Yeah. H you guys have any embarrassing Zoom call? Big shit stories? guys huge stories. This video is ped you're like, oh, the prride Rinstors is just a huge dony. Huge shit It' giant rainbow shit. It's my job, Zoom. The first zoom I ever D it was it was a show. it was a Zom show, a Zoom comedy show. Oh, cool. And I was learning how to use it in that for that show. sureure. And it was being explained how it would work and how when to talk and what and then so I would just do my stand upp set. And I thought I understood. and I start my set into my laptop at home and it's like march fifteenth. God. horrible Yeah. And and I'm saying my jokes and then I'm just like, okay, this is fine.ike it just say it like a monologue look straight into your computer and just keeping the jokes. You're not gonna hear laughs You'll just do it and you'll raise money and that'll be that. And then about five minutes into my set, I finished a joke and then I hear laughter And I realize I was supposed to be hearing laughs the whole time. I was just bombing For the first like five minutes of my sx. So was that was tough to kind of hear that laugh. No And then realize in real time And again, it's like march fifteenth. Was that your first time ever doing stand upps straight into just, of course? Yeah, that's ye If stand upp It's like amazing that standup could only be harder. L It's already like one of the hardest things to ever do. I'm like literally sitting the thinking like, I got the hang of this. It's just like a telerompter. Just sit here, read it. mean thought everyone was just ylded on. Yeah. But also for the audience, this is also something so new. Oh first just like I'm watching stand upp remotely from from my house. Yeah,. It's just not a conducive environment.. And thank you.. Thank you for missing your flight to hold space for me. I remember with Moon Gon, we would write we were still writing shows at this time on Zoom And the way meetings would work, we'll follow the fun and we'll follow bits in person. It's very easy to follow the conversation. But on Zoom, it's just too many voices at one time. It's just it's fourteen people in a writer's room And You would have to learn kind of when to unmute yourself just to laugh to be like that's funny and then unmute yourself again. I know U brutal . Anyways, some comments. someone said he left you a present. Can you just be grateful? Yeah. OopeP said this made us both laugh. Thank you so much Someone said, what was the reaction OP said, I had to regain my composure and go for a walk. He is incredibly embarrassed but can't really be mad at me. It's his fault for both A, not checking to see if it went down and B, letting me know he was on a conference call. I am somewhat nervous that he is going to try and get me back for ruining his company wide reputation. I think I need to find another place to take my video calls Something I didn't mention, however, is that we are both men Lastly, someone said, Well, he needs to learn to take care of his shit in one form or another, then this wouldn't happen. If he has really learned his lesson, he will buy a poop knife and remember his sign. OP says he is most definitely scarred for life and now I know what I'm getting him for his birthday. Thanks for the suggestion Legendary Reddit poop knife. What is that poop knife You both don't know this? No. I can't imagine, but people are using this. One of the most famous Reddit stories of all time. it's from like ten years ago. Okay is this girl's dating this guy. He eventually visits the girlfriend's family and he asks like, Hey, where's your guy's poop knife And she's like, what? And he's like, Yeahah we a poop knife Like my family has a knife in the bathroom for cutting the poop Cut the shit, you know what I mean Whatere is he Wh outeight? Is He butterflying it? Doas he? Why why is he cutting the poop Like Sashimi? Just to get it down. She's Jul An it. I hate that Anyways, so that's that. Wha. Yeah. Yeah, some fun Rdit. Yeah, you know. I don't like poop knife, shhane